Work Header

Alola Family -- Legends and All

Chapter Text

Kanto Legend Chat

WCDONALDS: You’re leaving us??? @TheAwaitedChild

TheAwaitedChild: What? No

TheAwaitedChild: I’ll be gone like four days tops

FoodAtHome: That is the length of the vacation he and Hanako-san were won, after all.

OneBlackCoffee: Yeah but Sato’s going to Alola.

OneBlackCoffee: What do you think about it @Beastie @Beastie @Beastie

Beastie: I have no clue what you’re talking about

TheAwaitedChild: You don’t seriously think a bunch of aunts and uncles are going to come out of their comfy homes to tell me to stay, right?

OneBlackCoffee: I mean, you are going to Melemele

Beastie: I have no clue what you’re talking about

FoodAtHome: Wait Melemele?

TheAwaitedChild: Yeah. Isn’t it considered one of the most inhabited and touristy?

FoodAtHome: @Beastie Are you sure this has nothing to do with the Kalos Crisis

FoodAtHome: Sending Satoshi to his other father seems like a you kind of reaction

TheAwaitedChild: Other??? Father??? Guys you know I’m barely aware of not being completely human and you spring this on me????

TheAwaitedChild: Why??? I mean I assumed there was another Legendary Parent involved, with what everyone has hinted at, but like???

OneBlackCoffee: At least you managed to bypass this into an actual app of your own creation in your phone and we aren’t just in your head anymore.

TheAwaitedChild: Fair, but still.

TheAwaitedChild: I have another LegenDad?

WCDONALDS: LegenDad, hah. I love it!!

WCDONALDS: Wait so he’s actually leaving us?? @Beastie

WCDONALDS: Tell! Us! The! Truth! We! Deserve! The! Truth!

Beastie: Fine! Yes! Satoshi, your other Legendary Pokemon Father, my ex-husband, is a Legendary of Alola.

Beastie: But it is up to you whether you stay or not!

Grandpa has entered the Kanto Legend Chat

Grandpa: You might consider it seriously though.

Beastie: FATHER

Grandpa has fled the Kanto Legend Chat

Beastie: UGH.

Beastie: I have no clue what he’s doing.

TheAwaitedChild: Wow now I’m kinda scared to go to Alola

Beastie: Your other dad is an asshole

TheAwaitedChild: And you aren’t?

FoodAtHome: And you aren’t?

Beastie: But he will make sure you are both protected and prepared

Beastie: What did you just say you little punks


TheAwaitedChild: Would you look at that? Misty and Brock are messaging me on our Kanto group chat to ask for souvenirs.

TheAwaitedChild: Love you! Bye!

TheAwaitedChild has fled the Kanto Legend Chat

Beastie: Why did he take after his father so much?

OneBlackCoffee: The fight and run technique? Yeah that seems like Dad #2

Beastie: When did you start calling him that

OneBlackCoffee: When y’all got together, duh.

OneBlackCoffee: Cause Ho-Oh is Momther and you’re Dadther so we got a Dad #2. He even still sends us stuff!

Beastie has fled the Kanto Legend Chat

FoodAtHome: Weak.


OG Friends Chat

MermaidsDrownMen: Okay so I want like. Anything mermaid themed. Preferably sharp to throw at my sisters.

RockSolid: Kasumi…

LegendBait: On the list. I’ll see what I can find.

RockSolid: Satoshi…

LegendBait: And what do you want, Takeshi?

RockSolid: A signed poster of Kahuna Olivia of Akala Island.

MermaidsDrownMen: That was fast.

LegendBait: I’m going to be on Melemele though…

RockSolid: I really don’t care.

SketchIt: Just send me pictures.

SmellYaLater: Finally, a reasonable request.

SmellYaLater: Anyways, I’d like a call from my brother and/or a picture of you hitting him over the head.

LegendBait: Oof yeah. I forgot they’re in Alola in the mess of planning. I’ll remind Mom to see if she’s getting them to come over from Poni Island.

SmellYaLater: Thanks loser

TheMomther has entered OG Friends Chat. Be warned.

TheMomther: Bed. All of you. Satoshi we have a plane to catch and YES I reminded your brother and Green to meet us.

OG Friends Chat has been muted for 12 hours.

Chapter Text

Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

TheAwaitedChild: ALOLA!!

NotAnUnown: I

NotAnUnown: He’s in Alola???

TheAwaitedChild: Oop Wrong Chat

ZiggyZiggyTail: Remember when he was but a tiny child

ZiggyZiggyTail: Who am I kidding, he's still a tiny child

TheAwaitedChild: I don’t like this

ZiggyZiggyTail: Babey

TheAwaitedChild: @Beastie I’m being bullied

Beastie has entered the Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

Beastie: I know where you sleep Raiko

ZiggyZiggyTail: 1 (one) fear

Hohoho has entered the Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

Hohoho: Bother

Hohoho: I was going to say brother but lets roll with that

Hohoho: Don’t threaten my children

Beastie: Why does “sister” have no suitable insults adjacent?

Hohoho: Because I’m dad’s favorite.

UwU has entered the Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

UwU: Oh? what's thiws? cwaiming favowitism fwom the dadthew?



NotAnUnown: Wha

NotAnUnown: How did you get in here?

TheAwaitedChild: <eyes emoji> <angel halo emoji>

CrystalCrown: <angel halo emoji> <eyes emoji>

ZiggyZiggyTail: 4 (four) fears

UwU has been kicked from the Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

CrystalCrown: So how’s Alola @TheAwaitedChild

CrystalCrown: Anything fun?

TheAwaitedChild: It’s so cool!!!

TheAwaitedChild: I rode a sharpedo ride pokemon like a jet ski!!

TheAwaitedChild: They have this super cool pokemon school!!!!!! And so many cool pokemon!!!!

ZiggyZiggyTail: Is he glowing? I bet he’s glowing. @Grandpa Is he glowing?

Grandpa has entered the Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

Grandpa: Young Satoshi is indeed glowing. I’m sure he will have more to glow about soon.

Beastie: Sus

Grandpa: Hush

Grandpa: And my favorite child is Deoxys.

Hohoho: Deoxys is adopted.

Grandpa: :)

ZiggyZiggyTail: 5 (five) fears

TheAwaitedChild: Arceus or Deoxys

ZiggyZiggyTail: Oh definitely Deoxys

Grandpa: :(

TheAwaitedChild: Fair

Grandpa has fled the Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat Maybe not so harsh next time?

TheAwaitedChild: I suddenly feel like I shouldn’t have let Genesect help program this app.

TheAwaitedChild: Wait was that a rooster


TheAwaitedChild: That was not a rooster


TheAwaitedChild: A chicken looking legendary just gave me a Z-ring

Beastie: wHEEZE


Beastie: Call him out my boy!!!

TheAwaitedChild: I?????


OG Friends Chat

LegendBait: So 1, @SmellYaLater, they couldn’t make it because of a thing

LegendBait: BUT

LegendBait: I’m staying in Alola so I’ll get to see them!! Even though I’m not staying with them.

SmellYaLater has logged into OG Friends Chat

SmellYaLater: It’s either a Legendary or a Boy

LegendBait: Legendary. Though there was a cute boy, just not really my type.

LegendBait: He could probably bench press me but he seems SUPER serious

MermaidsDrownMen: You owe me twenty buck Shigeru

SmellYaLater: I owe you nothing. I do however owe Takeshi forty because it was technically both.

SmellYaLater: The twenty buck thing was about Kalos. That was like a year ago.

MermaidsDrownMen: I didn’t renew???

RockSolid: You were too broke at the time.

MermaidsDrownMen: …You’re right, damn it. Good luck on your dream boy hunt @LegendBait

MermaidsDrownMen: Try not to die

LegendBait: I literally can't make that promise.



Family Chat

TheMomther: Now boys, I don’t need to remind you to keep an eye on Satoshi while he’s in Alola, right?

RunForTheMountains: It’s not a big problem

RunForTheMountains: Unless he makes one

RunForTheMountains: Or finds one

GetOffTheMountain: He’ll be good for Hapu once they meet. Unless he makes or finds a problem.

RunForTheMountains: A big problem.

GetOffTheMountain: A problem.

GrowYourOwnDad: He’s not staying with you?

TheMomther: He’s staying with a nice young professor. Kukui is both the regional professor and Satoshi’s teacher at the Pokemon School

GetOffTheMountain: He’s going to school??!!

GrowYourOwnDad: Kukui???

GrowYourOwnDad: Oh uh

GrowYourOwnDad: We uh miiiight

GrowYourOwnDad: No. Okay, technically we can add him on here.

GrowYourOwnDad: Ahilani Kukui right???

TheMomther: Yes, I believe that’s his first name.

TheMomther: Augustine.

LegendBait has entered Family Chat Hope they didn’t show up in the middle of something!

LegendBait: Uh Dad what’s with the hysterics.

GrowYourOwnDad: One second I need Alain to be here so nothing gets taken out of hand

GrowYourOwnDad: @MegaMistake

GrowYourOwnDad: Why is that his handle

MegaMistake has entered Family Chat Prepare for hysterics!

MegaMistake: It matches my soul, you know?

GrowYourOwnDad: I don’t and I am concerned

GrowYourOwnDad: Anyways, I kinda promised so uh.

GrowYourOwnDad: Kids, your grandfather was the worst kind of person, really. There’s a reason your grandmother raised me and Alain’s dad and he wasn’t allowed in our life much after we were like fifteen.

GrowYourOwnDad: Notably that was when a lovely woman named Momi Kukui got in touch trying to figure out where her newborn’s deadbeat dad ended up.

GrowYourOwnDad: Me and Alain’s dad babysat Ahilani while Momi and Mom beat Dad up, making me decide I definitely wanted kids. He was a very chill baby. Much like Red! From what Mom has said, Satoshi, you were more like me <upside down smile emoji>

GrowYourOwnDad: And that’s how Satoshi is living with his uncle.

LegendBait: I’m????


RunForTheMountains: Shook?

LegendBait: YES.


RunForTheMountains: Good to know I’m not the only one. Dad he’s Green’s boss!

GrowYourOwnDad: I was busy!!! Your brother nearly died!!!! Your cousin nearly died!!

MegaMistake: I like how he shows how close we were to death with !!!s

GetOffTheMountain: I’m working for my uncle-in-law

GetOffTheMountain: Is that legal???

GrowYourOwnDad: Oh definitely. Professor Magnolia’s main assistant is her granddaughter and your grandfather is still pissed at Rowan for getting Shigeru.

GrowYourOwnDad: Some of my favorite professors are in relationships with other professors in their region!

DragonFite has entered Family Chat Turn your phones on mute!

DragonFite: Rude.

DragonFite: Also Rude. I was not told I was the only not-a-deadbeat uncle in this family!

LegendBait: You’d have to have a family for that.

GetOffTheMountain: You’d have to have a family for that.

MegaMistake: You’d have to have a family for that.

RunForTheMountains: How did all of you have the same burn. At the same time.

DragonFite: I am unappreciated. ADD HIM.

DragonFite: Wait.

DragonFite: Kukui. Alolan???

Mod TheMomther has added CriticalHit to Family Chat

DragonFite: Shit I miscalculated

RunForTheMountains: You tend to do that

DragonFite: You too??? Betrayed!

DragonFite has fled Family Chat

CriticalHit has joined Family Chat It’s Super Effective!

CriticalHit: Is the chat sentient?

LegendBait: Don’t question it.

GrowYourOwnDad: AHILANI


CriticalHit: Augustine?

CriticalHit: Is this an interrogation

GrowYourOwnDad: No. Why would it be an interrogation?

LegendBait: They wanted to add you into the chat since you’ll be taking care of me.

CriticalHit: Ash????

LegendBait: Ye. Or Satoshi to the rest of the chat since everyone but you, Dad, and Alain is from Kanto. @GrowYourOwnDad is me and @RunForTheMountains bother figure

CriticalHit: I was not told of NEPHEWS

LegendBait: And @MegaMistake aka Alain is our cousin through Dad!

CriticalHit: SO MANY NEPHEWS???

GrowYourOwnDad: Ahilani you were like 13 when Satoshi was born. You were at most six when Red was born. You are baby.

CriticalHit: Did Mom know? I know she your mom were close.

GrowYourOwnDad: I refuse to answer knowing full well she is alive and only across the channel in Galar on vacation.

CriticalHit: Weak.

LegendBait: So can I call you Uncle Ahilani or Uncle Professor or something like that

CriticalHit: Oak would take you out of my class in a heartbeat, do not.

LegendBait: Oh hey Professor Kukui

CriticalHit: Good job

LegendBait: So a legendary that looked and sounded like a rooster gave me a Z-Ring? With a yellow crystal in it

CriticalHit: W h a t

TheMomther: This is normal.

GrowYourOwnDad: This is normal.

DragonFite has entered Family Chat

DragonFite: This is normal.

DragonFite has left Family Chat

RunForTheMountains: This is normal.

MegaMistake: This is normal.

CriticalHit: Okay fine, but Alain why is your handle like that

CriticalHit: And why do I want to punt @DragonFite off a cliff

TheMomther: I don't know but I'm sure he deserves it and I will happily do so for you when I see him next.

Chapter Text

Alola You Fricks

Mod ZapBolt has added LegendBait to Alola You Fricks

IcyBean: wh

IcyBean: why is that his handle?

LegendBait has joined Alola You Fricks Stay calm everyone.

LegendBait: Just wait a bit, I’m sure.

FlameOn: I admire your battling capabilities but I really don’t think you should be committing blasphemy

IdRatherEatDirt: Hush, Kiawe. It’s not that big a deal

BubbleorBust: Do you expect legendaries in our presence, Ash? Like Kyogre? Or Lugia??

LegendBait: Out of all the water aligned legendaries I’d honestly prefer Manaphy tbh

BubbleorBust: Manaphy???

LegendBait: Sinnoh related legendary, kinda. The most huggable legendary I’d say—

LegendBait: Wait but Victini is warm

LegendBait: Hnnn

FlameOn: I am??? Confused???

FlameOn: You speak as though you know them.

LegendBait: Let’s just say that, while I’ve come up with plenty of chat names in my sixteen terrible years on this earth

LegendBait: Neither of my chat names have been in that category

LegendBait: Aunt Clair gave me this one after the Suicune Incident.

FlameOn: Suicune?

BubbleorBust: Another water legendary! Only like Kapu-Rehire they are associated more with mists and, unlike Kapu-Rehire and most other water legendaries, fresh water!

LegendBait has uploaded HornBuddies1

BubbleorBust: SUICUNE!!!

IcyBean: Oh that is a very pretty pokemon. And you seem much younger!

IdRatherEatDirt: Are you wearing a Galarian Ponyta headband.


FlameOn: The title on the picture suggests you have more than one of these selfies.

LegendBait: Um. Well this is the only one with Suicune. Buddy two was Keldeo.

LegendBait: Wait do I have a picture with Buddy Three?

LegendBait: And obviously I got a new headband for those two who aren’t THIEVES

FlameOn: I feel as though you’re screaming at a god.

FlameOn: I occasionally have those urges too.

LegendBait: Right on. Anyways, current headband is a Rapidash one.

LegendBait: Do any of the Kapus have horns?

ZapBolt: Kapu-Bulu does!

LegendBait: Four buddies!!!

FlameOn: You expect to meet any of the Kapus?

LegendBait: More like am deeply suspicious that I will. Things Have Been Said.

LegendBait: I already met Kapu-Kokeku, as you can tell from the Z-Ring he likely stole that I am wearing.


LegendBait: Did you guys hear auhsd;hs

IcyBean: ASH


Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

TheAwaitedChild: W H A T

TheAwaitedChild has uploaded TheFuck

WCDONALDS: Holy shit kid

ZiggyZiggyTail: I am

ZiggyZiggyTail: SO PROUD

TheAwaitedChild: Who is this dumb chicken of an uncle that is Kapu-Kokeku




Beastie has entered Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

Beastie: Oh

Beastie: I have

Beastie: I may have neglected to mention that WAS THAT FROM AN ELECTRIC Z-MOVE

TheAwaitedChild: Wait is Kapu-Kokeku dad 3 (three) and yes

Beastie: Sadly yes

TheAwaitedChild: Next time I see him I am going to tell him you said that

Beastie: He didn’t stay and talk???

TheAwaitedChild: There are other humans around???

Beastie: None of them can probably understand him, he could have even done it during the

Beastie: battle?

Beastie: He hasn’t said one word to you since you’ve gotten there has he

TheAwaitedChild: I mean, neither has Red

Beastie: Kapu-Kokeku is not mute like your amazing older human brother

TheAwaitedChild: Will you accept “made a rooster noise”?

Beastie: No.

Beastie: You know what? It’s time.

WCDONALDS: Now? But Zamazenta is the only one trying to keep order in that chat.

Beastie: Futile. And I don’t care.


The Legendarium

Beastie has added TheAwaitedChild to The Legendarium


OnlySaneWolf: Wait Lugia what

TheAwaitedChild has joined The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: I kind of expected it to be named The Hall of Origin

DiamondsAreAPokemonsBestFriend: The first one was

TheAwaitedChild: I???

Beastie: @HereComesThe @HereComesThe @HereComesThe



Beastie: BUT DON’T TALK TO HIM????

DesignatedHealer: Our nephew is in Alola????

DesignatedHealer: On Melemele??????

DesignatedHealer: @HereComesThe EXPLAIN YOURSELF THOT

Necromancer: You aren’t @UwU @ThisBabyWillKillYou or @AUMoonDaughter, you can’t ghost the chat THOT

TheAwaitedChild: Hi @DesignatedHealer and @Necromancer I have no clue which of the Kapus you are but it is nice to meet you!!! Drag him through the d i r t

AdoptedAlienAunt: S 4 T 0 S H 1!!!!

TheAwaitedChild: DEOXYS!!!

AdoptedAlienAunt: 84813!!!

TheAwaitedChild: I don’t like that I can read that.

CloneMa: Thank goodness I’m not the only one anymore. Besides Genesect who only encourages the madness.

CloneMa: Because everyone knows we can’t thank @Grandpa

Grandpa: :(

Necromancer: I love this child. Hey @Beastie I could replace Kokeku as the designated Kapu parent

OhDeer: Honey we have our own child

Necromancer: And yet we don’t know where he is <upside down smile emoji>

TheAwaitedChild: What? I’m not the only human kid that’s come out of this

TheAwaitedChild: The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: ?

DesignatedHealer: Good save

TheAwaitedChild: Yes I seem to have made a habit of those.

AUMoonDaughter: Press F to pay respects for everyone who @TheAwaitedChild has had to save regions and or the world from or with or both

AUSunSon: F

AUEmoChild: F

OnlySaneWolf: F

NoTakeOnlyThrow: F

TheCutestAbomination: F

ThunderCatMark3: F

ThisBabyWillKillYou: F

Necromancer: F

BullInAChinaShop: F

DesignatedHealer: F

HereComesThe: F

HereComesThe: OH FUCK

Necromancer: WE GOT HIM

Necromancer: Nice job Lunala!!!

TheAwaitedChild: @HereComesThe Stop being a little bitch both of my other fathers talk to me!

HereComesThe: I’m going to go visit my Kahuna

HereComesThe has fled The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: Was he always like this?

Beastie: Surprisingly no.

Necromancer: Doubt


Alola You Fricks

FlameOn: Hey @LegendBait I’m so sorry about the blasphemy comment

FlameOn: And also that you apparently deal with this on a regular basis

LegendBait: Thank! Much appreciation! If I wouldn’t be yeeted back into my body I’d request you put me out of my misery!

FlameOn: I’ve never been so happy to be confused you funky little Legend magnet


Family Chat

LegendBait: @CriticalHit Where do I find the Melemele Kahuna

LegendBait: I think I need some spiritual advice.

Chapter Text

Family Chat

CriticalHit: Okay I’m sure I can put together something real quick???

CriticalHit: But I got you a present so get your butt down to the lab.

GetOffTheMountain: DID IT GET THERE???

CriticalHit: It did, it did

CriticalHit: Ash where are you

CriticalHit: Oh I hear you coming down now

LegendBait: POKEDEX


LegendBait: It’s a fucking Rotom???

ROTOMDEX has added itself to Family Chat

CriticalHit: Oh I don’t like that

LegendBait: Same

ROTOMDEX: Hello Satoshi’s Family!

ROTOMDEX: I now have access to all of his chat rooms

ROTOMDEX: Wait, no. There is one app I am completely unable to access.

LegendBait: Good. I only need three data hackers in those chats, besides myself.

GetOffTheMountain: <eyes emoji>

RunForTheMountains: <eyes emoji>

DragonFite: <eyes emoji>

DragonMaster: <eyes emoji>

TheMomther: <eyes emoji>

GrowYourOwnDad: <eyes emoji>

MegaMistake: Oh is it that chat app you were working on while you recovered from the Crisis?

LegendBait: Tis Indeed

LegendBait: Also holy shit Aunt Ibuki’s on. Did you finally get wifi in the cave?


DragonMaster: …yes…

ROTOMDEX: Satoshi, why can I not access this app?

LegendBait: Its password protected

ROTOMDEX: It does not seem to have that kind of code

LegendBait: I also don’t want a sentient pokedex to have access to it.

