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Lost and Broken

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Dean and Castiel used to walk the lonely dark streets together, during the summer of 2015. That was four years ago when everything was still good and there weren’t any questions or concerns for the future. 

No worries for the immediate death of a friendship...A true love that would be lost in heated words or in ignored symptoms of a striking mental illness.

Dean knew that it was Castiel’s personality disorder that always led to the fights. His inability to cope with heavy situations. It was his ultimate downfall. Dean knew it and did his best to stop it. He did his best to love his best friend. But it was no use. His own weaknesses and evil thoughts weighed him down just as much, dragging him down into the exact same hell.

“What do you want to do today, Cas?” Dean would ask as they lay together on his bed during the days when it rained nonstop. Listening to the raindrops slap against the glass of the window, Cas rolled over onto his side. He sighed and grabbed Dean’s neckline and pulled him close.


The kiss was deep and slow, and it quickened their hearts. Their bodies began to move carefully. Quietly. Dean shifted himself on top of Cas and felt his hands grip his shirt. 

The thunder clapped and lightning struck outside as the two friends. The two lovers...began to study each other's bodies with nervous hands and slicked tongues. 


“Make love to me,” Castiel said as Dean kissed his cheek and touched his hair. Dean nodded and didn't question what was about to happen between them. The house was quiet and they had it all to themselves as Dean’s mother and brother were out. So the two moaned loudly and the bed shook and squeaked.


They eventually collapsed into a quivering mess and ached with racing heartbeats. Dean came harder than he ever had and he didn't want it all to end. So he laid still and listened. Oh, how he listened to Castiel’s soft gasps. Dean felt the need to touch him once more and kiss him but then Castiel pushed him off. 


He quickly got dressed and left Dean’s bedroom. 


“Cas!” Dean called for him. He got up and followed Cas while struggling to re-dress himself. Castiel was moving so fast Dean had to run after him.

“Cas! Cas! What did I do!? What did I do wrong!?” Dean shouted and cried but Castiel didn’t answer as he rushed out of the house and into the rain. Dean followed into the rain screaming for him until abruptly Castiel Novak vanished right before his eyes. Cas’ silhouette dissipated into the rain and Dean’s body jerked violently as he woke up with a high-pitched scream. 


The dream had been too real.

Mary and Sam rushed into Dean’s room to help him as his mental breakdown started all over again since the funeral. Dean wailed and shrilled for his best friend. He shouted for his world to be fixed. For everything to go back to the way things once were. Reality was fact and the facts were, Castiel Novak had been dead for years and Dean’s spirit had been broken since the day he found Cas’ body hanging in the Novak’s backyard.


On the same tree, they use to climb as children. Their laughter echoing and the sun shining gold over them. Reality was fact, Dean was broken and his world was lost.