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English
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Red + Blue = Purple
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Published:
2019-10-22
Completed:
2020-02-14
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56,500
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15/15
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You Are You

Summary:

The leaves danced around like small children in a playground, a light breeze cutting through the air. The definition of ‘silence is deafening’ was rather apparent to Jungkook as he sat on a bench in the memorial garden, staring into space. The tears that rolled down his face, left streaks of guilt mixed with every other emotion, one contradicting the other, which is why his head was such a mess and why he cradled a bottle of whiskey.

Jungkook is trapped in the throws of grief when suddenly someone crashes into his life and turns his whole world upside down.

Notes:

Welcome to my new fic. I will be updating this every other week and in the week inbetween I will update 2U so you should get an update of one of the fics each week. I was going to wait to share this but I am so emotionally invested in this one that I couldn't wait any longer. I adore this story which was written after a prompt from my platonic soulmates Daughter. After experiencing a traumatic death myself, and previous not so healthy relationships, I have poured so many emotions into this. There will be a happy ending because I could never give Taekook anything else... I hope you enjoy the ride.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Grief

Chapter Text

The leaves danced around like small children in a playground, a light breeze cutting through the air. The definition of ‘silence is deafening’ was rather apparent to Jungkook as he sat on a bench in the memorial garden, staring into space.

The tears that rolled down his face, left streaks of guilt mixed with every other emotion, one contradicting the other, which is why his head was such a mess and why he cradled a bottle of whiskey.

5 years ago on this day he’d met his partner, Minho but there wasn’t anything to celebrate now, he wasn’t sure if there ever had been anything to celebrate, but at one time he thought there had been.

It hadn’t been the best relationship, that much he was coming to terms with, slowly, yet here he was, sat in the memorial garden on his anniversary, crying into a bottle of whiskey because he can’t deal with his emotions.

Jungkook’s phone had rung a hundred times and he had a million frantic text messages from his best friends, wondering where he was, so he wasn’t surprised when the broad figure of Jin sat down beside him.

“That isn’t going to help, you know?” Jin said quietly, pointing at the bottle nestled in Jungkooks lap.

“I know but it helps me forget.”

“Which part are you trying to forget?”

“All of it.”

“It will still be there when you sober up.”

“Ugh! I know. More of a reason to hook it up to an IV drip then.”

If the situation had been any different, Jin might have laughed.

“Since that isn’t an option, why don’t we chuck it away and go home?”

Jungkook looked at Jin “I like being here.”

“No, you don’t Kook. You are here because you think it eases your guilt, but it doesn’t because you are just reminded that Minho is dead.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows and took a big gulp of the honey coloured liquid.

“Subtle, Jin. Thanks”

“What do you want me to say? You are the only one who feels guilty for being slightly pleased that he died. I’d hoped therapy would have made a difference by now.”

“It’s okay for you lot, you ‘can’ be pleased that he’s dead but you didn’t see every side of him. You weren’t there when he brought me heart shaped toast and coffee in bed, just because I’d been up late studying. You weren’t there when he wrapped his arms around me in a room filled with candles for movie night. YOU were not there!”

Jungkook halted the sob that threatened to break out by taking another gulp of whiskey.

“No, and we aren’t saying he was bad all the time but we can’t ignore the bad times, Kook. The bad times that were ‘really’ bad are the reason that the car accident was the only way your relationship was going to end. You would never have finished with him and he would never have let you go.”

“Because I loved him. He loved me, you know?”

“I know, Kook.” Jin sighed, a big, deep, heavy sigh.

It had been 6 months since the car accident that turned Jungkooks world upside down and inside out. The day of the accident had been awful, Minho had woken Jungkook up by shouting in his face and a hand on his throat because Jungkook had got home later than planned from his games night with his friends. He thought Minho was asleep when he got in so hadn’t disturbed him, the game he was playing with Jimin had ended in a draw so they’d had a rematch, it had been a good evening until the next morning.

They had argued all morning, Jungkook apologising constantly and sobbing until Minho had let him go. He’d been late in the past and it had caused problems but he’d understood the issue was Minho’s jealousy if he’d been out in a bar or with other people from college or work. But the games night had been with his friends, most of whom he had grown up with and known most of his life so he didn’t understand the rage.

When Minho had left their apartment, Jungkook had phoned Jimin who rushed over to be with his friend. Not long after Jimin had arrived, Jin and Namjoon turned up as well, all 3 trying to get Jungkook to leave Minho, for good. Jin and Namjoon had been together for years and were the couple Jungkook looked up to, he wanted a relationship like theirs, so when they told him that his relationship with Minho was not a good thing, he started to listen.

Jimin just wanted a fight. He was a short guy with a big personality and an even bigger heart. He wouldn’t think twice about getting into trouble because he was defending his friends and had, had several arguments with Minho over the years, yet had always had to apologise so life was easier for his friend.

The decision to leave had been difficult but when Jungkook saw the marks on his neck in the mirror, he knew that he had no choice because it didn’t matter how much love there was if this was the evidence of their relationship.

He stood at his front door, flanked by his friends, he put his keys on the key holder and sent Minho a text to tell him that he would not be at the apartment when he got home. His phone had rang immediately and Minho was sobbing down the phone, begging him not to leave him. Jimin, Jin and Namjoon had urged Jungkook to remain strong through looks and sympathetic, supportive squeezes of the shoulders.

Jungkook had heard the crash, he heard Minho scream as his car hit another car and flipped over…

...he’d heard all this, seconds after Minho had said he was turning around and driving back to their apartment so they could talk about it.

The crash was Jungkooks fault.

The argument had been Jungkooks fault.

Minho’s death was Jungkooks fault.

**

He hadn’t realised he’d been staring into space for so long until his alarm had sounded on his phone, reminding him to cook dinner. The alarms had been Jimins idea and he’d set them all up so Jungkook didn’t have to.

The therapy session that afternoon had been draining, Jungkook had got home and sat on the balcony to his apartment, wrapped in a blanket, staring at nothing. He thought he’d only been there a few minutes until the annoying song played on his phone and he realised it had actually been a couple of hours.

He hated therapy.

He hated that he wasn’t allowed to feel guilty for being the cause of the accident. Everyone wanted to fix him, to make him see that it wasn’t his fault and could have happened anyway but the guilt kept him linked to Minho, the guilt came at him from all angles. The worst of it was the guilt he felt for being relieved that his relationship was over, he would have gone back to Minho unless his friends had locked him away and he knew it. These thoughts made him a bad person and he accepted that.

His therapist didn’t think he was a bad person. She said he was normal and everything he was feeling was to be expected given the circumstances.

Jungkook didn’t feel normal.

He didn’t even know why his friends bothered with him anymore.

Jungkook couldn’t wallow forever, he was well aware of that but he didn’t quite know how to kick himself out of it.

Jin had suggested running. Jimin had suggested going to visit his family. Namjoon had suggested learning a different language.

He didn’t fancy any of those so decided to join a new gym that had opened up nearby. He’d signed all the paperwork and looked around, liking the fact that it was new so it felt like a fresh start. The induction was in 30 minutes, so his alarm told him, he hadn’t eaten and knew Jimin would be mad but he promised himself he would grab something afterwards.

**

The gym was so new it practically sparkled and didn’t smell of body odour, yet. The personal trainer had left Jungkook to it after he’d realised that working out wasn’t anything new to him. He already started feeling that raise in mood as he lifted weights, sat at a machine, feeling that burn in his biceps and releasing some tension.

It was quite quiet and he noted the time so that he could return again whilst there weren’t many people around. He was a sociable person but since the crash, he just couldn’t speak to people because the conversation always ended up coming around to the accident and then it became awkward. People didn’t like talking about how Jungkook had sat by his boyfriend’s bedside in intensive care for 2 weeks and held his hand as they switched off the machines, watching his chest still for the last time. It made people uncomfortable when Jungkook replied that it was his fault so sympathy wasn’t necessary.

Jungkook was a conversation killer so he stopped conversing with people.

The sweat ran down his neck as he was halfway through his run on the treadmill. Running outside wasn’t as much fun as the treadmill because there were usually people in the way wanting to walk 3 or 4 across on the paths. Running around pedestrians was annoying and caused more frustration, so he’d stopped running outside a long time ago.

His pace was slowing as he neared the end of his workout, the machine going at a leisurely speed. A few more people entered the gym and hopped onto machines either side of him and he was pleased that he was about to head home in case anyone wanted to chat.

“Have you finished with this bottle?” a voice sounded from the space between machines to his right.

“Yes, thanks.” Jungkook replied, not looking up as he pressed a button on the machine to slow it even further.

When the treadmill halted completely he wiped his face and neck with a towel and stepped off, noting how much busier it had become and considering buying some ear phones for the next session, just in case.

They all seemed friendly enough as he walked out, a few people smiling at him as he made eye contact. He had a good feeling about the gym and perhaps a little hope that things would start looking up at some point.

**

“I think you should get laid”

The group all turned to look at Yoongi who had just walked into the lounge where everyone sat, handing out drinks.

“I’m not sure that’s the answer, babe.” Jimin stood, waiting for Yoongi to sit down so he could sit on his lap.

Yoongi was 2 years older than Jimin and they’d been together, officially for 18 months after finally giving in. They still like to complain within the group and claim it was peer pressure but they all knew the truth so there was mostly fake yawns and eye rolling when they started on about it.

Everyone could see the strong attraction between them, even at school and the sexual tension mounted as they hit puberty. Jimin was an insatiable flirt so Yoongi had convinced himself that he behaved the way he did, with everyone so it wasn’t anything new. He’d confided in Hobi and Namjoon, many times at how he struggled when Jimin lounged around in skimpy clothing or sat too close during a movie night.

A game of truth or dare had been a dreadful experience for Yoongi when of course he’d ended up kissing Jimin and his arousal was blatantly obvious, making them both blush like crazy. Hobi had practically bullied Yoongi every day after that telling him to make a move on Jimin because it was clear that Jimin felt the same way, but he hadn’t, fearing rejection.

Jimin was popular at school, everyone loved him. The girls wanted him and even when he eventually came out, they still wanted him. He held the group together with his extreme desire to care for them all and he was always the first to wrap himself around them when things weren’t going so well. Jin and Jungkook had told him for years that he had a thing for Yoongi and they could see it but Jimin always responded with how he was like that with everyone and that Yoongi wasn’t interested in him.

They were chalk and cheese, really. Jimin was a bundle of energy, wearing his heart on his sleeve and loving everyone openly and willingly. He put his heart and soul into everything he did but he had a feisty side and the group adored him for it. Yoongi was quite closed off most of the time, he had the classic ‘resting bitch face’ and appeared unapproachable. He was the silent type who sat and watched everything that went on around him, taking note and looking out for the group.

Yoongi and Jimin worked.

The day they finally got together, Jimin had been convinced that Yoongi needed cheering up so he decided to tickle him. Yoongi always let Jimin get away with murder compared to how he treated everyone else but being tickled crossed the line. He’d given in and they’d fallen off the sofa onto the floor, Jimin pinned underneath Yoongi who had his hands restrained to prevent him from tickling him any more. They were both out of breath, faces close and time had stood still as they stared into each others eyes.

Yoongi had taken a leap of faith and slowly moved his face closer, feeling butterflies in his stomach as he saw Jimins eyes close. Their first proper kiss was gentle and sweet, Jimin had kissed him back eagerly and they’d whimpered into each others mouths. At that point, the group had barged into the room, stopping in their tracks at the sight before them, then hollering and cheering as Yoongi quickly jumped up and looked as flustered as Jimin.

There was no going back after that. They didn’t have any excuses and had to admit the truth. They’d never been happier, they just didn’t like to admit the fact that everyone had been right for years.

“I think it’s the answer. Go and fuck the life out of some poor unsuspecting dude and see if you don’t feel better.” No one ever knew if Yoongi was serious because his face was usually always the same.

Jimin got comfortable on his lap and kissed him, then whispered in his ear “I’ll feel better if you fuck the life out of me later” he was shameless and great at distracting people.

No one paid any attention to the fact that Yoongi’s eyes opened wide and he gulped, giving Jimins thigh a squeeze in the process.

“I did actually feel a bit brighter after my workout. I’m going to stop therapy.”

It was like a bomb had been dropped with those words.

“Wait… you what?” Jin was the first to speak.

“I’m going to stop. You said yourself that you thought it would have worked by now. Do you know what I did after the session today? I sat on my balcony and lost hours to staring into space, lost in thought about shit I can’t do anything about.”

“He’s got a point” Namjoon added, looking at Jin.

“Can you at least discuss it with your therapist?” Jin said whilst elbowing Namjoon.

“I phoned her and explained, already. I told her to keep me on her books for the next 3 months.”

“What did she say? I don’t think it’s a good idea, JK.” Hobi said as he took a mouthful of his drink.

“She said it wasn’t advisable but that if I didn’t feel it was working then perhaps a break would be beneficial. Guys, all the sessions do is bring everything to the front of my mind. I relive it again and again at each session and I don’t know how I’m ever going to move forward if I have to keep going backwards.”

“Okay, you have a point.” Hobi agreed.

“If you think that is best for you then we support you, you know that. Just promise us that you will stop the drinking?” Jin looked around the room, hoping the others would back him up.

“Jin, I haven’t had a drink since the memorial garden, okay?” Jungkooks voice was quiet.

“We support you, JK.” Hobi nodded as he spoke.

“Definitely time to get laid”

Jungkook rolled his eyes and Jin threw a cushion in Yoongi’s direction, only to get a death stare off Jimin and everyone laughed.

Chapter 2: Spinning

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Returning to work had been the next big step in repairing his life. He didn’t like his job before the accident, teaching dance to a bunch of little kids had been annoying, yet now, it was welcoming. Conversing with little people whose language was limited was definitely the best thing for him at this point in his life. They accepted whatever he told them and didn’t probe for an explanation when he said he had been unwell so had taken a break.

Jin had insisted on meeting him for lunch and they’d gone to their favourite little coffee shop that had just been refurbished which is pretty much how Jungkook felt about his life, that was most definitely in the throws of being refurbished. It had been a quick lunch but Jin had felt better knowing that Jungkook was coping and hadn’t ran out screaming or sneaked a bottle of high strength soju into his bag.

It was Hobi’s turn to babysit Jungkook, something Jimin had organised after the accident. He had them all on a rota, Hobi being selected to do certain nights of the week because the couples had date nights and Jungkook had only agreed to being babysat if they didn’t change their plans. At first there was at least 2 of the group with Jungkook at all times, even waiting outside intensive care to take him wherever he needed to go. They had cooked meals and labelled containers in the freezer so he didn’t have to think about anything.

On the day of the funeral, all 5 had been by his side. Minho’s family were great and included Jungkook in everything. They hadn’t held him accountable for the death and had tried on many occasion to make him see that it wasn’t his fault but to no avail. No one could do anything when Jungkook had sat outside the crematorium, crying and drinking until he had passed out and needed to be carried home.

Jungkook had finished work and headed to the gym, just a quick workout, since he was already sweaty from work he could then shower when he was home before Hobi arrived. He could never work out whether being alone was better for him or whether having company was? He often got stuck in his own head, churning over memories and then probably ending up sifting through Minho’s things, then sobbing into a glass of something potent. If he had one of his friends with him, that was never going to happen and he was well distracted, especially if it was Hobi because he literally went on about complete rubbish for hours and it made the time fly by.

The gym was a bit busier today and Jungkook wondered if word was getting around because it was a really good gym. He had bought some earphones so no one would attempt to speak to him as they would assume he couldn’t hear them. He checked the time and wondered what he could do in 30 minutes before he had to rush home and shower, the treadmill the ideal choice since he was so pushed for time.

Running at nearly full speed was great for his muscles after doing children’s dance moves all day. Later in the week he got to teach the older years which meant he could work on more advanced choreography so he would get a workout then. For now, running would have to do, it cleared some cobwebs and gave him a rush of endorphins, which according to Jin, was exactly what he needed.

After his run he realised he hadn’t grabbed a towel to wipe himself down and scanned the room, hoping to see the towel baskets full, but they weren’t. He noticed someone else looking too so he hadn’t been the only one forgetting to grab one from the changing room. A young man barged through the door, nearly falling over his feet as he went towards the towel baskets with a whole stack of towels piled in his arms so high he couldn’t see where he was going. Jungkook spotted him and rushed over to take one before everyone else thought about doing the same.

“Excuse me” Jungkook turned around as a woman spoke behind him.

“Me?” he pointed to his chest to make sure she was in fact speaking to him.

The woman nodded “You left your sports bottle in the treadmill.”

“Oh, thanks.” Jungkook crossed the room and picked up the sports bottle from the drinks holder in the machine and turned his attention back to the towels. He usually bought a bottle of water from the local shop on his way but started using one of the refillable sports bottles instead.

And then his world started spinning…

...he gripped the weights bench beside him because he was so light headed he was going to pass out…

...all the colour drained from his face and the woman dashed over to him but he couldn’t understand what she was saying, his heart was racing, he was sweating and he couldn’t feel his legs. He was aware of people around him but the air was thick, like the oxygen had been replaced with custard. He felt an arm around him as he was guided towards the door and protesting because people wanted to call an ambulance. Time stopped, completely.

**

Jungkook doesn’t know how he made it home, he was sitting on his sofa with Hobi kneeling on the floor in front of him.

“JK? JK? What happened? Please drink some water or answer me. I’ve phoned Jin, he’s on his way. Jimin and Yoongi are going to kill me for not phoning them but they are on date night and I know you’d kill me if I disturbed them.”

Hobi was waffling, a hand on Jungkook’s knee.

When Jin arrived, nothing had changed. Hobi explained how he’d been stood outside waiting for Jungkook to get home and he’d been in such a state he couldn’t even find his keys.

“He’s just sitting there, I can’t get a word out of him.” he told Jin.

“If he won’t speak to you, I doubt he’s going to speak to me?”

“We’ve got to try. Otherwise we will have to interrupt date night?”

Jin walked over to Jungkook and sat beside him while Hobi resumed his position on the floor.

“JK, look at me.” Jin placed a hand on his face “Don’t make me slap you!”

Jungkook turned his head slowly, he was as grey as clouds on a stormy day, his eyes were full of tears that were about to spill over any second, he looked like a man who had come face to face with Medusa.

Jin held his face “Kook, what happened? Talk to us.”

Jungkook opened his mouth but no sound came out, he tried again and the word left his lips in a whisper “Minho.”

Jin and Hobi looked at each other and frowned.

“What about him?” Hobi asked.

“I saw him.” Jungkook said, as the tears fell.

Jin and Hobi were confused, possibly more than they had ever been in their entire lives.

“Have you been drinking?” Jin needed to know, as he felt this was the only logical explanation.

“No.”

“I think you need to lie down. Are you tired?”

Jungkook nodded.

Hobi and Jin helped him to his feet and took him to his bedroom, tucking him in and leaving his phone on the bedside table. This was something they’d become accustomed to, they’d put Jungkook to bed so many times since the accident that it was almost a part of life.

“Do you want us to stay?”

Jungkook shook his head.

“Okay, we will go but you text us when you wake up.” Jin said as they left the room.

Both men were unsure of what had caused Jungkook to react like that. None of it made sense and they had to presume that being back at work and the decision to move forward had messed with him a little. They both remembered not so long ago when Jungkook sat like that for days, no one could get a word out of him and they all thought he would be mute forever but slowly he came back to them. This was the first time this had happened in a long time so they thanked the heavens for small mercies.

**

It was early morning when Jungkook woke up, he didn’t remember falling asleep and had, had the strangest dream. He was grateful for the day off as he planned on going to the gym as soon as it opened. He had woken up in the night and sent Hobi and Jin messages so they knew he was alive and then promptly fallen asleep again.

He dragged his backside out of bed and went straight into the shower. It seemed a bit silly to shower before going to the gym but he hadn’t had one last night and he felt unpleasant. Breakfast was put on hold as he looked around for his water bottle, taking his own towel so there wasn’t a repeat of the day before.

It was cool in the gym, the lady at reception greeted him with her usual friendly smile and told him about the new smoothie on offer in the canteen. He didn’t bother with the changing rooms as he only had his keys, water bottle and towel, walking straight over to the weights machine. His heart was racing, his skin prickly as he started his workout, pausing to look at the door every time it opened.

Jungkook was starting to think he had been hallucinating, he stuck his ear phones in and began to relax, feeling the familiar burn in his biceps. He was quite proud of himself when he got to the end of his workout, having pushed himself that bit farther and achieving his personal best. He wiped his face with his towel and jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m so-sorry” the young man apologised fruitlessly because Jungkook couldn’t hear him above the music playing in his ears.

Jungkook felt the colour leave his face, his breathing accelerated and his mouth fell open.

He needed to get himself under control.

He pulled the ear phones out of his ears so he could hear what the young man was saying, his hands shaking as he did.

“Sorry… I said… I’m sorry… for startling you.” the man said.

Jungkook just stared, wide eyed, fighting to regulate his breathing, wiping his sweaty palms on the towel, the last thing he needed was yesterday's scene to reoccur.

The man seemed oblivious “I wanted to ask how you are. I saw you yesterday and you didn’t look well.”

Jungkook needed to speak, he looked like a complete dick.

He took a big, deep breath and forced sound through his vocal chords “Oh, I’m fine, thanks.”

The man smiled, his milk chocolate coloured hair was wavy and the tips just touched his eye lashes.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you could use a drink.”

Jungkook pushed air into his lungs “It’s too early, don’t you think?” and Jin would go mental at him.

The man’s face turned a shade of red “Oh, yes, I meant something more along the lines of a breakfast smoothie.”

Jungkook smiled “Are you on commission?”

“No but maybe I should be.”

“As long as it isn’t green, I will have one.” Jungkook stood up on trembly legs and walked with the man to the canteen on the next floor up.

The man insisted that Jungkook get a table and he went behind the counter to get their smoothies, promising Jungkook that he makes the best smoothies so he needn’t worry about the colour of it.

Jungkook sat at a table and watched the man work, the way his long fingers gripped the cups and blender. The way he poked his tongue out just slightly as he concentrated on chopping fresh vegetables and fruit before throwing them into the machine. His phone alerted him to a text message from Jin and he fired off a quick reply saying he was at the gym and he would go round to see him once he had showered and changed. Jin’s reply was a happy one, he expressed his joy at receiving the message from Jungkook.

He had just put his phone away when the man put 2 smoothies down on the table and sat opposite him, a big smile on his face. Jungkook still felt clammy and like he might pass out or have a panic attack at any given moment so focused on putting the straw in his mouth and trying the smoothie.

“You like it?”

Jungkook considered the question for much longer than needed because he was trying to remember how to work his voice. He kept reaching up to his neck because he felt like he had a scarf wound tight around it.

“Yes, it’s good. You’ve given me a green one haven’t you?”

“I thought you might think that because I put it in a different cup. No, it isn’t green. If you don’t believe me you can lift the lid.”

“I believe you.”

“Good.” his eyes were kind as he spoke “What’s your name?”

“Oh… err… Jungkook. You?”

“Taehyung but most people call me Tae”

Jungkook another deep breath and a sip of his smoothie, the need to escape, too great.

“Thank you for the liquid breakfast. I should get going.”

“That’s okay. It was nice to meet you, Jungkook.”

Notes:

Keep your comments coming. I love this story, so much.
What are your thoughts?

If you have idea's for future fic, you can always tweet me @MiJay_V95

Chapter 3: Curious

Chapter Text

“This is a really bad idea.” Jin said pacing the kitchen.

“Why is it?” Jungkook sat on the worktop swinging his legs after a day at work and a session at the gym.

“Can someone please help me out here?” Jin shouted into the lounge where the others were sitting, waiting for Jin to finish cooking his legendary ramen.

“I still think he needs to get laid” Yoongi yelled back.

“”Chim, you really need to blow him more often.” Jimin scowled at Hobi.

“At least he’s getting some” Jimin said sticking his tongue out.

Namjoon rolled his eyes as Yoongi placed an arm around Jimins waist, in case he considered launching at Hobi.

“Can we all discuss this properly? Jin is right.” Namjoon took a seat at the table as Jin brought in the giant pot.

“You would say that.” Jungkook added.

“Joon doesn’t just agree with me because I’m the most handsome man in the world and the love of his life, you know?”

Giggles and huffs filtered the air from the 4 guys around the table.

“How many times have you spoken to him?” Namjoon dished out some ramen into his bowl.

Jungkook huffed “lots. After we had breakfast that day, I speak to him every time I’m at the gym and on my day off this week he made me breakfast again.”

“That’s more than I thought. You haven’t told me.” Jimin couldn’t prevent the sulky face that appeared.

“I just… I’m sorry.” Jungkook looked at his hands clasped together on the table.

“JK, can we please go back to how this is a bad idea?”

“I don’t know why you think it’s such a bad idea, Jin. You all wanted me to move on, didn’t you?”

“After what happened the first time you saw him? Should I remind you of that?” Namjoon placed a hand on Jins leg.

“”Kook, you looked like you’d had the shock of your life. We thought you’d lost your mind.” Hobi chipped in.

“He has lost his mind.” Yoongi squeezed Jimins thigh under the table.

Jungkook stood up “I have not lost my mind!! Yes I freaked out the first time I saw him but what did you expect, he’s the fucking spitting image of my dead boyfriend!!”

“JK, sit down, please?” Namjoon kept his voice calm.

“NO! No I won’t. This is my chance to make things right! I thought I could count on your support, but obviously I was wrong!!”

“You are being unfair. We have done nothing but be there for you” tears pricked at the corners of Jimins eyes.

“He knows does he?” Jin raised his eyebrows at Jungkook.

“Knows what?” Jungkook picked his jacket up off the hook on the wall.

“About Minho? The guy knows that he is the image of your nasty dead ex?”

“Fuck you!! Fuck all of you!!”

The 5 friends stared at the door as it was slammed shut.

**

Jimin sighed as he knocked on the door, 2 fingers of his right hand hooked through the belt loop of Yoongi’s jeans as he stood beside him. It had been a week since that night Jungkook stormed out and apart from some texts to let his friends know that he was still alive and hadn’t done anything stupid, no one had seen him.

Yoongi kissed Jimin on the cheek and gave him a reassuring smile as the door opened. Jungkook stood back and allowed them to walk in, he’d been expecting one of them to turn up at some point.

“Hey” Yoongi spoke first.

Jungkook looked at them both “Drink?”

Jimin shook his head “How are you?” he said in a small voice, still attached to Yoongi.

“I’m good.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. Look, Chim, I’m sorry, you too, Yoon. I know you were all trying to help and I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

“We worry about you.”

“I know you do. You have to trust me.”

“Have you seen him? The Minho lookalike?” Yoongi questioned.

Jungkook sighed “Yes… and his name is Taehyung.”

“What’s happening between you?” Jimin was nosey and was trying to pick his questions carefully.

“Nothing, yet. We talk at the gym and until I ask him out on a date, that’s what it is.”

“You’re going to ask him?”

“Yes, Chim, I am going to ask him. I like him.”

“Do you like him because he is Minho’s doppleganger or because he is Taehyung?”

Jimin looked at Yoongi, he had to presume that Yoongi wasn’t applying any thought process before asking questions.

Jungkook looked agitated, he felt agitated.

“I don’t know. Okay? He looks like Minho but doesn’t talk like him. I don’t know him well enough to know if he is like him so I’m getting to know him.”

Jimin put a hand on his friends shoulder “Have you spoken to him about Minho?”

“Of course I have”

“Well, that’s really good, Kook. I mean, he might not want to start something with someone because he looks like the dead boyfriend.” Jimin didn’t believe that Jungkook had told him anything about Minho at all.

“We will see what happens when I ask him out.”

“You do understand that he is not Minho, though?”

Jungkook looked at Jimin “I do understand that. I’m not crazy, Chim. I was always going to be attracted to someone who looks like him though so I don’t know what the big deal is?”

“The big deal is that had he not looked like the long lost twin, you wouldn’t have given him a second glance and it isn’t healthy to relive your past relationship through this guy just because he looks the way he does.”

Jimin was internally impressed with Yoongi’s opinion and gave a small nod in agreement.

“I’m not reliving anything. Can we talk about something else?”

Jimin and Yoongi didn’t want to push it so they told Jungkook about the movie they had seen on date night that week and how Yoongi had fallen asleep. Jimin had beamed about the love story while Yoongi said it had bored him so much, sleep had been the better option. Jungkook laughed when he pictured Jimin sulking for the rest of the evening and laughed even harder at how much Yoongi had to do to make it up to him.

“You are so whipped, Yoon”

Yoongi pulled a displeased face “I am not!”

“Not sure who you think you’re fooling, tough guy.” Jimin kissed the air in Yoongi’s direction.

“If anyone else behaved the way Chim did, you would kick their arse. You. Are. Whipped.”

“Whatever, Kook.”

**

Sweaty palms had not been part of the plan today. Jungkook had decided that over breakfast he would ask Taehyung out on a date, but his nerves were currently getting the better of him as he finished his workout on the treadmill.

He knew that any minute, Taehyung would walk through the double doors and knock the air out of his lungs because of how much he looked like Minho. Jungkook had hoped that weeks after he’d first seen him, it wouldn’t quite have the same effect, but it did. He wasn’t sure if it was noticeable or if Taehyung wondered why he was unable to speak in the first 5 minutes. He did become accustomed to it as time went on and by the time he had a smoothie in front of him, he was quite chatty and relaxed.

Jungkook walked off the machine as it grounded to a halt, swiping the towel off the bar and mopping his neck and face. The woman who had told him he’d forgotten his water bottle had smiled at him and waved ever since so he returned the greeting and smiled back. Right on time the double doors opened and Taehyung walked into the room carrying towels, his face partially covered so the impact of his arrival was diluted somewhat, which Jungkook was pleased about.

“Good morning, Kookie.” the nickname had started a few days ago and Taehyung had apologised a hundred time the first time it had slipped out but Jungkook didn’t mind.

Jungkook felt a smile grow, he was finding that smiling was becoming more natural and not something he had to think about or force.

“Good morning, Tae.”

“Breakfast?”

Jungkook nodded “As long as it’s not green.”

“I’m in charge, so it’s up to me, you know?” he said with a huge smile on his face.

“I will have to make sure that you aren’t in charge then.”

Taehyung poked the tip of Jungkooks nose with his finger “You won’t always have a choice, Kookie baby.”

Jungkook gulped and smirked, he felt a sort of tension building between them. He didn’t know how the game would play out but he knew one was being played.

As Taehyung milled around behind the counter, putting ingredients into the blender, Jungkook watched him intently. He didn’t know if he was searching for similarities or differences but he was mesmirised by him, that much he did know. Guilt reared its ugly head when he thought about asking Taehyung out, it had been less than a year since the accident and some would say that was too soon to move on. Jungkook was accustomed to guilt now, he felt guilty for the crash, there was guilt that Minho died, he felt guilty for staying out later the night before and causing the argument, there was a shit load of guilt when he was relieved it was all over at the end as the machines in the hospital stopped beeping and the lines went flat.

Now there was guilt that he was feeling something slightly positive and he had allowed himself to be hopeful. He felt huge guilt when he woke up the other morning with a boner, after a very naughty dream about Taehyung. He hadn’t been 100% sure it had been Taehyung in his dream because it could have been Minho but he ‘felt’ it had been. His sex drive had almost disappeared during his relationship with Minho and certainly since the accident so waking with an erection was a strange feeling.

“You look so serious staring into space, is everything okay?”

Jungkook was brought out of his thoughts by the soft, deep voice of Taehyung who handed him the familiar cup and red straw.

Jungkook took a sip of the smoothie and pulled a face “What have you put in here? It tastes different.”

