If there was one thing to be absolutely clear on it was this, Jeon Jungkook was not jealous. He was adult enough to admit that in the past he had struggled with a very minor degree of possessiveness—but that wasn’t jealousy! Being possessive and being jealous were two different things. Being possessive meant you had something and wanted to keep it to yourself, being jealous meant you didn’t have something and wanted it for yourself. So Jeon Jungkook was not jealous.
So what if he got into fights with his brother over the computer? Who cared if Hoseok had gotten so fed up with his possessiveness that he threw a banana at him? That was all in the past because Jungkook was older now, more mature, and even the members had been forced to acknowledge that he had grown up. He wasn’t that same kid who trailed after Namjoon like a lost puppy. He was an adult.
And Jungkook was especially not jealous of his fellow members, not in the slightest. They were all a family, seven rowdy boys who had shared everything from food, to showers, and once an unfortunate case of lice. They were the people who meant the most in the world to him, all of whom he would lay down his life for. He accepted that all of them were his, and he was all of theirs.
He never got jealous if the others got more praise than him on a project, or if someone was picked over him because he knew they were a team and everyone deserved a chance to shine. They had been together for too long to let petty things like jealousy get in the way of their friendship, but most importantly, he always felt loved, always felt safe, always felt cared for, and so there was never a reason to feel jealous.
It’s just that, Namjoon and Jimin seem close. Of course, all of them were close so that didn’t really describe their relationship, in fact it was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on and he wondered if that frustrated him more. It was in the way they looked at each other, it was different than the way they looked at everyone else, he wanted to say it was softer but even that wasn’t it. Flirtatious fell miles short because he had seen how Jimin was capable of, not seriously but certainly enthusiastically, eye-fucking Taehyung and even him onstage and in the club. Jimin was a natural flirt, so flirtation wasn’t it. It was absolutely maddening. He had a hard time voicing his thoughts to begin with, let alone trying to describe something intangible as the way Namjoon and Jimin looked at one another.
It was just...different!
What drove him even crazier is that seemingly no one noticed this except him. He had tried to bring it up to Taehyung, the one who knew Jimin the best and whose observation skills were unmatched. The elder hadn’t even looked up from his game on his phone and instead gave a thoughtful noise and said “of course they are close, all of us are.”
And technically it was true. A person couldn’t live with others the entirety of their adult life so far and not be close with them. Especially with all that they had been through together. They had been through literal blood sweat and tears and that’s what tested and refined their friendship. It was gold standard.
When they were on their way from recording, Jungkook watched the way that Jimin’s eyes dropped closed and he rested his head back against the seat, immersed in the audio book he and Namjoon were listening to. It had become a habit of there’s recently. To listen to an audiobook together and they would discuss it with vigor sometimes back at the dorm. Of course, the two had always been close intellectually speaking, they used to stay up all night and discuss topics that made Jungkook’s head spin. He wasn’t stupid, but Jimin and Namjoon were brainy in a way he and the rest of the guys weren’t. Jungkook tried to listen in on their conversations once, but found himself distracted by Yoongi who was telling him the myth behind the bridge that they were sitting next to and Jungkook found that much more entertaining than the “philosophy of quantum physics”.
Now in the van, with Namjoon and Jimin sitting beside eachother, Jimin’s eyes closed in concentration, Jungkook saw the faint smile on Namjoon’s face as he stared down at the shorter man, and it was a look that could only be described as fond, but there was something…more, and that was what caused the first needle to settle itself in Jeon Jungkook’s heart. A small prick of irritation.
If that had been the end of it, or even the beginning, then perhaps he could have put it away as nothing but it was not.
It wasn’t anything blatant, indeed it must have seemed normal to everyone else. The fact was that Jimin had always been an affectionate person. He was what many would describe as clingy, but Jungkook knew he just liked the feeling of holding someone and being held. It didn’t just stop at hugs for him either, Jimin loved going to massages because he liked the feeling of being touched.
“It’s hard to describe,” Jimin said once while they were face down on the massage table together, “it helps me know I’m here.”
And Jungkook could respect it, even if he wasn’t an overly affectionate person. He liked to be hugged and touched, and sometimes he tried not to be a brat when Jimin was needing comfort because he wasn’t a monster. Jimin loved hugs from anyone and it always brought him a special delight when the usually unwilling maknae would willingly hug him or put an arm around his shoulders. Jimin would blossom like a flower, a warm smile would spread on his face, and his mood, no matter how dark it was before, would lift.
Still, he wondered if it was really necessary to seek comfort by finding any excuse to touch Namjoon’s thighs. Jungkook knew it wasn’t actually the case, but it felt like whenever he looked at them, he saw Jimin’s hands gripping Namjoon’s thighs, usually quite casually and in a way that seemed nonchalant. Even in conversations in the dorms, or watching a movie with the rest, Jimin’s hand would somehow find its way onto Namjoon’s thigh and Namjoon’s hand would grip Jimin’s knee in return. It wasn’t anything sensually speaking, or even anything beyond what Jungkook would do. He would often cuddle with Hoseok on the couch, or lay his head in Yoongi’s lap while the older played with his hair. They were all affectionate, so it shouldn’t bother him, yet as he watched a compilation a fan put together on twitter and realized how often Jimin’s hand went to Namjoon’s thigh with those casual touches, it pierced his heart with another needle.
Because if it was just Jimin, Jungkook could excuse it—but it wasn’t. It was their fearless leader who was not known to be overly affectionate, who was awkward at hugs most of the time, like he didn’t know what to do with his long arms and almost died of embarrassment when Jungkook had planted a kiss on his forehead. It was his fearless leader who inched up close to Jimin, who hugged him when Jimin ran to him, who pinched his cheeks, and allowed Jimin to curl up next to him, and play with his cheeks, and nuzzle his neck and--
And the more he watched, the more needles shoved themselves into his heart until he felt their sharp drag whenever he was around the two. Being around them made every breath feel like his lungs were pushing the needles in deeper and he found himself more and more irritable at the smallest things.
“Namjoon-hyung is cute right?” Jimin had smiled while he was gesturing to the group picture on his phone he was about to upload to twitter.
“Everyone is cute,” Jungkook found himself saying and wondered if the strange look Jimin sent him meant he sounded as bitchy as he felt.
“Jimin did so good today,” they were watching the playback of their recording and Jimin bounced at the compliment Namjoon had causally given. It was all Jungkook could do not to roll his eyes.
“I think all of us did well,” and the rest, even Namjoon, readily agreed because they were all about team work and always looking for ways to encourage each other. It wasn’t strange he was pointing out how well the team did, the weird ones were Namjoon and Jimin who could seemingly only compliment each other.
“I think you are imagining things,” Seokjin had told him while they put the groceries away. Well Seokjin and Hoseok were putting away groceries, Jungkook was leaning against the counter playing with a box of ramen and looking quite morose.
“You don’t see them together,” Jungkook said sullenly as he twirled the box on the counter top. He was feeling hungry but was debating whether or not he wanted to eat the ramen when he had to go practice the choreography in a few hours.
“Nope, just every day!” Hoseok teases as he poked Jungkook’s side. “You know that Jimin and Namjoon understand each other really well right?” Jungkook was hunched over so he had to look up at Hoseok through his long bangs.
“I understand Namjoon-hyung, and I understand Jimin-hyung, I think we all understand each other,” he insisted and watched as his two elder brothers tossed a sideways glance at each other. It was even like they had a secret communication which only made Jungkook more furious. “What?” He dared to ask, even a bit disrespectfully. Seokjin shot him a look and as much as Jungkook liked to play fight with the eldest, he knew he’d get his ass kicked if he actually pissed him off.
“Jungkookie,” Hoseok clapped a hand down on his friends shoulder, “let them work it out, as long as they aren’t fighting you should be happy.”
And Hoseok was right. They weren’t fighting, which was always a plus. As a team they didn’t mind a fight as long as it ended healthily which they always strived to do. In a perfect world, they always would fight healthily but they didn’t live in a perfect world and not more than a few months prior the two were in a bitter fight that no one really understood. There had been a point where Jimin and Namjoon hadn’t spoken to each other for a week. It had been hell with practicing choreo because Jimin was usually the one to work with Namjoon on learning the dances but Jungkook had been thrust into it. Namjoon was certainly better at learning choreography than he had been at the beginning, but the more irritable he was the stiffer his movements became and it just so happened that Namjoon was at peak irritability that week.
They got to the point that Bang PD actually intervened and had them sort out their problems. Namjoon and Jimin sat down in a room for nearly three hours, the other members waiting outside while they worked it out. Finally they left the room, both of their eyes wet with tears, and Jimin grinning and Namjoon bowing deeply and apologizing for troubling everyone. He then gave a speech about how no matter what they were always a team and that would never change, and then it was like night and day. Well, actually it was much like it had been before the mysterious fight.
Jimin and Namjoon began practicing choreo together again, and nothing changed but something changed. The something he couldn’t place. He tried not to think about it but the needles were still there, dragging over his heart and chest and they were grating.
During dance practice when Jimin touched Namjoon’s back to guide him in the dance, his hands dropping lower to his hips for a split second, and suddenly Yoongi yelped in pain when Jungkook stepped on his foot. Jungkook had to apologize to the elder who could only muster up a slight frown.
The dance practice should have been nothing, they weren’t even learning a new dance, just refreshing themselves on old choreo, but Jungkook kept messing up which only served to make him angrier. He tried his best to concentrate, but every time his eyes did not stay on his own reflection but went to Jimin and Namjoon’s. Hoseok made him do thirty suicide sprints to make up for being so distracted.
By the time Jungkook was done, he was exhausted but the drag in his chest was still there. What made things worse is watching Namjoon and Jimin talking to each other at the end of practice while he was on his eleventh sprint and Namjoon reached out and did the promise sign with Jimin before clapping him on the back and walking away and Jimin looked down at his hand and a smile spread wide over his face and Jungkook barely caught himself from flinging into Seokjin and Yoongi’s face while they were in their way out.
“Sorry!” He gasped out and ignored those pin pricks of pain because his eyes instinctually went to Hoseok who looked like he was ten seconds away from giving him a good beating.
And the pain didn’t die down. Even in his exhausted muscles, when he pulled himself through the building and saw the light on in Genius Lab, even as he punched in the code, and even as he draped himself over the couch, the pain was still there.
