For you, my dearest
We were oh so very young when I first met the love of my life. I remember it as a cold winters evening but not once snow had fallen nor were the grounds sheets of white. It was dark and wet. Unpleasant and slushy.
The kind of weather no one can possibly enjoy, but frankly now, I seem to praise seeing the outside covered in melted ice. All it does is remind me of that fateful encounter.
Everyone at that school saw something odd inside me, I didn't know what they meant. I just simply tired my hardest in pushing them out my mind-set. She was a pretty new pupil, so naturally I hadn't spoken or really even seen much of her.
I suppose it was better off me not knowing of her, in a way it made our first encounter so much more memorable.
Since almost every student attending that school has something against me, it was quite common for me be bullied or messed with. I mean, I had gotten used to it and found a way to cope but apparently not this time. Always such- petty reasons, one if my favourites was that everyone at one point thought I stuffed my bra because my breasts were bigger than most of the other girls in the school... to which I then just ended up being called a slag or a slut, for nothing more than how my body looked. Or especially the fact I came from a wealthy family, people would ridicule and torment me day after day. They’d called me “over privileged” and wish for my death. One time a pair of girls had even found a way to tie me up, cutting at and clipping away bits of my hair. They would have gotten rid of it all if the teacher hadnt walked in.
I can't remember what they looked like or who they were but I knew there were two people, two older students. It was a little after school nearer the exit but not near enough. They'd locked me in the supply closet. I remember it wasn't that bad at first, but once they'd realised I wasn't making any sounds of horror they went and tried to up their torment.
I don’t really know what it was they decided to do, but I had some ideas.
I could smell it before they even opened the container it was in. I suppose I had been in positions like this before, but at the time it must have shaken me much more than normal. The claustrophobia of the small closet mixed with a terrifyingly toxic smell nearing me.
I heard them open the lid, but I didn't smell anything new, nor did I see anything being poured under the door. A split second flew by before I heard something hit franticly against the door, then the same thing again with the same groans of pain each time. The faint outline of a voice could be heard over their pained shouts.
"Who do you think you are?"
That was the first thing I ever heard her say. I knew it wasn't either of the other twos voices as hers was more soft and inviting. Her velvety and smooth voice sent a wave of emotions to flow over me before I'd even seen her. The two who'd put me there before had told me over and over if I spoke or shouted for help they'd find some way of hurting me more. But at that point I didn't know if that person outside even knew I was in there. So without any hesitation I used all the strength left in me to speak out loud to her, to reach her.
It came out as a small scream at its best, but she still heard me. She asked me over and over if I was okay, but my throat wouldn't do what I told it to. After a few loud hits once more on the door it finally caved in and revealed the owner of the velvet voice.
I looked up and lost any form of word inside me. The girl before me was nothing like I'd ever seen in my entire life. She had silky looking brown hair, and glaringly beautiful bluish-grey eyes. The way the smaller ends of hair beside her face curled softly across her cheeks and the little flare of her nose as she breathed made my face burn a shameful flush. She also wore a small pink clip on the left side of her face, which complemented her face so oddl well.
"Are you okay?" She spoke smoothly and softly, as if dealing with something overly delict. She slowly offered me her hand in attempt to pull me off the floor. I gladly took it but lost all the strength in my lower half and fell directly atop her.
HEr body was soft and warm. No matter how odd I must have looked, I gave in to the immediate attraction I had for this girl and rested my head on her chest. Letting myself pass out on something more than a cold floor.
Now when I awoke I wasn't in that damned school anymore. I was on a soft bed, delicately wrapped in the covers. I let my eyes wander to the girl that was in front of me, she jumped when she saw my eyes open but never the less she let a smile grace his beautiful face.
"How are you feeling?" I replied with a small 'I'm fine' and just let my eyes rest on her perfect face. Once I'd gotten out the bed we shared a few conversations. She seemed to be a lovely person, along with her brilliant looks. I didn't think I could ever fall for someone so hard. But there I was.
Love was such an odd idea for me. With how I lived I didn't think I'd ever remotely like someone, nevermind fall in love with them. But really, Maybe I shouldn't have fallen for someone. I really didn't know how to deal with anything that came with love. And had no one to help me understand.
We both became very close friends, which I was happy enough with myself. Since the day I met her she told me something about her parents never being home and the fact she hadn't had a proper meal for years. So I decided I wanted to do something for her around that time.
I had a key made identical to hers so I could enter her house when I pleased, so every morning I'd come in early as possible and make her breakfast. Without her knowing of course. Then after I'd go to her room and watch her sleep. Her sleeping face was one of the prettiest faces she made, her eyes effortlessly closed. And her long eyelashes that would slightly bat when I'd trail my hand across her face her skin was like porcelain, it was so smooth.
She never realised who it was always making his food in the morning. But she didn't think much of it, which really was a silly idea but made my life easier.
Her name was Misaki Okusawa, A name that sat in the back of my mind constantly. Not once would I not be thinking about her. She was always clouded in my thoughts.
Condensation would smear around my Vision, covering the cold window in white and clear my view of her. Id slowly wipe my finger against the water vapour and let a small smile grace my face along with a flush. The same easy to pick at lock never changed, it sat at the window as if asking for me to disregard it. I'd done the same thing over and over that climbing through the window was easier than just using the key I had. Just seeing her sleep made my whole body heat up. Id never do anything, not when I was near her. I felt as if that was too shameful. But she was all i could think of during those quite nights were the curtains were drawn and the room was silent. When I was left safely alone.
She was all i could think about, once my fingers started to travel across my body.
She was the only thing I could think of.
The closer we became the more I grew attached to her, then more I'd find ways to stay around her, The more I clung onto her. She seemed blissfully unaware of anything I did. Anything strange that I might do, she never knew and would never find out. That was until...
