As he passed the door of the adoption center, Ian felt his hands become more and more sweaty while his legs started to flex under his weight.
He wanted to grab Greg's arm to make sure to not fall under the weight of the emotion he was feeling, but he knew it would be a bad idea.
He dragged himself to the reception and told his name to the secretary before going to sit while waiting for them to be called.
Greg hadn't waited to sit down on one of the chairs in the waiting room and plunge his nose back into his phone. Ian hated the fact that he seemed more interested in this event than in his emails.
Ian wanted to ask him to stop, or more precisely he wanted to scream at him to stop, to remind him how important this was, but he couldn't.
Certainly, he was afraid that the lack of interest that his husband showed for this adoption would destroy all their chance when they were so close to the goal, but he knew that the slightest remark to Greg could turn against him.
He tried to wipe his hands on his pants, but there was nothing to do, he always felt they were getting more moister.
He had dreamed of this day for years and in a few minutes, his dream would finally come true.
Ian came from a large and dysfunctional family.
His sister had always held the role of the parent and in turn, when he has been tall enough, he had taken care of his brothers and sisters.
On several occasions, they had been taken to foster families.
Being separated from his family in this way was a trauma for Ian each time.
But it was then that he discovered a reality that was even more terrifying than the one in which he lived and that had changed his life forever.
Where he was lucky to have a family who cared for him despite all the difficulties that came with it, some children had no one and waited tirelessly to be adopted with the fear of being finally abandoned again or ended up in a family more terrifying than their worst nightmare.
As soon as he was aware of this sad reality, Ian had only dreamed of one thing, helping as much as possible these children in need, saving them all this endless nightmare and offering them a family-life that they all deserved.
Over the years, this idea had grown in him and guided his actions and decisions.
He had thought he had to give up his dream when he had learned he had inherited the bipolarity of his mother.
This discovery had generated in him the worst depression crisis he had ever faced.
He had at that moment owed his salvation to a young nurse who had managed to revive this dream in him.
She had promised him that his case was not hopeless and that even with his illness he would still have the opportunity to adopt.
Ian had a hard time believing it, but as the days went by, and hearing her tell him that everything was still possible, he finally accepted the idea that his dream wasn't lost.
He understood that it would not be so simple for him and that many things could block his path, but he wanted to hold on and realize the dream that already guided him for several years.
He had managed to overcome this crisis, and by dint of perseverance and will, he had managed to reach a stable life.
He had subsequently decided to put all the chances on the side.
He knew that a single man could adopt, but given his medical history, his case was likely to be more difficult.
Moreover, he knew that the stability and the financial situation of a married couple would make it easier for him to forget his bipolarity.
It was with this idea in mind that Ian had sought out to find a husband.
Wherever someone is looking for someone to attract or make them dream, Ian has been looking for someone stable and who financially fit to achieve his goal.
On several occasions he had almost given up, not liking the idea of using someone in this way. But it was then that he had met Greg and this guilt was gone.
From the beginning, he understood that Greg was using him and their relationship for his own purposes and that in no way he was in love with him.
He then put cards on the table and proposed a deal to Greg.
He could continue to use him as he pleased, dragging him to any gala or family dinner, and in exchange, he allowed him to fulfill his dream.
Fortunately for Ian, Greg's greed had prompted him to accept and they married soon after.
No one among the Gallagher’s had understood this choice of partner. On several occasions, they had feared that Ian would again be under the influence of his illness, but the latter had finally managed to reassure them.
Although still disturbed by the idea, the brothers and sisters of Ian finally accepted the idea of this marriage.
Greg had never intended to get closer than necessary to Ian's family or friends.
Ian sighed for a long time, trying to keep his cool and not showing all the nervousness that was gnawing at him from inside. Certainly, all future parents had to be stressed, but not all prospective parents had made a marriage of convenience to override a mental illness challenging an adoption.
The panic invaded him again and he closed his eyes a few moments to try to recover his calm.
Since he had learned that they would finally become parents, Ian had phoned his therapist to schedule more appointments.
He knew that such a radical change could have serious consequences and he didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize the safety of his future child.
The secretary finally called their names, pulling Ian out of his trance at the same time.
She invited them to go to one of the offices on her right before going back to reading her magazine.
A stealthy look at Greg allowed Ian to relax a bit more.
He had dropped his phone and was now smiling.
Greg's ambition was to pursue a career in politics and knew exactly when and how to show the best of him.
If he had agreed to marry Ian it was to show the image of a stable and generous man.
He never hesitated to announce to everyone the illness that Ian was suffering from, to appear like a valorous knight in armor, ready to defend that weak and frail creature that was his husband.
Ian was certain, Greg had agreed to marry a man only to gain the sympathy of the LGBT community. Indeed, being bisexual, he certainly would have had no problem marrying a woman and thus enter the norm.
Everything that man did was calculated to serve his desire for power.
Ian tried to dismiss this thought from his mind. It was not the time to think about his husband's attitude and moreover, he was not himself totally innocent.
They were greeted by a little chubby lady who invited them to sit in front of her.