Yoongi was still at work, his headphones on, hunched over his computer keyboard and his piano keyboard and every once in a while, he would huff a long sigh as if he was telling the world he was still alive.
Jungkook liked Yoongi’s studio, liked how quiet it was on most days. He had his own place to hang out since they moved buildings but he still preferred to crash here most of the time. It had a lock which only he and Yoongi and Hoseok knew.
This was a way he liked to pass his evenings when he had time. Yoongi never seemed to mind, if indeed he noticed when Jungkook would push open the door to his studio, pad across the floor in his socked feet and throw himself down onto the couch where he would curl up and take a nap while Yoongi listened to music on his headphones. Jungkook has asked him why he listens to music with his headphones on once because his studio was soundproof, and the older man had frowned thoughtfully before answering with a wave of his hand in a matter of fact manner. “It sounds better.”
Jungkook could appreciate that about the second eldest. He was smart and truthful and he listened well. Yoongi joked about being a rock because he didn’t like to move, but to Jungkook he really was, just in a different sense: sturdy, trustworthy, and something he could rely on. Jungkook knew he could talk to him, he just had to pull him from his musical headspace to do so.
To his relief and surprise, Yoongi seemed unusually aware of his presence and soon after Jungkook flopped onto the couch, the elder pushed pause and twisted him his chair to look at the youngest draped across his furniture.
“How was suicide runs?” Yoongi asked with a twinkle of amusement in his dark eyes. Jungkook huffed.
“Nothing too big,” he lied but he had to keep up appearances and he also didn’t like how pleased Yoongi looked at seeing him get punished. “How’s your foot?” he asked and Yoongi reached down with his hand and lifted his foot which Jungkook had stepped on earlier and gave it a little shake before dropping it.
“Amputation is certain, my lawyers will be in contact,” Jungkook laughed so hard it made his eyes crinkle so he almost missed the way Yoongi’s face lit up in a gummy smile. For the first time in a long time he felt those needles ease out just a tad. The two sat in a relaxed silence for a moment before Jungkook took a deep breath.
“Jungkookie/Hyung-“ the two seemed startled that the other tried to start a conversation and Yoongi gestures for Jungkook to talk. Of course he would, despite being the hyung, Yoongi was always willing to be the first to listen. Jungkook suddenly felt nervous and he pulled at the strings of his hoodie. Yoongi was the only one he hadn’t talked to about this and if he said he was crazy then Jungkook felt like he probably must be.
“Can I-can I ask you a question?” he asked and Yoongi raised an eyebrow.
“Is that the question?” he teased. Jungkook opened his mouth to continue but closed it and stuck out his tongue and Yoongi chuckled at him.
“No, it’s about Namjoon-hyung and Jimin-hyung,” he kept his eyes on Yoongi’s face and the only change he observed was the slight widening of his small dark eyes.
“Oh,” was all he replied.
Jungkook felt he was not good at wording things, he wasn’t eloquent like Namjoon, nor could he be as thoughtful in his words like Yoongi. He also didn’t have the ability to speak his mind like Taehyung, especially with the polite attitude of Seokjin, and he wasn’t cute like Jimin to get away with adorable answers or funny like Hoseok in that his words made people laugh. No, Jungkook was a person who often times forgot names of his favorite singers and movies and so trying to dig out a perfectly formed sentence was sometimes impossible. So, when he said the next thing he did, he immediately regretted it:
“Don’t you think they are acting kinda gay?” he hadn’t meant it like it came out, especially since he knew that Yoongi never pretended to be completely straight. Jungkook also couldn’t figure out if he himself was totally straight, he liked girls but the thought of being with a guy was not unpleasant. He felt like his sexuality was something he could figure out when he wasn’t being a sold-out world tour stadium artist. He felt awash with regret at seeing Yoongi suddenly cross one leg over the other, and lace his fingers together.
“Care to elaborate what ‘acting kinda gay’ means?” Yoongi was as calm as ever but Jungkook has known him for years and knew the storm behind the elders eyes meant nothing good for him.
“Shit, hyung, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jungkook began and Yoongi cocked his head to the side.
“Why, you think I’m mad at what you said because I’m gay?” he asked and Jungkook felt a wave of anxiety crash over him because he could see Yoongi was mad, his gaze cool, his lips pulled thin, and Jungkook wished he’d kept his mouth shut.
“I’m sorry, that was not cool to say,” Jungkook apologized and he sat up fully, holding his head in shame as he meshed his fingers together, pressed his thighs together, and tried to look apologetic.
He heard Yoongi sigh and he looked up and for a moment he thought he saw a flicker of sadness in his expressive eyes. Yoongi wasn’t as unreadable as most people thought, he just had a rather great neutral face and even temperament, so Jungkook felt he was actually quite easy to read because when his neutral expression changed, it was obvious.
He must have really hurt his feelings. He felt like trash. There were a lot of people he could hurt physically, including his hyungs, but he could never hurt them emotionally, especially Yoongi.
“What did you want to talk about?” Yoongi gave him a second chance. Jungkook licked his lips nervously and attempted to gather his words. It took quite a few moments, more than most people would have felt comfortable, but Yoongi was always a patient person, his gaze steady and relaxed.
“I just meant, do you think there is something going on between them?” he asked and Yoongi flattened his lips and then sucked in a breath like he did when he was looking for something. Now seemed to be the right answer.
“Why do you think that is?” Jungkook felt like he was at his counselors and he huffed and sank down into the couch.
“They are just...ON each other all the time!” he said gesturing with his hands and then ran a hand through his greasy hair that had been soaked with sweat and now dried. “And, and, like all they ever talk about is each other, like the rest of us don’t matter,” Jungkook didn’t realized the extent of his embittered feelings until he started to pour them out. He thought it would make the pain lessen but instead it made it worse.
Yoongi shrugged, “I haven’t noticed a huge difference,” he commented and Jungkook groaned and almost exploded as he gestured toward the ceiling in frustration.
“That’s the issue, no one does, I feel like I’m going crazy but it’s there! I can’t even find time with either of them alone cuz they are always together! I can’t even remember the last time Namjoon helped me with English, or we just hung out, or Jimin and I went to the movies or dancing, they are just like obsessed with each other, it’s not healthy!” those awful needles that sunk so deep in his heart started to explode out of his mouth with jagged edges that weren’t laced over with his usual honoring language. Jungkook could be polite while being rude, it was one of his many qualities, but this was not one of those times.
Jungkook was surprised that Yoongi didn’t call him out for his straightforward language. Instead he sat with a bemused smile on his face which only served to confuse and frustrate the younger more. “What’s so funny?” he demanded and Yoongi suddenly leaned forward and ruffled his hair. Jungkook almost pulled away because of the greasy mess of his hair, but Yoongi kept him still, a frown on his head as he massaged his fingers through Jungkook’s scalp.
“That’s strange,” he commented, a look of concentration on his face.
“What?” Jungkook felt his heart pick up speed, wondering what was the cause of his hyungs sudden interest in his head. Yoongi pulled away and sighed.
“I think I feel a horn,” he commented and Jungkook’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and Yoongi sent him a bemused smirk, “don’t you know Jungkookie?” he teased lightly, “when someone is jealous they start to grow horns,” Jungkook sputtered, his mouth dropping open several times before he clenched his fists at his knees and straightened his back.
“Jealous? Of-of who?!” he was nearing the point of raising his voice and Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as he turned his gaze from Jungkook to his lap, so Jungkook couldn’t read his expression.
“You tell me, who do you like, Namjoon or Jimin?” Yoongi asked, his eyes still on his lap, and Jungkook felt like he’d been stabbed with an ice-cold dagger and he nearly growled when he answered, his teeth clenched.
“Neither! I don’t like either! Not like that! I’m not jealous!” the truth was, at that moment, if Jungkook could have seen himself, he would have seen a glowering little brat puffing out his chest.
Yoongi took the disrespect and attitude in stride, now looking at Jungkook and carefully examining the pouty expression of the youngest. He scooted the chair forward and nudged Jungkook’s knee with his foot.
“Then, if you aren’t jealous,” his tone made it seem like Yoongi didn’t believe that he wasn’t, but it was warm and playful, “what has my maknae so bent out of shape?”
Jungkook grabbed onto Yoongis foot and was bouncing it back and forth between his hands, running his hands over the ankle and shaking his whole leg a bit. He was still mad at the insinuation, still feeling the anger bubbling just below the surface, but Yoongi had a way of placating him with just his presence. It was like he was gave off the air of relaxation, Jungkook could always feel safe when it came to the elder. He looked at Yoongi’s small pale ankle in his hand and felt a little sorry because Yoongi’s legs always worried him. He felt like they would give out any minute. He wanted to tell him to exercise more so they wouldn’t look so weak.
So he did.
“Hyung, you should exercise more,” he replied, his finger drawing circles on Yoongi’s ankle absentmindedly. Yoongi kicked him with his other foot which Jungkook brought in his lap to join the other so Yoongi was now using Jungkook as a foot rest.
“Don’t change the subject,” Yoongi half-heartedly scolded, his face looking almost like a content cat as Jungkook wiggled his feet a bit in his hands.
“It’s just...” he paused so he could find the right words. “They just seem so...about each other, I’m worried it will affect the team.” At least that’s what he told himself. Yoongi looked unconvinced.
“So you think they are dating?” Jungkook felt his heart pick up speed at the thought.
“No!” he said a little quickly and then paused and shrugged, “maybe.”
“Ah, Jungkookie, does it matter if there is something between them?” Yoongi asked and Jungkook clenched his fists around Yoongi’s ankles. “Ow.” The older said, though it was dead pan but enough to make Jungkook let go. “Yeah, not jealous at all,” Yoongi pulled his feet away, but remained just a few away from Jungkook.
“I’m not!” Jungkook snapped and Yoongi raised his eyebrows.
“I’m not!” the younger insisted but Yoongi still didn’t believe him. Jungkook felt a little petulant then. No matter how much he insisted he wasn’t, he felt like he could never convince the older man. Yoongi suddenly took a breath, and it was a little shaky, and Jungkook looked up and saw Yoongi was picking at his already abused nails.
“Hey, you promised you’d stop,” Jungkook complained grabbing onto Yoongi’s hands. They were only a little bigger than his but his hyungs fingers were more slender, pretty and manly in their shape, and they were always cold. Jungkook ran his hands over them to warm them up and Yoongi smiled softly at their hands and tried to pull away.
