There were nights he would awake sweating and choking on tears that refused to fall even when he was asleep. Suzie would awake too and calm him down, knowing what he was dreaming of, and being sad herself. It was all they could do. It was Joseph fault after all. Like always is. He'd let him go like that, betraying him even more.
"I thought what we have wasn't serious. We are both men, and that should be reason enough to what we had not be serious."
These words haunt him till this day, fifty years after being said.
"I'm not serious enough? We aren't serious enough? Seriously, Joseph. I can't believe I even can be sad at you anymore. You really are a child."
He lays on his side, Suzie hugging him from behind. It was comforting. He love her, so, so much.
"It's not that you are not serious, it's just this... This is not the normal. I need to built a family."
He needs to be very careful to not wake her up with his sobbing.
"Fine. I don't need to hear it anymore. It was good, Joseph, fun even. I hope you will be happy with her, and won't break her heart. What we had was fast, but I can't say it was not intense, at least for me. I will not participate on your happy 'normal' life. I'm not important enough. You know... I was willing to gave up about having kids of my own if it was for you. A shame. Really. I thought I was an adult and wouldn't fall for some teenager dream. Ha! Laughable. So..."
He was almost sleeping again.
"Goodbye, JoJo. Let's pretend I never existed in your life. I will do the same and this should not hurt too much."
He went away without a goodbye hug, or a kiss. Joseph deserved that.
But if he had the courage, he would call him. If came to America, he would even throw a party, and dance with him all night long.
If Caesar wanted, he could be with him. Suzie understood too well he was in love with him, even before he realized it himself. And she deserved so much more.
This time, he would make for all the years they spent apart. Joseph would pick him up at the airport, take him to a date in a nice restaurant. Be a gentleman. Love him the way he deserves.
If Caesar came to New York, he would apologize.