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You Saved Me

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...I'm disgusting...I'm hideous...and I smell like rotting meat...

Master...why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you make me transform in front of her?! Why did you make her see that side of me?!

I have to get away from her...I don't want her to see me! I don't want her to know the truth! I don't wanna hear her scream or see her horrified face! I don't wanna hear her say that I'm ugly! I don't want it! Any of it!!

It hurts...it hurts, but I don't care...I just wanna be alone. I just wanna be away from people who'll reject me! People who are ashamed of me and how I look!

Just like her...just like my Mom!

...Why? Why didn't she love me? If she really loved me as she said, why didn't she love all of me?!

She was afraid of me...she was ashamed of me...! She didn't love me, she just pitied me! Pitied me because her son was a hideous, disgusting beast!

Well, I don't want pity...I never wanted pity! I just wanted someone to love me...love me for who I am, in spite of this!

That's why...that's why I can't let her be near me...I can't let her pity me like all the others! I have to turn her away! I'm gonna lose her, anyway, right?! So I might as well just shut her out!

"Kyo!!"

...She followed me...why...? Doesn't she see me?

No...I'm not supposed to be happy. I'm not supposed to be happy to see her! Go away...go away, dammit!

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"

I clawed into her...I feel terrible...but I have to do this. I have to reject her before she can reject me!

"Next time, I'll carve your face!!!"

It's better this way. A monster like me has to be alone. I have no choice...even though...the thought of it hurts me so much...!

I'm sick of it...sick of it all.

"Your mother died because she loved you-"

"NO, YOU'RE WRONG!!!"

Make it stop...someone...make the pain stop...! I just want someone to understand...anyone...!

"Let's go back home! We have to go back home, Kyo! Because if we don't...I have a feeling you'll never come back to that house again!"

"What are you doing?! Don't you get it?!"

"No, I don't!"

"Then why are you here?! GO AWAY!!"

...Actually...no. Don't go. Don't leave me.

"...Even though I hear your voice...it doesn't like you. You're in a form that I've never seen before...and I'm scared...but even so...I don't care. I want to understand, Kyo...! I want to help you...like you helped me...if you need someone to talk, then I'll listen...if you need to be selfish, then I'll let you...! I want to help...just like how you helped me...!!"

...She wants to help me...even after all the things I said and did? Even after I sliced her shoulder and threw her into the river...she still wants to be here with me?

"If you're feeling hurt...or scared...or weak...I want you to tell me so that we can get through it, together! Because...I want to keep living with you. I want to eat with you...I want to study with you...to worry with you all of those things! I just wanna stay with you, Kyo!!"

...She...wants to stay...

...She wants to stay...with me...!

"...The truth is...I didn't mind that she didn't love all of me...if she was afraid of me, I didn't mind that, either. I understood why...because...if she was afraid, that meant she was looking at the ugly side of me. My Mom...she used to love to avoid looking at the truth...she didn't even want to think about it...but I wanted her to...I wanted her to think things through with me...to worry with me...to be afraid with me...to tell me that she wanted to stay...!"

Just like you are, now.

I know it's stupid...I know that nobody would ever say that to my face...but now...

Tohru...

Tohru...!

You came...and you saved me...

Little by little...day by day, you started to melt away the ugly feelings and dark thoughts that I had inside me...how is it that someone like you came to be by my side? That you would go so far as to cry for me? How can I even ask you to do that for me...I know it's selfish of me...I know I don't have the right to ask that of you. I know it's a mistake for you to be with me.

And yet, as I lie asleep in your warm arms...your kind embrace...why is it that I find myself wanting to treasure you? To have you stay here with me, forever?

I can't help but wish for that...Tohru...