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You NEVER...WOULD YOU EVER?

Chapter Text

Allie announces the rules of the game. “Main thing: those who are in a relationship can’t
use that person ANYWHERE in their answer. Tasha, Jane, Paterson…and yes, MYSELF, can’t
use our OTHER as our fantasy bang…Brianna, go to town. Your fantasy must be someone you
work with or around-no TV, film, or sports figures. Tasha, you first.”

After a few seconds to consider her answer, The Latina responds:
Roman (sorry, Jane!), Conor (sorry, Allie!), Stuart (sorry P!)…Lawson, at CIA…I’m losing
focus, so pass to Paterson.”

“Roman’s fucking studly-NUTS, but studly (Hey!, Jane interrupts), tie for Conor and Stuart…Reade
(she winks at Zapata, who sticks out her tongue), and…Weller.”

Brianna has input: “That’s only FOUR…Conor and Stuart count for one.”

Paterson amends her response. “OK…Keaton, then.”

“Knight, Allie…name your stud!,” slurs Jane.

“Hmmmm…Roman; what’s his name…OSCAR…Reade, Stuart, and…that coffee guy in my building
at the Marshals’…when he says ‘Good morning’, I wanna say back, ‘Of COURSE I WILL FUCK YOU,
backdoor is on the menu’.”

Paterson, taking a sip of wine at the time, coughs it all out, Tasha says “Goddamn!”; Jane just
stares at her, wide-eyed...Brianna simply giggles wildly. “She said ‘backdoor is on the menu’ “,
the pretty brunette howls.

Jane Doe is up…” Reade…Conor…Stuart, Borden (I KNOW!)…that bdsm with Keaton in the CIA
dark site was kinda hot, in a twisted sorta way…just sayin'..."

Allie is buzzed, but not full-drunk. “I didn’t say Nas…I’d get with Nas-in seconds. Can I include NAS?!”

Paterson shrills, “GO ALLIE!”

“Okay, Bri,” says Zapata.

“Zapata, Reade, Roman, Nas, Jane and Paterson tie….and…I guess Conor."

“Zzzz-apata!”, Jane sing-songs playfully.

After mimicking the cocking then discharging of a pistol at her friend, Tasha says, “No one
mentioned Weitz.”

“Weitz…he might get these panties to drop-once,” Allie says.
“Weiss?” Paterson points to Tasha.

“That scruff beard…not horrible looking…he’s not top-five, but it’s a conversation. If I were
much more fucked up than I am now.”

Jane? “Mmmm…sleaziness aside, he could be on the “bench.”

Brianna? “4-5 Long Island Teas…he’s a strong almost yes.”

Lastly, Allie says, “Shit…it’s 1130. I know I have get the fuck out of here and HOME, and so
do all’a you, so don’t front.”

As they're leaving, Paterson says,"Zapata only named THREE, by the way..."

Walking away rapidly, Tasha calls back, " NEXT TIME!...BYEEEEEEE!."

Chapter Text

Rules, as announced by Allie: we won't know anyway, but we're among friends,
so tell the fucking truth! No "passes" on question 2: we want all the durty deets"

Allie: Me first, this time...Conor's a respectable 7 and a quarter; inch or two around."
Brianna?

Blushing, Brianna says: "My most of the time guy is 7 and three quarters-I'd say two,
maybe three inch diameter...do dildos count?"

Allie: The rules don't say NOT...go for it.

Brianna: A "friend" of mine, Jess, has this dildo that has to be 10 inches, and three around."

Jane: Shiiiiiiit!

Brianna: It's fucking huge.

Zapata: Under-state much?

The not quite tipsy (but getting there!) group all have a good laugh.

Allie announces, "JANE...don't exaggerate now, you know that I KNOW!"

Jane says, "Kurt Weller is a healthy 8" by 2 and a half, sometimes three in
diameter."

The remaining women look to Allie, who nods her agreement to the assessment.

Patterson's turn: 9 and 3 for Stuart.

A low whistle of appreciation from the other women, and a brief chant of STUART!
STUART!, STUART! makes the rounds.

Allie says, "Okay, Tasha: 'spill it' on Assistant Director Reade."

Zapata says, "HAND TO GOD: length is 10 and a pinch and nearly FOUR inches around-
took a LOT of getting used to...couple of weeks."

Patterson: 'You dated that Dominican Baseball player for the Yankees back when,
didn't you? I remember you complaining about HIS size."

Zapata: That's been almost three years ago, babe...Manny "beat the pussy up", but
Reade is committing *AG Assault* on the pussy."

Jane says, a little tipsily, " I ain't surprised...he's a BROTHER."

"Dat true," agree Allie and Brianna, nearly at the same time.

"A'ight Ladies and or Sluts...it's coming up on 10, and I'll have to 'pull' on Conor if I get home
drunk again...in this order: Zapata, Patterson, Allie, Jane, and Bri-ANAL, yes or no?"

Zapata: Yes

Patterson: Case By Case basis

Allie: Hell yeah

Jane: Ahhh...YEAH!

Brianna: Case by Case...Russ yes, Jess-Can't help you.

Once they are all outside, Patterson says to Tasha, 'You manage ALL THAT in your delicate
little rosebud? You a goddamn WARRIOR!"

Tasha remarks, "TRUST ME...it ain't EVERY DAY! Or even EVERY WEEK!"

Chapter Text

Jane: "Hey, Tasha...are you goin' to that GNO?

Tasha: Uh-uh. Reade's givin' me the cold shoulder...he found out how
wild shit gets, somehow. You?

Jane: Noooo, Hell NO! I'm getting the same with Weller. The 'how how far is your
ass planning to take this' eye.

Tasha: Oooh, shit! He just walked past, and the stink eye I got is smelling up the room...
who's that "clicking in"? It's Allie...hold on...

