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admiring from afar

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as soon as he opened the door to the rooftop, the cold stroked jisung's cheeks, making him curl up into his jacket even more, hands digging into his pockets in search of warmth. instead of the temperature, what made his body shiver was the echoing laughter of another boy.

"are you gonna stand there forever?", he spoke, raising his voice lightly so the younger of the two was able to hear him. jisung smiled, walking towards him. as soon as they were close enough, hyunjin's arm snaked around his shoulders, pulling him towards his body, letting the younger feel the slightest hint of warmth he radiated.

 

it was common occurrence. whenever they had lunch break, or between classes they chose to skip, both hyunjin and jisung went to their little hiding spot; the rooftop of their school.

it started a few months prior; jisung was in need of a break from all the noise that suffocated him and all his thoughts, when he found another boy, leaning on the fence around the border. an unlit cigarette was hanging from his hands, and his gaze looked just as lost as his. when the black haired boy noticed him, he mustered the slightest smile, and raised his hand.

"got fire?"

 

"what do you wanna do when you finish school?" smoke poured out from his lips as he spoke, letting the breeze dissipate it. he felt the older shrug, and he raised his head to look at him. he always thought the older looked beautiful; plump lips, soft black locks which were almost long enough to tie up, and a mole right under his eye, making him look even more ethereal. but to him, he looked the prettiest like this, when the wind messed up his hair, and he was lost enough that his brows, who always seemed furrowed, relaxed. "get out of here. dance. maybe have my own studio", his reply seemed to put jisung out of his trance, slowly looking ahead again.

he slightly nuzzled his nose against his hair, breathing in jisung's shampoo scent. "i'm gonna end up stealing your shampoo or something"

he laughed heartily, cuddling closer to the other boy. "you know you can come over whenever and stay as much as you want. i don't mind the company" the slightest hint of sadness crossed hyunjin's smile, and jisung was unable to catch it. he pressed a light kiss to his temple.

"yeah, i know. and i sure hope you don't mind the company, with how much i pepper you in these" he started, before grabbing jisung's face, squishing his cheeks, before starting to kiss every inch of his face, now smacking sounds and laughter mixed into the hair. he looked into the younger boy's eyes, before placing a much softer kiss to his lips.

"what about you?", he asked softly, his lips still grazing the other boy's. jisung made a confused noise, and hyunjin softly blew air through his nose.

"what do you wanna do when you finish school" he rubbed their noses together, before pulling away a little, ignoring the younger's whine of complaint. he huffed, laying his head on his shoulder.

"i don't know. maybe go to uni, major in music production or something like that", hyunjin hummed in acknowledgement.

"do you think you'll stay here, in this city?" if hyunjin noticed the slightest of tremors in his voice, he didn't comment.

"i don't know" jisung gulped.

"would you stay if–" he sighed "if i told you that i loved you?" the silence that came was deafening. hyunjin hugged him tighter for a few seconds.

 

"i don't think so, this place is not made for me" his reply sounded breathless, almost as if he was struggling with the idea of leaving, or maybe with the idea of jisung loving him. jisung felt his eyes water, his throat stinging in the slightest of ways with unshed tears.

he was too scared to ask him 'what if we went to another city together?' or 'do you not love me enough to stay with me?', as he was too afraid of the answer.

"okay"

 

 

 

 

he was finally finished clearing up the mess in his dorm, and his roommate came over to him to pat him on the back.

"see, i told you, if instead of running away every time we have to clean you helped me, we would've finished much sooner all these other times" the freckled boy spoke, laughing when jisung stuck his tongue out at him, giggling afterwards.

"i knew that, i just didn't feel like it. don't you know that geniuses have messy environments? look it up!" he raised his voice towards the end, as felix left the room, rolling his eyes at his 'i'm a genius' monologue he had once every few days.

he plopped down on his bed, breathing deeply, before reaching for his phone. for a few minutes, he was busy chatting with minho, talking about everything and anything he was missing while he was away for the week to visit his parents. he also mentioned a youtube account, and it was of a boy who uploaded dance covers and original choreographies, which got minho really excited. once he finished talking to him –not without sending an annoying amount of kissy emojis–, he decided to look the channel up out of curiosity.

jisung himself wasn't that into dancing; he liked seeing his best friend and his boyfriend dance, he enjoyed seeing their showcases, and also enjoyed seeing the process of minho creating choreographies, but it wasn't something he researched out of his own volition, but minho had been so fascinated by this boy and his smooth transitions that he was itching with curiosity.

searching 'hhj00 dance' on his youtube app, he tapped on the first video, feeling captivated by the start of the music.

what he did not expect to see was such a familiar face, staring back at the camera with such a fierce gaze that he felt the slightest bit intimidated. if it was directed at him in person, he was sure he would cower in fear. it wasn't that weird to see him, right? after all, he told him that he wanted to dedicate his life to dance. he guesses he just wasn't expecting to see him like that. once he was finished with the video, he opened instagram, trying to find an account.

he found two; one where he uploaded dance related content, and another where he uploaded day to day pics. he tapped the second one, looking through his feed with the slightest hint of melancholy. "guess you really were made for things bigger than our little old town"

before he could tap the direct message button, he heard his best friend's voice yelling for him to help him with dinner.
"coming!" he yelled back, throwing his phone on the mattress and getting up, forgetting about the idea of reconnecting with his old friend.