The pain was incredible. Having experienced it once before didn't undermine the painful impact. My head cracked open on the sidewalk, blood pouring out of my skull. Alix was on top of me. Why the fuck would she do this? I shouldn't have let her come to the roof with me. Her hands were still wrapped around mine. There was nothing I could do. God damn it. What a great fucking boyfriend I am. I can't even save her from her damn self.
The feeling in my feet and legs were the first to go as the blood drained out of me. I could hear yelling but ny vision was too fuzzy. My head and spine burned, my chest struggling to get air. As I slipped into blackness, I felt like I was suffocating. I was drowning in death.
I hope my body was enough to cushion her. Maybe she's not dead. I remember her words before we fell, "trust me, Katsuki." Maybe she will be there when I wake in my world. If that's how these things work.
"The future is not clear."
The truth was, I had a long talk with Horikoshi before the police arrived at that gas station. I knew exactly who he was. I had seen pictures of him online. But we couldn't tell Alix our plan was me jumping off a building and dying. I knew it would end up like this. But here we were anyway. She didn't lie when she said nothing would stop her.
God damn it. Why did I let it slip the plan was to die? Why... but I knew why. She had nothing to lose trying to follow me. She would do anything to be with me. I know that. No matter what I did, it would have ended like this.
Death isn't like in the movies. It's not a comforting blanket. It's not a slow descent into darkness. For me, there was no Heaven or Hell waiting. I could feel each cell slowly dying, each nerve going numb. I wanted to breathe, to end the suffering in my chest, but the harder I tried the more pain I felt. There was no life flashing before my eyes. There was simply pain and regret.
I should have stopped her.