“You’re sweaty,“ came a weak complaint.
“You’re cold,” Jungkook knew if Yoongi let his hands get too cold then he’d be in pain, so he tried his best to warm them up. Yoongi took another shaky breath and Jungkook wondered why he seemed so nervous.
“Maknae,” Yoongi sighed, and then his dark eyes met Jungkook’s and his expression was unreadable, “you don’t have to be jealous because you want to be with either of them, or even like either of them like that, they are your friends and whenever there is a change in dynamics, it’s understandable to feel…” Yoongi paused and gave a wry smile before continuing, “possessive.” He intentionally did not mention the word which triggered the younger.
Jungkook nodded to show he was listening and Yoongi suddenly took his hands away and touched Jungkook’s hood and smoothed it out before resting his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, his face was a few inches away now and Jungkook noticed the faintest splash of pink on Yoongi’s fair skin and he wondered if he always had a natural blush.
“Jungkookie,” Yoongi’s voice was low and comforting, “you’ve always had a special relationship with both of them. Namjoon is your role model, he’s the reason you are here, and Jimin is your best friend, everyone knows how close you are. The two of you have done more traveling together than any of us, so I understand why you feel like this,” he said and Jungkook felt another needle sinking into his heart, so deep and hot and it hurt worse than any other. He wanted to cry but he bit his lip instead. “No one…no one loves you any less, if-if they are together, they have just grown in their love for one another,” Yoongi was right. Of course, he was, but that didn’t stop the ugly green monster from rearing its ugly green head and Jungkook pulled away, his throat tight and he shook his head.
“This isn’t about me,” he insisted, “this is about the team!” he was angry and tears were threatening to fall from his eyes as he stood up and grabbed his cellphone which slipped from his pocket onto the couch. “How could they do this to the team? Who the hell falls in love with their bandmate? What kind of idiot would put us all in danger?” he spat it so viciously and rudely and he watched as Yoongi pulled back completely, his face going blank and his jaw clenched.
Jungkook knew his explosion had gone too far, even if he did feel vindicated in his reasoning. Yoongi was patient but he wasn’t a saint.
“I think you should leave,” Yoongi’s voice sounded tight as he crossed his arms over his chest and his eyes wouldn’t meet Jungkook’s.
“Jungkook,” Yoongi cut him off and Jungkook felt his name pierce him to his soul. No Jungkookie, no Maknae, no softness but instead it felt like a wall of ice landed between them. Yoongi, who had always been the one on which Jungkook could rely, suddenly seemed a hundred thousand kilometers away.
“Okay,” he finally said and with that he turned and walked out of Genius Lab and all the needles couldn’t compare to the pain he felt as he left and he crushed his hands against his eyes to prevent the tears from falling, but despite all his effort, they fell.
He had fucked up, he had hurt Yoongi and hurt him badly. They were on a short break between schedules and no one had seen or heard from the small man in two days, all except for Hoseok, who had gone to deliver food. When Hoseok returned, Jungkook was working on editing a video in the living room and Seokjin rushed to greet him at the door, the two exchanging whispers. Jungkook caught sight of them looking at him and he took out his earphones to listen but they both left to the kitchen.
Another day passed, and Jungkook felt irritated that Yoongi was still keeping holed up in his studio. He had been rude to him, but it wasn’t like he had really hurt him. Jungkook was right, he felt like he was right. The two were putting the team in danger if something was happening. Even worse, neither had told him. They were supposed to be his friends. Namjoon always preached about honesty, Jimin told him everything.
Jungkook’s heart fell heavy at not seeing Yoongi. Perhaps Yoongi was offended that Jungkook didn’t take his advice or listen to his wisdom. That just proceeded to irritate the maknae more who was going crazy as he walked around the dorm and kept passing Yoongi’s room to see if he had decided to come home.
He strolled into the rappers room. It was so minimalistic and decorated in neutral colors. His bed was unmade, how he liked it, and despite the fact he had not been there in a few days, it still smelled like him. It was warm and somehow sweet to Jungkook’s nose, as if the stage name of SUGA described him to his very core. Being in Yoongi’s room without Yoongi there, laying on the bed with his laptop open and motioning for Jungkook to come join him in a drama he was watching was strange. It made his heart ache a bit.
“Jungkook,” a soft voice came from outside the door and Jungkook turned to see Jimin standing outside of Yoongi’s room. His usual cheerful expression was a bit closed off and Jungkook wondered if Yoongi had somehow told Jimin about the conversation. By the look on his face, he had. “He’s not here,” Jimin said slowly and then looked over his shoulder and then walked into the room.
“I know, I think…” Jungkook paused because what did he think? That he hurt him? That was obvious.
“Do you…do you want to go for a walk?” he asked, his expression softer. The same expression Jimin used when he would give Jungkook hugs after a particularly hard stage. When Jungkook would beat himself up and Jimin would tease him and hug him and tell him not to be too hard on himself.
“Yeah,” Jungkook didn’t even know why his voice cracked.
The walk was nice, it was still warm but not overbearing and while Jungkook wasn’t as obsessed with nature walks as Namjoon and Jimin, he liked getting outside. The managers, as always, were with them. But they trailed behind and in front, just out of earshot.
Jimin was talking about a drama he was watching, which wasn’t unusual. Jimin was the bubbly and extraverted one of the two of them, Jungkook could just stroll beside him and listen to Jimin complain or reminisce or joke about anything. It was nice, it’s what made their friendship work really well. He realized the longer they walked how much he had missed this. Just the two of them, Jimin and him slipping into silly voices as they made fun of the other members or when they reminisced about Busan together.
Jungkook knew how precious time was, he had only a few years with his family before he left to become a member of BTS. All the hyungs had gathered around him, protecting him as he grew until he outgrew nearly all of them, and Jungkook trusted them with his life, loved them to his core. As much as he liked to tuck himself away for hours at a time he loved that he could always go to each one of them and pull them into a hug or a conversation about anything.
Except two people recently, and now three adding Yoongi, half of the people he loved most in the world he felt suddenly awkward around. He hated that feeling of being uncomfortable. He never wanted to go back to it, not after working so hard to overcome it. Jungkook felt miserable but this walked helped. The more they walked together the more the needles fell from his heart and he felt like he could breath again. This was nice.
Jimin suddenly stretched and smiled and knocked into Jungkook’s shoulder, “hey, maknae, you gonna talk or you gonna make me wax on about Gong Yoo’s new drama?” he teased and Jungkook suddenly felt a jolt of nervousness. He swallowed and shrugged his shoulders.
“Not much to talk about,” he lied, but in reality, he had a hundred things he wanted to talk about which somehow made it impossible to speak. This was the first time he had been alone with Jimin in what seemed forever and now that they were together, he felt tongue tied.
“Okay, let’s talk about Yoongi,” Jimin said and Jungkook froze in their walk which meant the managers had to stop as well and Jimin stopped to look at him.
“He…he told you?” he asked and Jimin shrugged.
“Not me, but he told Hoseok and Hoseok told me,” he said and then grinned playfully, “roommate perks,” he winked and then his smile vanished. “You wanna talk to me about it?” he asked and Jungkook felt flustered. He hadn’t wanted Jimin to know he had been talking to him behind his back. He felt hurt that Yoongi had just opened up to Hoseok about it, but he couldn’t blame him. He supposed he deserved it. They were a team after all, if he wanted to address a problem it should have been with everyone, or at least that’s what Namjoon preached (even if he didn’t always practice it).
“I’m surprised you want to,” Jungkook said honestly and Jimin shrugged his shoulders.
“You’re my best friend,” he replied and Jungkook flinched at hearing that.
“Am I?” he didn’t want to sound as bitter as he did. Jimin’s eyebrows pinched together and he then laughed.
“Of course, I mean…all of you are my best friends, but you are the only one from Busan,” he was prodding Jungkook’s sides as he spoke and Jungkook pulled away, a frown still on his face. Jimin’s smile faltered a bit, “what’s up, Jungkook-ssi?” Jimin was still teasing and Jungkook took a deep breath.
“Are you and Namjoon-hyung dating?” he asked and Jimin’s expression shifted so fast that Jungkook knew the answer immediately. Jimin was a lot like him, he could never be accused of a poker face. He felt his heart squeeze.
“What are you talking about?” the older demanded, his voice a little pitched, he looked around but the managers were still out of earshot. Jungkook felt like he was getting a headache and he reached up and laughed bitterly as he pushed his hands through his hair.
“You know, Jimin, if you’re gay its fine, but…really, Namjoon?” he felt all the anger he had been holding inside of him release as he talked and Jimin stared at him with widened eyes. “You didn’t even tell us, not even me and I’m your best friend. How could you be so selfish? How could you two do this to us?” ‘to me’.
Jimin’s jaw had dropped and suddenly he closed it with a click, and Jungkook felt a chill run down his spine. “First of all, I didn’t come here to talk about me, I came here to comfort you after you totally tossed Yoongi-hyung’s feelings aside like an absolute dick,” Jungkook was taken aback by the words ‘Yoongi’ and ‘feelings’ but he wasn’t able to clarify because Jimin was stalking toward him and he was shrinking under the anger that rolled off of the shorter man. “Secondly, don’t forget your place, I’m still your hyung, as is Namjoon and neither of us need your permission to do or not do anything, and finally, how can you call yourself my best friend but act like this,” Jungkook could see fury in his smaller hyungs eyes and that only spurred him on to anger as well.
Jungkook’s head ached as he straightened up and looked down at Jimin, “if you two want to fuck around behind our backs, then you don’t deserve to be on the team,” Jimin physically took a step back at Jungkook’s words and he took a deep and shaky breath.
“I’m leaving,” he said and Jungkook’s blood was rushing so loud in his ears and his head hurt so badly that he didn’t even know if Jimin was saying he was leaving back to the dorms or leaving BTS. Either way, he felt like his world was crashing around him as Jimin turned to leave and hot tears started to pool at the corner of his eyes.
He wiped them away angrily, “fine just-just leave me!” he shouted and with that he took off running. He sprinted away, the manager’s voice dying behind him and the sound of something falling with a crack, but he didn’t notice, he wanted to yell he was so angry but instead he just ran. He ran until his legs felt like they would break and only then did he stop and gasped for air. He leaned against the building of an alleyway convenience store and he pushed a hand over his face to mop up the sweat.
