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Now Or Never

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Chapter 1

Roxy’s P.O.V

I forced myself up and out of bed, ignoring the stab of pain from my leg. Negan had carried me to the medical bay the second we got back to The Sanctuary. I’d been patched up and given pain killers that I was to take for a week. Negan was insisting I take the week off, to take it easy whilst he cleaned up the mess that was the situation with Alexandria. I glanced at the blister pack of pills on my bedside table, I didn’t need them. I needed to be strong, I couldn’t let something like a bullet wound make me useless for the week. I hated sitting around and doing nothing, I had to make my contribution. I glanced at the makeshift cane beside the bed, I definitely didnt need that.

I changed into clean clothes before brushing my hair and cleaning my teeth. I looked better which would help in making me feel better. I took it slow as I left the room, heading downstairs. Why did this place have to have so many damn stairs? I finally made it to the bottom floor, considering resting on the last step. I couldn't, not with so many people around. I took a deep breath and forced myself to keep going outside. Some fresh air would help, staying inside for the week was making me go a little stir crazy. I made it to open doors, finding Negan and Simon talking in the yard. The pain was worse now, making it hard to keep going. I leant against the door frame, resting for a little while.

Negan and Simon noticed me, neither of them looking happy to see me out of bed. Negan was the first one over, wrapping his arm around my waist to support me.
“You know your not supposed to be out of bed baby girl,” he said sternly.
I made a sound of annoyance, he didn’t need to talk to me like a child.
“I’m fine,” I replied.
“It’s only just been a week. You still need your stick.”
“I told you I’m fine.”
At that point the pain in my leg got worse and I struggled to remain standing on it. Negan kept his arm around my waist and kept me steady. He gave me that ‘I told you so’ look. Simon took my arm and put it over his shoulder to help too.

This was just making me feel worse. I didn’t need their help, I could do something as simple as stand on my own.
“Would you both stop fucking fussing?” I snapped.
Negan glanced at Simon and motioned to give us a minute. Simon made sure I was steady before leaving us. Negan led me over to a crate where I could sit down. It already felt better to take the weight off my leg.
“You gotta stop pushing yourself or otherwise you could end up doing more damage,” Negan spoke.
“Oh so you’re a fucking doctor now?”
“No but he told me if you push yourself then the muscle will take longer to heal. Do you want that? To be bedridden even longer?”
I refused to answer him, avoiding his gaze. He was right, I just didn’t want to admit it.

“Do you want that baby girl?” He asked again, determined to get an answer out of me.
“No,” I grumbled.
“That’s what I thought. So are you gonna listen and rest or make things worse?”
“I just hate not doing anything. I feel useless.”
“Who the fuck said your useless?”
“You know I hate sitting on my ass all day. I’m doing nothing to help fix the mess with Alexandria and I hate it.”
“I’ve got a lid on it, you don’t need to worry. The main thing is that your okay. I-I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.”
This made me look at him, Negan didn’t say nice romantic shit often. Probably why it had more of an effect on me.

“I know that your going to want to protect me and keep me here where I’ll be safe, but you know I won’t accept that,” I explained.
“I know, oh boy do I fucking know. You’re a stubborn bitch sometimes.”
I smirked, “what do you mean sometimes? I thought I was all the time.”
Negan chuckled at my joke. It was nice to hear him laugh at a time like this, I knew he was under a lot more pressure and stress than usual. War was on the horizon and Negan wanted as little casualties as possible, on both sides.
“I’m sure I can find you some small jobs to do, if it will keep you happy,” Negan bargained.
“I have a feeling it’s paperwork.”
“You know how much I hate paperwork.”

I signed, it was better than nothing.
“Maybe you could sit down with some maps and find some places to scavenge as well. Organize some groups to go out,” Negan suggested.
“Whatever I can do to help you out. How are you holding up?”
“Me? I’m fine,” he shrugged, obviously lying to me so I wouldn't worry.
“Don’t bullshit me Negan. I know you haven't been sleeping.”
“I just didn’t want it to have to come to this, that’s all.”
“None of us did. But you’re not alone in this. You don’t have to do this on your own. I’m with you on this. Rick will need to go, you know that.”
“I do.”

