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Hold on to Memories

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Hold on to Memories

By CarolelaineD

The day was still early, also to be honest I was surprised that I was even awake. Last night I’d decided I’d had enough of all this shit, sneaking around and hiding from the world wasn’t doing me any favours. It was time for a wake-up call, that or I could spend my life running around after Spender.

The biggest question was what would I do, I had to find something that would make everything alright, also something so I could find peace within myself. Only one man had ever truly meant anything to me, shit maybe he was the reason why I suddenly wanted to save the world.

I’d decided to be bold, later on I was going to break into Spender’s office and get something. The man had to have something that I could take to Mulder, I wanted it to be a peace offering and him to see me as more than Spenders lacky.

Well as luck would have it, I was to go see Spender straight away as I was needed. Maybe I could steal something while I were there, that way it would be far easier and safer for me.

I knocked and just entered his smoke-filled office; it was at that moment that Luis pushed past me without even a word. It was strange as usually he had some snide remark or other to make, especially when it came to me.

“Alex take a seat.”

“What’s this about Spender, you said I had to deal with the lab today?”

“Don’t worry as you’ll have plenty of time, you can deal with the lab then this other matter.”

“So what is it you want me to do?”

“Somebody has stolen an important file containing top secret information, I want it back and the man responsible killed.”

“So why couldn’t Luis deal with it?”

“You know yourself how trigger happy the man is, I want the thief to suffer before the final bullet.”

“Yeah, I guess I can do that, do you know what he planned to do with the file?”

“We have certain places watched or bugged; this was how we learnt someone had stolen it in the first place. We caught part of a conversation he had with someone, apparently he plans to meet tonight at ten.”

“Okay, so do you want him dealt with before, or would you rather me wait and see who the person is. I could even take them both out if you want, then afterwards I could return the file?”

“No don’t concern yourself with that Alex, we are well aware who the person is as he was talking to him for a while.”

“So I’m to deal with at all before he even gets there, I take it he’s not to see the file at all?”

“No as it would cause too many problems, as much as Mulder is a thorn in my side.”

“So it’s Mulder that was meeting him? Shit…”

“Yes, that’s why you are to do the job and get the hell out of there. Knowing Mulder he’ll show early, he’ll want to check the place out before the meet takes place.”

“Fine I can do that, so does he have a home address or something?”

“No someone pretended to be Agent Mulder on our behalf, we claimed the meet had to take place at nine. That gives you one whole hour before Mulder shows, one hour to get the file and deal with him accordingly.”

“Yeah okay, is that everything?”

“Well I’d have thought you’d want the location Alex; you seem to be getting rather forgetful lately…”

“Shit, yeah go on then.”

“Mulder plans to meet his informant in the Hoover garage, somewhere near where Agent Mulder parks his car.”

“What? Is this a fuckin joke…”

“No that was the arrangement, I couldn’t possibly change that too.”

“Great I guess I’ll have to deal with it.”

“Yes Alex you will, also leave no clues behind that lead to us.”

“Do I ever?”

With that I got up and walked out of the room, once outside I felt like I could breathe once more.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe this was going to happen at the Hoover building, shit I must seriously have a fuckin death wish or something. All it would take was one agent to see me, which was a possibility with the amount that came and went. I was just thankful that I had to do it at night, I could always hope there were less people around.

I knew Mulder wouldn’t have gone home though; he’d stay in his basement office working until the meet. Knowing him he’d be here half an hour early too, that just meant I’d have even less time to deal with this.

Once the time came, I hid in the shadows and waited, finally the man arrived and stood out like a sore thumb with his obvious behaviour. I walked out so he could see me. The man was also so gullible as I claimed to be Agent Mulder, he even handed over the file within seconds too and went to walk away.

“Hey hold up.”

“What, I have to go as it’s not safe here.”

“I have something for you…”

I pulled out my gun and pointed it at him, at least I knew the camera didn’t cover this part of the garage. Maybe I might be able to speed this up after all, Spender wouldn’t even know if I tortured the man or not. I had a silencer and one bullet would suffice, then I could hide his body until later and then deal with him.