His head felt like it was going to explode and as he walked to keep from throwing up, he noticed a crowd of people staring to gather and pointing at him. It was then he realized he had completely abandoned his manager. He reached for his phone but found it was not in his pocket and he groaned as he vaguely remembered the sound of something falling behind him. Great. Just great. The dorms were nearly an hour away by car, he couldn’t imagine how long it would take him with a bus or subway. He’d also have to walk for a long while. He pulled his hood up and pulled up his mask and kept his head down as he made the long trip back to the dorms.
The trip was long and tedious, with some girls asking to take a picture with him which he politely declined. They were nice about it but he could tell they were disappointed. He had given up explaining that he wasn’t technically allowed to take pictures while out on his own for fear of a breach of security, but he did break that rule when a little boy came and asked for a picture with him. Seeing the slightly toothless grin of the child warmed his heart a bit but it didn’t do much to alleviate the headache which only grew worse.
He wanted to cry as he rode the bus. How had he come to this point? Where he had lost his best friend who was probably going to go to his mentor and complain about the cruel words he said. He imagined the two of them talking behind his back as they kissed or fucked or whatever and he felt gutted.
“Jungkook is such a child,” he could hear Jimin say as he straddled Namjoon’s lap and Namjoon would laugh.
“He is, I’m so sick of him,” Namjoon commented as suddenly they were naked and having sex.
“We would be better off without him, then you and I could have sex all day and never be bothered to take care of that whiny brat,” Jimin moaned.
Jungkook tried to shake away those thoughts but his insecurity rushed through him. He felt like he did back when he first arrived in the dorms. Terrified, too afraid to even shower or speak to his hyungs. They had all shown him a place of safety and he had fucked it up.
After hurting Jimin and Yoongi, would they even allow him to stay in Bangtan? He felt miserable at the thought of the name. Yoongi. Yoongi was always his advocate, always by his side, comforting him, and Jungkook had hurt him. He had let his anger get the best of him and cursed at the person he cared most for. He shook his head at that thought. He didn’t care the most for Yoongi, he cared about all of his hyung’s equally. Yet still, out of all of them, he wanted Yoongi beside him right now. Holding his hand, telling him that everyone messes up. Yoongi would pet his hair, and Jungkook could lean against him and complain about the day.
His heart ached. He missed Yoongi so much.
By the time he finally reached home, it was late in the night and he almost fell into the door exhausted. Yet still as he pushed in the keys and opened the door he felt a rush of nervousness and his heart beat heavy and fast in his chest as blood pounded through his head.
Would they be mad? Would they kick him out? Would his stuff already be packed up?
He tried to slowly open the door when it was suddenly ripped out of his hands and Seokjin was standing there, his face pale and suddenly Taehyung was by his side and then Hoseok and Namjoon and Jimin as well and all of them were pulling Jungkook into a hug and there was a flurry of voices and arms, and hands all reaching to grab him and hold him, and Taehyung held on the longest as they brought him in.
“Where were you, we were worried sick!” Seokjin was already scolding and Namjoon was behind him.
“You can’t run off like that,” he said and Jungkook looked up at the person he most respected and admired in the world and he looked away ashamed. His thoughts from earlier came back into his mind and his throat felt tight. Hoseok waved his hands.
“Let’s just be glad he’s safe,” he said and then popped Jungkook on the back of the head, “but don’t worry us like that again!” he then kissed the back of his head and Jungkook felt rather miserable at having worried all of them.
“I’m sorry,” he said and then looked around because he felt the presence of the one person he wanted to see the most was missing. “Where is,” he cleared his throat, “where is Yoongi-hyung?” he asked.
“Here,” a small voice came from a few feet away and Jungkook looked past Namjoon’s shoulder where Yoongi could disappear behind by simply standing and he felt his heart pick up speed.
“Hyung,” his voice broke as Namjoon stepped aside and Jungkook walked up to Yoongi. He couldn’t stop himself and threw his arms around Yoongi’s form, bringing him close and burying his face in his hair. He smelled like Genius Lab, a little musky but also sweet, and Jungkook breathed slowly and felt the anxiety unwrap from around his heart. “I’m…I’m,” he couldn’t bring himself to speak as a rush of warmth fell over him when Yoongi reached up and pat his back.
“I know, it’s okay, hyung isn’t mad,” Yoongi whispered and Jungkook squeezed him tighter and let himself drown in Yoongi’s warm scent. He smelled like home.
“Alright, since Jungkook is home, I’m going to take a shower,” Namjoon announced and left and Jungkook pulled away and caught Jimin’s gaze who gave a thin smile before turning away.
He supposed he had to apologize to Jimin as well.
“You look exhausted, you should go to bed,” Seokjin said and Jungkook looked over at Yoongi. He wanted to talk to the older man but he had to admit, he was at his limit. It was also at that time he felt ravenous. He hadn’t eaten since before his and Jimin’s walk and it had been hours.
“I’m hungry,” he then said and Seokjin sighed.
“I’ll warm you up something,” he said and Jungkook looked at Yoongi and the smaller man smiled softly before Hoseok tossed an arm around his shoulders.
“Hyungie, show Hobi the track you were talking about,” he said cutely and Jungkook felt his heart clench at that and his head felt worse. He was almost nauseous as the two walked away and he heard Seokjin calling him from the kitchen.
He wolfed down dinner so fast he almost didn’t taste it but that didn’t stop him from complimenting Seokjin’s cooking.
“Don’t, it’s take out,” Seokjin grinned and Jungkook laughed and told his hyung that knowing this made him feel better about leaving dishes and then he took off to his room while Seokjin yelled at him.
He fell into his bed and buried his face in the pillows but he could hear Hoseok and Yoongi talking as they walked down the hall.
“It’s just better to forget about it,” Yoongi was saying and Jungkook lifted his head, blinking tiredly.
“I think you should take the advice you gave Namjoon,” Hoseok’s voice was insistent and then their voices disappeared.
Jungkook felt his heart beat a little rapid as he tried to process Hoseok’s words. It wasn’t strange to hear that Yoongi gave advice to Namjoon. He did literally all the time. They were a team after all, but the way Hoseok said it had an implication he couldn’t identify.
He felt frustrated all over again. Why was he always missing something?
He never felt insecure about the age gap between him and his hyungs but lately he was feeling it now more than ever. He was twenty-two, nearly twenty-three, he wasn’t so young that he didn’t know the ways of the world.
Yet here he was feeling the most childish he had ever felt since he was an actual child.
He laid back in bed and pouted as he thought about Hoseok sliding up to Yoongi’s side and tossing an arm around him. Yoongi had told Hoseok about their conversation, Hoseok knew the password to genius lab, why did Yoongi depend so much on Hoseok?
He clenched his teeth. Did no one feel like they could depend on him?
He wanted Yoongi to feel like he could depend on him and he hated how angry it made him at one of his best friends for being the one Yoongi could rely on.
A bitter thought twisted into his head and his head ached horribly as he clenched his fists and jaws and thought that maybe Yoongi relied on Hoseok for other reasons. Why did Hoseok also have the password to Genius Lab? Jungkook had to practically beg for it and Yoongi eventually, after weeks, surrendered it even though he swore up and down that no one would have it after he changed his password and moved offices. But Hoseok had it. He didn’t know why he felt so miserable at that thought. He reached up and gripped his hair and tried to force the thoughts of Yoongi and Hoseok mid-coitus from his head
He wasn’t sure how long he laid there or all the time he spent trying to erase Yoongi and Hoseok in Genius Lab mixed with Namjoon and Jimin fucking in the RKive, all the while they made fun of him and talked about wanting him gone. He knew he sounded crazy, he sounded crazy to himself but the more miserable he felt, the more those thoughts popped into his head until a loud knock interrupted him.
He sat up slowly, his heart beating and he wondered who it would be on the other side. Jimin? Yoongi? “Come in,” he said with a little hesitation and to his surprise, Namjoon’s tall figure appeared on the other side of the door.
For a moment, Jungkook relaxed, warmed by seeing the man who was his role model. Namjoon was like Yoongi, he had a comforting presence, but Namjoon was a mentor and a brother to Jungkook, and Yoongi was…well he was like a brother too, he supposed, though he wasn’t sure that was accurate to describe his feelings.
“Hey,” Namjoon waved awkwardly. His hair was still a bit wet from the shower and Jungkook assumed his back probably was too, even though it would be soaked up by the black t-shirt he was wearing.
“Hey,” Jungkook felt a little nervous. He and Namjoon had roomed together for a bit. They understood each other rather well, and Jungkook loved the attention the older gave him when he did something well because Namjoon understood him better than most people. He didn’t flatter him, he gave him honest praise and feedback and helped Jungkook to grow. Namjoon’s single word of praise outdid anyone else’s five thousand because in Jungkook’s mind, despite his silly nature and habit of breaking things, including himself, Namjoon was nearly perfect. He was cool, funny, approachable, and smart—all the things Jungkook wished for himself.
He realized as Namjoon gestured to the bed and Jungkook nodded for him to sit down, he and Namjoon hadn’t been alone in a long time.
Jungkook felt a little nervous as he picked at the sheet and opened his mouth to talk when Namjoon turned fully toward him, his face downcast and awkward and he spoke first.
Jungkook was taken aback by the sudden apology and Namjoon looked up at him and waited for the youngest to speak. But how could Jungkook even begin? Why was Namjoon apologizing?
The leader sighed, “Jungkook, you know you are important to us right? Not just as the lead vocalist, but you are our friend, you know that right?” he asked and Jungkook felt the words strike his heart. It was gentle and he felt his throat tighten again and he was afraid if he spoke he would cry so instead he just nodded and berated himself for being so bad at feelings. “Jimin and I…uh…talked,” Namjoon took a breath and Jungkook saw his hands shaking, “and I realized a few things,” he then snorted, “more than a few things,” he was blushing as he rubbed the back of his neck and Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows and the older cleared his throat and looked seriously at Jungkook.
“You know I love you, right? Jimin and I…we both love you, hell the whole team loves you,” Namjoon spoke awkwardly as was his habit when discussing feelings with Jungkook. The two of them were never great about talking about feelings with each other. They had gotten better over time, but it just wasn’t their relationship to do so. Namjoon could talk about feelings till the cows came home with just about anyone else, but with Jungkook it was different. There was never a pressing need to unless something serious was happening.
Jungkook guessed something serious really was happening. He felt sad because he had caused it, and it wasn’t that Namjoon really wanted to spend time with him, it was because Jungkook had caused a mess.