Taehyung smiled “Just blueberries and a bit of ginger.”

“I like it.”

“Good, I’m glad you do. At least you know I’m good with my hands.” there was a wicked glint in his eye as he spoke.

Choking was very nearly an option but Jungkook managed to keep it at bay. He felt quite flustered and didn’t know how to respond. He wasn’t used to this flirty behaviour, as sex with Minho had always been an intense, serious affair. Jungkook worried that Taehyung would think he was a prude or not into him but didn’t know what to say and he started to panic.

“I like your hands”

Ugh! Idiot! Jungkook felt like a complete idiot as the 4 words passed his lips and he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

There were no signs that Taehyung thought anything negative though, he sat looking at Jungkook, smoothie in one hand, twirling some loose strands of hair with the other hand.

“Do you like dogs?” the question caught Jungkook off guard completely.

“Yes, I do.”

“I’ve got a dog. Maybe you could meet him one day.” Taehyung chewed on the paper straw turning it to pulp.

Jungkook smiled “I’d like that…. Tae?”

“Yeah”

“I was… umm… I was wondering…” sweaty palms accompanied his racing heartbeat “...I was wondering… if… umm… if you would like to… go out with me… obviously it’s fine if you’d rather not because we can keep doing this and that’s absolutely fine I like your company and I like your smoothies and to be honest it’s great seeing you here so if you want to keep things here, that is okay, I mean you probably have a partner and probably think I’m a creep for asking you out now so might not want to talk to me anymore anyway.”

Jungkook looked up, into the big eyes of Taehyung who was staring at him, presumably trying to keep up with his rambling.

Taehyung blushed a little, his face turning a rose pink colour “ I’d like that… go out with you, that is. I live alone with Bear, my dog. And I’m pleased you like my smoothies.”

For minutes afterwards they looked into eachothers eyes, a small smile adorned both their faces and Jungkook took a deep breath, relief, his hands hidden under the table because they were shaking slightly.

He was proud of himself for taking a huge leap of faith and asking Taehyung out and he tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach because as soon as he acknowledged them, the guilt crept in and he didn’t want… not when he had a date to plan.

Chapter 4: First Date

Chapter Text

It was a familiar scene… Jungkook in the car begging Jin to drive faster, yelling down the phone at Minho to answer him, unable to hear anything except the laboured vocals of someone who was dying in the smashed up car.

Jungkook had been frantic, he’d jumped out of Jins car as soon as they slowed down because of the traffic jam caused by the accident and raced through the crowds, weaving in and out of cars to get to the car he recognised. The scene was chaotic, he could hear sirens of emergency vehicles in the distance as he desperately tried to open the doors of the red Hyundai on it’s roof. The windows were open and he managed to crawl inside, well meaning bystanders trying to pull him back but he refused to listen.

Minho was in a position he didn’t think someone would be able to do naturally, blood trickled out of his nose and the left side of his mouth. He was gurgling and making the noises an injured animal would make as Jungkook touched his face and tried to get him to talk. He knew he shouldn’t move him so left him where he was, waiting for the paramedics to come and rescue him, sure that he would be okay and then he could apologise for leaving him and for coming home late and they could carry on.

The problem was that this was a dream and in the dream, Minho opened his eyes and Jungkook started to say how sorry he was and tell him everything he hadn’t been able to say just as the machines beeped and he flatlined. That wasn’t how it happened, but in the dream it always ended up like that and Jungkook always woke up with guilt and regret because his mind had mashed the hospital and the scene of the accident together but given him hope that everything would be okay when Minho opened his eyes.

Jungkook shouldn’t have asked Taehyung out on a date… the dream was a sign that it was too soon to move on.

He knocked on Hobi’s door in a bit of a panic because he didn’t know where else to go. He couldn’t go to Jimin because things were awkward and he couldn’t talk to Jin because he treated him like a baby sometimes. Yoongi and Namjoon were ruled out because they would be conflicted and not be able to keep it from Jimin and Jin and Jungkook didn’t want to put them in that situation.

Hobi opened the door and looked a bit surprised when he saw Jungkook standing there, soaked through because it was raining. He ushered him inside and handed him a towel plus some dry clothes so he could change when he wanted to.

“Has something happened?” Hobi wasn’t very good at things like this.

“I had that dream last night and I I don’t think I should have asked Tae out.”

“What’s the dream got to do with asking Tae out?”

“It’s a sign.”

“But you have that dream a lot, Kook, even before you met the guy at the gym.”

“Tae… his name is Tae.”

“Okay, you had the dream before meeting Tae.”

“Yeah but now I’ve asked him out and what if he dies to?” Jungkook rubbed both his hands up and down his face.

Hobi had a puzzled expression “Why would he die?”

“Because of me.”

“But it wasn’t your fault Minho died. You had no control over that at all. Kook, no one else around you has died so why would you think the guy from the gym would die?”

“Tae… it’s Tae. Loving me gets you killed, Hobi.”

“We love you, Kook and if you get to the stage where the guy… Tae... loves you to then I’m sure it will all be fine. You can’t stop living because of what happened.”

“I’m scared. What if I’m doing the wrong thing?”

“You like him, don’t you?”

Jungkook nodded and the realisation hit him.

“You need to just let things happen. He must like you, if he agreed to go out with you and he knows about Minho so just let it happen. It might be what you need.”

The talk with Hobi helped a little and Jungkook was getting ready back at his apartment, he looked at himself in the mirror to style his hair, which felt alien since it had been a while. His phone chimed an annoying sound that he kept promising himself he would change but hadn’t got around to it. He held his phone in his hand, it was probably a cancellation message from Tae, he felt disappointed at the thought.

Hobi
I need a pic

Jungkook sighed in relief when he saw the message was from Hobi.

JK
A pic of what?

Hobi
You! Dressed up for your date.

JK
Why?

Hobi
You might be out of touch. Just send me a picture and stop being annoying.

JK
*photo*

Hobi
You can’t wear that, Kook. Hair looks nice though.

JK
Why?

Hobi
You know why! We need to go shopping.

JK
But I love this shirt.

Hobi
No, Minho loved that shirt! CHANGE!

JK
-_-

 

**

 

They were meeting outside the gym, Jungkook had booked a table at a local restaurant and hoped that Tae liked it. He was early, stood against the wall, fidgeting because he was nervous, the butterflies in his stomach were the size of a Pterodactyl and the nausea made him feel like he was on a boat. He had made the decision to text Tae, say sorry and leave, about 10 times in the 8 minutes he had been stood waiting but was yet to follow through with any of it.

They had exchanged numbers yesterday but neither had sent a text yet so when 7pm came and went, Jungkook considered that perhaps he’d given him a fake number and was going to stand him up all along. Perhaps this was Minho’s revenge, to send someone who looked like him, knowing Jungkook would fall for him then have him drag his feelings through the mud? Jungkook pondered this as a valid explanation because it was now 7:12pm and he had been waiting for 20 minutes, he took his phone out of his pocket and wondered whether he should phone the fake number or just go home?

Jungkook felt like an idiot, his friends had been right, this was all too soon and asking someone out because they look like your dead ex boyfriend was never going to work. He couldn’t think of a positive at the moment, he just felt dumb, like Minho was somewhere laughing at him because he was never going to find anyone who loved him.

“Hey! Kookie! God! I am SO sorry”

Tae was out of breath, his hair was messy from running, he placed on hand on the wall to steady himself and catch his breath. Jungkook didn’t move, it was like that moment in a movie when the tumbleweed rolls past and there is complete silence, except in this case the only sound was the heavy breathing from Taehyung.

Jungkook leaned against the wall because his legs felt a little wobbly, he had convinced himself that he was being stood up then Tae had turned up and his mind was trying to readjust. He looked him up and down, the lightwash jeans that hid the tops of his dress shoes, the military style blazer that covered the floral button down shirt and the way his hair was sticking to his face. Jungkook needed to do better at this because he was sure that Tae would quickly work out the effect he had on him, if he didn’t.

Taehyung stood up straight once his breathing was slightly less chaotic and smoothed his hair out of his eyes, readjusting his blazer and patting himself down. He looked at Jungkook, who still hadn’t moved and then he looked at the floor.

“I’m really sorry I’m late. I was turning my place upside down because Bear had lost his bunny and he doesn’t sleep well without it and because I’m not there I knew he would need it… I found it, though… in the bin… I think he did it on purpose.”

There was an awkward silence as Tae pressed his lips together in a cute sort of smile and waited for Jungkook to respond.

“It’s… erm… it’s okay.”

“It isn’t, not really. Have we missed the reservation or are we going somewhere you don’t need to book?”

Jungkook checked his phone.

“I don’t think we will make it now, but I could phone them and ask.”

“Or you could come back to mine and let me cook, since this is all my fault?”

Jungkook felt his stomach twist and turn and he swallowed, a lot.

“I don’t want to put you out. We could just grab some street food and walk through the park?”

Tae smiled, the sort of smile that was warm and kind.

“Come on then. But if there’s a second date, I’m cooking.”

Jungkook was shocked when Taehyung hooked his arm through his and started chatting away about what a nuisance, Bear was. They walked to the park like that, Jungkook deciding that he loved the sound of Tae’s voice, it was so low and ‘thick’ like molten chocolate or caramel. He was put at ease because Tae could talk the hind legs off a donkey and Jungkook was more than happy to listen.

As they walked along, he noticed other couples and wondered if they thought that him and Tae were a couple? Did people think they looked good together? If he saw someone that had known him when Minho was alive, would they think they were seeing things? He thought about the things people would say if they saw him with Tae, would they think it was too soon and that he was only with him because of how he looked ‘so’ much like Minho?

He didn’t know and he couldn’t answer for others so he would just enjoy the night for now and deal with his mind later on.

As they were stood in line for the street food stall, there was a little boy playing with a ball, he was laughing as the ball bounced on the ground and got away from him. He chased it and did it all again, all the time keeping an eye that his Mum was nearby. The little boys laugh drifted through the air and made Jungkook smile, such an innocent sound. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed properly, the type of laugh that had you doubled over and clutching your stomach whilst begging the person to stop, whose fault it was that you were laughing so hard in the first place.

Jungkook handed over some money to the man serving them and Tae protested, still with his arm linked with the others.

“I would rather have paid, as I was so late.”

“Tae, you offered to cook next time so you can’t keep making up for being late, you know?”

“I should have paid half then.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes but the little smile on one side of his mouth said it was in jest “I asked you out so I should pay.”

“So chivalrous” Tae said with a big grin on his face that showed both rows of teeth.

Jungkook blushed, then took the food, handing Tae’s to him.

“Did you want to sit on the bench?”

“You are the gentleman, you choose where we sit, Sir”

Jungkook smiled, a bigger smile this time that nearly reached his eyes and he shook his head.

Jungkook couldn’t take his eyes off of Tae as he munched on his food and continued to chat about the day he adopted Bear.

“What actually is your role at the gym?”

“I’m the dogsbody. I do everything really but making smoothies is my speciality if you don’t include the way I can stack the towels so precisely in those baskets.” he winked at Jungkook and they both giggled.

“I can vouch for the smoothies.”

“I only work there so I can afford to study. I’m doing a photography major and I’m in my final year so after that I want to start my own business.”

“That’s really amazing, Tae.”

Tae blushed a little “Thank you. You teach dance?”

Jungkook nodded “Yeah at a school, so I teach a variety of ages.”

“Oh my God, I adore kids. That must be so rewarding.”

“Well… err… we have a show coming up… and… maybe, you could… err… maybe you could come and take the photo’s?”

Tae’s eyes shone and he clapped his hands together “Really? Yes, please, I would love that!”

Jungkook thought Taehyung was endearing. He thought he was so endearing that his heart would burst with how special he was.

Minho was never endearing. Jungkook wiped the thought away because thinking bad things about his dead boyfriend made him a bad person.

As they walked through the park, arms linked, Tae asked Jungkook lots of questions about the show and the school, what sort of dances they would be doing and asked if he could watch one of the practices. Jungkook found he was starting to feel a new excitement for his job as he listened to Taehyung, whose enthusiasm for life was contagious.

“I will walk you home, if we go this way it’s on the way to mine, anyway.” Jungkook said.

“You are such a gentleman, Mr Jeon.” Tae laughed.

Jungkook felt sick, the Pterodactyls were swooping in his stomach as they walked down the road. Taehyung told him in advance that he lived by the blue car parked up ahead so Jungkook knew where to stop. It was that, that was making him nervous, he hated the awkwardness of a first date and the moment you have to say goodbye.

“Thank you for tonight and I’m sorry again for being late.”

Tae was beautiful, the street light illuminated his face perfectly and Jungkook had a battle raging in his mind because of how much he reminded him of Minho.

“It all worked out in the end. I enjoyed tonight. Thank you.”

And there it was, that moment when neither one says anything and uncertainty hangs thick in the air.

“Can I kiss you?”

Jungkook was very much taken aback by the question, this was something he had not been prepared for. His heart was in his mouth as his mind worked overtime, scrambling all the pieces of a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, trying to find an answer.

The answer was so simple, so why couldn’t he say it? He’d thought about those lips, a lot, particularly when they were forming a perfect ‘o’ around the paper straw and sucking up the morning smoothie.

Jungkook had most certainly thought about how those lips would feel against his when he had the dream about being ridden by him.

Now, he was aware that time had passed while all these thoughts went through his mind and he had made the situation a hundred times more awkward and Taehyung was stood there, looking at him with big, innocent eyes, waiting for him to respond.

Jungkook’s eyes met Taehyung’s in a gaze, he subconsciously bit his bottom lip and gulped as Tae licked his lips. He was conscious of the shallow breaths he was taking as he nodded, just slightly, twice, his lip still between his teeth.

He was worried that too much time had passed but stood motionless as Taehyung took one step forwards and placed his left hand on Jungkooks shoulder. The heat from his palm was nothing compared to the heat building inside him as the gap between their faces was closed, he released his bottom lip just as their mouths connected and his eyes closed.

The initial kiss was brief and gentle, so gentle that Jungkook thought he might have missed it had he not felt the electricity buzzing around his body.

“Thank you again, Kookie.” Tae spoke in a whisper because their faces were still quite close.

“S’ok” was all Jungkook could manage.

He watched as Taehyung walked up the path and into his home, feeling both his cheeks with the backs of his hands once he was out of sight as he was sure they would be red hot. He was standing, looking at the door for much longer than needed before he remembered that he should get going and get home.

Hobi
Well? How did it go?

JK
Okay, I think.

Hobi
Are you home yet?

JK
Nearly, Appa.

Hobi
Funny! Are you alone?

JK
Yes, I walked him home.

Hobi
Did you go in?

JK
No.

Hobi
Okay, good.

JK
Why is that good?

Hobi
You don’t want to move too fast.

JK
I am aware. Thank you.

And Jungkook was aware, he was aware of everything and his mind was a war zone but right in this moment, he traced his lips with his finger and closed his eyes because he wanted to remember how for a second, a very brief second, he had forgotten all the pain of the last year.

Chapter 5: Bear

Chapter Text

The six friends hadn't had an evening together since Jungkook had stormed out so he was at the gym blowing off steam because he was quite nervous, which made him feel stupid because they were not just friends, they were family.

His legs were burning as he finished his run on the treadmill, he hadn't pushed himself this hard in a long time, generally sticking to a cycle of workouts. He had been concentrating on positives to outweigh the overwhelming sadness that had encased him for so long. Work had turned into a positive and preparations for the show were going well, he'd even had a breakthrough with a student who hadn't spoken to anyone in a month and her parents were petrified she wasn't going to speak again.

Jungkook hadn't seen Tae outside of the gym since their first date and he was a little too excited when Tae had invited him to his place on Saturday. Tae was still convinced he had to make up for being late on their date so was, of course, cooking on Saturday. Jungkook tried, several times, to get him to realise that he didn't have anything to make up for but Tae wasn't having any of it and in the end, Jungkook thought it would be better to let him cook for him.

He just needed tonight to go well, he didn't want to argue with his friends anymore and he understood they were protective. For once, tonight was about Namjoon and Jin, it was their anniversary and it was nice to be getting together for something other than because Jungkook needed looking after.

"Towel?"

Jungkook took a deep breath and counted to 3, a coping mechanism he found to be useful when he knew Tae was nearby. It was a mental preparation, so that when he looked up into the face of this gorgeous man, he was mentally stable and not hit by a truck every single time.

"Thank you." he said taking the towel.

"Do you need another towel? You are super sweaty today."

Jungkook almost laughed at the comment "One towel is fine, thank you."

"You are always so polite."

"Err... thank you?"

Tae laughed "I'm going to have to work extra hard to find a time you just let yourself go and aren't so stuck up."

"I am not stuck up!"

"Okay, if you say so. You are definitely a bit bratty though, look at that pouty face" Tae emphasised his point by mimicking the pout.

"Did you come over here just to pick on me or was there another reason?"

"There was another reason but I'm enjoying picking on you so much that I might just continue with that."

"This is bullying, does your boss know that you bully the customers?"

"No, my boss doesn't know that I kiss customers either."

Jungkook blushed "So it is something you make a habit of? And here I was thinking I was special."

They'd only shared that one brief kiss but Jungkook wanted more, he wanted to kiss Tae properly. Perhaps when he wasn't turned into a shy teenager by the devil of a man standing in front of him.

Tae ran the tip of his index finger down Jungkooks arm, gliding over the ridge of his bicep down towards his wrist where he stopped and lightly held his hand. Jungkook could feel his heart rate increase, looking into the eyes of the man stood in front of him, one side of Tae's bottom lip, trapped between his teeth.

"You are special and the only customer I have kissed. Oh and I would definitely like that to become a habit."

Jungkook broke eye contact and shied away, looking down and to his right which made Tae smile.

"Well, I'd...err.. Best let you get back to work."

Tae smiled more "And I'd better let you shower."

Jungkook was grateful that Tae didn't make him feel more embarrassed than he had already and found it quite astonishing that he could read him so well already.

He liked Tae... a lot.

**

Namjoon and Jin were sat side by side, Jin's right leg draped over Namjoon's left leg. They had spent the day together at the zoo and Namjoon just finished telling everyone how funny Jin was when he jumped out of his skin, thinking that a giraffe was going to eat him. Jungkook thought about how comfortable they were in each others company and how much he wanted that with someone. He always thought he had that with Minho but he would always smile and show politeness in front of his friends then tell Jungkook exactly what he thought about them, once home.

His friends tolerated Minho for so long because of him but when Jimin started speaking up in defence of Jungkook, it caused problems and they stopped including Minho in things. Prior to that, Jungkook had hoped he would fit in, he was conscious that he couldn't relax when he was there and his friends knew it too. He remembered one occasion when they had all got together for Hobi's birthday and several shots later, they had moved all the furniture in Hobi's lounge and were having a dance competition, of sorts. They were all laughing, mostly at Jin and Yoongi whose dance moves left a lot to be desired when sober, let alone drunk and the usual thing happened where Jungkook and Jimin were the last 2 battling it out, showing off because they were natural dancers.

Jungkook thought they'd had a good evening until they'd got home and he'd fallen into bed. Minho launched into a tirade about how he hadn't shown him any attention for the whole evening because he'd clearly been too busy flirting with Jimin. Jungkook had been too drunk to remember clearly and spent the night apologising and letting Minho fuck him to show him that he didn't want Jimin, he wanted him.

He always felt a bit of relief when he thought about times like that but the guilt that followed was too much to bear, he only felt relieved because Minho was dead, the truth of the matter being that if he had made it back to the apartment that day, they would probably be together, still, now.

"How's work, JK?"

Jungkook turned to face Namjoon who was stroking Jin's leg as he spoke.

"Really good. The show is going to be great. You lot are coming, right?"

"Absolutely we are! This miserable bastard might not but I am!" Jimin said, poking Yoongi with his elbow.

"Who are you calling miserable? I am not miserable. We can't all smile as much as you, pretty boy"

"You are miserable and I am not a boy!"

Everyone stayed quiet while Jimin and Yoongi bickered. It was something they'd become accustomed to over the years.

"Stop behaving like you belong in Kook's class."

Jimin crossed his arms over his chest and put on a sulky face "In that case, should I start calling you, Daddy?"

Yoongi thought about it and tilted his head "If you like?"

"You are certainly mean enough!"

"You know you will forgive me"

"I might not, you know? You've called me a pretty boy and a child. That's mean, Min Yoongi!" Jimin waved a finger at Yoongi who was sat beside him, bodies turned slightly towards each other as they argued.

Yoongi turned more towards Jimin "And you started it all by calling me, miserable, perhaps it's me who shouldn't forgive you, baby?"

Jimin suddenly moved his left leg and swung it across Yoongi, landing delicately in his lap, fluttering his eyelashes and holding his face in his hands "I'll forgive you, if you forgive me" he spoke gently, pushing out his lips and brushing them lightly against Yoongi's.

Yoongi sighed and held his waist "Deal and I will show you how much I love your pretty ass, later."

Jimin whimpered and pressed his mouth to the other's, Yoongi responding and enjoying the feeling of having his man in his lap. The other's rolled their eyes and laughed, some things never changed and they wouldn't have it any other way.

"We will all be there JK. It's great that things are going so well at work. How are things at home, you know, when you are alone?" Jin had been texting Jungkook every day, no matter what, he was always there for him.

"You know, Jin, it's not always easy when I'm alone but I'm still here aren't I? To be honest, the gym helps because I get home, shower then fall into bed, I'm shattered."

"Just don't work yourself too hard, okay?"

"Jin, Kook should call you Daddy" Jimin spoke in between kissing Yoongi.

"Not everyone has a Daddy kink, Chim. Besides that position is already taken" Jin winked at Namjoon who consequently choked on his drink.

"What? Shut up! You are NOT the Daddy in your relationship!" Yoongi moved Jimin to the side slightly so he could see, Jin.

"I have to agree with Yoongi, as much as it pains me." Hobi sat nodding his head.

Namjoon hid his face which was actually pointless because everyone had seen the shade of red he had become.

"I am so offended! Joonie, tell them!"

"I'm offended too! Don't you think that went unnoticed, Hobi!" Yoongi pointed out.

Namjoon shook his head "Don't involve me in this. You started it. Besides this lot wouldn't be able to handle hearing about how Daddy you really are, babe."

"I think that's enough, so thanks." Jungkook said, standing to get himself a drink.

Everyone else was in shock, followed by giggles around the room as Jin sat looking rather proud, kissing Namjoon on the cheek and whispering 'thank you' in his ear.

"So, Kook, when is your next date with the guy from the gym?" Hobi was grinning.

Suddenly Jungkook was hyper aware that he had five pairs of eyes on him, awaiting a response, he wanted to correct Hobi, to tell him that his name is 'Tae' not 'the guy from the gym' but he didn't want to have this conversation right now.

"Tomorrow night. Have you been on any dates lately, Hobi?" Jungkook hoped diversion was the best tactic.

"Nah! Had a one night stand last weekend though. Where are you going?"

"You've been on a date?" Yoongi asked.

"How did you feel?" Typically Namjoon's question was always the one that required the deepest reply.

"Does he ask questions about Minho?" Jin needed to know.

"Guys, guys, too many questions. Give him a break." Jimin snuggled into Yoongi.

"Thanks, Chim. I know you lot worry, but I'm good, honestly. He's a really nice guy. I'm not jumping into anything and Hobi was texting me after my first date to check I was okay."

"You've been through alot, that's all. You deserve someone to treat you right." Jin added.

"I know and he does. But it's still really early days. I... I like him. He's going to take photo's of the show and he's coming into the class next week to meet the smallest kids briefly during practice. If he turns into a complete arsehole, you guys can beat him up and if things keep going well, then you will get to meet him... okay?"

"Can't we meet him before one of those things happens? I'd rather meet him before I have to beat him up." Yoongi wrapped his arms protectively around the angelic man in his lap who had a tendency to get himself into trouble, often.

"Chim, no one is beating anyone up.... Yet." a few drops of beer rolled down Jin's chin which he wiped with the back of his hand.

"We've got to let Kook breathe, guys. He knows we are here for him." Jungkook was grateful for Hobi, particularly at times like this and he was relieved when it was time for him to go home even after the evening had gone so well.

**

'Why is this so difficult?' Jungkook spoke out loud as he put the flowers down and picked them back up again, then put them back on the worktop.

He was dressed and ready to go, new black combat style trousers, a black t-shirt and a patterned shirt over the top. His hair was styled as he usually did but it was the flowers causing him trouble. He had met Jimin for lunch and on his way home he saw a bucket of sunflowers outside a florist, which he impulsively bought with the thought he could take them to Tae's.

However, now he was in turmoil over whether to take them. He had never bought anyone flowers before and wondered if it was a stupid thing to do. Minho bought him flowers a few times and he'd always loved it, especially the time it had taken to choose them and the fact he was being thought about. But he didn't know Tae that well, yet, so didn't know if he would like them or whether he liked flowers at all.

Jungkook picked up, the bunch of 3 sunflowers, held together by green ribbon and turned them around in his hand. They were big and bright, they reminded him of Tae and his beaming smile and they represented the brightness he was bringing to his life. He found himself looking for him at the gym and even on the days where hopelessness crept in, the butterflies in his stomach were a reminder that he was moving forwards, albeit slowly.

'Too cheesy' he said to himself and placed them back down into the vase of water they'd been inhabiting since he'd arrived home.

JK
Chim, flowers? Yes or no?

Jimin
Yoongi bought me some last week.

JK
I'm not offering to buy you flowers. I want to know whether I should take some to Tae's?

Jimin
I thought I was getting more, spoilsport!

JK
Chim! I am going to be late! Yes or no?

Jimin
I don't know? Does he like flowers?

JK
I don't know?

Jimin
I am literally the worst person to be asking.

JK
Realising that!

Jimin
You aren't meant to agree with me!

JK
*face palms*

Jimin
Yes, take the flowers. You bought them for him so take them and then you will know whether or not to get them again in future.

JK
Thank you!

Jimin
If you need me to break you out of there, phone me.

JK
I won't. But thanks.

Jimin
Text me afterwards so I know you are safe.

JK
I'm going to his place for a meal, that is all.

Jimin
Stop being difficult!

JK
Okay. Bye.

Jungkook sighed and huffed at his phone before slipping it into his pocket, picked up the flowers for the hundredth time and rushed out the door.

The walk to Tae's was pleasant, even if Jungkook had felt a bit silly walking along holding the flowers. His stomach felt like it was full of water sloshing about and nerves most definitely kicked in. Tae made him nervous in the middle of a crowded gym so he was terrified of how he would feel trapped in a room, one to one, with him.

Deep breath. 1, 2, 3

The door opened and he walked past the beaming Taehyung, he handed him the flowers, then waited to be shown where to go. The hallway was short with several doors on each side, the walls were white with various paintings that he couldn't really see as there was a lack of lighting.

Taehyung opened the second door to his right and walked into a large room, much larger than Jungkook had expected. There was a lounge/diner and an archway that led to the kitchen. There was a door to the left in the kitchen which led back out to the hallway and a door on the right which took them to a small patio area with an array of flowers in troughs.

"Thank you for these." Tae said as he filled a vase with water for the sunflowers.

"You're welcome. I didn't know if you liked flowers or not."

"Are there people that don't like flowers?"

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders "I don't know. I'm sure there is, somewhere."

"Well I'm not one of them."

Jungkook stood in the kitchen while Tae finished up dinner and chatted about everything and anything. He had to laugh when Taehyung dished up the food, which smelled lovely and he had to admit that he hadn't really cooked it from scratch, just bought a ready meal and put it in the oven because he was useless in the kitchen.

"Does this count as you cooking for me though?"

Taehyung's face had a puzzled expression "Erm... yes? Or if I say no, does that mean you have to come here again?"

Jungkook couldn't help the small smile that formed "You could just ask me round again instead?"

There was a knock at the door and Taehyung beamed, saying sorry as he rushed to answer it. Jungkook heard a commotion at the door, along with some voices and Tae's laugh that made his heart jump, then the door closed and Tae appeared in the lounge with a black bundle of fluff in his arms.

"Come and meet someone" Tae was cooing to the small dog frantically licking his face.

He walked over to Jungkook "Kookie, this is Bear, he's had a busy day."

Jungkook held is hand out so Bear could sniff him before stroking his head, he leaned over and Bear was licking the air, wriggling in Tae's arms.

"Hey Bear. Where have you been?"

Tae hadn't stopped smiling "The family next door are foster parents and they help kids. The little boy they've got at the moment just sits in the corner of his room and doesn't speak or anything. I went round one day to thank them for taking in a parcel and he smiled when he saw Bear so now they borrow Bear every now and again."

"Wow, that's so sweet. We've got a little girl at school who hadn't spoken for a month after being bullied at another school and I got her to speak. Bear and I have something in common."

"Well, it would appear that I am a good judge of character. Come on, let's eat."

Taehyung put Bear on the floor and he immediately went to his bed and curled up, while Jungkook sat at the table.

The food had been lovely, whether it had come out of a packet or cooked from scratch so Jungkook didn't mind. He decided that Tae's company was the thing that mattered the most and he couldn't help noticing how relaxed he felt in his home.

After dinner they both cleared away, Taehyung tried several times to get Jungkook to leave it and sit down but Jungkook was having none of it, so he had to give in.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" Tae asked, almost skipping to the sofa to sit down right next to Jungkook, who was already seated, leaving no space between them. Jungkook was learning that Tae didn't understand the concept of personal space but he liked it.

They agreed on 'Captain America' and Tae turned off the lights so it was a 'proper' cinema experience, just in his lounge. Jungkook liked how carefree Tae was, how his innocence shone through and he made so much effort, without even trying, just because that is who he is.

Halfway through the movie, Jungkook held his breath as Tae rested his head on his shoulder, turning his body slightly so the side of his face was pressed against Jungkook. He knew he was looking at him, he could feel it and he daren't look because he was scared, he didn't know what of but he continued staring straight ahead.

Jungkook felt his palms became clammy as Tae shifted a bit more and his hand was on Jungkook's thigh, the heat almost burning through his combats. He didn't know if Tae was aware at how tense he'd become or maybe he enjoyed flustering him, he'd alluded to it a few times at the gym, only ever pushing so far.

"Kookie?" the nickname was whispered, with a hint of Tae's deep voice, he was so close to Jungkook's ear that he needn't say it any louder.

"Mmmmhmm" Jungkook replied, his clammy hands betraying him and his breaths becoming deeper as he fought to remain in control, trying to keep the nervousness at bay.

"Can I kiss you?"

And there it was... that question again. The question that should be so easy to answer but seemed to send Jungkook's mind into a 360 degree spin. His whole body was panicking because he was sitting on a sofa with a man he was very attracted to and there was a part of him that felt like he was cheating on his dead boyfriend's memory. His whole mind going into battle with all the different emotions running through it, at odds with each other.

The only thing he could do was ask himself if he wanted to kiss Taehyung and he knew it was a stupid question because that was all he'd thought about since their first date. He'd answered his own question before he'd even asked it and found himself counting to 3 then turning his head, where he was then nose to nose with Tae.

"Yeah" he whispered and there wasn't much of a gap to close between them as Tae leaned up and pressed their lips together.

Taehyung's right hand moved from Jungkook's thigh to his nape as he sneaked his tongue into his mouth, his fingers applying a gentle pressure as their mouths moved languidly against each other.

Jungkook felt slightly dazed as Taehyung pulled back, the tips of their noses barely touching, his hands remained by his side up until now when he gently cradled Tae's face with his right hand. His thumb lightly brushed over his lips, then back and forth on his cheek, then he moved in, connecting their mouths once more. The kiss was slow and deep as 'Captain America' could just be heard over the heavy nasally breaths invading the room.

