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And so the World Faded Away

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The news of the summer of 2019 was a relatively boring affair. Nothing much of import happened in the world, well, a ton of things happened in the world, but depending on who was reading it, none of that mattered. What did matter was that the beloved fantasy drama Duel of Knights was back for its third season, and production had just been announced to have started, sending fan theorists into a frenzy, and online polls started up in droves to guess just what would happen this next season. 

They wondered whether the dark or light side would win, whether the kingdom of Alderaan would fall or work together with that of Mustafar, whether the relationship between Storm and Flyboy was just queer baiting or an actual romance that was blossoming to life. 

Above all, though, they wondered whether the slow burn between Kylo Ren and Kira, the black and white knights respectively, would finally hookup after a season’s long slow burn. After a tiny kiss at the end of the second season before they were cruelly wrenched away by their opposing sides, many suspected the two would be starting a forbidden romance rather soon. 

As of the first meeting for season three episode three, those people were right. 

The actors portraying Kylo and Kira were at a top secret meeting which no one would be allowed to attend but them, two writers, the series creator, and the episode’s director. Not even any of the other cast was allowed to attend, and Ben Solo and Rey Johnson were only allowed on the signature of an intensive NDA. 

The two presently sat on the opposite side of a desk of Poe Dameron, who was the heart and soul of the series as its creator—who also starred as the notorious Flyboy—and giving them a grin that suggested something wicked was afoot. “So, I assume you both suspect why I called you here today.”

“Our characters are starting a forbidden relationship,” Rey replied, her voice almost deadpan as she recited the news she’d already imagined hearing a thousand and one times. 

Beside her, Ben snickered quietly, but said nothing, opting instead to cross his arms over his chest and wait for the news like a good little soldier. She was going to kill him. She loved him, he was her best friend, but he was going to meet the business end of her unfortunately fake sword if he kept this up. 

“Yeah, but we’ve all known that’s coming for a while, and yes, it starts in this episode, but what I want to discuss with you is a bit further on in the season,” Poe said, then he folded his hands over each other on the desk. “You both know what this show has featured. You’ve seen the content warnings. You know what happens.”

“Of course,” they both answered at the same time, then more gentle laughter ensued. 

“What I want to talk to you about is the mid-season finale in two episodes.” Their coworker and boss scratched the back of his head. “As far as we’ve seen, Ben’s character is the only one who’s had a love scene and that was in—“

“Can we just call it what it is? A sex scene. We both know that what happened with Kylo and Phas was just a hookup,” Ben interrupted, and more laughter escaped them both as they remembered how he and their other costar, Gwen had nearly laughed their asses off during every take. It had taken at least fifty before the sex scene looked remotely convincing. 

No one had ever said anything, but it was practically confirmed that was the reason why Ben had scarcely had a sex scene since then. 

“Fine, a sex scene,” Poe grumbled, then he shuddered slightly. “Anyway, that’s why I’m here to talk to you today. We’re still a few episodes ahead, so um… your story is coming to a head. You’re reaching the height of your tale, and it’s come time for your romance to become something more.” When Rey blinked at him, he sighed. “Your characters are going to have sex in the old knights’ temple.”

Rey froze at this. She’d known for a while that characters hooked up on this show all the time and that they sometimes really appeared to be fucking, but she’d never thought—somehow it had never clicked— “Me and Ben?”

“Kira and Kylo, but yeah. You two will need to rehearse with a choreographer starting sometime next week. This scene is big. It’s three years in the making, and we’ve made the fans wait long enough.” Their boss grinned almost impishly. “So this needs to be epic. I need you both to bring your A game, but most importantly, I need to assess with you both just how much skin you’ll be comfortable showing—I know it’s in your contract, but I want to reassess and reassess to make sure everyone’s comfortable.”

“I’m good with whatever won’t get us flagged,” Ben said nonchalantly, then he looked at Rey. “What about you?”

She froze, thinking through everything she’d ever done in her time on the show. Since the latest season had started, she and Ben had kissed quite a lot, and she supposed it made sense that things were heading this way, but still. Her breath caught in her throat and her entire body went numb. She’d thought she’d have more time before she was confronted with a situation like this. 

Mostly because she’d never been in a situation like this. Not in real life. Not yet, and for the longest time she’d thought it was because there was something wrong with her, but in the end, she knew it was just because she’d never found the right person, and now—


Ben’s eyes were so full of concern, and they’d grown so close over the last few years of filming that they’d started to know what the other person was thinking without it having to be said. He could probably sense every fiber of her nervousness right now, and while she’d never told him she was a virgin—it hadn’t come up—she wondered if he could sense it coming off of her in waves. 

Before he could say anything, though, Rey finally found her voice. “Yes! I’ll do it. Whatever Ben’s comfortable with, I’m comfortable with,” she said, because maybe it wasn’t a lie. By the time they had to film the scene, maybe she’d be perfectly comfortable with the idea of having sex with Ben on screen. After all, who else would she rather have pretend to writhe on top of her for the first time? 

Maybe she didn’t want to actually have sex with him—or did she?— but if Kira did, she wasn’t going to stop the white knight from claiming her prize. She’d been fighting far too bloody a war to be robbed of her endgame now. 

“Fantastic!” Poe cried, clapping his hands together as he stood. “Both of you make sure you’re in top fighting shape for this, it’s going to be awesome.”


Several hours later after they were done filming for the day, Rey was leaning against her car waiting for Ben to meet her in the lot. That day, they’d gotten him dressed in full battle regalia, so of course it would take him a second longer to dress in comparison to her, but still, given what had transpired that morning in the meeting room, she was growing restless. 

How was she supposed to do this scene when the only person she’d ever had sex with was herself?

Her breathing grew quick again, and she ran her hand through her hair as her head thunked against the black paint of her car, and all kinds of panicked thoughts began to wash over her. How was Ben going to react to this? Would he not want to do the scene anymore if he found out? She had to tell him, didn’t she?


Of course, the moment she started thinking about him, he showed up. She shouldn’t have been surprised. Since they lived so close together they took turns driving one another to work, and he walked up to her like this—or she walked up to him—every night. But that evening she was so on edge that she jumped when she heard her name, yelling quietly as she clutched at her chest in surprise. “Christ, Ben.”

“You okay?” he asked as he got closer, not bothering to walk over to the passenger side first.

She managed an awkward laugh, then nodded as he approached, and rested a cautious hand on her arm, as if he were afraid that she’d jump again at any second. “Yeah, you just-you scared me.”

Ben frowned, then his hand fell from her arm, and he shook his head. “No, I mean… obviously just now you were jumpy, but—“ He sighed. “You’ve seemed a little bit off all day. Is something going on?”

Oh god, yes . Something was definitely going on, but in this moment where she was being prompted to tell him what it was, she found the courage to do so leaving her faster than she ever could’ve predicted, and she froze up for a few seconds. “I-I-“ Shit , how did she get it out?

Luckily, her costar knew her fairly well by that point, and he gave her one of those stupidly charming and sweet Solo grins as he stepped back. “It’s about what Poe told us earlier, isn’t it?” he asked, leaning a hand against the roof of her car. 

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I shouldn’t let it get to me, but—“

“You don’t want to do it?” Ben answered for her, and for once in his life, he hadn’t read her mind. 

“I do.” Her voice was surprisingly sturdy given how nervous she was, then with a trembling hand, she reached forward to grab his, holding it casually as had become habit between takes. “But can we talk about this on the road? It’s getting late.”

Suspicion still present in his eyes, he gave her a quick once over, then the corners of his mouth twitched, and he bobbed his head. “Yeah, let’s get home.”

And Rey would swear she’d never felt more relieved. 

The two parted ways and walked to their respective sides of the car—well, Ben walked over to his, all Rey had to do was open her door—before they slid inside, and she started the engine, bringing them out onto the road as she ran on autopilot. She was too busy thinking of what she’d say to him to do anything else. 

Once they were out on the road, though, Ben didn’t hesitate to start asking questions. “So what’s going on with you?”

She scoffed in disbelief. “You could barely contain yourself, could you?”

A shameful flush colored his cheeks in the dim city lights, enhanced by the first stoplight they came upon as it turned the color red. “Sorry, that was rude of me, what I meant was; is this something that’s going to be invasive of your personal space or is it something I need to know?”

That was better. God , Ben was socially awkward, but he always did try his best to rectify his mistakes. At heart, she realized, he was a really, really good guy. “It’s—it’s something you need to know.”

“And it relates to the sex scene we’re supposed to film soon?”

She bit her lower lip. “Uh huh.”

“But it’s not that you don’t want to do it.”

“I do.”

“So, can I ask what’s bothering you about the scene?” he asked quietly, then she felt his hand pressing against the side of her seat as she turned onto the next road. “Cause whatever it is, I can see the conflict it’s creating within you written plain as day on your face. You’re a great actress, Rey, but you can’t hide this from me. What’s going on?”

This was the moment. This was the time to tell him, and she couldn’t allow herself time to breathe or distract from the subject; she had to do this right then and there. With one last intake of air, she slowed the car to a stop at the next sign, gripped the steering wheel tightly, and closed her eyes. “I’ve never filmed a sex scene,” she whispered, then she glanced at him, observing he still exuded an air of casual nonchalance. 

“Oh, that’s fine, I’ll help you through it.” That smile again. “It’s kind of awkward, but that’s what they have the intimacy choreographers for. We’ll get through it. Don’t worry.”

Her breath hissed as it passed through her newly clenched teeth, then she shook her head. “No, Ben, it’s not just that. I…” Deep breath. “I’ve never had sex for real, either. I’m-I’m a virgin.”

There was the shock she’d been looking for. His eyes went wide, his lips parting softly as he processed what she’d just told him, and suddenly a whole lot of tumblers began to turn in his head. She’d never told him that. It simply hadn’t ever come up, and she knew that he was thinking over every experience he’d ever had with her, trying desperately to think through all the signs that something like this could be true, and certainly finding several. “Oh my god.”

Rey put the car back in motion, though her entire body felt like it was on fire, her hands were trembling, and she felt as if she was going to be sick. “That’s why I’ve been at war with myself all day. I’ve never filmed a sex scene or been taught how to do one, and I’ve never had sex, and no matter how good of an actress you think I am, I’m just-I’m nervous about how this’ll play out.”

Ben paused for a moment, then his hand rested gently on her shoulder. “We’ll figure something out.” 

She scoffed as she finally pulled up to his place, rolling into the parking lot of his building as casually as possible. “Like what? I have no experience with this. At least with things involving grief of any sort I can have something to pull from, but…” Gripping the steering wheel a little more tightly, she turned into a parking space, debating with herself whether or not she really wanted to tell him this as she looked at him. “Ben the only sexual experience I have is kissing you on screen. And one shitty makeout session in high school.”

He stared at her like she’d grown a third leg for a second before he shook his head, then gestured to the ignition. “Turn that off and come inside.”

The look on her face became one of confusion. “Why?” 

“Cause you look scared as hell and we need more time to talk,” he said, then she watched as he got out of the car, shut the door, and looked at her expectantly. 

Groaning quietly, Rey put the car in park, and joined him, slamming the door a bit more dramatically than was necessary as he led her through the parking lot to his apartment. “Can’t I just go home to sulk in peace?”

“Not unless you want to tell Poe you don’t want to do the scene,” he replied, holding open a door for her that led to the main part of the building. “Which I’m fine with, but if you do want to do it, then we need to talk. So tell me, and be honest… do you want to film this scene?”

She thought about it for a moment as they walked down the hall toward the lifts, wondering whether she really had the courage to do something like this. Plenty of inexperienced actors filmed sex scenes, she was positive, and she was a professional, wasn’t she? She could do this. They could do this. If it was anyone but Ben maybe she wouldn’t want to, but she knew him and trusted him almost as well as she knew herself. As he pressed the up button on the elevator, his costar gave him a firm nod. “Yeah, I’m sure, I just need to get… more comfortable with this before we proceed.”


The elevator dinged a second later, and they both walked on in unison, Rey leaning back against the wall as he pressed the button for his floor. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll just watch a lot of porn or something.”

Beside her, he choked on his breath, then began to laugh stupidly hard. “Watching porn?”

“Do you have any better ideas, genius?”

“No, but—” Ben scratched his nose, taking in a deep breath to calm his laughter before speaking again. “Rey, I don’t know how much porn you’ve seen, but it’s all unrealistic, poorly-acted bullshit.”

Fuck , there went that plan. She crossed her arms over her chest and groaned as the elevator dinged again to announce they’d arrived at his floor. They walked out before either of them ever said another word. “I just figured it’d be an easy way to get some experience without having a partner.”

Ben’s keys jingled in his hand as he pulled them out from his jacket pocket, the rippling leather catching Rey’s eye as he moved. “You don’t need to have a partner to have sex—well, not a romantic one.” He had a tiny smirk on his face as they approached his apartment, then he put the keys in the lock. “You just need to find someone you trust.”

An idea sparked in her brain at that, but she waited until they were inside his apartment to voice it. “Someone I trust?” 

“Yeah, like a friend, someone who wouldn’t judge you no matter what kind of stupid shit you did,” he replied as he shut the door behind them. 

Swallowing her nerves, Rey walked into his living room ahead of him, watching Ben’s massive frame fill the short hallway she’d just walked through as he leaned against a nearby wall. His gaze grew curious as she sat down on a massive black couch, and clasped her hands together before leaning them against her knees. “Someone like you?” she asked quietly, then her friend stumbled forward from shock, disbelief written clearly across his face. “Ben?”

“I-I-I guess,” he sputtered, then he ran a hand through his hair, dark waves spilling over his face as he processed what she just said. “A-Rey-I—“

She stood up quickly, crossing the room to take his hands in hers as she pleaded with him to listen to her. “You don’t have to, but I just—I trust you more than anything and my other close friends are in London, so… can you help me?”

His breath hitched from a fresh wave of shock. “Help you with—with what?” 

“Sex. The whole thing. All of it. Or just whatever will make this believable.” She closed her eyes as she spoke, finding she didn’t quite have the courage to look into his. “If you’re up for it, that is.”

When she finally blinked her eyes open again, and looked at him, his expression was unreadable, but she could tell he was thinking about it. A hand had come up to scratch his head, and his eyebrows were pinched together in the way they always did when he was contemplating something. After what felt like an eternity, he slowly nodded. “Yeah, okay, sure whatever you need.”


“But we need to take it slow. Okay? We’ve got a week until the intimacy choreographer comes in, and we’ve got even more time after that to get a scene together,” he told her, then the hand she was still holding shifted so it was grasping her a little more firmly. “And I don’t want to rush you into anything.”


He still looked nervous, but perhaps a bit more comfortable now. “You’re in charge, always and completely.” His entire chest shuddered on his next breath, and she began to wonder if he might’ve been more nervous than she was. “Rey, it’s all up to you. What we do, how we do it, when we start…” A pause. “When do you want to start?”

The answer came to her almost immediately. “Can we start tonight?” she asked, then before the surprise written on his face could turn itself into any sort of protest or question if she was sure, she held a finger over his lips. “I’m already here, we start rehearsing with a choreographer very soon, and if we’re starting small, then… let’s just jump right in.”

“Are you—?”

“I’m sure.” And she was. There wasn’t even a small part of her that didn’t want to do this. Ben had promised to take it slow, which meant she wasn’t exactly going to be losing her virginity so quickly if she started things with him tonight, and if she was being honest… those things he’d said about finding the right person had struck a chord with her. She wasn’t in love with him, or at least, she wasn’t aware of it if she was, but she knew she trusted him enough for this. 

She didn’t want to wait for anyone else. 

In front of her, Ben looked like he’d finally calmed down from his heart attack, and he gestured to the couch behind her. “We should um, we should sit down then, and I’ll uh… I’ll grab us some drinks—if I have anything that isn’t alcohol.”

“Why would it matter if we have alcohol?”

“I mean, if we have a little it’s probably fine, but it lowers your inhibitions and thus your ability to consent,” he said, then he shrugged. “I’m not exactly a sex expert, but I feel like that part’s pretty important.”

“Not a sex expert?” She walked over to the couch, sitting down as he walked into his kitchen, and opened up his fridge, pulling out two cans of coke before he shut it, and made his way back over to her. 

As he sat down beside her, he offered her a can, waiting for her to accept it before he got comfortable, and rested an arm lazily around her shoulders. Suddenly the whole situation felt a lot more real. “I just mean, yeah, I’ve done it a few times with a few different people, but I’m not the most experienced guy in Hollywood you could be doing this with.”

“I don’t think you need to be an expert,” she replied, then she took a sip of her coke. “I believe you said something about how I just need to trust you. And you clearly know more than me.”

A small laugh escaped him as he sipped his own drink. “That’s fair,” he replied, then he set the coke down, and his hand came up to caress one of her cheeks, nearly causing her to drop her can in the process. “But I trust you understand the basic mechanics. You’re not clueless yourself.”

“Yeah, but… what are you doing?” Aside from increasing her heart rate far too fast for it to be normal. A tiny shred of lingering dignity told her to set her coke down, and she did, then she let her hand fidget in her lap in time with her racing pulse. 

“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right,” he told her, then he leaned forward until he was in her space, his eyes staring into hers as he moved close enough that she could lean forward and kiss her if he wanted to. Heat rushed through her veins as he moved, her breathing drifting over her lips in a quiver as she leaned into the touch, but still didn’t kiss him, not yet. The time would come soon but it was not quite upon them. “So I’m going to kiss you, if you’re all right with that. I’m going to kiss you as Ben Solo, and not Kylo Ren, and I want you to kiss me as Rey, not Kira.”

Chills ran up and down her spine as she processed his words. She’d kissed him dozens of times now in character; she knew how Kylo Ren kissed, what he liked, how to drive him mad with her tongue, but she knew nothing about Ben Solo. 

Suddenly, she was nervous again. 

“It’ll be okay, just trust me,” he whispered, then he was close enough that she closed her eyes as he said those last two words, knowing she trusted him more than anything. This was her best friend, the guy she drove to work with every day and told jokes with to the catering people, the guy who knew her deepest secrets and once held her hair back while she threw up in a toilet at an after party. He was fiercely loyal, willing to do anything to help her, and clearly loved her platonically at the very least. She could trust him. 

Rey nodded as his hand snaked its way to the base of her skull, fingers burying themselves in her hair as he pulled her in those last few inches. Her heart was thudding hard enough in her chest for her to feel it when she finally felt his lips brush over hers, and the wave finally crested, falling into calm water again as he kissed her, and the world was sent into a tailspin. 

Kissing Kylo Ren when she was Kira was a raw, intense, lust-induced needy thing that felt like a war for dominance as much as a desire to just be held by the person she loved. When it came to Ben Solo on the other hand, he was impossibly soft and tender, speaking love in a language that transcended speech as his lips caressed hers with the gentlest of touches. He took great care in every move he made, only holding control of the kiss until Rey’s confidence kicked in, then she returned exactly what she got. 

Something about it felt inexplicably wonderful in a way no other kiss had ever felt. Even as Ben wrapped an arm around her waist and began to lower her down onto the couch cushions, she still felt like she was floating. When she’d kissed other people or even him as Kylo and her other partners had done the same thing, something about it had always felt off, but that night when she had his weight pressing cautiously into her, she found she didn’t mind. It felt like she had found a blanket to keep her warm through a cold winter night, or like she’d managed to find cold water on a hot summer’s day. 

Kissing Ben felt like every sweet feeling of comfort wrapped into one, and she knew instantly she’d chosen the right person to embark on this adventure with. 

He broke the kiss briefly as he brought his legs onto the couch, gesturing for her to do the same so she was properly lying beneath him. “Can you, um, spread your legs? We’ll uh… fit better.”

The blush on her face must’ve covered her entire body, but she obeyed his request, parting her legs to allow him to fit better on top of her as they adjusted to this new position. The more he settled down onto her, the more she could feel his erection pressing against the apex of her thighs, and she shuddered at the feeling. He was already hard, and they’d only just started. To be fair to him though, it had been one hell of a kiss. It was, at the very least, nice to know he felt the same about it.

“Is this okay?” Ben asked her, his eyes full of caution. “Cause if you want to go back to what we were doing before—?”

“This is good,” she promised him, giving a hurried nod as she reburied her hands in his hair. “I promise, Ben, this is perfect.”

Still looking a bit worried, Ben leaned forward, and pressed his lips against hers in a short but sweet kiss. “Okay. Let me know if even a tiny part of you wants to stop.”

“I will.”

“Good, then follow my lead, and I promise, this’ll be way easier than you think,” he said softly, then he was kissing her again, and the entire world was spinning at the speed of light as she returned it. 

Not a second later, she gasped against his lips as she felt his hips shift, his erection grinding against her clit to send waves of pleasure through her that she’d only been able to accomplish with her hand. Regaining focus, she deepened the kiss again, and repeated the motion against him, suddenly understanding what he meant when he asked her to follow his lead as they began to grind against one another in earnest. She wasn’t sure precisely what it was they were doing, but she knew it felt good. It made her feel like all the synapses were firing in her brain and a thousand little lights were flickering in her vision as they found their rhythm. 

Soft moans escaped her into the kiss as his hands began to wander, pressing against her hips, her waist, grabbing at her hair, and gently grazing the edges of her chest as if asking permission. She gave it to him when she reached down and grabbed one of his hands, guiding it gently up to rest on the swell of one of her breasts as he continued his ministrations at the apex of her thighs. 

She could feel his smirk as he kissed her, then his lips disappeared from her mouth, leaving a trail down onto her neck as his thumb grazed over her nipple through the layers of her clothing. The feeling that brought her was surreal, unlike anything she’d ever felt, and she thought this must’ve been a dream. There had never been anything else in her twenty six years on this earth that had made her feel this good, and so she could only conclude that this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. 

But it was. 

She was brought back to reality as Ben’s lips closed around her neck by her pulse point, and they began to suck a mark into her skin she was going to have a bitch of a time explaining to the makeup team in the morning, but she didn’t care. All the things that he was doing to her were making her feel as if she was flying. Each and every brush of his lips against her skin, his fingers over her breasts, or the sweet friction he was creating with their jeans made her feel things she’d never felt before, and already yearned to feel again.  

As if compelled to do so, one of her legs hooked around one of his, pulling him even closer as her orgasm started building. She wasn’t aware of exactly how close she was, but she knew it wouldn’t be long before she came apart. Between each kiss that Ben pressed to her skin, each mark he left, she could hear them both becoming short of breath, and she wondered how close he was as well. Was he on the edge like her? Was he slowly losing his grip on his control? 

Ben, ” she whispered as she felt his teeth tug gently at her ear lobe, then another mark was sucked just a little ways down as he moaned against her skin. 

His movements were becoming a little messier, too. Ben was close, maybe even as close as she was, and she started to think that maybe, just maybe, they’d fall over the precipice together. The thought of it seemed frighteningly intimate, but wasn’t the very thing they were doing exactly that? Wasn’t this whole arrangement frighteningly intimate even if they didn’t have romantic feelings for each other? 

