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I Just Wanna Slow Dance With You

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Vriska watched from the punch table as Kanaya and Rose slow danced, winding around each other and the dance floor, a shining beacon of lesbianism at their college’s pride prom. A huge, ugly mass of feelings burned inside her stomach, churning, making her feel sick. She moved to scratch an invisible itch on her cheek and found her hand came back wet.

VRISKA: Fuck this.

She knocked back the disappointingly non-alcoholic punch, crumpled up the paper cup, and tossed it to the floor, climbing the stairs to the roof so she could get some air. Dumbasses shouldn’t have left such an easily pickable padlock.

It was blissfully quiet out here. Well, not really, but she’d take the wail of distant sirens over the booming bass and shouting downstairs. At least the city view was nice. Vriska made herself comfortable on an air conditioner and pulled the flask out of her leather jacket. Stupid Kanaya and her fucking gorgeous gown and curves and her new girlfriend. Stupid her, in her fucking skinny jeans, looking like some dumbass skinny greaser. At least she had whiskey. It was times like these that made Vriska crave a smoke. Never had any, didn’t want anything to do with her mother’s disgusting habits, but somehow that shit was encoded anyway. Her hands itched, shook for something to do other than take this hatred out on herself, and so she sighed and took out the little clay scalemate Terezi had made her, long ago rubbed smooth of its rich cobalt pigment.

DAVE: oh shit i got one of those too
VRISKA: what the fuck????????
DAVE: sorry i didnt mean to startle you
DAVE: i get a little overwhelmed too
DAVE: karkat doesnt really like dancing so he bailed a lil bit ago
DAVE: frankly i don’t either?
DAVE: much rather be on the ones and twos
DAVE: throwing down the fat beats
DAVE: teaching those tables how to turn
DAVE: oh yeah sorry my bad
DAVE: the rambling ik
VRISKA: Did you follow me up here?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: are u gonna hit me if i tell u the truth
VRISKA: *sigh*
VRISKA: Just either spit out why you’re really up here or leave me alone.
DAVE: yeah sorry.
DAVE: i was also hanging out by the punch bowl.
DAVE: saw you storm out and needed an excuse to get some air
DAVE: is everything
DAVE: ok
DAVE: i mean you dont have to tell me
DAVE: but terezi gave me one of those too and i rub it when im stressed
DAVE: i can show you if you want
VRISKA: its fine.
DAVE: its a really cool like firetruck red and she gave it like these beady black eyes
VRISKA: Its fine Dave!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I 8elieve you.
VRISKA: If you really want to know, I’ll tell you.
VRISKA: 8ut you asked for it.
VRISKA: I am so fucking jealous of your sister.
DAVE: oh
VRISKA: 8ut I’m not! And I am, and … ugh.
VRISKA: I’m jealous of your sister and Kanaya and the way they 8oth look and I want to d8 them and I want to 8e them.
VRISKA: I’m wearing this fucking awful, no effort androgynous greaser look 8ecause I h8 how my fucking 8ody looks.
VRISKA: And I’m jealous of Kanaya and Rose 8ecause they get to look hot and 8e happy and enjoy this shitty prom when I spent my first one in a monkey suit and I’m spending the second jealous and h8ing my fucking 8ody and my fucking shitty luck.
VRISKA: Wow, you dum8ass, good job imprinting on one of your best friends just cause she’s mildly attractive and a lesbian!
VRISKA: Just cause she was the first person to actually look at you like you were a girl and not a faker or some man in a dress doesn’t mean that she’s in love with you!
VRISKA: God I fucking h8 myself.
VRISKA: I should be having the time of my life and instead I’m drinking on a roof, crying about how shitty I am.
VRISKA: You want a swig?
DAVE: whiskey?
VRISKA: You fucking know it.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: have you considered
DAVE: i dunno
DAVE: not being in love with Kanaya
DAVE: considering my like
DAVE: sister
DAVE: is her new girlfriend
VRISKA: Wow Dave, you know, if I had just thought of that 8eforehand, I guess I could have solved all this shit! Excellent f8cking advice d8de.
DAVE: no its just
DAVE: i feel like the two of em aren’t going anywhere
DAVE: besides probably that level of body jealousy
DAVE: slash yalls history
DAVE: wouldn’t be the most stable foundation for a romantic relationship
DAVE: i get it though
DAVE: heart wants what it wants
VRISKA: yeah.
VRISKA: I fucking h8 my heart sometimes.
DAVE: fat fucking mood dude
DAVE: dudette?
VRISKA: Does it look like I give a fuck?
DAVE: idk don’t wanna presume yknow
VRISKA: Fair enough.
DAVE: pass me the whiskey back
VRISKA: This was NOT how i wanted this night to go.
DAVE: i mean me either but now that we are barreling mach fucking five down this path
DAVE: not much to do except hold on to your helmet and brace for impact
VRISKA: The impact 8eing the hangover tomorrow, right?
DAVE: cmon i was only like halfway though irreversibly butchering that metaphor
DAVE: anyways like
DAVE: what do you think youre going to do
VRISKA: Get wasted?
DAVE: i mean like long-term
DAVE: i really dont think the rose kanaya thing is going anywhere
DAVE: so what are u gonna do
VRISKA: I dunno yet.
VRISKA: I guess like.
VRISKA: Gonna have to figure out some way not to hate my 8ody.
DAVE: i mean you’re on hormones right
VRISKA: Off and on.
VRISKA: Depending how much I distrust the doctors on any given week.
VRISKA: I just like
VRISKA: I have all this emotion.
VRISKA: That I have no idea what to do with.
VRISKA: And I can keep it 8ottled up, I can go to class and my job and 8e functional when I’m not on hormones.
VRISKA: 8ut I can’t do that when I’m on them.
VRISKA: I mean, I can, 8ut I’m afraid of what happens when it inevitably gets too much.
VRISKA: When I get to be too much.
VRISKA: Can you keep a secret?
DAVE: i told my brother i was straight for 10 years
DAVE: sorry thats a yes
DAVE: go on
VRISKA: If you tell anyone this I’ll murder you.
VRISKA: sigh
VRISKA: I’m . . . . . . . .
VRISKA: I’m scared, Dave.
VRISKA: I don’t know what to do with myself.
VRISKA: If I drop the 8ad 8itch act then people will see I’m weak
VRISKA: and vulnera8le
VRISKA: and they’ll use that against me.
VRISKA: But I don’t know if I can live like this anymore.
VRISKA: I don’t even know why the hell I’m in school!
VRISKA: Fastest way to get away from my mom, I guess.
VRISKA: And Kanaya’s always been there for me
VRISKA: But I’m afraid she wont 8e. Not anymore.
VRISKA: Things are changing.
VRISKA: I’M changing!
VRISKA: 8ut the devils I know scare me less than the devils I don’t.
VRISKA: I’m scared and I want to be happy 8ut i don’t know if I’m strong enough to 8e.
VRISKA: And I can’t ask for help 8ecause when people pity me people get hurt.
VRISKA: I get hurt.
VRISKA: I shouldn’t be telling you any of this.
DAVE: no
DAVE: Vriska
DAVE: that’s like a lot
DAVE: but it makes sense
DAVE: i mean i don’t know shit about you
DAVE: not really
DAVE: a few mutual friends
DAVE: a few overheard conversations when hanging out with Terezi
DAVE: but like
DAVE: youre valid
DAVE: vriska youre like the most valid person to ever live
DAVE: im here for you
DAVE: but also i think you should talk to like
DAVE: an adult adult about this
DAVE: cause it seems like a lot and i dont know how to help you
DAVE: i dont think you know how to help yourself either
DAVE: and like
DAVE: that’s okay
VRISKA: Its hard, Dave. Its hard being trans and growing up and nobody understands.
DAVE: ill fucking drink to that