She told me he had fallen for a man, some strong hansom looking man, one that proved that all my chances were as good as lost. It also brought me to fear in that she was probably repulsed by the idea that another girl may love her. That was when my world began to rupture. I was so happy being the closest person to her, I was so happy being able to be around her day in day out. I was so happy that he was happy with that too. But then he came in. And that's when I realised she was growing up. She was falling for boys, we wanted to things with them. And not me.
The first boyfriend she got was probably the nicest one out of the handful she dated. But by no means did I like him. he brought a new feeling into my heart, rage.
She started to hang around him more, she wanted to be with him more. She didn't forget about me, she just didn't seem interested in being around me 24/7 anymore. And that brought so much pain into my heart that I didn’t know how to process it.
It started feeling much more wrong sneaking in her house and watching her sleep than before. As I slowly became littler and littler in her life, the more of my sanity dropped. There was obviously only one thing I could do at that point.
And that was to kill him.
Seeing anyone else with Misaki was almost sickening to see. Id gotten to the point where my mind couldn't deal with it anymore. I had to make him leave her life as fast as he entered it.
It was after he'd been with her on a day I should have been. He was dumbly walking down an alleyway of some form. It was easy to just pull a trigger and take every ounce of life from him at that very moment. It was almost a pleasurable feeling, watching the life fade from his eyes and blood drain from his brain. Surely I shouldn't have felt the way I did, surely I should have felt guilt. Some form of emotion that showed humanity in me. But I felt nothing.
I simply felt happiness.
I grinned and wiped the blood from across my face and just leisurely made my way to Misaki’s. To watch her for that night.
She was distraught, naturally, and came to me for comfort. Which is all i really wanted, for her to be back in my life. And she was, it was almost as if back to normal.
Until she met another boy.
Whom i'd soon kill
And then Misaki would come back to me again
Then find someone else
Then I'd kill them
Then she'd come to me once more
It was a repeating cycle for so long, until she thought there was something with her that kept making these boys die. I didn't ever know what to tell her, so I'd just speak of her like she was the world, like I always did.
Because really she was my world, and seeing her sad was so painful. But It just meant she'd cling onto me. She’d cry and hold me close to her. And really that's all i wanted.
Until the police finally started to investigate the problem of all the murdered boys. As they don't try hard with cases or bother to look for proper clues, they pointed all fingers at Misaki. Who else could it have been? She'd been in a relationship with every single one of those men, what more proof did they need? Not anymore because they found him guilty. My poor Misaki, For my crimes. As much as parting from her would be painfull i knew what I had to do.
I did really did love her, if that wasn't obvious by now. I did all i could for her without her knowing, just to keep her happy in anyway possible.
But I guess in the end I couldn't really manage that.
But the thing was, i gave in and realised i needed to tell her. So i did. I told her not too long ago, around a few days ago now. That she doesn't need to worry about being arrested anymore. Misaki naturally didn't understand me. She wouldn't if I lightly glossed over it. It was best she knew before I turned myself in.
I told her about how the boys died. I told her about how I'd watch her sleep. I told her how much I was deeply inlove with her. I told her about how all i ever wanted was to be with her. Everything. Everything I'd ever held from her, I said to her face then and there.
She was in one word, disgusted. Id never need such a twisted expression appear on her face all my life. It was scary. Seeing the one I loved so overly sickened by me. She said things to me, things I never thought she could say. The rivers of tears streaming down my face didn't phase her. She hated me-
She hates me-
You hate me dont you?
I'm sorry, I know I've told you that over and over, but you didn't want to hear anything from me then anymore did you?
Which is fair enough.
But I'll never be sorry for taking the lives from all those men, Never. The time I spent with you was always worth it. Even if now. I'm about to loose you. And i suppose your going to loose me In a way. But I guess you'll be thankful for it at this point. The whole world will be.
By the time your reading this Misaki, it's either extremely far into the future. Or very much the presant time. If so you still won't see me anymore. I'm probably a few feet from the edge now. Just a few more steps and i'll be falling. And gone out your life.
I love you.
Even if it doesn't mean much I do, i really. Really do.
Ah look the papers getting wet now, I better finish before I get the whole paper destroyed.
I've never cried like this before. I've never needed to you know,
I'm going to miss you, really, really badly.
I love you Misaki Okusawa,
The one you hate most in the world, And the one who loves you most in the world. Kokoro Tsurumaki.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Her hands were shaking, she looked to the clock beside her and stood as fast as possible, shoving the paper in her pocket. Running out the house leaving everything open. She didn't care.
If she was fast maybe. Maybe she could make it.
She knew exactly were Kokoro would be. That building was right next to where they first met.
Of course she'd choose that skyscraper wouldn't she?
Faster, faster, faster...
The door flew open as she let out a scream towards the figure that was slowly begging to shorten.
She turned to Misaki and smiled, so genuinely through the tears muddling her face and whispered softly
"She came..." his figure then faded as dhe fell. Until something grabbed onto her wrist. She looked up at the bruentte in shock. Not speaking, she just stared up muttering "Why...?"
"Because Im dumb okay- I’m sorry I’m so sorry I...” misakis grip was already coming loose, the sweat covering her arms made it hard for kokoro to hold on.
“I said the wrong thing i- we can work around this you know I-i”
Kokoro smiled so brightly through the tears streaming down her face.
“We cant misaki, Its too late now.” The blonde then opened her hand letting go of the girl above her.
Misaki was trying desperately to hold onto the girl by her wrist but it wasnt proving prominent.
“p-please Kokoro.... I.. love you too!”
Misaki couldn't hold Kokoro, nor could she pull her up. So instead she let them both fall.