“Ben, I’m gonna— fuck, I’m gonna come,” she breathed, and in response his lips found hers again in a searing kiss that had her seeing stars in her vision. It felt like when she stood up too fast and felt dizzy but in a good way, like when she fell on one of those drop towers at an amusement park but without the nausea. 

It pushed her over the edge, and she came with a muffled cry against his mouth as he continued grinding against her, causing her orgasm to rush through her in waves that had her pulling back from the kiss to gasp for air. His face buried itself in her neck as he worked her through it, every thrust of his hips getting more erratic as he brought himself closer to finishing, then as hers began to ebb and fade, she heard him whisper her name against her skin as he came too. She bucked her hips against his to give him that extra friction through his orgasm, her sensitive clit sending more waves of almost agonizing pleasure through her body until she knew he was completely spent. 

Only then did either of them stop moving, both lying still save for the heaving of their chests as they fought to fill their lungs with oxygen. A bead of sweat dripped down from her forehead as they laid there like that, and she initially reached up to wipe it away, but instead wound up stroking Ben’s hair as she felt him shudder on top of her. Perhaps that was a touch too intimate for two friends who were just hooking up, but she didn’t care. He’s just become the person with whom she shared her first sexual encounter, the first person to make her come besides herself, and she figured it was the least she could do for him. 

A minute later, Ben pulled away, propping himself on his elbows as he looked at her through hooded eyes and hair that was thoroughly sex tangled. The expression on his face was unreadable, but it wasn’t judgemental at the very least. Eventually, it gave way to satisfaction as he stared down at her, the hand on her breast sliding over to rest over her beating heart before ascending to her neck, his fingers sweeping over his pulse point before they wrapped around the juncture of her neck and spine, and he pulled her in for a lazy, slow kiss that seemed to make time itself stand still. 

Rey’s eyes drifted shut as she kissed him back, the hand in his hair bringing him in close again as she felt his weight settle over her. Maybe that should’ve felt overbearing, maybe it should’ve made her feel like she couldn’t breathe or that she couldn’t escape, but it felt fucking nice. It felt amazing in ways she couldn’t even describe, and if this was how their first encounter where she had absolutely no experience had gone, she wondered what it would be like by the time they filmed their sex scene. 

“When we get on camera,” Ben started, interrupting her thoughts as he pulled away, and gazed at her through half-lidded eyes once more. “When we’re filming, I want you to think of that, I want you to do that, except our bodies won’t actually be touching there. But I want you to remember how this feels, because that’s what you and I both need to channel.”

She nodded. “Of course,” she said breathlessly. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“I know you can.” Then he backed away entirely, seeming to snap out of the post-coital haze that had developed between them. “Cause shit, Rey, you’re a natural.”

She rolled her eyes as they both sat up again, stretching out their newly sore muscles as time passed. “You’re just being nice to me.”

“No.” He shook his head as he rested a hand on her shoulder. “I mean it. You… I haven’t come that hard in ages. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”

A small giggle escaped her as she shoved him playfully. “Shut up.” She was blushing. She could feel that she was blushing, but she couldn’t be bothered to care as Ben gave her that dopey, sweet grin he was known for, and gently rubbed her shoulder. “You meant it then?”

“Every word.”

“Good,” she replied, then she leaned back against the couch cushions with a sigh. “Cause this is only the beginning.”

Chapter Text

The next morning, Rey woke up in an unfamiliar place with sounds and smells she didn’t recognize, and for a split second, she felt panicky. The bed she was in definitely wasn’t hers, but upon further inspection—also known as actually waking up—she realized she’d fallen asleep in Ben’s apartment the night before. 

Her head fell back against the pillow with a sigh as the memories of yesterday filled her brain. Everything from being told she and Ben were going to have to film a sex scene to actually dry humping him on his couch flooded the forefront of her mind, and while she didn’t exactly mind that last bit, it certainly threw her for a loop to remember. It still didn’t feel real, it still didn’t feel like something that had actually happened to her. 

But it had. It was real, and she undoubtedly had the hickeys to prove it. 

Realizing this, her eyes snapped open again as she realized that she and Ben had both left marks on one another last night. They’d both marked each other and she was—yep—wearing the same clothes as yesterday. That wasn’t going to look suspicious when they strolled into work later. Not at all. There definitely wouldn’t be set gossip about the two of them hooking up—absolutely not. 

Her hand came up to rest on her forehead as she sighed, and thought through the last few crucial details of the plan they’d come up with right before he’d made her come harder than her own hand ever had. They hadn’t exactly talked about how public they were willing to be with this yet, and she didn’t exactly want to be hounded by reporters with questions about whether or not she was dating her costar. Technically she wasn’t, but some people didn’t realize dating and fucking were two different things. 

They needed to talk about that and they needed to talk about it very, very soon. 

The smell of bacon drifted in from the kitchen, distracting her from her thoughts as she sat up in bed, and rubbed her eyes. It seemed that Ben—who had elected to sleep on the couch the night before and cited keeping her comfortable as his top priority—had woken up before she had, which was a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, she no longer had to awkwardly sneak past him to make breakfast but on the other hand, she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to face him yet. 

All the memories rushing through her head still had her blushing, but she figured the heat in her cheeks wouldn’t die down before they had to be on set—she glanced at the clock on his bedside table—within the hour. Not completely, not enough for him not to know what she was thinking about. And thus she was forced to put on a brave face, toss aside the sheets, and get out of bed to confront Ben. 

There was one last moment of hesitation as her fingers wrapped around the door knob, then she pushed it open, letting the smell of bacon envelop her completely as she walked into Ben’s living room. The man himself had his back turned to her and both hands were occupied as he cooked breakfast—presumably for the both of them if the amount of bacon on the pan was anything to go by—with a concentrated sort of tension in the muscles of his shoulders. She only knew this because she could see every muscle as it rippled beneath his skin, his lack of a shirt providing her a clear view of what she’d only ever seen done up by makeup artists. She’d never seen his chest or back when it wasn’t oiled up and covered in scar makeup, and for some reason seeing it now made her breath hitch. 

Of course, that sound alerted him to the fact that she was there, and she fought the urge to wince at herself as he tossed her a glance over his shoulder, and gave her a smile that had charmed the hearts of millions. Shit , right now it was charming her. “How’d you sleep?”

“Decently enough,” she replied, grateful she didn’t stutter as she walked up to his kitchen counter and leaned against it, her eyes drifting over the clothed half of Ben as he returned to cooking. Luckily, his lower half was covered by thick pajama pants with Mickey Mouse print that covered every inch of his legs. The sight of it caught her off guard, and she laughed out loud as her eyes drifted back up. “Nice trousers.”

“They’re Gwen’s,” he explained, then he reached forward to shut off the stove as the bacon finished cooking. “Stole them from her place after one too many tequila shots at the season two wrap party.”

Another chuckle. “Ah, I see. Does she know you have them?”

“No, and I want to keep it that way.” He pointed a spatula in her direction, a sternness in his eyes as he looked at her, but she could see a tiny smile threatening to part his lips. “You spill a word of this to Gwen, I’ll kill you.”

Her eyes rolled back in her head, but she nodded. “Okay, I know nothing,” she promised him. “Not a word.”

Ben straightened up, and turned his attention back on the bacon, distributing it to two plates with fried eggs already patiently waiting on them before he laid the spatula and pan on the stove, and handed her one of them. “Good, then we need to eat quickly. We’ve gotta be on set—“

“Within the hour,” she finished for him, then she bowed her head. “I know.” As Ben smiled at her and put his plate down on the counter, she cleared her throat, remembering the thing she still needed to talk to him about. “Ben? What are we going to do about the set?”

“What do you mean?” His mouth was already full of bacon, and his mumbled speech was rather endearing, but she couldn’t let herself get distracted. They needed to talk about this now and they didn’t have a whole lot of time to do it. 

“I mean, it’s going to look suspicious when we show up today covered in hickeys and I’m wearing yesterday’s clothes.” She inhaled slowly, then she grabbed hold of the fork he’d given her, twirling it casually in the air. “So what do you want to do?”

Realization dawned on his face, then he thought for a moment as he took another bite of his bacon, and held up a finger. “Let’s… try to tell as few people as possible, and if anyone asks, let’s just say we were bored. Unless you’re comfortable with everyone knowing why we’re really doing this.”

She shook her head. “No, it was weird enough telling you.”


Noticing how that sounded, she quickly corrected herself, “I just mean, you saw how much I struggled to get it out yesterday, so… let’s keep things… quiet? But, just so you know, I don’t regret last night.”


“Not at all,” she admitted, then she ran a hand through her hair as the blush threatened to bloom on her cheeks again. “I had a lot of fun, actually.”

A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, then he laughed as he took another bite of bacon. “Well, that’s good, if you’re not having fun, you shouldn’t be doing it.”  He wiped a bit of grease from his chin, then his expression turned serious. “And, Rey?”


“If there’s ever a moment during any of this when you feel uncomfortable, just tell me and we’ll stop.” 

“I know,” she replied, then she glanced at the time on the clock over his stove. “But we don’t really have time for another lecture right now, so let’s eat and run.”

Ben looked back at the clock, then he shuddered, not even bothering to nod in agreement before they both dove into the plates of food he’d set out for them. She was fairly positive that neither of them really tasted their breakfasts as they scarfed down their food, he changed his clothes, then they hurriedly grabbed their things as they rushed out the door, and made their way to his elevators. 

“Whose car are we taking?” she asked, remembering hers was still there since she’d never gone home the night before. 

“You mind driving? That way tonight you can actually drop me off and… go home to change.”

Rey rolled her eyes as he pressed the down button, then she leaned against the wall as she glared at him. “I’m going to costuming first fucking thing. I’m not letting everyone see that I’m wearing the same clothes.”

“Maybe take off the jacket, it’ll be less noticeable.”

A scoff was thrown his way as the doors opened, and the two of them walked on. She watched him as he pressed the button for the ground floor, finding herself slightly bitter from the smirk that has blossomed on his face. “Next time we do this, it’ll be at my place so you can do the walk of shame.”

Ben snorted as the doors closed, and the elevator moved down, taking them back down to the parking lot. They fell quiet after that, but she still felt perfectly at peace if a little bit flushed standing at his side. Every time she remembered how his lips felt on her neck, her shoulder, her mouth, she felt a fresh wave of heat light up her cheeks, and she was forced to look away from him, even when they walked out to her car together. 

She couldn’t put her finger on just why she couldn’t stop thinking about it, but she wanted to chalk it up to her own inexperience. That had been the first time she’d ever been with anyone like that, and sure, she and Ben hadn’t had sex, but the encounter still carried some sort of emotional weight to it she wasn’t sure she understood yet. Whatever it was, she was certain it was stealing her thoughts. Figuring it out, though, was something she knew she wasn’t ready for. 

As they drove to work that morning, he definitely wasn’t helping her to avoid being distracted. At every traffic light they stopped at, she could feel him staring at her, but not her face. No, his gaze had fallen down to her neck, and by the third light, she knew what he was looking at. “They’re that obvious, huh?”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he mumbled, and when she spared him a glance, he was the one blushing. “I’ll try to be better at the placement next time, but you might have to take off more clothes.”

If they’d been moving, she would’ve crashed the car. “Jesus Christ, Ben.”


“But um… I should tell you I don’t mind the hickeys either. They, uh, they felt good.” They felt more than good, they’d had her sighing against him, whispering his name like it was a prayer—definitely more than good. “So yes, be more careful next time, but… I don’t mind them.”

He shifted in his seat, then he nodded. “That’s fair,” he replied, and she couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her as the light turned green again, and she drove them the rest of the way to work. 


Walking through the production studio that morning had Rey’s heart rate at a ridiculously unsafe number, but somehow she made it to the makeup trailer in one piece. In fact, she was only the second person there, the other was Gwen, who regarded her with a small grunt as their makeup artist, Paige Tico powdered her nose with a brush a touch too big for the job. Resisting the urge to laugh again, she set down her things as she sat down in a nearby chair, being greeted warmly by Paige’s sister, Rose as she did. “How’s it going?”

The shorter of the Tico sisters shrugged. “Still breathing, you know?”

She coughed out a small laugh as the makeup artist began to prep her things. “Yeah, I’ve been there.”

“Looks like you’re not there now, though,” Rose said, the smirk on her face lacing her voice without Rey having to look at her. “Who gave you those?”

An exasperated sigh left her lips. She’d known this was coming, had anticipated being asked questions, but she still wasn’t quite ready for them when they finally came. This wasn’t exactly a situation she’d ever had to deal with before. Suddenly feeling thoroughly sixteen again, she hid her face as best she could as Rose began to apply primer with a little foundation brush. “Someone.”

“Yeah, but who ?” Cool, wet cream product began to coat her face as her friend spoke, sounding more excited than Rey had been nervous the night before. “You never go out, I’m just kind of surprised.”

She wasn’t wrong. “Yeah, I know, I was just… um… fooling around.”

From where she sat with Paige, Gwen snorted. “Just fooling around? Is that what we’re calling it these days?”

“I don’t know, as Rose so kindly pointed out—“

“You’re welcome.”

“—it’s not something I do every day. I wouldn’t know what we’re calling it these days.”

Another chuckle left Gwen as she closed her eyes, allowing Paige to line them with a brown pencil. “Was it nice, at least?”

Nice didn’t even begin to describe it. What had happened on Ben’s couch the night before was transcendent, it made her feel like she was floating, like she was the atoms that drifted about in the air. It had made her forget that the rest of the world even existed, and she never wanted to stop feeling like that ever again. “It was great,” she said casually, but she could feel her poker face failing her as Rose began to apply foundation. “Really great.”

“Oh that isn’t the face of someone who thinks it was ‘just great,’” she protested, dabbing a little more pigment onto Rey’s skin. “There’s more, you’re just not saying it.”

“To be fair, she isn’t obligated to,” Gwen pointed out, though not unkindly. “What Rey does in her spare time isn’t our business… even though I’ll admit I am dying to know the identity of whoever’s got her tongue tied.”

Rose pointed to Gwen as she broke away from Rey’s face. “That’s fair, but maybe she’ll give us a hint.” She then turned back to the woman in front of her. “Do we know the person you hooked up with?”

That much she could tell them. There were hundreds of people involved in the set and more that everyone knew from outside the set. If she said something, then that would surely be harmless, right? “Yeah, you know him.”

“Him, huh?” Rose asked curiously, then she reached for her powder. “Is he someone in the cast or crew?”

“She said only one hint, Rose,” Paige replied, tossing Rey a small nod the moment she saw the other woman starting to become uncomfortable. “If it’s someone on set we’ll figure it out cause he’ll have hickeys too, right?”

She froze, feeling like a deer in headlights as she remembered the marks she’d left on Ben’s neck. They were definitely visible, and anyone looking at his skin—like a makeup artist— would be able to tell what they were. Shit. She shouldn’t have even given them one hint. “Yeah, I guess he would.” 

Rose snickered quietly. “What is he on a scale of one to ten?” 

“Not telling.”

Before either of them could protest, Gwen caught Rey’s eyes, and in a brief half second of understanding, she read the panic in them loud and clear. “Shit, I think some mascara just got on my eyelid,” she muttered, then she tapped Paige gently on the arm. “Can you have a look?”

Relief surged through her as Paige became occupied with the mascara problem, then Rose seemed to snap into focus as a result, beginning work on Rey’s eyes just a few seconds later with a whispered apology. 


It wasn’t until Rey got out of the makeup trailer that she finally felt like she could breathe. Hell, it wasn’t until she was suited up in her armor, drinking a powerade that she’d obtained from a vending machine as she walked onto the set—the temple set, where Poe had told her she and Ben’s characters would be making love in just a matter of weeks—sitting down on one of the ledges surrounding the medieval looking center. For the first time in what felt like forever, she was alone, and she liked it that way. She needed a minute to breathe, to prepare for any future questions that she might receive on set. 

Luckily, her armor hid most of her hickeys rather well, and if it didn’t, Rose’s foundation job rendered them invisible to the eye. It made her feel almost proud, like she had some kind of a secret hidden in plain sight. Technically, it was a secret, but only in the sense that no one knew who’d given her the hickeys in the first place. 

Said secret walked into the temple dressed in his own armor a few minutes later, his hair mussed just a little more than usual to give it the volume that was desired for television’s favorite dark knight. His black chest plate gleamed in the lights that had been turned on in advance of filming, and it only shone more as the crew began to light the lanterns posted all around the circular rim of the building. After all, in the world their characters lived in, electricity wasn’t exactly an option. 

Ben watched them for a minute under her gaze, his eyes staring at them almost in wonder as they turned the normal world into something out of a fantasy with the lights. The look in his eyes almost made him look like Kylo Ren, almost made him look like a forbidden lover meeting someone for a midnight rendezvous, and he was eagerly anticipating her arrival.

Then he looked over and those eyes were on her, but they didn’t hold the affection of a lover, they held the warmth of a friend. His face lit up when he saw her, and he immediately walked over, strolling up casually until he was able to rest a palm on an enormous, circular column that rose from floor to ceiling, and lean against it. “How’s it going?” he asked, and his voice was sincere, he wasn’t just asking to make small talk. 

Still it stunned her to hear it, to hear him be so casual after what they’d done—after he’d made her come so hard she’d seen stars, and hadn’t she done the same for him? “I-I’m fine.” 

“Sorry I couldn’t join you in makeup this morning, Poe wanted me to run through some stunts for later,” he told her, then he crossed his arms, leaning his entire right side against the column. “I talked to Gwen, though, a few minutes ago.”


“I heard about Rose and Paige asking you about the…” He gestured to his neck. “I got the impression you were prodded a bit more than you would’ve liked.”

“It’s fine, I can handle it, I just… it was the first time I’ve ever had that problem.” A blush crept up her cheeks, and she turned her face to the shadows in the hopes that he didn’t see it. “I’m not used to it yet, is all.”

He managed a soft chuckle. “Fair enough. Maybe we can work through practicing your reactions tonight,” he said, then he ran a hand awkwardly through his hair. “Especially because we’re about to spend half the day kissing. Figure we can take a break from…”

“That depends on how we’re feeling. If you’re up for it and I’m up for it, maybe we could—I don’t know—repeat last night?” She gave him a cautious glance, unsure how he’d react to her propositioning him again, but he was grinning when she saw his face. Not just grinning, but nodding. “Awesome, it’s a…” She didn’t want to say date. It wasn’t a date. It definitely wasn’t a date, but that was the phrase, wasn’t it?

“It’s a plan,” Ben finished for her, relieving her of the pressure of finishing that sentence. Before he could say anything else, more crew members began to make their presence known, and Poe walked into the room with the episode’s director, a stocky, bald man who simply went by his last name of Ackbar, and they knew that the time to begin filming had come. 

“Catch you later?” Rey asked, feeling her heartbeat pick up again as he tossed her a wink before walking away. 

He was going to be the death of her, and so was this scene they were supposed to film. Combined, the two things were going to kill her, of that much she was certain as she stood up, and followed him into the center of the temple to begin filming the scene. 


At the end of the day when they were done filming, out of costumes, and ready to go home, Rey’s lips still felt thoroughly kiss swollen in spite of it having been at least two hours since they’d stopped kissing. The scene they’d filmed was one of the most romantically intense they’d filmed so far. Hearing Ben--Kylo--confess his love for her before asking her to stay with him and kissing her senseless over and over had a dizzying effect. 

But the effect wasn’t a bad one. Not by a long shot. No, she loved how she felt in the aftermath of his kisses, even though she’d been so thoroughly in character, she knew the aftermath really belonged to someone else. It belonged to Kira, but she got to experience the benefits of it, got to reap the joy of someone else’s high. 

Sometimes, she really loved her job. 

After she got the last piece of her armor off, Rey made her way over to Ben’s trailer, tapping her knuckles on it three times before her slightly sweaty best friend revealed himself to her with a grin on his face. “Hey.” His deep voice sounded sleepy, drawing out the word a bit as he opened the door, and stepped out into the cool autumn air.

“Did you take a nap in your trailer again?” she asked him, biting her lip as she fought the urge to laugh. 

A rush of hot air from his heated trailer—the idiot always kept his air conditioning running above seventy-eight the second temperatures started to plummet—accompanied him as he continued to depart his trailer, just remembering to close his door behind him as he scratched the back of his head. “I might have.” There was a sheepish look on his face, which she found oddly endearing as he walked down onto the ground with her. “Couch is comfy.”

Rey just rolled her eyes, then she twirled her car keys around on her finger. “So, I’m thinking as a matter of convenience, we head to your place, hang out there for a while, then I’ll head out when it starts getting late.” She then looked at him, curious about the frown that appeared on his face. “What?”

“You’re more than welcome to stay the night, Rey,” he told her, talking with his hands as well as they made their way toward the parking lot. “You know that.”

She shook her head, laughing as she tried to think up a response. “I can’t keep pulling overnighters at your place. People will…” She gesticulated wildly, attempting to mimic people speaking as best she could. “They’ll talk.”

“They already do just because we drive each other to work all the time,” he pointed out, but then he bowed his head, acknowledging her request in silence. “But sure. Just drive home safe.”

“I live only a few blocks away, Ben.”

“Right.” He ran a hand through his hair again, the way he always did when he was feeling a bit awkward, then they walked to her car in silence. 


“So how do you think it’ll happen?” Ben asked her midway through the drive, interrupting a conversation about whether or not Ed Sheeran’s music was actually any good. 

Rey scoffed from shock. “Well, that was sudden.”

A small chuckle fell from his lips. “I didn’t even say what it was.”

That was a fair point, but ever since they’d found out about the scene in the first place, it had hung over them like a dark—but not unpleasant—cloud that was thick and heavy with rain, threatening to pour at any minute. It lingered in the space between them, filling the air like atoms, and surrounding them with an all-encompassing sense of anticipation. “Then you must assume I’m a fool.”

“On the contrary, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met,” he protested, then he leaned his head back against the seat. “But how do you think it’ll happen? I know they said it’ll be in the temple, but what do you think we’ll be doing in there that leads to…”

The corners of her mouth twitched into a smile. “I think we’ll be in parlay again. Meeting in secret. Since it’s the mid-season finale, we’ll probably be on the verge of some great battle, one where we think we won’t see each other again after that night, and thinking we have no other chance to be with one another like that again, we’ll rush into each other’s arms.”

There was a pause, then Ben hummed his assent. “Yeah, that’s probably right. Or we could both show up with the intent to pray and then— boom!— we commit sacrilege.”

“I must admit, there’s something kind of epic about them doing this in a place of worship. We’re probably going to be crucified by certain conservative religious groups.” 

Ben sputtered out a laugh. “As if we aren’t already.”