I couldn’t even be bothered to speak to the man, I aimed and put one pullet straight into his head. The hardest part was dragging his body out of sight and leave no trace, it was near Mulders car after all and the man was paranoid.

 

If Mulder suspected something he’d stay here, he’d want to know everything that happened and wouldn’t give up. However if the informant never showed the man would just go home, oh he’d be pissed off and upset though. Right now I wanted him to go home afterwards, as I planned to already be there waiting.

I knew I was on a time limit as I arrived at Hegal place, getting in was easy and I just wanted to wash up. I always felt really dirty after I’d carried out a hit, also I knew it would piss Mulder off too. Well I was a lying murdering bastard after all, plus all the other accusations he threw at me.

I’d come here so many times in the past, even darkness didn’t stop me from moving around. Mulder was always so predictable, well that or jus lazy. Everything was always kept in the same place; it was as if he made it easy for all his unwanted guests.

Once inside the bathroom I risked using the light, straight away I noticed the specks of blood on my face. Well I should be thankful that it wasn’t anywhere else, especially my clothes. Soon I washed up and felt a lot cleaner, once done I made sure the bathroom was still the same as I found it.

Once clean I went and sat on the couch in the corner, Mulder wouldn’t even notice me until it was too late. I pulled my gun out and re attached the silencer, now all I could do was sit and wait for Mulder. Hopefully as it was late he’d arrive alone, no way could I be dealing with Scully tonight or at all. I was tired and had to stay focussed, it would be a big mistake on my part should I fall asleep.

It felt like I’d waited here for hours, a look at my watch revealed it to be half past ten. I knew that Mulder would hang around for a while, he’d be praying that his informant was running late. I’d say by now he’d start to give up, he’d then return to his office and collect anything he’d left. Once done he’d then have to drive home, I figured it would be somewhere in the vicinity of midnight when he arrived here.      

Not that I could move or do anything, knowing my luck Mulder would prove me wrong and arrive early. I just had to keep calm and it might go alright, all I wanted was to get out of here without a beating. Then there was Spender, I had to make sure he never knew about my visits to see Mulder.

I was so lost in thought, the noise actually startled me as I heard the key enter the lock. Well it looked like it was time to get this show started, also it was time to make Mulders day.

“Mulder turn the light on and don’t try anything, oh you can shut the door too.”

“Krycek, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to see you Mulder, I thought maybe we could be friends and talk.”

“Fuck you, so why are you sat there with a gun pointed at my chest?”

“Mulder it’s just a formality, I’m sure I won’t have to use it.”

“Look just go, I’ve had a long day Krycek and I’m tired.”

“What’s the matter Mulder? Didn’t your informant show?”

“You fuckin bastard, what did you do Krycek?”

“Same old Mulder, blame everything on me as usual.”

Shit Mulder was pissed off and that made him dangerous to be around, the bastard didn’t even care about the gun I had pointed at him. Within seconds he lunged forward and grabbed me. I had no idea where my gun went as it flew out of my hand, then in no time it was Mulders fist that I felt.

“Mulder… shit my fuckin lip.”

“I warned you to get out Krycek, not so big and hard without a gun are you!”

“Mulder you know I’d never shoot you.”

“You’d shoot your own grandmother to save yourself Krycek.”

“Thanks’ for nothing Mulder…”

“Look you have ten seconds to explain yourself, I want a good explanation, or I throw you out.”

“I brought some information for you Mulder…”

“What, more lies Krycek. You are incapable of ever telling the truth or doing anything useful.”

“Mulder please, look I brought you something…”

“Hold on…”

I swear the man was starting to get on my nerves now, he’d only gone and cuffed my fuckin hands together.

“Mulder… Shit you can’t be serious?”

“Oh but I am, so where is this so-called information?”

“jacket inner pocket.”

