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Losers Club 2.0

[19:24] Mike So I saw the new Mummy movie.

[19:25] Audra Michael, honey, no. Why?

[19:25] Mike It was the Mummy.

[19:25] Mike But not even Tom Cruise could save the franchise.

[19:25] Patty Was Rachel Weiss your favorite character?

[19:26] Mike Undoubtedly.

[19:26] Richie Rachel Weiss is a character in it???

[19:26] Patty She’s not the character, she just plays one of the main ones in the original.

[19:26] Richie i want to see this movie.

[19:27] Richie i saw her once in a grocery store--she’s a handsome woman.

[19:27] Eddie You’ve been to a grocery store?

[19:27] Richie shot through the heart, eds, and you’re to blame.

[19:28] Bev Eddie gives love a bad name.

[19:28] Stan That song came out in 1986.

[19:29] Patty I remember when that song came out.

[19:29] Bev I remember blasting that song whenever it played on KXZW 98.1

[19:29] Richie kxzw 98.1, Bangor’s number one radio station for oldies AND the newest hits.

[19:30] Eddie Sunday Service Mass starts at 6 AM.

[19:30] Stan Followed by three hours of gospel music.

[19:30] Audra Wait, all on the same station?

[19:31] Mike Yes.

[19:31] Mike It was the only station that wasn’t just static when we were all out in the sticks.

[19:31] Patty This is even sadder than the giant spider alien.

[19:31] Stan

[19:32] Eddie Rich just asked Siri if you can be in love with two people at once.

[19:32] Bill Hahahahaha.

[19:32] Bev What did Siri say?

[19:33] Eddie ‘Rich Tozier, you’re not getting any tonight.’

[19:33] Mike Siri said that? I can’t even figure out how to turn her on.

[19:33] Mike Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.

[19:34] Richie it takes a delicate touch, Mikey lolol

[19:34] Richie but i’ll ttyl. gotta get back into eds’ good graces.

[19:35] Audra ‘ttyl’.

[19:35] Audra How am I the only one in touch with society?



Patty
Can you pick up dinner on your way home?

Patty
Our oven might have just… imploded?

Patty
I don’t think that’s quite correct, but it’s all I have right now.

Stan
What?

Stan
Never mind - I’ll call you.



Ben
Do you think it’s too banal?

Mike
No, I think it’s sweet.

Mike
And she always sends us those videos, so it’s not like she doesn’t enjoy the thought.

Ben
I know, I know, I’m just…

Mike
Nervous?

Ben
Hahahahaha, yeah.

Audra
It’ll be fine, honey, don’t worry.

Ben
Hello, Audra, nice to suddenly know you’ve become a part of this chat.

Mike
She was reading over my shoulder and I decided that it was easier to just add her.

Ben
You’re still in Florida?

Audra
I’m in between movies.

Audra
But seriously, Ben, she won’t say no.

Audra
Go get her, buddy.

Mike
You can do it, Ben!

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier if my eleven-year-old self could have even fathomed this pic @billdenbrough58 [billmiami.png] he would have died.

Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✔ @benhanscomdesign @thefakerichietozier @billdenbrough58 hahahaha. Me too.

Eddie Kaspbrak @eddiek @benhanscomdesign @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier Me too.

Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions @eddiek @benhanscomdesign @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier Me too.

𝆱♢laura♢𝆲 @sflauracalibitch @billdenbrough58 i want your friends jeeeezus

Stanley Uris @stantheman @marshfashions @eddiek @benhanscomdesign @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier Me too.

I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon @stantheman @marshfashions @eddiek @benhanscomdesign @thefakerichietozier @billdenbrough58 Me too.

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier @billdenbrough apparently you were very charming as a kid, Big Bill. good for you.

Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier so what happened to him?

da bo dee da bo di @andorianblue @audraaaden will u be my mom?

Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58 Due to personal circumstances I am going on a social media hiatus. All book updates can be received by joining my mailing list at billdenbroughhorror.com.