CriticalHit: @LegendBait I’m calling Hala, can you run to the market and pick up my berry order from Anela + like five Sitris berries???

LegendBait: Got it!

LegendBait has left Family Chat

CriticalHit: Is this kid going to be the death of me?




GetOffTheMountain: Actually, it’s more likely for him to die than anyone else.

GetOffTheMountain: Shigeru and I ran the statistics after Sinnoh.

GetOffTheMountain: :|

CriticalHit: That’s

CriticalHit: so much worse

GetOffTheMountain: Acknowledged


The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild has entered The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: Get sent to do a berry pick up, catch a pokemon

TheAwaitedChild: @BullInAChinaShop You’re Grass/Fairy right???

BullInAChinaShop: I am

TheAwaitedChild has sent HappyBirb

BullInAChinaShop: A Rowlet!! It does look very happy!! As do you!!

TheAwaitedChild: I helped it save its friends from some stupid people and it decided it wanted to come with me!!!

TheAwaitedChild: Rotom can’t believe it. Still took the photo for me though!

Necromancer: Rotom? The electric ghost annoyance?

TheAwaitedChild: One of my human uncles—the one I’m living with right now!!—got me a special pokedex for it and now it keeps trying to hack into the chat app I use to communicate with you guys because otherwise my brain would overload

CloneMa: Oh worm.

CloneMa: If I get a phone will you put the app on it for me?

TheAwaitedChild: Sure!! As long as the Kapu don’t mind you swinging by

DesignatedHealer: We don’t mind, feel free Cousin.

CloneMa: Now to acquire a phone.

CloneMa has left The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: Anyways, said human uncle is taking me to visit Kahuna Hala tomorrow

TheAwaitedChild: I claimed a need for spiritual advice

TheAwaitedChild: But in fact I just want to punch a dad in the face until he talks to me @HereComesThe

DesignatedHealer: I mean I’d say that’s a pretty spiritual pursuit.

Necromancer: I concur.

BullInAChinaShop: You should come visit, I’m lonely and so is my Kahuna because he’s a bitter old man

Necromancer: Bulu calling out his own chosen Kahuna like what

BullInAChinaShop: He is the best! But he is also depressed by the experiences that have brought him to this point.

BullInAChinaShop: He is only really talking to his niece, because she forces him, his co-workers, because they require instruction, and his many many many Meowths.

TheAwaitedChild: He likes cat pokemon?

BullInAChinaShop: Indeed.


TheAwaitedChild: @ZiggyZiggyTail @NotAnUnown @CrystalCrown


TheAwaitedChild: @Grandma

TheAwaitedChild: Who wants to help me cure a man’s depression

BullInAChinaShop: I occasionally forget that Entei, Raikou, and Suicune are feline like.

NotAnUnown: That is mostly Suicune and his antlers’ fault

NotAnUnown: Though some people call us dogs.

NotAnUnown: How they can when Raikou is in our number, I don’t know.

BullInAChinaShop: And I am terrified of calling on Mew.

Grandma: G o o d

Grandma: And of course I’ll help Satoshi!!

Grandma: And wait, isn’t Zeraora feline too???

BullInAChinaShop: I am terrified of Zeraora almost as much as I am of you

ThunderCatMark3: Good.

ThunderCatMark3: I’ll also help, because Bulu is afraid of me and it’s funny

TheAwaitedChild: Can we manage tonight? I don’t really want to go to sleep.

Grandma: Satoshi that is bad for you but also we probably can

Grandma: I’ll pop an aura sphere in you to make sure you’re ready for tomorrow.

Grandma: I’ll start gathering everyone.

TheAwaitedChild: Is it considered a field trip if it’s with family?

OhDeer: It is if you want it to be but I’d consider it more of an errand

TheAwaitedChild: Oh my gods that’s even better

TheAwaitedChild: I can be nonchalant.


Alola You Fricks

LegendBait has entered Alola You Fricks Alola!

LegendBait: I’m going to Ula’Ula on an errand does anyone want anything

FlameOn: Why do I get the suspicion that something evoking your chat name is happening

LegendBait: When Kapu-Bulu asks you to cure a man’s depression, do you say no?

LegendBait: Or do you round up as many feline-leaning legendaries as possible and go on an errand two islands away?


FlameOn: Can I come?


LegendBait: I mean I can ask?

IdRatherEatDirt: There’s a type of root there that you can buy in the grocery store if it’s not closed when you get there. I’ll pay you back. It’s large and red, you can’t miss it.

LegendBait: Okay! @ZapBolt @IcyBean @BubbleOrBust Y’all want anything

IcyBean: I want to know what I just read

LegendBait: Which part

BubbleOrBust: I think she means the Y’all part

IcyBean: Yes. That part. What does it mean.

BubbleOrBust: You all. Also @LegendBait I want doritos.


IcyBean: why

ZapBolt: Can you pick up a component from my cousin? He works at the observatory

LegendBait: Yeah message him to be on the lookout for


LegendBait: A pikachu, if pikachu can carry it. If not he’s gonna get a whole lot of legendaries in his house.

LegendBait: Also @FlameOn You can come!!

ZapBolt: Pikachu can carry it!

LegendBait: Great!!!!

LegendBait: @FlameOn Mew’s gonna teleport you so be careful

FlameOn: MEW??? Okapoiihrppf

ROTOMDEX has entered Alola You Fricks


Chapter Text

Alola You Fricks

LegendBait: @BubbleOrBust Meet us at Mallow’s place for your damn doritos that I had to fight a thug for the rights to. Also @ZapBolt we have the component thingy.

BubbleOrBust: what

LegendBait: DO RIT OS

BubbleOrBust: I meant the thug

LegendBait: IDK he said his name was Guzma

CriticalHit has logged into Alola You Fricks He’s worried folks!

CriticalHit: You know, normally I just let Sophocles be the mod but

CriticalHit: Somehow Ash and Kiawe snuck away with legendaries to Ula’Ula and cured Nanu’s freaking depression to the point where the Leaders of Alola chat is freaking out

CriticalHit: I could have handled that

CriticalHit: But then I find out that you met Guzma? And fought him? For corn chips?

LegendBait: Yeah I punched him in the gut and threw the dorito bag to Kiawe so he could pay

CriticalHit: not even a pokemon battle

CriticalHit: you literally fist fought him

LegendBait: Yee



CriticalHit: I’m telling your parents.

LegendBait: well I’m fucked

CriticalHit: Language

LegendBait: Galarian, for their sins.

LegendBait: @IdRatherEatDirt Open Up We Have The GOODS

CriticalHit: Also, @FlameOn Your Parents Are Aware Of Your Involvement because your mom was allowed to continue using your grandfather’s account, seeing as she’s a very important leader on Akala to the point of being Olivia’s second in command

FlameOn: Mallow I’m staying at your house tonight

IdRatherEatDirt: That’s fair, your mom scares me.

FlameOn: Probably good for your health


IdRatherEatDirt: @FlameOn @LegendBait how did you guys get such a big one of these

FlameOn: Believe It Or Not

FlameOn: Kapu-Bulu gave it to us as a reward

LegendBait: As thanks

FlameOn: I

LegendBait: He was very happy to meet you. He misses human company sometimes so having two of us show up and help one of his favorite humans and play around a little with him was great.

FlameOn: Ash you are terrifying.

LegendBait: Probably good for your health

CriticalHit: I hate all of you

LegendBait: I have been here less than a week and I can see that is a LIE

LegendBait: Mallow made us food come get some

CriticalHit: I’m still telling your parents

LegendBait: It’s like midnight please eat I know you didn’t eat dinner you workaholic

CriticalHit: I’m on my way. I put Rotom on his charger because he was throwing a temper tantrum.


Family Chat

TheMomther: Satoshi Gris Ketchum-Sycamore

RunForTheMountains has fled Family Chat Run boy run!

TheMomther: You got in a fist fight with a grown man? On a school night?

LegendBait has entered Family Chat Be afraid, be very afraid.

LegendBait: In my defense, they were the last bag of doritos and Lana has made mention of feeding me to a Sharpedo once already this week

CriticalHit: Classic Lana

CriticalHit: Also in his defense, Guzma’s an asshole, runs the regional gang, and is one of my childhood best friends

LegendBait: Not past tense?

CriticalHit: His second in command calls me to scold him for doing dumb shit all the time

LegendBait: Ah, you were the Kasumi of the group.

GrowYourOwnDad: I have met Kasumi exactly once and can say

GrowYourOwnDad: yes

GrowYourOwnDad: Argumentative, good at holding grudges, somehow intelligent despite the amount of brain damage taken, super into Pokemon, protective

CriticalHit: I came here to have a good time but honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now

RunForTheMountains has returned to Family Chat

RunForTheMountains: I have returned not only to say that Dad is right

RunForTheMountains: But also to say that Green says Dad is right

RunForTheMountains: And when we described Kasumi to Hapu she also agreed Dad is right.

TheMomther: When is Hapu getting in the family chat

RunForTheMountains: When she turns ten, even though we’re technically not old enough to be her parents

LegendBait: ???

RunForTheMountains: Oh yeah you haven’t come to Poni yet. Hapu is the granddaughter of the former Kahuna over here. She’s too powerful a trainer of the pokemon her grandfather left her for her family to handle so they signed custody over to Green and I and said “Sofu told us this day would come”

RunForTheMountains: We’re really just seeing to her safety and teaching her battling stuff, while making sure she ACTUALLY spends time with her actual family for both cultural, spiritual, and developmental reasons

RunForTheMountains: She really just wanted to become a hermit smh

LegendBait: Why do I get the feeling I’m going to get my ass whooped by a nine year old

CriticalHit: Oh hey guys Plumeria (Guzma’s second in command) sent me a video of Satoshi taking out Guzma

LegendBait: Does she know I’m your nephew? Or your student?

CriticalHit: No, she just asked to make sure it sunk in to let children take the last doritos bag by making memes out of it

LegendBait: I also want The Memes

CriticalHit: I’ll make them while you talk to Hala

CriticalHit: Are you up for that still? You were up all night

LegendBait: Mew hit me with an aura sphere and I got a full night’s sleep worth of energy

LegendBait: Can’t wait to learn how to do that to myself.

CriticalHit: ????

RunForTheMountains: You should convince Riley he needs to take a vacation and also teach you things

LegendBait: I always forget you’ve met Riley

LegendBait: I’ll like message him next week???

LegendBait: Maybe he can come to Kalos first and come with everyone for the Family Day presentation then stay after

CriticalHit: Could be useful

CriticalHit: Ready to go to Kahuna Hala’s?

LegendBait: Is what I wear to school a good enough outfit?

CriticalHit: Yeah, none of the Kahunas are real formal right now. Sofu and Kiawe’s grandfather were big into ceremonial dress

GrowYourOwnDad: Let us know about Riley sooner rather than later because we’ll have to add him to our group. Me, your Mom, Barrierd, Alain, and Momi so far.

CriticalHit: I love you find out my mother is coming back to Alola before I do

GrowYourOwnDad: In my defense, she showed up to say hello, found out about the presentation, then decided to stay in Kalos longer before coming home.

GrowYourOwnDad: Also she’s over my shoulder right now and says she emailed you about this AND that everyone is staying at her house.

GrowYourOwnDad: Including you.

CriticalHit: ; - ;

GrowYourOwnDad has sent a video: IDon’tCareHowMuchHe’sFixedUpTheBeachShack

LegendBait: Shall we goooo

CriticalHit: YES.

ROTOMDEX: I have been removed from charging and found much information that I missed while doing so

ROTOMDEX: Don’t leave without meeeeee!!


The Legendarium

HereComesThe: I knew it was coming

HereComesThe: He said as much

HereComesThe: I said where I’d be

HereComesThe: And yet I’m still panicking

HereComesThe: I’ve never been a part of his life before!!!

HereComesThe: The only humans I’ve ever really been around are my Kahunas or those I’m inspecting to possibly get that position

HereComesThe: Shit he’s here

HereComesThe: Hala and his grandson are greeting him and that professor

HereComesThe: He’s definitely noticed me

HereComesThe: And Hau smiles and he melts. Did not expect that.

Beastie: Hau is the grandson?

HereComesThe: Yeah, I’m thinking he’d be a good Kahuna after his grandfather passes

BullInAChinaShop: Doesn’t Hau also have a Rowlet?

HereComesThe: It’s evolved into a Dartrix but yeah

HereComesThe: Wait also?

BullInAChinaShop: Satoshi caught one yesterday

HereComesThe: …

DesignatedHealer: Hau also has an Alolan Raichu

HereComesThe: Okay I get it I get it y’all ship it

HereComesThe: Oh shit Hala’s taking him to the Ruins???

HereComesThe: Hala’s gonna watch me get wiped out by mine own kid and laugh at me ;-;

DesignatedHealer: Okay both you and @Necromancer need to be happy you don’t have Olivia because if I had a kid to freak out over she would be the most motherly person ever

Necromancer: Bold of you to assume she won’t mother Satoshi when she meets him.

BullInAChinaShop: @HereComesThe You okay?

HereComesThe: He did it. He punched me in the face. Hala is ROLLING.

Beastie: Hug your damn kid

HereComesThe: Our kid

Beastie: Don’t remind me. It would be so much better if he was ONLY mine.

TheAwaitedChild has entered The Legendarium And he has company!

TheAwaitedChild: Hala’s reading this over my shoulder FYI

TheAwaitedChild: He is practically vibrating with questions but is being very respectful so you made one good choice in your long life @HereComesThe


TheAwaitedChild: Hala is laughing at me as much as Dad

TheAwaitedChild: I’m gonna have Hala teach me the Alolan word for Dad

HereComesThe: NO WAIT

DesignatedHealer: Look, Satoshi, we get it, we get it. You see a boy that ticks all the right boxes when you’re about to go into a tense situation and you just kinda

DesignatedHealer: Imprint. Like a baby psyduck.

TheAwaitedChild: I resent so much of that.

TheAwaitedChild: I have a bad makuakāne. And a bad `anake.



Necromancer: Honestly it’s like you got the best versions of both your legendads

TheAwaitedChild: Hala just asked if you were Kapu-Rehire and I realized I hadn’t clarified yet

Necromancer: Yes I am.

TheAwaitedChild: Congrats, you are my favorite aunt after Deoxys.

AdoptedAlienAunt: <3 <3 <3

Necromancer: I can respect that.

TheAwaitedChild: But thanks to all of you Hala is now questioning my Intentions

TheAwaitedChild has fled The Legendarium


Chapter Text

Alola You Fricks

FlameOn: Egg

IdRatherEatDirt: Egg

BubbleOrBust: Egg

ZapBolt: Egg

LegendBait: Tamago

LegendBait: Oeuf

FlameOn: Ash what

LegendBait: Kantonese/Johtonese word for egg and Kalosian word for egg respectively.

IcyBean: I hate

IcyBean: Well I don’t hate any of you

IcyBean: Except maybe Mallow for both suggesting this and not being able to come home with me as promised

LegendBait: Are you sure you’re going to be okay Lillie?

IcyBean: Of course! It’s perfectly logical for me to be okay.

LegendBait: Do you want me to come home with you to help?


IcyBean: Yes please

LegendBait: *thumbs up*

IdRatherEatDirt: Hey Ash I heard you met Hau

LegendBait: From Whoms’t

IdRatherEatDirt: Hau

LegendBait: damn I can’t hit anyone then

LegendBait: Mallow it is silent study hour please stop making that face

IdRatherEatDirt: You made an impression

LegendBait: I tend to do that

LegendBait: Just look at my presence in this group chat

LegendBait: And my friendship with Kiawe

FlameOn: He has a point

IdRatherEatDirt: @ZapBolt make me a Mod real quick

ZapBolt: I feel like I should refuse but

Mod ZapBolt has given IdRatherEatDirt Mod Powers for One Hour

IdRatherEatDirt: Only an hour?

ZapBolt: I don’t trust you longer than that

IdRatherEatDirt: Fair

Mod IdRatherEatDirt has added User PsychicBean to Alola You Fricks

LegendBait: MALLOW

PsychicBean has joined Alola You Fricks

LegendBait has fled Alola You Fricks

PyschicBean: ???

IdRatherEatDirt: That did not work the way I thought it would

PsychicBean: ???????????

CriticalHit has entered Alola You Fricks

Mod CriticalHit has taken Mod Powers away from IdRatherEatDirt

Mod CriticalHit has muted IdRatherEatDirt for Three Hours

CriticalHit: Hi Hau, don’t panic, just remember that everyone else in here is supposed to be studying.

PsychicBean: Okay Professor

CriticalHit: Now if you excuse me I have to go stop Ash from doing something stupid

CriticalHit has left Alola You Fricks

PsychicBean: Wait is LegendBait Ash?

FlameOn: Yeah

PsychicBean: @IdRatherEatDirt I’m going to hang you upside down from a tree in the forest by your toes

PsychicBean has left Alola You Fricks

IcyBean: Wow I’ve never seen Mallow mess up that badly…


The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild has entered The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: Anyone who wants to say anything about Hau I will end you.

UwU: Duwu uwu wawnt tuwu take a vacation?

TheAwaitedChild: I’m on a vacation, barely, so no dimensional rifts plz @GenieInAHulaHoop that means you too

AUSunSon: Yikes, do you want to talk about it kiddo?

TheAwaitedChild: The dimensional rifts or Hau?

AUMoonDaughter: Whatever you want kiddo


TheAwaitedChild: …I wanna talk about Hau…

TheAwaitedChild: Kinda.

TheAwaitedChild: So like. A friend

TheAwaitedChild: A classmate of mine decided to tease me about meeting Hau for some reason???

TheAwaitedChild: And then she added him to our group chat when it was kind of clear I was not okay with even talking about him? I don’t even know if she asked him

TheAwaitedChild: And then he actually joined and I just logged off but I kinda kept looking and nearly had a panic attack in my uncle’s school office under his office couch

TheAwaitedChild: I’m on top of the couch now and he’s bringing her in so she can apologize. And like, what do I say when she asks why I reacted like that? What if she thinks I hate him?

TheAwaitedChild: How can I say that I like him but that we’re sixteen and I have a life and even if I like him maybe I don’t want a relationship?

AUEmoChild: Maybe just say that? That you like him but you don’t really want a relationship on top of everything else? Or that you don’t know if you want a relationship on top of everything else?

TheAwaitedChild: That’s

TheAwaitedChild: That’s really good advice for someone labelled an Emo

AUEmoChild: I am what I am

TheAwaitedChild: Okay, she’s here. TTYL.

TheAwaitedChild has left The Legendarium.


PM From LegendBait to PsychicBean

LegendBait: Hey Hau? I just talked to Mallow

LegendBait: She apologized to me and I forgave her for throwing me in but like

LegendBait: She did say she hadn’t told you I was in that chat so I haven’t forgiven her for that :)

LegendBait: So I thought you should know she’s working right after class today at the Café and none of us are going to be there

PsychicBean: Thanks Ash

PsychicBean: I’m not as angry as I was earlier but I’m still going to give her a piece of my mind

PsychicBean: See you soon?

LegendBait: When are you making more poi?

PsychicBean: Glutton.

PsychicBean: I’ll let you know.

LegendBait: Awesome, I’m heading to Lillie’s to help get the Egg situated.

PsychicBean: Haha hua

LegendBait: <3


LegendBait: Anyways, bye.


Alola You Fricks

LegendBait: So today! Lillie touched an egg, I battled her butler, Mallow got chewed out by at least three people, and I learned a new word in Alolan

ZapBolt: Lillie touched the egg!!!

FlameOn: What’s the new word Ash

LegendBait: hua

FlameOn: ofc

ZapBolt: ?

IcyBean: ?

BubbleOrBust: Oh that’s funny

IdRatherEatDirt: Who taught you that?

LegendBait: @PsychicBean did! After I told him where you were going to be after school :)

IdRatherEatDirt: I’m going to withhold food from you for like a week

PsychicBean has logged onto Alola You Fricks

PsychicBean: Hey @LegendBait do you and @CriticalHit just want me to bring over a big bowl just for you two + pokemon instead of having to come over

LegendBait: Yes and I will also come over because Mallow is RUDE

PsychicBean: We’re really testing out the “can Ash live on only poi” question this week aren’t we

IdRatherEatDirt: wait what

LegendBait: The vote was taken and the results came out that Hau makes the best poi on Melemele if not in all of Alola

IdRatherEatDirt: You’ve never eaten my poi

LegendBait: I can eat Hau’s instead???? It’s better than Momi Kukui’s???

CriticalHit has entered Alola You Fricks

CriticalHit: Ash is right and yes we would love a big bowl of poi Hau

CriticalHit has left Alola You Fricks


IdRatherEatDirt: RUDE


Chapter Text

The Sin Bin

TheFlameCoordinator: Riley I swear to

TheFlameCoordinator: Motherfucking

TheFlameCoordinator: ARCEUS

LegendBait has entered The Sin Bin


LegendBait: I don’t check this for a week and this is what happens

TheAuroraCoordinator: In our defense

TheAuroraCoordinator: @CHOMP changed the name

TheAuroraCoordinator: And @FiteMeOak has been trying to get Riley to use his Aura on E V E R Y T H I N G

CHOMP: Calling us out in front of the Legendary Whisperer, Dawn. Smh

FiteMeOak: Ash can you tell Oak my next paper will be out next week

LegendBait: I’m not in Kanto, Professor Rowan

SmellYaLater: I literally told you this ten times Professor

FiteMeOak: I thought he might be back by now!

