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warmest regards

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dear donghyuck,

honestly, starting college fucking sucks. i hope this is just me, and you’re having a much better time in your first year. like who the fuck invented calculus? and more importantly, who decided i need a calculus credit to graduate with a degree in horticulture? math is some specialized witchcraft hell and personally i don’t think i should have to deal with. if i have to stay up until 2am completing an assignment one more time i’m going to lose my mind.

and that’s only the beginning. the other guys in my suite either don’t shower or smell like phoenix scent axe body spray. one of them passed me the other day in the bathroom, (which is smaller than a fucking mini fridge by the way. there isn’t even room to wipe your ass in there) and i swear i almost passed out. he smelled so bad i can’t even describe it, i thought i was going to faint. i literally got lightheaded. why do white men have no sense of hygeine?

i was so excited for my horticulture class too. this should be my thing right? this is my major and i love horticulture! this is where i should thrive! WRONG! everyone is so smart and advanced and i feel so behind. everyone has friends and cliques and they hang out together on the weekends meanwhile i wake up at 2pm and have cheap shitty ramen in my room then spend the whole day on youtube like a lonely, unhappy piece of shit.

it’s lonely donghyuck :(

i’m happy your university is working out for you, i really loved the pictures of you and your new boyfriend and the pictures of your friends you sent me. it was all super cute! i’m glad you’re finding your people, you deserve the best group of friends. i just wish i could be there too.

i know you said that we’re still best friends but i feel like i’m supposed to make new friends here, a new best friend even, and that feels like replacing you. i could never replace you. i mean, even if i tried, i couldn’t. no one talks to me here… do you think i could transfer to where you are next semester?

i’m sorry this letter is such a bummer, but i figured if i sent you a bunch of lies about how happy i am you’d see through it and tell me to cut the shit. so instead i was honest.

thank you for always listening to me. and thank you for being my best friend. say hi to your friends in all the pictures for me! it would be nice to meet them all.





dear mark,

god you are such a baby! we go to different colleges and you suddenly can’t function? i know i’m the best thing that happened to you but sheesh, grow some spine.

mark lee, i love you, and i hate to see you struggle like this, but you are not transfering. you are there for a reason! you’re in the top horticulture program in the country! you got one of only 40 positions! you belong there, and i bet you’re smarter than all of those knuckleheads. just wait until your first test comes around, you’ll see.

i think you’re scared of how much everything has changed, and that’s okay. i was scared too. the only way to stop being scared mark is to stop caring. stop imagining what your first year is supposed to look like and just DO IT!

be honest with me, have you tried talking to people, or do you wait for them to approach you first? get out there mark! you have a pretty face, starting using it! if you want friends you are going to have to at least try to make them. try talking to a couple new people until at least one of them sticks around. do NOT tell the aardvark joke.

thank you for the polaroid pictures by the way! i’m planning on putting them up on my wall. you look so cute as a college kid. your campus is so pretty, you better give me a full tour when i visit. i’ll even look at the plants and bugs with you. the pictures are so well taken, you’re so good at so many things :D even my friends said your pictures look amazing! i don’t know how i’m going to one up you this time.

also, my new friends say hi back! i showed them pictures of us and they all said you’re hot. i’m kind of annoyed to be honest, i’m supposed to be the pretty friend! they really want to meet you too. i know you’ll get along well. and my boyfriend really wants to meet you too! his name is haknyeon and he’s super sweet. and as for my friends, there’s this guy named jaemin, he’s a leo like you so i think you’ll get along really well.

oh! that reminds me, don’t befriend any virgos since i’m not around to protect you from those evil monsters. they’ll only tear your life apart! if you start any conversation surrounding your birth chart, don’t let them know you’re an aries moon. feign ignorance! and don’t roll your eyes while you’re reading this because i know you’re doing it right now. this is the best way to ensure you’re making besties for the resties while at college.

college is a rough start, it was hard for me too. i promise you’ll find your footing. once you do i’ll be jealous of all the super cool friends you’re making! no matter how much anyone, including me, tease you, we all know you are so amazing and capable and i don’t mind reminding you of it.

and most importantly, i miss you too. sometimes i wish we went to the same univeristy because i miss hearing your dumb laugh at 3am. but i think we both made the right choice. we’re gonna be reunited soon, i just know it.

warmest regards,