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Finding Answers In What You're Given

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They meet at Monet’s because where else would they meet? Walking in Alex doesn’t see anyone else from school in the cafe, but it’s not like he’d say hello anyway. Casual acquaintanceship is for people who haven’t been in the middle of thirty five different controversies. Even Justin’s absent, not behind the counter like he usually is to support his dream of college and probably his continued drug habit. Clay said rehab worked this time, but he was tricked once before. Alex will believe it when he fuckin’ sees it.

Alex folds himself into the empty chair of the only table that matters. “So what’s up? You said you want to talk?”

Jessica fiddles with the handle of her mug as she starts. “One of the hundred lovely lessons you have to try to teach yourself after being assaulted is how desire works for you.”

Alex nods. He spent hours googling being the boyfriend of a rape survivor back when they were dating. Refreshed his knowledge after Tyler, to see if there was anything to do differently as a friend. He knows as much as he can without first hand information.

“Sometimes shit gets pretty fucked up, and connections get made that aren’t fair.”

“Okay?” Alex isn’t sure why she’s telling him this. But obviously he’s not a garbage friend, and will listen to anything she or Tyler, or anyone in the group needs to tell him.

“Justin-” She pauses and tries again. “Justin thinks he might be bisexual. But he’s been hurt, repeatedly and all by men.”

Clinically Alex thinks that makes sense. He knows Justin stood up on Assembly Day. Thanks to his dad he knows shelters aren’t always the beacons of safety the name implies. And Justin’s been in juvie, and fuck knows outstanding moral citizens don’t typically dwell there either.

“Should you be telling me this? Outing him?”

Jessica nods, curls bouncing. Alex always used to like rubbing her head. “Fair point. Except we talked a lot, and he thought it would all be better coming from me. He knows you don’t always like him.”

Alex sips his drink so he doesn’t have to try to dispute the claim.

“We’ve talked about it and we want to give him the chance to see if it’s real or just some misfiring shit in his head.”

“Okay? Tony would probably know a gay club to go to.” Tony has almost certainly not been to one, he’s not a techno and crop top kind of gay guy. But he’d at least know the name of one. Better than Alex. A limp and a leg brace is not conducive to dancing in neon lights.

“Come on Alex. Do you really think random asshole is a safe person to try something with? Even an hour long talk about boundaries wouldn’t mean shit if you don’t know if they’re just agreeing to move the night along to the good parts. Alex I know you’re still attracted to me. And you’re one of my best friends. And you’re pan. Would you help me help Justin? Please?”

Alex’s uncharitable first thought is why can’t Clay do it? They’re best friends to the point of adoption, and they share a bedroom, how hard could it be to jerk off beside each other one night?

“What the fuck, Jess?”

“I’m not going to try to convince you, Alex. That would make me a pretty big goddamn hypocrite. Just think about it, okay?”

“I’m going to the bathroom.” His mouth is as dry as the desert. No amount of coffee is going to help. At least the bathroom provides a few minutes of stalling, not the seconds a chug of overpriced coffee could.

Once he’s alone in the chrome stall, Alex’s first reaction is wanting to text Zach. Maybe that’s weird. It’s hard to know what classifies as weird anymore. Zach’s straight and Alex only had a crush on him for about five minutes total, he really doesn’t need to know about Alex’s sex life. But he wants to tell Zach anyway. At Tyler’s photo exhibition they promised to be the kind of friends that can talk about anything, and it’s a promise that’s stuck.

Would you have a threesome with people you were gender compatible with?

Literally me, or hypothetical universal me?

Come on, Zach.

Alex is only half surprised by his phone ringing. Zach doesn’t like to type out long messages. If it’s longer than a sentence or two, he’ll just call. Alex picks up, despite sensing that this might get way more awkward when it’s not veiled through reaction-free text.

“If two girls both wanted to have sex, maybe? Like I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But I just mostly only like having sex with girls I know and trust and like? I dunno, man. Do you want to have a threesome with some people?”

Alex laughs. “I just got an offer.”

“Really? Shit. From who?”

Yeah, he should have anticipated Zach asking that. Oops. Zach isn’t Justin’s biggest fan either, and Alex knows Zach took his side on the break up with Jess. But what’s he going to do? Lie? On the other hand, who says Jessica and Justin want their laundry being aired?

“I don’t know if they want it out there. Especially if I don’t even do it.”

