Lauren squints at her across the couch the next morning.
She makes a jerk-off motion.
“While I was-”
She mimes smoking a joint.
Katie bursts out laughing. “You sure did,” she says, waggling her eyebrows. “You insisted I take Kevin to bed with me.”
“Well, of course,” Lauren says, warming to the bit immediately, “only the best for you.” She gives Katie a wicked grin. “So, how did he treat you?”
Katie’s first instinct is to go all, “Oh, so good, best I’ve ever had,” ham it up like she usually does. But she was supposed to be done with that. She doesn’t wanna be all talk any more. Lauren didn’t laugh at her last night, or tell her she’s a freak for still being a virgin. She can trust Lauren. She trusts Lauren.
“Not that good, actually,” Katie says. “Not his fault. I wasn't really giving as good as I was getting.”
Lauren frowns. “I've lost the metaphor.”
“There is no metaphor.” Katie sighs. “It really just. Wasn’t that good. It was weird, and kinda bad, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, all right?”
“Right, of course,” Lauren says, visibly shifting into Attack-The-Problem mode. It's… a lot. Katie swallows. “What were you doing. Can you tell me?”
“Can I show you?” Katie blurts, before she can lose her nerve. “And then maybe. You. Could show me?”
Katie holds her breath, but Lauren just nods, thoughtful. “Sure,” she says, “like how you showed me how to fake it.”
“Exactly,” Katie says, relieved that it can be that easy.
Lauren stands up, holds out her hand to Katie. “Come on,” she says, grinning. “let me take you to bed.”
It’s nice, holding Lauren’s hand. Katie has to let go to flop down onto the bed, but Lauren follows her, sitting on the edge, turned inwards. It’s just Lauren, it’s just Katie, it’s just like anything they’ve done together before.
And then Lauren finds Kevin on the nightstand, passes him over and says, in this soft voice, “Whenever you’re ready,” and Katie feels her body heat all over. She’s wetter than she was last night, she can feel it, and she screws her eyes shut for a second, trying not to feel embarrassed.
“I kinda just,” Katie says, and jerks the dildo back and forth in front of her. “You know?”
Lauren waits, like she’s expecting Katie to say something else. “That’s it?”
“Fuck you, don’t judge me-”
“I'm not,” Lauren says and she still sounds kinda soft, like she’s being careful with Katie. Katie kinda hates it. She kinda really, really doesn’t hate it. “I'm just. Not surprised you didn’t like it. Didn’t you warm yourself up first?”
“Um.” Katie looks at the ceiling. Why is this so hard to say. “I. Fingers, if that’s what you mean. I had to.” God, god, god. “I had to stretch myself out, you know.”
“To take all that dick,” Lauren says, her voice solemn but her eyes sparkling, and Katie smiles, relaxes a little.
“You know it, baby,” she purrs.
“But it wasn’t good for you?” Lauren says, and it’s her phone voice, and this, this Katie can do; this is safe ground.
“No,” she says, breathy, and looks at Lauren from under her eyelashes. “Maybe you could show me a better time, huh?”
“Oh, I guarantee it.” Lauren kneels up on the bed beside her, holding herself up with one arm, her hand splayed out next to Katie’s head. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is, I want it so bad,” Katie says, kinda grinning around the words, and Lauren grins back at her.
“You gonna be loud for me? You gonna tell me what feels good?”
“Uh huh,” Katie says, the moan she puts on for the clients, and Lauren gives her this small, pleased smile like Katie did something good. Katie squirms, but it’s a good kind of squirm. She feels... empty, in a way she can’t really explain. “Give it to me, I want it, please.”
“Say it,” Lauren says, leaning down over Katie. “Tell me what you want.”
And Katie breathes a little shakily, because the nerves are back, kind of, jangling at the edges of her senses. But she wants this. She really fucking wants this, and she doesn’t know to say any of it.
Lauren goes serious again, but she doesn’t move away. “Katie,” she says, “do you want to stop?”
“No,” Katie says honestly. She holds the dildo out to Lauren, and Lauren takes it, holding Katie’s gaze. “I want. I want you to.” Katie looks up, away, takes a second to recover a little from the rawness of it. “Touch me. please.”
Her voice is so small, so terrifyingly real. She looks back at Lauren, and she’s smiling that pleased smile again, and Katie can do this.
“We’re gonna go slow, okay?” Lauren says. “I'm gonna take care of you.”
“Yeah,” Katie says, smiling, “you are, you always do, you’re gonna make me feel so good.”
Lauren puts a hand on Katie’s thigh, just under her dress. Lauren’s face is a question, and Katie nods. She doesn’t look away as she moves her hand up, and Katie thinks- but then Lauren’s moving her hand away again, squeezing her knee. Katie huffs out a breath, then inhales sharply when Lauren’s hand moves again, rubbing over the inside of her thigh. Lauren’s there, she’s right there, and then she’s gone, skimming her hand back over Katie’s skin. There’s a whine in Katie’s next breath, and she squeezes her eyes shut, embarrassed that she’s so worked up just from this, but Lauren told her, right? She told Katie to let her know what feels good. This is already so much better than anything Katie’s ever managed herself.
“Can I,” she starts. “I don’t think I can look, can I-”
“Yeah,” Lauren says, and her voice, fuck. Katie’s never heard her sound like this. “You can keep your eyes closed.”
