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When Love is not enough

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Sometimes love is not enough

Under the radiance of the moon, you can see a man lying on the ground. Appearance disheveled. Ribbon that usually held his hair in a bun has long gone… now his hair is messy. No scowl on his face…blood pouring on his mouth, eyes clouding from tears and blood. The fierce corpses were all long gone but now he was here all alone bleeding all over the ground. It was a miscalculation on his part so he can't blame anyone, he just hope that his disciples and nephew are safe.

He doesn't know how long he has been lying in the ground. The moon is glaring at him like it's mocking him. It's feels like he was here for years and no one is coming, maybe this is it for him. Maybe he will die alone, maybe this time he can finally have his peace.

At a time like this he can't stop thinking about his nephew, what will happen to him? Will he be sad or happy that no one will ever reprimand him every time he makes mistakes? After all He was never a good Uncle to him. What about his sect? Who will lead them? Will Wei Ying took over after he was gone? Will his Xiong mourn for him? I know he will take care of A-ling he was the better uncle after all. I don't have to worry because I know A-ling is in good hands, I know Wei Ying will protect him and he have his Lan friends too, he doesn't need me anymore.

Suddenly he can feel the blood on his throat, he coughed more blood, vision blurred, the light of the moon begins to lessen and darkness started to take over. At this moment his mind wonders to the person he loves most. He wondered "will he mourn me? Or will he be happy that I am gone, will he feel relieve that no one will shout at him every time? Will he cry tears for me? Or will he just ignore it and continue his life. Will he even remember me? Zewu-jun… Lan… Xichen… Lan Huan…. A-Huan…. My feelings for you never change; you still have my heart even now. So many names but this identity all belongs to one person.

I wonder how did I even survived the past years… how did I survived when I have lost my heart to you years ago, no matter what I did I could not get it back.. Even when… even when you have never returned my feelings… I wanted to see you… at this critical moment of my life I am clinging to the possibility that I will be able to see you one last time. I am really a bad Uncle I should be thinking of A-ling right now, but my mind only have you. I know I should be thinking about my family, about A-ling and Wei ying at a time like this… that at times like this it’s them that I should be hoping to see, and yet here I am wishing for you.

I know if I will choose between them and you, my answer will always be you. Even though I knew that you never wish to see me again. Maybe this time I will finally grant your wish, maybe this time…. I should let go.

I think my mind is playing games with me, maybe the loss of blood finally affected me. I can hear your voice, you,A-ling and Wei Ying… my most favorite people in the world. I can hear you all calling my name, is this real? Or it's just the moon Deity pitying me? Did she heard my pray? Is that why I can hear you all? I wanted to answer you calls but I don't have the energy. My eyes feels heavy, maybe I'll just close my eyes for a while.. Maybe I'll take some rest before you come here. Just for a moment… The man closed his eyes and reminisces about the past.

Did you know? There was a time when I have wished to have my own family, that I will be the one to choose my spouse. I never wanted to end up like my parents, I know they both love us but for the rest of their lives my parents were miserable. I knew that my mother was in love with my father, that no matter how bad she treated him, my mother still loves him so much. Meanwhile my Father I never know if he really has feelings for my Mother. During my childhood days I always heard them arguing about my Father loving another woman, and that no matter how long they have been together he still can't forget about her.

For as long as I remember father never shows any signs of love toward A-Niang, yes he respected her but that's all. Then comes the time when he brought Wei Ying to our house. Back then I thought why him? Why did father treat him kindly than me? What did he have that I don't have? Why did my father loves him more? Why do I have to be the one to sacrifice everything? Why my dogs have to be sent away just for him to stay? Why do I have to share my room with another child?

I hated him back then, so I told him the first night that I will send dogs if he will stay in my room. But I also remember how scared I am when he did not return. So that night I went to my sister and told him that Wei Ying did not return, A-jie told me to wait in the room while she will go out and find him. I could not wait, so I went out even when I was so scared.. I went out to find him. I lost my way, even back then I don't have any sense of direction. Funny how I went out to find him but they end up finding me instead.

Back then I promised to him that I will always protect him from dogs, and he promised to always stay by my side. Back then we promised that we will never be separated, him.. A-jie and I will always be together.

