The first time it happens, it’s an unfortunate accident.
Chanyeol is too embarrassed to even talk about it and he’s not in any hurry to read all the articles that’ll no doubt be published. A very scary possibility flickers through his mind, an article titled something like Loey gets “cocky” on stage and he grimaces, face flushing and stomach lurching uncomfortably.
Jongdae is the one that comforts him, tells him that it’s okay and that these things happen. Baekhyun doesn’t. He just laughs at him all throughout the car ride back home and teases him non-stop about how he’s such a “ virgin ” and how lame it is that “ fingering a guitar ” gets him horny. Chanyeol growls at the frontman, smacks him on the arm and proceeds to defend himself because no he’s not a virgin and no he wasn’t horny (he didn’t even realize that he’d popped a boner – while they were up on stage, performing in front of a crowd – until they were almost done with their set) but Baekhyun is well, Baekhyun , and he’s an annoying prick so he doesn’t listen and keeps teasing him like a five-year-old, as opposed to the adults that they actually are.
Yixing is the only one that seems sympathetic and is the one that tells Chanyeol that it’s normal for these things to happen to performers because of the adrenaline rush and the excitement that comes from being up on stage.
Chanyeol is somewhat comforted but no less embarrassed.
Although that doesn’t really stop him from going onto Naver the next day and typing his name into the search bar. All he sees, like he knew he would, are articles either talking about his slip-up or alluding to it in some way. It’s mortifying to say the least but at least none of them say anything inappropriate about him or call him a pervert; all they talk about is the… size … of his bulge and, well, Chanyeol’s just like any other dude in the sense that his ego is directly related to the size of his dick. Kind of.
Is he proud about his junk giving the audience a standing ovation ? No, definitely not. Is he proud of the fact that people can’t seem to stop talking about his bulge and keep fixating over the apparent size of his dick? …Maybe a little.
(It’s flattering , okay? Don’t judge him.)
The second time it happens is an accident as well but that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Chanyeol spends the entirety of the car ride back to the hotel banging his head against the headrest and garnering worried looks from his manager and the other members. Even Baekhyun looks worried and he doesn’t tease Chanyeol like he normally would. Not much anyways.
Chanyeol still goes onto the internet the next day though, after much deliberation, and is still mortified (mostly) but also pleased (to a lesser degree) to see people fawning over the size of his dick yet again.
( It’s not like he’s a creep or anything! It’s just flattering to know that people assume he has a big dick. Which he does, of course, so it’s not really an assumption at all.)
The third, fourth and fifth times are all accidents as well but that doesn't stop Chanyeol from panicking over the fact that they could be something bigger at play here (except his dick of course because that’s already big . Heh.)
It’s worrying enough to warrant a visit to the doctor. Especially after Baekhyun – it’s always him damn , Chanyeol really wonders how and why they’re best friends – puts it in his head that he’s got erectile dysfunction. That is not something that Chanyeol wants. Like ever . Erect or not, he’d like his penis fully functional, thank you very much .
The doctor’s visit itself is probably the most awkward moment of his life and this is coming from a person that’s walked in on his best friend getting fucked six ways from Sunday by his own manager. Ugh . Chanyeol swears that he’ll never forget that traumatizing event and he will never ever get over the fact that Baekhyun calls Junmyeon “ daddy ”. The man is barely 5’8 on a good day – without all the insoles and shit – so how the fuck is he even “ daddy ”?
Chanyeol visits the doctor by himself because he doesn’t want it to seem like he needs someone there to hold his hand – especially when he’s there to talk about his dick – because he figures that he needs to face this like a man. And face he does.
The first few questions are inconspicuous enough and Chanyeol answers them with a straight face.
“Any previous medical history, Mr. Park?”
“Any injuries that you may have previously had?”
Chanyeol spends a while thinking about the one time where his sister kicked him in the nuts because he ripped apart her favourite stuffed toy. He couldn’t sit straight for a week after that.
“…none that I can remember, no.”
He doesn’t think that’s the cause of this anyways (not to mention that it’s humiliating to say that he got karate kicked in the balls by his sister and then cried like a little bitch for hours ).
The next few questions, however, are serious business and Chanyeol finds himself blushing furiously as he answers them, trying his best to avoid eye contact with the doctor.
“Has this ever happened before?”
“A few times but only recently, I’ve, uh, never had problems before.”
“How often do you have sexual intercourse, Mr. Park?”
