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i’m bearing with it, i miss you

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seungsik was expecting a lot of things to come out of this fan meet, but not seungwoo’s video message. it not only breaks their fan’s heart, but the members, as well.

seungsik knows that it’s not his job to look after the younger boys, but how can he when he hurts as well?

seungsik’s gotta be strong, for the boys, for seungwoo.

 

 

it takes a lot for seungsik to stop crying, but he eventually stops. he’s gotta be strong. the boys will appreciate it, seungwoo, will appreciate it, he’s just gotta stop crying.

it’ll all be ok if he stops showing weakness over this.

 

  

they get home and the first thing the members do it collapse on the floor, tears falling from their eyes in a steady stream. seungsik, however, stops the tears, the tears never making their escape.

“hyung..?” seungsik looks down to subin, frowning at him, “are you ok? don’t you feel anything?”

“of course i do subin-ie, i’ve just gotta be strong for all of you.”

hanse gives him this look, “hyung... what’s wrong with showing weakness? seungwoo-hyung’ll be gone for two and a half years, gone. for two and a half years.

“that’s exactly why i’ve gotta stay strong hanse, he’ll be gone for two and a half years, someone’s gotta look after you lot.”

the rest of the members give each other looks.

 

 —

 

seungsik slips into bed that night ready to cry. he’s gotta be strong though.

he then feels byungchan slip in next to him, startling the older.

“hyung...” byungchan starts, “please stops trying to be strong, please stop acting like you’re going to survive this without crying, you not, and you’re not ok. we all know, the others and i aren’t stupid hyung.”

seungsik looks at him dumbfounded, “i don’t know what you mean byungchan, i’m strong, i’m going to survive this, we all are.”

“look, i know we are hyung, but right now? no one can be this strong, you have to let your emotions free, relax a bit.”

seungsik lowers his head as the rest of the members slip in through the door and find a place on seungsik’s small bed.

maybe he isn’t strong after all. 

the other members hug their hyung and the tears finally slip from his eyes. 

he feels weak, he needs to be strong. for his younger members.

they all give him weak looks, tears about to overflow from their eyes too.

 maybe he can be selfish like this, just for a night.