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Moondust

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Lookin' at you, like a star

Tony holds the boy in his arms as close as possible, eyes tightly shut as he begs all the problems in his life to simply melt away. “I love you, Pete. So much. Please never forget that.”

He can feel the smile breaking out on Peter’s face. “I love you, too.”

“Promise you won’t forget.”

“Tony, wha-”

“Promise, please.”

“I promise.”

 

From a place, the world forgot

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Tony flinches at his father’s threatening voice. “I don’t know what you mean by-”

“I saw you with your little slut, Tony.” His heart stops. “Do I have to remind you that you’re promised to Obadiah’s daughter so I can finally get a hold of that damn company.” 

He stares at his father with pleading eyes. “I don’t love her, dad. I love Peter.”

The hand that connects with his cheek stops him before he even has the chance to explain how much Peter has saved him. 

“I don’t care. You seem to have forgotten that this isn’t about your happiness, Tony - life isn't about love. It’s about the money.” Tony stays silent during the following speech, knowing that it’s pointless to argue no matter how right he is.


And there's nothing, that I can do

 

He spends the following days in the desperate attempt to come up with a solution for all of this but there is none. 

And his father is right. Peter deserves a life with someone that can give him all the love he needs - all the love he deserves. 

Tony will never be able to do that. He's too broken - too far gone. 

 

Except bury my love for you

 

Peter smiles brightly as he watches his boyfriend approach in the far distant. He has been slightly worried since none of his calls and texts had been returned but it's all fine now. Tony is here. 

At least he thinks so until the other man is close enough for Peter to see his face. He takes a step back upon looking at it. 

There isn't the typical quirk of his lips as he smiles at him. His warm eyes are cold, shutting him out. There is no sign of affection anywhere. Peter shudders. 

 

The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough

 

P eter is staring at him, fear etched into his beautiful, innocent features and Tony wants to drop dead. He’s the reason he looks like this - the reason he’s afraid.

He blinks and the memories flash behind his eyes. Memories of Peter smile, the way he blushes at the faintest kiss, the look in his eyes right before their lips connected for the first time. Tony tries to swallow the lump in his throat. 

Peter deserves better. It’s for the best. At least that is what Tony tells himself as he opens his mouth.

 

To bury my love, in the Moondust

 

Tony stares at the boy in front of him - this amazing, special boy he somehow managed to break during the few months they’ve known each other. “I’m sorry, Pete.”

“Tony, please-”

“No. You can’t see it but I am no good. I hurt everyone I care about.”

Peter’s eyes are cold, filled with hurt and anger as he stares back at him. “Oh, I can see it, alright.”

This time, Tony doesn't flinch at the hateful voice. He's too used to it. 

 

I long to hear your voice, but still, I make the choice

 

The girl is nice and cute but she’s boring and talks too much like Obadiah and not herself. Also, and that’s the important part, she isn’t Peter. He doesn’t want her. He wants Peter. His smile and laugh. 

Her voice is so different from his, he can’t even pretend the compliments she is uttering come from Peter instead. So, he kisses her to shut her up.

And if he tries just hard enough, maybe he can pretend that the warm lips on his belong to the same person his heart belongs to.

It doesn’t work, however. The illusion isn’t enough. It’ll never be enough.

 

To bury my love, in the moondust 

 

He sits alone in the darkness of his room when the announcement is made. The TV is the only light source, giving off unsettling flickers of light. He stares at it as the news roll across the screen followed by a variety of pictures. 

Peter wants to throw up.

Tony is smiling brightly with his arm tightly wrapped around the waist of the girl beside him. Peter knows that smile - it’s the one he’d always put on whenever he was asked about his family. 

It’s false; completely and utterly false.

Peter hauls the bottle in his hand at the TV screen, shattering it with a loud crash. He doesn’t want to see that false smile. His eyes close. Tony told him that this is for the best and he’ll respect his choice - no matter how much it kills him inside. 

And god, it does but his love for him makes Peter sit still and do nothing. There isn’t anything he can do, anyway. So, sitting in the dark it is.