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Hold on to Memories

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Hold on to Memories

By CarolelaineD

The day was still early, also to be honest I was surprised that I was even awake. Last night I’d decided I’d had enough of all this shit, sneaking around and hiding from the world wasn’t doing me any favours. It was time for a wake-up call, that or I could spend my life running around after Spender.

The biggest question was what would I do, I had to find something that would make everything alright, also something so I could find peace within myself. Only one man had ever truly meant anything to me, shit maybe he was the reason why I suddenly wanted to save the world.

I’d decided to be bold, later on I was going to break into Spender’s office and get something. The man had to have something that I could take to Mulder, I wanted it to be a peace offering and him to see me as more than Spenders lacky.

Well as luck would have it, I was to go see Spender straight away as I was needed. Maybe I could steal something while I were there, that way it would be far easier and safer for me.

I knocked and just entered his smoke-filled office; it was at that moment that Luis pushed past me without even a word. It was strange as usually he had some snide remark or other to make, especially when it came to me.

“Alex take a seat.”

“What’s this about Spender, you said I had to deal with the lab today?”

“Don’t worry as you’ll have plenty of time, you can deal with the lab then this other matter.”

“So what is it you want me to do?”

“Somebody has stolen an important file containing top secret information, I want it back and the man responsible killed.”

“So why couldn’t Luis deal with it?”

“You know yourself how trigger happy the man is, I want the thief to suffer before the final bullet.”

“Yeah, I guess I can do that, do you know what he planned to do with the file?”

“We have certain places watched or bugged; this was how we learnt someone had stolen it in the first place. We caught part of a conversation he had with someone, apparently he plans to meet tonight at ten.”

“Okay, so do you want him dealt with before, or would you rather me wait and see who the person is. I could even take them both out if you want, then afterwards I could return the file?”

“No don’t concern yourself with that Alex, we are well aware who the person is as he was talking to him for a while.”

“So I’m to deal with at all before he even gets there, I take it he’s not to see the file at all?”

“No as it would cause too many problems, as much as Mulder is a thorn in my side.”

“So it’s Mulder that was meeting him? Shit…”

“Yes, that’s why you are to do the job and get the hell out of there. Knowing Mulder he’ll show early, he’ll want to check the place out before the meet takes place.”

“Fine I can do that, so does he have a home address or something?”

“No someone pretended to be Agent Mulder on our behalf, we claimed the meet had to take place at nine. That gives you one whole hour before Mulder shows, one hour to get the file and deal with him accordingly.”

“Yeah okay, is that everything?”

“Well I’d have thought you’d want the location Alex; you seem to be getting rather forgetful lately…”

“Shit, yeah go on then.”

“Mulder plans to meet his informant in the Hoover garage, somewhere near where Agent Mulder parks his car.”

“What? Is this a fuckin joke…”

“No that was the arrangement, I couldn’t possibly change that too.”

“Great I guess I’ll have to deal with it.”

“Yes Alex you will, also leave no clues behind that lead to us.”

“Do I ever?”

With that I got up and walked out of the room, once outside I felt like I could breathe once more.


I couldn’t believe this was going to happen at the Hoover building, shit I must seriously have a fuckin death wish or something. All it would take was one agent to see me, which was a possibility with the amount that came and went. I was just thankful that I had to do it at night, I could always hope there were less people around.

I knew Mulder wouldn’t have gone home though; he’d stay in his basement office working until the meet. Knowing him he’d be here half an hour early too, that just meant I’d have even less time to deal with this.

Once the time came, I hid in the shadows and waited, finally the man arrived and stood out like a sore thumb with his obvious behaviour. I walked out so he could see me. The man was also so gullible as I claimed to be Agent Mulder, he even handed over the file within seconds too and went to walk away.

“Hey hold up.”

“What, I have to go as it’s not safe here.”

“I have something for you…”

I pulled out my gun and pointed it at him, at least I knew the camera didn’t cover this part of the garage. Maybe I might be able to speed this up after all, Spender wouldn’t even know if I tortured the man or not. I had a silencer and one bullet would suffice, then I could hide his body until later and then deal with him.

I couldn’t even be bothered to speak to the man, I aimed and put one pullet straight into his head. The hardest part was dragging his body out of sight and leave no trace, it was near Mulders car after all and the man was paranoid.


If Mulder suspected something he’d stay here, he’d want to know everything that happened and wouldn’t give up. However if the informant never showed the man would just go home, oh he’d be pissed off and upset though. Right now I wanted him to go home afterwards, as I planned to already be there waiting.

I knew I was on a time limit as I arrived at Hegal place, getting in was easy and I just wanted to wash up. I always felt really dirty after I’d carried out a hit, also I knew it would piss Mulder off too. Well I was a lying murdering bastard after all, plus all the other accusations he threw at me.

I’d come here so many times in the past, even darkness didn’t stop me from moving around. Mulder was always so predictable, well that or jus lazy. Everything was always kept in the same place; it was as if he made it easy for all his unwanted guests.

Once inside the bathroom I risked using the light, straight away I noticed the specks of blood on my face. Well I should be thankful that it wasn’t anywhere else, especially my clothes. Soon I washed up and felt a lot cleaner, once done I made sure the bathroom was still the same as I found it.

Once clean I went and sat on the couch in the corner, Mulder wouldn’t even notice me until it was too late. I pulled my gun out and re attached the silencer, now all I could do was sit and wait for Mulder. Hopefully as it was late he’d arrive alone, no way could I be dealing with Scully tonight or at all. I was tired and had to stay focussed, it would be a big mistake on my part should I fall asleep.

It felt like I’d waited here for hours, a look at my watch revealed it to be half past ten. I knew that Mulder would hang around for a while, he’d be praying that his informant was running late. I’d say by now he’d start to give up, he’d then return to his office and collect anything he’d left. Once done he’d then have to drive home, I figured it would be somewhere in the vicinity of midnight when he arrived here.      

Not that I could move or do anything, knowing my luck Mulder would prove me wrong and arrive early. I just had to keep calm and it might go alright, all I wanted was to get out of here without a beating. Then there was Spender, I had to make sure he never knew about my visits to see Mulder.

I was so lost in thought, the noise actually startled me as I heard the key enter the lock. Well it looked like it was time to get this show started, also it was time to make Mulders day.

“Mulder turn the light on and don’t try anything, oh you can shut the door too.”

“Krycek, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to see you Mulder, I thought maybe we could be friends and talk.”

“Fuck you, so why are you sat there with a gun pointed at my chest?”

“Mulder it’s just a formality, I’m sure I won’t have to use it.”

“Look just go, I’ve had a long day Krycek and I’m tired.”

“What’s the matter Mulder? Didn’t your informant show?”

“You fuckin bastard, what did you do Krycek?”

“Same old Mulder, blame everything on me as usual.”

Shit Mulder was pissed off and that made him dangerous to be around, the bastard didn’t even care about the gun I had pointed at him. Within seconds he lunged forward and grabbed me. I had no idea where my gun went as it flew out of my hand, then in no time it was Mulders fist that I felt.

“Mulder… shit my fuckin lip.”

“I warned you to get out Krycek, not so big and hard without a gun are you!”

“Mulder you know I’d never shoot you.”

“You’d shoot your own grandmother to save yourself Krycek.”

“Thanks’ for nothing Mulder…”

“Look you have ten seconds to explain yourself, I want a good explanation, or I throw you out.”

“I brought some information for you Mulder…”

“What, more lies Krycek. You are incapable of ever telling the truth or doing anything useful.”

“Mulder please, look I brought you something…”

“Hold on…”

I swear the man was starting to get on my nerves now, he’d only gone and cuffed my fuckin hands together.

“Mulder… Shit you can’t be serious?”

“Oh but I am, so where is this so-called information?”

“jacket inner pocket.”

Mulder pulled out the file and sat down on the coffee table, all I could do was sit here and wait as he looked at it. The man’s face changed so much as he read more and more of the secrets, as for me I just prayed he’d let me go. Finally half an hour later he stopped and looked at me, it was then that he put the file down on the table.

“God I need a drink, how about you Krycek?”

“Are you serious?”

“Well I’m getting one, so you can take it or leave it.”

“Fine, I’ll have a drink then.”

Mulder soon returned with two glasses and a bottle of vodka; there I was thinking he meant coffee.

“So are you going to remove the cuffs Mulder?”

“No chance, even you can manage to drink with them on.”

“Look I promise I’ll behave…”

“Maybe I like the way you look when you’re restrained.”


Mulder grabbed the file and sat at the other end of the couch; it wasn’t too long before I was forgotten once more. I just sat here feeling rather relaxed, maybe it was the fact I was tired and was drinking strong vodka too.

Mulder wasn’t even aware that I watched him, the man was gorgeous and had a perfect body. Shit bad way to think if I wanted to get out of here alive, not that Mulder would notice me if I were sat here naked.

I had to admit he remembered me every time he poured another drink, I hadn’t expected Mulder to be a vodka drinker. Finally he came to the end of the file, once closed he placed it back on the coffee table.

“Can I go now Mulder; I have things to do that’s all?”

“No not yet, I want some answers regarding the file.”

“It may surprise you, however I don’t even know what’s in that file Mulder.”

“So why bring me it then?”

“I thought it was something that you wanted?”

“Yeah, I guess it wasn’t something I’d expected from you.”

“No I don’t suppose you did.”

“Why are you really here?”

“Just remove the cuffs and I won’t be.”

“I need something that I can cuff you to…”


“Just while I get changed and do a couple of things.”

“I’ll stay, look I’ll still be here and won’t leave.”

“Yeah well I don’t trust you Krycek.”

“So what’s with the vodka then?”

“I guess I just don’t like drinking alone.”

“Who does?”

“Look your trying to change the subject, I know what your game is Krycek…”

“What would that be Mulder?”

“You want me to forget about restraining you.”

“Mulder, I have things to do, other than that you can restrain me whenever you want.”

“Hmm, is that a promise.”

“Yeah if you can trust what I say.”

“You look the type that would enjoy it too much.”

“Mulder are you drunk?”

“Why what makes you say that?”

“This conversation that’s what, shit are you implying that I like to be restrained sexually?”

“It’s okay, I promise your secret is safe with me Alex.”

“Okay now I know you’re drunk, shit you even called me Alex.”

I liked Mulder when he was like this, he seemed so calm and relaxed, also he wasn’t hitting me.

“I’ve got an idea Alex.”

Suddenly Mulder got up and disappeared into the bedroom, not that I had chance to move or escape. I had to wonder if I actually wanted to leave when he was like this, Mulder walked back into the room carrying one of his ugly ties, he then knelt down on the floor in front of me.

“Mulder what are you doing?”

“I figured I’d tie your legs together, that way you can’t leave me.”

“I already told you I’ll stay.”


Mulder got up and went over to his desk, now I had to sit here once more as he scanned the files one by one. I soon closed my eyes and just relaxed, I’d drank way more vodka than I should have under the circumstances.

“Alex are you asleep?”

“No I was just thinking about things.”

“Anything in particular?”

“No not really, just life and how it can all go wrong.”

“Yeah tell me about it, look I’m just going to get changed and then we can have another drink.”

“Yeah okay, I think I’m too drunk to leave now Mulder.”

“Good as we still need that talk.”

Soon I was sat here alone with my thoughts, I had to wonder if that was good or bad. I thought back to the time Mulder was my partner, things were so different and I think he actually liked me too. I even remember the weekends we’d hung out as friends, pizza nights with a few beers.

There were times back then when I drank too much, times when I was far too drunk to even make it home. I’d spent the night here in Mulders bed, alone of course as he used the couch. How I’d wished it could have been different, maybe one night he could have just come to bed instead.

It was hard sleeping there knowing he was in the other room, so near yet so far. The mam had seemed oblivious to any remarks or passes I made towards him. Then everything had gone to hell anyway, after that Mulder despised me. That was one of the reasons I always let him hit me, I guess any contact was better than none at all.

At some point the drink and exhaustion kicked in, suddenly my eyes flew open as I felt someone beside me. I then noticed Mulder had returned, this time he sat right next to me in just his sweatpants.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to make you jump Alex.”

“It’s okay Mulder, I never meant to fall asleep.”

Mulder never spoke as he removed his tie, I was just thankful that I could finally stretch my legs out. Mulder on the other hand had started pouring more drinks, I’d also noticed that the glass was becoming fuller as the night went on.

“Alex do you ever have any regrets?”

“What about?”

“How your life turned out and what you’ve done…”

“Yeah Mulder, I have way too many to mention. I guess that’s why I came here tonight, I just wanted to do something good for a change.”

“Well I’m glad you came.”

“Me too.”

“Alex… “


“Did you like it when you were my partner?”

“Yeah Mulder especially when you bought me chocolate, look I think you’ve drank too much for tonight though.”

“Hey, you’ve’ drank the same amount Alex.”

“Yeah well, I can handle a lot more than you, when did you start drinking vodka anyway Mulder?”

“I don’t normally, I’ve had it since you were my partner…”

“I’m surprised you kept it so long.”

“So am I to be honest, I even have chocolate but it won’t be edible now”

“Mulder I’ll have to leave soon…”

“Yeah soon, so what would it take to convince you to stay?”

“Mulder why would you want me to stay?”

“I told you that I don’t want to drink alone.”

“Look nothing you say will convince me to stay here, you know you only want me here because your drunk.”

Mulder became silent, the man also started pouting which wasn’t good for me. It was bad enough sat here with him like this, the man was only half dressed and I had feelings. Shit I was a man and he was really starting to get to me, well certain parts of my anatomy more than others.

All I could do was watch him, Mulder was lost in thought and paying no attention to me. His brain was always working overtime, it was also times like this that he scared me. Twenty minutes later and he still hadn’t spoke, yet he still kept refilling my glass.

I was starting to think he wouldn’t speak to me now, or that maybe I’d pissed him off. However after another five minutes he stood up and looked down at me, well at least he smiled and wasn’t looking at me with hate.

“I’m just going to use the bathroom; don’t you dare move Alex.”

“Mulder at this rate I’ll need a piss myself.”

“Right get up and behave.”

I did as Mulder asked and stood, he then led me towards the bathroom.

“Right you’ve got two minutes Alex.”

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door, soon I’d used the toilet and washed my hands. It was a case of go out there and face Mulder once more, that or he’d just come and get me. So few choices, yet I knew I’d have to leave soon with the folder. Spender would kill me if I didn’t return it, I guess I was just thankful that Mulder had scanned it all.

“Come on Alex, I really need to use the toilet.”

“Yeah hold up.”

Mulder was stood right in the doorway; he also had this huge grin on his face too.

“Okay Mulder what gives?”

“You need to take the file back, don’t you?”

“Yeah that’s why I’m glad you scanned it.”

I walked into the room and saw the empty coffee table; shit now I was really starting to panic.

“Where the hell is it Mulder?”

“It’s safe and I’ll give you it when you leave, that way you’ll stay until I say otherwise.”


“Hmm, I need you to behave while I uncuff you, I then want you to remove the jacket Alex.”

“What the hell for?”

“It will be far more comfortable, also it’s way too warm in here.”

“So what if I put up a fight Mulder?”

“Alex, I have my gun and I’m not afraid to use it, that or I can just cut the jacket away from you…”

“Fine I’ll behave.”

I happened to like my leather jacket, also I was too drunk to fight off Mulder right now. He wasted no time at all re cuffing me, he then just pushed me back down on the couch.

“Sit there Alex and behave, I’m just going to use the bathroom and won’t be long.”

I did as he said, I spent the time thinking and reflecting on this rather unusual night. Well it hadn’t gone as I’d thought it would to say the least, Mulder was also acting way out of character too. Hell maybe I should have got him to drink vodka years ago, had I known back then this was the result I would have.

I heard the toilet flush and knew Mulder would return soon, maybe if I were lucky, he’d let me sleep here for a few hours. I knew it was far too late to pay Spender a visit now, also drunk would pose way too many questions.

It was at that moment that Mulder re-entered the room, great now the man wore no clothes at all. I couldn’t help but stare at the man’s perfect body, shit now certain parts of my own body had become instantly awake.

“Mulder what the hell are you doing, shit where the hell are your clothes?”

“What’s the matter Alex, don’t you like what you see?”

“Shit how could anyone not like what I see Mulder…”

Mulder walked over towards the couch, he then knelt down at my feet. I was so far gone and couldn’t stop the man’s wandering hands, not that I wanted to of course. His nimble long fingers worked fast; I was surprised considering the amount he’d just drank. One by one he opened the buttons on my jeans, soon he was also pulling my underwear out of his way.

My erection sprung to life as it was released from its cloth prison, then within seconds it was restrained somewhere else. Mulder wasted no time as he deep throated me. Within seconds, he had my cock as far down his throat as it would go.

“Oh fuck… Jesus Mulder don’t fuckin stop.”

I had to admit the man had one hell of a talented mouth, at this rate I wouldn’t be lasting long at all. Especially as he worked the tip of his tongue inside the small hole, he also licked and sucked with a passion. I suddenly lost all rational thought as his hand moved, then I came as he pressed a finger deep inside my ass. I think it was the combination of that, also the words that he’d said to me too.

“I want to fuck you Alex, will you let me?”

“Shit yes, god I need you right now Mulder…”

“Good, come to bed with me then Alex.”

Mulder pulled me up and started kissing me, his mouth felt amazing and the man could kiss too. Then suddenly his tongue was forcing its way inside and I couldn’t think, then my hands found his body as I held him close to me. I put everything into that kiss, deep down it was something that I’d wanted to do for years.

I also felt that hot tears as they rolled down my cheeks, I just prayed that Mulder wouldn’t notice and stop. Shit then he went and stopped.

“Alex are you crying, do you want me to stop?”

“Hell no, I’m just happy Mulder so don’t worry. I guess no one has kissed me like that in a long time.”

“Kissed you how Alex, how is it different?”

“You actually kiss me like you want me…”

“Maybe that’s because I do, come on get that backside moving babe.”

Soon Mulder was leading me towards the bedroom once more, he then pushed me down on the bed.

“I think you need to lose some clothes; you appear to have way too many on for what I have planned.”

“You will have to remove the cuffs then Mulder.”

Suddenly the cuffs were gone, not that you could drag me away from here or Mulder now.

I sat up and soon removed my tee shirt, however Mulder then pushed me back down on the bed. The man worked rather fast and soon had my socks and shoes removed, he then literally just threw the stuff behind him.

“Lift your backside up babe.”

I willingly obliged so it would help him work faster, Mulder pulled my jeans and underwear off at the same time and now I lay here naked.

“You’re gorgeous Alex.”

“Fox you would say anything right now.”

“I mean it Alex, I always wanted you even when we were partners.”

Shit was he serious, all the times I’d wanted to go to him in the past and now he tells me.

“Less talking then lover, you can prove it to me if you really mean it.”

“Oh I mean it, move up the bed babe.”

I moved up the bed and soon I had Fox pressed against me, he started off by kissing me and biting my neck. Soon he moved slightly lower and found my nipples, one by one he sucked them into his gorgeous mouth. Soon they turned to little hard buds as he pulled on them with his teeth. I just lay here moaning like a wanton slut.

“Oh fuck don’t stop lover…”

“Believe me nothing could stop me now babe, well not until I’ve fucked that

tight ass of yours.”

Fox started to work even lower down the bed, he then found my balls and sucked them into his mouth too. I’d never met anyone that could turn me on like this, the man was god damn sexy. Then he parted my legs and moved between them, okay so I also helped by eagerly parting them wide. I had to feel him inside me and soon, so many years of just dreaming about this.

I nearly jumped off the bed as something cold touched me, I guess I was miles away and hadn’t expected it.

“Hey, it’s only lube babe.”

“Sorry… oh fuck.”

Fox slid one finger deep inside me and started to move it around, however that was then joined by another. I’d swear he kept brushing against my prostate on purpose, however it was always gentle and never enough to make me come. I had a feeling that Fox planned to keep me on edge for a while.

He kept this up for a while, then suddenly he pulled his fingers out and I felt empty.

“Fox please, I need you…”

“I’m here babe, also I want to fuck you now until you come screaming.”

Fox grabbed my legs and positioned them over his shoulders, he then positioned his cock against my ass. Soon he started to work himself deep inside me, fuck it felt so full as the man was rather large in that department. I couldn’t help but laugh, shit well it was more of a giggle than anything.

“Tell me what’s so funny babe?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Tell me, that or I might have to stop.”

“Okay, I just had visions of you in that red speedo and god how I wanted you.”

“Well you’ve got me.”

Oh how could I forget that, especially as Fox pulled all the way out before re entering me hard. I knew it would be hard sitting down for some time, not that I cared at all as I had what I wanted right here, soon I knew I was going to come, especially as Fox hit my prostate repeatedly.

“Shit I’m coming Fox…”

“Come for me babe, just let it all go Alex.”

Within seconds I came all over my stomach and Fox, I tightened my ass muscles and also forced my lover to come too. Fox collapsed on top of me and just lay there totally sated, I had to wonder how this would all play out now. I was surprised when Fox moved and then kissed me, he even spoke to me so softly and I could barely hear him.

“Alex will you stay the night, I just want to hold you and never let go.”

“Yeah I’ll stay Fox, I promise that we’ll work something out.”

“Good because I don’t want to give you up Alex.”

We finally fell asleep exhausted, also for once I actually slept until morning without any nightmares. When I woke it was daylight and the sun was up, shit then I remembered the folder. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up; I didn’t want to smell of sex when I saw Spender.

Finally I dressed, well that was after I managed to find all my clothes. Now all I needed was the file that Fox had hid from me, I knew I’d have to ask him where he’d put it. I went over to the bed and kissed his cheek, I was worried he might have been drunk, for all I knew he might not remember last night. I soon knew different though, he opened his eyes and gave me the most gorgeous smile.

“Fox, I have to go and need the file.”

“Desk draw, Alex can I just ask you something before you leave?”

“Of course you can.”

“Do you regret last night at all and what we did?”

“Far from it Fox, believe me it’s something I’ve dreamt about for years. What about you, do you have any regrets?”

“None at all, Alex will you come back?”

“Things will be hard at times Fox, however one way or another we’ll make time to be together, I promise.”

“Good, you had better get going babe.”

“Yeah true.”

I bent down and kissed Fox and didn’t want to let go, I guess it was the thought of not seeing him for a while.

“Take care babe.”

“Always lover.”

Hell now I had a reason to be careful, also someone who actually wanted me despite who I was.


I’d decided it was time I returned to Spender, that or he’d send someone out to find me and the file. I had no regrets about what I’d done, also the visit with Mulder had gone far better than I’d expected. Well far better was a bit of an understatement, it was something that I thought I’d only experience in my dreams, especially where Fox was concerned. I’d deal with Spender and then go home, all I wanted was a shower and a drink.

There was one thing I did know though, no one would be able to keep me away from Fox Mulder now. The man was someone who I’d wanted since day one, shit the hardest part would be Spender, also the rest of the consortium. I realized I was over thinking things that didn’t matter right now; my main concern was the here and now.

I knocked on his door and walked in, as usual he sat there smoking and the room was full of the shit too. I started to wonder just how dangerous passive smoking was, shit my lungs were starting to burn already. It did make me wonder why he never opened a window or something, maybe he thought someone would be waiting to steal all his secrets.

“Sit Alex., I was expecting you to return the file last night.”

I sat without question and placed the file on his desk, for some reason he seemed rather pissed off with me. I’d done my job so what more did he want, I’d even returned the file before going home.

“Is that it, I want to get out of these clothes and grab a shower.”

“Alex you have let me down once more.”

“What I …”

“Silence, you will listen and do as you’re told for once.”

Now I started to feel really nervous, could Spender know what I’d done last night? No I was good at what I did, I always knew when someone was following me no matter how discreet they were.

“There never was an informant, or even a top secret file.”

“So who the hell was the man I left dead in the river, also the file looks real to me…”

“He was someone that had served his purpose, so by killing him you did us a favour, everything else was all staged.”

“I don’t get it… Was someone following me?”

“I had a feeling that you couldn’t be trusted Alex, sometimes I have to wonder if you ever could be. This was your last chance to prove me wrong, it was also your last chance here within the consortium. You did everything I wanted until you had that file in your hands, then you went and betrayed us to Agent Mulder knowing the damage it could do.”

“I never, shit I wouldn’t…”

“Alex shut up right now, no one followed you, there was no need as you were the blind idiot. You went to see Agent Mulder; you also shared all this information with him. It would appear Agent Mulder has a rather soft spot for you despite your past, or was it just hormones and drink Alex?”


“Oh yes I’m well aware of how you spent your night, also how you behaved no better than a cheap whore.”

“You can’t know…”

“We have Mulders apartment under surveillance Alex dear boy, we have seen and heard everything he’s done for some time.”

Great I knew that I was fucked now, I had to wonder what Spender would do to me, so I’d pay for what I’d done.

“So what do you want from me Spender? Also what will happen to Mulder?”

“Nothing at all from either of you, Mulder received false information anyway, so I guess there was no damage caused.”

“What? How come you don’t want anything from me either?”

“I have no use anymore for you Alex, as you have been nothing but a thorn in my side since day one.”

“You should have let me go years ago then…”

“No you dear boy should have done better; you never could obey an order or do what I wanted!”

“Yeah well, sometimes we don’t always get what we want in life Spender.”

“You do realize one thing Alex…”

“What would that be?”

“I’m not letting you go in the sense you think, however this way you’ll no longer be a threat to anyone.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I plan to have your mind wiped, well that or just modified.”

Great now I did start to panic, I also knew that Spender had seen too. I’d seen what they can do first hand, I’ve even been present when they’ve tested it on people.

“What’s the matter Alex? You seem to have gone rather pale now.”

“Don’t you fuckin dare touch me old man, I swear I’ll kill you if you come near me…”

“Big words Alex.”

“I’d rather take a fuckin bullet than suffer any of that shit.”

“Oh I ‘d be leaving some of the real you in there, a lot of people will pay more just for the challenge alone.”

“What the fuck do you mean by pay, shit what the hell are you going to do with me?”

“That would be telling, however I’m sure you’ll soon adjust to your new life.”

“Fuck this shit…”

No way was I staying here while they used me as a guinea pig, fuck Spender and fuck them all. I turned to walk out on him, all I wanted was to get as far away from here as possible and never look back. Not that anything ever went as planned, I opened the door and walked straight into Luis.

Fuck I’d have to think fast, the bastard hated me with a passion and always made my life hell. Also Luis outweighed me and was far faster, well I couldn’t just give in and let them win.

“Going somewhere Krycek?”

“Fuck you Luis…”

Shit I realized at the last minute that he wasn’t alone, there were three of them and I never stood a chance. Luis grabbed my arm and pinned it behind my back, I knew I was fucked now as the pain became agonizing.

“Fight me and I’ll fuckin break it, do I make myself clear Krycek?”

“Shit I can’t let you do this; my memories are what make me who I am.”

Spender came forward and grabbed me hard by the chin, the bastard even dug his fingers into the soft flesh.

“I have big plans for you Alex, you see this hasn’t been used before on anyone. So you see that makes you very special, as you have some of the talents that I want to keep. You will have this new life and will have to learn to adjust, however you’ll always have that part that will make you question everything.”

“Please, look I’ll do whatever you want…”

“A little too late now Alex, do you remember Nikolay Ivanov?”

“Yeah how could I forget him.”

Nikolay threw a party some years ago and I was there, I guess things had got out of hand and I smacked his servant.

“Yes he was rather infatuated with you wasn’t he.”

“So what the hell has that got to do with anything?”

“Well let’s just say he was more infatuated with you than even I realized, that’s why he will pay any price to get his hands on you.”

“Yeah well tough shit, like fuck is he coming anywhere near me!”

“You still don’t get it do you Alex?”

“What, I just don’t understand what he’s got to do with this. Oh fuck…”

“I take it the penny has dropped, Alex dear boy soon you will have no say in anything at all.”

“Shit you can’t be serious, have you seen how he treats people and what he does to them!”

“Yes well that won’t be my concern, neither will you Alex. Luis take Alex here to the lab, I’m sure we’ve kept the good doctor waiting long enough don’t you.”

“Fuck no, please Spender don’t do this.”

“Goodbye Alex.”

With that Spender walked back into the office and closed the door, then I was left at the mercy of Luis and the other goons.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be Krycek.”

I was led down some corridors that went on forever, soon they became white and sterile with bright lights. My biggest fear was what waited at the end, I knew all the doctors here enjoyed what they did to people. I myself would be no exception, as now I was no longer part of the consortium. I had no protection from anyone at all now, they could take me apart if that was what they chose to do.

We reached a door that was closed, I also notice the large writing that said keep out. Believe me, right now I’d give anything to stay out of there. However Luis was rough as he dragged me through the door, I noticed that he kept tight hold of me as he spoke to the man I presumed was the doctor.

“Where do you want him?”

“Sit him on that bed, also can you restrain him before you leave?”

“Yeah no problem at all.”

I was forced to sit as Luis restrained me, I’d swear that he took great pleasure as he fastened the restraints. Well he was far from gentle, also he fastened them far tighter than needed. I was aware that even the slightest movement would hurt, especially as the leather straps dug into my wrists.

“You might want to get used to the restraints Krycek, I’ve heard all about Nikolay Ivanov and what he’s into. Apparently, he likes to keep his lovers restrained, oh he also likes to beat them within an inch of their life too.”

“Fuck you Luis.”

“You should be the one that’s worried about getting fucked, I’ve heard that he likes to abuse people and gets off on it.”

With that Luis turned and left me there, now panic was really starting to set in. Yeah, I knew all about the man and what he was capable of, however would I remember any of that once the doctor had finished with me. I really wasn’t sure what they planned to do, or how much of my true self would remain. Nikolay had made a pass at me in in the past, well far more than one actually, yet I always refused, and it pissed him off.

It was at that moment that the doctor came over, all I could do was watch as he prepared a syringe in front of me.

“Right can you just relax Mr Krycek, that way it will make it easier on yourself.”

“Fuck you, what’s it matter as you’ll do it anyway.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t want the needle to snap or anything.”

“My life’s over so just fuckin do it.”

“No Alex that’s where you are wrong, your new life is just beginning.”

I sat there in silence as he tied a rubber band around my arm, then within seconds he managed to find a prominent vain. There was nothing at all I could do now, soon he’d emptied the contents into my blood stream. The tears slowly rolled down my cheeks as I could take no more, I’d seen this done to others in the past and I didn’t like the power the consortium had over people.

“Don’t fight it Alex, just relax and you’ll wake up without ant memory of this or your time here.”

I knew it could take a fair amount of time, especially as Spender wanted specific things done with my brain. Shit that thought alone terrified me, to have someone mess around with your brain. As I myself was well aware that things could go wrong too, the consortium had seen their fair share of failures. I guess I was afraid to relax and give in but had very little choice, soon the drug kicked in and then sleep soon followed.

End of Part 1

Chapter Text

My eyes felt rather heavy, also my head hurt like someone had hit me with a sledgehammer. Deep down though I knew I had to open my eyes, however I realized I couldn’t even remember my own fuckin name right now.

Eventually I managed it, however opening my eyes hadn’t helped with my memory problem one bit. The room appeared to be somewhat average and I was in a single bed, there was also a chair in the room that was occupied. Shit it was at that moment I realized I was being watched, for some reason this made me feel rather nervous especially as I didn’t recognize the man sat there.

“Good afternoon Alexi, I was starting to think you’d sleep all day!”

“Where am I, who are you?”

“Slow down there and I’ll answer what I can, do you remember anything at all with regards to yourself and your past?”

“No nothing at all, I just want some answers.”

“Don’t worry as you’ll start to remember certain things over time, firstly your name is Alexi.”

Great I realized even the name meant very little to me, now I wondered what had happened and why I couldn’t remember anything about myself or my past.

“You never told me who you are, also where the hell I am?”

“My name is Nikolay Ivanov, and this is my home.”

Shit suddenly I felt really sick, yet I had no idea why his name bothered me.

“Why am I here?”

“You ask a lot of questions Alexi; I always did find you so interesting. Well that and certain other things, however we can deal with them later.”

“I need to know…”

“Fine, I will answer this one question, after that you will need to drink something.”

“Okay I’ll try.”

“The bottom line is I own you now; your mind and body belong to me Alexi and nobody else.”

“No, like fuck am I yours!”

“Nice to see you still have that fighting spirit in you.”

“Fuck you…”

I ignored the man and got up out of the bed, like hell was I staying here. No one owned me and no one ever would, I planned to get the hell out of here and fast. I had no idea where I was, however, that was something I’d worry about later.

My legs were rather shaky, shit I didn’t even know how long I’d been in the bed for. Not that it mattered as I forced myself to walk, I was dressed in some silk pyjamas and was bare foot. In all honesty I’d leave here naked if I had no choice, I really didn’t care about anything other than leaving.

“Alexi, please slow down and talk to me. I don’t understand why you want to leave?”

“Because no one owns me.”

“Fine walk out then, mark my words you won’t get far…You have no free will anymore, everything you do will only be if I let you do it.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I walked past him and out of the bedroom, I managed to make it a few feet before I collapsed in agony. My whole body spasmed as if I’d been electrocuted, all I could do was lay there until it stopped.

Nikolay loomed over me, the bastard then bent down and picked me up like I were a rag doll. He was also far from gentle as he dropped me back onto the bed, he then went and sat back down in the chair watching me once more. As for me, it took me a while to get over the shock I’d received.

“What did you do to me?”

“It’s a small implant Alexi, every time you try to leave it will happen. I could use it all the time, however I have many other ways to teach you some discipline.”

“What the hell do you want from me?”

“I already told you, your mind and body belong to me to do with as I please.”

I moved up to the top of the bed and sat there, shit I realized there was no escape no matter what I did. Nikolay was also taller than me and had a lot more muscle, shit and that was without him using anything.

“Behave Alexi and you won’t have to suffer that again; I think for now you can eat in here, so you don’t feel to overwhelmed by everything.”

I never answered him, however I noticed him press a button that was on the wall. Within one minute someone entered the room, he was maybe in his fifties and referred to Nikolay as Sir all the time. I presumed he was a servant of some sorts, he also seemed rather nervous around me too. It did make me wonder why, did he know something about me and my past?

“Peter please bring Alexi here some food and water, also afterwards I’d like him cleaned up as he’s been in that bed for some time now.”

“Will that be all Sir?”

“I also want the full works, then you are to put Alexi in my room for the evening.”

“Yes Sir, will he need any extra security or restrains Sir?”

“Have Jonathon there too, however Alexi has gone through some program to help him behave. I’m sure we won’t have a repeat of last time Peter, Alexi is not the same as then.”

“Very well Sir.”

I watched and listened with interest, so it would appear I’d come here sometime in the past. It also seemed that I was rather different back then, so what was this program that he spoke of? Shit also what did he mean by clean me up and put me in his room. Fuck would there even be a chance to escape here, I would have to wait and see if the chance arose.

“Alexi pay attention and look at me when I talk to you.”


“I have to go do something, Peter will return with some food and look after you. Behave and do as he tells you, that or I’ll have to deal with you myself when I return. Also you are to refer to me as Sir or master, you are nothing compared to me.”

“Please, I just want to leave.”

“Alexi why would you want to leave? Look you have to accept that this is now your home. Just behave for now and we can talk soon, I promise I won’t be long.”

“It’s not like I have much of a choice is it, well unless I want to suffer great pain. That’s why it will never be my home…”

“Alexi just follow the rules.”

With that Nikolay got up and left, while I just sat here afraid to move in case the pain returned once more.


I ate the food as I wanted to keep my strength up, otherwise I felt sick and didn’t really want to eat anything. I guess I was also trying to stall what they had planned for me afterwards, I didn’t like the idea of what they’d discussed without even talking to me. I was starting to feel like I was nothing at all around here, hell even the staff got more respect than I did. Finally someone opened the door once more, I noticed that the man called Peter entered with someone else.

“Alexi you are to come with me and get cleaned up, Jonathan will wait outside unless we have any problems. I have it on god authority that you will behave, I’m sure you don’t want Nikolay punishing you on your first night here?”

I knew I had little choice but to follow him, maybe in the shower I’d finally get some time alone from all of them. We entered a large bathroom with a huge walk in shower, the thought of the shower was looking more pleasing by the second. It was big enough to fit at least four people in easy, I did have to wonder why you’d need a shower that big though.

“Can you please strip, then wait while I get the items required ready.”


“I said can you undress.”

“Yeah I fuckin heard you, however I’m capable of taking a shower on my own.”

“I’m sorry but I have my orders, I’m to make sure you’re fully clean and give you an enema too.”

“Like fuck… Over my dead body are you doing that to me…”

Jesus what the hell sort of place was this, the minute he started the shower I moved fast. I grabbed him and shoved him onto the floor, a couple of bottles fell from the nearby shelf and smashed onto the sink. I guess it was all the commotion that alerted the other man, within seconds Jonathan was in the bathroom and grabbed me tight.

“Get your fuckin hands off me…”

“Please calm down Alexi.”

I couldn’t help myself as I tried kicking him, however the other man was faster than me and I couldn’t do a damn thing. Soon I found myself face down on the floor, the man was strong and far from gentle as he pinned me there.

“Jonathan please keep hold of him for me, you might want to lay still Alexi or I might slip and insert it too far.”

“You bastards, fuck you all.”

I couldn’t do a single thing to stop them as he yanked my pyjama bottoms down, he then purposely applied the lube to the tube so I could see. I hated them both and would get revenge one day; I would make them all pay for hurting me. I felt so much hate and had no idea where it came from, had I once naturally been violent and hateful? Soon everything was forgotten, I felt the tube enter me and go deeper and deeper. It wasn’t just embarrassing, my stomach soon started to cramp, and I was in agony now. However I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop any of it, especially as I was forcefully pressed against the thick carpet.

I lay there cursing them all, I did learn something else about myself in that time. Apparently, I could speak Russian fluently, that just made me try to think about my past even more.

“Right up on your feed Alexi.”

“Like I have a choice after what you’ve done.”

“Just move and sit down on the toilet.”

I was just thankful that I’d hardly ate all day, that was why all I mainly passed was fluids. I was a full-grown man for fucks sake, no way should I have to suffer like this. Within a few minutes I was pulled to my feet, Jonathan then shoved me under the shower.

At least here I could hide the tears that fell, not that they seemed to care as they manhandled me. I was surprised they’d actually let me wash myself, even though I’d had to do it while they’d both stood watching. Peter had then supplied me with a robe after he’d dried me, soon I was then led to another room.

“Please remove the robe and get into bed, Mr Ivanov will be home and joining you shortly. Chances are your master will be tired and will want to rest, so you would do well to behave.”

“Master, what the fuck…”

“You should also learn that he doesn’t take too well to foul language.”

“Well fuck him and fuck you.”

It was at that moment I heard someone cough, shit there stood Nikolay looking rather annoyed.

“Alexi I will deal with you shortly; I just want a quick word with Peter here. Jonathan would you mind waiting here with Alexi.”

“No Sir.”

I just stood there and refused to move; however it was only five minutes later when Nikolay returned. He entered and told Jonathan he could retire for the night; he then turned and locked the door behind him.

“Right I’m really tired and thought I could come home and sleep, however first I have to deal with you Alexi.”

“Just let me go then.”

“Oh no I have great plans for you Alexi, I just have to decide what to do tonight that’s all.”

“Why do you have to do anything with me, just let me go back to my room and I’ll sleep.”

“Right sit down now.”


Shit I soon found myself shoved on the bed, now all I could do was sit here and wait.

“You will listen and listen good. When I’m here this is your bedroom too, you’re also to do everything that I tell you. I’ve got it on good authority that you misbehaved all evening, I’d like you to tell me what you did wrong?”

“Nothing, shit I’m not a fuckin baby and can take care of myself.”

“They were acting on my orders Alexi, you have to learn I’m in charge around here. Also I won’t tolerate the language that you seem fit to use.”

“Fuck you, you won’t keep me here.”

“Oh I’ll break you Alexi so don’t you worry, I’ll also have a lot of fun while I do it. I always wanted you, I should have realized you couldn’t be changed. Taking away your memories didn’t change you much at all, you are who you are Alexi no matter what they do.”

“Yeah I’m who I am, believe me that doesn’t include having you as my master either.”

“Alexi remove the robe and get into bed; I will start your programming and punishment in the morning.”

“Like fuck am I sleeping here with you.”

“You really shouldn’t test my patience when I’m tired.”

Nikolay walked over towards the bed and loomed over me, for some reason I suddenly felt really small around him. Within seconds he back handed me across the jaw, all I could do then was wipe the blood and move as far away from him as possible. I started to crawl up the bed so he couldn’t hit me again, then suddenly he was on my back and I was pinned to the bed.

It was in that split second that I realized what he was doing, however it was too late to stop him now. I was face down on the bed with both my arms restrained, the bastard had gone and cuffed me to the bedposts.

“Let me go, you fuckin bastard.”

“I told you that you needed some discipline Alexi, you’re in no position to keep mouthing off at me.”

“Fuck you…”

Shit I struggled not to scream, the bastard had pulled the robe away and slapped my ass hard. However he decided that once wasn’t enough, he brought his hand down hard another five or six times until I was sobbing.



“That part of the punishment is over for tonight.”

“What do you mean by that part?”

“I know your sore, however you only have yourself to blame now. You see at the end of the day you’re mine, bought and paid for.”

I lay there and watched as he came into view, shit this really couldn’t be happening to me. At some point he’d removed all his clothes, he now stood there in his birthday suit and grabbed something. It didn’t take long for my brain to realize what it was; the bastard had grabbed a condom and some lube.

“Shit please no…”

“Calm down Alexi as you need to relax, or it’ll hurt a lot more.”

“Please don’t…”

It was at that moment I realized I knew nothing about myself, for one I didn’t even know my own sexual preferences. Not that anything would stop this now, soon Nikolay was back behind me. It was when he inserted his fingers that I jumped, I then also started sobbing.

The man was brutal as he forced his large erection deep inside me, he was out to teach me a lesson and nothing more. I couldn’t even move or escape the pain that I felt, it was like he wouldn’t be happy until he split me in two.

I lay there sobbing and moaning like some pathetic child, I couldn’t even think or remember anything else or my past life. Every time I tried to remember it hurt more, it was like I had no memories at all regarding anything. I had to wonder if I’d ever even had a lover, or if anyone would even miss me.

Finally Nikolay rolled off me and lay there, he then started stroking my cheek as he spoke to me.

“I’m sorry Alexi, however you have to learn your place. If you do, things will get better. I’d like to be able to look at you one day as I make love to you.”

“It won’t ever happen…”

“Time will tell; however I’m not letting you go now I’ve got you.”

Nikolay reached over and removed the restraints; he then rubbed my wrists and arms to ease the pain.

“Come on, we both need to get some sleep now.”

“How do you know I won’t kill you while you sleep?”

“I don’t Alexi, however you’d never get out of here alive if you did.”

“But it would be too late for you.”

“Alexi I’m a very light sleeper, you so much as move and I’ll know about it, just sleep now or I’ll be forced to gag you.”

I lay there quiet, what the hell was I meant to do now. Nikolay was keeping me here against my will, also he seemed fit to abuse and rape me. Also I had to wonder what he’d meant earlier, he said that he’d bought and paid for me. Well you couldn’t just buy someone, also if that were true who’d sold me in the first place. Nikolay would have to know something; at the end of the day someone was quick to take his money.


I woke the next morning, shit I soon realized I was still in the same hell from last night. It didn’t even look like I’d have a minute to myself either, Nikolay was wide awake and staring at me.

“Good morning Alexi.”

“It will only be a good morning if you let me go!”

“Please don’t start the day like that, as I assure you that you won’t be going anywhere Alexi.”

“What, so you just expect me to spend the day in this house. Do I get to leave at all or go anywhere, fuck it I’ll go mad if I have to stay trapped here?”

“Alexi calm down, I’m sure that I can find plenty of things to occupy you…”

Suddenly he ran his thumb along my lips and then kissed me, I all but shoved him so he’d get off me.

“You can forget that, no way are you touching me like that again.”

“Alexi I’ve warned you and believe me, I only have so much patience.”

“Shit you expect me to remain here for you to use when it suits you?”

“Finally you’ve realized what your purpose is in life.”

“You can go to hell.”

I jumped up and ran into the adjoining bathroom, within seconds I had the door locked with him on the other side. Okay I had to calm down and think, I knew I wouldn’t get out of here through the door, maybe I could fit through the rather large window. Shit it was at that moment I realized I couldn’t, I didn’t even know what floor I was on.

“Alexi open this door right now.”

“No chance, go fuck yourself.”

“You’ll pay for that mouth of yours, also for your behaviour Alexi.”

“Like I give a shit what you have to say…”

“Well you might want to listen Alexi; how do you think this will end unless you face me?”

“Well I could always jump out of the window.”

“Don’t be stupid, we are five floors up Alexi. Are you trying to kill yourself or something?”

“Hell why didn’t I think of that.”

Okay at least he’d told me what floor we were on, I guess that put paid to the window. Maybe there might be something else around here, it was then that I noticed the medicine cabinet. I only just opened it, that was when Nikolay spoke once more.

“You have two choices Alexi; I’ll even be fair and let you choose.”

“What choices?”

“I can call Jonathan; believe me he will have the door open in seconds. I must warn you though, I will be rather angry if he has to damage the door at all.”

“You said I had two choices, so what’s the other one?”

“Well I think you overlooked something, the push of a button Alexi. Have you already forgot what happened last night?”


“Look one way or another I will come in and drag you out, so I suggest you decide fast.”

I really couldn’t do this, either way I’d suffer as he’d make sure of that. I just couldn’t face the man, nor did I want him touching me at all.

“Do what you want, what does it matter as you’ll win either way…”

“Alexi I will always win, the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can move on.”


“Okay I’ll tell you what, as it is only early days after all. I won’t use the electronic device; I don’t want to risk damaging you at all.”

“Great thanks!”

“However if Jonathan has to get you, you will suffer Alexi and be punished.”

“I don’t give a fuck, if you want me, you’ll have to come and get me.”

“Very well.”

I sat there on the bathroom floor and waited, maybe if I made his life hell, he’d let me go. Yeah right, knowing my luck I’d be dead before that happened. This just didn’t feel right at all, it didn’t feel like me. Suddenly the door was thrown open wide, then Jonathan walked in and pulled me from the floor. The bastard was far from gentle as he shoved me back down on the bed.

“Get your fuckin hands off me, just let me go…”

I kicked out and even tried to bite the man, however I stilled as he yanked my arm back. The pain was immense, and I nearly blacked out from it, one wrong move and I knew he’d break it.

“What do you want me to do with him Sir?”

“Well as Alexi here needs to be taught a lesson, I guess I can’t really be too soft with him. Okay I know what we’ll do, firstly I want his arms and legs restrained so he can’t injure anyone.”

“Very well Sir, is that all?”

“You can put him on his back, as he’ll be spending the whole day in bed. That will give you some time to think about things, about what you have done wrong and your language.”

“Fuck you…”

“Don’t push me Alexi, Jonathan you can also fit a catheter, so he won’t have an excuse to move.”

“Yes Sir.”

“That will be all until later, that will be when your real punishment starts Alexi.”

“You can’t just leave me here like this…”

“Yes, I can Alexi, don’t worry I’ll be back later though. We can see if you’ve learnt how to behave by then. Also you need to learn what respect is too.”

“Don’t hold your breath…”

“Well I did say I wanted a challenge, for that I will return in time for an evening meal. I might think about feeding you if you can behave yourself, otherwise you might become too weak to be a challenge Alexi and that would bore me.”

I watched as they both walked out, now all I could do was lay here and stare at the ceiling. Not that it bothered me being alone, it was just the fact I was starving, and it was going to be a long day. However my thoughts were interrupted as Jonathan returned, great I guess this was where I’d be humiliated.

The man grabbed hold of my penis and I became afraid to move, especially as he was far from gentle inserting the catheter. My biggest worry was that he shoved it too far, I’d already suffered enough in my time here.

So Nikolay wanted me to spend the day thinking, well as far as I’m concerned, I’ve nothing to think about. All I’ve done is try to protect myself from all of them, they’re the ones that are in the wrong by forcing me to stay here. All I wanted to think about was myself, well mainly the past that I had no memory of whatsoever.

It was still the same though, every time I tried to think the headache became unbearable. So here I was becoming angrier by the minute, yet I had to control the anger if I wanted to be fed today. I would be of no use to myself if I starved and became weak, maybe after he’d fed me, I’d think differently about it all. Part of me wanted to become a challenge and fight back, I gathered from my own physique that I was far from lazy and must work out.

I guess I didn’t want to lose what muscle strength I had, one day my life might just depend on it. Great now the headache was becoming unbearable, maybe if I closed my eyes for a while it might help.

Well I figured sleep must have finally claimed me, I woke as someone came over to the bed and knelt beside me. It turned out that Nikolay had returned, it looked like he’d even brought some food with him too.

“I’ve brought some food for you Alexi, I take it that you are hungry and thirsty?”

“Yeah, my throat’s really dry.”

“I will remove the restraints if you promise to behave, I take it you thought about what I said to you earlier on?”

“Yeah I was wrong and should have behaved.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’d say anything now just so I’ll feed you, don’t worry too much Alexi as I promise you one thing, I’ll always feed you enough to keep you alive.”

“Thanks for that…”

“Look just eat Alex, you still need to be punished for your earlier behaviour.”


I was given a sandwich and a glass of water, great I’m a full grown man and this is what I get for the day.

“Right now I want you to drink this Alexi.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a meal replacement, just remember your stomach hasn’t dealt with much for some time.”

I took the drink as it was better than nothing, I looked up and noticed that he was watching my every move and it worried me. I felt really nervous sat here naked, I’d ask for clothes however I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I did.

“I think it’s time for a shower Alexi, I’ll tell Peter to bypass the enema tonight as you’ve hardly ate.”

“I don’t need Peter or anyone to give me a shower, I can go and do it myself.”

“Alexi it’s Peter, that or I can ask Jonathan to come and do it?”

“Fuck you…”

Shit with that Jonathan entered the room, just looking at the man made me feel sick and my skin crawl. I’d had enough of all this shit, I jumped up on the bed and moved away from them. I’d forgotten all about the catheter until it came out, shit then the pain made me stall and Jonathan moved fast.

I couldn’t help myself now as I kicked out at him, it was at that moment he grabbed my hair and dragged me off the bed. The only thing I had left to use were my teeth, at the next opportunity I sank them into his arm. The same arm that he then raised in the air, I waited for the pain of the punch, but it never came.