“I'm gonna do that,” she says around a shaky laugh, and then there are two fingers pressing gently against her, warm even through her panties. Lauren’s shifted on the bed, and her other hand flattens on Katie’s stomach, like she’s holding Katie in place, or anchoring her, or something. It’s kind of hard to think with Lauren touching her like this.
And then she moves, rubbing, rubbing over her, and Katie’s not thinking about anything else, anything in the world but Lauren’s fingers, pushing through fabric, dipping in-
“Lauren,” she manages, “I need, fuck, I want-”
She breaks off into a gasp as Lauren flips up her dress and pulls her panties down, because apparently Lauren has moves, what the fuck.
“Yes,” she moans, but Lauren doesn’t touch her, isn’t touching her anywhere. Katie trembles. The empty feeling is unbearable.
“If you’re just gonna tease me again, I swear to fuck-”
“What do you need,” Lauren says, quiet. “Tell me.”
“God, you know,” Katie says, her voice breaking.
“I want to hear you,” Lauren says. “I want to hear you say it.”
Katie grits her teeth. “Fingers. In me. Please,” she gets out, and nearly bites through her tongue when Lauren flattens three fingers against her. Lauren’s stroking over her folds, between them, maddeningly slow, and Katie is shaking, she’s going to fucking cry-
“Shit,” she gasps, bucking up into Lauren’s hand, chasing the zing that just shot through her, but she can’t, can’t find it.
“There we go,” Lauren murmurs, and one of her fingers slides inside. It’s- it’s not bad, but it’s weird, and Katie bites her lip, breathing through the feeling. It’ll get good. It’s supposed to get good.
“It’s fine,” Katie says, “keep going,” but she can’t pretend she’s not relieved when Lauren pulls out. She shuts her eyes tighter, doesn’t open them even when she can feel Lauren lie down next to her, but she rolls over so they’d be looking at each other if she did.
“You didn’t like that,” Lauren says, not a question, but Katie nods, anyway. There’s no reproach in Lauren’s voice when she says, “You were supposed to tell me what feels good.”
“It didn’t feel bad,” Katie says, and she opens her eyes just enough to look down. She wiggles her toes at herself, then lifts her gaze to somewhere around Lauren’s stomach.
“It didn’t feel good,” Lauren says. “Right?”
“But it’s the whole point,” Katie says, and she’s not going to fucking cry, she’s not.
“The point,” Lauren says, firm but still gentle, somehow, “is for you to feel good, Katie.” There’s a beat, just Katie’s hitching breaths breaking up the quiet. “Do you think you could look at me?” Katie shakes her head. “That’s okay. Do you want me to go?” Katie shakes her head harder, and Lauren says, “Okay, okay, I’m right here.”
And she is, she’s warm and solid when Katie shuffles forward and puts her chin over Lauren’s shoulder. Lauren’s arm goes around her immediately, following Katie’s body when she breathes in deep and lets it out, and Katie feels herself relax in increments.
“Well,” she says, when she’s somewhere approaching normal again, “that was embarrassing.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“I'm embarrassed,” Katie says matter-of-factly, “so that makes it embarrassing.”
“You shouldn’t be,” Lauren tells her, and Katie doesn’t know what to say that.
“I thought it’d be different, with someone else,” she says, eventually. “I don't know why I don't like it.”
“You don’t have to have a reason,” Lauren says, because of course she has to be fucking sensible about this. “Sometimes people just don’t like things.”
“I want to like it,” Katie says, quieter this time, and Lauren’s arm tightens around her for a second. “You’re going to say I don't have to, and I know that, but I don't want it because I think that I should, or anything. I just. Want.”
“Okay,” Lauren says. “Maybe we can work up to it.”
Katie’s heart pounds. Lauren must be able to feel it, with the way they’re pressed up against each other. “We?”
“Um. Yeah. If you want. It seemed like it was good, before.”
Katie swallows. “It was,” she says. “I didn't think you’d still want to-”
“I do,” Lauren says quickly. “I mean, if you want me to.”
“Yeah, I want you to,” Katie says, and pulls back with a shaky breath. It’s still terrifying to look at her, but she’s just smiling at Katie, a little uncertain, nothing but warmth on her face. “you’re my best friend, and I love you, and that was really hot, and I wanna do it again.”
Lauren cracks up. “Did you seriously just tell me you love me in the middle of sex?”
“The sex is over,” Katie says, mock-outraged, “did you seriously just laugh at my heartfelt declaration of feelings?”
“It’s what you deserve,” Lauren says primly, and Katie grabs a pillow and hits her in the face. Lauren squawks, and then there’s a pillow in Katie’s face, and then they’re just kind of batting at each other ineffectively since they can’t see each other.
“This is ridiculous,” Katie says, basically into the pillow.
“You started it,” Lauren says, similarly muffled, but she tosses the pillow away, and so does Katie, and then they’re just kind of smiling at each other, both of them breathing a little hard.
“I love you, too,” Lauren says, after a second. “Obviously. And you’re also my best friend.”
Katie’s grinning now, she can feel it. “Well, obviously,” she says, and Lauren’s face goes soft in a way that makes Katie’s heart hurt.
“You said you’ve never had a boyfriend,” Lauren says. “Has anyone ever kissed you?”
“Uh,” Katie says, because it sounds like Lauren’s asking something else, her eyes drifting over Katie’s face. “Yes. I, I really like kissing.”
“Yeah?” Lauren says, leaning in.
“Yeah,” Katie breathes, meeting her in the middle.