Actions

Work Header

The Avengers' Guide on How to Be Social

Chapter Text

instincts bad @spiderman

it is wednesday my dudes. AAAAHHHHHH

200 likes 564 retweets

 


 

instincts bad @spiderman

spiders, we strike at dawn

1.3k likes 1.67k retweets

 

Replying to @spiderman

fook booty @bootyho

i'm highly concerned but also intrigued 

 

where them avengers @blinkandyoumiss

my friend retweeted this. @spiderman are you the real one or a fake

 

Replying to @blinkandyoumiss

instincts bad @spiderman

so many assume. so little know

 

 


 

 

instincts bad @spiderman

i would imagine that peeling off my skin would feel similarly to taking off my suit

8.92k likes 11.4k retweets

 

Replying to @spiderman

i put the bi in bicycle @cupidshuffle

with how tight that thing looks, you're probably right

 

a lil birdy @tweettweetbitch

imagine if this was fake and the actual spider-man was reading this and went "u rite fam"

 

Replying to @tweettweetbitch

instincts bad @spiderman

u rite fam ;)

 

a lil birdy @tweettweetbitch

my third eye has been open,,,what do i do with this information? ? ?

 


 

 

bold of u to assume @stark

i stay awake at night craving the sweet release of death and for @spiderman to stop blowing up my phone

37.5k likes 43.3k retweets

 

Replying to @stark

instincts bad @spiderman

how dare you accuse me of something so unholy, so sinful,,,i would never

 

cheddar @cheese

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL @spiderman IS THE REAL DEAL

 

Iron Ass @ironmanstan

this right here is why i love this man with my cold, dead heart

 

T'Challa @KingOfWakanda

You're working on the revised Accords. Please get off your phone.

 

Replying to @KingOfWakanda

bold of u to assume @stark

hypocrite

 


 

 

bold of u to assume✓ @stark

so the avengers are back ig

58.9k likes 67.4k retweets

 

Replying to @stark

DEAFinitly @clintbarton

will i show up at the compound at ass o'clock in the morning? we will see

 

thighs of death✓ @blackwidow

Clint, stop. The old man has heart problems

 

fairly oddparents✓ @WandaMaximoff

I have risen from the dead and nobody can tell me otherwise

 

park bench @NYCparkbench

the avengers are really out here bringing us the content we deserve

 

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

@blackwidow Tony really is an old man, isn't he

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

now if only Thor and Bruce Banner would suddenly appear. a spider can dream

 

Captain America's Right Nipple @CapsNipple

if only the lord was that kind to us @spiderman

 

Replying to @spiderman

Wingzzzz✓ @SamWilsonFalcon

i won't hesitate to spray you with raid if you come at me with those webs again

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

try me, bitch

 


 

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

I SAID IT WAS ONLY A DREAM!!!! HOW WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY

27.4k likes 42.1k retweets

 

Replying to @spiderman

i'm in @nedleeds

my bones are vibrating. tell us!!!!!

 

i want to see my little boy✓@ShuriUdaku

shooketh to the core. that really happened. s c i e n c e

 

Chapter Text

vsco van gogh @minecrate

I don't live anywhere near the Avengers Compound but I'm 90% sure I heard shrieking at 2 am. @AvengersOfficial care to explain??

2.13k likes 4.7retweets

 

Replying to @minecrate

Earth's Mightiest Heroes @AvengersOfficial

no comment.

 

vsco van gogh @minecrate

That's sus

 

i'm in @nedleeds

i fully believe this has something to do with spidey's latest tweet

 

Replying to @nedleeds

instincts bad @spiderman

um no it doesn't. completely irrelevant

 

Big Red @Clifford

Right, because we all believe that

 


 

bold of u to assume✓ @stark

here i am coming into the kitchen to get some food at like 2 am and want to know what i fucking see?!?!! thor and bruce are just casually raiding the fridge like they haven't been missing since sokovia. that's not even the craziest part. there's a fucking giant ass spaceship hovering above the compound and not once did friday alert us

78.5k likes 91.2k retweets

 

Replying to @stark

DEAFinitly✓ @clintbarton

are you just not going to mention the fact that thor came rolling up with a new haircut and a missing eye? oh and i don't know, maybe the fact that the ship is filled with asgardian refugees and ex gladiatorial aliens??!?!?