“You little bastard…”

“Fuck you…”

“Jonathan I will punish him for what he’s done, you know that it’s not your place.”

“Yes Sir, sorry Sir.”

I was about to come back with some witty remark, I even kicked out at Nikolay and threatened him. Not that it mattered through, he pressed that stupid button that was like some taser and I collapsed to the floor.

“Alexi you might want to watch yourself around my staff, I won’t always be around and then they’ll be in charge of you. Right Jonathan get the restraints back on, oh and this time I want him on his stomach.”

Shit I was pretty much right back where I started, however this position reminded me too much of last night. I lay here wondering if he’d rape me once more, or would it be something worse this time, well if that was possible.

“You haven’t learned a single thing have you Alexi? Under my roof you will do as I say, unless of course you want to be punished every single day?”

“Let me leave then, that way I wouldn’t be under your roof.”

“You have nowhere or no one anymore, you have to accept that Alexi.”


It was at that moment I saw the whip in his hand, however within seconds I also felt it upon my bare backside.


“Oh I’ve only just started, you will receive ten of the best Alexi and accept them as your punishment.”

I lay there and never spoke despite the agonizing pain; I even tried my hardest to not even scream. That changed by about the eight, I couldn’t take anymore and was sobbing like a baby.

“Only two more Alexi.”

I swear people would be able to hear for miles as I screamed, finally it was over for now and he threw the whip down onto the floor. I never wanted to feel any more pain for some time, maybe I’d have to just behave for a while until I was no longer in pain.

Well I’d thought it was over, shit just how wrong could I have been. I felt him crawl on the bed and grab my ass cheeks hard, he then forced his thumb deep inside my ass. Within seconds the pain was gone, well until he forced his erection deep inside me without any lubrication or anything.

I started screaming once more, however this time there was no way of silencing me. His main goal tonight was simply to teach me a lesson, he was brutal as he raped me once more and it was over in minutes.


Shit I was totally gone and tried to block everything out, I really didn’t even have the energy to answer him.

“Alexi pay attention.”

Shit the bastard slapped me hard on my sore backside, I guess it got my attention if nothing else.


“I’m going to clean you up and move the restraints, are you going to be a problem?”


It was like he was a totally different person now; he was so gentle as he washed and dried me. I was also surprised when he used some cream on me, it was like someone else had done it and he didn’t want to hurt me.

Finally he lay in the bed beside me and wiped the tears away, he then kissed me and held me in his arms as I cried.

“Please learn to behave Alexi, I don’t want to have to punish you like this all the time.”

“Please let me go…”

“Alexi I always wanted you, I can’t let you go now you’re mine.”

Well I could be patient; I’d give it a bit more time and then I’d piss him off some more. I just wish it didn’t feel so good in his arms and having him act like he cares, maybe I was alone like he claimed and would accept any attention right now.


I’d decided that now wasn’t the time to fight, I had to stay calm and just figure everything out and then plan. So for the past three weeks that’s what I’d done. I was now allowed out of the room to eat; I was even allowed to go down to the basement.

Nikolay had a massive gym down there and I liked using it, also it would keep me fin in case I decided to escape. Oh and also on the upside, I was allowed to wear shorts and a tee shirt when not in the bedroom.

There was a downside to my life though, I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere on my own. If Nikolay was busy someone else had to deal with me, usually Jonathan or Peter. I was well aware that they disliked me because of my behaviour, I don’t think Jonathan forgave me for biting him that day.

I could cope with it most days, however I hated having to use the bathroom with them there watching me all the time. Then there was Nikolay himself, the man had one hell of a temper at times, also a lot of the time I was the one on the receiving end.

Lucky for me the man went away a lot on business, well that was what I thought to begin with. I’d overheard him talking one day with Jonathan, I learnt that he went away to stay with someone else. It turned out that Nikolay was married and had a husband called Daniel, the man worked away and hardly came here at all.

This was apparently Nikolay’s second home, hence why he only spent two nights a week here. Well it just meant that I had five days without him demanding sex, that or him raping me if I refused. His moods always seemed different when he returned here, it did make me wonder if his husband knew what he got up to.

Nikolay was due home tomorrow, so maybe then I’d start questioning him about things, see if there’s anything I could use as blackmail to help me get out of here. Well I had one more night alone, five nights a week I also had to sleep back in the guest room and not the master bedroom.

This was the only time I got to myself as the room only contained a bed, everything else was removed so I couldn’t hurt myself. Not that I had the luxury of even closing the door, also Jonathan would take it in turns with Peter to watch me all night.

So basically for five days I felt somewhat human, today I’d ate and used the gym for over an hour. Tonight I would lay here awake, knowing Nikolay would return tomorrow and it would all change. I had to wonder where I’d go if I ever managed to escape, three weeks and I’d not remembered a single thing about my past life.

One day I’d confronted Nikolay, I’d demanded that he tell me who he bought me from. Well let’s just say that I truly regretted it afterwards, the man made sure I couldn’t sit down for days. That day he’d whipped me until I passed out from the pain, he’d then just left me cuffed to the bed until the next morning like I was nothing at all.

I often wondered what it would be like to have someone special in my life, someone that loved me for who I were and wanted to be with me. Was there someone out there that missed me and wondered where I was now? Shit then I started to wonder if I’d ever get my memory back, was what I had here now my life until I died?

I was nothing more than a prisoner, kept here against my will for five days. The other two days were totally different, it was like I was just some toy that he could fuck and abuse as he wanted. Eventually I cried myself to sleep, I hated the fuckin man, yet he was the only one that wanted me. Maybe I was going mad, that or maybe this was what Stockholm syndrome was like.

Morning came and I was forced to get out of bed, I pulled my clothes on and followed Jonathan to the bathroom. It was always the same ritual when Nikolay was due home, I was forced to shower and have an enema. I gave up fighting a couple of weeks ago, last time I fought I’d suffered greatly. Jonathan had literally forced the tube inside me without lube or anything, he’d even shoved in far further that was necessary.

I still always cried though while in the shower, I cried because of the embarrassment and how I was treated worse than a piece of meat. I think also it was knowing what was still to come, not knowing his mood didn’t make it easy either. After the shower my clothes were always gone, that’s the way I’d remain until Nikolay left.

Next on the agenda was breakfast, great now I got to sit here naked as peter served the food. I didn’t even get a say in what I ate, everything was made for me and I was forced to eat it all. Nikolay had warned me to behave, otherwise a time might come when I’d get no food at all.

The next part was the worst, I was led from the kitchen and into the master bedroom. I hated this so much, I was to lie on the bed as Jonathan cuffed me to the bed. I felt as if I were willingly letting them abuse me, however I’d suffered the pain that came with refusal. Now I had nothing to do but lay here on my stomach and wait, knowing the next person to enter would be Nikolay himself.

I drifted in and out of sleep, I wasn’t tired and think it was mainly from the boredom alone. Sometime later it was the hard slap on my backside that woke me up.

“Guess who?”

“Shit did you have to hit me that hard?”

“Language Alexi, I’m tired and have only just got home so behave yourself. Did you miss me Alexi, as I missed you while I was gone?”

“Didn’t you have company where you went?”

“Maybe I like your company, so did you miss me too?”

“Yes I missed you Nikolay.”

I hated having to say what he wanted to hear, yet it scared me to think I had missed him somewhat.

“I’m just going to get a shower and then I’ll join you Alexi.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“Don’t misbehave now Alexi, Jonathan said you’ve actually improved a lot and behaved for him. I’m really proud of you, maybe we will have you trained sooner than we thought.”

Nikolay left the room and I was here alone, shit did they just see me as some fuckin puppy that they could train. Maybe that was true though, as that was how I was behaving. I lived my life no better than an animal, they say jump and I ask how high.

Part of me hated this feeling, something just felt wrong taking it all without fighting back. Maybe tonight I’d confront him about where he goes and Daniel. I was still lost in thought as Nikolay returned, he then threw the towel into the laundry and lay beside me.

“You’re gorgeous Alexi…”

“If you say so.”

“I can’t believe no one claimed you sooner, well I guess I tried and look what happened.”

Suddenly he was running his hand down my spine, he only stopped when he reached my backside and squeezed hard.

“This is gorgeous too Alexi, so hot and sexy.”

I lay there silent for now, I figured it would be best to let him have his way before mentioning his secret life.

“I want you so bad Alexi, I want to be deep inside your gorgeous tight ass.”

Soon he pressed a finger between my as cheeks and fount the tight hole hidden there, shit then without any warning he forced his finger inside me.

“Fuck… Shit you could have warned me…”

Nikolay withdrew his finger and I started to relax, however the minute I did he forced three inside me and I screamed out.

“Right I was going to be gentle and make love to you, however because of your language I’ve changed my mind. Now you can suffer without any lube or anything, I’ve already warned you about the swearing.”

“Okay I’m sorry…”

“Too late Alexi.”

With that Nikolay grabbed a pillow and shoved it under my backside, I bit my lip hard as he forced his way into me. I didn’t want to scream and give him what he wanted, in the end I just lay there and took it from him.

“So tight, god you always make me come so quick Alexi and I hate that. If I had my way, I’d stay here all night making love to you.”

Great is that what he called it, personally I called it abuse and rape. Nikolay was brutal as he fucked me hard, eventually he came screaming my name and grabbing my hips tight. I thought it was all over until he leant forward, then the bastard bit my shoulder hard.

Once he moved, he cleaned me up, soon he’d also removed the restraints. Once done he lay down beside me and held me against his chest, however I could no longer remain quiet.

“Why don’t you stay here during the week Nikolay, do you have someone else that you treat like this?”

“It’s nothing at all to do with you Alexi, you’d do well not to concern yourself with my affairs.”

“Maybe it is my concern though, especially if one day it could affect me.”

“Alexi nothing I do would affect you?”

“You might have a secret life, or maybe a lover that might blame me for all of this?”

“I have no such thing Alexi…”

“Really, so you don’t disappear to your other home?”

“I don’t like your tone Alexi, if you’ve something to say just say it!”

“Or how about the husband that you go see, maybe you fuck him and then come here and fuck me without him knowing?”

“What? Be careful what comes out of your mouth next.”

“Why it’s true isn’t it, does Daniel know about me and how you rape and abuse me. Let me go or I’ll make sure myself he knows every little sordid detail.”

“You little bastard…”

Nikolay moved fast and punched me in the jaw, then he suddenly pinned me to the bed and put his hands around my throat.

“Learn your place Alexi, Daniel knows everything about you. One day he will come here, and you’ll see for yourself, maybe he can always have you too as a welcome home gift.”

“I panicked and…”

“Too late Alexi, learn to fuckin obey me or else.”

I could no longer talk as he squeezed even tighter, in all honesty I thought I was going to die. Then his hands were gone, and he punched me once more, I’d swear he’d dislocated my jaw. Suddenly his hands grabbed hold of my hair tight, before I knew what was happening, he dragged me off the bed.

Nikolay took me back to the guest room and shoved me down on the bed, within seconds he’d called Jonathan.

“What can I do for you Sir?”

“No it’s what I can do for you Jonathan, I take it you remember the time Alexi bit you?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Well I thought you could have some fun as payback.”

“What did you have in mind Sir?”

“You can do what you want with him for the next hour, I mean anything at all that doesn’t result in permanent damage or death.”

“Very well Sir.”

“Oh and afterwards get the doctor to look at his jaw.”

“Yes Sir.”

Shit no he couldn’t be serious; Jonathan hated me and would make me suffer far worse than he had.

“Nikolay please, I promise I’ll behave. Oh god I’m so sorry…”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow Alexi.”

With that he just walked out and left me there, Jonathan went straight towards the door and closed it.

“Well I guess it’s time for some fun Alexi, well for me that is.”

I knew there was no way out of this whatsoever, also that no one would come and help me.


I crawled as far away from him as I could, not that I had anywhere to go. Suddenly he grabbed my leg and dragged me down the bed, within seconds he backhanded me across the face.

“You’ll regret the day you ever crossed me…”

I lay there and huddled into a foetal position to protect myself, yet he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me off the bed. Suddenly he was kicking me hard in my side and I cried out, I’d swear that he’d broke some of my ribs in the process.

“Bend over the bed Alexi.”

“Please I’m sorry, shit don’t do this to me please…”

“Shut up and stop snivelling, that or I really will give you a reason to scream.”

For some reason I’d become frozen on the spot where I laid, I couldn’t bring myself to move and willingly give myself to him.

“You’re really testing my patience Alexi, fuckin move now or else…”

“Please I can’t…”

Shit suddenly he was grabbing hold of my hair once more, this time he threw me face down upon the bed.

“Lay the fuck there and don’t move.”

I lay there and could hear him moving around behind me, the noise from the zip was unmistakable as he opened it. Then I felt his large hands parting my ass cheeks, he then pressed his large fingers against my tight hole. I tried so hard to relax but nothing worked, then suddenly he shoved a couple of fingers straight inside me. I wanted to escape the pain, I even tried crawling away with no luck at all.

“You’re not going anywhere Alexi, not until I’ve fucked that tight ass of yours.”

“Fuck it hurts… Please…”

“Shut up, believe me I’ve only just got started.”

Soon he forced in a couple more fingers and twisted them around inside me, then within seconds he pulled them out fast.

“Roll over Alexi, I want to see the pain on your face as you suffer.”

I struggled as now my ass hurt too, along with my ribs and jaw. Within seconds the bastard was back on top of me, he forced my legs over his shoulders and soon positioned himself. I couldn’t hold off the screams as he entered me, the man was far larger than Nikolay and used no lube at all.

“Please Jonathan it hurts so much…”

“Stop whining or I’ll make it far worse, hell maybe I might make it worse just for the hell of it.”

Jonathan started forcing himself in and out of my abused body, that was the point when I realized death would be preferable to this nightmare.

He put his hands around my throat and started to squeeze tight, I thought I’d pass out if he kept it up. I could barely breathe but struggled to talk, I wasn’t even sure if he’d heard me at first.

“Please just finish it, I’ve had enough…”

“Sorry pretty no can do; Nikolay would have my head if I did that. Plus who knows, he might be willing to share you again in the future…”

It was then that his breathing became heavier, I knew that he was also fast approaching orgasm. Hell I also knew as he applied even more pressure to my throat, maybe he might accidently kill me!

Once he came, he rolled off me and lay there, I just prayed that he’d go away and they’d all leave me the hell alone.

“Well I should clean up, then I’ll have to get the doctor to check you over.”

I never even answered as he went into the bathroom, soon he returned with a warm cloth and cleaned me the best he could. I was then made to get into the bed and wait, within ten minutes a man entered the room and asked Jonathan to wait outside.

“Good morning Alexi, I’m Dr Roberts and I’m here just to have a look at you.”

“What time is it, I thought it was night still?”

I had no idea what my brain was thinking, or why the time was a sudden concern. Yet for some reason I’d felt compelled to ask him.”

“It’s only six, so it’s still only early morning.”

I could hear birds and knew it must be light out, for some reason I also had the sudden urge to be outside in the morning air. Okay I was starting to think I was going mad, yet it was as if I preferred the night and early morning. Who knows, maybe some time ago that was the man I used to be.

“Alexi look at me, you seem to be very disoriented, do you have any headaches or vision problems?”

“Only when everyone tries strangling me.”

“Please tell me if it hurts when I press.”

The doctor ran his hands along my ribs and checked my jaw, apparently there was bruising but nothing was broken.

“I will prescribe some strong painkillers for you, please see that you take them, that or Nikolay gives them to you.”

“Yeah whatever…”

“I can prescribe some antidepressants if you think it might help?”

“What the hell for?”

“You seem rather despondent and out of it.”

“Can you get me out of here please, god just tell them anything at all. Say I need to go to the hospital, I can’t stay here anymore!”

“Alexi, I don’t think you realize who I work for.”

“Shit, please don’t say you work for that Russian bastard.”

“Nikolay has done a lot for me, also he was there when I faced deportation and had no one else.”

“Even so, you still can’t agree with this and what he’s doing to me?”

“Alexi my opinion doesn’t count, I’d never betray Nikolay and go behind his back.”

“You might as well just fuck off then and go, also you can shove your pills as far up your arse as they’ll go.”

“I’ll go and speak with Nikolay, after that he can deal with you himself.”

“Thanks for nothing.”

With that he left, however now I had Peter here in the room watching me until Nikolay came. Great suddenly I had another one of those impulsive thoughts, for some reason I believed I could make him pass out. All I had to do was sneak up on him, grab him just in a certain way.

I moved towards the edge of the bed and sat up, I then started to get out of the bed and stand.

“Where are you going Alexi?

“I need the bathroom that’s all.”

“Very well, hurry up though before Nikolay arrives.”

Peter made the mistake of turning his back on me, hell I didn’t even know if what I planned would work. Within seconds, I came up behind him and had my hands around his throat. Well I guess I’d done that before, suddenly he passed out and fell to the floor. I eased the room door open to find an empty hallway, now all I had to do was figure out how to get out of here.

I soon found a staircase and made my way down, there in front of me was a large wooden door. I was surprised to find it unlocked, maybe I should have tried to get away before if it was this easy.

The door opened to large gardens with a long driveway, great it would take ages on foot to get away from here. Every car was locked and of no use, it was either stay or go on foot. I used the garden as protection, there were many bushes and trees where I could hide.

I figured eventually I’d make it to the gate, not that I knew how I’d get out then. Even if I pulled it off, who would stop for a man that was running around the streets naked?

Maybe I should just concentrate on one thing at a time, getting to the gate was to be the first obstacle. I finally felt free from them all, also the fresh morning air felt cool against my flushed skin. It was slow going as my body hurt in so many places, my ribs screamed out at me with every step I made.

I was getting rather close to the gates now, however that was when I froze in my tracks. Shit I panicked and had no idea what to do, I could hear voices and realized they knew I’d gone.

“Alexi, I know you’re out here, believe me there’s no way off this property without my say so. Show yourself and I won’t punish you, I know you’ve suffered a lot and must be scared.”

I never even bothered answering him, I just crouched down in a large bush and hid.

“Alexi I won’t ask you again, show yourself now or you will be punished.”

I knew I couldn’t stay here any longer and would have to move, finally I decided to move away from the voices and towards the gate. It turned out that there was some security on the gate along with a camera. Okay so the gate was no longer an option, maybe I could find a way to get over the wall instead?

“Alexi have you forgotten about the electronic chip in your neck, I hope you’re aware that it works for up to a mile away? You have two minutes, show yourself or I’ll be forced to use it.”

I had no idea whether he was telling the truth or not, at the moment he’d say anything to make me show myself. Well fuck him, no way was I stopping unless I was forced to do so. I carried on looking for a way over the wall, I just needed somewhere that was lower down, that or something to climb over.

“One minute Alexi.”

Right now I wished Nikolay would fuck off and leave me alone, I could taste the freedom along with the adrenaline rush.

“Times up Alexi.”

Suddenly I screamed out in pain as my body shook, I collapsed to the floor and curled up in a ball. However that wasn’t what bothered me the most, it was the voices that I could hear getting closer by the second.

“Did you honestly think you could escape me Alexi, Jonathan can you carry him back to my bedroom please.”

“Yes Sir.”

“You Alexi will have to be punished, also you will have to be restrained for the foreseeable future. Believe me, I will make you or break you.”

I didn’t even have the strength to answer as Jonathan picked me up, within no time I found myself back in Nikolay’s bed.



Chapter Text

I felt far worse than the time he’d electrocuted me before, this time I had no energy and was unable to fight any of them or even stand alone. I lay there on the bed and all I could do was wait, suddenly Jonathan picked me up from the bed and lay me down on the bathroom floor. It was then that Nikolay entered the room, the man looked far more pissed off than before.

“You really are trying to test my patience Alexi; however you underestimate me on many counts. You won’t win or get the better of me, you see I like a challenge and that’s all you are right now. Maybe one day I’ll have you where I want you, however I do know that I’ll have fun trying to break you.”

“What more do you want from me?”

“One day I want to have you beside me as my lover, show you off and be able to trust you around the people I know. I throw a lot of parties Alexi and would like you there, it would mean far more you actually wanting to be there too. Maybe one day I’d also like you to meet Daniel, I’m sure he’d like you.”

“It won’t ever happen Nikolay.”

“You underestimate the power I have and what I can do to you Alexi, you will have two choices in the end. You will be there because you want to be, or because you’re too scared to refuse a direct order from me.”

“In your dreams…”

“Enough, I’ve already cancelled my trip away. You see I do take this seriously Alexi, that’s why your training must start right now. Maybe leaving you here wasn’t a good idea, I will have to put more effort in, or the training will be useless, you’ll just lapse back to an untrained hooligan.”

“I’m not some fuckin animal, so go fuck yourself Nikolay.”

“You really do think you’re clever, fine you carry on thinking that and time will tell. Jonathan prepare an enema and then a shower for Alexi, I want him clean before you return him to my bed.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Oh and one other thing Alexi…”

“What now?”

“I altered the voltage on the chip inside you, piss me off too much and I can have you unable to move at all.”

Great so that was why I felt paralyzed, yet here I was left alone with Jonathan once more. All I could do was lay here and watch as he prepared everything, soon I guess the humiliation would begin once more.

“Well Alexi it looks like it’s just the two of us once more.”

“Fuck you…”

“You won’t be so big and hard soon.”

“You can’t do anything other than what Nikolay tells you.”

“Is that what you think, I can do anything I please Alexi.”

“believe me I’ll tell him if you touch me…”

“But who would believe you, you’ve proved yourself to be untrustworthy.”

Deep down I knew that the man was right, Nikolay would always take his word against mine.

“You look a bit worried there Alexi, I guess it’s only natural now you realize the truth.”

The man was really starting to piss me off, yet I was still paralyzed and unable to do anything until it wore off. I was rolled onto my stomach and lay waiting for him to insert the tube, however I realized that it was no tube that he was forcing into me. Suddenly my own cock started to come to life and betray me, I realized that he was using his fingers and rubbing them against my prostate.

Fuck the bastard was forcing me to come as he abused me, the humiliation to actually get off as someone planned to abuse you and rape you. I moaned as he pressed even harder, now my cock throbbed, and I wanted to come so bad.

“Tell me what you want Alexi, maybe I can help you out?”

“You fuckin bastard, I hate you for doing this to me.”

“Don’t worry as it’s not over yet, the best is still to come.”

I could feel him remove his fingers, however they were soon replaced with his large erection. My prostate was so sensitive that each thrust caused me to moan, coming was all that mattered to me now. Despite the fact I also wanted to throw up at the same time, Jonathan lent over me and started kissing my neck and back.

“Please don’t…”

“What’s the matter Alexi?”

“Like you don’t fuckin know!”

It was at that moment that the speed of his thrusts intensified, soon I felt as he came inside my ass. Maybe now I could think of something, hell anything that would make my own erection disappear. Yeah right, suddenly Jonathan rolled me over onto my back and just grinned at me. Then within moments he had my cock deep in his throat, within no time he forced an orgasm from me.

“You bastard.”

“You should be thanking me Alexi; well it doesn’t matter now as I’ve things to do. It’s time we got that enema sorted and a nice warm shower, I’m sure Nikolay has big plans for you today.”

On the upside I guess the sex had helped lubricate my ass, I never even felt as Jonathan forced the tube inside me. Shit I really did feel the pain afterwards though, hell the cramp became unbearable as my stomach filled with water.

I’d swear he inserted far more water than was needed, not that anything I said would alter it. Finally it was all over with and I was moved to the shower. I had some feeling in my body now, I was just far too weak to do much on my own.

In the end Jonathan had to wash and dry me, once done he helped me get back to the bedroom.

There stood Nikolay ready and waiting for my return, to be honest I no longer knew what to expect from the man. He claimed he liked a challenge, yet he seemed to have very little patience around me.

“Where would you like him Sir?”

“Back on the bed and in full restraints please Jonathan.”

I found myself staring at the ceiling once more, I had to wonder how long he would keep me here for this time.

“I have a present for you Alexi, I thought that it might help you with your training.”

Great I had to wonder what was with all the random stuff popping up in my head, was it something that could be related to my past and who I once was? For some strange reason I craved a chocolate bar, I even hoped that it was chocolate that Nikolay was going to give me. I was so lost in thought; I hadn’t even realized that I’d spoke aloud.

“Is it chocolate?”

“Is that what you would like Alexi?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure anymore.”

“Okay maybe if your good we can get some for you, however right now it’s not chocolate that I have for you.”

Nikolay sat over my chest and asked Jonathan to pass him something, all I could do was watch in horror as he placed the collar around my neck.

“There you go Alexi; you see it’s time to be tamed as you now have an owner. Also this will be a little bit easier on you, it has the same effect as the chip in your neck. This one has many different levels though, the strength I use will depend on the reason you need to be punished.”

“Whatever, it’s not like I get a say in anything…”

“See you are learning already, Jonathan can you please bring me some chocolate, then you are dismissed for now.”

“Yes Sir.”

Nikolay undressed while he waited for Jonathan to return, soon he’d brought the chocolate and we was now alone.

Nikolay started kissing me on the mouth, yet all I did was turn my head away from him. It just felt far too personal for the situation that I was in. After a minute or two he gave up and moved lower, he then started sucking my nipples into his mouth one by one as I tried to remain still.

It was a lost cause though as he moved even lower, within seconds he had my flaccid cock in his warm mouth. I tried so hard to make sure it stayed soft; however the man was talented and had me hard within minutes.

Now I lay here like some desperate slut, I even moaned as he released me and moved back up the bed. Suddenly he was trying to kiss me once more, this time he even grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at him.

“Kiss me Alexi, see if you like what you taste.”

He had his mouth clamped around my own, he then forced his tongue deep inside. Shit all I tasted was the chocolate and I couldn’t let go, I kissed him with everything that I had. Soon the kiss became far more passionate than I would have liked, the chocolate made me feel happy for some reason. It was like I’d had it in the past, like something good had once happened in my life.

Finally we had to separate for air, yet I felt the loss straight away.

“Your gorgeous Alexi, shit I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“Please Nikolay don’t say that.”

“Why Alexi?”

“Because I don’t get a choice in any of this, to me that isn’t love.”

“Eventually things might change Alexi, all we can do is see what happens. Let’s just worry about the here and now shall we, here Alexi open your mouth.”

Suddenly Nikolay was putting some more chocolate into my mouth, I never even noticed as he moved back down the bed. Tonight he was rather gentle as he applied the lube, then with one fast push he was deep inside me. Even as he fucked me, he fed me chocolate, then finally he made me come at the same time he did.

Nikolay collapsed on top of me and lay there breathing heavy, while I lay here feeling like some cheap whore. Then suddenly something felt really wrong and I didn’t know what, I tried so hard to think.

That was it, shit I was nothing more than a fuckin whore. At some point I’d sold my body to get what I wanted, the man was obese and smelt disgusting. Fuck, yet I’d let him do that because he had something I wanted. Then I suddenly had another flashback, the man had made me want to throw up, all I’d wanted was him as far away from me as possible.

I had no idea if I could even use a gun, yet suddenly I’d pulled out a gun and shot the man who’d just used my body. Fuck I had no gun, yet I had to get the obese man off me, all I could do was bite down as hard as possible on his shoulder.

Suddenly someone was screaming in agony, then I felt the punches that landed upon my chest. Yet here I was restrained and couldn’t stop the man, that was the difference, I wasn’t restrained then, yet now I was.

That was when I fully realized who was knelt above me, I could see the angry face of Nikolay as he punched me.

“I’d actually thought we were making progress Alexi, now I can’t trust you at all.”

“God I’m so sorry…”

“Too late, you will be treated like the animal that you are until you can be trained.”

Nikolay left me there alone, however he soon returned with Jonathan and peter. Nikolay stood there as the other two started moving furniture around, once done they pulled something into the room.

“This will be your new home for the foreseeable future Alexi.”

I watched as the cover was pulled away, there stood an extremely large cage. I had the restraints moved, then Jonathan shoved me inside and locked the door.

“Use your time wisely Alexi, think about the reason you ended up in there.”

I sank to the floor and just sat there; it wasn’t my fault that my brain was fucked up right now


So here I was with nothing to do at all, Nikolay had said to spend the time thinking about what I’d done. However I was thinking on a far different level to what he wanted, like why was I thinking the way I was before all of this. It was like flashbacks to some previous life, If I were just a whore I no longer even wanted to live.

Well Nikolay did say that he bought me from someone, maybe I’d pissed off a pimp or something and he sold me. Shit I knew I was thinking way too hard, I was even forced to hold my head as the pain returned. I no longer had any fight left within me at all, shit what was the point to my life anyway. A fucked up past, also it looked like a fucked up future too.

The cage was over six foot tall as even Jonathan could stand upright, however it was also only about six-foot square, and I only just managed to lay down in it. I could feel Nikolay’s presence and knew he was still in the room, suddenly I opened my eyes as someone stroked my face.

“Alexi why do you force me to treat you like this, it breaks my heart as I thought we were getting somewhere.”

“Maybe I’m not worth it.”

“To me you are worth it, I meant what I said to you earlier.”

“Meant what?”

“That I’m falling in love with you, I think I actually fell in love with you years ago.”

“So why didn’t you tell me then?”

“I tried Alexi, yet you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“I must have had a reason… Nikolay what sort of person was I before this?”

“You were very strong willed and set in your ways I guess, why what was it you wanted to know Alexi?”

“I want to know if I killed anyone, or hurt anyone in any way whatsoever?”

“I don’t know Alexi; I actually knew very little about you.”

“Bullshit, I can tell a mile off that you’re lying Nikolay.”

“Look just think about how much I want you, also the life you could have here with me.”

“Fuck you!”

“Sleep Alexi and I’ll deal with you in the morning.”

I hated the way I felt around him, also how my body missed the contact as soon as he moved. Maybe it was just human contact I wanted and that was it, no way could I have feelings for a man that kept me caged like an animal. Well I suppose I’d behaved like one, chances are he’s be left with a scar because of what I did.

No, I couldn’t deal with all of this, my feelings were hard to deal with as it is without love. Yet Nikolay was right, at first, I’d wanted him so much and it wasn’t just sex. He’d been so gentle with me; it was like he was actually making love to me.

My brain felt like it was short circuiting and I couldn’t take anymore, I held my head and started screaming as loud as I could. Suddenly Jonathan was in the room and had the cage opened, it was at that moment I noticed the syringe in his hand.

“Get the fuck away from me…”

I backed as far away into the corner as I could go, then I heard Nikolay talking in the background.

“Alexi let Jonathan give you the sedative, it will help you calm down and sleep.”

I realized I was far too tired to fight the large man, also I wanted the pain in my head to stop. Jonathan grabbed hold of my arm and emptied the syringe, soon I found myself all alone once more. After a few minutes sleep claimed my tired body, however just before it did, I realized something. Deep down Nikolay was scared of me, maybe tomorrow I’d try and figure out why that was.

Next time I opened my eyes it was daylight, at first I couldn’t even be bothered to move. What was the point anyway, the day would just be repeat of every single previous day I’d been here? Also there was the depression too, that was starting to get even worse now too. Maybe I should have taken the doctor up on his offer, not that Nikolay would let me have the tablets.

I heard the door open and someone enter, I never even bothered looking until they reached the cage. This time it was Peter carrying a tray, well I guess it must be breakfast time then. I wasn’t even hungry and didn’t want to eat, also I hated the fact they wanted to feed me like a fuckin baby. Chances are, that was just making my depression far worse.

“Alexi it’s breakfast time.”

“Go away Peter, I’m not hungry and I don’t want it.”

“Nikolay says that you have to eat it all.”

“Fuck you and fuck Nikolay, he’s too scared to even come here and do it himself. He’s scared I’ll hurt him, the only time he’s near me is when I’m cuffed.”

Shit it was at that moment I heard a door slam shut, Nikolay had come out of the bathroom and stood there in a towel. Well he didn’t look to happy, so my guess was he’d heard every single word I’d said.

“Is that what you really think Alexi?”

“Well it sure as hell looks that way to me.”

“Peter leave the breakfast on the floor; you may then leave and go about your chores.”

“Very well Sir, as you wish.”

Peter left the room and I was alone with Nikolay; he then came over towards the cage and entered.

“See you’re not restrained Alexi and I dare enter, don’t ever underestimate me and what I can do.”

“Yeah I notice you’re staying over near the door though.”

Nikolay walked right up to me, he then bent down and picked up the discarded breakfast.

“Well it looks like I’ll be feeding you this morning Alexi.”

“Like fuck, I don’t need anyone feeding me…”

Suddenly Nikolay was on me, he backhanded me and caused my lip to split open. Then he grabbed me hard by the jaw and tried open my mouth, to make it worse he started forcing the food into my mouth. His grip was so tight I couldn’t even swallow, yet he just kept on shoving more in.

“Eat it all Alexi, that or I’ll make sure you go days without any food at all.”

What the hell did he want from me, I wasn’t even capable of swallowing anything right now. There he was shovelling it in, yet I was struggling to even breathe now. I couldn’t take anymore as my jaw ached, also there was no way I could fit any more inside my mouth. I did the only thing possible, I started choking and was forced to spit it all out.

“Right that’s it, I’ve had enough Alexi and you can go without. Look at the mess you’ve made too, great I’ll have to get Jonathan to clean you up and the bed.”

I knew it was suicidal to open my mouth, yet I went and did it regardless of the consequences.

“Sounds about right.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“You always have to get them to do everything with regards to me, you think you trying to feed me proved anything at all?”

“Right I’ve had enough of this.”

I was yanked up from the floor by my hair, Nikolay pretty much used it to drag me into the bathroom.

“Stay there Alexi while I sort the shower out, move and you’ll be punished severely.”

I remained where I was, I didn’t want Jonathan in here after what he’d done last time. I shuddered with the memory of what he’d made me do, he had pretty much reduced me to nothing that day and I wouldn’t survive it happening again.

“Alexi will you listen when I speak to you…”

“What did you say?”

“Shower now, come on get moving.”

I stepped under the warm water and it felt good, however I knew it would be another time I wasn’t left alone. I had to admit though that Nikolay was far more gentle than Jonathan, he started massaging my hair and it started to ease my headache too.

“It could be like this all the time Alexi; all you have to do is trust me and let me show you.”

“Nikolay please…”

“Hush Alexi, just relax and feel what I can do to you.”

Nikolay started covering my body with the soap, then I felt his hands upon me as he massaged it all over me. I had no memory of anyone treating me like this before, especially as he also started kissing my neck and shoulder.

Soon Nikolay left a trail of kisses along my spine and ass, then I jumped as his tongue worked its way inside me tight hole. I couldn’t help myself as I moaned out loud, I was also breathing extremely heavy too. Then suddenly he was beside me and whispering in my ear, he was also using the soap to help slip his fingers inside me.

“I want you Alexi, I’m going to make love to you.”

Suddenly the fingers were gone and something else replaced them, Nikolay was so gentle as he pushed his large erection deep inside my ass. Within no time at all he worked up a rhythm, then he grabbed hold of my own weeping erection.

Within seconds it was all over, I couldn’t have held back if my life depended on it. Then the reality sank in, this wasn’t forced, and I was totally willing. Maybe he really did love me in his own way, yet how could I make any sort of commitment to him.

“Alexi, hey are you okay? God that was amazing and I love you so much.”

Shit I panicked and shoved him away from me, then I fled back to the cage and safety.

“Alexi what are you doing?”

“Just leave me alone Nikolay.”

“I don’t understand what you want, please Alexi help me out here?”

“You want me to love you back…”

“Yes, in time I was hoping it would work out that way.”

“Don’t you see…”

“See what?”

“I can’t love you Nikolay, not without knowing my past and what I might have left behind.”

“That will never happen Alexi.”

“Then I will never love you or commit myself to you…”

“Alexi please…”

I really couldn’t handle this, or him. The nearest thing to me was the breakfast plate, I grabbed it and threw it at him as hard as I could. I missed and it hit the bars.

“You had your chance Alexi, now you can have a taste of doing it the hard way.”

“Fuck you.”

Nikolay pressed a button and activated the collar; within seconds I fell to the ground in agony.


Nikolay gave the order that I was to receive no food at all, I guess throwing the plate had pissed the man off. Yeah well, I was pissed off too, it took me hours to get over the pain from the collar. Maybe I should keep pissing him off like this, I’m sure eventually I’d die from starvation. Hell, Nikolay might get carried away and even electrocute me.

Boredom was my biggest problem right now; I soon realized this cage was my life and there was nothing else. I was removed twice a day to use the bathroom, Nikolay said he’d force me to use a bucket if I couldn’t behave myself. I had noticed that he was doing a lot more now, he wasn’t always calling Jonathan or Peter to do it all.

Nikolay did surprise me one night though, he’d spent ages just lying on the bed watching me. I expected the worse from him, also something that would cause me even more pain. I wasn’t expecting him to pick up his phone and make a call, I was also surprised when he called his husband Daniel.

The call connected and was picked up at the other end, that was when I realized Nikolay had the loudspeaker on. I think he was doing it to make me feel guilty, that or to make me jealous. Not that I gave a shit what he did, I would be okay as long as he stayed the hell away from me. I listened to the call more out of boredom than anything else, I guess the hunger pains were also starting to kick in.

“Daniel It’s me, I just wanted to call you as I miss you.”

“Nikolay you chose not to come home, it might surprise you, but it does affect me too.”

“I’m sorry, I guess things here are taking longer than I planned.”

“Maybe you should get rid of your little project, it’s no longer a hobby if it takes up all your time.”

“Alexi isn’t just some hobby Daniel, believe me I wanted him long before we even met.”

“So what are you saying Nikolay, is he more important to you than your own husband?”

“I’m not saying that Daniel, you know that I love you more than anyone else!”

“No, I don’t know that anymore Nikolay. How can I when you choose to remain there without me?”

“Fine I’ll come home now then, if that’s what it takes to make you believe me…”

“Don’t bother Nikolay, I’ve a plane booked for later tonight.”

“Where are you going Daniel?”

“I’m going away on a business trip, I decided to move it forward since you weren’t here.”

“So is there any way at all that I can prove it?”

“Make sure you come as usual next week Nikolay; you can leave him there with the staff that we pay for.”

“Fine, I promise that I’ll be there Daniel no matter what.”

Okay, believe me this man had better be worth it?”

“Oh he is Daniel, I promise.”

“I won’t be able to come there for a few weeks, however then I’ll make up my own mind Nikolay.”

“You won’t regret it lover.”

“Good because if I do, he goes without any questions.”

“Okay agreed, God I love you so much Daniel and I miss you.”

“I love you too, look I have to go now Nikolay. Remember next week you return home no matter what.”

They said their goodbyes, and both hung up, now I felt even sicker than I did before. Is that all I was to them, just some project and a hobby. Also within a few weeks his husband will also be coming here, I had a really bad feeling about everything and wanted it over with.

I started to wonder about everything, I also wondered how long it took to starve to death too. There had to be a way to speed it up, maybe if I pissed off everyone, they’d end my sad pathetic life. It was then that Nikolay came over to the cage, he then put his hand between the bars and stroked my hair.

“Alexi, I know you heard everything I said, believe me you mean far more to me than some hobby. You just need to behave so Daniel will let you stay, oh and from tomorrow you also have to start eating again or you’ll become weak.”

“Go to hell Nikolay, if I don’t want to eat I won’t.”

“We’ll discuss it in the morning Alexi, between now and then I have a lot of things to deal with and think about.”

Nikolay got into bed and turned the lights out, sleep never came for me though. I lay there in agony as my stomach cramped up. Okay maybe there was some truth in what people say, it’s a slow painful death when you starve yourself.

I never even lay down that night, I literally fell asleep where I sat. I’d spent most of the night with my arms wrapped around my stomach, I couldn’t make a noise as I might wake Nikolay up and piss him off. I never even heard Nikolay get out of bed, I practically jumped out of my skin as he spoke to me.

“You don’t look too good Alexi; I think it’s time we fed you something don’t you? I only have a few weeks before Daniel comes, if you look like this, he’ll make me get rid of you straightaway.”

“I don’t want anything…”

“You don’t have a choice, not unless you want to be punished again?”

“I don’t care.”

“You’re only hurting yourself Alexi.”

Nikolay left and returned sometime later with the food; shit I could smell it from where I was sat. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep any of it down now, the smell alone made me want to throw up. Once again, he opened the cage and sat down beside me, I had to turn away from the sight of the food.

“Come on Alexi eat it while it’s warm.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Do you want me to force you again?”

“Why? It didn’t work last time.”

“Alexi you have to eat, otherwise I’ll have to find a way to make you.”

“Good luck then, as I’m not eating anything at all.”

“Right I’ve had enough of this now and your behaviour, I think it’s time for some good old-fashioned punishment Alexi.”

I watched as Nikolay put the plate down, he then stood and held his hand out to me.

“Come with me Alexi, unless you want me to get Jonathan.”

I let him pull me up from the floor, he then led me over to the bed.

“Lay on your stomach Alexi and put your arms and legs out.”

“Great, I thought you said you were punishing me?”

“I plan to, this won’t be for pleasure of even sexual Alexi. I plan to spank your backside until you scream for me to stop.”

“That’s it!”

“If it’s so easy, you won’t have a problem laying down then, will you?”

“Hey, I don’t give a shit, it’s you that’ll be wasting your time.”

I did as he asked and lay down, soon he had both my arms and legs cuffed to the bed.

“Don’t worry I’ll start it off fairly easy.”

“Like I care… I’m sure I can cope with a few slaps.”

Suddenly his hand came full down against my ass, then he hit the other side straight afterwards. I couldn’t help myself as I cried out, the man didn’t actually have small weak hands.

Suddenly his hand came down even harder, he also made sure he never hit the same place straight away. Nikolay kept alternating from one side to the other, however when he caught my balls, I really did scream. The man knew exactly what he was doing, he also knew how to cause the most pain too.

When he hit me again, I was literally sobbing and wanted it to end, I knew I’d beg if that was what it took. How the hell had he managed to turn a spanking into a severe punishment worse than the rest?

“Please Nikolay…”

“Have you had enough Alexi?”

“Yes, god I’m sorry I misbehaved.”

Nikolay removed all the restraints and sat on the bed, he then hugged me tight in his arms.

“I love you so much Alexi, come on you need to eat for me.”

“I can’t, please I feel really sick.”

“I will get Jonathan to bring a liquid meal instead, maybe that will help for now.”

I didn’t want anything, I just felt so ill and mixed up right now. Jonathan entered the room and put the drink near the bed, as soon as he left Nikolay picked it up and held it towards my mouth. I really couldn’t bring myself to drink it, my stomach started gurgling and making funny noises.

“Nikolay I can’t…”

“Alexi drink it now or you’ll be severely punished.”

“Fuck you…”

I opened my mouth; however I had no intention of drinking the crap in front of me. Instead I sank my teeth into his hand, I only let go as he started screaming at me. The drink went everywhere, yet he still reacted fast and grabbed one of my arms. Within seconds he had one of my hands retrained once more, then he started searching in a draw for something.

“Why Alexi, just answer me that one question? I have tried to look after you and treat you right, yet you always throw it back in my face.

“I want to be sick when I look at the food, or even smell it, also if I don’t eat I might die.”

“Is that what you want, is that how you feel when you’re with me Alexi?”

“I don’t know anything anymore, hell I don’t even know who I am.”

Nikolay found what he was looking for, he then forced my mouth open wide. At the last minute I realized what he was doing, the bastard had only gone and used a ball gag.

“It’s only temporary Alexi so you can’t bite me, I intend to make sure you eat and that you don’t die regardless of what you want.”

Nikolay used his intercom and pressed a button; I was surprised when it was the doctor that entered the room instead of Jonathan.

“I want Alexi here put on a glucose drip, oh and given what is needed to keep him healthy. Then I’d like for you to give him a sedative so he can get some proper rest, once he’s asleep the gag can be removed.”

“Very well Nikolay, is that all?”

“For now, I will clean him up first while you prepare everything.”

I knew I couldn’t fight him now and it was too late, however I was surprised when he returned with a warm cloth and towel.

“Come on Alexi, let me get you cleaned up then you can sleep.”

Nikolay was really gentle despite what I’d done to him, shit the doctor had even said his hand would need stitches. Soon the doctor was finished, Nikolay then covered me up and kissed me before leaving. Now I lay here knowing I had nothing to do but wait, at least the sedative started working straight away and I could forget everything for now.


I drifted in and out of sleep and remembered very little, I’d heard voices now and again too. I knew at some point that Nikolay was here and had held me, I also remember the doctor visiting me too.

Once more I heard voices, yet this time I managed to open my eyes and look around. Well it would appear I was still in the bed, also Nikolay was sat in a chair reading the paper.

Great I was going to just lay here awake without him knowing, I had the sudden urge to pee and realized the restraints were gone. Maybe if I were careful, he wouldn’t even notice when I moved, I sat up and the bed creaked ever so slightly.

Nikolay stood straight up and moved fast; within seconds he was stood near me.

“Hey you’re awake, how are you feeling Alexi?”

“I need to use the bathroom…”

“You have a catheter fitted so just stay in bed for now, I’ll get the doctor to check you over.”

“How long have I been here Nikolay?”

“We kept you sedated for over a week so you could heal, also you’re on a drip that’s replacing the food you refused to eat.”

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stomach it.”

“It’s the past, you look a lot healthier now though so that’s good. I’d say you could possibly benefit from some gentle exercise, a week’s a long time without doing anything.”

“I’d like that, also I’m sorry for biting you too.”

“Forget it, come on the doctor’s here now.”

I had to endure a full medical also some blood tests, oh and thankfully the catheter was also removed too. I then had to sit there and feel like some small child, as the doctor spoke to Nikolay and totally ignored the fact I was there.

“So doctor what’s the verdict, has the week in bed done what you expected?”

“Alexi has improved remarkably in a short time; I will get all the blood work done today and phone you with the results.”

“Can he get out of bed now, also what about solid foods?”

“Alexi will feel stiff for a while, I’d suggest a warm bath to ease all his joints. Afterwards you can start him off with soup or something else that’s light.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“Oh and Nikolay, leave the exercise until tomorrow and start light.”

“Yeah no problem.”

That was the first time I’d ever seen Nikolay blush like that, then it hit me what the doctor had meant. By exercise he’d meant sex, the question was whether Nikolay would leave me alone until tomorrow.

I felt a lot better once the doctor had gone, Nikolay went straight into the bathroom and ran a bath for me. At first, I had to rely on his help to get out of bed, he even had to hold me as I climbed into the bath.

“How does that feel Alexi?”

“God it feels like heaven, I swear I could stay in here all day.”

“You just relax for a while; I won’t be gone too long.”

I couldn’t believe Nikolay had left me here on my own, maybe deep down he knew I were unable to escape. Within ten minutes he’d returned with some bottles of shampoo.

“Let’s get your hair washed and make you clean; you’ll feel normal again soon enough.”

I realized that I didn’t even know what normal was anymore, I also realized nothing would ever change. Nikolay was great and doing so much, yet I’d always just be an object and his property. I knew we were going around in circles, yet I couldn’t help myself. I could live like this and be kept prisoner, or I could be beat and abused, yet also kept prisoner. That one word scared me more than any other, I simply didn’t want to be anyone’s prisoner.

“Alexi are you even listening to me?”


“I said it’s time to get out, come on you can get dried while I sort food out.”

We both went back into the bedroom, this time I was allowed to sit at the table to eat. I thought the sight of food would make me sick, yet I realized that I was starving. Within no time all the soup was gone, Nikolay then made me get back in bed and lay with me.

“Just rest for tonight Alexi, in the morning we have some making up to do. I’ve had to watch you sleep for over a week, knowing that I couldn’t even have you.”

“Yeah sleep sounds good.”

I tried ignoring him and what he said, I’d deal with tomorrow when it came.

“Also you can spend an hour in the gym if you’d like?”

“Yeah I’d really like that, then I might not feel so weak.”

“Okay sleep now, just remember I do love you Alexi…”

“I know.”

With that I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, at least I knew I was safe until morning. I wasn’t scared of Nikolay wanting me in that way, I was scared that I might rely on him too much and want him.

Sleep came eventually; however it was far from peaceful this time. I was in another place that was dark and cold, it was the same here too, I couldn’t stop myself from throwing up all the time. Then suddenly I realized what it was that came out, I was knelt over something and some black oil was spewing from me.

My eyes flew open and I couldn’t see anything, shit it was so dark and I started clawing at the wall to escape. It was then that a bright light came on and I saw Nikolay, fuck then he slapped me hard across the face.

“Alexi wake up, come on it’s only a dream.”

“God it felt so real and I thought I’d die…”

“You’re safe and I’m here with you.”

That night I let Nikolay hold me in his arms, I knew he was right, and it was just a bad dream. There was no way that someone could ever throw up shit like that, however I was in need of someone as I cried myself to sleep from the nightmare.

When morning came it was Nikolay that woke me up, or should I say it was more what he was doing that had woke me. I could feel his hand stroking my ass, yet I still jumped as he forced a finger inside me. I knew that he was horny, I also knew there was no way out of this either.

“I want you so much Alexi, however I’m not sure you’re healthy enough to do much yet…”

“I’m not sure myself.”

“You just lay there and relax Alexi.”

I was surprised when Nikolay moved down the bed, he only stopped when his mouth became level with my groin. Shit I was even more surprised when he practically swallowed my erection whole and started sucking. There was no way I couldn’t react to the talented mouth; shit I was only human after all.

I started squirming around on the bed with need, it felt like I’d gone months and not just a week then he shoved a finger deep inside my ass and I started breathing heavy, I knew at this rate I’d be coming within minutes.

Jesus his finger was just as talented as his mouth, especially when he located my prostate and started rubbing it. Within seconds I came and was exhausted, I couldn’t help but notice he swallowed every drop.

Now I had to wonder what the man would want in return, especially as he was the one who started it and was still hard. I’d expected him to roll me over and just use my body to fuck, however he managed to surprise me with his actions.

“I don’t want to tire you out Alexi, god you’re just so hot and I can’t wait to make love to you. However I’ll wait if it means you recover faster, we can have more fun then.”

“Nikolay I’ll be okay…”

“Hush, just lay back and do as you’re told.”

Nikolay started jerking himself off, then within seconds he came all over my stomach.

“I love you so much Alexi…”

I lay there without saying anything, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about the man anymore. He never pressured and just let it drop, he did smack my ass and tell me to move though.