Mulder pulled out the file and sat down on the coffee table, all I could do was sit here and wait as he looked at it. The man’s face changed so much as he read more and more of the secrets, as for me I just prayed he’d let me go. Finally half an hour later he stopped and looked at me, it was then that he put the file down on the table.

“God I need a drink, how about you Krycek?”

“Are you serious?”

“Well I’m getting one, so you can take it or leave it.”

“Fine, I’ll have a drink then.”

Mulder soon returned with two glasses and a bottle of vodka; there I was thinking he meant coffee.

“So are you going to remove the cuffs Mulder?”

“No chance, even you can manage to drink with them on.”

“Look I promise I’ll behave…”

“Maybe I like the way you look when you’re restrained.”

“Whatever…”

Mulder grabbed the file and sat at the other end of the couch; it wasn’t too long before I was forgotten once more. I just sat here feeling rather relaxed, maybe it was the fact I was tired and was drinking strong vodka too.

Mulder wasn’t even aware that I watched him, the man was gorgeous and had a perfect body. Shit bad way to think if I wanted to get out of here alive, not that Mulder would notice me if I were sat here naked.

I had to admit he remembered me every time he poured another drink, I hadn’t expected Mulder to be a vodka drinker. Finally he came to the end of the file, once closed he placed it back on the coffee table.

“Can I go now Mulder; I have things to do that’s all?”

“No not yet, I want some answers regarding the file.”

“It may surprise you, however I don’t even know what’s in that file Mulder.”

“So why bring me it then?”

“I thought it was something that you wanted?”

“Yeah, I guess it wasn’t something I’d expected from you.”

“No I don’t suppose you did.”

“Why are you really here?”

“Just remove the cuffs and I won’t be.”

“I need something that I can cuff you to…”

“What?”

“Just while I get changed and do a couple of things.”

“I’ll stay, look I’ll still be here and won’t leave.”

“Yeah well I don’t trust you Krycek.”

“So what’s with the vodka then?”

“I guess I just don’t like drinking alone.”

“Who does?”

“Look your trying to change the subject, I know what your game is Krycek…”

“What would that be Mulder?”

“You want me to forget about restraining you.”

“Mulder, I have things to do, other than that you can restrain me whenever you want.”

“Hmm, is that a promise.”

“Yeah if you can trust what I say.”

“You look the type that would enjoy it too much.”

“Mulder are you drunk?”

“Why what makes you say that?”

“This conversation that’s what, shit are you implying that I like to be restrained sexually?”

“It’s okay, I promise your secret is safe with me Alex.”

“Okay now I know you’re drunk, shit you even called me Alex.”

I liked Mulder when he was like this, he seemed so calm and relaxed, also he wasn’t hitting me.

“I’ve got an idea Alex.”

Suddenly Mulder got up and disappeared into the bedroom, not that I had chance to move or escape. I had to wonder if I actually wanted to leave when he was like this, Mulder walked back into the room carrying one of his ugly ties, he then knelt down on the floor in front of me.

“Mulder what are you doing?”

“I figured I’d tie your legs together, that way you can’t leave me.”

“I already told you I’ll stay.”

“Whatever…”

Mulder got up and went over to his desk, now I had to sit here once more as he scanned the files one by one. I soon closed my eyes and just relaxed, I’d drank way more vodka than I should have under the circumstances.

“Alex are you asleep?”

“No I was just thinking about things.”

“Anything in particular?”

“No not really, just life and how it can all go wrong.”

“Yeah tell me about it, look I’m just going to get changed and then we can have another drink.”

“Yeah okay, I think I’m too drunk to leave now Mulder.”

“Good as we still need that talk.”

Soon I was sat here alone with my thoughts, I had to wonder if that was good or bad. I thought back to the time Mulder was my partner, things were so different and I think he actually liked me too. I even remember the weekends we’d hung out as friends, pizza nights with a few beers.

There were times back then when I drank too much, times when I was far too drunk to even make it home. I’d spent the night here in Mulders bed, alone of course as he used the couch. How I’d wished it could have been different, maybe one night he could have just come to bed instead.

