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Shades of Love

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"Will the pair of you give it a rest?" Yuri snapped, wiped the sweat from his brow. Victor and Yuuri were all over each other, all the damn time. They were supposed to be giving him their full attention after agreeing to coach him for the upcoming season. Instead they were gazing into each other's eyes and getting handsy rink side.

How did people have the audacity to call him rude and inappropriate?

Victor simply grinned at him, sliding his arm around his husband. "You asked us to be your coaches. You knew how we were before you asked that question."

Yuri scowled. "Please don't remind me. I must have taken a fall on the ice and been suffering with a concussion."

Katsuki laughed, a slight blush on his cheeks from being called out about the PDA. Unlike the old man, he seemed a little more apologetic. "I don't recall watching you take a fall that day, Yurio."

Yuri didn't even bother to try and get him to call him by his proper name anymore. After three years, he knew he was stuck with the fucking thing. "Whatever." Victor untangled himself from Katsuki and handed him a bottle of water. He took it with thanks and gulped down a quarter of it. "So do you have any ideas for my short programme or have you been too busy staring at each other to come up with anything?"

Victor leant on the barrier. "Yurio, I hate to say this but I think it would be beneficial to all of us if you went out on a date. Hooked up with someone. Had a little fun. You're wound up too tightly for a young man of eighteen."

Yuri spluttered in horror, the water shooting from his mouth unceremoniously. "What? What the fuck, Victor?"

"Victor," his husband sighed, "it's not your place to say that."

"Too fucking right," Yuri agreed. It was humiliating and frustrating! Why would he go on a date with anyone? Everyone he met was awful. Everyone he already knew were in relationships. In his experience, people were too much effort to deal with. 

"Think about it," Victor said, unfazed by the rebukes. "I understand that skating is the most important thing in your life. It was the same way for me for a very long time which is why I am in a prime position to give you advice on this."

"I'm not going to start slutting it up like you did when you hit nineteen." Victor's exploits on and off the ice were legendary. Ridiculous, Yuri corrected. He wanted to be known for his skating ability, as a champion, not for who's bed he had been sleeping in. The media ate that shit up and he didn't want to get caught in the trap like everyone else did.

Victor rolled his eyes. "See, you're a prude. Having a few nights of fun doesn't make me a slut."

Katsuki piped up, tone soft. "He is right, Yuri. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun. You work extremely hard  - we all admire your work ethic and as your coaches we could ask for nothing more - "

"So what's the problem?" Yuri demanded, feeling slightly betrayed by the couple. They were both aware of exactly how much work it took to win a gold medal so for them to imply that he was...lacking in other areas because of that dedication was a kick in the gut. 

"This is the problem," Victor expressed, his eyes serious.  "You can't have a conversation without blowing up over something small. That is fine when you're a child, but you're an adult now. We're your friends, we want you to be happy. You don't seem happy to me."

A ball of panic tightened in his stomach. "I'm fine."

 

Victor raised his brows. "Are you? I know how much pressure I used to put on myself. Yes, my skating was impeccable, but I was miserable much of the time. Lonely. I'm sorry if you think I'm being harsh here, but I want to spare you from those years of inner pain that I endured."

His usual bluster gone, Yuri stood silently. The unexpected conversation had thrown him off guard and he didn't know how to respond. He knew everyone thought he was a brat and to some extent, he knew it to be the truth. That assumption was safe; his prickly exterior kept people at a distance. He didn't have to explain his feelings to anyone, open up, or any of that shit. He could just be and do what he wanted. Ever since Grandpa's death, it had been what he needed. 

Otabek -  

Well, Otabek no longer had time for him so the one person he would have willing opened up wasn't an option anymore.

"I'm done for the day," Yuri said, throat dry. He needed out of the rink and away from his ‘friends’ before they gave anymore unsolicited advice.

Katsuki tried to grab his hand, but he shrugged it of. "Yurio, we're sorry. If you want to stay here, we'll go."

"No, I'm going." He left them to it without a backward glance. Why couldn't people just leave him alone?

 

*** 

 

Due to his early departure from practice, he was home with more hours to spare until bed than usual. He played with Potya before making a quick dinner and settling on the sofa to watch some boring TV, all whilst trying to get Victor's words out of his head. To distract himself further, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through Instagram. Boring, boring, boring. Selfies of Vicktor, Katsuki and their dog. More selfies from other skaters he knew. 

He snapped an adorable photo of Potya and uploaded it with a heart emoji. It was kind of pathetic, but his cat was the only other creature he could depend on in the world. She truly did have his heart.

Why was Victor so obsessed with telling him what to do with his personal life? It was called that for a reason - it was personal!

Did he and Katsuki really think he hadn't already thought about that stuff? Literally everyone else in his life was paired up or had an active social life. All he did was exercise, practice and then come home to his cat. Of course, he was fucking lonely. Being questioned about it just made him feel like shit. Victor had grown up a lot since meeting his husband, but not enough to know some things were better left alone. 

Yuri didn't pry into their lives or their relationship. He'd even taken it in stride when they both announced their retirements last year because he realised that it wasn't his place to make those decisions for anyone else. He had matured.

Notifications started to pop up on his phone, drawing his attention, likes and comments on the photo of Potya. One stood out, kicking his heart into overdrive.

 

otabek-atlin: Miss you both.

 

Otabek hardly ever opened his Instragram app, let alone took the time to write comments. 

 

Otabek missed them. 

Enraged, Yuri threw his phone to the other side of the sofa, the burst of action scaring poor Potya so much she ran off into the bedroom. He made a conscious effort to calm down, though he could feel the sting of tears at the back of his eyes. If Otabek missed them so much, he had a funny way of showing it. He gets a new girlfriend and he goes off the grid completely. Yuri hadn't heard from him in over a month which had been excruciating considering they used to talk every single day. 

Fuck you, Beka. Fuck you.

He was so done with sitting around moping over someone who obviously didn't value their friendship as much as he did. Done with Victor and his interfering assessments. Of Yuuri for going along with every word he said. For Yakov for deciding to retire so he had no choice but to ask the most annoying duo to be his coaches. 

He was just done.

If Victor wanted him to get a life, he was going to get a fucking life.

 

***

 


Fuck, this was a bad idea. 

He hated people and he hated all the clubs he had been to unless he had been there to watch Beka DJ. He had no idea why he had decided to get dressed up and get a cab to the club. Going home would make the entire trip a failure so that wasn't an option for him.

Taking a sip of his drink, he winced at the strong vodka singed the back of his throat. Shit. He gulped so more down knowing it was the only way he was going to get through the night.

Watching everyone else with their friends or lovers did nothing to abate the loneliness that had lodge itself firmly inside. He had found a spot on a balcony which overlooked the dancefloor. He was too engrossed in the movement of the crowd in front of him to notice someone approach him.  

"Hey," a deep voice sounded from his right. 

Startled, Yuri lifted his head. A guy, perhaps a couple of years older than him stood there, drink in hand and smile on his face. "What do you want?"

The stranger laughed, unperturbed by Yuri's attitude. "Nothing."

Yuri frowned, giving the guy another once over, a slice of discomfort running through him when he noticed how much the man resembled Otabek, same haircut and everything. Weird. 

"I'm Henry, by the way." He offered a hand that Yuri didn't take. 

"Yuri."

Henry settled in next to him, still unfazed by his rudeness. "Are you here alone?"

Yuri nodded, seeing no point in lying. "You?"

"My friends are around here somewhere. I was looking for them, but I saw you instead. You're hot."

Yuri's cheeks flushed red. He had always known he liked males, but in Russia he knew he had to be careful about how he acted in a public space. A bit of leeway was given to the country's top athletes, but he still had to be careful unless he wanted to court the wrong kind of attention. No one had ever come onto him like this before and he didn't know what to do. With the vodka swimming around in his bloodstream, he was less cautious than he should have been. Victor had told him to have a hook-up, maybe this guy would be up for it?

"Thanks. You're...adequate."

Henry took it as a joke. Yuri had been serious, the guy was a cheap version of Otabek, but he was never going to have the real Otabek so he might as well be content with the knock off version who was openly coming onto him.

Henry moved to stand behind him, his thicker body emitting a heat that Yuri couldn't help but arch against. Hands moved across his stomach, trailing beneath his oversized tank. Yuri shivered in response, unused to the intimate touch, wishing that it was his Otabek. 

Yuri let out a small yelp as he was spun around with surprising strength. Henry gave him no warning, immediately capturing his lips. For a full ten seconds, Yuri remained still. Sure, he had kissed before. That kiss had ruined his life. This one was fine, over enthusiastic on Henry's part.

Finally, Yuri responded, giving into the sensation, allowing the stranger’s tongue into his mouth. A voice in the back of his head told him that he shouldn’t be doing this, that it wouldn’t solve any of the problems he faced tomorrow or the next day.

But right now, it felt good. With Henry’s hands roaming around his body, he could pretend that he meant something to someone. If he kept his eyes closed, maybe he could convince himself that it truly was Otabek wrapping him in the safe cocoon of his arms.

A shockwave went through his body when Henry bit down on his lower lip. Fuck, he liked that, his cock responding to the sensual assault. Maybe Victor had been right after all, maybe he should let off some steam. Fool around like everyone else did.

Determination coursing through him, Yuri grabbed hold of Henry’s leather jacket and pulled him closer, rubbing his body against the large one. Surrounded by the music, people and vibrating atmosphere, he could almost forget the loneliness he’d experienced since Otabek had left him.

For a few precious moments Yuri lost himself in another, uncaring of the show they were putting on for the rest of the patrons. As far as he was concerned, they were alone.

“Yes,” Henry whispered against his against, nibbling at his lobe, “there’s my Ice Tiger.”

Yuri’s eyes snapped open as he pushed the other man away. “You know who I am?”

Henry smirked, the site sending chills down his spine. “Of course I do. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist me looking like this.” He gestured to his hair, the clothes. He reminded Yuri of Otabek because fashioned himself that way on purpose with the intention of capturing Yuri’s eye.

Meaning he knew exactly where to find Yuri.

“You sick fuck,” Yuri spat, livid with himself for being such an idiot.

Henry’s face fell, his hand grabbing for Yuri’s. “Don’t be like that. Stay with me. We were having fun.”

“Get your hands off me!” Yuri ripped himself away from the deranged fan who stood in front of him. He couldn’t trust anyone not to fuck him over.

Slipping out of the creep’s reach, he sprung into action and ran through the club, cursing his growing height for the first time in his life. With his hair he stuck out like a sore thumb, even in the heavy crowd.

He didn’t look back, eager to get the hell out of the club and back to his cat. Heart pounding, he rushed across the floor, grateful when the exist came into view. A large security guard was standing there on alert.

“Hey,” Yuri shouted, “you know who I am?”

The man nodded.

Yuri explained that a crazy fan was following him and he would appreciate if that fan was prevented from leaving the club for ten minute. Yuri handed him some money and got the assurance he wouldn’t be followed.

Jogging out into the cold night’s air, he became away of how stuffy it had been inside the club. Just in case the guard had lied, he sprinted down the street, heart only beginning to slow when he realised that no one was following him.

Shit.

He slowed down to a walk, more shaken than he would have admitted to another living soul. The Angels could be intense, but he had never experienced anything like that. Hands trembling, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket.

There was only one person he wanted to call.

Would he even pick up?

He should put his phone away, get home and go to bed. Otabek was most likely asleep or fucking that whiney girlfriend of his.

But he needed to talk to someone after that. His stomach was lined with grease and disgust. Self-loathing for being desperate enough to fall for such a crap move like that. Fuck it, he thought, finding Otabek’s number.

Breathing becoming heavier again, Yuri waited to see if his best friend slash crush would pick up the phone.

“Yura?” Otabek’s sleepy voice filled the line, sending a crack right down Yuri’s heart. “Are you okay?”

Yuri bit his lip. “No,” he said in a small voice.

More alert now, Otabek asked, “What’s going on? Where are you? It’s late. Are you outside?”

Now that he had the opportunity to speak to him, Yuri had no idea what to say. There was no way he could tell him the truth about what happened, he would explode from embarrassment.

“Yuri? You’re worrying me.”

Tears clouded his vision. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Please tell me what’s happened? I can call Victor and…”

“No!” Yuri protested, “If I wanted to speak to him, I would have called him. I’m fine. I just…I went to a club.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No. I only had a few drinks.”

Silence. “Tell me the truth. You don’t contact me in weeks and then call me in the middle of the night? You’re not okay. You just told me you weren’t.”

Beginning to panic, Yuri considered just hanging up. “I’m just…”

A loud holler sounded from behind him, drawing his attention. Yuri spun round to find two men a couple of metres behind him. “There he is!”

Fear shot through him. Neither of the men were Henry, but it was obvious they knew who he was and had followed him.

“Yuri, who was that? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he rushed out. “Some men. Shit, I think they’re going to hurt me.” They were calling out obscene words, homophobic slurs. They must have seen him kissing Henry in the club.

“What! No. Yuri, run. Where are you?”

He looked around frantically, trying to work out where he was. “I don’t know. I’m going, I need to go.”

“Yuri! Don’t –“

He hung up and ran.

They followed.

He tripped.

Punching.

Kicking.

Spitting.

Shouting.

Flashing lights.

That was all he remembered. That and a lot of pain.

Chapter Text

Yuri needed to cough.

The need woke him from a deep sleep, his consciousness working hard to break itself from the haven it had retreated to. Why did everything hurt do much?

Cracking his eyelids open, Yuri immediately blinked, blinded from the bright lighting of the room. His throat and lips were dry as he swallowed with difficulty. Where the hell was he? He knew he was missing something important – vital - but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was.

Anxiety pushed its way through his body as he tried to remember. He only became more agitated when his eyes focused and he realised he was in a fancy hospital room, the sterile environment causing chills to run down his spine.

He was in hospital.

He hated hospitals; they reminded him too much of his Grandpa’s death and the illness that had invaded and eventually taken his life.

The only thing that gave him comfort was the sight of Katsuki dozing in a chair beside his bed. It would take a lot to admit it aloud, but older skater’s presence had always put his at ease.

Yuri attempted to sit sending a wave of pain crashing through his entire body.

“Fuck,” he said hoarsely, lowering himself back down.

Katsuki’s eye popped open. Hopping out of the chair, he came to Yuri’s side, relieved smile on his face. “Yurio! You’re awake. We were so worried about you.”

“Can I have some water?” he asked.

“Yes.” Katsuki poured some from a jug and then held the glass close to his lips so he could drink from the straw. When he was done, Katsuki asked, “Do you remember what happened?”

It was coming back to him. Flashes of the club, of that crazy stalker who had kissed him, of the men who had chased him. He remembered them catching up to him when he tripped on a loose stone, trying to fight them off. Cursing himself for ever leaving his home.

Curling into a ball as his body was battered from both sides, praying to the gods to just be knocked out because the pain was so intense. All-consuming.

Yuri nodded.

Katsuki’s face softened, his hand clasping Yuri’s. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. The police have arrested the men who did it. Victor has been dealing with the police.”

“I blacked out. I don’t remember the ambulance or police or anything like that.”

He should be scared or worried, but he just felt numb.

“A group of young men were passing by when it happened and they intervened. They called the ambulance and detained the men who attacked you. Apparently, one of your rescuers was a massive fan.”

Good to know they weren’t all insane. “Everything hurts. Am I still going to be okay for the season?”

Katsuki stilled, “We should wait for your doctor and Victor to come back.”

“No,” Yuri protested, now terrified. If he couldn’t skate… “It’s my body. My career. My future. Tell me.”

Katsuki sighed, fiddling with his glasses. “You don’t have any permanent injuries. You were incredibly lucky, they didn’t break any bones, but Yuri, you have extensive bruising. I don’t know if you’re going to be recovered enough to participate in.”

“Then I can still make the Grand Prix.” The competition began in eight weeks. He, Victor and Katsuki had invested a lot of time into his programmes already. Missing it wasn’t an option.

“Yes, but..”

Yuri cut him off, “No, I’m not missing anything because of this.”

Distress flashed across Katsuki’s face. “You can’t see yourself. You look terrible. Just wait until Victor gets back and we can discuss this further. Your doctor will be able to give us more information about your recovery.”

“I’m not missing a competition,” Yuri said through gritted teeth, his brow beginning to sweat from keeping the pain at bay.

“Yurio!” Victor’s loud voice filled the room as he swept in, his silver hair glinting beneath the bright lighting.

“I’ve got a headache old man, keep the noise down.”

Victor winced, “Of course, I’m sorry. I’m just so relieved that you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” he answered honestly. “Can one of you get the doctor? I want a full account of my injuries so we can assess how long it’s going to take me to get back on the ice.”

“Yuri,” Victor began, “that can wait. You’ve been through something horrible, you should –“

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Yuri barked. “Go and find the doctor.”

Yuri looked away from his friends, hating the sympathy he found in their expressions. Victor departed, leaving him alone with Katsuki, who wouldn’t shut up.

“Do you want me to help you sit? Your doctor said when you woke you would be sore, but able to move if you wish.”

Yuri hesitated before nodding. He accepted the other’s mans help, grimacing as the bruises made themselves known. Despite the pain the movement caused, he was glad to be sitting. He felt less like an invalid.

“Otabek called Victor,” Katsuki said tentatively, “he was a mess. We thought that maybe you had escaped them, but then the hospital contacted us. You didn’t tell me I was your emergency contact.”

“Better you than that airhead out there,” Yuri sighed. He was doing everything in his power to not think about Beka. If he did, he would curl up in a ball and cry.

“You’re staying with us.”

Yuri bit his lip, relieved. Asking them would have pierced his pride, but the thought of going back to his empty apartment was terrifying. “Can I bring Potya?”

Katsuki smiled. “Yes. Her and Makkachin will find a way to get along.”

“Thanks,” he said quietly.

“We’ll be pleased to have you,” Katsuki hesitated before speaking again. “You went out because of what we said to you at the rink, didn’t you? This is our fault.”

A few years ago, Yuri would be the first to blame anyone else for his mistakes, but he had learnt to take some responsibility. “No. It’s those assholes who think it’s acceptable to go around beating people up.”

“Otabek said you had been to a club.”

The mention of Otabek’s name sent a fresh wave of agony through him. “I’m an adult, I do what I want.”

“The police said the attack was motivated by your sexuality, that the men had seen you kissing some guy at the club.”

Would the humiliation never end? “Yuuri, don’t.”

His earnest gaze wouldn’t leave Yuri’s. “You can talk to me. There is nothing wrong with liking other men.”

Yuri scowled at him. “I know that. I’m not a confused child.”

“Then talk to me.”

“There is nothing to talk about, you already know what happened.”

Katsuki shot him a look of irritation. “I want to know how you feel about it. If you don’t want to talk to me, then talk to Otabek. We’ve been in constant contact with him.”

Yuri had the urge to pull his hair out. “I’m not like you and Victor, I don’t need to talk everything to death. It happened. I’ll recover and get back to skating. End of story.”

A commotion at the door stopped Katsuki from responding. Finally, his doctor had arrived. Hopefully to talk some sense into his cautious coaches.

 

A few hours later, Yuri finally had some peace. He had been discharged from the hospital and was laying in the spare room at his coaches house. Victor had gone to his apartment for his things and Katuski was around somewhere handling stuff with the Federation. Yuri had sent him away to do something useful after he had tried to get him to talk about his feelings again.

Yeah, not happening.

He needed to focus on getting back into top condition. The doctor had told him to stay off the ice for the next week or so to give his body time to heal. Katsuki had been right, he had been lucky. He was covered in bruises and cuts, some of which were on his face, he thought with disgust.

No selfies for a while.

He’d been given some pain medication which is planned to take sparingly. No way was he becoming addicted or anything. All in all, he felt a lot better now that he was out of hospital. There had been a few bad moments when left the hospital and a bunch of fans and reporters crowded around him, shouting questions in his face as he was wheeled out.

Katsuki had gone all mother bear, snarling at them, whilst Victor had cleared a path. As much as they annoyed the fuck out of him at time, they were the closet thing he had to family and were always there for him when he needed them.

Glancing at his phone, he was happy to find that I was still working. There was a huge crack down the screen, but the charger Katsuki had leant him had given the phone life. He grabbed it, stomach cramping at the amount of missed calls and texts he had from Otabek.

Fifteen missed calls.

Shit, he should probably call him back. They were in a weird place, but if their circumstances were reversed, he would be going out of his mind if Beka were hurt.

 

Yura, please call me back.

 

Are you okay?

 

Please call me. I need to know you’re okay.

 

I’m calling Victor.

 

Please be safe.

 

All the calls and texts were from early hours of the morning before Otabek had spoken to Victor and Katsuki, except one:

 

Yura, I’m coming to Russia. My flight leaves in an hour. I’ll be with you soon.

 

Yuri dropped his phone, mouth hanging open in shock. Otabek was coming to Russia.

Otabek was coming to Russia.

Fuck.

Giving no heed to his injuries, Yuri jumped – no, crawled – out of bed and went in search of Katsuki. He was sitting in the living room, his phone in his hands. He looked up when Yuri entered, frown taking over his face immediately.

“You’re meant to be resting.”

A little breathless from the unexpected effort of moving, Yuri pointed at him. “You know! You must know and you didn’t tell me.”

“What do you mean?”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Otabek.”

Katsuki relaxed, “Ahh. Yes, he’s coming here. We told him you were okay, but he insisted on coming to see for himself.”

“But…” he spluttered, unsure why he was having such a strong reaction. For months, all he could think about was seeing Beka again. But not like this, not some pity visit because he was hurt. Otabek already thought he was weak, if he saw him like this, his opinion would only get worse.

And then there was the whole kissing crazy Henry because he looked like Beka thing. If Otabek found out about that, he would be mortified.

“Aren’t you happy? I know you haven’t been speaking to him as much lately, but I thought that was because you are both busy with practice. You haven’t fallen out, have you?”

“What? No.” Maybe? Yuri had no idea what they were anymore.

“Then there is no problem,” Katsuki grinned like the fool he was. Yuri rolled his eyes and slowly walked back to his bed, aware he had just overreacted. Hopefully, Katsuki was too dumb to realise how weird he was acting whenever Otabek came up.

How was he going to handle this?

If he had to sit next to Beka and listen to him go on about his girlfriend, he would puke. Even the thought of it caused his stomach to twist horribly. As he wasn’t supposed to skate for a while, there would be no excuses, he would have to spend so much time with Otabek alone without the skating between them.

Shit. Just…shit.

 

 

Chapter Text

Bag strapped over his shoulders, Otabek Atlin took a deep breath as he took in the large home that belonged to Victor and his husband, Yuuri. With exhaustion beating down on him, the sight was a welcome one.

His body recognised it as it a place to rest, whilst his mind was racing. Yuri was in there, no doubt denying that he had been affected by the attack, scowl perched on his pretty face. Honestly, Otabek was worried about he was going to react to seeing that face covered in the evidence of that attack.

Victor had given him an idea of what to expect, keeping him updated on Yuri’s condition. Just thinking about someone putting their hands on his Yura was enough to send him into a rage. His fist tightened in anger before he could control the action.

He loosened it, aware that he had to calm down. He knew from experience that Yuri and Victor both possessed intense personalities and Yurri would require help keeping them from each other’s throats, especially if Yura had his defences sky high.

Shit, he couldn’t stand out here all day.

Otabek walked to he door, knocked, anticipation building within his veins. Finally, he was going to see Yura with his own eyes. Spending the flight obsessing over his condition had been excruciating. It was only when he landed that he had received the call from Victor informing him with certainty that Yuri was going to be okay. The relief had almost sent him to his knees, but even then he had known that the complexity of Yuri's character was going to make it particularly hard for him to deal with the attack.

And for the motivation behind it.

Victor had told him what had happened, that Yuri had been seen kissing some assh - some guy -  in a club and been followed out by two homophobes. On the journey to the city, Otabek had pushed aside his own feelings on the matter. If he thought too much about Yuri kissing someone else, he was going to lose it completely. He had been upset when he called Otabek on his way from the club, meaning something bad had already happened. What if the man Yuri had been kissing had taken advantage?

Yuri was innocent, he shouldn't have to deal with people coming onto him - 

No, he had to stop going down that rabbit hole. Yuri was an adult, old enough to go to a club and find a hook-up. Never mind that it killed Otabek to think about it; Yuri could do what he liked. 

Their relationship was fragile and complicated at the moment, but none of that mattered to him right now. 

Victor opened the door, pulling him from his thoughts. “Otabek! Wow, you got here in good time. Come in, come in.”

Otabek smiled at the older man, grateful for his dedication to Yura. “Thank you. I hope you don’t mind me intruding like this.”

His expression fell a little as he ushered Otabek in. “No, we’re glad you decided to come. Yurio is…I think he’s in denial. He won’t talk to me or Yuuri about the attack. He doesn’t want to give his statement to the police. All he wants to do is talk about when he can get back onto the ice.”

Otabek huffed out a breath. “I figured that’s how he would want to handle this.”

“He’s not handling it,” Victor said, “that is the problem.”

“It’s been less than a day. Give him some time to process it.” Yuri did things at his own pace, Victor rushing him along wasn’t going to help, it would only increase his stubbornness.

“I know you're right. Yuuri told me we had to be patient, but it's difficult to see him like this. I'm worried he's just going to bury his emotions and make things harder for himself," a dramatic sigh before he continued,  "Let me take your bag, I’m sure you’re tired.”

Otabek handed his bag over, “Thank you. Can I see Yuri?”

Victor flashed him a warm smile. “Yes, I will show you up.”

He followed Victor through the house, sharing a quick greeting with Yuuri along the way.  It wasn't his first time at their home, they'd been living in the beautifully furnished house for the last couples of years and he had occasionally visited with Yuri when he had been in St Petersburg. The last time he had seen either of them had been their wedding, three months before. He had tried to wipe that night from his memory and failed. Yuri's tentative lips on his. So soft against his own. Strands of that golden hair between his fingers. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Victor told him as they approached the door, interrupted the memory that both agonised and excited him. “I’ll put your things in the next room.”

“Thank you.”

Otabek inhaled, took one final moment to prepare himself and then knocked on the door.  

An echo of a smile passed over his face as Yura’s aggravated voice filled his ears. “Katsuki, I don’t want anymore food!”

Otabek opened the door, his eyes immediately fixing on the face his knew almost well as his own. Pain and fury sliced through him as he assessed the damage. His face was marred with heavy bruising around his right eye, matching a cut above his brow.

There were likely many more injuries that he couldn’t see, covered up by clothing.  

His blond hair was tied up in a knot on top of his head with a few stray stands falling loose from the bun. Each time he laid eyes on Yuri following a long parting, he was always taken by how much his features matured, sharpened. The angelic quality of his looks was at complete odds with the prickly attitude he exuded most of the time. Otabek knew him well, probably better than anyone else now so he was aware of just how vulnerable Yuri could be. 

 Potya was curled up on Yuri’s lap as his elegant fingers stroked her fur, distracted by something on his phone. Probably Instagram. He didn’t look up as he said, “I said I don’t want anymore food. Are you trying to get me as out of shape as you and the old man?"Otabek didn’t respond, content to just look at him for a second. “Shouldn’t you be sucking Victor’s face instead of standing there staring at me?”

Otabek had to laugh at that. “I think his husband would have something to say about that.”

Yuri’s eyes flew up, meeting his. A wealth of emotion passed between them. “Beka?”

“Hey,” he replied quietly. 

“You’re here,” Yuri said with surprise.

“You knew I was coming.”

He swallowed, “Yeah, but…you’re here.”

Unable to keep distance between them any longer, Otabek walked to the bed and at on the edge. “I’m here. How are you?”

Yuri growled at him. “Don’t start with me. I’m fine. Everyone is overreacting, you included. You shouldn’t have dropped everything to come here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Otabek dismissed, “you’re hurt, there was nowhere else I was going to be.”

Silence sat between them for a few seconds. “You’re here.”

“Yes. I’m here for you, whatever you need. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay for now. I won’t push you.” He could see the relief wash through Yuri, confirming that he said the right thing.

Yuri then surprised the hell out of him by shuffling forward and wrapping his arms around Otabek’s neck. He reciprocated, pulling Yuri in with care, feeling much more stable now that Yuri was in his arms, safe. 

Yuri inhaled Beka’s scent, trying to keep his emotions under control. It was so easy to keep them locked in with everyone else, but even after only a couple of minutes in Otabek’s presence, his walls were crumbling down.

Otabek was here. He just couldn’t seem to get over that fact.

He didn’t want to let go. For the first time since he had woken up in the hospital, he was safe. It felt like he was…home. The feeling was fleeting because Obabek pulled back. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m fine,” Yuri for the hundredth time that day. It was only a small lie. He wasn’t fine; he was in pain and terrified about how his body would meet the needs of his skating programmes. His unfinished skating programmes.

Otabek studied him; as always he saw too much. “You’re not fine. I told you I won’t push you, but don’t lie to me, Yura. Don’t lie to me," he repeated, expression serious.

Knowing he could only push Beka so far, he acquiesced. “Fine.”

 “Good.”

Yuri fought the urge to roll his eyes. Everyone thought Otabek was so calm and polite and nice. He was, Yuri would admit, to a point. He was also fucking stubborn, broody and a sarcastic asshole when he wanted to be.

“I should leave you to get some rest, it’s getting late. We can catch up in the morning.”

No, he had only just got Beka back. “Oh, yeah. Okay. You’re probably tired too.”

“A little.”

Yuri could see the lines of exhaustion on his face. “It’s really good to see you.”

“You too. I just wish it weren’t under these circumstances,” Otabek said, "but at least it gave me an excuse to come here."

Yuri's mouth opened to ask if he wanted to see him so badly, why he had ghosted him for the last month, but he didn't have the energy to start that particular conversation. They could talk when they both weren't so raw and tired. Instead, he tried for a neutral topic. "We can go to the rink tomorrow and you can show me how your programmes are coming along."

"Yuri.."

"What you don't want to show me what I'm going to be against?" he joked. They had been showing each other their work for years, the trust between them unshakable. Or it had been until the last couple of months. 

Otabek frowned, absently stoking Potya, "That's not it. You're suppose to be resting."

"I won't go near the ice, Beka. I'll sit and watch you."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow."

Narrowing his eyes, Yuri stuck to his guns. "We're going."

"See how you feel it the morning. After a full  night's sleep, you're going to be stiff and uncomfortable."

Yuri blew out a breath, "I forgot how sensible you are."

"Take that back," Beka warned, teasing in his tone before he grew more serious. "I have never been as scared I was when you hung that phone up. Let me fuss over you for a few days, even if you don't need it, I do." 

"I'll try," Yuri yielded, moved by Beka's honesty and in awe that someone as good as him could care about Yuri so much. "I'm not promising anything though."

Otabek chuckled. "I can live with that. I think Victor put me next door so shout if you need anything."

There was no way he was going to act like a child and yell for Beka in the night. For three years, he had been trying to get him to see Yuri as an adult and an equal. He wasn't ruing all that effort tonight. "I'll be okay. Go and get some sleep, you look terrible. If we're lucky, Victor will make us some breakfast in the morning." He was actually getting really good at cooking since he had retired from skating.

Otabek blessed him with a rare unfiltered smile, “He would do anything for you right now. Best to make use of it whilst you can.”

“Goodnight, Beka,” Yuri said so softly is was almost inaudible.