“Come on you need a shower; you’ll also need some food to keep your strength up.”

“Well I definitely think I need the shower.”

I behaved myself and actually enjoyed the shower, especially as Nikolay had let me wash myself for a change. Breakfast was brought to the bedroom once more; I was also allowed to sit at the table with Nikolay to eat it. As soon as breakfast was over, I was given clothes, it was only some shorts and a tee shirt, yet it was far better than walking around naked.

“What’s with the clothes?”

“I’m taking you down to the gym so you can work out, I can’t have you becoming ill or unfit Alexi.”

“Yeah I could do with some exercise.”

I was led towards the basement and the gym; it was always cold in here and made me shiver. I guess it was good as a gym, at least you’d keep cool while exercising. I noticed a door down there, yet it had a huge lock fitted to it, I guess deep down I was still looking for a way to escape.

Little did I know, an opportunity would arise far sooner than I expected. I was using the treadmill when Nikolay received a call, straight after he called Jonathan to talk to him. I learnt that Daniel wanted him to go home right now, apparently his schedule had changed and it was the only free time he had.

Nikolay wanted Jonathan to drive him to the airport straight away, apparently, he said I’d be okay staying in the gym to exercise. Soon he kissed me and said he was going to change and get himself ready, also that Peter would come and get me in half an hour.

My mind started to work overtime, could this be the chance I’d waited so long for. I slowly went upstairs towards the kitchen, I remained quiet and kept my eyes out for any movement. I knew there was a rear door that led to the garage, now I had to pray the car was unlocked so my plan would work.

Finally I made it to the car, I then popped the trunk and climbed inside. I’d only just shut it when I heard voices, well it looked like I’d have another twenty minutes before Peter noticed I was gone.

I had to admit that I didn’t like it in here, it was too enclosed. It also reminded me of the nightmare I had, fuckin great way to think Alexi. I had no idea how long I was in there for, however suddenly the car was driving over rather rough ground. I knew that we’d left the main road and that worried me especially as he was meant to be going to the airport.

After a few more minutes the car stopped, shit then I heard someone near the trunk. Within seconds it flew open and Nikolay grabbed me, I was then punched in the stomach and thrown to the ground.

“That wasn’t very clever Alexi, Peter called me the minute he noticed you missing. The car was the only way you could have got out, it was only a matter of time before you were found.”

“So what happens to me now?”

“Okay enough is enough, Daniel wants me to go home for a couple of days, that means I won’t be there to deal with you Alexi. Not that I’m letting you off the hook by any means, Jonathan can deal with you.”

“I swear I’ll…”

“Shut up right now, this is your final chance Alexi. When I arrive home, I’m having a party, I wanted you there. Now though I ‘m unsure, god this is just one big mess.”

Nikolay totally blanked me and turned to talk to Jonathan, while I on the other hand listened to see what my punishment would be.

“Right take him home, restrain him in that special place Jonathan. Oh I don’t want his face marking at all, just in case I do have him at the party.”

“Very well Sir.”

“Oh you can also get the doctor to re fit the catheter and drip, otherwise he’ll be to ill to do anything with.”

Nikolay pulled out his phone and called a cab, he then ordered Jonathan to take me back home.

“Fight him Alexi and you’ll suffer; you have two days to decide what you want. You either behave or I’ll have to consider getting rid of you. Oh and that doesn’t mean I’ll just let you go either.”

Great I was forced into the car once more, Jonathan cuffed me and forced me into the back seat. I remained silent all the way back and so did he, I just couldn’t understand why he was taking me back to the gym.

“Jonathan, I thought I was to be kept restrained?”

“Yes you are.”

“So why are we going to the gym?”

“Patience Alexi.”

I soon realized where we were going, Jonathan pulled out a key and opened the door that I’d seen earlier. Inside it was cold and dark and I hated it, I only felt somewhat better when he put the light on. It was also at that moment that I noticed the chains, Jonathan then cuffed my arms to them along with my legs.

I knew I’d soon feel the pain as the chains pulled, just to make it worse Jonathan then cut my clothes away from me and I was naked once more. Then the doctor arrived and was now fitting various tubes inside me, I would beg yet I knew it wouldn’t help.

“Alexi you have to remain here until Nikolay comes home, you might want to think about things as this will be your last chance.”

“You can’t leave me like this until then…”

“Goodbye Alexi.”

With that he went to leave, shit he even turned off the light on his way out. Now my nightmare felt like some sort of reality, that was when I started screaming until I passed out.



Chapter Text

I had no idea how long I remained in that basement for, most of the time was spent passed out or screaming until I lost my voice. The restraints were proving to be as bad as the dark now, every time I slept I just hung there, my arms had to literally support all my body weight too.

Jonathan had checked on me now and again, however I knew it was pointless begging as he had his orders. Evert time he came the light went on, yet I was always far too blinded to see anything at all. Now I was here in darkness once more, just left here with nothing but my own thoughts. Shit I didn’t even have a real past I could think about either, that was stripped from me just like everything else.

I’d lost my dignity, memories and even my fuckin clothes. Maybe it was time I accepted the truth, I was a nobody and never would be. I also had to accept the fact I’d never escape, so I guess it was this or what Nikolay wanted.

Right now I didn’t want to think about him, nor what he’d done to me. He would only ever see me as his, I’d never be able to leave here alone or even dress without his say so.

Great so much for not thinking about the man, it was at that moment the door opened and I heard Nikolay. I couldn’t see a damn thing as the light came on, however I soon felt him as he grabbed my jaw. The man was far from gentle, the bastard then even slapped me across the face.

“Alexi, come on wake up.”

“I’m awake, shit I can’t open my eyes as the light’s too bright.”

“I’m going to remove the restrains, chances are it’s going to hurt like hell Alexi.”

“Yeah well you were the one that kept me restrained in one position, shit I haven’t felt my arms for ages now.”

“Look you will be dealt with, afterwards we will sit and have a talk. I want you to remember this place and how you feel, you need to think if it’s to be your new home or not…”

“Yeah I get it.”

Nikolay released my arm; it was at that moment that my legs gave way and I fell to the floor.

“Shit it fuckin hurts, couldn’t you have given me something for the pain, or even knock me out?”

“I want you to feel this pain Alexi, I also want you to remember how it felt when you betray me.”

“How the hell can I forget this?”

“You’ll be fine once the circulation starts flowing again, then Jonathan here can take you for a warm bath.”

I lay there gritting my teeth and just wanted the pain to end, first though I had to suffer even more as the drip and catheter were removed. I was led back towards the bathroom once I could stand, my whole body felt bettered and I was filthy too.

Jonathan ran the bath for me and left, it was Nikolay who stayed with me and helped me. Shit I felt as weak as a new born kitten, also I felt really detached from everything and everyone around me. I lay back in the bath and closed my eyes so I could think, deep down I knew I wasn’t far from having a break down, that or topping myself.

My eyes suddenly flew open as I felt something against me cheek, Nikolay was running his hand down my cheek and wiping the tears away. I myself hadn’t even realized I was crying; however it was at that moment the flood gates opened.

“Hey I’ve got you, just cry Alexi and let it all out.”

Nikolay grabbed a cloth and started washing me, he was really gentle and took his time to make sure I was clean. Once done, he started washing my hair in the same manner.

“Let’s get you out and dried, you can then have some soup and we can discuss the future for us all.”

“Yeah okay.”

As I spoke, I realized how pathetic I sounded, shit I think I really was losing it now. I was led towards the table and told to sit down; somebody had already left a bowl of soup there for me and a glass of water. I noticed that I still wasn’t allowed any clothes though, I felt somewhat vulnerable as he sat down facing me.

Nikolay never even spoke until I’d finished everything that was in front of me, he then shoved a couple of small pills across the table. I picked them up and just rolled them around in my hand, I guess I was scared to even take them without his say so.

“Alexi swallow them.”

“What are they?”

“Only some meds to help with pain and stiff joints, I want you to pay attention and listen to me without the pain distracting you.”

“I’m listening…”

“Firstly I didn’t want to put you in the basement, however I was left with little choice after you tried to escape. I’m also well aware that it’s not the most pleasant of places either, especially after you suffered from the nightmares.”

“You can say that again.”

“You have fought against me from the first day you came here, three months Alexi and you’ve learnt nothing at all. Basically you now have two choices, I also want an answer straight away as I have plans to make.”

“So what choices do I have?”

“You can remain here as my lover, that or you become a permanent prisoner in the basement. You will remain there until your body gives up and you die, that or you’ll lose your mind first.”

Shit I visibly shuddered from the thought alone, I knew I wouldn’t survive five minutes back down there. Maybe the alternative was the best way, well unless that way I was also to suffer.

“Will I be your lover Nikolay, or just a toy when you want to play. Then there’s Daniel, will he want me around long term?”

“Right I’ll tell you up front, then we both know what’s to be expected of you. You will be the equivalent of a slave; I will be your master Alexi. You will be treated as a slave and do as only I say, you will be punished if you disobey me.”

“So I won’t have to go into the basement anymore?”

“Only if you try to escape, that or really disobey me.”

“Will I have any freedom at all?”

“Eventually, however it will only be here in the house. Alexi I’m throwing a party tomorrow night and I would like you there, maybe we can use that time to see if you can obey me.”

“What if I can’t, how will you punish me?”

“I can’t decide unless you do something, I guess we’ll both have to play it by ear.”

“Okay, I guess I don’t have much choice.”

“Okay we can start tonight, some simple tasks and see if you can obey.”

“Fine, so what do you want Nikolay?”

“You in the bedroom would be a good start, I want you on the bed and on all fours Alexi.”

“Yes Master…”

“Alexi my name’s Nikolay so use it; I really don’t like master or sir.

“Very well Nikolay.”

“That’s far better.”

I got up from the table and entered the bedroom, I then positioned myself on all fours and just waited. I watched as Nikolay followed me, he then stood there and stripped out of all his clothes. I then felt the bed dip as he knelt behind me, soon he was then leaning over me and whispering in my ear.

“This is a lesson in obedience Alexi and my pleasure, you will accept the fact that it’s not for your pleasure whatsoever. Obey me and I might be lenient this one time, especially as we have a busy day ahead of us.”

“I understand Nikolay.”

Shit my body reacted fast to his presence, however my erection only helped Nikolay put on the cock ring. Now I knew what he meant about his pleasure only, I was here for his entertainment and nothing more.

Even so I wasn’t expecting his next move, the bastard never used anything as he forced himself deep inside my ass.

“Oh fuck…”

“I did say it was a punishment Alexi.”

Nikolay wasn’t in the mood for anything soft and romantic tonight, he was like some wild animal as he fucked me hard. He would pull all the way out, then he would re enter me over and over. Every single time he hit my prostate, yet the stupid fuckin cock ring stopped me from coming.

When he finally came, I was exhausted, every nerve in my body was on fire with need and desire. I realized he wanted it this way, also that I wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon either. Nikolay got up off the bed and slapped my backside hard, I had all on not to scream out.

“Get some sleep Alexi.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to sleep…”

“Did you say something, you wouldn’t be moaning would you Alexi?”

“What me, no life’s a bed of roses.”

Within seconds Nikolay moved down the bed and found my erection, oh god the man had one hell of a mouth. Yet all it did was turn me on even more, now I behaved like some whore as I moaned and withered around. Then to my surprise, Nikolay stopped and removed the cock ring. Within seconds his mouth was on me once more, it was also only a matter of seconds before I found my own release.

“You can go to sleep now.”

Nikolay held me, then before I knew it morning had arrived. Part of me felt everything was far better, yet I still had my reservations with regards to the party. The closer it got I panicked more, especially as I had to shower and dress. It was to be the first time I’d worn clothes for more than just the gym, however it was when I saw them, I started to panic.

There on the bed lay some black leather shorts and a tank top, the shorts were tiny and would hardly cover anything at all. Yet I was afraid to say anything to Nikolay, as I really didn’t want to end up in the basement again.

Finally we were ready to go downstairs, however first Nikolay grabbed hold of me.

“Some of the guests have arrived Alexi, just make sure you remember your place. You will do everything I say without question, even if it’s something you don’t like. You will be able to mingle if need be, however the alcohol will be kept to a minimum, so do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Nikolay.”

“Good, come on then let’s meet the guests.”

Nikolay led me down the stairs, there was at least thirty people already present. For the first hour I remained with Nikolay, then someone called him over.

“Go and talk to the guests Alexi, misbehave and you will be punished.”

“Yes Nikolay.”

My fingers automatically went to the collar I wore, yeah, I knew he could punish me within seconds if he chose. I walked over to the bar and asked for a vodka, it was at that moment someone grabbed my ass. I spun around to see some tall Hispanic looking man, however I had to remain calm and behave.

“Well look who we have here, god it was worth coming just to see you like this.”

“Do I know you.”

“That would be telling, hey let me get you another drink.”

I ended up drinking far more than I should, it wasn’t like I had any memories of drinking in my past. I knew though that I was drunk, I just wasn’t sure if that was good or not. Shit then before I could think he moved, suddenly the man had his mouth pressed against mine and was kissing me, then he slipped his hands inside my shorts.

Fuck he held me tight and pressed me against himself, the shorts were the only thing between us as I wore no underwear. Enough was enough though, especially as he slipped a finger inside my ass.

I tried pushing him away from me, I then yelled at him not to touch me again. All the commotion had caused many people to stare, it also wasn’t long before Nikolay turned up to see what the problem was.

“Luis have you got a problem with Alexi?”

“Well I was under the impression you liked to share, unless you’ve become soft since last time…”

“Soft is something I’m not Luis, maybe out of respect you should ask first. Fine, Alexi kneel.”


“You heard me.”

I watched as Luis opened his pants, he then pulled out his erection. Shit no, surely Nikolay couldn’t be serious. Yet I watched as his hand went into his pocket, he then pulled out the little remote for the collar.

“Don’t make me tell you again Alexi.”

I wanted to throw up as I dropped to my knees, Luis then grabbed me hard by the hair. He then forced his erection deep inside my mouth, the bastard would leave plenty of bruises as he fucked my mouth fast and hard.

“Bite me bitch and I’ll put a bullet in you, oh shit the best thing Spender did was sell you to Nikolay Ivanov.”

I blocked out what he was now saying, so I now knew the man that sold me was called Spender. The question was why, oh and also how much he knew about my past. Luis finally came and I gagged, I actually struggled to swallow without throwing up.

“We’ll have to do that again sometime bitch.”

Luis fastened his pants and went to get a drink; I was left facing Nikolay and wondered if I’d be punished.

“I warned you Alexi, do as I say or else.”

“Who’s Spender?”


“Is Spender here tonight?”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about…”

“Fuck you Nikolay, oh and fuck all this too.”

I turned and started to walk away, that was when I felt the excruciating pain in my body and fell to my knees.

“Don’t push me Alexi, especially in front of all my friends. You see I have a reputation to uphold, I’ll have to give them what they want.”

Shit that was when I heard a comment and realized what Nikolay meant, the bastards wanted him to punish me right now. I could hear them all encouraging Nikolay to teach me a lesson, I looked up at his face and knew I was fucked.

“Very well, Jonathan bring me the frame.”

“Yes Sir.”

All I could do was remain there on the floor and watch in horror; Jonathan soon wheeled out a large frame that was fitted with full restraints. I had to wonder if this was just a way or scaring me, or did Nikolay intend to give his guests what they wanted.

I soon had my answer when Nikolay pulled me to my feet, he then whispered something before pulling me towards the frame.

“Fight me Alexi if you dare, I swear you’ll go in the basement for a month if you do.”

Nikolay was really angry, and I knew he meant every word, that was the only reason why I surrendered to my ordeal. He soon had my arms and legs restrained in the position of an x, now I could do nothing put wait. I knew it would be painful, shit all the guests would make sure of that.

Suddenly he cut my clothes away, now I was stuck here with my bare ass facing the guests. Well I guess they got what they wanted; I couldn’t hold back the scream as Nikolay whipped me. It wasn’t just once either, the man really lost it as the whip rained down on me over and over again. I knew I’d lost it and kept screaming, I no longer even cared that I was sobbing in front of them all.

I presumed it was finally over when Nikolay dropped the whip, Nikolay then turned to his guests and spoke with them also he listened to what Luis had to say too.

“See I haven’t gone soft Luis, Alexi here is nothing but a toy for my amusement.”

“How about letting me show him who’s the real man around here, fuck that tight red-hot ass until he passes out from the pain.”

“Sorry Luis, Alexi is mine and only I will touch him that intimately.”

“So how about a show then, or are you not man enough for that Nikolay?”

“Very well, just for you Luis.”

Oh god I started screaming once more as Nikolay grabbed my ass, the pain was unbearable from the whip. Now though, I had him forcing himself inside me and pressing against my raw flesh.

Nikolay fucked me fast and hard, I’d swear that he wanted it to end too. Yeah it would be different when it was his ass on show, I hadn’t forgot what he’d told them all. I was just a toy; he could treat me however he saw fit.

Finally he came and pulled out, however by then I was in too much pain to care what he did.

“Alexi it’s over now, just get some rest and we can deal with this later.”

All I managed was three words, my throat hurt too much from all the screaming.

“Fuck you Nikolay.”

“Jonathan take Alexi to the bedroom; I will be along shortly to deal with him myself.”

Jonathan unfastened the restraints, he then had to practically carry me to the bedroom. Now I lay here waiting for Nikolay, I’m using the time to think of ways to end my sad pathetic life. There I was thinking nothing could be as bad as the basement, however it turned out Nikolay was nothing but an animal.


I had no idea how long I lay there, not that it bothered me as it meant no one was hurting me Soon though, my luck ran out and Nikolay entered the bedroom and sat on the bed.

“Alexi listen to me, I’m sorry that I hurt you so much. Look I had no choice and you shouldn’t have pushed me; you never question me or my orders in front of people.”

“I only asked if Spender was at the party, I guess I hit a raw nerve when I mentioned that name.”

“I don’t know anyone called Spender, I told you that Alexi and you refused to believe me.”

“Maybe because you’re nothing but a fuckin liar…”

“Alexi don’t say another word or else.”

“Or else what? I know that he was the man you bought me from.”

With that Nikolay grabbed me by the throat and raised his fist, I opened my mouth as I had to have the last say.

“You’re a fuckin animal, all you can do is hit people and force them to do as you say…”

I was surprised when his hand dropped onto the bed, now I had to worry why he hadn’t hit me.

“Fine, maybe I can punish you another way. It’s time you lost that smart mouth Alexi, that or I really will end up hurting you.”

Suddenly Nikolay grabbed my arm and cuffed it, he then did the same with my other one too. It wasn’t long before my legs followed suit, maybe he would just go and leave me here to sleep.

I watched as Nikolay pulled a box from under the bed, he then proceeded to pull out certain items to use. All the time he made sure I couldn’t see what he was doing, it was only when I felt something cold on my ass I jumped.

“Calm down Alexi, it’s only lube.”

“You can’t be serious, shit I’m still way too sore from earlier…”

“Don’t worry I’m not going to touch you in that way, it’s just a butt plug.”

“Holy shit, what fuckin size is the thing?”

“Lay still then and it will be easier.”

I lay there as he forced the monstrosity deep inside me, the bastard also made sure it pressed against my prostate. The minute I was hard, he grabbed something else, then within seconds he fitted the cock ring.

“Please Nikolay…”

“Quiet Alexi, no talking. You will feel the plug and it will be a reminder of what I’ve done, it will also remind you of why you’re being punished in the first place.”

“So that’s it?”

“No Alexi, I have given you those senses, so you can think about things, however I also plan to remove some so that you can think easier.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sub space Alexi, first I will remove your vision.”

Nikolay pulled out a blindfold and I was plunged into darkness, fuck no it was the basement all over again.

“Nikolay please, anything but that…”

“Alexi you’re not meant to like it, it is a punishment after all. Hold on I’ve just had a thought, maybe this will also help you concentrate.”

I could see fuck all, however I suddenly felt his lips upon mine. Nikolay forced his tongue deep inside my mouth, I was left panting and in need or air, the bastard then forced the ball gag into my open mouth. It wasn’t even like I could say anything now or call him a bastard, for what he was doing to me.

“That look suits you Alexi, just one more thing and then I’ll leave you alone.”

I lay there wondering what the hell would be next, it was at that moment Nikolay placed headphones tight over my ears. Now I didn’t even know if he were still here or not, I felt sick and suddenly really afraid.

It wasn’t till now I realized how alone I was, also just how much you take your senses for granted. I had no concept of time or anything at all, maybe that was why I liked the times I was asleep. After a while the darkness started to get to me, the nightmare returned along with the black stuff I’d puked up.

This time was different though, I was no longer knelt there throwing up the black liquid. This was by far worse than that, it wasn’t in me anymore. I’d already thrown up and now I was surrounded by it. There was so much that I could see nothing, just the black stuff that swirled around me.

I was literally consumed by it, and then I wanted to escape as it consumed me. Not that there was any escape from it as it was too late, I could feel it crawling all over my body and wanting to get back inside.

Finally I would fall asleep once more, yet every time I woke the black stuff was still there. I also realized something else too, I couldn’t hear it, not that I could hear anything at all. I started to think I was going mad, oh fuck and then suddenly it touched me, and I panicked.

I realized that I couldn’t even scream for some reason, I had no idea why my mouth wouldn’t even work anymore. Then suddenly I could hear myself screaming, also there was this bright blinding light.

“Alexi quieten down, that or the gag goes back in.”

Oh shit I didn’t even know who was talking to me, however I stopped screaming as I didn’t want my mouth to stop working. Now I had to force my eyes open, I had to realize just where I were.

I lay here trying to think about what had happened to me, then it hit me full on what Nikolay had done to me. The man had abused me and then left me here alone, left me in the darkness with that black stuff. Finally my eyes adjusted to the bright light, then I saw the man leaning over me and panicked once more.

“Who the hell are you?”

“That doesn’t matter right now, I just want to see if you’re as good as Nikolay claims…”

“Please leave me alone…”

“You are owned Alexi, that means you have no say in anything. Has Nikolay not taught you the basics, saying that looking at the marks on your ass says different?”

“Nikolay is nothing but a fuckin animal, I fuckin hate him and will never do as he says.”

Shit suddenly I was slapped so hard it hurt, also my head swam from the sudden movement.

“You might want to be careful what you say, especially with regards to Nikolay.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’m Daniel, and that’s my husband you’re insulting.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah you could say that, how about I go find him and then we can have some fun?”

“Go to hell.”

“Mouthy little fucker aren’t you, well believe you me Nikolay’s a pussy compared to me.”

Daniel used the intercom and called Nikolay, it wasn’t long before he entered the room and hugged Daniel.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming Daniel?”

“I wanted to surprise you Nikolay, also I wanted to meet Alexi without your input. I have to admit he’s only got one thing going for him though, his looks are what’s keeping him here right now.”


“No Nikolay, we’ll see how he performs and then I’ll decide if he stays or not. You just see a pretty face; you never think long term.”

“Fine I’ll agree to whatever you decide Daniel.”

“Good, I just want a day or so with him first. Well at least the cock ring and plug will be a nice start.”

Great now I wondered what he had planned for me, also what would happen if he decided I couldn’t stay here. Daniel moved around the bed and removed the restraints, he then yanked me up by my hair. Soon I found myself shoved face down over the chair, while the whole time Nikolay just stood and watched.

“First Alex, you will learn the difference between myself and Nikolay. He restrains you and you have to do as he says, not that you can really fight him if you can’t move. I have no intention of restraining you right now, you will do exactly as I tell you or suffer the consequences. Do I make myself clear Alexi?”


“Yes what?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Very good.”

Fuck I couldn’t help but scream out, the bastard used a hard paddle on my already damaged ass. He was far from gentle and even forced me to stay still. He pressed one hand down on my back and beat me, his angle meant he was hitting the top of my thigh, shit then I did howl as he caught my balls.

“Lay the fuck still or it gets worse.”

Suddenly he was behind me and removed the plug, which thankfully made his entry far easier. Once fully inside my ass he fucked me hard, he only stopped once to give instructions to Nikolay. So now here I was with one cock up my ass and another deep down my throat, I soon realized that Daniel was nothing like Nikolay.

Daniel had a temper and had to be in control, also he liked inflicting as much pain as possible. He dug his fingers deep into the welts on my body, deep down I had a feeling he wanted me to misbehave so he could punish me even more. Finally his own body got the better of him, his orgasm approached fast and he couldn’t stop it. Meanwhile I knew my mouth would be bruised from Nikolay, he was far from gentle as he came.

As for me I wasn’t so lucky, the pressure on my own cock was causing me great pain now and I couldn’t lay still. Shit then suddenly I felt Daniel press against my ass once more, this time he forced a finger deep inside and scraped the tender skin.

Suddenly it was totally unbearable, and I wanted to pass out, the pain was far worse than I’d suffered in a while. Then it stopped as quick as it started and I was pulled up once more, soon I found myself back on the bed face up.

“Stay there Alexi and don’t move, Nikolay you can sit in the chair and watch.”

“Okay if that’s what you want?”

“Yeah I want you to get yourself off Nikolay, imagine next time it could be your cock going deep up his ass.”

Great so the bastard was going to put on a show to please his lover, while I’d be just used and abused like a fuckin toy. I knew deep down the anger was fighting to get out, it was only the thought of the basement that kept it contained.

“Don’t worry Alexi, you won’t be able to escape me or even move when I’ve finished with you.”

Daniel grabbed a giant dildo from the box and held it up in front of me, he was making sure I knew what to expect from him. First though he lent over me, then the bastard bit one of my nipples and drew blood. He then sat back up and licked the blood from his lips, soon he then started sucking my nipples hard until he’d sucked all the blood away.

Then he moved down the bed licking a trail along my chest, the bastard then started biting my stomach and then licking it. I lay there as the sweat trickled down my face, god now I really wish I were restrained as I wanted to move more than anything. It was an overwhelming desire to smack the man senseless, yet I didn’t even know if I’d ever being violent in the past.

Nikolay seemed more interested in his own needs right now, I realized he’d be no help if things got out of hand. I grabbed the bed covers tight and wouldn’t let go, then Daniel sat up once more and stared at me with a predatory stare. It was then that he suddenly decided to remove the cock ring, I’d swear my balls were swollen beyond belief.

“I’m going to make you come Alexi, you’ll come deep in my mouth so I can taste you.”

I was far too gone to even answer the man, my brain was unable to function right now.

“Alexi are you listening?”

“Yes Sir.”

With that Daniel bent forward and deep throated my throbbing erection, shit I was gone and knew I’d come in seconds. Daniel swallowed every drop and licked me clean, he then forced his tongue inside my own mouth. Part of me wanted to throw up, yet I knew I’d be punished if I did.

“You taste so good Alexi, now I plan to fuck you hard with the dildo, believe me you will feel it every second that it’s inside you. I plan to shove it so deep it might disappear; I want you to be aware of what I can do to you whenever I want!”

For some reason this man wanted to own me completely, he also wanted to make me suffer too. Maybe it was how he got off, that or he wanted to prove himself to Nikolay. I felt as he forced the dildo inside my ass, he then started to ram it in and out too.

I was well lubed from earlier, I think that pissed him off after a while, it wasn’t having the desired effect or hurting me enough.

“Hold on Alexi, I’ve got a better idea and it will show you that your mine, I want total submissiveness from you. You will realize that I can possess you totally, I can also take you apart if that’s what I decide.”

I lay there and felt his fingers work deep inside me, then there was suddenly excruciating pain as he forced his hand inside. I started squirming around to get away, I knew I was too torn up inside to suffer something that size.

“Alexi breathe and calm down, that or you’ll make it far harder on yourself.”

“Please god no, shit I can’t stand it…”

“It’s going to happen Alexi so accept it.”

I tried so hard to lay still however it was impossible as his hand went even farther inside me. At one point I thought I’d pass out, not that Daniel would let me escape the pain he wanted to inflict on me.

Soon he decided it was in as far as it would go, he then curled all his fingers into a fist and fucked me with it. No matter how much I screamed it never stopped, if anything it turned him on even more. He used his second hand to jerk himself off as he fucked me, then within no time he came all over me. Only then did he pull his hand out, the bastard kept it as a fist tearing my delicate skin as he pulled it out.

“See Alexi you’re now mine, oh and you’re such an easy slut I’ll have to fuck you with my fist more often.”

I never said a word, however soon he had Jonathan bring the cage back, he then grabbed me and shoved me inside. All I could do was lay down and try to sleep, it was hard knowing Daniel and Nikolay were in the bed fucking each other. Afterwards they just slept like I wasn’t even there, yet sleep never came for some time as I sat there sobbing.


That was to be my life from now on, Daniel made all the rules in their relationship. He agreed that I could stay here, however there would be some ground rules, that or I’d go in the basement. I was to spend most of my time in the cage like an animal, only to be brought out when they wanted to fuck me or abuse me.

There was also one other rule that I hated more than the others, every night I would suffer sensory deprivation. I would be forced back into that dark silent world every single night, back to where the darkness ruled and tried to possess me.

I was starting to wonder about my own sanity, would they finally push me too far and into the land of madness. Yeah right, maybe I was already there and none of this was real. Well fuck that, I knew that the pain I suffered was very real. At first, I had a rough idea of time and how long I’d been here, however now I was aware of nothing except for three things. Sex, pain and that fuckin cage, I hated having to go in there knowing what would happen.

I’d tried so hard to remember anything from my past life, yet all the memories where gone. This time though was different, I only knew it was daytime because Nikolay had brought me breakfast. In the cage I was never restrained, it wasn’t like there was anywhere for me to go.

They no longer feared me retaliating, I guess there were too many ways they could make me suffer if I did. However Nikolay informed me that I was to have a shower and an enema today, yet something inside me snapped and I lost it. I no longer cared what they did to me either, maybe that was why I grabbed him and punched him hard.

“You’ll pay for that Alexi…”

“Fuck you and fuck Daniel…”

I suddenly saw movement and realized that Daniel had just entered the room, now I knew I’d suffer if he was dishing out the punishment.

“Believe me you will suffer far worse than you ever have Alexi, no one lays a hand on my husband and gets away with it.”

“Just fuckin finish it then, I’m sick of living in this fuckin cage.”

“Tough as you’ll be staying there all day without food, later you will receive whatever punishment I see fit to give.”

Daniel came over and locked the cage with a padlock, once more I was imprisoned with nowhere to go. They both left the room to get Nikolay’s jaw looked at, I never felt guilty whatsoever as they were as bad as each other.



Chapter Text

I drifted in and out of sleep from boredom, yet this time it was the loud banging and raised voices that woke me up.

“FBI remain where you are, nobody moves.”

I huddled as far in the corner as I could go, which wasn’t far when you were stuck in a six foot cage. The door to the bedroom opened and an FBI agent entered with a gun, he looked around and then his eyes locked on me.

“You fuckin bastard, so you were here all along playing your sex games.”

The rather irate agent disappeared, and I was glad, shit the man seemed rather unhinged. He didn’t know me or anything about me, how dare he just presume this is nothing but a game.

Shit, then within seconds the man returned. This time though it was with Jonathan, god he was actually unlocking the cage and letting the man inside. I never even got to say a word as he grabbed me, he then shoved me against the bars and punched me.

“Why Alex? Just answer me that…”

“My name’s Alexi, hell I don’t even know you or what you’re talking about?”

The agent grabbed my jaw hard and forced me to face him, he then just stood there staring at me.

“Fine Alexi, personally I don’t give a shit what you call yourself. I want to ask you a couple of questions, I also want you to look at me when you answer okay?”

“Yeah okay.”

“I need to know if this is just a game?”

“Shit have you looked at the state of me!”

“Okay, are you here by choice?”

“No, they won’t let me leave.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“Yes but I don’t know where I’d go, I don’t even know where I live or anything.”

“Alex how did you get here?”

“I don’t remember, however Nikolay said he bought me and I’m his. They hurt me all the time, shit all they do is fuck me and abuse me.”

Great like a fuckin idiot I caved, the tears came after so many months of suffering. Did I really have a chance of freedom, also could I trust this man as he’d hit me too.

“Why did you hit me?”

“It’s along story, I know you as Alex and our life was fucked up to say the least. Finally we sorted our differences out, then you left, and I never saw you again.”

“I’m so sorry, at the moment I have no memory of you at all.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.”

“I need to find out who sold me, maybe they will be able to help me.”

“Shit I bet it was Spender, he’s the man you worked for, also he’s capable of wiping your memories.”

“That’s the name Luis gave me, I guess I need to find him then.”

“Alex if you trust me, I can help you, first you need to get away from here.”

“I don’t even have anywhere to go; shit I don’t even have any clothes.”

“You can stay with me.”


“Believe me I have my own reasons for wanting you to remember.”

“Where we lovers?”

“Sort of, near the end just before you disappeared.”

“Okay I’d like to stay with you.”

I watched as the agent opened the closet, he then pulled out some clothes for me to wear.

“Get dressed Alex and then we can leave.”

“Will I be safe from Nikolay and Daniel?”

“They’re on their way to the Hoover to be charged with money laundering, also I will be adding kidnapping to that list too. Chances are they’ll be going to prison; you will be safe Alex so don’t worry.”

“Can I just ask you one question?”

“Yeah go ahead.”

“What’s your name?”

“Shit, I guess I’m used to you automatically knowing it. It’s Fox Mulder.”

“Can I call you Fox; I like it and it suits you.”

“If you must, just don’t tell anyone else as they all call me Mulder.”

For some reason the thought made me happy, it was something that only the two of us shared together. I walked outside and the sun was bright, I then started crying as I realized I were free from all the pain and suffering.

“Alex are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m holding up, don’t worry I’m sure I’ll be okay once I’m away from here.”

“This is my car so get in and we can get going.”

“Don’t you have to stay here Fox, I thought you were working?”

“Someone else can do the questioning and deal with them, it’s not actually my department anyway.”

“Why what department do you work in?”

“The x files, mainly unsolved cases.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“You worked some cases with me in the past.”

“What, was I an informant or something?”

“Alex you were once an agent yourself.”


I realized that I knew nothing at all about my past, hopefully this one man could shed some light on it. Also I’d like to meet with the man known as Spender, my guess is that he knows even more. Soon we pulled up and Fox turned off the engine, I just sat there not knowing what to do with myself.

“Come on Alex, we’re here and it’s time to get out.”

“Is this where you live?”

“Yeah it’s not much, I guess that’s what happens when you live the bachelor life.”

“How come you’re single, I mean you’re good looking and… sorry forget I said anything.”

“Alex lets work on getting your memories back, you’ll soon realize then why I’m single.”

“If you say so.”

We took the lift to the fourth floor and went towards number forty two, well I could see what he meant about the bachelor life. The place appeared rather untidy; things were thrown everywhere leaving little space to sit. It amused me though how he tried to move everything, he was also rather flustered now.

“Fox don’t worry about it, hell my home has been nothing more than a cage for months.”

“You can sleep in the bedroom as that’s cleaner, you can also get a shower if you want too?”

“Do you have some spare clothes; I just don’t like wearing these as it reminds me of them.”

“You shower and I’ll leave some on the bed for you.”

“Thanks Fox, also thank you for letting me stay here.”

“It’s not a problem, like I said before I want the old Alex back.”

“Will you tell me what I was like?”

“First, I’ll get Scully to check you out and then you can sleep.”

“Who’s Scully?”

“She’s a friend and a doctor so don’t worry, go get your shower and then you’ll feel better.”

“I don’t need a doctor…”

“Alex just do as I say.”

Shit suddenly I felt really nervous, I rushed into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I knew my brain was working overtime, I’d started to think that everyone must be the same as Nikolay and Daniel. Soon I’d showered and knew I’d have to go back out there, trouble was I only had a towel until I found the clothes. I walked into the bedroom and nearly jumped, there sat in a chair was some tiny little redhead. I panicked and yelled out for Fox; she was so small yet I felt seriously threatened by her presence.

“Fox get in here right now…”

“What ‘s the matter, shit Alex I thought something was seriously wrong.”

Fox had walked into the bedroom to see me stood there shaking, he then calmly walked over and held me in his arms. It was then that I felt safe and like I belonged with him, yet it was her I didn’t trust even with Fox here.

“Sit down Alex, this is Scully and she’s here to check you over.”

“Fox, I said I didn’t need a doctor.”

“Alex just humour me then.”

“Fine, but I’m only doing it so you don’t hurt me.”

“Alex I’m not going to hurt you, I’m not like Nikolay Ivanov, believe me that man’s well known for his brutality.”

Scully hardly spoke to me during the examination, I had this feeling that she hated the real me. I had to admit that she was gentle though, even more so when she saw the marks that were still on my back. Once done she turned to Fox, she discussed everything with him like I wasn’t even here.

“You’ll be pleased to know he’ll live Mulder, most of the damage will heal itself within a matter of weeks. I would like to suggest a couple of things, though, it might help in the long run.”

“What would that be?”

“He should have an internal examination for one, also he should see a psychiatrist.”

“I’ll arrange to get him some help, can’t you do the internal Scully as you’re here?”

“God the things I do for you Mulder, it’s hard when I know who he really is.”

“Thanks Scully.”

I never even got a say in the matter, I was told to lay on my side and face away from Scully. I then felt something cold on my backside, shit then within seconds her finger slid up my ass. I felt so degraded as she did it knowing Fox was watching too, then it was sheer relief as I felt her pull it out, well that was until Fox spoke.

“Is that blood Scully?”

“Yeah more than I thought there’d be, he has a few tears and will need to refrain from any form of penetration.”

“I’m sure he’ll be able to do that Scully, there’s only me here and I’m not planning on fucking him.”


“Sorry Scully.”

Finally Fox showed her out, now though I felt far too tired to even dress. I slipped under the covers and closed my eyes, then I heard Fox enter the room.

“Alex do you want anything to eat?”

“Maybe later, I just want to get some sleep for now.”

“Okay the rest might do you some good.”

With that said Fox closed the door and left, I knew that I should feel happy, yet I didn’t. I think it was what Fox had said earlier, about how he had no intention of touching me. I guess it made me feel really dirty, hell who would want me now anyway. Finally I fell into an uneasy sleep and woke to darkness, I had no idea of the time or where I were at first. I just knew that the black stuff had come to claim me once more, I yelled out and hoped it would go away.

Suddenly the room was dimly lit and I wasn’t alone, it was then that Fox spoke and I realized where I was.

“Alex, hey are you okay?”

“I’m sorry if I woke you, just give me a few minutes and I’ll be okay.”

“Well you don’t look okay to me, shit you look terrified Alex.”

“I have nightmares, yeah I know I’m pathetic, but they just feel so real.”

“Have you talked to anyone about them?”

“Somehow I don’t think Nikolay or Daniel would want to hear, or for that matter give a shit how I felt.”

“I’m here, you can talk to me.”

“I got the impression you didn’t want to be around me.”

“What the hell made you think that?”

“You told Scully you wouldn’t be fucking me, the way you said it made me feel so dirty.”

“Jesus Alex, I really didn’t mean it in that way. I want you more than anything.”

“So why not fuck me then, I mean I’m nothing more than a slut now.”

“You had no fuckin choice Alex; don’t you ever call yourself that again when I’m around. Also I want you, however I want you to be your old cocky self.”

“What was I like Fox?”

“We can deal with your memories tomorrow, right now you were going to tell me about your nightmares.”

“Nikolay left me in a cold dark basement for a couple of days, I’d done something once again to piss him off. I realized that it was the dark that scared me, okay I know this will sound stupid but…”

“Go on Alex, you’re doing okay so far.”

“You will laugh at me.”

“Alex, I know how it feels to have nightmares, I promise that I won’t laugh at you no matter what.”

“The darkness is alive Fox; it slithers around and gets under my skin. Shit I can’t breathe as it suffocates me. Nikolay knew it scared me, yet every night he forced me into a world of sensory deprivation.”

“God I’m sorry, I will leave the light on if you want?”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

“Alex, I think it’s the black oil that you dream about.”

“The black what?”

“Great how do I explain this? You were a host to an alien; it was in the form of some black oil when it entered your body.”

“You said you wouldn’t laugh, great so you just take the piss and make fun of me…”

“Alex, I swear on my own life it’s the truth, look we will go see Spender tomorrow and see what he has to say.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Right get some sleep, I’ll leave the light on for you.”

“Fox will you stay with me for a while, I just mean till I sleep and nothing else.”

“Yeah of course I will.”

Fox came and laid in the bed with me and he was still there come morning, however I woke to find myself in his arms. Fox kissed me on the forehead and got out of bed, he then started sorting through the clothes that were on the floor.

“I’ve arranged for Skinner to get Spender into his office, we can be there waiting for him and see what he says.”

“Yeah okay, who’s Skinner and where do we have to go.”

“Hey, don’t sound so nervous Alex.”

“Fox I’ve practically lived in a cage or as a prisoner for months, it scares the hell out of me when I’m around too many people.”

“Alex that’s perfectly understandable, Skinner is an A.D at the Hoover.”

“What, so he’s your boss.”

“Yeah, he was also once yours too.”

“Does he like me?”

“You pissed off a lot of people Alex, however Skinner knows that you have no memory anymore.”

“Great, I just want this over with so I can get on with my life.”

“Alex will you do me one thing?”

“Yeah if I can, what is it Fox?”

“If you get your memories back don’t go back to Spender, you will have a chance to change and be what you want.”

“Okay I promise, I want you so much Fox and I think part of me knows that too.”

“Good because it works both ways, come on dress and we can leave.”

There was just something about Fox, I had no idea what had happened between us in the past. I just had this urge to claim him as mine, a part of me wanted him more than anything else. I even scared myself with the passion I felt for him, that’s why I’d do anything top please him and make him want me.

It was the trip to the Hoover that scared me the most, especially from what I’d pieced together with regards to my past. Skinner was my boss when I was an agent, yet I’d done something that he’d never forgiven me for. Then there was Spender, apparently he was my boss at the time I disappeared from Fox’s life. Well all I could do was pray no one hit me, I had enough bruises and cuts to last a lifetime.

“Come on Alex it’s time to go, I hope you’re ready?”

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

I remained silent on the way to the Hoover, I guess I was totally lost and felt way out of my depth. My only memories where of who I was now, shit I was nothing more than a toy to treat like shit. Fox had informed me about Nikolay and his past, I was lucky in a way as he could have treated me far worse.

“Alex come on we’re here.”

“I don’t know if I can do this Fox, god they both hate me and Spender even sold me to get rid of me.”

“Alex you have to do this, come on I’ll make sure no one hurts you.”

“My knight in shining armour.”

“Hey after this you owe me, oh and believe me I will be collecting.”

“I can’t wait.”

I knew that Fox was trying to make this easier for me, yet I had no memories of what Skinner or Spender even looked like. We took the lift to the fourth floor; Fox then told the secretary that we were here. I had thought we could sit in the waiting room for a while, no such luck as she told us to go straight in. I took a deep breath and Followed Fox through the door, there stood a bald intimidating looking man.

“Agent Mulder, Krycek please take a seat.”

We both sat and I couldn’t stop fidgeting, however Skinner ignored Mulder and decided to talk directly to me.

“Right Krycek I only have Mulder’s word that you can remember nothing, so for now I will restrain myself and treat you as you are now.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Krycek, all bets are off if you get your memory back.”

“Yeah okay I can understand that, I just wish I knew what I’d done to make you hate me so much.”

We were interrupted by a knock at the door, Skinner got up out of his chair and opened the door.

“Good morning Spender.”

“You wanted to see me, not that I can understand what’s so urgent…”

“I have someone here that wants a word with you.”

Spender walked in and looked straight at me, shit the man made me cringe just looking at him. Could it be possible that this one man reduced me to nothing, made me become nothing more than a useless whore.

“Alex dear boy it’s good to see you, sorry I forgot you won’t even remember me.”

“I want to know what you did to me, also I know it was you that sold me as Luis told me.”

“You were punished Alex for stealing from me, you stole information to give to your lover.”

“So you stole my whole fuckin past because of that…”

“Believe me it was because of far more than that one thing, you have always pushed me and betrayed me Alex. It was time to end it all, you should be thankful that I didn’t just have you terminated.”

“Jesus death would have been preferable compared to what I suffered, I bet you knew that Nikolay would torture and rape me?”

“I had heard that he could be somewhat abusive, like I said you had to learn your place Alex.”

“Well I want my fuckin memories back.”

“Are you sure about that Alex, maybe you’d be better off not remembering the bastard that you were.”

For some reason this man really pissed me off, he sat there with such a smug grin on his face. Also I had this deep down suspicion that he was to blame for everything, without even thinking I jumped up and grabbed him by the throat. “They’re my memories and you had no right taking them from me, therefore it’s my choice whether I want them back or not.”

“Very well Alex if that’s what you want, however it will have to be done in one of our labs and by the doctor that removed them.”

“When, I want it done as soon as possible?”

“Very well.”

He handed me a small piece of paper, I looked down to see that there was an address wrote on it.

“What’s this?”

“The address for the lab, make sure you’re there in three hours and I will arrange everything.”

“Yeah well it better not be a setup, also I’ll be bringing Fox with me too.”

“Okay that’s not a problem.”

“Piss me around old man and I’ll kill you!”

“Oh I don’t doubt it Alex, you see you lost your past and that was all.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your still you, someone who lies, cheats and deceives everyone to get what he wants.”

“Maybe I had no choice if I worked for you.”

“You can’t lay all the blame on someone else dear boy, you willingly carried out the orders.”

“Go to hell.”

“Look at poor dear Fox here, he forgave you, yet you practically destroyed his life...”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then there’s Agent Scully, oh and let’s not forget Skinner.”

Suddenly I felt really sick and the room began to spin, next thing I knew I was on the floor with Fox holding me.

“Shit what happened?”

“You passed out Alex, you need to take it easy after all you’ve suffered.”

“I’ll be okay.”

I pulled myself up and sat on the nearest chair, it was at that moment I noticed Spender was gone. Even so maybe he was right, and I had hurt people, I could tell that Skinner didn’t like me or my presence in his office.

“Fox, I need to get out of here.”

“Okay we can go get a coffee or something, just wait outside while I have a quick word with Skinner.”

“Fine like I have a choice.”

“Alex please, I swear I’ll only be a minute.”

“Don’t be long then.”

I went and sat into the reception and waited for Fox, I couldn’t help but notice the secretary staring at me. I felt on edge already and she was making me feel uneasy, in the end I had to speak as I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Can I help you with something?”

“I was trying to figure out where I’d seen you before, you were an agent once wasn’t you?”

“So they tell me, sorry but I’m experiencing slight memory loss right now and can’t answer you. Feel free to tell me if there’s anything you know about me; it’s just I get the feeling I wasn’t that popular around here.”

“You were Mulder’s partner a while ago, then all I know is that you went rogue and no one knew what happened.”

I never even got to answer as Skinners door opened, I stood up as Mulder came out and asked me if I was ready to leave. It was at that moment Skinner’s secretary spoke to me, straight away I could tell that Fox was pissed off.

“Would you like my number, maybe we could go out one evening if you’ve nothing to do?”

“Kimberly you’re supposed to be working, Alex is spoken for anyway so just forget it.”

Fox practically shoved me out of the door and towards the lift, we were no sooner inside when he started kissing me. I couldn’t help but respond as his tongue slipped inside my mouth, when he finally pulled away, I was panting and also rock hard.

“You’re mine Alex, I’ve waited over four months to kiss you.”

“Thanks’ Fox for that, shit now I’ll have to relieve myself before we leave here.”

“Follow me and I’ll be able to help you with that.”

“Good as you’re the one who caused it.”

I had no real memories of this man or who he truly was, however there was this part of me that wanted him so bad. Well according to Fox we had slept together before, I guess that didn’t make me feel that much of a slut just yet.

Fox led me into the basement and towards a door with his name on, once inside he turned and locked it. Shit I never even had time to think as he dropped to his knees, then within seconds he had my jeans unfastened and pulled down. God I was so hard and needed this so much, Fox spoke to me so gently and I felt loved here with him.

“Is this what you want babe, god I’ve missed you so much and thought that it was just a joke.”

“I’m so sorry Fox as I can’t remember what I did, I just know that I want you and it feels so right here with you.”

With that Fox deep throated me and I was gone, the man had one hell of a talented mouth as he sucked me off. His hand also started massaging my balls one by one, then I felt his finger work towards my ass and push inside. Within minutes I was coming deep inside his warm mouth, my legs literally felt like they’d give way.

Fox licked me clean and then spun me around, I heard him unfasten his own pants and knew what was to come. I had to admit the man was well endowed in that area, I could feel my ass fill fully with his large erection. Shit then he started moving and hitting my prostate every time, at this rate I’d be getting hard again.

Soon Fox came and filled my ass with his come, he then pulled my boxers and jeans back up. Once we were dressed, he hugged me tight and that was when I noticed he was crying.

“Shit Fox talk to me, is it something I’ve done?”

“No, just forget it Alex.”

“How can I forget it when you’re upset.”

“I think I’m in love with you, shit I think I always have been too.”


I let go of him and just stood there like an idiot, I’d not expected that from him right now. My own memories of this man only went as far back as yesterday, yet I knew I’d have to say something to him.

“Look I’m sorry Alex, I shouldn’t have said anything…”

“Fox I’m glad you did; it makes feel like I’m more that what Nikolay made me into. I feel something for you, but I don’t know what. Maybe once I have my memories, I’ll understand myself and my feelings better.”

“Okay as long as I didn’t upset you by saying it?”

“No I’m glad you did, just hold on to memories Fox, you don’t realize how much they mean until you have none.”

“It must have been hard Alex?”

“Yeah, I woke and didn’t even know who I was, never mind where I was or who they were. They forced me to eat and then gave me an enema, that first night Nikolay split my lip open and then brutally raped me.”

“God I’m so sorry Alex.”

“It’s not your fault Fox, that was to become my life and I knew nothing else.”

“Well it’s over now, we’ll go and deal with Spender and then we can move on together.”

“You’re an FBI agent Fox, shit I appear to be nothing more than Spenders employee. I don’t want you losing your job because of me.”

“That was what I wanted to see Skinner about, I’ve already told him about the night before you disappeared. I also told him that I wanted a relationship with you, well if that’s what you want too?”

“God, I want to be with you more than anything, so how did Skinner take it?”

“He said he was fine as long as you were no longer part of the consortium, that and you’d have to apologise for what you did in the past. I told him how you were trying to help me that night, also that you were working against Spender.”

“God, I want to be as far away from that man as possible, I swear I just want my memories back and then he can go to hell.”