Wei Ying is the brother that I love and sometimes hate most. I know it's not his fault that my father treated him better. I never understand it before, I thought that A-Die loves him more, inside my heart even though I love him there are times that I feel this ugly feeling of jealousy. How come every one I love, cares more about him? My A-Die and then my A-jie, they were mine and yet no matter what I do they still treat him better than me.

There were time I wish for him to just disappear, but when I finally realize what I was thinking it's scares me.. I mean no matter what he still my brother and I can't imagine living without him. Then there's the fact that he was a trouble magnet, so I have to make sure he's fine every time. He's my brother in everything except blood. Even when my A-niang hates him too much, even when my A-die treat him better than me, or even when A-jie cares for him too much. At the end he will always smile at me, and he will always be the one to say that I've done well, that I don't have to prove myself to him for we are always equal.. after all we are brothers…

Then comes the time when we were sent to Gusu to study, I knew that Wei Ying will be making trouble so I have to make sure he will behave well. I have to remind him again and again, but I knew everything I said to him it doesn't have any effect, sometimes I think why bother?

The first time that I saw you… I wonder if you still remember it A-Huan.. I saw you under the beautiful tree of magnolia, you were greeting the disciples of other sect. I was facinated for how handsome you are. There you are wearing your prestige white robes, forehead ribbon tied neatly on your head, the smile… did I ever told you about your smile? At that time your smile look so bright and it burns to my memory. How graceful you are Lan Huan, how fit it was to call you Zewu-Jun the first jade of Gusu Lan Sect.

At that young age, I knew you left an impression to me. I tried to impress you but I don't think you even notice me. I was jealous again to Wei Ying for getting your attention, but want can I do? As they were always saying behind my back I was a child with an attitude of a grumpy old man. Then we fought the water ghouls that end up being waterabyss, then I saw you how you fight, did you know how I felt back then? From then on you become my idol.

My brother fought with Jin Zixuan, then was sent back to Lotus Pier, I stayed alone in Gusu to finish my studies.. Did you know? I was hoping to leave a long lasting impression to you.. But you never even notice it. Then comes the war, I heard that Wen Sect burned Gusu and that you were missing. Did you know how scared I was back then? I was so scared of not seeing you again even just a glimpse. Then we were sent to Qishan to "study" but we all knew the truth.. We are there as an hostages.

I was a coward.. I am not my brother so I never act anything that will create any problems for our sect. even when I saw them treated someone badly, I did not help. I am not Wei Ying or Lan Wanji.. ahhh even Jin ZIxuan is braver than me. Then at the cave.. did you know how terrified I am? I thought we will all die then. But my brother… my brave brother and your brother save us. We escaped the cave but we have to leave them. Did you know? The feeling of not seeing my twin pride again? It was frightening.

I remember I have to travel for days without even rest.. I wanted to go back to his side as fast as I can. Did you know that I cried secretly when no one's looking, I pleaded to any Deity to spare my brother.. Finally when we were able to save them, my heart burst with happiness but then I saw how my brother looks like and there comes the fear of losing him again. That this time it's really real but you know my brother he was always a fighter. He was able to survive it and I was happy again.

We went back to lotus pier, I thought it was the end of it… but did you know it was just start of our sufferings. We came back and my parents started to fight again. Did you know what A-niang said? Maybe Wei Ying is A-Die's son too… That the reason why my father treated him better was because he was also his biological son. It hurts too much to see them fight all the time, then my brother saw my expression, even when he feels weak he still try to comfort me. Did you know what he said when he saw me about to cry? He said that my A-Die is stricter to me because I am his son, and my father treated him lax because he was his friend's son. That no matter what my A-Die loves me more. And whoever talk behind our back he will punch them until they can't say anything bad again.

Did you know A-Huan that time he also promised me that if Gusu Lan sect have their twin jade, then Yunmeng Jiang Sect have their own Twin pride. When the time comes and I will be the leader he will be there to support me. He will be my right hand man like his father to my A-Die. Did you know how happy I was to hear that? How relieve I was to hear his promise of loyalty.