FiteMeOak: What about your brother

LegendBait: 1. Red is mute and you know this

FiteMeOak: He’s fantastic at Pictionary

LegendBait: Okay fair

LegendBait: And 2. He is also in the region I am in

LegendBait: @IllCutYou are you okay

LegendBait: Why is that your handle

IllCutYou: It’s been a stressful week

LegendBait: Gary you were supposed to be supervising


SmellYaLater: Professor Rowan put my phone on top of a cabinet (which is why I haven’t been in the OG chat either)

SmellYaLater: And Riley just got it down for me today

SmellYaLater: And I love him for that

IllCutYou: You love me for a lot of things

SmellYaLater: You’re my tol, I’m your smol <shrug emoji>

LegendBait: The Most Wholesome relationship dynamic

LegendBait: Oh hey since I forgot you guys were dating

SmellYaLater: I hate you

LegendBait: No you don’t

LegendBait: I was going to just invite Riley because he needs a vacation

LegendBait: And I need aura training <upside down smiley emoji>

LegendBait: But you should BOTH join the family when they come to Alola next month

FiteMeOak: Is Oak going to be there

LegendBait: Both Green and Samson Oak will be there but Samuel Oak will not

FiteMeOak: You can go Gary

SmellYaLater: y e s

SmellYaLater: Babe we get to swim in the ocean and not die

IllCutYou: n i c e

IllCutYou: But I own nothing for warm weather. I left everything in Pallet Town last time we went to Kanto.

LegendBait: Mom and Dad will buy you some stuff. Everyone is meeting in Kalos before joining me + Green/Red in Alola

LegendBait: Gary are you aware we have a niece

SmellYaLater: I’m sorry???? What???

LegendBait: Oh good, I’m not the last to know

LegendBait: Oh gosh does Daisy know?

SmellYaLater: Let me go check our family chat

SmellYaLater has left The Sin Bin

LegendBait: Now @CHOMP why did you feel the need to change the chat name

CHOMP: It felt fitting, since the two relationships were being gushy, despite Gary not having his phone

CHOMP: There were so many selfies


LegendBait: Not a valid excuse

CHOMP: Can I come to Alola too?

LegendBait: You’re the Champion???

CHOMP: It’ll be like Unova


CHOMP: That’s fair, I walked into that

CHOMP: But I’ve been meaning to talk to your dad about our Garchomp.

TheAuroraCoordinator: Ash has a dad

TheFlameCoordinator: Ash has a dad

IllCutYou: Ash has a dad

LegendBait: I just said that both of my parents will be meeting Riley and Gary in Kalos???

LegendBait: And @CHOMP you just want a Garchompite

CHOMP: Yeees?

CHOMP: Anyways, his dad is Professor Augustine Sycamore of the Kalos Region!

LegendBait: Rude, I was going to tell them

CHOMP: And his full name is Satoshi “Ash” Gris Ketchum-Sycamore

LegendBait: I’m going to tell Dad to not give you anything mega-evolution related

LegendBait: Even one of his pamphlets.


CHOMP: I probably deserve this

FiteMeOak: You do, you do.

LegendBait: @IllCutYou I’ll tell Dad to get you and Gary on the docket and we’ll coordinate later

LegendBait: @Everyone clean this place up

LegendBait has left The Sin Bin


Alola Family Chat

LegendBait has created Alola Family Chat

LegendBait has added RunForTheMountains, GetOffTheMountain, and CriticalHit to Alola Family Chat

RunForTheMountains, GetOffTheMountain, and CriticalHit have entered Alola Family Chat

LegendBait: This is mainly because I don’t want to spam the Family Chat

LegendBait: And also to Plan

GetOffTheMountain: Shigeru is coming with Riley and your family

LegendBait: Why have we not merged our respective family chats by now

RunForTheMountains: The Oak family chat is memes and screaming.

RunForTheMountains: Guess who is who

LegendBait: Memes – Professor Oak and Principal Oak. Screaming – Green, Shigeru, and Nanami. Exhaustion – you and Matsuba.

RunForTheMountains: How did you get all of that right

LegendBait: How is Matsuba doing being married to an Oak? I haven’t seen him since the wedding

CriticalHit: Matsuba?

GetOffTheMountain: Matsuba, aka Morty, is the gym leader in Ecruteak City in Johto and he married my older sister Nanami “Daisy” Oak, who is a pokemon groomer/empath. They fit pretty well since Matsuba is a ghost type leader + seer

GetOffTheMountain: And they’re expecting a baby!

LegendBait: And somehow you beat them

GetOffTheMountain: Hapu is not our child

RunForTheMountains: She kinda is but kinda isn’t

RunForTheMountains: Legally she is and we are responsible for her well being

RunForTheMountains: and you are very attached to her

RunForTheMountains: But we’re honestly more like uncles to her family wise

CriticalHit: On the last video talk she called you guys her makuakāne when she walked in

GetOffTheMountain: …Why do I feel like I should know what that word means, consider she does call us that all the time.

LegendBait: It means Dad in Alolan


GetOffTheMountain: I need to go lie down

GetOffTheMountain has left Alola Family Chat

LegendBait: Wow I have a niece

LegendBait: I’m an ʻanakala

CriticalHit: Did Hala teach you all this

LegendBait: Yes

LegendBait: Wow that was a big ass sigh from downstairs

CriticalHit: So what’s the plan for when everyone gets here?

LegendBait: Well first we should probably clean the actual real life house we don’t use

LegendBait: So your mom doesn’t murder you

CriticalHit: This is true

LegendBait: And we’ll have to do a big grocery run before everyone gets in from Kalos

LegendBait: Let’s see… 3 from Poni, us, Mom, Dad, Alain, your mom, Riley, and Shigeru. And maybe Cynthia if she manages to sneasel her way in. 10-11 people.

LegendBait: Can we all fit? I mean I know that there are three couples in that mix but Shigeru and Riley shouldn’t be allowed to sleep in the same room. I’ll probably have to claim best friend privileges and stay with him or there will be sneaking.

LegendBait: That will likely end with Riley aura-blasting him out for waking him up.

CriticalHit: Do you want to invite Hau


LegendBait: I hate you

CriticalHit: I’m going to take that as a yes.

LegendBait: …I’m going to do horribly on this presentation because of you

RunForTheMountains: Hau? Kahuna Hala’s grandson?

LegendBait: ….Okay! So I just got a message from the cleansed Sinnoh GC

CriticalHit: Cleansed?

LegendBait: I left it for a week while I freaked out about everything, like the other regional GCs, and when I returned it was…bad.

LegendBait: Anyways, Cynthia says she’s just going to take everyone? Professor Rowan wants to meet you?

CriticalHit: 1 (one) fear

CriticalHit: Being asked about my research by one of the three actually respectable professors

CriticalHit: How many more people is that?

LegendBait: One more couple that should be separated, Cynthia, and Professor Rowan. So, four more people. And they are detouring through Kalos to adjust to weather.

CriticalHit: Fourteen people can actually fit comfortably inside the house. Remind them all of the one Pokemon each rule.

LegendBait: Got it Chief

LegendBait: Why don’t we live there again?

CriticalHit: Mom would kill me if all the damage that happens here happened at her house.

LegendBait: Valid

CriticalHit: And why are we letting all of them stay with us?

LegendBait: Cynthia is Chaotic Chaotic, Rowan is Chaotic Curious, and Dawn and Zoey are Chaotic Lesbians

LegendBait: Alola will not survive if they are not supervised


CriticalHit: Okay then, we should clean the house this weekend.

LegendBait: Cool

LegendBait: Oh shit

LegendBait: Professor Kukui DO NOT COME OUTSIDE

CriticalHit: What did you do


Our Poor Brains

CloneMa: This is so much better

CloneMa: Thank you Satoshi

TheAwaitedChild: You’re welcome!

TheAwaitedChild: How’s everyone else on here?

XJ9: I’m doing very well!

GlitchGaveLanguage: your life is very strange

LearnedtheLanguage: I really wish I had the ability to use a phone because I’d be with MewTwo right now. Why did I do this?

TheAwaitedChild: Because a ton of people in Unova thought you were a legendary so you thought What The Distortion Realm, Might As Well!

LearnedtheLanguage: You’re right and I am filled with hubris.

AdoptedAlienAunt: Poor babies.

CloneMa: Why must you only use normal speaking with us?

AdoptedAlienAunt: You don’t deserve any more language based trauma in this chat?

CloneMa: I’d believe it if you weren’t you.

AdoptedAlienAunt: :)

TheAwaitedChild: Okay I have to go explain MewTwo to my human uncle.

TheAwaitedChild: Baiii~

TheAwaitedChild has left Our Poor Brains


PM From CriticalHit to RunForTheMountains

CriticalHit: Whoever cloned Mew and did all those things to that poor cloned pokemon

CriticalHit: I want to kill them

RunForTheMountains: It’s a feeling many of us share, about Giovanni.

RunForTheMountains: If he shows up, I’ll help you do it.

RunForTheMountains: and I take it that Satoshi’s thing at the end of the Alola Family Chat was because MewTwo showed up?

CriticalHit: Yeah he was helping him with something to decrease psychic workload?

RunForTheMountains: I worry about him a lot. Sometimes it’s like he’s from a whole other world.


PM From LegendBait to PsychicBean

LegendBait: Hey can I come over

PsychicBean: Yeah

PsychicBean: Why?

LegendBait: The professor is doing a human impression of the blue screen of death and I’m a bit overstimulated to be dealing with all of the pokemon by myself

PsychicBean: So you’re coming to an active dojo during after-dinner cool down exercises and sparring?

LegendBait: hnnnn you’re right

LegendBait: Maybe I’ll go sleep on the beach

PsychicBean: It’s going to rain tonight

LegendBait: ah yeah, I think Rotom was saying something about that

PsychicBean: …Meet me at the Ruins, I’ll bring sleeping bags and food.

LegendBait: That sounds nice


Chapter Text

Alola ‘Oe

DesignatedHealer has added TheAwaitedChild to Alola ‘Oe

DesignatedHealer: So how was last night?

TheAwaitedChild: ??

DesignatedHealer: Last we heard from @HereComesThe you were having a sleepover in the Ruins of Conflict


TheAwaitedChild: Well my friend and I saw the mural that was on the ceiling of the Temple

BullInAChinaShop: cH OKe

BullInAChinaShop: How did you see the Temple???

TheAwaitedChild: It just happens?? First time I entered the Ruins was the first time and this time Hau had just got me to stop dissociating.

DesignatedHealer: I

DesignatedHealer: Aura maybe????

TheAwaitedChild: Hau saw it this time too

TheAwaitedChild: He’s the one who saw the mural first

HereComesThe has entered Alola ‘Oe

HereComesThe: 1. I should never have told you all that they were having a sleepover, nothing happened

HereComesThe: 2. I have no clue why my child can see/activate the Temple but I’m guessing he can with yours too. I saw it the first time he entered, too.

HereComesThe: 2.5. I’m not answering any questions about the mural

TheAwaitedChild: Didn’t have any but okay

HereComesThe: and 3. Satoshi you and Hau are having your first trial with a Totem pokemon today, have fun stay safe

HereComesThe: oh and 4. I’m not explaining how Hau could see it that time but Hala didn’t the first time because I don’t know

TheAwaitedChild: What

HereComesThe has muted TheAwaitedChild for 48 hours

HereComesThe: Don’t at him you assholes


Alola You Fricks

PsychicBean: What is this place

IdRatherEatDirt: It’s our classroom

BubbleOrBust: I thought you weren’t enrolled here because Hala and the other Kahunas teach you

PsychicBean: That is the case yes

LegendBait: Huh

BubbleOrBust: Then why are you here?

PsychicBean: Tutu is setting Ash and I up for a trial

IcyBean: Oh?

LegendBait: Yeah we have to figure out how to deal with the sudden Rattata and Raticate population explosion without battling every single one of them

ZapBolt: Huh

FlameOn: This has to have happened before, right? Populations ebb and flow all the time based on the number of predators, prey, and resources

FlameOn: Why are you all giving me starry eyes

ROTOMDEX: When Rattata and Raticate first were brought to Alola on ships from Kanto, they caused much damage, so Yungoos and Gumshoos were brought in to combat them, as a natural predator to them.

LegendBait: So we need to find some of those pokemon?

PsychicBean: We should probably tell Tutu first

CriticalHit has entered Alola You Fricks

CriticalHit: You can do that, Ash has class right now

PsychicBean: Kay!





IdRatherEatDirt: um

CriticalHit: What are you two

CriticalHit: Oh Pikachu and Raichu are doing it too

CriticalHit: Have you two literally picked up Raichu line greeting rituals?

PsychicBean: Bye guys!

PsychicBean has left Alola You Fricks

LegendBait: @CriticalHit don’t do it


CriticalHit has fled Alola You Fricks


Family Chat

CriticalHit has entered Family Chat

CriticalHit: @TheMomther @GrowYourOwnDad

CriticalHit: Has Satoshi ever enacted Raichu line greeting rituals with anyone besides Pikachu

TheMomther: Any actual language there?

GrowYourOwnDad: I think he’s asking if Satoshi ever rubs cheeks with anyone in greeting

TheMomther: Not that I know of. Let me check with his friends.

GrowYourOwnDad: Why did this come up?

CriticalHit: He does it with Hau???

DragonFite: I’m sorry, my nephew is doing what???

DragonFite: I need pictures for the purposes of showing


LegendBait has entered Family Chat

LegendBait: I hope you’re happy @CriticalHit

CriticalHit: Oh I very much a

CriticalHit: You told them my first name?

LegendBait: I can reasonably argue that I learned it from Hala

LegendBait: Because that’s all he calls you :)

CriticalHit: I have made a mistake

LegendBait: No shit, ʻanakala

GetOffTheMountain: Wow, this is my boss everyone

MegaMistake: I can’t wait to exploit this

LegendBait: Oh hey @TheMomther did Riley and Shigeru get ahold of you

TheMomther: Yes

TheMomther: And your other friends say you’ve never exhibited Pikachu like behavior

TheMomther: Even, and I quote, “that one time”

TheMomther: Anything you’d like to tell us?

LegendBait: It’s a Z-Move thing

CriticalHit: It is NOT

LegendBait: You study normal moves not Z-Moves how would you know

CriticalHit: I came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now

TheMomther: That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about pokemon-trainer relations to dispute it. Augustine?

GrowYourOwnDad: After Greninja I also can’t dispute it.

LegendBait: I’m very special

RunForTheMountains: Yeah you got all of the vocal chords and I got all of the brain cells

LegendBait: And then you lost most of them from concussions

GetOffTheMountain: I have the best brother-in-law in the world

RunForTheMountains: I have been turned on

LegendBait: :)

LegendBait: Just wait until me, Alain, and Shigeru are all here

RunForTheMountains: Such a great season to climb Mount Lanakila

GetOffTheMountain: I will tie you to the bed

TheMomther: Keep your bedroom activities out of the family chat, Green.

TheMomther: But feel free

GrowYourOwnDad: @CriticalHit I blame you for all of this. Actually, numerous parts of this.

CriticalHit: I’ve made some mistakes, obviously.

MegaMistake: It seems to be a family trait honestly

CriticalHit: You’re honestly right


Alola You Fricks

LegendBait: So we fought the Totem Gumshoos

PsychicBean: And it gave us both Normalium-Z!

LegendBait: And agreed to help with the Rattata and Raticate problem!!!

FlameOn: I saw

IcyBean: You did?

FlameOn: Deliveries

PsychicBean: So now we’re facing Tutu for a grand trial. Ash is going to go first because I live with him and can do it any time. But Ash is supposed to being going to the Ruins to pray right now!!! Go!!!

LegendBait: I’M GOING

ZapBolt: Will you video it @PsychicBean

ZapBolt: Since we can’t be there

PsychicBean: <thumbs up emoji>

PsychicBean has sent a video TheChallengers

BubbleorBust: A Crawbrawler!

IcyBean: Isn’t Hariyama going a little too far

PsychicBean has sent a video RowletForMVP

IdRatherEatDirt: Holy shit, go for the sweep little buddy!

PsychicBean has sent a video NapTime

IdRatherEatDirt: Awww

PsychicBean has sent a video HereComesTheBoom

FlameOn: WOW

ZapBolt: That was amazing

LegendBait: I’m back!

LegendBait: Oh you videoed it!!


LegendBait: I suddenly have a new understanding of someone’s user handle

PsychicBean: ?

LegendBait: Nothing

LegendBait: Your grandpa is giving us a weird look

IdRatherEatDirt: Are you guys doing the Pikachu thing again?

LegendBait: I’m going home!! I must say goodbye!!

LegendBait: Oh btw Kahuna Hala was going to give me a Fightinium-Z but Kapu-Kokeku switched it out so I have Electrium-Z again!

LegendBait: Bye Hau!

PsychicBean: Bye Ash!


The Legendarium

DepressionComa: And that’s why I have to work with @UwU right now

TheAwaitedChild has entered The Legendarium

TheAwaitedChild: @HereComesThe @HereComesThe @HereComesThe


TheAwaitedChild: Also thanks for the Electrium-Z

TheAwaitedChild has left The Legendarium Get some rest sweetie!

Chapter Text

OG Friends Chat

LegendBait: I just remembered

LegendBait: Because he’s coming here in like a month I must tell

LegendBait: @SmellYaLater 1. Sorry I forgot it was your birthday the other day and didn’t tell you on the Sin No chat, Happy Belated Birthday. 2. There is a boy

LegendBait: There is nothing CONCRETE, but I like him

MermaidsDrownMen: Satoshi? Liking someone enough to warn Shigeru to not be a little bitch?

LegendBait: I feel I should be offended.

LegendBait: Considering the someone, I have decided to be offended.

RockSolid: I’m impressed by whoever this is

MermaidsDrownMen: Same. I want to meet him!

SmellYaLater: Well too bad because I get to meet him first

LegendBait: Not if I can help it.

SmellYaLater: I can change Riley’s chat name


LegendBait: 1. To What and 2. Can you make it permanent?

SmellYaLater: His name in my phone and yes


SketchIt: What is it?

LegendBait: Let’s just say that they have a wholesome relationship dynamic

LegendBait: It’s somewhat funny because Green is as tall as Riley and Red is like a hair shorter so they can somewhat claim it too, but it’s not as Effective

SmellYaLater: We are the more wholesome couple

LegendBait: Mom would agree, only because she’s never been around you guys together before.

LegendBait: She’s going to give someone a concussion in Kalos

SmellYaLater: I’m disturbed by both what this means for us and what this means about my brother and Red

LegendBait: :)

MermaidsDrownMen: Knowing Red and Green, suffer.

RockSolid: Yeah you guys didn’t have to deal with them during the time around Red being Champion + the Mount Silver episodes

LegendBait: Excuse me, I lived with them for a little while before the first Mount Silver episode because Mom and Barrierd went on vacation to the Orange Islands

SketchIt: Is that why you knew about the League there?

LegendBait: No but it’s why I knew about Professor Ivy!

SketchIt: Funky


Alola Family Chat

CriticalHit: @RunForTheMountains you said you guys would help us today

RunForTheMountains: Oh yeah I did

GetOffTheMountain: Don’t worry, I remembered you mentioning it. Our lunches are packed and Charizard is ready to take all three of us over

LegendBait: Mo-mi’s House! Mo-mi’s House!

RunForTheMountains: Have you done any maintenance since she left

CriticalHit: …

CriticalHit: I’ve been busy!

RunForTheMountains: This may take a few more days than the weekend.

GetOffTheMountain: We can stay come back next weekend

GetOffTheMountain: We’ll probably stay the whole week before they all get here anyways.

LegendBait: Nice

LegendBait: That you guys?

LegendBait: CHEEZ-IT

GetOffTheMountain: You greet the Charizard before us?

GetOffTheMountain: You named your brother’s Charizard Cheez-It

RunForTheMountains: He was three

RunForTheMountains: Charizard doesn’t respond to anything but it and “Charizard”

RunForTheMountains: How did you not know this

LegendBait: He’s just throwing his hands up, he’s not even signing

RunForTheMountains: Yeah he does this sometimes. It confuses Hapu because she thinks all of it is signing.



RunForTheMountains: I know!!

CriticalHit: Guys, let’s get to work. I don’t want to die.

LegendBait has posted BeforePicture


PM from PsychicBean to LegendBait

PsychicBean: There are three (3) Kantonian fighters here right now

PsychicBean: h e l p

LegendBait: We’re cleaning Momi’s house right now because she’s friends with my Dad and is coming back when all of my family comes into the region to watch me fail at a school thing

LegendBait: The most help I can offer is asking if you want to come help us clean


PsychicBean: I’ll Take It


Alola Family Chat

RunForTheMountains: um

GetOffTheMountain: oh my gosh they’re adorable

GetOffTheMountain: Were we ever that cute?