Losers Club 2.0

[22:34] Audra Bitch started stuttering.

[22:34] Ben Did you mean Bill?

[22:35] Audra No.

[22:35] Eddie Hey, Rich - how does it feel knowing that every single one of our friends is funnier than you?

[22:35] Bill Did all of you actually have crushes on me, or were you just fucking with me on twitter?

[22:35] Richie you were our charismatic leader, Bill, of course we were all a little in love with you.

[22:36] Stan For once, I agree with Richie.

[22:36] Richie remember when you agreed with me that drinking before our french final was a good idea?

[22:37] Stan It was something I wish the repression had kept, yes.

[22:37] Bev Oh, like Eddies grandpa outfits.

[22:37] Bev Don’t worry, richie, I got your back.

[22:38] Richie thanks, Bev.

[22:38] Eddie :(

[22:39] Audra The one picture I’ve seen made Eddie look like a gay GAP model.

[22:39] Bev So like all GAP models?

[22:40] Richie it was BOTH. it was either the grandpa outfits or the short shorts--there was no in-between.

[22:40] Eddie :( :( :(

[22:41] Mike It’s been six minutes and Bill is still staring into nothing.

[22:41] Audra He started stuttering about the responsibility.

[22:42] Bev About being the recipient of six childhood crushes?

[22:42] Audra The man does have an ego on him.

[22:42] Richie if it helps, Bill, my crush was dropped quick.

[22:42] Richie went to eds’ house for the first time and saw his mom.

[22:43] Bev Was it the shorts?

[22:43] Richie no, it was because he yelled at me so hard that he had to take a puff from his fucking inhaler before proceeding to continue his tirade.

[22:43] Eddie You had a crush on me after that? Gross.

[22:44] Richie :(

[22:44] Bill I have not been stuttering, Audra is a liar.

[22:44] Mike He was stuttering, I heard it.

[22:45] Bill Mike is also a fucking liar.

[22:46] Stan I don’t know, Mike doesn’t seem like a liar to me.

[22:46] Ben I trust Mike a lot more than I trust Bill.

[22:46] Bev I agree.

[22:47] Audra I agree as well.

[22:48] Bill How do you leave a group chat?



Bill
Do you think any of them still have a crush on me?

Audra
William, why are you like this?

Audra
But I don’t think so, no.

Bill
Oh.

Audra
???

Audra
Do you WANT someone to still have a crush on you?

Bill
Audra, you’re my WIFE.

Audra
I hope it’s Mike.

Bill
Come upstairs, I want to talk to you.

Audra
Hold on, I’ll tell Mike to be quick.

Bill
You’re just watching Hogan’s Heroes re-runs.

Audra
Mike likes Richard Dawson.

Bill
Stop seducing Mike and come upstairs.

Bill
This is the real reason we’ve never had children, Auds.

Bill
You’re enough of one as it is.

Audra
Xoxo

TMZ ✔ @TMZ @marshfashions engaged to @benhanscomdesign? New pic has rumors running rampant.

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier @marshfashions can i be your maid of honor?

Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions Only if you promise to wear a dress, @thefakerichietozier.

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier @marshfashions only if you design it, toots. #notthefirsttime #atleastyouhaveamannequinnow #istillhavescars

💖Rita Hayworth💖 @dufresneonthebrain congrats @marshfashions n @benhanscomdesigns!!!!!

loving in the moonlight @itsayamebitch @marshfashions congrat

🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101 if the internet doesnt get a pic of @thefakerichietozier in a dress STAT i will perish

who killed laura? @snohomishjen @tozierfan10101 bitch same????

F A S H I O N B A B Y @bradsmith420 @benhanscomdesign is a total hottie and i’m super jelly of @marshfashions

@marshfashions, @thefakerichietozier, @audraaaden & 411 other users liked this tweet

TMZ ✔ @TMZ engagement between @marshfashions and @benhanscomdesign CONFIRMED. 25 SEPTEMBER, 2017.