She grinned as she pulled onto his street. “Fair enough. Remember when they decided to protest and only two nutjobs with signs stormed the studio?”

At this, he gasped mockingly, clutching his chest casually with both hands as his eyes rolled back into his head. “The horror.”

They both fell into another fit of laughter, then the conversation faded off into a comfortable silence as they pulled into the parking lot, and Rey began to search for a spot. 


Ten minutes later they were in his living room again sitting side by side on the couch. At least, they were after Ben handed her a freshly brewed cup of coffee, which definitely wouldn’t help her jangled nerves, but given the exhausting day they’d had, she needed energy if she was going to drive home after this, and she was determined to drive home after this. 

“Thanks,” she said, then she took a sip of her coffee. 

“You’ve driven me to work two days in a row.” He gave a shrug, then he leaned back into the couch, sighing as his whole body relaxed. “Least I could do.”

“Just drive me to work two days in a row, and we’ll call it even.”

“Fair enough.”

Ben shifted onto his side then, staring at her for a moment before he swallowed, the action drawing her attention to his throat, where she could see a few of the marks she’d left on him peppered across his skin. “So what—“ A nervous laugh escaped him. “What did you want to um… do tonight?”

Hearing this nearly made her spit out her coffee. “ What?

“I just mean, the reason we started all this. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, but… you’re here, and—“

“I am,” she interrupted, then she began to rack her brain for ideas. “Just give me a minute.” Shit. What the hell did people do? She’d absolutely loved what they’d done last night, and if she were being honest, she’d be perfectly content to repeat it until the day she died, but she also wanted to learn and there was only so much time before that scene they had to film. Could she technically go without this? Film the scene without ever having sex with Ben? Sure, but just the one hookup they’d had so far had felt absolutely fantastic. It was the sort of thing she wanted to repeat again and again. 

Suddenly, an idea came to her mind, and she could see the minute he recognized it forming on her face. “What?”

She could only manage another awkward sound that resembled the vaguest hints of a laugh as she looked down to the ground. “Last night was fun, really fun,” she told him, her eyes avoiding his the entire time. “But the one thing that I regret, the one thing I probably wasn’t ready for to be quite honest, was… you never touched me.” Her breathing came a little faster at the thought of what she wanted him to do to her. “Your hands… your skin, it never…”

“What are you saying?” His eyes were dark when she finally glanced up to meet them, his lips parted ever so slightly as if he were preparing to say something, to give her an answer before he even heard her whole proposition. 

“Can you—“ She lost her ability to speak for a second, a nervous giggle falling from her lips as she shook her head. “Can you do that to me again—what you did last night—but um, use your fingers? I’ve heard… I’ve heard it’s, um, nice.”

He blinked a few times, then he caught on. “You want me to fuck you with my fingers?” His voice shook on every word, and there was a sort of awe in his eyes, as if she’d just offered him something utterly divine. “Rey…”

“Only if you want to,” she reminded him. “But I don’t know, I feel like—I feel like that’d be a good next step in…” She gestured between them. “Gaining more experience.” 

A shiver passed through him, and something about that pleased her, something about having that sort of effect on him made her feel powerful. Several seconds went by before he seemed capable of a response, and even then, his lower lip quivered before he gave her a nod. “Okay.” He was barely whispering, his voice was so quiet she barely heard him, but she had heard him. 

“Okay?” she asked, daring to move a little closer to him, shifting along the couch until her thighs were brushing up against his. 

One of his hands came up to caress her cheek, stopping her in her movements but not pushing her away. Much to her surprise, he used that to his advantage, answering her question, providing his final yes by slowly leaning in, and bringing his lips to hers. 

It was the second time she’d kissed him as herself and not Kira, the second time he’d kissed her as Ben Solo and not Kylo,  and the second time they’d kissed without layers of armor or thick, medieval clothing between them. Part of her was shaken to the core at that realization, but the rest was leaning into the kiss, reveling in it, bathing in the warmth of the sunlight they’d let in. She was dizzy and drunk on it within seconds, fingers coming up to weave in his hair, tangling themselves in the raven waves as his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her onto his lap. 

The new position was… different. It wasn’t unpleasant, it was actually rather enjoyable, but it was different. Something about being above him, on top of him, filled her with an adrenaline surge that made her feel powerful, like she was every bit as intense and awe inducing as the character she played on television. The feeling only grew more as the arm around her waist lifted her further as he leaned back, and she parted her legs, letting them rest on either side of his— straddling him. 

Now she could feel his warmth at the apex of her thighs. It reminded her a bit of last night, they’d been kissing just like this, electricity coursing through her veins as his lips caressed hers as if he was already making love to her, as if just kissing her was an act more intimate than sex. Only this time she was on top of him instead of him being on top of her. 

Did he like that? Having her on top of him? Having her grip his hair tight while her hips rolled against his? While she rocked against the erection she could feel pressing against her clothed entrance?

If the moan he let out a few seconds later was anything to go by, he definitely did. He was enjoying this just as much as she was, if not more, and that delighted her. 

That thrilled her. 

One of Ben’s hands reached down, leaving her cheen to brush over the swell of her breasts, fingertips ghosting over her t-shirt as he made his way toward her jeans. More shivers ran down her spine as he took the button of them between his index finger and his thumb, and pushed it through the little slit in the fabric. His kisses abandoned her lips then, moving down to her neck--but not lingering to leave marks--as he then reached for the fly, the tiny golden zipper coming undone in one fell swoop before his hands both reached for the waistband of her jeans, and began to pull them down a little. 

Just as nerves started to overtake her at the thought of her lower half being completely exposed in front of him, he paused, and pulled away from her neck to look at her with kindness in his eyes. An undercurrent of desire still lingered, but they were largely full of sincerity and wonder. “Do you want me to stop?”

“What?” she asked, feeling dazed from the lack of oxygen caused by kissing him. “N-no! Don’t-Don’t stop.” She leaned forward, pulling him into a searing, but brief kiss before she backed away, looking into his eyes with every bit of courage she could muster. “Don’t you stop until I tell you to.”

Nodding, he leaned back, watching as she backed away, nearly pulling off of him completely as she yanked off her shoes and socks, then she reached for the waistband of her jeans. Closing her eyes, she pulled them down, opting to leave her underwear on—he could just move it aside, couldn’t he?—since she wasn’t quite ready to completely expose everything yet. 

Luckily, Ben was quite possibly the most understanding partner in the history of the world, and he gave her a tiny hint of a smile as she kicked the denim aside, and resumed straddling his hips. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into what almost felt like an embrace as he held her close. “Is this okay?”

She nodded, barely resisting the urge to stroke his hair as she leaned in closer. “It’s perfect,” she whispered, then she was kissing him again, then her fingers became more tangled in his dark, wavy locks, and her hips rocked against his anew.  

The hands at her back shifted back down to her hips, and he seemed to be taking his sweet time as they glided over the newly bared skin of her upper thighs, not wanting to rush her into this too quickly even though at this point, she desperately, desperately wished he would. Kissing him, grinding against him felt nice, but she wanted more. 

He’d already gotten her addicted to his touch, and this was just the second time they’d hooked up. 

She gasped into the kiss as his fingers began to skim along the inside of her thigh, her entire body just barely holding back a quiver as she thought about what he was going to do to her. 

Her sudden, sharp intake of oxygen caused Ben to grin against her lips before he moved his kisses down, pressing feather-light touches to the column of her throat. Eyes rolling back in her head, Rey forced herself to take in air, to breathe normally as his fingers got closer and closer to where she wanted them most--to where they both wanted them most. 

Just before they reached the apex of her thighs, his fingers lingered, hovering just out of reach. They were so agonizingly close that she could feel their heat, could almost feel their touch, and if she shifted just a millimeter forward, she would finally get what she wanted, he would finally be touching her. “Ben.” 

His name was an order, a demand to move forward, and with a twitch of the corner of his mouth that she could feel against her pulse point, she finally felt his fingers brush up against her clit through her underwear, and she sighed delightedly as he began to create sweet, sweet friction. 

Fuck, he was good at this. Well, she hadn’t had any experience before him aside from her own hand, but somehow, in spite of starting with a slow, steady pace, Ben had her feeling better than her trusted left index and middle fingers ever had. 

And he’d only just started to rub her fucking clit. She was probably going to die, he was going to kill her, and she was going to thank him for it. 

After about a minute, his fingers moved on from simply stroking her clit, shifting smoothly down to her entrance, nearly making her choke on her own breath as he felt her through the fabric. “ Christ, you’re wet, Rey,” he breathed, and she started to think that maybe this would kill him, too. Mutually assured destruction. “So fucking wet.”

She could feel what he was talking about, could feel the dampness of the fabric against the skin between her thighs, could feel the arousal rushing through her whole body. He’d done that to her, he’d made her like this, and he was about to make it worse—or since she was enjoying it, was it better?

He pulled away from her neck to look at her, and she watched him studying her face carefully as his fingers reached for the edge of the fabric. It felt like she could see into his mind, could see his every intent as he brushed the cotton aside, and she felt his fingers pressing against her entrance. It was no surprise when his first finger slipped inside of her, but she still closed her eyes against the feeling, her lower lip trembling, but she made no sound. It was no surprise when that finger sank a little further inside of her, feeling foreign and wonderful all the same. 

Breathing in deeply, Rey held onto him a little more tightly, grounding herself as that finger pressed further and further inside of her. He pushed it in all the way to the knuckle, holding it there for a split second as if to evaluate how she was feeling, to give her time to adjust to it even though it was just one finger. Sure, it was almost as thick as two of her fingers combined, but she felt confident enough to take another or at least ask him to start moving.

Apparently Ben was much more intuitive than she’d ever thought, because the second she opened her eyes again, he began to move that finger, pumping it slowly in and out of her as his thumb came up to rub her clit, and her head began to spin. 

It was easily the best she’d ever felt, and he’d only just started. He’d started a fire in her that she never wanted to put out, and as she rode his finger, she found herself delighted to be swept up in its smoke. 

Soft moans escaped her lips, but those were quickly silenced by her inability to vocalize anything once his lips found hers again, and the searing intensity of his next kiss sent her brain into a frenzy. 

Everything felt like too much to process, and she wasn’t really sure how it could get any better as his finger fucked her a little faster, a little harder, reaching further inside her than she ever had. She was quickly proven wrong. 

Ben’s kiss grew deeper as he pressed another finger inside of her, and this time, he was the one who moaned even though she was the one being pleasured, even though he was teasing her. She swore against his lips at the sound, committing it to memory, listening to it echo in her head as she resumed kissing him, reveling in the combined feeling of his lips on hers and his fingers shifting inside of her, curling in a way that made her want to scream. 

What they’d done the night before had exposed her to what felt like another world, but they’d only barely touched, and there had been no skin to skin contact. There was nothing quite like his skin against hers, quite like the feeling of his fingers slipping in and out of her, and a shiver rushed down her spine as she wondered what it would feel like with his cock in place of his hand. Would she survive such a thing? Would he survive it?

She heard him whisper her name, breaking the kiss briefly to utter the singular syllable before he dove back in, almost making her wonder why he’d done it as she started to lose control of her thoughts. 

As the time passed, she could feel herself growing close, her orgasm building steadily like a slow moving wave. Any minute now she was going to come, she was sure of it, and as tiny little moans, soft little whimpers left her mouth, he pulled away from her again, his eyes hooded but still attentive. Confusion barely passed over her mind before she realized he wanted to see it, he wanted to watch as she came undone. He wanted to bear witness to this, to see her face in a way he hadn’t been able to the night before. 

“Do it,” he whispered, as if they were playing a game of truth or dare. Maybe they were, and she just hadn’t realized it. “ Do it.”

His voice was lower the second time he said it, and that sent another rush of arousal through her— that sent her over the edge, and she came on his fingers with a shaky gasp, and a whisper that sounded vaguely like his name. Her eyes shut involuntarily, her head leaning back as he continued his ministrations through it all, whispering things to her that she thought might’ve been encouragements, but couldn’t quite tell, couldn’t quite process as waves of sheer pleasure rushed through her whole body. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” She couldn’t think of any word but one. She couldn’t understand any words either. Her mind was soup, and soup didn’t have coherent thoughts. 

Nothing comprehensible formed in her brain for what felt like an eternity. Hell, all her senses felt off. Dots were prominent in her vision, the colorful kind that appeared when she stood up too fast and there wasn’t enough blood in her brain. 

Several seconds went by where both of them were just panting, breathing impossibly hard as she came down from her high, and her eyes finally blinked open, like she’d been asleep for too long. Another shudder passed through her at the look in his eyes, the mischief, the satisfaction, and the desire in them almost overwhelming to process as she finally regained control of her thoughts. She had just come, but somehow, he was the one who looked like he’d been thoroughly fucked. 

The hand that was still on her back drifted up to her waist, holding her still as he removed his fingers, earning him one last moan from her before she fell quiet again as he brought them to his lips. Her heart was pounding as she watched him, pumping blood through her body at a rate she knew was unhealthy as he brought those fingers into his mouth, and his cheeks hollowed as he sucked them clean, groaning softly as he did so.  

“Why—why’d you do that?” she asked breathlessly. 

“Wanted to,” he replied, his voice casual as he stared at her, still smirking like he was the devil as his hand rested on her hip. “You okay?”

She nodded. “I feel—I feel great… I… thank you.”

A small hum that sounded vaguely like a laugh left him, then he leaned back against the couch. “I bet you do.”

Oh, she wanted to wipe that smug look off his face, but when it was accompanied by those kiss swollen lips and his mussed hair, she couldn’t find it in herself to be mad at him. Instead, she just scoffed, and fought back the urge to kiss him again as she rolled off of him so she was sitting by his side on the couch. “You’re a dickhead.”

He laughed openly, his whole body shaking as he turned to look at her. “Maybe so,” he said, then he pushed himself to his feet, and gestured to the kitchen. “You want anything?”

“I need to get going home,” she reminded him. “I don’t exactly live here, remember?” 

If she thought she saw a flicker of disappointment cross his expression, she convinced herself she’d imagined it. “Yeah, but I bought too much taco meat the day before yesterday, and I don’t want it to go bad.”

Well, when he put it like that… “Sure.”

He gave her another smile, making her roll her eyes as he walked into the kitchen, leaving her still half-melted on his couch. She was still a mess, but she was starting to feel much more confident already. Doing this was no necessity, but it sure as hell was a lot of fun, and unless she was blind, it seemed like he was enjoying it just as much as she was. 

What was between them so far was casual and carefree, and so far it wasn’t awkward. In fact, she’d never felt more comfortable than she did when she was in his arms and he was trying to make her come apart. It was a glorious thing, whatever it was they were doing, and a part of her already didn’t want it to end, but even if it did, she knew they were still only at the beginning. 

They had a long way to go before this could ever be considered over. 

Chapter Text

The afternoons spent in her trailer were on the list of Rey’s favorite things about being on set. Well, they weren’t regular afternoons, more so just rare downtime of about forty minutes to an hour where she got to wind down or run over her lines for later scenes. There was something amusing about doing modern things in a costume from not only another world, but another time, and she wasn’t alone in finding it funny, either. 

Half the set got a chuckle when someone in full knight gear pulled out a cell phone. 

That afternoon, though, she wasn’t alone. She’d invited Ben into her trailer initially just to spend time with him, but then they started running lines together, and not even for a scene they shared. In about half an hour, he was due to have a practice duel with Gwen for a scene in which her character, Phasma, was going to tease Kylo about where he’d been sneaking off to in the night. 

Playing a character other than Kira, even if it was just for an audience of Ben, was unexpectedly a lot of fun. Phasma was cunning and bold, but held a strong sense of loyalty to those on her side. She was perhaps the fiercest warrior on the show, as much as its marketing would have liked for people believe that title belonged to Kylo. If Gwen’s Golden Globe nomination for her performance in the first season meant anything, Rey’s opinion was entirely correct. 

“You’re not exactly quiet, you know,” Rey told him, hoping she portrayed Phasma’s low, stern voice well enough. “We’ve all heard your footsteps down the halls at night. I’m just curious as to what’s got you sneaking around.”

“It’s nothing,” Ben said as Kylo, looking ever so slightly vulnerable in a blink and you’ll miss it sort of way. His eyes weren’t even on his script, making Rey wonder why he’d wanted to rehearse this scene if he so clearly had it down, but she didn’t break character to pester him about it. 

“Is it a woman? A man? If it’s a lover you’re seeing, Ren, you know you don’t need to hide it from anyone, least of all, me,” she reminded him, then she watched her costar’s face fall with signs of sorrow and distress. “It is someone. Who? Do I know them?”

“She’s no one.”


Ben as Kylo looked away, then he nodded slowly. “Yes, she, now can we keep sparring? We’ll be the worst army in the kingdoms if we don’t know how to fight.”

She gave him an inquisitive look, then she shrugged. “I’ll figure out who’s got your eyes later then.”

“Leave it alone,” he growled, and fuck , he sounded so genuinely angry, she almost forgot they were acting. “It’ll be better for all of us if you do.”

Tilting her chin up to look down at him from beneath now hooded eyes, Rey’s posture relaxed some, and she gave him a nod. “Very well, but if this causes our knights trouble, if this gets people killed, I will not hesitate to run a sword through you. You’re a good man, a wonderful fighter, and a great friend above all, but don’t forget where your loyalties lie.”

He swallowed nervously, and her eyes caught on his Adam’s apple as it bobbed with the motion. “Understood.” Those dark eyes were now locked firmly onto hers. “But no one’s going to die.”

There was a tiny tremor in his voice that gave away the fact that he was uncertain of whether he was telling the truth, and to the unseeing eye it was missable, but when she knew him as well as she did, it was unmistakable. But that was the last line of the scene, and so once he finished, they both set their scripts down, and let out the breaths they were holding. 

“That’s a tense one,” he joked, earning him a nervous chuckle from her. “You think I have it down?”

“Ben, I wouldn’t be surprised if you got an Emmy nomination based on this alone.” That wasn’t a lie either, watching Ben perform, hell, performing with him was mesmerizing. Sure, he’d said the same thing about her, but still, she thought he was one of the most unique actors she’d ever seen. “It’s great. Why the hell did you think you needed my help with it?”

He shrugged. “I wanted to be sure,” he said, then he leaned back against the couch cushion. “If I get it right, we only have to do maybe a take or two or three, and then we can leave.”

That was an excellent point. The sooner Ben was done, the sooner they could all go home. Hell, if he got done fast enough, he’d be finished before she was out of her costume and makeup, and god, that would’ve been so convenient. “Yeah, that’s fair,” she replied, then she shifted a little closer to him, feeling a bit bold. “But we’ve got another forty five minutes until then, and you’ve clearly got this down.” An awkward laugh escaped her. “So much time, but how to waste it?”

The corners of his lips curled into a hint of a smirk. “What did you have in mind?”

Certain that her cheeks were flushed a shade of red bright enough to be visible in the darkest of rooms, she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, then met his gaze. “I’m still getting used to this whole thing. You know, the um, stuff we’ve been doing?” she asked, then when he nodded, she felt relieved enough to continue. “But I know that it’s a lot of fun, and you make me feel good, so… I know we’re on set, but if you think we could get away with it—“

Her friend held up a hand, then his smirk became more pronounced. “Are you suggesting we try and get each other off on set?” he asked, sounding almost bewildered—but not off put—by the idea. 

“I might be. If you’re comfortable with it.” 

A few seconds passed where he seemed to pretend to think it over, then he full on grinned, his smile lighting up the room as he bowed his head in a subtle nod. “Yeah, I’m comfortable with it.”

“Then come here,” she told him, and he looked up at her with a faint hint of surprise. 

“Already so bossy,” he whispered, then he leaned forward, crossing the space between them with that smile still plastered on his face as he kissed her, one hand coming up to caress the base of her skull while the other wrapped around her waist to bring her closer, pulling her into his lap as they kissed. 

Just like the day before, Rey’s legs parted, straddling either side of his so that she was riding his lap, kissing him fiercely as she stood up on her knees and towered over him. She could feel how his head tilted back when she deepened the kiss, his hands adjusting their grip to help keep her balanced as hers began to drift down his chest, reveling in the warmth she could feel beneath his doublet. 

A vague part of her was fairly certain they’d get in trouble for doing this in costume, but she ignored it. Kissing him felt a little too good than she thought it ought to have felt. It was addictive, calling to mind that one song with lyrics that went something like, “ might as well face it, you’re addicted to love ,” every time their lips touched. What was between them—if it was anything beyond just friends with benefits—may not have been love—at least, she didn’t think it was, but when was the last time she’d been in love?—but it was something. It made her lose a part of her rational thought, made her want to become one of those actors who hooked up on set and in costume, who ruined her makeup right before a big scene, and it made her feel powerful. 

Ben moaned softly as her hands finally lowered enough to ghost over the button of the trousers they’d put him in for the day, causing her to laugh against his lips as those same fingers then found his clothed erection. Both of them shuddered as her hands finally found it, but neither froze. In fact, she took his reactions as an incentive to move, and began to palm him through his clothes instead. 

A shiver passed through him, one she felt everywhere her body was touching his, and it sent a thrill through her as she continued, moving her hand against his cock until she heard another tiny little noise leave his mouth, and he pulled away from the kiss to stare at her. She could feel his eyes keeping a close watch as she reached for the waistband of his trousers, then she began to slip them down just enough so that her hand could reach inside. 

Before she proceeded any further, she locked eyes with him one last time. Consent had been the most important thing they’d been stressing in their adventures thus far, and this time was no different. Though they both knew what they wanted here, she still asked him the question silently, putting the words into her pupils as he looked into them, and waiting until he gave her that tiny, shaky breath that told her he wanted this to happen. 

Only then did she reach her hand further into his trousers, pulling them down further until she exposed his cock to the air. She shivered when she saw it, her whole body trembling for half a second before she composed herself, and took him into her hand. 

He’d made her come apart with his fingers the night before, and she was going to return that favor. 

She began stroking his cock slowly, recalling the vaguest notion of what to do from the rare occasions in which she watched porn as she moved. His breathing was ragged within seconds, and she thought that sound might have been the death of her as she began to move her hand faster. “Am I doing this right?”

“You’re—you’re perfect,” he breathed, sounding almost like he hadn’t meant to say anything at all. “God, Rey, don’t stop.”

Did he feel the same way she had when he’d touched her? Did he feel that same loss of control? That same desire to just melt into the air and disappear completely? 

If he didn’t, she wanted him to, and she wasn’t going to stop until he was writhing beneath her touch or he asked her to. Watching him slowly lose his control was exhilarating, and she was surprised by the thrill she got from it. She hadn’t thought she’d feel this way just from helping Ben get off, but fuck she was. 

The image of him licking his fingers clean and moaning when he’d touched her came to mind. Was this how he’d felt? Did he like making her come apart as well?