“Okay, whatever. So I guess the question is, will it be fun? Or if that’s not the thing that matters the most to you, does whatever that quality is apply? Like will it be a mind broadening experience, or will it form a bond with someone you want to bond with? What do you care about, and does it fit into that?”

Alex cares about being a man, and the protection and strength that implies. Does a threesome make him a man? Maybe not. But helping a person he cares about and a person he doesn’t might. And it’s not like it’s a hardship. Jessica is the one who got away, he’ll always want her. Objectively speaking Justin is pretty cute. He doesn’t have track marks anymore, which helps.

“Thanks, man.”

“Yeah, no problem. You know I’ve always got you.”


In the months that they haven’t been together, Jessica hasn’t redecorated. Her room is still all shades of purple and grey and white. It’s like a very soothing unicorn, not that he’d say that out loud. He hasn’t actually said much of anything out loud since Jessica opened the front door and let him ascend the stairs first. What can he say? Googling threesome etiquette was only so helpful, considering neither drunken one night flings nor loving polyamory is what this is about.

The three of them are standing in the room like an isosceles triangle now. Makes sense. It’s their relationship against him, even if it was their choice to invite him. Alex isn’t going to try to break that, whether it’s by moving closer or by hitting on one of them. He’s here as some kind of therapy fuck, let them decide when they’re ready.

Jessica’s the one to get things in motion. She has the soul of a leader, Alex knows. Once they get out of this garbage high school, she’ll be able to do great things and gain respect for them, not get in shit. “The first thing we need to acknowledge is anyone can say no or stop at any time. If something doesn’t work it’s okay.”

In a decent world that would go without saying. In this world Bryce raped Jessica and fuck knows what happened to Justin. “Agreed.”

“The second thing is everyone has triggers, or just lesser things they don’t like. Everyone. I’m going to say some of the ones I know. If you have any more, please share. Don’t hold my wrists. Don’t play wrestle with me. Don’t stick your fingers in Justin’s mouth. Don’t call Justin sweetheart or baby. Don’t smoke a cigarette after.”

Justin speaks up. “Um, probably don’t give me a handjob, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alex doesn’t want them to be the only ones confessing to past trauma. And it’s not like he doesn’t have his own. “I don’t like doing stuff standing up. It makes me worry that I’m going to fall over. Even though I won’t. I just-”

“You don’t have to explain. If it’s a no it’s a no dude.”

“Yes, exactly,” Jessica proclaims, note of defiance in her voice oddly placed, since it’s not like anyone is disagreeing with her.

“We should start now,” Justin declares.

Alex isn’t some weird internet guy who gets off on cuckolding. Besides, Jessica and him have been broken up for a while. So is it weird that he’s looking forward to seeing them fucking? Jessica is sexy and divine. Reluctantly admitted, Justin is sexy. Two good looking people having sex together is hot. As kind as Melody was, this is much better than paying for it, on the sexuality spectrum.

It comes as a bit of a surprise that the very next move is Jessica ordering Justin to take his shirt off and kiss him. Alex didn’t expect things to start off him-centric. Not to mention Jessica was never bossy during sex with him. Maybe that was part of the problem? Now doesn’t seem like a good time to ask. Not when Jessica is pushing Justin onto the bed and giving Alex a look demanding compliance. So he complies, because why wouldn’t he? He even takes it a step further. Justin has instinctively reverted to crossed legs in the middle of the bed. Alex straddles Justin, his own legs straight on either side of Justin’s hips. If he’s going to make contact, he might as well make contact.

Justin tastes like Pepsi. Alex mentally rolls his eyes at that. At least he put in the effort to suck on Lifesavers on the way over. Soda breath is a sign of not giving a fuck. But maybe he’s just taking it too personally, because Justin is shaky and clinging, arms tight on Alex’s back. He kisses like he cares.

Alex doesn’t see when Jessica loses her shirt and unhooks her bra. One moment he’s stroking his tongue along Justin’s, the next Justin is gasping and pulling away slightly. Alex completes the movement, primed for hypervigilance. He’s not here to be an asshole, getting what he wants. He’s here for the literal opposite of that. Except Justin is frowning at him and pulling him back in and there’s only just enough time to see a shirtless Jessica pouring massage oil on the top of Justin’s spine. The reaction must have been from the oils cool temperature.