It was hard sleeping there knowing he was in the other room, so near yet so far. The mam had seemed oblivious to any remarks or passes I made towards him. Then everything had gone to hell anyway, after that Mulder despised me. That was one of the reasons I always let him hit me, I guess any contact was better than none at all.

At some point the drink and exhaustion kicked in, suddenly my eyes flew open as I felt someone beside me. I then noticed Mulder had returned, this time he sat right next to me in just his sweatpants.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to make you jump Alex.”

“It’s okay Mulder, I never meant to fall asleep.”

Mulder never spoke as he removed his tie, I was just thankful that I could finally stretch my legs out. Mulder on the other hand had started pouring more drinks, I’d also noticed that the glass was becoming fuller as the night went on.

“Alex do you ever have any regrets?”

“What about?”

“How your life turned out and what you’ve done…”

“Yeah Mulder, I have way too many to mention. I guess that’s why I came here tonight, I just wanted to do something good for a change.”

“Well I’m glad you came.”

“Me too.”

“Alex… “

“What?”

“Did you like it when you were my partner?”

“Yeah Mulder especially when you bought me chocolate, look I think you’ve drank too much for tonight though.”

“Hey, you’ve’ drank the same amount Alex.”

“Yeah well, I can handle a lot more than you, when did you start drinking vodka anyway Mulder?”

“I don’t normally, I’ve had it since you were my partner…”

“I’m surprised you kept it so long.”

“So am I to be honest, I even have chocolate but it won’t be edible now”

“Mulder I’ll have to leave soon…”

“Yeah soon, so what would it take to convince you to stay?”

“Mulder why would you want me to stay?”

“I told you that I don’t want to drink alone.”

“Look nothing you say will convince me to stay here, you know you only want me here because your drunk.”

Mulder became silent, the man also started pouting which wasn’t good for me. It was bad enough sat here with him like this, the man was only half dressed and I had feelings. Shit I was a man and he was really starting to get to me, well certain parts of my anatomy more than others.

All I could do was watch him, Mulder was lost in thought and paying no attention to me. His brain was always working overtime, it was also times like this that he scared me. Twenty minutes later and he still hadn’t spoke, yet he still kept refilling my glass.

I was starting to think he wouldn’t speak to me now, or that maybe I’d pissed him off. However after another five minutes he stood up and looked down at me, well at least he smiled and wasn’t looking at me with hate.

“I’m just going to use the bathroom; don’t you dare move Alex.”

“Mulder at this rate I’ll need a piss myself.”

“Right get up and behave.”

I did as Mulder asked and stood, he then led me towards the bathroom.

“Right you’ve got two minutes Alex.”

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door, soon I’d used the toilet and washed my hands. It was a case of go out there and face Mulder once more, that or he’d just come and get me. So few choices, yet I knew I’d have to leave soon with the folder. Spender would kill me if I didn’t return it, I guess I was just thankful that Mulder had scanned it all.

“Come on Alex, I really need to use the toilet.”

“Yeah hold up.”

Mulder was stood right in the doorway; he also had this huge grin on his face too.

“Okay Mulder what gives?”

“You need to take the file back, don’t you?”

“Yeah that’s why I’m glad you scanned it.”

I walked into the room and saw the empty coffee table; shit now I was really starting to panic.

“Where the hell is it Mulder?”

“It’s safe and I’ll give you it when you leave, that way you’ll stay until I say otherwise.”

“Whatever.”

“Hmm, I need you to behave while I uncuff you, I then want you to remove the jacket Alex.”

“What the hell for?”

“It will be far more comfortable, also it’s way too warm in here.”

“So what if I put up a fight Mulder?”

“Alex, I have my gun and I’m not afraid to use it, that or I can just cut the jacket away from you…”

“Fine I’ll behave.”

I happened to like my leather jacket, also I was too drunk to fight off Mulder right now. He wasted no time at all re cuffing me, he then just pushed me back down on the couch.

“Sit there Alex and behave, I’m just going to use the bathroom and won’t be long.”