“Come on the babe, we might as well go and get this over with then.”

We went into the underground garage and located Fox’s car, soon we were on our way to the consortium lab and where this had all started.



Chapter Text

We arrived at the lab and got out of the car, I felt really nervous as I had no idea what to expect. Someone let us in and led us to a small office, there sat Spender waiting for us.

“Good day gentlemen, I just want to explain to you some things first Alex.”

“Such as?”

“With regards to the procedure, what will happen and how long you’ll have to remain here.”

“Like fuck am I staying here afterwards.”

“You would be asleep and wouldn’t even notice.”

“Just tell me what they did, then I want to know exactly what will happen now…”

“Fine, I’m not a doctor but I’ll give you the basics. I’m sure you’re aware that we used alien technology to achieve the removal of your memories?”

“Yeah I pretty much guessed that.”

“The surgeon made a small cut in your head; he then inserted a small fine needle and injected a certain chemical into your brain. The chemical has the ability to block that part of your brain from the rest, it is the part of your brain that stores all your memories.”

My hand instinctively went straight to my head, I knew though that any cuts would have healed by now.

“You won’t find any scars Alex, once the surgeon has finished, we heal the cut using alien technology too.”

“So how long will it take to make me back whole?”

“You will be given sedative, once it takes effect the surgeon will start straight away. It will take about ten minutes to go in and inject the serum to remove the block, then he will seal the cut he made. Afterwards you will have to remain laying down until the sedative wears off, possibly about three hours from start to finish.”

“I want Fox with me throughout the whole procedure, believe me I don’t trust anyone that works for you.”

“Fox can remain as that’s not a problem, is there anything else before we get started?”

“How long will it take for my memories to return?”

“Your memories will have returned when you wake up, however at first everything will feel like a dream and nothing more. It could take days or weeks for you brain to sort out what’s real and what isn’t, also Fox will be able to fill you in on some of what you remember.”

“What and that’s it.”

“Alex, I don’t think you realize the impact it will have on you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not everything you remember will be like a dream, there’s a lot that will be more like nightmares.”

“Well I’m sure I can handle it.”

“Very well, I’ll take you to meet the surgeon if there’s nothing else.”

Spender led us both down a long corridor, the lights were really bright, and my head was starting to hurt. The surgeon asked me to take a seat in the chair and pull up my sleeve, I then watched as he injected me with the sedative.

“Don’t leave will you Fox?”

“Alex, I promise that I’ll be here when you wake up, hey it took me months to find you so I’m not letting you go.”

I never even had the strength to even answer Fox, my eyes became heavy and I knew I’d be out of it in seconds.

I felt light headed and tried to open my eyes, yet my head hurt and I felt totally exhausted. Shit then I suddenly had a memory of a situation like this before, that time I’d opened my eyes to find Nikolay sat there. Fuck no, there was no way that I could deal with all that abuse again. Yet part of me knew I had no choice, this time I opened them to find Fox sat there watching me and smiling.

“Hey you’re awake, how are you feeling Alex?”

“Tired and really light headed.”

“What about your memories Alex, do you remember anything at all?”

“No not yet, all I remember is Nikolay and what he did to me.”

“Maybe you might remember when the headache clears, just give it some time.”

“Yeah okay, can we leave Fox and go home?”

“What you want to go to my apartment?”


“Alex what’s matter? Talk to me and tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t have a home; I live in my car along with various motels.”

“Alex you have a home with me now, Spender can go to hell if he thinks you’re working for him.”

“I’ll never work for him or do anything that upsets you Fox, I have memories of working with you, I also know that I’ve wanted you for years.”

“Well I think it’s time we got the hell out of here and went home, that’s if you can manage it Alex?”

“Just help me get up Fox, believe me I’ve no intention of staying here any longer.”

“Fox helped me stand and kept his arm around me as I walked, we just got out of the room and ran into Spender.

“You are leaving already Alex?”

“Yeah I don’t want to be here longer than necessary.”

“Well do let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

“Fuck you, you’re the reason I ended up like this in the first place!”

“No Alex, you only have yourself to blame as you betrayed me.”

“Yeah well sooner or later I’ll remember everything, then I guarantee I’ll be back to deal with you all.”

“Oh I’ll be waiting Alex; you might want to remember that I no longer own you anymore.”

“Good riddance then.”

“Alex you might want to remember who does own you now, also that Nikolay Ivanov will want you back.”

“Yeah well tough luck.”

“He paid a lot for you Alex and won’t just give up that easy.”

“Yeah well at the moment he’s in custody, I’ll deal with him when he’s released. For now I have to sort my memories out, then I’ll deal with everyone that has hurt me over the years.”

With that I turned and walked out with Fox, I couldn’t wait to get in his car and leave this place behind. We finally made it back and took the lift once more, within seconds Fox had the apartment door open and we entered. We were no sooner inside, and Fox grabbed me and shoved me against the wall, he started out with his lips nipping and sucking at my vulnerable neck. I could feel his teeth bite and then his tongue would soothe it afterwards, I was starting to wonder if this was just a fantasy and a wet dream.

Then his mouth was gone, and I started to panic, however I soon got over the loss as I felt his hands now upon me instead. This time though it was my jeans, Fox wasted no time at all as pulled them down along with my underwear. Then he pulled me further into the room, and I struggled not to trip over my own jeans in the process. Within no time he had me near his desk, then he used one hand and shoved everything to the floor. Within seconds he had me face down over his now empty desk, he then lent over me so he could whisper in my ear.

“God, I want to fuck you right now over my desk babe.”

“Hey, I’m not stopping you lover…”

“First though, I want to stick my tongue deep in your ass until you beg me to fuck you hard. I want to make you come like never before.”
“Oh shit, keep talking and I’ll be coming before you even touch me lover.”

“That’s what you think Alex.”

Fox unfastened his hideous tie and found a better use for it, he soon had it tied around the base of my erection stopping me from coming.


“You’ll come when I say so babe, and only then.”

I never even got to answer as Fox dropped to his knees, then I was totally beyond coherent speech as he pushed his tongue deep inside my backside It felt so fuckin amazing and I wanted to come more than anything else, however I knew that Fox had made that impossible. He kept it up for a good few minutes and I could barely stand, if he didn’t hurry up my own legs would give out on me.

Then he was gone once more from my body, he worked his way up my body kissing my ass and spine as he went.

“Stay there babe, move at all and I’ll end it right now.”

“Fox where the hell are you going?”

“Bedroom for supplies, don’t move an inch or touch yourself Alex…”

Right now I was so thankful that the desk was there, my knees finally gave out and it was the desk keeping me upright. Fox was good though, he returned in seconds and started kissing me once more. This time I felt him apply the cold lube to my backside, then in one swift movement he buried himself deep inside me.

“Jesus Fox I’m desperate here…”

“Just a few more minutes babe.”

Fox pulls all the way out and slams back in hard, a couple more times and I know he’s near orgasm. Then he’s reaching around me and pulls the tie free, once more he hits my prostate hard.

“Come for me now babe.”

“Oh fuck…”

With that I couldn’t stop myself no matter what, I came and collapsed on top of his desk. I was totally wiped out now and couldn’t move, well that was until Fox slapped my backside rather hard.

“Come on babe, I think we could both do to clean up and then grab some sleep.”

“God I totally agree, I’ve never felt this tired in a long time.”

We both took a quick shower and washed each other, then we went to bed and Fox held me in his arms. Sleep soon claimed me, to be honest I think that was what Fox intended when he fucked me. Not that I was to remain asleep for long though, I woke and found the room to be dark. I could feel Fox and knew I was safe, yet it was the nightmares that had woke me.

It felt like they were real, and I’d actually lived them, yet some of them couldn’t possibly be my real memories, could they? I was back in that damned silo once more, yet this time I was on top of some spaceship, I screamed and screamed but no one came. Then I had memories of Skinner and what I’d done to him, surely if it was real the man would want to see me dead?

Then there was Fox, my god had I really betrayed the man so many times like that. Also there was his father too, yet the man was here sharing a bed with me. I couldn’t handle any of this and wanted to throw up. I lay there trying to get my breathing under control without waking Fox, I guess at some point I fell back asleep. Once more I woke, however this time I also woke Fox as I couldn’t stop screaming.

“Alex, hey come on wake up babe, it’s just a dream and it’s not real.”

“Oh god I remember everything Fox, all the things I did to you and your friends. I’m so sorry lover, how the hell can you even stand the sight of me?”

“Because I love you Alex, hell I always have and you’ve changed so much. That night you came here to help me, you risked your life to give me that information.”

“It was all a lie Fox, Spender set me up and knew I was trying to help you. The bastard had my memories wiped as punishment; he then gave me to Nikolay knowing what he’d do to me!”

“Hey, it’s over now babe, I can’t imagine having anything to do with the likes of Nikolay Ivanov though. There are reports with regards to how he treats people, the man gets off on causing people pain. Once he gets bored it’s a different matter, then they all suffer a painful death.”

I suddenly shuddered at the thought, I had to wonder how far off I myself had been. Nikolay was already starting to get pissed off with me, then there was Daniel who hated me because Nikolay wanted me.

“I met Nikolay a year or so ago at a party, the man seemed interested in me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I showed no interest in him and he got pissed off, then later that night I lost it. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself, he even started grabbing my groin painfully and wouldn’t let go.”

“Jesus Alex, I’m not surprised you lost it.”

“I went to the bathroom to escape him, yet the bastard sent in his bodyguard to make sure I didn’t leave. I punched him in the groin hard, then I went home and never saw him gain.”

“So how did Spender know about it all, was he also there?”

“No Nikolay knew I worked for him; He made many offers to Spender about how he had a position more suited to my skills. I guess at the time Spender needed me, then he learnt I’d betrayed him, and everything changed. He had my memories wiped and sold me to Nikolay.”

“So you couldn’t remember anything at all?”

“I woke up in a strange bed, and Nikolay raped and abused me from then on, after so long his husband even joined in.”

“So he was as bad as Nikolay then?”

“No he was far worse, he wanted to cause me as much pain as possible, hence why I ended up in that cage.”

“At least you’re free now Alex, Nikolay and Daniel will both be held in custody until the court date.”

“Yeah well apparently Nikolay paid a lot for me, he sees me as his property Fox and will want me back.”

“Hopefully they will both be locked up for years babe…”

“God, I hope so Fox, I’d rather be dead than suffer that again. Daniel was brutal towards the end, he only got off when he shoved his fist inside me and forced me to be completely submissive.”

“I can’t even imagine how much it must have hurt Alex,”

“It wasn’t just the physical pain Fox, he made sure I was left with no control at all. Daniel used my body and destroyed my mind, yet there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop him. He’d pin me down and fuck me so…”

Shit I couldn’t go on anymore, it was only at that point I realized that I’d totally lost it. I lay there as Fox held me tight in his arms, the sobs racked my body and I could no longer hold them in anymore. I cried for everything I’d done, also for what Nikolay and his husband had done to me.

I had no idea how long he held me, however soon the pain was replaced with the need for revenge.

“I’m tired Fox.”

“Sleep then babe.”

“No I mean I’m tired of everything, who I am and what I’ve done.”

“That’s the past Alex, we can move on now and make a fresh start.”

“Fox I want to sleep now, however in the morning I want some answers from you.”

“What about?”

“My dreams and nightmares, I need to know if certain ones are real or not.”

“Yeah okay.”

“I want honest answers Fox, even if it will hurt me to hear them. I can’t move forward without dealing with the past, can you understand that?”

“Yeah I understand, in the morning I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

“Thank you Fox.”

I finally fell asleep wondering about the future, also whether I’d be able to remain here with Fox.

Morning soon came and Fox made us a mug of coffee, we then both went and sat down on the couch. Shit I really couldn’t look at Fox right now, I didn’t want to see his face when he revealed the truth to me.

Even so, he’d come and sat right beside me and there was no escaping him. I lent my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes; however I knew I’d have to face him sooner or later. I guess it was easier for me this way, afterwards it would be up to him if he still really wanted me to stay.

“Alex talk to me babe.”

I kept my eyes tight shut as he spoke, I’d had a few nightmares that had really shaken me up. Could I have being so cold in the past, hurt people like they were nothing at all?


“Sorry Fox, I was just trying to figure out where to start.”

“Start at a certain time, or you could just start with someone I know and I’ll answer the best I can…”

“Yeah that sounds good, okay I’ll start with Skinner then. I need to know if I beat him, also if I really did kill him and bring him back to life?”

“Skinner took it all bad right from the start Alex, you were an agent and he was your superior. I guess he felt betrayed, I knew he liked you as we all did, he thought you’d make a good agent and had a bright future. You beat him and stole a tape, the only evidence I had against Spender.”

“So what about the rest, shit I don’t even know if I want to hear you say it out loud.”

“What Alex, how you let the power go to your head, you had the means to kill a man and cause him immense pain. It never ended there either, you used it to blackmail him whenever you wanted. Did you ever stop to think about it, the man never knew you were around until it was too late?”

I couldn’t stand to hear this; his voice had become so cold and it sounded like he really hated me.

“God I’m so sorry Fox, look I can leave if it’s what you want?”

“Alex, I don’t want you to leave, I just want you to understand the pain you’ve caused everyone.”

“I thought I’d get my memories back and that would be it, I’d just remember, and they’d seem natural to me as it’s who I am.”

“It’s who you were Alex, I think you’ve changed since Spender took your memories.”

“God, I hope so, shit and then there’s you Fox and what I did to you.”

“It’s the past Alex, we need to move on and forget it all.”

“Fox I made your life hell, I always went out of my way to torment you because I…”

“What Alex?”

“I always wanted you Fox, Spender had told me it was for the best and this country that you were watched. I swear at first I was naïve and that I was doing some good, before I knew it everything had gone to hell and it was too late.”

“Is that why you never hit me Alex?”

“Yeah I guess, yet I got a thrill every time you beat me or grabbed hold of me.”

“You did change though Alex; towards the end you’d tried to help me.”

“Yeah, I wanted to do something for you, I just felt that I owed you a couple of truths. Little did I know it was a set up Fox, Spender already had everything planned for when I returned. That morning I felt good and so untouchable, you’d actually wanted me that night and even slept with me.”

“I’ve always wanted you, that night I just felt like you were so open and honest with me. Then nothing, you disappeared, and I just felt used once more.”

“I’m so sorry Fox.”

“Hey, it wasn’t your fault Alex, yet when I found you in that cage, I hated you. I thought that it was just some sick game that you were playing, everyone knows the games Nikolay likes to play.”

“Maybe I deserved what they did to me, especially after what I’d done to everyone.”

“Nobody deserves what they did to you Alex, they abused you and raped you, they even tried brainwashing you and making you submit to their sick games.”

“So what happens now Fox?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I’m capable of, you also know that I’m not much more than a common thug and a whore!”

“You’re not a whore Alex, don’t ever say that either. Nikolay did that to you, so don’t let him win by becoming what he wanted you to be. It’s all the past, that includes that cancerous bastard too. He claims he sold you, therefore you no longer belong to him, you’re free Alex to have a normal life.”

“Yeah right, I can only but try. I guess I just don’t know where to start though, hell I don’t even have a real home.”

“Alex you have a home here with me, well that’s if you want to stay here as it’s up to you at the end of the day.”

“Fox I love you and want to stay, I guess I just find it so hard understanding everything.”

“Alex we both love each other; we can just work out the rest as we go along.”

“Yeah okay, I will need to see Skinner though first.”

“What for?”

“Fox he’s your boss for one, also you’re a G man and I’m an ex consortium assassin.”

“Yeah well it’s not like we have anything on you, so at the end of the day he can’t fire me or anything.”

“Fox, I want to apologize to him, I’ve no idea whether he’ll believe me or not, but I have to try.”

“Yeah okay, I can ask him to call in if you want?”

“Yeah that would be good, also I need to apologize to Scully too.”

“Yeah okay we can arrange something.”

I’d still not even managed to open my eyes yet, god this man still wanted me despite how I’d hurt him and his friends. I couldn’t help it as the tears fell, I remained quiet hoping that Fox wouldn’t notice.

“Alex are you okay babe?”

“Yeah just give me a minute.”

Fox never spoke or even mentioned the tears; however he soon had my face pressed against his chest as he held me. He was stroking my back gently, while his mouth kept placing small kissed on the top of my head. I loved him so much and knew I was lucky to have him, that was why I was determined to do everything right.

I lifted my head and my mouth soon found his, then once I started kissing him, I didn’t want to let go. I guess he made me feel whole and like a human being, also he made me forget about all the others that had used and abused me over the years.

“I love you so much Alex and don’t want you to be upset.”

“You could always carry on kissing me then, that way I guarantee I won’t be upset.”

“Later babe, we have some stuff to sort out first.”

“Such as…”

“I want to ring Skinner and sort out work and stuff, also we need to deal with your own stuff.”

“Shit I forgot you’d have to go back to work.”

“I’m going to ask him for a few days off, Alex do you have any belongings anywhere that you want to bring here?”

“The last time I had my car was when I left here and went to see Spender, I guess it could still be there.”

“We could go and get it if you want, that way you could get your stuff out and put it here.”

“Yeah I’d like that Fox.”

Fox kissed me and then went to ring Spender, that was when I realized I had no car keys. Maybe Spender still had my jacket there, the last time I had it was in his office. That was the day that he’d fucked me over, the bastard had sold me to Nikolay knowing what he’d do. Suddenly I felt such rage against that cancerous bastard, would I be able to go there and keep my anger in check?

Soon Fox came back into the room and kissed me, he then had a worried look upon his gorgeous face.

“Are you okay Alex?”

“Fox do you have an unregistered gun?”

“What for?”

“Do you or don’t you, I have my reasons?”

“Alex I won’t let you kill Spender.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Maybe because I don’t want you in prison, it would be for the next twenty years or more Alex.”

“Sorry I never thought, I despise him Fox and he’s the one that caused me so much pain.”

“I know it’s hard Alex, however he will get what’s coming to him sooner or later babe.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, what did Skinner have to say anyway?”

“He gave me two weeks leave effective immediately, I thought we could spend the time together babe?”

“Yeah I’d like that Fox.”

“First we can go and get your car, that way we won’t have to deal with Spender anymore.”

“Yeah, no time like the present then.”

We drove there in silence, I felt sick at the thought of going back there. Worse was when it was Luis that let us in, shit then I remembered the party and what had happened there.

“Well look who it is.”

“Shut the fuck up Luis.”

“It’s not so long ago that you enjoyed my company, I always knew that mouth of yours could be useful one day.”

“Go to hell, I guarantee you’ll never touch me again.”

“Don’t be too sure Alex, hey maybe I can share notes with your lover. I’m sure you’ve shown him how talented your mouth is, well it’s one blow job I’ll never forget.”

I realized Fox knew nothing about the party and what I’d done, I was just about to hit him when Fox grabbed me.

“Alex forget about him, it’s just me and you now and that’s all that matters.”

“That bastard was the one that led me to that room, forced me to sit while they took my memories away.”

“Alex calm down.”

“He’s also the bastard that Nikolay forced me to… he let Luis fuck my mouth and I had no choice.”

Great now I was sobbing like a fuckin baby, I guess it finally hit me what I was forced to do just for their amusement. It was Fox that led me to Spenders office, he was the one that also told Spender why we were there. I was totally out of it, for some reason I was back in that cage once more with Nikolay. I knew I had Fox here with me, yet every time I closed my eyes it was Nikolay or Daniel that I saw.

I never remember much until I was outside again, in some way that was good as I would have killed Spender. I knew I was incapable of driving the car right now, so I just grabbed my stuff and left it there. Once back at Fox’s I’d call a tow truck, at least I had a few clothes now and my personal stuff.



Chapter Text

I’d fit in so well with Fox, we also had a lot in common including films and music. Now I also had somewhere that I could call home, I had everything that I thought I’d never have in my lifetime. Skinner and Scully had both accepted my apology, I think they did it more for Fox than me.

I was just glad to have everyone off my back, it felt good to be normal and that’s how I wanted it to stay. I was a bit lost at first when Fox returned to work, that was when I realized I’d have to find a job too or I’d go mad. I didn’t deal too well with boredom, I had to keep busy or my mind would start to work overtime.

Finally I found a job programming computers, it was something that I could do from home and it kept me busy. Fox had even suggested we look for a bigger place, that way I could have an office and more space to work. I guess in a way I liked it here, also I now actually had a key and no longer had to break in anymore. Fox said it could wait a few months and then we’d see, maybe he was right as business was growing fast.

Now though I was making dinner for us both, I thought spaghetti and meatballs would be good as Fox seemed to like it. Afterwards I might let him have me as dessert, well that was if he came home on time. Fox had said he’d be home by six, it was now eight and I heard the apartment door open.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry I’m late babe but it couldn’t be helped.”

“It’s okay Fox, I have to expect that now and then in your line of work.”

“Well I’m starving, and it smells really good.”

“Sit then and I’ll get dinner.”

We ate the meal and talked about general things, yet I felt like it was me making the conversation as Fox seemed distant. Afterwards he helped me clean up, he then claimed he was tired and wanted an early night. First though he went over to his desk, I noticed that he placed an envelope inside the draw and locked it. It seemed rather odd; Fox had never locked that draw in all the time we’d been together. I figured he had something to hide, well considering we’d been together three months now.

“Is everything alright Fox?”

“Yeah why?”
“I was just wondering.”

“Alex let’s go to bed babe.”

“Gladly lover.”

We went to bed and Fox was so attentive, he spent most of the night just giving and making me so happy. He must have kissed every single inch of my body, oh and there was the amazing blow job that ended with me screaming out as I came. Now I have Fox fucking me harder than he ever has, until he’s the one screaming as he comes inside my ass.

I love him so much, maybe that was how I knew something was off tonight. It had left me feeling boneless and I knew I’d sleep, yet I forced myself to stay awake. Fox had hardly spoken to me as we made love, normally the man was rather vocal and never shut up. Don’t get me wrong as he can talk all he wants; I love the sound of his voice and it really turns me on.

It takes hardly any time at all and Fox is out for the count, I guess the hard days work and love making had caught up with him. I wait a few more minutes anyway, then I slowly get out of bed and sneak out of the room. I don’t like the idea of using the picklock on his desk draw, so much for trust in a relationship.

Finally I manage to get it open and pull out the envelope, I then open the it with extreme care. Inside I find a couple of documents, yet when I read them I want to throw up. Instead I find myself sitting there crying like a baby, it’s when I hear footsteps that I finally look away from the papers. Fox is stood there in the doorway, I guess he realizes straight away why I’m crying.

“Why did you read them Alex?”

“Ha, why the hell didn’t you tell me Fox?”

“I was going to tell you Alex, then I walked in and you looked so happy as you cooked dinner. Shit I’m an idiot okay, I just didn’t want to see you upset.”

“How the hell can Nikolay and Daniel both be free?”

“They’re on bail until the next court date, the judge set the bail high however Nikolay has plenty of money.”

“So their free and can do whatever they want?”

“I swear that no one will touch you Alex.”

I wished with all my heart that I could believe him, however Fox hadn’t a clue with regards to Nikolay. The man would go to any lengths to get what he wants, especially when he thinks it’s something he bought and paid for.


Time went by and I’d got over my outburst, Nikolay and Daniel had already spent two months on bail. In those two months I’d heard nothing from either of them, so maybe I was just worrying over nothing.

Fox and I had viewed many properties that were bigger, however so far we’d seen nothing that we both could agree on. For now it didn’t bother me one bit, I had Fox and my life finally felt whole and had some meaning.

Spender had kept his distance and that pleased me, however Luis was a totally different matter. Today I’d called at the hoover to see Fox about going out later, we’d decided it was time we spent some time going out together. We both worked hard and always stayed in, this time we were going to see a movie and have dinner out.

As I was leaving I noticed Luis behind me, I just wanted to reach my car and get the hell out of here. Yet every time I walked fast; he did the same. It scared me because it meant Spender might be here too, also I hadn’t carried a gun for months now.

Mt nerves were on edge and finally I cracked, I turned around to face him and spoke my mind.

“Will you fuck off Luis and stop following me, I don’t want anything to do with you or Spender anymore.”

“Hey, you’re a little paranoid there Alex, what the hell makes you think I’m following you?”

“Maybe because I know how you work.”

“Maybe Spender’s not here, maybe I’m following you because I want something.”

“What the fuck do you want Luis? I’m sick of your games and want to go home.”

“I thought we could spend some time together, well mainly your mouth and my cock. I thought you could get on your knees for me Alex, then afterwards I could fuck that tight ass of yours.”

“Go to hell, I wouldn’t touch you if you were the last man alive.”

“That’s what you think…”

I walked as fast as I dare without running, I just wanted to reach my car and get away from here. The first thing I did was lock all the car door, then I just sat there in my car and took deep breaths. I was far too shaken to drive yet, I had to get myself under control before Luis came looking for me again.

It took twenty minutes before I dare even start the engine, I also had all on to keep my speed normal, right now I just wanted to put my foot down and get home as fast as possible. I’d noticed the car following me in my rear view mirror, I also knew that Luis was good at playing mind games.

Luis was the type that got a kick out of people’s misery, the bastard had always thought he was better than me too. I finally made it to Hegal place and pulled up outside, I got out of my car just as Luis drove past me with a huge grin on his face. Well fuck him, I meant every word I’d said, and he’d never lay a finger on me again.

Then the bastard had the nerve to reverse and stop right in front of me, he then wound his window down and spoke before driving off.

“Till next time Alex, as believe me it’ll be sooner than you think.”

I never even bothered answering him, I just ran to the lift and never stopped moving until I was back in the apartment. Once inside I used all the locks and even the chains, I only had a couple of hours and Fox would be home anyway. Once I felt safe my legs gave way, I sank to the floor and sat against the door huddling my knees, it was only the banging that alerted me to the fact I’d fallen asleep.

“Alex let me in will you…”

“Yeah hold on.”

I removed all the locks and opened the door, Fox pushed past me looking rather pissed off.

“Do you want to tell me why the hell I was locked out Alex?”

“Sorry I felt safer with the locks…”

Fuck I knew I was close to falling apart right now, yet that wasn’t something I wanted to do as Fox would worry. Not that it mattered, Fox took one look at me and knew straight away that something was wrong.

“Jesus Alex, what the hell happened as you look like shit babe?”

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry about it Fox as it’s nothing.”

“Like hell it’s nothing, I want an answer right now Alex.”

“Luis was at the Hoover after I left you, I guess he just creeped me out.”

“He never touched you, did he?”

“No, he just made it clear what he’d like to do to me. I guess he knew which buttons to press, especially when he started making all the sexual innuendos.”

“You should have come and got me Alex, instead you drove here and thought you were safe alone.”

“I’m sorry Fox, I guess I never thought. I locked the door because he followed me home, I was scared in case he decided to come up here and try getting in.”

“I take it he never did though, I don’t think he’d be that stupid Alex.”

“Yeah well it’s not even like I have a gun anymore is it?”

“Alex you can always get a gun licence, that way you’ll be able to carry one legally.”

“Yeah and that would go down really well Fox, I kill him with a fuckin registered weapon…”

“Shit Alex, I meant you to use it to threaten him, not fuckin kill him!”

“Yeah well maybe I’d feel better if he were dead…”

“Alex you’d be locked up, is that what you really want?”

“What the fuck does it matter, I’ll end up locked up one way or another if I have to live like this.”

“Look get changed and we can go out, maybe that way you might calm down and feel better.”

“No, just forget it Fox as I have things to do.”

“What plans do you have Alex, we agreed that I’d come home early so we can go out!”

“Sorry but things change.”

I never said another word, I just turned around and walked out. I knew that I’d upset Fox by leaving him without saying where I was going, yet I had to go and see Spender, all I wanted was for him to make Luis lay off me.

I finally reached my destination; I knew Spender was here because of the smoke that was everywhere as usual. I reached his door and knocked, at first I thought he wasn’t going to answer, well that was until I heard his raspy voice.

“Come in.”

“Good evening Alex, it’s good to see you again dear boy.”

“Yeah whatever, I’m not here on a social visit.”

“So what is it that I can do for you, please take a seat Alex.”

“I’m not staying so I’d rather stand, all I want is Luis off my back and as far away from me as possible.”

“Alex dear boy, why do you presume I know what he’s up to. Luis works for me, however what he does on his time off is up to him.”

“Yeah well you’re capable as you pull his strings.”

“Fine I will have a word and do my best, is that all Alex?”

“Yeah, just make sure you do it.”

I walked out and could breathe once more, shit the fuckin smoke would be the death of me one day. I made it as far as the ground floor, then suddenly I was shoved backwards against the cold wall.

“You fuckin grass, did you think running to Spender would help you?”

“Just get out of my way Luis.”

“Not so fast Alex.”

Shit I realized the bastard had his gun shoved in my stomach, he then pressed his other arm across my throat restricting my breathing. Shit I was starting to feel really light headed now, then the bastard moved even lower and had the gun pressed against my groin.

“Not so big and hard now are you Alex?”

Fuck then he was running the gun up and down my cock, worse was when he pressed the gun really hard against my balls. My eyes were watering and I couldn’t stop them, nor could I stop Luis as he abused me. Then suddenly it all stopped as fast as it had started, Luis let go of me and stepped back.

“That was just a warning Alex, next time I see you will be the real thing.”

I ran as fast as I could back to my car, yet when I reached Hegal place I just sat there. I couldn’t face Fox right now; I’d have to deal with him moaning and a hundred and one questions. In the end I locked the car and walked to the nearest bar.

I found a seat and ordered a double vodka, I didn’t think it would help me, nor did I think it could make things worse. The trouble was I never knew when to stop, so I sat there drinking one drink after another. No one bothered me, I guess I looked far to pissed to even answer them anyway.

I had a couple more drinks and decided to leave, maybe it had something to do with the bartender refusing to serve me anymore. I staggered home, and it must have taken double the amount of time as normal. I entered the apartment and tripped over something, hell it wasn’t my fault that it was too dark to see.

Fox suddenly pulled me up and held me against the wall, it then only took him seconds to realize that I was pissed and not even with it. Shit he then just suddenly let go of me and I fell to the floor, now my head swam even more than before.

“Is that what you stood me up for Alex, you just wanted to go out and get pissed?”

“No, I went to see Spender.”

“So how did that go?”

“Hang on, I just need some time to remember what happened.”

“Alex just go to bed and sleep it off, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Fox I just…”

“Bed now Alex, I have to be up in a few hours and go to work.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You can apologize when your sober Alex.”

Fox grabbed hold of my jacket and dragged me towards the bedroom, once inside he started removing my clothes.

I like an idiot thought he wanted me sexually, so I started trying to kiss and grope him.

“Alex behave will you…”

“I want you Fox.”

“Shit you can barely even stand up.”

Fox removed most of my clothes, however I think he gave up in the end as I wouldn’t behave. I was dressed in just my boxers when he shoved me on the bed.

“Sleep now Alex.”

“I’m not tired.”

“Yeah right.”

The minute my head hit the pillow my eyes closed, suddenly I felt exhausted and couldn’t keep them open anymore. The next sound I heard was annoying, my head pounded and all I wanted was for it to stop. I felt Fox move and realized it was the damn alarm clock, god was I relieved when he finally turned it off.

I drifted back into a deep sleep, shit then I suddenly jumped as Fox slapped my backside hard.

“We will talk when I come home Alex.”

“Yeah okay, I really am sorry Fox.”

“Yeah we still need to talk though babe.”

“Yeah I’m an idiot, you don’t have to tell me that Fox.”

“Yeah my idiot, god I love you so much Alex and want you to be happy.”

“I love you too Fox, maybe things will be better once Nikolay and Daniel are sentenced. Oh I almost forgot, Spender said he’d deal with Luis.”

“That’s good, right we can talk later as I have to go.”

Fox bent down and kissed me, I heard the door close and then fell back asleep. I had no idea how long I’d slept, yet I woke to agonizing pain all over my body and realized what it was. I’d totally forgotten all about the chip that Nikolay had put in me.

I managed to look up from where I lay on the bed, that was when I saw Luis holding something in his hand.

“Don’t worry Alex, it’s to go back to sleep and then we can play later.”

Luis loomed over me and was just smiling, then I felt as small prick as he injected me with something. My body became so useless and I could no longer move, Luis then bent down and picked me up like I were nothing.

“Come on Alex, I have people who are waiting for your return.”

I couldn’t even get my fuckin mouth to move either, not that I could have stopped Luis anyway. Everything around me was becoming blurred and my eyes became heavy, I realized that it was a sedative and soon I’d be out of it all.

I opened my eyes and suddenly remembered Luis and what he’d done, it was at that moment I realized I was naked and restrained. I was back on that metal rack that Nikolay had used at his party, the time when he’d whipped me and then abused me.

I had a gag around my mouth and couldn’t even shout out, it was then though that I heard footsteps. I looked towards the door and saw Nikolay stood there smiling at me.

“It’s good to have you back Alexi.”

He walked over and removed the gag and kissed me, I yanked my head away from him and spat on the floor.

“My name’s Alex.”

“Well I prefer Alexi, also this is my home after all. That FBI agent had no right taking you away from me, well I suppose he looked after you while we were away.”

“You were in fuckin prison where you belong.”

“Well I’m free now, so it’s time to get your training back on track Alexi.”

“You sad fucker…”

“Alexi you will be punished later for your foul mouth.”

“You seriously don’t get it do you!”

“Get what?”

“Before you had me here without any memories, I knew nothing and had to do as you said. This time I have all my memories, also the new ones of what you did to me.”

“Well I guess Daniel will have more fun, this time you will be far more of a challenge. You would be wise to behave, don’t ever underestimate Daniel Alexi.”

“Yeah well you shouldn’t underestimate me, the real me Alex Krycek.”

“Oh I know exactly what you’re capable of Alexi, however I have to deal with something else before you.”

“Good fuck off…”

“You don’t get it do you Alexi, I’m having a party and you’re the entertainment. I just have a debt to settle first though, I have to pay Luis for bringing you here to me. Do you want to know what his payment was, what it cost me to get you here?”

“I don’t give as shit…”

“Well I’ll tell you anyway. He wanted one million cash, also he wanted just one hour alone with you.”

Shit he had to be fuckin joking; no way was that bastard touching me. I started trying to get my hands and legs free, however Nikolay came over and slapped me hard.

“Enough of that Alexi, believe me the restraints can’t be removed unless I say so. Look I don’t like the idea either, but I made the deal and I’m a man of my word.”

“He’ll fuckin kill me!”

“Luis has a set of rules, he breaks one and I’ll put a bullet in him myself. He can do as he pleases, however I want no permanent damage or broken bones.”


“I’ll be back in a few minutes, that way we can put it past us so I can play with you myself.”

“I’m not a fuckin toy…”

Nikolay never even bothered replying, soon he left me alone and went to get Luis. I knew there was no way out of here, or no way of stopping what Luis would do to me. Now all I could do was pray an opportunity arose so I could escape. I was still thinking when the door opened, Nikolay let Luis in and told him he had one hour and then he’d return.

“Look Alex it’s just you and me, I told you there would be a next time and we’d have fun.”

“Yeah right, you could always free me, let’s see how much fun you’d have then.”

“Maybe I might, however that won’t be until I’ve had some fun with you.”

Luis walked over to where I stood, the bastard then back handed me across the face causing my lip to split open.

“That’s for the lack of respect you showed me earlier on, well let’s see where I should start.”

I watched as Luis looked through a draw that was nearby, he then started pulling out various sexual toys. He then pulled out the whip that Nikolay had used at the party

“Maybe we should start with this, it might bring back some memories Alex.”


“Brave words Alex, believe me I’ll use more force than Nikolay.”

I watched as he fingered the ball gag, then he changed his mind and threw it back in the draw.

“I think you screaming would turn me on even more, you always were nothing more than a slut Alex. A dirty two faced whore that no one could ever trust, Spender did right selling you to Nikolay.”

Suddenly Luis came over and grabbed my jaw hard, he then forced me to look at him.

“Have you nothing to say Alex, I guess the truth hurts. This time I’ll get to look at you knowing it’s the real deal, not someone who doesn’t even know me.”

I bit my lip as the bastard brought the whip down hard, however by the fifth time I was in agony and was screaming out loud. I couldn’t take much more of this, especially if it was anything like last time. Oh god, I’d forgotten all about the basement and sensory deprivation.

I had to just breathe and get through this, all that mattered was the here and now and that was Luis. I was glad to see he’d finally thrown the whip down, yet it now worried me what he’d do to me now.

“Are you still with me Alex, come on it’s nearly time for the best bit.”

Luis bent down and unscrewed something on the frame, then within second it had turned and was now horizontal. Now all I could see was the floor below me. However I knew Luis was behind me as he pressed down on my ass. Shit the bastard was purposely pressing on the welts he’d just caused, well at least I wouldn’t choke if I threw up.

I felt something cold on my backside, then Luis was rubbing the cream into my ass and cooling it down. I knew it wasn’t over yet, this was Luis after all, and he’d take advantage of the time he had left.

I felt as he pulled my ass cheeks apart and forced his thumbs deep inside me, then he whispered into my ear before licking it.

“I’m going to fuck this tight ass of yours hard, make you wish it would end as you can’t take the pain. I’m going to make you wish you’d never met me, you’re nothing but a dirty fuckin whore and a slut.”

There was no point in even replying, I knew Luis had wanted me in the past and wouldn’t stop now. I also knew he’d make sure I felt it and wouldn’t forget what he’d done to me, well I knew I’d kill him if I ever got the chance.

Suddenly the thumbs were gone and I tried so hard to make my body relax, yet nothing prepared me for the force he used as he entered me. I screamed out and all he did was laugh, then he pulled his erection fully out and entered me once more.

Chances are that he’d torn my insides as he’d entered me, yet the bastard just carried on fucking me until he came inside me. Shit that thought alone made me want to throw up, I wanted to be clean and not have any part of this man near me never mind inside me.

“Well Alex, it looks like I’ve still got five more minutes left. The big question is what I can do in that time, it has to be something that I’ll enjoy and worth my time.”

Luis went back to the draw and was rooting around once more, he then laughed and pulled a couple of things out. Well at least he turned me upright once more, at first though my head spun from the sudden blood rush. God then I had Luis right up and in my face, he then started playing with my nipples and making them hard.

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend he wasn’t there, shit then my body jerked as he attached two nipple clamps with a chain linking them together. He then calmly started added some weights to the chain so it pulled somewhat, I took a few deep breaths hoping it would ease some of the pain.

Luis had other ideas, soon I was back in the same horizontal position as before. Now the weights pulled the chain as far as it would go, I screamed out as my nipples were in agony from the assault on them. All I got in return was a hard slap on my backside, then Luis calmly walked over to the door.

“Well it’s being fun Alex; I hope you have even more fun in your new life.”

I screamed as Luis left me there alone in the room, I wanted to pass out from the pain as each second that passed it became worse. Nikolay entered and turned the frame over, he then unrestrained me and lifted me up. I soon found myself laid on a towel on the bathroom floor, I was so out of it and hadn’t even realized what Nikolay was doing until I felt the pain.

My stomach was in agony now as it filled with water, the bastard had inserted a tube in my ass while I was out of it. Not that it mattered as I were far too tired to fight, I just moaned until finally he pulled it out and sat me down on the toilet.

“Come on Alexi, hey hang in there and it will all be over with soon.”

In some ways I was glad of the enema, it would clean my insides after Luis had fucked me. I was really struggling to stay awake now as Nikolay bathed me and then carried me into the bedroom. He then lay me down on the bed and restrained me, all I could do was moan as he inserted a finger inside my ass.


“Hey, it’s only cream to heal the grazes, a couple of days and you’ll be as good as new.”

“Please let me go…”

“This is your home Alexi; you’re just confused that’s all.”

I never even had the strength to answer him, I was past caring and just wanted to sleep. It got to the point where I could no longer keep my eyes open anymore, I then drifted in and out of sleep.

I woke some time later and my eyes flew open, I soon realized I was still on the bed and restrained, there was only one main difference this time. There was hardly any pain at all, it was like it had happened days ago. I also realized that I’d had a catheter fitted while I was asleep, then I noticed that I was no longer alone in the room. The doctor was in the room and reading something, however I must have made a noise as he realized I was awake.

“How are you feeling Alexi?”

“Like shit, let me go and I will feel a whole load better.”

“Sorry but that’s not up to me.”

Great the door opened and Nikolay walked in, him I might be able to get one over and escape. Daniel would be my main obstacle; I was just hoping that he was miles away from here and from me.

“So doctor, how’s the patient doing today?”

“I was just about to remove the catheter, then I was going to see if he’d healed up inside yet.”

“Very well, just carry on and pretend I’m not here.”

Great now I had to suffer Nikolay watching my every move, the doctor removed the tube and cleaned me up with an antiseptic wipe. I knew that I’d gone a deep shade of red now, I felt even more embarrassed as he put a cushion under my backside.

“Just lay still for me Alexi, I will have this all finished within seconds.”

“Well it’s not like I can go anywhere…”

I felt it as he inserted a finger inside me, he then moved it around and checked for any damage.

“So what’s the verdict doctor?”

“The damage was mainly just grazes, rather than actual cuts. He appears to have healed rather nicely.”

“Good, now I want you to do one more thing for me before you leave.”

“What would that be Nikolay?”

“Well I’ve heard that catheters can occasionally cause some damage.”

“Yes it’s possible, however I assure you that I know what I’m doing.”

“Well he could have moved it while he was asleep, it’s always better to be safe than sorry don’t you think?”

“So what is it that you want me to do?”

“I want you to give him another internal, check that no damage has occurred to his insides and prostate.”

“Very well.”

The doctor re inserted his finger and felt around, he soon found my prostate and started massaging it until I had a full erection.

“You fuckin bastard…”

“Alexi watch that mouth or yours.”

“Go to hell Nikolay.”

“Right You’ve done your job doctor and may now leave.”

The man wasted no time removing the latex glove and cleaning himself up, within seconds he grabbed his stuff and was gone.

“Right it’s time to make you comfortable Alexi, then maybe we can have some fun together.”

“Fuck you.”

“Well I can always give Daniel a call…”

I never answered him, I really didn’t want him here as my escape would be impossible, also because he’d cause me a shit load of pain. I was thinking of ways to get out of this, however suddenly Nikolay had moved over to the bed and stood over me. The bastard was fast, within no time he was on the bed and knelt over my groin. I never even had time to say anything as he deep throated my throbbing erection, all I could do was close my eyes and imagine I was somewhere else and with Fox.

I didn’t want to think that way, however it was the only chance I had of getting through this alive. The bastard kept it up until he forced me to orgasm, now I felt dirty and it was like I’d betrayed Fox. Not that he’d want me now, Luis had made sure of that when he fucked me.

I couldn’t stop the tears as they fell, soon Nikolay noticed and started licking them away. It wasn’t like before; I knew just how cruel this man could be if he chose. I would have to tread carefully, or I’d be punished, part of me wondered if Daniel even knew I was here.

Nikolay finally moved off the bed and tried to kiss me, not that I was willing as that felt far too personal for my liking.

“Alexi you will behave and do as I say or else.”

“Or else what, you get off by punishing people.”

“I’d watch that mouth Alexi, I’m sure you can remember what the basement looks like. Silly me, I forgot it’s too dark to see anything at all down there!”

I refrained from answering, I knew any answer I gave would result with me ending up down there. However Nikolay did grab a blindfold and some earplugs.

“I have things to do, this will give you some time to rest and think about your behaviour.”

First Nikolay placed the blindfold over my eyes, and everything went black, then I could no longer hear anything as he placed the earplugs in my ears. This time I had one advantage though, I knew all about the black oil and could separate it from this. Last time I’d no idea and believed it was something crawling all over me, now it was just darkness.

I really didn’t give a shit what Nikolay thought about my behaviour, he could always just let me go if it bothered him that much. I decided to spend the time thinking about Fox, I just had to hope he didn’t think I’d left him. We did have that carry on over my behaviour and I’d come home drunk, no we made up before he left for work. Fox had even told me he loved me, also my car was still there along with everything else.

Great now I had to hope Luis hadn’t set me up, what if they’d moved my car and all my belongings. Well the chances were Fox wouldn’t look for me, he’d think I’d had enough and just left him.

Now I had to struggle and hold back the tears, I’d spent so much time loving him and finally we were together. Now I had no idea where the hell I stood anymore, nor did I have a clue as to my own future.

I had no idea how long I’d remained here in the dark however by the time Nikolay returned the depression was sinking in fast I also realized that I’d seen nothing of Jonathan or Peter while I was here. Then again, I realized it wasn’t the same bedroom or bathroom that I’d spent many months in. Great so this must be a different house, most likely one Fox knew nothing about.

Suddenly I could hear and see once more, now though the room was lit with a very dim lamp.

“How are you feeling now Alexi, I was hoping the rest would do you good?”

“Where am I Nikolay?”

“That’s of no concern to you, you’re here to do as I say Alexi and please me as your master.”

“Go to hell, I won’t do anything willingly. I was scared of you before because I didn’t know you, well believe me I know exactly who you are Nikolay and what lengths you’ll go to.”

“That’s why I’ll have to be more careful with you this time, you won’t have any freedom at all.”

“That won’t stop me…”

“No but I will, this time you’ll pay dearly if you try to escape. Every other wrong you do will result in severe punishment.”


Shit the bastard slapped me hard across the face, it was so hard my head started spinning and I saw stars.

“Do you understand me Alexi… answer me or else.”

“Yes, I fuckin understand, there are you happy now?”

“You always have to push me Alexi, for that you will have nothing to eat until tomorrow morning.”

“Good maybe I might starve to death.”

“That will be something I might consider if you piss me off too much, well that or I just get bored of you.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Right that’s enough for this evening.”

Nikolay went to the draw and pulled out the ball gag, all I could do was lay there as he forced it hard into my mouth.

“Well you know what they say Alexi… If you’ve nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

I just glared at him, yet all he did in return was laugh at me before going into the bathroom. I could hear the shower and I knew I’d be alone for a while, maybe if I were lucky he’d come to bed and fall straight asleep.

I knew he’d expect something when he returned from the bathroom, maybe it was the way he looked at me, oh and the fact he was naked too. He came over to the bed, at first I thought he might hit me as his hand was made into a fist.

Nikolay took each of my nipples in his mouth, taking turns and spending plenty of time with each one until they became hard. Shit he was really making me hard and turning me on, I felt sick at the thought of getting hard for this man. I had to keep telling myself it was a normal reaction to the stimuli, not that it helped much.

Then he moved towards my growing erection, the man started stroking it until it became rock hard and I was leaking pre cum. Then I realized why he’d had his hand clenched like a fist; Nikolay was hiding the cock ring so I wouldn’t see it. However it was too late now, I couldn’t do a damn thing as he slipped it over my erection.

It was then that Nikolay moved back up the bed and kissed my cheek, while he was there, he also removed the ball gag.

“I’ve decided that I like the way you scream and moan Alexi, god it turns me on so much and makes me so hard.”

“Go to hell Nikolay…”

Shit suddenly his other hand grabbed my balls and squeezed, my eyes watered, and I screamed out until he let go.”

“Next time I’ll do it far harder Alexi, you might want to refrain from swearing right now.”

I lay there breathing heavy, so the fucker would play dirty if it came to it. Well if I get the chance, I can play dirty too, except my way would result in his death. Nikolay grabbed a tube of something, I soon realized what it was when he applied the lube to my erection. He’d spent way longer than necessary as he played with my balls, the bastard then went and inserted one of his fingers inside my ass.

Now I lay here withering around and moaning like some slut, I actually felt lost when he finally pulled his hand away. Soon though I realized what his plan was, Nikolay lubed his own ass, all I could do was watch as he inserted his finger inside himself.

I couldn’t deny the man was good looking and as sexy as hell, I also couldn’t deny that the man was also a sadistic prick that got off on torture. Soon he was back on the bed, this time he placed his ass above my groin and took a deep breath. He then grabbed my erection and positioned it, within seconds he sat down forcing it deep inside himself.

Fuck now I wanted to come more than anything, yet I knew that would be up to Nikolay if I came or not. Now he was also grabbing hold of my nipples and pulling them really hard, not satisfied with my response he decided to squeeze them hard to the point of agonizing pain.

Every time he hurt me, I arched my back and pushed upwards, basically he was forcing me to hit his prostate every time he hurt me. The sadistic bastard then lent forward and bit me hard, shit I couldn’t hold back the scream this time.

“God you’re such a turn on Alexi, I’ve never felt like this with anyone before.”

“I’m sure Daniel makes you feel the same way…”

“No only you Alexi, that’s why I can’t ever let you go.”

Suddenly his ass clenched up against my erection, then he came all over me and my face. Nikolay sat there for a couple more minutes before moving, finally when he felt strong enough, he climbed off me. Nikolay went into the bathroom and returned with a damp cloth, he then cleaned the cum from my face and body.

“Do you want to come Alexi? I can make it really good for you too.”

I was so torn inside, if I said yes it was like betraying Fox, yet saying no would result in my suffering for hours on end.

“Alexi talk to me, tell me what you want.”

I couldn’t do it, I realized I’d rather suffer that betray Fox once more.

“I don’t want anything from you Nikolay, I have a lover who means more to me than this pain and suffering.”

“Have it your own way Alexi.”

Nikolay got into the bed and pulled the covers over both of us, soon we were in darkness and he lay there with his arm around me. I was hoping he’d remove the cock ring, instead he decided to play with the tipoff my hard erection. My body was so sensitive, and I’d explode at this rate, yet despite my body shaking violently he never stopped.

Every single nerve in my body was on fire and he knew it, yet the bastard just used that fact to his advantage. He’d climbed out of bed and retrieved something; the room was dark, and I had no idea what he was up to. Well that was until he forced the vibrator deep inside me, then the bastard went and turned it on.

I literally howled as the vibrations ripped through my body, I was way beyond pleasure now. This had gone on way too long and my erection and balls felt like they’d explode, yet Nikolay just carried on and kept turning it up. My head hurt and I knew soon I would pass out; my body couldn’t take any more of this torture.

I felt Nikolay’s hand touch my erection as he removed the cock ring, I literally came instantly and passed out. When I next opened my eyes it was daylight, yet my whole body felt like it’d being run over with a steam roller. I hardly had the strength to move when Nikolay removed the restraints, I knew there was no way I could fight him like this either.

“Come on Alexi, you can use the bathroom and then we’ll eat.”

“God all I want to do is sleep.”

“Move it now, that or you can sleep in the basement.”