Then comes a day… it was a simple day, the disciples were having fun. We were having fun shooting kites. Then just because of one kite, it doesn't even resemble the sun and yet that bitch…… that bitch said we were shooting the sun and that it was a crime. That bitch who was born lowly acted like we are all beneath her. Did you know she insulted my A-Niang and asked for my brother to be punished? That my brother was whipped using Zidian and that was not enough for her, she wanted to cut my brother's hand. Did you know how scared I was back then? I thought my A-Niang will really cut his hands, did you know I was begging my mother to spare Wei Ying, that I was crying for my brother's sake.

Then comes the shocked when suddenly A-niang hit that bitch instead of my brother. It happened so fast, the core metling hand suddenly came and fight with my mother. Then I heard my brother shouted not to let that bitch run, but I was distracted because I heard them shouted my A-Niang's name. I just look for a while, then on that time that bitch already light the flare. It was all my fault, if only I stopped her from lighting that signal then maybe all the disciples that comes with my father will arrived on time.. Did you know? I was thinking that if I stopped her that time then maybe the end result will be different.
It happened so fast, one minute we were happy then everything crumbles. A-niang pulling us toward the lake. She tied us using Zidian, telling my brother to protect me and that we have to survive because we are the future of Yunmeng Jiang Sect. did you know how painful it was to see my mother running back toward our home while we are on the boat sailing away? I cried begging Zidian to listen to me, but my mother's order was too powerful. Then we saw my father and A-jie with some disciples, we told him about the problem at home but instead of untying us he left us three while we fly back to lotus pier.

We called for him crying begging him to take us with him but he did not listen. Did you know what my A-Die said back then? He said that he was proud of all of us, that he loves us too much and that we have to be firm for whatever happens. We begged him not to go but he only answer us that "his wife needs him" at that time I saw that my father is a husband. I never saw his serious face but at that time his attitude change, I saw for the first time that he was a husband to my A-Niang.

When we reached Mishan Yu Zidian finally released us. We left A-jie to our grandma while my brother and I sails back to lotus pier. But did you know? We arrived too late, we saw before us our parents corpse being humiliated. They died together holding hands. It was a terrible seen. I don't know what happen after that it was all blurred. One thing for sure my brother took me away, it was a great shock for me. We found A-jie but my mind was blank, sister fainted because of stress. Wei Ying talk to me that he will go out to look for medicine. At that time my mind think it's not safe and I wake up from my catatonic state. I left the Inn to look for my brother, I saw him in one of the stall buying something. The Wen already looking for us, they were there almost touching my brother but I can’t let them hurt him, for once I wanted to be the one to save him.. so I distracted them. I thought at that time it will be ok, they won't capture me.. I will be back with them.. but I was naïve. They captured me and I was brought before Wen Chao and that bitch. Did you know that they torture me? At that time I wish for it to end, I wish for death. They wanted me to beg, but I could not. I bite my lip really hard to prevent myself from shouting.. but at the end I ended calling for my parents. Did you know they laughed at me? And then Wen Zhuliu came and that monster orders him to melt my Golden core, I was scared. I begged him to kill me instead, I could not live without my core but they did not listen. One hit and it was all gone, they did not kill me… they wanted me to suffers.

At that time I hope for it to end, I wanted to die but again my brother saves me. He never lose hope, he begged Wen Qing to save me. Did you know what he did? He told me that he knows where the great Immortal Baoshan Sanren live, that everything will be alright.. my golden core will recover.. how gullible I was back then for believing him.

Then I recover and went down of the mountain to look for him but I never find even his shadows. Then the sunshot campaign happens, my brother came back different then I saw you again. But we were all different we have our own paths that we have to walk.

You know what happen after that, did you know what my biggest regret? I regretted not saving my brother, I was not able to help him when he need me most. That I was the reason why he died back then.

I know you heard about my sins, I committed unforgivable sins. I tortures other cultivator who were practicing demonic cultivation. I become a monster while on the other hand I heard about your great accomplishments. You shines brightly while me fell deeply in darkness. My only light is A-ling, I was really thankful for having him with me.