Otabek squeezed his hand before rising, “Goodnight.”

Yuri watched him leave, wondering how his heart was going to survive this time with Otabek.

 

 

***

 

A loud cry tore through the night, ripping Otabek out of a deep sleep. Before he was fully awake, he recognised that the sound had come from Yuri’s room. Flying out of bed, heart racing, he rushed into Yuri’s room, half expecting to find intruders beating him to a pulp. .

He switched the light on, eyes frantically searching for Yura. He was on the bed, right where Otabek had left him. Tears were streaming down his face as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

Realisation dawned; he had been having a nightmare. Otabek wasted no time in crossing the room and gathering Yuri into his arms. “You’re alright.”

Yuri clung to him, unaware of Victor and Yuuri entering the room. Otabek shook his head at them, knowing that Yuri would be embarrassed for them to see him so vulnerable. Yuuri nodded and pulled a reluctant Victor along with him.

Positioning them so that they were more comfortable, Otabek was worried that he was going to aggravate his injuries. Yuri didn't seem to care, he wouldn't let go, squeezing onto him. 

“You’re okay. I’m here,” Otabek whispered, rocking their bodies softly. 

Yuri's broken voice destroyed him, "Beka."

"Yes, it's me. I'm not going anywhere." His friends and family had thought him crazy for flying to Russia without a second thought, but somewhere inside he had known that Yuri would need him. Only him. "I'm here."

They sat like that for a long time, Otabek occasionally offering soothing words that seemed to calm Yuri down a little. As unaffected as he appeared on the outside, there was a raging inferno spinning inside of him, a darkness that would spill over if his willpower cracked. There was nothing more he wanted than to get his hands on the men who had caused his Yura to cry and hurt. They weren't fit to walk the same earth as his angel. 

A little while later, tears mostly dry,Yuri asked, "Can you stay in here for the rest of the night? I don't want be alone."

"Of course," Otabek said, "get under the covers, you're freezing." His hands were like ice blocks. 

They rearranged themselves beneath the blankets. Otabek sensed Yuri was reluctant was asked to be held again, so he just circled his arms around the slender waist and pulled him close so that Yuri's head was buried in his chest. Fuck propriety. Fuck everyone else.

Needing the contact between them, he pressed a kiss to Yuri's temple. "Go to sleep, I have you."

Yuri stiffened at the affection before relaxing into his arms once again. 

There was no way Otabek could pretend any longer. They needed to face their feelings and work things out. He couldn't be around Yuri and refrain from touching him like that. He couldn't pretend that all he wanted was friendship. He would give Yuri some time to recover and then lay his cards on the table. 

Chapter Text

The next morning Yuri stood at the top of the stairs trying to work out how he was going to get down them. His entire body felt like one massive, pulsing bruise and every time he moved, the pain only became worse, adding to his already foul mood. Could he have embarrassed himself any more last night? The nightmare had been bad, a combination of flashes of the attack melding with every other shit moment of his life, but his breakdown had been pathetic.

His cheeks flamed as he remembered begging Otabek to stay with him. 

Fuck! 

Spurred on by his own ineptitude, Yuri tackled the stairs, wincing as every step reverberated through his body with force. 

"Yuri!," Otabek's voice sounded behind him, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Walking down the stairs, what does it look like?" he yelled as Otabek scrambled to his side, offering his arm for support. Yuri batted it way, "I can walk down the stairs by myself."

Otabek scowled at him. "Really? Because it looks like you're about to fall. Take my arm or I carry you," he said, tone more lethal than Yuri could remember ever hearing it. He took the arm, figuring it was the least humiliating option. 

With his help, Yuri managed to hobble down the stairs ignoring the glare Otabek gave him. In was a stark contrast to the care he had shown last night, muttering gentles words in Yuri's ear, holding him closely. And the kiss on the temple, what had that been about? They had always been pretty tactile with each other but that had been before the kiss-kiss at Victor and Katsuki's wedding that had ruined everything between them. 

It hurt his heart and brain too much to think about. He would rather focus of the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. Letting go of Otabek as soon as he hit the bottom step, he strolled into the kitchen to find Victor and Katsuki locked in an embrace, tongue's down each other's throat. He and Otabek shared an awkward glance before Yuri coughed, alerting the married couple to their presence. 

They broke apart, but Victor kept an arm around Katsuki's shoulder. "You're awake. I would have brought something up to, Yurio."

He took a seat at the table, avoiding Otabek's gaze. Last night he had been so happy to see him, but now the weirdness had settled between them once again. It hurt being around him when they were like this. He looked to Victor. "I'm fed up with laying in bed. The doctor said to take it easy, not act like I have a terminal illness."

Katsuki handed him a glass of water. "Did you take your pain medication?"

"Yes," he answered. "I'm sore, but I'm used to it." He taken bad falls on the ice which had punished his body in a similar way. 

They ate breakfast together and to Yuri's immense relief no one mentioned his breakdown during the night. They were, however, being overly cautious with him in a way that aggravated the fuck out of him. 

When they finished eating, Victor said, "The police want to take your statement. I've put them off for as long as I could, it needs to be done today."

"Why?" Yuri demanded, irrationally angry. "They know what happened. Why do they need to hear it from me?"

Victor regarded him with patience. "Because they do. Do you not want these people to be punished?"

He just wanted it to go away. "Yes."

Otabek bumped his shoulder. "They'll come here. It will take no time at all."

"Fine," he said, well aware that none of them would shut up about it. "They can come here, but I want to do it alone."

"Yuri," Otabek began.

Katsuki cut him off. "No, if that's how you want to do it, that is how you do it."

Yuri shot him a look of gratitude. He didn't want to replay that night to any of his friends; it was fucking embarrassing. First he gets conned by Henry and then he gets beat up. Not his finest moments.

Victor clapped his hands. “Good, I’ll call them and set it up in a little while. Now, Otabek, as Yurio woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, why don’t you tell us how you have been?”

If looks could kill, Victor would be dead right now. Yuri didn’t take the bait, slumping in his seat, though he was interested to hear what Beka had to say.

Disliking to be centre of attention, Otabek shifted his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “I’ve been good. Busy with the upcoming Grand Prix and music.”

Katsuki smiled. “And your family, how are they?”

“My parents are busy with their practice. Aylin had just finished school earlier this year and is going to spend a couple of months interning at the practice.”

He loved the way Otabek’s face lit up when he spoke of his younger sister, so bright and full of joy.

“I bet she’s going to love that,” Yuri said, laughing. Aylin was a wild child, well next to Beka she looked like a wild child.

Otabek shared his amusement. “It was actually her idea if you can believe that.”

“No, I can’t.” The few times Yuri had met her, Aylin had spent the entire time moaning about her parents. They weren’t so bad in his opinion. They loved their children, it was more than he could say about his parents.

Victor rested his head in his hands. “Yuri said you had a new girlfriend, how is she?”

Otabek spat a mouthful of coffee out, startling them all. Yuri was furious at the new line of questioning, he didn’t want to hear about Otabek’s girlfriend! He would rather carve his eyeballs out with a spoon.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Yuri’s head whipped round so fast that he was afraid he had given himself whiplash. Otabek was looking at him with an odd expression that he couldn’t decipher.

“What did you just say?” Yuri shouted, forgetting all about the other people in the room.

Placing his mug on the table, Otabek’s eyes didn’t leave his. “I said I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“What happened to Camilla?”

Brows drawing in confusion, Otabek continued, “Yuri, I had two dates with her. We weren’t…we aren’t… you thought I was with Camilla?”

Yes, he thought that his Beka was with that skanky ballerina. She was all he could talk about when they had been at Victor and Katsuki’s wedding. Yuri had been seething with jealousy, inciting him to kiss Otabek.

There had been a moment of pure disbelief before they had both lost control, tongues and teeth clashing in desperation. Yuri’s nerve ending had been on fire, igniting the moment Beka had touched him, holding him close. When Beka had pulled away from him with a stricken expression, his heart had cracked into pieces.

Those seconds had been ingrained into his mind for the last few months, forcing him to accept a truth he could no longer deny.

Yuri had assumed it was because of Camilla so hell yes he was angry and he wasn’t going to let this go until he got answers. “Why wouldn’t I think that? You’ve hardly spoken to me in months!”

“Because things weren’t right between us, I didn’t know what to do,” Otabek cried.

Victor interrupted them. “Perhaps you should have this conversation in a few days. Yuri, you shouldn’t be getting too worked up.”

“Shut up!” Yuri bellowed, beyond furious.

"Yuri, really, I don't understand why you're acting this way," Victor rebuked, seemingly clueless to what was going on. "Otabek travelled as this way to see you. You should treat him with more respect."

Flames erupted from Yuri's head. "Stay out of this."

Katuski took hold of Victor's hand and tugged him up. "I think that's a good idea. We'll leave you to it."

They left the room, Victor huffing loudly. Yuri's attention turned to Otabek, his voice quiet. "For months I've felt guilty about kissing you and now you just drop into conversation that you and that girl aren't together? I thought you hated me because I had kissed you when you were in a relationship."

Otabek's eyes widened. "God, no. I broke it off with Camilla as soon as I got home. There was barely anything to break off, like i said we had only been out a few times. I could never hate you, Yura."

"Then where have you been?" Yuri questioned. There had been so many times over the last month that Yuri had needed him. He hadn’t realised how much he relied on the constant contact until it was taken away.

"Every time we spoke after that night, things only got more strained between us. I thought you regretted kissing me and needed the distance. I was giving you space."

"Space for what?" Space was the opposite of what he had needed.

"I don't know. I thought maybe you were confused about your feelings for me."

"For fuck sakes," Yuri muttered, “All of you need to stop treating me like a child. I'm not confused about my sexuality - I like men, Beka. I kissed you because I like you."

Otabek was quiet for a moment. "You've never talked about any of that stuff before. You've never mentioned having a crush on anyone!"

"You're so stupid. Of course I didn't fucking mention it because you've always been it for me. How was I supposed to bring it up when you would always tell me about your dates, half of them with women?" Perhaps he would be humiliated later, thinking back on his revelations, but right now, the truth just kept rolling from his tongue. "I wasn't going to tell you when I knew you looked at me like I was still that bratty kid with an attitude problem."

Face softening, Otabek said, "I don't see you like that; I never have. You've always let me see the real you. Yes, I was giving you space, but I was also giving myself time. I haven't been able to stop thinking about the kiss and I knew I needed to tell you how I felt, but I couldn't make myself do it. If I told you and you didn't feel the same way..."

Tentative hope blossomed. "So what are you saying?" 

Beka took his hand, interlinking their fingers. "I'm saying that I want to kiss you again."

Licking his lips, Yuri considered pinching himself to check that he was awake. Beka's hand felt so real in his, his skin so warm against Yuri's perpetually cold flesh. "These past few months have been so hard," he admitted, still reeling from the fact that Beka wanted him, "what if we start this and it ruins our friendship? I don't know if I could survive that."

"I told you, I could never hate you. Hurting each other is a natural part of any relationship, but as long as we make sure it's never deliberate, we can survive a break up. If it isn't working out between us in a romantic sense, we have to be honest with ourselves and with each other. If we do that, we won't lose our friendship."

Yuri so badly wanted to jump at this chance, but..."I can be an asshole." He would drive Otabek away like he did everyone else. 

Otabek laughed. "I'm aware. I'm under no illusions about who you are Yuri and you know me just as well." He took a deep breath, "Our feelings are out in the open now. I'm going to be staying for a couple of weeks if Victor and Yuuri will agree to coach me during that time so I keep up to date with my practice. You've been through a lot lately and I don't want you to make a rash decision about us so let's just take some time. I can take you out on a date," he smiled.

Yuri own lips tipped at the prospect. "Where would you take me?"

"Hmmm. I'll have to think on it. I want to surprise you." 

Warmth spread to every cell in his body. Otabek wanted to date him. "I can't believe you just goaded me into confessing my feelings over the breakfast table."

"Victor started it by asking about my non-existant girlfriend which you told him about so I think the fault lies with you."

Yuri gave him the side eye. "I forgot how much of a smart-ass you are."

"Don't think you have gotten away with avoiding a talk about last night either."

His good mood popped. "I had a nightmare. Everyone has them."

"I told you, I won't push you, but we will be talking about it," Otabek promised, squeezing his hand in comfort. "You can tell me anything, Yura."

"I know..." he replied. He did know that, especially now he realised what had gone wrong between them. "I just want to get it right in my own head before I talk about it with anyone else." He didn’t want to admit how much it had shaken him.

After the nightmare last night, the thought of being alone chilled him to the core.

Otabek nodded. "Okay. How are you feeling? Do you still want to go to the rink?"

"No," he confessed, "my body hurts. I was being a fucking idiot last night. If you want to get some practice in, I'll be fine here. I have to talk to the police anyway."

"If you're staying here, so am I. I can get back on the ice in a couple of days, there is no rush."

Grateful, Yuri flashed him a smile. "Movie day?"

"Sure."

Otabek’s phone dinged loudly, reminding Yuri that he had left his own upstairs. Before coming down for breakfast he had been answering a bunch of texts from people at the rink checking in to see how he was doing. Their concern had been unexpected and welcome, if he were honest.

“What the…” Otabek trailed off, eyes glued to his phone, skin losing colour.

Worried, Yuri placed a hand on his thigh. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

Otabek’s eyes met his. “Where’s your phone?”

“Upstairs,” he answered, confused. “Why?”

“Don’t look at it.”

Fear uncurled in his stomach as he took in the other man’s reaction. “Why? Beka, what’s going on?”

Otabek had gone extremely still, tension radiating from his frame. “Someone filmed the attack. It’s all over the internet.”

Chapter Text

Otabek slid a glance to Yuri without trying to alert him. It was approaching mid-afternoon, the police had been and gone to take his statement so they had settled down on the couch to watch a movie whilst Victor and Yuuri had gone to buy some food for a dinner they were making later on. 

Yuri had said nothing about the video since he had snatched the phone out of Otabek's hand and watched the entire thing, face blank. Otabek was worried; a silent Yuri was foreign to him. When they were together or on the phone, Yuri talked. The quiet demeanour was unsettling. Otabek just wanted to put his arms around Yuri, but he didn't know if the affection would be welcome as Yuri was stiff next to him. Despite establishing that they had romantic feelings for each other, now didn't seem like the right time to test the boundaries. 

He felt useless. 

Checking his phone, he saw that he had a text from Aylin. She had been the one to alert him to the video this morning. 

A: Hey, big brother. How is Yuri doing?

O: Not good. He's retreating into himself. I don't know what to do. 

A: Oh Beka You've always been so good at comforting me. Just do what comes naturally. 

O: You're a lot less prickly than he is. Not that he was afraid of Yuri's occasional merciless tongue. He was terrified to push him to far. No matter how anyone perceived him, Otabek knew Yuri could be fragile. 

A: Even if he lashes out at you, you know he won't mean it. 

O: It's not that. He's hanging on by a thread, I don't want him to snap.

A: Maybe he needs to. Bottling it all up will only hurt him in the long run. You can take whatever he throws at you and he needs to realise that for himself. He's grown too used to people walking away or leaving him.

How had his little sister gotten so smart? She was the only other person who knew his true feelings towards Yuri and had been encouraging him to come clean for months because he had been moping around.  He couldn't count how many times she had called him an idiot since returning from the wedding. 

O: Thank you for the advice.

A: Always. And don't think I've forgotten about the universe coming up. You should come back home before then so we can do our ritual.

No way was he getting through the next conversation if he started thinking about Jon.  

Looking to Yuri, he called his name, "Yuri?"

"Hmmm," he replied without taking his eyes from the TV. 

"Before Victor and Yuuri get back, are you going to talk to me?"

"No."

Expecting the flat out refusal, Otabek wasn't discouraged. "Let me rephrase that. Before Victor and Yuuri get back, you are going to talk to me about the video."

"If you're going to be annoying, I'm going up to bed," came his response. "You said you weren't going to make me talk about it."

"Well, I was wrong. I know you're sat there thinking about it, so why can't you translate those thoughts into words?"

Yuri finally looked at him. "And what good is that going to do?"

"Maybe none. Maybe it will make you feel better. Talk to me, Yuri, let me carry this with you. Lean on me."

Eyes blazing, Yuri let rip. "Now you want to talk to me? I've needed you for months, Beka. Getting a flight out here was a nice gesture, but it doesn't make up for the fact you ignore my calls and texts!"

"You know why I did that."

"Now, I do. Beside Victor and Katsuki, you're the only person I have and you know I can't speak to them the way I speak to you. Maybe you should have thought about that before you left me alone for months."

Guilt wormed it's way inside. "I should have, you're right about that."

"I would never have kissed that man if it weren't for you," Yuri spat out, face flushed. "You want me to talk about it? Fine, but you're not going to like what I have to say. I went to that club because of Victor. I kissed that disgusting man because he looked like you. I was running away from the club because I found out he knew who I was and had made himself look like you because he knew I wouldn't be able to resist the bait. I put myself in a dangerous situation because I was lonely, Otabek, because of you. And then to top it all off, I find out there is a video of my humiliation. So yes, I'm fucking furious. I'm furious with you, and Victor and myself. "

Tears streamed down his face as he finished, leaving Otabek speechless. Broken. His selfishness and fear had been the cause of Yuri's pain. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, emotion threatening to overwhelm him. 

Yuri wiped the tears away, "Now do you understand why I didn't want to get into this?"

"Yes," Otabek answered, "but it doesn't change anything. You blame me and now I blame myself. We find a way to move on ."

Pain distorted Yuri's features. "I don't blame you..."

"Yes, you do." How could he not? Everything he had said had been true. 

Yuri moved closer to him, taking his hand. "I want to, but I don't, not really. I've missed you so much and I did feel alone without you in my life, but I made the decision to go out that night. It shouldn't have been a decision that had the consequences it did. Neither me or you are to blame for the action of those fucking assholes. I should be allowed to kiss who I want without getting attacked for it."

"But you kissed him because of me," Otabek said, the knife twisting in his gut. 

"That has nothing to do with me getting beat up for it. I was mad, Beka. I'm not going to lie and pretend that my emotions didn't take me down that route, but the logical part of me knows that it isn't true. I shouldn't have unloaded all that onto you."

"And I shouldn't have left you alone," he said, voice shaking. "I'm sorry, I was so conflicted after our kiss. Selfish." He had been down the friends to lovers road before with Jon and it had nearly destroyed him. Reconnecting with Yuri in Barcelona had ignited a small flame of hope when he had been in a pit of grief and darkness. Thinking back on that time was painful which is why he had avoided telling Yuri about Jon for years. 

Now didn't seem like the right time either, not when Yuri needed him to be strong. 

"I understand," Yuri said, "trust me, I was just as conflicted." A sigh. "I'm scared, Beka. I hate that the video is available for anyone to see. The thought of leaving the house terrifies."

Otabek's heart broke a little more as he gently rested his hand against Yuri's cheek. "Please give yourself a break. Something terrible happened to you; it's going to take more than a few days to heal -  in every sense of the word."

Yuri nuzzled his hand. "I'm sorry. I don't want to take my anger out on you of all people."

"I can take it," Otabek assured him, remembering Aylin's text. 

A quiet moment descending upon them stoking memories of the last time their mouths had been so close. Yuri licked his lips, breath growing heavy between them. "I want to kiss you."

"We shouldn't..." Otabek objected weakly. Fuck, he wanted to so badly. "We agree we were going to take our time with this."

"It's just a kiss, Beka."

If it was anything like the kiss they had shared before, it would knock him on his ass and render him speechless for the next three months. 

He shouldn't, they shouldn't...

 

Sensing Otabek's unnecessary hesitation, Yuri gave him no more time to invent a hundred excuses why they should deny themselves. Curling his fingers into Otabek's shirt, Yuri jerked him closer, bringing their lips together in a whirlwind of heat and need. Better than he remembered. So much better now he had no need to be consumed with guilt afterwards. 

There was no gentle coaxing, there would be plenty of opportunity for that in the future. Right now, Yuri needed Beka like he needed air. 

Disregarding his sore body, he climbed onto Otabek's lap, straddling him, the contact sending a jolt of pleasure to his thickening cock. Beka groaned into his mouth, clamping his hands around Yuri' hips, bringing him closer. Desire wasn't new to him, he had been imagining Beka fucking him for months, years if he were honest, but the intensity of what he experienced in Otabek's arm was much stronger than his imagination. 

Otabek's warm hands slid beneath his t-shirt sending a shiver down his spine. More, he needed more. Yuri rocked against Otabeb, the friction a delicious temptation that he gave himself over to.

His neck stretched upwards as Otabek pressed open mouthed kisses onto the sensitive skin, occasionally nipping as he moved along. “Beka.”

A sharp sting fired through his chest as Otabek pinched one of his nipples. Fuck, so hot.

When Beka's hand graze a nasty bruise of his rib he was unable to prevent himself from wincing. "Shit."

Stricken, Otabek stilled, his breathing heaving. "I told you we should wait."

A grin stretched across Yuri's lips. "Is it my fault that you're irresistible?"

"Behave," Otabek growled, "you're testing my control. Get back on your side of the sofa."

Grumbling, Yuri did as he was told. As much as he wanted to continue their make-out session, he couldn't afford to exacerbate his injuries if he wanted to get back on the ice within the week. He settled for leaning in against Otabek's body, snuggling beneath the arm he extended. 

For ten minutes Yuri tried to get back into the movie and failed. "I really can't focus on the TV now."

"You shouldn't have started something you knew we couldn't finish."

Yuri cocked his head, curiosity getting the best of him. "How far would you have gone me with if I wasn't in this state? I know you've dated guys before, has it gone further than that?" 

"Do you want a detailed account of my sexual history?" Otabek asked, with half a laugh.

Deadly serious, Yuri replied, "Yes. It's only fair as you know mine."

"How is that fair? You've never been with anyone."

"You only know that because I told you. I don't want to know details, just a rough figure."

"A rough figure? How many people do you think I've slept with?"

Yuri cheeks grew hot. "I don't know! That's the point. I have no experience. I'm not going to know what I'm doing, it would just make me feel better if I know how much experience you have."

"That's not how it works."

"It's how its going to work with us," Yuri said, annoyed with Otabek's refusal to give him simple information. "Why won't you tell me?"

"I've been in a relationship with a guy before; that's all I'm saying."

What? When? Yuri drew back, jaw slack. "Recently?"

"No. Yuri, I don't want to talk about it." There was something in his tone that warned Yuri to stop pushing. 

So he did, but they would be revisiting the topic of Beka's mystery boyfriend again. "Fine, but if I'm awful at sex, you have to tell me."

With the tension between them relieved, Otabek visibly relaxed. "You're really fucking sexy without even trying. I don't think you're going to have any problems in that area."

"Do you think so? The media still refers to me as the Russian Fairy," Yuri reminded him with disgust.

Pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Otabek grinned. "Yes, I think so. I know you don't see it and probably never will, but there is something about you that draws people in. You have a raw appeal that gets me every time I look at you. Sex is rarely as perfect as it seems in works of fiction. As long as it feels good, we'll be doing it right”, he paused, “Besides, you don't need to worry about it yet, I told you we're taking this slowly."

"Why do you get to decide that?" Yuri asked sulkily. He had been waiting for so long already. 

"Because I want you to be sure, Yura. I couldn't take it if you regretted the decision. There's no rush - you're the only person I want to be with."

Yuri had every reason to trust him, but Otabek’s reluctance to tell him of his past relationships was a concern. Yuri had thought they knew everything about each other, so why wasn’t he aware that Otabek had been in a relationship with a guy before?

It made him wonder how it had ended, who the guy had been, why Otabek had never mentioned it before? If it were public knowledge, Yuri would have heard about it. Something just didn’t seem right about the situation.

No, he needed to stop before he ruined their relationship before it started. He had to trust Beka until he had a reason not to. Beka was good; he would never do anything to intentionally hurt him unlike so many other people who had been in his life.

Otabek took hold of his chin with gentle hands. “Are we good?”

Yuri search Beka’s face, for what exactly he didn’t know. Please don’t hurt me. “We’re good.”

Chapter Text

The next two days stirred a mixture of emotions for Yuri. Spending quality time with Otabek was awesome; they caught up on each other's lives, speculated about the other skater's routines for the Grand Prix and generally just enjoyed each other's presence. Whenever Yuri would start to get a little testy from being (willingly) cooped up in the house, Otabek would find a way to distract him. Usually his methods involved kissing. 

Which was as frustrating as hell! 

His body was needy and the prolonged exposure to Beka was killing him because the stubborn man wouldn't let up on his 'go slow' policy. 

Though it was frustrating, it was probably a good job that Otabek was being so strict. Yuri's injuries were healing, but he was nowhere near ready to engage in vigorous exercise. When they finally did have sex, he didn't want Otabek to spend the entire time worrying about him. 

He already worried enough due to Yuri's nightmares. Each night Beka would insist on going back to him own room next door, but halfway through the night he would run into Yuri's room when he started crying out in his sleep. It was fucking embarrassing and because they kept happening, his friends were convinced he needed to speak to a professional about the attack. The thought of it made him want to cut his own spleen out. Talking to a stranger wasn't going to fix his problems - time and avoidance had worked well enough for him in the past. 

It pissed him off that he finally had Otabek to himself and their time was being hindered by the bullshit attack. But if it hadn't have happened, then the chances of him and Beka admitting their feelings anytime in the next decade would have been slim. It terrified him to think that they could have allowed themselves to grow apart to the point where they didn't communicate at all.  Years later social media might have alerted him that Beka had married someone else.

Katsuki clicked his fingers in front of Yuri's face. "Are you okay? We don't have to go, you know."

Shit, he had spaced out. Victor and Otabek had left earlier for a training session at the rink and Yuri had decided it was time to face his fears. He was desperate to see Beka skate again; he had missed watching him so bad. 

"We're going."

A worried expression from Katsuki as he put on his coat. "Are you sure? There could be reporters and fans - a few have been hanging around here and the rink. We don't have to go."

Fear lodged itself in his throat; he didn't want to face anyone. "I can't hide in here forever. If I do that, I let them win."

"No one expects you to carry on with your life as if nothing happened.  You can take a minute to process it, deal with it."

"I've had three days." If he waited any longer, it would only be more difficult. 

Throwing his hoodie on, he picked up his sunglasses from the table. 

"I still think we should have told Otabek and Victor we were coming," Katsuki whined, patting Makkachin on the head.

The man was testing his last reserve of patience. "Why? They're not our keepers."

Katsuki levelled him with a look. "You know Otabek would want to be with you for this and Victor is also extremely protective of you. They should be with you."

That was precisely why he hadn't told them what he was planning. He had to prove to himself that he could do it without anyone's help. Deep down he knew Katsuki understood or he would have called Victor the moment Yuri had proposed the plan. 

"Whatever happens, let me handle it," Yuri told him, hoping that his instincts were right. He had a feeling Katsuki was much less likely to intervene on his behalf than either Otabek or Victor. Not because he cared about any Yuri less, but he because he understood that being protected could sometimes become a prison. 

"I already said I would. Otabek is not going to be happy about this."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "So?"

"I thought you might actually listen to him now that you've stopped dancing around each other and admitted how you felt."

"Do you do everything Victor says just because you're married to him?"

"No," Katsuki answered quickly, "of course not. But we've rarely been a position where my safety has been called into question. I would take his opinion into account in those matters."

"You're being dramatic," Yuri said, walking to the door, ignoring the ball of nerves pressing on his chest. "I'm not in danger."

"Facing the world before you're ready could be dangerous to your recovery."

Yuri turned to face him, "Will you stop? If you're going to be this annoying, you can just stay here. I'll go by myself."

"No!"

"Then stop. I've made my decision. You can either come with me and shut up or stay here." Yanking open the door, Yuri didn't bother to wait and listen to his response. The situation was already stressful enough without the vocalisation of all the doubts spinning around in his head. 

The fresh, crisp air hit his face with a cold slap. Thankfully, there wasn't another soul in sight. Door clicking behind him, Katsuki had decided to join him after all.

It was only a ten-minute walk to the rink from the house. As those minutes passed without incident his anxiety lessened a fraction. 

"So you and Otabek," Katsuki declared out of nowhere. 

Yuri spared him a glance. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No. I think it's great actually. You're good for each other - he can be too serious and you too impulsive."

"Thanks," Yuri replied dryly. 

"It's good to be with someone who challenges you. Victor brings me out of my shell and I step in when he's being overly dramatic about choosing between two types of bread or something similarly as ridiculous."

Yuri sniggered, "He is a drama queen."

"And I love him for it. Most of the time."

Yuri chuckled, aware what a job Katsuki had keeping Victor on this earth. "Don't the differences between you ever become too much of a hurdle?" 

"In the beginning it could be difficult," Katsuki said with thought, "but there is a word - compromise. Ever heard of it?" 

Bumping Katsuki on the shoulder, he chuckled. "No."

"Didn't think so."

"YURI! YURI!" a loud squealing voice exploded from in front of him. They had just stepped around the corner and could see the rink a couple of hundred yards in front; a group of teenage girls were crowded near the entrance. Fuck. As much as he appreciated his fans and their dedication, it was definitely not what he needed right now.

Worse still, they weren't the only ones who were waiting for an opportunity to get a glimpse of him. There were a bunch of reporters who had been alerted to his presence by the Angel's.

 Before he could do anything, they were all on him. The bruises on his face seemed to throb under the scrutiny. Yuri grabbed Katsuki's arm and pulled him through the gathering crowd, ignoring the questions being flung his way. He could barely breath; it took all of his effort to push his way through the bodies and flashing cameras.

He would give a statement when and if he was fucking ready; he wasn't going to backed into a corner by the public or the media. 

His resolve didn't stop the panic that was building deep inside. Outwardly, he plastered on his usual stony expression and continued on, grateful that the door was only a couple of feet away. But inside, where no one could see, he was reeling. Brimming with anxiety. 

This had been a bad idea. Such a fucking bad idea. 

That thought was only compounded by a sharp elbow to his tender ribs. The burst of pain stole what little breath he had been able to hold onto and he started to spiral into full blown panic. 

I can't do this. I can't do this. Too many of them. Helpless. 

Familiar hands pushed him along. Katsuki. 

The touch restored a little of his equilibrium and they managed to reach the doors. 

By the time he crossed the thresehold, Yuri's body was out of whack. Hot and then cold. Cold and then hot. 

He was distantly aware of Katsuki issuing orders to someone and guiding him towards the locker room. "You're okay, Yuri."

No, he wasn't. 

Katsuki pushed him onto the bench, crouching down in front of him. "Yuri, talk to me."

No words would come out. He had to focus on breathing or he would pass out. 

A few seconds later the door flew open, a concerned Otabek rushing into the room, followed by Victor. 

Otabek came to his side, his expression hard to read in Yuri's current state. "What are you doing here? What happened?"

He didn't think he could take Beka's anger so he just shook his head. 

Katuki was next in the firing line. "What happened?" Otabek asked him with a hard edge.

"Yurio wanted to come and watch you practice. There was a bunch of people outside - they swarmed us as we entered."

Victor interjected. "We would have told you about them if you had bothered to let us know you were coming."

Katsuki shot him a look. "Yuri asked me not to."

Otabek scoffed. "He's not in a position to make decisions clearly."

His own anger stoked by that comment, Yuri jumped from the seat. At least he felt a little steadier. "Fuck you. I'm perfectly capable of making decisions."

