I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things
We can do the tango just for two
I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings
Be your Valentino just for you
Crowley tossed and turned in bed, his brain running a mile a minute. He couldn’t get that stupid smile, stupid wit, stupid face out of his head, and it was infuriating. Thoughts and feelings kept growing and they wouldn’t go away. It made his whole body buzz.
He looked at the time and swore. It was only 1 AM. Normally, the demon refused to get out of bed until at least 2 PM, but in that moment, he just needed to pace. Pacing might help quell his screaming mind. Emotions bubbled up and he growled, running his hand through his hair.
Finally, after much deliberation and thought, he came to a conclusion. He had to do it. Tomorrow had to be the day. There was no way this feeling of.... whatever-it-was would stay undetected for much longer. It had to come out.
He looked at the clock again. 3 AM. He had time. He shrugged, fell facedown in the bed, and passed out.
Ooh love ooh loverboy
What're you doin' tonight, hey boy
Set my alarm, turn on my charm
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned lover boy
“Hello!” A cheery voice answered the phone and Crowley blushed at his pounding heart.
“Hey, Aziraphale, I was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch with me.” He tried to keep his voice nice and calm, but internally, he was close to screaming.
“Yes, of course! Will this be a social call or-“
“Oh no it’s purely social.” The demon went over to his closet and started to look through all of his outfits, trying to find one that was looked like it would be approved by Aziraphale.
“I’ll see you around 2 then, seeing as it’s already 12.”
“Yeah yeah right see you then.” Crowley hung up and threw half of his closet across the room
“No no NO!” He yanked yet another shirt out of the closet. Not good enough. Then he had a thought, and ran back to the pile of clothes that he had already thrown away, digging up a shirt, only to look at it and sigh. Not nearly as good as he thought it would be.
For another half an hour, he tossed his outfits across his room, periodically digging up shirts and pants, but then tossing them since they weren’t the right color or the right style that he was going for. Finally, he decided on wearing black skinny jeans, a white, button down shirt, and a navy blue blazer.
With a snap, his bed clothes were replaced with the new outfit. Crowley stepped into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, thinking ‘alright, how am I going to do this?’
“Hey, Aziraphale!” He smiled so wide it hurt. Fuck. Nope. That wouldn’t work.
“Hey, Angel.” He said semi-flirtatiously with a small smirk. No fucking way. Too forward.
“Hey, Angel!” He said with finger guns. No way in HEAVEN he was ever going to do that again.
“Yo, Zira.” He hated it as soon as it left his mouth.
“Hey, angel.” No, he sounded too bored!
Ooh let me feel your heartbeat (grow faster, faster)
Ooh ooh can you feel my love heat, ooh
Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love
And tell me how do you feel right after-all
I'd like for you and I to go romancing
Say the word, your wish is my command
“Hey, Angel!” Crowley greeted Aziraphale with what he figured was his winning smile as he waltzed into the book shop.
“Oh, hello, Crowley!” Aziraphale seemed to light up as soon as he saw the demon through the window, and smiled. “I know this perfect cafe around the corner, I know we’ve gone here before but-“
Crowley had stopped listening to him and began thinking about how he was going to phrase it. His heart beat faster than it had ever before and he almost felt dizzy.
“-croissants that you’ll LOVE! Well, at least I do.” Aziraphale looked down as he fiddled with his thumbs. “So, shall we go?”
“Yeah, sounds perfect. Lead on.” Crowley said, distracted by his own racing thoughts.
“My dear, are you quite sure you’re alright?” The angel looked up at him worriedly, “You look rather pale-“
“Nah-Yeah I just-just been, ya know... demon... working on a lot of stuff- demon stuff, ya know...”
Aziraphale did not know, but he knew that something was up, and that he wanted to know what was upsetting his friend so much as to cause him so much mental anguish.
“Of course! Now, shall we be off?”
Crowley opened the door for him and the angel nodded in thanks.
Ooh love ooh loverboy
What're you doin' tonight, hey boy
Write my letter
Feel much better
And use my fancy patter on the telephone
The lunch started out as quiet and awkward. Aziraphale had received and was in the middle of eating his meal before Crowley stopped mindlessly poking the tablecloth with his fork.
“Listen, I have something to tell you.” He started. There was a pause. “We’ve been on earth for 6000 years, give or take, right?”
“From the Beginning.” Aziraphale nodded in agreement.
“From the Beginning. Anyway, we’ve seen some shit, right?”
“Mm, yes, you could say that.” The angel looked up at him, confused. “Why?”