They stopped kissing in time to watch the end of the movie, Tae with his head still pressed against Jungkook, his hand back on his thigh... Jungkook's hand on top, fingers clasped together, his mind fighting with whether he 'should be doing this against what felt so natural.

Bear jumped up and snuggled on Jungkook's lap and he would have been lying to himself if he'd said he didn't feel at home. For every positive there was a thousand negatives in his brain but he pushed them away, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling.

Chapter 6: Tae's POV

Chapter Text

Tae’s POV

Refilling towel baskets was boring but Tae enjoyed working at the gym, the people were nice and he got to look at hot men all day. The gym had let him take the pictures for their upcoming advertising posters and website, it was going to be his first ever proper photography job, as up until this point, all the work towards his portfolio had been unpaid.

It was his final year at university and he was only in 2 days a week with work at the gym covering the other 3 days, plus some weekends. He didn’t really have much else to do in the way of hobbies, he enjoyed some games and walking his dog, Bear. The work for his final year and the gym took up a lot of his time and his friends were always moaning at him for being so busy but he was determined to finish his degree and set up his own business.

Taehyung had been with Jinsu for 5 years, they’d known each other since school and it was a comfortable relationship. When Tae had moved into his own place and started university, they had seen less of each other, Jinsu started hanging out with his workmates so when Tae did have free time they still didn’t see one another.

The decision that things needed to end had been made because Tae felt that the relationship was stale and holding them both back, so he’d gone around to have ‘the chat’. Clearing his afternoon had been difficult because he was due to start work at the local burger stall he was working at, at the time but this needed doing.

Tae hadn’t realised he cared as much as he did until the moment he walked up Jinsu’s path and saw him making out with a guy on his doorstep, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Taehyung has stopped in the middle of the path and Jinsu had looked up, he’d started to speak but Tae had mouthed ‘goodbye’, turned around and walked in the other direction, never seeing him again after that.

5 years had been a long time for a relationship to just end like that and it took a long time for him to feel able to move on. The decision to end things had been easy, it was the right thing to do, he’d have been able to get over that a whole lot faster had the reality not been that Jinsu’s distance had been because he had found someone else. That is what took the time to deal with.

Taehyung had rescued Bear not long after his relationship had ended and he saw him as his mini saviour. A friend of his worked at an animal shelter and they’d found a box of abandoned puppies on their doorstep on a wet, cold night. Tae often went to the shelter to help out when the burger place was closed, he loved spending time with the animals and had sat for ages playing with the puppies left alone that night.

Bear had very nearly died from malnourishment and dehydration, along with one of his siblings. Taehyung had helped care for him and the bond had formed, he couldn’t have allowed him to be adopted by anyone else after that so once he was ready, he took him home. Loving Bear had been exactly what he needed and he had someone who loved him right back, who would never cheat on him and make him feel dreadful.

The burger place had closed and things had been really tough, financially but the new gym had opened up, not far from where he lived. He was about to start his final year and was in a really good place, mentally, Jinsu was fully behind him, 18 months on and he knew how much hard work he had to put in to get through this last year before graduation.

The gym was better than the burger place because there was so much to do there and so many different elements to his job. He enjoyed being able to make a cheese toastie one day and working on reception, the next. Everyday was different and everyone seemed to like him.

One day he arrived for a later shift and had done everything he needed to do, the gym was quiet, being newly opened, there still wasn’t too many people about. He decided to wipe the machines down and have a general tidy up. There was a man on the treadmill and Taehyung didn’t want to disturb him so he’d watched him from the other side of the room, pretending to fold some towels. The man was very attractive, Taehyung had seen him when he filled in the forms at reception, noting the way his eyes had a hint of sadness. He thought perhaps he’d just been tired and wondered what sort of job he’d rushed from to get to the induction as he looked harassed.

“He’s fit!” a voice behind Tae made him jump.

“Do you have to sneak up on me?” Tae whispered to Leila who was pressed behind him, chin on his shoulder.

“Says you, who is loitering back here, peeking at a hot guy through the door window.”

“I’m people watching.”

“There’s an empty bottle on the machine next to him, go collect some rubbish and talk to him.”

“I was going to wipe down the machines but waited back here until he has finished.”

“Here’s a bag, now go collect stuff” Leila said as she pushed Taehyung through the door.

By the time he reached the treadmills, he could see that the man was slowing down, he took a deep breath, he picked up the empty bottle on the machine next to him then turned to the one the man was on noticing there was a bottle there too “Have you finished with this bottle?” he’d asked, when he realised it still had some water in it.

The man hadn’t looked up as he was pressing buttons on the machine and Taehyung had felt a little disappointed but relieved at the same time. The shift had been a quiet one and that evening when he was at home with Bear, he’d told Bear all about the man. He didn’t even know if he was gay or if he was spoken for, he could have been visiting the area on business and joined the gym to pass the time.

Taehyung had felt attracted to him though, that was a definite. He was the first man that had held his attention since Jinsu, even on nights out where men had approached him, it had never felt right and he just presumed it was because he was still getting over his relationship. He had only been with one guy since Jinsu and that hadn’t really gone anywhere so he had decided to focus on himself and find personal happiness.

The next shift at the gym had been like any other, he had spent a few hours in the stock room and needed to refill all the towel baskets. The changing rooms had run out and he wanted to get it done before the gym got too busy. The advertising posters had been working and there was a steady influx of new members and he had noticed that certain times of the day were busier than others so his aim was to get as much restocked as he could.

It was trying to get everything done in a hurry that had lead him to believe it was a good idea to pile towels, as high as possible in his arms. He survived crossing the stock room, weaving around the boxes and made it up the steps and out the door. He waited patiently in the corridor until it was safe to cross as he couldn’t hear anyone coming, then used his backside to bump the door to the main gym room open. The door crashed into the wall and Taehyung was sure that a few people had probably looked over but he couldn’t see a thing so concentrated on navigating his way across the room, falling over the step as he went.

Making it to the main towel basket was an achievement and he balanced the pile on one arm while taking them off the top, one by one and placing them inside. Once he was halfway down he could see what he was doing and suddenly life became much easier.

He had just dropped the last lot in to the basket when there was a slight commotion and he looked up to see a woman trying to hold up a man. Tae rushed over but by the time he got there, there was another man who had taken the guy by his waist and was leading him out the door. Tae didn’t know what had happened, the man being taken out was the hot man he’d seen before and he felt concerned.

“Excuse me, what happened?” he asked the woman who had been with him at first.

“I don’t know. I pointed out that he had left his sports bottle and he was on his way out, I think when he nearly fainted. I saw the colour drain from his face and was quite close to him so tried to hold him until that other man came over.”

“You don’t know him?”

“No. I’ve seen him in here a couple of times but only spoke to him today. I hope he’s okay. Perhaps he had just pushed himself too hard.”

Taehyung nodded “Hopefully. Thank you.”

That evening, Taehyung had thought a lot about the man, wondering if he was alright and trying to think of ways he could enquire without too many questions. He didn’t sleep well that night and got to work before it opened, hanging around the staff entrance at the back. His manager just presumed he was keen and Taehyung said he had to tidy the stockroom so thought he would come in early.

He had planned on being in early every day in the hope of catching the man to find out if he was okay and hoped that it wasn’t anything serious enough to keep him away from the gym.

When he did see the man, he approached him, not realising he was wearing ear phones and only realised when he tapped him on the shoulder and scared the life out of him. Taehyung had panicked and thought he was going to pass out again as the man went white and he froze on the spot.

“I’m so-sorry” but saying that was a stupid idea because he couldn’t hear what Taehyung was saying.

He stood there as the man removed his ear phones and Taehyung found himself stuttering a little: “Sorry… I said… I’m sorry… for startling you.”

In his head, he was running through the first aid options because it genuinely looked like the man was about to faint again. Tae wondered if perhaps he was just a nervous man and he had been scared by Taehyung tapping him on the shoulder but the man just stared at him.

Taehyung searched for something else to say because he felt really awkward with this sort of stand off and he wasn’t even sure the man had heard anything he’d said, even after removing his ear phones.

“I wanted to ask how you are. I saw you yesterday and you didn’t look well.” Taehyung was hoping to get a response before things got really, really awkward.

The man seemed to lighten up a bit after that and they ended up with Tae offering to make him breakfast. He thought that was the least he could do, since he’d practically given the guy heart failure. He learned that the man didn’t like green smoothies so made sure that nothing green went into it and they sat down at a table to have breakfast.

Tae kept glancing up, catching the man sat at the table out of the corner of his eye, he stared a little bit when he saw that the man was doing something on his phone. He liked the way the mans hair was parted in the centre and he thought there was a kindness about him. Of course he was awestruck by his physique which had his mouth watering and how damn handsome he was but there was something behind his eyes that made Taehyung want to care for him and get to know him.

When he put the smoothies on the table and the man smiled at him, his heart fluttered, it was a tired smile which made Tae wonder what had happened to him that was so bad it was etched all over his face. Even the way his eye crinkled at the edges couldn’t hide the dark circles under his eyes and the effort it had seemingly taken to smile in the first place.

Taehyung was pleased to see that the colour had returned to his face and the first question he needed to ask was what his name was.

“Oh… err… Jungkook. You?” was his reply.

Taehyung had finished his shift with a smile on his face that day and the next time his manager was doing the work rota, he made sure to request the shifts that most likely covered the times when Jungkook would be there.

He was a sociable guy and found it really easy to talk to people but for the first 5 minutes of any conversation with Jungkook, he struggled slightly. Taehyung was always quite happy and bubbly and he thought he was a good judge of character but Jungkook confused him. He always left a conversation thinking that he liked him back but went into a conversation feeling like Jungkook didn’t like him at all.

He couldn’t put his finger on what the issue was but wondered if he needed to just cut his losses because he wasn’t sure Jungkook wanted to speak to him. He thought that maybe he felt compelled to talk to him because he worked at the gym and he couldn’t escape him. When they saw each other, the atmosphere was always strange to start with and Tae rabbited on, trying to ease it, however, he considered this was the wrong thing to do and thought that next time he would just say hello and walk away.

This was all great in theory but in reality he found himself offering Jungkook breakfast, over and over again because he enjoyed spending time with him and the atmosphere between them always improved after 10 minutes or so. Taehyung didn’t think that you would accept breakfast from someone if you didn’t like them so he had to assume that Jungkook liked him a little bit or he was just using him for his smoothies.

Taehyung had noticed that Jungkook became slightly nervous at times which made him flirt with him a bit more but he didn’t want to push him too far. The day that Jungkook had asked him out, he’d been completely taken by surprise as he was convinced by this time that Jungkook was just humouring him and putting up with his company.

He’d felt that Jungkook looked uncomfortable so had asked if he liked dogs to ease the situation which had somehow lead to Jungkook asking him out. He’d thought the way he’d waffled on and tripped over his words, was cute but also wondered why he was so flustered when he’d given the impression that talking to Tae was the last thing he wanted to do, sometimes.

Tae really wanted to go out with him and his mind was a blur as he had the answer to his question about Jungkooks sexuality, at least. The nerves, even thinking about a date had already kicked in and he couldn’t wait to see what Jungkook was like outside of the gym.

It had been some time that Taehyung had actually had to think about what to wear, before going out. He had been making a little more effort to style his hair and may have applied a little make up at times since meeting Jungkook, even if he wasn’t there, just in case. This was different though, this was the two of them actually on a date.

“This makes his intentions clear though, right? I mean, he must be interested in me after all, right? We’ve been talking and having breakfast for a while but I still don’t get why he’s so offish to start with, I mean, I thought he just didn’t like me but we are actually going on a date and he seems to get a bit flustered if I say something a bit risque. Do I look okay?”

Bear sat looking at Taehyung. He looked like he’d been listening but Tae could never be too sure.

Bear was slightly more useful than his friend Minseok who had advised him to wear leather trousers and a low cut shirt, neither of which Taehyung thought were appropriate. Minseok was the type of guy who threw caution to the wind, always living dangerously and constantly a bundle of energy. Tae thought this was why they got on so well because Tae was calmer and more grounded so they worked.

The day had gone quite smoothly until the point where he was about to leave and had settled Bear in his bed, realising that his bunny was missing. He knew that without him there, Bear would probably get up to mischief around the house and find something to chew that he shouldn’t, so it was imperative that he found it.

By the time he’d found it, he was already late, he’d considered texting Jungkook to let him know he would be late but didn’t want to waste any more time. He wondered if Jungkook would even be waiting for him as he was so late and was cursing Bear as he raced out the house.

He was out of breath and relieved that Jungkook was still there when he got there, he struggled to speak but managed to get out an apology before trying to catch his breath so he could explain properly.

“I’m really sorry I’m late. I was turning my place upside down because Bear had lost his bunny and he doesn’t sleep well without it and because I’m not there I knew he would need it… I found it, though… in the bin… I think he did it on purpose.”

What a start to a first date, he was nervous enough without all this on top. He had last gone on a date over 6 years ago and that had been with Jinsu and had lead to a long relationship. The guy since had just been someone at university so they hooked up every once in a while and didn’t really go on dates. This was a big deal and he’d been fretting about it all day, only to be stood there, now, sweating, breathless and feeling like he’d ruined everything.

The situation became even more awkward when Jungkook seemed unable to talk and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but with Tae in that moment. The fact that they’d missed the reservation at the restaurant made it all much worse and Taehyung wondered why he’d got out of bed that morning.

Once they had decided to go to the park and Taehyung had bullied Jungkook into agreeing that he would cook on their second date, the atmosphere lightened a little. Taehyung felt that it couldn’t get any worse so he hooked his arm through Jungkooks as they walked along, knowing that Minseok would be proud of him for throwing caution to the wind and just going for it.

Taehyung had never been mistreated by anyone, apart from being cheated on at the end of the relationship with Jinsu but he recognised how chivalrous, Jungkook was. He was slightly mortified when he insisted on paying for the food and was so polite that he had a hard time believing this guy was real.

Taehyung was an inquisitive person and being able to ask lots of questions was something he loved doing. He enjoyed hearing all about Jungkooks job, teaching dance in a school and was so excited when he said he could go along to one of the practices and take the photo’s for the show. He saw a flash of life in Jungkooks eyes as he spoke about the children and the show, it made him feel warm inside and Tae knew that he must be a good guy.

He hoped that he didn’t talk too much because he had a tendency to do that, especially when he was nervous. He was learning that Jungkook made him nervous, in a way he hadn’t felt for a long time. It was the sort of nerves you felt as you stood in the queue for a theme park ride and you neared the front. That sort of excitement, nausea and stomach flips, all rolled into one, but accompanied by the occasional blushing episode. Tae was thankful it was dusk and not so bright out because every time they made eye contact he felt his cheeks heat up and he was sure it would be obvious if it had been earlier in the day.

Jungkook had offered to walk Tae home and this made Tae feel all gooey inside, he wondered which book Jungkook had fallen out of because he was a straight up Prince. Up until now he hadn’t thought about that moment they would have to go separate ways, he’d been so flustered with being late and had wanted to kiss Jungkook so often at the gym that it had actually slipped his mind that this could be awkward.

Taehyung liked to be to the point, so at the point where they were saying goodbye, he decided to just blurt it out and ask him “Can I kiss you?”

He held his breath, his gaze locked on Jungkook, awaiting his response. He considered the fact that Minseok had more of an effect on him than he gave him credit for.

Jungkook wasn’t looking at Taehyung and this made Tae wonder whether he should just say goodbye and go indoors. He was sure that he didn’t want to kiss him or perhaps he didn’t want that sort of relationship? Either way he didn’t know what to do as he stood there waiting, a million things rushing through his mind as to why Jungkook was taking so long to say ‘no’.

Tae was about to lean forward and just kiss Jungkook on the head and leave, when Jungkook looked at him, their eyes locking and Tae saw the smallest of nods. He couldn’t help but smile and his whole body fizzed with excitement as he took a step and gently placed his lips on Jungkooks. His hand rested on his shoulder and he couldn’t help but notice how toned it felt as it moved down slightly to his arm.

He felt warm and fuzzy after what had only been a brief kiss and after saying a final goodnight he floated down his path into his house. Bear was asleep when he got in and didn’t even stir as Tae got out of his clothes and into bed, brushing his lips with his fingers, as if he could still feel Jungkooks lips there.

The gym had definitely become busier and they had asked him to take new pictures so they could update the website etc which he really enjoyed doing and the pictures could go into his portfolio. He loved taking pictures and had a whole day of photography planned.

Since their date, things were a little easier between them at the gym but they hadn’t seen each other outside of the gym since then. Tae had invited him for dinner and he was excited, he knew he couldn’t cook so he hoped to be able to disguise a ready meal but the thought was there.

Taehyung wished that he could ask the right question so he could understand why Jungkook was so closed off at times. At times it felt like someone had forced him to be there and other times, briefly he saw a glimpse of something behind his eyes but he couldn’t work out what it was.

Just yesterday, in the gym, Tae had wanted to kiss him, the whole scenario was set up when Jungkook had asked him if he made a habit of kissing customers, he could have just made his point by kissing him but didn’t. He had felt Jungkook tense up when he had stroked his arm and flirted with him and he still wasn’t sure if the tension was because he didn’t want Tae near him or whether it was something else. He was confused as the signals were so erratic but he saw something inside him that made Tae want to persevere.

Melting had become a regular occurence and this is precisely what happened when he answered the door and saw Jungkook standing there with a bunch of sunflowers. He’d seen loads of people in combats, a t-shirt and shirt before but no one had ever made his stomach do somersaults like this. He wondered if Jungkook had that reaction everywhere he went and presumed that he must have people chatting him up all the time. He couldn’t quite understand how someone like Jungkook was single but he was glad he was.

Bear had arrived home and been introduced to Jungkook. Tae had felt all warm and fuzzy as Jungkook took the time to speak to Bear and seeing his pets reaction was just lovely. He had feared that Bear would pick up on something and growl or be protective of him, but he hadn’t so that was one less thing he had to worry about. Even admitting that the food was a ready meal had gone down well and Jungkook hadn’t seemed to mind at all, saying that all he had to do was invite him round again.

There had been many times throughout the evening when they were stood in the kitchen that Tae had wanted to grab Jungkook and snog his face off. At one point he’d had to reach past him to get something out of a cupboard and they’d been so close that he could feel his body heat and his groin had ached as he thought about pressing into him and fucking him over the counter.

They had settled down on the sofa and Taehyung was itching to touch him, to touch him more than he was already, just because he was sitting so close. He really didn’t want to push anything and thought that if Jungkook had wanted to make a move, he would have.

But then he thought about the apprehension that seems ever so present and the hesitancy that comes before everything Jungkook does when it involves Taehyung. He hoped that in time, those things would disappear and for now he would make the first moves and see where it takes them.

Taehyung had felt the muscles tense and his body stiffen when he rested his head on his shoulder and placed a hand on his thigh. He almost recoiled his hand for fear that he had done something wrong but kept it there hoping that Jungkook would have shoved him off if he didn’t want him there.

There was no way that Jungkook wasn’t aware that he was looking at him, he was so close that he had to know he was. It was frustrating because he wouldn’t look at him! Tae thought about lifting up slightly and kissing his jaw, his cheek was so close too. He wanted to suck on his ear lobe and find out whether kissing his neck was something that turned him on. His hand was on the fullest part of JUngkook’s thigh, it was firm and Taehyungs hand was becoming clammy as he thought about inching it upwards and brushing over his crotch.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts and went for the old fashioned way, just to be on the safe side “Kookie?” he said, quietly. The nickname had come naturally one day in the gym and Jungkook hadn’t seemed to mind so he didn’t stop himself from using it.

“Can I kiss you?” this worked on the first date so if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

It felt like forever before Jungkook turned his head and whispered ‘yeah’. Taehyung thought he was frozen to the spot and would never turn around and he’d be left watching the side of his face for the remainder of the evening. As impressive as Jungkook’s jawline was, he really wanted to kiss him instead.

It didn’t take much for their mouths to connect since they were so close already and Tae revelled in that feeling once more. His hand left Jungkooks thigh and held the back of his neck as he even managed to glide his tongue into his mouth. Taehyung felt no hesitancy in the kiss and after he’d pulled back to breathe, it was Jungkook who had initiated the second kiss.

Taehyung melted into the second kiss, Jungkook had cradled his face and his thumb smoothed across his cheek in what could only be described as a loving touch. The pace was slow and sensual, their tongues lazily stroking the others as breathing became a secondary thought. Taehyung felt lots of emotions and lots of feelings buzzing around his body and he wondered if Jungkook felt the same.

Bear had jumped up onto Jungkook’s lap and they’d stopped kissing to watch the end of the movie. Tae hadn’t moved his head from Jungkooks shoulder and he placed his hand back on Jungkooks thigh, this time noticing that he didn’t tense up. He became almost giddy when Jungkook placed his hand over the top of his and intertwined their fingers.

The evening had been perfect and Taehyung was scared that things had felt so comfortable. He was allowing Jungkook to set the pace but giving him a little nudge. He wondered what had happened to Jungkook to make him build walls up so high around himself and had ran through so many scenarios that he was sure weren’t it.

What he did know was that for the first time in a long time he was beginning to care about someone and he had hope that it could build into something special, he just hoped that Jungkook wanted the same thing.

Chapter 7: So Much Fear

Chapter Text

Tae
Morning. Have a bright day.

JK
Morning. Thank you. You have a great day, also.

Tae
So polite 😉

JK
What's wrong with being polite?

Tae
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. It makes me curious to find out which circumstances lead you to be 'not so polite' or if you are polite always.

JK
I am always polite, Tae.

Tae
We shall see 😉😜

JK
🙄

Tae
😘

Jungkook felt a burst of warmth inside, his morning texts with Tae had become a regular thing since their second date. They were flirting more when they saw each other at the gym and Tae had visited him during one of the dance practices at work yesterday.

Watching Tae with the children was one of the most heart warming things he'd ever seen. He had sat amongst them and showed them his camera so they didn't get scared and knew what to expect. He'd taken some photo's of Jungkook and shown the children and they all pointed and laughed at the screen because Jungkook had pulled some funny faces.

After a brief introduction, Tae had sat quietly at the back and watched the practice, making a note of the formation and tapping his feet to the music. Jungkook had been surprised at the fact that it hadn't felt awkward in any way and he'd been desperate to kiss Tae goodbye but he had left just as the second class arrived so a wave was all he could do.

Today was his day off and he was meeting Jimin for lunch, on his way there he noticed how the flowers were blooming in the troughs outside the shops. The world was definitely looking brighter and he had Tae to thank for that.

When he arrived, Yoongi was there too and Jungkook smiled as he approached them.

"Have you been fucked?"

Jimin looked at Yoongi and glared at him "Yoon, you know how much I love you, but, really?"

"But he's smiling! I smile when we've fucked."

"That's the only time you smile, babe."

"Well, we should fuck more, then."

"Have you two finished?" Jungkook asked, as amusing as they were.

"Yeah, I've gotta go, anyway." Yoongi got up and bent down to kiss Jimin, whispering something in his ear that made Jimin's cheeks redden so Jungkook didn't want to know what he'd said.

Yoongi gave Jungkook a squeeze on the shoulder and waved, heading off to work.

Jimin sat, grinning, the type of smile that reached ear to ear.

"Look at you. I want that, you know?" Jungkook said.

"I, I love him so much. I know we took ages to realise it and it took some shoving from you lot but I feel like it was always meant to be. He can be a miserable git but he is my miserable git"

"You guys work, that has always been obvious. Besides he keeps you under control."

Jimin pouted "I do not need controlling! Unless we are talking about sex, then he definitely controls me, which is a huge turn on."

"I wasn't even thinking about sex, Chim."

"God, what's wrong with you?"

"Not everyone thinks about sex 24/7. Shocking, I know."

"Yoon is right, you need to get laid."

"I don't think that's the answer but I will bear that in mind."

"How are things going with that guy?"

Jungkook sighed "Tae... his name is Tae."

"Okay. How are things going with Tae?" Jimin said through a mouthful of food.

"Why can't you lot just remember his name? Is it that difficult?"

"Sorry. I will try. It might help if we met him so we could put a face to the name."

Jungkook rolled his eyes "So, you meet him and then miraculously, he isn't just 'that guy' or 'that guy from the gym' any more?"

"Uh-huh" Jimin mumbled.

"I don't feel ready for you to meet him. I don't even know what we are, if we are anything."

"You've had 2 dates and he's been to your work, you see him at the gym and do you message each other?"

Jungkook nodded.

"Well, I would say you are definitely, something. You've been seeing him for ages. If he can still be putting up with you, with all your baggage and the fact that he's the spitting image of your dead ex then I would 100% think that you are verging on being a couple. You need to have that chat with him, Kook."

"What chat?"

"The 'relationship' chat. It can't be any scarier than telling him about Minho. You need to know where he wants this to go. You don't need to make it anything heavy but being in limbo, sucks."

"I like things as they are."

"That doesn't have to change but you will know where you stand."

Jungkook knew that Jimin was right. He really wanted to have that talk with Tae but hadn't found it in himself to bring it up. He had to learn how to function like a normal human being around him first.

He also knew how much his friends wanted to meet him, probably to check him out but Jungkook wanted to keep it separate, this was his little happiness bubble and he really wasn't ready for the worlds to collide.

"We won't embarrass you, Kook. We want to support you in this. Just don't shut us out, okay?"

Jungkook knew Jimin was right again. He couldn't ask for better friends. They had been there, without question, through the most traumatic time of his life.

After paramedics had taken Minho from the car in the ambulance, Jungkook doesn't really remember much of what happened. The paramedics on the scene had been concerned at the level of shock Jungkook was displaying but he wouldn't let anyone near him. They thought he'd been in the accident and were trying to look him over but he was frantic and shouting, pushing them away because they needed to save his boyfriend.

Jin had taken him to the hospital, following the ambulance because there was no room in the back with Minho. He hadn't said a word on the journey, Jimin tried to hold his hand but he'd yanked it away, so he hadn't tried again. The friends knew that part of Jungkooks anger was aimed at them because they'd tried to get him to leave Minho and they weren't surprised when in rage, caused by fear and guilt, Jungkook had spat the words at them. He'd had tears streaming down his white washed face, his fists clenched in his hair, pacing the hospital corridor when he'd told them all, that he would never forgive them for ruining his life.

Part of Jungkook, a very tiny part, wanted to protect what he had with Tae, from his friends.

**

"The kitchen suits you."

Jungkook looked at the man sat on the kitchen counter, he'd invited Tae for a lunch date because he wanted to return the favour. He had chosen a day when Bear was with the neighbour, so that Tae didn't have to worry about leaving him because he knew that he really did worry.

When Jungkook opened the door, he felt like he'd never been closer to cardiac arrest, the memories of Minho flashed through his mind making him feel like his brain was having a seizure. He very nearly closed the door in his face and slid down to the floor in a fit of sobs and hyperventilation but he'd counted to 3, twice, and managed to get himself under control.

He wondered if there would be a time that he could relax straight away when he saw Taehyung, a time when he didn't feel like he was suffocating. It was improving but there were still times when it hit him like a 10 tonne truck out of control on an icy motorway. He was attempting to meet Tae in places that he frequented with Minho in the hope that in time it would become normal because the first time is always the most difficult, which is why they were currently in Jungkooks apartment.

"How does a kitchen suit someone, Tae?"

Tae swung his legs and munched on the stick of carrot he had stolen from the vegetables Jungkook was chopping up.

"You look like you belong. You look in control."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Not really, how about it's really hot in here and it has nothing to do with the oven? If you wanted a compliment you should have asked."

Jungkook felt his face redden and the temperature had suddenly risen. He wasn't very good with compliments and couldn't understand how Taehyung just said them like they were nothing.

"I didn't want a compliment."

"Okay, I take it back" Tae said, poking his tongue out at the red faced man busying himself with noodles.

Jungkook loved the carefree innocence of Taehyung. He loved how words just flowed from him without any inhibitions. He loved a lot about Taehyung but wasn't willing to admit that yet.

Taehyung really wanted to grab Jungkook and wrap his arms around, to see him smile so much that his eyes crinkled at the edges and plant a soft kiss on his lips. But there was that invisible shield around Jungkook that Taehyung still hadn't worked out how to break through, so he refrained from it.

While Jungkook was stirring something on the hob, Taehyung was able to ogle his toned back in the white shirt and the pert buttocks being hugged deliciously by the black skinny jeans. He hoped that one day he would be able to stand behind him and watch what he was doing, chin resting on his shoulder, hands around his middle. He didn't know if that day would come and it made him feel a bit sad.

Taehyung slid off the counter at the same time that Jungkook turned to reach for the plate near him and he saw the panic flash across his face. He couldn't be 100% sure that it was panic but the reaction was there, he so desperately wanted to understand.

The lunch was a lovely treat for Taehyung who was mostly used to eating anything he could make without much bother. He usually made a smoothie at work or grabbed something from the street vendor on his way home, anything to avoid cooking.

"Would you like to see the photos I took yesterday?"

Tae brought his camera with him, so he could show Jungkook if he wanted to see them. They sat on the sofa and he went through each one, Jungkook was so sweet, full of praises for the artistic ability, Tae possessed.

Jungkook had his upper body twisted so he was facing Tae who was sat beside him, one leg up in front of him. His heart swelled when he listened to Tae talk about his photos and watched the smile grow on his face. So many times he wanted to reach out and brush the hair from his eyes when it fell into his face, but he didn't. At one point he was arguing with himself about why he couldn't bring himself to do something so simple and he found this tiring.

He hadn't realised how lost he was in his own head until he felt a hand on his face and his breathing stopped. He couldn't remember the last thing Taehyung had said because he'd been so caught up in the war that his mind and subconscious were in. It was such turmoil when he didn't understand why he couldn't just let go and not be conscious of every move he made, why he couldn't just allow himself to work on autopilot instead of worrying if he was about to touch Tae in the same way he used to touch Minho.

Sometimes he chastised himself because he stopped mid sentence when he thought he was repeating himself but had to remind his brain that Taehyung couldn't know these things so he wasn't repeating himself.

It was these things that sent him into a mental black hole where he wasn't even aware of his surroundings because it was like the corridors at school when the bell went to signal home time, so many things all happening at once.

"Kookie, I really would like to kiss you. Is that alright?"

Jungkook looked into the eyes of the man in front of him, his expression one of concern because he had clearly noticed the fact that he had zoned out. He wanted to know why Tae persisted in asking if he could kiss him instead of just doing it. Each time he asked, it meant Jungkook had to answer and even though the answer was a resounding 'yes' without hesitation, it took him ages to muster the courage to force the word out.

Perhaps Tae asked because he was scared of the reaction if he acted without asking. Jungkook wondered if his reaction would put Tae off anyway and here he was, once more, embroiled in a battle in his own head with two opposing thoughts, while the beautiful man in front of him remained patient.

Jungkook reached up and put his hand over the hand on the side of his face and looked up, his breathing was so heavy that it was embarrassing. He chewed his bottom lip and probably looked like a deer caught in headlights as he nodded and moved his face towards Taehyung's, meeting him halfway.

The moment their lips met, he melted, he couldn't help but acknowledge that when he was kissing Taehyung, there wasn't any resemblance to Minho. The way his tongue slid against his own, the way his fingers touched him so gently, how he usually smelt of strawberries and tasted of something he could never put his finger on.

Jungkook could get lost in the many ways that kissing Taehyung made his heart race and his stomach flutter. While his eyes were closed, he wasn't thinking about how much Tae looked like Minho or how awkward he was at any other time. He let his hand fall to his lap and pressed his face further forward as Tae's hand sneaked around to his nape, holding him close.