Then after 13 years Wei Ying came back with different body, then everything that I know was all a lie. It almost makes me crazy but I have to be tough for my nephew. He need me. After what happen in Guanyin temple, I heard you enter seclusion.
I was worried for you, but I have my own problems too but still even after all this years you still have a special place to my heart. So I tried to reach out to you even when I feel terrified that you may find it annoying. I write you letters at first telling you about the cultivation world. I wanted you to feel that you are not alone. Did you know how happy I was when you replied to my letter? How eager I was waiting for your next letter.

The letter that I was planning to send once every month becomes twice, then it becomes every week until finally it ended every after three days. We normally talked about the news in cultivation world until it changes to our everyday life. I write you letters about my ordinary days in lotus pier. I described how I see the world, and you told me that it makes you happy every time. So every letters I pour everything in writing them.
We talked about my problems with my brother, and you told me it's not too late to fix everything. So I tried because I don't want to have any regrets again. When you told me after a year of seclusion that you are ready to see the world again, did you know how ecstatic I was to know that I was the first person you told? And when you told me that the first place you want to visit is lotus pier, did you know how delighted I was? I even order my servants to make sure everything is perfect for you.

The days that I spend with you was heaven for me.. the night hunt that we always do together with our sect is the memories a treasures most. Did you know how handsome you are? How powerful you are and yet still humble and always ready to help those in need. You told me that I save you from yourself but did it ever occur to you that you also saves me from my own misery?

Every passing day I fall deeper and deeper in love with you, but I also know that you only see me as your friend. And when you asked me to be your sworn brother with an eager smile on your lovely face.. it hurts me but I can't bear to refuse you… so I agreed. Did you know that when I returned to lotus pier alone, inside my private quarter.. I cried secretly..

You needed a friend so I reach out to you, you wanted a sworn brother so I complied. But you never saw me as potential partner either in cultivation or as a lover. Did you know how painful it was to be by your side, to love you secretly, to see you every day and yet I still gladly accept it.

I was contented to be by your side as your sworn brother forever. Did you know that everyone knows about my feelings except you, I don't know if you really did notice about it or you just chose to ignore it. Did you know my brother ask me to let go, to forget about you but how could I do that? You are the air that I breath, you are my world. How could he ask impossible things for me.

Then one day when you visit me in lotus pier, we were having fun having a stroll and talking when suddenly you told me about meeting someone special. Did you know that your words feels like thousand knives piercing my heart. Did you know how heartbroken I was when you said that she was the one for you. I remember shouting at you about it, it was a blurred I told you that can't be. How can she be your destine one when you only met her not long ago.

You told me that she save your life during one of you night hunt, but what about me? I save you hundreds of times why am I not enough? Is it because I am not a woman? I remember that we argue about her every time we met. I told you about my suspicion about her and yet your ears are close. You never listen to me. You forget about the thing you promised me, you forget your own word about trusting me.

After that time we never see eye to eye again, my brother told me to stop that I was acting petty. It's not my decision whoever you end up loving even A-Ling told me that I’m being unreasonable... That even when I was being miserable it's not right to let others be like me. I should be happy that you my sworn brother already found his destined one.

One last time I tried to persuade you about your decision and yet we went up arguing and I accidentally hit your woman, I promised it was not my intension. And then we found out that she was pregnant and you were so mad at me.. you told me that if anything happen to both of them that you will never forgive me.

I was just trying to save you, that woman can't be trusted. I know that she was just using you but no ones want to listen to me. Even my own family, they told me to grow up and stop acting like a child. A-ling got angry with me for hurting them. I was so alone…

I Left Gusu and returned to my lotus pier, i stayed there waiting for any news from you but you never write any letters. Then one day A-ling came back bearing news about your wedding. You never told me, i have learmed it from my nephew. Then he told me i was not invited to your wedding. That night i break down, i told A-ling why am i not enough for you? I cried while he hugged me. I cried anguishly while he tried to comfort me. I told him how much i love you, how much it hurts to not have your love in return. How much it hurts that you can even feel safe with me anymore. My nephew cried with me, promising to stay by my side.