RunForTheMountains: I think we were too salty to be cute

RunForTheMountains: I now see why Professor Uncle Kukui had to ask tho. Wow y'all do that every time you greet and go?

LegendBait: I’m on this chat, you know

LegendBait: It's an effective non-vocal greeting method that allows us to display the affection we have for each other without any actually-together PDA

RunForTheMountains: Introduces Us To Your Boyfriend Satoshi

GetOffTheMountain: Introduces Us To Your Boyfriend Satoshi

LegendBait: He’s not my boyfriend, we’re not sure what we want to be. Not everyone is planning their wedding at the age of eleven @GetOffTheMountain

GetOffTheMountain: I dedicate my life to our lord and savior Giratina and this is the thanks I get?

CriticalHit: He literally got in the washing machine wow

CriticalHit: Hau is helping clean?

LegendBait: Yee

CriticalHit: Thank fuck

LegendBait: So is Raichu!

CriticalHit: Thank fuck

RunForTheMountains: Hapu is fascinated by him

LegendBait: He’s pretty fascinating

RunForTheMountains: That’s kinda gay Satoshi

LegendBait: Says the man married to his childhood best friend

RunForTheMountains: Well yeah, I speak from experience

LegendBait: Go get your husband out of the washing machine, I don’t think anyone helped him out of there


Johto-Kanto Alliance Chat

TheAwaitedChild: My mute older brother is somehow interrogating the guy I’m taking it slow with

TheAwaitedChild: Hau does not speak Kantonese or Johtonese sign language

TheAwaitedChild: @Hohoho what did you do

Hohoho: How do you know it was me?

TheAwaitedChild: You love Red more than you love your own children

ZiggyZiggyTail: He’s right

NotAnUnown: It’s okay though

CrystalCrown: We also love Red more than we love you.

Hohoho: Rude

Hohoho: I just thought it would be fun to set up a minor failsafe for him!

Hohoho: It’s an innate ability to be understood by any valid romantic interest you have

TheAwaitedChild: That’s fucking terrifying

TheAwaitedChild: Does he even realize this is a thing?

Beastie: Doubt

OneBlackCoffee: Probably not. You’ve never had any valid romantic interests before

TheAwaitedChild: There are some people who would like to argue with you about that but you’re not wrong

WCDONALDS: One person

FoodAtHome: No there was that guy remember


TheAwaitedChild: …?

WCDONALDS: From Sinnoh!

TheAwaitedChild: …Paul?

WCDONALDS: It’s such a meme of a name

TheAwaitedChild: This comes from one of a trio that chose their chat names off of the “Driving By A WcDonalds” triangle placement meme.

TheAwaitedChild: Specifically one that should definitely have bought me WcDonalds but never has

WCDONALDS: Give me like ten minutes

TheAwaitedChild: I DIDN’T MEAN NOW

FoodAtHome: Fool


Alola Family Chat

GetOffTheMountain: Satoshi why is Zaptos here with WcDonalds

LegendBait: Why are you blaming me? I have nothing to do with the legendary birds. Not since The Bad Time #2.

GetOffTheMountains: What about the panicked reaction that had you scrambling for the roof ten minutes ago

LegendBait: Oh hey it’s Unova WcDonalds with those special Zebstrika shaped nuggets and the special sauce



CriticalHit: Does someone want to tell me why Satoshi fell off of the roof and onto a giant lightning bird

CriticalHit: We already have one of those on the island, make it go away

RunForTheMountains: omfgs

RunForTheMountains: Are you okay? You look so dead

CriticalHit: I have inhaled so much SnovSol but the house is somewhat presentable

CriticalHit: Get the non-native Thunder Chicken out of our Region

LegendBait: hE'S LEAVING


PM from LegendBait to PsychicBean

LegendBait: Do you want some of these nuggets?

PsychicBean: Yes please!


Chapter Text

Alola You Fricks

CriticalHit has entered Alola You Fricks

CriticalHit: Hello Students! It is I, you’re exhausted and somewhat overwhelmed professor. I was going to go easy on you today while I get this research done and finish cleaning the Big House!

CriticalHit: However Ash is doing something cool so your assignment is to track him down, don’t interfere unless he asks for your help, and write a report about how what he’s doing relates to the types of training I’ve talked to you about. Due two days after he’s done!

CriticalHit: Have fun!

CriticalHit has left Alola You Fricks

IdRatherEatDirt: I

FlameOn: I’ll get on Charizard and see if I can spot him?

ZapBolt: I’ll use a program to try and find the most likely location for him to be

BubbleOrBust: I have a better idea

IcyBean: Oh?

BubbleOrBust: @PsychicBean where’s your boyfriend

PsychicBean has entered Alola You Fricks

PsychicBean: He’s not my boyfriend, and I don’t know.

PsychicBean has changed the title of this chat to Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean: If you make untrue claims, you’ll be conscripted for the cleaning of the Big House

PsychicBean: Like many of the dojo students <upside down smiley emoji>

PsychicBean: I will say that Kiawe has the best chance at finding him. Now if you’ll excuse me, Tutu is calling.

PsychicBean has left Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

FlameOn: Okay so my plan.

IdRatherEatDirt: How did he get Mod privileges? I’m the one who added him! I’m not even a mod!

ZapBolt: Either the professor or Ash made him one

ZapBolt: I have no clue how Ash is one either but the professor said he didn’t do it

ZapBolt: I can’t change the name back.

FlameOn: He’s just on the beach by the professor’s house btw.

BubbleOrBust: I’m going fishing while we do this


Alola ‘Oe

Necromancer: @TheAwaitedChild Satoshi sweetie can you take a message to Hapu for me?

TheAwaitedChild has entered Alola ‘Oe

TheAwaitedChild: I’m a little busy but none of my classmates are so I can get one of them to take it

TheAwaitedChild: Probably Kiawe he’s least likely to do something to offend her, but he'll still engage with her. Lana'd offend her outright, because her humor is just. Lana. Lillie'd be too stiff. Mallow wouldn't understand why it's important or would ask why it is important. Sophocles probably isn't moving from his calculations anytime soon.

TheAwaitedChild: So shoot

Necromancer: Please convey the message that she should meditate in the Ruins of Conflict today

TheAwaitedChild: Message being sent

TheAwaitedChild has left Alola ‘Oe

Necromancer: What is he doing anyways?

DesignatedHealer: From my view over here with my mixed drink, it looks like he’s doing intensive training with a wild pokemon.

HereComesThe: He is. He’s helping a wild Rockruff learn rock throw.

HereComesThe: @DesignatedHealer how many tourists have tripped over themselves to buy you another drink

DesignatedHealer: Enough that Olivia has joined me. Looking like a human is fucking hilarious.

DesignatedHealer: And these drinks are tasty.

HereComesThe: I’ve never seen the appeal tbh

BullInAChinaShop: You could hug your son without the shields being all there

HereComesThe: The shields can shield him

Necromancer: Kokeku being the overprotective parent

HereComesThe: Like you wouldn’t shove your child in your shell if you could


Necromancer: I came here to get a message to my future kahuna and here I am being attacked by MINE OWN BROTHER

Necromancer: RUDE

BullInAChinaShop: Wow I sure am happy to not be interested in romance, procreation, or children that aren’t related directly to me

DesignatedHealer: How long did it take you to figure out a combination that called all of us out

BullInAChinaShop: We’ve been together since our creation—it really wasn’t hard.


Family Chat

GrowYourOwnDad has added SmellYaLater and TolBabey to Family Chat

MegaMistake: So I neglected to mention something when Uncle Augustine took me in and I began to interact with the family

CriticalHit: The fact that you have a younger brother who you were separated from by your asshole of a dad? You didn’t mention that to them?

MegaMistake: How did you know about that

TolBabey: Hey Alain take one of these fuckin eggs

MegaMistake: Why do you have two eggs

LegendBait has entered Family Chat

LegendBait: I’m sorry, Riley is my mcfucking cousin?

LegendBait: Not sure how I missed that. We look a lot alike. Like, more than Alain and I do

RunForTheMountains: He looks like a fusion of you and Alain

LegendBait: And there’s my brother here to ruin things

LegendBait: Anyways! Riley picked the eggs up for me from a breeder I trust

CriticalHit: Those better be gifts for someone over here because you’re still not allowed to have more than one non-Alolan pokemon since you aren’t living here full time.

LegendBait: I swear they’re gifts.

TolBabey: Fucker couldn’t decide between the two once he found out there were clutches of both

LegendBait: I have many friends.

GrowYourOwnDad has granted Mod Powers to SmellYaLater for 10 Minutes

Mod SmellYaLater has changed MegaMistake’s handle to MegaBrotherComplex

SmellYaLater: Just from what I’ve notice in the last hour.

Mod SmellYaLater has locked the handle of MegaBrotherComplex so only another Mod can change it!

MegaBrotherComplex: I’m going to throw you into a waterfall

SmellYaLater: Your little brother has done worse to me for less.

TolBabey: I can’t change me handle either, to note.

SmellYaLater: He bleached my hair.

TheMomther: It doesn’t look any different than usual


TheMomther: Oh

TheMomther: Oh you’re just as bad as your brother and Red aren’t you

LegendBait: I warned

SmellYaLater: You did, I admit it

GrowYourOwnDad: So what’s with the eggs

TolBabey: Satoshi wanted to get gifts for his friends

TolBabey: Eggs were only some of the souvenirs.

SmellYaLater: While there are other things in the bag I’m carrying, the eggs are all romance.

LegendBait: Nevermelt Ice for Lillie and Snowball, Sinnohan honey for Mallow, Sea Incense for Lana and Popplio, a Dragon Fang for Kiawe and Turtonator from Celestic Town (tell Cynthia thanks for that btw), and a magnet made from Iron Island material for Sophocles and Togedemaru (thank you Riley).

TheMomther: And the eggs are for???

LegendBait has fled Family Chat

TheMomther: I’ll get it out of him eventually. Anyways, we should go shopping now, all of you but Cynthia look like you’re about to burn up. Oh and

Mod TheMomther has kicked SmellYaLater from Family Chat

TheMomther: He can be added when/if y'all get married

TolBabey: Hi what the fuck

CriticalHit: It's called familial affection

TolBabey: I like it


PM from OhDeer to Necromancer

OhDeer: I found him.


Chapter Text

Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

LegendBait has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

LegendBait: Wow that chat name. What did you guys do to piss Hau or the Professor off

BubbleOrBust: It was Hau

BubbleOrBust: Why would Professor Kukui change it to this

LegendBait: I have heard BOTH OF THEM say it at least five times a day since we started cleaning the Big House

IdRatherEatDirt: I occasionally forget that Momi Kukui is our teacher’s mom and you have serious access to her house

IdRatherEatDirt: Why don’t you guys live there?

LegendBait: You’ve seen what happens at the Beach Shack

IdRatherEatDirt: oof fair

FlameOn: The Big House???

IdRatherEatDirt: You’ve never seen it? The Kukui house is across the road in Iki Town from the Kahuna’s dojo and is nearly as big. Since the Kahuna’s dojo is the Kahuna’s dojo, the Kukui house is called the Big House. A lot of people have guests stay there if their own houses aren’t big enough.

IdRatherEatDirt: Speaking of, why are you guys cleaning it?

FlameOn: Wait, Ash, is that where you sent me to tell the little girl that message?

IdRatherEatDirt: And who are the three people living in it right now?

LegendBait: !!! I forgot to tell you guys! Because the Professor and the Principal gave me that big presentation for the Family Day open house, most of my family is coming. The people already living there are my brother, Red, his husband, Green, and their adopted daughter/ward Hapu. They live on Poni most of the time and Green is one of the Professor’s assistants.

LegendBait: @IcyBean You and Snowball should come by! Green studies pokemon abilities and so he brought his Kantonese Ninetales and caught an Alolan Ninetales! Fix and Maeve! Maeve is really sweet and would love Snowball!

IcyBean: !!! Yes! Meet the Alolan Ninetales!!!

LegendBait: We can do that before we go shopping tomorrow

ZapBolt: We’re doing the experiment today, remember Ash?

LegendBait: That’s why I logged in! Hau and I are on our way to your house now!

ZapBolt: Hau too?

LegendBait: Hau has a Raichu and made interested sounds when I explained we were going to try and track my energy output with Pikachu so I invited him.

LegendBait: Is that okay?

ZapBolt: He has a Raichu? Alolan or Kantonese?

IdRatherEatDirt: His Raichu is a cute Alolan Raichu!! That’s why he’s PsychicBean in my phone and thus on here

LegendBait: I named him something similar in my phone

IdRatherEatDirt: <eyes emoji> Oh?

LegendBait: :)

IdRatherEatDirt: When are you guys going to get together????

Mod LegendBait has muted IdRatherEatDirt for Fifty Seven Minutes

LegendBait: Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

FlameOn: Oh my fucking Tapu

BubbleOrBust: Hi, Officer Jenny, I’d like to report a murder?

LegendBait: @ZapBolt We Are Here and we Brought Berries

ZapBolt: Coming!


Alola ‘Oe

TheAwaitedChild has entered Alola ‘Oe

TheAwaitedChild: @BullInAChinaShop @DesignatedHealer @Necromancer

TheAwaitedChild: Is it a bad thing to accidentally unleash your full power and freak your father out because he thinks you’re in trouble?

HereComesThe: YES

TheAwaitedChild: I wasn’t asking you

DesignatedHealer: Rehire isn’t on right now for some reason but I have to say! I saw that blast from Akala and was both Impressed and Concerned

BullInAChinaShop: Same from Ula’Ula, and I had to stop my Kahuna from jumping on a Ride pokemon and heading over there

TheAwaitedChild: He called Hau already

TheAwaitedChild: Hala showed up too—he thought it was makuakāne at first.

BullInAChinaShop: Hau was there? Is he okay?

TheAwaitedChild: Yeah! He’s a little put out at me and keeps poking my cheek. I’m just a little singed.

DesignatedHealer: McFucking Scuse Me?

TheAwaitedChild: I’m used to it.

DesignatedHealer: You really are Kokeku’s keiki

HereComesThe: :)

DesignatedHealer: I don’t like that smile

DesignatedHealer: Dear fuck I forgot what you looked like when you take human form

DesignatedHealer: DO NOoapitg;

TheAwaitedChild: She dead

BullInAChinaShop: She deaaaad

TheAwaitedChild: I have never seen any of you in human form!

BullInAChinaShop: You’ve only met your dad in person

TheAwaitedChild: I was referring to all of the legendaries I’ve met

BullInAChinaShop: Seriously?

TheAwaitedChild: Wait actually

TheAwaitedChild: Latias. I’ve seen Latias do it. That’s it.

BullInAChinaShop: w o w


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

IcyBean: Are We Ready To Meet The Ninetales?

FlameOn: Yup. I want to meet the Kantonese one.

IdRatherEatDirt: Maybe since it’s a bigger Snowball you’ll be able to touch it?

IcyBean: It’s only logical!

BubbleOrBust: You’re terrified aren’t you.

IcyBean: Absolutely!

ZapBolt: I’m excited to meet Ash’s brother! Did you know he was Champion of Kanto and Johto for a while? He’s technically undefeated as Champion—he resigned after a few years.

LegendBait has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

LegendBait: Please do NOT mention that.

LegendBait: And don’t expect him to talk at all

IdRatherEatDirt: Oh the strong silent type?

LegendBait: My dude

LegendBait: My brother was born without vocal chords

FlameOn: How does he instruct his pokemon in battle

LegendBait: WHISTLE

LegendBait: He taught me how to do it

LegendBait: But I don’t know his current team’s command blasts.

FlameOn: Neat

FlameOn: Let’s go!


PM from PsychicBean to LegendBait

PsychicBean: Where are you? Everyone else is back from shopping.

LegendBait: There’s uh

LegendBait: An abandoned “treasure” island between here and Akala? I took a sea kayak with Pikachu!

LegendBait: It’s been awhile since we’ve been on our own, yk?

PsychicBean: Oh

LegendBait: I told you he was my first partner, and we start every journey together so it’s nice having some time to ourselves.

PsychicBean: Yeah!

LegendBait: …Are you okay?

PsychicBean: Yeah! Of course!

LegendBait: You know, I’ve been thinking. About us.

LegendBait: Hau?

PsychicBean: Yeah?

LegendBait: I really do like you. And I was talking to Pikachu about how he and I are going to go all the way and I’m going to be a Pokemon Master, no matter what. So that means that one day I’ll leave Alola.

PsychicBean: Right…

LegendBait: But I was wondering… First I was wondering if you’d come with me. But I can’t ask you that. If you go on a journey somewhere else it should be about you.

LegendBait: And I think you have a lot that you’ll be doing here. I think you’re going to be Kahuna one day.

PsychicBean: Satoshi

LegendBait: So I was wondering if you’d be okay if I came back here.

LegendBait: To you.

LegendBait: Hau?

LegendBait: Did I say something wrong?

PsychicBean: No, no. I’m just trying to think. Because I. I want to be okay with you coming back. I really do. I want you to come back.

PsychicBean: But I’m not sure I can understand your faith in me. Like, me being Kahuna? There are so many other people who could take over when Tutu dies. Better people.

PsychicBean: I don’t want to be like my parents, floating through life with no direction, so don’t get my hopes up.

LegendBait: Well if you don’t think it’s going to happen, come with me! If by the time I leave you can tell me that you’re not going to be Kahuna, then come with me!

LegendBait: Hau please text back. I’m sorry.

PsychicBean: I thought you were going to say we should stop.

LegendBait: If we should, I’m not ready to say it.

LegendBait: I’ve never felt the way you make me feel and I like it. And I don’t want to. So it’s all in your hands. I don’t want to hurt you and I’m not

LegendBait: I’d like to say I’m not afraid to be hurt, because I am. But if it’s for you, I’d take it.

PsychicBean: Satoshi

LegendBait: I’m heading back to Melemele. Will you meet me? In Hao’li when I return the sea kayak? And we’ll walk back to Iki Town together and just…Talk.


PsychicBean: Okay. Okay, I’ll meet you at the Malasada place. I should be able to get some before they close, so we’ll have a snack on the walk back.

LegendBait: See you soon.

PsychicBean: See you soon.


PM from TolBabey to LegendBait

TolBabey: Something feels weird

LegendBait: What kind of weird?

TolBabey: You weird—but you’re in Alola and I’m in Kalos.


LegendBait: Let me check on something.


The Tree Of Life and Death

TheAwaitedChild has entered The Tree of Life and Death

TheAwaitedChild: @OhDeer what’s going on over there

MistyVeil has entered The Tree of Life and Death

MistyVeil: my head hurts what the mcfuck

TheAwaitedChild: …

OhDeer: Was it like this for you when Lugia first awakened you Satoshi

MistyVeil: satoshi?

TheAwaitedChild: oh my fucking arceus

TheAwaitedChild: Riley?

OhDeer: Hahah Satoshi you know your cousin?

TheAwaitedChild: Riley you need to get to the Lumiose City Gym and tell Clemont that I sent you and that he needs to install that app I gave him the data of onto your phone ASAP

GenieinaHulaHoop: I’ll get him there




Chapter Text

PM between LegendBait and PsychicBean

LegendBait: Hey did you get any sleep?

PsychicBean: A little. I’ve been up doing as little as possible while staying awake so I can sleep tonight.

LegendBait: Fair

PsychicBean: Where are you?

LegendBait: The Pokemon Center in Hao’li. We’ve brought Stoutland there.

LegendBait: I’m going to take him and Litten some food before I conk out.

PsychicBean: You’re staying there tonight?

PsychicBean: Satoshi?

PsychicBean: Did you fall asleep?

LegendBait: I…

LegendBait: No, no. I’m coming home tonight. You’re still staying at the Big House?

PsychicBean: Yeah

PsychicBean: I’ll wait up for you.


PM between CriticalHit and LegendBait

CriticalHit: You know, when you asked to stay out of the house last night I didn’t expect you to end up curled up with Hau.

LegendBait: Stoutland took Litten back to their place under the bridge. I couldn’t…

CriticalHit: Ah. Okay. How about we go down there together after school?

LegendBait: Okay.

CriticalHit: I wish you would tell me when you changed places like this. I worry.

LegendBait: I know. I’ll try harder.

CriticalHit: Don’t you worry about it, I’m the adult. Or at least the older adult.

LegendBait has sent a picture KantoAdultPolicies

CriticalHit: Hah, yeah. But I know you’re not used to having adults around all the time. And you do let me know some of the time. So I’ll take what I get.


Family Chat

MegaBrotherComplex: Okay so we have

MegaBrotherComplex: Eight tickets round trip from Kalos to Alola and back after three weeks, leaving at the end of the week. Two only to Alola from Kalos with no quickly foreseeable return trip. Five tickets have been scheduled for when we get back to head to Sinnoh. Two have been scheduled for

MegaBrotherComplex: Four days? Four days later from Kalos to Kanto.

MegaBrotherComplex: Does this sound right to everyone?

DragonFite: I’m going to stab my eyes out. Why did I get dragged into helping preparations? I’m not even able to come.

MegaBrotherComplex: Because we’re the only ones who do paperwork regularly.

TolBabey: I see this call out to Professors Sycamore and Rowan, my boyfriend, and Cynthia and agree.

