I’m at a dead end.
I should be happy right i should be happy to see them smile. And I am I’m happy that they are happy but that doesn’t stop the pain that pulls at the pit of my stomach every time her name is mentioned. Each reminder of you seems to cut deeper and deeper. And I need to get over you , but I’m stuck in this labyrinth inside my head each turn I take seems to lead me the right way and as soon as I think I’m getting somewhere I’m stuck again at a dead end having to go back to square one and restart. And I don’t want to feel this way it’s just always there I was stupid to think I had a chance but I held on to the hope even though deep down I know I’d get nothing from it. I held on to that small glimmer of hope that small speck of light at the end of this continuous dark tunnel. That small speck soon vanished and I was left in the dark again trying to find my way back. When you told me I smiled, you couldn’t see but I wasn’t smiling not in the inside ,on the inside I was crying and screaming but I bottled it up . I held it I held the smile all day as I watched her hand trace your elbow as she rapped her arm around you I watched as you leaned into her but I kept the smile. When I got back to my room the smile faded my face became distorted and everything came crashing down that small glimmer of hope was now crushed the dark tunnel was no longer lit each turn I took it was a dead end. My face became damp and my knees became weak.
I had lost you even though you where never mine.
But don’t worry I’m fine I’m happy that your happy even if it isn’t with me. Knowing that your happy is enough.
Keith placed the small folded piece of paper carefully tucking it under a box so it was no longer in eyesight. He climbed into bed and let the tears pool around him drowning out his thoughts. He’s fine at least that’s what he tells himself.