Eddie Kaspbrak @eddiek @tozierfan10101 @snohomishjen Just a warning - he looks like an idiot. [richandbev94.jpg].

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier @eddiek okay, for this? i might break up with you.

🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101 @eddiek omgf sdkskskskskdk

who killed laura? @snohomishjen @eddiek AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden @eddiek @thefakerichietozier why would any1 have a crush on @billdenbrough58 when they could have had THAT?

Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58 @audraaaden ‘[A]ny1’.

Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden @billdenbrough58 aren’t you on a twitter hiatus, William? Doesn’t that mean I shouldn’t have to see you here?

Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58 I had to witness you type out ‘any1’ with my own two eyes, @audraaaden.

prostitution 💄 whore @stealingkimshouse witness her @billdenbrough58

the lone gay-ger @drkensington ¿¿¿does @thefakerichietozier dye his hair???

kicking names and taking ass @johnniecomelightly @billdenbrough58 Witness her.

Jack-in-the-Box Jesus @emilyyyyp @billdenbrough58 W I T N E S S H E R

Stanley Uris @stantheman @drkensington Yes.

Losers Club 2.0

[13:52] Patty Congratulations!!!! Stan and I will skype you when he gets home!!

[13:52] Bev Thank you!!!!! We should all have a big skype chat!!

[13:53] Richie Woooo, this is going to be the sickest wedding ever!!!!

[13:53] Bev So excited you properly capitalized the beginning of your sentence.

[13:53] Richie i have had a best man speech prepared since we were all thirteen.

[13:54] Richie i just knew that some of us were going to get married to each other.

[13:54] Richie it’s basically a mad lib though, so there’s plenty of room for nkotb references.

[13:55] Bev There will be only one speech at my wedding and it will be yours, Richie.

[13:55] Richie Perfect.

[13:56] Eddie Please take this inane conversation somewhere else.

[13:56] Bev Shouldn’t you be working?

[13:56] Richie shouldn’t you be at work, Eds?

[13:56] Eddie Bill, save me, I’m being ganged up on.

[13:57] Audra Bill can’t save you now.

[13:57] Eddie :(

[13:58] Mike I can’t believe you actually killed Bill.

[13:58] Bill I can.

[13:58] Audra hahahahaha

[13:59] Richie that’s ominous.



Eddie
I am so happy for you, Bev.

Eddie
You deserve this so much.

Bev
Thanks, eddie.

Bev
And you’ll take my call when I start freaking the fuck out at three in the morning?

Eddie
Yeah, I’ll just tell Rich that I’m expecting a call from my secret lover.

Eddie
So he doesn’t wake up and try to bother us.

Bev
This conversation is really funny considering youre gonna be next.

Eddie
Hahahahahahaa

Eddie
See if I take your fucking call now, honey.

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier link to my change.org petition to give @eddiek a verified @twitter checkmark.

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier i mean look how cute @eddiek is @twitter. [eds104.png]

Eddie Kaspbrak @eddiek change.org. Jesus Christ, Rich.

@thefakerichietozier replied to @eddiek

did you accidentally not dm me, babe?

@eddiek replied to @thefakerichietozier

No.

𝆱♢laura♢𝆲 @sflauracalibitch @tozierfan10101 how many pics has richie taken that new pic he posted is labelled !)$

🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101 @sflauracalibitch dude were you trying to capslock numbers

is mayonnaise an instrument? @richardtozierd verify @eddiek, @twitter

who killed laura? @snohomishjen @twitter verify @eddiek the picture alone should be enhough!!!!

ricky ricky ricardo @laboiiiiiis yooooooo @twitter you should verify @thefakerichietozier’s stupid hot twink boyfriend @eddiek

@thefakerichietozier & 134 other users liked this tweet


Eds
I am going to sue you.

Rich
sue me??

Rich
???

Rich
Eds?

Rich
Eddie?

Rich
babe i love you, please unlock the door.