SmellYaLater: Rowan and I at least split the paperwork.

TolBabey: And yet I still end up doing a quarter of it for you two. But yes, Alain, it all looks correct.

TheMomther: It does indeed, you’ve done very well, the both of you.

CHOMP: Yeah it all looks good. I’m not even going to argue about the paperwork thing. Bertha has been doing it so long that I just never learned to do it except for the bare necesseties. I’m going to follow her into the grave.

MegaBrotherComplex: @CriticalHit @GetOffTheMountain Who all is meeting us at the airport on

MegaBrotherComplex: I think it’ll be Saturday in Alola when we get there?

GetOffTheMountain: Don’t tag Kukui, we’re all dealing with some stuff but he and Satoshi are having the hardest time. And Hapu, because she’s nine and this is just bringing up so many memories for her.

GetOffTheMountain: But Kukui, Red, Hapu, me, and maybe Hau and Satoshi will be meeting you. Me, Kukui, and Red can all drive and Hapu can take people on Mudsdale.

TheMomther: Hau?

GetOffTheMountain: I’m not explaining Hau.

SmellYaLater: I have been hit with a frying pan by my boyfriend and relegated to holding the eggs on the flight. Because he saw me typing.

GetOffTheMountain: It’ll depend on how Satoshi’s feeling, by then. Otherwise, those two will meet us at the house.


Alola Family Chat

RunForTheMountains: Are Satoshi and Hapu still talking about death or did they at least take a break from when I left to go guide and now.

CriticalHit: Hau walked in at one point and the topic turned to raising pokemon and what kind of pokemon Hapu would want if she was turning ten without one

CriticalHit: Subtle enough to make her not realize

CriticalHit: She mentioned Whooper btw

CriticalHit: But then she started thinking about what will happen when Mudsdale dies, since she was with her grandfather for a while, and the topic came back up.

RunForTheMountains: Where am I supposed to get a Whooper in Alola

CriticalHit: I know a breeder from Kalos

RunForTheMountains: T H A N K

RunForTheMountains: It’s coming up…

RunForTheMountains: SO QUICKLY

RunForTheMountains: Ten is such an important age

CriticalHit: …Have you and Green thought through the room assignments?

GetOffTheMountain has entered Alola Family Chat

GetOffTheMountain: I have a list.

GetOffTheMountain: Riley and Shigeru will be sharing a room at the back of the house to avoid any concussions

CriticalHit: Do I want to know?

RunForTheMountains: You do not.

GetOffTheMountain: Red and I are staying in our room and Hapu’s going to stay in the room next to us.

RunForTheMountains: You could have put her by my mom and dad, Green.

GetOffTheMountain: And if she has a nightmare?

RunForTheMountains: She’ll know where we are

RunForTheMountains: Oh I see your point

CriticalHit: Parenting has done wonderful things for your relationship, obviously.

CriticalHit: Oww

GetOffTheMountain: You deserved that. Anyways. Hanako will be sleeping in the room between Momi and Professor Rowan because we found Things out

CriticalHit: Terrible, terrible things.

RunForTheMountains: Seriously? Those two? And btw Kukui you’re across the room from Hanako.

CriticalHit: Wow I hate this set up.

GetOffTheMountain: And Professor Sycamore will be in the room between Alain and Riley and Shigeru.

CriticalHit: Should we not put Alain further up the house?

RunForTheMountains: And let him build up speed? No. Anyways, Ash and probably Hau will stay in the bedroom with a loft. For plausible deniability.

CriticalHit: They both still say they aren’t together yet so I’m not sure if it’s plausible deniability they’ll need because nothing happened or because something happened.

RunForTheMountains: I’m putting money on nothing.

GetOffTheMountain: I’m putting money on something. Hala also is putting money there. The only reason he’s not suspicious they’ve done anything with how often Hau has slept over is because the two of them have let Hapu sleep over with them in the loft. She now wants a loft by the way.

CriticalHit: I’ll join Red then.

LegendBait has entered Alola Family Chat

LegendBait: I may be barely checking my phone but like.

LegendBait: Remember I’m still in the chat maybe?

LegendBait: Did you split up Zoey and Dawn?

GetOffTheMountain: Yes and we put Cynthia between them because she’ll never let them live it down.

LegendBait: Nice. Smart. What’s for dinner?

GetOffTheMountain: Fuck

RunForTheMountains: Fuck

CriticalHit: Fuck


LegendBait: I’m taking Hau and Hapu to the Cafeteria



TheAwaitedChild has entered LegenBabies

TheAwaitedChild has added MistyVeil to LegenBabies

MistyVeil has entered LegenBabies

MistyVeil: What fresh Distortion World

CloneMa: Oh this is the new one? Welcome

CloneMa: You’re right, this is basically a fresh Distortion World

TheAwaitedChild: Worm

TheAwaitedChild: @everyone Ages!

TheAwaitedChild: I’m 16

MistyVeil: 17

WCDONALDS: Too old to count but the only one here who is :)

BestBabie: 26!

Princey: 1013

GenieInAComet: 1302, and I’m the cut off without counting Zapdos. Hoopa is like two hundred years older.

HedgeHog: 469!

WaterHorse: Just turned 600!

VictoryIsMine: 1301.

BallerinasAreScary: 606!

XJ9: 502!

MegaDiamonds: 704~

ThisBabyWillKillYou: 1200

CloneMa: You are not

ThisBabyWillKillYou: 1199.

CloneMa: Good.

MistyVeil: And how old are you? 1250s?

CloneMa: I’m eleven so shut the fuck up.

MistyVeil: what

TheAwaitedChild: Yeah, he’s right. He’s a clone of Mew made 11 years ago! Also the first legendary to kill me.

CloneMa: I said I was sorry.

TheAwaitedChild: And our advocate for staying alive with all the possible psychic backlash

MistyVeil: Do I owe my life to an eleven-year-old

CloneMa: No. I’d say sanity but you probably won’t have any if you ever check any chat on here

MistyVeil: That’s fair.

TheAwaitedChild: Hey @CloneMa about that thing. Can you do it? I have a Litten to go talk to. See you tomorrow Riley!

MistyVeil: Shit we need to get to the airport.


Chapter Text

Alola Family Chat

CriticalHit: We have half an hour before we leave for the airport

CriticalHit: @LegendBait Are you coming and is Hau coming?

LegendBait has entered Alola Family Chat

LegendBait: Well you just woke all three of us up so let me ask

GetOffTheMountain: We forgot Hapu

RunForTheMountains: IDK what you’re talking about. I texted you an hour ago to go get her up.

RunForTheMountains: You forgot one whole daughter.

GetOffTheMountain: We were busy.

RunForTheMountains: You were already out of the shower.

LegendBait: <eyes emoji> Great start to the day everyone

LegendBait: Yeah we’re all three coming.

RunForTheMountains: I feel uncomfortable

LegendBait: Good. Hau and I are driving with Kukui. Hapu will ride Mudsdale.

RunForTheMountains: <thumbs up emoji>


Family Chat

TolBabey: I hate planes

TolBabey: So Much

MegaBrotherComplex: Hush. They want you to fill out paperwork.

LegendBait: Who did everyone bring????

MegaBrotherComplex: Your mom brought Barrierd, Uncle Augustine brought Garchomp, Cynthia brought Garchomp, Professor Rowan didn’t bring a pokemon but is signing in a bunch of scary looking equipment. Momi brought nothing but she also apparently has some pokemon she left with Kukui.

MegaBrotherComplex: Some of it is taped together.

MegaBrotherComplex: I brought Charizard, Riley brought his Lucario and is signing extra paperwork about the eggs?

MegaBrotherComplex: Dawn brought Piplup, Zoey brought her Mismagius.

MegaBrotherComplex: Why does Zoey call herself the Flame Coordinator? She has a pretty good range of types as her pokemon.

LegendBait: What did she tell you when you asked?

MegaBrotherComplex: She said it’s cause she’s flaming and did finger guns at me.

LegendBait: Figured as much. We’re waiting out the front for you guys!!

LegendBait: You’re right, that is some scary looking equipment.

CriticalHit: I don’t like it

GrowYourOwnDad: I voiced my own objections but he’s also

GrowYourOwnDad: So much older than us

GrowYourOwnDad: So he allegedly knows what he’s doing.

GetOffTheMountain: Doubt

GetOffTheMountain: Also Doubt that grandpa knows either.

CriticalHit: That’s a hot take but I agree with it.

LegendBait: RILEY


TolBabey: Shigeru will complain if I get first hug

LegendBait: He doesn’t even like my hugs


TolBabey: Are you sure about that.

LegendBait: Well now I’m not.

LegendBait: So I won’t hug either of you and instead ask for The Goods

LegendBait: Are the eggs in the bag?

TolBabey: Yup. The customs people said to keep them hidden away until they were given to their intended trainer.

LegendBait: Nice.

GetOffTheMountain: Satoshi blease help sort out who is going with who.

LegendBait: Riley will go with me and Hau and Red. Dad, Shigeru, Alain, and Professor Rowan will go with Professor Kukui to the lab first then to the Big House. Green can take the Chaos Lesbians and Mom and Momi while Hapu can get some Strong Battling Woman time with Cynthia.

LegendBait: Good?

RunForTheMountains: I feel like I was chosen because I physically can’t talk.

LegendBait: Do you want to go with the Chaos Lesbians?

RunForTheMountains: Good point. Your friends scare me.

LegendBait: Probably good for your health!


StormChild has created a new chat.

StormChild has named it Help Me Obi Juan Whoever the Fuck You Are, You’re My Only Ho

StormChild has added MistyVeil and FutureSightKahuna to Help Me Obi Juan Whoever the Fuck You Are, You’re My Only Ho

MistyVeil and FutureSightKahuna have joined Help Me Obi Juan Whoever the Fuck You Are, You’re My Only Ho

StormChild: I am regretting how long this name is. Votes for which part to change?

MistyVeil: Well I’m in here so I vote getting rid of the “You’re My Only Ho” part

FutureSightKahuna: I agree for the exact same reason but also suggest removing “the Fuck” for more length cutting

FutureSightKahuna: Satoshi my chat name

StormChild: I know what I put in for it.

MistyVeil: Wow I wish my boyfriend had any clue about legendary stuff so I could give him a name he’s uncomfortable with

MistyVeil: Besides what Professor Rowan says, which he tunes out.

StormChild: Oof, sounds like Shigeru

FutureSightKahuna: Satoshi I can’t change my name.

FutureSightKahuna: Riley have you tried turning him off and back on again?

StormChild: I know this.

MistyVeil: I am this close to trying it.

MistyVeil: Satoshi, the chat name.

StormChild: Oof, right.

StormChild has changed the chat name to Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are

StormChild: Better?

FutureSightKahuna: Blease shorten my name, if you love me.

MistyVeil: It’s better.

MistyVeil: <eyes emoji>

MistyVeil: Hau you broke him.

StormChild has changed the handle of FutureSightKahuna to FuSighKahuna

FuSighKahuna: I don’t like it, put it back

StormChild has reverted the handle of FutureSightKahuna

StormChild: Anyways this is the chat for all of the Aura Training Legendary Bullshit Stuff

StormChild: And it’s on the Legendary Chat App so Rotom can’t snoop in any of our phones for it.

FutureSightKahuna: Nice, but does this mean I have access to the Legendary Chats

StormChild: Alas, it just means they have access to you…

CloneMa has entered Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are

CloneMa: A nice chat name, this is.

CloneMa: I did the thing.

StormChild: Good.

CloneMa: Your parents are going to be disappointed that you changed the name they gave you on this monstrosity but they’ll love what you changed it to.

StormChild: Noted.

CloneMa: Have fun kids, don’t destroy the world.

MistyVeil: You’re eleven.

FutureSightKahuna: This is wild.

CloneMa has left Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are

MistyVeil: Okay so now that we’re HOME I guess? This is Momi’s house? It’s like a mansion???

FutureSightKahuna: Ah yes, the Big House. I live next door!

MistyVeil: Bigger??? Mansion????

FutureSightKahuna: It’s, like, officially the Kahuna’s House but my grandfather didn’t like the Big No Filled Space so he made it a dojo

FutureSightKahuna: The Big House is aaaaalllllll Kukui though. Like the Kukui family goes back AGES

MistyVeil: Like royalty?

FutureSightKahuna: If by that you mean a lot of them married into the royal family, yes.

MistyVeil: Neat. Okay so now that we’re home! Satoshi has some stuff for you and I’m going to help Red and Green unload everything.

MistyVeil: Stay safe!

PM between StormChild and FutureSightKahuna

StormChild: I’m mainly doing this over PM because if we actually Talk people will come over asking us what we’re Talking about

FutureSightKahuna: Okay?

StormChild: So remember back when Zapdos brought chicken nuggets and we talked about how long we’ve had Pikachu and Raichu and you mentioned you’d never raised a pokemon egg before

FutureSightKahuna: Yes. Satoshi what did you do?

FutureSightKahuna: There are two eggs.

StormChild: Yup! One of Riley’s friends in Sinnoh is a breeder.

FutureSightKahuna: I’m going to guess they’re not the same species.

StormChild: Correct! And I picked them because

StormChild: Well, I thought these would be the ones you’d like best that I could get ahold of quickly.

StormChild: So uh. These are both Pokemon that I think you’ll really love them. And also they’re kind of an affirmation that. This is us. I mean

StormChild: That I think we can take the next step? If you think so to?

StormChild: Why are you crying, what did I do wrong?

StormChild: Hau someone’s gonna notic

StormChild: Oh.

FutureSightKahuna: Boyfriends, then.

StormChild: Yeah, boyfriends.

StormChild: We can tell everyone when I give the other presents out, I guess?

StormChild: I mean everyone around our age.

StormChild: We kinda ;;; havta ;;; go and tell everyone now ;;;;;;;

FutureSightKahuna: Yeah especially since your father, cousin, and best friend just pulled up.


LegendBait has created Alola Vacation Chat

LegendBait has added USERS

USERS have all logged in

LegendBait: Alright! So this is for everyone here on vacation for the next three weeks, everyone who said vacationers might need to know, and everyone who just lives here and puts up with everyone.

DeadlyDiver: I for one welcome our new teenage overlords

DeadlyDiver: What’s the mood in this Chili’s tonight

FiteKahuna: You know I thought I got out of a group chat with this woman when she decided to traipse about the world and leave me alone

LegendBait: The mood is that Hau and I are officially boyfriends and y’all are expected to behave yourselves.

PsychicBean: We’re going to go tell Hapu, the one last decent person in these two houses.

RunForTheMountains: Just cause she doesn’t have a chat yet ;;;

TheMomther: Romance eggs.

SmellYaLater: @TolBabey I was right!

TolBabey: You were

TolBabey: Hi Kahuna Hala do not let anyone here reflect poorly on me because I’m the only one staying who isn’t from this region



DeadlyDiver: Only for a bit!

FiteKahuna: this is payback for what happened at Nanu and I’s wedding isn’t it

IdRatherEatDirt: You and Kahuna Nanu are married?

FiteKahuna: @PsychicBean Hau come collect your best friend

PsychicBean: No we’re showing Hapu the EGGS she is FASCINATED

IdRatherEatDirt: I’m coming over. Momi, do you and Hau need help cooking?

PsychicBean: Ask before you invite yourself into this chaos.

DeadlyDiver: I’m sure we could use some help, even though Hau is used to cooking for big crowds.


Chapter Text

PM from BullInAChinaShop and FutureSightKahuna

BullInAChinaShop: You okay there kid?


FutureSightKahuna: Kapu-Bulu?

BullInAChinaShop: Got it in one. Answer the question.

FutureSightKahuna: Does Satoshi know he

FutureSightKahuna: Does he understand he’s a god? Like really understand?

BullInAChinaShop: Do you understand you’re a human? Like really understand?

FutureSightKahuna: …I assume I do.

BullInAChinaShop: Exactly.

FutureSightKahuna: So he has no clue that he’s got a well of just…raw power in him?

BullInAChinaShop: Haven’t you figured it out yet? He’s a storm god.


FutureSightKahuna: He has no clue what that means either does he.

BullInAChinaShop: Do you think I understood anything about my abilities in the first two decades?

FutureSightKahuna: Hhhhhhhh

[Three Messages Redacted]


Alola Vacation Chat

DeadlyDiver: FOOD

LegendBait: I have been deprived

LegendBait: I have collected Hapu and we are COMING

LegendBait: Don’t let Green and Alain eat it all

GetOffTheMountain: rUDE

RunForTheMountains: He’s right though. We’re on our way too, once we’re dressed.

MegaBrotherComplex: If you’re not fast I get Green’s share

MegaBrotherComplex: That’s how this family works

IdRatherDirt: Y’all terrifying

CHOMP: They are. Isn’t it wonderful?

CriticalHit: 1. Yes.

CriticalHit: 2. Satoshi you have to practice today for the class

LegendBait: hhhhh

CriticalHit: 3. Someone save me I have to teach school in an hour

LegendBait: Just bring Professor Rowan with you

GrowYourOwnDad: I’ll come too. It’ll be a Science Day.


PM from CriticalHit to GrowYourOwnDad

CriticalHit: You are the BEST big brother ever

GrowYourOwnDad: I know!

GrowYourOwnDad: You probably won’t be able to hide that you’re Satoshi’s uncle through this visit

CriticalHit: I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.

GrowYourOwnDad: I know how to threaten Samson



Alola Vacation Chat

CriticalHit: Local idiot scientist brings in two other, better scientists to teach his students. More at eleven.

CriticalHit: Also Augustine is terrifying?

RunForTheMountains: Did he threaten to put acorns in someone’s skull and use it as a maraca again?

GrowYourOwnDad: You teachers were all terrible people.

RunForTheMountains: Not arguing

GetOffTheMountain: You’re Right and You Should Say IT

PsychicBean: Boyfriend time being intercepted by Mallow :(

IdRatherEatDirt: I’m your best friend you littearhdfs;h;oa

IdRatherEatDirt: This is Hapu and I am sitting on her


IdRatherEatDirt: What? You’ll give me the disappointed face.

RunForTheMountains: I will.

LegendBait: And she just slides Mallow’s phone over to me. Are these the powers dads have?

GrowYourOwnDad: Yes

FiteKahuna: Yes

GetOffTheMountain: Yes

FiteKahuna: What, pray tell, is boyfriend time? Just by the way

TolBabey: Fighting over who sits on who’s lap and giving other people diabetes.

SmellYaLater: Yup.

SmellYaLater has sent ItsSuperEffective.jpeg

LegendBait has sent DoubleTeam.jpeg

TolBabey: You two are ;;; too alike

FiteKahuna: Carry on.

PsychicBean: He knows I have blackmail on him

FiteKahuna: SHUT grandchild

PsychicBean: You shut

PsychicBean: I WILL add my uncle in here, do not THINK I won’t

PsychicBean: He’s young enough he skipped past being effected by Disappointed Dad looks and went straight into Grandson Puppy Eyes. And that was BEFORE the Tutus got married


DeadlyDiver: Cousins

FiteKahuna: You were the same way

DeadlyDiver: I know what I did


DeadlyDiver: But don’t preface it with anything. Just add him.

PsychicBean has added YaBuggyBoi into Alola Vacation Chat

YaBuggyBoi: What flavor of hell is this

DeadlyDiver: Tourists + Family

YaBuggyBoi: Thanks! I hate it.

CriticalHit has sent a voice message

YaBuggyBoi: Ahilani I will hitch a ride over to Melemele and suplex you into the ocean

CriticalHit has sent GetHit.gif

LegendBait: <eyes emoji>

PsychicBean: …You punched him?

YaBuggyBoi: Wait? Corn chip kid is here?

LegendBait: That is my new nickname, I like it better than what ANYONE ELSE HAS COME UP WITH

PsychicBean: Babe.

LegendBait: Except for my boyfriend and, like, maybe Riley.


YaBuggyBoi: Perish, little dude.

YaBuggyBoi: Wait, my little adorable nephew is dating the kid who punched me in the gut for doritos?

LegendBait: I would have been fed to the Sharpedo otherwise, thanks

YaBuggyBoi: I was going to compliment your right hook but I am now Concerned

GrowYourOwnDad: It’s a common feeling with him

CriticalHit: Classic Lana

DeadlyDiver: There’s a student that takes after me, Ahilani?

CriticalHit: I hoped you would have continued your abandonment of me until after she graduated

CriticalHit: @GrowYourOwnDad do NOT let her out of the house she WILL murder me

GrowYourOwnDad: I have a healthy respect for your mother and will do no such thing

YaBuggyBoi: …@CriticalHit is @GrowYourOwnDad your oldest brother?

CritcalHit: <inhale emoji>

CriticalHit: shit

IdRatherEatDirt: I feel like something momentous was just revealed


Pansagement has entered Alola Vacation Chat

CHOMP: I’ll fight him for you Tiny Professor

CriticalHit: I’m literally two inches taller than you but I will LET YOU

Pansagement: You hid a student’s relation to you Professor Kukui

GrowYourOwnDad: In his defense, you just didn’t do any research

GrowYourOwnDad: It’s all public record

GrowYourOwnDad: Like certain other things <upside down smiley emoji>

Pansagement: …Hello Professor Sycamore…

Pansagement: I see nothing wrong with this have a good day.