I walked into the bathroom and took a piss; I was then allowed to clean my teeth while Nikolay got the shower sorted. I had to admit the shower was warm and felt good against my skin, I made the most of it until Nikolay made me get out and return to the bedroom.

“Sit on the chair Alexi and I’ll get breakfast, I’ll only be using one cuff so behave yourself.”

“Yeah okay.”

I waited until he’d left the room before moving, I dragged the chair over to the window and looked out. Shit all I could see for miles were trees, chances are we were in the middle of nowhere. I could also see a jeep on the driveway, I’d just need to reach that and I might be able to escape, I knew how to hotwire it if I had to.

I smashed the chair against the wall, within minutes I managed to break the part that restrained me. Now all I had to do was figure a way out, oh and also a way to get past Nikolay.

God, I had to think fast, that or Nikolay would return and he’d punish me. I opened the door quietly and saw the stairs. I made my way down them and heard a voice, I realized that Nikolay had the radio on in the kitchen. That would help cover up any noise that I made, especially if I had to smash the car window.

There right in front of me stood the door to my freedom, I grabbed the handle and went to slowly open it. I was actually surprised to find it unlocked. I opened it inch by inch so that no one would hear it, it appeared to squeak if I opened it too fast.

Finally I had it open and could see the daylight and the sun in the sky, it felt like heaven as I took a deep breath of fresh air. Then within seconds it all went wrong, I reeled back as someone’s fist connected with my jaw.

“Guess who.”



Chapter Text

I looked up and saw Daniel stood right in front me, I panicked and ran back up the stairs. The only place that had a lock was the bathroom, so I ran in there and locked the door behind me. It was a rather pathetic lock as one kick and it would break, I went over to the large window and threw it open.

Well it looked like my only choice was the drainpipe, that or I just give in and stay in here. My mind was made up when I heard someone try the bathroom door, I flung one leg over the windowsill and prepared to climb out. Suddenly the door splintered and was forced open, Daniel stood there looking rather pissed off.

Within seconds he saw me and realized what I was doing, the bastard then came over and dragged me back inside.

“No you don’t, you won’t get away from me now you fuckin bastard.”

With that Daniel punched me in the stomach, even winded I wasn’t willing to give up without a fight. As he knelt over me I struck, I kicked him as hard as I could between the legs.

“I swear that you’ll pay for that.”

I managed to get up on my feet, even so trying to reach the door proved rather difficult. I also had to avoid Daniel, right now he was rolling around the floor in agony. Not that I gave a shit as he deserved all he got, I finally reached the door and then collapsed to the floor.

Shit I knew that Nikolay had the remote for the chip, I swear I’ll cut it out myself if I get something sharp enough. Nikolay pulled me up and then took me back into the bedroom, he was really rough as he threw me on the bed and restrained me once more. It was at that moment Daniel staggered out of the bathroom, he looked as pissed as all hell.

“Daniel are you okay, yeah thanks for the support though Nikolay.”

“What do you mean, I came as soon as I could.”

“You could have stopped him long before it came to this, you have the remote than can have him on his knees in seconds.”

“I couldn’t remember where I put it, look I’m sorry Daniel.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now, just make sure you keep it with you at all times.”

“Yeah okay I will do, so have you any idea how you’ll punish Alexi?”

“I’m not sure yet, I’m sure I’ll think of something though as the bastard deserves all he gets. You can bring that cage back in here first, no way is he sleeping in our bed now, I also want the blindfold and gag, oh and don’t forget the earplugs.”

Daniel had no problem moving me, the electric shock always left me immobile and weak for some time. Soon he’d laid me down on the foam mattress inside the cage and restrained me, he then made sure I was in a total sensory deprivation state. So here I was once more, this time I was thankful for the silence and darkness. Worse was the fact that I was freezing cold, that alone was stopping me from falling asleep.

I preferred the time when I slept, it made me less aware of what was happening to me. Now I had to lay here and didn’t even know if I was alone, anyone could do anything, and I wouldn’t see them coming. Ha, I wouldn’t even hear them either, also the gag would stop me shouting or making any noise.

Sleep finally claimed me, yet this time I’d dreamt about Fox and how he was searching for me. He came here looking for me, Fox admitted defeat and left when he couldn’t find me. All along I was in the next room, yet I was totally unable to shout because of the gag. I woke and my heart was beating fast because of the images the dream had left behind, yet I was still unable to scream because of the fuckin gag.

I lay there trying to get myself under control, believe me it wasn’t easy under the circumstances. Finally my breathing slowed down and I relaxed, shit then suddenly I was deafened as loud music came through the earphones. I was so shocked that I thrashed around on the mattress, I wasn’t even able to use my hands to get rid of the deafening sound.

Then suddenly it stopped, my heart was racing so fast and I felt sick, soon the headphones were removed along with the gag and blindfold. I opened my eyes to see Nikolay knelt there beside me, he wasn’t smiling and actually looked rather worried.

“Sorry, Daniel really shouldn’t have turned the music that loud…”

“Like you give a fuck about me.”

“Daniel wants you cleaned up Alexi, then he plans to have some fun with you.”

“Great, well it’s not like I can stop him is it?”

“I just want you to behave while I clean you, that or Daniel will do it himself.”

“You can go to hell if you want me to make it easy for you.”

“Whatever, believe me I won’t hesitate to call him if you do something.”

I knew that Nikolay had a point, Daniel would purposely go out of his way to hurt and humiliate me. Soon I was in the bathroom and was forced to stand there while Nikolay prepared the enema, not that I saw the point as I’d hardly ate since I came here.

“Bend over the bath Alexi as it will be easier.”

“No chance.”

“Would you like Daniel to force this tube up your backside, as I’m sure he’d love to do it.”

The bastard was right and had one up on me, I went and leaned over the bath so he could insert the tube. I hated this part; it wasn’t just the humiliation as it was actually painful. I moaned as my stomach filled and started to become distended, god I just wanted it over and done with.

“Please Nikolay, can you remove it as it hurts so bad.”

“Just another minute Alexi, then I promise that it will all be over with.”

“Yeah right, this is just the beginning and you know it.”

Finally Nikolay pulled the tube out and sat me on the toilet, well I was right and all I had inside me was the fucking water. Not that either of them would listen to me though, I was just here for their amusement after all.

“Come on Alexi, I want you to lay face down on the bed and behave yourself.”

Shit I remembered the time I’d spent with Daniel and how much he’d hurt me.

“I can’t… please don’t make me do this Nikolay.”

“You’ll be okay if you behave, don’t fight him Alexi or he’ll lose his temper with you.”

Nikolay had to grab hold of me and force me into the bedroom, once there I just stood facing the bed. Could I honestly just lay down and accept this, especially when I knew what was to come. Not that I had a choice in the end, suddenly Nikolay pushed me forward and had me restrained in seconds.

“You bastard, I fuckin hate you…”

“Alexi you’d do well to keep that mouth of yours shut.”

“Yeah why, would that make it easier for you?”

“No Alexi, however it might make it somewhat easier for you though.”

It was at that moment Daniel entered the room, he then came over and slapped me on the backside hard.

“I have something special planned for you tonight Alexi, I thought we could have a party and invite some friends over. You see I like to share my toys, first though we can have a little private party with just the three of us.”

Now I felt really sick, just the thought of what happened last time Nikolay had hosted a party. I somehow expected Daniel’s to be far worse, especially if his friends were anything like him.

It was at that moment I realized the difference between them, Nikolay actually liked me and possibly even did love me. He was just the type that had to be in control, without that he found it difficult to show his feelings.

Then there was Daniel, I could tell that the bastard hated me with a passion. I was here solely for his amusement. He took great pleasure out of hurting me and reducing me to nothing, that was what was worrying me. He was the type that would share me with his friends, however he was also the type that would want to show off his power over me.

Now though I had to lay here as he spoke to Nikolay, Daniel asked him if I were clean inside. He then told Nikolay that he wanted certain items bringing to him, you could tell that he was even in charge of Nikolay too. I had no idea if Nikolay even realized that himself, well he was a fool if he thought his marriage was equal partners. I lost all thought of Nikolay as I was slapped once more, shit I hadn’t even noticed that Daniel had spoken to me.

“I said lift up Alexi, I don’t want any mess going on the bed.”

I did as he asked without thinking, it was then that I noticed the clear plastic that was now underneath my groin. He then got up and stripped out of his own clothing, soon he was back knelt up on the bed behind me.

“This Alex will just be a test run; well I suppose in some ways what I’m going to do will help you later on. Nikolay pass me the lube, oh and also you can get undressed too.”

I felt as he placed the cold liquid in the hollow of my back, then he started running his hands through it and I started to panic.

“Lay still or I’ll do it without the lube, it takes time to apply it to your arms too.”

Great, I knew that was his way of telling me what to expect next. Not that anything could possibly prepare me for that, at first he started out with just his fingers using a scissor motion to stretch me. Fuck then the bastard forced his whole hand deep inside me, I tried so hard to pull myself up the bed.

All I wanted was to escape the pain I was feeling, I guess my brain knew it would only happen if I got away from his hand. Not that there was anywhere to go, as soon as I reached to top of the bed he moved too, this time he started shoving his hand in even further. I screamed out in pain as his arm filled me, I couldn’t take this anymore.

I’d got to the point where I’d even beg if it would stop the pain, yet I had a felling Daniel would only laugh in my face. Worse was when he made a fist and started fucking me with it, shit no this had to end soon.

“Are you enjoying yourself yet Alexi?”

All I could do was moan as the pain became too much, then the bastard turned his fist and his knuckles scraped against the tender flesh.

“I asked you a fuckin question, answer me you dirty whore.”

“Please, god I can’t take anymore…”

“Oh this is only the start Alexi, wait until you meet all my friends later.”

Suddenly he pulled his fist out fast and I yelped out, then he replaced it with his own large erection and fucked me hard. It wasn’t long before pulled out and came all over me.

“Well we wouldn’t want to get you dirty again, there will be plenty of time for that later.”

I lay there breathing heavy and in pain, yet Daniel went over and grabbed Nikolay’s hand and came back to the bed. The bastard then told Nikolay to fuck me, while he then entered Nikolay from behind, Daniel fucked Nikolay hard knowing I’d feel it every time he moved. Nikolay tried to take some of the weight, however Daniel pushed his hands away so I had the full weight of them both.

I’d never felt so thankful as when I felt Nikolay come, then within minutes both had moved off my aching body. They both went into the bathroom and I was left here alone, at some point I think my body gave in along with everything else and I slept.

When I woke, I was exactly where they’d left me, however I soon realized that it was their laughing that had woken me from my troubled sleep. I now lay here praying that they’d let me go back to sleep for a while, my body hurt so much and needed the rest to recover from all the abuse I’d suffered.

I turned my head and saw them both and froze, it hit me that he wasn’t joking about the party he intended to have. Both Daniel and Nikolay were dressed in smart tuxedo’s and were talking to each other, yet neither of them spoke to me as they grabbed some stuff and walked back out.

I felt relieved and hoped he was joking about my part at his party, yet my heart sank as Jonathan entered the room. He never spoke as he came over towards the bed, all he did wash my body and dry me before leaving me alone once more.

Now I felt sick with worry and anticipation, was he preparing me for bed or Daniels party? Not that I had long to worry about it though, this time it was just Daniel that returned to the room.

Daniel walked over to me and was smiling at me, then he bent over and I felt the small prick of a needle.

“Don’t worry Alexi, it’s just something to make you a bit more manageable, we wouldn’t want you hurting someone and spoiling the party.”

God soon I felt so out of it, I never even fought back as Daniel removed all the restraints. He even managed to fasten a collar around my neck without me complaining, then I was too far gone to do anything as he attached a lead to it.

For some reason I felt lightheaded and it was like I was outside my body, maybe that was why I didn’t care what they did to me. Daniel started jerking me off and kept it up until I was hard, then the bastard just slipped the cock ring on.

“On your hands and knees Alexi, you can crawl out there and let them see just how obedient you are. Then afterwards they can play with you and have some fun, maybe if you’re god I’ll let you come after the party finishes.”

I liked the sound of that and got down on all fours, he then told me to stay still and I did as he asked.

“You need something to give you that animal look, then they can treat you as the animal and slut that you are. Soon you’ll be behaving like a bitch in heat, you’ll even be begging them to fuck you.”

I had no idea what Daniel had injected me with, however my body felt like it wasn’t my own and willingly went along with him.

“Let’s see what toys Nikolay has shall we, oh god this is just so perfect.”

Daniel waved his find in front of me so I could see what it was, great a butt plug with a fuckin fox tail attached to it. For some reason my heart skipped a beat, yet I had no idea why.

I was finally led into a large room full of people, everyone appeared to be well dressed except for me. I was naked with only a collar and lead, oh and I also had a fluffy tail stuck out of my backside.

Suddenly people were shouting, also some of them were whistling at me and making lewd suggestions. All I could do was follow Daniel, there in the middle of the room was a mat with ring attached to the floor. Daniel led me to it and removed the lead, he then attached a very short chain that restricted my movements.

I knew what was happening was wrong, yet for some reason I seemed unable to do anything about it.

Then suddenly I heard Daniel talking above everyone else, the room went quiet as everyone turned to listen to him.

“Each one of you were given a ticket as you entered, four random numbers will be pulled out of this box. The four people who have matching numbers will get to share my toy with me. You will be given a choice; I will let you pick only one and then you will be able to claim your prize.”

Suddenly the noise became far louder than before, however Daniel told them all to hush as he called out the numbers.

“Nikolay here will do the honours and pull the first number, right we have number two, will the lucky gentleman step forward.”

I watched as Daniel pulled out three more numbers, I was more concerned with the choices they could choose from. Part of me knew I had to pull myself together and fight this, there was no way I could just kneel here and take the abuse. Unfortunately my brain had other ideas, it seemed happy where it was and refused to cooperate.

Daniel came over with another man, he must have been similar age to me, and he looked rather large, I knew I’d have no chance against someone like that. Daniel spoke to the man and then turned towards me; he was making sure I knew what was to come.

“Right I will give you a choice, then I’d like you to choose straight away as others are waiting.”

“Fair enough, what are my choices?”

“Firstly you can remove the butt plug and fuck his delectable ass, or as you can see he’s rock hard. Maybe you would prefer to ride him, or he can give you a simple blow job. The choice is up to you, decide now then the fun can start.”

“Very well, I think I’d like to fuck him hard.”

“Help yourself then as he’s ready for you.”

I felt sick, part of my brain was starting to clear and I wanted him nowhere near me. Fuck Daniel as I no longer gave a shit, then suddenly I felt Daniel inject me once more.

“Hmm maybe the first time wasn’t enough, oh well it’s not my problem if you become hooked on it. Have fun Alexi, as I damned well will watching you get what you deserve.”

The man came up behind me and pulled the butt plug out, he then grabbed hold of my hips tight enough to cause bruises. However that was the least of my worries, the man was large and thrust straight into me. Then I felt worse as he opened his mouth and called me names, maybe he was right and I was nothing more than a slut.

Finally the man came and pulled out of me, I collapsed to the floor, I didn’t even have the strength to remain on all fours. Not that I got more than a few seconds alone, Daniel was back with another one of the men who got to abuse me. I was just thankful that this one wanted nothing more than a quick fuck, also he came within seconds of entering me.

It turned out that the other two were pretty much the same as the second man, not that it made me feel any less dirty. Once the fourth man had finished, Daniel came over and re attached the lead. I was then made to crawn back to the bedroom, this time I was ordered to get inside the cage.

I moved right into the corner, however Daniel had other ideas and pulled me towards him.

“Get on all fours now Alexi, be good and I’ll remove the cock ring afterwards.”

I resumed the position and presumed he’d fuck me, yet I felt the cold lube and then his finger enters my ass. Suddenly he removed the ring and pressed hard against my prostate, I literally came within seconds and collapsed.

“Well there’s no permanent damage, it looks like you’ll be good to go again tomorrow.”

I moved to the corner and huddled into a tight ball, right now I was far too exhausted to even think straight. Sleep came, however so did the nightmares. By morning I was still shattered, I felt like I’d had no sleep at all. Just to make matters worse I kept shaking and wanted to throw up, I even felt too weak to move away from the corner. Soon Jonathan entered the room, he had to practically pull me up and drag me towards the bathroom Once there he lay me on the floor and I knew what was coming, I’d hardly ate anything at all in the last couple of days. Daniel mainly would want me to have the enema so I was clean inside, that meant he would have plans for me.

I tried to protest, yet right now anyone could have done anything to me. I was even far too weak to move as Jonathan picked me up, the enema was over and now I was placed in the bath. I realized I kept forgetting things, it was also like I was missing huge gaps in my memory.

I still couldn’t believe what had happened to me last night, shit it was at that moment I remembered the injections. I knew it would be pointless asking anyone, none of them would tell me what he’d injected me with, and it scared the hell out of me.

I’d done a few drugs as a teenager, I guess it was peer pressure and my rebellious stage. In other words, I could recognize the feelings of withdrawal straight away. I would have to pray that I’d get over this or things could get far worse, now I was nothing more than a drugged up whore.

Soon Jonathan placed me back on the bed and restrained me once more, he then walked out of the room leaving me alone once again. My thoughts drifted back to Fox, I had to wonder if he was looking for me, or if he’d even missed me. It was a stupid mistake as now I felt depressed once more. Fox wouldn’t want me back now anyway, not after all the people had used me.

I closed my eyes and tried to forget about Fox and the life I had, hell even working for Spender was better than this. I wasn’t even asleep, yet I was so out of it that I hadn’t heard Nikolay enter.

“Alexi wake up.”

“I am awake…”

“I’ve brought you some food, come on I’ll help you sit up.”

“I’m not hungry, I feel sick after the shit your lover injected me with.”

“Believe me, it was to make it easier for you Alexi.”

“Yeah right.”

“Well I’m not leaving until you eat something, otherwise you’ll have to have a drip fitted again.”

Nikolay removed the wrist restraints and sat me up, he then placed loads of pillows behind me. I felt so sick, yet the food smelt so good and tempted me to try some of it. It turned out that it was just porridge with honey, after one mouthful I ate every bit. I had suddenly realized that I was starving and would need the energy, otherwise I’d never be able to fight them off.

“Right you can get some rest Alexi, as you spent most of last night talking to yourself and having nightmares.”

“Yeah I wonder why that is…”

“Sleep and then you will feel better.”

I closed my eyes as the food had left me tired, hell maybe that was drugged too and I’d ate it all. I thought about throwing up, however I was even too tired to manage that.

Next time I woke it was dark once more, I soon realized that I had a catheter fitted and was covered up. That thought scared me so much right now, it meant that someone had done that without me even waking up as they’d inserted the tube.

I had to admit that the sleep had helped me somewhat, yet that feeling of depression and weakness still remained within me. Shit that was when I also noticed one other thing, someone had replaced the collar as I slept too.

Then the room was suddenly lit up as someone turned the light on, it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust after the darkness before I could open them. Not that it would have mattered, I opened my eyes to see Daniel grinning at me once more.

“It’s time to get you prepared Alexi, tonight I’ll make you suffer for what you’ve done to me.”

I cried out as he roughly pulled the tube from my penis, he then grabbed hold of my balls and squeezed them until I screamed in agony. Daniel also made sure he managed to get me erect, then the bastard placed the cock ring on my erection once more.

“This is nothing Alexi, believe me far worse is still to come.”

“I haven’t done anything to you…”

“Yeah right, you’re nothing but a fuckin slut and a whore. You even stole my own fuckin husband from me, I see the way he looks at you and wants you.”

“I didn’t do that.”

“Well what’s done is done, he can have you when I’ve finished with you. Not that there will be much left, you will be just a shell of a man and that’s all that he deserves.”

Daniel pulled out a syringe and checked for air bubbles, well I guess he didn’t want me dead anytime soon.

“Please Daniel I’ll behave, just don’t inject that shit into me.”

“Tough, maybe I like the effect that it has on you.”


“You don’t even know what it is Alexi, so why worry about me giving it to you?”

“It makes me feel sick.”

“It’s rohypnol Alexi, what’s also known as a rape date drug. I just added a bit of water and dissolved it, this way I can make sure you’ve taken it and it will work straight away.”

“Why, you’d let them all rape me even without it?”

“You look so out of it and so innocent, I guess it turns me on as they fuck you and you look so pathetic.”

Daniel shoved the syringe in me without another word, within minutes it started to make me feel lightheaded. Daniel even managed to remove all the restraints without me fighting, the bastard knew exactly what he was doing to me.

“I’ll be back within the hour and we can party, oh don’t worry Alexi as this won’t be the same as last time. It’s just a couple of my good friends, I thought I’d share you with them so they could have some fun while here.”

Daniel left and I felt so lost right now, I could even feel the tears as they rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them or even wipe them away, suddenly someone was beside me and wiping them away for me. I looked up to see Nikolay, shit it was at that moment that I realized he was also crying.

“God I’m so sorry Alexi, believe me I never wanted any of this for you. I was an idiot and thought I could hide you from Daniel, I should have known he’d be watching me.”

“Nikolay please help me.”

“I can’t, please forgive me for what Daniel has done, also for what he plans to do to you tonight.”

“You can stop this, please Nikolay you have to do something…”

At that moment I heard the door slam open, then all I could hear was him yelling at Nikolay.

“Get out of the fuckin room now Nikolay, you can have your lover when I’ve finished with him.”

“Daniel please don’t hurt him.”

All I could do was watch as he backhanded Nikolay, Daniel used so much force that Nikolay stumbled backwards onto the bed. I couldn’t move or do anything to stop what was happening, yet despite everything I didn’t want to see Nikolay hurt that way.

Daniel was on him within seconds and started ripping his clothes off, Nikolay was facing me and I could see the tears as his own husband raped him. Once finished Daniel grabbed him and dragged him out of the room, now I felt far more scared than I had before.

Daniel returned sometime later with two other men, he then attached the lead and dragged me down into the basement and I couldn’t stop him. Once there I looked around and realized what was happening. The bastard had a mattress on the floor ready, he also had some lighting and a couple of cameras set up.

“You should be pleased Alexi; you get to be the main star in our movie.”

“No please…”

Daniel shoved me onto the mattress, he then turned me over onto my stomach so he could get me in the position he wanted. I soon found myself on all fours with cushions to make sure I stayed in position, then he used a leg spreader to make sure my legs remained open for him.

Now my heart really did race as I started to panic, was this a plain simple sex video, or was it a snuff video that Daniel was making, as the man had become way out of control now.

“Calm down Alexi, I promise you that you’ll survive this.”

One of the men stood over me with a whip, he then asked Daniel if he was ready to start recording. I bit my lip as the whip came down hard on my tender flesh, however by the third strike I was crying like a baby. Then suddenly the man dropped the whip and knelt down, I soon realized what he had planned next.

The man held a small leather flogger, he then started using it on my ass and groin one strike after another hitting my most sensitive parts of all. Now I was way beyond just crying, I howled in agony as the whip caught the end of my forced erection.

They just carried on filming, one of them was carrying it and came right up to my face. He made sure he got a close up of my face as I screamed, the other man even laughed about it and slapped my backside hard.

Then the man behind me mounted me like I was a fuckin animal, he then shoved his erection in me and started fuckin me hard. Then suddenly Daniel was beside me, he grabbed my hair and made sure he had my attention before speaking.

“Paul here is going to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, bite him and I’ll put a bullet in your head Alexi.”

I heard as he removed the safety and then pressed the gun against my temple, the other man shoved his cock in my mouth and started fucking it. Both of them got a kick out of fucking me at the same time, one of them even told Daniel they could do so much more with me. I cringed at the thought, yet Daniel just laughed and said it was far from over.

I was just relieved when they both came, apparently it was now Daniels turn to fuck me, one of the others grabbed the camera and carried on filming. Daniel started applying some lube to his hand and arm, now I knew what was coming next. The bastard got his kicks out of torture, he also believed it made me fully his to control.

He pressed a couple of fingers in me to start with, however I was already stretched after the other man fucked me. I think Daniel soon realized that as he forced his hand deep inside me, the bastard had done it fast forcing in his knuckles in as he went. I took deep breaths and willed my body to relax, yet now I was as tight as I could get. I think my brain was hoping that it would stop the offending object, ha nothing would stop Daniel now.

I screamed as his arm went further and further into my ass, the other two were egging him on to start fucking me with it. Daniel laughed with them, that was the moment I felt his hand turn into a fist inside me. Now I screamed and couldn’t stop as he fucked me with his fist, he made sure that he hit my prostate every time.

“You’re such a dirty little slut Alexi, you’ll take everything I give you and accept that you belong to me. I can stop the pain, also I can make it far worse if I choose.”

Then his other hand went beneath me and Daniel removed the cock ring, the bastard then started jerking me off as he fucked me with his fist. I knew it wasn’t my fault and coming was inevitable, especially as he hit my prostate repeatedly.

I screamed even more as he forced me to come, then he calmly removed his arm and stood up. I hung there over the cushions and sobbed, it wasn’t like I could go anywhere or even knew if the pain was over for now.




Daniel wiped my face with a wet cloth, he then removed the leg spreader and turned me over. He ordered one of the men to remove all the cushions so I was laid flat.

“Right Paul can you pass me things in that bag, let’s get Alexi ready for the final part. This time I want him bound and gagged, it will add a bit more realism to the video.”

Shit how could you make it any more real than this, I felt everything and this was as real as it gets. One of the men tied my hands together with a rope, he then pulled the rope towards a hook that was cemented into the floor. After that he tied my ankles together and pulled my legs above my head, and then he attached the rope to the same hook, now I lay here and it felt like my body was bent in half.

Daniel seemed pleased that my backside was fully on show, also it was exposed to him so he could still abuse me. Soon though he blindfolded me and then added the gag too.

“See now you truly look the part Alexi, maybe I might eventually remove the gag though, as it adds far more effect to hear you screaming.”

I felt as Daniel parted my ass cheeks, then in one fluid movement he was inside me and fucking me hard. At first I thought I were hallucinating, I would have sworn that I could hear other voices in the distance. Maybe Daniel had invited more men here to abuse me, suddenly the basement door flew open and there was lots of shouting.

“FBI, stay where you are and don’t move, oh fuck what have you done to him.”

I felt as Daniel was roughly pulled from my body leaving me fully exposed, then someone was there cutting the rope so I was free once more. The blindfold and gag were also removed, it was then that I realized Fox was holding me.

“God Alex what have they done to you babe?”


“Yeah, it’s me, can you stand at all as I need to get you out of here?”

“I’ll try.”

I tried to stand as Fox barked out some orders, he wanted photos taken and the video collecting, the men would also be taken away and arrested for assault.

I realized my legs felt like jelly and I struggled to get up, it was then that Skinner came over and picked me up and carried me.

“Sir will you be okay with him?”

“Yeah just grab that blanket, I’ve called an ambulance to take him to the hospital.”


“I’m here for you Babe.”

“Please no hospital…”

“Alex you have to be checked out, I’m sorry but it’s necessary.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Of course I will.”

Skinner carried me upstairs and to the ambulance, then Fox joined me inside. I was taken into my own room and was waiting for a doctor. Fox had hardly spoken to me at all now we were alone, maybe he hated me now. Well if not now, I’m sure he will when he learns everything.

“Fox you can leave if this bothers you, I’ll understand as I’m dirty now.”

“Shit Alex is that what you think?”

“Well it’s the truth.”

“I’m tired that’s all, there were times I wondered if I’d ever see you again…”

“Yeah but I’m not the same person anymore Fox, look you just don’t understand.”

“So make me then, talk to me Alex and don’t shut me out.”

“You wouldn’t like the truth.”

“Hell I’m sure I won’t like it, I love you Alex and wouldn’t wish that on you.”

“I slept in your bed Fox and I thought I was safe, Luis took me and handed me over to Nikolay, he did it as long as he was allowed one hour with me. One hour to abuse and rape me, then leave me there for those monsters to do the same.”

I couldn’t carry on at first, the memories were still to fresh and it hurt so much. Nothing I could say would truly make Fox understand, that was why I thought he should walk away and leave me. The thought alone was painful, shit I knew the reality would be the end for me, yet it was unfair to make him stay.

“Alex, hey are you okay?”


“You were miles away babe?”

“Sorry I was just getting things straight in my head, Daniel injected me with rohypnol so he could control me, and I think it’s messed with my head.”

“The doctor will do blood tests to see how much is in your system, they will also have to watch as you might be addicted to it.”

“Great that’s all I need.”

“We can sort out some help for you if need be, you’re not on your own Alex.”

I ignored Fox and his offers of help, chances are I’d end up on my own sooner or later anyway.

“Daniel held a party and I was the star attraction, I was led into that room with a lead, naked apart from a collar and a stupid tail stuck out of my backside. I was so drugged up as he let four men abuse me and rape me, then afterwards Daniel also took his turn abusing me…”

“Alex you don’t have to do this right now, we can talk after you’ve seen the doctor.”

“Why, are you afraid of the truth Fox?”

“No Alex, don’t even think like that either.”

“Think like what Fox, that I’m dirty? Well wake up and face it as it’s the truth. I’d thought Nikolay was bad until I met Daniel, he even abused his own husband as I lay there. Funny it turns out Nikolay really did love me, that was what had pissed Daniel off so much and made him even more abusive towards me.”

“That wasn’t your fault Alex, how the hell could Daniel blame you for that?”

“I guess I was there and it was easy to take it out on me, the bastard was even filming it and making a video. Shit did you get the video Fox, please don’t tell me it’s still there?”

“Calm down Alex, we took the video and it’s safe.”

“I want it destroyed Fox, no one can see what he did to me.”

“Alex it can be used as evidence and he could go away for a long time!”

“I don’t want anyone seeing it…”

“Shit please don’t cry babe, only a judge would be able to see it and no one else.”

“I guess I don’t have a choice if it gets him locked up.”

“Alex do you know where Nikolay was?”

“What, you didn’t arrest him back at the house?”

“No he wasn’t there, when was the last time you saw him?”

“When he told me he was sorry and it wasn’t meant to happen like this, then afterwards Daniel attacked him and threw him out of the bedroom.”

“He might be long gone now.”

“I hope so, he wasn’t as bad as Daniel yet he still wanted to treat me like a toy. Fox can I just ask you one question?”

“You can ask me as many as you want Alex.”

“How did you find me?”

“We got an anonymous call that you were there, also the caller said you were being abused and it was urgent.”

“My guess is that it was Nikolay, he felt guilty and blamed himself for what Daniel had done.”

“Yeah I guess it’s possible.”

It was at that moment the doctor entered the room, he then asked me if I wanted Fox to leave the room. He did explain that it would be a very thorough examination, I think he thought Fox was my work partner. I decided to let Fox explain that he was my lover, the doctor blushed somewhat and carried on with what he was doing.

The doctor was right when he said it would be thorough, the examination took nearly an hour, during that time a nurse also came and took some blood.

“Well that’s it over with so you can sit back up, it will take about an hour for the blood test results. Firstly you will need to be on a drip, you are malnourished and that won’t help you heal. Outwards you appear okay, just a few cuts and bruises that will soon heal. Internally will take longer to heal, I’m sure you don’t need me to spell out the reason why.”

“No, I’m well aware of what happened to me.”

“That’s why mentally you are unstable, you will need to see a psychiatrist until you’ve dealt with everything. This will all be arranged before you leave, can I just ask if you have any questions Alex.”

I looked at Fox, shit I didn’t want to ask the next question; however I knew it was something I had to know.

“What are you testing me for?”

“We will be testing for any trace of drugs in your system, also we will be testing for any sexually transmitted diseases.”

“So will everything be okay if they all come back clear?”

“I’m sorry but HIV is not as easy to test for, it will take three months before we can test you for it.”


Right now I felt like screaming and running away from everything, how the hell could I have Fox near me now…”

“I’m sorry, you will be provided with information that will help you until then.”

I blocked everyone out, it wasn’t like anything mattered now. I knew that I couldn’t stay here with Fox, I’d rather die than risk giving something like that to him.


“Sorry, what did you say?”

“We will get through this; I promise we’ll do it together as a couple.”

“Are you fuckin stupid Fox, I could be sat here with a death sentence over my head, no way am I passing this on to you!”

“Alex we will cope for three months, it will pass in no time babe.”


I couldn’t face him anymore; it broke my heart thinking about what I could give him.

“Alex I’m just popping outside as I need to call Skinner.”


Fox left the room and I was alone once more, in reality I should get used to it if I planned to let Fox go. I heard him talk to Skinner, then he came back in the room and sat back down.

“Fox you should go home and get some sleep, they already said I’d be here a few days.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, I’ll come back in the morning and see you. Hopefully by then you’ll have your blood tests back.”

“Yeah just not the most important one though.”

“Alex try not to worry too much; we will have to deal with everything else first.”

“Such as?”

“Your mental state for one, then there will be a court hearing too.”

“Yeah whatever.”

Fox came over and kissed my cheek, mainly because I refused to turn my head and face him.

“I love you Alex and won’t give up.”

“Good night Fox.”

I heard him leave and the door close behind him, then it hit me just how alone I really was. Fuck the man was such a stubborn bastard, why couldn’t he see that I was doing it for him. Maybe I could leave and disappear before he came back, yeah right I was wearing a stupid hospital gown for starters.

I thought about my options, first I’d have to remove the damn drip, then I’d have to sneak out of the room and search for something to wear. I looked at the drip and the part that entered my arm, fuck it I decided to just pull it out and get it over with. It hurt like a bitch but there was hardly any blood, I just grabbed a cloth and wiped the liquid away.

Once sorted, I walked over to the door and opened it as slowly as possible. This had to be a fuckin joke, there on a chair sat an FBI agent. So I guess Fox didn’t trust me at all, yeah well, I guess I’d just proved he had good reason to not trust me. I was left with no option, finally I went back to bed and fell asleep.

I woke and it was daylight, someone had come in and re attached the drip. It appeared I would sleep through anything lately. Maybe it was the drugs and they were still in my system, shit then I sat up and noticed Fox sat there in the chair.

“Did you have a good time last night Alex?”

“What do you mean?”

“The little adventure that you had planned, also you removed the drip that you needed.”

“You put a fuckin fed outside my room, so much for trusting me…”

“Alex you tried leaving, so don’t sit there and pretend I had no reason to do it.”

“I don’t like hospitals.”

“It’s only for a few days, the doctor came to give you your results last night and found the drip removed.”

“I don’t care what he thinks, or what the fuckin test results were, it won’t change who I am.”

“So what are you Alex?”

“You know…”

“No actually I don’t, that’s why I’m asking.”

“I’m a fuckin whore, a dirty fuckin diseased whore…”

Shit it was the slap to my face that brought me back from where I was, a place where I never wanted to go as long as I lived.

“I’m sorry Alex, shit I didn’t mean to slap you that hard.”

“Why I most likely deserved it.”

“You still have traces of the drug in your system babe, it will take time to get through the withdrawal. It can cause problems with your memory and behaviour. Other than that all the other tests where clean.”

“So you think I feel like this because of the drugs they gave me, shit what planet are you on Fox?”

“I know you’re trying to push me away Alex, however it won’t work. Once you get out of here things will improve, especially once you start seeing a psychiatrist.”

“Yeah because I’m mad, however magically I’ll be made sane and all will be well with the world.”

“You won’t listen to me will you Alex?”

“No, so just go away.”

“Tough because I’m staying, and if I leave someone else will be watching you for me.”

“Just fuck off…”

I lay there and reused to speak to Fox, yet he came back and talked to me everyday for an entire week. He even dealt with the doctor as I refused to speak to anyone, then came the day I was allowed to leave the hospital.

I had a feeling things might be easier once I left, well it would be easier to escape Fox if nothing else. We arrived back at Hegal place and I struggled to breathe, this was once our home, then Luis had come along and changed everything. To be honest I wasn’t even sure if I could stay here, let alone sleep back in the bed that he’d snatched me from.

“Alex are you okay?”

“Yeah I guess it will take time to deal with it all though.”

I had to do this, if I had my way I wouldn’t be here for long anyway. Maybe tonight I could leave when Fox was asleep, then the thought of it suddenly hit me. I didn’t have to wait till then, Fox didn’t own me and couldn’t keep me here against my will. If he did that would make him no better than them, I know his reasons were to protect me, yet he couldn’t see that I had to leave to protect him.



Chapter Text

I went into the bedroom and grabbed my jacket; I wasn’t even bothered about my clothes anymore. I’d thought about it and decided what I’d do, no way was I going to let Fox stand between me and my revenge.

“Alex what are you doing?”

“I’m going out for some fresh air.”

“I’ll come with you if you want…”

“No Fox, I want some space and time alone to think.”

“I thought you had plenty of time to yourself in the hospital, it wasn’t like you ever acknowledged me or gave a shit that I was there.”

“Like I could forget, you never shut up for five fuckin minutes. Havre you ever thought that I want some time from you, that I can’t stand it having to be around you all the time. Listening to your fuckin advice, oh and then there’s your constant moaning…”

Fox slapped me hard, he then sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. I walked out; I really didn’t want to be there when he broke down. I was such a fuckin insensitive bastard and knew I’d gone too far; my words would have cut deep and hurt him. I tried concentrating on what I had to do, hopefully that way I’d forget about Fox for a while.

First, I had to visit a couple old dealers I knew from my past, they trusted me, and I knew I’d have no problems with them. I had to make just one stop on the way, I was just thankful that my wallet was still inside my jacket pocket along with my bank cards.

I went into the bank and withdrew enough to get me what I wanted, I then left and went to see my old friends Mick and Steve. I went to the rear of the building and knocked, I then waited knowing they’d be looking to see who it was. Finally someone came and the door opened, there stood Mick grinning from ear to ear when he saw me.

“God how long has it been Alex?”

“Too long, it’s good to see you again Mick.”

“You too Alex, so what is it you need? Shit where are my manners, come in and take a seat.”

I followed him inside and sat down at the table, he then made me a coffee and took a seat opposite me.

“Are you still working for Spender?”

“No it’s a long story and I’m freelance now, just doing the odd job here and there.”

“So is there anything specific you need, if I haven’t got it I can soon get it.”

“Yeah I need an untraceable gun to start with.”

“That’s easy, hold on a minute.”

I sat there waiting, I just drank my coffee and for once actually felt like my old self. Shit was that what I really wanted, to be Alex Krycek the cold-blooded assassin? Well needs must, also I wasn’t planning to kill just anyone, I had a specific person in mind.

“Here you go Alex; I’ve got a Glock and a smith and western.”

“I’ll take the Glock, also I need some rohypnol if you have some.”

“Yeah it’s not something I sell a lot of, not many people have a use for the stuff so you can have it cheap.”

“Thanks Mick.”

“You do know what that drug is mainly used for, you wouldn’t be planning anything like that would you Alex?”

Shit I shuddered at the thought of what it was used for, suddenly I was back in that basement with Daniel.

“Hey, are you okay, shit Alex you look like seen a ghost.”

“I’ll be okay Mick but thanks for the concern, oh and by the way it’s for personal use.”

With that I threw some money on the table and left, I had to make another visit before the day ended. It wasn’t too long before I arrived at the lab where Spender had his office for now, I went straight there and just walked in.

“Where is he?”

“Alex dear boy please take a seat.”

“Don’t piss me off or I’ll put a bullet in you.”

“I don’t doubt you Alex, who is it you want?”

“You have two minutes to get Luis in here or I shoot you.”

I realized that I was trembling like mad, shit I also knew it was the withdrawal from the medication. I didn’t give a shit that Spender was watching me, I just pulled out a couple of pills and swallowed them. The rest I’d hidden away in my car, well it looked like I was well and truly an addict now.

“One minute Spender.”

“He’s on his way Alex, I can’t do any more than that.”

I pressed the gun against his temple and removed the safety, I then stood there and waited. Luis walked into the room, he closed the door and turned to face Spender and that was when he noticed me.

“Have you come back for more Alex, couldn’t you get enough of me. Well I always knew you were a slut and nothing more, you deserve…”

I pointed the gun at him and fired, I just stood there and watched as he fell to the ground.

“Alex what the hell are you doing, just give me the gun and it’ll be okay.”

“You won’t report me Spender, too many people would question you considering he’s an illegal in this country.”

“Very true, however your lover might not forgive you as easy.”

“Like I care, you all made sure I’d never be free or have a life. Maybe I should put a bullet in you.”

I aimed the gun at him and watched as he panicked, he tried so hard not to show it though.

“It’s okay you’ll keep for another day.”

I walked out and went back to my car, once inside I realized I couldn’t drive like this. I had such an adrenaline rush from killing Luis, also the drug was blurring my vision and I felt like I was floating. I had no real idea where I were nor how much time had passed, however I nearly fell out of the car as someone yanked my car door open.

“What the fuck…”

“I should be the one saying that, what the hell are you playing at Alex?”

“Nothing that concerns you.”

“I received a call from your former boss, he told me that you had just killed one of his men in cold blood.”

“And, so what if I did?”

“Are you fucking stupid?”

With that Fox pulled me out of the car, I then fell to my knees as I was unable to stand up on my own. It was then that Fox grabbed hold of my chin and lifted my head up, shit I knew by his face that I’d pissed him off.

“Get in the car now Alex, we can discuss this when we get home.”

I used my car door to pull myself into a standing position, I then went in my pocket and fished out my car keys, it was just as I started to get in the car Fox grabbed me once more.

“For fucks sake, I meant my car Alex, you can barely stand so never mind driving.”

Fox snatched the keys out of my hand and pocketed them, he then noticed I was struggling and helped me into his car. I then had to sit there while he made a call to someone, I heard him give the location we were at now, he also gave his address too. I knew that he was arranged to have my car collected and brought home, not that he said a word as he got into the car and started the engine.

Neither one of us spoke on the journey home, once there I struggled to stay upright as we got out of the car and had to use the lift. I was pleased when I reached the door, then once inside I made it as far as the couch and collapsed.

“Don’t get too comfortable Alex, I’ll be back in a minute and want some answers…”

I watched as Fox went into the kitchen, however I knew he’d want answers regarding what I’d done and the state I’m in. I was just thankful that I had a secret compartment in my car, even if Fox looked he wouldn’t find either the gun or the drugs. Fox returned and put a glass of water down on the table, to be honest right now I had no idea what he was thinking, nor did I care either.

“What’s that for?”

“It’s salt water Alex, drink it and it might make you sick.”

“So what’s the point?”

“It might bring up the crap that you’ve swallowed.”

“They go into the blood stream straight away, so it’s a bit late for that Fox.”

“Oh I’m well aware of that fact, however you’ve dropped yourself in it Alex. I knew you’d try lying to me, now it would be pointless. I also want the rest of the drugs and the gun, what the hell was it that you took anyway?”

“Rohypnol, I only bought two though and I’ve used them.”

“Funny I don’t believe you.”

Suddenly Fox grabbed hold of my jacket, he then lent over me and started searching through the pockets, I got pissed off and shoved him away from me. It didn’t help me at all having him this close, I could already feel as my cock showed interest.

“Fuck you Fox, you’re not my fuckin keeper!”

“No I’m meant to be your lover and partner.”

“Yeah well that doesn’t give you a right to treat me like this, I can come and go as I want, also I don’t have to report everything I do to you.”

“You just shot a man at point blank range, you then even hung around for a couple of hours afterwards. Spender could have destroyed you and made you disappear again; it would have been so easy considering the state your in.”

“He had to die Fox… Please at least understand that if nothing else.”

“I know he hurt you in the worst way possible, but you could have got yourself killed or ended up in prison.”

“I knew Spender would deal with it, you should be thanking me anyway after what he did to Melissa and Scully.”

“We could have brought him in, everything could have been done legally Alex.”

“Yeah right, you know he’d have ended up dead before he even went to trial.”

“I know, look all I ask is that you talk to me and don’t block me out.”

“Okay I promise.”

“Now where’s the gun Alex?”

“I got rid of it.”


“I left it there, Spender will have disposed of it by now.”

“So he’ll back you up if I ring him?”

“Fuck you, it’s your problem if you don’t trust me!”

“Alex it’s not that easy. I’m…”

“Just give me my fuckin keys back, I’m out of here Fox.”

“I can’t, not when you’re like this.”

I grabbed Fox and shoved him against the wall, all I wanted was my fuckin keys so I could get away from here. I guess I wasn’t as fast after taking the drugs, Fox soon shoved me back and I fell to the floor. It was only a matter of seconds before Fox was on me, he then raised his fist.

I closed my eyes and waited for his fist to connect with my face, however suddenly it was his lips that connected with my own. I loved this man with all my heart, that was why I was soon kissing him back with everything I had. I wanted him to realize what he meant to me, also to see I wasn’t doing everything just to hurt him.

Finally we had to separate so our lungs could refill with air, not that I’d wanted it to end at first. As soon as he moved a bit, I remembered why this was a bad idea, I knew I’d want him and that wasn’t possible right now.

“Fox please get off me, you know we can’t do this.”

“Alex I can still kiss you.”

“Yeah and you know kissing will lead to other things.”

“I’m sure we can do some things; we would have to use protection that’s all.”

“Fox, I think I should go away for a few months…”

“What the hell for?”

“I think it would be far easier for both of us, it’s just hard for me to explain right now.”

“Fine at least sleep on it for one night, that’s all I ask Alex. If you still want to leave, I won’t stop you.”

“Okay I can manage that, well providing you still plan to sleep on the couch?”

“Yeah I will so don’t worry, also I have to return to work in the morning.”

Fox went on his computer and did some work, I tried to watch television, but my mind was elsewhere. I guess I was making plans for if I had to leave Fox for a while, hopefully we could sort things out and it wouldn’t come to that. We hardly spoke at all; in a way I was glad when night time finally came.

The dreams came as usual then the nightmares followed, I woke up in the early hours and was covered with sweat. I lay there as still as possible and listened, well it appeared I’d not woke Fox and that was good. I knew he’d be in soon to get a suit for work, I’d just pretend I was asleep and keep my eyes closed, as that way it would be easier on both of us.

I must have fallen back asleep at some point, now it was bright sunshine and it shone through the window. I realized I must have remained asleep, even Fox in the room had not woke me up. Well I knew I had to get up as my bladder wanted to find some release, however a shower and everything else could wait until I’d had some coffee.

I walked into the kitchen and saw the note straight away, I unfolded the paper wondering why Fox had left a note in the first place. If it was something urgent, he could have woken me, well I guess reading it might help me find out the reason.

Alex I’ve gone to work, afterwards I’ll be staying with Skinner for a while. I’m sorry but it’s hard for me to trust you right now, especially as you tend to run away when you can’t handle things. I know that the drugs don’t help either, you would lie to me about using them just as you did with regards to the gun.

I don’t blame you; your life was turned upside down by a certain few people. That’s why I decided to leave, I wouldn’t survive if you left again, not knowing whether you’d even come back. This way I’ll know where you are babe, I can’t cope if we cut ties completely and I still need to be a part of your life until things are sorted.

All I ask is that you let me come to your appointments with you, I want to be there to offer you my love and support, afterwards we can go our separate ways until the next one. God, I hope you understand this babe, just right now I’m so emotional and it’s hard expressing my feelings.

I’ll drive over around two to pick you up, if you’re not there I’ll presume you want to go alone, and I’ll accept your decision.

Just don’t shut me out, I love you so much babe and you’re my life. Love Fox.

I held the letter and cried, that was something I refused to do since Fox found me. I remembered back to the night I’d come here with that information, how I ended up spending the night here and we’d made love. The next morning I’d woke in his arms, also how I realized I wanted him more than anything.

Now here I was trying to push him away, Fox had offered me a solution that was acceptable to us both. I knew if I shut him out now it would be over, I would show him that I didn’t want him here and could survive without him.

Fox had even made the appointment for me to see the psychiatrist, the least I could do was let him go with me. I decided to phone him, however I had to leave a message telling him he could pick me up.

I made the coffee and then decided to get a quick shower and dressed, I still had a couple of hours before Fox would arrive. It felt strange at first, Fox always said this was now our home as a couple. Yet I knew deep down I should have left, that was also one of the reasons Fox wanted us to to move. He wanted us to start afresh so I’d see it as my home too, now I was here for three months on my own.

I realized there was no point worrying about what was done, I’d just have to find something to do and keep busy. Soon I’d have to get back to the business I’d started, that or my clients would be going elsewhere. For now though I’d collect the mail and have another coffee, I knew I couldn’t take any drugs before I met Fox.

I grabbed all the mail and returned to the apartment, I threw it on the coffee table and went to make myself a drink. Once done I sat on the couch and decided to sort out the mail, that way I could take anything important with me and give it to Fox.

I flicked through most of it as it was junk mail, then I suddenly stopped when I saw a letter with my name on. At first, I thought it might be something to do with my computer programming business. However it appeared to be hand written and the envelope was the expensive type.

I sat there just staring at it, for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to open it and see what was inside, which was stupid really as it was just a letter. Fuck it, I knew I’d never rest until I opened it and knew who had sent it. I’d only given out this address to a couple of people, I guess that was what scared me the most.

Finally I opened it with care and pulled out a handwritten letter, suddenly I felt like I’d gone back in time and was in that room once more. The letter was from Nikolay Ivanov, my head swam, and I threw it down on the table. Shit it scared the hell out of me, the man was out there and knew where I was.

I grabbed the phone and dialled Fox’s number; I was just about to hang up when he answered.

“Agent Mulder speaking.”

“Fox it’s me.”

“Shit I didn’t even recognize my own number, what’s up Alex?”

“Where are you, are you out on a case?”

“No I’m in my office, why Alex what’s the matter?”

“Fox will you come home please; I need your help to do something.”

“Give me twenty minutes then and I’ll be home, won’t you at least tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’d rather not say on the phone, please Fox…”

“I’m leaving now.”

With that said Fox hung up, shit the man was willing to drop everything just like that for me. I would have to be an idiot not to see how much he loved me, so much for not needing him either, I hadn’t even lasted a few hours alone.

I sat there for another five minutes, now my nerves where on edge just at the thought of Nikolay showing up here. In the end I grabbed a sharp knife and went into the bathroom, when Fox arrived, I was sat in the bathroom with blood all over my hands and was sobbing. He took one look at me and rushed over, the first thing he did was prize the knife out of my hands.

“What the hell happened Alex?”

“I have to get it Fox…”

“Get what out?”

“The chip, Nikolay knows I’m here and we forgot to remove it. Please Fox you have to cut it out now, I won’t be able to protect myself if he activates it.”

“Turn around Babe and show me your back.”