“Okay and how often are we talking about exactly?”
“Uh…like. Every few months. I just- we’re touring the country at the moment so I don’t really have a lot of time to…intercourse. Yeah. So...”
He sees the doctor scribble something on his notepad, wonders if it reads something like “ Haha. Loser can’t even get laid! ”. He hopes not. Are doctors even allowed to mock their patients?
It only gets worse after that.
“Do you have trouble getting erect, Mr. Park?”
That’s the problem, isn’t it? He’s here because he gets hard for no damn reason while he’s performing on stage!
“Do you have trouble keeping an erection during sex, Mr. Park?”
“I’m sorry, what ?”
“Has there ever been an instance where your erection has wilted while you were in the midst of intercourse?”
“Oh. Um, no. Definitely not.”
Thankfully after that the questions stop. All Chanyeol is asked to do is pee in a cup and then he plays games on his phone to distract himself while he waits for his results.
Turns out, it’s not erectile dysfunction. Or any kind of dysfunction really. His dick is perfectly functional and he’s also perfectly healthy. All his doctor tells him is that as a performer, it’s normal for him to experience such things as it’s his body’s way of reacting to the adrenaline and all the excitement (which is pretty much the exact same thing that Yixing told him the very first time it happened).
Chanyeol is relieved by the news but that relief turns into embarrassment soon enough when his doctor tells him – in so many words – that he needs to get laid as all that pent up sexual energy was probably playing a major role in his unwanted erections as well.
Chanyeol refuses to comment on that so he simply thanks the man and leaves, walking out of the clinic with a pep in his step.
But it’s only later that Chanyeol realises that all he got was a diagnosis and not a cure and that starts another downward spiral for him.
See the problem with Chanyeol is that he’s not one for casual sex (so he’s something of a romantic, sue him ). Sure, he does hook up with people on occasion but those occasions are few and far between and happen when he’s not being a shut in and actually goes out with the rest of the group to party.
The difference now, however, is that he needs to get laid – no wait, not needs to but should. Yeah. He probably should get laid if he wants to avoid another mishap or at least lower the chances of it happening again. But he also feels like a predator when Baekhyun suggests that they go clubbing just so that he can pick up someone to bring back home with him for the night.
Even still, they try it once but Chanyeol simply spends the night sitting at the bar, turning down every person that wants to “keep him company” because he doesn’t feel like any of them are his type. In the end he just gets hammered and then Junmyeon drives both him and an equally drunk Baekhyun back to their hotel. The night is a failure for him but at least Baekhyun ends his night on a high (not that Chanyeol asks him about it or anything of course, it’s just that the hotel they were staying in had thin walls and Baekhyun’s room was right next to his).
Chanyeol decides that he’s never forcing himself to do that again.
The next option – one that doesn’t involve Chanyeol going to night clubs solely to pick up people to have a quick fuck with – is a simple one where Chanyeol decides to take matters into his own hands. Quite literally.
It’s not like Chanyeol doesn’t jack off because he does – as much as any normal twenty-six-year-old dude would anyways – but it’s been a little awkward for him recently. Since they’ve been on tour for the past six months and have to share rooms most of the time, Chanyeol finds that he can’t lay back in bed after a long day and jerk himself off nice and slow because Jongdae likes to stay up late watching shitty movies on the TV in their room. He also can’t take too long in the shower in the mornings or else Jongdae stands outside and pounds on the door continuously until Chanyeol gives in and gets out of the shower (he does make sure to glare Jongdae down though, not like he cares of course).
But still, for the sake of his own sanity and to save himself from further embarrassment, Chanyeol decides that he has to put in some effort (Let it never be said that Chanyeol isn’t health conscious).
It’s difficult, trying to be discreet as he rubs one out in their dressing room when no one else is around or trying to convince Jongdae not to come back to their shared room for a while (there’s only so many times Chanyeol can use Yixing’s workaholic nature to his advantage) but Chanyeol manages. Somewhat. And surprisingly enough, it works. Somewhat .
The following month they spend touring the south of the country, Chanyeol has no accidents at all.