On the day of your wedding I was alone while all of you celebrated. I hated everything but i could never hate you. Did you know A-Huan that even when you did not invite me I still went to Your wedding under a disguised. I saw you kotow to heaven, to your parents and to each other. Did you know how does that feel? To see your love one marry another.. it was too much. The whole cultivation world celebrates it feels like the heaven amd earth have forsaken me. Haaahh of course my brother will always know me even under a disguise. Did you know he grabbed me away from the celebration, he told me to not do anything to your wedding. Haaaa even my brother did not trust me. How could he? I am a monster.

My brother told me that I loss my chance, so I have to accept it and move on. He saw me crying amd there he hugged me and cried with me, promising that this time he will stay. I wept to him, asking why not me? Why do am I the only one suffering. Did i do something wrong in my past life for the Deity to punish me like this? I loss consciouness, when i woke up i was already in back in lotus pier.

Days passed, then weeks then months, i heard that your wife gave birth to your son. I wrote you an congratulation letter and your only reply is thank you. Then comes the one month celebration of your child, I waited for your invitation but it never came. At this time my tears already dried, I wanted to cry but I feel numb already..

The next time I see you again was in the meeting in Gusu, I know you never want me to be near your family but you didn’t have any choice, every leader of the Sect must attend the annual meeting for the sake of the cultivation world. There I saw how happy you are, your smile is real and you look lighter... Not like before when I feel like you carry the burden of the world. I wanted to be happy for you... I really do... but I could not. I am really selfish.. can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for loving you?

Our path separated, i could not maintain it... the pain of not having you took every control I have. The pain of losing you push me to treat others harshly, even my family i pushed them away but they understand what i am going through, they patiently wait for me... they never pity me for being left alone.
On the day when A-ling finally took over as the leader of Lanling Jin sect, i was so proud of him. I allowed myself to have fun, i drink jar after jar of alcohol, i wanted to drown my sorrow away... i want to forget everything... i was too drunk that night that i could not remember anything. When i woke up A-ling is there with a pity on his face.. I don’t know what happen they never told me anything about it. But one thing for sure, after that people started to gossip behind my back, Gusu Lan Sect disciples started to hate me but they never show it directly. Lan Wangji treated me more cold, and my brother tried to protect me. You end up hating me more..

I wondered what happen that night... What did I do for you to hate me that much.. i tried to reach out but your only answer is that its better for us not to see each other. How could you say that to me.. did you know you are my life.. at that time everything change, my world lose the vibrant color that i have love.. i lose my light... my world turn grey but you did not know that.. you did not know because you never care A-Huan.
Then another problem knock on our door, unknown things started taking cultivators, there are lots of deaths but no one knows what killings them. I started to investigate on my own, i follow the clues left by the culprit. I asked for Nie Huasang help, he was really resourceful when he wanted too. He always act like he don’t know anything but the truth he knows.. he was highly inform about everyyhing in our world. With his help we got our clue, we did not have real evidence but it was enough for me to doubt the people around you.

I was terrified for you, I don’t want you to be hurt again so i tried to tell you everything even when Huaisang told me not to say anything. But how can I when your life is in danger. I told you everything but instead of believing me it was the opposite. You were angry at me for accussing your wife’s family. You told me to stop whatever I’m doing.. i tried everything to persuade you, but your mind is closed. At that time you told me that we were over, that you don’t want to see me again.. that i am not your friend anymore. I was so heartbroken when i heard you say “leave you are not welcome here” everything went blank.. Zidian acted on Its own.. but i swear A-Huan it was not my intension to hurt you. But i was so hurt and Zidian only acted because it wants to protect me.

We end up fighting but i could never win over you. The fight ended with Shouyue on my neck, your eyes full of hatred. I heard my brother begging you not to kill me. A-Ling voice calling me. At that time A-Huan i thought you will really kill me.. i thought if that’s what you really want then go ahead kill me.. I don’t know what happen, Huaisang came and together with Wei Ying they begged you to let Me go. You let me go.. you let me live... at that time i thought A-Huan you are really cruel. It’s better if you just kill me that time.. you told me not to show my face to you again, how could you say that to me.. Didn’t you know that you are my life? How can you take away the only reason why I’m still fighting in this world..

