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"Leave her be! Princess or not, learning to fight is essential."


 

 

“Got your nose!” Rapunzel squealed. 

 

She grabbed Koda’s nose, pretending to steal it from him as she chased the Baby Bear around the living room.

 

“Hey, give it back,” Koda laughed as he chased after the princess.

 

Princess Anna, who was sitting on a rocking chair, watched her little girlfriend play with the bear cub. She leaned back against the bolster of her seat, drinking lemonade and waiting for Nita to come home. 

 

“You can’t catch me!” Rapunzel giggled. 

 

She turned around and wiggled her hips, blowing a raspberry at Koda. The Baby Bear simply laughed at her.

 

“You’re a silly princess,” Koda said. 

 

“And a badass one at that,” Anna added.

 

“That’s right, Koda! The forces of evil don’t stand a chance against me,” Rapunzel declared. 

 

“Not ruffians or thugs?” Koda asked.

 

“Nope,” Rapunzel said. 

 

“What about rapists? Serial killers?” 

 

“I can beat them into submission,” Rapunzel said. 

 

“She’s got your back, little cub,” Anna said to Koda. 

 

As Koda hugged Rapunzel, Nita entered the room. The Mother Bear had returned from the marketplace in the village, carrying a pack of Pampers Cruisers and two bags.

 

“Guess who went shopping for my baby girl?” Nita asked Koda.

 

“You did?” Rapunzel said.

 

“That’s right, Goldilocks,” the Mother Bear said. 

 

“What did you get?” Koda asked.

 

“For Rapunzel, I’ve got diapers, slime, and water balloons,” Nita said. “As for you, Baby Bear, I have honey buns, apple strudels, and porridge mix.”

 

“Thanks, Mama,” Koda said.

 

“What are the water balloons and slime for?” Rapunzel asked.

 

“For stuffing your Pampers,” Nita replied to the princess.

 

“Gross!” Koda remarked.

 

“It’s not gross, Koda,” Nita scolded. “Just because you can’t understand something doesn’t always mean that it’s wrong.”

 

The Mother Bear smiled at Rapunzel.

 

“Isn’t that right, cutie pie?”

 

The princess blushed and nodded. 

 

“It’s okay, Koda,” Rapunzel said to the Baby Bear. “Maybe one day, I will show you.” 

 

“That is, if he isn’t too grossed out,” Nita laughed.

 

Ever since the Mother Bear recently found out about Rapunzel’s habit of stuffing her Pampers, she decided to make the experience more enjoyable for her foster daughter by purchasing safe, small items that could easily fit inside Rapunzel’s diapers.

 

“Thanks for the toys, Mama,” Rapunzel said. 

 

“You’re welcome, baby girl,” Nita said. “Did you have a nice day?” 

 

“Not really,” Rapunzel said.

 

Nita’s motherly smile faded from her face. She wrapped her arms around Rapunzel, holding her tightly.

 

“Why? What’s wrong?” the Mother Bear asked.

 

“Your husband’s been a jerk to me for the past seven weeks,” Rapunzel told Nita. “He touches me inappropriately, screams at me when I’m not working fast enough, and constantly objectifies me.”

 

“Don’t worry, honey. I’ll teach him a lesson,” Nita replied.

 

“But how?” Rapunzel asked. 

 

“Mama has her ways, little princess,” Nita said. “Now go play with your brother.” 

 

As Rapunzel resumed playing with Koda, Anna followed Nita into the kitchen. In the kitchen, Kenai was preparing venison sausages and porridge for brunch. When he noticed his wife entering the room, the Father Bear smiled at her and said,

 

“Hello, Nita. What’s up?”

 

In response, Nita smacked her husband across the face. She grabbed the food from him, placing it on the table. 

 

“Why did you hit me? What have I done?” Kenai asked.

 

“Have you been hitting on Goldilocks again?” Nita demanded.

 

“Yes, I have. But she’s always annoyed or frightened,” Kenai said. 

 

“That’s because she’s my girlfriend, not yours!” Anna shouted at the Father Bear. “You already have a woman in your life.”

 

“I’m joking,” Kenai said. 

 

“Are you?” Anna asked, walking closer to the Father Bear. “Or are you trying to escape us? Because that would be a dumbass move.” 

 

Spotting Rapunzel in the living room with his son, Kenai tried to make a run for it, but Nita blocked his path.

 

“You’re not going anywhere near my foster daughter anymore,” Nita said. “You can’t have her.”

 

“And why not? She’s my maid,” Kenai said. 

 

“That’s a bullshit excuse,” Anna said. 

 

“What kind of example are you setting for our son?” Nita said to her husband. “Koda needs a strong, loving father, not a sleazy douchebag who hits on women who are already in relationships.” 

 

“But Rapunzel’s a blonde! Blonde girls are easy.” 

 

Anna slapped Nita’s husband and screamed at him,

 

“Don’t you ever say that crap again or I will throw out the window. Do you hear me?” 

 

The Father Bear screamed and cowered before Princess Anna. He shielded himself with his hands, glancing at her. 

 

“Yes, Your Highness.”

 

“Now go into the living room and apologize to Rapunzel,” Nita said. 

 

“But who’s going to make dinner?” Kenai asked.

 

“I will,” Anna said to the Father Bear. 

 

Recognizing his defeat, Kenai walked into the living room and approached Rapunzel. 

 

“Your Highness, I have an apology to make,” Kenai said. 

 

“It’s about time,” Rapunzel remarked.

 

“I am dreadfully sorry for my misbehavior towards you,” Kenai apologized. “I should’ve known better than to ignore the fact that you’re in a relationship with Princess Anna of Arendelle. However, instead of keeping my horny thoughts to myself, I made you uncomfortable.” 

 

“I forgive you,” Rapunzel said. “However, my services will no longer be required.”

 

“Does that mean I should get rid of the maid outfit?” Kenai asked.

 

Rapunzel shook her head. She walked toward Kenai and smiled, holding his hand. 

 

“No, I’m going to keep the dress. It makes me feel pretty.”