He felt a bit dizzy as their heads moved in opposite directions and Jungkook found himself being pushed into the back of the sofa, Tae leaning in. He reached out hesitantly and his hands found the waist of the man kissing him firmly but so sensually. Jungkook exhaled into his mouth, he hadn't had anyone this close since Minho, yes they had kissed, but not like this. Not with Tae's mouth so deliciously connected to his, with his upper body pressing into him. Little waves of pleasure rolled through his body, his member stirred in his jeans, his fingers flexed on Tae's waist.

Taehyung was taking a bit of a risk by being more forceful than usual but Jungkook was kissing him back with vigor so he went with it, trying to be led by him. He didn't know how far he should go, how far he should push his luck, how long before whatever usually consumed Jungkook, appeared and put a barrier up between them.

Taehyung wanted to keep going, he wanted to climb into Jungkook's lap and grind on it, he wanted to remove his clothes and feel that toned body beneath his fingers. They had known each other for months and this was the longest he had been with someone and not gone any further than kissing. He knew there was a reason, he knew there was something that ate away at Jungkook from the inside, that was so deep it affected his every breath... but he had no idea what it was.

He sat back a bit, then moved forward, pecking Jungkook on the lips, searching his face for something that told him he was alright or not. He was grateful when a small smile appeared on Jungkook's face and he took that as confirmation that he hadn't done anything wrong.

Tae paused, took a deep breath then counted to 3 in his head before swinging his right leg over and seating himself in Jungkook's lap. There was a heaviness in the air as he put his arms by his side, thinking that touching Jungkook as well as sitting in his lap, might just be too much. 'One tiny step at a time' he told himself as he sat motionless, looking into the face of the man who looked completely out of his depth and ready to run away.

He felt like he was going to cry, a reaction that surprised him but the thought that he'd gone too far was too much and he started to lift his leg, with the intention of moving off his lap.

Jungkook held his breath as Tae stared at him, frozen like a virgin being touched for the first time. He hadn't expected to have this man in his lap, the proximity causing his head to spin and his chest to tighten. He felt like he was suffocating and the urge to shove Tae off and lock himself away in his bedroom was so great.

He could see the glassiness of Tae's eyes and the worry etched on his face but he didn't know how to reassure him when all he wanted to do was hide. Jungkook didn't really know what he was scared of. He thought that perhaps he was afraid of allowing himself to feel... to really 'feel'. To let in the emotions that naturally accompanied such intimacy wash over him and be consumed by his heart aching for a man that wasn't Minho. The level of betrayal that followed that, was too much for him to accept and yet he craved the feeling of Tae's hands on his body, wanting to share himself with someone again.

As Tae lifted his leg, Jungkook placed a hand on his calf and stopped him, fear pricking his eyes and his breath shallow as he felt the internal panic in his chest.

"I can move, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Tae's voice was so low that Jungkook just about heard.

"No. Stay. It's fine." it wasn't fine. Every part of him was screaming inside and his mind was running blindly through a dark forest, tripping and stumbling as he was chased by an unknown enemy.

Minutes that felt like hours went by and neither of them moved. Taehyung wanted to touch, to hold his face and tell him that everything would be okay, even though he didn't know for sure that it would.

Tae was licking his lips and playing with his fingers, something Jungkook noticed that he did when he was nervous, so he wasn't surprised when he asked "Is it okay if I kiss you, again?"

How could Jungkook resist him? His chocolate brown hair falling into his eyes, long lashes that highlighted the most beautiful almond shaped eyes, cheeks tinged with a blush, probably caused by embarrassment at having to wait for Jungkook to answer.

Jungkook placed his hands on his face, thumbs gently stroking across the apples of his cheeks. He struggled terribly with words so tried to convey his thoughts through actions, even though sometimes that was just as difficult.

Taehyung blinked quickly, a deep breath to threaten the tears not to fall as he cautiously moved forwards, his face being guided by the strong, gentle hands on his cheeks. His eyes fluttered shut as he poured his emotions into the kiss, longing for Jungkook to feel how much he desired him and to trust him enough to let him show him.

Jungkook placed his hands on the small of Tae's back and held him, not wanting him to move. He was so thankful for the person he was, the fact that he was patient and still trying even when things must look so hopeless at times when Jungkook didn't respond as he should.

Tae's fingers massaged Jungkook's scalp at the back of his head, his tongue caressed the others and nasal sounds danced through the air as neither came up for a breath. He felt like a teenager, intoxicated by the man beneath him, tension arising from the nervousness he felt as he moved his hands to Jungkook's chest and slowly undid the first button of his shirt.

Jungkook's mind was hit by a force like Thors hammer as he realised what Tae was doing and his buttons were released, one by one, a long pause between each. His brain had already fast forwarded to what happened once he was naked and how much he would surely disappoint Taehyung because he was useless in bed. One side of his mind telling him not to be so stupid and the other reminding him of all the times he was told that he was only useful for fucking and one step up from Minho's hand. Jungkook started to panic as his subconscious urged him to ignore the past and concentrate on the man in his lap who wasn't Minho and very much wanted him.

Tae felt him tense up and with half his buttons open, ran his hands up his exposed chest to his nape, he kissed along his jaw and down his neck, hoping to feel him relax. When he didn't, Tae sat back "I won't do anything you don't want me to."

Jungkook felt tears build in his eyes and he did not want them to roll down his face so he put his head back, resting on the back of the sofa, looking to the ceiling. He wanted Tae to do everything, to do anything he wanted, to shower his body in kisses and look at him the way he was right now.

But how to tell him, that? How to explain the conflict within him and still expect him to stick around?

Taehyung leaned forwards and left a few light kisses on Jungkooks chin and jaw "I'm sorry. I went too far." he said almost to himself because it was what he was thinking and hadn't really meant to say it out loud.

Jungkook closed his eyes and sighed, the sigh was at himself for ruining the moment, for making this perfect man, feel like he had done something wrong and still, he stayed.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Tae." he finally said.

"Would you prefer if I went home? Or maybe we could just watch a movie and I could sit back there?" he said pointing to the space on the sofa beside Jungkook.

"I don't want you to go. I'm just..." deep, heavy sigh "...I'm sorry. I ruined it."

Tae wanted to scream, he wanted to scream at whatever had caused this man to be this way. He wanted to wrap him in his arms and be the shield to protect him from everything and the instinct was so strong he was terrified that it meant he had fallen for Jungkook. He hadn't even spent the night with him, met his friends, fed him dessert, worn one of his t-shirts and he didn't even know what colour his toothbrush was but the feeling was so strong. He was scared it was pity and that the strength of feelings was because he had some misguided urge to save Jungkook from whatever it was holding him prisoner.

It didn't matter what it was.

"You didn't ruin anything." his words came accompanied by the most genuine smile.

Jungkook wanted to believe him, he really did.

"Will you kiss me again?" Jungkook wanted Tae to know how much he wanted him and if he couldn't say it, he was going to do his best to show him.

"Are you sure?" Tae was taken aback but wanted to be sure. He felt like there was so much more being said because he knew he couldn't keep his hands to himself if they started kissing again.

Jungkook had his bottom lip between his teeth and his chest was rising and falling quite deeply. He wasn't sure, not really, he wasn't sure how he was going to deal with what happened once he said he was sure. His stomach was churning and his mind was reenacting a battle scene from a war movie but he did want this, so he nodded and whispered 'yes'.

Taehyung once again molded their lips together, licking along Jungkook's lips until they parted and he could slide his tongue past his teeth, searching out the other's. He felt Jungkook move his hands up to his back and the warmth from his palms sent a shiver down his spine.

He wanted to show Jungkook the most intimate side of him, like some kind of silent evidence of how he felt. Tae hesitantly moved trembling fingers to the buttons of his shirt and started undoing them again. As he reached the bottom he slid his hands inside and with the lightest of touches, explored the soft skin that covered a very toned stomach and the chest of the man beneath him.

When Jungkook froze slightly, not moving his mouth when he felt hands on his body for the first time in a long time, Tae didn't make a thing of it, he kissed along his jaw and sucked gently on his earlobe. He waited for Jungkook to get used to his touch before he went back to connect their lips and felt a flutter in his stomach when he was kissed back.

'One tiny step at a time' he repeated in his head as he continued to trace Jungkook's body with his fingertips, testing the water by lingering over a nipple and doing the same with the other side when Jungkook was still kissing him the same way.

Taehyung kept kissing Jungkook, even when their lips were swelling and reddening around the edges. He applied a little more pressure to his touches and covered the column of Jungkooks throat in wet kisses when he put his head back and exhaled.

Jungkook was swatting away the thoughts of being a disappointment, trying to concentrate on the way he was being made to feel right in this moment. He realised he hadn't spoken to Tae about giving them a label and asking him what his intentions are. Some would have said that his intentions were pretty clear as his hands covered every part of Jungkook's torso and his tongue swiped along his collarbones.

Jungkook should have been accustomed to the awkward questions by now but was still surprised and shocked to the core when Taehyung whispered in his ear "WIll you take me to bed, Kookie?"

He had thought that answering the question about being kissed was difficult but this one sent him into a downward spiral of complete fear. There was no going back once he'd answered this.

If he said 'no' they would probably watch a movie, sat side by side with Jungkook mentally beating himself up like a heavyweight pro boxer or Tae would go home and Jungkook would still beat himself up, filled with regret and then he wouldn't see him for days and it would be awkward at the gym, the texts would trail off and more regret would pour from Jungkook but who would blame Taehyung for not sticking around?

If he said 'yes' he would have to go into the bedroom he shared with Minho and deal with any feelings that brought to the surface. He would have to deal with the thoughts that told him he was cheating on his dead boyfriend's memory with someone who looked exactly like him. Jungkook felt like he couldn't remember how to have sex, there was a time when he enjoyed sex but suddenly the act itself was foreign to him. If he agreed to go to bed with Tae he needed to remember and he wasn't really sure he could.

The one thing he knew for definite was that Taehyung wanted him, he had made that much clear. Jungkook wanted him too, from the moment he saw him, he wanted him. Initially it wasn't for the right reasons and he knew that was a shitty foundation for a relationship, if that's what was happening, but he did want him.

Taehyung hadn't really thought it through as the words left his lips and he felt Jungkook freeze. For a minute he thought he had definitely gone too far and pushed his luck further than he'd intended to and was shouting at himself in his head. He'd managed to get this far with Jungkook after a few difficult moments but each time they had gotten closer and he felt selfish for wanting this, knowing there was something holding Jungkook back.

He needed to save it, to let him know that going to the bedroom didn't mean that they had to have sex if Jungkook wasn't ready, so he stopped kissing him and looked him in the eyes "We don't have to do anything you don't want to. No pressure." and he meant it, he wasn't sure that he'd ever wanted anyone so much in his life but he would wait for as long as it took, if need be.

Jungkook took a deep breath, he hadn't meant it to be so obvious but given the position they were in, there wasn't anything he could do to hide it. He filled his lungs to the point where he thought they might burst and let the breath out slowly. It was meant to calm his nerves but it didn't so he counted to 3 then spoke quietly "Okay."

"Okay?" Tae didn't know if he was saying okay to going to bed or simply acknowledging the fact that there wasn't any pressure.

Jungkook had known it was as clear as mud when he said it and a part of him had hoped that Taehyung would just get it and they wouldn't have to talk about it. He could feel the redness flooding his face when he whispered "Okay, to going to bed."

Taehyung held the back of the sofa with his left hand and swung his leg over Jungkook, getting to his feet and holding out his hand for him to take. He hadn't realised he was holding his breath until Jungkook took his hand and he released the breath caught up in the nervousness that surrounded this moment.

He allowed himself to be led by Jungkook into the bedroom and as they stood in the room, the door closing behind them, he suddenly felt very conscious of how alone they were.

It was Taehyung who moved first, cautiously running his hands up the length of his upper body and pushing the shirt from his shoulders, allowing it to fall to the floor. He kept his gaze locked onto Jungkook as his mouth watered at the sight of the muscular frame before him.

Tae was concentrating on keeping his breaths steady so the dizziness didn't take hold as he lifted his own shirt off and closed the gap between them, pressing their bodies together, searching Jungkook's eyes for anything that told him to stop.

Jungkook was petrified, he didn't know how he'd got to this point but he should be proud of himself, instead he was swallowing down the nausea and hoping he didn't faint. His hands were trembling as he stroked the beautifully soft skin of Tae's back and he needed to focus, speaking quietly he spoke "Kiss me, Tae." it wasn't a question, it was a plea, a plea for something that he could concentrate on and let his body do what it naturally wanted to do, rather than his mind taking over.

Taehyung was already painfully hard, he'd been uncomfortable for ages, his erection restricted in his clothing. He had been willing it to go down and not allow the feeling to encompass him but as he exhaled into Jungkook's mouth, he couldn't ignore it any longer. His heart rate was increasing with every flick of their tongues and there was no air between them as they held each other tightly.

Taehyung walked forwards, pushing Jungkook backwards towards his bed, climbing on top of him when the backs of his legs hit the bed and forced him to fall onto it. He didn't break the connection between their mouths because he sensed this was something Jungkook needed from the way he'd told him to kiss him and from the way he hadn't once come up for air.

He had to break the kiss when he trailed his lips down Jungkook's neck, over his chest and traced the bumps of his abs. Jungkook threw his right arm over his eyes as Tae undid his jeans and dragged them down over his thighs, leaving him in the tight black boxers that hugged his pelvis. Tae's mind was lost for a second, staring at the stunning man in front of him that could only be likened to Adonis. He had always been attracted to the more athletic type but Jungkook was the fittest guy he had ever been with and it was making him lose his mind.

His fingers were itching to yank the last bit of clothing off and put his mouth around the cock that he could see the outline of. He was almost salivating at the thought but refocused, removed his own trousers and hovered over Jungkook, peppering his stomach with kisses and watching his body twitch as his lips found a sensitive spot on his right side.

Kissing Jungkook was a bit tricky as he still had his arm over his eyes so Tae tilted his head at an angle to start with, pressing their lips together, before he took hold of his hand and moved it away from his eyes. His upper body partly covered Jungkook's as he laid on his side, left leg hooked over the other's. Tae's erection was pressing into Jungkooks thigh and the feeling was heavenly but something he couldn't allow himself to concentrate on.

"Please don't cover your face." he said to Jungkook, his hand stroking the length of his body.

Jungkook felt like his whole body was vibrating inside as he returned Tae's words with a small smile.

"Can I continue?" Tae wasn't going to ask but felt he should, mainly so he didn't feel like he was doing anything wrong.

More questions... Jungkook was very much beginning to dislike questions, even if it made his heart swell knowing that Taehyung cared enough to ask.

"Yes." the word came out as a breathy sound.

"Where do you keep stuff?"

Jungkook didn't know. He hadn't looked in his bedside drawer for so long, he didn't even know what was there.

He pointed to the bedside table and Taehyung leaned over to look inside, pulling out a bottle of lube but no condom. He knew he was clean and hadn't been with anyone without protection in a very, very long time but he didn't know about Jungkook and they had never discussed previous partners.

"You don't have any condoms. I know I'm clean, it's been... it's been a while... but I wouldn't expect you to take my word for that and we haven't spoken about it... so it's fine. We just won't go that far."

Jungkook stared at Taehyung, eyes wide, it was almost a huge reality check and he had to ask himself if he trusted Tae. He did. He knew he did because he could see it in his eyes and no one would be as patient as he has been and as thoughtful, just to lie in order to get laid.

"I trust you. I'm... It's... I haven't... in a long time." he tripped over his words because he didn't want to have this conversation now... or ever, if he was honest... but definitely not now.

So Taehyung kissed him, a kiss that told Jungkook his intention and how much he desired him. It was the sort of kiss that was acted out as if it was their last.

His hand stroked him over the top of his boxers and he swallowed the whimper that left Jungkooks mouth when he felt the contact. Taehyung's finger tips traced the waistband and dipped inside, his mouth faltering in the kiss for a second when he took hold of Jungkook's length, feeling it's girth beneath his palm.

Both men were breathing rapidly as Taehyung took off the final piece of clothing, casting both their underwear to the side. Jungkook's arm went straight back over his eyes as Tae raised his legs and pushed them apart so his finger could tease his entrance.

Tae grinned but pulled Jungkook's arm away from his face "Please. I want to see you. You are so gorgeous. Don't hide."

Jungkook was struggling with the compliments but did as he was asked. He had his arm pulled away from his face several times and Taehyung continued to tell him how gorgeous he was while thoughtfully opening him up, now two fingers in and every sound he was making was going straight to Tae's cock.

Jungkook was clenching his jaw, trying not to be so loud but it was impossible when Tae had three fingers inside him and purposely grazing over his prostate. "I can't... I can't take it." his voice was strained and raspy.

"Do you want me to stop?" Tae asked, kissing his jawline.

"No... I... Tae... fuck!" Jungkook didn't even know what he was trying to say but his knuckles were white from gripping the bedding and he felt like his body was on fire.

Taehyung pulled his fingers out and coated his throbbing length in a generous amount of lube. He knelt between Jungkook's legs and pressed the head of his cock to his entrance, pushing the back of his thighs forwards he entered him slowly, watching the face of his lover.

Jungkook's mind was whirring, He was breathing deeply as he was filled, tempted to put his arm over his face because he could see Taehyung watching him. His mouth fell open and a groan escaped as Tae bottomed and their bodies were connected in the most intimate way possible. Tears formed in his eyes and he didn't understand why, he tried to blink them away, panicking that if Tae noticed he would think he had done something bad.

It was too late though, Tae had noticed and was about to pull out, the concern written all over his face. Jungkook shook his head "Tae, please. Carry on."

Tae didn't understand, he was worried and fretting but Jungkook didn't want him to stop so he lowered himself down and took his hands in his own, fingers inter-linked, palms together either side of Jungkook's head. He rolled his hips carefully, noses almost touching, he left a chaste kiss on his lips and found a rhythm which caused Jungkook's head to spin.

The orgasm coiled in Tae's body like a King Cobra about to strike. He didn't want to release first but had been so painfully hard for most of the evening that he couldn't hold it off much longer, not when he could feel every ridge of Jungkook's walls, enveloping his length so perfectly and their mouths moved together like that was the only purpose they were created for.

He let go of one of Jungkook's hands and wrapped it around his member, flicking his wrist and stroking in time with the pace set by his hips. He kissed Jungkook until his mouth wasn't reciprocating the action and watched him come completely undone, pleasure contorting his face as he released over Tae's hand.

This was the final straw for Taehyung, he didn't think anyone could look as beautiful as Jungkook did as he was coming and feeling his cock being constricted by his walls was simply too much, it was all so overwhelming as he buried his face into the crook of his neck and felt his own climax hit him at full speed.

Taehyung didn't move, he lay on Jungkook, one hand still locked together as he breathed into his neck. Their chests were heaving in unison and Jungkook wrapped his free hand around Tae, holding him close.

Jungkook couldn't describe the emotions that were running riot through his body, his mind was awash with so many conflicting thoughts that he couldn't focus on anything. He also couldn't do anything to stop the few stray tears that sneaked out of the corners of his eyes and onto the bed beneath him. He didn't know what the tears represented or why he felt the tightness in his chest but he let it happen because he had spent too much time battling with himself today.

Jungkook turned his head and kissed the forehead of the man still pressed to him and he felt a rush of warmth inside. Taehyung lifted his head and wiped away the trail left by the tears on one side but didn't comment because Jungkook was smiling and he thought his heart would burst.

"Have you got something to clean us up? I'll get it."

"Oh.. err... yeah. In the bathroom."

Tae climbed off the bed and Jungkook suddenly felt empty and alone. He didn't want to give rise to the panic forming in his chest as he watched Tae leave the bedroom, the irrational fear of being left alone, all too real.

He came back and handed Jungkook a towel having cleaned himself up in the bathroom, picking up his underwear and putting them on.

"Stay."

Tae turned his head quickly at the voice coming from behind him as he sat on the bed "You want me to stay?"

Jungkook blushed and wanted to take back the word that he'd said out loud.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Forget I said anything."

"I'd love to stay. I already text my neighbour and they are keeping Bear tonight."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I couldn't just leave, not after... not after what we just did."

Jungkook felt the blush rise on his face again and he got under the duvet after reacquainting himself with his underwear.

It was far too early in the evening to be in bed but neither of them wanted to leave the comfort of the bedding and each others arms. Jungkook lay on his back with his arms around Tae who had his head on his chest, being lulled into sleep by the thrumming of Jungkook's heartbeat. Both had things they wanted to say to the other but tiredness won and they fell asleep as they were.

The next time Taehyung opened his eyes, he was disoriented, it took a bit of time for him to realise where he was and frowned, rubbing his eyes as he heard the sobs that had awoken him. He turned over to face the body laying next to him and placed a hand on his arm as his body shook because of the sobbing. Taehyung didn't know if he was awake but the whispers of his name didn't get a reaction so he could only presume he was asleep.

He hated hearing the strangled cries coming from Jungkook, not knowing what was causing him to react in this way. Taehyung had never had a nightmare that had provoked such a reaction and he didn't know what to do. He had read stories about not waking the person but he so badly wanted to comfort him.

Tae pulled him to his chest and held him tight, stroking his hair and kissing his head, making soothing noises in the hope that something would work.

"What happened to you." he whispered as the man he was growing to love, shook in his arms.

Chapter 8: Crumbling

Chapter Text

Taehyung opened his eyes, the morning after the night before and he was once again taking a few moments to work out his surroundings. He blinked, checking his phone for the time and looked over when he heard the door open.

A sheepish looking Jungkook peered into the bedroom "Tea?" he said holding a mug out for him to see.

"Please." Tae replied, sitting back against the headboard.

Jungkook stood awkwardly by the bed and handed him the mug.

"I didn't know what time you needed to collect Bear but wanted to let you sleep."

"They are taking Bear on a trip today because the little boy will go with them if he goes so I will get him later."

Tae patted the edge of the bed for Jungkook to sit down, feeling his apprehension.

"Tae, can we talk?"

Jungkook had been up for a couple of hours, going over last night and trying to make sense of his thoughts and feelings. It had been draining and he felt like his mind was bruised from all the internal conflict. He needed to know what Taehyung wanted from this because after last night, they were definitely 'something'.

He'd sat on the balcony after going for a quick run around the block. He didn't like running in public but he could hardly go to the gym with Tae asleep in his bed, so opted for a quick run instead, hoping it would clear his mind.

"Yes, sure." Tae said, taking a sip of his tea.

Jungkook fiddled with his hands and didn't quite know how to ask the question he wanted to ask. He could still feel Tae's hands on his body and how he squeezed his hands while they had sex. It had been one of the most sensual experiences of his life and he hoped Taehyung still wanted to be with him.

"I... I, err... well... I..."he needed to pull himself together and find the words, why was this so bloody difficult?

Taehyung didn't know whether touching Jungkook would help but he wanted him to feel that reassurance that he was there and he was listening so he put a hand on his arm.

"Take your time."

Jungkook took a deep breath and started again "I should have asked you earlier but didn't know how to ask and I've been up for hours thinking about how to say it and I still don't know."

"Purple."

"What?"

"One of my favourite colours... is purple."

Tae smiled and Jungkook's heart couldn't cope. He was once again thankful for the person Tae was, he had completely lightened the mood.

"What are we, Tae? I mean, what is it that you would like to happen with us?"

"I would really like to relive last night again."

Jungkook blushed and smiled as Tae continued. "I would like it if we were an 'us'. I haven't dated anyone for a long time and I wasn't really looking when I met you but I really like you, Kookie. I would like us to be together."

Wow! Hearing it wasn't what Jungkook expected and the warmth spread through him like wildfire.

"I would like that too."

The minute that followed was 2 guys smiling stupidly at each other, feeling a little less tension in the air and Jungkook feeling proud of himself for making the move to ask.

There were so many things Tae wanted to ask him but he couldn't bring himself to do it when he saw a glimmer of happiness in his face. He put his empty mug down and pulled Jungkook backwards, kissing him "Does this mean I can't flirt with anyone else at the gym?"

"Do you?" Jungkook asked, an ugly feeling creeping up his spine.

Tae bent down and kissed him again "No, no, I don't. There is literally no one as hot as you at the gym."

"Stop." Jungkook said feeling his face heat up.

"You are so cute when you're shy, you know?"

"Urgh!" Jungkook threw his arm over his eyes.

Tae lifted his arm "I will tell you every minute of every day if I have to, you are so gorgeous, please don't cover your face."

"Did you want more tea?" diversion was the best tactic.

"Yes, please. Kookie? Can I kiss you?"

Jungkook frowned "You kissed me earlier without asking."

"Yeah but they weren't proper kisses."

Jungkook hated to be asked because it made his stomach do somersaults and it made him too self conscious.

"What's your definition of a proper kiss?"

Tae held Jungkook's chin and hovered his lips so close that air struggled to pass between them "This" he said as he slotted their lips together and closed his eyes, moistness moving together and tongues that danced the slowest dance.

When Tae pulled back he smiled because Jungkook's eyes were still closed and they fluttered open as he felt the absence of the other.

The sound of knocking on the door shunted them both back to reality and Jungkook looked shocked, suddenly feeling nauseous.

"Are you going to get that?" Tae asked, frowning when he saw the change in Jungkook's expression.

"I'm not expecting anyone so I'll just leave it. They will go away."

There was more knocking on the door and Jungkook couldn't ignore it, so he reluctantly took Tae's mug and told him he would be back with a fresh mug of tea, soon.

When he opened the door, everything spun on its head and he felt like he was going to pass out. The 5 faces of his friends beaming back at him, Jin holding up a bag which presumably had breakfast in it.

"This is my fault, I'm sorry, I told them about your date and they wanted to bring you breakfast, to show you how happy we are for you." Jimin shied away behind Yoongi anticipating Jungkook's wrath.

"We've got your favourite." Hobi said.

"Maybe another time. I'm erm... I'm..."

"What happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Jin surged forwards.

"What? No! No." Jungkook shook his head.

"Why are you acting so weird, JK" Yoongi said, one arm behind him on Jimin's hip.

Jungkook held the door for support, reluctantly opening it so his friends could enter "I was just making tea."

"You drink coffee" Jin said as they all walked in and made themselves at home.

Every part of Jungkook was telling him to run. It wasn't meant to be like this. His friends were being amazing, like they always were. Like when they gave up their shifts and personal lives to wait in a hospital room for the sole purpose of being there for him. Like when they stood in the room and accepted Jungkook screaming at them, that he hated them and everything was their fault but still they didn't leave his side. The way they stood outside the hospital room holding hands, while Jungkook rested his head on Minho's chest waiting for that very last breath once the ventilator was switched off. The nurses had told Jungkook about that because they hadn't seen anything so touching before and wanted him to know how lucky he was.

Jungkook had interfered in their lives without meaning to. Jin put him before Namjoon and it was Namjoon who held Jin while he cried, his heart breaking at some of the vile things Jungkook had said to him. Yoongi spent a lot of time angry at Jungkook because of the worry Jimin harbored and Hobi hadn't had a relationship since before the accident because he simply didn't have time.

The dining table was covered with breakfast and Jungkook had put the kettle on to make hot drinks for everyone except Yoongi who liked this weird coffee from a small shop nearby.

"I think that other place does that coffee" Hobi said with a mouthful of food.

"It doesn't. Anyway, I like that shop. Don't listen to Mini." Yoongi rolled his eyes.

Jimin had a pout on his lips "Hey!"

"You've been in Hobi's ear haven't you?" Yoongi looked at Hobi who decided to eat another mouthful.

"No?"

"The guy doesn't fancy me and even if you were right, I'm not interested."

Jimin pouted a bit more and looked down "He so does fancy you."

"There's only one guy for me, you know that."

"Will you stop it because I might actually throw up." Hobi interjected.

Jungkook was most definitely going to throw up. He hadn't heard a word that anyone was saying and he gripped the kitchen counter for support when he heard a familiar voice that didn't belong to one of the 5 people sat at the table.

"Are you..." Tae stopped mid sentence. Not expecting to see quite so many people.

Everyone froze, Jungkook knew exactly what was going through their heads because he had been there and visited that place from time to time when he is caught off guard. He needed to do something but he was standing in quicksand and couldn't move, his heart was beating so hard that he thought he was going to slip into unconsciousness.

Jimin was wide eyed and turned to look at Jungkook, no one said anything and Jungkook was very aware that Tae must think them all very odd.

"Oh, erm... sorry. I hadn't heard anyone come in." Tae stood awkwardly.

"You must be the guy from the gym" Hobi was the first to jump up and cross the room to offer the hand of friendship.

Tae giggled and Jungkook thought he was going to die as the sound made his heart hurt.

"Yes, I'm Tae."

"We have enough food, if you're hungry."

Tae followed Hobi to the table but went to stand near Jungkook, looking to him for the reassurance he wasn't going to get.

Jungkook looked at Tae and he thought that perhaps he could get through this if his friends were eating and left straight away afterwards.

"Do you want some help with the drinks?" Tae asked Jungkook.

"Oh erm... yes." Jungkook hoped that Tae thought everyone was staring at him because they didn't know he'd stayed over.

The 5 friends were still silent, sharing glances around the table as they ate, speaking a thousand words through their looks.

Tae put a hand on the small of Jungkooks back and felt the muscles tense up. He was becoming accustomed to this now but everything had been going well that morning so he was a little surprised.

They put the hot drinks on the table and sat down, Tae moved his chair so he was as close to Jungkook as was possible.

He swallowed the bile down and forced himself to speak because this situation was happening whether he liked it or not and he had to get through it or he would ruin things with Tae and they'd only just found their feet.

"Guys, this is Tae. Tae, that is Hobi, Jimin, Yoongi, Namjoon and Jin."

Each one waved and the air around them was stifling.

"Nice to meet you all. I'm sorry I didn't know you were coming."

"We decided to surprise Kook because Jimin told us about your date yesterday and we wanted to show our support." Namjoon spoke, his hand on Jin's thigh.

"That's really nice to have such great friends but I expected that because he's a great guy." Tae blushed a little bit and Jungkook did too.

"Last night went well then?" Jimin said.

"That much is obvious but I expected Kook to be smiling." Yoongi added.

"Things are going well between you?" Jin asked, finally blinking away from staring at Tae.

Jungkook and Tae looked at each other then nodded, a silly grin appearing "We made it official too." Tae added.

Jimin leapt up and threw his arms around them both "Oh my God! You did it! I'm so pleased you did. It's like getting a new brother."

Yoongi reached over and grabbed the hem of Jimin's jumper and pulled him backwards to sit down "I'm sure they don't want you all over them, Mini."

"They might! I'm happy for them. They've overcome a lot already and it is so wonderful, I could cry."

Yoongi twisted in his seat and pulled Jimin into his lap, he loved how much Jimin loved everyone and that was why it was okay that he wasn't so forthcoming because he had a boyfriend who loved everyone enough for both of them.

Taehyung hadn't missed what Jimin said and presumed he meant how difficult it had been for Jungkook to ask him out.

"Well, Tae, you have our support because it must be difficult for you. I'm pleased we've finally met." Jin chewed on his food, getting out the words as he swallowed.

Jungkook went to speak because he needed to steer this conversation away from this topic but his vocal chords had frozen up and he couldn't speak. Tears were building up and he knew that his world was about to crumble... again and it was all his own stupid fault... again.

Tae looked confused, he couldn't be anything other than confused and he looked to Jungkook who looked like he was about to cry as the colour drained from his face.

"What is difficult?" he asked.

"Looking so much like Minho." Jin answered.

"Who's Minho?" Tae was looking from Jungkook to the 5 faces staring at him around the table.