 

thighs of death✓ @blackwidow

He said a creepy old man cut it off

 

i put the bi in bicycle @cupidshuffle

um bitch what the fuck

 

Steve Rogers✓ @CaptainRogers

The Hulk can actually have conversations now. Apparently, Bruce was the Hulk for two years on some alien planet.

 

(Tea)na @tinawitker

Oh my god. @minecrate I think this is your answer

 

Replying to @tinawitker

vsco van gogh @mincrate

The shrieking was from Tony Stark confirmed

 

bold of u to assume✓ @stark

that is incorrect

 

fairly oddparents✓ @WandaMaximoff

Stark was screaming at the top of his lungs. Mr. Old Metal Man is telling lies if he says otherwise

 


 

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

asgardian, more like asgarDAMN

53.6k likes 57.9k retweets

 

Replying to @spiderman

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

what prompted this? thor? if yes, then i wholeheartedly agree

 

Spidey watched my livestream @flashthompson

If Spider-Man loves Thor, I love Thor

 

because death @michellejones

you're such a suck up @flashthompson

 

Bert the Turtle @duckandcover

Spidey thirsting over Thor is my new aesthetic

 

Wingzzzz✓ @SamWilsonFalcon

Stop being a coward and come say hi. Don't think we don't see you lurking up in the corner

 


 

green induced anxiety✓ @BruceBanner 

It's official. I hate space. 10/10 would not recommend 

72.4k likes 81.6k retweets

 

Replying to @BruceBanner

there's a bee @parkinglot

first tweet in 2 years and you post this. i guess it only takes 7 phd's to become this legendary

 

Tony Stark's impulse control✓ @ColonelRhodes

I no longer have to suffer Tony's midnight sob sessions. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

 

fook booty @bootyho

what's space like?

 

Replying to @bootyho

green induced anxiety✓ @BruceBanner

Like Earth but on crack

 

thursday @thor

I should have left you on Sakaar 

 

bold of u to assume✓ @stark

alright, who gave thor a twitter

 

Replying to @stark

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

innocent till proven guilty

 

bold of u to assume✓ @stark

i seriously can't take you anywhere, kid

 


 

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

the saddest news is the death of mjolnir. rest in peace, you funky ass lil hammer. @thor i give you my condolences

76.9k likes 73.5k retweets

 

Replying to @spiderman

i tasered thor @DarcyLewis

no, not mew mew!! :'(

 

i'm in @nedleeds

these are the darkest days

 

thursday✓ @thor

Truly the saddest moment of my life

 

Replying to @thor

green induced anxiety✓ @BruceBanner

Your father died, Asgard blew up, you lost an eye, and your friends died, yet Hela destroying Mjolnir is the worst thing to happen to you

 

thursday✓ @thor

Tell me something I don't know

 

Lila @hawkeye

what just happened: that

Chapter Text

DEAFinitely✓ @clintbarton

hi hungry, I’m dad

75.3k retweets 80.4k likes

 

Replying to @clintbarton

Lila @hawkeye

delete this immediately 

 

Cooper @nothawkeye

this is why I like Nat more than you

 

fairly oddparents✓ @WandaMaximoff

@hawkeye @nothawkeye you made the old man cry. Thank you

 

thighs of death✓ @blackwidow

Blocked and reported

 

(Tea)na @tinawitker

What’s going on????

 

Replying to @blackwidow

DEAFinitly✓@clintbarton

wait no, Nat, please come back!! D:

 


 

 

thighs of death✓ @blackwidow

@clintbarton is dead to me. I’m holding a funeral for our friendship tomorrow. Everyone is welcomed to attended except Clint. There’ll be an open bar. You’re welcome

85.7k retweets 82.5k likes

 

Replying to @blackwidow

DEAFinitly✓ @clintbarton

i will remember this

 

thighs of death✓ @blackwidow

@clintbarton good

 


 

 

lesbihonest @givemethemgirls

On behalf of all lesbians, I claim @thor as our god #lesbianprotector #godoflesbians

56.7k retweets 61.9k likes

 

Replying to @givemethemgirls

No printer @justfax

I don't know what caused this, but Thor is now my god and forever will be

 

Mitch @MitchBitch

ew like @thor would ever. he's a higher being. he knows you're wrong and going to hell

 

god of lesbians✓ @thor

@MitchBitch send me your location. I just want to talk

 

because death @michellejones

oh he done messed up

 


 

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

i'm a superhero. it should be illegal for me to do homework

89.1k retweets 100.6k likes

 

Replying to @spiderman

Spidey watched my livestream @flashthompson

Oh my god!!!! Spider-Man is still in school!!!

