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At the top of my mind

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At the top of my mind, I could think of several occasions that were just as degrading as the one I find myself in. My 11th birthday for example, where I didn't show any real proficiency in magic as I held in hands my brand-new wand. Made of a beautiful pine wood tree with a dragon heartstring core and 12 ½" lengths, very rigid but still perfect for me. Not that I thought that at the time, of course, I still remember being very angry at mister Ollivander's for picking that one for me.

And yes I know that the wand picks its owner but try to explain that to a child born to one of the oldest pure-blood families and that it couldn't do a simple spell. It just didn't fit and father thought the same, actually, he made his opinion very clear in one of his famous disciplinary sessions, showing me how much that wasn’t good enough for him while I cradled myself in the cold floor.

I can still feel the cruciatus curse running through my spine from time to time, just a reminder that I'm still not good enough.

But let's get back to the present and my current prediction, I'm at the ministry being interrogated by a group of aurors and I say interrogated hastily. They are relieving my most private and deepest memories through a pensieve, a new and intrusive technique, along with a veritaserum potion, to find out if I was a death eater.

I guess that after the first war and the vast majority of suspects claiming that they are being held under the imperius curse, no one would get that chance this time and if I was not being the subject of this new method maybe I could find them to be clever, crossing a line but still clever.

So this is me right now, sitting in the middle of the room, while they look for any kind of dirty that could mean the end of my family's name or a new beginning and to be completely honest I couldn't care less.

“Well it seems that the suspect was telling the truth and on the behalf of the ministry of magic you are now exempt from the accusations of supporting the Dark Lord and the attempt of murder of Harry James Potter, all of your family's states and assets are now restored to you.” said Auror Graves, a tiny man with too much power in his hands while looking at me with disgust all over his face.

“Our deepest condolences and apologies miss.” His words would have touched me, if the look on his face didn't show how much he wished that he was right, and I was a filthy death eater, just like my father as he previously pointed.

“Thank you sir” I said while signed the paperwork and left that horrible room.

Walking to the elevator and pressing the buttons to the main floor made me relax a bit. I never once liked going to the ministry and let's say that this last visit didn't change my mind about that.

As I arrived at the main square and walked to one of the numerous fireplaces, I could only think of getting home. Home.

What was “home” now? Of course, I had my states, and that included the main manor where I grew up, but was that home? After everything? After that day?

No, it wasn't and after coming to that agreement I choose a different direction.

“Malfoy manor” I said loud and clear because being lost in the floo network was not going to be the highlight of my day.

The first thing I heard after the floo took me to my destination was someone screaming “Stupefy” at the top of their lungs and hitting the side of the fireplace, the very one I just landed in.

“Bloody hell, stop that it's just me Draco!” I screamed while taking hold of my wand just in case another one was incoming.

“Pansy? What in Salazar's name are you doing?”

Seeing that he had calmed down, I carefully stepped out of the fireplace to face a very drunk and distressed Draco.

“Well I'm glad to see you too Malfoy, thank you for your warm welcome.” I said while rolling my eyes, dusting my hair and clothes.

It was his turn to roll his eye at me. “Stop being so dramatic Parkinson, what are you thinking coming here through floo anyway? I didn't even know that the fireplace was still connected to the network, mother have been going through all the manor renewing our defenses. I thought she would have severed the connection to the house, and you should know better! At times likes this announcing oneself before entering a house is the correct way to avoid being hit by a spell.”

Now I could be stubborn and say all the right words to make him feel like an ass, but he was drunk and I had a long day, it just wasn't the time for that.

“You are right, I should have considered the current events and let you know that I was coming here before taking the floo, but in my defense, I was not in the right state of mind.” I said while sitting in the nearest couch.

“Did you lose?” he asked taking the spot next to me and I could finally see him properly.

He looked tired, the events of these past years finally catching up with him, making him look older than he was.

“No, all the family's states and assets are mines once again.” Closed my eyes taking a deep breath. “The whole thing just drained me.”

He scoffed. “Yes, having somebody scouring through your memories can be tiresome, not to say humiliating.”

All I could do was nod. People had lost so much at the war that I wasn't going to focus my energy on that, but before I opened my mouth to say anything he went on.

“On top of that, Saint Potter chooses to testify in my favor. Like I needed any of his pity, the only reason I allowed was because of mother, she didn't deserve to suffer the consequences of father's and mine's actions.”

I took his hands in mine.“Drake you need to understand that it wasn't your fault. Wait let me say my bloody piece.” I stopped him before he could interrupt me.

“Yes you are doing the wrong thing, but it wasn't your fault, you didn't have a choice.” I paused taking a deep breath. “We didn't have a choice. We never had a choice. So stop beating yourself for things you couldn't change, what's done it's done.” Squeezing his hand one last time before standing and walking to the bar in the corner of the room.

“Want some more or are you drunk enough?”

“Gin.” Was the only thing that he said before coming to stand next to me.

“Here to new beginnings, I guess.”

I still don't know if he huffed or laughed at my statement, but he still clicked his glass on mine before taking his drink to his mouth.

“So what now to the new Lady Parkinson?”

That question took me to the reason I had come to his house in the first place. Where would I go, what would I do? My whole life was planned before I was born and now that I finally had the freedom I always dreamed it seemed so suffocating, that the only answer I had to him was taking my firewhiskey in one go and pouring myself another glass.