I reached out for his hand, lacing my fingers with his. I squeezed his hand for reassurance. He returned the gesture before pulling me to my feet carefully. He pulled me in for a kiss, wrapping his arm around my waist before pressing his forehead against mine. We were interrupted by Simon clearing his throat. We both turned to him and I noticed he was carrying my stick. I sighed but accepted it from him.
“Come on grandma, you can help me with stock take,” Simon joked.
“Call me grandma one more time and this stick is gonna go very far up your ass.”
I kissed Negan again before following Simon inside. He made sure to stay at my pace and keep an eye on me in case I got tired again.
“I’ll race ya,” he smirked.
“I hate you.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his jokes though. I was thankful he was making jokes about it in a way. It didn’t make me feel so awful about it.

We reached the first supply closet and Simon sat me down on a stool before handing me the clipboard. He’d count, I’d make sure to mark the number down. Stock take was also the best way to see if anybody around here was stealing food.
“What were you two talking about before I came out?” I asked.
I knew I could trust Simon to tell me, he didn’t keep secrets from me. Negan should know that by now too.
“Talking about the next plan of action, who we should move against first,” Simon answered.
“There's too many options, but it's either Hilltop or Kingdom first. They’re the smallest meaning they’ll be the easiest to fall in line again.”
“Well Hilltop is our territory, so he’ll want our input. Kingdom is to do with you and Gavin.”
“Gregory shouldn’t be hard to convince. The man's a selfish coward, we threaten his life and he’ll give us back Hilltop.”
“He might but with the widow alive and well I doubt that’s gonna go over as smooth as we’d like.”

I sighed, marking down a number Simon gave me for tinned peaches.
“He’s worried about you too,” Simon mentioned.
“I know.”
“He’s told me I have to convince you to not go out there anymore, because you’re not going to listen to him.”
“And he thinks I’ll listen to you?”
“Yeah, that’s what I told him. But neither of you listen to me, yet you both ask for my advice.”
“Sorry to make you the middle man.”
“It feels like I’m more than the third wheel in the relationship,” he laughed.
“Don’t go giving him ideas.”

“You know I gotta at least try and convince you to stay here for a while,” Simon explained.
“Alright, I’m listening.”
“What would have happened if the bullet had been a little bit higher and nicked your artery?”
“I would have probably bled out in the back of that truck.”
“And you would have turned. You really think he would have coped well with that?”
I sighed, he’d been through enough with Lucille. It made me feel guilty for my recklessness, I shouldn’t have chased after Daryl.
“You know how much he cares about you, just give it some thought okay?” Simon asked.
“He’s cared about me for a while, he still hasn’t told me if he loves me or not.”
“The L word still hasn’t been dropped between you two? Jeez anybody would think your married.”

“I mean he probably doesn’t love me that’s probably a bit too much for him,” I shrugged it off.
“Roxy, you are the only wife that comes out on runs and works her ass off because he lets you…and you don’t think he loves you? You get a lot of special treatment compared to the others. My list keeps going if you’d like to hear it.”
“Okay he does all that, but he still keeps the other wives around, still sleeps with them on occasion. We’re not exclusive, at least he isn't.”
“Do you love him?”
“Then why don’t you tell him?”
I raised an eyebrow, giving Simon a ‘seriously’ look. It wasn’t that obvious.
“You’re scared he won’t feel the same way and reject you? Jeez it's like being in high school with you two,” Simon sighed.

“Well it’s a possibility.”
“I think he’d be flattered and that’s only if he didn’t feel the same way, which he does.”
“You mean it would do wonders for his already huge ego?”
“I think you should tell him.”
“I think you need to shut up and do the stock count. I’m letting you not be the third wheel in this instance.”
“How thoughtful of you.”
We went back to stock count, Simon giving me numbers to write down. I don’t think I’d ever get the courage to tell Negan I loved him, but maybe I’d stay at The Sanctuary for a little while if it gave him peace of mind.