"Hello misters Devis. I'm Mrs. Wilson, I'm happy to meet you. "
"Us, too." Ian said, unable to hide his excitement any longer.
"I have some paperwork for you to sign and after that, you can leave with your son." she promised, putting a folder on her desk.
Ian listened attentively and signed at all the indicated places without thinking or re-reading the contents of the file.
He noticed a grimace on Greg's face when their interlocutor pronounced their son's name, but he preferred not to pay attention to it, or to their amused critics about that name.
For Ian, this name was perfect because it belonged to his son, and this little angel was already perfect in every way.
He felt his heart racing as he heard the woman in front of him ask for Yev to be brought to them.
"As I explained to you, this little kid's parents weren't very good people. The father is currently in prison and the mother, who preferred to put him up for adoption, has an antecedent of prostitution. That's why you could adopt him so quickly. Many parents don't want a child with such a heavy past. He's only a year old, but only God knows what he's ever experienced. "
Ian wanted to reply, to tell her that she should not judge a child just because of his parents and that he had managed to become a good person despite the horrible people that were his parents. However, he kept silent, and let Greg tell her that they would do everything to make this little boy forget everything he had suffered so far.
Ian felt his heart explode when a young man entered the room holding the hand of a little boy slowly putting one foot in front of the other.
Ian stepped towards him and stooped to get up to his level before showing a big smile.
"Hi Yevgeny, I'm your new dad." he said with a trembling voice.
The baby let out a happy laugh before losing the fragile balance that held him up and falling on his buttocks.
Ian caught him and hugged him before looking at him tenderly.
He had beautiful blue eyes. Eyes that had returned Ian's heart in so many ways when he first saw Yev in his picture.
Ian had been haunted by a similar pair of eyes for years and had taken it as a sign of fate when he saw Yev's picture.
Yev reached for Ian's face and he pulled him closer to let him grip what had caught his attention. He grabbed a lock of Ian's hair and pulled it gently.
"I think it's the first time he's ever seen someone with red hair." Mrs. Wilson amused herself.
"I especially believe that he agrees with me, you have to cut your hair. You look like a shit sweety. "Greg said.
Ian preferred to ignore the barely concealed wickedness in his husband's voice and just changed position Yev to make sure the little boy didn't fall.
"Are there any more papers to sign?" He asked once he was up.
Mrs. Wilson motioned no, and informed them that someone would be coming to their home in a while to check that everything was going well.
Greg had let Ian go alone, preferring to go back to work, for as he said so well, catch up the delay his husband's whim had to create.
Ian was not offended at all. Firstly because he was used to this kind of remark and secondly because seeing Yev smile was more important to him than this.
He knew that the first days would not be easy and that Yev and he had to get used to all these changes and that's why he did not feel uncomfortable with the boy's behavior.
The happiness of his son was well worth all the revivals in the middle of the night, the caprices, and the fits of anger.
Greg, meanwhile, didn't agree and seemed on the verge of getting rid of the young child.
Ian knew that without the consequences on his career Greg would have already handed Yev in the system.
To calm things down, Ian decided to stay sleeping with Yev to make sure that he didn't disturb his husband's sleep anymore.
The crises finally calmed down little by little and real complicity was created between Ian and Yev.
He spent his day with the little boy teaching him everything he could and watching his every move to keep him safe. He wanted his son to be the happiest child in the world.
His family welcomed Yev with open arms. Everyone seemed glad to see Ian so happy and fulfilled.
The first separation with Yev was extremely painful for Ian, even though it only lasted a few hours.
Greg had forced him to attend a charity gala organized by the Mayor and Ian couldn't say no. He knew very well that if Greg found a reason to get rid of their son he would do it and Ian didn't want that for anything in the world.
He rushed into Yev's room as soon as he got home and was relieved to find him sleeping quietly.
Many changes had occurred in Ian's life in the years following his son's adoption.
Greg had managed to get a job in the governor's office, forcing them to move to Springfield.
Greg also wanted their couple to portray hard-working people, so Ian had to find a job and let his son go to the nursery.
He had had great difficulty accepting this idea, but he knew that his future and that of his son depended largely on Greg.
Moreover, he hoped to convince his husband to adopt a new child.
It had been two years since Ian realized his dream and he blessed each day with his son. He was, for him, the most intelligent, courageous, and funny boy in the whole world.
Ian took a break to take out his phone and open the photo gallery to show Michelle, his co-worker, the latest photos with Yev.
Michelle had several children herself and adored Yev.
Ian knew that without the presence of his new friend by his side, he would surely have had a lot more trouble supporting this job and separation from his son.
"He really has beautiful eyes." Michelle said, looking at the picture on the phone.
"Yes ..." Ian confirmed with a smile.
He too found the eyes of his son splendid. In the end, he found everything splendid in his son, but his eyes were something mesmerizing. They were a beautiful blue that constantly reminded him of another pair of eyes just as wonderful.
"He's going to become a ladykiller when he grows up." Michelle amused.
Ian let out a small laugh, wondering what his son would look like older.
For once, he would like to know what Yev's biological parents looked like.