Before she could find out and they could go any further, they were brutally, cruelly interrupted by a knock at the door. Her hand quickly let go of his cock, and Ben groaned softly—she prayed whoever was outside didn’t hear it and interpret it for exactly what it was—as she moved away, freeing herself from his lap as fast as she was able to as he hurriedly reached for the waistband of his trousers. 

The door opened just as he finished pulling his trousers back up, and Rey prayed they both looked presentable—though she knew, more likely than not, that they definitely looked like they’d just been fooling around—as Gwen stepped through it with a knowing look on her face. “Solo, they’re calling for us,” she asked, stepping further into the trailer as she picked up the tails of her coat. “Better get out here before Poe comes in.”

That second sentence made Rey turn pale as she watched Ben stand up. Was it that obvious? 

Looking over at Ben, it probably was, given that the light pink lipstick she’d put on that morning was now smudged over his stupidly full lips and their hair was thoroughly mussed. Shit, Gwen definitely knew now, but if one member of the cast and crew had to know about it, then she didn’t mind it being her. Their costar had been the only one to cease the gossip in the makeup trailer the day before, and seemed perfectly content with minding her own business, so maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing after all?

“This explains the hickeys,” Gwen said as she crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Gwen, it’s not what it looks li—” Ben started, but then she held up a hand, cutting him off with a roll of her eyes as well. 

“I don’t care. I literally do not give a damn what it is, but you do realize you’re doing a terrible job of keeping it hidden, right?” She walked further into the room, and gestured to Rey’s neck, where the two day old hickeys were now hidden beneath foundation. “Yesterday she walks into makeup with these on display, and now I catch you in her trailer and you just finished putting your pants on, I can tell from how you forgot to redo your belt.”

Ben looked down at his undone belt, and she watched his cheeks flush pink before he rectified his error. “Sorry.”

“Why are you apologising to me?” Gwen asked, sounding thoroughly baffled. “I don’t care what you’re doing. You’re both single, you’re young, and you spend a lot of time together. Shit happens. I don’t care. I’m just noticing that you seem to have a desire to keep it secret, and letting you know you need to try harder if that’s the way this is going.” 

The two of them looked at each other, both half-frozen for a second before he eventually nodded. “Yeah, we are, this just… happened so fast.”

“Yeah,” Rey agreed, scratching the back of her head awkwardly as she watched Ben cross the room, and examine himself in the mirror, beginning the process of fixing his appearance as she spoke. “What do you think we should do?”

“Put up a do not disturb sign, put your hickeys beneath clothing, and don’t have sex on set.” Gwen’s voice was so deadpan that it took her a second to process what she’d said. There was no way Rey could mention that kind of thing casually yet without a blush appearing. Hell, even Ben’s cheeks turned pink when he talked about it sometimes, and he was experienced. “Just an idea.”

A tiny snort escaped the man on the far side of the room, then he turned around as he continued wiping off Rey’s lipstick from his mouth. “We’ll do the first two, but I can’t make any promises about the last one, Gwen.”

She was bright red, surely she was crimson, the color of her own blood, or ruby, or something else that was vivid enough that anyone watching could tell she was thoroughly heated and embarrassed. “ Ben!”

He glanced in her direction, then, seeming to notice she was uncomfortable, he looked to the ground sheepishly, and crossed the room to stand in front of her. “Sorry, I was mostly joking.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

In the background, she could see Gwen rolling her eyes as she leaned back against the trailer wall. “Just don’t fuck on any set pieces that belong to me.”

Finding a little shred of confidence, Rey nodded through her embarrassment. “Yeah, that, too,” she replied, trying to conjure to mind any piece of furniture that belonged to the character of Phasma that she could possibly want to fuck on and finding none. She wasn’t about to tell Gwen that, though. “So you won’t say anything?”

“I didn’t see anything, I was never here,” Gwen confirmed, then she pushed off the wall, and made her way toward the door again. “That said, Solo, we’ve got a scene to film.”

“Yeah, yeah we do,” Ben replied, then he briefly placed his hand on Rey’s arm, and walked over to the door with her. “See you later?”

A warm smile was tossed his way. “Not if I see you first.”

The one he gave her in return had a weird after-effect. Her heart started to beat a little faster in her chest and the blush that had already taken over her cheeks deepened in color as she stared at him. It didn’t fade away, and her heart rate didn’t go back down to normal, until long after Ben was gone, and she was once again alone in her trailer. 

A deep exhale left her lungs as she collapsed back onto the couch, recalling how just moments ago she’d been straddling Ben’s lap, making him lose his mind beneath her hand as she—

Fuck, she had to stop thinking like this. All they were doing was learning together, becoming comfortable with each other in a way they thought would best prepare them for the scene Poe had told them about two days earlier. That was it. There was nothing deeper. Her heart didn’t need to race and she didn’t need to think about him for several minutes on end after he left a room like she had some sort of crush. 

It had to be that experience of a first touch, the aftermath of finally living one of the most basic human experiences, right? She was willing to bet everything she owned that it was that simple; she was just experiencing all of this for the first time, and Ben was the one who was showing it all to her. This wasn’t a crush, she’d never looked at him like that before—and they’d shared plenty of onscreen kisses—and she wasn’t going to start now.

This was nothing. This was absolutely nothing. 

Or was it?


She was quiet on their drive home that evening. Ben made most of the conversation talking about how he’d thought he’d messed up his scene with Gwen every single time he did a take, and his ranting filled the silence, but all she could do was think about how they’d been caught earlier, how they’d been interrupted, and how she didn’t know if these weird butterflies in her stomach meant something deeper than just excitement. Her mind wouldn’t allow her to think about anything else. 

Luckily, Ben did. “So we’re meeting with that choreographer in two days.”

“Yeah. Think it’ll be the same one who worked on our first kiss?” she asked, recalling the pink haired woman they’d worked with the first time they’d shared a kiss onscreen. 

“Amilyn? I hope so. She makes everything feel less awkward than it actually is, but… now I can’t wear that fucking dick sock without thinking of those little sock monkeys.”

Rey damn near lost it. “Without thinking about what?

“Yeah, when I had to film that scene with Gwen she told me about how an actor once used a sock monkey puppet instead of the ones they usually hand you and… filmed the scene like that. It loosened us up, but I think it’s about half the reason neither of us could stop laughing the entire time.”

A round of delighted laughter fell from her lips, shaking her entire body as she hunched over in the passenger seat. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Deadly. I’ve thought about it during every sex scene since.” He turned onto her street, then slowed the car down as they came upon her parking lot. “It’s made acting turned on a bit more of a challenge, but I’ve always thought it’s important to laugh with your partner during sex. Makes everything more fun.”

She hummed her assent. “Yeah,” she replied, then they fell quiet again as he drove into their parking lot , and he soon pulled into a space, then looked at her expectantly, waiting for her usual goodbye or some sort of sign that she was going to leave. 

When she gave him neither of those, his brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

“I keep thinking about how we were interrupted earlier.” She brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, swallowing nervously as she spoke. “I don’t know about you, but I was… I was having quite a bit of fun before Gwen walked in.”

“I was, too.”

“I know this could technically wait till later, but…” With a nervous intake of breath, Rey closed her eyes, and summoned forth the courage to finish her sentence. “Could we pick up where we left off?”

“I-inside?” Ben asked. 

“Or in here, but if we do it in here I can’t quite sit on you like I was earlier,” she pointed out, then she blushed again. “I kind of liked it like that.”

He let out a slow, shaky breath. “Jesus, Rey.” But he didn’t sound offended or appalled, he sounded relieved, joyful even, by the sound and nature of her request. In fact, after another few seconds, he met her gaze, then cocked his head in the direction of her apartment building. “Inside?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Without another word, she hopped out of the car, delighting in the sound of him turning off the engine before he joined her, and she heard his car door slam shut soon after. Together, they walked around to the back of his van, and made their way into her building, and if Rey’s hand found Ben’s as they walked through its doors, it was just an accident, she told herself, it was just what friends did. 

The elevator ride up to her apartment was mostly quiet, but Rey felt like she was bouncing on her toes the entire time. Her body temperature had to have hit the triple digits from how heated she felt every time she thought about what she was about to do. God, she wanted to feel him again, she wanted to hear the little noises he made and hear his breathing as his entire body shook from tremors. 

Making Ben into an absolute mess was already one of her favorite memories, and she wanted to do it again. 

The second the elevator doors opened, she tugged on Ben’s hand, pulling him out into the hallway as he stumbled with a series of curses that had her throwing her head back to laugh as she ran. This was the kind of thing she saw in movies, where the couple who was about to, well, fuck ran down a hallway giggling and unable to keep their hands off each other--well, they didn’t quite meet that last requirement, since Ben was bound and determined to remain a gentleman--as they rushed into an apartment, and immediately let loose the minute they got through the door. 

This was just like that, actually. The very second she and Ben walked through the door of her apartment, they didn’t even wait until the door was shut before she pinned him to a wall and kissed him fiercely, knocking the wind out of both of them as her hands came up to grip his hair in fists. 

All she could think is how exh ilarating it was to do this with him, how good it felt to have him whimper softly into her mouth as her hands slowly drifted down the expanse of his chest. She’d known he was fit from the times they’d already spent together and from years of filming with the bastard--hell, last season’s shirtless scene, where she’d caught him bathing in the river, had been rated one of the best eye candy scenes of all time--but fuck, she’d never really taken the time to appreciate those stupid fucking muscles. Ben was built like a damn greek god, and she was just disappointed she’d never really noticed before. 

Her hands finally found the button of his jeans, undoing them as she brought her kisses down onto his neck, and swept aside the neckline of his shirt so she could leave a mark there in his skin, beneath where any makeup artist or nosey set-goer could notice. Another soft little moan left his lips, and she prayed her neighbors weren’t walking around in the hall as she undid his zipper, then smiled against his skin before slipping his shirt a little further down his shoulder, and leaving yet another mark. 

“Yes,” Ben whispered, seeming to be the more logical of the two with how quiet he was being. “God, yes.”

A tiny giggle escaped her as she lowered the fabric at his hips just enough to free his cock from its confines. The second the cool air hit his skin, Ben shivered in her arms, and pulled her close against him. She could feel his erection prodding against her stomach as she moved back up to kiss him, pulling her hips away ever so slightly so she had enough room to reach between them, and take his cock back into her hand.

His breathing became shaky all over again as she began to stroke him like she had earlier, picking up right where they left off. Like that first time, she was nervous, but now she felt like she had a good grip on what she was doing, she felt like she understood what made him tick, even if they were no longer in the same position. Hopefully when he recovered, he’d let her do it again later exactly like they’d done it in her trailer. 

The best part about this thing with Ben was easily how responsive he was. On top of the delicious, low noises he made, he kept on whispering filthy things in her ear that made her blush; encouraging her, goading her on as she let her thumb glide gently over his tip. When she did that, he whispered a slur of curse words that had her certain they would both go to hell as she stroked him a little faster, pumping his cock in her enclosed fingers as she moved in to kiss him again. 

Ben’s hands came to rest on her waist, gripping her a bit more tightly than was necessary as if he were attempting to ground himself as she rubbed her thumb over the tip of him again, delighted to notice precome had started to gather there, like his body had been put on pause for the past several hours as well. She broke their kiss to press them along the line of his jaw, eager to hear what sort of filth he would spill into her ear with this new development, and finding herself soon rewarded. 

“Go faster,” he whispered, then she hummed contentedly as his lower lip quivered in response to her obeying his command. “Yes, that’s it… Fuck, Rey, that’s so go--” He was cut off by a sharp gasp, then he wrapped one arm fully around her waist, and leaned back further against the wall, making it clear to her he was no longer capable of standing on his own. 

She’d done that to him. She’d just rendered a man incapable of standing without support, and it made her feel more powerful than she ever had before. Once upon a time she’d thought the most powerful feeling in the world was riding into battle on horseback with a sword in one hand and the reins in the other, and maybe it still was, but this was coming in at a close second. 

Driving Ben to the edge? That was now tied for the most powerful she’d ever felt in a single moment.

“Rey, I’m gonna come,” he told her, his voice low and shaky, like he could barely find the words to say, his mind refusing to process it as she kept on bringing him closer and closer. “I don’t want to come on your shirt.”

“I don’t care, I’m doing laundry tonight,” she protested, then he groaned again as she finished speaking, and she could tell he was seconds away. “Just come.”

With another shaky inhale, Ben’s fingers dug into her waist, and his head fell back against her wall as he came, and she felt a fresh wave of heat wash through her as his come spilled onto her shirt just like he’d predicted. A smile parted her lips as she looked down, watching him as he came, and continuing to stroke him through it until he was completely spent. 

In the aftermath, they were both breathing impossibly hard. She looked up to see Ben’s cheeks were flushed, his lips were thoroughly swollen, and his eyes were dark as he stared down at her. A passing thought struck her that she loved the way he looked in that moment, she loved seeing him worn out and sex drunk like this, and she loved being the one to have done it. 

 Part of her wanted to run in and immediately kiss him again, but she was just as out of breath as he was, and so she settled for leaning her forehead against his, hoping it wasn’t too intimate a thing to do as she calmed down from her high. 

“Are you…” He swallowed. “Are you sure you’ve never done any of this before?”

“I’m sure.”

“This isn’t just some elaborate excuse to get into my pants?” he asked, and she snorted her laughter as she stepped away from him. 

“No, it’s not just some elaborate excuse to get into your pants, I promise,” she replied, unable to stop the frown that formed as he pulled his pants back up, and his cock was hidden from view. “I just… I don’t know, I seem to be good at figuring out what you like rather quickly.”

This time, he was the one who was blushing as he finished buttoning his pants, then he ran his hand through his hair, pulling it out of his face. “Yeah, you do.” His voice was a soft little mumble that she barely made out, and sent shivers running down her spine as he then stepped forward, returning himself to her space, and forcing her to crane her neck to look at him as he got too close. “Can I return the favor?”

She cocked her head in surprise. “Wasn’t that what I just did for you?” 

“Maybe I like being in your debt.” He stepped closer again. “So what do you say? Do you want me to turn around and leave for the night, see you on set tomorrow morning…” This time, he leaned down, whispering lowly in her ear. “Or do you want me to stay?”

As he pulled away, she met his gaze, astonished by how much heat she saw there in spite of how spent he was. Ben was a puzzle in some ways, she supposed, but she certainly didn’t mind it. She knew how to answer his riddle with one of her own, and with a tiny hint of a smile breaking out on her lips, Rey took his face in her hands, and pulled him into a kiss. 

Shock caused him to jolt a little at first, but then he softened, melting into the kiss as his arms wrapped around her waist, and he returned it, causing her mind to spin with that delightful sort of dizziness that always seemed to accompany kissing him. She wasn’t sure why, she didn’t know what caused it--it never happened when she kissed him on camera--but she reveled in the feeling nonetheless. 

Without breaking the kiss, Ben’s grip tightened around her, and she felt as if she was flying when he lifted her up from the ground. She let her arms wrap around his shoulders, holding on tightly as he whirled them around, and carried them into her living room before they sank down onto the couch, and he set to work on repaying his debt.

Chapter Text

The next few days made it feel as though time stood still. After that night at her place—a night in which she felt like his hands had managed to explore every crevice of her body—things slowed down physically, and they began to talk seriously about their upcoming rehearsal with the choreographer. 

Scripts for the scene went out the very next afternoon, but the only people allowed to have them were Rey, Ben, Poe, and the episode’s director, Charles Baca, who’d directed ten of the series’ top ranked episodes—according to IMDB—and absolutely no one else. Gwen wasn’t allowed to know, Finn wasn’t allowed to know, and the rest of the cast and crew definitely weren’t allowed to know. The scene was so secretive it was even cut from their scripts, and as far as they knew, Kylo and Kira were just going to spend the whole time kissing. 

She and Ben knew otherwise, and as they worked to memorize their lines, spending their days and evenings together learning the episode’s insides and outs, they exchanged knowing glances. This was especially prevalent at the first table read for season three episode nine, when they finally came upon the scene in question. The two actors reading the scene before them—Gwen and another actor, Armitage Hux—wrapped up, and Poe read the stage directions to transition the next scene as the two of them exchanged a knowing glance. 

“Scene eight; Kira and Kylo meet in the temple at night. The battle between the armies of Alderaan and Mustafar is upon them and there is nothing they can do to stop it. They are desperate, they need each other, and is their most desperate hour,” Poe read aloud, then he looked up, glancing at Ben and Rey. “They meet in the middle…”

Rey was blushing, and as she looked across the table at Ben, who was still listening attentively to what their devoted show-runner was saying, he was a little pink, too. In spite of his experience with this sort of thing, he was still flushed pink, and a weird thought popped into her head that it was kind of cute. Waving the thought away with a tiny shake of her head, she put her focus into listening to the rest of the scene too, and the table read proceeded as normal from there. 

They did their first read-through of the scene that night in her trailer just before they left work for the day. Strangely enough, she wasn’t as nervous as she thought she’d be when they sat down on the sofa to run through the lines. In fact, she was cool as a cucumber. She and Ben had said far filthier things to one another over the last few days, and he’d been promising her romantic things in front of a camera for the better part of a year now. 

This was fine. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Ben as Kylo said, starting off standing on the opposite side of the room, as the script instructed. “If they catch you--”

“If,” she repeated as Kira, then she crossed her legs casually, one knee over the other as her character tried to feign a nonchalance that just wasn’t there. “If they catch me.”

Kylo looked distressed, his mouth shifting uncomfortably as he stepped toward her cautiously, as if he was afraid she was a mirage that would soon disappear. “I shouldn’t be here either.” His voice trembled, lower lip quivering as he finished speaking, and she could see everything he wasn’t saying written in his eyes. “Tomorrow--”

“I know what tomorrow is.” She held up a hand, then she uncrossed her legs, and stood up, taking a step toward him as they slowly began to close the gap between them. “I’ve been thinking about it all day, and well into tonight, and I realized I couldn’t spend my last night in my tent with the others… I… I had to find you.”

He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing visibly in the dim light of a floor lamp she’d turned on to set the mood for the scene. It almost made her forget that they weren’t just acting for a moment, she was completely lost to the world they were building. “I know we’re both duty-bound, I know when the sun rises we must both fight on opposite sides, and it kills me to think of facing you in battle, but…”

“You have to,” she finished for him, then she stepped toward him again, seeming to reach out for him before she let her arm fall to her side. “But it’s killing me, too.” 

Another silence fell between them as Kylo took her in, his gaze hungry, needy, and pleading for something but he had no idea what it was. “How many more hours do we have until the sun rises?”

“Not enough,” she answered him, then she stepped into his space. “I don’t know what to expect from tomorrow, but, Kylo?”


She looked at him again, resting a hand on his cheek as the words escaped her, and she shook her head. “Will you stay here with me tonight? I don’t… I don’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t be,” he promised her, then one of his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him. “Not tonight.”

“Can we forget this is happening for a little while?” She let her other hand come up, burying itself in the raven strands of his hair as she took in a deep, shaky breath, her heart racing in earnest as she pressed their foreheads together. “Plea—“

He cut her off before she could finish the word, his lips finding hers as if drawn magnetically. It wasn’t directed in the script, he wasn’t originally supposed to cut her off, he was supposed to do it slow and gentle and let her trail off into oblivion, but this was better. Kylo and Kira were desperate, starving, and eager. They were about to lose everything they had, and they couldn’t waste any more time. This was their final shot. 

Rey returned his kiss with a ferocity she knew only Kira could possess, imagining the low crackle of the fire from the torches that would surround them when they actually filmed the scene, their hands covered in gloves that they’d desperately strip off, and then their heavy coats that would be untied with deft, eager fingers. 

Kylo’s frenzied, hurried kisses consumed her, but this time there was an undercurrent of the tenderness, the slow, gentle caution that Ben had, and it nearly had her melting in his arms. 

This was just a rehearsal, this wasn’t even witnessed by anyone but them, and yet they were both treating it like it was their chance to win an Oscar. At one point, she felt his hand fall down onto her chest, her heartbeat echoing back against his palm as he kissed her, and for a brief half-second, they both lost character and it was just them. It was Ben and Rey kissing, and it felt almost like a dream, like something that transcended reality in a way different from when they were just acting. 

It was a flicker of light, a brief shadow passing in front of their eyes that they weren’t sure if they imagined it or not before they were Kylo and Kira again, and then they were pulling apart. The stage directions called for them to start removing clothes, and they didn’t have their costumes or the exact choreography yet, and all that was left was a single line. 

Kylo looked down at her, his eyes full of adoration and love, then he leaned their foreheads together, an improvisation in the place of the actions they were supposed to be doing during this scene. “You’re still holding on,” he said, then the scene ended, and they stepped away from each other, both panting slightly as they stared at one another in the aftermath. 

An awkward laugh escaped Rey as she ran a hand through her hair, her mind still dizzy and her lips still numb from kisses. “Damn,” she breathed. “I think you need to get me a cigarette.”

“You don’t smoke,” he replied with a chuckle, then he stepped back, leaning against the wall as his chest heaved with each breath. “But I know what you mean.”

“Three more days until we’re with the choreographer.” 

“Well, it’s just Amilyn,” Ben said, then he shrugged. “We’ll be okay, she’s sweet, good at what she does. I mean, she has to be or Poe wouldn’t hire her.”

“Yeah.” She laughed as she slumped back against the couch again. “I know, I’m just… I’m just nervous. I feel less nervous than I did at first, but… it’s one thing to be in private with you, and another to be… even in front of just Amilyn and maybe Poe.”

“We’ll work on it until we’re both comfortable, and hey…” He threw his hands up, and made his way toward her, sitting down on the couch at her side. “If you decide you’re not, then I’m out too, and we’ll just tell Poe to fade to black. You’re not required to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“No, I-I want to do it, cause… I want to experience all these things, I want to do it, and you? You’re helping me find the courage to do it, so--” She reached out between them, and took his hand, hoping the gesture was as platonic as she intended it and it didn’t overstep an unspoken boundary. “Thank you.”

A blush crept up his cheeks, but he didn’t pull away, instead, he gave her a nod, and sighed. “It’s um…” An awkward laugh escaped him. “It’s a lot of fun… doing this with you, so…”

Tension develops in the air between them, a slightly awkward sort that had them both looking down and away with tiny smiles on their faces before they glanced up, and finally let go of the hand hold they had. “We should probably get going, you’ve got a big fight scene tomorrow, and I’ve got to prepare myself for the amount of liquor Poe wants to imbibe to make the bar scene as genuine as possible.”

Ben snorted, but he pushed himself up, and together they stood, preparing to make their way out of the trailer and off the set for the day. “Let’s go home,” he said, then he took her hand in his, and pushed the door open. 


The next three days, they spent their time perfecting their bits of that scene, making sure every line of dialogue was perfect before they met with Amilyn and Poe to start choreographing the scene. The meeting would take place on a day none of the other actors would be required on set. Eventually, they’d bring in the wardrobe department and makeup--a time during which, Rey suspected, both Rose and Paige would catch on very quickly to what was happening--but that wouldn’t happen until the final stages of filming the scene. 