The realisation hit each of them in turn and all eyes turned to Jungkook.

"Oh shit! For fuck sake, Kook" Yoongi spoke up first.

Jungkook was definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent about to vomit, his whole body was reverberating on the inside and he did the only thing he could do... he ran... he stood up and ran across to the front door and left... he ran down the stairs and once outside threw up in the bush but then ran some more. Tears were streaming down his face and he had no idea where he was going, he just knew he had to run away.

Back in the apartment, Tae was left wondering what had just happened and where it had all gone so wrong. He felt the tears pricking at his eyes and the sense of doom that crept up his spine.

"You don't know, do you?" Hobi asked.

"Know what?"

There was a sigh from each of them and so much sadness weighed heavily on their chests.

"We thought you knew. He didn't actually say you knew but we just... ugh!" Jimin put his hands over his face.

"Please, someone tell me what is going on."

Namjoon straightened up in his chair "You don't know anything at all, about Kook's past?"

Tae shook his head "I know there is something but I haven't asked."

Namjoon continued "Okay, so... Minho was his partner for 5 years. He died in an accident nearly a year ago."

"Right, okay. But I don't understand why he left and why you are all looking at me like that? I get he would be devastated but I don't get it."

Jin sighed "You are the spitting image of Minho, Tae. I think we all probably looked like complete idiots when you walked in earlier. Even though we knew you looked like him, we hadn't realised just how much. You could be identical twins."

This news smacked Taehyung in the face, harder than he could ever have imagined. His mind was racing, going over every second he'd spent with Jungkook and all those times he'd looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"We didn't think it was a good idea at first. To start a relationship because someone looks like your dead boyfriend isn't a great foundation but he had us believing that you knew so if you were okay with it then we weren't going to judge." Jimin said.

"He must have been traumatised to lose someone so suddenly when you're in love." Tae couldn't get his head around any of it.

"He might have been in love but the day of the accident, Minho was driving back here to stop Kook from leaving him. They were on the phone when it happened." Jin said.

"Why was he leaving him?"

"Because that arsehole had nearly choked him to death that morning." Jimin spat, remembering the phone call from Jungkook, all too clearly.

"I'm sorry, I can't take this in. Are you saying he is only with me because I look like Minho?"

No one said a word. They didn't need to.

Taehyung stood up and went to the bedroom to get his things.

Jin appeared in the doorway to the bedroom "I'm sorry you had to find out like this. He was probably scared you wouldn't want to know him if you knew."

Tae couldn't swallow down the tears any more and they broke free "I wasn't given the chance. I knew there was something. He froze when I touched him and to start with he took a while to talk when we saw each other at the gym but that was getting better. Last night... last night... we... it was... it was such a big deal and then... God I feel so stupid."

The 5 friends couldn't do anything to stop Tae from leaving and their hearts were heavy as the door closed behind him.

**

Jungkook had run until his lungs felt like they would burst and cried until he was dehydrated. When he returned home, there was no one there but he had expected that because Jimin had sent him a text to say sorry and that they were leaving. Jin had left him a voicemail telling him that he needed to let them know he was okay because the 200 missed calls had gone unanswered.

He'd smashed up his apartment and toyed with the idea of ending his life because all he did was ruin the lives of those closest to him. He'd had a fresh, new relationship in his grasp but like everything else in his life he had ensured it went to shit. Jungkook sent a text to the group chat so they knew he was safe and checked his phone every time it made a sound, in case Tae got in touch.

Two days later, he was still so angry with himself and angry that Minho had got into the present and now here he was, still crying, still checking his phone and trapped in a world of renewed grief because once again he had lost someone important to him.

This just confirmed that Jungkook was a bad person.

He didn't know how to free his mind or how to move forward. His friends had offered to speak to Taehyung but he'd declined their offer. There was nothing to save now that he knew the truth and he probably couldn't ever trust Jungkook again so it was pointless.

All Jungkook had was the memory of their first time together and that was the one thing that made him sob and smile at the same time. He sat on the floor of the shower with his knees brought up to his chest, adding to the water as he cried again, wondering if his body would get to the point where there wasn't any more tears available.

His limbs felt heavy as he dragged himself into items of clothing, he pulled the hood up around his head as a form of protection and stumbled into the lounge. He ignored the knocking on the door as he walked past it because he didn't want to have to talk to Jimin or Hobi or Jin. They'd threatened to turn up if they didn't hear from him so he was sure that's what they had done. He sent a text to the group chat to tell them he was okay and he wasn't up for visitors as there was more knocking on the door.

He pulled the ties on his hood and sank down into the sofa, willing them to read the message and go away but the knocking continued.

"Jungkook, please. It's me."

Jungkook thought he was hallucinating because it sounded so much like Taehyung. He had gone mad, driven into despair by the fact he was a bad person. He was so desperate to hear from Taehyung that he was now hearing voices and convincing himself that one of his friends sounded like the man he had been in a relationship with for only a few hours before he destroyed it all.

"Jungkook. I know you're there."

He had never believed that the world was such an evil place until the accident and now it was an actual belief of his, his mind colluding with the enemy to make him suffer further.

"Okay, well, I'm going to sit out here then."

Jungkook didn't deserve for it to be Tae on the other side of the door, he was well aware of that but it really sounded like him.

He lifted his heavy limbs off the sofa and scrolled through to find his therapists number in his phone to hit 'call' for when he opened the door and found no one there, convinced he'd lost his mind entirely.

He stood right by the door and pressed his palm and face to it. He was so so tired, his face felt like it had melted right off because he couldn't feel it.

"Tae?" he felt stupid talking to the door but he wasn't sure he had the energy to open it and find that there wasn't really anyone out there.

"Still here." was the reply.

Even if Jungkook thought he had gone clinically insane, he didn't think he would be able to hold such a realistic conversation if Taehyung wasn't actually there, so he gave in, flicked the lock and dragged himself back to the sofa, hearing the door open and close as he sat down.

Tae was shocked when he saw Jungkook but even though it made his heart ache, there were things they needed to discuss.

"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch." hearing Tae apologise just added further to the shit in Jungkook's mind.

"None of this is your fault."

"I have done nothing but think and go over everything and I won't tell you that I'm not hurt because I am. I understand why you didn't tell me initially but we got kind of close and I knew there was something."

Jungkook's voice sounded so weary "Too caught up in my own head and my friends assumed you knew and every time we got closer I was scared... I just couldn't."

"I can't imagine how you felt the first time you saw me. It explains why you kept freezing. I just wish you'd trusted me enough."

"It wasn't about trust. It was about fear. The more I liked you, the harder it got."

"I want to know everything... from you. Kookie, you had a nightmare that night we were together and I want to understand."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to know? So you can pity me?"

"Because I think I'm in love with you and I can't walk away."

Jungkook was now absolutely sure he was hallucinating or dreaming. He had definitely lost the plot and he chewed his lip, looking at Tae.

"Pardon?"

"Still, so polite. I said, I think I'm in love with you and I can't walk away."

Tears trailed down Jungkook's cheeks, leaving wet lines and dropping onto his hoodie.

"You still want to be with me?"

"I feel like I'm emotionally invested and I can't explain it, not really. I know I look like him, Jimin sent me a photo and even I was shocked. It must have knocked you for six when you saw me that day in the gym but I'd already seen you before then and wanted to get to know you. That night we had sex, did you see him or me?"

"You. I've always seen you, okay so initially there was the shock but you aren't like him in any other way so I saw you, Tae."

"Do you still want to be with me?"

Jungkook was astounded that he was even asking. He'd spent the last couple of days, convinced that he'd lost him.

"Yes. I thought I'd lost you."

"I do have something to show you and I'm not sure how you feel about it but here goes nothing."

Jungkook was puzzled, frowning made his head hurt so he stopped immediately, watching as Taehyung pulled the hood of his jacket down and removed the beanie that had been sat snugly on his head.

The air constricted his throat and he didn't know how to breathe, he blinked hard and rubbed his eyes... Tae had bright red hair.

"If you don't like it, I can change it." Tae said, feeling more self conscious than he's ever felt in his life.

"But, why?"

"So I don't look like him as much."

"You changed your hair colour because of that?"

"Jimin and Jin came to the gym yesterday to find me and we swapped numbers. They sat and told me a lot and when they sent me the photo of Minho I decided to change my hair. I just thought that even if we aren't together it might help when you saw me at the gym."

Jungkook cried... hard... the ugliest sort of cry... the sort of cry that was accompanied by wailing and hazy vision where you feel like you might pass out.

Tae lunged forwards and held him so tight, like a boa constrictor about to devour its prey. He rocked him in his arms and pressed his cheek into his head, unsure of what was going on in Jungkook's head but knowing he would ask him when he had calmed down.

Jungkook sobbed, words left his lips about not deserving Tae and how he was such a bad person, most of it inaudible. The release was monumental and they sat like that for what felt like days until finally everything went quiet, so quiet that Tae thought he had fallen asleep through exhaustion.

"I don't deserve you." was the whisper that told Taehyung he was indeed awake.

"I can't comment on that but what you do not deserve is to be continually punished for something that happened that wasn't your fault."

"I don't know how to move forward."

"Let me love you. Let me show you how you deserve to be treated."

Jungkook ached. Every part of him hurt and his eyes were so swollen that he swore they were closing of their own free will.

"I can't believe you dyed your hair for me."

"I'm learning quickly that I would do anything for you, if you will let me?"

Jungkook interlinked their fingers and looked into the eyes of the man with bright red hair sat beside him.

"I want to try. If we can start over?"

"That sounds like a great idea. No more talking at the moment though. You look like you could do with some sleep."

"I don't want you to go."

Taehyung stood and held his hand out."Who said I was going? Come on, you need sleep, then we can talk. I'm not leaving you, Kookie."

Jungkook took his hand and let Tae lead him to his bedroom.

Chapter 9: Tae's POV

Summary:

We once again get Tae's POV on events.

Chapter Text

The confusion at the news and scrambling around the bedroom looking for his phone with Jin standing in the doorway was difficult enough and when he’d responded to Jin “I wasn’t given the chance. I knew there was something. He froze when I touched him and to start with he took a while to talk when we saw each other at the gym but that was getting better. Last night… last night… we… it was… it was such a big deal and then… God I feel so stupid.” with tears streaming down his face he thought he would never make it out the door without breaking down.

How did everything go so wrong?

Even after the stop start of the night before he would say it was perfect. Their first time together was almost beautiful and was everything he’d hoped it would be. He had known in that moment that he was probably a little bit in love with Jeon Jungkook.

Waking up to hear him so distressed had been difficult and Tae had wanted to wake him so badly but couldn’t do it just in case he went into shock or whatever it is meant to do to someone. He had a list of questions and was desperate to know what had caused Jungkook to be so troubled but then the next morning he had acted as if nothing had happened and Tae couldn’t bring himself to ask.

Cloud 9 had nothing on the feeling that Tae had when Jungkook broached the subject of making things official. He’d wondered a few times what they were but presumed they were working towards a relationship. Minseok had told him he should label it and make it official in case Jungkook was fucking around with others but Tae had told him that he didn’t think Jungkook was like that.

So how was he now sat on his bed, with Bear curled into his side, sobbing his heart out?

He hadn’t slept at all and felt like complete crap. He had work at the gym so had to pull himself together and he found himself hoping for the first time, that Jungkook didn’t show up. He had to make sense of everything and try to understand if it was okay to base a relationship on the fact that he looked like the dead boyfriend.

He didn’t think Jungkook was with him for that reason alone because he was so nervous and cautious at times, he didn’t push anything and he didn’t ever give the impression that he was steam rollering the situation. Maybe he didn’t want to believe that the sole reason Jungkook wanted him was because of the way he looked, he hoped he was more than that.

His shift at the gym was going alright, it had been quiet which wasn’t strictly a good thing but Jungkook hadn’t come in. Tae didn’t know if he was pleased about that or not as every time the door opened he’d felt a glimmer of hope but then relief. When he saw Jin and Jimin at the desk and the girl pointing to where he was, he’d held his breath, wondering what they wanted.

They’d greeted him with smiles and he had taken them to the cafe so they could sit down.

“You look like shit. I mean, I know we’ve only met you once but you look like shit.” Jimin said.

“Wow! Someone’s boyfriend is rubbing off on them” Jin had said looking at Jimin, getting a tongue poked out at him in response.

“Has JK been in today?” Jimin asked.

Tae shook his head “No. What happened when he got home yesterday?”

“We don’t know. We had to go and he didn’t come back. But before you panic, I can see it… we got a text off him so we know he got home.” Jin was warming to Tae, seeing his reaction.

“Have you not heard from him?” Jimin asked Taehyung.

“No. But I haven’t contacted him, either.”

“Do you want to see him again?” Jin and Jimin needed to know.

“I need to. I can’t just let him go, not now.”

“He’s going to be in a really bad way, Tae. Minho’s death nearly killed him. He joined this gym and went back to work. Things were looking up. He’s going to blame himself and that’s exactly what he did about the accident.” Jimin wanted to tell Tae as much as possible.

“He wasn’t in the car though, was he?”

Jin shook his head “No. He was at home on the phone to him. The reason he blames himself is because he was late home which is what caused the row, which then forced him to leave. It was him leaving that Minho was rushing back for when it happened.”

“Did he die at the scene?”

“No. He died 2 weeks later in hospital. Kook was with him when they turned the machines off.”

“It can’t have been a good relationship though if he hurt Kookie.”

“Minho was a fucking arsehole. He was a manipulative, controlling dick but JK thinks he loved him and if he’d made it home that day, JK wouldn’t have come with us.” Tae thought about Jimins words and the anger he felt because someone had treated Jungkook like that.

“He could be nice sometimes but it wasn’t an easy relationship, for any of us having to watch him go through it.” Jin added.

“And I look like him?”

“That’s the biggest understatement, ever!” Jimin exclaimed.

“Oh!”

Both Jimin and Jin spoke at once “What?”

“That day he nearly fainted here… was that? Oh my God! I was there… did he?”

“That was the first time he saw you, yes.” Jin confirmed.

“I was worried about him, even then. I hadn’t really spoken to him. The next day I made a point of asking him how he was and I scared him, he was wearing ear phones. We started having breakfast and I learned that it took him 10 minutes before he relaxed. He always looked like he was going to pass out when he first saw me but I just thought he hadn’t dated in a while or something.”

“It’s all been a really big deal for him. We can’t excuse the way he’s handled it but we believe he was so scared you’d run. You have to think about you, though. It’s a lot of baggage. We will take care of him.” Jin gave Tae a small smile.

Taehyung was grateful that they’d come to check on him. They didn’t try to talk him round and he had no doubt that they would look after Jungkook, as they had been. He had a lot to mull over and couldn’t get rid of the sour taste in his mouth when he thought about someone being so horrible to Jungkook.

Jimin had promised to send him a photo of Minho and Taehyung had sat staring at it for ages. He’d held his phone up to the mirror and the resemblance was something you would see in identical twins. He could see why Jungkook had nearly passed out, the shock must have been tremendous.

If Taehyung, himself couldn’t get used to the likeness then he couldn’t imagine what had been going through Jungkook’s mind. It explained so much but he didn’t know how to make it right.

He presumed the nightmare had been about the accident but he needed to know more so he could support Jungkook better next time… if there was a next time.

Minseok had come over because Taehyung needed to talk to someone and he knew Taehyung better than anyone. They sat at the table because Tae couldn’t bring himself to sit on his sofa, it reminded him of Jungkook and that evening they’d snuggled up together.

“Fuck! Like… seriously… fuck! Are you sure this isn’t you?”

“Don’t you think I would know if it was me? And why would they have a photo of me? You are meant to be here to help, Seok!”

“Sorry… but… fuck! Tae, oh my God! And you fucked him”

“Sometimes I wish you had some kind of filter or something.”

“I don’t, you know it, stop wishing.”

“We had sex, yes.”

“Do you think he thought he was fucking the dead guy?”

“Why couldn’t I have a friend who was more diplomatic? I don’t know what he thought.”

“Do you want to see him again? Is there something salvageable here?”

“Yes and yes. But I don’t know if I can handle it knowing how much I look like Minho. Everytime he looks at me, is that what he sees? I don’t want to be his second chance with someone who treated him so badly.”

“Yeah you can’t have him reliving the bad relationship through you just because you are a better version of the dead guy.”

“That’s just it, Seok, I’m not any version of Minho but he needs to see that.”

“How much money have you got?”

“What?”

“Plastic surgery is expensive, drastic but expensive.”

“That wasn’t something I was considering but thanks.”

“You’ll have to dye your hair then. That’s cheaper.”

Taehyung considered this for a minute, his whole face lighting up with the idea “That’s it! I knew there was a reason we are friends. I need something bright and really drastic.”

“Green?”

“Green? No, yuk!”

“White?”

“Okay, stop talking now. Red!! Bright, in your face, red!”

“Red is the colour of warning and danger… that fits this situation. Good choice.”

Taehyung glared at his friend “Let’s go and get everything we need, then.”

**

He definitely looked different and it would take some getting used to but he really liked it. Minseok had given his approval and wished him luck with Jungkook and Tae had woken feeling a little brighter.

He knew what he needed to do and his heart hammered in his chest as he walked to Jungkook’s front door. Tae had put a beanie hat on and put the hood to his jacket over his head because he didn’t know how the conversation would go and didn’t want to shock Jungkook any more than usual.

When he’d been knocking on the door for a while and got no response, his heart felt heavy. He slid down the wall near the door and rested his head against it “Jungkook, please. It’s me.” a desperate attempt to get him to open the door.

Taehyung had decided he would sit there all day if he needed to but he’d rather not have to “Okay, well, I’m going to sit out here then.” and he would have until he finally heard the familiar voice from the other side.

Tae immediately stood up when he heard his name and responded, hoping this meant Jungkook would finally open the door and let him in. He heard the lock click and paused before opening it, walking inside and watching as Jungkook skulked to the sofa. He had never seen him move so slowly, he was always so strong and lively.

His heart hurt, he had experienced heartache before but this felt different. He fought the urge to rush to Jungkook and wrap him in his arms, he so badly wanted to forget everything and reassure him that it would all be alright… but he owed it to himself to say what he needed to say.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch.” that wasn’t what he’d planned to say but thought that it was a good place to start. He understood that he’d contributed to how Jungkook was feeling because he had left him too.

“None of this is your fault” Jungkook’s voice was weary and it sounded like even his vocal chords were giving up on life.

“I have done nothing but think and go over everything and I won’t tell you that I’m not hurt because I am. I understand why you didn’t tell me initially but we got kind of close and I knew there was something.” he didn’t want to cause further hurt but he didn’t think it could be avoided.

The conversation continued and Taehyung scrunched his stomach, trying to remain where he was. The spark in Jungkook’s eyes was gone, even during the times he was scared and caught up in his head when he was with Taehyung, there had still been a glint in his eye. There was always that spark that Tae had looked for to ensure he wanted to be there… but that was gone.

Taehyung couldn’t imagine the pain Jungkook had experienced but right now he was looking into the face of someone who was still haunted, still suffering and he wanted to ensure this was the last time he saw this level of grief.

Jungkook had a defensive tone to his voice when he asked why Taehyung wanted to know everything. “Why do you want to know? So you can pity me?” His automatic reaction was that he thought Tae wanted to pity him, to feel sorry for him as Tae assumed everyone did. But this wasn’t why he needed to know, the last thing he intended was to pity Jungkook, the urge to protect him, too strong for pity.

Taehyung could feel his pulse thrumming and his stomach churned, he had an admission and everything hung on this moment. Either he was painfully honest and laid his soul bare or he turned and left, there wasn’t any other choice because Jungkook had to see that he was serious, he had to know…

“Because I think I’m in love with you and I can’t walk away.”

And now it was Taehyung who was scared. Terrified that he’d misread all the signs and he’d barked up the wrong tree and he was going to leave so that he could heal his heart and get drunk with Minseok who would tell him he’d done the right thing by trying.

Jungkook looked like he didn’t understand what he had said, Tae could see the disbelief written all over his face so repeated it. He didn’t know what he was expecting but he wasn’t expecting tears and seeing them roll down Jungkook’s face was like someone had punched him in the gut.

Hearing Jungkook say that he wanted him too and that he only saw Tae, not Minho, when they were together was all that he needed for now. All the other stuff could wait, the basics covered, they both wanted to be together and there was only one thing left to tell him. His hands were trembling as he removed the hood and pulled off the hat. He had never felt so self conscious as he searched Jungkook’s eyes, that had grown ever so wide as the mop of bright red hair was revealed.

After explaining his reasons for the change and telling Jungkook about Jimin and Jins visit he felt like he was rambling. His heart rate was causing him to feel a bit lightheaded as he waited for Jungkook to tell him that he liked it or loathed it.

Instead, Jungkook started sobbing, loudly, wailing even, his face contorted with so much sorrow that Tae couldn’t stand there and watch any longer, surging forwards to hold him. He was worried that perhaps he’d chosen the wrong hair colour and maybe Minho had, had red hair at a special time in their relationship. He held Jungkook and rocked him, wishing that he’d got confirmation from Jin before he’d dyed his hair.

Finally the sobbing stopped and Tae heard a whisper “I don’t deserve you.” which made his heart finally break into pieces.

Jungkook was so lost and Tae needed him to know that he was by his side, he would hold his hand and they would either be lost together or move forward together. This was how it was going to be from this point onwards.

Taehyung also needed Jungkook to sleep. He needed his mind to be clear and for his face to be free of anguish so sleep was the best place to start. Jungkook was shivering when he slowly climbed into bed, Taehyung following and wrapping his arms around him, bringing the duvet up around them.

He sighed at the irony that the last time they were in this bed, it was a very different set of circumstances. He kissed Jungkook’s head and squeezed him, humming a lame song that he’d heard a few days ago that reminded him of Jungkook but he’d never gotten around to telling him.

Jin
Hi, I just wondered if you made a decision about JK? We had a message to say he wasn’t up to visitors earlier but Jimin is threatening to kick his door in if we don’t see him soon.

Tae
Tell Jimin to stand down. I’m with him now. He’s sleeping.

Jin
How is he? Are you okay?

Tae
He’s sleeping so that has to be a good thing, right? I think I love him.

Jin
We could see it in your face yesterday. You definitely love him. Sleeping is good. He didn’t sleep for weeks after the accident and the only way we could get him to sleep was some strong medication.

Tae
Thank you, Jin.

Jin
That’s okay. If you need anything, let us know.

Taehyung really liked Jin and how much his friends loved him. It told him alot about the person Jungkook is, if he has so many people that are willing to put themselves out for him. He listened to the steady breathing coming from the troubled man asleep on his chest and couldn’t help but wonder if they could make it.

Chapter 10

Notes:

I have a few chaptered fics that I started and may upload chapter 1 of one of them soon.
1 of them is pretty angsty so may leave that one for now, since this fic has been quite emotional.

Chapter Text

Jungkook felt like absolute shit when he squinted his eyes just about open and tried to get his bearings. It felt like the mother of all hangovers which was the result of days drinking alcohol and the worlds greasiest food. Unfortunately this was a familiar feeling and not one he had expected to feel again.

He was still clothed, wrapped up in his duvet and he was very alone. He was so alone that he presumed he’d dreamt that Taehyung had been there. He had dreamed the red hair and falling asleep on his chest, life really was out to get him and the tears started falling again.

Jungkook was so done with the world, he was done with life and the cruel hands he was dealt so he snatched the pillow beside him, put it over his face and screamed into it. He screamed so his throat hurt and he choked a little because this is what he was reduced to, trapped in his head and this never ending torment.

He was too busy yelling into the pillow to be startled by Taehyung wrestling the pillow away from his face and repeatedly telling him he was there. Jungkook stopped immediately and looked at Tae, he did indeed have bright red hair and he really was there.

“Kookie, I’m here. What happened?”

“I thought you were a dream and I… I was alone.”

Jungkook wiped his face and sat up, he felt stupid. He constantly seemed to get everything wrong at the moment so he added this to the list.

“I was making dinner. I’ve run you a bath. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have got up out of bed.”

Taehyung had laid with Jungkook until his bottom was numb and he had played the games on his phone and wanted to do something proactive for when Jungkook woke up. He hadn’t considered the loneliness he might feel when he woke alone.

“Idiot, I’m an idiot.”

“You are. But an idiot I’d very much like to kiss.”

Jungkook sort of narrowed his eyes at Taehyung and tilted his head to one side “You don’t need to ask, Tae.”

“You were so nervous before that I thought it would be better to ask. I’ll stop but I don’t want to freak you out or anything.”

“Would you normally ask someone?” he wiped his face and took a deep breath.

“No. I was so worried that perhaps you didn’t really like me to start with, that asking you meant I gave you a choice.”

“You don’t need to ask. I’d prefer it if you were just, you.”

“Okay” it came out as a whisper as Tae moved forwards slowly and their lips met.

“If I ever feel like freaking out, I will tell you.” Jungkook said as they parted.

“Come on, the bath will need topping up with hot water.”

Taehyung stood and walked ahead to the bathroom, turning on the tap and checking the temperature with his hand. He was sat on the edge of the bath, swirling his hand around when Jungkook entered with a towel in his hands.

“It’s warm enough, I hope but I don’t know how you like it or even if you like baths. I just thought you could do with relaxing in one.” Taehyung was rambling as he walked towards the door.

“You’re going?”

“Oh err, yes. I thought you’d want some peace, I was going to check dinner.”

“Will it burn?”

“No.”

“Will you stay? Please? I… I… really… I don’t… don’t want… erm…”

Tae went towards Jungkook and gently placed his hand on his waist “It’s okay, I get it.”

Jungkook was the one to lean in this time and kissed Taehyung, fingers stroking the red strands at the back of his head as he dropped the towel and took him in his arms.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Tae kissed the tip of his nose “I could say the same. You need to get in the bath though because the water will go cold again.”

“Join me?”

“I said I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“No, join me, in the bath.”

“Oh”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I… yes.”

Getting naked was slightly awkward for them both but once they were both seated at opposite ends of the bath, under the bubbles, Tae’s long legs over the top of Jungkooks, all the awkwardness disappeared. It all felt new, like the first time for everything all over again.

Tae thought Jungkook looked weathered, some colour was returning to his cheeks and he looked a tiny bit brighter after the long sleep but he looked so weary. He sank down so his shoulders were under the water and gave a big sigh, followed by a small smile, which in return made Taehyung smile.

“Do you see Minho now?”

Jungkook frowned a little “Not with that hair.”

“I know that day you had a turn in the gym was because you saw me.”

“It was a shock. I thought I’d gone crazy.”

“Is that why you kept seeing me and asked me out?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, Tae, I can’t tell you for sure. I justified it to myself because I was of course attracted to Minho so therefore I was bound to be attracted to you. The more we spoke, the more I got to know the person you are, I saw him less because ‘looks’ is where the similarities end.”

“I know he wasn’t always like your friends describe and I’m sure you must have had some great times. But I would never hurt you, Kookie. I promise. You can tell me things if and when you are ready but I’ve noticed things like our first time together, you were so apprehensive. I couldn’t understand why but I think I have some idea’s now.”

“I don’t want you trying to make up for the bad points in my last relationship. I do have lots of baggage and I’m not sure I’m ever going to get over the accident… but… but since we got close I started to feel like I mattered. I suppose it was refreshing that you didn’t know because it didn’t get in the way… or I thought it didn’t. I wasn’t the guy whose boyfriend died, I was just, me. Not a great version of me but still… me.”

Taehyung thought he was suffocating, there was so much hurt in Jungkook’s voice and he wanted to take it all away. Had he been in his shoes, he probably wouldn’t have said anything either. Jungkook lived in a world where his friends rallied around and everyone, even his employer, knew what had happened and pitied him.

He slid forward, hooking his feet behind Jungkook and bringing them together, easily done, thanks to the slippy, soapy bottom of the bath and the bouyancy of the water. He wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s neck and cradled the back of his head with his big hands.

“To me, you still aren’t the guy whose boyfriend died because your boyfriend is right here.”

The smile, albeit a tired one, made Tae’s heart swell, he knew he would never be able to change what happened or erase the hurt but he would do his best to make sure that Jungkook smiled more often, now.

“Let me in, Kookie, let me love you… because I want to. Not for any other reason than the person who is in front of me, I’ve grown to like, very much.”

“I really don’t d…”

Tae cut him off, stopped him from finishing the sentence by pressing their lips together. When he pulled back, foreheads against eachother, Tae whispered “you do, you deserve so much and you need to trust me on that.”

Jungkook felt like he was going to cry again but held the tears back, he had cried enough and had spent too much time being a prisoner of the past. He finally had someone who was good for him, who wanted to move forwards with him and he so badly wanted to.

Once out of the bath, Tae didn't let Jungkook lift a finger. He got him fresh clothes and finished off dinner. Every time Jungkook attempted to help, he told him off and said this wouldn't be forever so he may as well let him do it.

Jungkook had asked where Bear was and felt bad when Tae had said he'd asked his neighbours to look after him so that he could take care of Jungkook.

Tae had moved his shifts at the gym and an appointment he had with a prospective client. Just another person altering his life because of Jungkook and it made him feel like absolute shit.

If he had learned one thing though, it was that honesty is the best thing. After dinner they decided to go straight to bed and watch a movie so that Jungkook could sleep when he got bored of the romantic drama, Tae had chosen.

They sat under the duvet, in boxers and t-shirts, the movie had just started and Tae was absentmindedly drawing shapes onto Jungkooks thigh with his finger.

"Tae, I need to speak to you about something"

Tae turned to look at Jungkook, sitting up a little bit "Okay"

"I would like very much for you to go to work tomorrow and to collect Bear. I'm not saying this because I don't want you here because I do. Being alone is not always a good thing but I can't have someone else changing their life around because of me. Bear needs you."

"You need me too" Tae said so quietly that Jungkook just about heard it.

"I do and I'm so grateful for all you've done. The day of the accident, Jimin had cancelled a lunch date with Yoongi to help me leave. They dropped everything to rush here and pack my things. When the accident happened, their lives stopped. Hobi hasn't been on a proper date since then. Yoongi & Jimin, Joon and Jin scheduled their dates around me and only because I refused to co-operate unless they still had their time together. The school used supply teachers because they didn't want to replace me. Everyone suffered because I was suffering. Everyone's lives were affected because of me. I can't have that with you, Tae. If I allow you to alter your life for me, I'm not moving forward, I'm just repeating the last 11 months or so."

Taehyung listened intently. He was proud of Jungkook for opening up and for being so honest. He could see exactly where he was coming from but he didn't want to leave him.

"Your friends did all that because they love you. Your school did it because they knew they wouldn't get a teacher as good as you. Everyone behaved the way they did because of the person you are. If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't have done it. Tomorrow, I will do my shift at the gym, if you do your workout? I will go home and collect Bear if you come over for a ready meal?"

Jungkook sighed. The sort of sigh that wasn't something born from negativity but more so that he was defeated. If he hadn't been so tired, he may have even laughed.

"Deal" he said, with the feeling that Tae would always get his own way but make sure that Jungkook had no reason to argue.

Taehyung gave him the cutest smile. A smile that said he knew he'd won. A smile that told Jungkook that he would always have his best interests at heart.

Jungkook was already so fond of the man who had dyed his hair just for him and he smiled as Tae moved in for a kiss, to seal their deal.

The kiss was full of emotion and the longest kiss they'd shared since the morning before the 5 friends had turned up. Everything since then had been tender and brief.

As Tae leaned into the kiss, the air shifted, it was full of hope and promises that they both intended to keep. The longing they both felt was shown in the way their tongues skimmed the others and the small murmurs that danced around their mouths.