After that we never saw each other again, but did you know every day i pray to any Deity listening to take all your hatred.. to let me see you again... but when did they ever listen to me? I pursue the clues and little by little we were able to uncover the truth. I told Wei Ying about our findings, he was hesitant about it. He thought i was just doing it because i hate your wife. It was unbelievable my own brother doesn’t believe me.

Did you know i shouted at him telling him to leave and never come back. After that time i was a changed person, i got mad easily. People around me begins to fear me.. One by one my disciples started to leave. A-Ling came begging me to stop and go back to his old Uncle.. but how could i ever return? I was too far gone. Even my Qi started to be unbalance. I told A-Ling i don’t care if they wanted to Leave then leave. No one need them here. I told by dear nephew to leave and never come back. I saw him cry but what can he do? I activated Zidian and almost whip him. He left, the people i care one by one leave me. Only few people remains.

I did not stop, i wanted to prove to each and everyone of you that the woman who you thought a kind lady was actually a demoness in disguise. I need to prove to all of you that i am right. So when Huaisang inform me about this place i went here. I was planning to leave alone but the few remaining disciples who believes in me wanted to join me.

On the night before we will set out i wrote you, A-Ling and Wei Ying a letter. Each letter contain the same thing. I apologise to each of you, and i write in the letter about the information we have, the place where they hide their gruesome activity. I sent you A-Huan the evidence. I did not wait for your replies, after that night we fly toward that place.

When we arrived here, it was quiet. This mountain doesn’t feel any demonic energy, it was even the opposite. This place feels even feels sacred, we walked toward the mountain everything was fine. I even thought that maybe Huaisang makes a mistakes, but you know me I was stubborn. When we could not find anything I ordered them to set some camp and wait for the night to come. Before the sun set A-ling arrived together with some of his disciples. He argue with me, but I did not listen. I told him to go if he didn’t believe me but he stayed. No matter how badly I treated him, he still loves me unconditionally.
At night we started to move again, when we reach the clearing that was when everything went wrong. It was a trapped, and I put everyone’s life in danger. I ordered my disciples and A-Ling to run away. Everything happend so fast, there were lots of fierce corpse and even monster we never encounter before. Did you know how scared I was for them? A-ling did not want to leave but I put him under spell while I ordered A-Mei and Ming Xia to take him away. Did you know they did not want to leave me alone? But what can they do? It was my order. Did you know for the first time since forever A-Mie loss her smile amd Ming Xia cried. I wanted to laugh at them, so I did. I told them to take care of A-Ling for me. They both nodded and ask me to come back. I could not reply to them, I turn around and run toward the horde of fierce corpse and unidentified monster. I fought alone, I can’t fall back, I have people to protect.

While fighting I saw many flare lightning the sky, maybe A-Mei trying to send signal but who will come and save us. I have to make sure everyone will be safe. I feel like i was fighting for thousand years, the corpses are powerful i never encounter corpse like this. I knew before it happen that i will not be able to survive this.

Even at a time like this my mind still drift toward you, what are you doing right now? Where are you? Are you coming? Do you even care?

You should be proud of me A-Huan i fought them alone and i was the victor. I feel like my spiritual energy starting to slip away.

One thing i learned in this life... no matter how much you care... no matter how much you love someone it is not enough... did you know that A-Huan??

A-Huan i can hear you... is that really you? I feel someone lift me up, i feel someone try to pass spiritual energy to me. I feel someone ipen my robe to check the wounds in my stomach. I heared someone choke Sobbing. I heard you calling my name again and again, begging me not to leave. But A-Huan why would i ever leave you? I feel water continuously drop to my face, i thought it was raining.i did not know.. i could not see well.

“Wanyin... stay with me.. help... is on the way...” you were crying
I don’t want to hear you cry, i tried so hard to push the darkness away. Finally when my vision return, i saw you holding me. You are crying while passing spiritual energy. But it’s useless. We both know that this is it. I wanted to wipe your tears, so using my remaining energy slowly i reach toward you face,i tried to wipe your tears, you hold my hands firmly. Instead of drying ypur tears, it flows even faster. I could not hear what you are saying. The noises were so loud. And then i heard someone calls my name

“A-Niang........ A-Die........A-Jie........Jin... Zixuan” i turned my head there i saw them standing not faraway from me.
A-Niang is smiling calling me, telling me that its ok.. that its time..
A-Huan look toward the place i was staring, he told me no one’s there
“They.... ca...lling...me” i told him with difficulty
“No don’t listen to them.. stay here.. please stay... i beg you. Don’t leave”
“A-Jie...ok....”