Rising, Otabek stood toe to toe with him. "Looks like it. You made a rash decision and didn't consider the consequences. You never do!" 

Victor slid between them, placing a hand on Otabek's chest. "I know you're worried for him, but yelling isn't helping. You need to cool down or leave."

"Leave," Yuri ordered, making the decision for him. Asshole. He had been counting on falling into Beka's arm as soon as he got inside the building, drawing comfort from the one person who supposedly understood him. If that were true, he would know that Yuri was holding himself together by a thread.  

Otabek crossed his arms, staring them both down. "I'm staying. I'm calm - I'm just frustrated." He looked to Yuri, "I told you I wanted be there when..."

"I don't really give a shit about what you wanted," Yuri flung at him, disappointed. 

Pain splintered across Beka's face. "That's not what I meant. Yuri, where are you..."

Shouldering passed his friends, he stormed from the locker room, instinct guiding him to the ice. If they had any sense, they would leave him alone for a while. Walking through the familiar corridors, he found a secluded spot rinkside and decided to watch as some of the other skater's practiced. It was the closest he was going to get to enjoying the sensation until the end of the week. 

He quickly honed in on Dimitri, an up and coming skater. Yuri thought he was about sixteen, but he couldn't quite remember. They had spoken on a few occasions and he had been okay. A bit of a fanboy, but okay as far as people went. The kid was talented showing a great deal of promise. Not as good as Yuri was at his age, but who was?

Close to the ice, attention enveloped by Dimitri, he began to calm down, his racing heart slowing down to a normal pace. Watching him jump and glide through the air with precision and grace was making him envious, but he would take the jealously over a panic attack any day. 

"He's good, is he not?" Mila's voice shook him from his reverie, earning the beauty a scowl. 

"He's got a long way to go, but I can see the potential."

Mila laughed, "He's a big fan of yours. You should indulge him a little, like Victor did for you."

"No."

He was left open mouthed when Mila snatched the sunglasses from his face, wincing as she took in his battered appearance. "You're precious face. You're too pretty to be covered in such bruises."

"So it would be okay if I was ugly?" Yuri challenged, annoyed by the ridiculousness of her words. No one deserved to be beaten for something they had no control over. 

She handed him back the glasses. "No. No," she repeated. "I just hate to see you like this. I would like to get my hands on the scum who think they can put their hands on you."

Yuri was slightly taken by her anger. They were friendly, friends he supposed. But he hadn't expected the outrage on his behalf.  "What would you do to them?"

"I have very sharp blades  on my skates," she pointed out. Yuri had to admire her bloodthirst. "So... Otabek's here."

Yuri groaned. Why was everyone so interested in his love life? Did he even have one anymore after whatever the hell had just happened? "It's complicated."

"It would be with you."

"Hey," he snapped, "he's just as fucking annoying as I am." 

"I highly doubt that," she smiled. 

Yuri gave her the finger. Sighed. Told her what had happened.  "I'm worried we're making a mistake. I needed him and he blew up at me. If we weren't trying to make this thing work between us, I would have had my friend to comfort me."

"It's going to take a while to adjust," Mila said, sounding way more mature than he thought her capable of. "Don't judge him too harshly, Yuri. He's a protector, it's in his nature. He cares about you a lot and you're recovering from an attack. His emotions are going to be heightened. And don't tell me you didn't know he would be mad. You knew how he would react and you still went through with the stupid plan anyway."

"But it was my decision to make."

"Perhaps, but when you're in a relationship, some decisions affect both of you. If you thought Otabek was purposely putting himself in a difficult position, wouldn't you be angry with him? Your pain is his pain," she said softly, a far away look in her eye. Yuri got the impression she was talking from experience. 

Maybe she was right, but..."He's still an asshole."

"I'm not going to argue with you there. He should have locked down everything else and been there for you." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Otabek on the other side of the rink. "Lover boy's looking for you."

Yuri was conflicted. On one hand he did want to be alone, work through the shit that was going on inside his head and on the other, he just wanted Beka. 

"Do you want me to send him over?" Mila asked, already walking away. 

"Yes," he answered without thinking too much about it. 

Chapter Text

I fucked up.

The thought was crystal clear as he walked towards the seat Yuri had taken, lines of strain apparent on that stunning face of his. 

He had fucked up; he'd known it even as he was doing it, unable to stop himself. But the spike of sheer terror he had experience when one of the employees had told him what had happened had ripped away any rational thought from his mind. 

Looking at his hands, Yuri didn't acknowledge his presence so Otabek sat down beside him, noting that Yuri was still shaking from the ordeal. He had fucked up so bad. Guilt swarmed into his consciousness  - all Yuri had needed in that locker room to was to know he was safe, and Otabek had made him feel anything but. 

Relying on instinct, he slid his hand onto Yuri's bouncing knee. Yuri froze, eying him with caution.

"I'm sorry." The words felt inadequate because they were. Better than anyone he knew Yuri had a hard time trusting. He had worked hard over the years to ensure that he earned Yuri's trust and the last couple of months he had been shitting all over it. 

"Forget about it," Yuri said, voice devoid of emotion. 

Otabek closed his eyes at the brush off. "I won't because I hurt you. My anger wasn't at you, Yura."

"Seemed like it was," Yuri mumbled, still avoiding eye contact. 

He had no defence against that. "Okay, I suppose I was, but only because I think you're trying to prove a point when no one is asking you to. You know I would have helped you through that if you let me. Why do you insist on doing everything on your own?"

Yuri looked at him as if he were an idiot. "Because I've always had to."

"You don't have to anymore," Otabek assured him. 

"Yes, I do. You'll be going home soon. I can't rely on you for this kind of stuff. I need to be able to go outside by myself."

I can't rely on you.

Those words twisted a knife in his gut; they were true. He would have to go home in a matter of weeks. Sure, he would be able to speak to Yuri, check in and see how he was doing, but it wasn't the same as physically being with him. 

Yuri continued, "But that's a separate issue. One we're going to have to figure out as we go," he paused before talking again, "I just needed you to hold me."

Otabek's heart squeezed painfully. "I know. I can't explain myself - anything could have happened to you. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're vulnerable right now. I want to protect you, I always have."

"I get that, but you also need to trust that I can handle my own shit, Beka. Yes, I put myself in a crazy situation - maybe too prematurely - but I needed to prove to myself that I could. It's never been about proving myself to other people, it's about the expectations I have of myself."

"The cost is too great sometimes," Otabek said, his voice trembling. He had seen in dozens of times, Yuri pushing himself to his mental and physical limits. Burning out after a gruelling completion. Splintering apart after the monthly dinner he forced himself to have with his mother. To Otabek, the things Yuri demanded of himself seemed senseless at times and the consequences to his mind and body, too severe. "My reaction was stronger than it has been in the past because now you're finally mine, but you've always known who I am. I've never supported the way you punish yourself and I never will."

"I don't punish myself -"

Otabek challenged him, "Don't you? I won't stand by whilst you put yourself in unnecessary pain." He had already done that once before and it had eviscerated him. Yuri wasn't as reckless with his life as Jon had been, but there were certainly similarities that he couldn't ignore. 

Yuri surprised him by admitting, "I have a lot to work on."

"So do I. In the future I will won't yell at you until I know you're okay."

Yuri's lips curved at that. "Thanks. Katsuki said that if we're in a relationship, I need to take your opinion into account, that my pain is your pain. Is that true?"

Otabek drew Yuri into his arms, kissing his neck, so glad when he didn't try to pull away. "So fucking true. It's worse because I can take my pain, I can't handle yours. I can't, Yura - I need you to think about that in the future."

He felt Yuri nod against his shoulder filling him with a sense of relief. Working the kinks out of their relationship was going to take time, but Yuri had just showed him that he was willing to put in the work, rather than leave it in the dust. 

Otabek took the sunglasses from Yuri's face and set them down on the vacant seat next to them. Uncaring of who was watching them, he swept his tongue into Yuri's mouth, loving the way he instantanriously responded. All the tension drained from Yuri's body as he become consumed by the kiss, Otabek's primary intention. 

A pericing whistle rang through the air, startling the pair of them. Otabek glanced across the rink, certain it had been Mila who was currently stood waving at them. 

Yuri pressed his forehead to Otabek's. "Are you going to give me what I came here for?"

Smiling, Otabek pressed another kiss to hips lip. "Sure. You're honesty tongue will be much appreciated."

"I hope you always appreciate my tongue," Yuri laughed, winking at him. 

They were going to be okay. 

 

Leaving the rink was a lot less traumatic than arriving. 

With Victor, Katsuki and Otabek surrounding him on all sides, he was safe. It was only then he realised how stubborn he had been by insisting on doing it alone the first time. Yes, he would have to be alone outside again in the near future, but throwing himself into an uncontrolled situation like that had been stupid. Pointless. Damaging, just like his friends had insisted it would be. 

But the ordeal had allowed him to watch Otabek skate in person and as always, he had been left impressed. What Otabek lacked in flexibly, he always made up for in emotion and precision. Yuri had been glued, and a little in awe he was lucky enough have such a man. His skating was full of integrity which was simply an extension of the man; Yuri loved both.

By the time they got home, all he wanted was a relaxing soak in the bath. The four of them ate a quick dinner together before Yuri excused himself for that bath. 

He had just stripped out of his t-shirt when there was a knock on the door. Frowning, he opened it, finding Otabek on the other side, his heated eyes immediately roaming over his bare chest. 

Yuri cocked his head, lips quirking. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I could scrub your back to make up for my behaviour this afternoon."

Beckoning him in, Yuri closed the door behind them. 

Otabek had him up against the wall in seconds, stealing his breath and scrambling his thoughts. It didn't take long for his cock to pay attention to Otabek's caresses. 

Yuri tore his mouth away from Beka's, "Don't you dare get me all worked up to leave me hanging."

In response, Otabek began unbuckling Yuri's belt, shocking the hell out of him. There had been a few instances of heavy petting and a lot of kissing, but Beka had stopped anything else from going 'too far', whatever the hell that meant. 

Dropping to his knees, Otabek yanked Yuri's jeans down his legs, with his boxers quickly following, throwing the clothing behind his shoulder. Anticipation flooded his veins, surely Otabek wasn't going to....?

"Fuck," he bit out when Beka closed his mouth around the head of his cock.  The foreign sensation was almost too for much for him to handle, he could have easily come within seconds. Willpower - a hellava lot of it - stopped him, but it didn't prevent the strangled sound coming from his throat as Beka began working him over.

Yuri had never experienced anything like it. For years he'd been content with letting of some steam with his own hands, Otabek starring in his fantasies so having him actually go down on him in real life was surreal as fuck.

His hand automatically found Otabek's scalp, flexing into his hair. A low moan escaped his lips when he hit the back of Beka's throat. So fucking good. The pleasure too intense for him to have any kind of stamina. "Beka..."

All of his muscles were locked in expectation as he mindlessly thrust his hips in time with the sensual assault Beka inflicted. 

He wasn't going to last much longer. 

He never wanted it to end. 

A protest welled when Otabek's mouth left him, confusion rising as Yuri watched him coat his own fingers in spit. Brown eyes met his. "If you want me to stop, tell me."

Understanding dawned. Yuri jerked out a nod, barely having time to process what was happening before Otabek's wet mouth was sucking his cock again and his finger was probing Yuri's entrance. Yuri jolted, smouldering heat pumping to every cell in his body. His knees weakened at the welcome invasion, a small part of him still unable to believe that Otabek - his Beka - was fingering him. 

He had done it himself a few times, but it hadn't felt like this. Being completely exposed whilst Otabek was fully clothed only compounded his desire. 

Soon coherent thought became impossible. There was only sensation, pleasure, feeling as Yuri gave himself over to Beka's control. 

Otabek's exploring fingers found his prostate and he was gone. 

Fucking. Gone. 

Nothing could have prevented the intense orgasm that blasted through him, sending spurts of cum down Otabek's open throat. Yuri cried out, totally beyond being awkward or embarrassed by the sounds coming from his mouth. 

The back of his head hit the wall, muscles uncoiling. "I...that was..."

Otabek kissed his though, removing his fingers. "Are you okay?"

Wrecked, Yuri slid down the wall. He expected the cold tiles to freeze his bare-ass, but Otabek pulled Yuri onto his lap before that could happened, wrapping his strong arms his waist. Yuri dropped his head to Beka's shoulder, feeling weightless. Relaxed. 

And kind of stunned. "I'm good - you just sucked my dick."

Otabek chuckled, running his hands over Yuri's back, sending shivers dancing across his skin. "I did more than that, but yeah."

"You're hard," Yuri pointed out, lamely. The truth was he wanted to reciperate, but he wasn't sure he could actually move and he had no experience. No way he could just do what Beka had done so perfectly. 

Hot air caressed his ear, "Wanna watch me jerk off?"

"I can.." he started to offer.

Otabek silence him. "I don't want you to do anything until you're comfortable. Honestly, having your eyes on me whilst I touch myself will be everything I need right now. You're so fucking hot when you look at me. I don't know if you're aware you're even do it, but your eyes are begging me to fuck you all the time. You have no idea what that does to me."

He totally knew he was doing it. "If I want to can I touch you?"

"You can do whatever you to me," Otabek laugh, a little breathless.

"Can I fuck you? Not now," he wasn't capable after the orgasm he had just had, "in the future? I want to try it."

Otabek took his lips with care. "I told you, you can do whatever you want to me. I like it both ways - I think you will too. We can work up to it." A pain expression flashed across his face when Yuri shifted, " Right now, I really need to come."

He was finally - finally! - going to see Otabek's cock. Excitement roared to life, reigniting his satiated body. 

"Run the bath whilst I undress," Beka ordered, the authority in his tone such a fucking turn on. 

Yuri scrambled up, eager to do as he was told as long as it meant getting to see Beka naked. Years of imagining, wondering, driving himself crazy and he on the verge of knowing. 

 

Otabek watched Yuri with half a smile. It was all he could manage with his erection straining uncomfortably against his pants. Stripping quickly, he fisted his cock, meeting Yuri's eyes as he turned back around. 

He had always appreciated Yuri's form, the strength and power packed within the lithe body. But fuck, he had been blown away by the sight of him without a stitch of clothing on. The only thing that soured his mood was the bruising spread throughout Yuri's body.

Bare, the evidence of the attack was splayed out in front of him and it was difficult to stomach. Difficult to clamp down on the anger it evoked. 

Yuri licked his lips, eyes travelling down Otabek's torso. Downwards. "I...I need to touch you." 

Otabek stepped into Yuri's space, attempting to keep his tone even. It was almost impossible whilst thinking about Yuri's hands on him. "Go ahead."

His long fingers glided against Otabek's head, drawing him in close so that their lips met. Yuri kissed like he skated, pouring his every emotion into the act. 

"You're so fucking hot, Beka," Yuri whispered between breaths, hands now gliding across his overheating skin.

He was at his limits. With the taste of Yuri still in his mouth, the memory of his ass constricting around his fingers, Otabek knew his throbbing cock was going to explode the moment Yuri touched him. 

Otabek was under no illusion that he was in control here. It was true that he was more experience, but Yuri was the devil with an angel's face. He knew exactly what he was doing by rubbing himself against Otabek, he was aware how sensitive his neck was as he kissed Otabek there, driving him wild with lust. 

Somehow he knew that looking into Otabek's eyes when took hold of his dick for the first time would ruin him. 

And then he started to pump with deliberately slow movements. 

"Yura, don't tease..." 

An innocent expression. "You keep insisting that we go slow, that's all I'm doing."

He couldn't wait for the day he could fuck some obedience into Yuri! 

"I think that ship sailed when I put my fingers in your ass and swallowed your cum," he grated out.

A rosy blush appeared on Yuri's cheeks. "You said I could do whatever I want to you," Yuri reminded him, voice light though Otabek could tell their little power play was turning him on too. 

"I could take care of myself..."

A animalistic sound escaped Yuri's lips and Otabek was pushed against the wall in a flurry of movement, Yuri's hand tightening around his cock, the other caging his throat. "Don't you dare. This," Yuri swiped his thumb of the head, spreading the beads of pre-cum, "is mine. "

The unexpected show of possessiveness and aggression had blood thundering in his ears. He hadn't expected Yuri to be passive, but fuck, this was hot. 

Otabek bit his lip, nodded, eyes never leaving Yuri's as he continued to stroke his cock. So slowly. 

Just when he thought he was going to lose what was left of his sanity, Yuri took mercy on him and increase his tempo and adding welcome pressure. His hips moved in tandem with Yuri's hand, untamed, the movements growing more ferocious as his orgasm approached. 

Yuri's mouth came close to his ear, "I loved your fingers slipping inside of me. I can't wait to feel your cock, stretching me so good. You'll be the first..."

Fuck. Yes. Otabek gripped Yuri's arm as he came, fearing that he wouldn't have the strength to keep himself up right. His breath faltered as Yuri continued to pump him, wringing every single ounce of cum from him. He almost had an aneurysm when Yuri brought his soiled hand to his lips and licked. "Hmmm. Nice."

High from the experienced they had just shared, Otabek barked out a laugh before slipping his hands around Yuri's waist and pulling him close. "You're dangerous." 

"I liked being in control of you," Yuri said, nuzzling his neck. "You're always so...unaffected."

Otabek pinched Yuri's amazing ass-cheek in rebuke. "I'm never unaffected by you. I just don't like everyone - the world - knowing my business."

"So do you want to keep this quiet?" Yuri asked, moving out of his embrace and turning the tap off. His tone was curious, not giving anything away as to how he felt about the idea.

Whilst Otabek wasn't the biggest fan of PDA or the world knowing who he was fucking, he couldn't stand the thought of others coming onto Yuri. It was much less likely to happen if they knew he was in a relationship. "I don't have a problem with being honest about our relationship."

A predatory smile lit up Yuri's face. "Does that mean I can post a photo of us?"

He would never get Yuri's obsession with social media, but..."Yes."

"Now?" He was already rummaging through his jeans to find his phone. 

Otabek laughed, "You want to give our fans a full frontal?"

"No," Yuri scowled, "I'm the only one who gets to see you this way. Get in the bath," he ordered. Otabek did as instructed, loving the way the hot water lapped across his skin and the fact the Yuri couldn't tears his eyes away from him. 

Yuri followed him, settling between his legs with his back to Otabek's chest. Luckily the rub was large enough to fit them in and afford them some comfort. Yuri started posing for a selfie leaving Otabek at a loss; he'd never been any good in front of the camera. Not the effortless way Yuri was. 

"I can't get a good angle, you take it!" Yuri said, handing him the phone. 

"You know I'm shit at..."

Yuri shhhed him. "Just take the damn photo and then we can get to other things."

Resigned, Otabek held out his arm and snapped the photo, simultaneously pressing his lips to Yuri's cheek. At least this way only half his face had to be in the fucking thing.

Yuri snatched the phone from him, inspecting the image. Otabek looked at himself, surprised to find that he actually like it. It showed a couple who were wrapped up in each other, Yuri with a seductive slant to his lips and Otabek consumed by the man in his arms. "Good enough?"

"I love it," Yuri answered with such purity. He spent a couple of minutes tagging and captioning before he announced, "All done."

Yuri slid down a little, allowing Otabek to circle his arms around his shoulders. 

"Beka?" Yuri spoke after a few moments. 

"Hmm?"

"I can't wait for you to fuck me."

Otabek tightened his hold. "Me either. Me either."

Chapter Text

Waking next to Otabek was a surreal experience. They had been sharing a bed for the last five nights, since the day Yuri had gone to the rink, the subsequent fight and make-up. A part of Yuri had thought he'd hate it because he had been sleeping alone for so long, but the small inconveniences it caused - the overheating, waking multiple times a night - were nothing compared to the benefits of the intimacy it evoked.

Yuri had made the decision to move back into his own apartment. It was mainly spurred by the desire to have Beka all to himself for the rest of his time in Russia. With their busy schedules, they could end up being apart for months so he wanted to make the most of the time they had together. 

The privacy was welcome, giving them opportunity to learn each other's bodies without sneaking away from prying eyes. He loved Victor and Katsuki, but living with them reminding him of living with a parents. They weren't disapproving; the exact opposite in fact. Way too interested in his relationship with Otabek. 

He and Otabek needed a little space to work out what a romantic relationship meant for them, figure how to transition from friendship to lovers. Also, he was just done with trying to be quiet when Otabek's mouth was around his cock. Going back home gave him the freedom to make as much noise as he wanted to. 

In other news, he had been given the go ahead by his doctors to get back on the ice. It couldn't have come at a better time; the same day he'd received a call informing him that the men who had attacked him were going to get away with it. Some cliché bullshit about one of their fathers holding clout high up the political food chain.

So he could pursue action against them, but there would be a chance that his career would suffer and he wasn’t willing to take that risk. There wasn’t a back up for him. He had dedicated his life to skating; if he lost it – he couldn’t even think about it.

He hadn't told anyone about the call yet, not even Otabek. Honestly, a part of him was glad he wouldn't have to deal with it all. The more bloodthirsty side of him wanted to track them down and deliver his own brand of justice. Neither of strands of thought were particular healthy so he decided to keep it to himself until he knew how he felt about it. 

"I can hear you scowling at the ceiling," Otabek grumbled in his ear, tightening his arms around Yuri's waist, drawing him closing. 

Yuri loved his gruff morning voice. "I'm thinking, not scowling." In punishment, Yuri rubbed his ass against Otabek's stiff cock. 

Otabek's breath hitched. "I think I've created a monster." 

"If you would just give in and fuck me, maybe I would be fully satisfied."

Yuri suppressed a squeal when Beka's hand clamped over his balls in a strong vice. "Wanna say that again?"

Squirming, Yuri tried to backtrack, "I'm ready. You know I'm ready. I just want to feel you inside of me."  Otabek's cock slipped between his ass cheeks, the sensation so delicious that goosebumps broke out all over his skin. "You're such a fucking tease."

"Me?" Beka nipped his shoulder. "I think we both know who the real tease is, walking around in next to nothing all the time."

"That's not teasing," Yuri challenged, "I'm used to walking around my apartment naked. Can't help it if you're not willing to take what is yours."

They’d had this same conversation daily since Otabek had made a move on him in the bathroom. As much as he wanted to take the next step and convince Beka to fuck him, it was fun interacting with him this way; it felt like a game of seduction and they both knew that there would be no loser at the end.

Beka rose on top of him, the weight of his body pressing down on him, feeling so fucking good. He swiped Yuri’s messy bed hair away from his face and took his mouth. “You’re so impatient.”

“You’re leaving soon,” Yuri blurted out, wanting to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth. They had been shying away from the subject for both of their sake’s. “I don’t want to waste time.”

Otabek’s thumb stroked his cheek as he asked, “Do you really feel like we’re wasting time? Despite the circumstances that brought me here, I’ve had the best time with you.”

“Me too. I don’t feel like we’ve been wasting time. I just… I’m trying not to think about you leaving. We’re finally together, Beka and we live so far apart. It hurt when we were friends and I couldn’t see you whenever I wanted.” He left the rest unsaid. It was going to kill him to be so far away from Otabek; he didn’t need to unload that onto his lover.

“Having sex isn’t going to get rid of that feeling,” Otabek said softly, “it’s probably going to make it worse.”

“I know. I do. I just want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

Otabek laughed. “You didn’t even remember who I was when we met in Barcelona. What would you say if I told you I had a date night planned for tomorrow evening?”

Yuri’s eyes lit up. “I would say that you don’t have to do that, but I’m incredibly lucky that you’re the type of guy who would.”

“You deserved to be taken out.”

“No,” Yuri protested, “I don’t. I should be taking you out after you flew to Russia without a second thought. I know I’ve been hard to deal with at times.”

An understatement. The lack of activity gave him too much time to think about shit he would rather stay buried, making him irritable.

“We’ve been friends for a long time now. I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for coming here. You’re a grouch when you can’t skate.”

Another understatement. Otabek was giving him way more credit than he deserved, as usual. Instead of dwelling on his behaviour, he decided to look forward. “So is the date your way of saying that we can finally have sex?”

“Yes, but please be sure, Yura. I don’t want you ever to regret it.”

Yuri circled his legs around Otabek’s waist, tugging him a little closer. “No matter what happens between us in the future, I could never regret my first time being with you. Do you think there is anyone else who could handle the job?”

Otabek scowled, squeezing him tightly. “No one else is touching you.”

“No, they’re not,” Yuri agreed, insanely turned on by Beka’s jealous streak. It wasn’t something he had come up against before and he had to admit it gave him a thrill that Otabek was a little possessive. “I’m not going to be able to concentrate on practice for the next two days now I know you have something planned.”

“We’ll call it a punishment for your impatience.”

Yuri arched a brow, “Is this your way of trying to keep me in line?”

Otabek took his lips, ignoring the question. They both knew that Otabek was the only person alive that Yuri truly listened to. Victor and Katsuki were close friends, and he had others from the skating world, but he had never connected with anyone the way he had with Otabek.

Yuri allowed himself to be pulled in by the increasingly heated kiss, letting his thoughts drift away into the background, enjoying the sensations that erupted in his body as Otabek ground against him.

The man was a fucking tease, no matter how much he tried to protest his innocence.

 

 

Chapter Text

Landing a jump, Otabek’s head flew around at the sound of Yuri’s startled cry. His eye found Yuri just as he crashed to the floor for the forth time in the last half an hour. Upset, Otabek rushed to Yuri’s side, kneeling beside him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, a bite of frustration in his tone.

Yuri’s face twisted in disgust. “No, I’m not fucking okay. Can’t even land an easy jump. Fuck!” he shouted, pounding his fist against the ice.

Otabek slid his arm around Yuri’s waste, helping him up. “Calm down. You shouldn’t even be attempting these difficult moves. You’re not fully healed; you’re going to end up doing more damage to yourself.”

Yuri shot him daggers, shrugging out of his hold. “Don’t start with me again.”

Yesterday morning they had been in perfect harmony with each other and then at the rink, Yuri had decided to become a complete asshole and ignore the doctor’s order about taking it easy.

His own anger rising, Otabek snapped back. “The pissy attitude won’t work with me. Stop pushing yourself too hard or I’ll be talking to your coaches about benching you.”

They were no where to be seen at the moment, but he knew they were around. The threat wasn’t idle; Yuri was so reckless in his pursuit for perfection, he didn’t care about the cost to his body. It was difficult to watch.

“You wouldn’t,” Yuri began.

Doing a quick scan of his body for injuries, Otabek went toe to toe with him. “Oh, I would. I’m not fucking around when it comes to your health and neither should you.”

For the past two days, he had watched Yuri punish himself for being unable to skate, for being behind on his routine through no fault of his own. Attempting combinations and jumps that were almost impossible for anyone else to pull off in top form.

Keeping quiet had been challenging, but he had understood Yuri’s reasoning. Now it was time to step in; he wasn’t going to allow Yuri to destroy his body or potentially his career by moving too fast too soon.

“I know how hard this had been for you, but you need to understand that I can’t just stand back and watch you injure yourself further.”

“You’re the one person who is supposed to be on my side.” Yuri said furiously, his cheeks becoming heated. “You can’t understand what this is like, you’re fucking perfect. You have a life to fall back on, all I have is skating.”

Otabek’s control broke. “I am on your side! Grow up, Yuri. You’re killing yourself out here for no reason other than your own ego. If you don’t know that I’m on your side by now, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing.”

Before Yuri could say another word, Otabek turned and sped away, needing some time alone. As much as he loved Yuri – because he did, there was no denying it – he was self-aware enough to admit that their personalities were at odds with each other a lot of the time. Understanding Yuri’s motivations didn’t make his self-destructive actions any easier to deal with.

Leaving the ice, Otabek headed towards the locker room, becoming embarrassed when he found Victor and Yuuri locked in an embrace. He was also a little envious that they had reached the point in their relationship where they had worked through the kinks.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, trying to avert his eyes.

Victor simply laughed. “No need to be sorry. We forget ourselves sometimes.” His expression sobered when he realised the waves of irritation coming from Otabek. “Are you alright?”

Sighing, Otabek lowered himself to the bench. All the worries he had about Yuri were on the tip of his tongue. Loyalty kept the words from spilling over. He knew Victor well enough to know that he wouldn’t allow Yuri to step foot on the ice if he caught wind of how far he was pushing himself to make up the time he had lost over the past week.

Yuri knew it too because he never attempted that shit when Victor’s eyes were on him.

“I’m fine,” he answered – it was his standard response. A rehearsed, practiced one Victor would know was bullshit.

Lucky the man didn’t feel like investigating any further. “We should get back to Yuri. Are you sticking around for the rest of the day?” Otabek glanced at his watch, only just realising how early it was. Just after noon.

He should stay and get the practice in, but giving himself some time alone would be more beneficial in his current mindset. His concentration was shot to hell, he couldn’t focus on his routine when he was waiting for Yuri to fall again, praying that the next time he wouldn’t fall and seriously injure himself.

“No, we need a few groceries and I have a few errands to run. Tell Yuri I’ll meet him back at home.”

Yuuri nodded, thought it was evident that he knew something was up. “We’ll let him know. I know we’re close to Yurio, but you can talk to us if there is anything bothering you. Without your friends and family here, I can imagine it gets lonely at times.”

The truth was that it didn’t, not unless he was fighting with Yuri. Of course he missed everyone back home, but he had never been the type of guy to vent his frustrations. His sister always told him that getting him to open up was like pulling teeth.

“I’m grateful for your offer, but I’m...” he trailed off.

“Fine?” Victor supplied, an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Yes,” Otabek confirmed. Hesitated. “Or I will be. I’m not a big talker.”

“No wonder you and Yuri get along so well,” Victor said, placing a supportive hand on Otabek’s shoulder. “We’ll leave you be, but we would consider you a friend and we hope you feel the same way about us. If you do ever want to talk, we’re here for you.”

Touched by the couple’s genuine concern, he flashed them a rare smile. “Thank you. I mean that.”

Once Victor and Yuuri had left him alone, Otabek changed into some fresh clothes and walked away from the rink, aimlessly. They did need groceries but picking them up wasn’t going to take him the whole afternoon.

If he was at home, he would work through his feelings by losing himself in his music. Without all his equipment, that would prove difficult to do.

Should he cancel their date plans for tonight?

He hated the thought of it. A few heated words shouldn’t derail their plans, but he had no idea how angry Yuri still was. He shouldn’t have allowed his anger and fear to get the better of him; he knew that Yuri didn’t respond well to that kind of confrontation.

But what else was he supposed to do? Wait until the man he loved did irreversible damage to himself? To prove what, to who?

He pulled his phone out his pocket when it rang. Yuri’s name flashed on the screen stirring a wealth of conflicting emotion. Usually Otabek was ecstatic to receive a call from him. With the way things were left between them at the rink, he was hesitated to answer, unsure what exactly he wanted to say.

Taking a deep breath, he answered with a sedate, “Hello.”

“Where did you go?” Yuri demanded.

Otabek looked around. He had no idea where he actually was. “I had some things to take care of.”

“Bullshit. If you’re going to walk out on me, at least be man enough to admit it.”

“That wasn’t…” Otabek started before cutting himself off. “I’m allowed to have to some time for myself. Ever since I got here, I’ve been by your side. I just need a few hours alone.”

“Away from me,” Yuri said in a sombre tone.

