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Learning To Love

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Castiel paced the room like a caged animal. It felt like a cage, even though he could walk outside any time he wanted. He ran his hand through his perpetually messy hair. 

He couldn’t believe Raphael had banned him from heaven. Raphael said he should be thankful that his grace wasn’t taken from him, that he still had his wings.

But what good did they do him if he was shunned? He could never go back to heaven, never speak to another angel ever again. He might as well be dead.

He felt like there was no oxygen in the room. He was choking. He opened the front door and went out into the yard, gasping for breath. He looked up at the heavens, the stars shining in the night sky and fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around himself and felt the first pang of being alone. Totally alone. Heaven was full of his brothers and sisters, and he was completely alone in the universe.
He took several deep breaths of the crisp night air and stood up. He looked around. His house was one of several on the street. It was a small town, in a small state, and he had no idea what he was going to do.

Sighing deeply, he walked back inside. He was going to have to get used to being there. He went into every room, looking around. There was a nice kitchen, but he didn’t need food. There was a big bed in a large bedroom, but he didn’t sleep. He went back to the living room and sank down on the couch with a sigh. He sat there all night, just thinking. 

He looked up and the sun was shining through the living room window. He got up and walked outside again, to see the place in the light. There were people walking by, but they didn’t look at him. He wondered if he was invisible.

A dog started to bark at him from outside the fence. He guessed at least animals could see him. But when a young girl walked by and said hello to him, he knew people could see him, even if they didn’t speak. He said hello to the girl.

He didn’t feel comfortable enough to leave the yard, so he went back in the house. He fell to his knees and prayed.

He didn’t know who he prayed to, it certainly wasn’t God, God was gone. The angels couldn’t hear him anymore. But he still prayed. He tried it on his knees, sitting cross legged, laying on the floor, on the bed, standing with his hands out. Frustrated, he stopped.

“I don’t know how humans do it.”

Days went by, then a week. Castiel never went anywhere but out in the yard. He would sit and look up at the stars at night, and watch the passersby during the day. 

He was lonely. He began to talk to himself just to hear a voice. He’d stretch out his wings just to keep them in shape. 

At the end of two weeks, he was watching the stars when a deep voice startled him.

“They are beautiful.”

He turned to see a man sitting next to him.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” Castiel didn’t know whether to be happy or frightened.

The voice chuckled. Castiel wished he could see the man’s face but it was far too dark.

“I’m here because you’ve been yelling for a long time.”

Castiel felt insulted. “I do not yell, and I certainly did not yell at you.”

Again the chuckle. “Dude, you do yell. It’s all I can hear. You praying into the void, you sending out lost, lonely energy, It’s exhausting. So I came to check you out. See what the problem was. Now, it’s obvious. What did you do to get cast out?”

Castiel bristled. “I don’t know you. I don’t know what you are. I’m not about to confide in you.”

“That’s fair. Let’s go inside and we’ll talk.”

Castiel sighed. He stood up and walked to the front door. He felt the presence of the man behind him. He opened it and went inside, switching on the light as he did.

He turned and looked at the man. He was a little taller than Castiel, had rusty brown hair and green eyes the color of gemstones. Freckles covered his face. 

He was smiling, and it lit up the room. 

Castiel sat on the couch, and the man sat next to him.

“Okay. You’re Castiel, the fallen angel. I’m Dean. I’m an incubus.”

Castiel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re… you’re an incubus ? I can’t be talking to an abomination!”

Dean winced. “Dude, words hurt.”

Castiel felt immediate regret. “I’m sorry. I’m just shocked. I didn’t mean to insult you.”

Dean smiled. “Wow, you’re very polite for an angel.”

Castiel nodded. “I try.”

Dean chuckled. “Most of your kind are just feathered dicks.”

Castiel smiled a little. “Some of my brothers and sisters can be a little… much .”

“You said it! I’ve only run into a few of them, but they were always rude. And a little uppity if I do say so myself.”

Castiel had to agree. He knew most of his brethren thought they were the top of the heap and every other creature, even humans, were beneath them.

Dean sat back. “Well, whatever you did, you probably didn’t deserve this. I heard you calling into the void, and I really sensed how lonely you are. I came to help.”

Castiel considered what Dean was saying. Dean may be a creature that the angels considered an abomination, but he seemed nice, and he was here to talk to. Castiel was sick of the loneliness. He wanted someone around.

“Thank you, Dean. I will accept your help for as long as you are willing to give it.”

Dean grinned. “Great! So, where’s the bedroom?”

Castiel tilted his head. “You wish to sleep?”

Dean roared with laughter. “Not to sleep, buddy, to fuck!”

Castiel squinted at him. “Fuck?”

Dean’s smile faded. “Uh, yeah, like to make the beast with two backs? Do the horizontal mambo?”

Castiel still looked confused. 

“Holy crap. To have coitus? Castiel? Get it?”

Castiel looked shocked. “You think I’m going to have coitus with you?”

“Well, yeah. I am an incubus. It’s kinda my thing.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, no, you’re mistaken. I can’t have sex with you.”

Dean grinned. “Come on. You must have got it on with an angel before. Never did a little cloud seeding?”

Castiel shook his head again. “I never had the opportunity.”

Dean laughed. “Two things I know for sure. Number one, Bert and Ernie are gay. Number two, you need to get laid.”