"You never really made it clear to me."
Maya and Amara were lying on Maya's bed after a long night at a party Aashu arranged at his place. As promised, Amara didn't drink so much.
Maya was on her phone trying to set an alarm so she can take Amara home early tomorrow and hopefully be able to eat breakfast there. Her mom's cooking is to die for.
"What?" Maya asked absentmindedly as she chose the perfect audio for the alarm.
"If... anything really happened."
Maya paused and with a deep breath, she locked her phone, rolled her eyes and faced Amara properly.
"Really, Amara? We're having this conversation again?"
Amara took a deep breath as well and sat up which made Maya sit up too.
"I don't want you to say anything you think I wanna hear." Amara said seriously and Maya is trying to hold back the tears and frustration.
"What the Fuck do you want me to say then?"
"The Truth, Maya! I want you to tell me the truth?"
Maya just laid her head back and rolled her eyes.
"My God, Amara. Why can't you just leave that be! That was a month ago!"
Amara put her hands on Maya's shoulder to force the other girl to look her in the eye.
"Then why can't you just tell me the truth!? The plain truth!"
"God, Amara. What the hell do you want what happened!? Nothing? Or something? Make it clear!" Maya said irritatingly refusing to look Amara in the eye.
"I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to happen! Just tell me what Really happened!" Amara's voice sounded desperate, still trying to make Maya look at her.
"Well what if you can't handle it, huh? What if you don't like what happened!? You're gonna break down because it's so disgusting? Huh? To be with me that way?" Maya's voice started to sound fragile like she could break down at any moment.
"Why the fuck would you assume that!? You think you always know what I'm feeling!?" Amara's started to mirror Maya's tone.
"Well didn't you fucking say, 'oh my god if something happened, i would never be able to live with it.'?" Maya said finally looking at Amara as she tried to mock her.
"Well isn't that How All girls are expected to react!? That's how I'm Supposed to react!!" Amara snapped and moved her hands away from Maya's shoulder and avoided her gaze.
"because... what if i showed you that maybe I wanted that moment to really happen? what if I reacted like i ...wanted you? How would you feel about that? Isn't that complicated?"
She continued as she looked at Maya's curtains, being lit so beautifully and think just how painfully wonderful it is to be in Maya's room. To be in Maya's world.
Maya started to look up again to try and hold back the tears. She brushed off the ones that strayed away from her eyes quickly and cleared her very aching throat.
"But you don't really want that to have happened, you don't really want me..." Maya tried to say it as light as she can.
Amara got frustrated again. "Stop assuming you know what I feel!"
"Then, what do you feel!? Just Tell me the truth too! Okay, Amara? Show me what you really feel instead of how you're 'supposed' to feel!" Maya snapped again. God, she just wants the whole thing to blow over. She's already prepared to what Amara would say.
"I want You, Okay!?" Amara blurted out and started to ramble.
"I want your beautiful soul, your beautiful mind, your beautiful face, your beautiful arms wrapped around me. I want to always be in this room, being next to you in this bed. Being close to you... Laughing with you, spending life with you. I want...to kiss you, Maya. And...i feel like I have...and I just wanna know that if it really happened, you liked it too...that you want the same too." Amara said the last words softly as she slowly started to look at Maya in the eyes again.
Maya wasn't prepared for that at all. She was speechless, frozen, she didn't even know if she was still breathing.
"Say something, Maya." Amara said, voice breaking.
Maya took a deep breath, it took her a moment to find her voice.
"I want that too...but I feel like it's not something you would choose, isn't it? You're still with Aashu and you're not gonna leave him for me, are you?" Maya said, tears finally falling freely.
Amara started crying too. "I wanna be with you." She said as she moved closer to Maya and cupped her face and Maya closed her eyes to feel her palm against her cheek.
Amara placed her forehead against hers. "I would choose to be with you, if you want me to. If you'd choose to be with me too."
Maya opened her eyes and ran her thumb across Amara's cheeks to wipe her tears. "I hate seeing you cry."
Amara cried even more and hugged Maya, burying her face onto her neck. Maya only wrapped her arms around the smaller girl and she slowly laid them both back into the pillows not pulling away an inch.
"We can talk about this more tomorrow, okay?" Maya said softly against Amara's temple. "It's been a long night, you need to sleep." Amara snuggled closer and tightened her hold and said something inaudible. Maya only laughed and started playing with her hair and after a few moments the girls fell asleep in each other's arms.