I did as he asked and couldn’t miss the gasp he made, he then hugged me close to him as he spoke to me.

“I can’t babe, look I can ask Scully if she’ll do it. Well it’s either that or the hospital, how do you know about Nikolay anyway?”

“He sent me a letter here, so he has to know I’m here Fox.”

“Okay calm down and I’ll call Scully, Alex I have a gun and he won’t get past me.”

“Okay just don’t be long Fox, please I need you…”

“Okay just hang in there babe and I’ll sort it all out.”

I sat there on the bathroom floor shivering; I was starting to think Fox had forgotten all about me as he was gone so long. Finally he returned and led me to the bedroom, he then made me lay face down on the bed.

“Scully will be here in a minute Alex okay.”

“Yeah and thanks Fox for coming straight away.”

“You’re my lover Alex, I would do anything to see you smile like before.”

“God I’m so sorry Fox…”

“None of this is your fault Alex.”

It was at that moment Scully walked in, she worked fast and numbed the area. Within minutes she pulled out a small metal chip and handed it to Fox.

“I just need to clean it and stich you up, then you’ll be good to go Alex.”

“Thanks for coming straight over, I know you don’t actually like me so it means a lot.”

“I don’t hate you Alex, I may hate some of the things that you’ve done though. Saying that Mulder told me all about Luis and what you did, for that I thank you.”

I couldn’t believe Scully was talking to me like an actual person, maybe in time she might tolerate me for Mulders sake. She went in her pocket and handed Mulder a set of keys, that was when I noticed he was busy reading the letter from Nikolay.

Shit I froze as I also realized something else, Fox was subconsciously biting his nails and he had blood on his face too. I’d froze because I realized it was my blood, Fox had tried removing the chip and had used his bare hands.


“Yeah, just hold on I’ve nearly read it Alex.”

“Fox will you listen to me.”

“God what is it, what’s so urgent Alex?”

“You have blood on your hand and now your mouth, shit you shouldn’t have touched me…”

I couldn’t hold back the tears, this along with Nikolay was proving far too much for me.

“Hey Alex, don’t cry babe, I can soon go and wash it off.”

“It might be too late now.”

In the end it was Scully that had to talk to him, at least she could talk as a doctor and his friend. She told him that it could already be too late, if I had anything or a disease, he could have it now. I could tell by his face that what she said had sank in, that was that he could also now have HIV too.

“Alex it’s not your fault babe, I was the one that was careless not you.”

“Yeah it’s my fault Fox, I was the one who was weak and had to call you here.”

“Look what’s done is done, had no intention of leaving you alone now anyway. Scully has brought some keys to a safe house and we’ll be leaving as soon as possible.”

“What you’re coming with me?”

“Yeah, especially after reading that letter.”

“Why what did Nikolay say Fox?”

“He called the FBI, he believed he was saving you from Daniel as he didn’t want you to be used like that. Apparently, he’s planning to get you and take you back, you did right calling me with regards to the chip Alex.”

“Yeah right, I’d rather suffer at Nikolay’s hands than give you a life threatening disease.”

“It wouldn’t save me Alex; do you think I could live if you were with him. I’d either spend every day searching, that or I’d give up on my own life.”

“I guess I just thought you’d get over me and move on…”

“Well you thought wrong Alex. We will be packing some stuff and leaving, we will both be going to that safe house no matter what.”


I couldn’t say anything else as Fox wouldn’t listen, so I just distanced myself from everything. I functioned on the outside, yet the thought of what I’d done was breaking my heart.

I’d even told Fox I’d left my wallet in the car, when really all I wanted was my gun and the drugs I’d left there. We had made it to the safe house, yet I was still unable to pull myself out of the dark hole I was now in.

Fox had arranged for the psychiatrist to come and visit me here; He’d explained the situation and they were fine with it. Fox had made food that night and we’d unpacked; it was later that night that I sank even lower.

We’d gone to bed and Fox had kissed me and said everything would be okay, however that one kiss lead to another and then more. We both got carried away and soon Fox was making love to me, now I felt far worse than before, everything I did was like putting another nail in his coffin.

I lay there long after, however once Fox was fast asleep I left the bedroom. Soon I was sat in the car and popping a couple more pills. I put my head back and closed my eyes, I then just sat there thinking about everything that happened over the past few months. Soon I was too tired and out of it to think at all, later I woke and went back to bed like I hadn’t even left.

Fox woke first in the morning; he then lay there just staring at me.


“Where were you last night Alex?”

“Here with you why?”

“I woke up and you were gone, I also got out of bed to take a piss. So I’ll ask you again Alex, where were you?”

“I went to get my wallet from the car, I had some headache pills and wanted a couple.”

“Look at me Alex, are you sure that’s all you took?”

“Yeah, just leave me alone Fox.”

I stormed out of bed and went into the bathroom, right now all I wanted was to be alone. My biggest problem right now was staying awake, every time I sat down, I fell sleep within seconds. Now I had Fox banging on the door and wanting to use the bathroom, so I just pushed past him and went to make some coffee.

Soon Fox came and sat down too, I tried so hard to focus without any luck as I suddenly felt really light headed and dizzy. Fox put something down on the table on front of me, he then stood up and put his running shoes on.

“I’m going for a run Alex, read that and then I’ll ask you about the pills when I get back.”

Fox never said another word, he just closed the door behind him and left. I looked down at the paper, great drowsiness and dizziness, also slurred speech and memory loss, that was just some of the things on the list too. Apparently, they were all side effects of drug use, the user will also feel relaxed and very sleepy too. I noticed Fox had circled something, all were effects of using rohypnol.

Shit Fox wasn’t stupid and had even figured out what I was using, yet I couldn’t cope with life if I didn’t take the drugs. Shit Fox would want to know where I was getting them from, then there was also a chance he might leave me. My first thought was that I’d have to hide them somewhere else and fast, Fox would easy find them in the bedroom. Okay maybe there was one place, chances are he wouldn’t expect them to be in his own car.

I grabbed a tee shirt and wrapped the drugs and gun up; I then went and hid them under the mat in his car. Once done I felt exhausted, when Fox returned I was on the couch asleep.

“Wake up Alex, the psychiatrist will be here soon.”

“Great thanks for the warning.”

“Hey, I only just got the call myself Alex.”

“I don’t think I can do it Fox.”

“What, face up to reality, well I’m afraid you’re going to have to face up to things.”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Yeah because I still want to discuss things regarding the leaflet I gave you.”

“You won’t let it drop will you Fox?”

“No not if it’s something that affects your life, something that you can get hooked on.”

Suddenly I jumped as someone knocked at the door, shit Fox had also noticed it too and that meant more questions.

“Well it looks like you were saved by the door, do you want me to stay with you while he’s here?”

“Yeah if you would.”

“Of course I will Alex.”

I sat on the couch while Fox answered the door, he then came back followed by a tall man in his forties.

“Hello Alex, I’m Sam and it’s a pleasure to meet you.”


“I’ve already had a brief outline with regards to your case, also I’ve spoken to Fox briefly. I thought maybe it was time to hear your side and see if I can help you at all.”

“Okay, not that I think there’s much you can do though.”

“Why do you think that Alex?”

“I’ve had counselling in the past, no offence but I think it’s all bullshit. I don’t need anyone telling me they understand, nobody does unless they were there and had to suffer it. I was tied to a fuckin bed and raped, then they’d humiliate me and force me to do things. Do you know how it feels to have men fuck you in the middle of a room with everyone watching?”

“Okay try and calm down Alex.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, I was there. I had someone shove his arm up my ass to prove he owned me, they were even filming it as they tortured and raped me.”

Finally I’d let a lot out and I couldn’t handle this anymore, I was sobbing as Fox came over and held me.

“Just cry babe and let it all out, I’m here for you Alex and always will be.”

“Sorry to interrupt gentlemen, would it be possible to ask you a couple more questions and then we can call it a day, it’s obvious that you need a bit more time before you can talk to me.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for yelling at you, it’s just so hard to make people understand.”

“Don’t worry about the outburst, sometimes it can help to get things off your chest. I just want to know if they drugged you at all?”

“Yeah so that I wouldn’t fight them.”

“Do you know what they gave you Alex?”


“It’s a common drug and very easy to get hold of, it’s also known as a date rape drug because of the effects it has. Okay just one more question and I want you to be honest, are you still using the drug Alex?”

Fuck Fox was sat there holding me, how the hell could I answer that question.

“Alex please answer, it’s just you show all the signs of a user. Personally I believe you are; however, I’d like you to answer the question yourself.”

“Yes, only a couple day though.”

“Thank you for being honest with me and also yourself, I can leave Fox some leaflets with regards to detox. If you have only taken a couple a day it won’t take long, maybe only three or four days.”

“Will I be able to do it here; I’m not going into a clinic or anything like that?”

“Fox could arrange to do it here with you, also it would be perfect as your miles from anywhere and any temptation. I would also advise that you’re not left alone, oh and also that Fox keeps his car keys with him. You may get the urge to drive miles to get what you want.”

Finally he left and handed Fox the leaflets, now I felt strange here with Fox now he knew. I guess I felt like shit because I’d lied to him, when all he did was try to help me.

“I really am sorry Fox; I just couldn’t cope with everything and the drugs helped.”

“If you’re sorry tell me where they are, I’m not stupid Alex and I know you brought some with you.”

“Fox just let me finish the ones I have, it’s not as if I can leave here and get anymore is it…”

“I can’t believe you’ve just asked me that Alex, I want to know where they are right now.”

“I can’t…”

“Now, or I’ll tear this place apart until I find them.”

I remained silent, the pills where perhaps the only things keeping me reasonably sane right now.

“Okay I take it you’re giving me the silent treatment; well I’ve had as much as I can take Alex. I’m not stupid despite you seem to think I am.”

“I don’t think that at all.”
“I couldn’t find you when I woke up alone, that means you went outside to do the drugs. Well it’s far too cold to sit outside at night, so I’d guess that you sat in the car and took them…”


“I don’t want to hear it Alex.”

All I could do was watch as Fox grabbed his car keys and walked out, I knew he was going to search the car and would find them. Then something just snapped inside me, no way could I just sit here while he destroyed them.

I ran outside and grabbed hold of Fox; he fell to the ground as my weight slammed into his unexpecting body. I then sat over him and raised my fist in the air, the only important thing to me now was the drugs.

“Go on then Alex, hit me if you think it’ll make you feel any better!”

“You fuckin bastard…”

“You can’t do it can you Alex?”

“God, I hate you.”

“What because I’m right and you know it?”

I rolled away from Fox and just sat there, I then watched as he started searching his car for the pills. I knew it would only be a matter of time, yet I hadn’t expected the reaction he had when he did find them.

“You stupid fuckin idiot.”

Within seconds he grabbed hold of me and pulled me to my feet, I knew that he was struggling hard with his urge to hit me. I waited, however instead he just let go and pushed me back towards the ground.

“You kill a man and then hide the fuckin gun in my car, I’m a fuckin FBI agent Alex…”

I staggered to me feet expecting to be knocked down again, I could see that Fox was extremely pissed off now too. I guess I was lucky that he hadn’t hit me yet, or even touched me for that matter.

“I’m so sorry Fox, it was originally in my car and I had to get it out when we came here.”

“I don’t want to hear it Alex as I love you, yet you seem hell bent on destroying yourself.”

Fox opened the barrel of the gun and removed the bullets; he then wrapped the gun up and replaced it back in the trunk.

“Fox what are you doing?”

“I’ll get rid of it, you said Spender would deal with the body anyway.”

“Yeah he will, the police can’t link it to a body they don’t even know about.”

“Yeah true, I guess that wasn’t what pissed me off the most though.”

“So what did?”

“You are as unstable as hell Alex and are doing drugs, you are suffering from depression amongst other things, yet you keep a fully loaded gun within reach!”

“What you think that I’d use it on myself?”

“I don’t know anymore, also I thought you said you only had a few pills. Shit Alex there must be at least a hundred, yet you wanted me to let you use them up first.”

“Look I’m sorry okay.”

“Fine you can prove it.”


“Come with me inside and I’ll show you.”

I followed Fox into the bathroom, he then lifted the lid on the toilet and handed me the pills.

“If you do love me and your truly sorry prove it, flush the whole lot away Alex.”

Shit my hand was shaking when it hit me what he wanted, it even took a couple of minutes to get myself under control. Tears ran down my cheeks and dropped into the toilet below me, soon they were joined with every single pill I owned. Fox tried to hug me afterwards, however I pushed him away and ran into the bedroom.

It wasn’t long before he followed me, he then came over and sat on the end of the bed watching me. Part of me hated him for making me destroy the pills, the other part of me loved him and didn’t want him to see me like this. I was so fucked up right now, hell I was even confused with my own conflicting thoughts.

“I don’t hate you Alex, despite what you may think I’m just trying to help you.”

“I know, I’m just tired and want to sleep.”

“Okay it will do you good, the next few days are going to be hard on you Alex, especially when the withdrawal sets in.”

“Yeah I know, that’s why I want to get some sleep now while I still can.”

“Okay I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”

Soon Fox left me alone so I could sleep, to be honest I wasn’t even tired anymore. I just wanted some time on my own so I could think. I was fed up and tired of this life, also there was Fox who deserved far better than me. In all honesty I couldn’t think what it was that he saw in me, I was severely fucked up and a drug addict.

I guess deep down I knew that I was suffering from depression, but even before all this he deserved better. I wasn’t exactly Mr perfect before all this, maybe I deserved everything that Nikolay and Daniel did to me.

There was one thing that I had lied about, I’d told both Fox and the psychiatrist I’d taken two pills a day. How the hell could I tell Fox it was closer to eight a day, that was how I knew the withdrawal would be far worse on me.

In the end I finally had fallen asleep, I think it was more out of boredom than anything else. I couldn’t bring myself to face Fox, that or let him see me as I became restless and wanted another fix. I’d woke up and sweat was dripping off me. Also just to top it off I felt really sick too.

I decided it would be better facing Fox now before it became worse, then afterwards the plan was to avoid him and just remain in the bedroom. I went into the bathroom and washed my face, however looking in the mirror it was obvious that there was something wrong with me.

I walked into the room and it was empty, then I found Fox in the kitchen cooking something that actually smelt really good.

“Sit down Alex, the food will be ready in a few minutes.”

“It smells good.”

“It’s just some sausage bacon and eggs, you know I hate cooking…”

“I’m sure it will be okay, Fox I’m sorry about my behaviour earlier and I should never have done what I did.”

“Alex it’s over and in the past now, we just have to get you through the next few days.”

“Yeah I’m not looking forward to it.”

“I’m here and will help you as much as I can.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky to have you Fox.”

“Come on just eat your breakfast and we’ll deal with it as it comes.”

I knew I was truly lucky to have him, yet I was still sure I didn’t deserve him. I was just praying that it was the drugs talking and not me, I didn’t want to lose him or push him away. I ate the food and had to admit that it was good, I helped clean up and we decided to sit and watch a movie or something.

Suddenly I had to move fast, I’d only just made it to the toilet before I was violently sick. I pretty much emptied my stomach of everything I’d ate, then to top it off I was sweating. Fuck how could I be burning up and freezing at the same time, all I wanted was to lay down as the light gave me a headache.

My biggest problem was getting up and moving, however Fox soon found me and helped me get into bed. I couldn’t handle feeling like this for a whole week or more, I even started to wonder if I could talk Fox into getting me some sleeping pills, then I could sleep until it was all over.

I lay there in bed and knew it was pointless even asking him, I was supposed to be getting over using drugs and not replacing one for another. At least Fox didn’t blame me for it all like I did, he blamed Daniel as he was the one who started my addiction in the first place.

The next two days turned out to be far worse than I’d expected, I was thankful that most of that time was spent asleep or I was out of it. I must have puked at least once every hour, I also remember Fox having to constantly change the bedding due to the sweating I was doing. At least the drugs were leaving my body one way or another, I just wanted it to be over fast as possible.

By day three I was sleeping far less, however that just made it far worse as time passed much more slowly. I also felt like I was slowly losing my mind too, it was becoming hard to separate from my nightmares and what was reality.

Fox suffered and I couldn’t help it, however I’d got it into my head that it was all a plan to get me where they wanted me. Maybe Fox was right, and I was delusional, yet it sure as hell didn’t feel like that to me and that was what mattered. I kept zoning out at times too, like now when he was trying to ask me something.

“You’re not even listening are you Alex?”

“Maybe I don’t want to listen to you, or anyone for that matter.”

“I’m only trying to help you Alex, believe me you’re not actually helping or making this any easier for me.”

“Fuck you, you’re just as bad as all the rest.”

“What the hell are you talking about Alex?”

“You just want to use me and fuck with my head.”

“Alex that’s not true, you know that I love you more than anything else.”

“God you should listen to yourself, you give the exact same speech as Nikolay.”

“Yeah well I mean it though.”

“Funny he said that too, right before he abused me and raped me.”

“That was him Alex, not me…”

“I bet you want the same though don’t you, first you’ll fuck with my head until I can’t think straight. Soon you’ll have me so mixed up about everything, then you’ll just use me and fuck with my body too.”

“Alex you need to calm down, it’s the withdrawal that’s making you see everything like this.”

“Stay the fuck away from me, I don’t want you near me, or even touching me. Maybe better still, you can stop talking to me too!”

I ran into the bedroom to get away from him, however the bastard wouldn’t stay away and soon followed me.

“Alex, I want to help you babe.”

“Stay the fuck away from me, please I don’t want you to hurt me again…”

“Alex it’s me Fox.”

“Stop messing with my head, please I don’t want you touching me, just let me go Nikolay…”

“Shit this is way beyond me Alex, fine I’ll leave you alone for now, however tomorrow I’ll have to get some help if things don’t change.”

“Good go, just get out and leave me alone.”

I sat there in the corner of the bed lent against the wall, I had my arms around my knees and cried like a baby. Why couldn’t they all leave me alone, shit then I really started to panic. I realized I had to be quiet and also behave, if not Nikolay might send Daniel in here and that would mean pain.

I must have fallen asleep at some point; however the room was now in total darkness and my brain worked overtime. I must be in the basement once more and that meant one thing, it was only a matter of time before Daniel returned.

I couldn’t just sit here and wait, I had to use this time to find a weapon or something. There had to be something here that I could use, all I wanted was a way to protect myself from him and his abuse. Great the room was practically empty; it was at that moment I realized what I could use.

Beggars couldn’t be choosers, at the moment I was still dressed, I removed my belt and made a plan in my head of what I could do, so I now lay here just waiting. I lay here and tried to block out the darkness that surrounded me, all I had to do was watch for when the door opened.

Some time later my waiting game paid off, finally the door opened and Daniel walked in and came over to the bed. I lay there and pretended I was asleep when he pressed his hand against my forehead, then he made the mistake of turning his back on me. Within seconds I moved, I wrapped the belt around his neck and pulled it tight.

I had to admit it wasn’t as easy as I expected, suddenly I was slammed backwards against the wall. I lost my grip on the belt and my attacker was free, then the bastard turned around and punched me. I fell backwards and winded myself as I fell on the bed, then suddenly Daniel was on top of me and used my own belt to tie my own hands together.

I screamed out and used my free legs to kick him, however my reflexes were rather slow at the moment and I totally missed him. Then suddenly he was sat on top of me and used his weight to restrain me, I started screaming and was suddenly silenced as his hand went over my mouth.

“Alex, I know the real you is in there somewhere, you have to come back to me babe and fight this with everything you have. I swear I don’t want to keep you restrained as I love you so much, yet I’m scared that you hurt yourself or even me. Look I’m going to leave you alone, however the belt stays where it is for now, I’ll call Scully and see if she can offer any advice.”

I was kissed on the forehead and then I was alone once more, I couldn’t understand why Daniel had left without hurting me. Normally I always suffered when he was around, also I’m surprised he didn’t kill me after the stunt with the belt.



Chapter Text

Great, now I was stuck here with the leather belt tight around my wrists and couldn’t do much. In the end I’d have to accept this was my life now, all everyone did was hurt me in some way or other no matter what. I lay here and was bored as hell stuck in here, mind you I’d rather suffer that than have Daniel in here with me. I guess I might as well get some sleep than lay here worrying about everything, it wasn’t as if I could change what would happen to me.

I opened my eyes and went to rub my them, what the fuck… I couldn’t believe that Fox would restrain me with my own fuckin belt, also there was the fact I had no memory at all of him doing it either.

Well I was pissed off to say the least, I also had to wonder where the hell Fox was. I lay there listening for any sounds, in the end I gave up and called out for him.

“Fox where the hell are you?”

I received no reply, however within minutes Fox opened the door and walked in. I’d never seen him look so tired in all the time I’d known him, maybe I should have stayed away until I was well again.

“What do you want Alex?”

“Answers would be good, like why the hell I’m restrained with my own belt?”

“Well it’s good to see you know who I am, however the belt was necessary Alex for my sake and yours.”

“Why what did I do?”

“I take it you can’t remember anything then.”

“No nothing at all, I remember you making me flush the pills and the odd thing afterwards but that’s all.”

“You thought I was Daniel and accused me of stuff, then later you tried strangling me with the belt.”

“Oh fuck…”

I looked at his neck and could see the red mark from the belt, shit a mark that I’d caused by trying to strangle him.

“I don’t think it’s safe you staying here with me Fox, what if I’d succeeded?”

“You didn’t Alex and that’s all that matters, it’s just your brain playing tricks on you and part of the withdrawal.”

“How the hell can you brush it off so easily Fox, especially when you know I’m capable of doing it?”

“You have nowhere near the amount of strength Alex, you refuse to eat now and I have to force you to drink.”

“God I’m sorry…”

“I’m just hoping that the worst of it is over, at least you now see me as Fox so that’s a good start.”

“Maybe I should try eating then while I can.”

“Yeah that might be a good idea.”

“Do you want to make some soup or something? I’ll just use the bathroom and then I’ll join you.”

“Yeah that sounds good.”



“Is there any chance you could remove the belt?”

“Sorry I forgot about that.”

Fox removed the belt and my hands were free once more, I got of the bed and went into the bathroom, once there I closed the door. I was a fuckin idiot; I was literally destroying the man I loved more than life itself. I’d possibly given him HIV a life threatening disease, then to top it off I even try strangling him. Maybe it was time I accepted the facts that were blindingly obvious, Fox was not safe if I was around.

For one we were stuck in the middle of nowhere, also Fox had hidden his car keys so I couldn’t get any drugs. So it looked like we were both stuck here as Fox wouldn’t leave without me, so that meant I’d have to leave. Well no car ruled out me leaving that way, I guess that left only one other way.

I took my fist and smashed the mirror, soon the sink was full of broken glass. I looked at the many images of myself and felt sick at the sight, I’d cut my hand and the blood was just a reminder of everything I’d done. I had to end this now so Fox would be free, I grabbed the largest piece of glass as the door flew open.

“Put it down Alex.”

“Why, give me one good reason why I should?”

“I love you Alex and don’t want to live without you.”

“You will get over me eventually, you must realize that you’re better off without me…”

“How the hell do you work that out?”

“I’m rotten, diseased and filthy Fox. Also everyone is out to get me and they’ll hurt you too Fox.”

“Alex no one is out to get you, even if it was true I would protect you.”

“You see they’ve made you blind to what they’re doing. That way they can get me without you seeing them.”

“Alex who are they, you have to tell me so I can help you?”

“No one can help me now, eventually they’ll get me and take me back to him.”

“Take you back to who?”


“Alex put the glass down and we can talk, then I can tell you where Daniel is right now. You see I have powers too; I can keep him where he is, so he’ll never find you again.”

“Do you meant that, do you really know where he is Fox?”

“Yeah all you have to do is put the glass down and come with me.”

For some reason I trusted him and what he said, maybe it was true and Daniel couldn’t touch me anymore. All I had to do was go with him and see what he says, I can always kill myself later if it’s nothing more than a lie.

I dropped the glass into the sink with the rest, suddenly Fox rushed across the room and hugged me tight. I noticed that he didn’t say anything at all to me, that was when I realized that he was sobbing. I also realized that I couldn’t win no matter what, I hurt him when I’m alive, yet he’d also hurt if I was dead.

“Fox are you okay?”

“Please Alex, don’t ever do anything like that again.”

“I’m sorry, I just thought you’d be better off without me.”

“Never Alex so remember that.”

“I’ll try.”

We went into the kitchen and Fox cleaned my hand and bandaged it, once that was done, he managed to get me to eat something. That night we went to bed together, Fox held me in his arms and I was still there when I woke up.

I looked at him and my heart melted, he meant so much to me and I’d do anything for him. That was when I saw his neck and the state it was, overnight the bruising had come out and now fully showed. I ran my finger along the bruise and kissed his neck, it was then that he stirred and opened his eyes.

“Good morning babe, how are you feeling today Alex?”

“I felt great until I saw your neck…”

“Don’t feel guilty Alex, none of this was your doing babe.”

“It’s my fault that I bought the pills, it’s also my fault that I carried on taking them. It’s one thing having someone else force them on you, shit Fox I actually went out of my way to get them.”

“Alex it wasn’t your fault, you only bought them because they were already in your system. The blame for that solely lies with Daniel, he was the bastard that thought drugging you was a good idea.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Good I’m glad you see it my way, how are you feeling in general though.”

“I feel okay, I have no headaches anymore or even feel sick.”

“Hopefully it’s over babe, well as long as you don’t have the urge to buy anymore?”

“God no, I never want to feel like that again. You just feel so out of it and relaxed, all it did was make it easier for Daniel to control me.”

“Yeah look at it that way, with the drugs you stood no chance against him babe.”

“Yeah and I hate the feeling of not being in control.”

“Hey, you won’t always be in control when I’m around.”

“You’re different Fox, some of the time I like it when you’re in control.”

“Good because it turns me on so much, when you have to beg me to let you come.”

“Yeah well you know I’d beg as you make me so hard and turn me on.”

“Okay this conversation’s not going the way I planned, we either change the subject or I’ll end up fucking you right now.”

“Is that a promise Fox?”

“Is that what you want Alex?”

“I want you to make me yours again Fox, I want you to claim me and show me that I’m yours.”

“Okay why do I have a feeling you want more than just sex; you can tell me Alex as I’ll do anything if it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt you.”

“Are you sure about that Fox?”

“Try me, come on just spit it out Alex.”

“Oh well here goes… I want you to fuck me with your fist until I come, then I want you to come all over me.”

I regretted saying it the minute it was out of my mouth, not that I could take it back though. It didn’t help that Fox was silent and didn’t answer straight away.

“Fox… See I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it, great now you’ll just think I’m sick or something.”

“I don’t think that at all, actually it’s rather kinky and turns me on.”

“So why the hell didn’t you answer me?”

“Sorry, I was trying to remember if I’d packed any lube.”

Trust Fox to have his mind somewhere else, well at least he was thinking along the same lines as me and that was good. I lay there watching as he moved, suddenly he was throwing things out of the bags we’d brought with us.

“I’ve found it; however I think you’re a little overdressed Alex.”

It was at that moment, I realized I still wore a tee shirt and boxer shorts. Fox climbed on the bed and was naked, believe me it didn’t take me long to rid myself of my clothes.

“Believe me I’ve no intention of hurting you Alex, I plan to take my time and stretch you first, before I attempt anything like that.”

“Yeah good, any chance you can get on with it then?”

“Still as impatient as ever babe.”

“I see you know me so well.”

“Yeah well your going to have to be patient, that or I’ll just stop.”

“Yeah and we know what would happen then lover.”

“What would that be?”

“I’ll beg and plead with you, then as always you’d give in to my charm.”

“God, I love you so much Alex.”

“I love you too Fox, however right now less talking and more action would be good.”

Fox slapped my leg, and then shoved some pillows under my backside. I nearly jumped a mile when the cold liquid touched me, not that I’d let that stop me though. I loved Fox so much, and yes, he always gave into me in the end.

However this was something I had to do for myself, I’d never really thought about someone doing this to me. I guess the thought always put me off, well considering the pain it would cause as someone shoved their fist inside you. Then Daniel had done it to me, it wasn’t the memory of him doing it that I wanted to remember. It had been the look on his face, he had the look of someone that owned me and was in charge. I guess I wanted to see that look on Fox’s face, that way I’d know I was his.

Okay it may sound stupid to some people, I wanted to prove I could do it too. I’d either see it through to the end with Fox, or I’d back out and always see Daniel there. Shit right now I think I did need to see a shrink, ha they’d most probably lock me up and throw away the key.

“Alex let me know if it becomes too much.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I was too far gone, and he only had his fingers inside me, I then felt the pressure build as he added his thumb. Fox was making sure it didn’t hurt, that meant he was going as slow as possible. As for me, my own erection was already screaming out for release.

Fuck then I felt as he slid his hand inside me, I moved around on the bed as his knuckles forced their way inside. I guess I’d forgotten that Fox had rather long bony fingers, also he’d never done this and would have to rely on me telling him if it hurt. At the moment I was just making incoherent sounds, shit I wasn’t even sure If I could string a sentence together right now.

Shit then his hand was suddenly gone, and I felt empty, I couldn’t understand why he was stopping when I hadn’t asked him to.

“Oh god Fox please…”

“Hang in there babe, I’m just using some more lube on my arm. Shit Alex my arm just looks so wide compared…”

“Fox shut the fuck up and carry on.”

“Fine whatever, don’t blame me then if it hurts.”

Suddenly my ass felt full once more as his hand went deep inside me, shit then there was a sudden pressure as he forced his arm further inside my body. The pain came in waves and I felt it go in, yet I had no intention whatsoever of stopping him.

“Is this what you want Alex, fuck you look so sexy babe.”

“God yes, don’t stop Fox.”

The look of power on his face was unbelievable, I had to admit though that Fox had always owned me. He owned my heart from day one, he just didn’t know it at the time. Yet this made up for everything, however I’d swear the bastard was missing my prostate on purpose.

“Do you want to come babe?”

“God you know I do Fox.”

“Beg then, because right now your mine Alex and I’m in control.”

“Shit yes you’re in control, please Fox let me come…”

“The touch of one finger Alex, yet I get to choose whether you come or not.”

“Please Fox I’m begging…”

Oh god Fox moved one finger and pressed against my prostate, that was all it took, and I was coming. I’d never in my life experienced an orgasm like that. Then I felt Fox replace his hand with his own erection, not that he was inside me for long. I rammed into me a couple of times, he then pulled out and came all over my stomach.

“Fuck I don’t think I can move now Alex.”

“So how did it feel to be in control Fox.”

“I can’t put it into words babe, but hell I’d sure do it again.”

“Yeah well I trust you doing it, also I do belong to you Fox.”

“Yeah well make sure you remember that, no more thinking I’m better off without you okay.”

“Yeah I promise, why would I want to leave you now.”

“Hmm so it’s just the sex then?”

“With you Fox it’s everything, hell you’re my everything.”

I well and truly knew the withdrawal period had passed, also without Fox I don’t think I’d have survived. It was all good though, we practically spent the next two days in bed, not sleeping I may add. The love making was good, just being with Fox was far more than good. Now all we had to wait for was the court case and my blood tests, both were playing on my nerves and Fox was my rock. Every day he kept me busy and made me smile, I just hoped we were still smiling at the end of it all.

Well so much for things running smoothly, the next day Fox got a call from a doctor. It turned out Scully had been involved in an accident, and she had Fox listed as an emergency contact. I felt bad; however I was sulking because he wouldn’t take me with him.

“Fox you know I hate being on my own now, I don’t see what the big deal is!”

“You know Nikolay could have people watching, shit that man has more contacts than the mafia and it’s not safe.”

“I would be careful, hell I could even wait in the car if you want.”

“Alex I’m going back to D.C, it’s one of the main hospitals there and has far too many people to take that chance.”

“You won’t budge on this will you Fox?”

“Alex I can’t live without you again, so for that reason alone my decision is final.”

I could tell by his face that he meant what he said, yet I didn’t want to be here without him. Shit I was a grown man and had already faced so much, I’d even spent my whole life alone. Oh god and then I realized what it was, I’d become so dependent on Fox and had gone soft in the process.

“Okay go on your own.”

“What, you’re not angry with me?”

“No, well I won’t be if you make it up to me later…”

“Without a doubt babe, look I’ll try and return tonight. I guess it will come down to the traffic and how bad she is, either way I will phone you and keep in touch.”

“Good make sure you do.”

“Can I have a kiss then, now you’ve stopped begging me to take you?”

“I never beg Fox.”

“Yeah okay if you say so, however I’m sure I can prove you wrong later.”

“Okay you win that one.”

I gave Fox a kiss and missed him the minute he left, now I’d have to find something to do that would keep me busy. Great, right now I couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t bore me. In the end I decide to clean the place up, afterwards I’d think about cooking something for when Fox came home.

Soon the kitchen resembled a kitchen once more, you could always tell when Fox was the last one to use it. I could never understand how the man could make so much mess, then again, I had to remember this was Fox and he hated cleaning. Finally I decided to put some music on, at least it made me feel better and the place wasn’t so eerily silent. I was just putting some clothes away when I felt the hairs on my neck stand up, I went to turn around, but it was too late as suddenly something went over my mouth. My last thought was Fox, then everything around me became black.

I opened my eyes and realized I was on the bed, at first I thought I’d dreamed it all or had passed out. I guess I’d thought it might be from the drugs and just a delayed reaction, well that was until I went to move my arm.

I soon realized two things, one I was cuffed to the fuckin bed, yet it was the second thing that scared me the most. I was also naked and alone, I soon started to wonder if it was Fox’s idea of a joke and he was really still here. Yeah that was it, maybe nothing had happened to Scully and it was nothing more than a game.

I lay here a couple of minutes and just waited, when I got bored I decided to shout Fox so he could end this. However I wasn’t prepared for the person that walked into the bedroom, there stood Nikolay just grinning at me.

“It’s so good to see you again Alexi.”

“What the fuck do you want Nikolay?”

“You of course, I only called the FBI so they could get you away from Daniel. For that I apologize, even I hadn’t realized just how sick and twisted the man could be. Once you were safe and he was locked up I’d come and get you, I had to let you go temporarily so that you were safe.”

“You’re as sick as him, you must be fuckin delusional if you think I’m leaving here with you…”

“You don’t have a choice Alexi, once we are far away, you’ll realize it was the right thing to do.”

“You should leave now Nikolay.”

“Why would that be Alexi?”

“Because Fox will be back in a few minutes.”

“Don’t lie to me Alexi.”

“It’s not a lie and he’ll be pissed off if he sees you.”

“I know you’re lying Alexi; you see Agent Mulder has gone to visit his partner in hospital and will be gone a few hours.”

“How the fuck…”

“I see you’ve finally got it Alexi, yes I sent him on a wild goose chase. That way I would be able to come here and claim what’s mine, this time it will be just the two of us Alexi.”

“Just let me go, I swear I’ll kill you if I get free.”

“Big words Alexi, maybe Daniel was right to use the drugs on you.”

“Stay the fuck away from me…”

“I’m sorry but I can’t do that Alexi, you see I’ve made plans for us both starting right now.”

“What plans?”

“First I plan to make love to you right here, then after we can leave and go to our new home.”

“Shit you are well and truly fucked up, no way are you touching me at all.”

I realized that I was fucked now, Fox wouldn’t be back for a few hours even if he returned straight away. Also there was the fact I was cuffed; I had no way of fighting him off. Okay realistically he’d have to uncuff me so that we could leave, however my problems started before that point.

I really didn’t want the man near me or touching me, maybe if I played along, he’d undo the cuffs. I knew the man was stronger than me, however I’d fight dirty if it meant getting away from him.

“Why don’t we leave now, we could make love when we get to our new home?”

“I’m not stupid Alexi and I know what your game is, however I want to make love to you on the bed you share with him. Maybe I might leave him a little reminder that I’ve only taken what was mine, or I could make him think it was your decision to leave him.”

“He wouldn’t believe you.”

Suddenly Nikolay grabbed hold of my ankle tight, the bastard then grabbed a tie and fastened it to the bed post. I tried so hard to kick him, yet he still managed to grab hold of my other leg and tie it up. I knew my breathing was becoming erratic, yet I soon started screaming at him when his hand moved up my leg.

“That noise will only turn me on even more Alexi.”

I never answered him, I just screamed even louder hoping that it would eventually piss him off. God then the bastard went and grabbed my balls tight, shit now I just struggled to breathe never mind screaming.

“Calm down Alexi and I won’t hurt you.”

“Please don’t do this Nikolay…”

“Quiet or I’ll have to gag you.”

Shit how the fuck could I be quiet now; his finger had worked it way towards my ass. I nearly screamed as he shoved a couple inside me dry.

“If you behave, I’ll use something, otherwise it will be very painful for you Alexi.”

“God please I’ll behave if you don’t hurt me…”

“Good boy.”

Nikolay used something and soon re entered me, this time he made sure he found my prostate and started rubbing it. As for me, I felt like dirt as my own body started to betray me. Soon though, Nikolay started working even more fingers inside me and it was painful. I could no longer lay still and started moaning out loud, the man had used nowhere near enough lube to shove his hand up there.

“God please stop Nikolay…”

“You have to learn your place Alexi; it won’t always be like this I promise. You shouldn’t have fought me or refused to come with me, at the end of the day you brought this upon yourself.”

Nikolay totally ignored the pleas that I made, the bastard was determined to prove that he was in charge and that I was his to do with as he pleased. By this point I was screaming in agony, that was why at first I thought I’d imagined the voice.

“Get the fuck away from him now Nikolay…”

“He’s mine and I’m taking him with me.”

I lay there and was thankful he’d removed his hand; I was also thankful that Fox had his gun with him and was using it. All I could do way lay here and pray Fox dealt with him and untied me.

“You are pathetic Nikolay, look at him and at what you have to do to keep him. Do you honestly think it’s normal, he’s not just some fuckin toy that you can play with when it suits you?”

“I’m well aware of that fact, I would treat him well and as my lover.”

“What by keeping restrained, that or so drugged up he can’t fight back.”

“That was Daniel and not me.”

“You have him restrained now, how about I ask Alex what he wants?”

“Alexi is confused and will say what you want to hear, he’s afraid of upsetting you. I’ve heard all about you Agent Mulder, I’ve also heard the rumours about how you beat him up.”

“Well I don’t answer to you, my only concern right now is Alex and his safety.”

“Even if I leave, it won’t change anything, and you’ll always be watching over your shoulder. So you see you’ll never win or have a life together, I’ll always be watching and waiting for another chance.”

“What makes you think I’ll let you walk out of here?”

“You won’t shoot an unarmed man.”

“I can have you arrested, then let’s see how long you last in prison shall we.”

“Alexi is the only person that will say anything, so you see it will by my word against his. Unlike Daniel, I wasn’t stupid enough to record myself with him.”

“So basically you believe you’ll walk?”

“Yes I do, Alexi is unstable and won’t be believed.”

“You fuckin bastard, you were one of the ones that made him like this. Believe me you won’t walk away from what you’ve done.”

All I could do was watch as Fox raised his gun, then it felt like slow motion as the bullet hit his chest and he fell backwards. Fox went over and checked for a heartbeat, then he came over to the bed and started untying me.

“Is he dead Fox?”

“Yeah he won’t ever hurt you again babe.”

“Oh god Fox, what if they lock you up as he had no weapon.”

“Hey, calm down and put some clothes on.”

I did as Fox asked, it was hard at first as I was shaking that much. I could hear him talking to the police, yet my mind couldn’t get over what had happened here. Then I noticed Nikolay’s lifeless body on the floor, shit within seconds I was in the bathroom throwing up. I’d come so close to him raping me once more, then I wondered what had made Fox come back home.

I walked back in the bedroom and saw Fox placing a gun near Nikolay, I had no idea what the hell he was doing now. It felt as if this nightmare would never end, knowing my luck Daniel would get off and come after me.

“Alex talk to me, are you okay babe?”

“Yeah, I think so, what made you come back home Fox?”

“I just had this strange feeling about it all, I decided to call Scully’s mobile and realized it was a set up when she answered it herself. I just wish I’d phoned her straight away, that way you wouldn’t have suffered…”

“Fox I’ll be okay, I’m just thankful you got here before it got any worse.”

“At this rate I’ll have to lock you up so I don’t lose you.”

“That’s not funny Fox.”

“God I’m sorry babe, believe me you’re far too good looking to just hide away.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere Fox, anyway what are we going to do about Nikolay’s body?”

“Well this will sort out two problems at once, I’ve phoned Skinner and he’s sending someone out straight away.”

“So what’s with the gun then?”

“Self defence, he came here and attacked you and then pulled a gun on me. I was left with no choice, also it’s on record that he’s wanted for assault and kidnapping.”

“Yeah I guess it should work, what do I say to the police Fox? There’s no way I’m going into any detail.”

“Just tell them the rest and cut that bit out, he attacked you and cuffed you to the bed.”

“Okay, just one more thing… where did the gun come from?”

“It’s the one you used to kill Luis.”

“Shit are you fuckin serious Fox?”

“Think about it for a minute Alex, what better way to dispose of it. If there was any come back regarding Luis you’d be safe, everything would lead back to Nikolay.”

“Yeah who’s dead and can’t deny it, see I knew I loved you for something other than your body.”

Finally someone showed up and took our statement, they also removed Nikolay’s body too. It turned out Fox was right about everything, the police said it would be an open and shut case. As for me, well I was tired and pissed off, I felt like I wanted to smash something or get drunk.

I couldn’t handle my own feelings right now, hell maybe it was the shock of what happened finally sinking in. If Fox hadn’t come back I’d have been raped, then Nikolay would have taken me back to the life where I lived like a fuckin animal.

This whole place was getting me down, it was supposed to be a safe house where no one could find us nor hurt us. In the end I waited until Fox was busy with the police officer, I then left a note telling him I was going for a walk along the beach. I had to admit it was a beautiful place and so peaceful, I guess you see it more after living in a city all your life.

First, I made a stop at the local liquor store, I hadn’t drank in a long time now as I was always someone’s fuckin pet. I realized that it was pretty much the story of my life, I was always running around after others or had someone telling me what to do. Well not tonight, I just wanted a few hours to myself to do as I pleased.

I sat down on the sand and just watched the sea, I guess it was mesmerizing watching the sea roll in and back out. There was also a full moon tonight with many stars, maybe I might just sleep out here and fuck them all off. I guess Nikolay had really shaken me up today, yet deep down I knew it was wrong to take it out on Fox or blame him.

I didn’t want to go back there; it was as plain and simple as that. I knew I couldn’t sleep in that bedroom anymore, not after having Nikolay’s dead body in there. I knew it was stupid, however I had enough nightmares to last me a lifetime. I’d most likely wake up and see his ghost stood over the bed watching me, or trying to grab hold of me again.

I also realized that I didn’t want to stay at Hegal place either, so what the hell was I meant to tell Fox? Oh by the way I’m a big baby, I’m scared that something might come and get me while I sleep. Fox would run a mile and never come back, great all this thinking just made me drink even more.

I could always just stay here for now; the weather was mild and the view was pretty much amazing. Soon the vodka was all gone and it was too late to buy any more, so I decided to lay back and watch the sky. The vodka ad hit my system fast due to the lack of food, within no time I drifted off into a deep sleep.

I woke sometime later, yet this time I realized it wasn’t a nightmare that had woke me. At first, I thought I’d wet myself, I guess it’s weird how your brain perceives things when you’re drunk. I sat up though and soon found the real reason, the sea had reached up to where I was sleeping and now I was soaked.

My head hurt from the sudden movement and I just lay back down, there was just something so calming as the sea lapped over me and it felt good. I realized that I liked the feeling and wanted to stay here forever, the water soothed my body and didn’t want to hurt me. Soon the stars became too bright and my eyes hurt from watching them, so I closed my eyes and let the darkness consume me once more.

I felt like I was floating at first, then suddenly I felt something pressing down repeatedly on my chest. That was when I had a sudden urge to cough, yet for some reason I no longer knew how to breathe and started panicking. It seemed like an eternity and nothing happened, then suddenly I took a deep breath and started coughing.

My lungs hurt along with my chest, however once the coughing fit ended, I forced my eyes open. Fox was knelt there beside me and was holding me up, I just couldn’t read his facial expression though. It was then that I remembered buying the vodka and drinking it all, then there was also the fact I’d stayed here instead of returning to him.

“You fuckin idiot, don’t you ever do something like that again Alex.”

Then Fox suddenly hugged me and burst out crying, it scared me as he hardly showed his emotions when around me.

“Fine I’m sorry for getting drunk, oh and also for not coming back.”

“Is that it, another five minutes and you’d have been dead Alex!”

“Fox, I doubt I’d die from drinking one bottle of vodka; I can handle my drink you know…”

“You passed out Alex, you would have drowned if I hadn’t come to look for you.”

Shit I suddenly remembered struggling to breathe and the pressure on my chest, it had been Fox trying to save my life.

“I’m so sorry Fox, I don’t even know what else to say.”

“Well you’ve suffered a lot today alone, never mind all the other shit that happened before.”

“Yeah maybe it all caught up with me.”

“Alex you can tell me anything babe, I’d rather help you now than have to attend your funeral later!”

“I just think things, I act on them even if I don’t know whether they’re true or not.”

“Such as?”

“I always think you’ll see me as weak because of all this, so if something bothers me, I start thinking you’ll just laugh at me.”

“Alex I would never do that, also I don’t think your weak at all, many wouldn’t have survived what you’ve been through.”

“Do you mean that Fox?”

“Yes every single word, I want to help you but that doesn’t mean I think any lesser of you. I’d like to think you’d be there for me, well I guess in a way you’ve always been there for me and I never realized.”

“Deep down I know I should have trusted you Fox and I’m sorry.”

“So what is it babe, I’m all ears.”

“There I was thinking you were all nose.”

“I’ll get my own back for that wise crack later, so out with it then, what’s really bothering you right now Alex?”

“I know it sounds stupid… I don’t want to go back to that house Fox, I can’t stand the thought of sleeping in that bedroom again!”

“Alex there’s nothing stupid at all with feeling like that, would you be willing to come back just long enough to pack?”

“It’s late Fox and you shouldn’t be driving.”

“Alex, I don’t mind, to be honest I don’t really want to stay there anymore. Come on babe let’s get moving, I will pack while you shower and change clothes.”

“Yeah that or I’ll end up with pneumonia, you’ll have to change too Fox thanks’ to me.”

“I don’t care, all that matters right now is that you’re safe.”

“So are we going back to your apartment tonight?”

“Alex it’s meant to be our apartment, I swear when this is all over we’re moving. I know you wasn’t too keen on the idea; I just personally think it will do us both good.”

“Fox believe me I want to move now, also you still haven’t answered my question.”

“What about driving back home tonight?”


Fox pulled me up and we walked back to the safe house, I could tell that Fox was thinking about something instead of answering my question.

“I was just thinking…”

“Yeah, I could tell, so what was you thinking about as you still haven’t answered me?”

“You don’t want to go back do you?”

“I already told you I don’t want to stay in that house.”

“I meant Hegal place, you don’t want to go back because of Nikolay?”

“Yeah okay I know it’s stupid, but I don’t feel safe there anymore Fox.”

“I’ve already told you it’s not stupid, how about we stay in a motel for a few days?”

Well at least Fox had agreed with me and hadn’t laughed like I’d expected, maybe we should start looking for somewhere else to live now. We wouldn’t be able to stay in the motel forever, and I no longer wanted to stay where Nikolay had attacked me.

The police closed the case on Nikolay, also Fox had acted in self defence as far as everyone was concerned. That left Daniel who was still waiting for his court date, Fox did some checking and was told the date would be within the month. At present I had no idea if I had to attend or not, right now I was unsure myself what I wanted.

We were still in a nice quiet motel, however we spent most of the days looking for a new home. Today we planned to look at a couple more, Fox wanted to make sure everything was secure before he returned to work. So far he’d not been back since the day Nikolay took me from his apartment, I guess he was lucky he’d accumulated so much leave.

It was as we were leaving Fox received a phone call, all I could do was wait for him to end the call. I soon realized that it was Skinner on the phone, however Fox only ever answered with yes or no, which wasn’t helpful when you’re trying to listen in. Finally after five minutes he hung up, then he just asked me if I were ready to leave like I hadn’t been waiting.

“So what did Skinner want, I bet he wants you to return to work soon?”

“No actually he said I should wait until after the court case, he phoned about a couple of other matters Alex.”

“So are you keeping me in the dark Fox?”

“One can wait till later, however the other was regarding an apartment.”

“What he knows where there’s one we might like?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it though.”

“Why what’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing, it just might hold a few memories for you Alex.”

“Fox just tell me where it is will you?”

“Crystal towers, where Skinner lives. Well not his apartment, but the same block though.”

“So why would it bother me, Walter’s okay with me now.”

“So it’s walter now, maybe I should be the one that’s worried.”

“Fox no one could ever replace you, however if you had to go away on a case, I’d be safe in that building.”

“Very true, it had crossed my mind to take you with me though.”

“There will come a time when you can’t Fox, also I have to get my own business back up and running again.”

“Yeah, I know, so do you want to take a look then?”

“Yeah we can go there first.”

We drove over and looked the apartment over, it was on the floor above Skinner so it was pretty much the same as his. I had to admit that it was love at first sight, I’d always envied Skinners apartment despite not seeing much of it.

“So Alex what do you think?”

“I love it Fox, you have to like it too though.”

“Alex you know how I lived and what that apartment was like, anything would look okay to me. Just say the word babe and it’s ours, we could even move in tomorrow.”

“Really that fast?”

“Yeah so what’s it to be Alex?”

“Yes, definitely a yes Fox.”

“Fine I’ll sign the paperwork now, then we have a lot to do between today and tomorrow.”

“Tell me about it.”

We both signed the paperwork and it was in joint names, Fox made it very clear that this was our home and not just his. For the first time in months I truly felt happy, tomorrow was Saturday and even Skinner offered to help us move. We would spend tonight at the motel, then tomorrow morning we’d go to Hegal place and pack everything.

I had to admit that Fox was rather quiet on the drive back, I was even starting to wonder if he was having second thoughts. I decided for now I’d say nothing and just give him some space, I’m sure he’d tell me when he was good and ready.

We pulled into the motel car park and got out, as soon as we were in the room Fox ordered pizza for us both.

“Alex are you okay, you just seem rather quiet that’s all?”

“Funny, I thought it was you that was quiet tonight.”

“Yeah I guess I’ve a lot on my mind.”

