April 1st, 1920
Subject Baby has been presented with first pair of shoes. Their response was instant loathing. Shoes were thrown across the room. Subject apparently does not like feeling of tentacles being encased in said shoes.
April 1st, 1940
Second attempt to shod subject baby2 in shoes has resulted in several broken bones to attending doctors and a very angry baby2. Shoes have been stretched to comical lengths and may not fit expectations of human buyers.
Area fifty one has been complaining about acid burning through their ceiling from disgusted spewing of subject when shoes are brought up in discussion.
Experiment will be abandoned until the next generation.
April 1st, 1960
Baby3 had somewhat more positive reaction to shoes. Comically placed them on head before destroying heating pads and one wall with laser eyebeams. Progress made, arm hair singed. Will try more progressive induction process to see if subject takes to wearing shoes. In the meantime, more Little Richard, less Buddy Holly in environmental induction tank.
April 1st, 1980
Shoes will not be sold after experiment, as Baby4 swallowed them whole when Doctor B attempted to place them upon its feet. Will buy new shoes and attempt after weekend concludes.
Former Baby3 is attempting to encourage child through process of shodding. Has requested hi tops with hoversoles. Do not know how to grant this request. Ask mechanical department for advice?
April 1st, 2001
Baby4 is uninterested in shoes, but has fullscale plan for invasion of Sweden, mapped out with toy rubber ducks. May contact Col. Powell with advice. Does President Bush want to invade Sweden with rubber ducks. Do not ask, might become foreign policy plan for year.
April 1st, 2010
Baby4 has been released into the world, wearing high-heeled, high-topped sneakers and with a plan to coax Martians to take American interests into its favor. Will return, as we only let them leave with a day’s supply of Red Vines.