It’s actually fun, making out with Justin while Jessica does other things and trying to guess what provokes what reaction. Alex’s got a pretty decent technique but Jessica wins major points when she starts rubbing her breasts up and down Justin’s back. He leans forward to give Jessica more surface area and Alex doesn’t mind leaning back to keep kissing but he’s only got so much core strength. Eventually he topples over, head hitting the foot of her bed.

Justin immediately takes the opportunity given. He opens Alex’s zipper and pulls down his jeans by the belt loops. It’s a fierce tug, one that does it’s job. Alex feels a whole lot more exposed with the outline of his hard cock showing through his underwear.

“Come on. Show me. If you still want to do this, I still want to see it.”

Jessica’s words are meant for Justin but Alex can hear them perfectly. It adds a new dimension, wondering just how into voyeurism Jessica is.

Justin’s reaction to Jessica’s friendly provocation is to kneel up and push his own jeans and underwear down to the knees. It’s the first time Alex has seen an erection meant for him. Asking Bryce for a male alternative seemed like a bad path to go down. It’s nice. Like he’s not attracted to Justin as a person at all, and he doesn’t want Justin to be attracted to him, but a dick up for him is flattering.

That’s the last thing Alex really thinks about because Justin is falling back on top of him and now there’s only one thin layer of cotton lycra between them. Alex can feel how hard Justin is, even before Justin starts rocking his hips. When he does, Alex has the perfect outline of him, and it’s wild. He bucks up, simply can’t help the movement. Justin drives down, balancing his upper body with his forearms and letting everything below the waist mingle with Alex. There’s something about hairy legs against his that makes Alex want to bite his tongue, but it’s a brief sensory burst before he refocuses on Justin’s dick against his.

Alex has wanted this for a while now, since before everything went to hell. Since junior high, when coming out to his manly man dad would always be the most dramatic thing he’d ever do. He could laugh, literally, for what he’s lost, what they all have lost, and what they’ve become, but instead he lifts up his ass enough that he can get his underwear halfway down his thighs. He doesn’t have much room. Justin has no intention of relinquishing him space, and above Justin Jessica’s found a way to pleasure herself. Alex isn’t inside a sphere of mirrors so he can’t entirely tell, he doesn’t have the right angles, but he’s pretty sure she’s rubbing her pussy on Justin’s thigh. Like the lesbian scissoring porn he watches sometimes.

With his underwear off, Justin’s cock is right against his. There’s some friction, but the awkward slide is just the price to pay for grinding on a hot guy. Alex would pay more than slight chafing.

Jessica comes to the rescue then. She curves a hand around Justin’s side and pours a generous amount of lubricant on Alex, probably aiming for the crotch. It more getting on his pelvis. It’s alright though. With Justin moving around so vigorously, the scentless slick gets spread quickly.

It’s crazy to think Justin’s cock could fit inside someone. Fit inside him. Has fit inside Jessica. He’s not sure what he’d say if Justin tried for it, if he’d tap out or not. Lucky for Alex, no one seems to have intentions further than writhing. Speaking for himself, there’s very little that seems more interesting than Justin’s fat cock slipping against his length.

He doesn’t last long. He knows this is supposed to be about Justin, but it’s been a while since Melody, and the first time with a guy is just added excitement. The cool thing about coming all over his and Justin’s stomach is Justin doesn’t have to worry about pulling out without finishing because his partner’s getting oversensitive. Justin can just keep going, only slightly changing the angle to give Alex a bit of relief.

“Come on, come on,” Justin mutters. It’s the first thing he’s said. Alex thinks. To be honest, he goes kind of deaf during sex. It makes dirty talk useless, and he’s almost gotten caught jerking off a few times, when he hasn’t noticed Dad coming home. Alex wonders who Justin’s talking to for a minute. It becomes clear when Jessica comes, moan a high pitched note of beauty, and Justin’s eyes scrunch closed as he spurts literal nanoseconds later. Justin was begging Jessica to orgasm, so he could. That’s kinky as fuck, and adds more context to the threesome request. If Jessica and Justin are just weird together, of course they think other people are weird too.

Well, Alex won’t say anything. There’s no sense in being a dickbag, especially not when he got invited because he’s a nice guy. They can just keep being weird together. Alex will find a girl or guy who matches him as well as Justin and Jessica apparently match each other. Probably. Maybe. Surely there has to be another cute, gentle, nice, physically disabled person who’s also murdered a serial rapist out in the world, right? Hah.