“Fox are you having second thoughts, I’ll understand if you are?”

“Second thoughts about what exactly?”

“Everything, me maybe or the whole idea of moving…”

“Jesus Alex don’t think like that, you are my life and this move will be good for both of us.”

“So what is it then Fox, you said I had to talk if something was wrong, yet you don’t.”

“I got a phone call from Scully this morning Alex…”

“Is something wrong, she is alright isn’t she Fox?”

“Yeah she’s fine, she phoned to tell me we have an appointment at the hospital on Monday.”

“What for, oh fuck I didn’t realize the weeks had gone that fast.”

“We’ll get through it babe I promise.”

Great I’d forgotten all about the blood tests, also how I might have given Fox the disease too. Now I suddenly felt sick, yet I tried to put on a brave face for Fox.

“So we have the blood tests Monday, when do we get the results back?”

“Not until Wednesday I’m afraid.”

“Great forty eight hours without knowing.”

“Hey, you’ll be okay babe, you’ve just gone three months without knowing.”

“Yeah but this is different Fox, before I knew it was weeks away and I tried to forget.”

“I’ll be here for you either way babe.”

“Yeah well it works two ways Fox.”

“They have medicine now that can help you live a long life Alex, it also works far better if the disease is discovered early.”

“Well I suppose it’s good we’re having the tests now.”

“Yeah so don’t worry too much Alex.”

“What bothers me most is you Fox; you might have to be on medication for the rest of your life because of me.”

“It’s not your fault, you can’t blame yourself Alex.”

“Yeah well that pisses me off too, I ‘d accept it if I’d slept around and caught it. This though, I never even had a choice when they raped me one after the other.”

“Alex don’t upset yourself like this, let’s just take each day as it comes.”

“Yeah okay I’ll try for you Fox.”

Fox held me in his arms and kissed me, however we had to part as the food arrived. We ate and decided on an early night, we’d have to be up and at Hegal as early as possible and pack. I had to admit that we were both tired after the long day, Fox managed to fall asleep within minutes, however for me it was a different story.

I guess the reality of things were starting to sink in now, however I also had to remember that most were also drawing to a close. I knew after the blood tests we’d have to wait, two days of knowing nothing at all. I also realized Monday I should see my solicitor; I’d phoned however he was still waiting to hear from the court. I wanted a date, also to know whether I had to be there or not.

I’d heard nothing at all with regards to Daniel, I didn’t even know if he planned to plead guilty or not to what he’d done to me. My solicitor had warned me that he might try pleading not guilty, the only hard evidence was the video and that could be disputed. All it would take was for Daniel to say it was consensual, that I’d wanted to act like that and make a video with them all. My stomach churned just thinking about it all, all I wanted was some sleep so I could forget for now.

Come morning I’d had as little as four hours sleep, Fox soon noticed as I was slow at doing anything. He just presumed it was because of Monday and the trip to get the blood tests done, yet the biggest part of me feared ever having to face Daniel again. For now though I had no intention of mentioning it to Fox, all I wanted was to be in our new place together.

The longest part was sorting out all the junk Fox had acquired over the years; at a guess I’d say he shoved it all out of sight and forgot about it all. I’d opened a closet and was assaulted by cardboard boxes, it was then that I realized what they were.

“Fox how long have you being bringing files home to work on?”


“Come here and look.”

“Shit Skinner will kill me if he sees them, I meant to return them ages ago, they weren’t cases I was working on exactly, more ones I had worked on.”

“What do you mean, ones you had worked on?”

“They were unsolved and filed back away, so I brought some home to work on in my spare time.”

“Yeah right, then you did the exact same here.”

“What do you mean?”

“You filed them away and forgot about them, maybe you should take them back before Skinner does see them Fox.”

“Yeah that might be a good idea, especially as we’ll be living so close to him and he’s helping us unpack.”

“Yeah I can imagine it now, Skinner picks up a box and all the files fall out.”

“Yeah well, I’d rather avoid that happening thanks, will go be okay packing while I take them back to my office?”

“What right now?”

“Yeah then that way I won’t forget, believe me no one wants to suffer the wrath of Skinner.”

“Yeah I can remember it well thanks, go on then Fox take them back so you can stop worrying.”

“Thanks babe.”

There turned out to be six boxes packed tight with files, I helped Fox move them into his car to save time. Soon he was gone and I returned to the apartment, the first thing I did was lock the door behind me. I knew Fox would be gone a while; at most he’d only be able to take two boxes at a time. So counting the drive there and back, plus the three trips to and from his car, I’d say he’d be gone at least two to three hours.

I hated it here now, every little noise caused me to jump out of my skin. I tried to keep myself busy with all the packing, however it reached the point where there was only the bedroom left. I felt even worse in this room, things hadn’t gone too well the last time I’d slept in that bed. I wondered if Fox would leave it here, maybe I could talk him into buying a new one that came with no memories.

I tried so hard to start on the bedroom, yet every time I entered I couldn’t breathe and had to go back out. Deep down I knew I was pathetic; it was just a room and a bed. What the hell was in there that could hurt me now, Nikolay was dead and it was all over. I was acting like Daniel had escaped or something, also like I expected him to come here and abuse me once more.

Maybe after the tests I should go see a private psychiatrist, it was as plain as day that I was far from over it and hung on every single memory. Maybe it was just the court case that bothered me as it was still looming over us, once Daniel is sentenced I can move on with my own life together with Fox.

I just had to get over the here and now, I had to accept that no one was here and no one could hurt me now. Shit things are far easier to say than do, maybe if I gave myself a few minutes to compose myself and then enter the room.

I went and sat down on the couch with my head back, I closed my eyes and thought about my own life and how fucked up it truly was. I had Fox now though, the man I’d wanted for a long time. I had to admit that we were good together, ha that was when we had no one interfering and trying to kidnap me.

My thoughts soon turned to Daniel; I hated the man so much for what he’d done to me. He hadn’t just fucked around with my body and hurt me, the bastard had fucked with my head and that was far more complicated to heal.

Soon my thoughts returned to that basement, the first time Nikolay left me there was hard, yet I knew nothing else and no memories of anything. The second time it was Daniel who took me down there with his friends, it was worse because I knew what I was losing. I had all the memories of Fox and myself together, the man I thought I’d never see again if Daniel had his way. This time I honestly thought I was back there; it was cold as they all laughed at me and hurt me. Daniel wanted to make his video, that was why he wanted to make me scream until I was no longer able to do so.

I lay there with my arms and legs restrained, soon Daniel was abusing my body one more without any intention of stopping. I could hear the pounding in my head as he fucked me hard, shit that was when I heard shouting once more. I had to force my eyes open to look who it was, yet Daniel kept me restrained and just carried on.

I started screaming and praying that someone had come to help me, maybe if I screamed loud enough someone would hear me and rescue me. I screamed as loud as I possibly could, suddenly I felt pain against my cheek this time, also I could feel someone shaking me. I knew I had to open my eyes, that or I’d remain here forever with Daniel and his friends.

Finally I forced my eyes open, it was then that I realized Fox was holding me against him. I breathed in his scent and knew it was really him, that was when I finally broke and the tears fell.

“Jesus Alex, what the hell happened to you babe. You were screaming so loud and even caused the neighbours to come out, I had to even kick the door open because it was locked.”

“I fell asleep and dreamt that I was with Daniel again.”

“Have you any idea what triggered it off this time?”

“The bedroom, well mainly the bed I guess.”

“Shit I should have realized.”

“It’s not your fault Fox.”

“Alex, I knew you didn’t want to come back here in the first place, never mind having to cope here alone.”

“It’s okay Fox, maybe I’ll be okay once the court case is over with.”

“We hold on to memories Alex, some of the bad ones will stay long after the court case.”

“Great so I’m going to have nightmares for the rest of my life?”

“The memories will lessen with time Alex; our brain hangs on to a few bad memories. It’s just a learning process, if something bad happens in the future your brain draws on the bad memories, basically a way to stop you making another mistake.

“Okay I guess I can see that, if I think of Spender, I remember all the bad things that happened. So it makes me want to be nowhere near him, or if I slip on the stairs, I remember falling down them as a kid.”

“Yeah, your brain is telling you to be careful, that or you will suffer once again. Just like good memories make us happy and want to do it again, that or they can help us through a bad situation.”

“Yeah I used the memories of you to block out Daniel.”

“The brain is a very complex thing Alex, however memories good or bad can help us deal with the future.”

“Yeah okay, too much thinking is giving me a headache.”

“We finish packing and then leave, today we’ll do as much unpacking as possible and then get an early night okay.”

“Yeah, god I love you so much Fox and thanks for understanding.”

“I love you Alex and don’t like seeing you hurt, that reminds me I have to call Skinner.”

“What for?”

“Well we won’t need his help for a couple of hours, I figured he could go and buy us a new bed.”

I couldn’t believe Fox had realized about the bed; he knew that I could never sleep in it again even if he was there with me. I heard him on the phone talking to Skinner, he was telling him that he wanted a decent bed with plenty of new bedding too.



Chapter Text

Fox was good to me, he even made me a coffee before doing the bedroom on his own. Before I knew it everything was packed and ready to go, it then took us another hour to pack it all into a large van.

“So Alex are you ready, it’s time to say goodbye and start our new life together.”

“God I can’t get out of here fast enough, come on lover let’s get moving.”

“I bet I know why your in such a hurry…”

I thought Fox was going to mention Nikolay or Daniel, when he answered I realized how much he truly loved me. He was trying to help me forget by making me laugh, I guess soon I’d be making new memories.

“You just want to get unpacked and go to bed, I bet you want me to make love to you on that new bed, or I could always make you beg instead.”

“Thanks Fox.”

“What for?”

“You always have the ability to make me laugh, even if it is at my own expense.”

“Hey, you know you Like it when I make you beg.”

“Fox, I think I like everything that we do together, in and out of bed.”

“Well this is a new start and I hope you feel that way for many years to come.”

“I’m sure I will lover, move that sexy backside then so we can start our new life.”

I couldn’t help slapping his ass for emphasis. Well twenty minutes and we’d finally be in our own place and I couldn’t wait.

We arrived and Skinner was there waiting for us, he even stayed most of the day as we unpacked everything and put it in place. The only thing we still lacked was a bed, they had assured us it would arrive before nightfall. Walter phoned and asked how long it would take, he then told us we would have to wait a couple more hours.

We were hungry by this point and had hardly ate anything all day, I was also extremely tired and getting pissed off over everything. Finally it was Skinner that came to the rescue, he told us to go out somewhere and get something proper to eat, as takeaway wasn’t good enough for growing men. At that remark I laughed, yet that changed when Skinner ordered us to go while he waited for the bed.

“So Alex where do you want to go Babe?”

“Well I think we’re a little dirty to east in a restaurant Fox.”

“Alex your always dirty, well your mind is anyway.”

“Ha you’re the one who thought of that, so you must have a mind dirtier than mine lover.”

“Okay I get it; I’ll just keep my mouth shut so I don’t drop myself in it again.”

“I love your dirty mind Fox, now I’m imagining what I could do to you later.”

I noticed that Fox was rather fidgety now, I couldn’t help myself as I placed my hand over his groin.

“Alex what the hell are you doing?”

“You’ll soon find out Fox so don’t worry.”

“Right that’s it, I’m pulling into the first diner I see.”

“You had better make it fast then lover.”

I popped open the top button of his jeans, then within seconds I unzipped them and slipped my hand inside. I could feel his hard erection against his soft boxer shorts, fuck now I wanted more and to feel the hot flesh that was hidden beneath.

“Alex I’m warning you, oh shit there had better be a fuckin diner soon or I’ll crash the car.”

“I have faith in your abilities lover.”

“Glad you do, as I sure as hell don’t right now…”

I pulled the soft material out of the way; it was then that his erection popped out in front of me. Well there was no going back now, and I wanted him in my mouth. It was like showing candy to a baby, it would be cruel to refuse me now.

“Fox you have about thirty seconds.”

“Shit Alex don’t you dare… oh fuck.”

Well deep throating him sure as hell silenced him, well from talking anyway. Fox was rather vocal and making plenty of other sounds, then suddenly the car stopped abruptly. I lifted my head to see why he’d stopped; however Fox shoved my head back down and groaned.

“Don’t you fuckin dare stop now Alex, as you started it and can damn well finish it too.”

Hell I had no intention of stopping at all, to prove it I deep throated him once more and started sucking away. After a few minutes I used my hand too, I took hold of one of his balls and started playing with it. Suddenly Fox tensed up and I knew he was close, then within seconds his hot cum filled my mouth. Okay I was greedy and refused to stop until I’d swallowed it all, I then licked him clean and sat back up.

“Jesus Alex, what the hell are you trying to do to me?”

“Did you enjoy it Fox?”

“What sort of question is that, of course I enjoyed it babe.”

“Good, as that’s all that matters.”

Fox turned and kissed me, he then moved back when he realized I was also hard now. Yeah, my plan had backfired and now I was the one suffering, Fox looked so guilty as if it were his own fault.

“Do you want me to take care of you babe?”

“Later lover I promise, right now I need some food before I pass out.”

“I’ll hold you to that promise Alex.”

“Good I’m hoping that you do!”

I’d never told Fox before, all I had to do was think of Daniel and it would go soft. Fox would say I was stupid, in a way I was as it dragged the memories back to the surface. I just smiled and made out I was okay; Fox had found a small diner and I was no longer fussy about what I ate.

We ordered steak and chips, it turned out the food was really good and I was soon full once more and was even too full to eat dessert, that was when he commented on how I must be really ill then.

Skinner had called in the middle of the meal, apparently the bed had arrived and was getting set up as we spoke. We decided to stay and have another coffee, that way we wouldn’t have to do any of the work ourselves. It was another hour before we called it a night and left, we drove home afterwards and Skinner opened the door. He spoke to Fox before we entered, Fox had wanted to know if the cheque he’d wrote earlier covered the total cost.

“The bed’s assembled and finished.”

“Was the cheque enough to cover the cost of delivery too, or do I owe you some money Walter?”

“I never used it Mulder, you’ll find it on the coffee table.”

“What, why didn’t you use it? I could have paid you the difference.”

“Because it’s a gift Mulder, just call it a moving in gift for you both.”

“No way Walter, you could have just bought us a plant and that would have been enough!”

“Well tough luck as it’s done now, chances are you’d have killed the plant within a week anyway.”

“Yeah true, we really do appreciate it and all your help Walter.”

“Your welcome, hopefully you’ll have far better memories in your new home, better than when you were here before.”

“Yeah you told me to think warm thoughts, I remember it so well.”

“We’ve come a long way Alex and you’ve proved yourself to me.”

I thanked him for everything once more, I wasn’t used to anyone buying me gifts and it felt good. We were just about to enter the apartment when Walter called us back.

“Oh Mulder…”

“Yeah what is it?”

“I also got you the bedding as you asked, possibly a couple of extra things.”

“Okay and thanks for everything.”

“You two go and have a good night together.”

We walked into the apartment and went straight into the bedroom, at first we were both surprised and shocked with Walters choice. There in the middle of the room sat a huge four poster bed, all the bedding was black and silky.

“Shit I wasn’t expecting this babe, have you looked up Alex?”

“Yeah, I noticed the mirrored ceiling straight away, Fox have you said things to Skinner with regards to us?”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you. I take it you’ve seen the bed posts.”

“Oh shit, I can’t think of anything at all.”

Skinner had left a set of handcuffs attached to each bed post; something must have made him think we were into bondage of some sorts.

“Fox you look miles away.”

“I was just thinking how I still owed you from earlier, god I’ve just remembered…”

“Remembered what exactly?”

“What I said to Skinner, I can’t believe he even remembered.”

“Are you going to share this with me Fox?”

“You might take it the wrong way; it wasn’t meant in a bad way Alex. Shit none of this is coming out right at all, I guess it’s something that turns me on…”

“Right tell me, that or you can spend your first night here on the couch.”

“You’re not serious…”

“Try me Fox.”

“Fine okay, it was after we found you in the basement with Daniel. I’m sorry Alex, at the time it was sick and uncalled for.”

My heart bead fast and I felt sick wondering what he’d said, I couldn’t imagine him saying anything hurtful considering we were a couple at the time.

“Alex you look like you want to throw up, are you okay?”

“I’ll answer that when you told me what you said.”

“I made a comment about things that I was into, I pretty much told Skinner that I’d never get a chance to have you where I wanted you now. It was stupid, I’d just told him I was into bondage five minutes after finding you like that. I then tried explaining that I’d always got off on it, it wasn’t the sight of you like that what had done it. I give up as I’m not making any sense anymore, it was never my intention to use you as a joke Alex I swear.”

“God have you finally finished Fox; I get it so don’t stress yourself. You were kinky even before we got together, so what was the part about having me where you wanted me?”

“Oh god how do I say this, I wanted you ages ago and got this image stuck in my head. I admit that I’m into stuff, look I thought if I tied you to the bed well…”

“I’m still waiting.”

“I thought if I made love to you you’d want to stay, I was an idiot and just wanted a chance to prove I loved you.”

“That night I came to you with the information, part of it was because of my feelings towards you. You wanted me and I stayed, then we ended up together, to be honest your idea might have worked as I wanted you that much.”

“You really mean it?”

“Yes, I mean it, I’ve wanted you for years and was scared that you would hate me for it. Also the idea of bondage turns me on Fox, as long as I’m a willing participant. If you cuff me to the bed it’s different, I love you and want you to do it.”

“Hmm I might need you to prove it to me.”


“Strip for me babe.”

Fox never had to ask me twice, within minutes I was naked and on the bed.

“God you’re such a turn on babe.”

“Fuck me already Fox, I’m tired lover and will be asleep soon.”

“Tonight I’m not going to touch you babe, I want you to make yourself come while I watch you. Then tomorrow I’ll show you what I wanted to do with you, all those times I caught you in my apartment. First though I want you blindfolded; you have to show me that you trust me.

I’d never really done this in front of anyone, it felt rather embarrassing and I wasn’t sure I could do it now either. Saying that the more Fox talked the more turned on I became.

“Come on babe, just start with your nipples and rub them until their hard.”

I did as he asked at started with one, I rubbed it between my fingers and pulled it until it became hard and stood up on its own. I then moved on to my other nipple and repeated the process, I was getting even more desperate to come now and realized Fox wouldn’t let it happen yet.

“Keep one hand up there playing with your nipples, then I want you to bring the other one lower. No Alex not there yet, just run it along your inner thigh and cup your balls. Good that’s it, now I want you to play with them for a while.”

“Fox I really need to come.”

“Not until I say so Alex, play with yourself a bit more, enjoy the feel of the soft skin below your hands.”

“Yeah right fuck soft, I’d rather be holding something hard right now Fox.”

“Patience Alex, I want you now to take hold of your erection. You’re not allowed to come yet babe, just run your hand along the length feeling the hardness beneath.”

“Fox are you trying to kill me here, I take it you do know what the word desperate means…”

“Don’t be so dramatic babe, look just a few minutes more and I’ll let you come.”

“Thank fuck…”

“Do what I asked babe, feel yourself and how hard and desperate you are.”

I did as Fox askeds, believe me I was struggling not to just jerk off and come despite what he said. Deep down I knew I owed it to him, I was after all meant to be proving I enjoyed it. Well believe me I was enjoying it, I just thought Fox would have let me come by now. Every stroke made my cock ache and my nerves tingle.

“That’s it babe, you’re so hard and desperate to come. Well just imagine that it’s my hand doing it and my hand in control. I want you to imagine your hands restrained that way only I can decide when you come.”

God, I didn’t know if I could keep this up much longer, then Fox was telling me to stroke it faster but not to come. Did he actually realize how much restraint that took, yet I still did it anyway?

I stroked it faster and faster, then suddenly I felt something cold against my ass. Fox inserted a long finger deep inside me as he told me to come. At that point I’d have come regardless of what he said, the orgasm was so intense I blacked out for a few seconds.

“Are you okay Alex?”

“I’m far better than okay lover, I’d really not expected you to do that though.”

“I just thought I’d help you along a bit, thank you for trusting me like that it meant a lot.”

“Fox, I trust you more than anyone.”

“Good because after breakfast we’re coming back to bed, I plan to restrain you and show you what I wanted to do to you.”

“I can’t wait.”

Fox cleaned me up and we were both soon fast asleep, it was our new home and a new start, and what a start it was. Sunday morning soon arrived and Fox had woken long before me, he’d even gone and made me breakfast in bed. Fox entered the room carrying a tray and set it down in front of me, I had to admit the smell was really making me feel hungry.

“What’s with the breakfast in bed lover?”

“I figured you deserved it, also I meant what I said about today.”

“What was that?”

“You will be spending most of the day in bed, anyway eat your breakfast before it gets cold then you can have a shower.”

“I appreciate it Fox, especially as you hate cooking with a passion.”

“Yeah well you’re going to need to keep your strength up today, anyway I’m going to get my coffee.”

Fox left me alone to eat my breakfast, then afterwards I went for a long hot shower. The warm water felt so good on my body, I guess I ached after moving so many boxes and furniture. Of course Fox had also tired me out too, now I was starting to wonder what he had planned for me today.

Finally I wrapped a towel around my waist and returned to the bedroom, there on the bed was a full set of clothes for me. Maybe Fox had decided we’d go out instead, that didn’t bother me too much, well not as much as his choice in clothes. Fox had set out a pair of black jeans and an old white tee shirt, he’d even added my really old leather jacket to the pile.

The clothes were ones I’d used for moving and were fit for the bin, well I’d just have to hope we were going nowhere posh. Despite the choice of clothes I still dressed, at the end of the day it was what Fox wanted me to wear. I finally brushed my hair and was ready to leave, however I walked into the room to find Fox in only sweatpants.

“Okay what gives, I presumed you wanted me dressed so we could go out?”

“No, I never mentioned anything about going out Alex.”

“So what was the point of me getting dressed then, also why make me dress in clothes that are fit for the trash?”

“You ask way too many questions Alex, I told you last night what my plans where for today.”

“Yeah you said we’d be spending the day in bed…”

“My exact words were, I plan to restrain you and show you what I wanted to do to you.”

“Shit you mean when I was still the bad guy?”

“Today in a minute you’ll no longer be Alex, you’ll be Krycek the man who’s broken into my apartment.”

“So why the clothes then?”

“Hey, it’s my fantasy, when you broke in you were dressed.”

“So plan on fully re-enacting it then?”

“Minus the punches babe, also I had no intention of ruining any of your good clothes.”

“You appear to be really into this Fox.”

“I just want to show you how I saw you back then, also what I thought about doing to you. You’ll have to imagine that I still don’t like you, also that I am capable of shooting you.”

“Okay, just don’t get too carried away with the gun though.”

It felt strange at first, yet you’d think I’d be good at it. The many times I’d have to pretend to be someone else, it was only with Fox that I showed my true self. That was why it was hard to resort back to who I was, however the idea of Fox showing me what he wanted to do was a turn on.

“Okay Alex you can go in the hallway and then enter, oh and just act surprised when you realize I’m actually at home.”

I went into the hallway and stood near the apartment door, I then took a deep breath and entered. I walked into the room and pretended to search the place, that was when I heard Fox come up behind me with his gun.

“What the fuck are you doing here Krycek?”

“Shit, what the hell are you doing here Mulder?”

“Unlike some I live here, right face the wall while I search you.”

Fox started checking my pockets one by one, then he moved on to my jeans and grabbed my crouch.

“What no weapons today Krycek?”

“I didn’t think you’d be home…”

“Turn around slowly, then you will do exactly as I say or I’ll shoot you.”

“You wouldn’t kill me Mulder, you’re too honest to something like that.”

“I never said shoot to kill did I, do as I say or I’ll but a bullet in your leg.”

“Fine I get the point Mulder.”

I turned around and saw Fox stood there with the handcuffs, we were lovers now yet it felt so real. I had to admit that it really turned me on, now I just wish he’d had the guts to do it back then.

“Put them on one wrist now.”

“There I ‘ve put them on, are you happy now Mulder?”

“Not quite, I need somewhere safe to fasten the other cuff to.”

“You could always just let me go…”

“No chance, right walk towards the bedroom and behave.”

I did as he asked, I was then ordered to sit on the bed while Fox attached the cuff to the bedpost.

“Lay down Krycek.”

“What the fuck… You’ve already got me restrained to the bed post.”

“That’s just one arm though, I only have so much Patience Krycek.”

I did as he said, then within minutes my left arm was also restrained to the opposite bed post. Well I still had my legs free, I had to wonder if Fox had thought about that. If I were Krycek consortium spy I’d fight, I’d kick and do anything so that he couldn’t touch me. I watched as Fox left me there and went in the draw, he was soon to return holding two ties.

“Shit you can’t be serious Mulder!”

“I’ve never being more serious about anything; you see I realized there was something I wanted from you.”

“What, tell me and I can give it to you.”

“Sorry, you see that would ruin the surprise.”

All I could do was lay here as he restrained my ankles, I now knew he well and truly had me trapped here. I figured the old me would try reasoning with him, however back then Mulder was a loose cannon.

“Mulder please, just tell me what you want so I can go.”

“Spoilsport, give me your body and I’ll let you go.”

“What the fuck…”

“That’s the price of your freedom, let me use your body for a couple of hours then you can walk.”

“To do what? I could agree to it and you might still kill me.”

“I promise there will be no permanent damage, also you will be alive to leave here too.”

“You can’t expect me to agree to that Mulder.”

“How much does your freedom mean to you Krycek?”

“You’d have to let me go sooner or later…”

“No actually I don’t, you might just have a small accident and disappear.”


“Last chance Krycek.”

“Great I don’t have a choice really.”

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say that I can do anything I want.”

“You Fox Mulder can do anything you want, there are you happy now?”

“Believe me you don’t know how happy that makes me, first I have to go get something.”

“Great, just leave me here in the dark.”

I watched as Fox walked out of the room, however he soon returned carrying a pair of kitchen scissors. I had to admit that my heart started racing somewhat, I just had to remind myself it was nothing but a game.

“Mulder what the fuck are you doing?”

“You just appear to be a little overdressed right now.”

Fox took the scissors and cut through the sleeves of my jacket, he wasted no time and worked efficiently until he could remove it. Once done he moved on to my tee shirt, soon both garments were shredded and on the floor.

“Shit Mulder, if you’d asked I could have removed them.”

“Maybe it turned me on cutting them off, slowly revealing the naked man that hides below the armour.”

“You’re off your head Mulder, has someone drugged your water again?”

“No, I’m just showing you what could have been had things worked out different.”

Fox lent forward and blew on my nipples, he then took them in his mouth one by one. He wasn’t happy until they became rock hard, that was when he got something out of the draw. Now I was wondering if Fox had gone shopping at some point, some of the things I’d not seen before. Shit then I moaned in pain, the bastard had attached nipple clips to the tiny rock hard buds.

“Holy shit, oh fuck…”

“Lay still Krycek.”

“Fuck they do hurt.”

“So much for the big bad assassin.”

I refused to moan as Fox attached a chain running between them, then he had to go and tug on it and god did I feel it.

“You moan so prettily Krycek, however that’s just the start of it.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Soon I’ll have you screaming and begging to come.”

“What the fuck…”

“Well you did say I could use your body as I chose.”

Fox removed my socks and shoes; it was at that moment he grabbed the scissors once more. I lay there as he cut the jeans from the ankle upwards, it wasn’t long before they joined the pile on the floor. Now I just lay here dressed in only my boxers, not that it was that way for long as he cut them away too.

“This is where I’ve always wanted you Krycek, beneath me where you belong.”

Suddenly I felt really sick, was that really where Fox wanted me? Suddenly I had my doubts as to if I were good enough, I think Fox even realized what he’d said.

“I mean in a sexual way, I always wanted you with me and not against me. Do you know how it feels to fancy your enemy Krycek?”

“You were never my enemy Mulder.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now does it, especially as you’re mine for now.”

I couldn’t have answered even if I’d wanted to, suddenly Fox had my cock deep down his throat. I was hard right from the start of this game, now I was hoping he’d release some pressure and let me come. Great there was no chance of that, Fox sat back and used the cock ring on my desperate erection.

“Shit please, you can’t do that.”

“I just did it so stop moaning Krycek.”

Fox kept it up tormenting me, he even attached a chain from the nipple chain to the cock ring. Every time he played with my erection it tugged on my tender nipples, yet all I could do was moan like some wanton slut. Fox was good and had a lot of patience, it was over two hours of torment before he stopped.

“Right I’m just going for a quick shower.”

“What? Like fuck…”

“You didn’t think I was that easy did you, or that I’d let you off the hook that quick?”

“You bastard…”

“Sticks and stones Krycek.”

Great Fox was really playing out this fantasy of his, okay I had to admit that I was more turned on than ever before. I think it was because it was Fox, also he was showing me that he wanted me so long ago. Finally I heard the shower turn off, that was when Fox walked into the bedroom totally naked. I realized that one thing stood out straight away, and no it wasn’t the obvious as that was flat.

“You bastard.”

“What’s the matter Krycek?”

“You jerked off in the shower didn’t you, what just so you could torment me even longer?”

“Don’t worry you’ll soon make me hard again; you always were such a turn on Krycek.”

“Hell you can’t make me wait that long Mulder!”

“Oh but I can and I will, I have every intention of taking advantage while I have you here.”

“Great so you plan to torture me then?”

“Oh believe me you’ll enjoy it in the end.”

I watched as Fox grabbed the lube, he then bent my knees and slid some pillows under my backside. He wasted no time opening the cold liquid and rubbing it over my backside, I jumped from the cold and excitement.

“Do you like that?”

“God yes.”

“Do you want more, or do you want me to stop Krycek?”

“God, I want more Mulder, fuck just give it to me and let me come.”

“Oh I plan to give it to you alright; however you won’t be coming anytime soon.”

I moaned something out loud in Russian, I loved the fact that he had no idea what I was saying. Years ago I liked that, I could tell him I loved him without him even knowing. Now he just looked at me and smiled, yeah I bet he’s learnt some Russian now we’re a couple.

Shit then I felt as he slipped far more than one finger inside me, Fox wasn’t exactly gentle either. That was something he’d learnt over the past few months, a lot of the time I liked it that way and it turned me on.

“Are you ready for more Krycek, I’m going to soon make you realize that you belong to me and that I control you.”

“Fuck, god yes I’m ready.”

“I always knew you were a slut Krycek, however you’re now my slut and no one else will ever touch you again.”


“I mean it.”

I could see that deep down he truly did mean it, maybe I should have been his right back when I was still Krycek. Shit then I felt the pressure in my ass build, Fox had now forced all his fingers and thumb inside me.

“Are you really ready Krycek, believe me you’ll feel this and always remember what I can do to you.”

All I could do was mutter something, at least he realized it meant yes I was ready.

It was at that moment I felt his knuckles force their way inside, soon they’d breached the tight space and I could breathe once more. God then I felt his long fingers stroke my prostate and I became even more desperate. Worse was knowing I couldn’t even come, not until Fox saw fit or wanted me to.

Then I felt as he formed a fist and knew what was coming, okay maybe I really was a slut for punishment. Fox fisted me a couple of times, each time he managed to work his arm deeper inside me.

“Tell me who you belong to Krycek.”

“Oh fuck… I’m yours Mulder… please god I’ll always be yours just let me come.”

“Would you still be mine, even if I don’t let you come today.”

“I’ve always been yours Mulder, you just never realized it though.”

“Yeah maybe you’re right, that’s why you have to prove it to me now.”


“Doing what your doing now, show me how much you want me to be in charge and own you mind and body.”

I knew exactly what he meant and it was something I wanted too; I’d seen the look on his face last time he’d done this to me. To him it was the look of ownership, to truly have me as his and watch me give it all up to him. To me it was different, to me I felt wanted by him and would do anything for him. This was because I loved him with all my heart, Daniel had done it and only wanted me as a possession.

“Do it, give me it all Mulder…”

Fox inserted even more of his arm inside me, he then started fucking me hard with his fist and I was desperate to come. Every movement also caused the nipple chain to pull hard, yet it looked like Fox had no intention of letting me come.

“God you’re so fuckin sexy Alex, look up in the mirror and watch what I do to you.”

Fox undid the ties from my ankles and used even more pillows, he then just went back to what he was previously doing. I looked up as he said, it felt strange watching myself as I lay there, however it was a turn on each time his arm disappeared inside my willing body.

“You’ve made me so hard and I need I’ll need to come soon.”

“Same here Mulder.”

Fox fucked me a couple more times and removed his fist, I felt the loss straight away and wanted more. Fox moved some of the pillows and put my legs out flat, then within seconds he sat over me.

“I’m going to fuck myself hard while I sit on your cock, I want it so far inside me it hurts.”

Fox positioned himself over my erection, then within second I was buried completely inside his hot body. He’d literally impaled himself fully, I could also tell by his face that my erection was hitting his prostate. Now this was really a major turn on, Fox was really going for it and I knew he’d come within seconds. He lifted up and dropped back down fast, as my cock hit his prostate he came screaming all over my chest.

At that moment he pulled back and removed the cock ring, there was no way I could hold back now I had the chance to come. I felt on a total high and my nerves were on fire, I felt like I was exploding inside him.

“Alex talk to me babe.”


“I think you passed out.”

“I’m not surprised after coming like that, who’d have known Fox Mulder was such a teasing slut.”

“Hmm I ‘m sure I’m not the only one Alex.”

“Okay fair point, however I’m only like this with you.”

Fox stood and then removed the cuffs; he then rubbed my arms to increase the circulation once more.

“Come on babe I think we both need a shower.”

“Shit you really expect me to move Fox…”

“Fine I’ll help you up.”

“Thanks lover.”

“So you have no regrets Alex?”

“Regrets, what you mean about this and playing out your fantasy?”


“None at all Fox, I just want to ask you one thing though…”

“What’s that?”

“Did you really want to do all that to me?”

“Hell yeah, that and more. Maybe one day we can act out one of your fantasies babe.”

“You pretty much did that Fox; I’d have given anything for you to hold me prisoner back then.”

“Well we got there in the end and that’s all that matters.”

Fox was right, we had so much compared to how we were in the past, Spender had ruined my life in so many ways, I honestly believed I’d end up getting killed and still be working for that cancerous bastard. I’d had no illusions whatsoever of growing old, I also always figured I’d spend my life alone too. We showered and spent most of the day talking, that or just watching television.

I had to admit Fox had exhausted me and I just wanted to sleep, yet night time had arrived and I was still here awake. Part of me wanted tomorrow to be over with, yet that would just bring the results closer too.

I could hear Fox breathing and knew he was asleep, in the end I went and found some sleeping tablets. I didn’t like taking them but needs must, the doctor had prescribed me them for the depression I’d suffered. Just the thought of Daniel made me sick and depressed, maybe I’d feel better once he was sentenced and locked up.

In my nightmares he always found me, he would take me back to that cold dark basement and lock me down there. Not that the dark bothered me anymore or the cold, I preferred it to his idea of keeping me company. Shit great way to think, anyone would think I wanted nightmares, instead I decided to think about myself and Fox instead and soon it was morning.



Chapter Text

We were both up and soon dressed, I was feeling sick and this was just the collection of our blood. At the doctors I wanted to throw up, even the doctor asked me if needles made me nervous.

I had no fear of needles whatsoever, even the sight of blood didn’t bother me. Yet I still couldn’t look and turned away, to me it was a reminder of why we were here. I looked at Fox and I was struggling not to cry; people keep telling me it’s treatable nowadays and you can get medication. I love Fox and didn’t want him to suffer, nor did I want him on medication for the rest of his life because of me.

Even so I still pushed him away, on the journey home I felt so guilty and wanted to take my anger out on something. Fox kept telling me it would all be okay and that pissed me off too, right now everything seemed to get to me. I guess I’d reached that fight or flight stage, well I didn’t want to fight so that left one option.

I knew Fox was worried about me; I also knew that he was constantly watching me too. Right now I felt like a helpless rat in a cage, a cornered rat with nowhere to even go. I went into the kitchen and Fox followed, even when I went into the bedroom he was also there too. In the end I went for a long shower, well that was after closing the door and making sure it was locked.

Finally I came out and found Fox sat on the bed, I just ignored him and grabbed some clean clothes and got dressed.

“Alex have I done something to piss you off?”

“Not everything is about you Fox, I’m just going for a walk to clear my head.”

“I can come with you; I only need to grab my…”

“Forget it Fox, look I just want some time to myself.”

“Fine have it your way, oh the doctor rang while you were in the shower.”

“What did he want?”

“He said they haven’t got much work on at the moment, so they’ll have our results by two tomorrow.”


“Is that all you’ve got to say?”

“Yeah, look there’s nothing else I can say is there?”

“Whatever, you’d better go and take that walk.”

“I’ll be back shortly.”

With that I just walked out. Mentally I knew I wasn’t prepared for the results. Part of me thought about leaving Fox before the results, at first I thought I’d have another two nights with him and not just one. I couldn’t handle any of this at all and found the nearest shop that sold vodka, I guess it was one way to drown my sorrows.

I thought back to the last time I’d drank, how I’d nearly drowned for real as the tide had come in. This time I promised myself it would be different, all I had to do was find somewhere quiet and out of the way. All I wanted was some time alone to think, it wasn’t long before I found a bench to sit on. The odd person came and went, no one had time for a drunk though and they all stayed well away from me.

I drank the vodka neat and enjoyed the burn it gave me, as usual I remained until every drop was gone and then I felt sick. It wasn’t the kind of sick you feel after alcohol, it was a sickness that came from hurting and loosing so much.

I knew Fox could do far better than me, I always thought the answers lay in the bottom of a bottle and that’s why I drank so much. Yet I was so wrong once again, the drink just fuelled my anger and made me even more pissed off. I couldn’t understand what Fox saw in me, maybe I should show him the real me.

I could go home now and confront him, shake him up a bit and make him realize I’m a loser and not worth the hassle. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Fox had to learn how things should be, and right now that was as far away from me as possible.

I pulled myself to my feet and set off back home, it was a rather long walk and further than I remembered and felt like it was taking forever. Finally I made it back and staggered to the elevator, I stepped inside and bumped straight into Skinner.

“Are you drunk Alex?”

“I might have had one or two why?”

“Really just one or two, you can barely even stand on your own two feet.”

“What do you expect when the lift keeps swaying.”

“Okay Alex I think you need to sober up, that or you’ll be seeing pink rabbits too soon enough.”

“Walter are you drunk…”

“God give me strength, Alex where’s Fox?”

“At home the last time I saw him.”

“Does he know you’re out getting drunk like this?”

“It won’t matter soon anyway.”

“Why won’t it?”

“Just because…”

“Answer me now boy.”

“I’m leaving him, oh and don’t talk to me like I’m a kid.”

“Why? You’re sure as hell acting like one.”

The lift doors opened and everything looked different, shit maybe I was more drunk than I’d thought.

“This isn’t my floor.”

“No but it’s mine.”

Suddenly Skinner had a tight grip on my arm, he then dragged me to his apartment and shoved me inside.

“You can stay here for tonight and sober up, don’t worry I’ll make Fox aware of the situation.”

“You can’t keep me here Skinner…”

“Shut up Alex.”

Skinner pushed me down on the sofa, he then told me to stay there while he made us some coffee.

“Fuck you Skinner…”

Shit I realized I didn’t even have the strength to get up, that just pissed me off even more as I had things to do. Fuck Skinner, once I sober up he’ll know exactly how I feel about him keeping me here like this. Finally he returned with two mugs of coffee and a huge grin on his face, the bastard knew I could barely stand up.

“I’ll get my own back Skinner I promise.”

“Alex drink the coffee then get some sleep; believe me you don’t scare me in the slightest.”

“You don’t understand Skinner!”

“Understand what?”

“I have to end it with him tonight.”

“Well I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow, I just don’t understand why you have to do it, or what went wrong?”

“I have to do it, it’s wrong to make him stay with me.”

“Alex what if it’s what he wants?”

“He’ll get over it, I’m not going back for the results tomorrow as I’d rather not know.”

“So you plan to do it the Alex way as usual then, bury your head in the sand and run away?”

“Why can’t you see that I’m doing it for him?”

“So what if he gets the results tomorrow and it turns out to be positive, can you even imagine how he’ll feel then. Fox will have to deal with it alone, also on top of that he’ll believe that you just used him.”

“Look I’m tired and don’t want to talk about it tonight.”

“Have it your way Alex, however Fox will be here first thing in the morning.”

Great so I’d have to get out of here tonight, now I just had to hope that Skinner fucked off and went to bed soon. The bastard just sat there watching me, maybe I should fake sleep so he’d leave me alone.

I opened my eyes and my head hurt like mad, I had to look around twice to figure out where the hell I’d ended up. It was when I saw Skinner sat there my memory came flooding back, oh fuck and he’d called Fox too.

“So Alex how do you feel this morning?”

“I have a headache.”

“On the table you’ll find some pills and a glass of water.”

“Thanks, what time is it?”

“It’s nearly noon, Fox will be here soon with you some clean clothes.”

“What for?”

“Well unless I’m mistaken you have a doctor’s appointment.”

“Shit it’s in two hours.”

“I take it you will be there Alex.”

“Well it’s a bit hard to get out of it now, thanks to you sticking your nose into my business.”

Shit I jumped up of the couch and stood there as someone knocked, how the hell could I face Fox after what I said. Well it wasn’t like there was anywhere to go, I’d seen the view from Skinners balcony. Then there was no chance of escape as Fox walked in, I had to admit the man looked really pissed off with me.


“Don’t say another word Alex, Skinner told me what you were going to do.”

“I’m sorry Fox, I was just scared and then I got drunk and…”

Fuck my face stung as Fox slapped me hard across it, he then grabbed me and hugged me tight.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again Alex, we keep having this talk and you keep running away. I don’t want you to stand there and tell me you’re sorry, I want you to come with me today as a couple, I want us to be able to support each other.”

“I’m coming with you Fox I promise, shit I can be such a selfish idiot at times.”

“Yeah well you’re my selfish idiot so remember that, otherwise I’ll have to start restraining you more often.”

“Fox that would encourage me to misbehave.”

“True, come on you need to shower and get ready.”

I drank the coffee and was ready to go within the hour, in some ways I was glad Skinner had offered to drive us there and back. My nerves were on edge and I couldn’t stop shaking, then in the waiting room it became even worse.

“Fox, I don’t think I can do this…”

“You promised me Alex, you will stay whether you like it or not.”

“God I’m going to fall apart if I have to wait any longer.”

It was at that moment the doctor called us both, he then told us to both take a seat.

“I take it you have no problem having each other here, I can see you one at a time if you prefer.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to speak, I knew I was holding on by a thin thread here. I remained silent and looked towards the floor, I guess that was what prompted Fox to do all the talking.

“No you can see us both together, we have nothing to hide from each other.”

The doctor opened a file and read something, he then looked towards Fox and spoke.

“Your test results Agent Mulder are negative.”

“That’s great.”

Oh shit I knew I couldn’t stay with Fox if mine were positive, no way would I put him at risk like that again.

“Alex, the doctor’s talking to you babe.”

I felt Fox grab my hand and hold it tight, I knew he was trying to reassure me and for that I was grateful.

“Mr Krycek your results are also negative.”

I nearly passed out and Fox had to grab me, then suddenly I fell apart and sobbed into his arms. Daniel deserved to go to prison, even if it was just for the stress he’d caused us alone. Three months of waiting and it was all over, Fox and I could both move on with our lives now.

We decided to go out and have a few drinks to celebrate, we even invited Skinner and Scully to come out with us. I have to admit it turned out better than I thought, both Skinner and Scully seemed to accept me as a friend now. Skinner had also helped us so much, also without him I knew I’d have left Fox last night and it hurt so much thinking how close I came.

Later we decided to go out as a couple, we would have a celebration of our own and have dinner together. The night was perfect apart from the waitress, who apparently spent most of the night at our table and flirting with Fox. In the end I called her over for something, I then told Fox how much I loved him so she would get the message.

I think my plan worked as she never came back, after the meal Fox paid and we left. The night was rather warm and Fox suggested walking, I liked the idea. We never went out much as a couple, to me Fox was gorgeous and I loved going places with him. I guess I felt lucky that he was mine, everyone else could look and that was all.

Fox decided we’d take the scenic route home if that was alright with me, I agreed as I was just so happy that life appeared to be good now. After a while I stopped, we were outside a park and Fox had to re fasten his lace once more.

“So Alex do you fancy a walk in the dark park?”

“Shouldn’t we be getting home Fox, we’re at the solicitors at ten in the morning?”

“I guess so, look if you’re tired or too scared we’ll call it a night.”

“No I’m up for it, I thought you might be too tired though.”

“No I’m good, come on then let’s go.”

I followed Fox into the park, we walked as far as the bench and he suggested we sit for a few minutes. I sat while Fox knelt down once more, to be honest he should just buy some more laces.

“Fox how many times have you tied that lace tonight?”

“Too many, Alex would you laugh if I asked you something serious?”

“No of course not, why what do you want to ask me Fox?”

“Alex I … Alex will you marry me?”

I couldn’t believe my ears, then the guilt started to cloud my brain. When had Fox planned this? Last night I was going to leave him, what if he’d planned it before then and I’d done that to him.

“Alex I’ll understand if it’s a no, or if it’s too soon.”


“Well I figured the silence meant the answer was no.”

“Yes Fox I’ll marry you.”

I stood up and pulled Fox from his kneeling position, I then hugged him and didn’t want to let go.

“Why the hell did you think the answer would be no Fox?”

“I guess it was because you took so long answering, was you having to think about it Alex?”

“No not at all, I was just wondering when you decided to ask me that’s all.”

“A few nights ago why?”

“Last night I was going to leave you Fox because I thought it was for the best, thankfully Skinner made me stay and deal with it all.”

“Yeah well that will have to change Alex, don’t ever presume what’s best for me okay. Talk to me babe, without you now I’d have no will to live.”

“I promise, I’m so lucky to have you Fox.”

“Alex I’ve wanted you for years, and I have no intention of losing you now.”

“You really wanted me all those years ago?”

“I thought I showed you when we did that role playing, maybe I might have to show you again.”

“Yeah I think you will too, that way I might believe you.”

“One day we might have to re enact one of your fantasies Alex.”

“Fox you are my fantasy lover.”

“Well I think it’s time we went home, don’t you?”

We arrived home and was far too tired to do anything, we headed straight to the bedroom and was soon asleep.

Morning came and we got ready to meet the solicitor that was dealing with everything, hopefully he had some good news with regards to the case and what might happen to Daniel. Personally I’d prefer that he was dead, however I’d settle for him rotting in prison too.

We sat in the rather posh waiting room, not that we had to wait long before a tall man in his mid thirties entered the waiting room.

“Hi, I take it your Agent Mulder and Alex Krycek.”

“Yeah I’m Alex and this is Mulder.”

“Please come in and take a seat, I’m Steven Jones but please call me Steve.”

We went into the clean bright office and took a seat, the solicitor followed us and sat at the other side of the desk. For some reason I started to feel rather nervous and wanted it over with, I also wanted to know if I was expected to attend the trial.

“Before we start is there anything you want to ask me Alex.”

“I mainly want to know if I have to face him and attend the trial?”

“I doubt it, maybe I should explain a few things and that might help.”

“Yeah that sounds okay.”

“I’ve fully read the report regarding what happened to you, I’ve also got the statement Daniel made from his solicitor. Daniel claims that you were totally willing, and everything that went on was consensual.”

“Like fuck it was, I never had a say in anything. The statement Mulder and Skinner wrote must count for something.”

“Daniel has asked for the statements to be withdrawn from the case.”

“What, how the hell can he do that? Mulder is a federal agent and Skinner is the assistant director of the FBI.”

“Well apparently he claims their statement means nothing. Daniel claims you were willing until you were found, you then claimed it was rape because your lover had caught you out. Basically you lied to save your relationship, that would then make Assistant Director Skinners report carry no real weight.”


“Because he could be biased and only taking the word of his own agent.”

“This is pathetic, so you’re saying I have no credible witnesses?”

“Yes, I’m sorry but their statements are of no use in court.”

“What about the video that he made, that must be good enough evidence that I wasn’t willing.”

“The man has made the video with care; he knew there was always the possibility of it falling into the wrong hands. He could send it to someone, and they might think he’s gone too far and report him. So what I’m trying to say is he covered himself, there is nothing in the video to suggest it was non consensual.”

“You’ve got to be joking, do you think I’d really subject myself to that kind of abuse? The man had to drug me so I was more manageable and out of it.”

“Daniel claimed that you injected yourself with the Rohypnol, apparently you got off on it and it heightened the whole experience for you.”

“He drugged me with a fuckin known date rape drug, that must tell them something?”

“I can only tell you what’s written here, Daniel claims that you were totally into it and always wanted more, apparently you wanted far more than your lover was willing to give you.”

“The fuckin bastard.”

Fox grabbed hold of my hand tight and told me he knew me far better than Daniel ever did, I knew he was trying to keep me grounded until this meeting was over with.

“The trial will only be based on the most recent event, all events prior to that have no evidence whatsoever. There was one video and a diary, however none could be tied to Daniel personally.”

“What video, I thought there was only the one in the basement?”

“Hold on I have a report of that somewhere here, ah here it is. The video was filmed at some sort of party with lots of well dressed people, it would appear that you had no problem as someone brought you out with a collar and lead.”

“Maybe because I was too drugged to refuse.”

“Apparently you then had sexual intercourse with four of the men, Daniel never appeared in the video so it doesn’t relate to the case. There was also a small notebook that appeared to be wrote in code, they believe that it was a list of friends or clients. Maybe it was people who wanted a copy of the video, Daniel claims that they were your clients.”

“My what?”

“You had clients that would pay you well if you let them abuse you, even more if they got a video of it too.”

“Oh shit… So there could be loads of videos out there of me drugged up and getting raped?”

“I’m sorry, nobody truly knows the facts as to what happened.”

“So what are the chances that Daniel is actually found guilty?”

“I’d say rather low, Daniel has over a dozen statements wrote by people he knows, some of them are also very respectable people that no one would think about asking twice.”

“Yeah I bet half of them were at that party, I bet their in on it with him.”

“The statements are written by people well known in the public eye, so it doesn’t look too good.”

“No especially when I’m just a nobody to everyone.”

“The statements are wrote different, however they all have the same one thing in common.”

“What would that be?”

“That the parties are a regular thing and held once a month, apparently you are the entertainment at every one of them. The guests have the opportunity to use you as they see fit, you have signed a statement to this effect. They also state that you’re paid very well for the pleasure you give.”