“I know,” he finally said softly but he really didn’t feel like he knew. He had hurt Jimin, so of course if they were together, Namjoon would take Jimin’s side. Their relationship was over.
“Jungkookie,” Namjoon suddenly reached forward and grabbed Jungkook’s knee and then let go and wrung his hands. “Jimin and I…we are together,” he finally said after some struggling and for some reason Jungkook felt nothing at the confession.
“Okay,” he said, but his shoulders were drawn tight as if he were sinking into himself despite the feeling of numbness that took over his body. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Or any of us?” he asked and Namjoon sighed.
“Because we weren’t going to act on it, for the team’s benefit but finally…we both knew we would be miserable if we kept denying how we feel. We didn’t keep it from you on purpose, the others just…well they found out, and we just…didn’t want to say anything until we were sure we wanted to act on it. Then we…very very recently did,” Namjoon’s eyes were wide as he said the last part and a blush covered his face and Jungkook’s eyes widened and he wondered just how recent was very very recent and he scanned Namjoon’s neck for any bite marks but found none.
“I honestly didn’t think it would hurt you this badly to keep it from you, but I realize it was wrong of us,” Namjoon admitted and then ran a hand through his wet hair. “Yoongi talked to us,” he said quietly and Jungkook brought his legs to his chest to help soothe the pain that suddenly exploded in his chest.
“Yeah?” he asked, his voice a little tight.
“It’s normal to sometimes feel insecure when relationships change, the dynamic changes and you try to find your place again, and whether it was Jimin and I or another person, it’ll happen one day to all of us,” Namjoon’s words were gentle and finally Jungkook could feel himself understanding what was being said. The word insecure made him flinch but his actions from earlier had humbled him, they told him that’s really how he was acting.
“It just feels like,” Jungkook paused and tried to form the words, “it would be different if it was another guy or even a girl, but it’s my two best friends getting together and it feels like…I don’t know, I’ve lost both of you at the same time,” he finally let out every last needle in his heart and the pain in his head lessened to a dull thud as he looked up at Namjoon. He felt childish in his confession and he wondered if the older thought of him as such.
“You know, I used to get that way because of my sister,” Namjoon said and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed, “yeah, after my sister was born my parents just doted on her all the time. They would feed her first, and go to her first, and she became their number one priority and it made me feel less loved and I missed them,” he explained and Jungkook listened without moving, “but the truth is, that’s where their priorities needed to be, it didn’t mean they loved me any less, I was still a priority but I wasn’t their number one and I shouldn’t have been. I didn’t need to be changed, I didn’t need help eating, the dynamics changed but their love for me didn’t, and that’s just like with you,” Namjoon finally finished and Jungkook stared down at the bedsheets and tried to digest the words he was given. It was different, but still the same. He had been the only one to feel the absence of their friendship, no one else had. He wondered how the others had accepted it so well.
Maybe he wasn’t as grown up as he liked to believe he was. Maybe he really was just a jealous child. As if sensing Jungkook’s thoughts Namjoon gently touched his shoulder. “I know you have been feeling…hurt,” Namjoon paused before saying the last word, “I know you feel loved when you spend time with us, and we have been kind of consumed with figuring ourselves out and because you didn’t know, that made it harder. I’m sorry we kind of disappeared on you, and I’m sorry the others kept our secret a little too well, but it’s not always going to be like this, Jungkook, to Jimin and I you are still a priority, you are our friend,” Jungkook felt a little like a wretched friend having to be reassured but he also felt a flood of relief because he knew he hadn’t been crazy. He nodded slowly, tears welling up in his eyes before he wiped them away.
“I’m sorry too,” Jungkook whispered and Namjoon nodded.
“Don’t worry, like I said, Yoongi told us how he thought you might be feeling,” he said carefully.
“I hurt him,” Jungkook whispered, feeling hollowed out and Namjoon bit his lip and nodded.
“He was hurt but if you don’t return his feelings that’s not your fault and I’m sure he understands and will eventually get over it,” Jungkook froze at Namjoon’s words and his wide brown eyes grew impossibly wider as he stared at the elder.
“What feelings?” he asked as his heart began to race in his chest and he watched the leaders face go red and then pale and his jaw dropped open and gaped like a fish.
“Ah, fuck, Jimin said that Yoongi confessed to you and you rejected him,” Namjoon said and Jungkook shook his head.
“No,” his voice was suddenly higher pitched, “no, that’s not what happened, I would remember that,” his mind was racing and he wondered for a moment if Yoongi had confessed to him.
“Jimin is literally the worst at the game of telephone,” Namjoon groaned as a hand ran over his face. “Forget I said anything, it was a misunderstanding,” the elder tried to get up and found his wrist in a vice like grip and two dark eyes burning into his soul and he felt a bit afraid. Jungkook was probably the strongest of the seven, besides Seokjin, but Namjoon wondered how much stronger Jungkook could actually get as his wrist was held in bruising grip.
Jungkook was not angry at all, instead he felt overwhelmed, like a wave of emotions and information collided with his mind and heart and he couldn’t function properly. He had to be sure, he had to know. “Does Yoongi-hyung like me?” he asked and Namjoon didn’t answer but his face revealed the truth.
Yoongi liked him.
How long? He didn’t know but one thing was for sure. Yoongi liked him.
“Jungkook, you can’t say anything,” Namjoon was almost ordering him and Jungkook found himself laughing because of the overwhelming emotions, “if you don’t like him back, you need to just pretend like this conversation never happened!” Namjoon snapped him back to reality from where Jungkook had been floating on air because Yoongi liked him.
“I…I won’t say anything,” Jungkook came back to the ground and looked at their leader, “I won’t,” he promised but his mind was still spinning.
“Good, because if you don’t like him back and he finds out you know, it’ll hurt him,” Namjoon’s voice was as serious as the grave and it was in that moment, Jungkook sobered up.
“I won’t say anything,” he repeated and Namjoon stared at him suspiciously which irritated the youngest, “I would never hurt him,” he said with finality and watched a slender brow raise before falling again.
“Okay,” and not long after that Namjoon was gone but not before promising Jungkook he would go bowling with him on their next break.
Jungkook felt lighter as he fell back against his bed, relief pouring through his veins and then a shiver of realization as Yoongi’s natural pouty expression came into his mind.
“Yoongi likes me,” he breathed, almost unable to believe it himself and it was then that he realized that he was holding onto some precious information. The most precious information he had ever been given, so precious it twisted his heart and made butterflies erupt in his stomach.
As giddy as it made him, for reasons he wasn’t quite sure, he had to take this seriously. His honest and plain speaking genius hyung with a penchant for story telling and borderline tsundere behavior liked him. Jungkook never would have imagined it.
So, he did what he did best in these situations: he began to analyze, perhaps even overanalyze. He thought back to all their interactions over the previous years and wondered when it had changed. When Yoongi had stopped seeing him as the little brat from Busan to the big brat from Busan he had a crush on.
Yoongi never treated him any differently, perhaps he was softer with him and more lenient, but Jungkook always figured that was because he was younger. He thought about the times they went drinking together and Yoongi would sometimes stare at Jungkook but Yoongi often blankly stared into the distance and Jungkook happened to be sitting across from him.
“If you don’t like him back,” Namjoon’s words echoed in Jungkook’s mind and he felt another swirl in his stomach.
He supposed he never thought about it.
The thought certainly didn’t repulse him.
He was too exhausted to think about it much further than that but as he fell asleep he thought about Yoongi’s dark and expressive eyes and how Min Yoongi of BTS liked him.
Jungkook’s attitude within one night changed so quickly it gave his hyung’s whiplash. Gone was the sulking twenty-two year old and now Jungkook was back to his playful self, trying to kick Taehyung under the table when the older boy stole his pickled egg.
Yoongi complained they were jostling the table and Jungkook turned his sparkling eyes on his hyung.
“I’m glad you are eating breakfast with us, hyung,” he said and he truly was, and maybe he didn’t have to add the wink as he stuffed a spoonful of rice into his mouth and it was then he noticed the light dust of pink on Yoongi’s cheeks as he turned back to his bowl with a roll of his eyes. Jungkook wondered if he always reacted like that and he had just been too blind to miss it. He heard Namjoon clear his throat and he looked over to see the older sending him a scolding look.
Jungkook nodded and then snapped at Taehyung who stole another pickled egg.
Jungkook had a lot to think about but not much time to do it and he had already wasted so much time getting caught up in Namjoon and Jimin’s feelings for each other, he never really took into consideration anyone could have feelings for him…or the other way around.
Certainly, he had crushes before, and he even had girlfriends but nothing ever serious. He was fourteen when he started his life of stardom. Even more than that, this wasn’t just anyone. This was Yoongi and he needed expert advice.
Expert advice he was determined to get when he cornered Jimin between their dance practice breaks.
“Yes?” Jimin looked exasperated because Jungkook was blocking him from leaving. He supposed that the older was still a little pissed at him from the other day.
“I’m sorry, help me with something,” Jungkook said and Jimin’s eyes widened before a devilish smirk crossed his face.
“You’re sorry what?” and Jungkook’s pride nearly ended the conversation there but he looked over to see Yoongi talking with Seokjin as they did cooldown stretches and his determination won out.
“I’m sorry hyung,” he finally said, “help me…please,” he added with gritted teeth and Jimin smiled sweetly, almost looking like an angel except Jungkook knew better.
Jungkook didn’t feel safe with anyone in earshot, mostly due to the fact he wasn’t sure what to ask. But he simply walked from the dance studio and drug Jimin behind him until he was in his own Golden Closet where he shut the door and locked it.
Jimin stood a little uncomfortably in the middle of the small studio, sweaty and looking confused. “What?” he finally asked as Jungkook turned toward him, his eyes pinning Jimin to the floor. “If this is about Namjoon-“
“How do you know if you like someone?” Jungkook blurted out and watched Jimin’s small eyes open slightly in a nearly comical way.
“Like seriously like someone?” Jungkook asked and Jimin crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side.
“What’s this about?” he asked and Jungkook growled in frustration.
“Just answer the question,” he said and Jimin rolled his eyes.
“Are you a child? How can you not know what it’s like to seriously like someone?” he asked and Jungkook stared at him, suddenly insecure and stupid. He did feel immature. There were days he was confident and mature and other days he was reminded of just how young and dumb he actually was.
