Joseph: y'all hear about this religion thing?
Caesar: which one?
Joseph: THERE'S TWO????
Jotaro: anyone else feel like god is just trying with you however he pleases? He thinks he's so funny. Well I'm about to be hilarious
Kakyoin: are you alright jotaro?
Chapter 3: Bees
Polnareff: you promise you didn't get me a box of bee's this year?
Jotaro, standing a safe distance away: just open the box polnareff
Chapter 4: Guitar
Jotaro: grandpa you shouldn't be cooking when you're on your medication
Joseph: SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M FINE
Jotaro: then wHY THE FUCK IS THERE GUITAR IN THE MICROWAVE
Chapter 5: Undead
Jonathan: and then I said whapow!
Dio: hahaha I'm undead
Dio: [quietly] I'm a vampire jon
Chapter 6: Tarot
Avdol: who wants a tarot reading?
Polnareff: those are pokemon cards
Avdol: if you get a magicarp, it means fuck you
Chapter 7: Bread
William: how many lives have you taken?
Dio: I don't know. How many loaves of bread have you eaten in your lifetime?
Jonathan: oh I love bread. I could honestly eat it for every meal
Dio: no you can't
Jonathan: why not?
Dio: you'd get fat
Jonathan: why'd I get fat?
Dio: bread makes you fat
Jonathan: BREAD MAKES YOU FAT?
Chapter 8: Ambidextrous
Smokey: I'm ambidextrous
Joseph: that's what's up bro love who you love
[Caesar screaming in the background]
Chapter 9: arson
Avdol: people say I have a unique way of lighing up the room
Jotaro: it's called arson and those people are witnesses
Chapter 10: avacado
Narancia: hey avacado what time is it
Abbacchio: call me that one more time and i'll smash your teeth in
Chapter 11: stairs
Joseph: vibe check!
Joseph: [pushes Caesar down the stairs]
Chapter 12: joe
dio: who's joe
jonathan: joe mama
[end of part one]
Chapter 13: fuck
Polnareff: go fuck yourself haha
Jotaro: haha ok [standing up and calling out Star Platinum]
Polnareff: NONONO NOT LIKE THAT PLEASE DON'T DO THAT
Chapter 14: words
caesar: joseph joestar i am at a loss for words
joseph, narrating: despite being at a loss for words, caesar continued to yell at me for the next hour
Chapter 15: forget
jotaro: i drink to forget but i always remember
kakyoin: you’re drinking chocolate milk
Chapter 16: vibe check 2
wammuu: vibe check!
wammuu: [walks into a line of german soldiers, killing them instantly]
Chapter 17: cheese
Giorno: hey dad, what do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Dio: son, you're my biggest regret
Giorno: [drops ladybug backpack in shock]
Girono: n-nacho cheese
Chapter 18: flask
Jotaro: [takes a long swig from a flask that was in his jacket]
Barkeep: sir, no outside drinks are permitted
Jotaro, hoarsly: this is flour
Chapter 19: yain't
polnareff, through tears: you all are not
hol horse, smaking the table so hard it breaks in half: Y A I N ' T
Chapter 20: smooth jazz
Jotaro: smooth jazz is...kinda funny
Jotaro: because I said so!!! Bitch!!!
Chapter 21: Meow
Kira: [holding a piece of paper towards killer queen] hey killer queen, can you read this?
Killer queen: [meows]
Kira: [turning piece of paper around to reveal that it says "meow"] holy shit
Chapter 22: Sense
Polnareff: how does this make sense? You cook 10 meals, you're not a chef. You paint 20 paintings, and you're not an artist. BUT YOU SUCK ONE DICK--
Chapter 23: Funny
jonathan: [looking in the first aid kit] WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS?!
baron zeppeli: [bleeding out] i thought it was funny at the time
Chapter 24: Words
jonathan: words ending in “-ie” are so cute. like sweetie, cutie-
baron zeppeli: coochie
Chapter 25: Hair
Avdol: I like your hair
Polnareff: thank you, I grew it myself
Chapter 26: Rivalry
Dio: I know we've always had this unspoken rivalry--
Jonathan: it's not a rivalry, you're just mean to me
Jonathan: and it's not unspoken, you talk about it all the time
Chapter 27: icup
Kars: hey loser, spell icup
Joseph: hm alright E-Y-E-C-U-P
Esidesi: god, I didn't know a nerd could be so dumb. It's I-C-U-P
Joseph: huh, that's pretty gay
Chapter 28: celibate
Hol Horse: you must be first on dio's fuck list
Vanilla Ice: actually Pucci is
Hol Horse: ain't he celibate?
Chapter 29: fire alarm
Jotaro: damn girl, are you a fire alarm? cause you're really fucking loud and annoying
Chapter 30: Diabolical plan
Jonathan: I know all about your diabolical plan
Dio: I wouldn't even know how to begin a dia....
Jonathan: [holding up a piece of paper that says "My Diabolical Plan, by Dio Brando"]
Chapter 31: Apple
Fugo: you have 4 apples and you eat one. How many do you have left?
Narancia, crying: t-two??
Fufo: I need you to stop crYING, AND DO YOUR MATH HOMEWORK. YOU HAVE FOUR APPLES, AND YOU EAT ONE!!! HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE LEFT??
Chapter 32: Owen wilson
Joseph: oh my god...
Joseph: [running up to Kars] is that Owen Wilson from Disney Pixar's Cars?
Mista: fuck it, frog in da jar [puts giorno's frog in a jar]
Giorno: not funny, let him out NOW
Kakyoin: my relationship with Jotaro is going great. I'm the good cop, he's the dad cop
Polnareff: don't you mean bad cop?
Jotaro, from the other room: WHO TOUCHED THE THERMOSTAT
Diego: sitting on and touching warm rocks.......now that's the good stuff
Johnny: are you...a reptile?
Diego: what are you a cop? Mind your business
Chapter 36: Starbucks
Jolyne: yeah I jack off fully naked. You don't like it? Then go to a different starbucks
Chapter 37: Verified
Pucci: sure, you may be verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?