“Yuri, please don’t make this about you. I’ll be back when you get home. We can talk then.” Otabek hung up, sadness seeping into him. He hated being at odds with Yuri. He could only remember a handful of times they had been truly angry at each other during their friendship.

Figuring out the new aspect of their relationship was a lot more work than he had first considered. They were both difficult people, but Otabek refused to be the one who always compromised. Yuri had to understand that in order for their relationship to thrive, they both had to give and take.

How the hell did he get that to sink in Yuri’s head?

 

Body aching from practice, Yuri called a cab home. He told himself it had nothing to with not wanting to walk home by alone. He was so fucking angry with Otabek, he could almost believe it.

Storming into his apartment, the eerie silence told him that Otabek had lied to him about being home when he got back. He threw his bag on the sofa, considered throwing himself on it as well before deciding against it. Wallowing wasn’t going to solve anything and Potya needed to be fed.

Yuri went through the motions of showering and stretching his body out.

Who did Beka think he was, just walking out like that?

He hated to admit it, even to himself, but it had hit a nerve. Everyone left him – his mother, his father, even his beloved grandfather had left him in the end. No, it hadn’t been his choice, but it amounted to the same thing.

Otabek had just left him. He had never done that before – somehow he always knew when Yuri was at his weakest and appeared. Could he rely on that anymore? Because he needed it; he couldn’t stand the discord between them.

The most paranoid part of his brain told him that Otabek was already on a plane back home.

Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed himself so hard. He hadn’t been thinking of the exertion the gruelling moves were putting on his body, he had been thinking of the time he had lost to injuries that had been caused by a couple of assholes and his own reckless behaviour.

Yuri was mid-stretch when he heard keys jingling in the lock, sending his heartbeat into overdrive. He glanced over his shoulder, reluctant concern pushing him to make sure that Otabek was unharmed.

Their eyes met and Yuri was taken back by the sorrow he saw in them. Otabek was usually so solid, so unaffected by his outbursts. He straightened, unsure what to do. All his anger had disappeared, replaced by fear. Had they moved too quickly? Were they ruining their friendship by forcing a relationship that wasn’t meant to be?

Otabek walked into the kitchen, setting a bag down on the counter before putting the groceries in their place. Yuri followed him, growing more impatient as Beka continued to ignore him.

“Where have you been?” he asked, attempting to keep his tone even.

“Just walking around,” Otabek answered, concentration seemingly all taken up by the vital task of tidying away his purchases.

“Just walking around,” Yuri repeated. “I was worried.” And furious, but he kept that part to himself.

“We spoke on the phone. You knew I was okay.”

Losing his cool, Yuri snatched a box of cereal out of his hands and slammed it on the counter. “No, I didn’t! We spoke hours ago, anything could have happened to you.”

“Nothing happened, I’m fine. Calm down.”

“Stop telling me to calm down. You’re the one who just left!”

Otabek frowned at the venom in his voice. “Yuri, I explained it to you. I just needed some time alone. I told you I was coming back.”

“You said you were going to be here when I got home. You weren’t,” Yuri yelled erratically.

“I lost track of time,” Otabek said, “I didn’t leave you, Yuri.”

“Yes, you did. Is that what’s going to happen when you go home? We have a stupid fight and I won’t hear from your for months?” The only reason he had come back was because he’d had to.

“That won’t happen.”

Yuri just looked at him. “It  already did. How many times did I call or text you these past months? I could never just cut you out of my life like that; you’ve proved that you capable of doing it.”

“That’s not true,” Otabek argued, “we already went over that and it has nothing to do with you being reckless on the ice.”

“It does! Because again you chose to walk away instead of talking it out,” Yuri explained, unable to comprehend why Otabek couldn’t see the connection.

Otabek scrubbed a hand over his tired face. “How am I meant to talk anything out with you when you blow up in an instant? It was best that we had time to cool down. You think the things you say to me in anger don’t hurt, but they do. Most of the time I recognise that you don’t mean it, but…”

Mouth dry, Yuri swallowed, guilt worming its way into his system. The last person he wanted to hurt was Beka. “I’m sorry for talking to you like that, I know you’re only looking out for me.”

“You can’t just blow up on me every time you disagree with something I say. I won’t be your punching bag.”

Was that how Yuri treated him? “I’m not.. I don’t mean…” He didn’t have the right words. It eviscerated him that Otabek saw him that way. His temper ran hot, it always had, but Otabek had always seemed unfazed by his rages.

Sensing his devastation, Otabek moved closer, placing his hand on Yuri’s cheek. “I know. I know, Yuri. You have to know by now that I’m on your side, always. But you have to realise that I’m not the type of man to stand back whilst someone I love is putting themselves in unnecessary danger.”

Yuri rested his head against Beka’s, his words bathing him with a warmth that had been absent since their fight. Love. Yuri had assumed that falling in love, being in love, would be the most natural thing in the world. It should be, shouldn’t it?

But it wasn’t; he was beginning to realise that it would take everything he had.  From a young age he had learnt to distrust those closest to him, how the fuck did undo the shit he had been through with his family?

“I don’t want to be the type of man who makes the person he loves feel like shit. I guess I’ve still got some growing up to do,” Yuri admitted softly.

Otabek banded his arms around him. “We all growing, all the time. I just need to know that you’re willing to listen to me. Your first reaction can’t be to verbally attack me.”

Tears burned the back of Yuri’s as he held on onto Otabek. “I don’t want to that person,” he whispered, emotion breaking his voice.

“Hey,” Otabek drew back, looking into his eyes, “you’re not. I know how much skating means to you, I understand that the setback is putting you under pressure. You’ve grown so much in the last few years, I’m in awe of you. Your dedication to the sport just terrifies me sometimes, I don’t want you to hurt yourself by rushing the healing process.”

“I hear you,” Yuri said, unease still burning in his gut. “Just don’t leave me like that. I know I’m hard to deal with –“

Otabek cut in, “No, that’s not what I meant, please don’t talk about yourself like that. I was always coming back to you. I’m with you, one hundred percent. After everything, I know it’s going to be hard for you to trust that, but I’ll show you.”

Yuri tried a smile, “And I’ll stop being a dick.”

Otabek raised his brows, “And stop pushing yourself so hard?”

Letting out a breath, Yuri hands roamed Otabek’s muscular back. “If you take me on that date you promised.”

Chapter Text

They missed the reservation Otabek made at the restaurant, so he decided to order Yuri’s favourite take out and transform the living room into a cosy nest, complete with candlelight. Otabek felt guilty that he wasn’t taking Yuri out as planned, but he insisted that it was fine.

Sat on the floor on top of cushions, they used the coffee table to dine from as the soft sounds of folk music played in the background. All the earlier tension had dissipated, but Otabek still felt echoes of shame at the way he had made Yuri question his own character. Yuri was such a contradiction, putting on such a strong front that it was easy to forget how damaged his sense of self worth was.  

Losing his own temper and then disappearing for hours had been the wrong way to handle the situation. After everything Yuri had been through, he deserved more than that from him.

Otabek studied him as he took a sip of wine, glad to see that all signs of his earlier upset were gone. Yuri caught his eye. “Thank you for doing this. You didn’t have to after what happened.”

He hated how easily Yuri was willing to accept the blame, as if it had all been his fault. Yes, he was usually the first to lash out, but Otabek had been in the wrong too. His past experience with an unstable Jon had affected him in ways he couldn’t even begin to explain. Overreacting to Yuri’s reckless behaviour was one of them.

“I wanted to,” Otabek told him, “I did promise you a date.” He hesitated before asking his next question, “How was the rest of practice?”

Yuri’s eyes ducked. “More of the same. The competition isn’t that far away, Beka. What if I can’t get back to where I was before all of this?”

“You will,” Otabek assured him. “If anyone can, it’s you. I don’t doubt that – just please don’t kill yourself trying to do it.”

Shoulders relaxing, Yuri shuffled a little closer, finished with his dinner. “I won’t, I promise. You were right about what I was doing to myself.”

“Please don’t make me worry about you anymore than I already do when we’re apart. Whenever you feel like you did in practice today, just imagine having to call me from a hospital bed. Or worse, I get another call from Victor because you’re unconscious. The attack wasn’t your fault so I won’t hold that against you, but your behaviour in the rink is something you can control.”

Yuri slid his hand into Otabek’s, bringing it to his lips. “No more injuries from me.”

“I will hold you to that.”

“I know you will,” Yuri smiled, “I like that you care enough about me to put up with my shit.”

Oh Yura. “I love you,” Otabek said with sincerity. He’d always loved him, their friendship one of the most valuable relationships in his life. Now they had admitted their feelings for one another, he realised that the love he had for Yuri had never been strictly platonic. “I’m always going to put up with your shit and you’re going to put up with mine.”

A look of pure vulnerability washed over Yuri’s face. “You said it earlier, but I just assumed you…”

“Assumed that I didn’t mean it?” It was second nature for Yuri to question everyone’s intentions and feelings. “I wouldn’t say something like that if I didn’t mean it. I know we’ve only been together for a short time, but I think there was always a part of me that knew how I felt about you. I panicked after the kiss at the wedding because I wasn’t sure if taking that leap was the right thing to do. You mean so much to me and I was afraid of exactly what happened today. I hurt you and I never want to do that.”

Yuri climbed onto his lap, wrapping his long legs around his waist. “We talked about this. Hurting each other is going to be inevitable. I love you too. So much. I always have.”

Otabek held him close, content to enjoy the sensation of their hearts beating next to each other for a few moments. It wasn’t long before desire roared to life, creating  an invisible tether between them.

Yuri took his mouth, movements hurried, bordering on frenzied. Yuri was an electric vine around him, so fucking alive and free. So giving and generous. “I want you,” Yuri whispered against his mouth.

Cock straining in his pants and an untamed Yuri in his arms, Otabek was out of reasons to delay any longer. His caution was killing them both. He had wanted to wine and dine Yuri, make his first time as special as the man, but this was real.

But he just had to ask one more time. “Are you sure?”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Yes! I’m not nervous or scared. Maybe I would be if you were someone else, but I know you’ll always take the best care of me.”

The faith Yuri had in was terrifying at times; it made him doubt himself more because he had to do it for the both of them. Yuri must have caught onto his fresh hesitation because he stood up and held out his hand. “I’m going to the bedroom, taking off my clothes and finding the lube. Are you going to say no to me?”

The imagery he painted with those simple words was so hot that Otabek’s willpower vanished in a second. Taking Yuri’s hand, he rose and allowed himself to be guided to the bedroom, pulse thrashing in his ears.

Yuri stood at the foot of the bed, a soft smile of his lips as he removed his t-shirt. It was nothing Otabek hadn’t seen before, over the past week they had got well accustomed to each other bodies, but the sight of his bare still affected him.

Why was he so nervous? He was quaking in his socks whilst Yuri brazenly stripped in front of him. Considering their level of experience, it should be the other way round. He had a feeling it would be this way for the rest of their lives – him worrying enough about both of them, Yuri facing everything so fearlessly.

Now naked except for his underwear, Yuri began to tug on Otabek’s clothes, the movement awakening him from the dazed state he had been in. He helped Yuri strip him, excitement skating across his skin.

Feeling more like himself, Otabek nudged Yuri towards the bed, pushing him back against the mattress. Otabek settled between him his legs, eyes zeroing in on Yuri’s growing erection. Hooking his fingers in the material of his underwear, they managed to awkwardly slide the article down his legs.

Otabek’s hand circled Yuri’s cock causing him to whimper. Otabek loved his honest reactions. There was no bashfulness or hesitation, reminding him that this was Yuri he final had his hands on. He wasn’t sure if that knowledge settled his nerves or increase them.

Slowly stroking Yuri, Otabek kissed him, intent of making him lose his mind. He would only have good memories of his first him. Yuri moaned into his mouth, the sound reverberating all the way to Otabek’s cock.

Squirming beneath him, Yuri broke contact, breathless. “You’re going to make me come already.”

Otabek smirked at him, pleased with himself. “A young thing like you should be ready to go again in no time. Or I could stop?” He halted his stroking, getting more and more turned on as the seconds passed.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Yuri hissed, leaving Otabek chuckling to himself. When he took his hand away, Yuri’s brows slammed together. “Beka! Don’t be a dick.”

“I’m trying to wrap my mouth arounds yours; do you still want to argue with me?”

A small shake of the head. “No.”

Otabek took as much of Yuri’s length inside of his mouth as he could, sucking and gliding in a way that he knew would have Yuri coming in a matter of minutes. Yuri’s desperate hand clutching in his hair only spurred him on.

“Oh god, Beka. You’re so good at that.”

Wrapping his hand around the base, Otabek swirled his tongue over the tip. “Good at what?” He needed to hear Yuri say it.

“Sucking my cock.”

Desire burned Otabek alive. “Get the lube out of the drawer.”

Yuri didn’t hesitate, fumbling with the handle and retrieving the small bottle they had already used half of over the last few days. Otabek took the bottle from him and coated his fingers.

Returning his mouth to Yuri’s full cock, Otabek worked two fingers inside of him, scarcely believing that they were about to have sex for the first time. Carnal moans escaped Yuri’s lips, assaulting Otabek’s ear in the best of ways. Soon he was stifling a scream as he came in Otabek’s mouth.

 

“Fuck,” Yuri gasped, experiencing sensory overload. Otabek swallowed everything drop of his cum, still finger fucking him in the process. Yuri almost told him to stop, that he felt too fucking much in that moment. There were parts of his body lighting up that he didn’t even realise he possessed.

Trailing kisses along his stomach, Otabek eyes lifted. “You okay?”

Yuri simply nodded, worried what would come out of his mouth if he tried to speak. To settle himself, he reached for Otabek’s head pulled him up so they were eye to eye. His hands brushed against Beka’s strong arms, the sensation grounding him life nothing else could.

Otabek gently held his jaw. “We can stop.”

How did Beka read him so well? “No. I want you, completely. It’s just so intense between us, it always takes me off guard.”

“You make me feel like that every time I watch you skate.”

Happiness burst into him; he loved the idea of drawing such feeling from the stoic Hero of Kazakhstan. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Yuri pinched his ass, smiling. “You’re a secret teddy bear.”

“Only when it comes to you.” He was silent for a second, “How do you want to do this?”

“Exactly like this, with you close to me as humanly possible.”

Tenderness swept across Otabek’s face. “That sounds perfect to me. After everything we’ve done, this shouldn’t hurt. It might be a little uncomfortable, but if it hurts you, tell me and we try something different.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m not made of glass. I would have shattered long before now if I was.”

Otabek’s features hardened at Yuri’s dismissive comment. “I’m not fucking around, Yuri. I know how tough you are, but I can’t hurt you. Don’t allow me to.”

Touched, and slightly amazed by the depth of Beka’s protectiveness towards him, Yuri conceded. “I promise. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Satisfied with his response, Otabek kissed him and slid his hand between them. Yuri could feel his hard cock probing his entrance, radiating a heat that seemed to seep into him. Fuck, his own dick started to twitch in response to the excitement that erupted in his veins.

Above him Otabek’s face was a mask of concentration, a controlled façade Yuri knew was bullshit. Beka was as turned on as him, the evidence of it between his legs. Yuri had also discovered that the more controlled Otabek seemed, the more chaos was circling around on the inside.

“You ready?”

“Beka…” Yuri warned, growing impatient. He was throbbing, so ready for Otabek to claim him in the most human way possible.

“Relax,” Otabek murmured in his ear when he thrust forward, only to be blocked by Yuri’s tense body.

“Easy for you to say, you haven’t got a large object trying to get in your ass.”

An amused sound came from Otabek’s lips. “You’ve been begging me for this.”

Yuri couldn’t deny that, his mind was completely ready, but the body hadn’t received the message. Perhaps he was more nervous that he thought. Shit, now he was spiralling. “Kiss me.”

Their lips melded together, with Otabek slipping his tongue inside. The familiarity of the act was just what Yuri needed, his body relaxing muscle by muscle. Otabek surged, his cock slipping inside Yuri with surprising ease.  

Otabek stilled when he was fully inside, giving Yuri a moment to become accustomed to the foreign sensation. It wasn’t painful just as Otabek promised; but he did feel stretched wide and more vulnerable that he expected.

“Are you okay?” Otabek asked through gritted teeth, the effort of remaining still evidently pushing him to his limits.

Yuri met his eyes. “Yes, you can move.”

“Wrap your legs around me,” Beka ordered. Yuri complied, shifting slightly to make the position as comfortable as possible. Lines of strain were displayed across Otabek’s face.

He pulled out before gliding back in, repeating the motion again and again. Rational thought fled Yuri’s mind as Otabek found just the spot, hitting it with such accuracy that Yuri knew the man had downplayed his skill in the bedroom.

“Fuck, Beka.”

Otabek grunted in response, “You are so fucking tight.”

“Virgin ass,” Yuri staggered out, ending on an embarrassingly high moan. His cock had sprung back to life with renewed vigour, begging for release. He was so aware of Otabek inside of him, making it difficult to breath with any normalcy. He bucked his hips, spurring Otabek to increase his force.

His action work, Beka’s motions becoming hungrier as he become more vocal It was the closest Yuri had ever seen him to unravelling and he couldn’t fully appreciate the beauty of it because he was so caught up in the pleasure the man was giving him.

Yuri nipped Otabek’s jaw, arousal overtaking him completely. There was no sense of time, he would have been content to lie beneath Otabek all night, allowing him into his ass for all eternity.

Otabek pulled back, coming onto his knees and bringing Yuri with him. “Touch yourself.”

Fuck, bossy Otabek was like a hand caressing his balls, shooting desire through his body. Yuri worked himself, loving the way Otabek’s eyes touched his skin, as if he couldn’t get enough of the sight of Yuri spread out in front of him. His hands dug into Yuri’s hips as he pumped inside.

The visual, the sensation, the fire between them was too much. Before he was even aware of it was he was coming with a sharp cry, dragging a crazed Otabek over the ledge with him. Yuri’s cum splattered between them, whilst Beka’s was shot straight into his ass.

Filthy. They were filthy and he loved it.

Otabek easing out of him, he didn’t love so much. They had gotten a little carried away and he was sure he would happen trouble sitting down tomorrow, the telltale signs of twinges already making themselves know.

Honestly, he didn’t give a fuck.

Otabek collapsed on top of him and Yuri enveloped the burning torso, needing the contact to come back down to earth safely. Otabek’s words were muffled against his chest. “Are you okay? I was meant to keep things a little more controlled.”

“I’m fucking fantastic,” he said, skipping over the part about his ass stinging. Now he had seen Beka’s protectiveness in full force, he was didn’t want it to flare up again and ruin his afterglow. Knowing Otabek, he would ban sex forever if he thought Yuri had experience even the slightest bit of pain. “Told you, I’m not made of glass.”

Otabek lifted his head a fraction, smiling. “I’m pretty sure you’re made out of some drug that I’m addicted to. You make me lose my mind.”

“So it was good for you?” Yuri asked, unsure where the insecurity came from. Probably the same place that had made him want to know every detail of Otabek’s sexual history.

Otabek licked his nipple and then bit down on it. “I can’t move right now. What do you think?”

Yuri ran his hands through Otabek’s hair, wondering if he had ever felt so tranquil in his life. “I think you’ve created a sex fiend.”

Chapter Text

 

Otabek was leaving in two days.

Everytime Yuri remembered that fact, he wanted to collapse into a heap on the floor and sob like a baby. Beka had already extended his trip twice, spending three weeks in Russia. His coach had lost the little patience he’d had to begin with, meaning their time together was up.

Otabek was going home.

The last week and a half had been absolute bliss. Yuri could say with absolute honesty that he had never been happier in his life. They spent their nights together, woke up in the mornings wrapped around each other and then made their way to rink to get in some practice time.

It was Sunday and then have given themselves the day off to roam around the city, Yuri taking Otabek to his favourite places. For the most part, his anxiety about leaving the house remained the same. With Otabek by his side, he was ready to take on anyone who wished them harm, but there were times when Beka had disappeared to look in another aisle or gone to fetch them coffee and Yuri felt the cold hands of panic squeezing inside his chest.

He didn’t say a word to his boyfriend, unwilling to burden Otabek. He had to go home and Yuri knew it kill him to leave if he knew Yuri was still struggling with anxiety. It was only exacerbated by the knowledge that the people who attacked him were walking around without so much as a slap on the wrist.

Yuri still hadn’t found the right words to tell Otabek and his friends what had happened. It was only a matter of time before the news become public knowledge and Yuri’s Angel’s instigated the biggest shitstorm social media had ever seen.

He could see it so clearly, almost hear the bomb timer ticking down in his head, but he couldn’t force himself to tell Otabek. There was no point in weighing him down with that problem. He had already done so much.

To thank him, Yuri had led them to an old-fashioned confectionary shop, well aware of Otabek’s secret sweet tooth. His face had lit up like a child on Christmas when he realised where Yuri had brought him.

Armed with a bag of his favourites sweets, Otabek offered it to Yuri as they strolled along the street, dusk settling in. “I’m good, thanks.”

Beka made a face. “How are you not tempted by them?”

Yuri shrugged, delighted to see Otabek so happy about such a small gift. “You know I prefer savoury foods.”

Otabek reached around and patted Yuri’s stomach, “As soon as you hit twenty, you’re going to get a belly.”

Yuri playfully shoved him. “Never!”

“You just wait,” Otabek teased, shoving a more sweets into his mouth, “You’re twentieth birthday, it will just appear.”

“And where is yours then?” Yuri asked. Over the past few weeks he had seen every inch of Otabek’s body and there wasn’t an ounce of fat.

“I’m sure it will settle in once I retire,” he answered causally.

Yuri stilled, turning to face meet his gaze. “Are you thinking of retiring soon?”

“Maybe,” Otabek said, “I’ve accomplished so much, but skating has always been just one of my ambitions. I would like to pursue other things whilst I’m still young.”

“Your music?”

“Yeah.” His tone held traces of self-doubt. “I don’t know. Maybe go back to school – there are so many new things to try. I do love skating, but it leaves little time to do anything else.”

One of the reasons why Yuri had always loved skating. It gave him a purpose, a sense of focus when everything else in his life had been chaotic. It usually left him so exhausted that he didn’t have the energy to think about anything else. Always a bonus when his thoughts had the tendency to take angry or depressive routes.

Otabek continued, “I haven’t made a decision yet, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately.”

Yuri nodded, unsure how he felt about the unexpected development. He had assumed that someone as talented as Otabek would pursue a career as long as his body allowed, it hadn’t occurred to him that Otabek’s other interests rivalled that of skating.

“Hey,” Otabek said, a slight frown on his face. “I told you, I haven’t made a decision yet. Nothing is going to change for a while.”

Change was something Yuri had always struggled to deal with. His childhood had been ever-changing. One day his mother was there and the next she wasn’t.  Caring and then angry.  Same with his father. The only constants had been his grandfather and the ice.

“Okay.” There wasn’t anything else to say. Otabek couldn’t go through life making his decisions to keep Yuri feeling secure. “Just let me know.”

Otabek’s featured softened. “I will. You’re always the first to know.” His arms came around Yuri’s shoulders, holding him close. Yuri closed his eyes and inhaled his scent for comfort.

“Whatever you chose to do, I’ll support you. I just – I’m not good with change. You know what my family is like. Every time I got a handle on the way things were heading, one of the fucking assholes would pull the rug out from underneath me. I’ll deal,” he assured Beka.

There was no way he was letting his fucked-up childhood affect his relationship with Otabek. He was going to do something his parents had never quite gotten the grasp on and be an adult.

“I know you will, but you should consider what it could mean for us,” Otabek said, pulling away.

“What do you mean?”

“I could come visit for you longer, maybe even looks at some university courses here.”

Yuri’s heart stopped. “Really? That’s something you would actually do?” Fuck, he didn’t want to get his hopes up, but the moment Otabek said the words, he could admit to himself that it was something he had secretly hoped for.

“Obviously there is a lot to think about, but we could make it work. With all the competitions, I’m hardly at home anyway. I would want to go back for regular visits, but…” He shrugged, as if moving to another country was no big deal.

It was a big deal, Yuri thought. “As much as I want you with me, I don’t want you to sacrifice anything, especially not your family.”

“They’ll still be my family, Yuri,” Otabek said gently. “My parents have always encouraged me to follow my dreams.”

I’m pretty sure they had other ideas about what your dreams would be. Moving to Russia to be with me wouldn’t be one of them.  

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he kept them to himself. He liked Beka’s parents, but they were a reminder of how lacking his were. They wanted the best for their children and Yuri didn’t understand how he could be the best for Otabek.  He was an asshole most of the time, Otabek deserved so much more than a bratty teenager and as much as he tried, Yuri couldn’t shake some of the behaviour even he loathed about himself.

If Otabek did move to Russia, he would regret it, begin to resent Yuri for it. “I think you should take some time to think about it. We’re so new, I wouldn’t want you to move here just for me.”

A blank expression masked Otabek’s face. Yuri pretended not to notice as they arrived at his apartment building and made their way up to his floor. He made his excuses and went into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

How could he go from elated to the idea of Otabek moving to Russia, to fearing it as much as he did failing in a competition in the space of a few seconds?

You’re scared.

Of what?

That he’ll realise you truly aren’t worth it.

He wasn’t; Yuri knew that as well as he knew his own name. If Otabek did make that realisation for himself, their relationship would be irreparable. Their friendship would be gone, and Otabek would vanish from him life.

A knock of the door yanked him out of his thoughts. “Are you alright?” Otabek called from the other side of the door.

Yuri shook himself, splashed a handful of water on his face. “I’m good. I’ll be out in a second.”

Taking a deep breath, he attempted to pull himself together. He felt like he was unravelling, that he had been lying to himself for the past three weeks. How could they make it work? Yuri was terrified of losing him and the chances of that happening only increased the more time they spent with each other.

Otabek thought he knew Yuri and he probably did better than anyone else alive, but he couldn’t see the bleak, twisted parts he hid from the world. There was much in his past that Otabek didn’t know and never would because Yuri would never find the courage to tell him.

It was the kind of shit that stayed with a person, affected them in the most fundamental of ways. Why had he thought it was okay to start anything with the one person he couldn’t bear to lose? Their friendship worked and they had thrown it away so carelessly.  

Shit. He ground his palms into his eyes, hating himself for allowing these thoughts to rule his mind. Somewhere, he recognised that he was sabotaging himself. Didn’t mean he could do a fucking thing about it.

“Yuri! Victor’s here.”

Irritated welled. Just what he needed when he was in the middle of a melt down. “Coming!”

He jerked open the door, his limbs feeling disconnected from his body. There was an awful pressure on his chest that seemed to increase with every step he took. He couldn’t face them. He couldn’t.

Breathing become more difficult and dread wrapped around his throat when couldn’t get enough air. He had just enough awareness left to throw himself back into the bathroom and locked the door. Sweat seeped from his skin as he collapsed to the floor with shaky limbs.

“Yuri! Open the door.” Otabek’s voice was far away, so far behind the loud ringing that filled his ears.

Can’t. Help me.

Victor’s tone was authoritative. “Yuri, unlock the door.”

Unlock the door. He needed to unlock the door.

Unlock the fucking door.

Trembling, he reached up and turned the lock, tossing himself to onto the floor. Arms wrapped about him, Otabek’s scent enveloping him. Was he moving? He couldn’t focus enough to know for certain, the task of breathing requiring all of his attention

“What’s wrong with him?”

Otabek responded. “I don’t know. Panic attack?”

“Sit on the bed with him,” Victor ordered, “I’ll get a blanket. Has his happened before?”

“No. Not that I know of.” Yuri wanted to comfort Otabek, hating the sorrow that infused his voice. “Should we call someone?”

“We’ll give him some time. If it is a panic attack, it will pass.”

Yuri clung to that – it would pass. It had to pass because he felt like he was dying, the air being cruelly snatched from his lungs. Otabek’s warm body, enclosed tightly around his was the only thing that gave him a semblance of relief.

Chapter Text

Otabek closed the door to Yuri’s bedroom with a soft click, a stress headache forming right between his eyes. Yuri was finally asleep. Now that he was no longer watching him, Otabek could let the calm façade slip a little.

When he walked into that bathroom his heart had stopped beating. Yuri was so tough, so resilient and to see him on that floor, panic taking hold of his face, Otabek had nearly broken. But he couldn’t because Yuri needed him to be the pillar of strength for the both of them.

“Hey,” Victor called as Otabek walked into the living room. A small part of him had hoped that Victor would be gone, but he had known it was never going to happen. He had never quite understood Yuri and Victor’s relationship. Too close in age to be parent/child. He leaned towards a sibling dynamic – whatever the hell they were to each other meant that Victor wouldn’t leave him in the state he had been in.

Otabek took a seat on the couch. If not for the overwhelming emotions he had just experienced, he would have felt awkward. He got along with Victor fine, and they were friends, but the man had a way of asking profound questions in the most casual of ways, setting him on edge when they were alone.

“He’s asleep,” Otabek told Victor, exhaustion pulling at him.

Victor nodded. “Have you ever seen him experience anything like that before?”

“No,” he answered, thinking back. “He’s been unsettled since the attack, anxious when there are too many people around him, but that was a full blown panic attack.”

“Even if it had happened before, do you think he would tell any of us?” Victor sighed. Worry lines etched into his face, rendering his usually immaculate appearance less than perfect.

“I don’t know.” It was the truth. “We’ve been inseparable for weeks. I couldn’t have missed something like that. I should have known something was wrong – I did, but I brushed it aside because I didn’t want to push him for answers.”

He should have pushed. Past experience told him that secrets were never good. Jon had lied to him all the time and Otabek had allowed it, reluctant to rock the boat, too young to understand that he was only enabling the behaviour he hated.

“Did he say anything to you before he fell asleep?”

“No. He just wanted me to hold him.”

“It must be the assault. He needs to talk to someone. Have you heard anything about a court case yet?”

“Nothing,” Otabek said, frustrated.

Victor rose. “I’m going to make some calls and see what I can find out. Having everything unresolved can’t be helping.”

“Yes, it could help.” Would it? Otabek didn’t know what to think. Yuri had been fine one second, talking to him about the possibility of moving to Russia and the next, withdrawn.

Listening with half an ear to Victor’s conversation, he sat passively, still shaken by what he had witnessed. It reminded him of the nights he had spent with Jon. It wasn’t the same, he corrected himself. Jon had always been out of it, high on whichever drug he could gets his hands on. Yuri wasn’t self-destructing. He was dealing with the after affects of a vicious attack. Jon had been troubled, unable to break free from the demons that plagued him.

Victor’s harsh tone caught his attention. “No. That’s unacceptable.” He was quiet for a moment. “Fuck that.”

Otabek’s eyes widened when Victor threw his phone on the sofa in a fit of rage. “What’s wrong?”

Victor paced. “Yuri has declined to press charges against the men who attacked him. My contact said that Alexi Vasiliev’s father has made thinly veiled threats about ruining Yuri’s career if he proceeds with pursuing the case.”

Otabek burst from his seat. “What? Yuri is a top athlete.” So many thoughts were storming around in his head. “Yuri knows about this?”

“Yes, apparently so. The boy’s father is a politician with a multi-millionaire business - I’ve heard his name before and I can believe he will do what he says he will. These people can be corrupt Otabek.”

“So they are just going to get away with putting him in the hospital?” His voice almost cracked. Why hadn’t Yuri said anything? How long had he known about it?