“Never mind,” he must have sounded bitter as he grabbed for the doorknob.
“Wait,” Jimin called to him and Jungkook turned to him, crossing his own arms and staring down at his hyung, his thin lips pulled into a frown. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m still mad at you, but you aren’t a child, you just…you haven’t done this before,” Jimin’s expression was soft and open and Jungkook felt like even if it wasn’t absolute forgiveness it was at least an olive branch of peace.
An olive branch he would willingly take.
“You like Namjoon-hyung right?” Jungkook asked and Jimin almost choked on his spit.
“How…” he trailed off at Jungkook’s expression and sighed, “yes, more than that I love him,” he admitted his cheeks pink and Jungkook’s eyebrows raised. He hadn’t realized it was that serious and he felt those similar needles of annoyance. How long exactly had they been in love?
That was another topic for another day, “how did you know?” he finally asked and Jimin took a deep breath.
“That’s a lot to answer,” he said and moved over to sit on Jungkook’s chair, settling in slowly and flinching slightly as he sat back. Jungkook wondered if he had hurt himself dancing. The younger pulled up a beanbag to sit on.
Jimin tapped his chin and thought for a moment, “I think it would be easier to tell you what I don’t like about him, the list is shorter,“ he giggled and Jungkook sent him a look and Jimin continued nodding and thinking. “Okay…well, I guess I initially liked how smart he was, like…good looking definitely, he was really cute and sexy, but his brain always amazes me,” Jimin admitted and Jungkook listened, writing down a mental list in his mind, “he has great taste, and he’s funny, and he has great book recommendations. We can talk for just about forever, and he really understands me and I don’t think he completes me, but he certainly helps me fill in gaps where I am lacking and I do the same with him, it feels comfortable but never boring, and while our team feels like home, Joonie feels like a secret room where I can be totally myself and he can be the same,” Jimin smiled softly.
The more Jungkook listened the more he realized that he wasn’t keeping a mental list anymore, he was watching his best friend fall in love all over again and suddenly it made sense.
Namjoon and Jimin, Jimin and Namjoon…of course. Why hadn’t he realized it before? It was like he was seeing his two best friends through different eyes and it just…fit. The two were really made for each other.
“Also, he’s great in bed and has a huge dick which I got to discover thanks to being pissed at you,” Jimin winked and Jungkook’s mouth fell open.
“Things I never needed to know,” he wondered if he had turned pale with disgust.
“I guess I should thank you for pissing me off because we would probably still be doing this whole annoying ‘will we, won’t we’ thing for who knows how long,” Jimin admitted with a laugh and Jungkook grimaced.
“And thank you,” Jimin grinned and Jungkook rolled his eyes and Jimin leaned forward with a suspicious gaze. “What’s this about?”
“Nothing,” Jungkook answered too quickly and hoped that Jimin wouldn’t press him further. Instead the older boy reached forward and ruffled his hair.
“Well then,” he smiled gently, “I hope I helped with nothing.”
Indeed Jimin had and Jungkook had a lot to think about as they spent the second half of their day in the makeup chairs readying themselves for an interview that would be printed in a magazine.
Yoongi loudly complained about having to put on makeup after they were told it was just a magazine interview. None of them minded it, but it could be rather tiresome sitting in a chair and having all their imperfections airbrushed away. Jungkook found himself laughing at Yoongi’s complaints, as did everyone else and they were scolded by the makeup artists.
Jungkook’s gaze settled on the pouting Yoongi who slumped down miserably in his chair. Yoongi was funny. He continued to openly complain about the fact the magazine could just use old pictures. A pout settled over his face and Jungkook’s heart squeezed as Yoongi’s dark eyes flickered over to meet his and Jungkook grinned and Yoongi’s own gummy smile replaced his glum look.
There was also no denying he was cute.
That was something Jungkook had always known. It is what all of them knew. He was cute, absolutely and undeniably cute. And pretty.
Jungkook thought about this as he watched his own makeup being done in the mirror and then looked over at Yoongi.
Yoongi was pretty, something he had even known as a teenager. He had been struck dumb when Yoongi was put into a maid costume and he remembered how his hormones were all confused. Then it happened again with the appearance of Yoonji. Yoongi’s pale legs weren’t exposed then, but Jungkook was still floored at how pretty his hyung was.
Even without a skirt, Yoongi’s dark lashes contrasted with his fair skin and his pink doll lips, Jungkook felt a little giddy as he examined his hyung’s pretty features.
It stirred his stomach.
There was no doubt that Jungkook found him attractive.
So funny? Check! Attractive? Check! Jungkook tried to list the different qualities that Jimin had said but found himself just increasingly distracted by trying to know his hyung in a different way.
The interview was actually rather boring for him, even though surprisingly Yoongi was engaged. He supposed the interviewer was asking good questions but all Jungkook could do was play with Yoongi’s hair. It was soft under his touch despite the years of dying it and the amount of chemicals they sprayed into it.
Namjoon nudged him to stop playing around and pay attention but Jungkook ignored him. This was his normal self and if he did anything differently, that would be weird. He was also listening to Yoongi who had gone into a story about when they first formed and decided what they wanted to be. While he said that it was okay to not have a dream, he admitted he did have a dream about music but never truly thought it was possible.
Jungkook felt his heart swell with pride as Yoongi talked of them all achieving their dreams. His hyung was indeed kind and smart. He knew just the right words to say. He let his hands drop a little and scrape against the soft skin of Yoongi’s neck and watched as the elder’s shoulder’s tightened and he stopped what he was saying and Jungkook raised an eyebrow in interest.
Namjoon kicked his leg and Jungkook pulled his hands away.
In truth, he wasn’t trying to be mean or tease Yoongi but he was on a mission to discover his own feelings. Namjoon cornered him after the interview and warned him again not to play with Yoongi’s feelings and Jungkook insisted that he wasn’t.
Namjoon did not believe him but had no choice to concede because they were on their way to the next event, a short photo shoot.
The warning proved to be an effective reminder, however.
Jungkook again realized the importance of taking this seriously. He knew Yoongi liked him but Yoongi didn’t know he knew and he had to take the young rapper’s feelings into consideration.
He wanted to know his own feelings, but not at the expense of hurting Yoongi’s. He felt conflicted as they piled into the van. He wanted to sit near Yoongi who looked at him expectantly since he was the second person, but instead he slid into the seat behind him.
He didn’t trust himself not to mess with Yoongi just to see how he was feeling. Seokjin slid in next to him and Hoseok rode next to Yoongi. He put in his air pods and leaned back with closed eyes. It was a half hour drive to the photoshoot and he had a lot of thinking to do. He still couldn’t figure out if his feelings were affection or if they were something more.
Of course, he thought Yoongi was attractive and funny, anyone with a brain could know that. He also felt comfortable around Yoongi, but they’d been together for years, he felt comfortable around everyone. He supposed he could just ask Yoongi to kiss him but that would hurt the older if Jungkook pulled away and said “no”. The thought of kissing him did make him feel odd, not bad, simply odd. He wondered how soft Yoongi’s lips would be. Jungkook had been kissed before and he remembered the lips had felt soft against his own. It was a nice feeling that made him blush.
He let out a heavy sigh. What if he was just horny and because someone liked him? What if he felt like he had to like them back? But this was Yoongi! It wasn’t just anyone, it was Min Yoongi.
He opened his eyes to see Yoongi leaned against Hoseok’s shoulder and his chest burned. He felt awful just looking at them. If Yoongi liked him, why didn’t he lean on his shoulder like that?
The car stopped as Jungkook burned holes into the back of his two friend’s heads and Seokjin tapped on his arm to say they needed to go.
Jungkook turned to look at his friend and Seokjin suddenly made a face. “Well, that’s gonna be hard to cover,” he said poking Jungkook’s forehead and Jungkook winced as he suddenly felt a small pain.
He opened his front facing camera and on the center of his forehead, Jungkook saw a large pimple.
It wasn’t hard for the makeup artists to cover but it was hard to feel secure when his friends teased him about how much work Jungkook gave them.
“Just leave it, I think Jungkookie could start a trend,” Taehyung teased pinching his cheeks and Jungkook smacked him away but despite their teasing he couldn’t help but laugh through the embarrassment of having such a massive zit at twenty-two.
He thought he would be over it by the time his puberty ended but here he was with a mountain on his forehead.
“Here comes the unicorn,” Hoseok said in a baby voice as Jungkook walked in and stuck his tongue out at him in retaliation.
“Come on now,” Yoongi murmured and Jungkook felt warm at Yoongi coming to his defense.
“Aww, I’m only teasing him,” Hoseok wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s waist and pulled him into a hug which could lift the smaller man off the ground.
“Hoseokie!” Yoongi yelped and Hoseok cackled as he dropped the other and Jungkook turned away, unable to look anymore. He reached up and ran a hand through his hair and he could see Yoongi’s teasing gaze in his mind.
“I think I feel a horn.”
He turned back to Yoongi who was pushing Hoseok off and their eyes connected for a brief moment and Jungkook didn’t realize the intensity of his stare until Yoongi was raising his eyebrows at him, looking a little irritated by Jungkook’s gaze.
“What?” he asked and Jimin looked between the two.
“Nothing,” Jungkook said a little more harshly then he meant. He felt his chest tighten. He was acting like an idiot but he was irritated. This pain felt different.
The thoughts plagued him throughout the photoshoot, and it affected him more than he was willing to admit. Every movement Yoongi did Jungkook was aware of. He found himself looking at the older man more than he was at the camera and he felt like his lungs were full of air but at the same time he couldn’t breathe. The photographer told him to relax, loosen up, and Jungkook felt terrible. He was allowing this to affect his job and what’s worse is was giving the photographer a hard time.
He finally relaxed and the photoshoot was done and they all bowed to the photographer and left toward the van. Yoongi was walking ahead of them toward the van, he was always the first one ready to leave.
“Hyung,” Jungkook jogged to catch up with him, “do you want to go get lamb skewers?” he asked with an added bat of his eyelashes.
“Um,” Yoongi looked a little unsure as he looked up from his phone and his eyes went back to Hoseok. “Actually, Hoseokie is helping me with a track tonight, but maybe tomorrow Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi said with a small smile and Jungkook tried not to let it bother him, but for some reason it felt like rejection.