I did as he said, I spent the time thinking and reflecting on this rather unusual night. Well it hadn’t gone as I’d thought it would to say the least, Mulder was also acting way out of character too. Hell maybe I should have got him to drink vodka years ago, had I known back then this was the result I would have.

I heard the toilet flush and knew Mulder would return soon, maybe if I were lucky, he’d let me sleep here for a few hours. I knew it was far too late to pay Spender a visit now, also drunk would pose way too many questions.

It was at that moment that Mulder re-entered the room, great now the man wore no clothes at all. I couldn’t help but stare at the man’s perfect body, shit now certain parts of my own body had become instantly awake.

“Mulder what the hell are you doing, shit where the hell are your clothes?”

“What’s the matter Alex, don’t you like what you see?”

“Shit how could anyone not like what I see Mulder…”

Mulder walked over towards the couch, he then knelt down at my feet. I was so far gone and couldn’t stop the man’s wandering hands, not that I wanted to of course. His nimble long fingers worked fast; I was surprised considering the amount he’d just drank. One by one he opened the buttons on my jeans, soon he was also pulling my underwear out of his way.

My erection sprung to life as it was released from its cloth prison, then within seconds it was restrained somewhere else. Mulder wasted no time as he deep throated me. Within seconds, he had my cock as far down his throat as it would go.

“Oh fuck… Jesus Mulder don’t fuckin stop.”

I had to admit the man had one hell of a talented mouth, at this rate I wouldn’t be lasting long at all. Especially as he worked the tip of his tongue inside the small hole, he also licked and sucked with a passion. I suddenly lost all rational thought as his hand moved, then I came as he pressed a finger deep inside my ass. I think it was the combination of that, also the words that he’d said to me too.

“I want to fuck you Alex, will you let me?”

“Shit yes, god I need you right now Mulder…”

“Good, come to bed with me then Alex.”

Mulder pulled me up and started kissing me, his mouth felt amazing and the man could kiss too. Then suddenly his tongue was forcing its way inside and I couldn’t think, then my hands found his body as I held him close to me. I put everything into that kiss, deep down it was something that I’d wanted to do for years.

I also felt that hot tears as they rolled down my cheeks, I just prayed that Mulder wouldn’t notice and stop. Shit then he went and stopped.

“Alex are you crying, do you want me to stop?”

“Hell no, I’m just happy Mulder so don’t worry. I guess no one has kissed me like that in a long time.”

“Kissed you how Alex, how is it different?”

“You actually kiss me like you want me…”

“Maybe that’s because I do, come on get that backside moving babe.”

Soon Mulder was leading me towards the bedroom once more, he then pushed me down on the bed.

“I think you need to lose some clothes; you appear to have way too many on for what I have planned.”

“You will have to remove the cuffs then Mulder.”

Suddenly the cuffs were gone, not that you could drag me away from here or Mulder now.

I sat up and soon removed my tee shirt, however Mulder then pushed me back down on the bed. The man worked rather fast and soon had my socks and shoes removed, he then literally just threw the stuff behind him.

“Lift your backside up babe.”

I willingly obliged so it would help him work faster, Mulder pulled my jeans and underwear off at the same time and now I lay here naked.

“You’re gorgeous Alex.”

“Fox you would say anything right now.”

“I mean it Alex, I always wanted you even when we were partners.”

Shit was he serious, all the times I’d wanted to go to him in the past and now he tells me.

“Less talking then lover, you can prove it to me if you really mean it.”

“Oh I mean it, move up the bed babe.”

I moved up the bed and soon I had Fox pressed against me, he started off by kissing me and biting my neck. Soon he moved slightly lower and found my nipples, one by one he sucked them into his gorgeous mouth. Soon they turned to little hard buds as he pulled on them with his teeth. I just lay here moaning like a wanton slut.

“Oh fuck don’t stop lover…”

“Believe me nothing could stop me now babe, well not until I’ve fucked that

tight ass of yours.”

