"You better run, little fucker," Alec snarled as he grabbed the nearest instrument he could use as a weapon (a rolling pin lying on the kitchen counter), and opened the balcony doors to go at the small rodent on their porch.
The shadowhunter had been having a standoff with this thing for weeks. It's been climbing up the fire escape and eating the food Magnus lays out for the cats everyday around noon. It wasn't like they could just take the food away until the cats came by, because they all came and went as they pleased. So during the weekends that Alec was off of work, he'd spot the opossum and they'd have their weekly fights to the death. Neither party had emerged victorious so far.
The opossum was nibbling away at the cat's food, quiet and content. That was, until he spotted Alec creeping towards him with a giant wooden stick raised, ready to strike. Alec slammed the rolling pin down at the opossum, but it scurried off and out of dodge at the last second, and Alec ended up knocking the pin into the cat's food, kitty nibble flying all over the concrete. He growled at the creature, as it stared at him tauntingly with its beaty little eyes.
"Alexander, it's not taunting you. It's literally just a opossum. You're being ridiculous," Magnus had told him when he'd informed him of such.
Bullshit! If it wasn't taunting him, it would've scurried off down the fire escape by now. It would've ran for its life, rather than stick around on the balcony and have a staredown with its attacker. Alec was going to make it regret hanging around to tease him about his failures in ending its life. Today was the day.
He lunged at the creature again, putting everything he had into this swing, all of his anger, frustration, and stamina into taking down this annoying little rodent. Only, just as he was nearly within striking distance, he ended up realizing too little too late his mistake. He'd been so focused on ending the opossum's life that he wasn't paying near enough attention to where he was going. His foot got caught behind the leg of one of the chairs and he went flailing into the ground.
He groaned at the severity of the impact. And then started screaming when the opossum decided to use his moment of weakness to launch an attack. It sprung up and onto his back and began clawing ferociously at him from beneath his T-shirt. Alec flailed about violently, trying to throw the wretched thing off of him. But a few moments later the opossum, deciding it'd had its fun, done the very thing it should've in the first place: scurried off down the fire escape.
Alec sighed in relief and slowly raised himself back up to his feet, groaning in pain as his scratches on his back stung as he moved. He grabbed the abandoned rolling pin off of the ground and stumbled back into the loft, slamming the doors angrily behind him. He ripped his tattered shirt off and tossed it into the trash can. He then went over to the sink and began to wash the now-dirty rolling pin down vigorously with soap and water. The action caused his back to sting even more. He really should put an iratze on those.
"Alexander?" Magnus gasped.
Alec gulped. Dammit, Magnus was home. He dropped the rolling pin in the sink so he wouldn't see it and turned to face him. The warlock was staring at him like he'd grown two heads, shock and worry creasing his eyebrows as he approached his husband and tried to get a good look at his back. Everytime he'd get close, Alec would turn the opposite direction, a deep blush coloring his cheeks. He had to think up an explanation, and quickly because Magnus was only seconds away from putting him right on the spot.
"Alexander, how did you get those scratches on your back?" He asked, summoning healing magic to his fingertips as he continued to try to reach his husband's back.
"I'm having an affair."
Magnus dropped his hand and scoffed. "You are not. You fought that opossum on the balcony again, didn't you?!" He accused.
The shadowhunter smiled sheepishly, scratching at the back of his head as his husband narrowed his eyes at him. "I, um... No?"
Magnus smacked his arm. "You are a terrible liar. I told you to leave that thing alone! Heal yourself, you ass," he snapped as he turned on his heel and set off to the bedroom to change.
Alec sighed, relieved. That could've gone a lot worse.
"And if you do end up killing that poor little creature, you're sleeping on the couch for a month!" Magnus yelled over his shoulder.
"Magnus!" Alec cried out indignantly, chasing after his unreasonable husband as he slammed the bedroom door closed behind him.