Victor’s anger vanished, body slumping. “I don’t know. All I do know is that Yuri is right to be concerned.”

“There must be something we can do.”

“It’s Yuri’s decision to make,” Victor replied. Sighed. “You can’t push him either way, Otabek. He’s fragile right now, whether he wants to admit it or not. If he doesn’t want to pursue it, you’re going to have to accept that.”

Somewhat offended by the other man’s insinuation, he took exception. “Is that the type of person you think I am? Yuri’s welfare is and will always be my main priority.  I would never pressure him into making a decision like this.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. But I know what it’s like when the love of your life is boxed into an untenable position. Threats to me mean nothing to me; threats to Yuuri make me lose my mind. We get them sometimes; he gets them more frequently. I know what it’s like to feel useless against them.”

“At least you’re with him, you get to be there for him. I’m going to thousands of kilometres away from Yuri whilst he’s dealing with this. I can’t leave.”

Victor shook his head. “You can’t stay. You have a life and Yuri understands that.”

Yuri was good at telling Otabek things he wanted to hear. “I think this situation shows that I can’t trust him to tell me the truth right now. He was going to let me leave without tell me this.”

“I would assume he thought he was doing the right thing by you,” Victor said quietly. “I’m going to leave, give you two some time alone. Bring Yuri to the house tomorrow so we can discuss this in depth.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Victor surprised him by giving him a quick hug.

“Don’t be too angry with him.”

He wasn’t angry.  Honestly, he didn’t know what he was. Troubled. Worried. Anxious. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, showing Victor out.

With Victor gone, Otabek went back into the living room and sank into the sofa. Almost unconsciously, he dug his phone out of his pocket and found his sister’s name in the contacts. His thumb hit call before he could even think about.

Aylin answered after a few rings. “Beka! I didn’t expect you to call so soon before you’re due to come home. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he answered, needing the normalcy for a few minutes. “Just wanted to talk to my little sister. How are you?”

“I’m good,” she replied enthusiastically. “I’ve got a few weeks left before I start the internship with the monsters so I’m just catching up with friends, spending my last days of freedom wisely.”

“Enjoy it whilst it lasts,” he teased.

His heart took a dip at her next words. “Beka, what’s wrong?”

Tears burned at the back of his eyes. “Yuri had a panic attack. I don’t think I can leave him. I don’t want to leave him, but he also lied to me.” He told her the whole story, knowing she would listen to it with empathetic ears.

“Poor Yuri,” she whispered.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me something so important, Aylin?”

She sighed, drawing out the long breath. “I can’t answer that for him, but he’s been through a lot recently. He probably thinks that if he tells you, you’ll insist on extending your stay and we all know you can’t. He’s trying to protect you.”

“But it isn’t about me,” he grumbled.

“It will be when Coach makes you’re life hell because you’ve disobeyed him again.”

“I’m going to retire soon,” he blurted out.

“Beka –“ she started, tone uncertain.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he said quickly. “I want to try other things and my heart isn’t in it the way it used to be.”

“That doesn’t change your position right now. You’re committed to the upcoming competition and you need to train.”

“I have been training,” he argued. “Yuuri and Victor are great coaches and I’ve been getting a lot of practice in. My routines have improved so much since being here because of their input.”

“They’re not your coaches,” she stated. “I’m on your side, I always am which is why I’m telling you that you need to come home. Don’t rush into making such a big decision because of your relationship.”

Otabek’s anger rose rapidly. She should know him better than that. “That is not what I’m doing.”

“Don’t get mad at me, I’m trying to help you.”

“If you wanted to help me, you’d know this is not what I need. I listen to you, I support you and I give you advice. I don’t lecture you.”

“That’s not what I’m doing –

Otabek didn’t allow her to finish. “I’ll talk to you another time.”

With that he hung up, more unsettled than he had been before making the call. Everything he told her had been the truth. He could train as well, if not better, in Russia than at home. Yuuri and Victor were legends in the skating world and took his routines as seriously as they did Yuri’s.

Otabek took a shower, hoping it would wash away the remnants of his poor mood. No such luck. By the time he slipped into bed beside a sleeping Yuri, the events of the evening were spinning around in his mind, giving him no respite.

Turning on his side, he faced Yuri, still taken back by his beauty. In sleep all the stress seemed to slip away from him, giving him a peaceful look that Otabek wished he could see on his face during his waking hours.

Otabek took a strand of the blonde hair between his fingers, heart heavy. How could he leave him like that? Knowing Yuri, he would dismiss the panic attack as a one off and refuse to seek counsel. And then what would happen?

After what had happened to Jon, Otabek couldn’t live with that kind of uncertainty in his relationship.

Something was going to have to give.

He needed Yuri to be honest with him because he couldn’t spend his days wondering if his boyfriend, who was over fifteen hundred miles away, was enduring another day of anxiety fuelled panic silently.

Secrets of that magnitude were a hard limit for Otabek. How the hell did he get that to sink into Yuri’s mind?

Chapter Text

Yuri crept out of bed, reluctant to wake Otabek. Some of his reasons were selfish and others were selfless. Answering questions about what had happened the previous night was the last thing he wanted to do and Otabek needed the rest.

Leaving the bedroom, Yuri jumped in the shower and then made himself go through the motions of brushing his teeth, his hair when all he wanted to do was go back to sleep and shut the world out.

A part of him wanted Otabek to just leave because it would be so much easier dealing with him if he were in another country. He would be oblivious Yuri’s weakness, his utter inability to function like a normal human being.

“Yuri?” Otabek called from the bedroom, his tone slightly panicked.

Fuck, now he was burdening Beka with yet another problem he had to worry about.

“In here,” he croaked, resigning himself to the conversation they were going to have.

Otabek walked into the kitchen, hair all mussed from sleep. A tentative smile tugged at his lips. “You could have woken me.”

“You needed the sleep,” Yuri replied curtly, taking a sip of his hot coffee. He needed some distance between them because inside he still felt raw from the panic he had experience last night.

He was terrified if he allowed himself to feel too much, the panic would come rushing back like a tidal wave, dragging him under.

Otabek poured himself some coffee and took a seat opposite him. An uncomfortable silence welled between them, tearing into Yuri’s heart. How did he do that? How did he managed to fuck up every single good thing in his life without trying?

“Has anything happened before like last night?” Otabek asked.

Yuri wanted to be insulted by the question, but he didn’t possess the energy to care all that much about the implication that he had been hiding something of that magnitude from his boyfriend. “No.”

“Would you tell me if it had?” Otabek’s eyes were steady on his.

Yuri held his tongue, finding that he did, in fact, possess the energy to be fucking insulted by that question.

“Yuri, please. I’m just trying to understand what happened. Victor was here, do you remember that?”

He nodded, humiliated that Victor had witnessed him in that state.

“We talked whilst you slept and made the assumption that you’re panic attack was connected to the assault. Victor made some calls.”

Heart painfully squeezing in his chest, Yuri evaded Otabek’s eyes.

“Were you going to tell us about the ultimatum you were given?”

“What difference does it make?” Yuri demanded, fed up with the way Otabek was talking to him like a child. As if he were someone who needed to be handled with kid gloves. “There’s nothing I can do, nothing you can do. Nothing Victor can do. I’m not jeopardising my career for those fuckers. End of story.”

“Not end of story,” Otabek countered, anger flaring. “It’s not the end of the story if you’re having a panic attack.”

Yuri didn’t know how to tell him that the reason for the panic attack had been their relationship. It was that rabbit hole his mind had gone down when he had begun to lose control.

“I don’t care about them. I just want to get on with my life.”

Otabek’s expression softened. “That’s all I want for you too. I want a future with you without this holding you down.”

Future.

Guilt crushed him. Otabek deserved someone so much better than him to share a future with. “Maybe we shouldn’t get ahead of –

“What the hell are you talking about?” Otabek flew up from his seat, more furious than Yuri could remember ever seeing him. “Have I done something? Yesterday we were talking about me moving here and then less than an hour later, you act as though it’s the last thing you want and then have a fucking panic attack and now you’re telling me we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”

Yuri hated seeing Otabek like this, but it only evidence that they didn’t belong together. “You deserve someone better.”

“Why would you say something like that?” Otabek’s voice cracked, his expression heartbroken.

Tears welled in Yuri’s eyes. “Because it’s true. I’m a liability. You’ve put your life on hold for me for almost a month and it’s costing you. You just slip into conversation that you could move here to be with me and leave your family behind. I’m not worth that, okay? Do you not understand how lucky you are that you have a family that loves you?”

“Yes, of course I do,” Beka snapped, slapping his hands on the table. “This is what last night was about?”

Yuri forced the truth from his mouth. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t fucking know anymore. All I know is that it makes no sense for you to give up your life to come here for me.”

“I wouldn’t be giving up my life,” Otabek yelled, anger showing no signs of receding. “I told you I haven’t made any definite plans, but if you don’t want me here, all you have to do is say.”

Yuri stood, coming undone. “I want you. God, you’re so fucking stupid. Don’t you get it? I would sign a contract with the devil to be with you. To live with you like we have been doing for the last few weeks. But I know myself. I won’t be enough for you, you’ll regret our relationship. I’ll lose you.” By the time he finished, he could barely speak, the sobs making it difficult to get the words out.

Otabek’s strong arms came around him. Yuri collapsed into him, hanging on for dear life. “I’m sorry for shouting at you. I hate that these thoughts about yourself even enter your mind.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind. I love you. You have to believe that,” Yuri said against Otabek’s chest. “I want to be with you, but I just have all of these doubts. They’re not about you. You’re perfect. I’m just broken and I don’t know how to move forward.”

Otabek took a deep breath. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We need to talk and I want you to be comfortable.”  

Sagging with relief that Otabek simply hadn’t walked out the door at this point, he just nodded and followed Otabek to his bedroom. They crawled into bed, Otabek wrapping Yuri in his arms, his warm body thawing Yuri’s freezing limbs.

“I need you to listen to me when I tell you this. I’m not perfect, Yuri and you’re not broken. We’re all shaped by our past experience and I’ve been lucky enough to have a supportive family. Yours failed you; that’s not on you.”

Tears still leaked from his eyes, coming more freely at Otabek’s words. “They all left me. My dad didn’t give a shit, but my mom was worse because she pretended to when she wanted to show me off to her friends. As soon as we were out of sight of others, she turned into another person.” He had never told another soul what he was about to say. “She was abusive. When I was a kid I just thought everyone had to endure slaps and scratches, that it was completely normal for mom’s to scream in their child’s face until he peed himself.”

Otabek’s face broke, “Yuri.”

He shook his head, salty tears streaming onto his lips. “I hated when she was there and then I hated myself when she wasn’t because I knew she didn’t love me. My grandfather was the only one who did, but he never really understood me, you know?”

“She’s a vile woman.” Present tense because she was still out there.

“Yeah,” Yuri agreed. “I don’t consciously think about that shit, but it’s always there. I know I don’t have to earn your love, that you’re nothing like them. I don’t want you to think that I believe that.”

“Good because it would kill me if you did. Why did you never tell me that she hit you?”

“I don’t know how to have that conversation. What you knew was already bad enough and I didn’t want pity from you. I didn’t want you to see me as an abused kid because I wanted you. Now I have you and I don’t know if I can keep you.”

“Do you want to?” Otabek asked.

“Yes. Of course. But you shouldn’t have to put up with my baggage, miss out on your friends and family because of me.”

Otabek just smiled at him. “I love you. Let me repeat that for you. I, Otabek Altin, love you, Yuri Plisetsky. I don’t pity you. I’m not ‘putting up’ with anything. I just love you and I wish you loved yourself half as much I do.” He was quiet for a moment. “I need to tell you something. About my past. If we’re going to move forward, then we both need to.”

Unease settled in Yuri’s stomach. “Okay.”

“You asked about my past relationships, or my experience. I was in a relationship for eighteen months; it ended about six months before I met you. He died,” Otabek revealed, voice trembling.

Yuri looked at Otabek in concern. “What?”

“His name was Jon. I met him at a café he worked out around the corner from the rink I used to practice at. He was a great guy – just the type that loved life, you know? But he had problems and used drugs as a way to escape. Accidental overdose.”

Yuri knew there was much more to the story than that, but it did explain why Otabek was so damn protective. “How are you – your –

“I was a mess for a long time. We actually broke up a month or so before he died because I just couldn’t do it anymore. He lied to my face, manipulated me and I let him because I thought I should. I loved him. When I heard he was dead, I broke. I blamed myself, I blamed him, I blamed everyone. My parents made me go to therapy.”

“Did it help?” Yuri asked, wondering if he should take that step. So much had happened to him and last night was just another example of the horrifying reality that he wasn’t coping.

Otabek’s hand stroking his arm grounded him. “Yes. I learnt a lot about myself and how life experiences shape a person. Jon was never going to deal with his addition unless he wanted to, no matter how many times I begged.”

Something occurred to Yuri. “Do you think I’m like him? You said I punish myself. I don’t meant to…” he trailed off, unable to bare Otabek comparing him to his ex-boyfriend.

“No,” Beka assured him. “You’re so driven, so focused. I know you. You’re a little reckless, but it’s always passion that fuels that. Jon was lost – his upbringing wasn’t too dissimilar to yours, but he didn’t find your equivalent of skating. He was resigned to thinking he was going to follow in the footsteps of his father and it drove him to be the thing that he hated the most.”

“That is one of my fears,” Yuri confessed in a hushed whisper  “I don’t want to be like her.”

Otabek’s hand came down on his cheek. “You could never be so cruel.”

“I have been, in the past.” All the horrible comments he had made over the years threatened to shatter him.

“Never like that.”

Yuri pressed his forehead to Beka’s, closing his eyes, breathing in the scent of the man he loved. “I wish we could stay like this. We’d be safe with each other.”

“I agree, “Otabek replied, “but we’d be unfulfilled. Our relationship will always come first, but we need achieve our own separate goals. I want you to solidify your status as the world’s greatest figure skater.”

“And I want you to make some fucking awesome music,” Yuri laughed, understanding exactly what Otabek meant. Their relationship was important, but so were their own ambitions and dreams.

Otabek’s smiled dimmed. “I want that for us, but you need to talk to me. What happened last night? That can’t happen again. I’m not asking you to tell me every single thought you have, but if they’re negative and persistent, they’re a problem. Or maybe they are legitimate concerns and we need to talk them through.”

“I promise,” Yuri vowed.

“I can’t stand the thought of you hurting or me being the cause.”

“It’s not you,” Yuri argued.

“I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready for this.”

Yuri brushed a kiss over Otabek’s lips. “I can’t let the past hold me back anymore. You’re worth a little pain.”

“And so are you.”

With both of their emotions running at an all time high, Yuri deepened their kiss, needing to be close to him. They undressed each other with ease, tugging at clothing in a steady manner that didn’t match Yuri’s heartbeat.

After a little prepping, Otabek glided into him, their bodies coming together in a quiet clash of love and passion. Yuri met Beka’s hips, thrust for thrust, sounds of pleasure and need escaping his lips.

Otabek’s hot breath caressed his neck, his face, his chest. His scent surrounded Yuri, sweeping him up into a haze of abandoned desire.  There was nothing or no one else Yuri wanted to be with.

He was consumed with Otabek and he basked in the feeling. Every uncertainty, every fear, evaporated into air when they were joined together. The experience always left Yuri feeling shaky, sated. Shattered and then pieced back together again.

When Otabek’s hand circled his cock, it took less than a minute for Yuri to cum, the substance spurting onto their bodies as Otabek increased his pace, drawing more moans from Yuri.

Beka followed, his released marked by a deep groan that reverbed through Yuri’s entire being.

Otabek was home. He would never forget that again.

Chapter Text

 

Otabek was forcing him to Victor’s for dinner.

It was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. Having Beka’s, Victor’s and Katsuki’s eyes on him whilst they discussed the fact that the asshole’s who beat him up were going to get away with it would suck.

So he told Otabek he was only going if he allowed Yuri to take a photo of him and post it on Instagram. Unfortunately, Beka didn’t seem as camera shy as he usually was and he agreed. Stubborn man.

So they there in the cab on their way to dinner, his phone blowing up with notifications of likes and comments on the sexy photo he had posted. The small act made him feel more like himself, but he couldn’t deny there was still a lingering unease about the panic attack. If he’d had one, he could have another.

The next one could be before a competition.

They reached Victor’s door, holding hands, Otabek practically plastered to his side. Yuri was trying to forget that his boyfriend was leaving the next day. He told himself to enjoy the time they had left together, but it was difficult to do that when all he could think about how their relationship could change was Beka went home.

Otabek ran a hand down his back as they wanted at the doorstep. “Are you okay?”

Could Beka read his mind now? “Just thinking about tomorrow.”

The reminder caused Otabek’s expression to crack. “You know I don’t want to leave, right?”

Yuri slipped his arms around Otabek’s waist. “I know, I’m sorry I brought it up. I don’t want to spoil our last day together.”

“I like you telling me what’s on your mind. Means I don’t have to guess.” He pressed a kiss to Yuri’s forehead. “I’m thinking about it too and I don’t want you to think the only reason I want to stay is to keep on eye on you. I missed you so much before we started a relationship. I can’t imagine how much harder it’s going to be now that you’re mine.”

It was comforting that Otabek was worrying about their parting too; it made him feel less neurotic about the whole thing. He didn’t want to come across as a lovesick child who couldn’t bear to be away from his boyfriend.

The door opened, interrupting their tender moment. Katsuki gave them an apologetic smile. “Hello! Come in, come in.” He did something quite uncharacteristic and hugged them both before ushering them in.

Yuri accepted it without comment, more sentimental than he had been for a while. Delicious scents hit him as he entered the house, stomach growling in response. As much as Victor could irritate the hell out of him, Yuri had to admit that he had come to like the meals he and Katsuki had began hosting at their home.

They got settled in, Victor welcoming them with open arms, though Yuri caught the assessing looks Victor was giving him. The four of them were sat in the living room, waiting for the meat to cook, engaging in some small talk before Victor dived into the heavy topics.

“So, Yurio, how are you feeling today?”

Yuri suppressed a groan. He had expected to be able to at least eat a meal before getting quizzed by Victor. “I’m okay.”

Victor arched a brow, looking to Otabek. “Is that true?”

That pissed Yuri off. “I’m capable of telling you how I feel. Otabek doesn’t need to speak for me.”

“A better man wouldn’t put out the fact that you’ve been hiding how you truly feel for the last few weeks or you would not have had the panic attack in the first place.”

Katsuki laid a hand on Victor’s leg, shaking his head. “What he means to say is that we are worried about you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about ultimatum that was given to me,” he said with honesty. He should have told them and maybe the pressure of keeping it inside had contributed to his eventual meltdown. “I have been more stressed than usual, I can’t lie about that, but I’m not going to fall apart so you can stop looking at me as if you’re ready to call an ambulance.”

Victor nodded. Looked to Otabek again. “Are you still planning on leaving tomorrow?”

The words chipped away at Yuri’s heart so he squeezed Otabek’s hand. Otabek answered, “Yes.”

Victor then directed his gaze towards Yuri. “And how are you going to deal with that?”

“We’re not breaking up, we always knew he would have to return home at some point.” He didn’t like the way Victor was implying that Yuri wouldn’t be able to handle it. Fucking ironic considering the thoughts that sparked his attacked in the first place.

“What is the point you’re trying to make with your interrogation?” Otabek asked, the protectiveness in his voice appreciated, even if it wasn’t necessary. Yuri didn’t need anyone to fight his battles, but he let it go, touched that Beka would stand up to Victor for him.

Victor gave them both that baffling smile. “Well, we think it would be a good idea if you’ve moved back in here, Yuri.”

“What?” he shouted, unable to believe the words coming from Victor’s mouth. He looked towards Beka, wondering if he was in the idiotic plan too. He only shrugged, telling Yuri that he was as clueless as him.

Katsuki spoke before Victor could, evidently deciding that he had to do something to deescalate the mood. “We wanted to offer. Try not to dismiss it straight away, Yuri. After everything you’ve been through, we thought you might want the company.”

“And listen to you humping like rabbits every fucking hour?”

Katsuki’s cheeks flushed. “We would obviously be more discreet,” he said, Victor smirking at him. Like hell they would be more discreet; he knew exactly what they were like and he didn’t want to listen to it all the time. It would only be a reminder of the fact that his own boyfriend was so far away.

Otabek took the opportunity to throw his opinion into the mix. “Maybe it’s a good idea.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Of course you think it’s a good idea; you just want to know someone is watching over me. Can I remind you all that I’m an adult?”

Victor uncrossed his legs, leaning forward. “And sometimes being an adult means you know when to lean on other people. There is no shame in it.”

Whilst Victor’s words made sense, he couldn’t get his head around living with Victor and Katsuki for any length of time. “Thanks for the offer, but no. You’ll see me every day anyway for training.”

It was like they had all forgotten that he spent the majority of his time with them since they had started coaching him. He was often at their house for dinner too. He spent more than enough time with them.  

Victor’s expression tightened, but he remained calm. “The offer is there. If you won’t take it, what are you going to do? Because if you think you’re going to use skating to exhaust your brain and body so that you don’t have to address the issues beating down on you, you have another thing coming. Your training will be closely monitored.”

An outburst would only support Victor’s theory that he was a child who needed managing. He reigned in his own temper, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to therapy.”

Otabek took his hand, lacing their fingers. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Victor smiled as if he hadn’t just been a complete asshole for the last five minutes. “I do too!”

“I really don’t give a fuck what you think right now,” Yuri couldn’t resist saying.

Victor replied, “You know I only want you to be happy. I don’t want you to ignore anything you can resolve. I know what it’s like to carry that kind of weight and it hinders you. It will hinder you as a person and it will hinder your skating.”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Did you offer me to move in here because you know I would rather do anything but?”

Victor chuckled. “No! We want you to stay with us.”

Yuri called bullshit on that one. Victor was more intelligent that he let on and he could be a master manipulator at times. Yuri could usually see it, but obviously he wasn’t at his best these days. Something he was going to remedy.

“One more item on the agenda – what do you want to do about pressing charges?”

Yuri gritted his teeth, only relaxing when Otabek stroked his thumb over the back of Yuri’s hand. How was he going to survive without him? “You know I’m not doing anything that jeopardises my career.”

“I understand,” Victor said, the earlier tension gone from him. “Let me to think on it; there may be something we can do.”

Yuri sighed. “I just want it to be done with now.”

Victor smiled.

“Victor, I mean it,” he warned.

“Yes, yes, I know.” He rose, dusting his pants off. “I need to assemble our dinner, feel free to talk about me whilst I’m gone.”

Yuri watched him leave the room, eyes travelling to Katuski once he was out of sight. “You married an asshole.”

Katuski just laughed. “He loves you. He wants you to thrive. I know he’s a little much sometimes, but you can’t deny it feels good to have him fighting in your corner.”

He couldn’t, Yuri realised. Victor had a confidence that shone brightly. People were drawn to him and there was a power in that. Having someone like Victor notice him, consider him family, was an incredible feeling.

If only he could keep his mouth shut at times.

In the end they had a great afternoon. Once all of the serious talk was out of the way, Victor become tolerable again. Hanging out with them as a couple was always fun, even if a little sickening at times, but with Otabek by his side, he was getting less nauseated by them than usual.

He and Otabek left mid-afternoon, eager to spend some time alone before they were forced apart tomorrow. They grabbed a few supplies and headed back to apartment, Yuri smiling at the thousands of likes his photo of them had got since they had been with Victor and Katsuki.

There were also a magnitude of comments showing him love and support. It was only a little thing but it made him feel good.

Half an hour after they got in, they had sprawled on the sofa, content to just hold each other for a little while. Yuri had settled between Otabek’s legs, back to his chest, half-watching some rom-com on Netflix.

Otabek stroked his hair. “Yuri, tell me the truth. Are you going to be okay without me? I don’t mean that to sound conceited or that I don’t know how strong you are. I just feel like I’m letting you down. I love you and you’re going through something. I want to be here for you.”

“I want you to stay,” Yuri said, “but that’s the selfish part of me talking. I’ll be okay, Beka. I am going through something, but I have had rough times in the past. I’ve gotten through them and we both know even if you’re not physically here with me, you’re always with me.”

“We’ll talk or video chat everyday.”

“I can send you dirty photos,” Yuri smiled, thinking about the fun they could have with that.

Otabek groaned, sending his hands over Yuri’s shoulders. “You’re trouble.”

“The best kind of trouble.”

“Can’t disagree with that. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“You’re a soppy love-drunk fool,” Yuri laughed, more relaxed than he had been for a long time. By making the public commitment to go to therapy, it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Telling Otabek about the extent of his mother’s abuse had also helped. He didn’t feel as though he was hiding a dirty secret about himself anymore; Otabek knew all of his secrets and he wanted him regardless. He had his eyes open to the person Yuri was and he still loved him.

It was fucking baffling to him, but he either accepted it or he didn’t. If he didn’t, Otabek would no longer be his either so it was an easy decision to make. Nothing was going to be resolved over night and they had a lot to work out between them about how their long-distance relationship was going to work, but he was full of hope.

He had faith they were going to make it; he just had to remember that when Otabek disappeared behind those gates tomorrow and he no longer had the strong arms around him, anchoring him.

Chapter Text

Eyes glued to a sleeping Yuri, Otabek wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

He told himself he was being childish, that he and Yuri would talk over the phone constantly, just as they always had. They could video chat. Text. Email. Snapchat. Sext. There were so many forms of communication available to them, but none of them would allow him to hold Yuri close. Inhale his scent. Be instantly aware the moment Yuri began to struggle.

It hurt so much and he hadn’t even left yet.

With their hectic and often conflicting schedules, there was no predicting when they were going to see each other. They had been assigned to different events in the Grand Prix. The lack of certainty was eating him alive.

What made it worse was the fact that his heart wasn’t in the skating anymore. He would finish the season because he was committed. After that he was going to look into some college courses that were close to Yuri.

His parents would support him; as long as he was following his dreams they would support him. Ever since Jon had died, he had tried to live every day to the fullest and living for other people was the opposite of that.

“You’re staring at me,” Yuri yawned, his stunning features coming alive.

Otabek slid a hand over his defined stomach, teasing the trail down to his cock “When you have the most beautiful boyfriend in the world, it’s kind of hard not to stare at him sleeping. Or when he’s awake. Or when you’re inside of him.”

Yuri sprung into action, straddling his waist. “I’m pretty sure I have the most beautiful boyfriend in the world.”

“Well, then, you can sympathise with my problem.”

Yuri laughed, the sound warming Otabek’s soul. He had to trust that Yuri would be okay in his absence. Had to trust that Yuri wanted to be okay. To take care of himself. “Do you know how much you mean to me?”

Vulnerability bled across his face. “I think so.”

“What is it going to take for it to sink in?”  Otabek asked with a smile on his face. “How can I show you?” His tone was flirtatious this time.

Yuri pretended to think about it. “Ahhh, maybe you could kiss me?”

“I kiss you all the time,” Otbaek pointed out, stroking Yuri’s strong thighs.

“That’s right, you do. I need something more than a kiss.”

Otabek laughed softly. “Yura, if I had sex with you any more than I already do, you’re training would suffer.”

“Your mind is so dirty,” Yuri teased him. “I was only talking about a hug.”

“Sure,” Otabek said, unconvinced. “So you don’t want me inside of you this morning?”

“Now, now, I didn’t say that, did I?” Yuri lowered his mouth to Otabek’s, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He would never get enough of Yuri’s kisses, he was pretty sure he could live off them alone with nothing else sustaining him.

Both already naked, Otabek had easy access to Yuri’s cock. He wrapped his hand around the stiff length, loving the way Yuri trembled on top of him. Never one to stay placid for very long, Yuri began rocking his hips back and forth, purposely teasing Otabek with his movements.

With his other hand, Otabek reached around and started playing with Yuri’s entrance, knowing it was a sure way to make him lose his mind. Lube soon became a necessity, so he searched blinding for some in the drawer next to the bed.

He was about to get up and reverse their positions when Yuri pushed against his chest, sensual smile on his lips. “I want to ride you.”

Anyone who protested at that was a fucking idiot.

Otabek was many things; an idiot wasn’t one of them. Yuri scooted down the bed a little, taking the lube from his hand. A gasp flew from his lips when Yuri wrapped those irresistible lips around his cock, taking him all the way to the back of his throat.

There was nothing he could do but lay there and take the pleasure Yuri gave to him. So fucking good.

“Yura,” his murmured without thought.

Yuri’s eyes met his, so enticing and innocent. A lethal combination.

“Need you.” Needed inside that ass he was certain had been created for him alone. “Please.”

How the tables had turn, him begging Yuri for relief.

Yuri released his cock, making a show of running his tongue up the length and around the slit, licking away a pearl of pre-cum. Restraint snapping, Otabek growled. “Get your ass up here.”

Yuri looked at him questioningly.

“Up here.”

With slight hesitation, Yuri straddled his body. Otabek used his strength to position Yuri’s ass directly above his face. Yuri squealed in surprised when Otabek tongued his hole. Inwardly, Otabek smiled, glad that there were still things he had to introduce Yuri too. He may be a lot more experience than when Otabek had first arrived in Russia, but it was nice to know that he could still shock his lover.

Otabek spent a lot of time enjoying himself, licking and thrusting his tongue inside Yuri, making him pliant and breathless. When he wasn’t breathless, he was calling Otbaek’s name, moaning with abandonment.

“Beka!” Yuri’s sounds of pleasure were encouraging him. “Please fuck me. Now. Please,” he begged.

He had no willpower where Yuri was concerned. He loosened his grip on Yuri’s hips, allowing him to straddle Otabek’s waist. Otabek watched, mesmerised, as Yuri’s lubed up fingers disappeared behind him. He could picture it so clearly, Yuri’s long fingers spreading the lube around his hole.

Heart hammering inside his chest, he traced the length of Yuri’s cock, their eyes meeting as a shiver exploded down Yuri’s spine. He propped himself up, taking hold of Otabek’s dick. No more than a second later, Otabek tensed, his whole body reacting to the sensation of Yuri’s tight ass bearing down on his dick.

Yuri’s athleticism was evident in his every moment, the way he rocked his hips back and forth, the stamina he had, his weightlessness. He made riding cock look easy; Otabek knew from experience that it wasn’t.

He was in awe.

His cock was on fire, searching for release in the depths of Yuri’s tight body. He wanted to keep his eyes on the magnificent display that was Yuri Plisetsky, but he could barely concentrate on anything. He was overtaken by pure sensation, his thrusts guided by the raw need consuming his body.

“Beka,” Yuri panted, working his hips so fucking good.

The pair of them had both given themselves over to their desires, uncaring of the sounds of slapping flesh filling the air, their indecent moans. Nothing else mattered but finding pleasure in each other.

Yuri altered his angle so that he could lean over Otabek’s body and steal breathless kisses from his lips. Otabek’s fingertips bit into Yuri’s soft skin, his cock nearing the point of shattering. Yuri’s breath was hot against his face, the broken sobs coming from his lips, almost blistering Otatek’s lips.

Otabek had the presence of mind left to wrap his hand around Yuri’s cock. He only managed a few pumps before Yuri was coming all over his abs and chest, his ass contracting around Otabek’s cock, cries echoing from the walls.

There was nothing Otabek to do to halt his own release. There was nothing he wanted to do to halt his own release. It took a hold of his fast causing him to slam inside Yuri with the force of it.