Fox started to work even lower down the bed, he then found my balls and sucked them into his mouth too. I’d never met anyone that could turn me on like this, the man was god damn sexy. Then he parted my legs and moved between them, okay so I also helped by eagerly parting them wide. I had to feel him inside me and soon, so many years of just dreaming about this.

I nearly jumped off the bed as something cold touched me, I guess I was miles away and hadn’t expected it.

“Hey, it’s only lube babe.”

“Sorry… oh fuck.”

Fox slid one finger deep inside me and started to move it around, however that was then joined by another. I’d swear he kept brushing against my prostate on purpose, however it was always gentle and never enough to make me come. I had a feeling that Fox planned to keep me on edge for a while.

He kept this up for a while, then suddenly he pulled his fingers out and I felt empty.

“Fox please, I need you…”

“I’m here babe, also I want to fuck you now until you come screaming.”

Fox grabbed my legs and positioned them over his shoulders, he then positioned his cock against my ass. Soon he started to work himself deep inside me, fuck it felt so full as the man was rather large in that department. I couldn’t help but laugh, shit well it was more of a giggle than anything.

“Tell me what’s so funny babe?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Tell me, that or I might have to stop.”

“Okay, I just had visions of you in that red speedo and god how I wanted you.”

“Well you’ve got me.”

Oh how could I forget that, especially as Fox pulled all the way out before re entering me hard. I knew it would be hard sitting down for some time, not that I cared at all as I had what I wanted right here, soon I knew I was going to come, especially as Fox hit my prostate repeatedly.

“Shit I’m coming Fox…”

“Come for me babe, just let it all go Alex.”

Within seconds I came all over my stomach and Fox, I tightened my ass muscles and also forced my lover to come too. Fox collapsed on top of me and just lay there totally sated, I had to wonder how this would all play out now. I was surprised when Fox moved and then kissed me, he even spoke to me so softly and I could barely hear him.

“Alex will you stay the night, I just want to hold you and never let go.”

“Yeah I’ll stay Fox, I promise that we’ll work something out.”

“Good because I don’t want to give you up Alex.”

We finally fell asleep exhausted, also for once I actually slept until morning without any nightmares. When I woke it was daylight and the sun was up, shit then I remembered the folder. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up; I didn’t want to smell of sex when I saw Spender.

Finally I dressed, well that was after I managed to find all my clothes. Now all I needed was the file that Fox had hid from me, I knew I’d have to ask him where he’d put it. I went over to the bed and kissed his cheek, I was worried he might have been drunk, for all I knew he might not remember last night. I soon knew different though, he opened his eyes and gave me the most gorgeous smile.

“Fox, I have to go and need the file.”

“Desk draw, Alex can I just ask you something before you leave?”

“Of course you can.”

“Do you regret last night at all and what we did?”

“Far from it Fox, believe me it’s something I’ve dreamt about for years. What about you, do you have any regrets?”

“None at all, Alex will you come back?”

“Things will be hard at times Fox, however one way or another we’ll make time to be together, I promise.”

“Good, you had better get going babe.”

“Yeah true.”

I bent down and kissed Fox and didn’t want to let go, I guess it was the thought of not seeing him for a while.

“Take care babe.”

“Always lover.”

Hell now I had a reason to be careful, also someone who actually wanted me despite who I was.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d decided it was time I returned to Spender, that or he’d send someone out to find me and the file. I had no regrets about what I’d done, also the visit with Mulder had gone far better than I’d expected. Well far better was a bit of an understatement, it was something that I thought I’d only experience in my dreams, especially where Fox was concerned. I’d deal with Spender and then go home, all I wanted was a shower and a drink.

There was one thing I did know though, no one would be able to keep me away from Fox Mulder now. The man was someone who I’d wanted since day one, shit the hardest part would be Spender, also the rest of the consortium. I realized I was over thinking things that didn’t matter right now; my main concern was the here and now.

I knocked on his door and walked in, as usual he sat there smoking and the room was full of the shit too. I started to wonder just how dangerous passive smoking was, shit my lungs were starting to burn already. It did make me wonder why he never opened a window or something, maybe he thought someone would be waiting to steal all his secrets.