Panasagement has left Alola Vacation Chat

YaBuggyBoi: I had no idea he was in here and I’m sorry

LegendBait: I made the chat and I didn’t either

ROTOMDEX: Since the chat was made to connect everyone together and to important members of Alola I felt I should add him as well as the other Kahuna.

GrowYourOwnDad: Huh

GrowYourOwnDad: HoloCaster please search ‘how to make a pokedex into a toaster’ video from PokeTube channel IAmLemonBoy

LegendBait: Oh hey Clemont’s channel

CriticalHit: You can turn the Rotom into a toaster LATER August we have a class to teach

CriticalHit: Speaking of @LegendBait @IdRatherEatDirt

LegendBait: I’m bringing Friends

SmellYaLater: I better be part of that

LegendBait: You and Hapu, yes. Tho I figured bc Rowan you’d already be coming.

SmellYaLater: Oh you’re right

SmellYaLater: @GetOffTheMountain BRO? YOU COMING

LegendBait: @PsychicBean I’ll deal with the aftermath of Mallow telling everyone. I’m sure Red needs help herdiering everyone around on the Guided Trip and someone needs to keep Riley from jumping off any cliffs again

PsychicBean: @TolBabey again? And thanks babe.

TolBabey: I have no reason to tell you what happened in the chat.

GetOffTheMountain: Yes I’m coming, this is going to be AMAZING


You’re Both Pretty

Pansagement: Professor Sycamore is very tall

RokKahuna: Oh you met August! Wait of course you did, I’m in that chat.

RokKahuna: He’s threatening you isn’t he

Pansagement: I will neither confirm nor deny

Pansagement: Were you aware that his brother is Professor Kukui and that Professor Kukui’s boarder and student is his son?

RokKahuna: Duh. I’m part of the Terror Chat with Molyane. When Kukui figured out that he’d be hanging out with his nephew he freaked

FiteKahuna: It was not hidden

KatKahuna: I’m sorry, Hau is dating Augustine Sycamore’s kid?

FiteKahuna: Yes.

RokKahuna: August is my favorite of Ahilani’s brothers

CriticalHit has entered You’re Both Pretty

CriticalHit: August is my favorite of my brothers too!

CriticalHit has left You’re Both Pretty


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

LegendBait: Thank you all for putting up with everyone

BubbleOrBust: I don’t know what you mean, that was amazing

ZapBolt: Your family are all really nice people

ZapBolt: Questionable friends though?

LegendBait: That’s fair. Yes, everyone from Sinnoh is Like That

LegendBait: I should probably add Riley in here tbh

FlameOn: Your cousin? Why?

LegendBait: He stayin’

LegendBait: Momi’s excited because it means someone will being living steadily at the Big House once she leaves.

LegendBait has added TolBabey to Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

TolBabey has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

TolBabey: Did Hau name this chat?

LegendBait: Yup.

TolBabey: You two are the power couple of weird ass names for chat groups

TolBabey: Help Me Obi Juan Whoever The Fuck You Are, You’re My Only Ho

LegendBait: :p

BubbleOrBust: I am LIVING for that chat name right there

LegendBait: We had to shorten it but the jist is still there

LegendBait: Oh hey Sophocles can you turn a toaster into a pokedex?

ZapBolt: ???????

TolBabey: Uncle Augustine turned the RotomDex into one after it Did A Bad

ZapBolt: Okay then. I can try?

ZapBolt: How did he even…

TolBabey: Clemont made a youtube video.

TolBabey: @LegendBait Good job on the presentation from everyone.

TolBabey: And Auntie wants a picture of you and Hau with you in The Outfits.


LegendBait: How did she learn about those?

TolBabey: Momi pulled out Scrapbooks

TolBabey: Uncle Ahilani has hidden somewhere

IdRatherEatDirt: Traditional clothes?

LegendBait: Yes. Hala INSISTED we get some for the festival.

IdRatherEatDirt: Oof. But aren’t your family staying for that?

LegendBait: Nah it’s right after they leave

LegendBait: Riley needs some too <eyes emoji>

TolBabey: one (1) fear

IdRatherEatDirt: I can help. Your boof will love it

TolBabey: two (2) fears?

IdRatherEatDirt: >:3

TolBabey: two (2) fears.


Chapter Text

Alola Vacation Chat

LegendBait: The time has come to end this hell chat

YaBuggyBoi: Oh come down and get your food.

LegendBait: Still not getting over that you decided to move in your closest gang members for the time period before the festival

YaBuggyBoi: I like keeping them within shouting distance. Keeping them inept is an art.

LegendBait: Mood

YaBuggyBoi: Hau is here

LegendBait: COMING

DeadlyDiver: I am so proud the multiple generations of the Kukui family are still involved in feeding the less fortunate

FiteKahuna: You say “less fortunate” but you really mean “dumbasses”

DeadlyDiver: Synonyms.

DeadlyDiver: Our name may die out eventually but our ability to take one look at an idiot and say “mine now” and also feed them is STRONG

YaBuggyBoi: Dad, Auntie scares me.

FiteKahuna: She scares everyone

CriticalHit: Every time, ironic or not, Guzma refers to Hala as any form of father I get more powerful

YaBuggyBoi: I WILL throw you in the ocean.

FiteKahuna: Don’t bully your cousin.

YaBuggyBoi: He started it!

FiteKahuna: I was talking to both of you.

PsychicBean: I’ll eat your toes @CriticalHit @YaBuggyBoi

RunForTheMountains: That’s enough time with the eeveelutions for you, young man.

FiteKahuna: You just had to let him practice opening up telepathically with them, didn’t you

RunForTheMountains: I realize my mistake Hala

LegendBait: Wow, check the phone after five minutes of eating and cuddling and realize my boyfriend is absolutely

LegendBait: C U R S E D

PsychicBean: Problem?

LegendBait: Nope! I am also C U R S E D

RunForTheMountains: He’s right! He is!

RunForTheMountains: We come by it naturally. @GrowYourOwnDad

GrowYourOwnDad: Yeah that’s a Sycamore family trait. Sorry @CriticalHit

CriticalHit: Along with so many others that shouldn’t be.

GrowYourOwnDad: We’re a family <shrug emoji>

DeadlyDiver: Okay so me, Riley, Red are driving everyone to the airport, then we’ll drop off the extra trucks before saying bye to Red, Green, and Hapu.

DeadlyDiver: Because everyone else is in class.

CriticalHit: Sorry

MegaBrotherComplex: It’s my fault for scheduling on Friday both flights.

CriticalHit: Time zones and flight times suck for that, don’t worry about it.

CriticalHit: My mother could be complimenting me and I’d say sorry

DeadlyDiver: I am occasionally concerned about you.

CriticalHit: Uncle Nanu why did Mommy leave?

FiteKahuna: cH OKE

FiteKahuna: Did you two really have that conversation when you were younger?

DeadlyDiver: They did. As soon as it finished, Nanu called me and just went “am I adopting all of my nieces and nephews” and I felt bad enough to come back for long enough periods before Ahilani went off to college

IdRatherEatDirt: Professor Kukui has Mommy Issues, who knew

GrowYourOwnDad: Look, I’m not entirely sure why we don’t all have issues with fathers so like

GrowYourOwnDad: We aren’t going to look any gift Mudbrays in the mouth

IdRatherEatDirt: I mean, I can’t talk

IdRatherEatDirt: a;hoe ASH

LegendBait: Alright fam, we’re heading to school! Down with the chat!

LegendBait has closed Alola Vacation Chat


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

TolBabey: Thank you Hau for dealing with my embarrassment in the fitting

TolBabey: Ash and Mallow can go jump off a cliff

PsychicBean: You’re welcome Riley! Glad I could help!

LegendBait: We deserve this but also

IdRatherEatDirt: IDK what you’re talking about Satoshi

IcyBean: Hey guys?

LegendBait: Yeah? What’s up Lillie?

IcyBean: One, I have never participated in a Four Islands Unity Festival and am unsure if I should also be wearing traditional dress?

IdRatherEatDirt: Only if you want to! I have some stuff that’ll fit you.

IcyBean: Also, may I add my brother?

IdRatherEatDirt: Brother?

ZapBolt: Brother?

FlameOn: Brother?

BubbleOrBust: Brother?

LegendBait: Sure! If my cousin and Mallow’s best friend outside of class can join, so can he.

LegendBait: He’ll also empathize GREATLY with Riley

LegendBait: Though Riley is also missing his boyfriend so like IDK if Gladion can empathize there

IcyBean: He’s a complete disaster of a bisexual but single

TolBabey: Shigeru could probably relate there, pre-moi

TolBabey: I vote add him. He looks like he needs chaos.

LegendBait: Friends, Riley, we tell people we’re friends.

TolBabey: Ah! Lying!

IcyBean: Indeed! I’ll add him then, unless anyone has any objections?

PsychicBean: Not from me, and I think I’m the only one besides these two who have met him?

IcyBean: I’ll add him then. Just…Don’t mind the handle he comes in with.

TolBabey: You changed it after his temper tantrum didn’t you.


IcyBean has added AngstMachine to Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean: I suddenly wonder if we maybe shouldn’t have let this be the chat name so long

AngstMachine has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

AngstMachine: wow this feels threatening

PsychicBean: Only if you deserve it

LegendBait: Wow, Hau, it’s almost like your uncle runs a gang of misfit teenagers

PsychicBean: Wow, Ash, it’s almost like your uncle teaches a gang of misfit teenagers

AngstMachine: a;hsdfh The couple from the park??? Ash with the Rockruff and the Pikachu and his boyfriend with Raichu?

TolBabey: I, the ultimate goth who looked down at you from my Kalosian height, am also here

AngstMachine: I don’t know what I expected when Lillie added me to a group chat

PsychicBean: I mean, we can turn the “love and acceptance” switch on

AngstMachine: Now THAT sounds like a threat

FlameOn: Who is this sassy lost child

AngstMachine: What’s up I’m Jared I’m 17 and I never learned how to read

FlameOn: Same

IcyBean: This is my brother Gladion.

TolBabey: So that makes three 17 year olds, three sixteen year olds, two fifteen year olds, and one fourteen year old. And one old fuck.

CriticalHit has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

CriticalHit: I heard that and Hau and Ash have a date tonight so I’m in charge of feeding you.

TolBabey: where’s Auntie going to be?

TolBabey: Or, like, any of the Skullies?

CriticalHit: Mom and Plumeria are going shopping, Guzma is trolling Olivia about something over on Akala, and if you think the Skullies will feed you, you overestimate their abilities to fend for themselves.

TolBabey: …Maybe the sea will eat me

LegendBait: With your luck? No.

TolBabey: I’m sorry Uncle Ahilani, you’re not old.

CriticalHit: I should be more concerned that it wasn’t until suicide wasn’t a viable option that you apologized.

CriticalHit: But Guzma just told Olivia that if she makes him go to the Ruins of Life with her again he’s going to throw himself into the volcano so I have other things to worry about atm

AngstMachine: How many people here are related? Besides me and Lillie.

CriticalHit: Ash and Riley are my nephews through my sperm donor and Hau is my cousin through my mom. That’s pretty much it.

CriticalHit: Okay kids, get the fuck out of my classroom. I need to go rescue an idiot

PsychicBean: I can’t tell if you’re talking about Guzma or Olivia and I don’t want to know which

CriticalHit: I won’t even know which until I get there.


PM from FutureSightKahuna to StormChild

FutureSightKahuna: hnnn

StormChild: ?

FutureSightKahuna: You look really good in the kikepa

StormChild: You also look really good

StormChild: Why are you backing away?

FutureSightKahuna: We need to actually go to this festival

FutureSightKahuna: And we’re not going anywhere if I start touching you in private

StormChild: …why do we need to go again?

FutureSightKahuna: 1. Riley would murder us. 2. This is a time where we get to have a festival with your makuakāne instead of it being FOR your makuakāne. Same for Riley and his makuahine. That’s why I convinced him to go to Poni for the festivals. And 3. Mallow will know exactly what we’re doing if she doesn’t see us.

StormChild: Only the third point is a good argument.

StormChild: Okay, let’s go!


Alola ‘Oe

BullInAChinaShop has added MistyVeil and FutureSightKahuna to Alola ‘Oe

MistyVeil and FutureSightKahuna have entered Alola ‘Oe

BullInAChinaShop: Welcome to the madness, boys.

FutureSightKahuna: aohghedhfs Kapu-Bulu

HereComesThe: Hau!! Where are you and Satoshi?

Necromancer: Same but for Riley

MistyVeil: I’m by the beach, near the back by aesghiofho

BullInAChinaShop: She found him.

FutureSightKahuna: We’re over by the Manalo Trailhead with some classmates

HereComesThe: Can You Detach?

StormChild has entered Alola ‘Oe

StormChild: Not without being accused of doing inappropriate things

HereComesThe: …What if an adult came by and pulled you guys away to talk?

StormChild: Y’all in human form aren’t you

BullInAChinaShop: Yup! Tetefu is probably partying with Olivia. I’m actually on Melemele don’t tell my Kahuna. We’re by the shaved ice!

StormChild: You up for this Hau?

FutureSightKahuna: Is anyone ever really up for meeting the family?

FutureSightKahuna: But I am up for shaved ice. I want cheri berry flavor.

StormChild: hhhh Pomeg flavor please!

HereComesThe: Got it.


Chapter Text

.Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are

FutureSightKahuna: is launching yourselves off cliffs a family trait

StormChild: ….

MistyVeil: Ow… Well I don’t think Alain’s ever

MistyVeil: Has Alain?

StormChild: Yeah it was an Experience

FutureSightKahuna: I’m concerned

FutureSightKahuna: Riley are you going to help me with the telepathy thing while Satoshi’s in class

StormChild: Shit! Class!

StormChild has fled Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are

FutureSightKahuna: …Maybe Momi was right about being descended from the Kukui family and our attraction to idiots

MistyVeil: I don’t know, Uncle Ahilani is kinda stupid too.

MistyVeil: I’ll put money on him doing something stupid in class today. He was up all night editing a paper for another professor. Could have waited until tomorrow, since it’ll be Saturday.

FutureSightKahuna: Oof. Oh hey we never checked in on how the Four Islands Festival went with you and your makuahine.

MistyVeil: You’re not going to fucking believe this


FutureSightKahuna: I kinda expected the Kapu eyes and I wasn’t wrong, per say, but the upper half of your irises are gold.

MistyVeil: Has Satoshi gone into his legendary form already?

FutureSightKahuna: …Get rid of the horns and get over here, I’m only whispering it.

MistyVeil: Fine, fine.

MistyVeil: Seriously?

MistyVeil: I have taken in this information and come up with only one answer. You’re an adrenaline junky

FutureSightKahuna: If you ever tell him, I’ll mess with your food for like a week

MistyVeil: Only a week?

FutureSightKahuna: There’s a chance he can learn to do it on purpose, and I am interested


PM from IcyBean to LegendBait

IcyBean: How’s Snowball?

LegendBait: Good! Misses you, but we’ve got some plans to surprise you!

LegendBait: Green’s coming in with Fix and Maeve, so there will be plenty of enrichment.

IcyBean: You use “you all” and yet you know what enrichment is

LegendBait: And here I was going to send you a picture of Snowball.

IcyBean: I apologize, please send pictures


PM from PsychicBean to LegendBait

PsychicBean: Hey I’m doing a Rotation travel period :(

PsychicBean: Didn’t think I was using this app but I guess I did just finish talking to Mallow

LegendBait: No problem. I’ll miss you! You taking the eggs or do you need me to watch them?

PsychicBean: I’m taking them! Acerola’s excited to meet them, so she says.

LegendBait: Cat mouth cousin, right?

PsychicBean: Yup. She’ll kill you and me if she ever knows we refer to her like that.

PsychicBean: Us and a couple others in the Rotation are doing some prep for working together during big events

LegendBait: !!That’s my future Kahuna boyfriend!!

PsychicBean: It’s not set in stone!

LegendBait: You’re blushing, aren’t you.

PsychicBean: Maybe.

LegendBait: I’m not going to be seeing you for how long again?

PsychicBean: You have a problem.

PsychicBean has sent ItsMoreEmbarrassingThatYouCollectThese.jpeg

LegendBait: You severely underestimate you cute you are. Hey do you have time before you leave?

PsychicBean: I’m packing right now

LegendBait: I’ll be right there

PsychicBean: Satoshi! You’re going to make me late!

PM from TolBabey to SmellYaLater

TolBabey: I love you and miss you

TolBabey: But you making me do your paperwork when I am regions away is not an act of love

SmellYaLater: I didn’t send you any paperwork! I’ve been doing all of mine and the stuff you usually do.

TolBabey: Put a tack in Rowan’s chair for me

SmellYaLater: He barely sits

TolBabey: That makes it more unexpected.

TolBabey: But I really do miss you, even though being here is awesome.

SmellYaLater: Did something happen?

SmellYaLater: Riley?

TolBabey: Yeah, some stuff happened. But doesn’t it always with Satoshi around?

SmellYaLater: You know you can call me any time, right?

TolBabey: Of course.


PM from MistyVeil to OhDeer

MistyVeil: How do you deal with not being near Makuahine?

OhDeer: We have a deal with Giratina and, as I am not tied to one place as directly, I occasionally visit her.

OhDeer: Is this about your human uh

OhDeer: Boyfriend? Is that the word

MistyVeil: Yeah, it is, and yeah, it’s about him.

MistyVeil: I love being in Alola so far and working with Satoshi and everyone but

MistyVeil: I miss him so much.

MistyVeil: And I don’t think he’d believe me if I told him about all of this. Not like Hau does for Satoshi. Hau knew gods before Satoshi ever showed up in this region, he knew spiritual stuff.

MistyVeil: Shigeru is a scientist. Even with him doing research on the different Legendaries in Sinnoh…

OhDeer: You do not believe he can grasp the full situation.

MistyVeil: He’s always known everything, I’ve always told him everything and he’s at least tried to understand.

OhDeer: You do not believe he would do this for your new understanding of yourself?

MistyVeil: I think he’d try too hard.

OhDeer: Oh. Oh my little twilight.


Bad Children Go In the Washing Machine

CriticalHit: Okay kids we’ve got a special guest coming who’s going to be taking us along to Akala!

CriticalHit has added RokKahuna to Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean: 1. Didn’t know y’all’d be headed to Akala and

PsychicBean: 2: Olivia totally lost a bet

RokKahuna has joined Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

RokKahuna: Damnit Kukui, I really wanted that rock too.

RokKahuna: Now I’m in this cursed chat

AngstMachine: Hi Kahuna Olivia

RokKahuna: Gladion??

RokKahuna: Oh good I’m not the only sane person here

AngstMachine: If you’re calling either of us sane, you are in a bad state

AngstMachine: How many times have you fallen on your face today

RokKahuna: …Like five…

FlameOn: It’s early, there will be more

RokKahuna: Kiawe!

TolBabey: Top Ten Anime Betrayals

IdRatherEatDirt: I have maybe half a clue on what that means but Satoshi just choked on air

TolBabey: Good. Gary’s the one who introduced me to it, so I knew he’d know what it meant

LegendBait: How’s their paperwork going btw?

TolBabey: I just got a huge fax at the lab and am going through it for them

TolBabey: And they say I’M babey

RokKahuna: Who is this sassy lost child? Who does not seem to be in your class? Actually neither is Hau or Gladion.

CriticalHit: One of my nephews! This is Riley Sycamore!

RokKahuna: I love him. You’re bringing him, right?

TolBabey: I’m a glorified assistant teacher

IdRatherEatDirt: I think you’re the most competent member of your family on this island

IdRatherEatDirt: ASH DO NOT

ZapBolt sent

RokKahuna: We’re going to have so much fun!


PM from StormChild to FutureSightKahuna

StormChild: You’d never use a Bruxish, right?

FutureSightKahuna: They clash with everything in anyone’s wardrobe.

FutureSightKahuna: There are so many better psychic pokemon in Alola anyways

FutureSightKahuna: What happened?

StormChild: A baby wailmer had gotten into one’s territory

FutureSightKahuna: Oof. Olivia save the day?

StormChild: We all helped, but yeah. She’s really cool.

FutureSightKahuna: She is! She helps out on the Rotation the most, yk? Since she’s a jeweler most of the time versus the other Kahuna and leaders who have Big Jobs with Schedules. Even Tutu Hala. She’s also the youngest right now so she’s super relatable.

StormChild: She’ll still be relatable when Hapu becomes official. Hapu, love her though I do, is a Sableye

FutureSightKahuna: It’s cause there’s like no one her age around

FutureSightKahuna: Everyone in the rotation is either 15 and up or 7 and down. Then there’s Hapu, about to turn 10.

StormChild: Yeah. Like no one has siblings her age. I think the class for her age group at the School is small too.

StormChild: How are the eggs?

FutureSightKahuna: Good! One of them has been wiggling a lot lately.

StormChild: :)

FutureSightKahuna: You’re still not telling me?

