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Send Out a 911 We're Gonna Have Some Fun

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"No junk food, and he needs to be in bed by 11!"

 

Roman rolls his eyes as Sarah admonishes him and Kurt for the tenth time.

 

"Got it." Kurt grinds his teeth.

 

Jane tugs on Sarah's arm again. "Let's go, Sarah. We're already late. At this rate, Allie and Tash will already be in fine form by the time we get there!"

 

Sarah starts peppering Sawyer with kisses again, and Roman feels for the kid. Sarah seems to be working under the impression that not only is her son five instead of sixteen, but that she's going to be gone for months instead of a few hours. He wants to tell her to stop smothering the kid, but that's not going to help. The only thing they can do is smile and nod, subtly help Jane drag her out, and lock the door as soon as the woman's out in the hallway.

 

It takes Jane practically throwing Sarah into a headlock to get her to leave, but as soon as they're gone, the apartment seems preternaturally silent. It's blissfully peaceful, and all three of them sigh in relief.

 

"I need a beer." Kurt announces, heading into the kitchen. "Roman?"

 

"God, yes." Roman yells after him, then gestures towards the TV. "You want to pick what we watch?"

 

Sawyer looks hopeful. "Do you guys get Skinemax?"

 

Roman laughs. "Yeah, that's not happening, kid. Even I know that. Try again. Boxing, wrestling, football, or some sort of shoot 'em up movie?"

 

Kurt shouts from the kitchen. "I've got that Giants game from last week on the DVR. Do you guys want pepperoni or sausage on the pizza?"

 

Sawyer and Roman look at each other and yell back in unison. "Both!"

 

"X-box until Uncle Kurt's done cooking?" Sawyer asks.

 

"Hell yeah." Roman nods. "Fire it up, dude."

 

Kurt wanders back into the living room, three beers in hand. He hands one to Roman, then eyes Sawyer carefully. "If I let you have half a beer, do you swear that you'll do everything necessary to make sure your mom and Aunt Jane never hear about it?"

 

Roman's half-tempted to protest, because he knows Sarah'll kill both Kurt and him if she ever finds out.

 

"Promise!" Sawyer quickly swears.

 

Kurt sees the dubious look Roman's giving him, and shrugs. "He's sixteen. I'm sure this won't be the first time he's had a beer. It's a safe setting."

 

"Dude. Your sister." Roman feels like he has to at least give a token protest.

 

"And that's why none of us are telling her, right?" Kurt hands the bottle to Sawyer, who quickly starts drinking.

 

"Slow down." Roman wonders exactly when he became the voice of reason. "Your uncle said half a beer tonight. You're going to want that privilege to last more than three seconds."

 

Sawyer grins at them. "What's he going to do, take back a half-empty bottle and drink it himself? When he says half a beer, he means a full one, right Uncle Kurt?"

 

Kurt laughs. "Okay, a whole beer. But in exchange, you go to bed when I tell you to without any complaints or stalling, deal?"

 

Sawyer studies his uncle. "Two beers, and I go to bed a whole half-hour before mom said I had to, no complaints but I get to have my phone with me when I do."

 

"Really?" Kurt laughs again. "You are really pushing your luck. Two beers, you can stay up to 11, no phone."

 

"Deal." Sawyer spits on his palm and holds it out.

 

Roman snorts. "Deal-making, I'll believe you learned from Reade, but not that. Go wash your hands, I don't want your spit on my X-box controllers."

 

"Excuse me, my X-box controllers." Kurt lounges on the couch. "Food'll be out of the oven in about fifteen minutes."

 

Sawyer runs off, and Roman voices his concerns again. "Sarah is seriously going to kill both of us, you know that right? She's going to get home, count the number of empty bottles, smell his breath, and murder us."

 

Kurt shrugs. "It's girls night. We're going to be lucky if Sarah and Jane come home before 3, with all of the clothes they left with, and upright. When I dropped the kids off at her place earlier, Allie said something about earlier about a desperate need to unwind – I know what that means. Sarah won't notice, I promise."

 

Roman feels a headache coming on. "Als wants to unwind? Fuck. We're going to end up bailing all of them out of jail, aren't we?"

 

Pretending to give it some thought, Kurt pauses to swig his beer before answering. "Nah. Jane and Patterson tend to be fairly level-headed. Tash won't do anything that gets Sarah in that much trouble." He winces.

 

While Kurt hadn't finished his thought, Roman knows what he means. Tash won't let Sarah get in trouble because of Ed. "Still a sore point?"

 

"I should check on the pizzas." Kurt gets up, fleeing to the kitchen.

 

Roman takes that as a yes. He still doesn't feel good about this girls' night.