Allie: Bad news, Chickadees...someone saw us at the bar last time and Conor is so pissed he
packed a bag and LEFT! He went to his parents, right after he cursed me REAL GOOD.

Jane: We know...Kurt and Reade are none too happy either...that's Patterson, trying to conference
in...Patterson! Tasha and I are staying home and kissing Our Man's asses; Allie can't kiss HER'S
because he left with a suitcase...We let this shit is go too far...wait, hold on [I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE,
WELLER! No, I'm Not! I'm telling them that...will you stop yelling, please? Weller...alright, I'm hanging
up...I SAID I'm hanging up! Why? WHY!? KURT...why do you have an overnight bag! NO, you are NOT leaving!
...will you WAIT A SECOND, please! Kurt!...] Girls, I have to go...Weller is going OFF! (door slams...loudly)

Tasha: Fuuuck...I think I'm next....[Baby-Baby! They can hear you, Reade...WOW! WOWWW! Ok, alright, I'm sorry...
What? No I did not, Oh God...WHO said THAT? (Guys hold on!)-NO they are NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU...
Reade...WHY? Why are you leaving? I don't...will you please LISTEN?...DON'T LEAVE...I was just...I was...let me finish!!
I was telling them tonight is a no go...WHAT? WHAT!!? Reade, please-(Guys I'm hanging up, Reade's leaving
too!) Reade, come on, this is BULLSHIT! Jello shots off of guy's chests?? What bullshit! No-NO! I don't know...
No, I DO NOT WANT TO BE FREE...I DON'T! Please put the suitcase back...] Door slams...

On Patterson's end, Stuart and Patterson are having it out as well: What is WRONG with you, Stuart? That is NOT
TRUE? WHO? Who the fuck is that? I don't know who that is, but they are lying if they said we were doing jello
shots off of guy's chests...NO! We ARE established...WE ARE! That's ridiculous...it's off anyway...I wasn't going
anyway...STUART! So now you're sleeping out here...but why? Tell me the reason! I haven't DONE ANYTHING!
Are you coming in to bed? I didn't DO THAT! I have to get up early too, but I wanna...Stuart...this not...OK, OK,
OK...I'm going in, then...Babe, Please come to bed with me...PLEASE? Stuart...alright, I'm fucking off...Alright, OK

Chapter Text

And it continues:

ALLIE AND CONNER

"Are you coming home today? Conor! Are you planning to answer my question? So-
you ARE or you're not? We can talk about it HERE...why not? Bethany isn't here, she's
at my Mom's...until we fix this...did you say IF we fix this? Why wouldn't we? That-that-
whoever that is is exaggerating...well who is it? Why can't I know their name? Conor,
come home, please. We shouldn't do this over the phone. Is that your MOM in the
back-ground?! You-You know, Mrs Luke, this is between myself and Conor-YES, I'm WELL
AWARE that you never liked me for Conor-this is between he and I....I'M not yelling at
your MOM, she injected herself into this discussion, so...JUST COME HOME, PLEASE?
PLEASE?...well let me know, so that I can let my Mom know. OK, then-goodnight...
are you gonna say goodnight? No? Fine. Bye.

JELLER

Kurt, please don't hang up again. Can you don't do that? I'm stressing the FUCK OUT over here.
Where ARE you?..Did you say none of my business? How is it none of my business where you are? That
isn't fair-no it is NOT...when I went away that time, it was for completely different reasons-well you said
you'd let it go, but I guess not. When are you coming back? NONE OF MY BUSINESS, OK...we can't fix it
until you come back here, you know. Well, I'M NOT FINE with that. If you send someone to get your things
I won't open the door. NO, I WON'T...we are both Adults, and can solve this the way we have everything
else we've faced. You DON'T TRUST ME? NOW YOU DON'T TRUST ME...OK, we were doing that, yes
...we were drunk, Kurt...I came home to YOU, though...so JELLO SHOTS are keeping us apart, OK-I admit
that I lied. Yes, I lied. Will you come home now? Well, when? Call me. You'll call? OK, bye, then. BYE, Kurt..
Kurt...KURT!

ZAPATA AND READE

Reade...this is the sixth message, which you already know...I'm gonna keep calling until you respond or block me,
which I hope that you DON'T...block me. First, I lied about what goes on at those Girl's Nights Out. I did lie, and I
apologize. I have no excuse. I'm sincerely sorry, and I can only pray that I haven't broken your trust for the last time.
I let situations get outta hand; I shoulda left when that kinda shit started up, and I didn't. That's on ME-I'm responsible
for my own behavior, and I'm sorry. I hope that you'll call back to tell me when to expect you, but if that's to much to hope
for, take all the time you need to decide what's next for us. I want to say come back NOW-RIGHT NOW, but you'll come back
(I'm praying) on your own schedule. Know that I love you and I beg your forgiveness. Please at least call me. I love you Reade.
This mistake CAN'T DEFINE US, Love. Goodnight.

PATTERSON AND STUART

OK, I'm coming CLEAN...ALL THE WAY CLEAN...OK...I lied the night of...that night. I did lie about the bar, and what we
do on those Ladies Only outings when we've had too much alcohol. Someone really is exaggerating, but the truth is that we engaged
in appropriate behavior with Men not our Partners. NOT SEX, Stuart, I swear to you. WE were all approached several times, but
we always came home to you men-our Partners. Please-wait two more minutes-just two. If you leave me because of this I won't
make it, and I'm not being dramatic. I've lost two Men who I really loved dearly in a short period of time-Borden and David-and
I can't lose you too. Stuart-I CAN'T. You'll STAY, and we'll talk? And you're coming home TONIGHT, right? OH, Thank God.
I love you, and I promise to never put you through something like this again. OK, see you then.