Gasping, shaken and completely satisfied, Otabek allowed himself to be taken along for the ride.

Yuri collapsed on top of him, his weight so reassuring in that moment. Otabek held him close, aware that they only had a matter of hours left to savour each other.

 

 

They spent the rest of the day lounging in bed, moving to the sofas only to watch a couple of movies. Yuri was trying his best to keep the sadness at bay. Moping around on their last day together was selfish when Otabek was being so strong for him. He could only do the same for the man he loved.

So they laughed, had a lot of sex and by mid-afternoon, Yuri was helping Otabek pack away his things. That affected him more than he thought it would. Over the last few weeks, Otabek’s possessions had become mixed with his own and with them all packed away, his apartment seemed bare.

Otabek caught him standing in the middle of the room, staring into empty space. His strong arms came around Yuri’s body, giving Yuri permission to sink into the hold.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be sad today,” he sniffed.

“We’re both hurting and that’s okay. You don’t need to hide it from me.”

“You’re hiding your pain from me,” Yuri’s voice was muffled against Otabek’s neck.

Yuri felt Otabek sigh. “I guess you’re right. I don’t mean to do that, I just want to –“ he cut himself off. “I’m such an asshole. Pretending to be fine, making you feel like you should be too.”

Now he was making Otabek feel bad. “That’s not what I meant, Beka. I just don’t want you to think that you can’t let me see you hurting. I can handle it.”

“I know,” Otabek said. “I know.”

Time stood still as they held each other, allowing each other to take a few minutes to accept their pain. Give comfort.

“How long do we have?”

Otabek looked at his watch. “Victor will be coming in thirty minutes to take us to the airport.”

No! No! No!

Remaining quiet, he fingered Otabek’s hoody. He looked so good in it; it would smell of him for days, maybe even weeks if he didn’t wash it. “Can I keep this?”

Otabek smiled. “It’s too big for you, but yes, you can keep it. Are you going to sleep in it?”

“Maybe,” he answered.

“You better wash it before you return it to me,” he said, taking off the item of clothing. He helped Yuri into it, admiring the view once he had it on. Yuri could make anything look good, even his drab old clothes.  

“Who says I’m going to give it back?”

Otabek hooked an arm around Yuri’s neck. “I’ll make you.”

Yuri raised his brow. “How are you going to do that? I’m a lot faster than you are, everyone knows that.”

“You little shit,” Otabek said, laughing as he did so. He pulled back a little. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’ve not going to leave you alone. I want constant texts, phone calls and photos from my man. If I don’t get them, I’m going to come and find you.”

“Hmm, maybe I won’t do as I’m asked then.”

Yuri’s expression turned indignant. “Beka, you better fucking answer my calls. I will be so mad if you don’t.”

Considering Yuri’s experiences of people he loved abandoning him, Otabek reassured him. “I’m joking, Yura. I can’t promise I’ll always be able to answer the phone when you call, but I will always return them. I’ll always text you back.”

Feathers smoothed, Yuri plastered his body against Otabek’s once again. “This is our goodbye, I don’t want a bunch of nosey bastards watching me cry at the airport.”

There were tears in his eyes now, his voice clogged down with them. Otabek’s heart twisted. He swiped away Yuri’s tears with his thumb. “Okay, our goodbye is now, but it won’t be forever. A few months at the longest.”

Yuri nodded, biting his lip. “We’re going to be okay, right?”

“Yes,” Otabek said with absolute confidence. He had no doubt about it. There would be challenges ahead, but he believed they were strong enough to overcome them together.

Yuri took a deep breath, looping his arms around Otabek’s waist.  “I’m going to be the most annoying long-distance boyfriend, you should know that right now.”

“I knew that from the moment we got together,” Otabek chuckled, stroking Yuri’s hair. “You keep forgetting that I know you better than anyone else in this world.”

Yuri made a contented sound. “You’re right. So however annoying I become, it’s your own fault.”

They were talking shit, but it helped to lessen the depressing mood that had become more pronounced throughout the day. Otabek had to keep telling himself that their separation was only temporary. It didn’t do much to alleviate the pain. He wasn’t going to see Yuri in person for weeks, possibly months.

Don’t think about it, you idiot.

How could he not?

Having Yuri in his arms only highlighted exactly what he was going to be missing once they were separated.

Stop. Thinking. About. It.

He could almost hear the sound of his teeth grinding from the effort of trying to channel his thoughts in another direction.

“I love you,” he whispered in Yuri’s ear. He would never tire of saying the words, never tire of hearing them from Yuri’s lips.

Yuri seemed to crumple against him, the words destroying any resolution he had to dry his tears. Guilt spun it’s web inside Otebek, but he knew he couldn’t leave without saying the words again and again.

His beautiful, resilient boyfriend met his eyes dead on, not hiding the fact that tears were now streaming down his face. “I love you too.”

“It’s not forever,” he repeated, as much for himself as for Yuri.

Yuri kissed him, pouring every ounce of his love into the act. Otabek could feel it pouring from him in waves. He hoped Yuri could feel it coming from him too.

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting their emotional embrace.

Their time was up.

Chapter Text

Panting, Yuri skated over to his coaches, becoming slightly nauseated at the sight of their happiness. He despised the childish, weak part of himself that was bitterly jealous of them. They, too, had been through a lot – long separations, adversity, homophobia. Yuri had no right to be their hard earned happiness.

But he was.

Otabek had been gone a week and it was worse than Yuri could have imagined. His heart physically ached. If he hadn’t promised Otabek he would take care of himself, he had no doubt he would’ve been wallowing in his bed right now.

“Yurio, you’re looking a little tired out there! What’s wrong with you?”

Yuri scowled at Victor, wish he could pull that silver hair from his roots to teach him a lesson. “Shut up, old man. I’m fine.” He reached them, sagging against the barrier a little. He had pushed himself this past week. He had needed it, knowing it would help him sleep so he wasn’t up thinking about how much he missed Otabek all night.

“You’ve been so moody since Otabek left. If you don’t cheer up, I’m going to call him and tell him to do something to lift your spirits.”

“Call him and you die,” Yuri warned. Victor wasn’t worrying Beka for no good reason. He was trying, truly trying to push through the cloud of sorrow which seemed to follow him everywhere he went. So he had no patience for Victor’s bullshit.

Katsuki elbowed his husband in the ribs. “You can be so insensitive at times. He doesn’t need to be reminded of Otabek every five minutes.”

“Well it’s not like he’s gone forever. Look at us. Married, living together. We may even have children in a few years. Don’t worry,” he directed at Yuri, “I’ll always consider you my first born.” Yuri just shook his head, whilst Victor continued. “Yuri, you must treat us as role models. We ensured much to be together today.”

“You’re so annoying, like a fly buzzing around my face who just won’t quit,” Yuri said, though on the inside, he saw the value in Victor’s words. They mirror his own thoughts from earlier. The couple had been through a lot and yet, they had thrived. He want that for himself and Beka, however, he wasn’t going to admit to Victor that he was right. “What time is it, anyway?”

Katsuki looked at his watch. “ Approaching five. We should call it quits for today, why don’t you come back to our place for dinner? Victor will cook you dinner to make up for his insensitivity.”

Yuri thought about it for a moment. Could he endure the couple for an entire evening after being with them all day? On the other hand, he was craving a home-cooked meal. “Fine, I’ll come.”

Half an hour later, Yuri was sat on their sofa, giving Victor’s idiotic dog some attention. Victor and Katsuki were in the kitchen so he took the opportunity to text Otabek, whilst giving his body some much needed rest.

Y: If I murder Victor, will you still love me?

The reply was almost instantaneous.

O: Yes, but please bear in mind that I won’t be able to touch you if you were sent to prison. No sex for Yuri.

Y: You’re such a buzzkill!!!

O: Only because I love you. What’s Victor done to deserve death by skater?

Y: Be himself.

He sent another text immediately, elaborating.

Y: Him and Katsuki are all over each other. He’s rubbing it in my face.

O: They’re always all over each other. You’re just noticing it more now because you want to be all over me.

Y: True. Still, he’s so fucking annoying. Katsuki made him cook dinner for me though so I might forgive him. I miss you Have you been on the ice today?

O: Unfortunately, coach is being an asshole. I miss you too. It’s harder than I thought it would be, not seeing you everyday. And I’m really horny :P

Was Beka trying to give him a boner on purpose? Hadn’t he just mentioned being at Victor’s house? To be fair, he was also missing the sex. He hadn’t considered that he would feel it’s absence so keenly, only being introduced to it for the first time a month ago.

Another message popped up.

Yuri gasped when he opened it, a photo of Beka’s cock filling the screen. Fuck. They had talked about sending nudes, but Yuri hadn’t thought it was Beka’s kind of thing. He should have known that his man could still surprise him.

He glanced over his shoulder, making sure the dumbasses weren’t going to sneak up behind him and get an eyeful of Otabek’s dick. No one saw that but him.

Why was Otabek doing this to him? He suppressed a groan, his own cock twitching at the thought of Beka handling himself, stroking with urgency. He was going to have to call him. There was no way he would get through dinner in comfort with the growing erection in his pants.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he yelled, scrambling up from the sofa. The dog gave him a sly look, as if he knew exactly what Yuri was about to do. He hit the call button on the way to the bathroom, deliberating whether to beg Otabek to talk dirty to him or shout at him for making him masturbate in his coaches house.

Otabek’s husky voice filled the line; his whole body responded the familiar sound. “That took you less than a minute to call me.”

Yuri shut the bathroom door behind him, leaning his head against the door. “What do you expect when you send me a photo of your cock? Are you trying to torture me?”

A throaty chuckle. “Of course not. I just wanted you to hear your voice, come whilst listening to you.”

“So that photo was only taken just now?”

“Yes. I’m lying on my bed.”

“Naked?”

“Hmmm. Push down your pants.”

Blood pounded in his ears. “Beka, dinner will be ready soon…” He didn’t really know why he was protesting.

“Are you refusing me?” There was an edge to his voice that sent a delicious shiver down Yuri’s spine. That was why he protested; he had been aching to hear that tone from Otabek’s lips.

“No,” Yuri answered.

“Good. Now push down your pants.” Yuri did as he was told, giving himself over to Otabek’s very capable hands. “Make your finger nice and wet for me.”

Fuck, he was so turned on by this. Should he be this excited by Otabek when they weren’t even in the same country? He really didn’t give a shit.

Lubricated his finger, he asked Beka, “What do you want me to do next?”

“I think you know,” Otabek said, his words teasing along Yuri’s skin.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Finger yourself. I want you to tell me how tight you are.”

Yuri reached around behind himself, sliding his finger down between his cheeks, nudging his hole. There was more resistance than he figured there would be. “I can’t even get one finger in,” he told Otabek, knowing it would drive him crazy.

Beka’s breath came heavily. “Play with yourself a little and slid it in.”

“I am. Fuck, Beka, I am so tight. I need you to stretch me open. How hard are you?”

“Like rock, Yura. Only for you.” Yuri moaned when his finger slipped inside his body, his mind pretending it was Otabek. “Has your ass been lonely without me?”

“Oh god, yes,” Yuri whispered. He could almost feel it, Otabek’s rigid length massaging his prostate, inflicting bursts of intense pleasure. The way his heavy balls slapped against his ass cheeks. His firm grip, leaving Yuri no room to escape.

“I bet you want to touch your cock now, don’t you?”

Fuck, yes. “Can I?” he asked, pleaded.

“Yes, but as far as I’m concerned I’m still pounded into that hole. Remember that.”

Yuri whimpered, taking his cock in a firm grip. He could have done with some lube, but he way past caring about mundane shit like that. He just needed to cum.

Otabek’s whispered in his ear. “The sounds you make drive me senseless.”

“Beka.” His name was a broken cry, a prayer. For a couple of minutes, there was no distance between them. They were lost in each other, the experience bringing them as close together as two people could be.

“I’m cuming,” Otbaek’s voice burst from the phone, his broken breaths sending Yuri over the edge. Yuri stifled a cry, having enough presence of mind to know that he could easily get caught as he wasn’t in his own home.

Legs not quite stable, he leant against the door. “I can’t believe you made me do that,” Yuri moaned. Victor and Katsuki would know what he’d been doing. How mortifying. Especially after he had been nagging them all day for kissing each other.

“It’s your fault. I was thinking about how good it felt when you were riding my cock the day I left. See – your fault.”

Yuri rolled his eyes at that, wiping up his cum from the floor. “You’re almost as annoying as Victor.”

Otabek laughed. “Please take that back.”

“Fine, but only because I’m feeling magnanimous.”

There was a few beats of silence. “I’m miserable, Yuri. When can we see each other again?”

A sharp pain sliced through his chest. Hearing Otabek’s suffering was worse than enduring his own. “As soon as we can, even if it’s only for a weekend. Maybe I can come to you? I’ll discuss it with Katsuki.”

“Not Victor?”

“No, he’s a secret slave driver. Katsuki is a hopeless romantic and Victor listens to him. If I get him onside, I could be with you tomorrow.”

Otabek sighed. “Promise me you’ll only come if they both say it’s okay. I don’t want your training to suffer after you’ve already had to take so much time out.”

“I’ll be a good boy and get their permission,” Yuri said.

“Good, I’ll reward you. How did therapy go yesterday?” Otabek asked, causally. Well, he attempted to be casual. Yuri could understood what he was really asked. Had he gone to his second therapy session? They’d been unable to talk on the phone so he hadn’t had a chance to fill Beka in properly.

The first had been…uncomfortable. He had tried to be as honest as possible and it had left him feeling as if someone had ripped open his chest and delved inside, rooting around for his life’s story. Going back for the second session had taken a lot of willpower, because the first had shown him what to expect.

At the end of the day, he trusted Beka. If it had helped him come to terms with the death of his first love, Yuri had to have faith that it would work for him too. All he had to do was persist with it.

He responded to Beka, aware he had zoned out a little. “It was okay, I guess.”

“I’m proud of you for going. Believe me, I know how difficult it can be. I’m so lucky that I have such a brave boyfriend.”

Yuri smiled. He’d never considered himself a brave person before. He was a survivor, flailing around just to get through the day. He supposed it did take a little courage to keep going when sometimes all he wanted to do was flee. Run and hide so that he didn't have to deal with any of the crap that went on in his mind.

“I’m so lucky to have such a hot boyfriend who can make me cum from countless miles away.”

“Yuri! Dinner is ready!” Victor’s voice boomed, the sound interrupting his blissed-out afterglow conversation with Otabek.

“Urghh, I’ve got to go,” he said regretfully. “Love you, miss you. Can’t wait to be fucked by you for real.”

Otabek’s warm laughter caressed his ear. “Love you. Miss you. Can’t wait to fuck you again for real.”

Tears welled in Yuri’s eyes. “Bye, Beka.”

“Goodbye.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

With reluctance, Yuri hung up the phone, washed his hands and left the bathroom to join his friends for dinner.  

Chapter Text

“Beka, you need to snap out of this funk your in,” his sister told him as they walked into their local coffeehouse. It wasn’t the first time she had commented on his mood over the last couple of weeks. “Didn’t you say Yuri is coming for a visit next month? Focus on that.”

“In three weeks,” he answered. It had already been two and a half since he left Russia and it was only becoming more difficult with each passing day. “He’s squeezing in a visit before he has his first competition. I’m excited to see him, but I’m worried it’s going to mess with his performance.”

Aylin’s long hair, the same colour as his own, fell behind her back as she glanced at him. “Do you really think a trip to visit his boyfriend is going to stop him from winning?”

He gave their order to the barista and paid, only continuing their conversation once they were seated at a table in the corner waiting for their coffee order. “No, but he’s already lost so much time on the ice due to his injuries.

“Give him more credit than that,” she said, shrugging off her coat. “He’s too driven to let anything stand in his way of getting first prize in every competition.”

Otabek wanted to say that she hadn’t seen how fragile Yuri had been when he’d first arrived in Russia, how he struggled being out in the open. Skating in front of a large crowd could be triggering for him. He kept those words inside because he doubted Yuri would appreciate anyone else knowing such details about him.

Aylin saw Yuri the way almost everyone else did in the world. Sharp tongued with a prickly exterior. Otabek had no doubts about Yuri’s strength, but Yuri had no walls in place with him. He allowed Otabek to the wounds inside, which was one of the reasons he had always been so protective of Yuri.

“Beka?”

He turned his attention back to his sister. “Sorry, I zoned out.”

She smiled at him. “Yeah, you’ve been doing that a lot lately. Please cheer up, you’ll see him soon.”

How did he cheer up when he felt like he had left a vital piece of himself back in Russia?

“I’ll try,” he said, looking up at the waitress when she brought over their drinks. “Thanks.”

“So are you still planning on quitting skating?” she asked, taking a sip of her latte.

He was surprised she hadn’t asked him that question before now consideration their conversation when he was back in Russia. She didn’t usually possess a lot of patience. “Yes, I’ve made up my mind. I’m planning on telling mom and dad soon, then I’m going to start looking at schools.”

“Near Yuri?”

“Maybe,” he replied, “have you got a problem with that?”

“Not as long as you promise to come and visit me all the time. I know you think I was being unsupportive when we spoke about this before, but I just wanted you to really think about the decision. For all I knew it could have been a reaction to Yuri’s panic attack. I’m sorry if you thought I was…” she shook her head. “I’m your sister, I just want the best for you.”

His heart softened. “I know, I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat, I wasn’t in the best head space that night. But I want you to know that I have thought about it. A lot. You know I love music as much as skating and I’ve never been able to give it enough time or attention. It’s time to move on.”

“And you’re certain?”

“Yes.”

“You aren’t just quitting so your boyfriend doesn’t kick your ass in the rink?”

Otabek laughed. Yuri could definitely kick his ass in the rink, he’d only improved over the last couple of years. Now that Victor and Yuuri had retired, Yuri was his biggest competition. “I think he makes me a better skater if anything. He’s so talented that we’re all having to push ourselves to have a chance of winning.”

“I do have to admit he mesmerizes me every time I watch him.”

High praise coming from Aylin. She followed the sport due to Otabek’s involvement, but she wasn’t a huge fan or anything. “He’s amazing,” he said in a wistful voice. He couldn’t wait to watch Yuri skate again.

“So when is your next music gig?”

“Tonight, actually. I’m doing a set at Blue Moon.”

She frowned. “How come I don’t know about this already? I wanna come and see you!”

“They only called me yesterday, apparently someone pulled out so I’m taking their place. After spending so much time in Russia and the upcoming competition, I wouldn’t have agreed, but I’ve missed it.” He shrugged, holding his coffee. “If I am going to be pursuing music full time, I need to take these opportunities when they come.”

“Just make sure you don’t overwork yourself.”

“I won’t,” he promised, his mind wondering back to Yuri. Otabek had been exchanging texts with Victor. He doubted Yuri would be happy if he found it, but the check-ins with Victor gave him peace of mind that Yuri was in a place of stability. He ignored the stab of guilt every time he did it, reminding himself that he did trust Yuri. It wasn’t a matter of trust. The time he’d spent with Yuri in Russia had highlighted that his boyfriend wasn’t even aware when he was spiralling.

So how could he expect Yuri to tell him if something was wrong if he didn’t even recognise it himself? Hopefully his therapy sessions would help him look out for the signs and teach him coping mechanisms he could use when the need arose.

“So can I come tonight?” Aylin asked.

“Sure.” He would take any support he could get. A few of his friends were going and he knew they would look out for Aylin whilst he was working.

Her face lit up. “Yes! I fucking love being an adult. I can see how much mom and dad are dying to tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing, but they feel like they can’t say anything now I’m eighteen.”

“It’s not like they’ve even kept you on a short leash,” Otabek reminded her. He always forgot that Aylin and Yuri were around the same age because Aylin seemed a lot younger in comparison. Yuri could be a brat when he wanted, but his shitty upbringing had forced him into adulthood a lot sooner than most. Being a competitive skater had surely had a part in it too, travelling to foreign countries from a young age and having to interact with a range of different people.

Aylin was only just beginning that phase of her life. Their parents had sheltered her to an extent, as any good parents should.

Fuck, how could he navigate every conversation he had back to thoughts about Yuri?

They spent the next half an hour catching up with Aylin filling him in on her job. He didn’t say a lot, content to listen to her stories.

 

“I’m so bummed that I can’t see you do your set,” Yuri sighed into his ear. Otabek close his eyes, wishing it were Yuri’s warm breath he could feel rather than the phone against his ear.

They were squeezing in a call before he had to leave for the club, and Yuri had to go to sleep. Otabek had somehow managed to convince his coach to start their practice later than usual in the morning, but Yuri would be getting out of his bed before the sun rose.

“Me too, it always gives me a buzz when you’re in the crowd. I used to hate watching you dance with other people.” He scowled at the images the thought brought up. Yuri’s lean body rubbing against another man. He’d hated it, though he had never been able to put his finger on the reason why.

“Oh shut up,” Yuri yawned, “I had to watch with your girlfriends. I think I had it worse than you.”

Otabek’s stomach twisted. Could he have handled watching Yuri with another person? Even though he had been in denial about his romantic feelings towards Yuri, he had always been anxious about the thought of Yuri in a relationship. “I’m sorry,” he apologised.

Yuri’s voice was airy when he responded. “It’s fine. To be fair, you probably could have been arrested if we had started having sex when I was any younger.”

Otabek let out a bark of laughter. “That is true.”

“So it all worked out like it was meant to.”

Yeah, it had, Otabek thought with a smile. “I can’t believe you talked Victor into letting you come here for the weekend. Did you have to bribe him?”

“No,” Yuri said, his tone sulky. “He was a bit of an asshole about it.”

Interest piqued, Otabek asked,“What did he say?” Yuri hadn't elaborated when he had sent he messaging letting Otabek know he was coming for a visit.

“That I was old enough to make my own decisions so if I failed at the competition because I visited you, it would be my own fault.”

“Yuri…” he began.

“Don’t,” Yuri interrupted him. “I’m coming. You stayed here for almost a month, I can take a couple of days for you. I want to. Don’t you want to see me?”

Otabek rolled his eyes at Yuri’s obvious attempt at manipulation. “Of course I do, I just don’t want it cost you too much.”

“Why does everyone keeping forgetting them I’m fucking awesome? I’ve been training non-stop for weeks. I’m fully healed and I’m almost back at the top of my game. Overtraining is dangerous too, you know. I’m allowed to take a break.”

“Never thought I would hear you admit you want to take a break.”

“That was before I had a sexy boyfriend who I miss so much that my heart hurts. Also, introducing a guy to sex and then leaving him celibate for a month is just fucking cruel.”

Otabek laughed. Yuri never failed to make him laugh; it was one of the things he loved most about him. There had been a time in his life, after Jon, that he had given up hope of being able to experience joy again. Yuri had played a huge part in healing him.

“Do you want me to apologise for having sex with you?”

“As I recall, I didn’t give you much a choice,” Yuri chuckled.

“You’re right about that. Shamelessly offering yourself to me. Fuck,” he said when his cock began to get hard, “we need to stop talking about sex. I need to leave in a few minutes. Aylin will never let me hear the end of it if she’s sees I have a hard-on.”

“Beka, I always thought you would have more self-control.”

He groaned, “How can I have any self-control when you’re so sexy?”

“I’m not feeling very sexy right now. I’m wrapped up in my bed, my hair is wild so I stuck it in a bun which has already fallen out. My feet are covered in blisters and I have a huge bruise forming on my ass from the ice. I have your hoody on and I still haven’t washed it since you left.”

Instead of being repulsed, he fell a little more in love. Yuri was real, honest. Perfect. “I stole one of your t-shirts,” he admitted. He felt stupid for keeping it secret for so long.

“You stole one of my t-shirts?” Yuri asked in a strange voice. “Which one?”

“The black one with the three cats,” Otabek answered. “I sleep with it next to my pillow.” He would never admit that to anyone else. Yuri was ruining any chance he had of being a bad-ass. “I haven’t washed it either.”

Yuri’s silence was unnerving him.

Did Yuri think he was some kind of psychotic stalker? No, Yuri had taken his hoody. But he had asked for it, rather than just stealing it.

“Yura?”

“You stole my t-shirt,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Otabek said, completely confused by Yuri’s reaction.

“You love me.”

Otabek’s brow creased. “Yes.”

“I took your hoody because I love you.”

“Yuri, are you okay?”

A sniffle. “I just… you said you loved me and I wanted to believe you. I did, I think. The t-shirt just gives me proof, you know?”

Oh Yuri. Tears burned at the back of Otabek’s eyes. The vulnerability Yuri showed absolutely wrecked him. He was privileged that someone as skittish as Yuri trusted him. He was privilege that the man he loved, loved him back. He wouldn’t take it for granted.

“I can’t believe a t-shirt it that thing that convinced you of my love,” Otabek said with a watery laugh.

“I never said I was going to make this easy for you,” Yuri replied.

“Loving you is as easy as breathing.”

Another moment of silence. “Shit, you can be a romantic asshole. Never expected that from you either.”

“It’s just the truth.”

“Beka, you need to go. It’s nine-thirty.”

Otabek looked at his watch, disappointed to see that it was time for him to leave. It wasn’t getting any easier to hang up the phone. He sighed, imagining Yuri wrapped up in his blanket, wishing he could be holding Yuri instead. “Okay. Love you, miss you. Can’t wait to fuck you,” he said, the words becoming a kind of ritual for them. They varied depending on who was ending the call, but the consistency of them was like a soothing poultice against his aching heart.

Yuri whispered, “Love you. Miss you. Can’t wait to be fucked by you. Love you.”

Chapter Text

“Yurio, do you want a lift home?” Victor called from behind him. It took a couple of seconds for Yuri to figure out his coach was talking to him. He had been glued to his phone for the last five minutes, texting Otabek. Only two more weeks until they saw each other!

He glanced behind him to Victor and Katsuki. “No thanks. See you tomorrow.”

The thought of walking home by himself was not a welcome one, which is exactly why he had to do it. He had to get rid of the residual anxiety from the attack and the only was he was going to do that was face challenges head on.

What his therapist would think of that plan, he wasn’t sure. At this point, he didn’t care. He started competitions in last than a month and just thinking about all the people who would be watching him – of all the people who had seen the video of him get his ass kicked – was enough to have his chest tightening.

So he was walking home by himself, whether he liked it or not.

His phone dinged as he left the rink; a welcome distraction from his wayward thoughts.

O: Phone sex tonight?

He snorted.

Y: Such a romantic, Beka!

O: I stole your t-shirt.

Yuri smiled at that, thinking back on their conversation from last week. He still couldn’t believe that Otabek stole his t-shirt.

Y: :P

O: So is that a yes?

Y: Ummmmmmm….

O: You’re such a tease. I can’t take it.

Yuri laughed softly.

Y: Why are you whining? You know I’m always greedy for you. Like I’m gonna say no to any form of sex with you.

O: I don’t whine.

Shit, he could just imagine Beka pouting. Fucking adorable.

Y: We both know that’s a lie.

Eager to get home as quickly as possible, he slipped his phone into his back pocket. He would continue to text Otabek once he was in his apartment. Yuri walked with speed, the sun fading in the sky, casting pink and orange hues that even he had to admit were beautiful.

Attention focused on the colours, he had no warning when his arm was caught in a harsh grip, his body thrown against the brick wall against the sidewalk, as if he were weighed nothing. Fear slithered it’s way inside him, his mind taking him back to the night he had been attacked.

“Yuri Plisetsky?”

Yuri couldn’t respond, words dying in his throat. He didn’t recognise the guy holding him up against the wall, but it didn’t bode well that the man knew his name. His beefy hand wrapped around Yuri’s throat, squeezing with ease. Yuri looked into the stranger’s brown eyes. They were cold, flat. Unyielding.

“You don’t have to answer me. Just listen,” the man said, his bald head reflected the dying sunlight. “Your faggot friend needs to stop asking questions about the Vasiliev’s, keep his nose out where it doesn’t belong. You tell him, make him understand, otherwise it will be your career that is over. I’ll break your legs in half and you’ll never walk again, let alone skate.”

Heart slamming inside of his chest, Yuri could only listen to the threats, spit from the man’s mouth hitting against his face. He believed this man could break his legs without a second thought. His usual confidence was gone, taken by the possibility of never skating again.

“You understand me?” he spat.

Yuri nodded, trying to keep himself together.

The man let go of his throat and slapped him around the face, laughing, as if their conversation had been a joke between old friends. That riled Yuri’s wrath; he couldn’t stop the hateful look he gave his attacker.

The smile turned sinister. “Ahh, there’s the little brat I’ve seen on TV. You think you’re a match for me, huh?”

 Pain exploded in his ribs, knocking the air out of his lungs. He managed to stay up on his feet until the second blow came. He coughed, distantly aware of the asshole laughing at him. Stay down. Stay down. He’ll leave.

Yuri could almost hear Otabek’s calm, collected voice in his head, instructing him as if he were right beside him. He remained on the cold floor, curling himself into a tight ball. Hands tugged at his hair, yanking his head upwards. His attacker’s voice was close to his ear. “I’ll be watching Yuri. Mr Vasiliev is a powerful man with connections everywhere. Make another idiotic move and you’ll be facing the consequences.”

With that he threw Yuri against the floor and left. Shaken, Yuri rose on unsteady legs, holding a hand to his aching ribs.

Fuck. “Fuck!,” he banged a closed fist against the wall, screaming in incompetent anger.

He wiped away the useless tears and jogged home. He didn’t know if he was being paranoid, but it felt as if someone were watching him already. Like there was a target on his back or something.

Reaching in apartment, he slammed the door behind him, locking it. Breath heaving, he slid against the door, allowing the tears to fall from his eyes. Potya walked up him, purring and rubbing against his leg. Cradling the cat in his arms, he buried his face in her thick fur.

Call Otabek.

Everything inside of him craved to hear Otabek’s voice. He was the only one that could soothe his hurt, the fear.

Call him.

No. He couldn’t. It was selfish to worry him when he was in another country and there was no way he would be able to stay composed once he heard Beka’s gentle voice. Miserable, he have Potya some dinner, stripped and then fell into bed.

Yuri rolled over when he heard his phone vibrating on his bedside table. He didn’t have to look at the Caller ID to know that it was Otabek calling him. He didn’t dare to even touch his phone, knowing he didn’t have the willpower to keep from answering if it were in his hands. Ribs aching, he shifted until he got into a better position, closed his eyes, cuddled against Potya and willed himself to sleep.

 

Getting out of bed with a groan, Yuri stepped into the bathroom. He took care of business before taking a shower. Looking down at his body, he traced the new bruising across his ribs, praying that it wasn’t deep.

If he had any sense, he would call off practice today. But if he did that, his coaches would know that something was wrong. As much as he liked to throw names at them, neither of them were stupid.

He had to keep his mouth shut about the Vasilievs’. Yuri one hundred percent believed that the assholes would do everything in their considerable power to end his career if Victor didn’t stop sticking his nose in. But how the hell was he supposed to order Victor to stop without tipping him off that the Vasilievs’ had threatened him?

He shut the shower off, drying himself with a towel. Skipping breakfast, he went back into his bedroom and rummaged around for his phone. It usually ended up somewhere by his feet.

Three missed calls from Beka.

O: Guess you fell asleep. Have good dreams. Love you.

