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too many lovers (maybe just enough)

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i.

Kissing Rose is nice.

Her mouth is firm against his, kissing him like she always has. Rose is all passion and fury, and Jason likes that about her. Pressed up against him, nothing about her feels fragile or soft - she is solid and strong, she’s able to carry the weight of the world if she has to. He doesn’t have to worry about hurting her, and that’s a relief.

So Jason wraps himself around her like she might run away, kissing back just as passionate. He knows the soft, desperate sound he hears isn’t coming from Rose, and that’s okay. 

ii.

He doesn’t mean to kiss Eddie. One moment they are bickering and the next Eddie’s mouth is on his, their lips moving against each other. Jason feels time expand around them, the moment stretching on impossibly long.

Jason’s fingers ghost over Eddie’s neck and the way Eddie tips his head back makes his stomach flip. The kiss is slow, gentle in a way that has become somewhat unfamiliar to Jason and it sends a pleasant, lazy warmth through his body. He lets Eddie climbs into his lap without breaking the kiss, and it feels like they could stay here forever.

iii.

When Jason seals his mouth against August’s, both hesitate for the fraction of a second. Then, before Jason can really think about it, he feels August grab his waist and press him against the wall.

He licks his way into Jason’s mouth, and the kiss turns dangerously hot within seconds. Jason desperately tries to pull August closer, and when the speedster’s hands slip under the body armour, touching his sides teasingly, he shudders slightly. August kisses like he wants to crawl under his skin, like he wants to take everything Jason has to give, and Jason just might let him. 

iv.

Rankorr looks so soft with the autumn light falling in through the window, wrapped in a blanket, Jason simply has to kiss him.

It’s easy - he just leans down to press their lips together. It doesn’t turn into anything else, just the gentle, chaste brush of lips together. It’s the kind of kiss someone gives their long-term partner, a quick reminder that they still love them.

Jason and Rankorr are not even partners. Still, Jason feels Rankorr’s hand slide into his hair, holding him for another moment, their lips connected. The gentleness of it makes Jason’s heart ache a little.

+ i.

Jason is ready to admit that he didn’t know what he was doing when he kissed them all. He just… did it. They never talked about it, and Jason refused to think about it, but now he’s here, being scrutinized by all four of his teammates. He doesn’t know what to do now, if he’s honest with himself. He enjoyed kissing all of them, but he also feels guilt gnawing at his heart. Is it cheating if they didn’t talk about what they are? Is it cheating if he feels things for all of them?

“It has come to our attention that we all have more in common than we thought we had.” Rankorr’s voice is gentle, his British accent soft and familiar. Still, Jason’s chest feels tight, fear crawling between his ribs. He doesn’t want them to leave. They seem so ready, so prepared, and he doesn’t know what will come next, but he can’t let them go thinking he was messing with them. 

“I’m sorry.” The words come out broken, like shards of glass in his mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- I didn’t think-” 

Jason doesn’t realize he’s shaking with the fear of them leaving him behind until Rose pulls his head down and forces him to look at her. “Breathe, Jay.” It’s an order and he doesn’t like orders, but when Rose gives them, he listens. So he takes shuddering breaths, his fingers wrapped around Rose’s small wrists, until his body stops trembling, stops betraying him. 

Rose’s hands are still on his face, warm and calloused. They make him feel safe, and that is terrifying , especially because they will leave. He will be alone, again. 

Jason pulls back, out of Rose’s reach, focusing his gaze on the floor. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… I wasn’t messing with you, I swear. I didn’t mean to fuck this up.”

Someone makes a questioning noise - August, maybe - and Jason feels Eddie take his hand. It can only be Eddie, his skin is inhumanly warm and red , but it does nothing to help Jason relax.

“Jay, you didn’t fuck anything up. I don’t know what you think is happening here, but you did nothing wrong. Okay?”

Jason wants to believe Eddie so badly. He wants to believe that they wouldn’t leave him over this, but… he can’t. He can’t let himself believe he gets to have this , because it will make it so much harder when they do walk away from him. So he lets Eddie’s hand slip out of his and closes his eyes, because - he can’t take this otherwise. “I think you’re about to tell me you realized I kissed all of you, and then you’re going to walk away.”

He hears someone take a sharp breath, but he doesn’t want to hear whatever they have to say. Opening his eyes, he refuses to meet their eyes. “It’s okay. Everyone eventually does. I’m used to it.” 

He knows it always happens and still, he’s dumb enough to hope for some other outcome. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” 

There’s the rush of wind that always comes with August moving at super speed, and then Jason feels hands on his face. He can’t resist looking at August, can’t resist the desperate pull towards him, towards all of them. 

August looks upset, but Jason doesn’t get it - they want to go and he’s making it easy on them, so why are they still here?

August’s fingers trace Jason’s jawline, as if Jason is delicate and breakable. “You are very stupid, Jason.” Before he can answer to that, August’s mouth is pressing against his, soft but insistent. It’s different than their first kiss - less desperate, less hurried. August’s hands rest against his jawline, and it isn’t until Jason pulls back that he remembers the three other people in this room, people he kissed as well. His heart lurches into his throat, almost choking him.

Are they just messing with him? Did they decide that leaving him wouldn’t hurt enough, that they should torture him first? Deep down, he knows they wouldn’t hurt him like that - so he tries and puts his trust into them one more time,even if it will be his downfall.

“Someone needs to explain this to me, because I don’t think I understand.”

His voice sounds fragile, like he’s about to splinter apart, and that’s about how he feels. Rose and Eddie both open their mouths, but Rankorr beats them to it. “We want to be with you. We’re not messing with you, I promise.”

It’s both nice and scary to know his emotions are that obvious. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, though.

Rose chimes in, her voice gentle in a way Jason rarely hears it. “We didn’t know what exactly you felt towards us, but we all would like to be with you. We couldn’t settle on a word or a description, but we want to be with you.”

It takes a lot for her to say that, Jason realizes. To be that vulnerable without having the proper words to explain it. Somehow, that calms the panicked part of himself down.

Eddie’s hand slips into his again, and this time, he squeezes it a little. Eddie smiles. “We have no clue how to do this. But we’d like to try, you know?”

The emotions swirling inside his chest are confusing and painful and so good and Jason just wants to kiss them again. He hates how vulnerable he feels thinking this, but he wants to hold them and be held in response. And yeah, he can’t really place what he’s feeling, he can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic and he can’t tell where his feelings start and where they end, but he likes being around them. He enjoys kissing them, he enjoys the way it makes him feel when one of them holds his hand. He wants to be with them, too.

“I would like to try, too.”

It makes Rankorr and Rose smile at him, and he feels Eddie squeezes his hand softly. August’s hands are still resting against his neck, and when he pulls Jason in again, Jason almost doesn’t the grumbled “now that’s unfair, he already got his second kiss” over the sound of his own heartbeat. He smiles against August’s lips, unable to help himself. They’re going to be fine.