A-jie wants me to join them, who am I to refused my beloved sister. I am so tired, A-Niang said its ok to rest now. So i let myself to relax. A-Die told me that the fight is over. Even Jin Zixuan is smiling softly at him, telling me i’ve done well so now its time to let go.

My eyes started to close, vision started to disappear. But there is one question i wanted to ask A-Huan. So with my remaining energy i asked him

“A-Huan... are... you... happy....?”
“Noooooo don’t leave..... you cant go with them!” He cried
Liebing and shouyue activated, acting like a shield covering both Of them but still the man lying on the ground His spirit already left the living world. The man in white cried heartbreakingly, he tried to shake the other man but it was useless. He hugged the purple robe man tightly, did not care that his white robe beginning to turn red. He begged him to return, to stopped this joke at once. He cried louder and louder until his voice become hoarse.

When the people arrived, the scene before them was so heartbreaking. There in the middle of the clearing surrounded by corpses the esteem Zewu-Jun sitting while holding the body of Sandu Shengshou. There’s a protective barrier before them. Zewu-Jun was a mess, he was whispering to the other Sect leader calling his name again and again but they can’t feel any spiritual energy coming to the other one.. so they know that it was already too late. They tried to approach them but the barried reacted they were push back.

JIn Ling arrived to the scene, he cried for his Uncle, he run toward them but the barried push him back. It did not stop him from approaching them, he continue to cried for his Uncle. When Wei Wuxian arrived to the scene, you can hear the heartbreaking cries of the Yiling Patriach. His eyes turn red, demonic energy floating around him, Hanguang-Jun tried to comfort his husband, but the Yiling Patriach was furious. The people who they were able to arrest were attack by the demonic energy, everyone was so scared and could not move.
Lan Wangji tried to stop him, but Wei Wuxian only said they deserve to die. Then suddenly They felt a burst of spiritual energy coming from the direction of Zewu-Jun. They saw Zewu-jun put down the body of Sandu Shengshou, criminals released a relieve sigh, they thought they were safe, that no matter what Zewu-Jun still kind enough to not let the Yiling Patriach to kill them.

In a blink of the eye the leader of the group, Zewu-jun father in law have a sword piercing through his throat. Shouyue glare spiritual energy, it was so bright. Everyone was shocked, Zewu-Jun was going to kill another one when Lan Wangji blocked his sword.

“Get out of the way didi” the man before them look like a Deity ready to punish the sinner.
“No..” Hanguang-Jun replied expressionless
“You don’t know anything. You don’t know what i feel so stop saying that you understand!”

Zewu-Jun attack again and Lan Wangji tried to block him. Zewu-Jun power was overwhelming, he really deserve the title as the number one cultivator. This is the first time they ever saw Zewu-Jun like this, but can they blame him? He loss someone important...

While Zewu-Jun was fighting his brother, the Yiling Patriach started to play his flute. The sound of it was so fierce, the corpse started to move, they only attack the criminals. The young Sect leader Jin continue to cry outside the barrier, even only Liebing the barrier still unbreakable.

“They must die! They took away my source of light!” Zewu-Jun shouted at his brother
“If you continue to be on my way didi, then you leave me no choice”
Shouyue glare brightly, the sword reacting to his master’s emotion.
“Get out of the way A-Zhan!” Wei Wuxian ordered firmly

Before Lan Zhan can reply, the demonic energy flooded them, the energy is different from before... Wei Ying is truely angry, combine with Zewu-Jun even the great bearer of light Hanguang-Jun can’t do anything.