The next day was a bliss. The girls couldnt stop smiling at each other. It's just their normal routine, their normal playful banter but there's something different in their hearts. Like it's become fuller but lighter at the same time.
They were still giggling when they arrived at Amara's house.
"Maya!" Amara's mom called out excitedly.
"Auntie!" Maya smiled as she approached the older woman and gave her a proper kiss and hug.
"How are you, sweetie? It's good that you're here. I just finished making breakfast. Thank you for bringing this girl early, she never eats breakfast anymore."
"I actually just came here for the food." Maya laughed and Amara rolled her eyes and went to her room to get ready.
After their breakfast, Amara was on her way to work and Maya was on her way to school. Amara placed her hand on Maya's and Maya held it tightly.
"After work, can we meet? Can I go to your place?" Amara asked nervously.
Maya playfully scoffed. "You always go there after work."
Amara giggled. "No, I mean. To talk. To continue our conversation."
Maya's expression turned worried. She cleared her throat and forced a smile. "Yeah, sure. whatever you want."
Amara noticed the change of expression and cupped Maya's cheek with her hand and slowly moved to her chin. "What's on your mind, huh? Why do you look stressed?"
Maya shook her head. "Nothing.".
Amara added another hand so both her hands are cupping Maya's face.
"What are you afraid of?" Amara asked softly.
Maya's tears started falling and Amara's thumb was ready to brush them. "You know, I hate seeing you cry too." Maya cried even more.
"Tell me, Maya." Amara asked again and her one hand started brushing Maya's hair.
"...maybe you wouldn't really choose me...you wouldn't choose this kind of life with me."
Amara wrapped her arms around Maya's neck and hugged her.
"... You mean this wonderful and colorful life, with you? This beautiful feeling of my heart hammering in my chest whenever I look at you? That whenever I have you in my arms, I feel like... I'm at home? That kind of life?" Amara's tears started to fall too but she was smiling.
Maya hugged her tighter and Amara rubbed her hand against her back.
They pulled away from the hug while Amara still had both of her hands on Maya's face.
"Shh now...okay? We'll talk later after my work and after your class. Don't stress so much about this."
Maya nodded and Amara kissed her forehead. They went on their separate ways after one last hug and a kiss on the cheek.
When Maya heard the knock on the door, she wasnt sure what to feel. Amara was at work. And at work, there was Aashu, Amara's boyfriend... So when she opened the door, all nervousness running through her veins, she wasn't expecting Amara running faster than the flash jumping on her. She was lucky to have an awfully good balance to keep them both upright.
"Uhh h-" Maya wasn't even able to finish when Amara put her lips against hers and pulled her closer as she wrapped her arms around her neck.
Maya's world stopped, her heart stopped and her head went crazy. After a few seconds, her arms absent-mindedly wrapped around Amara's waist and kissed her back.
They stood and kissed softly for a long moment. Then Amara slowly pulled away with the biggest smile on her face.
"Hi." Maya said, smiling just as big.
"Hey... Sorry... I've been wanting to do that last night but I needed to break up with Aashu first." Amara said looking up with glint in her eyes.
"You mean..." Maya said, eyes wide.
Amara nodded, with a huge grin on her face. "yeah, i broke up with him. And it's not the on and off kind of break up... I Really broke up with him."
Maya smiled and cupped Amara's face.
"I am so enchanted by you." Maya said which Amara giggled at and kissed her again.
"Mmmh I love kissing you. You have the softest, sweetest lips, Maya." Maya smiled into the kiss.
"I've been longing for this ever since you first kissed me. I couldn't stop thinking about it." Maya said between kisses.
Amara pulled away completely.
"So It was me who kissed you first?"
Maya rolled her eyes. "Yes."
Amara smirked. "I knew I have better moves than you."
Maya laughed. "Yes, you're the bolder one."
Amara kept smiling. "Did you like it?"
Maya hid her face on Amara's shoulder. "Of course I did."
Amara laughed and pulled Maya's face towards hers.
"Then keep kissing me."
And so they kept kissing, surrounded by the beautiful lights in the room.
Maya started playing some music with her phone and they both slow danced into the song
"I love this place... I love your room... your world...I want to be in your world, Maya." Amara said, her cheek against Maya's feeling their closeness. Feeling the moment. Like nothing else exists but them.
"You are my world, Amara." Maya replied as she turned to face her.
"I love you." Amara whispered before kissing her again...and again..and again....and again.