Taehyung felt a huge sense of de ja vu as he swung his leg over and straddled Jungkook, still enjoying the taste of his boyfriend on his tongue. This time, Jungkook didn't tense up, he didn't hesitate when his hands caressed Tae's waist and he allowed himself to feel everything that was being conveyed through this intimacy.

Tae kissed along his razor sharp jawline to his ear where he teased his ear lobe with his tongue.

"I want to feel you. Can I ride you?"

Tae knew he probably shouldn't be asking but he didn't know if Jungkook topped or what he'd done in the past. He didn't know his preference and technically, Jungkook had only asked him not to ask to kiss him.

Jungkooks heart rate doubled and he was thankful that Tae couldn't see his face as he continued to tease his ear and neck. He had topped a few times in the past but in the 5 years or so, that he was with Minho, he'd never really been given a choice. He was never in control and had always been fucked when Minho wanted it, whether Jungkook liked it or not. Sex was misguided affection, used as a weapon countless times. Used as punishment and reward. Used to make Jungkook feel guilty and good at the same time. Sex was really, the only time he felt truly loved by Minho so he always took it when he could.

Now he had a man who wanted to pleasure him, to hand him an element of control to make them both feel good. Getting used to Taehyung and all the curve balls he threw at him, would take some getting used to.

Jungkook was scared. Being fucked was easy. He could switch off and be used. He was terrified of disappointing Tae and trusting that he wouldn't disappoint was a big step.

"I don't know what to say." it wasn't strictly the most honest answer but there was some truth in it because the long answer would most likely kill the moment completely.

"If you don't want me to, I won't"

"It's not that I don't want you to. I think I do. Well, I know I do. I mean, there can't be a man alive that would turn you down."

Taehyung sat up and looked at Jungkook who had a blush covering his cheeks from the rambling.

"But?"

"But?" Jungkook repeated.

"Yes, but? A but sounded like it was coming."

"I wasn't going to say, but"

Tae tilted his head to the side, curiosity eating away at him.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" He asked, stroking some hair out of Jungkook's face as he spoke.

"It's probably a long winded story and a definite mood killer."

"And I'm guessing you don't want to kill the mood?"

Jungkook shook his head "No"

"Would you like me to ride you, Kookie?"

Jungkook nodded "Yes"

Taehyung reached for the bottle of lube in the drawer and handed it to Jungkook with a smile on his face.

"Whatever has happened, we can talk about it later. Right now, I want you to concentrate on us, on me. This is what effect you have on me" he took Jungkooks hand and put it on his hardening member over the cotton fabric of his boxers.

Tae groaned at the contact and Jungkook didn't need to be told twice, something sparked in his stomach and he lifted Tae off his lap, laying him down on his back. Taehyung was embarrassed at hearing the noise that left him, the strength kink he harboured, rearing its head.

Jungkook leaned down and pressed his mouth against Taehyung's. It felt so good to be with someone like this, to have everything reciprocated and know there wouldn't be any repercussions. Just 2 people sharing a side to each other that no one else got to see.

Tae held the edge of Jungkook's t-shirt and lifted it over his head, his breath getting stuck in his throat as he took in the muscular body. He lifted his bottom off the mattress as Jungkook removed his underwear.

For a brief second, Jungkook zoned out, suddenly panicking that he didn't know what he was doing and feeling his heart rate increase. He swallowed but his mouth was dry.

Tae pulled him down, holding his face in his hands "You are so gorgeous." He said before connecting their lips, Jungkook responding almost immediately.

While their mouths moved together, Tae bent his knees and guided Jungkooks hand to where he wanted it. He felt him pause and tense slightly but continued kissing him, stroking his face with his other hand.

Jungkook was already hard by the time he inserted a finger into Taehyung. Gasping as the warmth enveloped his finger, mouthing wet kisses over Tae's neck as he began to feel the tight muscles relax.

"Ugh! More… Kookie… more"

Jungkook obliged and added a second finger, gaining confidence with every mewl that left Tae's lips. As Tae bucked his hips, chasing his fingers, Jungkook added a 3rd and sucked the flesh at the junction of his neck and shoulder.

Taehyung was panting, squirming around and gripping whatever he could grab a hold of. Jungkook was a little taken aback at the red headed wreck but by now he was so painfully hard that he didn't think twice about licking into his mouth with wanton desire.

Tae pushed on Jungkook's chest so he was laying on his back, kissing down his chest and removing his boxers. He looked Jungkook in the eyes and licked his lips when he saw how swollen and hard he was. He swung his leg over and held Jungkook's member, guiding himself over it and sinking down, bit by bit until fully seated.

He ran his hands over Jungkooks chest and watched as his mouth fell open when he wriggled his hips slightly.

"Come here" Tae said, holding his hands out and pulling Jungkook up into a sitting position. He wrapped his arms around him, holding his shoulders for support as he stretched one leg at a time, out from under himself, digging his heels into the mattress behind Jungkook.

As Tae moved his pelvis, Jungkook held him, running his hands up and down his back, either side of his spine. They kissed lazily, licking into each others mouths, slowly and deeply, exploring and tasting every part of the others mouth.

It was almost poetic, a beautiful sonnet being played out. Heavy breaths and throaty sounds filled the room as a layer of sweat covered Tae's body.

"You feel incredible" Tae said between breaths.

Jungkook almost puffed out his chest with his confidence growing with every passing second.

"God you’re an actual Adonis" Tae's mouth ran away with him, spouting his inner thoughts as he rocked his hips a bit faster and his fingertips pressed into Jungkooks shoulders.

Hearing everything Tae was saying was a massive boost for Jungkook. He'd never been praised like this, he had never been made to feel this way and he grazed his teeth along Tae's collarbones, his climax not far away as it began to unfurl in his stomach.

He wanted to hold it, he didn't want to come yet but the momentum had started "Tae… I'm… I'm gonna… I'm sorry" panic ensued, he was going to ruin the moment by coming too soon.

Tae gripped the back of his head and pressed their mouths together "I want you to cum. I want to feel you fill me, Kookie. Come on baby, fill me" he said, moving his pelvis faster and holding Jungkooks bottom lip between his teeth as he climaxed.

Tae considered stroking himself to orgasm that was so close but wanted to feel Jungkooks hand on him.

"I'm close, touch me" and Jungkook did. He took hold of Tae and stroked him, twisting his wrist, moving his hand up and down.

Taehyung gripped him harder, unable to move any longer as he came, coating Jungkooks hand in the white liquid, jaw slack as it washed over him.

"Oh. My. God." Tae rested his forehead on Jungkook's shoulder, breathing erratically.

"You okay?" Jungkook asked, kissing the side of his face.

"Much, much, more than okay."

Jungkook smiled. He knew he'd had a few dodgy moments during, he knew there would probably be more in future but somehow he trusted that Taehyung was going to help him through it. He didn't know how Tae knew how to handle him but somehow he did.

Jungkook also knew he couldn't hide anymore. He would have to discuss everything with Tae and explore thoughts and feelings that he'd kept locked away. This was scary, so scary.

"Hey, Adonis" Tae said, noticing Jungkook had zoned out again.

Jungkook half smiled, tiredness kicking in like he had been shot with a tranquilizer. Tae pecked him on the lips then went to the bathroom to get something to clean them both up.

"I should be looking after you, since you just did all the work"

Taehyung waved the comment away "There's plenty of time for you to do all the work"

They snuggled under the duvet, Tae pressing his body to Jungkook and resting his head on his chest. He had decided that this was where he felt most content, listening to Jungkooks heart and the comfort of strong arms around him.

"I think I have a problem, you know?"

"You do?"

"Uh-huh. You may have given me an addiction to sex."

Jungkook smiled, kissing Tae on the head "I don't think that's a thing"

"It must be, unless I'm just addicted to you."

That was the last thing Jungkook heard.

Tae lifting his head when soft snores could be heard. He watched the beautiful man laying there, his face so perfect, a face that finally looked relaxed, a face he didn't ever want to see in such anguish again.

Tae kissed his cheek… he had underestimated his feelings because he was definitely in love with Jeon Jungkook.

Chapter 11: Fight or Flight

Chapter Text

"There is no question that he's getting laid" Yoongi said before drinking the final dregs of his coffee.

"Let's just enjoy the fact that he's smiling" Jimin replied.

"I am enjoying it because it makes a change but I'm telling you he is getting it good."

"I think we should invite them round here. We need to get to know him"

"Kook?" Yoongi looked puzzled.

Jimin looked at his boyfriend with a look of complete confusion.

"No, not Kook, you idiot! Do you even put your brain in gear?"

"I thought you had lost the plot, Mini. Of course I knew you didn't mean Kook but I can never be too sure with you"

Yoongi winked and watched the realisation of what he'd said, hit Jimin.

"I might be daft sometimes but you love me" a pout formed and he crossed his arms across his chest.

Yoongi smiled, he put his cup in the dishwasher and walked over to where Jimin was leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I do love you, especially when you're daft"

He kissed Jimins pouty lips and tried to unfold his arms but he remained firm.

"You aren't doing yourself any favours, you know, Min Yoongi!?"

Yoongi kissed him again, the pout still there. He knew he would have to play the game now that Jimin had used his full name. They would play cat and mouse, Jimin would give the puppy eyes and make Yoongi out to be mean. Yoongi would enjoy seeing Jimin pretend to hold firm but know that his resolve would weaken.

"I love you, Mini"

"I don't know how you could love someone so daft" just for effect, Jimin unfolded, then folded his arms again.

"I love these lips" Yoongi kissed the full pout.

"I love this jawline" Yoongi left a trail of kisses along his jaw.

"This neck" as his lips touched Jimins neck, he could hear his breathing change.

“I love these lips” the pout had definitely lessened.

“You’ve said that” Jimin whispered.

“Shows you how much I love them then.”

Jimin smiled “I hate you.”

“Of course you do.” Yoongi kissed Jimin, who now kissed him back, arms finding their way to his ass as he squeezed the flesh, making him gasp.

The make out session turned into so much more, with Jimin naked, pressed against the back of the sofa while Yoongi fucked him until he was begging for release. Jimin always turned into a fluff ball after sex and Yoongi hadn’t thought it was possible for someone to be more clingy than they were in every day life, until he’d had sex with Jimin.

It was just something else that Yoongi loved about his man.

 

**

 

“Bear, I need your help. It’s his birthday coming up and I don’t know what to do?”

Tae was editing some pictures on his laptop but couldn’t concentrate, thinking about Jungkook’s birthday. He knew Bear wasn’t going to be any help but Minseok was away for a couple of days and he didn’t really know who else to ask without explaining everything.

A couple of weeks had passed since they had talked things through and he was even used to his bright red hair now. Tae had kept his word and had gone back to work and Jungkook had kept his word too. They hadn’t had sex since that day but Tae now understood why things had to be different compared to any other relationship he’d been in and he was still allowing Jungkook to set the pace.

Communication had been placed at the top of the list, with both of them making sure they opened up about how they were feeling at the time. Jungkook was getting better at it and rarely tensed up these days, even if he did still zone out from time to time. Tae tried to speak to him about his thought process after he had got lost in his own thoughts but it wasn’t always easy.

Tae had been to the school a couple of times as they prepared for the show and he loved seeing Jungkook in that environment. He very much liked seeing how sweaty he got after working too and it didn’t help the sexual urges he had, one little bit.

With his birthday approaching, he was facing a dilemma because he didn’t want to do anything to upset Jungkook. He didn’t know if it was a happy occasion or how he would have celebrated with Minho. He tried not to bring Minho into conversation unless absolutely necessary because of how it made Jungkook feel and the change in him was evident. Tae had asked a few questions, particularly if he felt something was impacting on them, now, but otherwise decided that it should be Jungkook who brought Minho up, if he wanted to.

Yet here he was, talking to Bear, worried about upsetting Jungkook and not knowing what he should do about his birthday. He wanted to do something special, he wanted Jungkook to spend the night at his place, which he hadn’t yet done. Tae had all these ideas but didn’t know what to do for the best. He knew he should talk to Jungkook about it but needed to find out some background information before he did that, which is why he thought texting Jin was the best thing to do.

Tae
Hey, it’s Tae. Are you free to meet up?

Jin
Is everything okay? Is JK alright? What’s happened?

Tae
Nothing has happened, everything is fine. He’s good. I just wanted some advice.

Jin
Oh, sorry.

Tae
That’s ok. Can we meet?

Jin
I’m free now? I’m actually around the corner if you are home?

Tae
Yep, I’m home. I’m no 30.

Jin
Be there in 5.

Tae was so grateful when Jin arrived, he had, had so much support from Jin and Jimin through all of this and was starting to think of them as his friends too.

“Are you sure that you are both okay?” Jin said, stroking Bear who was happily accepting all the affection.

“Yes, we are both fine. I wanted to talk to you about Kookie’s birthday.”

“You don’t know what to get him?”

“Sort of. I don’t want to do anything that will upset him. I don’t know how he used to celebrate with Minho and I have ideas but I’m worried.”

“Minho always went over the top on his birthday, from what we saw. There was usually some stupidly expensive gift and he would give it to him in front of someone for maximum effect. It never felt personal, if you know what I mean? There was always an agenda. What are your ideas?”

“I was going to do a meal round here, I want to ask my friend to teach me how to cook something because Kookie knows how awful I am in the kitchen. I wanted to surprise him. I haven’t thought about a gift but I’ve been editing some photo’s to make a collage but I think that’s a bit cheesy.”

“I’m starting to feel that it’s a blessing that you look like Minho and caught JK’s attention. I wasn’t sure at first. I thought it was a really bad idea that he was getting involved with someone but that’s changing, Tae. You need to be you, no matter what you think Minho would or wouldn’t have done, you need to be you.”

Tae fiddled with his fingers a little bit and looked at Bear who was taking liberties, curled up on Jin’s lap “He’s been through so much and hurt so badly, I don’t ever want him to hurt because of me.”

“You can’t live your life being afraid that something you do might remind him of Minho because then you won’t be you.”

“He has told me to be me. I am perhaps a bit too cautious but I care about him so much.”

“Tae, that is very obvious. Listen to him. We are always here for you. Talking of which, why don’t you both come over tomorrow night? It will be good to get everyone together.”

“He is coming over after work so I will mention it. I’m not treading on your toes, with his birthday, am I?”

“Tae, stop worrying. We will work around you. I might have to tell Joon what your plans are because I always do the cooking so maybe you could give him some ideas?”

“I’m learning to cook one thing, Jin, that’s it, don’t get too excited.”

“Yeah but that’s one more thing than Joonie. It’s more of a punishment for me if he cooks.”

“I’m starting to feel sorry for Namjoon.”

“Oh don’t feel sorry for him, he is very good with his hands, just not in the kitchen.”

Jin started laughing and he had one of those infectious laughs that made everyone else laugh too.

 

**

 

Standing by the door, checking the time was a ridiculous notion, but one Taehyung found himself in as he waited for Jungkook. He was still dazzled by the gorgeous man who was stealing his heart, piece by piece and locking it away. He felt as if barriers were slowly coming down, bit by bit with Jungkook talking more and something as small as initiating a kiss, meant the world to him.

Tae hadn’t questioned his level of self restraint before but was amazed at how much of it, he actually had. Kissing Jungkook and stopping at kissing had been a real test in the past fortnight, he had opted to allow the other to lead and when the situation didn’t go beyond a very heated make out session, he respected that.

Minseok had laughed at Taehyung last week when he had jumped down his throat, snapping at something he had said. Tae had spent the rest of the afternoon glaring at him for even suggesting that he was sexually frustrated and if he wasn’t going to speak to Jungkook about it then he needed to jerk off more. The fear of putting pressure on Jungkook was what was preventing him from having that conversation so he would have to deal with it the best way he could.

“Wow, I barely knocked. You were quick.” Jungkook stood on the doorstep with a smile on his face.

Tae swallowed and returned the smile, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. He’d expected Jungkook to be in his dance clothes but here he was in a crisp white shirt and tie which had just increased the level of sexual frustration ten fold.

Jungkook greeted Bear as the entered the living room, they had become very attached to each other since that first time he had met him. Bear was quick to abandon Tae when Jungkook was round and jealousy aside, it warmed Tae’s heart to see the bond between 2 of the most important people in his life.

“We have been invited to Jin’s place tomorrow night. I spoke to him earlier and I said I would ask you.”

“Oh. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted some advice and asked him.”

“Advice on?”

“On your birthday.”

“Oh.” Jungkook looked at the floor.

Tae stopped what he was doing and went towards the sofa where Jungkook was sitting with Bear in his lap, kneeling down in front of him.

“Hey. What’s up?” he spoke softly, his hands resting on Jungkook’s knees.

“I.. I’m not sure I feel like celebrating it.”

“Why?” as Tae asked, Jungkook looked at him, confused so Tae continued “I don’t see any reason why you can’t celebrate the day you were born. Whatever has happened in between, has happened and we can’t do anything about that. None of it means we shouldn’t honour the day and I would like the chance to celebrate with you.”

Jungkook was yet to find out what he had done, in order to be blessed with Taehyung in his life. This was one of those occasions where the past would ruin the present because he didn’t know how he should handle it and the only solution would be to hide. His last birthday had been the last one he had spent with Minho and wasn’t one he would choose to remember after it had started well but ended up in a blazing row.

He still had the ring that Minho had presented to him that day, he could still picture the huge number of flowers and balloons in the living room. The smile on Minho’s face that morning had been genuine and so had Jungkook’s smile when he accepted Minho’s invitation to be with him forever, slipping the ring on his finger.

He had been taken for a lavish lunch and they had walked by the river, hand in hand, everything had been perfect until the evening when they had met up with Namjoon and Jin, Yoongi and Jimin, Hobi and the guy he was dating. Part the way through the meal, Minho had noticed that Jungkook had moved the ring onto another finger so he had prodded and poked Jungkook into telling his friends what he had been bought for his birthday.

Minho had sat with a huge grin on his face as the table fell silent at the news, knowing full well that no one around it liked him or wanted their friend to spend his life with him. They had passed on muted congratulations and changed the subject very quickly while Jungkook squirmed in his seat, looking sheepish and feeling the happiness from earlier in the day, completely disappear.

Minho had waited until they got home before he tore strips off of Jungkook, then broke down in a sobbing fit because he couldn’t handle how Jungkook had hurt him so much. It went the usual way, with Jungkook trying to explain himself and promising that he would do anything to make it up to him, apologising continuously.

The sex that followed was usually because Minho said it was the only way he felt better and felt loved by Jungkook. He made sure that Jungkook knew it wasn’t an ideal choice because he was always left disappointed and underwhelmed with his performance but he just about managed to make him cum, so it would ‘have to do’.

There wasn’t really anything ‘happy’ about that birthday in the end.

“Kookie, talk to me.” Taehyung picked Bear up and walked across the living room to put him in his own bed, then went back to sit with Jungkook.

“The last birthday wasn’t so great, that’s all.”

Tae reached up and stroked his face “I promise it won’t be anything huge. Just dinner, here. I want an excuse to spoil you a little bit, that’s all.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“We can overwrite last year’s birthday and start as we mean to go on.”

“You don’t want to know what happened?”

“Not if you don’t want to tell me.”

“I’d rather not talk about it right now, if that’s alright?”

“Whenever you are ready.”

Taehyung leaned in, he always kept his eyes open for as long as possible because he adored the way Jungkook closed his eyes before their lips even touched. He felt that spark in his stomach that sent little shocks of pleasure down to his toes as Jungkook’s mouth opened, allowing him to slide his tongue inside.

Tae’s hand still rested on the other’s face but soon moved to his waist, twisting his body and pushing Jungkook into the back of the sofa so he could do his favourite thing and sit in his lap. This was a huge change from the first time that Taehyung had sat astride Jungkook, there was so much tension that first time and now there wasn’t any, it was as if it was expected.

Taehyung had to admit to Jungkook, one evening that he loved sitting in his lap, facing him, when he had chosen to sit like that instead of watching the drama on tv. He felt safe when Jungkook wrapped his arms around him and he rested his head on his shoulder, or more often than not they kissed, lots, and their hands roamed each others body.

“You look so hot, this probably isn’t the best idea.” Tae said, waving Jungkook’s tie in the air.

“It’s a tie, Tae.”

“I know but you are so hot and I’m not sure I can hold back with you looking ‘this’ hot.”

Jungkook blushed “Why would you hold back?”

“Because I follow your lead but sometimes it’s a struggle.”

“So why would you hold back at times like that?”

“I don’t want to move too fast or put pressure on you or anything so I decided I would let you set the pace.”

Jungkook’s forehead creased as he thought about what Tae was saying. There were certain conversations he didn’t want to have because it meant admitting things that he hadn’t ever said out loud. He didn’t want anyone to know how shit he felt when the only way he could end an argument was to give oral and even then be told he hadn’t done a good job. He didn’t want to hear the words leave his mouth when he explained that he was such a disappointment in bed that Minho would push him away during sex and lay next to him masturbating to finish himself off because that was better than carrying on with him.

Yet, now, with eyes that had automatically glassed over, he had 2 choices… he could lift Taehyung from his lap and leave or he could spill everything. The urge to run was great, he could just go home and hide. He would phone in sick for work tomorrow and let down all the kids who were in his classes. He would ignore the texts and phone calls from his friends who would be mad at him but concerned.

And he would probably lose the best thing that had happened to him in a long time.

He gripped Taehyung’s waist, ready to move him off his lap, looking into his eyes with so much embarrassment and pain behind his own eyes that he knew Tae could see it all.

Tae could see it, he could see the angst in his face, he could feel the fear and tension, he didn’t know what was causing it but it was there and he’d seen that look before. That day that they were sat around the table at Jungkook’s place and he found out that he looked like Minho, that was the same look. It was the ‘fight or flight’ look and he really didn’t want Jungkook to run away again.

Tae took his hands off his waist and put them behind him onto his back, leaning forward and resting the side of his face on Jungkook’s shoulder, he lifted his head and kissed his jawline then whispered “Please don’t go.”

Jungkook could feel the tightness in his chest and he didn’t have the heart to leave, pushing the jittery feeling to one side and taking deep breaths before accepting that he needed to own up, be honest about what a worthless lover he was and then the realisation dawned that he would probably lose Taehyung, anyway.

Chapter 12: A Step Forward

Chapter Text

Taehyung felt like a statue, he was motionless, holding his breath as he waited for Jungkook to speak. He had no idea what he would say but he knew that he probably didn’t want to be looking directly at him when he said it, so he buried his nose into the side of his neck.

Jungkook had been thankful for the person Taehyung was, so many times but especially now, when he had broken direct eye contact. Jungkook didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he admitted how pathetic and worthless he was, so this was for the best.

The sigh that left him, was the sound of someone’s last breath, full of sadness and bearing so much weight. His hands were still being held by Tae, secured on Tae’s lower back, in case he thought about fleeing again.

“I don’t want to disappoint you because that’s all that I do. You make me feel so much and the first time we… we… when you were on my lap and I struggled. You wanted me to make you feel good but I don’t do that to people.”

Tae’s heart hurt, his whole body ached, he couldn’t understand what Jungkook was saying and had it been anyone else, he might have actually laughed because it sounded ludicrous.

He wanted to look into Jungkook’s eyes and tell him that he was being silly because there wasn’t any part of Taehyung that did not want him but he also wanted him to get as much off his chest as he could so he could rid himself of this internal torture.

“Why would you disappoint me?”

“Because that’s what I do. We haven’t argued yet, so I can’t work out where sex fits in. I feel so much with you but I’m waiting to mess up and ruin it all. You haven’t known me long enough to know that all your other partners could probably satisfy you better than I could. It’s easier not to give in to my desires, so I don’t disappoint you that way.”

Tae was getting angry. He was trying to work out what emotion best fit the way he was feeling and it was most definitely, anger. How dare anyone make his boyfriend feel this worthless and the deep breaths he was taking were a force to hold the anger down and stop the tears from flowing. He hadn’t ever hurt for someone else so much in his whole life.

He needed to understand, he needed to know more, but he needed Jungkook to look at him while he spoke so he could see his reaction, so he sat up and looked into the face of the beautiful man he was loving more, each day.

“Give me an example of how you disappointed him. I need to understand, Kookie.”

Jungkook couldn’t quite work out the expression on Tae’s face as he began to talk “Sometimes… okay… lots of times, Minho and I argued. I couldn’t do anything right. I always seemed to ruin situations or evenings out. We didn’t really spend a lot of time with other people unless they were his friends and one day we were out with some of his friends from work. He more often than not, went alone because I was studying. When I got the teaching job it was only part time to start with so I studied too. His friends were quite nice and one liked me, he’d tried warning me off Minho and I didn’t listen. This night, we were dancing and it was only a bit of fun but Minho didn’t like it. He told this guy what a useless fuck I was. I mean, I was used to hearing it so it didn’t bother me but they argued because the guy didn’t think he should be talking about me like that. I tried to stop him but there was a fight and we were thrown out. I apologised all the way home but I knew it wouldn’t help and when we got in he went crazy, smashing up the place. I cost him a friend that night and he made sure I knew it. The only way to stop his rage or his tears was to submit completely and let him do what he wanted. On this occasion I thought he’d come around because we were having sex and he smiled… but… then he told me I wasn’t good enough to finish him off and he would rather do it himself so he just laid beside me and masturbated. When he was done, he cleaned himself up and went to sleep. That happened a lot and sometimes he wouldn’t say anything, just stop and carry on alone. When the only affection you get is in public or in situations like that, you crave it and will take whatever you can get. In those moments, I thought he loved me and I could never understand why he stayed with me if I was so useless. Jin and Joon used to say it was because he could control me and manipulate me and they were convinced he had others on the side. But then out of the blue he would buy me something and we would cuddle up and watch a movie, he could be so sweet.”

Taehyung wanted to cry, he so badly wanted to cry and he was pleased Minho was dead because he would probably have killed him with his bare hands.

“We can’t change any of that, unfortunately. I can’t take away the way you were made to feel and I need you to know that I would do anything to make that happen. What I can do is tell you how much I’ve struggled this fortnight because you turn me on so much. It isn’t all about sex, Kookie. If you told me you didn’t want to have sex ever again then we wouldn’t. Kissing you alone makes my head spin and my whole body aches for you. I don’t live in a world where the word ‘disappointment’ is in the same bracket as ‘Jungkook’. Yes I haven’t known you long but have I done anything to make you think that I believe you are worthless?”

Jungkook shook his head “You make me feel so special.” His voice was so quiet.

“Because you are. I couldn’t imagine treating anyone the way you were treated and you need to understand that you do not deserve to be treated that way. We are going to take all of your fears and worries and we are going to squash them, one by one, until you are free. How do you know that I won’t disappoint you? Because I might. When you arrived tonight, looking like that, I seriously wanted to push you into my bedroom and fuck the life out of you. I have started keeping the stockroom tidy at work because if you are at the gym I get lost, watching you and don’t get any work done. I lay awake at night looking through my phone at the selfie’s we’ve taken and Minseok spends most of his time laughing at me because he says I pine for you.”

“I nearly ran out of here tonight.”

“I know you did. Kookie, I need you to trust me. I am not gaining anything by lying to you. If you want honesty, then I could go find someone else where I don’t need to work so hard at the relationship. But I don’t want anyone else… I want you to see your worth and I really want you to trust me.”

Tae couldn’t stop the tears but wiped them away from his face, quickly.

“I don’t know how to be anything else.”

“One step at a time. I really need you to not think about what I’m thinking or what I might think. If you want to know how I’m feeling, ask me. We need to pretend that we are a blank canvas and we will fill that with ‘us’.”

“Blank canvas?”

“Yes. A song with no choreography. We need to fill in the spaces. We learn about each other and whatever happened in the past we need to focus on this moment, how we feel at that time and if we don’t like it, we change it and we keep changing it and trying things until we find the things that suit us.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know and I am too. If you feel that you have disappointed me then I would like you to ask me about it, if I have made you feel worthless then I would like you to tell me. Will you try?”

A small flash of realisation hit Jungkook. He could see that he wasn’t giving Tae a chance by inviting his own fears into their relationship. He knew deep down that Tae wasn’t like Minho but he kept allowing the toxic feelings to creep in and poison what they were trying to build on.

“I will try. At the time I thought my relationship was normal but since he… since… since that day and meeting you, I’m slowly realising how bad it was and that isn’t easy because then the guilt hits hard, thinking badly of someone who is… who… isn’t here anymore.”

“Even if he was still here and you realised, it wouldn’t make any difference to the fact that you should never have been made to feel the way you feel. The accident doesn’t change the person he was, Kookie.”

Jungkook hadn’t spoken to anyone about any of this, ever. There were thoughts and feelings he had harboured for years, never complaining, never admitting any of it. He felt a little more free, the more he spoke, telling Tae about his birthday last year and why he felt the way he did. Tae just listened and held his hands while he opened up, more than he had in any therapy session and feeling small amounts of release with each story.

They were sat for hours talking and Taehyung could see the pain lessening in Jungkook’s eyes as he told story after story, giving him an insight into the life he once led.

There was a long pause and a small smile appeared on Jungkook’s face. It wasn’t anything major and Tae might have missed it had he not been sitting so close, still perched on his lap, hugging Jungkook’s lower body with his knees. The smile was significant because it wasn’t a conscious movement, it was one of those reactions when you are relieved that you’ve done something.

Jungkook knew there would probably be many more conversations like this but he definitely wasn’t afraid of that happening now. The fact that even now, after all that he had been told, Tae was still sat on his lap, looking at him like he was the most precious things in the world, meant that he was wrong to fear losing him. He knew he would probably have wobbles and retreat into himself but he would try and push past that in future and trust that Tae will remain after that.

Tae moved forwards, so slowly that it barely looked like he was moving at all, his eyes staying open until Jungkook had closed his. He had intended the kiss to be a simple kiss, to let Jungkook know that he wasn’t going anywhere and that even after everything he’d been told, he still wanted him.

But Jungkook parted his lips and Taehyung couldn’t resist licking along his plump bottom lip, the small exhale that followed sent little shockwaves straight to his groin and he pressed himself closer, entangling his long fingers in the soft dark waves at the back of Jungkook’s head.

When they parted, they were both breathing heavily, which had not been the plan when Taehyung had gone in for the kiss but obviously what they both needed. There were no words spoken verbally but a million things said through the gaze they shared.

His hands were trembling, only slightly, but definitely shaky as he reached for Jungkook’s tie and loosened it, their gazes locked on each other. His chest was rising and falling as he tried to maintain a steady rhythm and not get carried away. Tae’s fingers lifted his collar, his thumbs brushing the soft skin of his neck as he did so.

The top button posed some difficulty but he was soon on the third button down, feeling driven on by the fact that Jungkook hadn’t tensed up at all and his fingers were kneading the flesh of his hips. Tae couldn’t hide the gasp as he opened Jungkook’s shirt, he also couldn’t hide the blush tint that flooded his cheeks after hearing the noise he made as he ran his hands up and down his chest.

It felt like he was exploring his body for the first time, it felt so different to the first 2 times. He moved so slowly, perhaps fearing that he would scare Jungkook, wanting him to feel how far from the truth, the word ‘disappointment’ was.

Tae removed his own t-shirt and felt butterflies when Jungkook sat forward so his shirt could be taken off completely. They sat, bare chested, gazing at each other as Tae broke the silence “You are so gorgeous.”

Jungkook’s eyes diverted downwards at the compliment but Tae was quick to lift his chin and shake his head with a smile “Gotta get used to that, babe.”

“I’ll try.” was the whispered reply.

“I want you so badly” the admission nearly caused his cheeks to flush bright red.