Ben drove them to work that morning, and other than knowing what they were going to start doing that day, it wasn’t any different from another day on set. He occasionally looked over at Rey, his gaze cautious, as if he were checking to make sure she was okay, and while it wasn’t necessary, she found it rather endearing. 

She was probably one of the luckiest people in the world to call him her best friend, if not the luckiest person. 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” he asked as they pulled into the parking lot, then she nearly groaned. 

“Are you?” she replied, then she quirked an eyebrow with it. “Ben, if it was anyone else, maybe I wouldn’t be, but… it is you, and I trust you, so I’m fine with this. I promise you, I’ll let you know if that ever changes.”

Giving her one last glance as they came upon a parking space, the corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. “I trust you, too.”

The blush that crept up her cheeks was definitely related to the heater running in the car--it was an unexpectedly cool fall morning--and not to any feelings that sentence might’ve stirred within her. This was just a friend thing. A friend helping a friend. There wasn’t anything romantic about this. 

Nothing at all. 

He parked the car next to one she recognized as belonging to Poe, and once it was shut off, the two got out, and made their way onto the set. 


Half an hour later, they were inside the set, sitting casually side by side in the temple as Poe prepared to go over the scene with them, and they waited for Amilyn Holdo to arrive, and begin choreographing. A mattress lay at the center of the floor, one of those gym mats they always used for stunts, and it squeaked weirdly each time Poe walked over it. Rey grimaced at that; she didn’t exactly want to be rolling around with Ben where someone else had just been walking with shoes that had been god knew where. 

“So, obviously after the main kiss, clothes start coming off. We’ll start worrying about those directions a bit more once we have the costumes fully ready, but mostly I need the two of you on the floor by the end of this. Amilyn and I have been working to fine tune some of the details, but it’ll be a lot of close shots. Really intimate stuff. The kind of thing that makes people go--’ whoa , do you two need the room to yourselves?’” Poe looked excited, perhaps a bit too excited given that he was about to spend the day watching Rey and Ben pretend to have sex. 

Rey could feel herself flushing, then she shook her head. “So we almost need to actually have sex onscreen?”

“You just need to make it very, very convincing. The rest of the world doesn’t exist, it’s just the two of you. The rest of it?” Poe gestured to the entire temple, then he gave them an almost mystified grin. “The rest of the world just fades away.”

Ben and Rey looked at each other, and she could tell he was still curious to see if she was actually okay with this one last time before she gave him a subtle nod, and looked back at Poe. “So we’re just very heatedly kissing without clothes on?”

Poe’s head bobbed a little from side to side. “Kinda, but a bit more than that. It needs to look like you’re no longer completely separate. You are joined. You’re part of one another. It’s… gonna feel more like softcore porn than anything else.”

A low whistle escaped Ben, causing her to laugh nervously as a knock sounded at a nearby door, then she fell silent. “Is that Amilyn?”

“Probably,” Poe replied, then he turned his attention on the door, and cupped a hand around his mouth. “Come in!”

Two seconds later, the black door just beyond the upper steps of the temple on the left hand side of the room, and a woman with a head of bright lilac-pink, curly hair walked in. She gave them a quick wave as she shut the door behind her, then they heard the sound of heels clacking against the stone of the temple floor as she descended the three large stadium style steps to the main floor. “Good afternoon,” she said casually, then the other three repeared it as she came to a stop beside Poe. “First things first, let’s get introductions out of the way. Ben and Poe, I already know you both, but you…” She turned her gaze on Rey, then took a few steps forward, and held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Rey.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

The other woman stepped back, then her hands rested at her side as she spoke. “It’s my understanding that you’ve never filmed a scene like this?”

“No, never,” Rey admitted, feeling as if she was lying even though there was nothing for her to be lying about. Amilyn and Poe didn’t need to know about her actual sexual history. They didn’t need to know that the only experience she had with any of this had started just about a week ago. “This’ll be my first.”

“But you’re comfortable going all out like this?”

“I am. I trust Ben, he’s a good scene partner everywhere else, so… What other kind of shenanigans can we get into on camera, you know?” she asked, then they both laughed nervously. “I want to do this.”

“Okay, then we’ll take this slow.” Amilyn gestured, then she summoned them forward to the mattress Poe was still standing on. “Dameron, off the mattress, you two, on the mattress.”

What followed was probably the longest day of Rey’s life. On day one of rehearsals, she did not have to take off any clothing, and neither did Ben. Day one was about mechanics, learning the basics. Amilyn had full controls while Poe sat in the background, his face unexpectedly serious as he took notes of everything they and their choreographer were doing, already working to improve and edit the scene long before filming began. 

They had another three weeks before they had to start worrying about that. 

What she did have to do that day, however, was let Ben press kisses just about everywhere. She was on the ground beneath Ben when they did the first run through of the choreography after learning it--well, part of it, given how complex it would become, they were nowhere near finished--and while she’d been fine learning it, fine having Ben be very mechanical in his motions, it was another thing entirely to have his mouth on her jaw, her neck, her chest, her stomach, and her inner fucking thighs in front of people. 

The first attempt had her struggling to keep control, starting from the moment he said his last line. “You’re still holding on,” he told her as Kylo, then they set about the motions they’d been given. They came together for another kiss, tongues meeting in the middle as they knelt down together, somehow managing not to break apart as their knees both found the mattress, then he slowly bent her back to the floor. 

She knew the kisses were going to move, that they were coming, but the moan that escaped her when he kissed her pulse point was frighteningly real, and she could only hope that Amilyn and Poe both believed it was a feat of acting, that it was just Kira losing herself to Kylo. Hopefully they just believed this was a career making performance, and not a genuine sound of arousal. 

The man doing this to her, however, definitely knew it was genuine; she could feel him smirking against her skin as he then planted a kiss over the thin fabric of the tank top she was wearing, his lips dangerously close to her nipple as he descended further down. 

It took all her strength to keep her character as he kissed her in places he hadn’t even kissed her yet when they were fooling around. Her hands were in his hair as he planted them over her stomach, as he took one of her legs and let it rest over his shoulder, and she became aware that this wasn’t something they’d done yet. She had thought of asking him to put his mouth on her, but she’d been too nervous. It had been terrifying--but wonderful--enough just having his fingers inside of her, but his tongue?

When his warm lips pressed against the fabric of her leggings, though, she knew she had to ask him about it soon, maybe even that very night. She could feel herself growing wet, embarrassingly wet in spite of the audience watching them. Maybe it was because there were only two people in the room and the camera crew wasn’t there yet, or maybe it was because someone wasn’t yelling for them to stop every five minutes and this was just a run through, but she couldn’t help feeling aroused. 

Every nerve ending in her body was on fire, and her clit was suffering worst of all as he simply let his kisses stop right before the place she wanted him most, and continued just going through the motions.

Rey was on edge through the rest of the rehearsal. Every time their lips came together, every time his hands touched any part of her, she felt a hunger surge through her she hadn’t known she possessed. This was all new, delightfully new, and it was wonderful, but she couldn’t wait to get him alone. She had to get him alone. 

When they got back to his place that night, she didn’t care what they did, she just cared that somehow she got some sort of relief from the ache that was developing between her thighs. 

She just cared that he was the one to alleviate it. 

After round one, though, it became easier to control. The motions returned to being mechanical, but it felt like forever before she regained the ability to think, and she wondered how it would be once they had the costumes, once they took the clothes off. 

How would she feel when there was a camera crew? When there were lights and people and she was actually almost fully naked? Would it still feel like this? According to a google search she’d done once, it wouldn’t. Most actors didn’t feel any sort of arousal while filming these scenes because of how controlled and feigned they were. Everything was a product of movie magic, but something told her that this scene… this would be one of the big ones that had people believing they’d actually had sex on camera. 

By the time the rehearsal was over, she felt a mixture of emotions. She was both confident and somehow more shy about it than ever, she was both hungry for food and for--well--more of what they’d been doing in the privacy of one of their apartments, and she felt exhausted but wide awake at the same time. Rey’s mind was a war zone, but for once, she didn’t mind the conflict. 

A part of her found it oddly delicious. 

“Okay,” Amilyn said after they finished the last rerun of the scene. “You both seem to have the basics down pretty well so far, we’ll add in more of the details on Thursday.” She turned to Poe. “Do you think you could get them some old costumes to use? I want to see if we can maybe get a jump on working with the costume removal, it’s a big part of the vision I have in my head.”

“And it just doesn’t look the same without it?” Poe asked, and all she had to do was nod for him to understand. “Yeah, I can do that. We’ll just use some old ones from last season I’m sure Ackbar has them lying around somewhere.”

“Perfect.” She then stepped toward Rey, and offered her a kind smile. “You did great today. I would’ve had no idea that you’d never done this before if they hadn’t told me.”

Rey blushed, then bowed her head in acknowledgment. “Thank you, um… thanks,” she replied awkwardly, then she gave a small grin in return. “See you Thursday.”

“And you. Have a good evening, Ben, Poe,” she said, gesturing to each of the men in turn before she began to walk out of the set. 

“Bye, Amilyn,” Both men echoed at the same time, then Poe stood up off the perch he’d kept through the afternoon, and made his way toward Ben. 

“Any notes?” 

Poe gave him a nod. “Yeah, a few, but they’re mostly about the clothing situation, cause Amilyn’s right, it’s a bit harder for you guys to get it perfect without the costumes, but you really went the distance here, it was a great effort.”


“But Rey, I noticed at one point that you kind of dropped character?” he asked, looking up from his notes as he approached her. “I’m assuming it was just nerves? Maybe adjusting to having to do something like this in a public setting?”

Another blush crept up her cheeks, making her wonder how she had any blood left to supply the rest of her body as her face grew hot. “Yeah, that was it,” she assured him. “I think I’m used to it now, though. I’ll be fine.”

Their boss gave them a nod, then he shut the binder. “Again, just let me know the second either of you are uncomfortable. I know this is a bit intense, and these things are par for the course for the network, but we don’t have to do them if you don’t want to.”

“I think the world might riot if Kira and Kylo don’t fuck onscreen,” she replied, causing Ben to laugh as she nudged his chest with the back of her hand. “We’ve got to give the people what they want.”

A tiny snort left Poe, then he shrugged as he began to back away. “That’s fair, but I’m just making sure you know, you can back out whenever you want to, even if it’s after the scene has already been filmed.”

“Thanks, Poe.”

“All right I’ve kept you on set long enough. You both know what time you have to be here tomorrow, I’ll see you at dawn,” he said, then he gave them a tiny salute, and started making his way from the room as they said their goodbyes. 

Once he was gone, Ben turned to Rey, looking almost a bit sheepish as he ran his hand through his hair, and dark waves fell across his face in the aftermath that he had to sweep away. “That actually went pretty well.”

The corners of Rey’s mouth twitched up as she turned to face him fully, finding the tiny tinge of pink that colored his cheeks to be kind of cute. It wasn’t a word she’d ever thought to use about Ben before, but she found it fitting in that moment, found that her best friend was actually rather adorable, and it made some sort of fluttering spawn in her gut as she looked at him. That couldn’t be good. Fluttering meant one thing, she knew it from the many lines Kira had given to Storm about the feelings she had for her mysterious suitor; lines in which she described butterflies fluttering in her stomach. 

For the time being, she was going to ignore that fluttering. She was going to ignore it with everything she had. “Yeah, it did,” she replied after what felt like forever, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she watched a few crew members walk in, their sights set on the mattress Poe had left at the center of the temple. Apparently he’d summoned someone else to gather it. The showrunner wasn’t exactly in charge of handling that sort of thing. “I thought I’d be more nervous, but… I don’t know, I just felt determined to get it right every time.”

“Yeah, me too,” he replied. “It just got repetitive after a while. Almost boring, but at first it was kind of like… what we do in our apartments.” His tongue came out to wet his lip, drawing her eyes to it and the shine it left behind as he took in a deep breath. “I think you were affected, too.”

She scoffed, but he was right, she’d been quite affected. “What makes you say that?” 

“Rey, I could feel how wet you were through your leggings at the beginning. You know, when I first put my mouth on your inner thigh? I could feel it, I could smell it, and it nearly killed me.” His voice dropped lower as the workers taking the mattress out of the room walked past them. “Look, I want to take this slowly, but if you want to, and if you’ll let me, I want to taste you. I want to make you come apart with my tongue.”

Holy shit. She was going to die a sweet, delicious, unholy death just from hearing him talk. The mental images that sent through her mind had her reeling, making her think that she probably wouldn’t survive that kind of encounter, and causing her to wonder if she really was ready for it all over again. Earlier, in the heat of the moment, it had sounded like the perfect thing to do, had felt like something she wanted so desperately that it had felt all consuming, but now… now she felt nervous about being so exposed to him like that. 

She wanted him to do it, she wanted him to do it very, very badly, but she needed a little more time to get herself together, to be ready for it. “I want that, too,” she breathed, her voice practically a whisper as the air left her lungs. “Fuck, Ben, I want that, but…”

“You’re not ready for it yet?” he replied, understanding in his voice, and fuck, she was so lucky. 

“Yeah, not yet.” She stepped forward, though, tilting her head up to look him in the eye as she got a bit too close. “But I wouldn’t say no to a little something when we get back to my apartment.”

“I wouldn’t either.” Without another word, he held out a hand for hers, waiting patiently for her to take it before he laced their fingers together, and they made their way off set and into the parking lot.  


Half an hour later, they were sitting in front of the tv in her living room with Parks and Recreation playing casually in the background while they both nursed bottles of hard cider. Unlike the previous week when they’d burst into her apartment and been unable to keep their hands off each other before wandering into the living room, this time was much more casual. All they were doing was sitting with Rey’s legs strewn across his lap and her arm around his shoulders as they took sips out of their drinks, and watched as Ben and Leslie tried to deny their feelings for each other. 

Occasionally they shared casual kisses, and it felt like it was leading somewhere, but given how tired they both were, they were taking their time. They moved slowly, lazily, and for the first few minutes, were more focused on the plot of the show playing than each other. 

Then Ben’s hand slipped beneath her top, and things began to speed up. 

“Is this okay?” he asked, slightly out of breath from what little kissing they had been doing. “Can I…?” He took the fabric between his fingers, and began sliding it up. “Can I take this off?”

“Yes.” Her voice was equally breathless, then she lifted her arms over her head, allowing Ben’s nimble hands to remove the offending shirt, tossing it over her coffee table before his arms wrapped around her waist again, and held her close as he looked at her, watching her chest heave as they both realized she was now only donning a thin, black bra on her top half, one which he could undo with a single twitch of his fingers on the front-closing clasp. 

What surprised her the most, though, was how much she wanted him to undo that clasp. 

One of her hands came up to caress the base of his skull, pulling him in close for another kiss, their lips coming together as her other hand grasped his, and led his fingers to the clasp. He shuddered against her as she let his index finger and thumb pinch it just right, and the clasp came undone, but he didn’t stop kissing her--he never stopped kissing her. 

Ben’s hands moved up, fingertips ghosting over the swell of her breasts as he moaned softly against her mouth. She could barely fight back her grin as her tongue swept along the line of his lower lip, begging entrance into his mouth just as he found the straps of her bra, and began to push them down her shoulders. Both of them were trembling slightly--though she wasn’t sure why--as her hands moved away from him to shuck the bra somewhere over the coffee table as well, then she was being lowered down against the couch, the fabric surprisingly cool against her bare back as Ben rested his weight carefully on top of her. 

Once they adjusted to this new position, he pulled away, taking a brief break from kissing her to just… stare. She watched his eyes sweep over her bare chest, taking in her small breasts and the contours of her abdominal muscles as she panted beneath him. His breath seemed taken away for a few seconds, and it seemed like an eternity passed before he started breathing again, and she felt one of his hands at her waist, his thumb resting just beneath her left breast. “Christ…”

“What?” she asked, curious as to what made him have that sort of reaction.

“I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way, but--” His eyes met hers, and they’d never been so dark. “You’re beautiful.”

Her breathing shuddered, his words echoing helplessly in her brain, tickling that part of her that had felt the strange fluttering during their rehearsal earlier. Beautiful seemed like a loaded word, but the way he’d prefaced it? He was just offering her a compliment, wasn’t he? Swallowing her nerves, she looked away from him for a second. “Thanks.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment, then Ben leaned down again, and kissed her softly, his lips sealing themselves with hers as her arms came up to wrap around his shoulders, her hands finding their way into his hair as her brain went into a spin. 

That spinning only went faster, became more intense as he moved his kisses down, and she gasped softly as he kissed her neck, her jaw, and her collarbone in a series of slow, lingering touches that she could still feel on her skin long after they were over. “Ben,” she breathed, suddenly feeling goosebumps form on her arms, legs, and everywhere it was possible to get them as she realized where the kisses were going. 

His lips touched the swell of her left breast, and breathing became difficult, especially when he drew the touches out into a slow, practiced torture, when he went milimeter by milimeter across her skin until his lips just barely ghosted over her nipple. They were both breathing unsteadily then, but Rey inhaled sharply as he finally moved, taking her nipple into his mouth, and swirling his tongue around it. 

This wasn’t going to make her come, but fuck it felt good--it felt really good. His teeth grazed the edge of it as he pulled off, then he pressed one last kiss there before moving on to the other one the same way he’d approached the first. Each kiss was tiny, sensual, and so gentle she almost thought she was imagining it, but every time he got closer, her heart began to race, and she knew this had to be real. 

“Ben, fuck, ” she whispered as he took her other nipple into his mouth, groaning softly as he sucked it between his lips, his tongue flicking gently at the pebbled skin. 

It made her want to say so many filthy things, admit so many things she wasn’t ready to admit. She wanted to confess to him like he was a priest instead of the man doing sinful things to her breasts with his mouth. 

The feeling he brought her was one she could have lost herself to forever, one that made her forget the world and everyone in it. Things never escalated beyond Ben taking off his shirt that night, they never took off anymore clothing, and they never sped up the kissing nor slowed it down, they just stayed like that--soft, slow, and sensual, and they drowned in it together. 

Somehow, she imagined, they’d found an act more intimate than sex, though just what about it made it so she had no idea. She only knew that she would likely be finding out sooner rather than later. 


Chapter Text

Another few days went by where she couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d asked her that first day of rehearsal. They were having another one soon—their third, the second had occurred two days after the first—and every single time she thought about it she felt an odd sort of excitement rush through her. 

She was both terrified of what she had to do and yet she longed to do it. Every time she was with him like that, even though they were Kylo and Kira, was electric, but she felt like something was missing. She wanted to know what it actually felt like to have his mouth between her legs, to have his tongue flicking at her clit, tasting her as she reached the edge, and making her come harder than she ever had. 

Unless she worked up the courage, though, it wasn’t happening. As of yet, he hadn’t seen her completely undressed below the hips. They’d worked with practice costumes during their second rehearsal and stripped those from each other, but the removal of underthings would be saved for when they had the proper material to hide them during filming of the scenes. 

When the time came, she wanted to know what it was like, not even because of the job or because she thought it would make the performance more authentic, but because she wanted to know what Ben could do with that mouth of his. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop her brain from going into a tailspin every time she remembered how he’d told her he could smell her, could feel her as he pressed kisses to her inner thighs, as he pretended that he was eating her out with a fervor she could only describe as religious. 

She wondered if he could tell how wet she was every time or if it had been a one time thing. 

Regardless, their third rehearsal would be that afternoon after shooting. His head would be between her thighs, and she’d be writhing beneath him like he was doing things to her she’d never thought she’d experience. It was a terrifying but beautiful thought, one which occupied her mind and had her so lost in her own feelings that she didn’t notice Rose asking her to shift her head to the side so she could contour her left cheek. 

“Rey?” her friend’s voice echoed in her head. “Earth to Rey?”

The woman in question shuddered as she obeyed the command, but she turned her head to the side and nothing happened. After a few seconds of waiting, she looked at Rose instead. “What?”

“Something’s weird about you. It’s been weird ever since you came to work with hickeys,” Rose observed. “What’s going on?”

Oh, if she only knew. Rey laughed nervously, unsure how to answer that question. On the one hand, she really needed someone to talk to about everything, but on the other, she wasn’t ready to disclose this to more people, and Gwen wasn’t going to be on set that day. Gathering her wits, she tried to think of the best way to be vague about her situation and not give anything away about the identity of the man she was hooking up with to her makeup artist. 

“You okay?” Apparently she had taken too long to think, because Rose was now looking down at her with much more concern in her eyes than she’d had before. 

Nodding slowly, Rey cleared her throat. “I’m fine, I just…” She took in a deep breath, shifting uncomfortably as her friend dipped a brush into a lipstick palette, and began to paint her lips a soft rosy shade. “I can’t tell you everything, but—“

“Hold still a second, I need to get your Cupid’s bow,” Rose said, and Rey remained perfectly still, lips pursed slightly as the makeup artist guided the brush steadily over her upper lip, then dipped back into the palette. “Okay go.”

“I need—I don’t know—I need advice? Or maybe just to talk to someone, because…” She let her hands fall limp in her lap as she met her friend’s eyes. “Listen, you can't tell anyone, but this guy I’ve been with for the last couple of weeks—“

“Hickeys guy?” she asked excitedly, then as she began to paint Rey’s lips again, she received a hum of confirmation. “Okay, so it’s serious then?”

“Sure, yeah, serious.” It was, technically, he was helping her lose her virginity, which she supposed by traditional standards was pretty serious. Rose didn’t need to know just how casual it was with her and Ben, she didn’t need to know anything beyond what she was about to be told. “Um, we’ve reached a point where we’ve been discussing—uh—oral?”

A tiny wheeze escaped her friend as she set down the lipstick palette, and moved on to picking out which mascara tube she was going to use that day. “You make it sound like you’ve never done this before,” she muttered as she turned back around to face the actress, undoing the cap of the mascara as she went. The silence she received in turn seemed to tell her everything she hadn’t said. “... oh my god. You’ve never had anyone go down on you?”

“I’ve—I’ve never had anyone go down on me, no. Actually—“ She smoothed her skirt with both hands. “Before this guy, I had no sexual experience whatsoever. We still haven’t had sex in the ‘traditional,’ sense of the word. We’re working our way up to it.”

“Holy shit, really?”

“Look, I’m telling you this because I want to ask him to um, do it, but I’m nervous. We haven’t exactly gotten naked yet and doing that—“

“It’s a new level of vulnerability you’re not sure you’re ready for?” Rose asked, and when Rey slowly nodded, she gave her a gentle smile. “I get that.” 

“You do?” 

The woman in front of her set down the mascara tube, then leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest as she locked eyes with her friend. “Listen, I know you’re smart, but I’m gonna let you know it’s actually more simple than you think. Do you trust this guy?”

