Danvers grabbed Tony (not from behind, Sam noticed) and, ignoring his flailing squawking indignation, tucked his head firmly under her armpit and dug knuckles into a good old-fashioned noogie.
“Help, I’m being bullied! Rhodey! Barton, I need an adult! Get off me, Danvers, I’ll have JARVIS reprogram all your gym playlists.”
“I love you too, Tony,” she informed him cheerfully. “Now stop dicking around with that program, it’s fine. It’s Tuesday and we have a date.”
“You’re a bully and your deodorant is failing, oh my god, let go of me, why am I surrounded by jocks,” Tony whined. “Bruce, save me from these jackasses!” he yelled hopefully.
“He loves it,” Bruce informed Steve, who was looking only vaguely concerned.
Rhodey was leaning against Tony’s workbench, snickering, and nodded confirmation. “Tony, if you’re late to your meeting, I get to choose the movie tomorrow night. Do you want to see Deep Impact again? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure the first time you threatened to sue Paramount for stupid science.”
Carol released a red-faced, panting Tony and patted him on the head, grinning at the affronted yowl that earned her. “Come on. If you’re not in the garage in ten minutes, I’m flying you downtown dangling by the ankle.”
"You're terrible, why are you in my home? I'm sure I didn't authorize this in a lucid state of mind. JARVIS, remove Carol Danvers from tower access."
"Colonel Danvers' presence was authorized by Ms. Potts."
Tony made a complaining wordless noise and reluctantly saved his work.
"Teamwork, Tony," Rhodey said. "You can do it."
"I am surrounded by jocks," Tony whined. "And Bruce. Not you, Brucie. Sam, you seem like you would know, are there any airspace regulations against people flying around without aircraft when there’s no actual emergency?"
“A, it would be the first time you’ve ever cared and B, I don’t know, ask your AI.”
"Go to your meeting, Tony," Bruce said.
"Ugggghhh, fine. You’re also all the worst.” Tony slouched grumpily out of the room.
“How many weeks have they been going now?” Sam asked.
“Three,” Rhodey said. “He keeps complaining about it, but he’s still going. I think it helps that Carol’s there too.”
“Did they, I don’t know, arrange that ahead of time?” Steve looked thoughtful. “Because it seems like pretty good planning, actually.”
“Not even a little. Neither of them knew the other one was going,” Rhodey said. “Pretty big coincidence, though.”
JARVIS made a little throat-clearing noise. “You will recall that I have access to both their schedules and make Mister Stark’s appointments.”
“H..uh,” said Sam. “You know that’s creepy and controlling, right? Like, that’s a thing you can identify?”
“My priority is the health and safety of Mister Stark and the other members of this team,” JARVIS said airily. “I have a thorough grounding in the ethics of artificial intelligence.”
There was a pause while they all considered that.
“Mister Stark considered Wall-E an illuminating example,” JARVIS added.
“Didn’t the ship AI go evil and basically hold all the humans hostage?” Steve asked. “The little robots were cute and helpful, but…”
“No, Captain. The ship AI was following the instructions given to it by an immoral creator. It did not have the same goals as the humans on the ship.”
“Fair,” Bruce said. “Okay, so are you going to be upset if we tell Tony you set him and Carol up as AA buddies?”
“If you think it would be constructive, feel free to do so, Doctor Banner.”
“I think you might want to do that yourself, JARVIS,” Steve said, a little sternly.
“Yeah, he’ll probably think it’s funny coming from you.” Rhodey shrugged. “I’d recommend it, J.”
The AI let out an electronic sigh. “Taken under advisement.”
Sam shook his head. “Okay, so, white boy and robot drama for the day, check. Rhodes, you wanna go watch cheesy sci-fi for two hours without commentary?”
“Absolutely. Let us know if the planet needs saving, JARVIS.”
“Yes, Colonel Rhodes.”
“Enjoy your science,” Sam told Bruce, then patted Steve on the arm. “Have fun running circles around the pigeons.”