“Then take me”

Tae wanted to ask if he was sure and to confirm that he meant what he thought he meant but didn’t want to ruin the moment so decided to take it for what it was and do exactly that.

He stood on very shaky legs that were tingly and numb because of the length of time he’d been sat in the same position, holding his hand out for the other to take. The walk to his bedroom was a few strides out of the lounge and across the hall but it felt like it was miles away and he took the time to swallow down any nerves he had.

Tae couldn’t wait to get Jungkook naked and wasted no time in making sure their clothes were removed quickly, earning him a small grin from the other. He kissed Jungkook, pushing him down so he was laying on the bed, he felt like someone who had been on a restricted diet and yet was now faced with a buffet as he covered his body in kisses, his own member twitching as he flicked his tongue over the head of Jungkook’s length.

Taehyung loved giving oral, he loved having one of the most sensitive parts of a mans body, in his mouth, feeling every ridge with his tongue and sucking until it erupted down his throat. By the time he was swallowing down Jungkook’s warm semen, his own cock was leaking and painfully hard to the point he made a mental note to get used to the feeling because it seemed to be a regular occurrence now.

He kissed a trail up to Jungkook’s mouth and asked “Are we doing okay?”

Jungkook breathed “Yes” while his mind was spinning from the orgasm. He couldn’t remember the last time, before meeting Tae, that he’d had sex for the express reason that both people involved, simply wanted to, desire being the driving force and passion urging them on. It was these little thoughts that were like a snowball, gathering pieces and getting bigger as time went on.

He closed his eyes and forgot how to move his mouth as Taehyung fingered him open, brushing his sensitive spot and kissing him intensely. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so his fingers pressed into Tae’s arms and he very much wanted to stifle his moans but Tae’s mouth was against his and he couldn’t prevent the stream of noises from leaving.

As Tae smothered his erection in lube, he was surprised when Jungkook moved out from where he was and turned onto his front, shifting onto his knees and hugging a pillow to support his head. Tae didn’t question it, lost completely in the vision before him, the slope of Jungkook’s back and the thickness of his thighs.

Jungkook had counted to 10 before he had forced himself to change position. This was never a good position for him during sex, abused in this situation so many times that he’s lost count. Fucked from behind at every given opportunity, when it suited Minho because sex was never a personal affair, it was robotic and a means to further a punishment, whether that be emotionally or physically.

Yet, after everything he had said tonight, he needed to make ground and move forward, he couldn’t rule out this position because of the feelings it evoked and because of his past. He wanted to prove to himself that he did trust Taehyung and that he was willing to make a start on filling that blank canvas.

He held his breath and closed his eyes as Tae settled behind him, lightly rubbing circles on his waist with his hands as he pushed in slowly.

‘Concentrate on now’ he told himself over and over again as he adjusted to Tae’s length inside him. He released his breath and focused on the softness of Tae’s hands on his waist, firm yet gentle, the way Tae hadn’t moved, to give him time to relax.

Jungkook pushed back to give Tae permission to move and as he began pulling out and pushing back in, a wave of goosebumps rippled over his skin and caused him to groan into the pillow. He was overwhelmed by the depth of feeling as Tae thrust into him and gripped his hips, the noises flowing freely and joining the sound of bodies clashing.

Jungkook could feel a second orgasm building as his prostate was hit continuously and too many thoughts and emotions accompanied that so he refocused and let it build until it was ready to envelope his whole body and he spilled onto the sheets below him.

Tae faltered as he felt Jungkook come, having his cock squeezed just pushed him over the edge and a few thrusts later, he was stilled by his climax. While he caught his breath he bent over and kissed Jungkook’s back, he wanted to make sure he was alright but needed to regain composure first.

“That was wow.” Tae said as he flopped down onto the bed, after using some wipes to clean them both up.

Jungkook hadn’t spoken and Tae was trying not to let on that he was worried so he snuggled up to him and felt a small sense of relief when Jungkook put his arms around him and held him tight.

“It was… it was wow.”

“Why did you choose that position, Kookie? I mean, I’m not complaining because… wow.. I literally nearly came just from looking at you… but you initiated that… so… but you don’t have to tell me.”

Jungkook kissed the top of Tae’s head “Because… because so much pain has been caused and I didn’t want it continuing. Blank canvas, right?”

Tae lifted his head and kissed Jungkook really quickly several times, one after the other, making them both smile like idiots “We are going to fill that canvas quite quickly, you know?”

Chapter 13: Acceptance

Chapter Text

“Tae, you are really quiet. What’s up?” Jungkook asked as they walked up the path to Jin’s place.

Taehyung was biting his lip “This is kind of a big deal.”

“You’ve met them before, though?”

“That morning was a bit awkward and I’ve seen only Jin and Jimin since. What if they don’t like me?”

Jungkook stopped in the hall leading to Jin’s door, a frown firmly embedded on his brow “What? Is that what you are worried about?”

Tae nodded.

“I can’t believe there is anyone on this planet who would dislike you, Tae. Granted, they are wary but that’s not because of you, that’s because they are overly protective of me.”

“But that’s why it’s so important that I fit in.”

“You fit in with me. WE, fit in. No more worrying, okay?”

Tae gave Jungkook a smile and they just managed a quick kiss before Namjoon opened the door and welcomed them in.

They greeted everyone… Jimin was perched on Yoongi’s lap as usual, Jin was putting the finishing touches to the copious amount of food he’d prepared on the table, Namjoon was being bossed around by Jin in the kitchen and Hobi was opening bottles of beer and handing them around.

Tae squeezed Jungkook’s hand and stuck to his side, he was looking forward to getting to know everyone but was aware that they meant a lot to Jungkook which placed a heaviness on the occasion. When everyone said ‘hello’ and they all started chatting, he began to relax but remained at Jungkook’s side.

“Here you go. I want details.” Jimin said handing Jungkook an envelope.

“Details on what?” Jungkook turned the envelope over in his hand.

“If you open it, you will see, silly.” Jimin had the type of smile that made other people smile, his eyes turned into crescents and they always joked about how he couldn’t see, if he smiled that hard.

Tae released Jungkook’s hand so he could open the envelope and he blushed when he saw that inside the card a voucher for a 2 night stay in a luxury hotel, realising exactly what details Jimin wanted.

“What’s this for?”

“Tae, have you totally fucked his brains out?” Jimin laughed… Tae nearly choked.

“Kook, it’s your birthday soon.” Jin added.

“Look, we didn’t want to encroach on your time because we know Tae has plans so we decided tonight would be the night we celebrate with you.” Hobi piped up.

“And that is your present. You 2 could use some time away and if it’s okay with you, Tae, Joon and I will look after Bear?” Jin had liked Bear a lot when he met him at Tae’s.

“I don’t know what to say, guys.” Jungkook felt so overwhelmed that he actually thought he would cry.

“Just say you will go and then tell me ‘everything’.” Jimin said, grinning.

“Babe, I really don’t think we need to hear it.” Yoongi added from behind Jimin.

“I do! I want ‘all’ the details. Hobi isn’t fucking anyone so he’s boring, Jin only runs with his mouth every now and again and Joon says nothing. Look at them 2… do not tell me that their sex life isn’t worth hearing about.”

“Do you tell everyone about our sex life then?” Yoongi raised his eye brows.

“No because no one asks. If they asked then I would because you, Mr Min are a great fuck.”

Yoongi wasn’t about to argue with his man on this occasion and sat quite happily looking proud of himself, kissing Jimin to stop him from talking anymore.

Jungkook leant over and spoke quietly to Tae “You will get used to them 2.”

After food, Jungkook offered to help Jin tidy up, since Tae was busy trying to convince Hobi that he should go on a date with Minseok, which Jimin thought was a great idea.

“You look happy. He’s a nice guy.” Jin said, scraping food into containers.

“He really is.”

“I didn’t ever think I’d see you with heart eyes, Kook.”

“Shut up”

“He’s really good for you. How’s it going… I mean… how are you dealing with everything?”

“Well, I can’t run anymore because he knows so he always finds a way to stop me. We had a really big talk last night. I told him a lot. You were right, Jin, after all this time, I see you were right.”

“Right about what?”

“That he was destroying me.” his voice was quiet as he looked at the floor.

Jin put a hand on his shoulder “You have nothing to apologise for. It’s always easier to see things from the outside. You’re like a little brother to me, I’m always going to look out for you, whether you want to listen or not.”

“I should have listened though. I couldn’t see it.”

“If you’d listened and left him, what followed wouldn’t have happened and you wouldn’t be here with Tae. Everything happens for a reason. I’m not saying he had to die… but things happened and that has led you to Tae.”

Jungkook looked through to the lounge where Jimin and Tae had joined forces to bully Hobi while Namjoon and Yoongi kept out of it.

“It’s a different fear I feel now.”

“Scared of losing him? Scared that it’s all a dream?”

“Yes and terrified that I’m falling in love, genuinely, for the first time ever.”

“Fall-ing? I’d say Fall-en. One step at a time though. No rush and I don’t think he’s going anywhere, do you?”

Jungkook shook his head, watching Tae laughing with his friends, blending in like he’d always been there.

 

**

 

“Are you sure about this, Jin? I mean, if he gets too much, just phone me, okay?”

“This little guy will be fine. Please, go and spoil him.”

Jin had offered to have Bear overnight so that Tae could put his birthday plan into place for Jungkook and they could have the time undisturbed. It also meant that it was great practice for when they went to the hotel because Bear was going to stay with Jin for 2 nights then.

When Tae got home he started the preparation for the meal. Minseok had painstakingly walked him through each stage and he had a takeaway menu, just in case it all went wrong. He had set the table up with candles and a rose, he had fresh bedding on because he really wanted to spoil Jungkook in bed tonight.

In the few days since the evening at Jin’s, he had been texting Hobi and he had finally given in to a date with Minseok, much to everyone’s amusement. Tae had decided that they were similar people so would get on really well and Jungkook had stayed out of it, even though Hobi had begged him to keep his boyfriend under control.

Yesterday at the gym, Tae had seen a side to Jungkook that he hadn’t really seen before, when a guy had been overly flirtatious while he topped up the towel baskets. Tae hadn’t felt uncomfortable and thought he could handle it until the guy asked him for his number and placed a hand on the small of his back, which Jungkook had seen from the other side of the room.

He’d usually have hated the fact that that Jungkook stormed over and lightly barged the guy out of the way with his shoulder, standing in between them and placing his arm around him. Tae could feel the tension radiating from Jungkook when he asked if he was okay and the guy had asked him what his problem was. There was an awkward moment when Jungkook asked the man if he thought it was acceptable to touch his boyfriend like that and the man looked between them both before leaving, abruptly.

Taehyung had always thought there wasn’t a need for a knight in shining armour but it would appear that he had one, now. Jungkook had remained tense after that and Tae had pulled him into the stock room, to kiss the tension away, which had worked, reassuring him that he had nothing to worry about because he didn’t want anyone else.

He couldn’t remember a time in his life when someone had gotten jealous over him so it was all very new territory for him. He hadn’t yet decided if it was a good or a bad thing but it showed that Jungkook possibly reciprocated, his feelings to the same level.

Tae wished Bear was around as he faced the dilemma of what to wear, he had bought new underwear because he was at the shops and Minseok had told him to try on some lacey red panties. Tae had thought he was insane as he hadn’t worn anything like that before but humoured Minseok anyway, making sure he also tried something on. The underwear left absolutely nothing to the imagination and he wasn’t so keen but when Minseok showed him the tight, white, lacey shorts that he had tried on, Tae loved them and bought them, instead.

His nerves kicked in as he stood in front of the full length mirror in his bedroom. The shorts did look good, they hugged his peachy ass and the white looked striking against his light bronze skin. The nerves were because he didn’t know if they were to Jungkook’s liking or if lingerie held a bad memory for him, the difference now being that he trusted that Jungkook would tell him.

When there was a knock at the door, he frantically searched for something to put on, scouring his room, panicking, he hadn’t realised the time. Whilst cursing and stubbing his toe, he pulled on some loose trousers and yanked a button down shirt off a hanger, throwing it over his head and working quickly to do up the remaining buttons whilst rushing to the door, never being more thankful that he rarely undid a shirt fully when hanging it up.

Tae counted to 3, took a deep breath to compose himself and quickly ran a hand through his hair before he opened the door, only to have the wind knocked out of him because his boyfriend had dyed his hair a cherry colour and it was parted in the centre.

“Is that what I looked like every time I saw you when we first met?” Jungkook appeared amused by the fact that Taehyung was gawping and hadn’t blinked yet.

He closed the door and stood in front of Tae, hands resting on his hips, he kissed the plump bottom lip that was still parted from the top lip.

“Tae, you are starting to cause me concern. Please, say something.”

“Your hair. Shit! It looks amazing!”

Jungkook suddenly went a bit shy but was pleased he liked it.

Tae was fighting the temptation to drag him into his bedroom and fuck him there and then but wanted the evening to go to plan so forced himself into the kitchen instead.

Jungkook smiled when he saw the table and his eyes opened wide when Tae went to stir something on the hob.

“No ready meal?”

“No. Tonight, I have cooked.”

“Like, really, cooked?”

“Yes, Kookie. I have ‘really’ cooked.”

“I didn’t think you liked cooking?”

“I don’t. I’m absolutely useless. However, I have made an exception and I have cooked something. I can’t promise that it will be edible or that you won’t get sick but it’s the thought that counts, right?”

Jungkook felt warm and fuzzy inside. It was as if someone had turned on the heating inside him and it spread from his heart to his toes.

The dinner was very nice, Jungkook had asked Tae several times why he wasn’t eating as he usually would at first and he had admitted that he was nervous as to what it tasted like. It was only after Jungkook had wolfed down half the plate that Taehyung started eating and then finished his own off, with a big smile on his face.

“You shouldn’t be doing that.” Tae pressed himself to Jungkook’s back while he washed some dishes. He thought back to that day he was at Jungkook’s for lunch and he didn’t think this would ever be possible. Yet, here he was, his chin resting on Jungkook’s shoulder and his arms wrapped around his middle, it felt like years ago but yesterday, all at the same time that he sat swinging his legs on the counter in Jungkook’s kitchen.

Jungkook had to stop trying to clear up because Tae was desperate to give him his present and hadn’t stopped going on about how cheesy it was but he hoped he liked it all the same. Jungkook found this side of Tae to be endearing, the way he skipped over to the sofa where he was sitting and made him close his eyes before laying the gift in his lap. When he opened his eyes there was a small pile of presents, all wrapped in brightly coloured paper, that matched Tae’s personality, perfectly.

Jungkook asked which one he should open first, just in case, Tae had a preference and he was watched with big, wide eyes as he tore the paper to the one on top.

“A show? You’re taking me to a show?”

“It’s a street dance thing, I think? I saw it and thought you would like it. I know how much you love to dance.”

“Oh… erm… yes, I love dance and… but… Tae… the date… I… don’t…”

Taehyung had agonised over it, he had questioned himself and discussed it with everyone he could possibly discuss it with. Even when everyone had agreed that it was a good idea, he had still put himself through hell, he had anticipated this reaction and knew he had to stand firm because he knew in his heart that this was the right thing to do.

He took the tickets out of Jungkook’s hands and placed them to one side, then held his hands, looking at him with such sincerity “I know what date it is. I chose that date. I know that you are panicking because you want to lock yourself away that day, relive everything and blame yourself again. You will cry and punish yourself for everything that you’ve spent the last year punishing yourself for. It will bring every negative feeling, to the surface, it will put you back months and undo all the hard work you have done to get yourself to where you are now.”

“But, Tae… I… can’t.”

“You can. Blank canvas, remember? I’m not afraid of facing this with you. You can acknowledge the day, cry and scream if you need to but you aren’t doing that alone. I wasn’t there to take care of you that day but I am here now and I lo…. I won’t let you beat yourself up after coming this far.”

“Okay… I will try.”

Jungkook was sure that Tae was right and from what he had said, he knew that he had been speaking to his friends. He hadn’t done a very good job of dealing with everything so now was the time he needed to trust the people around him and he wasn’t going to let fear get in the way.

Tae handed him the second gift, the smile returning as he watched Jungkook’s shoulders relax once more.

There was the sound of a small laugh that left Jungkook’s mouth as he opened the gift and found a phone case, the picture on the case was a selfie they took on their first date, in the park.

“When was this taken?” Jungkook was confused.

“On our first date, when we were walking to my place. We stopped and I told you some interesting facts about the trees.” Tae knew why he was confused and he knew that he knew when the photo was taken.

Jungkook was frowning “But… you’ve got red hair? You didn’t have red hair then.”

“I know. The power of a good photo editor.”

Something else that Tae had thought about for ages. He loved the photo but after seeing the picture of Minho, he knew there was no way that Jungkook could see anything else just by looking at the picture, so he altered it.

Jungkook changed his case over, there and then, smiling fondly. He couldn’t believe the thought that Tae had put into something so simple.

“I love it. Thank you.”

“Penultimate present.” Tae said, handing him the gift and grinning.

Jungkook could only see that gift but didn’t question it as he unwrapped the canvas… it was blank… just a plain, white, canvas.

“Does this represent my mind?”

Tae playfully smacked Jungkook’s arm “No, silly. My plan is that we take lots of pictures of us and we pin them to it so once it has been filled, I will get the canvas done for real.”

Jungkook thought his heart would burst there and then. Never, ever, had he been so lost for words when given gifts and it wasn’t the actual gifts, it was the thought behind each one. Minho always bought him lavish, expensive presents, one year a car, jewellery, a Versace jumper he wore once. But they were gifts that you could buy anyone and they were bought for a purpose, that much he understood.

“I don’t know what to say. I am speechless but in a good way. It all means a lot and I promise that once I can think of something meaningful to say, I will say it.”

Jungkook placed everything to one side and reached for the man with bright red hair, sat in front of him, pulling him forward and connecting their lips. He couldn’t tell Tae what he was thinking but he could show him with a deep kiss.

“Hey, you’ve got one more present but you need to come with me.” Tae had the right side of his bottom lip between his teeth, fluttering his long lashes at Jungkook.

The butterflies in Jungkook’s stomach had been replaced with a flock of birds as his stomach did somersaults. He didn’t know what to expect but excitement fizzed through him, a very welcome feeling from the usual fear.

Taehyung stood in his bedroom, his head tilted slightly to the right, eyes dark, boring into Jungkook’s soul, top teeth over the right side of his lower lip. Jungkook’s heart rate sped up and he felt like he was either going to pass out or have a panic attack, right there. An unwelcome thought crept into his head, like a predator creeping up on its prey, stalking, silent. The word ‘disappointment’ was pushed away as he focused on the way he felt in this moment, batting away the negativity every time it threatened to send him into turmoil.

“You need to unwrap me, Kookie.” the depth and tone of Tae’s voice and the words, spoken, hit Jungkook straight in his groin.

With shaky hands he undid each button of his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. Tae didn’t move, he allowed him to do it and take as long as he needed. He was nervous, he was trying not to show it because he thought that Jungkook would be nervous enough for them both.

Jungkook was standing so close that as his fingers worked on his trousers, Tae couldn’t resist leaning in for a kiss, reaching up to clasp his fingers together at the back of his neck as his tongue explored his mouth.

When Tae’s trousers fell to the floor, he stepped out of them and flicked them away with his foot, the kiss was becoming more intense and was too good to break. Jungkook put his arms around his middle and Tae felt his mouth stutter when his hands grabbed his ass, feeling the lace.

The breath got stuck in his throat as Jungkook felt the lace under his hands and he pulled back, looking down, swearing to himself that Tae was definitely going to be the death of him. He knew he probably needed to reassure him because he looked slightly nervous but he couldn’t form words, so communicating was a problem.

Swallowing did not help, deep breaths had no effect and his cock had become hard, very quickly. He couldn’t remember a time when he was so turned on just by looking at someone and something snapped inside him. The fuse was lit, he moved forwards and kept walking until Tae’s back hit the wall. His fingers held his hips as he surged forward and captured his mouth with his own, pushing against him and kissing him with almost panicked desire.

Taehyung had not expected such a reaction but welcomed it, wholeheartedly, undoing his shirt and discarding it, groaning into his mouth and relishing this side to Jungkook that he hadn’t seen before. They fed each other their gasps and moans as Tae pushed down Jungkook’s trousers and underwear, their lips gaining a redness and becoming puffy from the intensity of the kiss.

Jungkook grabbed Tae’s ass and hoisted him up, the red head gladly wrapping his legs around his man. The feeling of Jungkook’s length against his ass was such a delicious thing and it made more filthy noises leave him.

“Fuck me, Kookie, fuck me hard.”

“Fuck! Tae! I wanna fuck you bad.”

“I knew you weren’t polite all the time.” Taehyung breathed as his neck was bitten and sucked by Jungkook who smirked into the skin.

Jungkook moved away from the wall and carried Tae to his bed, dropping him down and carefully removing the lace shorts. He looked to the bedside table and could see the bottle of lube already out and he smirked again but didn’t waste any time in squeezing some of the clear gel onto his fingers.

Tae eagerly opened his legs as Jungkook hovered above him and pressed his fingers into his skin as he felt a finger circling his rim. He bucked his hips and pushed down onto his fingers, impatience getting the better of him as Jungkook fingered him open.

There was a clash of teeth and a lot of saliva spread over their mouths as they kissed hungrily, Tae’s velvet tone boomed around the room and every sound made Jungkook’s cock leak more.

When he felt Tae was relaxed enough he removed his fingers and coated his member, settling between Tae’s legs and pushing in slowly. It was not the moment to be grinning but he couldn’t help it when he saw the fucked out look on Tae’s face and him flexing his fingers, outstretched arms, beckoning him.

Once he was buried to the hilt, he bent forwards, a forearm either side of Tae’s head, sensually licking into his mouth while he waited for permission to move. Once Tae could grip Jungkook’s shoulders he felt less needy and breathed the word ‘move’ into his mouth.

Jungkook’s mind was spinning, there was something primal about the way he was feeling and the pro baseball player in his head was doing a great job of batting away each negative thought as it arrived. He focused on the raw desire that was urging his pelvis to thrust forwards, driving his cock directly into Taehyung’s prostate, a fine sheen of perspiration forming, biceps bulging as he worked hard.

Tae was a mess, each profanity and groan that left his lips was as sinful as the last and it was driving Jungkook crazy. Tae’s orgasm was so close, he was willing it to stay away because he didn’t want this to end but there was no stopping it. His impending climax gathered pace, like the beginnings of a tornado, forming a powerful force that hit him like a twister ploughing through a small town.

He closed his eyes and his mouth fell open as a strangled moan left his throat and he shot his load between them. His whole body trembled and a wave of goosebumps rolled over his skin as he lost the ability to control his breathing.

Jungkook wasn’t far behind him, rolling his hips as he filled the red head, his body spent as he lay on Taehyung, panting, his orgasm spreading through his body.

Tae wrapped his arms around Jungkook and stroked his hair, he felt such a massive rush of emotion, he kissed his head and without a second thought whispered “I love… err… mmmm” stopping himself, trying to cover it up by kissing his head again.

Jungkook lifted his head, propping himself up on his elbow, moving his body to the side slightly “Pardon?”

Tae was well aware that the panic was very visible on his face “Oh erm… nothing. I see that the polite version of you is back.” the smile wasn’t convincing either.

“Tae, finish what you were going to say”

“What? When?” Tae looked across to the other side of the room, even though he knew full well that he wasn’t getting out of this.

Jungkook sighed, he had never really counted himself as a brave man but he didn’t think he was capable of many things that had happened over the last year.

“Tae…” another deep breath and a peck on the lips, he closed his eyes and continued “... I love you. Everyone saw it before I admitted it to myself but I can’t deny it. I love you, Tae.”

Tae’s heart stopped or sped up, he wasn’t sure which and swallowing wasn’t any use because he felt like he’d lost the ability to function like a normal human being “You do?”

Jungkook smiled and brushed the hair from Tae’s face “I do, I most definitely do and it’s scary but I really do love you.”

Tae’s eyes teared up, there was a time when he didn’t think this moment would ever come “I love you. I love you too, like… so much.”

The next time they kissed, it was better than any of the other kisses they had shared because this time it was filled with the emotion and love that they both felt for each other.

Chapter 14: The Hotel

Notes:

So... this is the penultimate chapter, everyone :-(

Thank you for the comments and kudos and for sharing this journey :-) xx

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“So your birthday plans went to shit because you didn’t expect him to fuck the life out of you?”

Minseok was laughing, he had found the whole situation hilarious when Tae had told him what had happened.

“The plans did not go to shit. They just didn’t go to plan once we got into my bedroom.”

“That is so funny. You’d been worried about it for weeks and the only part you were excited about, was the part that didn’t go to plan.”

“It was amazing. Seok, the way he lifted me up, oh my God.”

“You’ve always had a thing for muscles. I remember when you got that job, you were beside yourself.”

“You exaggerate. Anyway, what are you wearing? You are going to love Hobi.”

“Let’s not get carried away. You are the one who is sickly in love.”

“I am, I actually am.”

“Bleurgh!” Minseok pretended to put his fingers down his throat and faked sick noises.

Tae smacked him on the arm “That could be you, soon. What are you wearing? Don’t make me ask you again.”

Minseok huffed and puffed. He didn’t do ‘dating’, he liked to go out and randomly find someone to spend the night with then carry on with his life until he had the urge to do it again. Taehyung was always moaning at him to find someone steady instead of all the one night stands which sometimes, on rare occasions, made it into 2 nights.

“I’m wearing these jeans and that shirt.” he said, holding up a pair of black ripped jeans and pointing to a mint green shirt.

Tae studied both and nodded in approval “What are you doing with your hair? Where are you taking him?”

“My hair is staying like this and ‘he’ is taking me to dinner.”

“Ooooooh. Where is he taking you?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you and Mr wall sex will turn up.”

“We didn’t have sex against the wall… but I really want to… great idea…. I… erm…...I’ve forgotten what I was going to say, now.”

Minseok laughed and Bear started barking at his feet, jumping around “See, even Bear thinks you are funny.”

“Bear, does not, think I am funny. Besides, he’s Kookie’s biggest fan.”

“Can you please try not to look so bitter when you say that.” Minseok said through more laughter.

“I am seriously questioning our friendship, right now.”

“No you aren’t, that’s just something you tell yourself from time to time. Hobi isn’t anything like you, is he?”

“Why would Hobi be like me?”

“It’s a fear.”

“I’m starting to think that I’ve done the wrong thing because Hobi is too nice for you.”

“I’m going on the date aren’t I? You love me.”

“You! Be good to him. You are great and so is he. Good luck.”

“I will be on my best behaviour.”

 

**

 

Jimin was jumping around Hobi’s apartment, throwing clothes onto the bed while Yoongi sat and watched.

“Babe, I think Hobi can dress himself.” Yoongi looked at Hobi, they had been there for over an hour and he was trying to show him solidarity without offending his over dramatic boyfriend.

“I am well aware that he can dress himself, even though his style his questionable at times.”

Hobi went to speak but Yoongi shook his head. The best thing to do in this situation was let Jimin get on with it because he was a whirlwind of dramatics and he could flounce better than anyone else they knew.

“Where are you taking him?” Yoongi did not want to be there and hated making small talk but he loved Jimin and knew his heart was in the right place.

“A restaurant that Joon suggested.”

“You need to wear this and this. Have the shirt open with this t-shirt underneath… oh… and these shoes. Are you nervous?”

“Why that shirt?” Hobi pulled a face at Jimin’s selection.

“Because it all matches and it looks nice. Are you nervous?”

“It’s a blind date, set up by you morons, so yes, I’m nervous”

“Stop sulking.” Jimin started rooting through the various colognes on the cabinet.

“I’m not sulking, I am firmly protesting to all this fuss. Yoon, can’t you take him home?”

Yoongi opened his eyes wide as Jimin shot him a look “We all know it’s better to let him help.”

Jimin grinned and poked his tongue out at Hobi.

“He’s only saying that because you will put him on another blow job ban!”

“What?! You told him?” Yoongi was the one glaring at Jimin, now.

“It was ages ago and you’ve not had one since.”

“That is not the point and you know it.”

Jimin went over to Yoongi and attempted to kiss him but he moved his head. Jimin put on his best pout and leaned closer to Yoongi’s ear “Baby, you can do anything you want to me when we get home.”

Hobi smiled from across the room as Jimin gave him an evil glare.

“Anything?” Yoongi asked quietly.

“Anything” Jimin replied, his breath hot on Yoongi’s ear.

"God, you are so easy!" Hobi laughed at Yoongi.

"Fuck off. I'm going to grab a coffee and leave you two alone" Yoongi smirked.

"Oh great! I won't forget this!" Hobi called out as Yoongi left the room.

 

**

 

Tae was feeling a bit concerned because Jungkook had been so quiet. They'd not really spoken much in the car on the way to the hotel, the conversation had been mostly Tae telling Jungkook about Bear having Jin and Namjoon wrapped around his paw.

They had checked in and were welcomed with a basket of fruit, 2 bottles of champagne and a reservation for dinner. Jungkook had sent his friends a text in their group chat to thank them for the birthday luxury, then swiftly switched his phone off when Jimins replies became explicit.

As they sat across the lavishly decorated table, a pillar candle flickering in the centre, it felt like a first date. Tae reached his right hand out, placing it over the top of Jungkook's left hand.

"Is there something wrong?" Tae didn't usually like to ask, he was content with allowing Jungkook the space spill his thoughts when he felt it was right.

However, he had been so quiet that Tae needed to ask. He'd got lost in thoughts of negativity, insecurities that perhaps their declaration of love had been something Jungkook now regretted. If the problem troubling Jungkook was about Minho or his past then Tae was happy to let him talk when he was ready.

Jungkook's gaze dropped to their hands then back to the beautiful face across from him. He knew he had been quiet, he was sure that Tae would ask him but he wasn't sure what to say. If he was honest with himself, he felt silly. Each time they'd been intimate, he had experienced the feeling of being a virgin all over again. The emotions that coursed through his mind and body had been so foreign that it was as if he no longer knew that part of himself.

He had been allowed to take control and to see the effect he'd had on Tae had been overwhelming, to be responsible for such pleasure was a novelty. He had thought about speaking to Jin but hadn't known where to start or even what the issue is. Tae had been so patient with him but he worried that he wouldn't wait forever.

"You are freaking out and you said you would tell me when you felt like freaking out."

Jungkook inhaled deeply, he knew that Tae was right, he had promised him that he would be honest.

"I don't know who I am any more. It all feels so messy in here" Jungkook tapped his head with his finger.

"Okay. Which part is causing the most conflict?"

"Thinking about being with you"

Jungkook saw the horror appear on Tae's face as the reality of his words had been taken in a way he hadn't intended. Tae's eyes began to glaze over and he felt nauseous.

"No, no. Tae, no, I didn't mean it like that…" Jungkook took hold of Tae's hand "...I mean, intimately. When I'm with you, it is so different from… from, before. I was used to being a certain way and now I'm having to get used to something completely different. I don't know how to be."

Tae still wasn't really sure that he understood what Jungkook was saying.

"You can be whoever you want to be, Kookie."

"I'm scared of disappointing you."

"Have you finished your food?" Tae spoke as quickly as he could, standing up just as fast when Jungkook nodded.

He took Jungkook by the hand and walked through the ornate restaurant, the lavish halls, he gripped his hand in the elevator and hurriedly placed the key card onto the sensor to open their hotel room door. Jungkook was a bit stunned, being practically dragged through to their room, his feet moving quickly as Tae marched ahead.

Tae had promised himself that he would never lose control and he would never make the situation about him by releasing his true feelings but standing there, looking at the most beautiful man he had ever seen, he completely lost it.