In fact, during the first show in Busan (first show after his visit to the doctor), Chanyeol is so worried about having an accident that he spends almost the entire set with his back turned towards the audience, jamming out as best as he can as he tries to ignore at the weird looks Yixing shoots him from time to time. Turns out, he needn’t have worried; despite jumping around on stage like a mad man and “fingering his guitar” he has no slip-ups at all. None. Nada. Zilch . Even the others - mainly Baekhyun, that jerk - are as surprised as Chanyeol is about this. It’s so freeing to not have to worry about accidentally giving the audience an eyeful, and Chanyeol is so relieved that he celebrates his newfound freedom by going out and getting drunk (he nearly manages to score a hook up as well but Junmyeon - that cockblocker - manges to put an end to that for Chanyeol’s own safety because he’s way too drunk to be making any sort of rational decisions).
The next few shows are all the same; Chanyeol just has to remember to wank off before hitting the stage and he’s set. No unwanted problems whatsoever.
Everything is so so perfect until Junmyeon goes and fires one of their techies and hires a new one without consulting any of them first (well he doesn’t actually need to consult them before making decisions that are rightfully his to make since he’s their manager but Chanyeol would’ve liked a little heads up is all). Suddenly, it’s like Chanyeol’s dick is the only head of his that’s doing any kind of thinking and all of this is their new sound tech’s fault.
Kyungsoo - as he’s introduced to them - is the most beautiful person Chanyeol’s ever laid eyes on (and no he is not exaggerating); he’s got these innocent doe eyes that look even bigger behind his black framed glasses, soft round features and perfect plump lips that Chanyeol spends a little too long staring at. Kyungsoo’s also really fucking small and compact, even compared to Baekhyun and Jongdae (and those two aren’t the biggest people to begin with) and has a tendency to sort of blank out at times and glare at people for no apparent reason (which Chanyeol later learns is because he has astigmatism so all is good) but by God , he’s absolutely gorgeous .
And that turns out to be a problem for Chanyeol - a very big problem - because Kyungsoo is exactly his type .
It’s not just the way he looks - even though that is what initially attracts Chanyeol because no one falls in love with a person’s personality at first sight, obviously - but the way he acts and the way he carries himself as well. Kyungsoo is meticulous where his job is concerned but he’s also pretty laid back, if not a little shy, and unexpectedly funny (like actually funny , not the Junmyeon type of funny where he cracks dad jokes that only he laughs at). And he also keeps Baekhyun in check so that’s probably another reason why Chanyeol is so… attracted to him. It’s also the way Kyungsoo talks, voice soft and breathy yet somehow still strong enough to command attention. It’s the way he walks, cute stubby legs barely enough to keep up with Chanyeol’s longer stride as they run about on stage trying to set everything up before a show. It’s just… Chanyeol could go on for hours and hours about how much he likes Kyungsoo and why, he could write songs about him - for him (maybe he already did but that’s no one’s business but his own) and could spend the entire day staring at him and not consider it a waste but that’s not the problem. No.
The problem is that his new-found attraction towards Kyungsoo gives rise to other issues. Quite literally.
It’s like suddenly, after going almost two months without popping a boner on stage, his dick doesn’t know how to behave anymore. Chanyeol could jerk of as many times as he liked but he’d still end up with a very obvious tent in his pants and have to bear the humiliation (and discomfort) of having to perform with a boner.
And all of this was no one’s fault but Kyungsoo’s (it was mostly Chanyeol’s own fault for apparently having never grown out of his “horny teenager” phase but, well).
It’s like no matter how much Chanyeol tried to avoid looking at Kyungsoo while he was performing, the other man would always coincidentally end up somewhere in Chanyeol’s line of sight. It was hell for Chanyeol to perform on stage with a raging boner, especially in front of the guy he was having said raging boners for. It was doubly embarrassing when he had to face Kyungsoo after every show. No matter how many times Chanyeol had rushed off the stage before the others just so that he could nip off to the bathroom (or any empty room really, desperate times and all that) Kyungsoo always seemed to cut off his escape. He’d bound up to Chanyeol and praise him for putting on another great performance with twinkling eyes and a pretty heart shaped smile, all while Chanyeol had to awkwardly hold his guitar in front of him to avoid getting socked in the jaw.
Sometimes Chanyeol wondered if Kyungsoo knew about his problem and was doing it on purpose just so that he could see him suffer but Kyungsoo always looked as serious as he did while on the job so Chanyeol figured it was probably just fate being a cruel bitch to him (wouldn’t be the first time anyways).