StormChild: I might give you a hint ;)

FutureSightKahuna: How many selfies do you have of me? This is turning into an addiction

StormChild: Not nearly enough, considering


FutureSightKahuna: I do not have even a quarter of the selfies of you that you have of me

StormChild: Well I’m currently half naked because we’re all drying our clothes after jumping in to help the wailmer

FutureSightKahuna: Is that supposed to be an excuse?

StormChild: Just a warning

StormChild has sent MissYou.jpeg

StormChild: Hau?

FutureSightKahuna: I see why I needed a warning. Acerola thinks I overheated.

StormChild: Whoops!


Chapter Text


Alola Family Chat

DeadlyDiver: What’s the mood in this Chili’s tonight kids

TolBabey: Twu wove

DeadlyDiver: Oh?

TolBabey: I do not know what Satoshi’s class expected with him and Hau being Official

TolBabey: But apparently it wasn’t their nuzzle greetings turning into make out sessions

CriticalHit: I’ve watched them do it a total of ONE time and that was me walking in on them.

CriticalHit: I didn’t think they’d do it in public

TolBabey: You didn’t tell either of them that they’d get to see each other on Akala

TolBabey: Olivia looks like a shipper on deck, though.

CriticalHit: She’s a hopeless romantic.

CriticalHit: She actually lost the bet that got her into the Washing Machine by underestimating me

CriticalHit: She thought she could NEVER like anyone I set her up with

TolBabey: ???????

CriticalHit: But they’ve gone on three dates now

YaBuggyBoi: What


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

TolBabey: @LegendBait @PsychicBean plz stop making out for five seconds

PsychicBean: We stopped a bit ago? We’ve been talking to Acerola?

TolBabey: Kahuna Olivia is dating someone!

PsychicBean: What

AngstMachine: What

FlameOn: What

RokKahuna: Ahilani you snitch

CriticalHit: Can’t beat me up if you can’t find me, Olivia

LegendBait: I like how this came out in the family chat while Hau and I were talking to Acerola

LegendBait: Speaking of, shouldn’t she be on there? Since we’re combining the Kukui and Sycamore sides of the family in the Alola Family chat

PsychicBean: She’ll just send memes.

LegendBait: What about Plume?

CriticalHit: Plumeria is in it now, she just lurks

TolBabey: She and I shitpost at two in the morning then delete everything so y’all won’t judge us

LegendBait: But we could add Acerola here?


PsychicBean: Hahaha. She and Ghastly got you again didn’t they

RokKahuna: YES

PsychicBean: Olivia is terrified of ghosts

FlameOn: Huh, nice to know

RokKahuna: I know where you sleep Kiawe

FlameOn: I need an adult

RokKahuna: I am an adult

FlameOn: A competent adult

PsychicBean: I think the only ones that exist are like. Your parents and Ash’s parents.

LegendBait: You severely overestimate my parents.

PsychicBean: Okay so it’s just Kiawe’s parents.

CriticalHit: My mother makes the active choice not to be competent most times.

RokKahuna: Your mother scares me

CriticalHit: Probably good for your health!

CriticalHit: How’s your boyfriend?

RokKahuna: Not my boyfriend. Shut up.

CriticalHit: Oops forgot for a second let me rephrase.

CriticalHit: How’s your datemate!

RokKahuna: Good now shut up before I find you and bury you under a Continental Crush

IcyBean: ??? Datemate?

AngstMachine: It’s the term used for a person you date who is not a man or a woman

IcyBean: Then what is it a ditto?

CriticalHit: OOF

LegendBait: They are a person. I am assuming that Olivia’s datemate uses They/Them pronouns, of course. Possibly agender, possibly genderfluid, definitely non-binary!

IcyBean: Oh! Like a genderless pokemon? Should I call genderless pokemon by those pronouns?

AngstMachine: I now have figured out who it is and they do use They/Them and they are agender masc!

AngstMachine: I stayed with them for a bit while I was on Akala

RokKahuna: If you value your life, you won’t tell anyone

AngstMachine: Bold of you to think I value my life

RokKahuna: …Baby you need therapy.

RokKahuna: And a hug.

RokKahuna: And some Kapu Cocoa

RokKahuna: Fuck my fear, I’m calling Momi and she’s going to track you down.

AngstMachine: What

CriticalHit: I’d suggest running but the one thing my mother is competent about is parental affection. She had to learn it, after all.

AngstMachine: What’s that

AngstMachine: I hear footsteps??? I’m not evena;rdhg;nh

AngstMachine has left Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

RokKahuna: That was the most terrifying three minutes of my life, but he’s going to get some love

IcyBean: Is something wrong with my brother? Besides the usual, I mean.

RokKahuna: Honey, the usual is what’s wrong. That’s not normal and he deserves happiness.


Alola Family Chat

YaBuggyBoi: So Momi booked it out of here like half an hour ago and now she’s back with this smol angry child

LegendBait: His name is Gladion, he’s a really strong trainer, and he has a lot of issues with self worth


YaBuggyBoi: New son

Vileplume: New baby brother

PsychicBean: You guys’s relationship dynamics with your team is

PsychicBean: Interesting

Vileplume: Are there any competing claims?

LegendBait: He has a younger sister and apparently a mother but they don’t talk about her and I’m not going to ask.

CriticalHit: Neither seem to have a strong concept of what a family is supposed to be so go gentle

YaBuggyBoi: Okay, got it. <thumbs up emoji>

LegendBait: We’re going to come back from Akala to a well adjusted if Skullified Gladion.

PsychicBean: Neat!

PsychicBean: Oof, Ace and I gotta go back to Rotation Business.

LegendBait: See you soon!

PsychicBean: Yeah!


The Legendarium

AUSunSon: @StormChild You awake?

StormChild has entered The Legendarium

StormChild: Well I am now

AUSunSon: Have you noticed anything strange about your Rockruff

StormChild: Well I’ve never raised a Rockruff before so I can’t tell you

AUSunSon: Oh, fair. Okay, just be careful!

StormChild: That’s ominous.

AUMoonDaughter: He does it on accident.

AUEmoChild: You do it on purpose

AUMoonDaughter: I do. I have class.

OhDeer: Since you’re here, Satoshi, I was wondering a couple things.

OhDeer: One, can you make sure Riley is doing alright? He’s worried about his boyfriend reacting to all of this one day.

StormChild: Oof. Yeah I’ll check on him and try and talk it out some?

OhDeer: Good! Okay and also. Have you seen Yveltal lately?

StormChild: No???? Should I have???? What????

DepressionNap: Don’t worry, you’re not supposed to have seen me. Means I’m doing my job.

StormChild: I get the distinct feeling I’m not being made to save the world this time

DepressionNap: With this, the only way anything will happen is if the humans do something.

AUMoonDaughter: Which they might. I don’t like those Aether people.

AUSunSon: Do any of us?

AUEmoChild: Nope

HereComesThe: That’s a no from all the Kapu too.

HereComesThe: Satoshi go to sleep before I have Tetefu sneak in and hit you with hypnosis

StormChild has fled The Legendarium

HereComesThe: Am I getting better at this whole dad thing?

Beastie: I don’t know enough about human parenting to tell.

OhDeer: You guys never read up? Kokeku, Rehire will lend you some of the books we picked up. IDK what to do for you Lugia.

Beastie: I’m sure Kalos is lovely this time of year

OhDeer: You’re going to raid more than just my parenting books aren’t you

Beastie: You DO have the best library of all of us.

OhDeer: Thanks I guess. I do love books.

Chapter Text

Ho’s Inn

StormChild has entered Ho’s Inn

StormChild: KYOGRE

WhaleThen: :|

Kaiju: Just a vacation, you said

WhaleThen: The Totem Wishiwashi are good friends!

StormChild: You had them give a Waterium-Z to Lana

WhaleThen: I thought it would be a good idea?

WhaleThen: We have the orbs and such, so

WhaleThen: And she seems to like water types???

StormChild: Were you pretending to be that fishing guru?

WhaleThen: I’m going to go visit Kapu-Rehire before I head home.

WhaleThen has fled Ho’s Inn

StormChild: UGH

CosmicSnake: I’ll give them a talking to when they gets back.

StormChild: Thank

StormChild has left Ho’s Inn


Alola ‘Oe

DesignatedHealer: Where Are the Children?

StormChild: Ignoring you tapping on the pokemon center windows

MistyVeil: We have things to do, ‘anake

DesignatedHealer: I could Help?

FutureSightKahuna: She probably wants the peanuts that Olivia left us. They’re salted caramel.


DesignatedHealer: caramelllll

StormChild: Are the rest of you like this about anything?

HereComesThe: Yes but we aren’t telling

DesignatedHealer: Wait, is Kahuna Child a psychic?


FutureSightKahuna: I have a bad feeling about this


FutureSightKahuna: I was even younger than Hapu, when your last Kahuna died.

DesignatedHealer: ARGH

FutureSightKahuna: You like Olivia. I wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

DesignatedHealer: …You’re probably right…

StormChild: He is a lot.

MistyVeil: This isn’t even Satoshi being in love talking, that’s just a fact.

FutureSightKahuna: Open the window and give her the peanuts

StormChild: a;ohepsf FINE

DesignatedHealer: YEalsldhf

MistyVeil has uploaded

HereComesThe and BullInAChinaShop have saved

FutureSightKahuna: That just happened. This is my life now.

StormChild: Sorry ;;;

FutureSightKahuna: Not sure I’d have it any other way.

StormChild: Zach that’s gay

FutureSightKahuna: Jared we’ve been dating for--

MistyVeil: Did you two have to do that verbally and by chat

FutureSightKahuna: Yes

StormChild: Yes


MistyVeil: Thanks I hate it.


PM from StormChild to MistyVeil

StormChild: Missing Shigeru?

MistyVeil: maybe

StormChild: Have you called him?

MistyVeil: What would I say?

MistyVeil: Everything is just… So much. I’m barely handling it, how would he?

MistyVeil: I’m so afraid he’s just going to get to that line where he just stops putting up with me and all my weird bullshit.

StormChild: Riley, you realize he’s known me since infancy, right?

MistyVeil: Yeah

StormChild: And he’s still, somehow, my best friend. We regularly call and just catch up. Yeah I don’t tell him every little thing about the legendary stuff, but I tell him the…events at least.

StormChild: Did you explain what happened when you met up with your Mère?

MistyVeil: …No.

StormChild: Maybe you should. Just. Just the meetings. And if he takes it well enough, maybe you can tell him everything.

StormChild: You know I didn’t even get to tell Hau? Mew did that. I didn’t plan on ever telling anyone. Hala found out by accident, kinda, so.

MistyVeil: Should I confide in a Kahuna too?

StormChild: It’s been somewhat helpful, but remember that Hau is basically a Kahuna in training too. He’s been way more involved than Hala and I’m 99% sure that Hala knows this.

MistyVeil: I’m going to go call Shigeru. And, uh, maybe talk to Hau later.

StormChild: Good!


You Spin Me Round

PsychicBean: Okay so.

NyatHappening: We’re all going to die

PsychicBean: Olivia asked us for opinions, not actual help implementing them.

FlameOn: Why am I still in this chat

PsychicBean: Because you rely on us to help with the extra homework you chose to let yourself get in for. You get the hell chat too.


FlameOn: Fine.

PsychicBean: And neither of us have fire types.

FlameOn: Acerola could have one if she just caught a Marowak.

NyatHappening: You’re way more likely to catch one of them Kiawe so deal with it

FlameOn: What’s the assignment?

PsychicBean: Safety regulations at festivals

FlameOn: Oof. Well, lines are good, at ones like the Wela festival.

NyatHappening: I was thinking vendors, too, though it’s a bit late for that.

FlameOn: Just invite the ones that set up down in town to be along the line?

PsychicBean: Wow having an Akala native on here sure is useful.

FlameOn: …none of you have been to the festival before, have you?

PsychicBean: Nope! I’ve barely been on Akala and Poni longer than like three days at a time, even with the Rotation.

NyatHappening: That’s because Uncle Hala is scared you’ll bolt

PsychicBean: You’re right but don’t let him know we know.

NyatHappening: I’ll go tell Olivia what we all came up with

PsychicBean: Throwing Kiawe under the bus for the praise? Yes.

FlameOn: We’re sleeping in the same room tonight, Hau.

PsychicBean: Yeah but my boyfriend is here so I get to cuddle.

PsychicBean: He’ll protect me

PsychicBean: Or Pikachu will

FlameOn: hhh one (1) fear


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean: I just want to say

PsychicBean: @FlameOn

PsychicBean: Acerola called it.

FlameOn: Never talk to me or my new child ever again

PsychicBean: So you don’t want help with the economics paper?


PsychicBean: Haha

LegendBait: I have the best boyfriend

FlameOn: Hush

BubbleOrBust: I’m glad you were able to make a friend, Kiawe. We were worried you had none.

FlameOn: SHUT.

IcyBean: We are Kiawe’s friends, though?

IdRatherEatDirt: Yeah, but he’s always on Akala when he’s not around us. So we tease.

LegendBait: Kiawe’s farm is really cool though! You guys all saw it this trip.

ZapBolt: Well yeah. But we hadn’t seen it before.

FlameOn: It’s hard to take more than one person at a time

RokKahuna: Well I hope all of you enjoyed these trials!

FlameOn: I’m going to ask Gladion about your datemate.

RokKahuna: I did not purposefully send you on trials. They just happened. Lana, you now can take my Grand Trial.

RokKahuna: But otherwise, we have some other stuff to do before I’m willing to take any challengers! Maybe the last couple days.

RokKahuna: Tomorrow we’re making curry!

LegendBait: Food!

PsychicBean: Acerola and I are heading to Ula’Ula tomorrow so we won’t be participating :(

RokKahuna: I’ll save you some and send it Nanu’s way.

PsychicBean: Thanks!

Chapter Text

Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are

MistyVeil: So uh

MistyVeil: Olivia knows now

MistyVeil: Forgot to tell you

StormChild: So you tell me as I’m prepping for her Grand Trial?

MistyVeil: Oh yeah that’s today

StormChild: Are you okay?

MistyVeil: Not really.

FutureSightKahuna: Does Olivia or Professor Kukui know that you’re not okay.

FutureSightKahuna: Riley I WILL come over from Ula’Ula to make you talk to an adult

MistyVeil: Olivia knows, cause I stayed with her last night because of the crying

MistyVeil: Shigeru hasn’t contacted me since we talked the other night.

StormChild: Huh. I’m down one best friend.

MistyVeil: Satoshi.

StormChild has left Help Me Obi Juan Whoever You Are


OG Friends Chat

LegendBait has entered OG Friends Chat

LegendBait: So I’m taking applications for a new best friend.

SketchIt: What did he do, I’m heading to Sinnoh next week to hand deliver ANOTHER paper laughing in Rowan’s face.

SmellYaLater: Don’t get involved Satoshi.

LegendBait: I am making it perfectly clear what side I’m on.

SmellYaLater: Yeah, you’re the one who screwed everything up.

SketchIt: Shigeru, you remember that he’s basically your in-law, right?

SmellYaLater: It was fine when Riley was just training as an Aura Guardian, but when you invited him to Alola everything got screwed up.

LegendBait: One, none of that is actually my fault; two, I don’t know what you’re so mad about; three, you’re the one who stopped contacting my cousin who I love dearly and who you’re in a relationship with after he filled you in on stuff he’s still processing.

MermaidsDrownMen: I get woken up by the chat blowing up and it’s just Shigeru screwing up his one decent relationship?

MermaidsDrownMen: @SketchIt one, why are you up. And two, I’m coming with you Sinnoh to evoke my chat handle.

SketchIt: You’re supposed to be at the gym for the thing at that time.

MermaidsDrownMen: And?

SketchIt: I’m proof-reading.

MermaidsDrownMen: Okay fair. Seriously, Youngest Oak For Three More Months. Get your head out of your ass. What happened to Satoshi being your best friend and Riley being the love of your life?

SmellYaLater: What would you do if your best friend started rubbing off his bad habits on your boyfriend

MermaidsDrownMen: My best friends and my boyfriends are the same people and you know this.

SketchIt: <3

SmellYaLater: Yeah but what if Takeshi started rubbing off on Kenji, like with his auto-attraction to any other beautiful women?

MermaidsDrownMen: Cule meeting, obviously. You talk these things out in any relationship. Especially with people you love. Like how you love Riley AND how you love Satoshi.

LegendBait: Seriously, Shigeru. Riley’s fucking despondent. I don’t care if you blame me for something that isn’t my fault, like what he told you about, but I care if you hurt my family. And you haven’t even texted him once since you guys talked.

LegendBait: I swear if he runs into one more tree I’m asking Cynthia to beat you up.

LegendBait: He literally stayed at Olivia’s house last night because he was crying.

SmellYaLater: oh

LegendBait: I have a thing, so I need to go. But fuckin’ think.


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

IdRatherEatDirt: How’d it go, Ash? You kinda just went straight for the bed.

LegendBait: I mean, I won. But I’m kind of concerned.

LegendBait: Rockruff attacked Rowlet. Both of them are okay, kinda, but Olivia thinks Rockruff might be ready to evolve.

ZapBolt: That makes sense, from what I’ve heard.

LegendBait: …I can’t find Rockruff

LegendBait: @CriticalHit @RokKahuna Uh, pokemon MIA?

CriticalHit: We’re supposed to leave tomorrow morning and this happens?

CriticalHit: What are the odds…

RokKahuna: Pretty good when you consider everything. Ash, let’s go look. Riley, man the fort!

TolBabey: Got it.


Four Losers With Two Braincells Between Them

Lychee: Anyone else on Akala besides Lani and I?

Lani: We could use some help. Ash’s Rockruff is missing after some Heavy Stuff

Layne: I’m on Ula’Ula still

Lune: Gladion and I got into Akala a few hours ago. He wanted to visit Olivia tomorrow after everyone’s left. We’re on the other side of the island from you tonight, I think.

Lune: And a little busy.

Lychee: Ugh. I can’t wait so see him but t i m i n g

Lychee: Can you spare any pokemon to help search? My Lycanroc is off looking.

Lune: Gladion’s Lycanroc left a little bit ago.

Lani: Anyone else get the feeling that something special is going to happen?

Layne: There’s supposed to be conditions for a green flash at dawn.

Lychee: NICE once we find Rockruff though. @Lune if we find Gladion’s Lycanroc we’ll send him back to you.

Lune: Thanks. TTYL AFK.

Lychee: We’ll let you guys know when we find something.

Layne: Do please

Layne: Okay, it’s past dawn, you guys gotten anything?

Lune: Gladion’s Lycanroc came back.

Lychee: You guys are not going to believe this

Lani has sent DawnorDuskFormName.jpeg

Lune: What the wcfuck?

Lani: It evolved with the green flash

Lychee: It was amazing!


PM from StormChild to FutureSightKahuna

StormChild: Look at this!! Rockruff evolved!!

StormChild has sent DawnorDuskFormName.jpeg

FutureSightKahuna: Wow! And I vote Dusk btw. It sounds cooler and you literally have a friend named Dawn.

StormChild: You’re right. I will bring this up to The Committee.

FutureSightKahuna: Olivia and the Professor, I’m guessing?

FutureSightKahuna: Anyways, tell him I can’t wait to see him all grown!!

StormChild: Of course!


PM from TolBabey to SmellYaLater

TolBabey has sent DuskMidnightMidday.jpeg

TolBabey: Can you show this to Professor Rowan? He does a bunch on evolution so he may have some ideas. The middle and right are the recorded forms and the left is a new form that hasn’t been documented before.

TolBabey: If he wants more information he can contact Professor Kukui.

SmellYaLater: Sure.

SmellYaLater has saved DuskMidnightMidday.jpeg

SmellYaLater has left the private chat

TolBabey: Damn it Shigeru.


PM from MistyVeil to StormChild

MistyVeil: He said “Sure,” saved the picture, and left the chat.

StormChild: Do you want me to stay at the Big House with you tonight?

MistyVeil: …Yeah…


Alola ‘Oe

StormChild has entered Alola ‘Oe

StormChild: @DesignatedHealer Do your job better

StormChild has left Alola ‘Oe

Chapter Text

Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean: I must announce

PsychicBean: Today is the day on which my boyfriend is now considered older than me

PsychicBean: For the next month, anyways.

PsychicBean: @LegendBait Happy Birthday!

LegendBait: Thank you! <3 <3

IcyBean: Where are you? You and Riley are out today.

LegendBait: Birfday

LegendBait: AKA Riley was allowed to abduct me to do Fun Stuff

LegendBait has sent TreasureIsland.jpeg

LegendBait: We’re hanging out with a bunch of wild pokemon

IdRatherEatDirt: Is that Kapu-Kokeku in the background playing with your Lycanroc?


LegendBait: What the fuck

FlameOn: The chat handle is evoked again

FlameOn: Where’s Riley?

LegendBait has sent TanTime.jpeg

AngstMachine: Your cousin does not need to become more attractive

ZapBolt: Oh? Does someone have a crush?

AngstMachine: One that is tempered by fear, but ye

FlameOn: Same. Riley is Too Tall

LegendBait: Well, he’s mainly doing this so I can spam the Kanto Friends chat with pics of him looking badass and hot and happy

IdRatherEatDirt: Did Gary do something?

LegendBait: Haha

LegendBait: Yes. So there’s a conspiracy to make him incredibly jealous because he’s being an ass.