Of course she did. He was Ben, her best friend, confidant, costar, and practically the only family she had. She trusted him with her life. “Yes, absolutely.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah, he’s great.”

“Do you want him to go down on you? Do you want that?”

Rey blinked a few times, but the answer came to her immediately. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Then it’s that simple. If you didn’t want it, you would’ve told me no. If you don’t want it one hundred percent—and this applies to anything sexual or otherwise—then you don’t want it. And besides.” She shrugged, then picked up her mascara tube again. “If you really like this guy, if he’s as good as you say he is, he’ll understand if you say no and back out. If he doesn’t, call me, I’ll help you bury the body.”

A quiet snort escaped her as her makeup artist resumed work on her face. “Thanks, Rose.”

“No problem. Keep me updated, yeah? I want to know if this mystery suitor of yours is good in the sack,” she replied, causing Rey to laugh further until she realized what her friend had just referred to Ben as. 

Her suitor. An old-fashioned term that tended to mean someone who was interested in her romantically, possibly even for marriage. It wasn’t like that with him, but god, now she couldn’t stop picturing it. She couldn’t get the image of the two of them going on dates and kissing in public out of her head. Already she was envisioning sweet conversations over wine in restaurants, him kissing her sweetly as they woke up in bed together in the morning, Ben whispering sweet nothings in her ear, confessions of love, and more. The very idea of it had her feeling a little dizzy, but not at all off put. 

After all, her thoughts had been heading in that direction lately anyway, hadn’t they? She’d been unable to stop the feeling that she might be falling in love with Ben because of what they were doing. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about it, actually. He consumed half of her thoughts, her lines on the show consuming the other half, and she didn’t mind giving him that space, it was for sale, after all, but now she had a feeling…

That space in her mind now belonged to him. 


Several hours later, after they’d finished filming their scenes for the day, Rey and Ben were standing together outside the costume trailer waiting patiently for Poe to return to set with Amilyn. They’d been decked out in under armor that day—since their show runner had declared they would both remove their armor prior to the beginning of the scene—and in Rey’s case, the sex scene appropriate underwear. 

Currently, poor Ben—bless his heart, as they said in the south—was being subjected to a lecture about how uncomfortable the pasties over her nipples were. They itched like heinous mosquito bites, and she had a feeling it would take multiple showers to erase the stickiness of them from her poor breasts. 

“If it helps, the sock on my dick isn’t exactly comfortable either,” he said, and she could tell that he was just trying to help, that he was trying to be a good and supportive friend, but god , she didn’t want to hear his complaints. 

She scoffed as the back of her hand came up and smacked him in the chest. “Yeah, but when we change back into our regular clothes at the end of the day, your cock won’t be sticking to your thighs. My tits, Ben, will be stuck to my bra. They will never be free.”

He snorted his laughter as she rolled her eyes at him, then he was openly guffawing as his hands came down to support themselves on his knees, and he hunched over. She was glaring at him with every ounce of ferocity she could muster as she watched him lose it. At least one of them was happy. 

“Drama queen,” he grumbled between fits of laughter.

“Oh, you’re just lucky you’re a man. If the world considered your nipples as unsafe for work as they do mine, it’d all be over for you, buddy.”

“I don’t doubt that,” he told her, then he stood up straighter as the last of his giggles left him. “But I love yanking your chain. You’re more reactive than you think you are, and it’s hilarious.”

“You’re an ass.”

“You love it.”

“Eat me,” she growled, then they both froze as they remembered what they’d been dancing around for the last several days. 

Sure, he’d said he’d be down for it days ago after their first rehearsal, and the only thing they were waiting for was her say so, but—

She thought back to her earlier conversation with Rose. Her makeup artist had helped her come to the conclusion that she was ready to say yes, but now the moment was here—the moment to tell him she was ready, at least, they had a rehearsal to attend first—and she just had to be sure of how she felt, like her friend had said. Looking into her soul, the very thing that made her Rey Johnson, she knew she was. 

“Do you want me to?” Ben asked, interrupting her thoughts and unknowingly prompting her to finally give him her answer. “I know we talked about it, but—“

“Yes,” she said suddenly, interrupting him without warning as she gave him a nod. “I want you to.”

His eyes widened from her seemingly unexpected answer. “You sure? I know you were kind of hesitant about it the other day—“

Ben ,” she breathed, reaching out to grasp his arm in one hand. “I want this. I wouldn’t say yes if I didn’t. I-I want to know what it feels like—regardless of whether or not we’ll be faking this for the cameras soon.”

The corners of his mouth twitched up as he looked down at where she was touching him, then Ben’s eyes drifted up to meet hers. The second their eyes locked, she felt the temperature in the room suddenly go up, skyrocketing so that she could tell that if it didn’t drop soon, she’d begin to sweat. 

All she could hear for the next few seconds was their breathing, their chests heaving as if they’d just climbed a flight of stairs. It made her feel flustered, almost dizzy, and she thought that maybe he might’ve been a magnet as she began to move closer to him, feeling compelled by the attraction of invisible poles. She heard herself say his name again, but that wasn’t what broke the spell. 

What broke it was the sound of a very excited Poe Dameron shouting their names, and commencing the beginning of rehearsal number three. Up until then, she’d actually almost been having fun at these rehearsals in spite of the awkwardness, but right then, as Poe and Amilyn approached them with smiles on their faces, she just wanted it to be over already, before it had even begun. 

Walking back into their rehearsal space, laying out the mat, and waiting for their cues had never been more excruciating. After the conversation she’d had with Ben, all she wanted to do was run home, drag him inside, and start taking off clothing.

Just a few short weeks ago, Rey wouldn’t have considered any of this, but now that it was a part of her life, now that Ben had a new role in her life, she couldn’t get enough of it. 

“Okay, today we’re going to run the blocking slowly to accommodate the costumes,” Amilyn said, opening up a binder that was undoubtedly fillled with her various notes on the scene. A copy of the script was visible, and she could see it was marked up to hell with highlighter pens. “I want to be sure nothing’s too awkward or needs to be changed. I trust you both to tell me if something’s uncomfortable?”

Both she and Ben nodded, then Poe directed them to take their places in the edges of the space, and told them to begin. 

Without needing further direction, both of their stances shifted, and Ben became Kylo, and spoke his first line, “You shouldn’t be here,” he said, then the scene commenced. 

Everything went as normal, according to plan, and it felt like maybe she might get through this rehearsal unscathed, or rather, it did until he managed to get her trousers off, leaving her almost entirely exposed save for the strip of underwear she’d been granted. When that happened she was barely able to hide how she was shivering, praying that if anyone noticed they’d blame it on the air conditioning as Ben began planting kisses on the inside of her thighs like he’d been directed to. 

This was how she died. This was how she was going to die, a sweet, merciless death being unintentionally teased by Ben Solo stimulating oral sex on her. She was going to die slowly from each kiss he pressed to that sensitive skin, but never touched where she needed him most. 

When his nose accidentally brushed her clit as he turned his head, she gasped involuntarily. Luckily, the sound hadn’t been overwhelmingly loud, but she knew he’d heard it, and as she looked down at him, she saw him drop character for a fraction of a second to give her a tiny wink and she thought there was a chance she might’ve been about to kill him. Hell, she would kill him. 

Two could play at this game. 

Rey fought back the smirk that threatened to blossom on her face as he crawled over her, trying her best to look like she was in love and terrified of her future as she pulled him in for a kiss, kissing him more fiercely than she ever had before. It wasn’t quite directed, but she ran her hand through his hair in that specific way that always made him moan when they were kissing at home, and as she predicted, he did indeed moan. 

The kiss ended seconds later, then the key part of the scene began. Ben as Kylo began undoing the laces of his pants, working them effortlessly before he pushed them just far enough that his cock could hypothetically spring free if it weren’t strapped to his thigh like it was, then began the task of pretending to line themselves up, looking each other in the eyes as if it were that final moment before everything really changed forever. 

She wondered how the real thing would feel, how it would actually feel to have Ben inside of her. Would she be as collected as Kira seemed to be with Kylo? Would it feel like what they were performing? Would they… would she love him like their characters loved each other by the time they got to that point? Would she no longer be acting when she let a tear fall as their fingers laced? 

Even acting as Kylo and Kira made her heart race these days. She felt like there was more to what was on screen than met the eye. There was more between them than they could’ve ever predicted—or there would be if they kept kissing when the cameras weren’t rolling—and it was starting to become scary. 

By the end of the rehearsal, Rey felt confident enough in the scene that Poe told them they’d earned a slight break, and they’d be back next week—six days before the scene would be filmed. That made her nervous. The scene was huge. The actual scene, with a thousand cast members and crew, was going to be another thing entirely. 


It was just before sunset that afternoon when they were finally freed to go home. As she and Ben walked out of the parking lot toward her car, she could feel her entire body buzzing, like she wasn’t quite suited to drive, but she would calm herself down by the time they got there so help her god. She just had to stop thinking about him putting his mouth on her cunt within the hour, then maybe she would stand a chance. 

Something told her, though, as they got in the car and he was also buzzing slightly in the passenger seat, that he was just as excited as she was. Maybe neither of them would ever admit it, but both of them were looking forward to it. They both wanted it very badly. 

She was terrified to think what that might’ve meant. 

Rey and Ben drove home in large part in silence, but both of them kept looking at the other out of the corner of their eyes with knowing glances that promised something more was coming. It sent thrills down her spine, made her heart pump blood faster, and made the damp spot she could already feel forming between her legs start getting worse. She wasn’t going to survive the night, not like this. 

Making it home was one hell of a feat. 

She was trembling slightly as they got into the elevator, her whole body tingling with excitement as she started picturing what was about to happen. In her mind’s eye, she could see his mouth on her neck, her chest, her stomach, her inner thighs, and before long she was envisioning his tongue buried deep in her cunt, making her writhe beneath him with its every move. Just days ago she’d been nervous for this but now? Now she knew she was ready. 

The moment the doors opened on her floor, she reached for Ben’s hand, and led him outside. “So what’s the best way to do this?”


“You know…” She gestured between them, eyes drifting down to his lips briefly as they approached her flat. “ This.

“Oh, uh—well—there’s a few ways we can do it, actually. You could lie down, straddle my face, you could be sitting, standing… it’s up to you. Whatever feels comfortable.”

“I don’t think I trust myself to even be standing,” she said, and she would swear on her life she saw his cheeks flush a faint pink. “So um, maybe my bedroom?”

“Your what?”

“My bedroom, so I could um… lie down?” She looked up at him expectantly as she fished her apartment keys out of her pocket, finding something satisfying in the way he seemed to lose all sense of thought for a few seconds. 

Apparently he was having as much trouble believing this was really happening as she was. “Yeah, that sounds fine,” he replied, shoving his hands in his pockets as she opened up the door, and they stepped in together. “Like I said. It just matters that you’re comfortable. If you don’t like one position, we’ll change to another or stop altogether.”

She gave him a slightly apprehensive look, but then nodded, and continued tugging on his hand as she walked them both into her bedroom, suddenly aware of every charged particle of static electricity in the air. 

Once they were inside, she let go of his hand and took off her jacket, tossing it over a chair that waited patiently by a desk littered with scripts that had been highlighted to hell, then she turned around, and reached out for his hand again. “So where do we start, then?” she asked softly, meeting his eyes to find that they were already locked onto her lips. 

In his mind, she knew he was kissing her already, all they needed to do now was actually close that gap between them, and for once, she wasn’t sure where to start. “Ben,” she breathed, then she gasped as he cupped the base of her skull in one palm, his fingers tangling into the braids their hair stylist had intricately crafted that morning as he leaned in and kissed her. 

The temperature in the room was already hotter than it had any right to be, but with that kiss it went up another ten degrees. Rey’s entire body felt heated, and as he began to walk forward, guiding her back toward the bed, she could feel fire in her veins. It burned hot and bright, and as her arms wrapped around his neck to stabilize herself, she realized the embers it was creating would probably never go out. 

His tongue swept along the line of her lower lip, and she moaned softly into his mouth as the backs of her legs hit the edge of her mattress. The only place they could go from there was down, or so she thought. Ben was always full of surprises, and just like every other encounter they’d had thus far, he’d chosen to surprise her here, too. 

She gasped into the kiss as his arms wrapped around her waist, and he lifted her from the ground. As if being ordered by an invisible, unheard command, her legs followed, wrapping around his hips so that her heels dug into his ass as he lowered her onto the mattress. 

It felt like she was floating in spite of being put down as their combined weight sank into her mattress, and Ben never stopped kissing her all the while—not even when he brought his hands out from under her. He just kept moving his lips in time with hers, seeming to almost worship her like a queen as the kiss grew longer and more intense, and if she were being honest, a part of her just wanted to do this forever. 

Kissing, though, wasn’t what they came here for. 

Ben’s hand made its way up her body so that his fingers were pulling the back of her neck up, causing her to arch her chin into the air as his kisses broke away from her lips, and began to descend along the line of her jaw just like they did during their scene. When his lips touched her collarbone, she couldn’t resist quietly whispering his name just once, then she forced herself to go quiet again. He was about to be touching a lot more intimate places than her fucking collarbone. She needed to calm down. 

All it did was make the bastard smirk a little as he continued his line of descent, as his kisses trailed along the hard bone at the center of her chest, and he began to let one hand wander down the line of half the v formed by her hips. She shuddered beneath him as his fingers found the hem of her shirt, then pushed it up slightly as his kisses continued to wander further and further down. Her heart was racing like mad, and she thought she might pass out and die from a heart attack as she watched him bring his other hand down to help the first undo the button of her jeans. 

He moved painstakingly slowly, watching what he was doing like he was trying to memorize every movement, studying it with perfect scrutiny so that he could ensure he was going to replicate it later on. Whether that was what he was actually doing or not, she had no way of knowing, but it sent a fresh wave of heat through her entire body to think about it, and she was sure he’d feel that soon enough once he got her out of her jeans. 

Rey’s breathing grew heavy and borderline shaky as he undid the zipper, then his fingers crawled up at a snail’s pace to latch beneath her waistband, and she knew she couldn’t take more of this sweet, slow torture. As much as she was loving his tender touches, she needed his mouth on her and she needed it now. “Just take them off already or I’ll kick them off myself,” she growled at him, causing Ben to laugh as she lifted her ass from the mattress, and he began to peel the fabric down her body. 

The next time she inhaled, her breath hitched as she realized that his fingers had also caught on to the waistband of her underwear, and he was pulling that down along with her jeans. Within just a few seconds, her lower body would be completely bared to him for the first time, and while she felt a tiny trickle of anxiety enter her, she wasn’t scared. She was ready, like she’d told Rose earlier, she was prepared for this, and it was something she genuinely wanted. Any lingering nerves she was feeling were brought about by the excitement that always accompanied a first experience. This was her first time doing this particular thing with anyone let alone Ben, but the fact that it was him?

That just made it even better. It made it… beautiful. 

Ben’s own breathing shuddered as he pulled the fabric down her thighs, and his eyes wandered right between her legs. For the first half-second he was looking at her, she was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to clamp them shut, but she quickly got over it when she saw the kindness that lingered in his gaze. He wasn’t disgusted, turned off, or overall repulsed by what he saw between her thighs; in fact, he actually seemed to be tampering down some enthusiasm about it. 

If that realization didn’t make her feel borderline dizzy, she didn’t know what would. 

As he crawled back off the bed, removed her shoes, and peeled the remaining pieces of fabric from her legs, Rey’s heart was absolutely pounding like a drum in her ears. The intensity of his gaze as he looked at her after, though? That sent her brain into overdrive. 

“Crawl back to the headboard, I’m gonna need some room,” he told her, and she felt like she was moving on autopilot as she obeyed his command, and crawled back on the mattress. 

They moved together. As she crawled back, he crawled forward, and together they moved until her head was resting on the pillow and he was crawling between her legs, up and over her, until his hair hung around his face like a curtain as he looked down at her. “Ben…”

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

She shook her head. “I won’t,” she said, then she felt him shudder over her as he leaned down to place one last, head-spin inducing kiss to her lips, then he began to crawl back down her body, and she found herself unable to take her eyes off of him. 

It was captivating, if she was being honest. Every single move he made was something she found utterly riveting, and she felt like she’d almost lost control of her body, like she was blissed out before he’d even properly touched her. It was a wonder that she controlled her breathing as he lifted her legs, and placed them over his shoulders, her thighs resting on either of them as he began to press gentle kisses on her inner thighs. 

Rey’s entire body was trembling with every kiss, especially as they got closer and closer to her apex, to where he had to know she was all but dripping wet because of him. It was oddly similar to the scene they were rehearsing just about twice a week, but also not the same at all. Unlike those rehearsals, there was absolutely nothing separating his mouth and her skin anymore, and he wouldn’t just be hovering awkwardly right above her clit, he was going to actually take it into his fucking mouth. She nearly fucking whimpered at the thought of that alone, and she knew she would when he actually did it. 

Her hands began to move down of their own accord, shifting until they were able to bury themselves in his hair just as he started pressing kisses to the interior of her other thigh, and she swore she could hear his heart pounding against his chest, too. 

The seconds ticked by like that, his kisses getting closer and closer, the tension ratcheting up further and further until—

He pressed an open mouthed kiss right to her cunt and she saw stars even though her eyes were open. She sighed his name again with a swear as his tongue came out from between his lips, and licked a stripe from her entrance to her clit, sinking deep into her before he moved up, applying enough pressure that she couldn’t quite control the gasp that left her mouth. 

“Do it again,” she breathed in a rush as his tongue abandoned her clit. “Sweet fuck do it again.”

Ben laughed against her skin, then he obeyed her command, beginning to stroke her cunt with smooth, swift strokes as his hands came up to hold her thighs against his shoulders. Apparently he could feel them wobbling—she hadn’t been hiding that as well as she’d thought. 

“God, Ben…” she whispered as his tongue dipped inside her entrance again, his nose bumping her clit as he went, and he began to explore places only their hands had ever touched, tasting her properly in a way none of the men or women in the porn she’d watched had ever done to their partners. He was right, she had only been watching bad porn. 

This felt like the closest thing to heaven that she would ever find, and all she wanted to do was lose herself to it. She wanted to close her eyes and let herself fall into the abyss this offered her, but she didn’t want to miss a single minute of it. Forcing herself to keep her eyes open, Rey propped her head up on her arm, and grasped his hair a little more tightly with her other hand as she watched him move. 

In all she’d heard about this, it seemed the general consensus was that it was just for fun, just fooling around, and technically that was what they were doing, but the way he did it… There was something almost sweet about it. Ben was taking his time, he wasn’t in any rush to make her come so that he could get off of her and run to grab the Listerine like she’d heard some people did, and he even seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it. Hell, she thought there was even a chance he was enjoying it more than she was. 

It almost even seemed—if she dared to say it— loving

That thought alone was terrifying, but as Ben began swirling his tongue around her clit, thoughts left her brain entirely. A loud, obscene moan escaped her, and she could only pray her neighbors either weren’t home or hadn’t noticed, because another one followed shortly after when he took her clit between his lips and sucked. 

If she’d been seeing stars before, she was seeing galaxies now. Brilliant lights illuminated her vision as her eyes clamped shut, and she grasped his hair perhaps a pinch too tightly, causing him to groan against her clit. The vibrations that sent through her were better than any toy she’d ever used or her hands. His name seemed to be the only thing she was capable of saying, the pleasure of what he was doing to her nearly overwhelming 

And yet she knew there was more. 

As his tongue stroked her clit like he had some sort of religious conviction to do so, Rey could feel her orgasm starting to build inside of her. Tension cooled low in her gut, heat pooling right above where he currently had his face buried. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she breathed, then she tugged on his hair again, forcing another tiny moan from his lips as a smile parted hers. “Ben, I’m close.”

He hummed against her skin again, then he moved off of her clit, resuming what he’d done at the beginning of this encounter but at a much faster pace. She clamped a hand over her mouth, ditching the armrest she’d had in favor of not traumatizing her neighbors as he began fucking her with his tongue again, his nose consistently brushing her clit so that there was enough pressure on it that it took all her self control to keep from bucking her hips up into his face. 

All she could do as he brought her closer and closer was bite down into her palm, but apparently her muffled cries weren’t enough for him. Ben paused his ministrations, lifting his head briefly so his eyes could lock onto hers as they both panted harder than they ever had before. “Put your hand down,” he told her, then he let his tongue come out briefly, brushing her clit once before he came up again. “I want to hear you say my name when you come.”

Fuck. That alone nearly sent her over the edge, but she managed to nod, and she put her arm back beneath her head, leaving herself free to cry out when he descended upon her again, sucking her clit into her mouth as he hummed delightedly against it. He then resumed what he’d been doing just before he’d told her to stop covering her mouth, his tongue burying itself inside of her once more—

Just seconds later, she felt a familiar wave of pleasure wash over her, and she shouted his name as she came, fluttering around his tongue as her back arched off the mattress. The only things keeping her grounded was his hands on her thighs, holding her close against him as he watched her come undone. “Ben… fuck…”  

He laughed against her cunt as she finally stopped shaking around him, as the only movements her body made were caused by the heaving of her chest, then he released her from his mouth. She stared at him as he took in several deep breaths, looking at her like he was hypnotized by what he was seeing as he panted from what he’d done. Ben’s mouth was hanging open, drawing her eyes to the wet shine of his very red lower lip as his tongue darted out to collect the drop resting there. Whether that was caused by her or him, she had no clue, but she was so dizzy, so wonderfully worn out she couldn’t really think about it too much. She was too lost in her own gaze. 

Rey was so lost, in fact, that she barely even registered when he freed her legs from his shoulders and crawled over her again, looking down at her with something unreadable in his eyes as his face hovered over her own. Both of them were still breathing hard like the wind had been knocked out of them, like they’d just taken some sort of drug and they were still coming down from its high. 

There was something happening there in that moment, something she couldn’t quite make out but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was something incredible. 

Wordlessly, she reached up, and brushed the hair from his eyes, looking into the golden flecks that were illuminated by the last rays of sunlight streaming through her window as she pulled him in a little closer, letting her eyes flutter closed as she prepared for a kiss. 

“Was it good for you?” he asked softly, gently, like he too had experienced a first time. 

She gave him the slightest of nods. “Absolutely perfect,” she replied, then he leaned down a little more, and kissed her as tenderly as she thought he might be capable of, and together they melted into her mattress like that. They kissed for far longer than was probably necessary, and a realization began to dawn in Rey’s mind—

This was not going to end the way it started. There was a road, they were on it, but this was no round trip. This has started with two friends helping one another out, but it was going to end in… something else entirely, and only time itself could tell them what.

Chapter Text

The remaining days until the scene was to be filmed began to pass in a glorious blur. With this newest door unlocked, Ben was at her place, or she was at his, damn near every night. Some nights they just watched movies, other nights they just hung out and drank--sometimes with other members of the cast and crew--and of course, there were the nights they spent making each other fall apart. 