“A-Xian gege! Please stop.. this is not what Sect Leader Jiang wants” Lan Sizhui shouted beside his adopted father
“What do you know about what he wanted! He’s dead.. the only remaining family I have was gone! My twin pride is dead, why do they have to live?” Glaring angrily to his son, the Yiling Patriach is beyond reasoning
“If anything happen to both of you, what will happen to Jin Ling? We all know that Sect leader Jiang will only want what’s good for Jin Ling. Both you and Zewu-Jun are the only people he trusted for Jin Ling safety. How can ypu protect Jin Ling if all of you are gone!”
“People are still scared of you A-Xian gege, the people trust Zewu-Jun. If even the Sect leader Lan loSe his self then the cultivation world will colapse. Do you think Sect Leader Jiang will want that? He sacrificed his life for us!”
“Please Uncle... A-Xian gege....”

The young disciple Lan Sizhui begged his other father and Uncle, tears started to fall, he can understand their sufferings but he knows this is not what Sect Leader Jiang wanted. Finally both Zewu-Jun and Wei Wuxian Loss their murdering aura they both look toward the young sect leader of lanling jin sect. He look pitiful crying for his Uncle. When the barrier breaks, Jin ling run toward his Uncle and hugged him so tight.

The young Sect leader cried for his Uncle, Wei Wuxian walk toward them. He wrapped his arms to Jin Ling, both of them weeping. When Zewu-Jun kneeled in front of Jin ling the teen push him away.

“Don’t touch my Uncle! You have no rights! You are the reason why my Uncle is dead! You took him away. You took away the only family I have!”

Zewu-Jun did not replied, he just continue to sobbed trying to reach for the dead body of Sandu Shengshou. The young leader did not allow him to get nearer. He was so angry to the other man, he carry his Uncle and walk away. Zewu-Jun tried to follow him but Wei Wuxian stopped him

“It’s better if you don’t follow. Right now Jin Ling is unstable, he believe you are the reason why Jiang Cheng lose his life”
They watched the Yiling Patriach follow his nephew, Hanguan-Jun stay with his brother. The two ypunger disciples of Gusu Lan Sect follows their friend. Zewu-Jun was left standing at the clearing.

On the day of the burial of the great Leader of Yunmeng Jiang Sect, people from different sect attended the ceremony. The weather is gloomy, it continue to rain since the esteem leader died, its like the sky itself is crying for the loss of a great leader of all time. The whole Yunmeng mourn, but outside the gate of lotus pier a person in white robes kneeled, head touching the ground. On the burial of Jian Wanyin, the esteem Zewu-Jun kneeled for days begging the nephew of the late Sect leader Jiang to allow him to attend the ceremony but the young leader won’t budge even when Wei Wuxian talk to him, even when his two friends begged him to allow Zewu-Jun to say his farewell his dicision did not change.

According to some people who witness this it was really heartbreaking to see Zewu-Jun like this, he was denied to see his friend for a last time. Before the ceremony ended, Wei Wuxian arrived in front of the gate.

“My brother... did you know that he really loved you. How heart broken he was the whole time he was at your side. You never notice how much he cared and loved you. You let him stayed at your side, showing affection and yet at the end you took everything away. You throw him when you don’t need him anymore but he never stopped loving you. He was a fool for not letting go until the end.. now do you think you still have the right to see him?”

Lan Xichen tears keep on falling. He knew he didn’t have the right to see him, but he wanted to for the last time.

“I can’t change Jin Ling’s mind, but I can do something for my brother. Don’t get me wrong I AM NOT doing this for you. I am doing this for Jiang Cheng, I knew he want you to have this”
Wei Wuxian give him a small rectangular wooden box, Zewu-Jun sit up and with a shaking hands reach for the box. He opened it, inside there was a bell he knows well. He took the nine petals lotus bell, hug it toward his chest and wept louder.

“Leave, bring it with you. If Jin Ling find out that the bell is missing then he will come here and take it away. He firmly believe that you don’t deserve anything, I can’t give you Zidian and Sandu that’s belong to Jin Ling. This bell is the only thing I can give you. You can feel it right?”

Zewu-jun nodded, yes he can feel it. Inside this tiny bell rest a part of Jiang Cheng soul.
“Thank you... I will take care of it...” Zewu-Jun kotow again, the Yiling Patriach turn to return to the ceremony.
“You did not deserved his loved....”
Zewu-jun knows he didn’t. It was all too late A-cheng was gone forever. You really don’t know what you have until you lose it...