Crowley held his finger up as if to shush him.
“I trust you and you trust me, right?”
“Of course!” Aziraphale squinted his eyes.
“What I’m trying to say is...” Crowley chugged the glass of wine in front of him, then took a deep breath in, then out. “... I think I’m in love... with you.”
And suddenly, Aziraphale stopped, just froze. For a moment, the demon held his breath.
“Well, that might be a problem...”
Crowley’s heart dropped.
When I'm not with you
I think of you always
(I miss those long hot summer nights) I miss you
When I'm not with you
Think of me always
Love you, love you
Aziraphale swallowed, then continued. “...for our head offices, because I am rather smitten with you too, my dear.”
Hey boy where do you get it from
Hey boy where did you go?
I learned my passion in the good old fashioned school of loverboys
As Aziraphale paid with his card, they sat in silence. Both parties hadn’t said a word since their confessions.
They didn’t say a word on the journey back to the bookshop, either. As soon as the door closed, Crowley broke the silence.
“How long?” There was excitement behind his voice.
“How long have you... thought about me like that?”
“1941.” Aziraphale looked at Crowley, a hint of a smile in his eyes as he walked towards his desk. “You saved my books without me even having to ask. I suspected you had amorous feelings for me back then so-“
“WAIT, WHAT?!” Crowley stepped in front of the angel. “You didn’t ask? You knew all along?”
“No, and no!” The angel pouted and straightened his vest as he took off his coat and put it on his hat stand. “I didn’t know, I suspected. And I wasn’t going to ruin our friendship over... over some feelings that you might not have even felt. So I kept my mouth shut, and waited.”
Crowley raised his eyebrows. “You knew I’d confess?”
Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Well, of course you would. Eventually. If you did have feelings. You’re rather bad at hiding things from me. You tend to tell me about them eventually. I find it quite sweet, actually.” His eyes twinkled as he looked at the demon, who was extremely happy for the sunglasses that he wore for fear that his angel might see how embarrassed he actually was. He opened his mouth to tell him it wasn’t true, then thought back to all of the times that he had done something really bad. Not once was he able to keep it from Aziraphale. Not once had he really kept an important secret from him forever.
Suddenly, the bookshop phone began to ring, and after one ring, Aziraphale picked it up.
The demon went into the back room and waited. As soon as he hung up, the angel came in and wrung his hands together. “I think I have a nice bottle of champagne I kept for this very occasion.” He said with a hint of pride in his voice. “Would you like to-“
“The more alcohol, the better.” Crowley smiled a strange smile. “Bring everything you’ve got up.”
“I think...” Crowley raised his finger as he slouched into the couch, even more drunk than he normally got. “I think we should open up a zoo.”
“...what?” Aziraphale raised hi eyebrow, thoroughly inebriated as well, but not nearly as far gone as his friend.
“A zoo!” He sat up quickly, then as he started to sway, slouched back down to the sofa, staving off the dizziness. “You know. With all of those... animals. Like giraffes. And monkeys who fling poo at people, those animals.”
“Wh-why would we open a zoo?”
“I dunno.” Crowley’s eyebrows knitted together. “Cause we almost saw all of them get killed in the apocalypse and they didn’t so let’s keep them. Like that guy uh... what was his name? The guy with the big boat.”
“Buhh...” Aziraphale tried to think, failed miserably, then went back to drinking.
“Yeah. Anyway. That’s a good idea, we should do that.”
“Lemme think about it first, Crowley, we can’t jump into things like that! Plus, who would clean up the... the messy bits of animals? Like the poo. And the smell.”
“We could miracle it away!”
“No, I don’t like this plan. I’m saying no.”
“How- how about we... we get a pet!” Crowley pointed at Aziraphale with a pointed look. “Not a whole zoo. Maybe... maybe a cat!”
“Or a dog!” The angel chimed in, suddenly way more interested, then immediately his face dropped. “But they could hurt my books.”
“Oh screw the books!” Crowley flung his arms out, spilling some champagne on the sofa. “Oops. Shit.”
Aziraphale looked almost angry at him for a split second before saying, “They’re my-my life’s work and you’ll never be able to appreciate that. But I will not have an animal in the bookshop.”
“Look, Angel,” the demon knew he was in hot water as his... friend sat up straight with a blank look on his face, “I didn’t mean to upset you, I just want a cat!”
“Then keep it at your damn place.” Aziraphale hissed (Crowley was actually quite impressed by his hissing), turning away from him. “I’ll not have a creature destroy what I hold most dear.”