Somehow, they got to the point where there was only a week until the scene was to be filmed. Rey wasn’t nervous yet, but she had a feeling she was going to be. Ben kept asking her if she was, but she kept assuring him she was fine. With every rehearsal, she grew more confident in what was happening, she moved more like she knew what she was doing, and even the rest of the cast could sense a newfound pride radiating from her. 

Gwen’s knowing looks as she’d pass her by on set grew in numbers. Frequently, she would pass with their costar, Armitage, and sometimes they’d be whispering together, and Rey could admit that made her nervous. 

Fortunately, all it had taken was a quick conversation, and Rey was assured that their ginger-haired co-star knew absolutely nothing of her fling with Ben. Thanks to some of the scenes and scheduling they were involved in, though, they were starting to suspect that Kylo and Kira were hooking up. The NDA from God gave her an easy out, though, and for once, she was incredibly grateful for the damned thing. 

Rose and Paige were perhaps the only ones who didn’t really ask many questions. Sure, the younger Tico knew something was going on, but she hid this knowledge well, and Paige seemed to share this respect for her privacy, which prevented many a panic attack that she was somehow being found out. 

It also helped that they were fooling around less on set these days. Rey figured it was the only foolproof way to avoid another incident like what had happened with Gwen. Luckily, Ben, sweet and understanding as always, made sure he was accommodating, and they managed to reduce their time together to their nights and rare days off. 

They had still not spent a night together since that first night, though, and they had never spent a night in the same bed. It was a sort of unspoken rule that neither of them could discuss it, either, since they both knew that actually sharing a bed was… Was it anything, really? Rey’d had Rose, Paige, and Gwen over plenty of times, and they were just friends. Ben was just a friend, so why was she so afraid of falling asleep with him next to her?

She wanted to stop being such a coward, even if she was pretty sure she was developing feelings for him it shouldn’t have mattered. Driving each other home after they’d accidentally driven to their own places to avoid the walk of shame in the mornings was starting to get old. They needed to start bringing changes of clothes with them, or maybe even just leaving clothes at each other’s places--

Whoa. That sounded intimate. Leaving clothes at his place? Setting aside a bra, underwear, t-shirts, jeans, socks--just for Ben? The thought made her shiver, and yet she wanted to do it. 

The first time she asked him to stay with her in bed was that very night, one week before they were scheduled to film the scene—also one night before their next rehearsal—and one night before the episode itself was set to commence filmwork. He’d just finished eating her out again, the back of his hand wiping over his mouth as he started up into her hooded eyes, and her brain was absolute mush. 

Perhaps that was why she asked the question. 

“Will you stay tonight?”

He froze as he was beginning to crawl over her, as his body began to warm hers like a blanket. His dark eyes blinked up at hers, and for a fraction of a second, he looked more afraid than she had ever been, but then he gathered himself, and swallowed nervously. “What?”

“Stay here, with me, tonight,” she repeated, stroking his hair as he rested his chin in the valley between her breasts. “You never do, and it’s kind of cold tonight, so… stay.”

Ben blinked at her for a few seconds, almost as if he had completely shut down, like his brain had stopped working altogether. “You want me to stay… in here?”

“Yes, dumbass.” She laughed at him as his hands gripped her hips, seeming to cling to them for support. “In my bed, I’m cold.”

“You’re sure?”

“Ben, you’ve just made me come twice, and I made you come during dinner. I think we can share a bed.”

There was definitely a hint of a blush rising to his cheeks. Sometimes she wondered which of them was really learning something here—which was gaining the experience—was it really her, or was he learning something, too?

His tongue came out to wet his lips again, and he slowly seemed to come to a decision before nodding slowly. “We’re going to have to start leaving clothes at each other’s place, we can’t keep doing the walk of shame into work. Someone will notice.”

Rey grinned, only just resisting the urge to kiss him again as he rolled off of her, and she covered herself with her blankets. “I was thinking about that, too,” she admitted, then she reached across the space between them, and rested a hand casually on his shoulder. At least, she hoped it was casual, she couldn’t tell how he’d interpreted it from his neutral expression. “It may just be easier until this scene’s done.”

“It’ll be over in a week.”

Realization dawned on Rey that it would indeed be over and done with in a week. She was going to film this scene in just a fucking week. That made her nervous as all hell, but she didn’t want Ben to know that. As far as she knew, this sleeping around thing didn’t have a spoken expiration date, but they’d both been probably assuming they wanted to end it once the scene was over. 

On top of that, there were still so many things they hadn’t done yet together, including things they did in their scene. If they stopped right after filming, there was a chance Rey would never know what it felt like to have his— fuck, she needed to stop thinking about this, but how could she? This was something that would take a bit more preparation than the other things they’d done. It would take a bit more conversation, a bit more listening and communication, but every time she looked into his eyes, she became more confident it was something they could handle. 

“Do we want to stop after that?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts about putting his cock inside of her as he whispered those words ever so softly. 


“After the scene. Do you…?”

“Not really.”


“I’m having fun, Ben. A lot of fun. I don’t want that to go away because we finished this scene.” She shifted in the bed, propping her elbow upon the pillow and her head in her hand. “I’m enjoying this; learning with you. I think… I think it should stop when we’re ready, not because we set some deadline.”

He shifted onto his side as well, almost as if he were trying to match her. “Yeah, I agree. I’m--I’m having a good time, too.”

Her lips twitched into a hint of a smile, then she cocked her head in the direction of her dresser. “I have a massive fucking pair of sweatpants hidden in the bottom drawer if you want to use them. They’ll be slightly less walk of shame-y in the morning.”

Snickering quietly, Ben crawled off of the bed, and made his way over to the dresser. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem, but you’ll probably have to dig through a lot of underwear to find them,” she warned him, and she would swear that he blushed again as he bent down to open the drawer. His face turned a brighter version of the shade crimson when he began to sift through what seemed like miles of lace fabric mixed with the occasional fun printed underwear, and one that simply said, “peach” on the butt. He seemed to get a laugh out of that, but both of them were bright red as he sifted through the fabric until he found the sweat-pants Rey had told him about. 

The first thing she saw when he pulled them out was the massive line of silver sequins on the ass that spelled out in capital letters, “Bootylicious,” which she found absolutely hilarious given that Ben was far from the most bootylicious man she’d ever met, but she was also blushing too hard to laugh much. Her friend on the other hand dropped them immediately, and fell to his knees clutching his gut as fits of laughter took him over. “Really?”

“Sorry,” she squeaked, covering her face as he began to undo the button of his jeans, preparing to switch out of the denim and into the bootylicious sweatpants anyway. “I forgot about that part.”

Shaking his head, Ben sighed dramatically. “Why do you even have these?”

“You’re not the only one who’s stolen a cast member’s property,” she told him, shrugging casually like it was nothing. “Poe doesn’t have the tightest security on his closet. I don’t even think it had a lock.”


“First season wrap party. He still hasn’t figured out who took them.”

“He’ll think it’s me if we walk onto set like this tomorrow,” he pointed out, then he shrugged. “I can just deal with the walk of shame. I don’t want to deal with Poe’s wrath.”

Rey hummed her assent as he finally put on the pants in question, then wolf-whistled at him as he shimmied a little to pull them over his hips, and the word, “Bootylicious,” glittered at her like a sign from god himself. “Great, now get in here, we’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”

“So bossy,” he muttered, but he obeyed her command, lifting the covers before crawling into bed beside Rey with a hint of a smile starting to bloom on his face. “Are you going to put pants on?”

She simply gave him a wink before she turned over, and shut off the lamp on her bedside table. “Goodnight, Ben.”

If he thought he’d successfully hidden the sound of his nervous swallow after that, he was wrong. “G-goodnight, Rey.”


She stayed awake for hours after she heard him begin to snore softly. It wasn’t a loud, chainsaw snore, but it was gentle, just loud enough for her to know it was there. A part of her found it oddly endearing, the part of her that was slowly becoming aware of what she felt for him, and beneath the joy she got from just lying beside him, she felt fear. 

Love hadn’t really been a part of her life, not in the romantic sense. She had gotten an abundance of platonic love from everyone around her, but she’d scarcely ever dated and only kissed a handful of people before Ben. Romance was not something she sought or ever really thought she’d experience, but as she turned over to look at Ben’s sleeping face, she knew it was a part of her life now. 

How hadn’t she noticed it before? When had it happened? Had it been the moment they’d met? No, that was platonic, they’d genuinely started off as friends. Had it been the chemistry reading? No… no… maybe? No. That wasn’t it either, they were both incredibly talented actors, she’d feigned being in love with many other men and women before. 

It had to have been the first time they’d kissed without the cameras rolling, the first time they’d kissed as Rey and Ben, not as Kylo and Kira. It was one thing to kiss in character, but another entirely to kiss as real people. It made them vulnerable, required them to open up to one another in ways they hadn’t before. It changed them irrevocably. They would never be the same again after that kiss, and she’d been a fool to think otherwise. 

Now she wanted him, but it was impossible to tell if he wanted the same thing. Did he love her back? Did he feel the same internal conflict as she did? Was Ben kept awake at night thinking of her? Did he love her, too? Did he even want to be in a relationship?

She was too afraid to ask. This whole situation was terrifying. Emotions themselves were terrifying. All she knew was that she loved him, and doing something about that was utterly frightening. 

Eventually, she turned over, and succumbed to sleep, knowing they didn’t have long before her alarm went off, and they would have to get up and go to work. All the while, though, her thoughts kept turning in his direction; her dreams taking on the shape of herself and Ben on this very bed writhing together in pleasure as he thrust his cock inside of her with long, drawn out, low moans that nearly made her come in her pants. 

This led her to wake up fully aware that she was wet, quite wet--embarrassingly wet--and she couldn’t help how heavily she was breathing, panting hard like she’d just run a marathon. It was sort of exhilarating, but also completely terrifying, and it came with the realization that she was starting to become ready for more than what they’d been doing. She wanted to take another step with him, but how the hell did she ask him about it?

She’d asked him for other things before, she’d asked him to fuck her with his fingers, to do the same to him, but this… Maybe she wasn’t quite ready yet or it wouldn’t be so hard. Hell, maybe even just another conversation with Rose or Gwen would set her straight, but then she remembered Rose’s advice. If she really wanted it, she wouldn’t be questioning it right now. 

The time was close, but not quite upon them. 

A soft groan escaped her, then her body shifted against something hard and warm, and she realized--her eyes shooting open--that she and Ben had gravitated toward one another in the night. He was now pressed up against her backside, and she could feel his erection pressing into her ass through the Bootylicious sweatpants she’d lent him. That thought made her snicker quietly under her breath as she pressed up a little tighter against him, craving his warmth until she remembered she hadn’t put on pants before they’d fallen asleep. 

Fuck. She’d made a grave mistake, because now she was certain that she’d left a wet spot on the front of those bedazzled fucking sweat pants, and if he woke up anytime soon, he was bound to notice. Breathing heavily, she slowly shifted her ass away from him, but he shifted with her, moaning softly into her hair as his hips chased hers. 

Rey may have been starting to fall in love with him, but first, she was going to kill him. 

“Where are you going?” he asked sleepily, and for a second she froze, realizing she’d been caught, but then he grumbled something unintelligible, and she breathed a sigh of relief as his snores picked up again. God , he was going to be the death of her, or maybe life would unveil a stunning turn of events and she would be the death of him. 

Biting her lip, Rey closed her eyes, and took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down as she tried to join him once more in sleep. Luckily, she managed to succeed, and soon she was snoring right along with him. 

But of course, that only made the wet spot on the front of Ben’s pants that more prominent when she eventually woke up again. 

It was just before dawn when they woke up once more, both of them a little sweaty from their shared body heat, and Rey had never been more tragically aware of how aroused she was. Fortunately for her, he seemed to be in the same position. 

She slowly turned her head when she felt him grind his hips ever so slightly against hers, and they both shuddered from how good it felt. It gave her a weird sense of confidence. “Don’t be subtle,” she told him. “Please just… do it. Whatever you’re thinking… do it.” She then turned fully in his arms, the sheets becoming tangled around them in the process. “Do it.”

Ben was practically shaking as he nodded, then he scooped her up into his arms, pulling her on top of him as her legs spread out over his body, caging his hips between them. In the dim light, she could hardly see his face, but what little light there was caught his eye for half a second, passing like a fleeting shadow. It wasn’t enough for her to make out his face, but since he could hardly see her, his hands began ghosting up her sides, taking caution not to touch her in any way she didn’t want to be touched, but fuck, she wished he would understand that patience wasn’t with her at the moment. It wouldn’t be back for a while. 

“Touch me,” she whispered, leaning down to his ear for a second. “God damn it, Ben, the sun will be up soon, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Almost as if snapped out of a reverie, Ben’s breath caught, then he exhaled slowly. “Shit, yeah, sorry, I just--I can’t see.”

“Excuses, excuses,” she repeated to him, then she began to move her hips, grinding down against his erection as they both groaned from even the slightest release of pressure. “You don’t need your sense of sight to use your sense of touch.”

“Fuck. ” His hands then moved down, cupping her ass as he pulled her close against him, and slowly, steadily, a sweet friction was created between them. Every brush of her clit against him made her breathing come raggedly, like she was struggling to breathe, but she felt so alive that suffocation simply wasn’t an option. 

“We need to be faster than this,” he told her after a moment, the sun slowly starting to hue the gray sky in shades of purple. “We--”

“The only way either of us will come particularly quickly is if we do it ourselves,” she replied, then they both froze, realizing something at the same time. 

They could definitely do this themselves. Rey had never masturbated with another person in the room before, but she needed to come and she needed to come within the next few minutes and while coming with Ben felt better it wasn’t faster . She needed speed. If she was going to have a better orgasm, she’d have to do it later when they got back to his place that night. 

Without saying a word, she rolled off of him, feeling a sense of glee rise within her at the sound of Ben’s jubilant laughter as they both let their hands wander south. She could hear him struggling with the ties at the waistband of his sweatpants as her fingers began drifting down, sliding over her clit as she listened to him take himself in his hand, and begin stroking his cock with a steady hand. 

Since she and Ben had started hooking up, she hadn’t really had cause to jerk it as much as she used to. The almost nightly sessions they seemed to be having replaced almost any need she had for it, and now her hand just wasn’t the same. She was sure it would be with time, but with all the new sensations she’d become accustomed to… she found herself a touch underwhelmed by her own fingers as she began to rub her clit with a fervor. 

As she started to hear Ben’s little pants and moans, though, she found it to be a little more enjoyable than it was initially. She tuned herself into the motion of his body, the way the mattress shook beneath them both as they worked to get themselves off, as Ben’s hand slid up and down in the silhouette formed by the light of the dawn. Every sound he made sent her closer to the edge, and she whimpered his name as the friction on her clit increased, and she felt that warmth coiling low in her gut. 

She was going to come, she just hoped she could hear him come when she did. 

“Fuck,” he breathed, and she watched his thumb swipe over his tip before he began stroking himself a little more vigorously. Her fingers may have moved a little faster, her breathing coming out ragged like she was running a race, and she’d only started this a few minutes ago but already her hand was cramping like it used to when her only source of pleasure was this. 

A low moan escaped the man lying beside her, and she fell over the edge, careening over it as gravity took its hold, and she came, gasping for air as she felt a fluttering of ecstasy take over her, and all she could think was his name. It repeated itself over and over again like a broken record, but one she wanted to listen to anyway. A stuck loop she enjoyed listening to. 

He followed her shortly after, and she heard his voice crack as he said her name in turn, pitching sharply as warm ropes of come fell back against her bed sheets. She was going to have to wash them anyway, and so she didn’t care, she was too fascinated watching him as she came down from her high, too fascinated by the way he moved--the way he breathed as he came down from his. 

It was the most exhilarating thing she’d ever felt aside from when he’d made her come with his mouth for the first time. Something about being able to properly observe him as he came made her yearn to feel it again, made her yearn to see him come again in the daylight. She wanted it so badly, she wanted that damned sun to rise--

Almost as if on command, it did, and an orange-pink light faded into the room, bathing them both in a warm hue as their heads turned to face one another, and she watched sweat glisten off of whatever skin he had exposed, his chest heaving as he looked at her with eyes that were tinged deep amber in the light. Both of them were panting hard, both dizzy from what they’d just done, and before she could come back to reality again, Ben shifted toward her. 

“What are you…?” She didn't get the words out. Before she could finish that sentence, he was kissing her softly, sweetly, like he had that night after their first rehearsal, in that way that made her feel like she was the fluttery sort of drunk that actually felt good. 

It was so short, but for a split second, his body covered hers, she felt warm, and she became shockingly, suddenly aware of how deep her feelings ran. “Rey…” he whispered, and suddenly a flash of panic rushed through her. 

“We-we should get to work, shouldn’t we?” she asked, suddenly remembering the time, and feeling terrified of what Ben was about to say. 

He froze, then he swallowed nervously, and rolled away from her. “Yeah, we should get to work,” he replied, then he was pulling his sweatpants back up, and getting out of bed, leaving her reeling as she watched him go off into her bathroom. 

Somehow, her chest was still heaving as she slumped back into her mattress, thinking hard on all that had just happened. They’d both just come under their own hands, looked at each other, and shared a completely unnecessary kiss. Normally when they kissed it was for rehearsal or because it was going to lead to something more. They didn’t usually just kiss for the hell of it. 

Rey was frightened to think what that might’ve meant. She didn’t know if it meant he wanted her in the same way she wanted him—did she even want him to want her that way? Was she ready for a deeper relationship than what they had? Their friendship was perfect, every day with him was easy, effortless like breathing, and she wanted him in her life long after the cameras stopped rolling on their show. 

She didn’t want to ruin that friendship by starting a relationship they weren’t both ready for. While this remained simply friends with benefits, they still had the chance to walk away from it unscathed if they decided romance wasn’t for them, but when it became something more serious? That was something else entirely. 

It was something completely fucking terrifying, and as she rolled out of bed to get dressed for work, she wondered how long she’d be able to hold back these feelings, or if they’d ever fade away. Hell, she wondered if she even wanted them to. Emotions were odd things, and this was her first time experiencing love like this. 

In that moment, as she picked out jeans and underwear for the day, Rey realized that this was no longer just a physical first time, but it was an emotional one, and her heart no longer belonged to just herself, but to him as well. 


Chapter Text

The next day, they had another rehearsal once filming was over. By that point, they had the moves down perfectly. She knew them like the back of her hand, and any future changes would have to be made by the episode director. Amilyn and Poe both seemed proud of their work, and if she were being honest, she was, too. 

Rey was no longer supremely uncomfortable every time she and Ben undressed and mimicked sex for their audience. Sure, the audience they’d have when they actually filmed would be much bigger, but at least in front of the two people they’d worked with thus far, she was perfectly fine. 

Day two of filming the episode went by just as easily, especially given that Rey didn’t have to film anything that day and it was just Ben and his knights. It was him, Armitage, and Gwen for the most part, and she got to lounge around at home in her pajamas. 

If she spent some of that time googling sex facts—on private mode, mind you—to determine what to do when it actually came to putting Ben’s cock inside of her, then she couldn’t be judged since no one was around to catch her, right?

Midway through the day, she got a text from Ben; a selfie with himself, Gwen, and Armitage looking sweaty and covered with the fake blood of some epic and legendary battle as they stared at the camera. The blonde woman in the picture had thrown up a middle finger, causing Rey to laugh. It only became funnier when she saw that Armitage was looking at said middle finger with a pinched look of distaste. It was very in character for them, but maybe not so much for Ben to be mid-laugh as he stared at them both through the screen of his phone. 

It was her day off, but that damn picture made her want to be on set more than ever. She found it odd, but the fact of the matter was that she missed them—she missed Ben. 

When he came knocking on her door that evening while she was in the middle of cooking dinner, Rey had a stupidly big smile on her face that she had to calm down. “Hey,” she said, attempting to be casual as he walked inside, carrying a small backpack with him. “What’s that?”

“The clothes I’m going to be leaving here to avoid a walk of shame in the mornings.” He gave her a proud and borderline cocky grin. “Hope that’s okay.”

She gave him a small laugh as she let him pass by, then he set his bags down, and made his way into the kitchen as she stirred the macaroni in the pot. “I didn’t exactly make anything gourmet tonight.”

Ben shrugged as he began rifling through her pantry. “Mac and cheese? It’s a classic. Who needs gourmet when you have this shit?”

Rey rolled her eyes as she turned off the burner, and brought the pasta over to the sink to strain it. “How was work?”

“Boring.” He grabbed a bag of Lays chips from her shelves of food, and pulled it open as he sat on the other side of the counter from her, the corners of his mouth pulled up into a charming, boyish smile as he looked down at his chips. “We just filmed some knight stuff, you know?”

“You usually love the knight stuff,” she replied, then she dumped the pasta back into the pot, and began making the cheese sauce. “What happened?”

He shrugged. “It just… it didn’t feel the same today.” That smile on his face fell just a little bit, then he plopped a chip into his mouth, as if to avoid saying anything else, and the conversation fell silent for a moment. 

The quiet allowed her time to think as she finished cooking the macaroni. Rey thought about the question she was still wanting to ask him, about the thing she still wasn’t quite ready for yet, and she gripped the wooden spoon she was using to stir a little more tightly as she thought about how to ask it. “Ben, how’d you…?” She paused, suddenly feeling insecure in her question. “How did you lose your um…?”

Another crunching sound filled her ears as he popped in another chip, then he laughed. “How’d I lose my virginity?”

“Yeah, what made you realize you wanted to take that leap?” she asked, then she turned around, crossing her arms over her chest. “Cause I’ve been… I-I’m not ready, but I’ve been thinking about it.”

Shifting in his seat, Ben met her gaze, but she didn’t think he was looking at her—no, he was looking into the past, possibly even the distant past. The corner of his mouth twitched up, and for half a second he was smirking as he laced his fingers together, leaning on his elbows over the table as he looked at her. “I mean, I was with my first serious partner. He was… someone I loved at the time and we were alone at his place after a long day he’d spent filming and then we just started talking, then kissing, then we just—we just knew.” 

“I just,.. I think I’ll have that moment soon. I don’t think I’m there yet, but… I wanted to be sure.”

He stared curiously at her for a couple of seconds, then he let go of his own hand, and reached out for hers. “Come here.”

Swallowing nervously, Rey went to him, letting her best friend take her hand in his as she watched him run his thumb over the back of her knuckles. “Why?”

“Because I want to make sure that you’re not having any sort of crisis just because the scene is coming up,” he told her, squeezing her hand a little more tightly as he spoke. “You don’t need to have sex to do this—well, more than you’re already having—no one will notice; you’ve been doing fantastically in the rehearsals.”

Fuck the scene,” she muttered, leaning against her counter as she met his gaze. 