 

fake news @BettyBrant

Flash.exe has stopped working

 

bold of u to assume✓ @stark

kid, pepper is going to have your head. you're a pr nightmare

 


 

 

oRbS @vision

@stark @thor @BruceBanner fathers, bring me juice box

52.6k retweets 47.8k likes

 

Replying to @vision

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

oops i did it again

 

Bert the Turtle @duckandcover

Can Vision even consume liquids? Isn't he like an android or something

 

green induced anxiety✓ @BruceBanner

@Twitter come verify our son, you cowards

 

there's a bee @parkinglot

yeah @stark bring us juice box

 

bold of u 2 assume✓ @stark

do i look like-

 


 

 

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

hey @stark we're connected

i'm coming bitch

70.7k retweets 69k likes

 

Replying to @harleyy

vsco van gogh @minecrate

Who are you

 

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

i am you @minecrate

 

there's a bee @parkinglot

i am me

 

i want to see my little boy✓ @ShuriUdaku

no sir

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

you are you

 

vsco van gogh @mincrate

I dunno (what have I started)

 

bold of u 2 assume✓ @stark

i'm not flying you out because of reasons like this

 


 

 

god of lesbians✓ @thor

Stop stabbing me!

83.6k retweets 84.2k likes

 

Replying to @thor

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

mood

 

avengers? found @blinkandyoumiss

are you 2 okay?? @spiderman @thor

 

Replying to @blinkandyoumiss

god of lesbians✓ @thor

is anyone really okay

 


 

 

i want to see my little boy✓ @ShuriUdaku

@CaptainRogers come get your man

92.8k retweets 92.6k likes

 

Replying to @ShuriUdaku

T'Challa✓ @KingOfWakanda

Shuri, please, we talked about this.

 

broken white boy @buckybarnes

bitch, at least @ me next time

 

Steve Rogers✓ @CaptainRogers

I have never been more confused in my life.

 

Captain America's Right Nipple @CapsNipple

ah yes, the man, the myth, the legend Bucket Barnes & Noble is a gen z in a 100 y/o mind confirmed

Chapter Text

instincts bad✓  @spiderman

it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s my cRiPpLiNg DePrEsSiOn!

79.4k likes 82.3k retweets

 

Replying to @spiderman

bold of u 2 assume✓  @stark

kid, we talked about this... 

 

Tony Stark’s impulse control✓  @ColonelRhodes

You have no right to talk @stark. You’re no better than he is

 


 

 

fairly oddparents✓  @WandaMaximoff

so does the Hulk’s dick grow or…

99.6k likes 100.4k retweets

 

Replying to @WandaMafimoff

god of lesbians✓  @thor

I don’t want to talk about it

 

green induced anxiety✓  @BruceBanner

Wanda, why? Also @thor please explain

 

sad boi hours @sadyeehaw

Ok, now I’m just curious

 

fake news @BettyBrant

This just in: Thor has seen the Hulk’s penis. Causally accident or secret lovers? (please don’t kill my ily2sm)

 

Replying to @BruceBanner

god of lesbians✓  @thor

I’d rather not

 


 

 

thighs of death✓  @blackwidow

Clint, I swear to god I will C U T you

68.9k likes 78.6k retweets

 

Replying to @blackwidow

DEAFinitly✓  @clintbarton

try me bitch

 

thighs of death✓  @blackwidow

*sharpens knives*

 

a lil birdy @tweettweetbitch

is nobody else concerned about this?

 

cheddar @cheese

@tweettweetbitch I want to be, but at the same time I feel like this is a regular occurance 

 


 

 

broken white boy✓ @buckybarnes

Me: *trying to buy some plums*

T'Challa: I'm about to end this man's whole mf career

70.7k likes 78.1k retweets

 

Replying to @buckybarnes

T'Challa✓  @KingOfWakanda

I said I was sorry.

 

Big Red @Clifford

DID BUCKY EVER GET HIS PLUMS????