The guilt was like a rock lodged inside his chest. He should tell Beka what had happened last night. Beka deserved the truth from him.

But…

He threw his phone on the bed, watching it land on the soft furnishing with a bounce. Lowering himself to the bed, he held his head in his hands. Beka deserved the truth.

But…

There wasn’t anything he could do! Wasn’t Yuri saving him pain by keeping him in the dark? Victor had tried to help and it had just made the situation worse.

His phone started vibrating.

Dread reached into every cell. Yuri reached back and grabbed his phone.

Beka.

He had to answer or he would know for sure something was up.

“Hey,” Yuri said into the phone, his throat dry.

“Morning, baby.”

Yuri closed his eyes, holding onto those precious words. Fuck, he couldn’t keep this from Otabek. “Beka…” his voice broke.

Otabek snapped to attention. “Yuri, what’s going on?”

The words flew from his mouth. “I…I was walking home last night. A man grabbed me, pushed me up against a wall. He had his hands around my throat, threatening me. Apparently Victor has been asking questions about Henri Vasiliev and his son, Alexi. I guess trying to find a way for me to press charges without giving up skating. I don’t know, Beka, he just said if we didn’t leave it, he was going to destroy me.”

A moment of silence. “Did he hurt you?”

“He punched me a couple of times in the ribs,” Yuri sniffed, remembering the fear that had crippled his body.  

“Did you get them checked out?”

“No,” Yuri answered quietly.

“Yuri, you need to get them checked over by a medical professional.”

“No, what if they’re…” Broken? Fractured? If they were, his skating season was finished before it began. They would take weeks to heal.

“God, Yuri, please just think about your wellbeing. Bench skating for a second – I need to know my boyfriend isn’t walking around with a serious injury. You need to call Victor and get him to come to your apartment. Then you go to your doctor.”

“Beka,” he protested.

“No, Yuri,” he said in an uncompromising tone that Yuri had never heard from him before. “You will go to your doctor. Once Victor gets to your apartment, you’ll put me on speaker.”

Yuri rose from the bed, agitation making it impossible to stay still. Otabek’s anger was justified, but it was stressing him out. “Beka, please stay calm. I can’t handle you being like this right now.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so fucking mad. Victor should have known better. I’ll keep my temper in check.”

Not words he had ever thought he would hear Otabek say. He was supposed to be the level-headed one in their relationship. “I’ll call Victor now.”

“Okay,” Otabek said in a softer voice. “Thank for you telling me.”

“I should have called you last night,” Yuri mumbled, still feeling guilty that he hadn’t. If Otabek had suffered any kind of injury, he would want to know immediately.

“Yeah, you should have, but it’s okay. We can talk about that later, I just want you to be safe. Healthy. Call Victor.”

“I’ll do it now,” he promised before hanging up the phone.

Victor answered a couple of minutes later. Yuri asked him and Katsuki to come to his apartment without giving any further details. He didn’t want to get into it over the phone. They arrived fifteen minutes later, Yuri opening the door to a smiling Victor, Katsuki at his side.

“Yurio! Aren’t you feeling well? Why did you make us come over here so early? I thought we were meeting at the rink later on this morning?” Victor asked, a whirlwind of energy as he strolled into the apartment, holding his husband’s hand.

Yuri didn’t know how to respond. He knew he should have been mad at Victor for interfering, but he also knew that once Victor had found out what had happened, he would be devastated. The man was sensitive, his emotions always so close to the surface. Yuri knew he was going to take it hard.

Katsuki gave Yuri a hug. “Sorry, he woke up with loads of energy this morning. He was just about to go for a run when you called.”

Victor arms came around Katuski’s shoulders from behind. “I’m here, husband. No need to talk about me as though I’m not. Now Yuri, what’s going on?”

His stomach sunk as his phone vibrated in his hand.

He wanted to spare Victor from this. He considered just ignoring Otabek’s call, but with the mood he had been in when they spoke earlier, he knew his boyfriend wasn’t going to let this go so easily.

There was no way he was letting Beka yell at Victor without warning.

“Someone threatened me last night. He was connected to the Vasilievs’,” Yuri met their shock looks, forcing the words out quickly. “He said…”

“What did he say Yuri?” Victor pressed, his jovial mood gone in an instant.

Yuri broke eye contact. “To tell you to stay out of it. Otabek’s not happy and I think he wants to shout at you.”

Katsuki wrapped an arm around Victor’s waist, concern radiating from him. Yuri’s phone started vibrated again so he turned around, answering.

“Hey,” he said.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” he responded, knowing Beka wasn’t going to buy it. The truth was he was terrified. The thought of someone watching his every move, waiting for him to make a mistake – it was going to be torture. If he made that mistake, his life could be in jeopardy.

“Don’t lie to me, Yura. Is Victor there?”

His stomach tightened. “Yeah. Look, Beka, he’s gonna feel bad enough without –

Victor’s voice made him jump. “Put him on speaker if that’s what he wants, Yuri.”

Yuri huffed out a breath, meeting Katsuki’s eye. They both knew this could get ugly. “You’re both so annoying! You’re on speaker, you happy?”

Otabek’s voice filled the room. “Yuri, Victor needs to understand how serious this is. You could have been killed. You could have a fractured rib, for fuck’s sake! How do you expect me to react to that?”

Victor’s gaze cut to Yuri. “What’s he talking about?”

“They guy punched me a couple of times,” he murmured, despising the sight of Victor shutting down. He hated seeing the man he admired like this. He was more fragile than he wanted anyone to see, hiding it with his optimism and outgoing nature.

Katsuki ran up to him. “Let me see!”

Sighing, Yuri pulled up his t-shirt, yanking it straight back down when Katsuki gasped as if a shark had ripped off his arm. “Don’t be so dramatic; they’re just a couple of bruises.”

“You guys need to take him in for an examination,” Otabek said. There was a small pause before he continued, “What the hell were you thinking, Victor? You were the one who told me how dangerous these men could be and yet you put Yuri’s life in danger by being reckless.”

Silence.

“You have nothing to say to that? Yuri trusted you to put his best interests first!”

“Beka,” Yuri admonished, watching Victor just stand there and take it. “I think he gets it. Beside, its not his fault that some asshole beat me up in the first place. He was just trying to help.”

“You could have died!” Otabek yelled back.

“Both of you, shut up!” Katsuki shrieked, surprising the hell out of them both. He then took a calming breath, his cheeks reddening. “I’m sorry for shouting, but everyone needs to take a minute. Otabek, I can understand your anger, but Victor would never put Yuri in danger on purpose. He loves Yurio like he’s family. He is our family.”

Yuri looked at the couple, realising how true that was. Besides Otabek, they were the only people he truly loved. They were always there for him, supporting him even when he was acting like an asshole.

Katsuki continued, “Yuri, you’re not fine and none of us believe that for a second. We are going to the hospital. You will allow the doctor to do every test he deems necessary without making a fuss. And I’m proud of you for telling Otabek about this.”

Tears burned at the back of Yuri’s eyes at the praise.

Finally, Katsuki turned to Victor, taking his face in his hands. “Victor, please don’t go to that place where I can’t reach you. I know you were only trying to help Yuri.”

Victor remained expressionless. Yuri couldn’t stand it anymore, he flung himself at the older man and wrapped his arms around him, knocking Katsuki away and aggravating his ribs in the process. Victor was rigid in his embrace, but that wasn’t going to stop him from saying that he had to say. “I don’t blame you and neither does Beka really, he’s just scared. I know I can be a brat, but you love me despite that. So I can love you when you’re being an idiot and not thinking things through.”

A tremor went through Victor’s body. “You love me?” he whispered.

“Of course I do,” Yuri said, pushing through the lump in his throat. “I love you both. You’ve given me the courage to be who I want to be. To never compromise on who I am.”

Victor’s arm slowly came around him. “You’ve never said that to me before.”

“Because I know how big your head is already,” Yuri smiled, feeling Katsuki join in on their hug.

Victor gathered them both close. “I’m sorry, Yuri. I thought I was being discreet – I hate the thought of them getting away with what they did to you.”

“I don’t like it either, but it’s the way it has to be. We all know that life is rarely fair. I’m just thankful I have you both and Beka. If I have you guys and skating, that’s enough for me.”

Katsuki sniffled next to him. “I love you too, Yuri.”

Yuri smiled, affection welling inside his chest. “I know.”

Victor spoke next. “Otabek, I’m sorry that my reckless behaviour got Yuri hurt.”

Otabek sighed down the phone. “I shouldn’t have been such an asshole. I know you’ve always looked out for him. I just…it’s difficult being away from you, Yuri. I already hated it enough and now I’m terrified that something awful is going to happen.”

Yuri pulled away from Victor and Katsuki and picked up the phone. “Nothing is going to happen to me. We put this all behind us and move on. Agreed?” he asked, looking at Victor in particular.

He nodded. “Agreed.”

Now all he had to do was find a way to actually do that.

 

Chapter Text

 

He wasn’t supposed to be happy that he was injured, right?

Yuri inwardly scolded himself every time that question played on a loop in his mind. Of course he didn’t want to be injured – again so close to competition – however, his doctor had instructed him to wake a week off from the ice which meant he could go and visit Otabek!

Surprisingly, Victor and Katsuki had encouraged him to go. He figured they thought some distance between him and the crazy assholes threatening him wouldn’t hurt. If he were honest, Yuri had instantly relaxed the moment he had set foot on the plane.

 The one condition was that he did nothing strenuous. Yuri had readily agreed to it. As long as he could do some light exercises to keep his body in peak condition, he was good and a few bruises on his ribs weren’t going to prevent him from doing that.

Leaving his apartment had been challenging, even with Victor standing right beside him. He had been convinced that someone was following him, ready to carry through with the threat if he made one misstep.

The constant state of fear reminded him too much of his childhood, wreaking havoc on his already heightened emotions. He needed Otabek. Not just his voice. He needed Beka’s arms around him, his scent smothering him until he forgot than anyone else existed.

Focusing on his imminent reunion with Beka, he exited the plane when it landed, becoming increasingly annoyed by how slow the other passengers were moving. With gritted teeth, he endured the lengthy customs process and retrieved his luggage, irritation tapping against his skull in a steady beat. Beka was in the airport waiting for him! Didn’t these idiots understand that?

Once he was done, he switched his phone on, smiling when multiple texts popped up in succession.

O: I’m here!

O: Can’t wait to see you.

O: Call me as soon as your turn on your phone.

O: Why are you taking so long?!?!?!?

 

Ha! Beka tried to emit a relaxed attitude, but the texts just proved he was every bit as impatient as Yuri.

With his suitcase trailing behind him, Yuri called Otabek. His boyfriend answered immediately, winning him serious points. “Are you here?”

“Hey to you too,” Yuri laughed.

“I will give you a proper welcome when I see you.” Beka gave some vague instructions before saying, “Come find me” in a husky, seductive tone. He ended the call without other word.

Exhilaration fired up in Yuri’s veins as he rushed through the airport, desperate for his first glimpse of Otabek. His eyes were searching. Seeking. They snapped to a lone figure wearing dark jeans and a black leather jacket. Warmth flooded Yuri’s body as he took in the sight of Beka’s ruffled hair and soulful eyes.

Yuri was looking at home.

Beka spotted him a few seconds later, a bright smile lighting up his entire face. It still amazed him that Otabek got excited to see him. Yuri Plisetsky. The prickly brat who couldn’t make a friend. Ignoring everyone else bustling around them, Yuri closed the gap between them, throwing himself at Otbaek without hesitation. The action aggravated his ribs, but in that moment, he didn’t care. He basked in the sensation of being wrapped in Beka’s arms. A safe cocoon.

They remained like that for a long time. Yuri could have stayed in the position forever, but eventually Beka drew back, his hands cupping Yuri’s cheeks. “Hey,” he said, his mouth descending on Yuri’s, tongue sweeping inside with ease.

Yuri lost himself in Beka, everything else fading around him. The would could have been on fire and it wouldn’t had torn him from Beka’s grasp.

“Hey,” he whispered against Otabek’s lips, unable to put even the slightest of distance between them. He was falling into Otabek’s eyes. It occurred to him that Beka had to have some superpower because Yuri was mesmerised by him.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Otabek murmured. He then scowled, no doubt thinking about why it was possible for Yuri to be visiting. “How are your ribs?”

Yuri waved off his concern. “They’re okay, I already gave you the full report over the phone yesterday.” Whilst painful, the bruising didn’t run particularly deep. He would be back to normal in no time.  

“But it couldn’t have been comfortable sitting on that plane for hours.”

“Stop fussing,” Yuri ordered, running his hands down the leather jacket. “I didn’t come here for that. I came to spend time with you.”

“I can fuss over my boyfriend when he’s hurt, Yura.”

“Beka…I don’t like feeling like a victim. Please just let me forget about it all for a week. I just want to be with you, watch you train. Go out to eat. Have sex. Watch some shitty TV.”

Otabek searched his face, expression softening. “I’ll drop it for now.”

Stalling was all he could ask for. Beka wasn’t going to let him get away with avoiding the topic forever. With that out the way, he excitedly asked, “Did you bring your bike?”

“No!” Otabek looked horrified. “You have a suitcase and I didn’t think it would be good for your ribs.”

“Boo! You’re no fun!” Yuri threw back.

Otabek laughed, lines crinkling around his eyes. “I told you someone needs to be the responsible one.” He took hold of Yuri’s suitcase and his hand, tugging him forward. Yuri let himself be pulled along.

“Are we going to your new apartment?” he asked. Otabek had moved out of his parents house about six months ago, a little after Victor and Katsuki’s wedding. As things had been weird between them after that first kiss, Yuri hadn’t had a chance to see it yet.

“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d want to stay with my parents,” he said, amusement flaring. “I think they would be a little shocked if they walked in on us fucking.”

Yuri suppressed a groan. He nearly lost his mind when Otabek swore like that. “Good decision, they still think I’m a kid. Do you tell them about us yet?”

“Of course I did. They’re happy for us.”

How long would that last once they knew Otabek wanted to move to be closer to him? He was not allowing himself to go down that rabbit hole again. “Have you got a gig whilst I’m here?” He was desperate to see Otabek in front of a crowd, people losing their mind for his music.

Otabek grinned at him. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Are you fucking with me?” If he was, Yuri was going to be so mad.

“No, I wouldn’t tease you about this, I know you want to see me. I’m playing at the Blue Moon again. This Saturday.”

Yuri was so excited he wanted to jump up and down. “As in the Saturday that’s two days away?”

Affection settled across his face. “Yes. I wasn’t going to say agree, but then you called to tell me you were coming to visit and I knew I had to say yes.”

Could Beka be any more perfect?

The answer to that was a resounding no.

Otbaek led him to his flashy car, a gift from his parents, Yuri knew. There was no way Beka would have bought the expensive car himself. He would much rather spend his money on the bike or his music equipment.

They spent the journey back to Otabek’s apartment talking shit. There was no need for a big catch up as they had spent every spare minute on the phone to each or texting. Soon they reached Otabek’s building and made there way up to his floor.

Yuri startled when a voice rang out behind him. “Otabek!” What followed was a bunch of words in Kazakh that Yuri didn’t understand. The pair turned around to face the newcomer, Yuri’s breath catching in his chest.

The guy was gorgeous and he seemed to know Otabek pretty well. His wide shoulders complemented his narrow hips, his features a mixture of Kazakh heritage and what Yuri could only guess was European.

He slid a glance at Beka, taking note of his reaction. A friendly smile touched his lips. Urghh, Otabek did know him.

“Ali,” he greeted, replying in a language Yuri understood. More boyfriend points for him. “When did you get back?”

Ali’s face lit up at the question. “This morning. God, it was amazing!”

Otabek shifted towards Yuri. “Ali was on tour with his band, he plays the drums. He’s been gone for a couple of weeks.”

So a hot guy lived on Beka’s floor and he was interested in music? Yuri’s stomach cramped painfully. He hated that his first reaction was jealousy. It only supported his theory that he didn’t actually deserve Otabek.

Yuri attempted a smile. It probably came out like he was constipated or something. Great.  His social skills hadn’t improved with age.

“This is my boyfriend, Yuri,” Otabek told Ali, the pride in his voice unmistakable. “He’s visiting for the week.”

Ali only seemed to notice Yuri for the first time. Was it his imagination, or did Ali’s jaw tighten at the word boyfriend? Yuri had convinced himself in two seconds flat that Ali was either homophobic or he had a crush on Otabek.

“Nice to meet you,” Ali directed at him, less animated then when he spoke to Otabek.

“Hi,” Yuri muttered.

Dismissing Yuri, Ali gave Otabek his attention again. “Let me know when you’re free and I’ll catch you up on the tour. You would have loved it, Beka. Anyway, I’ll see you later.”

Beka?

Beka?!?

What the fuck?

Luckily, the idiot walked away before Yuri could let rip. He doubted Otabek would appreciate him cursing his friends out the moment he stepped off the plane.  Unfortunately, Ali strolled into the apartment next to Otabek’s, confirming his suspicions they were neighbours.

Yuri followed Otabek through his door, trying to forget all about the musician who lived next door. He took note of the interior, not that dissimilar to his own open plan apartment back home. Modern, sleek kitchen. Sparsely furnished in a fashionable way.

Beka turned to him. “So what do you think?”

“It’s nice,” Yuri replied, eyes landing on a guitar stood by the wall. He was so getting Otabek to play for him later on.

Leaving his suitcase in its place, Otabek walked back to where Yuri stood, placing his talented hands on Yuri’s hip, pulling him closer. “Are you sulking?”

His head snapped up. “No! Why would I be sulking?” Was he that easy to read?

“I don’t know,” Beka said through a smile, when he obviously did. “Ali is just a friend.”

“He called you Beka,” Yuri blurted out. Okay, so he was bothered by the familiarity between them. In his defence, he hardly liked any of Otabek’s friends so it wasn’t like he was singling Ali out.

Otabek brushed a kiss over his lips. “He’s a friend. You’re cute when your jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Yuri protested too fast.

“You have no reason to be. You should know by now that I don’t see anyone else when you’re with me.”

Yuri smirked. “What about when I’m not with you?” Beka’s expression crumbled, panicked, before Yuri laughed. “I’m kidding. I know you love me, remember? You did steal my t-shirt.”

“You’re a little shit,” Otabek exhaled, slipping his arms around Yuri’s waist.

“But you love me anyway. And just for the record, he definitely has a thing for you.”

Otabek rolled his eyes. “No, he doesn’t, we just have common interests.”

“Yeah, you’re cock.”

Beka trailed kisses along his jaw, his lips so soft against Yuri’s skin. When he reached Yuri’s neck, he bit down gently. “The only one who goes anywhere near my cock is you.”

Yuri’s body reacted to the words, desire igniting in an instant. Otabek’s hands wandered downward to his ass, expertly massaging the muscles. He moaned in response, awed by the effect Beka had on him. Less than an hour in Otabek’s company and he had forgotten all the worries that plagued him.

Yuri let his travel the expanse of Beka’s strong shoulders. “Did you get hotter since I saw you last?”

Otabek laughed softly. “No.”

“Are you sure?” Yuri whispered, his fingers opening Beka’s jacket.

“Yes.”

“I think I’m going to have to check you over thoroughly.”

His jacket fell to the floor. “Well, if you insist…”

Yuri’s phone shrilled from his inside his hoody, breaking the sexual tension that had been building in the room. Huffing out a breath, he grabbed his phone, scowling at it when Victor’s name popped up.

He was tempted to ignore it, but they had all been on edge since Yuri had been accosted in the street. It could be something important.

“What?” he answered, impatient to get back to being petted by his boyfriend. Otabek was still touching him, but it just wasn’t the same with Victor’s annoying voice in his ear.

“Did you get there okay? Did Otabek pick you up? He didn’t bring his bike, did he?”

Yuri ground his teeth. “I’m at his apartment. You’re interrupted our reunion.”

“I wanted to check on you!”

Any other time he might appreciate it, right now he was unimpressed with Victor’s ability to cockblock him from another country. “Now you have; I’m all good.”

“Yuri!”

“What?” he blasted out, becoming immediately distracted by Beka undoing the button on his jeans.

“Remember to stay off the ice,” Victor told him.

“Fine. Can I go now?”

A pause. There was mischief in his tone. “Why are you in such a rush?”

“Because I want to have sex with my boyfriend!” he shouted down the phone. Jesus, Victor was such an asshole at times. “I’m putting the phone down now.”

Victor’s laugh rang out, mingling with Otabek’s who could hear every word the man said. “You should have said so. Don’t let him get you pregnant.”

“Ha ha,” he spat, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“Don’t be too rough, you know what the doctor said!”

Way passed his threshold for Victor’s childish nonsense, he hung up the phone. Now he could fully concentrate on his man.

Chapter Text

Otabek sucked in a breath as Yuri got down on his knees, tugging at Otabek’s pants and underwear.  Backing up, his fell onto the sofa, his bare ass hitting the cushion. His erection sprang free, bobbing in front of Yuri’s waiting lips. Looking up at him through hooded lashes, Yuri took the straining cock into his mouth.

A low moan escaped his lips as Yuri’s tongue massaged the length as it slipped into the wet hole, hitting the back of Yuri’s throat. With Yuri’s hair tied up on the top of his head, Otabek had the perfect vantage to watch in lover swallow his cock. Satisfaction pulse through him at the sight, spiking every time Yuri’s eyes met his.

It was a mission to keep his hands from touching Yuri, but he didn’t trust himself. His need was too great, Yuri’s wanton mouth too skilful.

He had always enjoyed sex, but with his previous partners there had been a vital component missing. Passion. Even with Jon, it had been lacking. He lost his fucking mind with Yuri. He surrendered to the sharp emotions and wicked sensations, knowing that Yuri would be there to catch him. His fierce Russian would protect him with everything he had and that was a priceless gift.

Knowing Yuri’s background, he cherished it all the more. For some reason, Yuri had chosen to love him when in the past love had brought him little else but disappointment and pain. Otabek could only hope that he was deserving of the purity of Yuri’s love.

“Yuri,” he panted, fire racing through his cock as Yuri hollowed his cheeks, sucking keenly. “Need you.”

The lonely weeks without Yuri had ravaged his control. Otabek pulled Yuri away from his cock.  His legs were weak when he stood, desire setting off tremors inside his body. Facing Yuri, Otabek drank in his stunning features, the flushed cheeks, the mussed-up hair.

“You’re beautiful,” Otabek rasped. Yuri hated being complimented on his looks, but the words left Otabek’s mouth of their own accord. Yuri was beautiful. Always had been, even when he sprung those claws and attacked.

With deliberately slow movements, Otabek rid himself of the rest of his clothes, heat pricking his skin as Yuri seared him with those enchanting eyes of his. Once he was done with his own clothing, he turned his attention to Yuri. He was careful, aware of Yuri’s injuries even in his sexual haze. Yuri was precious, he deserved to be treasured. Love.

There was no concealing the absolute the white-hot rage that took hold of him when he peeled Yuri’s layers away, the colourful bruising underneath reminding him that his love had been the victim of another unprovoked attack. It brought up memories of the state Yuri had been in when Otabek had first arrived in Russia after the first time he had been beaten.

Because Yuri had gone stiff, his body language telling Otabek that he was waiting for him to explode, Otabek contained his anger. He had promised Yuri he would leave it alone for now. Give him a few days. Dropping to his knees, he pressed delicate kisses over the bruising, nearly coming undone when Yuri’s eye filled with tears.

Otabek would only be giving him pleasure tonight.

A few seconds later, there was nothing between them. Otabek licked his lips at the temptation that was Yuri’s body. Defined abs that begged to have his tongue run down the centre. The blonde hair at the base of his cock, matching the silky strands on the top of he loved to pet when Yuri was all sleepy in his arms.

Displayed like this, Otabek understood why Yuri was the one to beat on the ice. His body was a work of art, perfectly sculpted for optimum speed and strength across the ice.

“Beka, stop teasing me.”

Teasing?

Otabek was worshipping him. He blew his warm breath over the tip of Yuri’s cock, pre-cum already leaking at the seam. Ge swiped at it with his tongue, Yuri shivering beneath his attention.

Feeling wicked, Otabek looked up, grinning. “Wait right here. Move an inch and you’ll have to wait longer for my cock.” Yuri didn’t need to know it was empty threat. He literally had no patience left to make their foreplay last much longer. Precisely why he was going to retrieve the lube.

Yuri groaned. “Beka!”

“Talking counts as moving,” he told Yuri, delighted when his mouth snapped shut. Someone was eager for his cock.

Otabek crossed his apartment quickly, grabbing at the lube. Yuri was stood still, exactly where he left him. He squirted a generous amount of lube onto his palm, taking Yuri’s cock into his hand, sliding across the silky skin. Yuri tensed, his breath catching.

He gave a few slow strokes before snatching his hand away. He wanted Yuri out of his mind with desire. Maybe he was teasing him after all, but it was all for him. Otabek lowered himself onto the sofa once more. “Straddle me,” he instructed, his voice husky.

Yuri’s long legs came down either side of him, the heat of his body sizzling against Otabek’s engorged cock. He hissed, concerned that that he was going to come prematurely. His cock slipped between Yuri’s cheeks.

Drizzling some lube against Yuri’s ass, Otabek played with his hole, ensuring he was ready and stretched for him.

“Let me know if your ribs begin to hurt,” Otabek said.

“Beka, hurry up.”

He bit into Yuri’s shoulder. “Promise me you won’t let me hurt you.”

Yuri huffed out a breath. “I promise, but it’s overkill! You worry too much. Hurry up and fuck me before I take matters into my own hands.”

“Lift your hips,” he said with gritted teeth.

Yuri did as he was told, raising his hips so that Otabek could align their bodies. His gaze met Yuri’s as he broke through the small resistance Yuri’s ass gave. His breath was stolen from him; Yuri expertly sliding down his cock.

Yuri’s hands came up to his neck, holding on for dear life as they fucked. No, it was more than fucking. It was pure love between them. Respect. Pleasure. Unity.

Riding him, Yuri threw his head back, giving Otabek easy access to his nipples. He nipped, sucked and blew on them, loving the reactions his attentions elicited from Yuri. The constricted squeezes of his ass, the rising moans. He was wild in Otabek’s grip, lost in sensation and that was such a fucking turn on.

“Yuri.” He repeated his name over and over again like a prayer, drilling into him with little control or finesse. His body knew what he craved, his instincts guided him, ensuring that Yuri was being bombarded with pleasure. There was no need for thinking.

By the time they had both came, Otabek wasn’t sure he knew how to think anymore.

 

  “You want to go out for some dinner or stay in? I said we’d go to my parents tomorrow, but I thought it would be nice for us to have tonight alone,” Beka said, stroking Yuri’s back with his fingertips. Laying on his front wasn’t doing anything for his ribs, but he was so relaxed right now, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to.

“Stay in,” he answered. Inside Beka’s apartment, he was safe. They were safe. He had been able to let his guard down at the airport, his happiness at seeing Otabek overriding every other emotion. Now he was just anxious again. Besides, he really did not want to move too far from the bed. “Can we order something in?”

“Sure. I have a few menus in the kitchen. Are you hungry now, or do you want to wait a while?”

“I’m not too hungry yet,” he replied.

Beka slid down the bed, beside him. “Hey, are you okay? You’re quiet. You worry me when you’re quiet.” Because it hardly ever happened Yuri thought with a snort.

He didn’t want Beka to worry about him. It wasn’t fair to him to have that responsibility. It was easy to forget sometimes, because Beka was usually so relaxed, but his boyfriend was juggling a lot of difference areas of his life. Yuri didn’t want to add to that burden. “I’m good. Really good. It just feels strange being here. Like it’s a dream and I’m about to wake up.”

Otabek’s little frown was cute as hell. “You’re very much awake. You just gave me an earth-shattering orgasm so I can attest to that.”

“You’re such a nerd sometimes,” Yuri chuckled. Was it possible for his heart to explode with happiness? Beka was all his. It probably made him a terrible person, but he hoped that Ali had heard their reunion sex. Might give him a second thought before he acted so familiar with Otabek again.

Shit, he had to lock that jealously down. Fast. Beka would never cheat on him, of that he was certain. He could, on the other hand, break up with him because Yuri was acting like an immature brat about his being friends with his neighbour.

This adulting shit was hard work. When he was a kid, he rarely thought to consider his words or actions. He had just yelled whatever crap came into his head. Part of growing up meant he had to be more responsible of his actions – and again, his bratty behaviour would only drive Beka away.

Yuri turned onto his back, stretching his well-used muscles as he did so. Beka’s trouble gaze fell onto his bruising as they had when the clothes had hit the floor. He watched the internal battle war inside his man. Yuri knew he was dying to talk about the attack and he also knew that Beka would keep his word and leave it be until he was ready.

Probably to silence his own thoughts, Beka leant over and took his mouth in a slow, sensual kiss. Despite the thorough fucking he had received only a short while ago, his body was flickering back to life. His hands found Beka’s broad shoulders.

“Have I ever told you how much I love your muscles?” he asked playfully.

“You just love me for my body, huh?”

Yuri cocked his head. “It is a superior specimen.”

“Specimen? And I’m the nerd?” he laughed.

Yuri brushed a kiss across his cheek, enjoying the way his stubble tickled his skin. “We can both be nerds as long as we’re nerds together.”

Beka’s face lit up. “Can we have a bath together? I loved it back in Russia when we did that. I can wash your hair for you. I think you got some cum in it,” he grinned.

“How?” Yuri asked, wrinkling his nose. As least his hair was light so it wouldn’t have showed up too much if he hadn’t noticed it.

“No idea,” Otabek replied, peeling himself away from Yuri. “I got some fancy bathsalts for us” – he paused – “actually, Aylin gave them to me, claiming they might come in useful. Is it weird that my sister has taken an interest in my sex life?”

“No idea,” Yuri repeated his words back at him. “Probably. She can be a bit of a weird.”

Beka laughed aloud. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Is she going to be at dinner tomorrow with your parents?” Yuri wasn’t nervous. Otabek’s parents like him. They had liked him before he had started fucking their son. It would be different now, right? Instead of taking him as one of Beka’s friends they would be looking at him to see what he could offer their son.

The answer to that was not a fucking lot apart from drama, possible danger and a lifetime of worry.

No.

He had to stop doing that to himself. There were already enough people in the world who had a low opinion of him, he didn’t need to be another one. His therapist had been encouraging him to challenge the negative thoughts. Find the root of them.

Beka’s voice pulled him from his inner turmoil. “Yes. That okay?”

“She’s always interesting company. Is it going to be an elaborate dinner?” Otabek’s parents were a little over the top. The car was only one example of that. As long as they loved Otabek and treated him right, Yuri could deal with their ways.

“I told them to keep it simple, but you know what they’re like. So you do you wanna have a bath?”

“Definitely,” he answered.

Ten minutes later, they were lounging in the large tub, Yuri taking position in Otabek’s legs, with Beka massaging shampoo into his hair. His strong fingers gave just the right amount of pressure, leaving Yuri suppressing a moan.

Beka washed it out, only getting a few suds in his eyes. He was forgiven instantly, because Yuri doubted, he would ever be able to hold a grudge against the man who cradle him so gently in his arms.

As if he were a rare gift.

The only other person who had ever treated him like that was his grandpa. Yuri swallowed down the ball of grief, feeling guilty he hadn’t been to visit his grave in the last couple of months. Everything had been so messed up, he just hadn’t found the time. He would make the time as soon as it got back home.