“Fuck the scene. I don’t care about it. Maybe that’s how it started, but we agreed to keep going after it was over, didn’t we?” Shifting her position, she let go of his hand to put hers on the counter. “I just wanted to know. I promise. I’m not putting any deadlines on this.”

Another few seconds of silence passed between them, then he slowly nodded as he leaned back in his chair. “Okay. I just… I wanted to be sure.”

“I get that.”

“Are you sure you want it to be me, though? When it happens? You don’t want to wait for someone else?” 

There was something in his eyes then, some odd mixture of fear and hope, and she stumbled over her words trying to decipher it. “I-I y-yes I want it-I want it to be you.” But what the hell did that look mean? What was his soul trying to say that his brain was too stubborn to admit? 

“I just… this is a serious thi—“

Her eyes rolled again, then she took his stupid face in her hands, and forced him to look into her eyes. “I want it to be you,” she told him, annunciating every single word so that there was no mistaking her intent. “I don’t want it to be someone else. Not right now. Just you. Okay?”

“Okay,” he said, then they both pulled back, and she turned around to pay attention to her neglected macaroni. 

“So, you want more cheese or less cheese?” 

Ben gave her another odd look she couldn’t read, then he smiled. “More cheese,” he said, then she turned around, and poured even more cheese into the mix before stirring her little concoction once more around the pot. She was mostly focused on her work on the pasta, but the entire time she could feel his eyes on her back, watching her with heat in his gaze as she put the noodles into two bowls, then he was smiling at her again as they commenced a feast.


The next day was his day off, and it was her day to work with Finn and Poe. Gwen and Armitage were also on set, since the scene involved the two of them spying on the enemy camp, and so the set felt full, but as Rey took off her helmet after the fiftieth take, it felt incredibly empty. 

The five of them were sitting down to lunch, food filling all of their plates and their guts. Conversation was loud in the room, but she wasn’t participating much. Her thoughts were drifting back to the man she’d left behind in her bed that morning, slinking out of the room before he woke up. Every day her courage was growing, her will to do everything she wanted to do was becoming something too intense to ignore. 

She still wasn’t ready, though, she knew that much was certain. There were other steps they could take that didn’t involve going all the way like that, after all. If memory served, Ben’s favorite thing to do to her was bury his face between her legs, perhaps they could just keep on doing that until she was ready. Or she could ask him to finger her again but add another finger. 

The possibilities were endless, so why the hell did they all suddenly seem like they were just alternatives to a new path?

The sound of raucous laughter snapped her out of her thoughts, and she turned her head to see Gwen, head tilted back, eyes closed, body still, and mouth wide with a banana stuffed nearly to the end down her throat. All around her, Rey’s fellow cast mates were covering their mouths or eyes as they howled with laughter, then her costar pulled the bastard piece of food from her mouth, and set it down on the table with a shrug. “ That’s how you deep throat, Dameron,” she told them, then she watched Finn pat their show runner sympathetically on the shoulder as a crimson blush spread up his cheeks. 

“Hope you learned something buddy,” he said as Poe buried his entire face in his hands. 

Rey blinked at the whole scene, feeling thoroughly astonished by what she’d just witnessed as she looked up at Gwen, who simply tossed her a wink, and mouthed. “ That’s for you, too.”

Now there were two people blushing at that table, but the second person was quickly reburied into deep thought. Thanks to a phallic fruit and what was undoubtedly a stupid dare, a new idea had blossomed. 

“You all right, Rey?” Her costar asked, continuing to give her a knowing look as the laughter at their table died down. “You look a bit pale.”

Blinking herself from her stupor, Rey nodded. “Yeah, fine, I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“And suddenly Gwen’s got a banana down her throat?” Poe asked, eyes glittering with mischief as she looked into them. 

“Pretty much.” It was the truth in a way. She hadn’t been paying attention and suddenly one of her friends had nearly swallowed a sizable piece of food. No one else needed to know it was because she’d been given an idea to try something she’d never done before—least of all Poe. 

“How the fuck did you get it in that far, though?” Finn asked before anyone else could say a thing—before Poe could say anything, most importantly. “Did you practice?”

“Not really, some people just have less of a gag reflex than others.” Gwen began to actually bite into the banana she’d been deep-throating, but her gaze shifted from Finn to Rey. “It’s all about knowing your limit. Once you know that, you can take anything down your throat like a fucking pro.” She turned her eyes on Poe, smacking his bicep as she winked at him. “Something you could probably stand to learn, boss.”

The table erupted into laughter again as their showrunner put his head into his hands, and Finn patted his back as it shook from the giggles inhibiting his breathing. Everyone but the two women at the table was distracted, allowing them to share a knowing look as the men lost themselves completely. 

“You want to run lines for a minute?” Gwen asked, and for a split second, she swore that Ariana Grande was right, god was truly a woman. 

“Sure,” Rey replied, then the two of them excused themselves from the table, and made their way back toward the main part of the set as the laughter of their friends faded into background noise. 

They walked for a good minute until they were outside in the field behind the studio in which most of their scenes were filmed, then the blonde turned around. The chain mail of her sleeves made a series of clinking sounds as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at her with something a little more serious in her eyes. Just as she was trying to figure out why, Gwen made a sound between a grunt and a laugh, and gave her a once over. “You’ve never had sex with anyone before Ben, have you?”

In just under half a second—the amount of time it took her brain to process those words—Rey’s heart stopped in her chest. “W-what?”

“You’ve never—“ Her costar stepped forward, lowering her voice and repeating it much more slowly, “had sex with anyone before Ben.”

That time it wasn’t a question, and she swallowed nervously as she tried to conjure an answer, but then her friend placed a hand on her shoulder. “Look, I’m not judging. Ben’s a good man, you’re in good hands. That said, I don’t want to know what this is or why it’s happening if you don’t want to tell me, but… I saw your face when I brought up that banana.” The corners of her mouth rose into a grin. “You looked a touch scared out of your wits.”

Scared? She wasn’t scared. Not ready, perhaps, but— scared? “I… I’m not scared,” Rey said, knowing that much was true. “I just don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I figured out the hand stuff pretty easily, but—“ Another shrug. “He’s done it to me, and I have no idea how to reciprocate.”

Gwen nodded slowly, understanding filling her gaze. “So you want to know how to suck a dick, basically?”

That hit the nail on the fucking head. “Pretty much.”

Another light chuckle escaped her, then she patted Rey’s shoulder, and let her arms fall to her sides. “I promise you, it’s not as scary as you think.” Her voice was steady and even, making it easy to believe what she was saying. “Just trust me. Have you ever attempted to put a popsicle or banana—or any phallic food—in your mouth? You know, as far as it would go?”

Of course she had. Who hadn’t been a moron in high school or college—or alone by themselves and bored as shit as a full grown adult—and gotten curious? “A few times.”

“Basically that, but don’t go to the point where you’re about to gag and don’t use your teeth. It’s all about the tongue, and the lips of course, but definitely the tongue. And of course the actual suc—“

“What about my tongue? In porn—“

“Listen, don’t take too much advice from porn. You’ll start overthinking and given your inexperience you’re definitely not about to suck dick like a pornstar,” Gwen answered her, then she sighed. “Here’s what you’ve got to do…” Then she launched into an explanation on exactly how Rey could reciprocate what Ben had done to her—exactly how she could show him how he’d made her feel. 


That night, she went to Ben’s apartment with a bag full of her things, still thinking over everything she and Gwen had talked about. They didn’t do much that night, it was more so some half-asleep fondling and light giggles until he slowly slipped into a deep sleep. She’d watched him do so, staring at his sleeping face—and feeling only slightly creepy about it—as he slept on through the night. 

It was true, wasn’t it? People really were more adorable in their sleep, they were more vulnerable, free of all the stressors they held in their daily lives. Her heart was racing in her chest as she stared at him, thinking of what they’d been doing—of what they were going to be doing. She shivered as she reached out, and placed a hand on his cheek, feeling his breath ghost over her wrist. 

Was he actually asleep? He didn’t shift at all, his breathing remained even, and so she shifted her hand back into his hair, tangling the silky black waves between her fingers as she stared at him, wondering how the hell they’d ended up here. 

Why did you make me fall in love with you?  

This was supposed to just make her less nervous for the scene and now she’d developed feelings for her costar. She was fairly certain he must’ve felt a little something back—how could he kiss her like he had if he didn’t—but if this didn’t work out? If he didn’t return her feelings and they were still filming for another couple of years—

Their perfect friendship was ruined. 

She needed to stop thinking about this and start focusing on the present, what they were doing and what she was going to ask him to do with her the next afternoon. She’d ask him after lunch, while Gwen and Armitage were filming but before they had to film their own scene—which was, hilariously enough, a kissing scene. The next day, she was going to ask him, and he was going to listen. He was going to hear her question, mull it over with that stupidly endearing wonderstruck look he got every time she proposed something new, and hopefully, he would say yes. 


The next day went fairly normally. They spent their lunch break in her trailer rehearsing the scene they were about to film one last time like they usually did. This was just going to be a kissing scene, something they’d done a dozen times by now, but both of them were perfectionists. 

They wanted this kiss—Kylo and Kira’s last before they gave themselves to each other—to be absolutely perfect. 

At the present moment, they were looking into one another’s eyes, and Ben was holding her face in his hands, their faces mere inches apart. Ben’s breath was ghosting over her lips, and she—as Kira—was only just fighting the temptation to kiss him senseless. Kira was trying desperately against the need to run and go back to her own village, and the need to kiss him one last time before she left. 

“I have to go,” she told him, her lips nearly upon his. “They’ll become suspicious if I’m not back soon.”

Kylo sighed. “But you’ll meet me tonight?”

Kira gave him a nod. “I promise.”

Then softly, tenderly, with so much emotion the part of her that was still Rey was having trouble fathoming that it wasn’t real, his lower lip trembled, and he took in a deep breath before telling her, “I love you.” Then he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. 

The confession, though scripted, sent chills down her spine. “I love you t—” she started, but he cut her off, kissing her breathless as he stepped closer, pressing their bodies together as he began to move his lips against hers. 

God, this was so different from how they usually kissed. The whole desperate, fleeting dance between Kylo and Kira wasn’t like the heated easiness of kisses she shared with Ben, and it never had been. It was unmistakably two different people kissing, but there was still something about it that filled her entire body with heat. 

Like kissing her best friend, it held a raw vulnerability that neither of them could truly fake. Over the weeks since they’d started this whole thing, they’d let their real life kisses slowly influence their onscreen kisses until she was starting to struggle to tell the difference between them. Either way, she didn’t mind. The kissing felt wonderful, and even though her lungs were starving for oxygen, it was as easy as breathing. 

They broke away, then broke character within the same three seconds, and Rey blinked slowly, hesitantly at him, unsure of what to say in the aftermath. 

Ben wasn’t exactly sure of what to say either, it was obvious by the way his mouth kept opening and closing, almost as if he were a fish out of water. She certainly knew the feeling. “Th-That… That, that—that was good,” he said after a while, placing his hands on his hips as he nodded to himself like he was trying to sound more casual than he felt. 

It was both charming and hilarious at the same time. 

“Those your thoughts, Ben? Very deep, so philosophical,” she teased him, shoving lightly at his shoulder. “The Greeks have nothing on you.”

A pink blush spread across his cheeks, then he hung his head down, raven waves falling limply into his eyes as embarrassment flooded his face. “I just—I don’t know. It was a good kiss.” 

“It was. The fans are going to lose their minds.”

“Oh, I’m sure they are. Especially if they ever find out what we’ve been up to behind the scenes,” she reminded him, though when it came to the public finding out about them, she wasn’t sure that was something she actually wanted. She just needed to enjoy this for a while, enjoy the secrecy they had. They could tell people eventually if they wished, but for now? 

For now she wanted it to stay secret. She wanted it to stay their secret. 

Ben shivered, then he stepped closer to her again, his hand briefly swaying in front of him like it was yearning to reach for hers, but he thought better of it midway through. “Do we ever want them to know?”

“It’s not like we’re actually dating, they don’t need to know we’re friends with benefits,” she replied casually, also looking down, but sensing something else in his gaze as she did so. She didn’t want to think about what any of it meant—the conversation was now dancing around something dangerous, and she definitely wasn’t ready to talk about the romance thing with him. “Um… speaking of, there was something I wanted to ask you.”

His eyes darted between hers as she looked up, catching his expression just as it shifted from what she dared to hope was mild disappointment to intrigue. “Oh?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve been doing for me lately,” she said, closing her eyes as images of him with his tongue buried deep between her thighs came to the forefront of her mind. “I… I wanted to return the favor.”

“What favor?”

“You know what, I’m just going to come out and say it,” she told him, then she reached out, her hands gripping his waist before sliding down to the waistband of his costume trousers, and using that to tug him closer as he gasped from shock. “I want to go down on you the way you went down on me. I want you to shout my name, I want you to come in my mouth, and I—I want to hear every filthy little noise your mouth is capable of making.”

Her eyes opened after he fell silent for a few seconds, and she was rewarded with the immense satisfaction of that wonderstruck look he always had whenever she proposed they do something new. It was just as glorious as she’d imagined it would be, and she couldn’t fucking wait until she got to see what look blossomed on that overly expressive face when she actually did go down on him. “Are-are you sure?”

A small laugh escaped her as her fingers shifted beneath his waistband until they were right over the laces of his trousers—where a sizable erection had already started forming just from talking about her sucking his cock—as she stepped closer. “More than ever.” 

Realization dawned on his face, eyes going wide enough for her to see the gold hidden amongst the brown of his irises. He exhaled slowly, her name falling from his lips as she continued undoing the laces. “Ri-right now?”

“Right now,” she answered him, then she finished untying the laces, and reached for the edge of his waistband again. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

“No, I-I want you to,” he said breathlessly, sounding almost as if he’d run a marathon. “Rey—”

She didn’t let him finish whatever he was going to say. Instead, she cut him off with a kiss, reaching up with one hand while still gripping his waistband in the other to wrap her fingers around the back of his neck and pull him down to her before he could start talking. 

There it was. That was how they properly kissed; heated but not starving, intense but not fleeting. Rey took her time, allowing her tongue to sweep along the edge of Ben’s lower lip before she pulled him closer against her, and let her fingers start tugging down his trousers. Luckily, she wasn’t entirely helpless in that endeavor; he’d decided he’d help her, too. 

He tugged on the fabric of both his trousers and underthings until his cock was free from its confines, then before he could do anything else, Rey broke away from kissing his lips, panting hard as she cocked her head in the direction of her sofa. Without saying a word, Ben sat down on it, even spreading his legs for her as she stepped between them, nudging them further apart with one of her own. His eyes had never held such a heated gaze as this, the anticipation on them so strong, so intense, it nearly knocked her off focus. 

She swallowed nervously, looking down at the ground as she got down on her knees in front of him. It wasn’t the most comfortable position; she felt like she was going to probably damage her joints somehow, but the look on Ben’s face? Fuck, that alone made it worth it. As long as she lived, she was never going to get this look from anyone else, like she was giving him everything—giving him the world—and she hadn’t even done anything yet. 

Both of them still breathing heavily, she kept her eyes on his as she reached out, and took his cock in one hand, stroking him slowly, experimentally a few times as his chest shuddered with each intake of air. “R-Rey,” he whispered, then she let her thumb glide over his tip, and did it again before she drew a low moan from his throat. 

It looked like he was struggling to focus, like he was fighting off the urge to melt into the sofa and let the feelings she was bringing him take him out to sea, but he was managing somehow. He was still holding on to one last, tiny shred of reality, and she was determined to make him let go. 

His words from the scene they’d be filming in just a few days crossed her mind; you’re still holding on, he’d said to her many times by now. Well, Kylo had said it to Kira a few times by now, but the point still stood. He was holding on, and he needed to… 

Gathering her courage, Rey placed a kiss on his inner thigh, continuing to stroke his cock as she did so. Ben’s breathing continued to remain scattered and uneven, growing even more so as she planted another kiss. She, however, lacked the patience for teasing that he had. Unlike what he’d done with her, she didn’t spend forever pressing teasing, torturous little kisses on the insides of his thighs. 

They didn’t have much time left, after all, they had to be out on that set kissing in about twenty minutes. 

Closing her eyes, she leaned forward, and guided his tip to her mouth, allowing her tongue to drag along the edge of it at an agonizingly slow pace before she closed her eyes, and conjured to mind Gwen’s advice. Her costar had told her this would be far more simple than she thought it would be, all she had to do was relax, and so she did. 

Taking him into her mouth was the easiest thing she’d ever done. He tasted a little salty like Gwen had warned her he might, but once she got the tip past her lips, she barely noticed when all she was focused on was making sure she knew her limit. His cock was fucking huge. She’d realized this over the many times she’d stroked the damned thing over the past few weeks, but she hadn’t quite realized somehow that it was this fucking big. 

It got to the point where she knew if she sent any further she’d become uncomfortable, and she stopped descending upon him. Instead, she used the hand still at his base to begin stroking what she couldn’t reach, and moved back up, her eyes drifting to meet his as a choked gasp escaped him. 

He was watching her attentively, his eyes locking onto hers for half a second as she came up, and swirled her tongue around his tip. At this, she saw his lower lip tremble, shaking as she went back down, her mouth descending on his cock as he moaned her name. It was, quite possibly, one of the sexiest sounds she’d ever heard, and she found that she couldn’t get enough of it. 

Wanting to hear him make it again, Rey began to properly suck, cheeks hollowing as Ben’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he leaned back against the top of the sofa as incoherent swears left his mouth. She couldn’t make them all out, but she swore she could at least hear, “oh, fuck, fuck, fuck… ” between every other breath. That was a good sign, right? She had to be doing something right? Gwen’s advice was working? 

It had to be. Ben was clearly fighting the urge to buck his hips into her mouth and fuck her throat properly. She could feel it in the tiny little twitches of his body beneath her as her head bobbed up and down along the length of him, and so she placed a hand on one of his thighs, holding him down to the best of her ability as he slowly lost control. 

Did this feel as good for him as it did for her? Did he feel like he was floating? Like his body was no longer his own, but just some limp thing he barely even existed in? Was he seeing the stars and all their constellations?

His hands came up from where they rested at his sides, previously having been clenched in tight little fists on the sofa, and gently took her hair into their clutches, holding her close against him as her cheeks hollowed once more. “G-god, Rey,” he breathed, panting heavily as she began to move a little faster. “ Fuck.

She hummed around his cock, which only drew out another low, sensual noise from his throat as he seemed to try to fight off the inevitable. That couldn’t happen. He had to come, she was going to make him come, and so she let out another soft moan around him, drawing out the sound for a few seconds longer than was probably necessary as she heard him gasp sharply. 

“Rey, I’m gonna come,” he warned her, and victorious applause sounded in her head as his hips bucked ever so slightly, and she felt him come in her mouth, heat flooding the back of her throat as he completely fell apart. Vaguely, she could hear him muttering her name and other nonsensical words she couldn’t make out, but she didn’t register them as pride filled her, pure and unfiltered. Making him come by her hand was one thing, but her mouth? Her tongue? 

Swallowing his come, she felt like some kind of god; big and powerful, and it felt good. 

As his orgasm began to fade, she slowly pulled off of him, watching his chest heave as he looked at her from behind flushed cheeks and hooded eyes, as if he were still in some kind of a daze. It reminded her of how she felt after he’d done this to her—had she looked like this in the aftermath? Had she looked equally blissed out and completely lost in the best way? 

Like he had when he’d gone down on her, Rey shifted up when she pulled off of him, wrapping a hand around the base of his neck to pull him down to her in a deep kiss, hoping he could taste himself on her tongue the way she’d been able to when he’d done this to her. Another soft little moan escaped him against her lips, and she leaned forward, pressing him further back into the sofa as their lips began to move together, taking their time to explore one another anew in the aftermath of what they’d just done. 

Her lungs, however, did not like this idea. Starved for oxygen already from what she’d just done to him, Rey broke away from the kiss, breath coming far too quickly as she searched his eyes for the answers to the questions she’d been asking the entire time they’d been together that afternoon. 

As their eyes met, he swallowed dryly, and she knew she had her answers. He felt the same way she had, and it made her feel victorious. “Y-you sure you’ve never done that?”

“I might’ve gotten some advice.”

“Please tell me it wasn’t from Poe.”

“No,” she replied with a laugh as he pulled his pants back up, concealing his cock from view. “Someone else.”

He laughed as she shifted closer between his legs, rising up so that she was almost eye to eye with him. “Who?”

“Let’s just say on your day off, Gwen deep-throated a fucking banana.” 

Ben paused, then he burst into laughter, tears springing to his eyes as he fell back against the sofa once more, and his whole body began to tremble for a completely different reason than it had a few seconds ago. She rolled her eyes, stepping back from her place between his legs a few seconds later, but as she stood up, she found that it was hard to resist letting loose a few giggles herself at the memory of Gwen and her fucking banana. 

Eventually, they both managed to calm down, and her costar looked up at her with a glint of humor in his eye as he too stood up, and put his hands on his hips. “Ready to go? I have a feeling they’ll be knocking any second now if we don’t leave.”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” she told him, then she stepped back, and together, the two of them made their way out of the trailer and back onto the set.

That day, they were working with a part of the set that had been designed to look like a forest. Specifically, it was the forest between the two kingdoms of Alderaan and Mustafar, filled with pine trees and moss covered ground that quieted the footsteps of knights—which was particularly useful for two knights on opposing sides having a quick rendezvous—as they passed through. 

The camera crew was already prepared to go when they got there, and the episode director gave them both a nod before summoning them over. Rey felt weirdly nervous as she looked at Ben one last time, unsure where the feeling came from as they approached the main part of the set, but then he gave her a tiny smile, the corners of his mouth tugging upward as they weaved between the trees, and a sense of peace washed over her. 

His smile could light up a room, and maybe it was just because of her burgeoning feelings for him, but she thought it might’ve made her day. She was going to need that kind of energy around her over the next few days, for after this scene, she only had a couple more to film before she was scheduled to work on the scene with him. 

As they took their places in front of the cameras, both positioned behind trees as they’d been in rehearsals, she knew that she wouldn’t be afraid when the time came. The crew and all the lights could be shining over them far too brightly for their own good, but as long as they were together…

What was it Poe had said when they’d first started rehearsals for their scene? The rest of the world just fades away. The cameras, the lights, the sounds, the people, and the entire world wouldn’t exist. She could do the scene under those conditions. She could do anything. 

They could do anything. Together, she and Ben were a team, but someday, she hoped that definition would be expanded, she hoped that the little looks and touches they gave one another outside of the increasingly sensual encounters they were having would turn into something else. Only time would tell if he returned her feelings, but they could figure that out later. 

For now, the director was shouting, “Action!” and she had a role to play. Stepping out from behind her tree, Kira pulled a dagger out from the inside of the cloak she wore, and began to search the woods for Kylo.