CriticalHit has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

CriticalHit: Quiet Study Hour means I expect the people actually in class to be studying.

FlameOn: Scatter!


Alola ‘Oe

StormChild: So, like, did you have to be in my picture, makuakāne?

StormChild: When I told everyone to be out of it so this would all look normal to my mortal friends?

HereComesThe: I was chasing your Lycanroc and did not expect to be in the frame when you took it.

FutureSightKahuna: I am on Akala and could probably convince Olivia to let me go over there.

MistyVeil: I’d advise against that. We’re supposed to be learning about our Surges.

FutureSightKahuna: Oof. Probably for the best that you’re on an uninhabited island.

MistyVeil: It’s why we had to do this on Satoshi’s birthday. Or a weekend, I guess.

DesignatedHealer: Oh you’ll be back on a weekend soon enough.

StormChild: Speaking of. I’m challenging you to a wrestling match.

DesignatedHealer: Me?

StormChild: Yeah. After what happened with Lycanroc when he was a Rockruff.

DesignatedHealer: If I’d known he wasn’t a wild Rockruff!!

StormChild: Square UP, ‘anake.




MistyVeil: HUH.

MistyVeil has sent UnexpectedDevelopment.jpeg

FutureSightKahuna has saved UnexpectedDevelopment.jpeg

FutureSightKahuna: He finally unlocked is legendary form?

MistyVeil: Yeah he’s not done that yet. He and Tetefu are wrestling right now. It’s like a battle between her Surge and whatever his is.

FutureSightKahuna: Anything to do with the storm building over the Treasure Island


HereComesThe: Well it’s not unexpected. He is a storm. I suppose his Surge is “Stormy Surge” then.

MistyVeil: Holy Fuck What Is This

HereComesThe: Well, I’m guessing…

BullInAChinaShop: Flying type surge?

MistyVeil: There’s so much water and crackling electricity?

HereComesThe: There’s a reason the move Hurricane is classified as Flying type

HereComesThe: It’s also powered up my moves, though not as much as my Surge does

Necromancer: Same for me.

FutureSightKahuna: So a Surge that powers up Flying type moves primarily, but also electric and water type moves. What about Riley’s?

MistyVeil: Haven’t found mine yet.

MistyVeil: Satoshi’s seems to have happened kinda on accident? Like him unlocking his legendary form, it’s tied into his fighting with Tetefu.

FutureSightKahuna: The weather station is reporting on the clouds forming over the Treasure Island. They’re spreading.

MistyVeil: Well, ‘anake’s getting her ass beat so I’m guessing it’ll dissipate soon?

MistyVeil: Maybe?

MistyVeil: Ohana? Opinions?

Necromancer: He didn’t call it consciously, and he’s inexperienced.

FutureSightKahuna: I like how you used ohana in place of fam. I’m stealing that.

FutureSightKahuna: So you’re saying it might not disperse? This thing looks like it could wipe out a lot of Melemele and Akala.



HereComesThe: oh arceus you’re right

DesignatedHealer: everything hurts

StormChild: Hi I just read up WHAT THE FUCK how do I turn it off.

BullInAChinaShop: For Hau, they’re explaining Surges and what to do with them.

FutureSightKahuna: oof

FutureSightKahuna: The clouds have stopped spreading.

BullInAChinaShop: Looks like they’re getting somewhere.

BullInAChinaShop: The storm itself shouldn’t happen whenever he does a Stormy Surge again.

MistyVeil: The rain has stopped and the eye is starting to spread.

FutureSightKahuna: Eye? Was that ACTUALLY a baby hurricane

StormChild: Yeaaaaah….

FutureSightKahuna: So, okay, what “type” is he? Cause like. Implications.

StormChild: I think Flying/Water.

FutureSightKahuna: I now want to take you Mantine surfing for your birthday.

StormChild: Oh? When will you be back on Melemele?

FutureSightKahuna: We were going to get on the boat before the storm started.

FutureSightKahuna: So, the treasure island would be Polu Island, probably?

StormChild: I like the sound of that.

HereComesThe: Yes, that seems to be the case.

HereComesThe: And judging by Riley’s attempts at his Surge, his island is Ele’Ele.

FutureSightKahuna: Dark type?

Necromancer: It visually reads as ghost type but it’s powering all of us up, so I think it’s Fairy.

MistyVeil: I think it might be called Uncanny Surge?

FutureSightKahuna: You don’t choose the names?

BullInAChinaShop: Nope. They come naturally, same as the Surges and our types.

MistyVeil: So would I be fairy/ghost? With fairy as the primary?

Necromancer: Sounds right, with your mère being pure fairy and me having secondary fairy type. And Considering.

MistyVeil: <bleh tongue out emoji>

Necromancer: Hush. You and Satoshi will be practicing your Surges while Kokeku and Bulu wrestle.

Necromancer: We’ll let them return with plenty of time for dinner and mantine surfing, Hau.

FutureSightKahuna: Thank you, Kapu-Rehire.


Alola Family Chat

CriticalHit: @TolBabey @LegendBait

CriticalHit: Are you guys okay? I know you’re on that island that just had the storm appear and disappear

TolBabey: A little beat up and tired, but we’re okay. There was a Legendary thing.

LegendBait: Kapu-Kokeku and Kapu-Rehire were wrestling. It was INTENSE.

RunForTheMountains: At least you’re okay.

CriticalHit: Please come back to Melemele, I should have said that when I saw that photo you sent earlier.

TolBabey: Yeah we’re on our way back. SOMEONE has a date, after all.

LegendBait: Warning, Riley has a tan.

GetOffTheMountain: Oh??? Shigeru did something didn’t he.

TolBabey: More like he ISN’T doing something and I’m done being sad about it. So I’m mad.

TolBabey: He hasn’t contacted me at all since, like, the first couple days we were on Akala. I called him and told him some stuff and he just. Tried to laugh it off and then stopped messaging me. I messaged him with a picture of Satoshi’s Lycanroc for Professor Rowan and tried to open up a conversation but he just said he’d show the picture to the Professor and left the conversation.

LegendBait: We’ve been torturing him with pictures of shirtless Riley in the Kanto Friends chat.

GetOffTheMountain: GOOD. Anyways, did you guys know we’re joining you for the trip to Kanto?

LegendBait: NICE with Hapu?

RunForTheMountains: No, she’s got Rotation stuff so we’re entrusting her with Olivia. Maybe one day, though!

Chapter Text

Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

TolBabey: This will be my first time in Kanto

IcyBean: You too? But you’re Ash’s cousin?

TolBabey: I didn’t have contact with the family until recently.

LegendBait: Alain hasn’t been here yet, either, and Père hasn’t been back in a long time.

LegendBait: I wonder who all we’re going to see! @CriticalHit can I insist oji-san come visit???

CriticalHit: Lance? Sure.

RokKahuna: Y’all in a death trap and Kukui is planning a fistfight

CriticalHit: Hush Olivia.


Family Chat

LegendBait has entered Family Chat

LegendBait: @DragonFite Wataru-oji-saaaan

LegendBait: What are you doing this weekend?

DragonFite: Nothing? Hanging out at Hanako’s?

LegendBait: GOOD

DragonFite: Why?

LegendBait: We’re going to Kanto! Right now actually, we’re on the plane.


DragonFite: HANAKO

TheMomther: I was going to surprise you :)

LegendBait has left Family Chat


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

IcyBean: Why do Kanto and Johto have such similar languages?

LegendBait: Proximity is part of it, in why it’s kept up, but Kanto and Johto used to be part of one nation ruled by an emperor in the past. That government eventually gave way, but now the Champion occupies a similar place.

RunForTheMountains has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

RunForTheMountains: Yeah and they let ten-year-olds take the position.

LegendBait: You and I both know that most kids take at least three years to make it to the conference. Older trainers have a better shot because they usually understand their pokemon better.

IcyBean: Red!!

RunForTheMountains: We’re a few rows in front of you guys. I’m waving.

IdRatherEatDirt: I didn’t know you were coming!

RunForTheMountains: One of many surprises.

FlameOn: !!! Did you bring your Charizard?

RunForTheMountains: Of course I did. Ash’s Charizard would roast me if I didn’t bring its ‘onii-san’

LegendBait: Haha. F A I R.

LegendBait: Oh and everyone should be ready for lots of Kantonese around the edges. But most people speak Galarian so they’ll switch for you.

FlameOn: Is it true that Kantonese people take on Galarian names for foreigners?

LegendBait: Yup. Oji-san uses Lance, Okaa-san uses Delia, I use Ash, Red uses Red (though he does that for e v e r y o n e), etc.

ZapBolt: Your name isn’t Ash?

TolBabey: His name is Satoshi Gris Ketchum-Sycamore. Ash is his “outside Kanto and Johto” name

RunForTheMountains: The only place we get called something different is Kalos, and only by people who know Père and that we’re his kids. Then they call us by our middle names.

LegendBait: D i a n t h a

RunForTheMountains: She is like a distant cousin through grandmère

LegendBait: Olympia did it too but I like Olympia.

RunForTheMountains: Duh, she was champion/ Père’s boss back when Père first came back to Kalos to be regional professor. She’s basically an honorary aunt.

CriticalHit: She’s also half Alolan and comes to the region to visit sometimes. I like her a lot. I will adopt her in place of Riley and Alain’s dad.

TolBabey: I met her once in Kalos and honestly that’s a mood.

RunForTheMountains: Okay we’re landing.


Family Chat

GrowYourOwnDad: So how’s Kanto?

LegendBait: Kasumi! Takeshi! Sadly Kenji isn’t here but I! Am! Excited!

LegendBait: Takeshi and Kasumi have hit on Riley so far.

RunForTheMountains: They do that to everyone. They do that to YOU.

LegendBait: Yeah but they are just joking with me. They’ve known me since I was TEN.

LegendBait: They just know Riley from Shigeru chatting up nonsense and the recent deluge of shirtless pics that comes from Riley being passive aggressive at him and me being an enabler.

TolBabey: I am literally unaffected by them hitting on me. They seem to respect that.

LegendBait: Good!

TheMomther: You all are having dinner at Pallet House with Wataru and me, right?

LegendBait: Yeah!


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

FlameOn: Your mother scares me, Ash

LegendBait: Probably good for your health. She was sad Hau couldn’t come.

PsychicBean: Morning, btw

LegendBait: !!! <3 <3 I’ve got pictures of Kantonese Raichu and my Bulbasaur for you!

PsychicBean: !! NICE !!

LegendBait: Okaa-san is sending some pictures along for you with Riley ;;;

TolBabey: She knows you would leave them because you’re embarrassed.

IcyBean: Someone’s walking down the road.

FlameOn: Is that Gary?

TolBabey: w h a t

PsychicBean: BLEASE let me know what’s happening.

LegendBait: OH?

LegendBait: Oh gosh the groveling we’re watching. It’s like when Brock pisses off Misty or Tracy.

IdRatherEatDirt: Where did those flowers come from?

LegendBait: Watching him just LIFT Riley gives me life. It’s always funny.

ZapBolt: Are they going to stop kissing any time soon?

LegendBait: Considering his family house is next door and Daisy and Morty are in Johto right now? I don’t think we’ll be seeing them for a bit. Maybe in the morning when we leave for the gym.


OG Friends Chat

SketchIt: So did Shigeru get there in one piece?

LegendBait: Couldn’t tell. Riley’s the only who got close enough to tell and they’re

LegendBait: Having some a l o n e  t i m e

MermaidsDrownMen: Oof. But still, that was better than anything Takeshi has done legitimately.

RockSolid: I haven’t needed to completely turn you guys around after tanking my approval ratings.

SmellYaLater has entered OG Friends Chat

SmellYaLater: Hhhhhhh

SmellYaLater: I am going to marry him.

LegendBait: Did you propose?

SmellYaLater: Well no. Not yet.

SmellYaLater: Maaaay have a ring back in Sinnoh that I forgot

SketchIt: Oof. You’ll have to go to Alola to propose then.

SmellYaLater: Not the worst option!

LegendBait: How many times have you declared your love since your groveling.

SmellYaLater: At least ten. Man I love him. I’m a fucking idiot.

MermaidsDrownMen: No one in this chat will argue with you.

MermaidsDrownMen: When do you have to head back to Sinnoh?

SmellYaLater: Tomorrow ;;;

MermaidsDrownMen: So Riley will get to come to the gym too. Yay!

SmellYaLater: ;;;;;;;;;;;

MermaidsDrownMen: That sounds like “he might not be able to walk right now”

SmellYaLater: I was excited and needed to show him exactly how sorry I was.

LegendBait: That’s my cousin.

SmellYaLater: You have a boyfriend, you know.

LegendBait: We haven’t gone that far.

SmellYaLater: Oh.

MermaidsDrownMen: Oh.

RockSolid: Oh.

SketchIt: Am I the only one not surprised.

LegendBait: Do I count?

SketchIt: No.

LegendBait: Then apparently.


Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

IcyBean: @TolBabey are you okay? You’re limping.

TolBabey: I’m not talking about it.

LegendBait: BLEASE don’t make him talk about it. I know too much already and Riley has less of a filter.

LegendBait: I’m just glad he got his head out of his ass.

TolBabey: Yup.

LegendBait: You wrote something dirty then just replaced it, didn’t you.

TolBabey: Yup.

TolBabey: I’m really proud of everyone for the work you put into the gym battles today!

LegendBait: Takeshi and Kasumi admitting they learned some stuff from me was fun.

IcyBean: Takeshi? Kasumi?

FlameOn: I think he means Brock and Misty. Those are their Kantonese names?

LegendBait: Yeah! I barely have to use their Galarian names so I forgot. It’s been a couple years since I had to call Takeshi “Brock” and I’ve never really had to call Kasumi “Misty” so it’s been hard, heh.

IdRatherEatDirt: I think my favorite part of the trip was watching Professor Kukui punch out Champion Lance.

LegendBait: Oji-san versus ‘Anakala, round 2!

IdRatherEatDirt: Round 2?

LegendBait: Yeah! Professor Kukui took on the Pokemon League here the year before Red did. He beat the league and got through the Elite Four, but got taken down by Lance who said.

LegendBait: Mean things.

LegendBait: <upside down smiley face emoji>

CriticalHit: Don’t air my dirty laundry, Ash.

LegendBait: Considering the events of this weekend, I think it’s Oji-san’s dirty laundry.

CriticalHit: I like him better than your other uncle. But the bar is LOW.


LegendBait: He was pretty impressed you were able to knock him out.

CritcalHit: I’m AWARE.

LegendBait: Wow, I’m uncomfortable now.

TolBabey: Same. Does Auntie know?

CritcalHit: a;rgoahg YOU are not allowed to talk

LegendBait: I am though. But I am keeping my mouth shut because I’d rather have brain bleach.

IcyBean: ??????????

IdRatherEatDirt: Oh my Kapu

RunForTheMountains: I Do Not Like This

RunForTheMountains: You’re aware his kid is only six years younger than you? Like, my age?

LegendBait: He has a kid

TolBabey: He has a kid

CriticalHit: He as a kid?


Chapter Text

Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

FlameOn: I actually have this afternoon off, so I can come.

IcyBean: Yay! All the boys in class coming shopping with us again.

LegendBait: I just want to get a couple new shirts and some malasadas

BubbleOrBust: You wear other shirts?

LegendBait: I have like five of these shirts and then a bunch of shirts to sleep and hang out around the house. I like the consistency of a “uniform” type outfit because I wore a uniform when I was in school in Kanto.

FlameOn: Huh.

TolBabey: I wasn’t really allowed conventional schooling so I’m a lot freer with stuff.

LegendBait: You also wear a ton of hats.

TolBabey: Wide brims look good on me.

IcyBean: How is Poni Island, Riley?

TolBabey: Good! Hapu and I are heading to Ele’Ele Island this afternoon.

FlameOn: Ele’Ele?

TolBabey: It’s the name of the biggest uninhabited island off Poni. I did some research in the Malie City Library yesterday while Hapu was doing some rotation stuff on Ula’Ula and apparently it was used as a cemetery by Poni Island’s people up until about three hundred years ago, so there are some ruins and stuff there for rituals.

LegendBait: Sounds like a you thing, considering how we met.

TolBabey: Oof that was an Experience

TolBabey: I should call Carolina later

IcyBean: How did you two meet? You’re cousins, so I would have thought you’d have been around each other quite a bit growing up, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

TolBabey: He met me in Sinnoh. He’s was SO TINY for a fourteen year old. And I’d already hit my first Kalosian growth spurt. Anyways, we met on this island made of a meteorite while investigating why the steel types on the island were going crazy, fucked up some people who were trying to create a new world, and fixed the problem.

LegendBait: And Riley and his Lucario held a bunch of explosive power in a giant aura bubble and launched it into the sky from underground. Because the people planted bombs to blow up the island when they retreated.

IcyBean: I’m glad that nothing like that happens in Alola.

LegendBait: Please don’t jinx us Lillie.

PsychicBean has entered Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean: Ash.

PsychicBean: Get your ass to the dojo.

LegendBait: Is everything okay? Did I forget something?

PsychicBean: The eggs are hatching.

PsychicBean: Both of them.

PsychicBean: You said one of them would hatch before the other

TolBabey: <blank faced smiley emoji>

LegendBait: SHUT

LegendBait: I’m coming. I’ll have to go shopping another time, guys.

BubbleOrBust: Go, baby daddy, go.

LegendBait: What the fuck Lana. I’m running, Hau.

PsychicBean: THANK

LegendBait has left Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

PsychicBean has left Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine

BubbleOrBust: What do you know, Riley.

TolBabey: I know that I have to put my phone in a sealed bag so I can get in the sea kayak.

TolBabey: So, uh.

TolBabey has fled Bad Children Go In The Washing Machine


PM from FutureSightKahuna to StormChild

FutureSightKahuna: Satoshi, I am going to kill you if you don’t hurry the fuck up

StormChild: I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me. And I’m coming in right now. You’re in your room?

FutureSightKahuna: Yeah.

StormChild: How’s the egg watch?

FutureSightKahuna: More cracks but nothing’s out yet.

StormChild: Want some water?

FutureSightKahuna: Yes please. And can you grab the pokeballs on the kitchen counter? I’ve been leaving them there when I get home with the eggs, ‘cause I spend so much time in the kitchen, but I was up in my room when they started to hatch and I didn’t want to leave in case they hatched with me gone.

StormChild: Did one of them start hatching first?

FutureSightKahuna: Yeah, the solid blue one instead of the blue with light blue lines.

StormChild: Makes sense… But how long has it been? Since both?

FutureSightKahuna: Like two hours. Three since the first started.

StormChild: And you only just messaged me? You know ‘anakala would have let me ditch class. We’re just doing our Kanto essays.

FutureSightKahuna: I know. I just… I thought I could do it by myself. But they still haven’t hatched! Once they start hatching isn’t it a pretty quick process?

StormChild: Usually? I’ve got the waters and pokeballs and I’m headed up.

FutureSightKahuna: Am I doing something wrong?

StormChild: No, of course not. They may just need some assurance. Have you tried feeding a little energy into the eggs?

FutureSightKahuna: No???

StormChild: Rest your hands on the eggs, one on each, and just feed a little bit of assurance and energy into them.

StormChild: I’m coming in.

StormChild: For future reference, when you see this, you look adorable and also really hot.


Alola ‘Oe

StormChild has entered Alola ‘Oe

StormChild: Grandchildren

StormChild has sent

StormChild: He keeps cooing at them and praising them and my heart feels like it’s gonna burst.

StormChild: Anyways, gotta tell the other side of the fam

StormChild has left Alola ‘Oe


DesignatedHealer: You’re dying of cute and pride aren’t you.

HereComesThe: Y E S

Kanto Legend Chat

StormChild has entered Kanto Legend Chat

StormChild: I am here to announce that y’all be aunties and one uncle and one grandpa

StormChild has sent

WCDONALDS: I am going to spoil them even though they’re normal-ish pokemon

StormChild: They both have some of my aura and some of Hau’s psychic energy, so ish is probably right.

FoodAtHome: …I’d stop at WcDonalds for them…

OneBlackCoffee: I’d die for them.

StormChild: Is Otou-san around?

OneBlackCoffee: He left the area yesterday, actually.

StormChild: Huh.

StormChild: Why?

FoodAtHome: He may have mumbled something about making up with Dad #2.

StormChild: Wow, Hau and I get to let him meet his grandchildren in person?

StormChild: And makuakāne.

StormChild: Wait does makuakāne know?

WCDONALDS: Not that we’re aware.

WCDONALDS: Good luck kiddo!

StormChild: Hhhh don’t like this scenario playing in my head


PM from StormChild to FutureSightKahuna

StormChild: So uh, Otou-san is apparently going to be in Alola soon. Probably tonight based on currents.

FutureSightKahuna: Lugia? Is coming here?

StormChild: That’s what Legendary Bird Sibling think

StormChild: And makuakāne doesn’t know.

FutureSightKahuna: Fuck

FutureSightKahuna: Now I see why you opened a PM, the babies would not be able to take my screams

FutureSightKahuna: Hhh that yawn!

StormChild: Let’s take a nap and then go down to the beach?

FutureSightKahuna: I’d like that.