He felt a little petulant as he tossed his hair back. “Fine,” he knew he was pouting and he hated how he was acting like a child but he couldn’t help it. Ever since he learned Yoongi liked him he just wanted…he wasn’t sure. He wanted to know more. He wanted to see Yoongi’s reactions under the new light. He wanted to study him, put him under a microscope and watch what Yoongi did.
“Hyungie, do you want to stop at the dorm first?” Hoseok and Yoongi were moving into the front seat and Yoongi caught Jungkook’s gaze and then looked back at Hoseok.
“Yeah, maybe let’s just go straight to the studio,” he suggested and Jungkook knew Yoongi could feel his burning gaze.
‘Why doesn’t he look at me?’ he thought to himself because Yoongi was pointedly staring at Hoseok who was turned to his side and suddenly touching Yoongi’s cheeks.
“Ah, you look so cute today, cute, cute, cute!” and it was nothing out of the ordinary for Hoseok to tease Yoongi. They all teased each other, and Hoseok teased Yoongi most of all, but the way that Hoseok held Yoongi’s cheeks in his hand, moving his head slightly from side to side made Jungkook’s lungs feel like they were set on fire and he squeezed his hands into fists.
Didn’t Yoongi like him? Didn’t that mean that Yoongi wanted him? Why was he letting Hoseok handle him like that?
How could Yoongi let someone else handle him like that if Yoongi was his?
Jungkook froze immediately ashamed of his thoughts as regret pooled into his stomach. Yoongi was his? No, that wasn’t right. Yoongi wasn’t his. Yoongi was his own person. He sunk back miserably into his seat as Jimin slid in next to him. He looked over at the older but smaller man surprised he wasn’t sitting next to Namjoon in the very front and instead was squeezing himself between Seokjin and Jungkook.
Jimin merely smiled at him and it was a strange smile. Somewhat of a cross between bemusement and pity and Jungkook hated it. He then preferred to stare out the window and listened to his music way louder than necessary.
Jungkook dreamed that night of his pimple growing large and long and growing a head and that head turned into Hoseok’s head who was laughing at him and Jungkook awoke with a start and the pimple ached on his head. He thought about popping it but he would never hear the end of it from Jimin or the makeup artists and it hurt too much to pop.
The next week went by horribly for Jungkook who found himself wanting to be closer to Yoongi but ultimately pulling away because Namjoon’s words echoed through his head. He took it to the next step, and if he wasn’t even sure of his feeling’s he shouldn’t play with Yoongi’s heart, no matter how badly he wanted to see his reactions to just know and confirm for himself.
Instead if he saw Yoongi, he stood up and went to another room. When Yoongi approached him for lamb skewers, he found himself making up a lame excuse of having to exercise. Even in choreography practice he asked Jimin to help Yoongi instead and Jimin gave him a funny look but agreed. Namjoon was much easier to deal with this time around and at the end of the day Namjoon was drying his sweat soaked face and nudged Jungkook who was doing cool down stretches.
“So, this is what it looks like on the other end,” he chuckled and Jungkook looked up at him confused. “You are avoiding Yoongi right? If you don’t like him then just act normal,” Namjoon muttered as he bent down to continue stretching and Jungkook shot a look over to Yoongi who was laying on the mats with Seokjin as they watched a video together.
“I’m not avoiding him,” Jungkook hissed, “and I don’t…I don’t know,” he finally finished because it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it.
He had, torturing himself in the night of whether or not he did like Yoongi. He just had never thought of it before and he took awhile to adjust to new ideas. Jungkook could pick up a talent overnight but an idea, that was a different story. He had to weigh the pros and cons and most of them were tossed out the window when he thought about making a mistake.
What if he thought he liked Yoongi and then he didn’t? Or worse what if they dated and broke up? The worst part was the fact that Jungkook was the biggest fucking hypocrite on the planet. How could he yell about how horrible it was for two members to date when Yoongi had a crush on him this entire time?
He analyzed all their past conversations, and saw the hurt on Yoongi’s face in that one. It wasn’t anger, he was hurt, he must have been so hurt. Jungkook felt that awful stabbing feeling every time he looked at Yoongi so he tried not to. Yoongi would talk to him and he would look away, look at his phone, his hands, answering shortly and soon enough Yoongi would leave and Jungkook felt worse.
How many times had he hurt Yoongi without knowing? Every time Jungkook talked about I.U. or another idol he had a crush on, how did Yoongi feel?
He was driving himself mad over it, but he laid in bed at night and felt the ache in his chest. Nights like these he would wake up to eat some ramen and find Yoongi in the kitchen already making some. They would eat together in the silence of the kitchen, it wasn’t awkward at all, it was nice. Jungkook enjoyed those little moments.
He didn’t realize how much he missed them now that they never happened. He closed his eyes and heard the clanking of dishes and knew Yoongi was out making the ramen. He could just go out and eat with him like he had done in the past but couldn’t bring himself to. He would say something stupid. He would hurt him again.
The next day, Jungkook walked out into the living room, carrying his tea cup and nearly dropped it at the sight he saw. Yoongi was asleep on the couch with Hoseok draped slightly over him right beside him and they were both sleeping soundly and Jungkook hurried to the kitchen.
Why did he feel sick every time Hoseok strayed near Yoongi? Sick and almost infuriated when Hoseok draped his body over Yoongi’s and cuddled into him. It was usual and even if Yoongi protested, he allowed it to happen and that upset Jungkook more because he was right there. He could cuddle too. He regretted not going out the previous night. It could have been his arms around Yoongi.
He had been snapping at both of them lately and felt awful. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t figure out his feelings.
Yoongi was his. Hoseok was his. Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, Seokjin, all of them were his. Jungkook had always been possessive of his friends, when Taehyung hung out with his actor friends, Jungkook pouted because Taehyung was his best friend. Now he was even possessive of them against themselves. He knew it wasn’t healthy and it was driving him crazy.
How long had Yoongi liked him? How could Jungkook never notice? Yoongi always said he loved everyone equally, that he could never play favorites but Jungkook felt like he wanted to be his favorite. He thought back to his conversation with Namjoon, about the change in priorities. He thought about how Yoongi had left with Hoseok after he invited him out to lamb skewers. He wanted to be a different priority to Yoongi.
He felt awful, and maybe looked awful too. That irritating pimple on his head stayed, never growing bigger or smaller, no matter what he applied to it.
Every time he looked at it in the mirror he could hear Yoongi’s teasing voice.
“I think I feel a horn.”
Yoongi had said that because he thought Jungkook was jealous. Jungkook was not jealous.
If there was one thing to be absolutely clear on it was this, Jeon Jungkook was not jealous. That’s how Jungkook found himself outside of Genius Lab and for once he rang the doorbell.
He waited and rang the doorbell again and heard a murmured curse as the door opened and Yoongi stood on the other side blinking up at him.
“Jungkookie?” the shorter man’s dark eyes widened in surprise to see Jungkook on the other side.
“Hyung,” when he spoke he didn’t realize how broken he was going to sound.
“Are you alright?” Yoongi stepped aside to allow Jungkook inside and the younger walked into the middle of the room and turned around as Yoongi shut the door.
“I…” his hands twitched at his side, aching to reach out and touch the older man’s shoulders. To pull him into a hug. His heart absolutely ached for it because being here made it harder for him. “I’m sorry,” Jungkook finally said, a little shakily and Yoongi cocked his head to the side.
“Why are you apologizing? If this is about what happened last time, I’m not mad,” Yoongi’s voice was soothing and comforting and Jungkook didn’t deserve it. Yoongi then laughed but there was pain in his words, “to be honest, I thought…I thought you were mad at me, and now that you are here, I’m relieved.”
Of course. In an effort to avoid hurting Yoongi he had only hurt him more. He felt miserable and his whole body ached to be touched.
“Hyung,” Jungkook’s hands burned and he allowed himself to be selfish for one moment, “please…hug me,” his soft round brown eyes connected with Yoongi’s small brown ones and Jungkook noticed how small Yoongi looked. He looked so young and pretty and manly in his casual clothes. Jungkook wanted to hug him tightly.
“Jungkookie?” Yoongi was obviously confused because Jungkook was never one to really ask for affection. If he wanted it, he usually took it. So he brought his hands around Jungkook’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug and Jungkook wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s middle and pulled him closer. He felt the warmth of his skin and the flat plane of his back against his palm as he buried his face in Yoongi’s hair and he smelled so good. Like shampoo and soap and soft things and home.
He smelled like home.
“Yoongi,” Jungkook whispered forgetting the honorific, and he could feel Yoongi’s heart beat pick up pace against his chest. Jungkook felt warm to the bone, he never wanted to let this go. He didn’t just miss these times, he missed his friend, he missed Yoongi.
“Jungkook-ah, are you alright?” Yoongi asked, a little squished against Jungkook’s shoulder and Jungkook hummed as he held him tightly and pulled away. He couldn’t stop his hand from going up and cupping Yoongi’s cheek and Jungkook knew.
He knew with every ounce of his being he wanted to kiss Yoongi then.
He watched Yoongi’s eyes go down to his lips and saw the light blush of pink on his cheeks and Jungkook knew Yoongi wanted to be kissed.
But not like this.
His hand ached and burned as he pulled it away.
“I have something for you,” Jungkook said and reached into his pocket to pull out a small deer figurine with a large set of horns. He placed it in Yoongi’s hand and watched the other’s face screw up in confusion.
“What’s this?” he asked and Jungkook smirked.
“It’s me telling you that you were right,” he said and Yoongi raised one eyebrow.
“Yep,” Jungkook nodded and with great effort he walked over and plopped himself down onto the couch. “I was jealous,” he said with finality and Yoongi sat down in his own chair. He hummed but didn’t look surprised. “But it’s not because I liked either Namjoon or Jimin,” Jungkook watched Yoongi’s soft smile form.
“I know, maknae,” he said quietly and Jungkook nodded slowly.
“I was jealous because I thought I was losing my friends and they were spending more time with each other than with me and I wanted that time, I was jealous for it,” he said and Yoongi snorted a laugh.
“Maknae, what a brat,” he said as he inched closer to Jungkook and Jungkook took the opportunity of their closeness and grabbed his leg and pulled him forward and Yoongi squeaked a little as he had to hold onto his chair so he wouldn’t be pulled from it. Jungkook giggled, this was just as it always was, but his heart was hammering loudly in his chest.
“When I saw Namjoon and Jimin getting together I don’t know why but it felt like I was losing them, probably because I had never been in love before, but you were right, they didn’t stop loving me just because they loved each other, their priorities just changed,” Jungkook didn’t know how smart he sounded but only that he was echoing the words which were given to him.
