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Jojo and the gang

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Joseph: y'all hear about this religion thing?

Caesar: which one?

Joseph: THERE'S TWO????

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Jotaro: anyone else feel like god is just trying with you however he pleases? He thinks he's so funny. Well I'm about to be hilarious

Kakyoin:

Kakyoin: are you alright jotaro?

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Polnareff: you promise you didn't get me a box of bee's this year?

Jotaro, standing a safe distance away: just open the box polnareff

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Jotaro: grandpa you shouldn't be cooking when you're on your medication

Joseph: SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M FINE

Jotaro: then wHY THE FUCK IS THERE GUITAR IN THE MICROWAVE

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Jonathan: and then I said whapow!

Dio: hahaha I'm undead

Jonathan: what?

Dio: [quietly] I'm a vampire jon

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Avdol: who wants a tarot reading?

Polnareff: those are pokemon cards

Avdol: if you get a magicarp, it means fuck you

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William: how many lives have you taken?

Dio: I don't know. How many loaves of bread have you eaten in your lifetime?

Jonathan: oh I love bread. I could honestly eat it for every meal

Dio: no you can't

Jonathan: why not?

Dio: you'd get fat

Jonathan: why'd I get fat?

Dio: bread makes you fat

Jonathan: BREAD MAKES YOU FAT?

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Smokey: I'm ambidextrous

Joseph: that's what's up bro love who you love

[Caesar screaming in the background]

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Avdol: people say I have a unique way of lighing up the room

Jotaro: it's called arson and those people are witnesses

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Narancia: hey avacado what time is it

Abbacchio: call me that one more time and i'll smash your teeth in

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Joseph: vibe check!

Joseph: [pushes Caesar down the stairs]

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jonathan: joe

dio: who's joe

jonathan: joe mama

dio: [dies]

[end of part one]

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Polnareff: go fuck yourself haha

Jotaro: haha ok [standing up and calling out Star Platinum]

Polnareff: NONONO NOT LIKE THAT PLEASE DON'T DO THAT

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caesar: joseph joestar i am at a loss for words

joseph, narrating: despite being at a loss for words, caesar continued to yell at me for the next hour

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jotaro: i drink to forget but i always remember

kakyoin: you’re drinking chocolate milk

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wammuu: vibe check!

wammuu: [walks into a line of german soldiers, killing them instantly]

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Giorno: hey dad, what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Dio: son, you're my biggest regret

Giorno: [drops ladybug backpack in shock]

Girono: n-nacho cheese

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Jotaro: [takes a long swig from a flask that was in his jacket]

Barkeep: sir, no outside drinks are permitted

Jotaro, hoarsly: this is flour

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polnareff, through tears: you all are not

hol horse, smaking the table so hard it breaks in half: Y A I N ' T

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Jotaro: smooth jazz is...kinda funny

Polnareff: why?

Jotaro: because I said so!!! Bitch!!!

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Kira: [holding a piece of paper towards killer queen] hey killer queen, can you read this?

Killer queen: [meows]

Kira: [turning piece of paper around to reveal that it says "meow"] holy shit

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Polnareff: how does this make sense? You cook 10 meals, you're not a chef. You paint 20 paintings, and you're not an artist. BUT YOU SUCK ONE DICK--

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jonathan: [looking in the first aid kit] WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS?!

baron zeppeli: [bleeding out] i thought it was funny at the time

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jonathan: words ending in “-ie” are so cute. like sweetie, cutie-

speedwagon: die.

jonathan: n-no

baron zeppeli: coochie

jonathan: NO!

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Avdol: I like your hair

Polnareff: thank you, I grew it myself

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Dio: I know we've always had this unspoken rivalry--

Jonathan: it's not a rivalry, you're just mean to me

Jonathan: and it's not unspoken, you talk about it all the time

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Kars: hey loser, spell icup

Joseph: hm alright E-Y-E-C-U-P

Esidesi: god, I didn't know a nerd could be so dumb. It's I-C-U-P

Joseph: huh, that's pretty gay

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Hol Horse: you must be first on dio's fuck list

Vanilla Ice: actually Pucci is

Hol Horse:

Hol Horse: ain't he celibate?

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Jotaro: damn girl, are you a fire alarm? cause you're really fucking loud and annoying

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Jonathan: I know all about your diabolical plan

Dio: I wouldn't even know how to begin a dia....

Jonathan: [holding up a piece of paper that says "My Diabolical Plan, by Dio Brando"]

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Fugo: you have 4 apples and you eat one. How many do you have left?

Narancia, crying: t-two??

Fufo: I need you to stop crYING, AND DO YOUR MATH HOMEWORK. YOU HAVE FOUR APPLES, AND YOU EAT ONE!!! HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE LEFT??

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Joseph: oh my god...

Joseph: [running up to Kars] is that Owen Wilson from Disney Pixar's Cars?

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Mista: fuck it, frog in da jar [puts giorno's frog in a jar]

Giorno: not funny, let him out NOW

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Kakyoin: my relationship with Jotaro is going great. I'm the good cop, he's the dad cop

Polnareff: don't you mean bad cop?

Jotaro, from the other room: WHO TOUCHED THE THERMOSTAT

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Diego: sitting on and touching warm rocks.......now that's the good stuff

Johnny: are you...a reptile?

Diego: what are you a cop? Mind your business

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Jolyne: yeah I jack off fully naked. You don't like it? Then go to a different starbucks

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Pucci: sure, you may be verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?