“I don’t provide the pleasure; they take what they want and then they put me back in a fuckin cage. Also I’d like to see this statement that I’m supposed to have signed.”

“Daniel claims that you take those home with you.”

“Yeah he would.”

“There is one other matter too.”

“Go on.”

“Daniel claims that he has proof you do it regularly, as this wasn’t the first time the FBI found you there. I need to know for the record if this is true, were you found there a few months ago by Agent Mulder?”

“Yes I was a prisoner and forced to live in a cage.”

“Daniel claims that your lover gave you an ultimatum back then, apparently if you did it again the relationship was over. So the second time you’d use any excuse so that he wouldn’t leave you.”

“I had disappeared for ages and was held hostage; it was only by chance the FBI wanted him concerning a different matter.”

“I mainly need to know if you want the court to deal with it, that or you can just drop all charges.”

“Why the hell would I want to do that?”

“There’s a high chance he might get off, do you want all this dragging through a court. At the end of the day the case is rather personal, you have to decide if it’s worth so many people knowing what happened to you?”

“Yeah I want it to go to court.”

“Very well the judge will look at the case in court tomorrow, then it will be up to the court if he goes to trial or not.”

“Yeah, I can accept that and still want it to go ahead.”

“I’ll arrange the paperwork and submit it today, I’m just sorry that I had no better news for you.”

“Will you let me know how it goes?”

“Yes of course, also I’d like to thank you both for coming today.”

I walked out and felt so much hate towards Daniel, now all I wanted was to go home and get drunk.

We arrived home and I was still in a foul mood, as usual Fox had to suffer my moaning and my temper too. How the hell could someone get away with doing what Daniel did, the man had used me for his own amusement and the amusement of his friends.

“Fox give me the car keys.”

“What for?”

“I want to go to the shops before it closes.”

“Why didn’t you say before we got all the way home?”

“I just realized we have no alcohol here that’s why.”

“Maybe you should stop drinking it every time the going gets tough.”

“Not now Fox okay, believe me I’m really not in the mood to take your shit.”

“Thanks Alex for that, I’m only trying to help you and be honest with you.”

“Yeah well today should have taught you something Fox, honesty means fuck all.”

“It does to me.”

“Fox just give me the fuckin keys.”

“Do you really think you’re in a fit state of mind to drive?”

“Believe me I’ve drove even angrier than this at times.”

“Look I’ll drive you as I’ve nothing to do.”

“Whatever, if it makes you happy Fox.”

“Yeah it does.”

I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone right now, yesterday had gone so well and now this. I got in the passenger seat and remained silent, however I soon realized Fox planned to come inside the store with me.

“Fox you could have waited in the car.”

“Maybe I might want to get something.”


I opened the door and headed straight towards the shelf that held all the spirits, soon I found a bottle of good strong Russian vodka. I grabbed a couple of bottles and then changed my mind; I grabbed another two and decided to stock up while I were here.

“Alex do you really need that many?”

“Yeah why is it a problem or something?”

“No, you’ll be the one with the hangover not me.”

“Fox do you actually want something or not, I haven’t got all day to hang around here?”

“What’s the point if you’re buying that much, I might as well just drink vodka than buy even more.”

“So you could have stayed in the car after all.”

“Do you have a problem with me Alex, or don’t you want anyone seeing me with you?”

“Yeah right, it should be you who doesn’t want to be seen with me.”

“Alex you know I love you, believe me I don’t care who sees me with you.”

“Yeah whatever, I just want to pay and go home.”

That was exactly what we did, I knew Fox was pissed off with me as he was silent all the way home. As for me, well I just couldn’t deal with it all if I were sober. Ha not that I could deal with it drunk either, however the latter took my mind of everything else for a while and that was what I wanted.

I grabbed one of the bottles and sat down on the couch, I never even bothered with a glass and drank straight from the bottle. Fox soon came and sat beside me and I knew his mouth would start soon, Fox had never known when to keep his mouth shut, sometimes no words could describe how I truly felt and Fox always had to push me.

I listened to the usual small talk, well most of the time I just grunted and nodded my head. Then he got on to the subject of me getting help again, fuck that as I’d tried and it hadn’t worked for me.

“Alex you will self destruct if you carry on like this, is that what you want? Please I’m begging you to seek help before it gets any worse.”

“How the fuck can it get any worse Fox, Daniel needs to be punished before he ends up doing it to someone else.”

“That won’t be your fault Alex, you’ve done the best you can.”

“Yeah well maybe it wasn’t enough.”

“What do you mean, you’d better not be planning something Alex.”

“Like what?”

“Getting revenge yourself.”

Great I hated the way Fox could read people at times, yeah I was thinking about doing it, hell I might even go through with it before tomorrow ends.

“Alex answer me.”


“I said you better not be planning any kind of revenge.”

“I’m tired Fox, tired of always having to fight to stay alive or deal with people who always hurt me.”

“So you’re not planning any kind of revenge then?”

“No Fox so you can stop worrying okay.”

“Good, I’ll go and make us some food.”

“Yeah okay that sounds good.”

I put my head back against the couch and closed my eyes, trouble was all the memories came flooding back. This time it was at that party, I had Daniel parading me around one more. He would pull on the lead and force me to go where he wanted, then he’d let those men treat me like nothing more than a piece of meat.

God then I remember the time I’d thought Nikolay was evil, then how I’d watched him cry as his own husband raped him because he loved me. I admit Nikolay was fucked up, but he did it because that was how he showed his love. I admit that Nikolay had a strange idea of what love is, yet with Daniel it had being hate right from the start. The man wanted to destroy me mentally and physically, he’d almost succeeded too. If I did anything to him he’d have won, I’d be arrested and spend my life in some prison cell.

Somehow, I didn’t think I could live with myself if he were free, I’d spend my life looking over my shoulder and waiting for him to appear. Then I couldn’t live with myself if he did it to someone else, also I could take a lot and survived. The next person might not be so lucky, I didn’t want to read it in the paper that he’d killed someone.

My mind was made up and I knew what I had to do, first I had to finish the bottle of vodka and then pretend I was asleep. If I were drunk Fox would leave me here to sleep it off, I just had to hope that he slept in the bedroom. However before that happened Fox entered the room and told me dinner was ready, so I ate the meal just so he’d leave me alone.

Afterwards I had to open another bottle of vodka, despite that the food had made me feel sick and the thinking gave me a headache. Night came and I really was fuckin drunk, all I had to do was get some rest and clear my head so I could get up. I noticed the blanket and realized Fox had covered me over, also he wasn’t here and must have gone to bed.

I opened his desk draw and looked for his spare gun, at least it wasn’t registered and there wouldn’t be any comeback on Fox. Finally I found it and noticed it was fully loaded, even so I was good at aiming and should only need one bullet. I grabbed my coat and put my shoes back on, then I finally managed to stagger towards the door. I was almost there and had my hand on the handle, then I heard the voice behind me.

“Where the hell are you going Alex?”

Great I knew I’d have to lie to the man I loved; I didn’t think it’d be too bad if I mainly stuck to the truth.

“I’ve decided to go to the court, that way I’ll see for myself what happens and if he gets charged or not.”

“Don’t lie to me Alex.”

“I’m not lying Fox.”

“So why are you taking my gun with you?”

“Look he has to pay one way or the other Fox, I can’t let a monster like that walk the streets.”

“Alex give me the gun back, you’ll have to trust the court and let them deal with it.”

“You know as well as I do that he’ll walk away from it all.”


I turned away from him and went to open the door, I didn’t want to see the look of despair upon his gorgeous face. However suddenly something hit me and my head hurt, then within second I must have passed out.

I had no idea where I was a first, there was only a dim light and a strong smell of vomit. Within a few seconds I realized I was safe and in my own bedroom, then at the same moment I realized two other things. One I was cuffed to the fuckin bed, two I was laying in loads of my own vomit.

All I could smell was the puke and it made my stomach turn, then I started wondering where Fox was and why he’d left me in this state. Well maybe he was here and ignoring me, in the end I decided to call him and see if he came.

“Fox where the hell are you?”

Fuck now my head hurt a hundred times worse than before, maybe the idea of yelling wasn’t one of my brightest ideas. Okay I had to admit that it got Fox in the room, he also looked rather annoyed that I’d called him.

“What do you want now Alex?”

“I want to know why the hell I’m cuffed to the fuckin bed, oh and also why the hell I’m laid in all this puke?”

“You are only suffering because you wouldn’t listen to me, also I tried to clean the bed up but you wouldn’t let me.”

“Shit I don’t remember anything at all from last night.”

“So you don’t even remember taking my gun and planning to leave.”

“Shit no, have you any idea where I was going?”

“Alex you were going to the court hearing, if Daniel walked you were going to kill him.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah so I had to knock you out and cuff you to the bed.”
“I’m glad you did; shit I could have lost you and gone to prison.”

“As for the vomit, I tried to clean the bed and remove your clothes.”

Shit it was at that moment I realized Fox was crying, I also realized this was my fault and I’d done this to him. Deep down I knew he’d done so much for me and this was how I repaid him.

“Look I’ll clean it up Fox, at the end of the day I made the mess. Well that’s if you’re ready to un cuff me!”

“It wasn’t you throwing up that upset me Alex.”

“So what mainly upset you then, well other than my stupid actions that is?”

“I know it wasn’t me you saw and you were upset, yet it still hurt so much.”

“Fox you have to talk to me please, I hate seeing you so upset.”

“You screamed at me and kicked me when I tried to undress you, then you started calling me Daniel and begged me to stop hurting you.”

“Jesus, as long as you do know I wouldn’t accuse you of that Fox.”

“That wasn’t the main thing that bothered me Alex., it was you and it was like it was really happening to you. It scared me so much, it felt so real and made me realize what you’d been through.”

Fox removed the cuffs, I then stripped and threw my clothes on the bed.”

“Fox listen to me please, just see me as I am now, please don’t see in me the victim they made me be to suit them.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good, I’m going for a quick shower and will bin all that bedding when I get out.”

“You don’t want me to wash it?”

“No just let me bin it Fox, please for me.”

“Yeah okay.”

I knew Fox would do it if it was for me, I didn’t want any reminders of him seeing me as a victim and nothing more. When I got out of the shower Fox had stripped the bed and re made it, we then went and sat on the couch to talk and wait for the solicitor to call.

The seemed to be dragging on and I was becoming far more on edge, when the call finally came I had to get Fox to take the it. I went in the bedroom not even wanting to hear Fox’s side of the conversation, I knew he’d come and tell me as soon as he ended the call.

The door finally opened and Fox just stood there, he never had to speak as his silence alone spoke volumes.

“It’s okay Fox, I knew Daniel would get off without you having to tell me.”

“I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Fox it’s not your fault, he’s the bastard that’s to blame for this.”

“Yeah but you’re the one left having to deal with it all, the question is can you cope with it all Alex?”

“What knowing that the bastard is still out there, knowing any day he could take me again if I don’t watch my back. I can’t imagine right now how that would feel or if I can even do it, he should have been made to pay Fox.”

“I know babe, I’m just scared that you don’t handle it and do something stupid.”

“What other choices are there? Shit right now I don’t even want to go outside knowing he’s free.”

“It will take time Alex.”

“Yeah right, last time I stayed in look what happened! Nikolay took me from the fuckin bedroom, inside an apartment four stories high. So I guess I’ll never feel safe no matter what I do, or where I go.”

“You shouldn’t have to live that way Alex…”

It was at that moment someone knocked on the door, I knew chances are it would be either Skinner or Scully. I knew they meant well, however right now I didn’t want to see anyone at all.

“Fox can you go and answer it.”

“Are you coming with me, I thought I could make us some lunch?”

“No I just want to stay in here for a while.”

“I can get rid of whoever it is and come back here, maybe keep you company for a while?”

“Fox I’ll be okay; look I just need some time alone to get my head around all of this.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll be in the room if you need me Alex.”

“Okay and thanks Fox.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything Alex, I just want us to be able to move on without having to worry about Daniel.”

“So do I Fox.”

I lay there and listened as Fox answered the door, well there was no mistaking Skinners baritone voice. I could hear faint voices and knew they were talking; however it was far too quiet to hear what they were saying. To be honest I didn’t care either, I wanted revenge and not sympathy.

I just lay here alone thinking, what I said about watching my back all the time was true. Nikolay had come into that bedroom and overpowered me, also he got me out of the building without anyone stopping him. Deep down I knew I was fucked, eventually the paranoia would drive me mad.

I had no reason to leave the bedroom right now, however I soon realized that Skinner and Fox were talking rather loudly. I could hear some words now and again, I decided to stand at the door and listen in so I knew Fox was okay.

“Skinner you can’t even think about doing something like that.”

“So you’d rather sit there and wait for the day he snaps, anything happens to Daniel and Alex will be the prime suspect.”

“Well that’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

“Maybe it should be up to him Mulder.”

“Stay out of it Skinner, I can look after him and make sure he’s safe.”

“Personally he should have the final say Mulder.”

“He won’t need a say in anything if you keep your mouth shut…”

“He’s a grown man Mulder, Alex isn’t the type to walk away from things. Everyday it will slowly eat away at him, then he’ll have two choices Mulder. He would hunt Daniel down, that or end his own life.”

“I’ve already told you that he’ll have me here with him.”

“Mulder, I know you love him, however what happens when you have to go away on a case. Alex would sit here alone and afraid to even leave the door unlocked, is that the life you really want for him?”

“No, you know it isn’t.”

At this point I could tell that Fox was crying and I’d have to go out there, so much for not dealing with anyone today. I waited a minute or so to compose myself, I made sure I had a blank expression and opened the door.

“Do you two really have to make so much noise, great silence is all I get. Look one of you had better tell me something, I could hear the argument inside the bedroom.”

“Skinner can tell you; I’m going for a quick shower.”

“Fox talk to me, are you okay lover?”

“I’ll talk soon Alex, just talk to Skinner and he’ll tell you everything.”

I gave Fox a kiss on the cheek and told him I loved him, I then sat in the chair and face Skinner.

“Come on then out with it, obviously something you said upset Fox.”

“Fox spoke to me yesterday with regards to Daniel, he also told me that chances are he’d walk. Some other agents and I got talking…”

“Great so now I’m the talk of the Hoover, thanks that’s all I need.”

“Alex it was just some agents that actually like Fox and wanted to help, also I trust them one hundred percent.”

“Okay, so you were talking and then what?”

“None of us liked the idea of someone like Daniel walking away, the man should be punished for what he’s done to you alone.”

“Believe me I can totally agree on that.”

“We came up with an idea to catch him, great this is the bit that Mulder was against.”

“Just tell me Skinner.”

“We wanted to set up a trap and lure him in, then catch him in the act so to speak. That way he wouldn’t have a chance of walking away, besides that I think he’ll remain a free man to do it to someone else.”

“Yeah, I’d thought about that, I don’t want anyone to have to suffer what I went through as I know many wouldn’t survive it. I just don’t understand why Fox disagrees with the trap, especially if it would get Daniel locked up?”

“A trap will only work if you have good bait, that is where his problem lies.”

“Why does it matter who… Shit you want to use me as bait don’t you?”

“Right now he’ll want you more than anything.”

“Why when he walked away without any punishment?”

“Chances are he’ll be pissed you got away, also you dragged him through the courts which wouldn’t look good to someone like him.”

“So what was the plan then?”

“We know the clubs he frequents a lot; we would get you to go there and draw him out into the open.”

“How the hell am I meant to do that?”

“Go there and accuse him of something, that way he’ll get pissed off and follow you.”

“Then what?”

“As soon as he makes a move on you we’ll arrest him, you might have to provoke him a bit though. All we need is a reason to arrest him, you are our best bet Alex.”

“So how many agents will be in on this?”

“Four including myself, you will wear a wire so we can hear you at all times.”

“How will a wire work if he grabs me or something?”

“Yeah you have a good point there, we can insert a tiny chip into your ear then. We won’t be able to hear you though, however you can hear us.”

“What like Fox used on the Duane Barry case?”

“Yeah, I’m surprised you even remember it after a couple of years or so.”

“You sent me to get Fox, apparently they wanted him on the case. I finally tracked him down to the swimming pool, no one could ever forget seeing the man in a tiny red speedo.”

“Okay that’s maybe a bit more information than was needed, I take it you liked him back then too?”

“Yeah I did, that’s why I’m agreeing to do this with you. I want to move on and for us to have a life, to be honest I don’t think that will happen while Daniel is free.”

“No the man has to pay for what he’s done.”

“So when do you plan this to go ahead?”

“Tomorrow, I’ll come back later and run over it with you both. For now I think you need to talk to Fox, you have to make him see how you feel about having Daniel walking the streets.”

“I’ll try, you know how Fox can be at times…”

“Yes very stubborn and self opinionated, he’s also on of my best agents too.”

I saw Skinner to the door and sat back down on the couch and closed my eyes, all I wanted a minute alone before I discussed this with Fox. I myself wondered if it was safe and a good idea, however I knew it was my only chance of finally dealing with the psychopath.

“You agreed to do it didn’t you.”

My eyes flew open and I realized I must be losing it, I hadn’t even heard or sensed Fox enter the room. Now he was standing in front of me crying, it broke my heart to answer him.

“Fox sit down.”

I waited until he sat down beside me, I then hugged him close to me and kissed the top of his head. I knew that Fox was the weak one right now and needed support, he’d always helped me no matter what it was or how he felt.

“Fox you have to listen to me.”

“I’m listening, it’s just so hard Alex. Daniel has hurt you so much in the past, now you plan to just hand yourself to him on a platter.”

“It’s not exactly the way I’d put it Fox, I have to be honest with you and I know you wouldn’t want me to lie.”

“Yeah you know I want the truth and nothing else, the lies between us are in the past now babe.”

“That’s why I have to be honest now too, Fox I won’t survive like this for long. Skinner was right and it will eat away at me.”

“You have me Alex.”

“Yeah but eventually it would tear us apart, I’d become obsessed with watching my own back all the time.”

“I won’t lose you Alex.”

“That’s why you have to understand Fox, if you don’t understand we are pretty much finished as it will tear us apart.”

“There’s nothing like forcing me into a corner Alex.”

“That isn’t my intention.”

“So you leave now and I lose you, or you do this and I might still lose you?”

“Fox there will be trained agents there, also Skinner himself plans to be there too.”

“So what happens if it works and he’s caught?”

“What do you mean, what happens?”

“Chances are he’ll get a few years, what happens when he’s released?”

“I didn’t think that far, I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“So this is just a temporary solution then?”

“It’s all I have right now Fox, I can’t do anything else but deal with the here and now.”

“I do understand Alex and I know it’s hard, however I’ll only do it on one condition.”

“What would that be Fox.”

“I’m part of the team and go with Skinner.”

“Yes I want you to be there with him, there was actually something I wanted to ask you anyway Fox.”

“Okay what is it, I’ll do anything for you if it’s possible.”

“Skinner wants me to wear a small chip in my ear, you won’t be able to hear me, but I’ll be able to hear you.”

“Yeah I’ve used one before myself.”

“Yeah I remember it well, look basically I’m saying that I want you to be on the other end. I want to hear your voice Fox as I do this, that way I know what I have to come back to.”

“Of course I’ll wear it, you know I’m good at talking constantly so you’ll never feel alone.”

“Yeah and that’s how I want to feel.”

“So when will it take place?”

“Skinner will drop by when it’s all sorted, I think he wants it to go ahead tomorrow though.”

“That soon!”

“Yeah and I prefer it to be soon, I just want it over with Fox so we can move on.”

“Yeah same here.”

Fox was as nervous as hell, yet I struggled to be of any help towards the man I love. The thought alone of facing Daniel was tormenting me, I’d faced so many people, yet this one man could destroy me with just a touch. My nerves where on edge, especially after Skinner called to update us both.

It was all set for tomorrow lunch time, apparently Daniel went to the same bar every day. Great I was also to learn that he owned the bar, and he was a man who liked to keep his workers in their place and on their toes. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to work for him, well maybe I was biased because I knew the man that hid underneath the smile and posh suit.

Skinner would attach the ear device in the morning, afterwards he’d leave for work as normal. Skinner and two others would already be at the scene, the other two agents would keep an eye on me as I left. Mulder was to leave early morning too; he was to be in the library opposite the bar.

So it appeared all was set for lunch tomorrow, first I had to get through tonight without changing my mind. Also I knew drinking wasn’t an option this time either, I had to be fully alert when I faced Daniel. Fox was avoiding me at the moment, either that or he was just trying to give me some space. Right now I felt more alone than ever, I just was unsure of what to say to Fox as he was also hurting.

In the end we did our own thing until night time, Fox worked on some files while I just sat there watching him. I really couldn’t focus on anything at all, my brain just kept going over tomorrow and what might happen. I watched as the clock counted the hours down until tomorrow, it was only Fox asking me something that got my attention.

“Let’s go to bed babe.”

“Fox you don’t hate me for doing this do you?”

“No as I can see your reasons, also I’d want to do it if it was me in that situation.”

“Thanks for understanding lover.”

“Yeah well you should try and get some sleep Alex, you need to be prepared for anything tomorrow.”

“Yeah tell me about it, I swear I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been in my life.”

“It’s only natural babe, it just proves that you do have feelings.”

“Hey I’ve always had feelings lover.”

“Yeah but you hid them so well in the past.”

“Yeah with good reason.”

“What reason was that then?”

“Fox you would have beaten the crap out of me, then afterwards you’d accuse me of playing a game with you.”

“Yeah true.”

We finally locked all up and went to bed, not that sleep would come for a long time. Personally I’d have rather stayed asleep until time to leave, that way I wouldn’t have much time to think about it all.

Chapter Text

I’d totally forgot about Skinner, the man was such a stickler for doing everything on time.

It turned out Skinner left for work promptly at seven in the morning, that meant I had to be awake even earlier so he could fit the chip. So I made it to eight, now I was just constantly pacing up and down, at one-point Fox accused me of wearing out the carpet.

“Alex sit down for five minutes babe; you won’t be fit to go anywhere if you keep this up.”

“Yeah right, you leave at nine Fox, then I have two hours alone before I have to leave.”

“Ii know, I really wish I didn’t have to leave so early.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault lover, I was the one who wanted to do this.”

“You’re not having second thoughts are you Alex?”

“No I’ll be okay when I leave here, it’s the waiting that’s the hardest part for me.”

“Yeah you never were patient.”

“Fox will you sit with me until you leave?”

“Of course I will babe.”

We ended up on the couch together, Fox then sat holding me close to him until he had to leave. He didn’t want to go; well I didn’t want him to leave either. In the end we kissed and hugged each other, then I had to force him to walk out and go.

So here I were with two hours of boredom ahead of me, I couldn’t think of anything to keep me occupied. Right now I knew nothing would keep my attention now, so in the end I started pacing the carpet once more.

I was even starting to wonder if I had to go, if it was really necessary? Maybe Daniel had moved on and I was risking my life for nothing, yeah right it would eat away at me for the rest of my life. Fox didn’t deserve a lover who’s heart wasn’t even in the relationship. Fox would always come second if Daniel was still out there, to me Fox had to always come first in my life.

Great then I started thinking about what Fox had said last night, what happens in a few years when he gets out? Right now I had no fuckin idea at all, maybe I could find someone in prison that would take care of him for me. Yeah right, Spender made sure I had no one on my side. I lost all help from the consortium the day I took Fox as my lover, at the end of the day I was in this mess because of Spender.

Spender couldn’t get rid of me quick enough, he sold me to Nikolay knowing exactly what he’d do to me. Shit I’d have rather taken a bullet than be Nikolay’s pet, yeah and Spender knew that and that’s why he did it. Well the past was just that, now all I could do was work on the future, first I had to get today over with.

I was still pacing up and down when the phone rang, at first I stopped dead in my tracks and just started at it. After a while I had no choice but to answer it, the fuckin thing was really starting to piss me off.


“Alex it’s me, are you okay babe?”

“Yeah just nervous Fox that’s all.”

“I just want to remind you that I love you.”

“I love you too Fox.”

“I know you have to leave soon; I’m turning on my microphone and want to test it out.”

“So what do you want me to do Fox?”

“When I hang up I’ll talk through your ear piece, then I’ll call you back to see if it works.”

“Yeah that all sounds okay.”

I hung up and waited to hear Fox speak, then within a minute or so the phone was ringing once more.

“Did it work Alex?”

“Yeah I can hear you loud and clear lover, only talk to me if its urgent though.”


“Fox you’ll put me off if you talk all the time.”

“Yeah I understand, hey it tells me the range on it here too.”

Fox was like a kid with a new toy, I had nothing to do so I just humoured him.

“So how far does it work lover?”

“It can work over thirty kilometres away.”

“Impressive, maybe we should keep it afterwards.”

“Why would you want to keep it babe?”

“I’d have you with me evert time I had to go out without you.”

“See, I always knew you were a romantic underneath that bad guy act.”

“Hey that’s no act lover.”

“Alex I’ve just received a message from Skinner, he says it’s time to move babe.”

“Hopefully I’ll be back with you before I know it.”

“You will be okay won’t you Alex, no heroics or anything and I mean it.”

“I’ll be fine lover so stop worrying, I love you Fox.”

“I love you too and want you home safe and sound, also I promise to keep you informed of everything too.”

It felt good hearing Fox, I just hope he remembered to be quiet at times and not distract me. The lift seemed too quick in my opinion, so I decided to go down the ten floors using the stairs. I then walked out into bright sunshine, I just hoped it was still a beautiful day in an hour or so.

The drive there wouldn’t take too long, it didn’t help that I was nervous and my hands kept slipping on the steering wheel. In the rear view mirror I could see the agents following me, I knew they’d wait outside once I reached the bar, Daniel could recognize the law from miles away so I’d be on my own the minute I walk through the door. That was the part of this plan that scared me the most, knowing I’d have no one in there with me if it all went wrong.

I kept telling myself what I had to do, go in there piss him off and get out. The minute he followed me outside the agents would be watching, hopefully I could get him pissed off enough to hit me or something. The second he touched me the feds would move in, well that was the general idea anyway.

I parked outside where Skinner had told me to do so, I then took a few deep breaths and got out. I locked the car up and then just stood there, I either did it now of backed out of the whole thing. Fuck this, no way was I letting that man destroy the life I now had with Fox.

I tried so hard to prepare myself mentally, I had to become that mouthy consortium lacky once more. I’d be finished if I walked in shaking like this. Finally I looked back to check the feds were still there, once sure I opened the door and entered the bar.

I could see Daniel over by the bar drinking, at least I’d finally decided what I’d say to him so he’d be annoyed. This was his bar after all and Daniel knew a lot of the people here, I also knew his reputation meant everything to him. I walked over towards him and the people around him, I then tapped him on the shoulder.

“What the fuck…”

“Where are the videos Daniel?”

“Alexi it’s so good to see you, no hard feelings I hope with regards to previous situations.”

“Fuck you, all I want is the video that you made.”

“Fine you can have them all, however I I’ll only agree to it if it’s not done right here.”

“Where are they Daniel?”

“In my office, look come with me and I’ll get you them all.”

“Just don’t try my patience as I’m armed.”

“Yeah I get the point, my office is just down here anyway.”

I followed him towards the end of a corridor where a closed door awaited us, Daniel went inside and started opening a filling cabinet. I presumed he was getting the videos, however I was to over confident and had let my guard down.

I felt the gun press against my back and I realized too late that I’d fucked up, and then I saw the smug smile that was on Daniels face. Then someone covered my mouth with tape, before I could even respond they tied my hands together with a cable tie. I couldn’t let them get away with this, I kicked out as hard as I could at the man holding me without any luck.

“Take him down through the tunnels now, get him out of here and take him to our safe house and I’ll follow shortly. It looks like Alexi here has come back home to play once more.”

I watched in horror as one of the men moved a bookcase, there behind it was a small door and I was shoved through it. It wasn’t the cold dark tunnel that scared me the most, it was the thought that Fox would never find that hidden door or me.

One of them took a torch off the wall, while the one with the gun kept tight hold of me. I knew fighting now would be a waste of time and energy, chances are I’d be left here to die with the rats if I fought back now. It felt like I was in the tunnel forever, in reality it was perhaps only about fifteen minutes. I wondered how long the feds would wait before going in, or how long it would take them to realize I were gone.

We finally reached the end of the tunnel; there I was forced to climb a ladder that would take me out of here. Once outside I noticed the white van that was parked there, the one with the gun shoved me in the van and got in after me. I’d say by the set up that tunnel was used a lot, it made me wonder what Daniel actually used it for.

We drove and all I could do was sit there, however I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Fox speak. It had sounded like he was right next to me, yeah maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.

“Alex where the hell are you? God I really wish you could answer me right now, we waited and decided to go in after so long. Daniel claims that you asked for a back way out, apparently you were trying to get away from your abusive lover. Not that I believe him for one minute, he showed us a door that led to another alley, apparently the cleaners use it. We are searching the place right now; I’ll talk as soon as it’s done. I love you babe so hang in there.”

God I really wished Fox could hear me too, I knew they wouldn’t find the hidden door and Daniel would act all innocent about it all. Right now I had to do as Fox advised, I have to hang on and hope they find me.

Neither men spoke to me during the journey and only sat there on their phones, however I was ordered out as soon as the van stopped. The one with the gun ordered the driver to go back for Daniel, apparently it was the only way he could leave without the feds following him. So Daniel must have sent him a message then, I knew I had to do something before he arrived or things could become rather painful.

Maybe this was my chance, especially if no one else was here but myself and the gunman. Not that I had a clue how I’d overpower the man without getting shot, yet what choice did I really have.

I looked around and realized we were outside a large house with no neighbours, I had to admit that I hadn’t a clue as to where the hell I were. Even if I could talk to Fox it wouldn’t matter, I couldn’t even explain the place to him and I could be anywhere at all. I tried to work out the time spent in the tunnel and the drive here, at most I should only be a few miles away from Fox.

The gunman took me inside and led me into the kitchen, he then shoved me down onto a chair and pulled out some more cable ties. I waited until he came near me and kicked him hard, my foot connected with his knee and he fell to the ground. As soon as that happened, I jumped on his back and put my arms over his head, I then pulled and tried to strangle him with the cable ties around my hands.

The man appeared to have a lot of strength, he literally threw me forward and pinned me to the floor.

“You’ll pay for that you little bastard.”

I was pulled up and shoved back on the chair, the bastard then hit me hard in the stomach. I was trying to catch my breath while he tied my legs to the chair, the bastard then cut the tie on my wrists. I tried to pull away from him, however he soon had my hands tied together at the rear of the chair.

I now knew I was well and truly fucked, chances are Daniel would be here soon too. I was about to give up when I heard Fox once more, just hearing his voice gave me a reason to fight and get through this.

“Alex I’m hoping you can hear me? We searched the bar and Daniels office and came up with nothing, he’s still claiming his innocence and threatening to sue us. So we were left with no choice other than to leave, we still have someone watching in case Daniel leaves the bar.

Skinner and a few others are pulling out maps for the area, hopefully something will give us a clue as to where you are babe. The signal for the chip is still strong, that means you must be somewhere within twenty kilometres. I know it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, but we won’t give in, god I can’t give in as you’re my life Alex and without you I’m nothing.”

What made it worse was his voice, I could tell that Fox was struggling to talk without crying. Now I couldn’t hold back my own tears any longer, however I held my head down so the gunman wouldn’t see. Spender was a complete bastard; however the consortium had always taught me not to show your weakness.

It wasn’t long before I heard the van pull up and the doors slam shut, before I knew it Daniel stood in front of me and grabbed my jaw hard.”

“So Alexi you were trying to set me up were you, well I hate to disappoint you but it didn’t work.”

Daniel grabbed the tape and ripped it from my mouth, he then bent forward and forced his mouth against mine and kissed me.

“It’s so good to have you home Alexi.”

“Why me, there’s plenty of men that would do this sort of stuff willingly?”

“Yes but that takes the fun out of it, also only you were good enough for Nikolay.”

“Nikolay’s dead and deserved all he got.”

Daniel backhanded me hard enough to knock the chair over, he then ordered one of the men to pick it back up.

“You won’t talk about Nikolay like that, at the end of the day he was still my husband. Also he bought and paid for you, so when he died that automatically made you mine.”

“Nobody owns me, also you talk about Nikolay and me slagging him off. Well get real Daniel, he was your own fuckin husband and you raped him!”

“You will suffer for that mouth of yours Alexi, you two take him to the basement and restrain him.”

“You can’t do this to me…”

“I’d shut up now Alexi if I were you. We might have to make another video while your there, or we could make a snuff video instead.”

Daniel stood there laughing at me like a madman, I’d swear at some point he’d gone insane. Well I was starting to think he only bought properties with a basement, judging by what I could see the man also had a thing for making videos too.

The basement was cold and it made me shiver despite wearing my jacket, I noticed that this one didn’t have a mattress. Instead there was a large wooden bed with restrains hanging from the posts, I also noticed that there were cameras set up in the room too.

Now I was praying that Fox would find me soon, however I had a feeling it wouldn’t be soon enough. I was breathing really heavy and was starting to panic, especially as I noticed Daniel had followed us down here too.

“Alexi strip now.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fine have it your own way, right you two put your masks on and I’ll start recording this.”

Suddenly I was shoved onto the bed, the large heavy man pinned me to the bed and used his weight to keep me there. In that time, the other man grabbed my arms and legs to restrain them so I was trapped.

“You have to learn that you won’t win Alexi, get a knife and remove all of his clothes.”

“Shit no, please don’t do this again…”

“That’s it, you can also gag him for now too.”

Shit now I knew I was well and truly fucked, I knew the men were also the same two that had abused me before. That was how I knew they’d have no problem doing it again now, the only thing that had changed was the masks. Last time they had no problem showing their faces, maybe the masks meant they were planning to take this a bit farther and really would kill me.

“So how are you feeling now Alexi? Not so big now are you, at the moment I have my own dilemma as to how I should proceed. You see part of me wants to drug you once more and make you willing, however the other part of me wants the real Alexi to smile for the cameras.”

Shit no, I was hoping he went with the second option. I really couldn’t go through the withdrawal again, well that was if I were alive after they finish with me. Daniel wouldn’t shut up, on top of that I had Fox muttering at times through the chip in my ear.

“Okay you two I think we’re ready, I’ve decided to give the rohypnol a miss this time. I think you’ll be so much more vocal when I remove the gag, also you will add so much effect to the video Alexi.”

The tears ran down from my eyes as I cried, I knew there was no longer any point fighting them now, I was restrained and just fuelling their fantasies for them. My breathing was becoming hard though, I guess crying while gagged and on your back wasn’t such a good idea. Daniel was fiddling with the camera and I knew he would soon be ready; it was just at that moment I heard Fox once more.

“Alex I’m praying here that you can still hear me babe, we have searched through all the database and made a connection. It appears that Nikolay bought a property within the range were looking at, Skinner’s looking for it on the map to see where it is and what’s nearby. I will keep talking and update you when anything changes, I won’t give up on you Alex.”

Now the crying became even worse, in the end Daniel had to remove the gag so I could breathe. I no longer cared that he thought I were pathetic, as no way was I telling him the real reason for my tears.

“So many tears Alexi, I guarantee this video will be perfect when it’s finished and will be a hit with everyone. As for you Alexi, well in the end you’ll be joining Nikolay and he’ll be happy once more.”

This man was far more disillusioned than I’d first thought, however I knew the pain would come soon when he grabbed some pillows. It wasn’t long before he had me exactly where he wanted me, he then told one of the men to bring him the box of special toys.

Maybe I could get through the pain and I’d survive until help came, as believe me I’d take them using toys on me than them fuckin me. Daniel started looking through the box and suddenly smiled to himself, well it looked like he’d found something to use on me after all.

“Let’s see how much of a man you really are Alexi? As I plan to have so much fun with you, then afterwards I’ll show you what a real man can do to you.”

I felt one of the men apply plenty of lube to my backside, maybe I should be thankful for small mercies after all. Then I saw the size of the vibrator the other man held, I realized that it was still going to hurt despite the amount they’d used on me.

The man shoved in in me hard with no warning or preparation whatsoever, that was when I started screaming for them to stop. Daniel just laughed even more; he was also egging on the other men to hurt me even more. I totally lost it when one of them responded to Daniel, the bastard leant forward and held my nipple between his teeth and pressed down on it. I was even starting to wonder if he’d actually bitten it off, that was how bad the pain felt.

“You make such a perfect picture Alexi; however I assure you right now the pain will get far worse.”

“Please just let me go…”

“You’re not leaving this room Alexi, well not alive anyway. Believe me you’ll wish you’d never been born when we finish with you, I plan to literally tear you apart bit by bit. You think having that up your ass hurts, well you’ve seen nothing yet as I have things far bigger than that.”

All I could do was sob now in agony, I was praying I’d black out or have a fuckin heart attack and die. Daniel came over and one of the others worked the camera, he grabbed hold of the vibrator and rammed it in and out repeatedly and I screamed even more. I knew that he was tearing the skin inside my ass with the force he used, he then grabbed my balls and started squeezing them hard too.

“You’re such a pretty slut Alexi, you look so wanton and desperate as I fuck you with this. Maybe it’s time to move onto something bigger though, how about my fist as you liked it last time?”

“God no please…”

“Hold on I have an idea first.”

Daniel walked away and was talking to one of the other men, it was then that I realized Fox hadn’t left me. It was hard to hear his voice at first, it was then that I realized he was out of breath. He then repeated what he’d said, now I just had to hope he came.

“We have located the house Alex, now we just have to pray it’s the right one. Shit I don’t know if I can handle it if you’re not there babe, just hang in there babe for me. I love you Alex and want you here with me as it’s meant to be. Right Skinner said we’ll reach the house within ten minutes babe; ten minutes and I’m praying I’ll have you back in my arms.”

I knew this would go one of two ways, if it was the wrong house it would be too late. I had to face the fact that I wouldn’t be rescued if they’d got it wrong, or they were right and all I had to do was hang on.

Well that was easier said than done, maybe if I could find a way to distract them and buy myself some more time I could get through this. I watched as Daniel returned with the leather flogger and stood over me, great I remembered exactly where he’d used that on me before.

“It’s time to have some fun Alexi, well for us anyway.”

“Daniel please I need to…”

“Need to what?”

“I said I need the bathroom, please otherwise I’m going to wet myself.”

“Great, one of you go and find a bottle or something.”

It wasn’t long before the man returned with a bottle and passed it to Daniel, he then placed my cock in it. I tried so hard to do something, yet after a few minutes he realized what I’d done.

“Do you think stalling it will stop it happening Alexi, now I’ll make it harder as you wasted my time. Try it again and see what happens, I might be forced to start cutting body parts off.”

Daniel picked up the flogger and brought it down on my ass, he’d put all his strength behind it as he did it repeatedly. Every now and then he’d catch my balls or the tip of my cock, those where the times when I screamed and wished I were dead. Then he threw the flogger down and grabbed the lube once more, that was far worse as I knew what he planned next. I then got distracted by Fox once more, I just prayed I could still hear his voice before I died.

“We’re outside the house that belongs to Nikolay, Alex if you can hear me I need you to do something for me. I will count to three, when I say three scream as loud as you can.”

Okay I knew that was something I could do, maybe Fox was hoping the screams would muffle their entry. Shit then that other part of my brain started thinking again, I couldn’t get my hopes up as it might be the wrong house.

Daniel stood over me once more, I could see how far the clear liquid went up his wide arm. Shit I’d scream for real if he was putting it that far inside me, however he’d only entered me with one finger when I heard Fox count. The minute Fox said three I screamed, however once I started I couldn’t stop.

“Shut the fuck up Alexi, I haven’t even started yet.”

Suddenly there was a loud crash from somewhere above, at that moment I heard one of the men shout something and back away from me. However the other man remained and did what Daniel told him, within seconds he was pressing a pillow against my face. The man was strong and I couldn’t fight him with no hands, my head started to pound and my eyesight became blurry.

It was then that I realized I’d blacked out, yet it took me a few seconds to realize Fox was holding me in his arms. The room was full of feds, I was grateful to the one that gave me a blanket so I could cover myself up.

“Hey, are you okay babe? God of course your fuckin not, you should never have agreed to do this Alex!”

“Fox calm down as I’m okay, I’m just so glad to see you though as I thought I was a goner at the end.”

“How can you be so fuckin calm; I love you and I could have lost you…”

“God please don’t cry Fox or I’ll start, believe me I’m only just hanging on here lover.”

“Oh god I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Hey, it was you that helped me through all of this, every time I heard you it was a reason to fight. Fox where’s Daniel and the other two men, you did catch them I hope after all this?”

“We arrested Daniel and one of the me…”

“Just one, how the fuck did the other one get away?”

“He didn’t, he was the one holding the pillow over your face… Shit and he was trying to suffocate you, Skinner shot and killed him.”

“Good that’s one less then, Fox is there any chance I can go home now?”

“Yeah I’ll just let Skinner know.”

I sat on the bed wrapped in the blanket and looked around, well it was now officially a crime scene and I had to get out of here. I knew deep down I couldn’t hold it together much longer, especially when I had to look at the dead body on the floor.



“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I will be when I get out of here.”

“Skinner has arranged for an agent to drive us back, we will home within the hour… Shit I just had a thought, maybe you need to go to the hospital?”

“Fox I’m going home; Scully can check me over if you’re that bothered.”

“We’ll see how you go first.”

“Fox the worst of the torture was mentally, mainly because I never thought I’d see you again.”

Fox checked the bedrooms and found some clothes for me to wear, as promised we were home within the hour. The first thing I did was turn the shower on and try and make myself clean again, also I was hoping the warm water would help with the pain too. Fox was good and knew not to say anything about how long I was in there, that was because he knew what I was doing. The man was a genius and a great profiler, I guess I was doing what every abused victim does afterwards.

After a while the water ran cold and I had to get out, I dressed in my boxers and a tee shirt and went back into the room. I loved Fox with all my heart and didn’t want to push him away, however right now I had to get my head around what happened.

I went and sat at the end of the couch away from Fox, however the hurt look on his face made me break down and sob. Within seconds Fox was there despite me ignoring him, he then sat and pulled me against his chest.

“Please don’t cry babe, god I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.”

“I’m scared Fox, you were right about what you said earlier.”

“What was that babe?”

“I thought everything would be over but it isn’t, you asked me if it would all happen again when he got out… I don’t know if I’ll cope Fox, I feel like this huge weight is pressing down on me and he’ll come back.”

“God, I wish he hadn’t surrendered, that way I could have shot him so you wouldn’t have to live like this babe.”

“It’s not your fault Fox, I guess it was Nikolay that started the ball rolling.”

“Yeah and all because you turned him down.”

“Fox can we have an early night, I’m tired and just want to lay with you.”

“Yeah of course we can, Skinner said he’d take your statement in the morning.”

“Shit, I forgot all about that.”

“He will come here so it will be a bit easier, we just couldn’t understand how he got you out of the bar?”

“You might want to check behind the bookcase in his office, he has a tunnel that brings him out somewhere else.”

“I’d better let Skinner know, then he can have it checked it out.”

I closed my eyes and moved closer to Fox, all I wanted wat to forget about them all for now and be here in bed with my lover. Maybe it was too soon to do anything, however I was a pushy bastard who had to have his own way. I deliberately moved my hand and placed it on his groin, I then started rubbing his semi erection.

“Alex behave and go to sleep.”

“Fox I need you lover, I want to feel you deep inside me so I forget.”

“Alex behave, oh god…”

“What’s the matter lover?”

“Like you don’t know.”

Fox was always like putty in my hand, just a little more work and he’d be unable to refuse me. I carried on stroking him until he became fully hard, while my other hand found his nipple and started rubbing it until it was also hard.

“Alex… fine have it your way but don’t blame me afterwards.”

“Fox he never touched me that way, he planned to however you got there first.”

“Lay on you back babe and remove the underwear.”

“You’re such a romantic Fox.”

I’d done as he asked and removed my clothes, now I lay here turned on and waiting for Fox to touch me. First though he grabbed the lube and knelt between my parted legs, he put the cool liquid on his fingers and went to press one inside me.

“Oh fuck…”

Fox immediately pulled back and stopped, I could tell by the look on his face that he was far from happy now. He also looked rather upset and concerned, yet all I did was turn my head away and refuse to look at him.

“Alex, I think we need to talk don’t you…”

“Just leave me alone Fox.”

“Like hell will I leave you alone, I’m not going anywhere so you might as well talk to me.”

“I’ve nothing to say Fox.”

“Really, how about you tell me what happened, also why the hell you were going to let me do something that could make it worse.”

“Maybe because I’m a stupid fuckin idiot who always fucks everything up, maybe because I know I don’t deserve you. So you can fuck off now and leave me alone, go find some fucker else that deserves you…”

Suddenly Fox had slapped me hard across the face, only then did the realization of what I said sink in.

“I think you’ve said enough don’t you? Look normally you are anything but an idiot, also we both deserve each other as were both as fucked up as each other. I love you so much Alex, that’s why you have to communicate with me, as I don’t want to be like all of them and hurt you.”

“You could never be like them Fox trust me; I just get thoughts in my head and think you’ll no longer want me.”

“Why would you think that babe?”

“Because I’m dirty now.”

“Jesus Alex, don’t ever think like that. Look at first things will be hard, however if you give in they win and you’re as good as dead.”

I thought about what Fox said, if Daniel had his way I’d be dead now and wouldn’t have Fox. Yet here I was pushing him away, so yeah in one way or another Daniel would have won. I wouldn’t be physically dead; however I’d be dead inside with no real life.

“I was so scared Fox when he took me in the tunnel, I’d seen where the door was hidden and knew you wouldn’t find it. Then I was in a different house this time, yet it felt like the same once I was in the basement.”

“Hey your doing so well babe, I’m so proud of you.”

“Daniel had them tie me to the bed and cut my clothes away, afterwards he was thinking about drugging me again with the same drug as before.”

“Oh shit Alex I’m…”

“It’s okay Fox, he changed his mind as he wanted me fully aware as to what was happening.”

“God I’m so glad babe, I wouldn’t want you to have to go through the withdrawal again.”

“He used a vibrator Fox, that’s what tore me up inside. Daniel used a lot of strength and forced it into me repeatedly. For all I know it might just be bruised, yet it hurt enough to make me scream. Afterwards he whipped me and that hurt, however he told me the worst was yet to come.”

“What like he hadn’t done enough already?”

“I told you that Daniel had his own way of doing things, he liked to use his fist to…”

“Hey it’s okay babe, I know from the last time what the bastard is capable of.”

“Well luckily you arrived before it happened, afterwards they would have all taken turns and used me.”

“Well I’m glad that we found you before it got that far.”

“So am I Fox, Daniel had already told me that this time it would be a snuff movie. Shit Fox… he told me that I’d never leave that room alive, it was at that moment I thought I’d never see you again.”

I felt so relieved to have it off my chest, he was my lover and could only help if I were willing to let him. Everything got the better of me and the tears flowed once more, yet Fox was there once more to comfort me and see me through it all.

“Alex, I think you need some sleep babe, maybe we’ll see in the morning how you feel about me making love to you.”

“I love you so much Fox, hey if I’m still sore I’ll just have to make love to you instead.”

“Yeah that would work too babe, for now though just close your eyes and go to sleep.”

Fox didn’t have to tell me twice, as suddenly I was exhausted and everything finally caught up with me. I woke to find myself alone and realized I’d slept until nearly noon. Well I guess I should get up before Skinner arrives, I wasn’t a morning person and wanted coffee before I did anything else.

It turned out Fox was in the kitchen making coffee, so I sat at the table and waited for him to hand me it.

“I’d swear you’re a mind reader Fox.”

“No, I just know how grumpy you get without your morning fix.”

“You know me so well lover.”

“So how are you feeling this morning, I want the truth too Alex.”

“Still a bit sore, I guess I’ll be the one making love to you for a while.”

“Hey, I’ve no complaints babe.”

“Nor have I lover.”

“Oh Alex the mails on the table.”

“Great, is there anything interesting?”

“There’s a letter for you.”

“Who from?”

“Alex, I don’t go through your mail babe.”

“Fox, I have nothing to hide from you at all.”

“Well it was handwritten, try opening it if you really want to know.”

I picked up the envelope and looked it over, apparently there was no return address or anything. Yet was fully addressed to me with my full name, at first I just threw it back down on the table.

“Alex it won’t bite.”

“Sorry what did you say?”

“I said it won’t bite, yet you look scared now you’ve read it.”

“Who the hell calls me that name, only one person ever called me by that name and that was Nikolay. Okay so maybe Daniel did too, but that was only because that’s what he heard Nikolay call me. I fuckin hated the name Alexi, now I hate it with a fuckin passion.”

“Alex calm down babe, it’s understandable that you hate it more now.”

“God I just need to open it, it’s only a fuckin letter after all.”

“I’m sure you’ll be okay babe.”

I opened the envelope carefully and pulled out the contents, it appeared to be a letter and some photos. I took one look at the letters and ran to the bathroom; my stomach was rebelling and I threw up the coffee I’d just drank. It was after a few minutes I went back into the kitchen; Fox was stood there holding the photos.

“Did you read the letter Fox?”

“No I just made a quick call to Skinner to see if it’s true.”

“And is it?”

“Yeah Daniel and his friend where both found dead in their cells early this morning, nobody has any idea how it happened. Skinner said he won’t need a statement, there won’t be a trial if there’s no one to accuse.”

“Well I suppose that’s a blessing then, I didn’t think I could face another trial.”

I finally opened the letter and looked at the sender, I then read it out loud so Fox could hear too.

“Call it a small favour from a very close friend, now you have the chance to live the life you deserve Alex. Always having to look over your shoulder is no life for anyone, move on and get married and live your life to the full.”

I then stared at the letter wondering who this so called friend was, hell I hardly have any friends to pick from.

“So Fox, who do you think could have done it?”

“The only real close friend you have is Skinner I guess, unless your hiding someone from your past?”

“Fox, I assure you that I had no friends in the past, most certainly no one that would go to those lengths for me.”

“Chances are we’ll never know who it was, we’ll have to accept it for what it is I guess.”

“Maybe we should do as they say Fox, have a new start and forget the past now.”

So that was exactly what we did, we married and settled down together. No more looking over my shoulder all the time, as the past was just that and it would remain that way always. It was time to forget the bad memories, as I had many new ones with the man I loved.

Hold on To Memories

By CarolelaineD 15/10/19