 

Iron Ass @ironmanstan

the winter soldier? more like the petty soldier

 

broken white boy✓  @buckybarnes

T'Challa: Why are you running? why are you running?

also T'Challa: *chases me with vibranium claws*

 

i want to see my little boy @ShuriUdaku

i just want everyone to know that wakanda's so called "king" is crying because of our resident ice pop being a petty ass bitch

 


 

 

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

i sexually identify as a potato

3.6k likes 4.8k retweets

 

Replying to @harleyy

there's a bee @parkinglot

i sexually identify as a slut for thor

 

bold of u 2 assume✓ @stark

i sexually identify as a mistake

 

Pepper Potts✓  @SI_CEO

Tony, for the love of god, please stop

 

Eloise @_nobodyspecial

Ok, but why does Tony Stark keep replying to @harleyy

 

Replying to @_nobodyspecial

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

wouldn't you like to know, weather boy

 


 

 

Earth's Mightiest Heroes✓ @AvengersOfficial

villians: *tells us all their plans*

us: *win*

villians: 0.o but how??

97.9k likes 102k retweets

 

Replying to @AvengersOfficial 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

can confirm. some dude just dmed me his whole plan for breaking into a break and was surprised when i showed up

 

[clever name] @cleverusername

Wow, you bad guys better step up your game. The Avengers know what's up

 


 

 

bold of u 2 assume✓  @stark

stop asking me to join your super secret boyband. i'm already in one

91.5k likes 96k retweets

 

Replying to @stark

thighs of death✓  @blackwidow

Remember when I stabbed you in the neck? Haha fun times

 

i put the bi in bicycle @cupidshuffle

@blackwidow eXCUSE ME YOU DID WHAT?! 

 


 

 

Wingzzzz✓  @SamWilsonFalcon

retweet if you think @buckybarnes is a loser

51.7k likes 52.3k retweets

 

broken white boy✓  @buckybarnes

if i get 100k likes, i'll expose @SamWilsonFalcon

100k likes 109k retweets

 

Steve Rogers✓  @CaptainRogers

Can you two just get along for once @buckybarnes @SamWilsonFalcon

82.7k likes 87k retweets

 

Wingzzzz✓  @SamWilsonFalcon

@CaptainRogers we have now formed an alliance

[retweet]

broken white boy✓  @buckybarnes

rt if you think you want to hit @spiderman with a flyswatter 

74.4k likes 85retweets

 

Steve Rogers✓  @CaptainRogers

Not what I meant! @buckybarnes @SamWilsonFalcon

86.8k likes 90retweets

 

instincts bad✓  @spiderman

i'm being bullied by a greasy, old man and a rotisserie chicken

89k likes 90.1k retweets

 


 

 

there's a bee @parkinglot

as a man of science, it is with my full certainty that Tony Stark is a lil bitch

60.7k likes 63k retweets

 

Replying to @parkinglot

bold of u 2 assume✓  @stark

what did i do

 

there's a bee @parkinglot

you know what you did @stark

 

bold of u 2 assume✓  @stark

? ? ? 

 

Spidey watched my livestream @flashthompson

What the f u c k

 

i'm in @nedleeds

remember me when you become famous, Peter!!

Chapter Text

oRbs✓ @vision

use y²=4ax to find the curve of dat ass

76.8k likes 77.1k retweets

 

Replying to @vision

fairly oddparents✓ @WandaMaximoff

Viz, I love you but what the actual living hell

 

bold of u 2 assume✓ @stark

@thor @BruceBanner we've raised a monster

 

1-800-bitch-face @restingb1tchface

Vision, a living artificial intelligence with a twitter, and he chooses to post that. I stan

 


 

 

there's a bee @parkinglot

people always be accusing me of faking my stark internship, yet Tony follows me on all my socials. what more proof do you need

54.5k likes 61k likes

 

Replying to @parkinglot

Spidey watched my livestream @flashthompson

You probably paid him off to do so

 

there's a bee @parkinglot

...but i thought i was poor? ? @flashthompson

 

wAke Me Up InSiDe @whenSeptember_ends

You have an internship for SI? That's so cool

 

Oscar the Grouch @TrashyisFancy

GiVe Us SoMe FrEsH cOnTeNt 

 

bold of u 2 assume✓ @stark

@TrashyisFancy i'm not mentally prepared to be exposed 

 

Replying to @stark

there's a bee @parkinglot

*maniacal laughing*

 


 

 

green induced anxiety✓ @BruceBanner

I think I lived in Jeff Goldblum's space house for two years

89.2k likes 93k retweets

 

Replying to @BruceBanner

I'm the snake in your boot @YippieKiYay-SpaceCowboy

I can't tell if you're serious or not because you have like 7 phd's but you also turn into the Hulk so everything goes

 

god of lesbians✓ @thor

...I think my brother fucked Jeff Goldblum

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

@thor there's a lot going on in that sentence. idk what to say

 


 

 

Steve Rogers✓ @CaptainRogers

Please stop saying my shield is the size of a dinner plate. It's obviously the size of a serving tray.