“Sit Alex., I was expecting you to return the file last night.”

I sat without question and placed the file on his desk, for some reason he seemed rather pissed off with me. I’d done my job so what more did he want, I’d even returned the file before going home.

“Is that it, I want to get out of these clothes and grab a shower.”

“Alex you have let me down once more.”

“What I …”

“Silence, you will listen and do as you’re told for once.”

Now I started to feel really nervous, could Spender know what I’d done last night? No I was good at what I did, I always knew when someone was following me no matter how discreet they were.

“There never was an informant, or even a top secret file.”

“So who the hell was the man I left dead in the river, also the file looks real to me…”

“He was someone that had served his purpose, so by killing him you did us a favour, everything else was all staged.”

“I don’t get it… Was someone following me?”

“I had a feeling that you couldn’t be trusted Alex, sometimes I have to wonder if you ever could be. This was your last chance to prove me wrong, it was also your last chance here within the consortium. You did everything I wanted until you had that file in your hands, then you went and betrayed us to Agent Mulder knowing the damage it could do.”

“I never, shit I wouldn’t…”

“Alex shut up right now, no one followed you, there was no need as you were the blind idiot. You went to see Agent Mulder; you also shared all this information with him. It would appear Agent Mulder has a rather soft spot for you despite your past, or was it just hormones and drink Alex?”

“Shit…”

“Oh yes I’m well aware of how you spent your night, also how you behaved no better than a cheap whore.”

“You can’t know…”

“We have Mulders apartment under surveillance Alex dear boy, we have seen and heard everything he’s done for some time.”

Great I knew that I was fucked now, I had to wonder what Spender would do to me, so I’d pay for what I’d done.

“So what do you want from me Spender? Also what will happen to Mulder?”

“Nothing at all from either of you, Mulder received false information anyway, so I guess there was no damage caused.”

“What? How come you don’t want anything from me either?”

“I have no use anymore for you Alex, as you have been nothing but a thorn in my side since day one.”

“You should have let me go years ago then…”

“No you dear boy should have done better; you never could obey an order or do what I wanted!”

“Yeah well, sometimes we don’t always get what we want in life Spender.”

“You do realize one thing Alex…”

“What would that be?”

“I’m not letting you go in the sense you think, however this way you’ll no longer be a threat to anyone.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I plan to have your mind wiped, well that or just modified.”

Great now I did start to panic, I also knew that Spender had seen too. I’d seen what they can do first hand, I’ve even been present when they’ve tested it on people.

“What’s the matter Alex? You seem to have gone rather pale now.”

“Don’t you fuckin dare touch me old man, I swear I’ll kill you if you come near me…”

“Big words Alex.”

“I’d rather take a fuckin bullet than suffer any of that shit.”

“Oh I ‘d be leaving some of the real you in there, a lot of people will pay more just for the challenge alone.”

“What the fuck do you mean by pay, shit what the hell are you going to do with me?”

“That would be telling, however I’m sure you’ll soon adjust to your new life.”

“Fuck this shit…”

No way was I staying here while they used me as a guinea pig, fuck Spender and fuck them all. I turned to walk out on him, all I wanted was to get as far away from here as possible and never look back. Not that anything ever went as planned, I opened the door and walked straight into Luis.

Fuck I’d have to think fast, the bastard hated me with a passion and always made my life hell. Also Luis outweighed me and was far faster, well I couldn’t just give in and let them win.

“Going somewhere Krycek?”

“Fuck you Luis…”

Shit I realized at the last minute that he wasn’t alone, there were three of them and I never stood a chance. Luis grabbed my arm and pinned it behind my back, I knew I was fucked now as the pain became agonizing.

“Fight me and I’ll fuckin break it, do I make myself clear Krycek?”

“Shit I can’t let you do this; my memories are what make me who I am.”

Spender came forward and grabbed me hard by the chin, the bastard even dug his fingers into the soft flesh.