Tears rolled down his face, falling freely, his voice much louder than he had ever intended, all the hurt and anger roared through the air as he screamed. All the times he had kept his voice low and calm whilst he listened to Jungkook talk about the abuse and pain he had suffered at the hands of the man who supposedly loved him, all the times he had taken deep breaths and balled his fists out of sight…. it all reached its peak, boiling over, a volcano erupting because the pressure had built up.

"I can't stand it! I don't even know Minho but I'm glad he is dead. He didn't deserve you!! Do you have any idea how much I hate him? I've never felt such hatred for someone I have never met!! I hate him because I love you and it hurts to see the turmoil you go through unnecessarily."

Jungkook stood wide eyed, rushing towards Tae and taking him into his arms, holding his face in his hands "ssshhhh, Tae, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

His face was soaked with emotion, his voice quieter now "I don't know how to make you believe that you could never disappoint me. I don't know how to undo the terrible things he did to you. What if it is me who disappoints? What if I'm not good enough for you?"

Jungkook's eyes now leaked, his face staining with tears "You can't undo what has been done. I'm simply, lost, Tae. I'm lost and scared. I'm so scared of everything. I don't want to be like him."

Tae frowned in confusion "What do you mean? You aren't like him?"

"The last night we were together in your room. I was… I was the one who did it and I… it was me… and you… let me and…"

It was then that everything made sense. Taehyung understood what Jungkook had been trying to say, he understood why it was all causing him so much grief.

"If you take control you're scared that you will be like him and if you let me take control, it feels familiar but still causes you hurt. That's why you don't know how to be?"

Jungkook nodded.

"You need to do what makes you feel good. If you do that, I will feel good. I had hoped that you would like that underwear I wore for your birthday. I wanted to spoil you in bed and lavish you with attention…" a huge smile appeared at the memory "... but your reaction was better than anything I had planned. The way you touched me, the way you looked at me and carried me to bed, fuck, that was hot! Feeling you, watching you act on your desire was such a turn on. You made me feel amazing, I felt sexy, desired and wanted. I'm going to hazard a guess that Minho never made you feel like that?"

"Maybe in the beginning but it was rare."

"So you can't be like him, you see?"

And he did, see. Jungkook understood that he could be that person who acted on raw passion and he wouldn't be like Minho because he loved Taehyung. He would once again focus on the reactions of Tae and listen to him when he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I got myself into such a state. I was thinking about today and suddenly I didn't know whether I was a top or bottom. It was all so unclear and I didn't know what to expect or what you expected. I don't know what you want me to be. Then I thought about the times we have been together and my head was so messy. I'm sorry I have ruined this time for us. It was meant to be special."

"It is special. Nothing is ruined. We need to communicate as much as possible. I enjoy anything and everything with you. What I want you to be, is happy. I want you to take control when the mood takes you. I want you to feel good when I am the one in control. I want every decision to make us both feel amazing and for you to not worry about it. Kiss me, Kookie. I'm not asking, I'm telling you to kiss me because I want you. I want you any way I can have you."

Jungkook pressed their lips together, as always, closing his eyes first, feeling the tension wane as his tongue found comfort in Taehyung's mouth. They kissed until their faces were dry and their lips were tingling.

"You make me feel so amazing" Jungkook was breathless, he needed Tae to know the good things too.

"How do you want me?"

"Pardon?"

Tae smirked, he took Jungkook's hand and placed it on his crotch "I want you, anyway and every way. Tell me what you want."

Jungkook released a quiet moan as Tae sensually kissed his neck, his mind starting to combust as he could feel Tae hardening beneath his hand.

"I want to be inside you."

Tae smiled against his neck, teeth grazing and nibbling, more turned on by Jungkook's words than he ever thought was possible.

"Tell me, tell me what else you want. I want you to feel the effect your words have. I want you to fuck me. Tell me, how you want me, Kookie."

They were both still fully clothed, standing in the room, Jungkook's right hand on the red heads bulge, his left on his nape. Both of Tae's hands entangled in Jungkook's hair, while he created a line of love bites, colour blooming on his skin.

"I want to see you. I want to watch you when you cum. Will you ride me?"

"Where do you want me to ride you? Bed? Floor? Sofa?"

"Sofa" he blushed, he wasn't sure why.

"I'd ride you anywhere you wanted me to. Fuck, you're gorgeous."

Jungkook could feel how hard Tae was. He could feel the desire, he could hear how much Tae wanted him. His tone was dark and husky, speaking then attaching his lips to Jungkook's neck once more.

This is what Jungkook had always wanted, the type of connection that was difficult to contain at times. The sort of relationship where the sexual tension was always present, bubbling away, regardless of how often they were intimate, the hunger always under the surface, never quite satisfied. He knew this is what he had found with Taehyung. He knew he wanted to let himself go, to be free of the chains of his past, easier said than done, but he really wanted to try.

Tae pushed his hips forward, pushing his crotch into Jungkook's hand. He yanked his top out of his waistband and pouted when he couldn't get his hands underneath it. A smirk formed on Jungkook's face as he gave in and helped Tae remove his top.

"I want you naked" Tae whispered "I want you to get me naked"

Jungkook was starting to realise that Tae's words were sending little shocks of pleasure, straight to his cock. There was a feeling in his stomach, the most intense butterflies, as he removed Tae's clothes, revealing the sumptuous skin underneath, the feeling intensified. He felt a bit desperate as he fumbled with his belt, his pulse thrumming in his temples as he left them both in just their underwear.

Taehyung's lips were puffy and tinged red, still attacking Jungkook's neck and shoulders "Off" he managed, fingers pinging the waistband of Jungkook's boxers. Once naked, he turned them around and pushed his man backwards until he was sitting on the sofa.

The back rest of the sofa was more or less level with Jungkook's shoulders so Tae could hold onto it easily. He handed a bottle of lube to Jungkook, running his hands through his hair, kissing him firmly “Kookie, please hurry” he was breathing heavily, he was so horny that he felt quite delirious “I love your fingers”

Jungkook still felt like somewhat of a novice as he fingered Tae open but he was learning quickly, taking note when he got a certain reaction. He was under Tae’s spell, hypnotised by the red headed man squirming in his lap, hair tousled, eyes glazed with lust, unable to control his mouth as he begged Jungkook to remove his fingers.

Tae seated himself on Jungkook’s length, his hands on the back of the sofa either side of his shoulders, a loud groan escaping his throat as he was filled completely. Jungkook’s fingers kneaded Tae’s hips, they kissed messily as Tae moved rhythmically, knees digging into the sofa.

“How do you feel, Kookie?” Tae breathed into his ear.

“I… I want... “

“Tell me what you want.”

“Wanna fuck you, Tae.”

“God, yes, please.”

Jungkook let go of his hips and planted his hands, palms down onto the sofa, thrusting his pelvis upwards as Tae held onto his shoulders. It made all the work in the gym worthwhile as his biceps and thighs burned from the effort.

“God I never want anyone else…” Tae was rambling, his whole body moving as he was thrust into “... so perfect, fuck, you are so perfect…”

Jungkook could feel his confidence growing the more Tae uttered praises. He decided that an inflated ego was easier to deal with than insecurities.

As Tae came, spilling between their bodies, Jungkook filled him soon afterwards. Both breathless, holding each other close, sloppy kisses left on their cheeks by the other.

“The only disappointment I feel is that it’s over.” Tae smiled “that was fantastic.”

Jungkook smiled, his ego was definitely swelling and he didn’t mind Tae being disappointed if that was the reason.

“You make me feel so good.” Jungkook said as he brushed some hair from Tae’s eyes.

“Can I make a request, Kookie?”

“Erm… yes?”

“Will you fuck me against the wall, one day?”

“Are you blushing, Tae?”

“No, I’m just hot. You are blushing though” Tae buried his face in Jungkook’s neck.

“I’m not the one denying the fact that I’m blushing.”

Taehyung put his tongue between his lips and blew a raspberry, making Jungkook laugh “Will you fuck me against the wall or not?”

“I will. Where did that come from?”

“Your birthday evening at mine, you picked me up and I may have a bit of a thing for that.”

“How about the shower wall? Does that count?”

Taehyung sat up and Jungkook was sure that he saw his eyes light up as he nodded quickly, causing them both to laugh.

“I love you, Kookie.”

“I love you too. Shower?”

Notes:

My new story 'Twin Flame' is up and another new one will be posted in the next couple of weeks. Plus keep your eyes peeled for the next installment of the 'Occupational Hazards' series.

Chapter 15: Epilogue

Summary:

The Epilogue.

Notes:

*Sniff sniff* - it has been an emotional journey but we are at the end. I hope you enjoy this final chapter and the huge journey that Jungkook has been on.
I thought since it is Valentines Day that I should share the love and complete this story.
If you have enjoyed this and haven't read my other stories, check them out <3

Borahae :-) xx

Chapter Text

"Pardon? Could you repeat that?"

"Ugh! You are so polite. We need to work on your dirty mouth."

"I thought you liked that I am polite?"

It was a lazy Sunday morning, Tae was lying on his stomach, feet in the air, reading a message from Minseok on his phone. Jungkook lay beside him, staring at the ceiling, Bear curled into his side.

"I love that you are such a gentleman but that doesn't mean we can't work on some filth."

Jungkook chuckled "What else did Minseok say?"

"Just that he wants to take Hobi away for a week"

"They are so cute together. Who'd have thought that would've worked out as well as it has?"

"I know! It's so exciting! I didn't think it was going to happen after the first couple of months of messing around. Jimin still takes the credit for them getting together officially"

"Mini would take the credit for everything if he could, he still takes the credit for those sunflowers I bought you."

That felt like a lifetime ago. It was approaching Jungkook's birthday again and the second anniversary of the car accident that killed Minho. A lot had happened in the 12 months since the night in the luxury hotel for Jungkook's birthday last year. That time away had been momentous for Jungkook, he had realised that he was less stuck in the past when he was giving Tae what he wanted. The biggest epiphany had come in the shower, Tae had been so loud, louder than ever before, his back sliding up and down the tiled wall, his legs wrapped firmly around Jungkook's waist.

In the moment that Tae had come, praises spilling from his lips, unable to control his breathing as he went limp in Jungkook's arms… Jungkook felt different, he felt so good, he felt a huge sense of pride and achievement. A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind, this wasn't a second chance at a relationship, it was the life, the relationship he should always have had and he was going to own it.

It was a strange notion but he loved it when Tae told him what he wanted. It usually involved his muscles which was fine by him. Jungkook had increased his visits to the gym by an extra day, to start with it was because he wanted to see Tae but he reaped the benefits of the extra workout when he saw Tae reduced to putty in his hands.

One day, Tae had been pacing the gym, waiting for Jungkook to arrive for his workout. His work colleague had been laughing at him and told him to drag him into the stock room to get it out of his system. When he arrived, Tae couldn't contain himself, he asked Jungkook to help him move a box in the stock room and locked the door when they were both inside. He had grabbed him and kissed him frantically, out of breath before they'd even started kissing because he was so horny and desperate. Jungkook had giggled at the red head, asking him if he needed a box moving or if he'd just said that to get him in the room.

"Fuck me, Kookie. Right now." Tae had sounded whiny and desperate but he couldn't have cared less.

"Here? I'm seeing you later, Tae"

"I fingered myself earlier thinking about you. I want you. Now. Please."

Jungkook had choked on his own saliva, both from the image of Taehyung prepping himself and the fact that he looked like he was about to cry, he wanted him that badly.

Tae's hands were trembling, buzzing with excitement as he wrapped himself around his man. Jungkook pounded into him against the stock room wall, knocking a pile of boxes over in the process. The red head had clamped his mouth shut in a bid to stifle his moans but come with Jungkook's name on his lips.

They had explored so much with each other, sexually. Tae had written a list of the things he wanted to try with Jungkook and he'd encouraged Jungkook to do the same.

They'd had some tough times in the last year, the hardest being the anniversary of Minho's death. It was made so much harder because there was the anniversary of the day of the accident then 2 weeks later, the anniversary of the day they switched off the machines. On the 1st anniversary of the car accident, Tae had taken Jungkook to the theatre, he'd held his hand at the matinee, unable to do anything as the tears rolled down Jungkook's face. They'd got room service in the hotel afterwards so Jungkook hadn't had to sit in a restaurant and talk if he didn't want to. Taehyung had told the man with such pain on his face, that he could talk about whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and he would listen and hold him or do anything that he needed.

They'd played cards in bed after dinner whilst discussing the show, which Jungkook had said he'd enjoyed. He had spoken a bit about the accident and the events that had happened that day a year ago but hadn't dwelled on it too much. That night, he had the worst nightmare that he'd experienced, waking up screaming, inconsolable as Tae held him tight to stop him from hurting himself.

A fortnight later, Tae had been unable to contact his man and had frantically searched everywhere for him. The 5 friends had turned up at Tae's, taking him to where they knew that Jungkook would be.

At 14:07pm they reached Jungkook in the memorial garden, Jin whispering to Tae that it was the time that Minho had officially been pronounced dead. Tae had not breathed a word, just stood at Jungkook's side and held his hand. The 5 friends stood just behind them, as they had done in the hospital that day.

Jungkook had said goodbye to Minho that day, with Tae by his side and his family with him, he'd apologised to Minho for causing him to turn the car around but then he had said goodbye, walking away and never looking back.

He had handed his notice in on his apartment that day too. He couldn't move forward all the time he lived in the home he shared with Minho. Hobi had a spare room so Jungkook had moved in with him, until 6 months later when Tae had nervously suggested that Bear wanted Jungkook to move in. They had laughed so much when Jungkook found a spare door key attached to Bears collar and Tae had claimed it was all Bears idea, to save himself the embarrassment, should Jungkook have said no. There really wasn't a choice to be made, Jungkook practically spent every evening at Tae's place, anyway, especially since Minseok and Hobi were spending so much time together and Jungkook had walked in on them so many times.

The last 6 months of living together had been everything they had ever wanted. Taehyung's place was small but it was home and while he got his photography business off the ground, it meant rent was cheap and they started saving for a bigger place. The dance show that Tae had taken the school pictures for had been such a success that the school had asked him to take pictures for other events and then other schools had hired him for their events. He was inundated with requests and hadn't stopped thanking Jungkook for giving him the opportunity in the first place.

Jungkook had used his connection with kids, with the little mute boy next door. He started teaching him a simple dance and eventually over the months, the little boy had started singing the words to the song as he danced. Bear always joined Jungkook when he was there and even though the boy still wasn't talking properly, the progress was evident and the neighbours were so thankful to Taehyung and Jungkook, offering to have Bear whenever they needed time alone.

"You mean Jimin bought the sunflowers?" Tae said whilst replying to Minseok.

"No. I bought them. I asked him if I should take them with me so he has taken the credit ever since."

"You had to ask Jimin if you should bring me flowers?"

"I didn't know if you liked flowers."

"I bet you were freaking out."

Jungkook blushed "I was not"

Taehyung raised his eyebrows and grinned "You definitely were."

"Anyway, where is Minseok taking Hobi?"

"Diversion, I like it. He wants to take him to Tokyo."

"I am not diverting. Hobi will love Tokyo."

"Seok has always had a thing for the Japanese. He used to wear a kimono all the time."

"They will have a lot of fun. Where would you like to go?"

"Heaven, but you take me there, often"

Taehyung was smirking at Jungkook who had rolled his eyes.

"You are impossible"

"Yeah but you love me, Mr Jeon"

"Now who is being all formal?"

"It's only noticeable because it is rare. You're polite enough for both of us."

"There's nothing wrong with being well spoken."

"Tell me you wanna fuck me"

"Pardon?"

Tae giggled "Tell me you want to ruin my ass so I ache when I walk"

"Tae!"

"Tell me how much you want me to eat you out and feel my tongue in your hole."

"Oh my god. Tae. No."

Taehyung was giggling, still laying on his stomach, swinging his feet in the air, enjoying how red in the face his boyfriend was. He knew Jungkook could say those things because every now and again, in the heat of the moment he would say the odd sentence.

"Should I call you, Daddy?"

"Please be quiet"

"Is that a yes? Would you like me to beg you for your cock, Daddy?"

Jungkook moved quickly, practically launching himself on top of Tae which made Tae giggle more.

"You. Are. Awful." He said covering Tae with his body and kissing his nape, causing the man beneath him to shiver.

"Tell me what you want, Kookie"

"I want… you."

"How do you want me? You know I'm yours."

Tae loved the feeling of having Jungkook on top of him. At first Jungkook was always worried that he was heavy but eventually it was clear that Tae wanted the weight on him, he was turned on by the feeling of being pressed into the mattress, unable to move. Jungkook had access to his neck and shoulders, nibbling and sucking the soft skin, knowing Tae would be getting hard.

"Tae"

"Tell me. I can feel your hard cock. Tell me what you want."

"I want to be inside you"

"Did you say, you wanna fuck me?"

"No. I said I want to be inside you."

"Well… I wanna be fucked, Kookie so get the lube."

Jungkook kissed Tae's shoulder and felt under the pillow for the tube they'd discarded there last night. Bear jumped off the bed, deciding it was time to move.

As he smothered himself in the gel, Tae parted his legs, resting his chin on his hands "You are so hot" he still marvelled at his boyfriends body.

"You want it like this?" Jungkook asked, since Tae hadn't moved.

"Yep. Fuck me into the mattress."

"You are shameless enough for both of us" Jungkook said as he once again covered Tae with his body, sliding between his legs and entering him, still pretty loose from their sex session last night, which had started with Tae sucking Jungkook off in the lounge while he was on the phone to Jimin, a call which ended abruptly when he started fingering himself.

Tae moved his hands from under his chin, turning his head to one side as Jungkook buried himself completely. Their bodies flush together, Jungkook placing his hands over Tae's and intertwining their fingers as he rolled his body, pushing his pelvis forwards. He groaned into Tae's ear, feeling the warmth and tightness squeezing his erection as he moved, knowing full well that he was rubbing on Tae's sweet spot with every movement.

"Oh my God, yes." Tae was in one of his favourite positions, totally engulfed by his man, feeling every inch of his member inside him, his own cock rubbing against the bedding as his whole body moved with Jungkook's.

They gripped each others fingers as they both reached their orgasms, Jungkook smothering Tae's shoulders in kisses before he flopped to the side.

"God I love you" Tae's words, spoken between heavy breaths.

Jungkook giggled "You always love me after sex"

"That's because you, Mr Jeon, are the best fuck, ever!"

"You. Are. Awful"

 

**

 

"I really don't get why you are fretting so much" Jimin said, his face agreeing with the words that left his mouth.

"There really is nothing to be freaking out about" Jin agreed.

"I'd be freaking out, massively"

Jimin and Jin whipped their heads around to glare at Yoongi.

"Ignore him, he's being grumpy" Jimin offered.

"Is he on another ban?" the only conclusion Jin could come to.

"Is there anyone who doesn't know?" Yoongi crossed his arms over his chest.

"And people think that I am the brat in our relationship" Jimin laughed.

"Guys! Can we please not deviate from the topic of conversation? Yoon, just get the handcuffs out and wear those red leather shorts and you know that will end your ban." Jungkook paced the room.

Yoongi rubbed his face with his hands and looked at his boyfriend "Is nothing sacred?"

Jimin giggled "When something is 'that' great, you just have to talk about it"

Yoongi sighed but considered his boyfriends words with a small smile.

"Guys! Please!"

"Right okay, sorry Kook" Jin said.

"Where's Hobi when I need someone sensible?" Jungkook looked around the room.

"That's rude. Hobi is probably balls deep in the other Seok." Jimin mused.

"The 'other' Seok?" Jin questioned.

"Yes! There are 3 of you so Minseok is the 'other' one. They are 2Seok"

"Wow! You have too much thinking time." Jin added.

"Guys!!"

Jungkook was definitely freaking out, pacing the room and practically pulling his hair out.

"Okay, okay, sorry" Jimin sat down.

"So… you've bought promise rings and you're in emotional turmoil over it" Jin had been listening after all.

"Not quite but yes. I've never bought anyone anything like this. I've not really bought him very much at all."

"Yeah, you are pretty shit with presents."

"I agree with Yoon. Didn't you buy him a lens for his birthday?" Jin nodded.

"That's what he wanted" Jungkook's brows furrowed.

"That doesn't mean that is all you have to get him. You got him a laptop for xmas. Boring."

"This is bullying. I've got 3 of my closest friends here and you're all bullying me."

"It's the truth. Tae is so romantic and thoughtful and so dreamy. You need to up your game" Jimin's words made Yoongi frown.

"Dreamy? Sounds like you've got a crush on him" Yoongi suggested.

"And what if I have? Are you jealous?"

"Oh my God! How on earth are you two still together? Of course Mini doesn't have a crush on MY boyfriend. Stop it, both of you!"

All 3 looked at Jungkook and laughed, as Jin spoke "someone else is jealous I see"

Jungkook glared at Jin "I am getting no help here at all."

"Look, Kook, those little silver bands with the tiny purple hearts with each others name engraved on the inside, are absolutely perfect. I will keep him out at lunch while you sort dinner or whatever it is that you're doing. Jin has already asked to borrow Bear so you can fuck him anywhere you want to, without being barked at. Stop freaking out. Tae loves you, more than I've seen someone love anyone. It's a promise ring, not an engagement ring."

Jimin's words echoed around Jungkook's head as he got the ready meals out of the fridge and put them in the oven. He had spent ages trying to remember what kind of meal, Tae had cooked for them, the first night Jungkook had gone there. Eventually it had come to him and he had bought the same because it seemed fitting.

He really wasn't very good at all this romantic stuff. In their relationship, it was Tae who was the romantic, he always left little notes for him or turned up to wait for him after work. He didn't need a special occasion to lavish romance on Jungkook because it was just a part of who he is. It had taken some getting used to, being spoiled and treated without an agenda. The years with Minho had taught him that good things came at a price so he was wary for a long time. When bracing himself for the negativity that never arrived, he had to learn that the little romantic gestures were simply evidence of how Tae felt about him and he didn't expect anything in return. One of many lessons he had to learn and another obstacle overcome.

Tonight was all about Tae, it was something he'd been planning for months. Since they'd got together it seemed that everything had always been about him, Tae worried about him constantly and loved taking care of him, so this evening was going to be different.

Trying to keep it all a secret had been a task in itself and Jungkook had to hide his outfit at Jins. He had wanted something that Tae would not expect but since it was an evening indoors, it couldn't be too formal. He stood in front of the mirror and didn't feel 100% confident. Taehyung was always commenting on the loose clothing he wore, he loved Jungkook's muscles and would have him nude all the time if he could. He really wasn't sure as he eyed the black leather look trousers that clung to his thighs and the white capped sleeve t-shirt that was tucked into the waistband and showed the ridges of his chest. He had a black blazer in his hand and he really wanted to put it on and button it up but chose to be brave, reminding himself that this was about Tae and he hoped his reaction would justify his decision.

"Kookie? Are you home?"

Jungkook gulped as he heard Tae's voice in the hallway. He counted to 3 because that had got him this far ever since he had met Tae, then walked out of the bedroom and into the lounge.

"Is Mini okay?" he did his best 'normal' voice as he saw Tae in the fridge, waiting for him to turn around.

"Yeah he's, just… himself. You know better than anyone what he is like. Yoongi got out of his ban with those red shorts, by the way. Do you want a drink?"

"No thanks. Those shorts always work, I don't know why they bother."

Tae was bustling around, chatting away while pouring a drink, placing the bottle back into the fridge "It's one of their many games, that keep their relati… relation…" Jungkook had never seen Tae's jaw drop quite like this before. Tae stopped, glass in his hand, his eyes the size of dinner plates "woah!"

Jungkook grinned "One of their many games, that what?" He tilted his head, the look on Tae's face giving him confidence to be a little brazen.

"Erm… what games?"

"You were talking about Mini and Yoon?"

Tae took a few steps forward "I was?"

"You were"

A smirk formed on Jungkook's face as he saw Tae swallow hard.

"Is that new?"

"Is what new?"

Tae put his drink down and stood in front of Jungkook, at arms length, looking him up and down.

"This outfit. Is it new?"

"Do you like it?"

"God, yes. Kookie, you look… erm… God, you look… fuck… I could cum right here"

Jungkook held back the laugh that lingered in his throat. He had known he would get a reaction from his boyfriend but this had exceeded anything he'd expected.

"I'm pleased you like it." Jungkook took a step towards Tae and was a little surprised when the red head backed away from him.

"Are we going out?"

Jungkook shook his head at Tae's question and Tae moved forwards into his arms "I don't trust myself so if we were going out I'd need to keep my distance. God I want you so badly, right now, fucking hell"

"I'd have worn something like this sooner if I'd known this would be the reaction."

"Can we go to bed?" Tae ran his hands over Jungkook's thighs, loving how soft the fabric was and how his thigh muscles strained underneath it.

"Are you drooling, baby?"

Taehyung choked "I'm sorry, what?" he wasn't going to survive the evening. Jungkook had never called him 'baby' before and his semi hard member just got that bit harder.

"You like that too?" Jungkook smiled.

"Okay, where is my boyfriend and what have you done with him?"

Jungkook couldn't hold in the giggle this time "I love you, Tae."

"I love you too but will definitely love you more, once you've fucked me senseless, I'm just not sure whether I want you clothed or not."

"I need to get the dinner out of the oven while you decide" Jungkook pecked Tae on the lips and went to the kitchen.

"You cooked, too? Have I missed something? Fuck… your arse looks amazing" Tae was definitely drooling as Jungkook bent over to open the oven door.

"I learned from the best. I've cooked your favourite ready meal,"

Tae laughed "Now I'm suspicious. You never buy ready meals, you can cook. What's the occasion? Have I forgotten something?"

Jungkook dished up the meals and put them on the table "You haven't forgotten anything. Hungry?"

"For you, yes" Tae said as he sat down.

Jungkook managed to steer conversation back to Jimin and Yoongi, while they were eating, not missing the way Tae's eyes kept darting down to his chest. He played their playlist through the speaker from his phone, over the time they'd been together, songs had been added here and there from a night out or a lunch date.

"I'm going to run you a bath"

"What? Why? Do I smell?" Tae pouted.

"No. I want to do something for you. You do so much for me."

"Because I love you. Now, tell me what all this is in aid of"

Jungkook took a deep breath "Can I run you a bath first?"

"No. Firstly, you are not getting out of that outfit and secondly, please tell me what all this is for."

"Alright." Jungkook got up from the table, disappearing into the hallway, then reappeared with a box in his hand. He pulled Tae up and took another deep breath, hoping he remembered everything he wanted to say.

"Tae, tonight is about you because I wanted to show you how much I love you. I'm not really very good at the romance stuff so I'm just going to give you this. I bought promise rings, because I want to promise you that I will try, always. I promise to love you, forever and I promise to never forget how much you have done for me"

Tae looked in the box at the 2 rings, taking them out and doing his best to swallow down the huge lump in his throat. He had loved Jungkook before he'd admitted it to himself, probably from the day he had not known the reason he had left the gym, unwell.

Jungkook took the ring with his name inside and put it on Tae's finger, holding out his hand so Tae could return the favour. It wasn't like Tae to be so quiet and rarely was he lost for words so Jungkook held the hand he had put the ring on and brought it up to his lips, leaving a wet kiss on his knuckles.

"And I promise to love you, forever, beyond forever, in fact, because I can't ever think of a time when I wouldn't love you. Everything I have done, has been out of love and because you deserve to be happy."

"I am happy…. I promise" Jungkook connected their mouths, their tongues not holding back as they curled around each other.

Tae reached around, placing his hands on his boyfriends behind, exhaling noisily as he squeezed the flesh.

"Fuck me" he breathed into Jungkook's mouth.

"I was going to run you a bath."

"Fuck me, Kookie"

"I've got candles and bubble bath"

"We can have a bath after you've fucked me."

Jungkook grabbed Tae by his hips and pulled him forwards sharply, causing a yelp to leave his lips "If you won't have a bath, will you dance with me?"

"Here?"

"Yes, baby… here"

Tae melted, the last time they'd been out dancing they'd worked each other up so much that he had ridden Jungkook in the car before they left the car park, then had to wait for the windows to clear.

Tae put his arms around Jungkook's neck, even the air struggled to get between their bodies. Jungkook's hands were gripping the red heads backside, his thigh between his legs as they moved to the music. Taehyung couldn't help but roll his pelvis in a figure of 8, his heart rate increasing as his crotch rubbed against his man. The music floated around the room, they closed their eyes, at first cheek to cheek then Jungkook left a few kisses on Tae's jaw, moving to his neck.

The red head tilted his head and groaned at the contact, the song playing was one that they both loved after hearing it whilst at a restaurant one lunch time. Tae would usually have smiled at the memory but his cock was aching and every nerve ending was sparking in his body as his boyfriend teased his neck with his tongue.

Jungkook lifted the hem of Tae's top and pulled it over his head, they didn't stop moving their bodies to the music as he went back to kissing Tae's neck. His insides were burning, he ran his hands down to Jungkook's biceps, then to his waist and reluctantly removed the white t-shirt that was now his favourite item of his boyfriends wardrobe.

They both felt the intense desire, both intoxicated with lust, yet everything was slow and sensual. The way their bodies were synchronized, grinding against the other, the way their tongues explored the others mouth. Nothing else mattered in this moment, no one else existed in their world but the 2 of them, the beat of the music filtered through the air, laced with the heavy breaths and moans as their trousers and underwear were thrown to the side.

Jungkook held Tae firmly, pressing their bodies close, he walked him over to the sofa and gently lowered him down so he was sitting. Thankfully they kept a bottle of lube in the lounge for such occasions when they couldn't make it across the hallway to their bedroom.

Tae parted his legs, Jungkook knelt on the floor, grabbing his legs and pulling him to the edge. Tae's eyes closed as Jungkook inserted a finger and nibbled the inside of his thighs. He put his legs over his mans shoulders while he opened him up and sucked on his balls. Jungkook was adept at finding his prostate and made sure that he grazed over it, knowing it would tease Tae and make him beg.

Taehyung's body started to tremble, he had one hand on Jungkook's head and the other grabbing at the cushion beside him. He was unable to control the noises leaving his throat as his prostate was nudged again and again, he could feel Jungkook's tongue on his perineum and it was all too much "I'm coming" the husky words forced out with his deep breaths as the orgasm flowed through him.

Tae reached out for his boyfriend who obliged, kneeling on the sofa and connecting their mouths as he wanted. He shifted his body, pulling Jungkook on top of him as he lay on his back, wrapping his legs around his waist, pushing with his heels for Jungkook to enter him. A silent moan left them both as Tae was filled, their bodies grinding together as they had done earlier to the music. It wasn't heated or fast, the way he moved his pelvis and stared into each others eyes, so many silent thoughts spoken through the look.

Jungkook buried his face in Tae's neck as he reached his climax, the orgasm catching him by surprise, powerful and intense rendering him unable to move as he rested on top of his man.

"Can I run you a bath now?"

"Yes, Kookie… only if you are joining me."

"Of course I will" Jungkook said, leaving kisses on Tae's face as he hoisted himself off the sofa.

"Can you wear that outfit again? Oh and definitely call me 'baby' more often. That is so hot."

Jungkook turned as he was about to leave the lounge, grinning at Tae who was now sitting upright on the sofa…

"How about we have a shower instead and I fuck you against the wall, baby?"

Jungkook laughed, he had never seen Taehyung move so fast… they could have a bath another day.

Notes:

If you are enjoying this, please check out my other works.
The Boss and When Your Heart Decides For You are popular Taekook stories and I have some non Taekook fic too, requested by friends.
Thank you for your support & if you have any idea's for future fic please leave a comment.
MiJay_V95