“I’m glad you realize that, Jungkookie,” Yoongi said and Jungkook nodded and then he watched the older play with the figurine for a moment and bite his lip and Jungkook waited and hoped Yoongi would ask the question he wanted, “you said you had never been in love before,” Jungkook felt a rush of relief, “does that mean something has changed?” he asked still staring at the figurine.
“It has,” Jungkook answered honestly and he watched Yoongi’s face. He had to be sure, because now Jungkook was. Yoongi nodded slowly.
“I’m…I’m glad to hear it,” Yoongi pulled lightly on his leg that was still in Jungkook’s grasp but Jungkook didn’t let go and Yoongi didn’t try to pull away again. “So, who is it? Who is the lucky lady?” Yoongi’s voice was tight.
“Wow, way to assume my sexuality,” Jungkook teased and Yoongi looked up at him in surprise and Jungkook smiled, “for the record, it’s a guy,” he said and smoothed a circle around Yoongi’s ankle as the older man stared at him dumbly.
“Ah,” was all he said and Jungkook watched countless emotions cross Yoongi’s expressive eyes and he felt each one. Surprise. Hurt. Anger. Depression. Acceptance, and something else that Jungkook didn’t see often on his hyung’s face but having been dealing with it making its nasty little home in his chest, he recognized it immediately.
“Jealous?” Jungkook teased and Yoongi sent him a strange look.
“Why would I be?” he asked with a laugh, but his voice was wavering just slightly.
“Because I am,” Jungkook replied and Yoongi furrowed his brows in confusion. “Not of me, of the person I like,” he said and watched his hyung’s pink tongue swipe over his lips.
“Okay,” he said slowly and Jungkook did a daring move and pulled Yoongi forward a little more so half of his leg was resting on Jungkook’s lap.
“I’m jealous because he drives me crazy, all I want to do is touch him but I can’t because I’m afraid if I do I’ll hurt him,” Jungkook didn’t even know what he was saying as his hand traveled up Yoongi’s leg and his fingertips pressed into the back of Yoongi’s calf.
Yoongi’s eyes were a little wide and staring at Jungkook’s hand which nearly engulfed his entire calf.
“He’s always around these other guys and their hands are all over him, and don’t get me wrong, I love them too but I think it’s unfair how they get to touch him so casually, especially when I can’t,” Jungkook’s hand inched higher to just below the knee and Yoongi’s eyes shot up and looked at Jungkook’s expression.
Jungkook tried to look as calm as possible, even with his heart beating wildly in his chest. He didn’t exactly come here with a plan, but now that Yoongi was so close to him, any plan he might have had was gone. He wasn’t going to leave this room and have to spend any more time wasting away in this pit of despair.
“Sounds like you are being immature,” Yoongi attempted, though his voice was shaking and Jungkook clenched his hand a little tighter and made Yoongi yelp.
“You think so? But I can’t help it, because I know…” he paused, his voice shaking a bit, “I know he wants me to touch him, wants me to kiss him, wants it just be me, but he doesn’t ever ask,” Jungkook suddenly pulled Yoongi forward, out of the chair so Yoongi had no choice but to land in his lap.
“Jungkook!” Yoongi practically yelled, the figurine falling out of his hand and onto the ground. He squirmed until he realized their position and he was straddling the younger’s lap and Jungkook’s hands were featherlight on his side as big doe eyes stared up at him.
Jungkook saw the blush paint Yoongi’s face completely and saw the way his eyes flickered down to Jungkook’s lips and back at his eyes.
“Do you know the difference between jealous and possessive?” he asked and watched Yoongi’s adams apple bob up and down. “If you are jealous you want something you don’t have that belongs to someone else, but if you are possessive,” his fingers tightened a little around Yoongi’s middle, “you want to keep what is yours,” he took a deep breath, “I’m not jealous, hyung, I just want what’s mine all to myself,” he whispered and watched the realization cross over Yoongi’s face and he felt terrified.
Every inch of him was full of terror as Yoongi’s features changed and it dawned on him what Jungkook was saying. He could push off of him and tell him to get out and Jungkook would deserve it.
To his surprise Yoongi stayed, his lips pulled into a cute and slightly confused frown, and his expression was careful, as if he were going to break, as if he were expecting it to be a joke.
“You…you don’t have to feel that way, maknae-yah,” Yoongi whispered and Jungkook shook his head.
“I know, it’s terrible, but I guess I still have some growing up to do,” Jungkook spoke softly as his hand moved slowly up and down the small of Yoongi’s back and made the older’s breath hitch. “Do you think he will be mine, hyung?” Jungkook asked pulling Yoongi a little closer and Yoongi put his hands on Jungkook’s shoulders to steady himself.
“I think…” Yoongi swallowed heavily, “I think he would if he knows you were his too,” he replied and Jungkook felt his heart slam in his chest and he did what he had been wanting to do and pulled Yoongi so close their faces were inches a part and he watched a blush grow even darker against the other’s fair skin.
“I am,” he whispered and waited for a moment, watching Yoongi’s eyes which were wide and he could feel his heart racing, and he realized the smaller man was waiting for him to make the first move. “I am,” he repeated softly and leaned forward to barely brush his lips against Yoongi’s and he felt the older tighten in his grip and he nearly pulled away, afraid he made a mistake when he felt the tangle of Yoongi’s slender fingers in his dark hair.
Suddenly Yoongi was kissing back, warmly, fervently, and it was simple slide of lips against one another, but it set his body on fire as he gripped Yoongi’s hips and felt the older shiver against him. He took a breath, sucking in the warm air from Yoongi’s mouth as he licked into the older man’s mouth and Yoongi nearly collapsed against him with a whimper and tipped his head to the side to deepen the kiss and Jugnkook’s hands slid over his back and down his ribs to his hips.
He had been kissed before but this felt wonderful and he was instantly addicted and as Yoongi pulled away he chased after him and opened his eyes to see Yoongi’s pink lips and flushed cheeks.
“Jungkookie,” Yoongi was whispering his name, tears at the edge of his eyes and Jungkook gripped his hips and shifted upwards to kiss him again. “When..how?” Yoongi asked and Jungkook shook his head and gave him another kiss, softer and slower before pulling away.
“I want to ask the same thing,” Jungkook replied honestly and Yoongi flushed a dark red. The two ended up cuddling on the couch in Genius Lab, Jungkook laying almost on top of Yoongi and Yoongi’s hands carded through his hair as Jungkook listened to when Yoongi had first realized he liked the maknae.
It was unexpected. Jungkook thought it would be his abs on Fake Love, but Yoongi’s crush actually first began when Jungkook took him for lamb skewers on his hyung’s birthday and paid for the meal.
“That’s it?” Jungkook asked and Yoongi nodded. “That’s lame,” he said and Yoongi poked his side.
“What about you?” he asked and Jungkook shifted and looked down at Yoongi.
“When I saw you today,” he whispered and Yoongi’s eyes widened a bit but he didn’t say anything. “I knew…” he chewed his lip as his eyes connected with the elders and he could feel Yoongi’s heart pick up speed.
“How?” he asked.
“Because Namjoon accidentally let it slip,” Jungkook placed what he hoped to be a soothing hand on Yoongi’s chest. “He didn’t mean to, it was a misunderstanding, but…hyung, I was…scared, that’s why I avoided you,” he wanted to be honest and he saw hurt on Yoongi’s face.
“Jungkook, I would never force you do something-“
“I was scared of hurting you,” Jungkook rushed and buried his nose in Yoongi’s shoulder for a moment before moving up again and looking into Yoongi’s eyes. “I was scared that things would change and I wouldn’t like it, or that something bad would happen, but when I saw Hoseok and you cuddling on the couch I felt…I didn’t want to hurt you but I saw you today and I wanted…but I…I understand if you want to choose Hoseok,” Jungkook didn’t mean that in the slightest. He would have been willing to fight Hoseok for Yoongi’s hand if he were less of a man that didn’t respect his hyung and his choices. He would respect Yoongi’s choice but he wouldn’t understand.
“You think I like Hoseok?” Yoongi asked and Jungkook became flustered.
“I saw you cuddling and he has the Genius Lab password,” he spoke in a small voice and Yoongi pushed a hand through Jungkook’s shaggy black hair.
“You’re so stupid, I love Hoseok, he’s been there for me, he has the password because one time I passed out while producing a song and Hoseok had to call the building manager to get me out. Hoseok is probably the only one of us who is straight, maybe Seokjin too,” Yoongi commented and then furrowed his brows, “Taehyung I have no idea.”
“Hyung,” Jungkook moved closer to Yoongi’s lips and touched his face again. “So you are mine then?” he asked and Yoongi rolled his eyes.
“I don’t believe in possessing people but…in the sense that my heart is not for anyone else, I am yours,” Yoongi said and Jungkook pressed his lips over and over against Yoongi’s skin, muttering out of the side of his mouth,
“Mine, mine, mine” and breathing it against Yoongi’s lips and Yoongi smiled into the kiss.
When Jungkook woke up the next morning he discovered his enormous pimple had disappeared without a trace. He rubbed his head with relief and walked from the bathroom to see Jimin and Namjoon cuddling and watching a movie on the couch, Hoseok playing a phone game, and Taehyung petting Yeontan on his lap while Seokjin was almost falling asleep on the chair and saw Yoongi walking toward the bathroom.
“Hyung,” he shouted and giggled when all of them turned their head, and Jungkook grabbed ahold of Yoongi’s hand and turned to the others. “We are dating,” he announced and watched red cover Yoongi’s face.
“Jungkookie,” Yoongi reprimanded, but he wasn’t angry, and Namjoon nodded.
“Uh…congrats? You probably want to clear it with Bang PD…and he’s not listening,” and indeed Jungkook was not, because he had lowered his head to kissing Yoongi full on the lips, his hands coming around his waist and pulling him flush against him. The other’s made noise of complaints but Jungkook ignored them and smiled into the kiss as Yoongi laughed against his mouth and kissed him back.
Yoongi would tease him later for being such a possessive brat, and Jungkook didn’t mind it.
If there was one thing to be absolutely clear on it was this, Jeon Jungkook was not jealous. He could admit he struggled with it a bit in the past but understood it now and he was absolutely not jealous.
Now possessive on the other hand, that he would admit to.