Except it wasn’t just his shitty luck; much to Chanyeol’s horror, Kyungsoo actually knew what was going on and apparently, like the rest of Chanyeol’s friends, took pleasure in watching him be miserable. There was absolutely no other explanation for it. After Baekhyun had teased Chanyeol for the nth time about his “condition”, in front of Kyungsoo no less, Chanyeol had expected Kyungsoo to yell at him, maybe call him a pervert or something equally bad and threaten to stop talking to him (so Chanyeol was dramatic, big deal) but he’d been thrown for a loop when Kyungsoo had just smirked at him instead, tongue darting out to lick over his plump bottom lip in a way that was definitely not innocent at all.
Still, Chanyeol had been too mortified to approach him after that but Kyungsoo seemed to have no such qualms. He just walked up to Chanyeol once their final soundchecks were done and looked up at him with an easy smile.
“You keep giving the audience an eyeful but that’s okay,” he’d said, cool and calm as if he was talking about some mundane shit like the weather, seemingly taking pleasure in the way Chanyeol suddenly fumbled to excuse himself for well… his dick misbehaving. “It’s not like I mind though. I kinda like the view anyways.”
Chanyeol had ended up choking on his own spit, eyes nearly bugging out of their sockets as he hacked and wheezed, Kyungsoo patting his back gently as he tried to calm him down.
Kyungsoo’s little reveal and his bold words had come as a major shock to Chanyeol especially since he’d always assumed that Kyungsoo was pure and - not to seem rude but - a little bit of a prude. But boy oh boy, had he been wrong.
And after that, it’s like Chanyeol couldn’t stop noticing the way Kyungsoo seemed to be a little more hands on (not anywhere to where Chanyeol wanted his hands to be though) while they’d set up for a show. Or the way he never strayed from Chanyeol’s field of vision when he was on stage, often sending the other techs to check on things if needed. Or the way he would uncap a bottle of water and hold it up to his mouth without actually drinking from it, just holding it close enough to his lips and letting his tongue dart along the rim even as he kept his eyes fixed on Chanyeol (the first time Chanyeol had noticed this he’d tripped over a few stray cables and had nearly fallen off the stage, blood rushing to his dick so fast that he started to feel a little lightheaded). If Baekhyun was bad with his mockery and his jokes, than Kyungsoo was a menace with his constant teasing and suggestive stares and lingering touches. It’s like he loved to rile Chanyeol up before their shows just so that he could watch him suffer.
In conclusion, Kyungsoo actually being aware of Chanyeol’s slip ups was a thousand times worse than him not knowing (or when Chanyeol assumed that he didn’t know). There was literally nothing that Chanyeol could do anymore to help himself. Nothing worked ! It’s like his dick had a pavlovian response to seeing Kyungsoo; every time Chanyeol was up on stage putting on a performance for his fans, his dick wanted to put on a special performance for Kyungsoo. Which certainly wasn’t cool, considering the circumstances.
He’d considered ignoring Kyungsoo for a while but that hadn’t worked since Kyungsoo seemed to find him no matter where he went (touring together certainly made it easier for Kyungsoo). Chanyeol had considered hooking up with someone as well, in the hopes that he’d get over Kyungsoo but turns out that his dick (and his heart damn it !) were pretty loyal to Kyungsoo at this point. He’d tried just about anything he could think of until he ran out of ideas. Even simply jacking off before shows wasn’t doing it for him anymore because Kyungsoo seemed to love sucking on his bottle of water like he was sucking dick, lips red and shiny, eyes lidded and cheeks hollowed. Chanyeol was close to losing his mind or just chopping his dick off before he was dubbed as the “boner guy” by fans and foe alike until, unsurprisingly, Kyungsoo approached him one day after a show when Chanyeol was still sweaty and breathless and very hard in his jeans.
“Good show,” he’d said, biting on his lip as he tried hard not to smile. “But you seem to have a problem, Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol had wanted to scream, maybe catch Kyungsoo by his narrow shoulders and shake him and tell him that this was his damn fault anyways but all he’d managed was a garbled sort of noise like a dying whale. And Kyungsoo had laughed at him, eyes crinkling and plump lips stretching wide.
“I can help with that if you’d like,” he’d told Chanyeol, smile turning a little sly, a little suggestive, before stalking off towards their dressing rooms, hips swaying obscenely (it was on purpose, that Chanyeol was sure of). Chanyeol had spent about five seconds staring after Kyungsoo blankly, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, brain short-circuiting at the sudden unexpected offer. He’d only moved when Kyungsoo had turned around and beckoned him over, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek as if to give Chanyeol a little hint for what was in store for him.
Well then . Who was Chanyeol to turn down such a generous offer.