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Desperate Measures

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Normally, Tony didn’t have a lot of problems with getting the attention he wanted from the people he wanted. It was as easy as snapping a finger. Really. Nothing more difficult than that, he was a blessed man with a lot of charisma, could make people laugh or sit down when he wanted them to. Even when he was a bit of an asshole at times.

Yet, Loki did not listen to him. Or well, paid attention to him. Not more than usual. Tony even offered Loki the drink he owed him from all those years ago, made him something excitingly green and it still tasted amazing, and Loki –

Nothing. It was a pleasant evening but nothing came out of it. There was no indication that Loki was into him or would be open to explore the drink bar and the margaritas more, taste them on different body parts as well. Nothing. Niente. Nietzsche. So he didn’t try to kiss Loki because why learn that rejection when he could see it as plain as the day? They parted with laughter and smiles and more banter – and the next morning was the same as usual.

Tony did not understand. Thor told him he wasn’t sure either why Loki wasn’t open towards him because apparently Loki had a type that Tony seemed to fit. It was a weird conversation to have in an elevator but Thor had cornered him there. Being a good brother and all that. Never again, Tony swore to himself. Thor could be fucking terrifying when he was trying to set his brother up.

He had run almost out of all the good tricks. There was a last thing left he could do but –

Tony buried his head in his hands with a groan. He was actually going to do this, wasn’t he? A last attempt to call Loki’s attention towards him. They had defeated Thanos maybe a week or two ago. That had been fun. More or less. He knew of Loki’s distaste towards the evil grape – understandable, really – so it was a guarantee that Loki would notice him then. It might also be a certain assurance that he was going to die but- it would be worth it.

He was a pining idiot. Staring at someone for weeks (see, almost three months) and bantering for so long that his heart had decided to jump off the cliff and fall for the lanky Trickster who was snark and sass and could keep up with him and where his brain went; sometimes his thinking was even quicker than Tony’s. Amazing, that’s what it was. Occasionally they sat together in the workshop and tried to corrupt every possible law of physics – they’d already won against gravity – and they had fun

It was impossible for Tony not to fall for Loki. He knew that. But somehow Loki had missed the memo about what it meant to ask “Want to grab a coffee with me?” or “Do you want to watch a movie?” or “I have a new massage oil, want to test it out?” 

The Avengers hadn’t. They all knew that Tony wanted the Trickster. That was nice. And surprisingly, they all gave him their okay, not that it would have mattered to him overly much. He probably would have done it anyway, with or without the team’s consent. 


Yes, Sir?”

“Find a good image of Thanos and print it on a bathing suit, would you?”


“Don’t ask. Just – Just do it.”

And his dear AI, the one good soul in the house, complied.

The bathing suit arrived the next day.

Tony put it on after a thorough shower and making sure he smelled nice, then he went downstairs to the kitchen to join the other Avengers and Co. where they had assembled for breakfast. 

The bathing suit fitted perfectly. It wasn’t too small, it showed off his finely formed body and- yes, he could wear purple. Even when he preferred other colours but yeah –

The kitchen went deadly silent when he entered the room.

“Morning,” Tony said cheerily as he walked to the coffee pot, grabbing a mug on the way. He filled it and inhaled the strong smell, fully aware of all the eyes that were on him. Good.

“Tony-“ Natasha cleared her throat, “this is a very nice suit.”

He sent her a wink. “Thank you. I thought this was a good way to celebrate the bastard’s death.”

“I’m sure it is.” She looked at him amusedly.

The other Avengers settled then, shaking their heads fondly.

But Loki didn’t say anything.

“Do you like it, Lokes?” Tony asked him because, respond, man. C’mon, surely it couldn’t be that difficult?

“I have one rule, Anthony,” Loki replied silkily. Oh shit. “Nothing purple will ever get into my bed. Green is more than fine and we could argue over red, but don’t expect to come out on top.” He cocked his head. “But the most welcoming sight would be you naked.”

Tony put his mug down.

“Unless you want me to rip it off you?” Loki continued sweetly, his eyes glinting sharp in the light.

Tony swallowed. Yep. Attention caught. Definitely.

“I like the image of you ripping Thanos apart,” Tony replied as he leant forward, ignoring the groans of his teammates in favour of focusing on the Trickster opposite him. “And if you’re successful in this, you might even get to see a sweet reward.” He winked at him.

Loki’s lips curved into a smirk. Then he looked at Thor. “You’ll excuse us, I’m sure. There are matters that clearly warrant my attention.”

“Attention, yep. I want it all.”

“And you shall have it,” Loki purred– then he gripped Tony’s arm and magicked them away.

Loki’s bed was very comfortable- not that it mattered, for Tony had barely formed the thought before he was pulling the Trickster down for a kiss. He didn’t even notice the moment that Loki ripped the purple monstrosity away from him, that was how enraptured he was.

“If you wear something like that ever again,” Loki promised sweetly as he drew back from their kiss, “I’ll throw you out of another window.”


Sometimes, it could be very easy to make a lot of people very happy at the same time.