“I have big plans for you Alex, you see this hasn’t been used before on anyone. So you see that makes you very special, as you have some of the talents that I want to keep. You will have this new life and will have to learn to adjust, however you’ll always have that part that will make you question everything.”

“Please, look I’ll do whatever you want…”

“A little too late now Alex, do you remember Nikolay Ivanov?”

“Yeah how could I forget him.”

Nikolay threw a party some years ago and I was there, I guess things had got out of hand and I smacked his servant.

“Yes he was rather infatuated with you wasn’t he.”

“So what the hell has that got to do with anything?”

“Well let’s just say he was more infatuated with you than even I realized, that’s why he will pay any price to get his hands on you.”

“Yeah well tough shit, like fuck is he coming anywhere near me!”

“You still don’t get it do you Alex?”

“What, I just don’t understand what he’s got to do with this. Oh fuck…”

“I take it the penny has dropped, Alex dear boy soon you will have no say in anything at all.”

“Shit you can’t be serious, have you seen how he treats people and what he does to them!”

“Yes well that won’t be my concern, neither will you Alex. Luis take Alex here to the lab, I’m sure we’ve kept the good doctor waiting long enough don’t you.”

“Fuck no, please Spender don’t do this.”

“Goodbye Alex.”

With that Spender walked back into the office and closed the door, then I was left at the mercy of Luis and the other goons.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be Krycek.”

I was led down some corridors that went on forever, soon they became white and sterile with bright lights. My biggest fear was what waited at the end, I knew all the doctors here enjoyed what they did to people. I myself would be no exception, as now I was no longer part of the consortium. I had no protection from anyone at all now, they could take me apart if that was what they chose to do.

We reached a door that was closed, I also notice the large writing that said keep out. Believe me, right now I’d give anything to stay out of there. However Luis was rough as he dragged me through the door, I noticed that he kept tight hold of me as he spoke to the man I presumed was the doctor.

“Where do you want him?”

“Sit him on that bed, also can you restrain him before you leave?”

“Yeah no problem at all.”

I was forced to sit as Luis restrained me, I’d swear that he took great pleasure as he fastened the restraints. Well he was far from gentle, also he fastened them far tighter than needed. I was aware that even the slightest movement would hurt, especially as the leather straps dug into my wrists.

“You might want to get used to the restraints Krycek, I’ve heard all about Nikolay Ivanov and what he’s into. Apparently, he likes to keep his lovers restrained, oh he also likes to beat them within an inch of their life too.”

“Fuck you Luis.”

“You should be the one that’s worried about getting fucked, I’ve heard that he likes to abuse people and gets off on it.”

With that Luis turned and left me there, now panic was really starting to set in. Yeah, I knew all about the man and what he was capable of, however would I remember any of that once the doctor had finished with me. I really wasn’t sure what they planned to do, or how much of my true self would remain. Nikolay had made a pass at me in in the past, well far more than one actually, yet I always refused, and it pissed him off.

It was at that moment that the doctor came over, all I could do was watch as he prepared a syringe in front of me.

“Right can you just relax Mr Krycek, that way it will make it easier on yourself.”

“Fuck you, what’s it matter as you’ll do it anyway.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t want the needle to snap or anything.”

“My life’s over so just fuckin do it.”

“No Alex that’s where you are wrong, your new life is just beginning.”

I sat there in silence as he tied a rubber band around my arm, then within seconds he managed to find a prominent vain. There was nothing at all I could do now, soon he’d emptied the contents into my blood stream. The tears slowly rolled down my cheeks as I could take no more, I’d seen this done to others in the past and I didn’t like the power the consortium had over people.

“Don’t fight it Alex, just relax and you’ll wake up without ant memory of this or your time here.”

I knew it could take a fair amount of time, especially as Spender wanted specific things done with my brain. Shit that thought alone terrified me, to have someone mess around with your brain. As I myself was well aware that things could go wrong too, the consortium had seen their fair share of failures. I guess I was afraid to relax and give in but had very little choice, soon the drug kicked in and then sleep soon followed.

End of Part 1