Eyes drooping, Yuri felt the invisible hands of sleep pulling him under. Otabek shifted slightly against him. He whispered the next words, “Yura? Are you falling asleep on me?”

“Yeah,” he murmured.

“You can go to sleep, but we need to get out of the rub first. You should dry your hair too. You’ll get sick sleeping with it wet.”

A smile tugged at Yuri’s lips. “You sound like my grandpa.”

“He was a wise man,” Otabek said. “Yuri, we’re getting out the bath.” His tone was more forceful this time so Yuri sighed, blinked his eyes open and rose, water streaming from his body.

“Happy?” he asked Beka, glancing behind him.

Otabak was eye-level with his ass. “Very.”

Chapter Text

“I should have brought better clothes,” Yuri whined, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Black jeans, a matching t-shirt and his jacket that had panels of leopard print. He loved the outfit, but he wanted to impress Otabek’s parents and they had much classier tastes than his.

Beka came up behind him, nuzzling his neck. “You look amazing. You always do.”

“No, I don’t.” There were times when he looked like crap. Though he had to admit they were few and far between. He had been gifted with his mother’s elegant bone structure and luscious locks, he thought sardonically. He brushed the thought aside. “Shall I put my hair up? It’s getting kind of long.”

Otabek ran his hands though the strands. “I love it either way.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “You’re such a guy.”

He snuck a glance at Beka’s clothing, surprised to find he had gone fairly casual with his leather jacket, a white t-shirt and some dark blue jeans. Yuri wouldn’t have been surprised if he made the choice with him in mind, trying to make him feel more comfortable.

Their start to the day hadn’t been great. Beka had woken early to head to the ice and Yuri had followed him, with every intention of going to watch him for a few hours. He had, but the moment Beka had left his sight to get ready for his session, his anxiety had skyrocketed.

Otabek’s practice had turned to shit because he had been too distracted focusing on Yuri. He’d tried to hide it, but when he had disappeared to the toilets to get away from the worried eyes, Otabek had followed him, earning a mouthful from his coach who already hated Yuri. They had left soon after.

So yeah, it had been a disaster.

And Yuri chafed against the prison he was building for himself. He didn’t want to be that person. The person who used other people as a crutch. If he lost his independence, he would lose himself.

He was off his game which was why he was freaking out about seeing Otabek’s parents again. Would they think differently him now that he was Otabek’s boyfriend?

“Why are you nervous? You already know my parents like you.” Otabek could read him like a book.

He gave Beka a pointed look. “They tolerate me.”

“They like you,” Otabek insisted. “Don’t make a big deal out of this. Even if they didn’t approve of our relationship, you know I would never let them berate you.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t want to drive a wedge between you and them.” He didn’t have a great track record with parents, his own abandoning and abusing him. The parents of the few friends he’d had growing up, had regarded him as a brat. Too opinionated, too wild.

“Yuri,” he said, shaking his head, exasperated. “You’re definitely over thinking this. We’ve had dinner with them before. I get it might be a little weird now that we’re together, but they aren’t suddenly going to start hating on you. I haven’t told them about my plan to quit skating yet so they won’t be questioning me about that. We’ll have a nice dinner and a catch up. Nothing more.” He sat on the bed, placing his hands on Yuri’s hips, pulling him in close. “We don’t have to go if you aren’t feeling up to it.”

Irritation pulsed through him. “That’s not what I’m saying.”  A part of him wanted to back out, however, he recognised it would be a completely selfish move. He knew nothing was going to happen to him at Otabek’s parents house. It wasn’t about that. The anxiety.

 He just wanted to be alone with Beka whilst they had the time.

And he was worried that Maria and Max would treat him differently now that things had changed between him and Beka. He had to admit that his earlier panic was exacerbating what he was feeling right now.

He was terrified the expected nerves would build and build into something that he couldn’t control.

You are one fucked up individual Yuri Plisetsky

“Then what can I say that will put your mind at ease?”

“Nothing,” Yuri replied with honesty. “I just need to get over it.”

Tomorrow he had a video session with his therapist planned. Hopefully that would ease some of the pressure inside his chest. Not that he could tell her about the second attacked. He feared the Vasilievs might retaliate if word got back to them. Besides, she would probably encourage him to go the police and that wasn’t an option either.

Otabek was silent when he closed his arms around Yuri’s waist and rested his head against Yuri’s stomach. The display of affection was comforting. Grounding. God, why was he being so neurotic?

Holding Beka close, Yuri ran his hand through his soft hair, the motion calming his nerves.

Otabek’s voice vibrated against his body. “You know we need to talk about what you’re going through.”

“I know.” His response was solemn. “Can we just wait until Sunday. I want to enjoy watching you at the club without all of that weighing me down.”

Beka looked up at him. “Do you think that’s a good idea? You were struggling at the rink and we were surrounded by people you know. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

“I’m going to the club. I’ll be okay.”

Sighing, Otabek rose. “I love your tenacity Yuri, but not when you take it so far that it causes you harm. If you want to come, I won’t stop you.” The disappointment in his tone was almost too much for Yuri to bear.

“Please don’t be mad at me. I’m not going to lock myself away. I won’t. How will I ever get over it if I do that?”

Beka rested his forehead against Yuri’s. “I’m not angry with you. I’m just worried,” he whispered hoarsely. “I feel helpless.”

Yuri brought his fingertips up to Otabek’s stubbly cheek. “You’re the only reason I’m sane right now. You help just by being yourself.”

A shaky smile from Beka. “I can keep doing that.” He gave Yuri a quick kiss and looked at his watch. “We should get going.”

 

Walking up to the front door, Otabek slipped his hand around Yuri’s. There was a nervous energy about him that Otabek was still unused to. In the past he had always been fearless, or excellent at hiding it. Since the attack, it showed a lot more. It broke his heart. Yuri hated others seeing what he perceived as his weaknesses.

The ornate door opened before Otabek could twist the handle, his sister flying out. Despite her words of concern about his relationship with Yuri, she had always been a fan of his. “Yuri!” Aylin slammed into him, no doubt jarring his sore body.

“Aylin,” he scolded.

She drew back, her face falling. “I’m sorry, I forgot.” He had told his family that Yuri had taken a nasty fall in training. Yuri would have bristled at their attemps to comfort him if they knew he had been assaulted again. “Has Beka been taking good care of you?” She asked, wriggling her brows.

Otabek’s cheeks flamed at her tone. Yuri laughed. “He’s been taking the best care of me.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Otabek interjected. He couldn’t handle his little sister talking about his sex life, even in the most roundabout of ways.

“You’re no fun,” Aylin sang, slipping her arm through Yuri’s, leading him away. Otabek followed, his eyes landing on Yuri’s ass. He was obsessed with that ass. Getting a hard-on in front of his parents wasn’t on the top of his to-do list so he tore his eyes away from Yuri’s favourite body part.

Aylin directed them towards the kitchen where they found his mom cooking and his dad keeping her company, both sipping on a glass of red wine. In appearance, he favoured his mom. They shared the same colouring and features, along with Aylin.

His mom spotted them first. Leaving the top of the line stove, she held out her arms to greet them both. “Beka, Yuri, you’re here.” Maria Atlin was a beautiful woman, the years treating her well.

She hugged Yuri first and then Otabek. His father, Max, was less obvious with his affection and more introverted than his mother. He greeted them with a smile and a nod. They exchanged a few pleasantries which seemed to put Yuri’s nerves at ease a little.

Once they were given drinks and his mom has stashed their jackets, they hovered around the kitchen island.

“So Yuri,” his mom asked, “How was your flight? You got here a couple of days ago?”

“Thursday,” Yuri answered, his body pressed against Otabek’s. “It was fine. I’m used to flying now, I guess.”

“And your injuries? They are healing well?”

Otabek’s jaw clenched. His mom meant well, he knew.

“They’re good. Should be back to normal by the end of the week.”

Aylin sidled up next to him. “Are you sure your accident was really an accident? Did you just want some time off to come see my brother?”

For fucks sake.

He shot his sister a death glare. She ignored him. “He was moping around so much these past weeks that I was sure he was going to get an ‘injury’ so he could come and see you.”

His dad snorted. “Otabek is dedicated. He wouldn’t fake an injury.”

“Nobody faked an injury,” Otabek stated, his voice tight. Aylin was joking but considering the truth of how Yuri had received his injuries, Otabek wasn’t in the mood to listen to his sister tease them about it.

“Jeez, I’m just kidding, Beka. Lighten up.”

Yuri curled his fingers around Otabek’s hand, meeting his eye. The look conveyed a lot.

Chill out.

I’m okay.

She’s only messing with you.

It had been a minute since Yuri had been the one to calm him down. His temper had never run as hot of Yuri’s. Wasn’t completely the truth. He did have a temper, but it only seemed to come out when Yuri was under threat.

Ten minutes later they were sat around the impressive dining room table, Otabek putting his earlier annoyances aside. His mom was a good cook. A recent development. As she had cut her hours back at work, she had began experimenting more with food.

“This is great, mom,” he said, taking another bite of the chicken.

Her face lit up at his compliment. “You can take some leftovers home with you if you’d like.”

Yuri spoke. “Please. We had takeout last night. It was good, but we shouldn’t be eating that kind of food so close to competition.”

His dad nodded. “You’re right, Yuri.”

“It’s not gonna hurt too much if they’re getting loads of exercise,” Aylin commented with a smirk directed at Otabek. “And I guarantee that they are.”

Yuri hid his own smile with another mouthful of food.

Both of his parents decided to ignore the implication of Aylin’s words. Thank god.

Thankfully she steered away from any more awkward topics throughout the rest of dinner. He was glad that he had been telling Yuri the truth about his parents; they weren’t treating him any different now he was their son’s boyfriend.

He had been a little worried. He hadn’t had a serious relationship since Jon and they all knew how that had turned out. His parents had kept a careful eye on him on the years following Jon’s death, but they continued to allow him to make his own decisions. They were good parents, he thought, watching them fondly.

Despite the light atmosphere, Otabek couldn’t help but notice that Yuri was more reserved than usual. Sure, he answered questions when asked and engaged in conversation, but there was something bothering him that Otabek couldn’t quite place his finger on.

He ruled out the anxiety. Yuri’s body language was relaxed as he ate – there was just something off about him. It annoyed the hell out of Otabek that he couldn’t figure out what was going on with him.

He would figure it out, or he would pull the answers from Yuri. One way or the other, Yuri was going to realise that Otabek would always be there for him.

 

 

After dinner they had spent another couple of hours with Otabek’s family, chatting and playing a few games. It left Yuri feeling odd, out of place. Unlike him, Otabek was comfortable in a family setting. He was doted on by his mom, his dad had complete faith in him and Aylin took pleasure in making Beka squirm. It was nice, but Yuri just didn’t belong.

No matter how much he wished that he did.

Arriving home, they each took a shower and changed into some more comfortable clothing. Otabek was due at the rink tomorrow for an early training session so they only had an hour or so until he had to get to sleep.

Yuri was going to accompany him no matter how much his weak body protested. He would ignore the churning in his stomach, the horrible pressure in his chest. God, he just had to fucking get over it. For both of their sakes. Beka didn’t need a boyfriend more fucked up than Yuri already was.

Stop self-sabotaging!

A knock sounded at the door as they were just about to start a series on Netflix. If it were Yuri’s apartment, he would have ignored it, especially with the irrational irritation rolling around in his system. Beka evidently more sociable than him as he got up to answer the door.

To Yuri’s annoyance, Ali strolled into the apartment, doing a sweep of the room. He nodded in Yuri’s direction. Yuri forced himself to reciprocate for Otabek’s sake. He wasn’t going to be rude to his friends.

Urghhh, the guy was still gorgeous. It was fucking annoying. Once he left, he was sure Ali was going to make a move on Beka.

“Do you want a drink?” Otabek asked.

Ali shook his head, taking a seat on the chair next to the sofa. “I’m good thanks. I just wanted to drop by. I heard you were doing a set at the Blue Moon tomorrow. I might drop by with some of the guys.”

Hell no.

Otabek looked to Yuri, expression thoughtful. “You could keep Yuri company. He’s coming to watch and he won’t know anyone.”

Yuri glared at his boyfriend. The only response he got was a small smile. Ali was already talking. “Sure. We’ll take him under our wing. Gotta look after the youngsters.”

Did he really just say that?

“I’m eighteen,” Yuri said between gritted teeth. Old enough to have Beka in his bed. Ali trying to highlight his age screamed of jealously. He definitely had a thing for Beka.

Otabek gave Yuri a warning look, joining him on the sofa. He clamped a restraining hand on his thigh, squeezing lightly. Yuri have him a sickly sweet smile. Why was he protecting his friend from Yuri’s wrath?

There was absolutely no way he was spending his Saturday evening with Ali. His friends were likely as idiotic as he was.

Otabek broke the heavy silence. “I’m starting at nine. Do you want to head over with us?”

Yuri clenched his jaw. Unbelievable. Surely Otabek was just trying to piss him off now? He knew how much Yuri was looking forward to watching him and he was ruining it by inviting the prick sat in front of him.

Ali’s eyes were filled with triumph. “That would be great. I can drive if you want?”

“No, it’s fine. I have a load of equipment I need to haul over there.”

Ali stood, a stupid smile on his face. “Cool, just come by and get me tomorrow. I’ll be waiting for you.” His words only darkened Yuri’s mood. He remained sat on the sofa as Otabek walked him over to the door, exchanging a few more words, too low for Yuri to hear.

They left his sight, leaving him fuming.

Calm down. It’s not Beka’s fault his neighbour wants to fuck him. Do not ruin this with your insecurities.

Yuri couldn’t stop himself, words tumbling from his mouth as soon as Otabek returned. “I can’t believe you just did that. I don’t want to spend any time with that fucking asshole.”

Otabek’s eyes flashed with anger. “Yuri, he’s a friend. I want someone I trust watching out for you tomorrow.”

Nausea rolled in his stomach. Otabek did think he was weak, that he needed to be coddled like a child. “I can handle my own shit. I don’t need some stranger who wants to fuck you keeping an eye on me.”

“What is your problem? You were in a mood before he knocked at the door. Don’t take it out on him.”

“Are you really that blind you can’t see that he wants you?” Yuri stood, too fucking angry to sit down. He wasn’t in the wrong. Otabek had just decided what was going to happen without consulting him and he was refusing to admit that Ali wanted him.

Beka frowned at him. “I don’t think that he does. Even if he did, I don’t want him. So there’s no problem.”

Yuri let out a humourless laugh. “So you’d be okay with me hanging out with a guy who wanted to get in my pants?” Otabek’s lack of response told him everything he needed to know. “Didn’t think so.”

“Why do you have to turn everything into a big drama? I’ve been friends with Ali since I moved into this apartment. I’ve mentioned him multiple times to you. Or do you not remember because it’s not about you? I have a life too. Not everything is about you.”

Oh, that hurt. Like an arrow straight to his heart. Otabek thought he was selfish. “You failed to mention the fact that he wanted to fuck you!” Yelling was good. Yelling distracting him from the pain Beka’s words inflicted.

“I’m not arguing with you. Not like this,” Otabek said quietly, a stark contrast to his raised voice.

He was so done with being the fuck-up in their relationship. “Because I don’t agree with you? You know I don’t like him. I’ll forget that he wants you for a second. You just decided that I need a babysitter tomorrow night and handed me off to the first person that popped into your head. Do you think I want him, of all people, to know that I’m barely hanging on by a thread?” Once Ali sniffed out that weakness, he was going to use it for his own gain.

“You don’t like anyone and I’m not going to apologise for wanting to protect you.” Stubborn set his features. Neither of them were backing down.

“If you want to protect me, don’t make out that I’m crazy for not wanted my boyfriend to force me to hang out with some guy that wants him. Don’t make decisions for me.”

“Someone has to when you’re acting like this. Pretending that you’re fine. Unaffected by everything that’s happened.”

“I’m not pretending anything,” Yuri stated, his anger fading as quickly it had erupted. He was tired. Didn’t possess the energy to fight with Otabek when he was throwing the attack in his face. “You know I’m not okay. I never lied about that. I just wanted to have a few days with you without it taking over our lives. I wanted to protect you from that. I wanted to come and watch your show, give you the support you deserve.”

Otabek’s face splintered in agony. He took a step forward. “Yuri…”

He shook his head. “I’m going to bed. I’ll sleep in the spare room.” With that Yuri walked off, tears threatening to spill over. Like fuck he was going to let Beka see them fall.

“Yuri, come back,” Otabek rushed after him.

“Fuck off, Beka,” he sniffed, slamming the door in his face.

And locked it for good measure.

Chapter Text

4:30am.

Otabek inwardly groaned. He had to be up in an hour and he’d gotten approximately forty-five minutes sleep all night. Most of it had been spent replaying the argument with Yuri. He winced every time he remembered the devastation on Yuri’s face when he accused him of being selfish. Why the hell had he done that?

There hadn’t been any personal insults thrown towards him. Yuri’s anger had stemmed from Otabek’s actions. Once he had been able to think clearly, he had recognised that Yuri’s arguments were fair. Justified. He had steam rolled right over Yuri’s wishes – he didn’t need to voice his protests for Otabek to hear them. They’d been written across his face.

All of this left Otabek feeling like shit. In his reckless efforts Yuri. He had broken something between them. Yuri had never walked away from him with tears in his eyes before. Otabek’s stomach cramped just thinking about it.

Shit, he’d messed up so badly.

And now he was terrified that Yuri wasn’t going to trust him anymore.

Eventually, he just got out of bed. Laying in it for another hour, running over it for the thousandth time wasn’t going to help him. He paused when walking passed the spare room, wondering if it was still locked. He was tempted to check. His hand reached for the handle, but he stopped himself. It was selfish to wake him up so early if he was asleep.

He took care of business in the bathroom and then headed towards the kitchen, making himself a huge mug of coffee. He would need it if he was going to get through practice. Cancelling at the Blue Mood seemed like the best idea all around so he only needed to stay awake long enough to appease his coach.

Finishing a light breakfast, he watched TV until he had to leave. Yuri didn’t surface from the spare room and maybe it was cowardice, but Otabek was a little grateful. A couple of hours apart might do them good and honestly, he had no idea what to say to him.

All he wanted to do was get on his knees and beg Yuri’s forgiveness.

At the same time he wanted to strangle him.

During practice Otbaek tried to focus . His head just wasn’t in it. Had Yuri called him? Text him? Was he okay? The constant barrage of questions left distracted earning him concerned glances from a few of the other skaters. He ignored them; he didn’t deserve it.

By the time he got back to his apartment, exhaustion was weighing him down. The physical toll of practice had left him weak and shaky. Yuri was no where to be seen so Otabek assumed he was still in bed. He took a quick shower and made himself a easy meal, recovering a decent amount of his strength.

Only then did he knock on Yuri’s door. It was clear Yuri wasn’t going to emerge anytime soon if he was left to make the decision by himself. “Yuri?”

No response.

“Yuri, come on,” he said softly. “We need to talk.”

Nothing.

He tried the door, surprised to find it unlocked. The bottom dropped out of his stomach when it hit him that Yuri wasn’t in the room. Panic stealing any sense of reason, he flew through the entire apartment in search of his boyfriend, frantically calling his name.

Otabek forced himself to calm down. Yuri’s belongings were strewn all of the place still so he was pretty sure he hadn’t got a plane to get away from him. It should have made him feel better. Instead, he was taken back to scenes of Yuri’s panic attack.

He grabbed his phone, dialling Yuri’s number. “Pick up, pick up,” he demanded under his breath.

Pulling at his hair, Otabek paced the living room, blowing out a frustrated breath when it went to voicemail. “Call me back Yuri, I need to know you’re safe.” He hung up, trying to get control of himself. He was overreacting. Yuri was fine. He was fine.

But what if he wasn’t?

What if he had a panic attack in a strange place? Surrounded by people he couldn’t communicate with? Otabek had been such a shitty person that evidently Yuri was willing to risk it.

When his phone rang, Otabek answered immediately. Yuri’s voice was clear across the line. At odds with the distance in his tone. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

Don’t need to worry? “Just come home. I’m sorry about last night – I was a dick.”

Silence. “I need some space. I’ll be back later.”

“I don’t like the idea of you out there alone.” He highly doubted the asshole politician had hired someone to follow Yuri to another country. His concern was about Yuri’s mental state and how his body was reacting to it.

A frustrated sigh. “I said I’m fine. Trust me or don’t, it’s up to you.”

“When are you going to be back?”

“When I want to. I’ve got to go,” Yuri said hanging up the phone.

Otabek stared at it for a full five minutes, unsure what to do. Yuri had been challenging him, challenging him to see how much trust he did have in Yuri. If he freaked out and went to search for him, he’d only be doing further damage.

A text popped up on his phone. It was from Ali.

 

A: Still on for tonight?

 

Perfect timing, Otabek thought glumly. Should he respond? Ignoring him would be unnecessarily rude. The poor guy couldn’t have known what his visit had led to.

 

O: Not sure.

A: Trouble in paradise? I saw Yuri storm away from the building an hour ago. I tried to talk to him, but he blew me off.

 

He fought the urge to ask which direction he’d headed in. It would only confirm that yes, he and Yuri were going through a rough patch.

 

O: Everything is fine. I’ll let you know about Blue Moon.

A: Are you sure you’re okay? I can come over and we can talk?

 

Yuri wouldn’t appreciate that. Otabek had no idea if Ali had a crush on him or not. The important thins was that Yuri believed it and having Ali over would only drive a wedge between them.

He wasn’t going to allow that to happened. Yuri was too important to him.

 

O: I’m good. Really. But thanks, you’re a good friend.

 

He added the last part hoping it would remind Ali that their relationship was platonic. He should already know that by now. Otabek was always taking about Yuri, even before they had become a couple.

Less than a minute after he had sent the text, there was a knock on his door. He considered ignoring it and chose against it. If it was Ali, he would send him on his way.

Ali’s stood on the other side, coy smile. “Sorry, but you’re right. I am a good friend. I could sense something was wrong.”

Was Yuri making a big deal of nothing or did Ali like him?

Was ignoring his wishes about coming over sweet or a sign of something more calculated?

Otabek returned his smile. “I told you, I’m good. We’re just figuring out some stuff.” It was private. Between himself and Yuri. Ali wasn’t going to get more than that.

“Do you want to go grab a drink? I’ll be your shoulder to cry on.”

Irritation flared, though he hid it. “I’m going to catch up on some sleep. If I don’t, I definitely won’t be playing later on.”

Ali held his gaze, nodding. “Okay. As long as you’re sure. You know I’m always here if you want to talk.”

The man he really wanted to talk to wanted to be as far away from him as possible. “Thanks.”

He went to close the door when Ali stopped him. “You know, the way you talked about Yuri I thought he’d be the perfect guy for you. You deserve someone who appreciates you, Beka.”

Otabek clenched his jaw. Nobody talked shit about Yuri in front of him. “Ali, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Respect my wishes and stay out of my business. If you want us to keep being friends, don’t talk about Yuri like that.”

He shut the door, pissed off by the short conversation. The only people he cared about as much as Yuri were his family. Yuri was his family. If Ali thought he was going to get closer to him by badmouthing his boyfriend, he was dead wrong.

Eyes stinging from exhaustion, he headed towards his bedroom. Time for him to trust Yuri and let him have his space. He’d catch up on his sleep and when Yuri returned they were going to talk it out.

 

Yuri glanced around the coffee shop, burying himself deeper into the plush armchair, hood over his head. Forcing himself to leave Otabek’s apartment had been difficult, but after his online session with his therapist, he’d needed the air. He had ended up spilling his guts and crying all over himself. It was embarrassing.

Was he going crazy? Was he imagining Ali’s interest in Beka? Had he overreacted? His therapist had explained that the stress he was experiencing, along with the trauma of the attack could heighten his emotions.

They definitely felt fucking heightened.

Underpinning it all was the overriding worry that Otabek viewed him as everyone else did. A kid. A spoilt brat. Someone that wasn’t worthy of him. It that was true they had been doomed from the beginning.

And if they broke up, Yuri was pretty sure their friendship would be in ruins too. Just thinking about that possibility hurt. A physical hurt that clamped around his heart. The argument from last night had given him a glimpse of how much pain they could cause each other. Love didn’t eradicate that, it only made it more likely.

Finishing his drink, he left the warmth of the coffee shop behind and began to wander the streets, no destination in mind. He was so focused on the issues with Otabek, that his discomfort at being outside alone was taking a backseat. Still there, but not at the forefront. Losing Otabek terrified him way more than the thought that someone could be watching him.

After an hour or so of walking, he used the Maps on his phone and started back towards Otabek’s apartment.  It took him half an hour to reach it. Another ten minutes to build the courage to step inside. Another five minutes of staring at the door once he made his way up the building.

He was scared.

He couldn’t take another scene like the one the night before. And what if Otabek had used their time apart to reconsider their relationship? His mind was frantic; a new, frightening question lurking, waiting to take the last one’s place.

Stop being a coward.

Yuri let himself in, finding the apartment quiet. The door had been unlocked so he assumed Otabek was in and back from practice. His bedroom door had been left ajar so Yuri snuck a glance, surprised to see Otabek taking a nap in the middle of the day. It wasn’t really his style which told Yuri he must have had a shitty night’s sleep like him.

It shouldn’t, but it did make him feel a little better to know he wasn’t the only one suffering. Otabek should feel bad; he had been an utter dick! But when he moved closer to the bed and saw the dark circles under Beka’s eyes, he wanted to wrap the other man in his arms.

Gingerly, Yuri got onto the bed, content to watch Otabek sleep for a while. It calmed his racing heart, reminded him of who Otabek was to him. Made him hopeful that they could overcome the words spoken between them.

Some time later, Otabek’s eyes opened. He rubbed at his eyes, movements stilling when he realised that Yuri was on the bed with him. “You’re back.”

“I told you I would be.” He was glad Otabek had chosen to remain at the apartment, trusting him to make his own decisions.

Beka sat up, the covers falling to his waist. “I know. I just… thought you might have left to punish me,” Otabek said, eyes downcast, tone uncertain.

Yuri’s eyes widened. Perhaps he should be angry, but Otabek’s words had filled him with sadness. “Do you really think I’d do that to you?”

“No,” Otabek replied, catching Yuri’s eye. “But I hurt you last night. No one thinks clearly when they’re hurt or angry.”

Fair. “I didn’t leave to punish you. I called my therapist and asked if she could speak to me earlier than planned. I pretty much spilled all of my secrets to her. I needed some air, which is fucking ridiculous as I find it difficult to be outside of my own at the moment.”

Otabek’s face just…broke. “Yuri…” he trailed off, his voice becoming clogged with tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking last night. I’m worried about you. I always worry about you for one reason or another. I just want you safe, free from all this shit that’s been happening to you. It’s making me crazy.”

He hated seeing Otabek so upset. He was good at hiding his emotions so the outward display was showing Yuri how much everything was affecting him too. Maybe he was selfish, because he hadn’t truly considered how much watching Yuri struggle would impact him.

“I love that you care about me, but I don’t want you to feel like it’s your responsibility to fix me, because it isn’t. I told you before, you help me just by being you. I’m not running away from how much the attack has fucked me up and I’m trying to be as honest with you as I can about it. I’ll work on it because I know you need that from me.” He paused. “I don’t want to feel like an obligation to you. You’re my boyfriend – not my parent or guardian.”

“I know that, Yura,” Beka said, taking a deep breath to settle himself. “It’s killing me watching you go through this. You’ve never been an obligation to me, you’ve always been my choice. I’m sorry if I’ve made you think that was the case.”

“No,” Yuri protested. “That’s not what I mean. I want to be desirable to you, I don’t want you to view me as someone you have to take care of. I’ll lean on you, I know I can do that. I just need to make my own decisions too, deal with all this crap at my own pace.”

“I love you, of course I want to take care of you.”

Yuri smiled at that. The statement was simple, so Otabek. “I want to take care of you too, but I need you to know that I can take care of myself.” It would be easy to leave the conversation there, but his earlier thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone. “Beka, do you really think I’m selfish? Do you think I’m the same person I was a couple of years ago?”

Otabek reached out, latching onto his hand. It was warm, the skin to skin contact, sending shivers all the way up his arm. “I was being an asshole. I know you listen to me. You know what’s going on in my life. I mis-directed my anger and I’m sorry. I can’t lie to you and say it’s been easy juggling everything, but that’s not on you. I don’t regret loving you. Being with you. I guess it’s just going to take some time to figure how to balance everything out.”

“I get that. My head has always been in the skating, but since we got together, I’m day dreaming in practice. Add in everything else that’s been going on and it’s a lot,” he explained, relief washing over him. “As for Ali, I don’t know if I can trust my judgement right now so I suppose I can give him the benefit on the doubt.”

A strange expression took hold of Otabek’s face. “Yeah, about that.”

“What?” Yuri demanded, instantly convinced that the asshole had made a move. He’d been gone from the apart for no more than three hours for fuck sake.

“He text me asking if Blue Moon was still going ahead. It led to him telling me he tried to speak to you earlier on.” Yuri vaguely remembered him trying to start a conversation as he left the building. “Anyway, asked if I was okay. I said I was fine. He pushed to come over and I said I was okay, again. Then he turned up.”

Fucking asshole. “What did he want?”

Otabek hesitated. “I don’t really know. He was okay until I said I was going to catch up on some sleep and then as I was going to shut the door, he said I deserved someone who appreciated me.”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Scratch what I said about not being able to trust my judgement.”

 “I don’t know if he likes me that way or not, but I told him we couldn’t be friends if he was going to speak about you like that. It’s enough for me that you believe it so I’ll keep my distance.”

“I don’t want you to lose friends because of me,” Yuri said, conflicted. Of course he didn’t want Ali anywhere near Otabek, but… “I trust you. So be friends with him if you want. If he ever makes a move, I’ll know that you’ll remind him that you have a boyfriend and said boyfriend has a legion of fans he can leak his address to. The Angels love us so they won’t put up with any shit from him.”

Otabek laughed and it looked so much better on him than the tears had. Making Otabek cry was something he never wanted to do again. “I think I need to talk to him and then I’ll know if he’s someone I want to continue a friendship with. You’re the most important person in my life. I won’t jeopardise your happiness.”

“I feel the same way, Beka. I want you to have friends. I mean, I don’t really get why you need more than one or two,” Yuri laughed, crawling across the bed to straddle Otabek’s lap, “but that’s okay.”

Forehead resting on Otabek’s, they both took a minute to bask in the physical contact. Yuri’s world seemed to right itself the moment Beka’s arms slipped around his waist.

“I’m sorry,” Otabek murmured between them, his lips close to Yuri’s.

“You’re forgiven and I’m sorry to for scaring you and for blowing up like I did. Every time I think I’ve got a hold of my temper, it has to remind me that I don’t.”

Otabek kissed him with a gentleness that stole his breath away. “Don’t ever lose it completely. It’s apart of you and it’s pretty magnificent to watch when it’s directed towards someone else.”

“Ha! Well you know what to do then. Don’t piss me off.” An impossibility, they both knew. A relationship wasn’t healthy unless they had some points of contention. Neither of them were pushovers; they both knew their own minds.

Which was great, until they had a fight.

Still, Yuri mused, at least they could celebrate with some make-up sex.