They each took a few long drags on the whiskey flask, letting the alcohol fill the space in between the two of them. Pain released from its holding place, the perennial sirens faded into the distance, leaving the pair in a slow, intimate silence, sitting on a rooftop in the dark. The slow sounds of the music changing finally filtered up from down below as the tears dried, disappeared. The DJ could be heard declaring ‘one last slow dance of the night, for all you lovers out there’. Vriska sighed.

DAVE: hey you know what i realized
VRISKA: what
DAVE: karkat left before i could get my heteroperformative slow dance in
DAVE: complete the wheel of stupidity, live out some weird fantasy of a live i never had
DAVE: you know the score
VRISKA: What are you saying, Dave?
DAVE: what i am asking, ms. serket
DAVE: is
DAVE: ahem
DAVE: May I have this dance?
VRISKA: Do you even know how?
DAVE: i learned a little ballroom like 10 years ago
DAVE: what do you say
VRISKA: I’m not dressed for the occasion.
DAVE: come onnnnnnnn
DAVE: tie that jacket around your waist, it’ll spin like a dress
DAVE: thats the fun bit
DAVE: Ms. Serket, it would be my utmost pleasure to have a dance with you.
VRISKA: Alright, Mr. Strider, I suppose I will.

With an exaggerated bow, Dave offered out his hand, and with the most gentlemanly aura he could muster, gently guided her down the stairs, back into the low light of prom and the languid rhythm of a slow dance. Rose and Kanaya had disappeared into the crowd, and a beam of light caught Dave’s permanently worn shades, causing Vriska to giggle as a tear escaped her eye. As she pulled her hand away from wiping it dry, Dave pulled her hands onto his shoulders, and a small grin managed to peak outside his permanently still face as his own hands settled onto her hips.

DAVE: no hetero
VRISKA: Shut up and dance, you insuffera8le fucking nerd 8astard.
DAVE: heheh okay, okay
VRISKA: . . . . . . . .
VRISKA: Thanks, Dave.
DAVE: dont mention it