Ouch. That stung. Crowley looked at him in shock, then put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Aziraphale. I should sober up and get going.”
“Yes,” his back was still turned, “I think that’s a very good idea.”
As soon as the bottles were full once again, Crowley shoved his hands in his pockets and sauntered out of the store, trying to ignore the pain in his chest.
Dining at the Ritz, we'll meet at nine precisely
(One two three four five six seven eight nine o' clock)
I will pay the bill, you taste the wine
Driving back in style, in my saloon will do quite nicely
Just take me back to yours that will be fine (come on and get it)
“Hello, this is Antony J. Crowley, you know what to do, do it with style.”
Crowley growled in annoyance as he started to slowly wake up, his head pounding. After he had gotten home, he downed half of a bottle of whiskey, then had stumbled into his room. He had passed out face down on the mattress, still in his clothes.
“Hello, dear.” Aziraphale. Oh, fuck. “I am truly very sorry about last night. Would you like to dine with me at the Ritz at 9 o’clock tonight? I know you’re probably not awake yet, so that gives you about 6 hours to decide.” There was a brief pause. Crowley didn’t move a muscle, sulking like a teenager. “I guess you are still asleep. I hope to see you later, my dear.” The message ended, and the demon finally lifted his head off of the bed.
“Ugh.” He rolled himself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, stripping as he walked towards his shower. As the water beat down on his back, he began thinking about what had happened yesterday. It was like a dream come true had turned into an utter nightmare, and he cursed his past self for his selfishness, then thought about it for a while and took it back.
He was a demon.
He was supposed to be selfish.
It was the angel who was in the wrong for overreacting. If the angel couldn’t accept who he was, what he was, then maybe they shouldn’t be involved with each other. Maybe it was right for him to leave.
As soon as he thought that, he felt an empty pit open up in his chest. That was it. They could never be together.
Crowley was practically made of sin, and Aziraphale was the embodiment of holiness. It wouldn’t be right. They had no future.
The demon moved sluggishly as he turned off the water, his heart heavy. As soon as he had dried off, there was a knock at the door. Thank god, there would be a distraction from the pain he was in. He made his way to the door and opened it to find-
Aziraphale. His eyes were downcast and he looked troubled, but as soon as he met Crowley’s eyes, he plastered on a fake smile.
“Hello, my dear! I figured I’d stop by, just to check in on you. I know I had hurt you last night with my-“
“Nahh, don’t worry about it.” The demon forced a smile. “I’m fine.”
Aziraphale took a deep breath and looked away. “I think we should talk about what we talked about yesterday.”
Crowley gestured for him to come in, and shut the door as soon as the angel walked in. Quickly, he miracled his sunglasses into his hand and quickly slipped them on.
“I was just thinking about that, and I think I know what you’re going to say. And I agree.” Crowley saw Aziraphale look up in shock as he sat down on a small couch in a small sitting area that the demon had just created.
“You... you do?”
“Definitely. Pretend like I had never said anything. Pretend like yesterday didn’t even happen, I don’t care. Let’s just... forget it ever happened and move on.”
Aziraphale was silent, and when he spoke, it was slow and quiet. “I don’t want that, Crowley.” He cleared his throat, choosing his words very carefully. “You are my best friend, and I never intended on hurting you. What I said, I said out of anger. I didn’t mean it.” Crowley slowly sat down in a chair across from Aziraphale. “I want to be a part of your life for the rest of eternity. I want to be by your side. I meant what I said when I said that I was smitten with you. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand, but-“
Crowley sprung out of his chair, grabbed Aziraphale by the front of his coat, and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, but it was filled with 6,000 years worth of longing. At first, Aziraphale made a startled noise, but after a second, he relaxed into the kiss, humming.
Both parties were dazed as they broke apart.
“That...” Aziraphale started. “That was unexpected.”
Crowley’s eyes went wide.
“No no no! Not in a bad way. In a very.” The angel cleared his throat. “A very good way.”
For a little bit, they were both silent, trying to absorb what had just happened. Not even the demon had expected himself to do that.
“That was fun.” Crowley grinned. “You know what I think we should do?”
Aziraphale blushed. “It better not be what I think you’re about to suggest.”
Crowley thought for a second, then looked at the angel in shock. “No! No, I just meant that we could try again. You know, maybe it’ll be even better than the first time.”
The angel, his angel, smiled. “I think that could be arranged.”
Ooh love, (there he goes again just like a good old-fashioned lover boy)
What're you doin' tonight, hey boy
Everything's all right
Just hold on tight
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned fashioned lover boy