87.3k likes 88.4k retweets

 

Replying to @CaptainRogers

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

'bout to serve you some american justice and p a i n

 

broken white boy @buckybarnes

if nobody does the fucking dishes, i'm going to eat my cereal off of the steve's shield

 

(Tea)na @tinawitker

Ok, real question? Did Bucky end up eating cereal from Steve's shield

 

Wingzzzz✓ @SamWilsonFalcon

To anyone wondering, yes, Bucky used Steve's shield as a bowl for his cereal

buckyshieldbowl.jpg

 


 

 

a potato flew around my room @harleyy

daily reminder that tony stark broke into my garage

 47.8k likes 55.1k retweets

 

Replying to @harleyy

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

daily reminder that i came home to see tony stark sitting on my couch, eating date loaf

 

DEAFinitly✓ @clintbarton

daily reminder that @stark still owes me $0.49

 

there's a bee✓ @parkinglot

daily reminder that in another universe i died in Tony's arms, came back to life, only for him to die in mine

 

i'm in @nedleeds

daily reminder that i once hacked Stark tech

 

the BETTER keener @abbykeener

daily reminder that tony stark borrowed my limited edition dora the explorer watch

 

No printer @justfax

One of these is not like the other

 

there's a bee✓ @parkinglot

@justfax my bad. daily reminder that i'm the reason Tony proposed to Pepper

 


 

 

bold of u 2 assume✓ @stark

i'm not giving you $0.49, barton. you broke the coffee machine. you don't deserve my charity

[retweet]

DEAFinitly✓ @clintbarton

daily reminder that @stark still owes me $0.49

80.7k likes 86.3k retweets

 


 

 

Tony Stark's impulse control✓ @ColonelRhodes

Hey, Sam, I want some of your mom's cookies @SamWilsonFalcon

80.2k likes 84k retweets

 

Replying to @ColonelRhodes

Wingzzzz✓ @SamWilsonFalcon

Bitch, I want some of your mom's cookies

 


 

 

hobo bobo @Aprilcot

i just saw spidey slam into a lightpost 

 71k likes 72.8k retweets

 

Replying to @Aprilcot

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

lies

 

hobo bobo @Aprilcot

spider-manwasted.mp4

 

instincts bad✓ @spiderman

that's clearly computer generated

 


 

 

i want to see my little boy✓ @ShuriUdaku

t'challa is a furry send tweet

91k likes 105k retweets

 

Replying to @ShuriUdaku

T'Challa✓ @KingOfWakanda

Says the one that makes the Black Panther suit.

 

i want to see my little boy✓ @ShuriUdaku

i only follow tradition. it's you who actually wears a cat suit

 

park bench @NYCparkbench

Wakanda is a monarchy furrarchy

 


 

 

there's a bee✓ @parkinglot

SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE SHRIEKING SKULLS WILL SHOCK YOUR SOUL SEAL YOUR DOOM TONIGHT SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS SPEAK WITH SUCH A SCREECH YOU'LL SHAKE AND SHUDDER IN SURPRISE WHEN YOU HEAR THESE ZOMBIES SHRIEK WE'RE SO SORRY SKELETONS YOU'RE SO MISUNDERSTOOD YOU ONLY WANT TO SOCIALIZE BUT I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD CAUSE SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS SHOUT STARTLING SHRILLY SCREAMS THEY'LL SNEAK FROM THEIR SARCOPHAGUS AND JUST WON'T LEAVE YOU BE

88k likes 109k retweets

 

Replying to @parkinglot

Earth's Spoopiest Heroes✓ @AvengersOfficial

[spooky intensifies]

 

fake news @BettyBrant

Can we all take a moment and appreciate the Avenger's twitter name for spooktober. We really out here being protected by the best heroes the universe has to offer