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all i ever needed is here (in my arms)

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jeongguk is late.

he’s late, and it irritates yoongi immensely. he can deal with ten minutes, twenty, hell, even half an hour if he knows jeongguk is on his way or at least almost ready.

but the younger hasn’t responded to his texts, didn’t even leave him on read, while yoongi pondered his tardiness over his third glass of wine. he’s not angry anymore. there’s just this weird, empty feeling of being stood up bubbling in his stomach.

he takes out his phone, and sends jeongguk another text.

yoongi: sorry to bother you again. how long until you’re here?

it’s a futile attempt. jeongguk doesn’t answer, despite his message going through.

there is little left for yoongi to do other than massaging his temple. the waiter comes a while later, and the humiliation yoongi feels makes his voice shake when he asks for the bill. your date isn’t supposed to wordlessly ditch him, not when his date’s his boyfriend.

the rest of his wine tastes sour when he swallows it down and he wants to grimace. he feels bad. he decides to text jeongguk once more.

yoongi: just text me when you’re coming home.

before he sends it, he exits the chat. he’s torn between feeling worried, angry and ashamed. maybe something has happened? is jeongguk angry? did he miss something? he wants to send the text, but it feels too … clingy. he decides to ask taehyung, instead.

yoongi: hey tae, is gguk with you?

the answer is immediate and it makes the elder’s heart clench.

taehyung: no, isn’t it date night?

yoongi: yes.

another message makes his phone vibrate, but he’s too ashamed to open it. the waiter arrives with the bill and yoongi does his best to flee the situation as fast as possible. when he steps outside, he feels cold immediately. jeongguk was supposed to drive today, so that yoongi could drink this time, but seeing as he didn’t show up, yoongi has to take the subway instead.

his stomach doesn’t stop clenching.

it takes longer than he likes until he’s back at their apartment, and it’s another dreaded disappointment when he realises it’s empty. he drops his keycard, takes off his shoes and changes. washes his hands. makes coffee. couch. tv. blanket.

soon, flipping through the channels becomes less of a distraction, and he turns the tv off. maybe he should just do some work.

there are some lectures he can revise, notes he can touch up, and future lectures he can go through ahead of time. he keeps himself busy until it’s past one in the morning and he hears the front door unlock. he sighs, closes his eyes and collects himself and continues working. he’s feeling petty tonight.

“hyung?” jeongguk says, softly, and yoongi almost breaks. but he feels hurt, forgotten, unimportant. he doesn’t want to give in.

he doesn’t answer, but jeongguk finds him nonetheless. “you’re still working? you should’ve gone to sleep,” the younger says, and yoongi drags a hand across his face, stopping to rub his eyes.

“i lost track of time,” yoongi choses to answer, hiding his hurt and emotional distance behind being tired.

jeongguk closes the distance between them and starts rubbing his shoulders, digging in his thumbs, softly. he reprimands, “that’s not healthy. you need your sleep.”

“need my thesis. ‘sides, you’re up late, too,” yoongi mumbles, hoping jeongguk will realise he ditched him.

he doesn’t. “yes, but i wasn’t working. jimin sent me an s.o.s., apparently his date tonight was very touchy and invasive when he didn’t want him to. i saved him, and he bought me dinner as a thank you.”

yoongi grimaces, but he’s got his back turned to the younger, still. “’s nice of you. who was jimin again?”

“he’s in my dance class. and in my year, too, i think. oh, no, actually. i think he’s in taehyung’s year. they’re close.”

“taehyung’s close to everybody.”

he can hear jeongguk smile. “true.”

silence stretches on between them, until jeongguk says he wanted to shower.

it’s yoongi’s cue to go to bed without having to deal with physical proximity. as soon as he hears the younger disappear, he stands up. he doesn’t think he’ll sleep much tonight.

 

when jeongguk, freshly showered, gets to their bedroom, he finds yoongi already asleep and smiles to himself. he makes sure his gym bag is ready for tomorrow morning, and crawls beneath the covers as well.

he plugs in his phone and sees multiple messages sent by none other than his boyfriend.

yoongi: i’m here. right hand side, in the back.

yoongi: should i order already?

yoongi: i got myself a wine. don’t forget you’re driving tonight.

yoongi: didn’t order yet.

yoongi: sorry to bother you again. how long until you’re here? should i order already?

 

the last message was from a few hours ago.

oh no. oh no. no, no, no. he really ditched yoongi, and he doesn’t know what to do. he didn’t even realise he texted him, and he completely forgot about their date night. he suddenly feels nauseous. he almost wakes yoongi up, but decides against it. why didn’t he mention it immediately?

and oh, god. jeongguk talked about jimin, without realising his mistake. he feels so bad. yoongi feels so far away. he has his back turned to him, but jeongguk doesn’t think he wants any physical contact right now. he feels tears well up in his eyes because he feels so bad.

he decides to talk to yoongi in the morning, instead.

 

it feels like just when yoongi managed to fall asleep, he wakes up again because of jeongguk moving. getting ready for the gym, probably. he doesn’t want to stand up already, but he doesn’t seem to be able to fall asleep anymore either. he sits up when he’s certain jeongguk’s out of the room.

when he checks his phone, he notices another text message sent by taehyung

taehyung: maybe something came up and he forgot to tell you?

taehyung: you should definitely talk to him, though.

yoongi sighs, and drops his phone. taehyung is right, he knows he is, but it’s still hard for yoongi to stand up and go out of the room. maybe jeongguk is gone already and he can avoid confrontation until he’s back from the gym. then he’d have more time to think about what he will say to his boyfriend.

 

he’s standing in the kitchen, and jeongguk is there, hair pulled away from his head in messy tufts, eyes red and bloodshot. yoongi thinks they must look comically alike right now.

“hyung …” jeongguk says as he jumps up from the chair and takes a few hurried steps towards him. “hyung, i’m so sorry. i feel so bad.”

yoongi mimics the younger and wraps his arms around his head. jeongguk curls his head against the elder’s chest and almost crushes his ribcage. he takes a deep breath, collecting himself, and starts stroking his hair, petting his boyfriend’s head. “it’s okay, love. i was just a little hurt, but it’s not your fault.”

he feels jeongguk shake his head. he pulls away, but lets his fist cling to the elder’s shirt. suddenly, yoongi has to look up again as he gently kneads jeongguk’s shoulders. “yes, it is, i forgot. let’s cook together tonight, yeah?”

yoongi feels himself smile. “okay, baby. let’s cook tonight.”

 

“jeongguk forgot, without any ill intentions.”

it’s two days later, yoongi sits in a café and watches taehyung as he digs through his blueberry pecan muffin, picking out all nuts. “and it’s not like he didn’t feel bad. he apologised immediately, yes?” the younger continues as he drops another piece of pecan on his plate.

yoongi rubs the bridge of his nose and collects himself, before he says, “it’s never happened before, ‘s all.”

“all the better!” taehyung retorts.

the elder shakes his head and fiddles with the hem of his sweater. “that doesn’t make it any easier though. i don’t even know who he unintentionally ditched me for. never met the guy, but recently all i hear is ‘jimin this,’ ‘jimin that.’ and i don’t even know who that is.”

taehyung tilts his head and averts his gaze. it makes yoongi curious, because it means he’s thinking about unveiling some piece of information or not. it makes him tense.

“it’s jimin he hung out with instead?” he asks, still avoiding eye contact.

yoongi snorts. “thought you knew.”

taehyung just shakes his head. “why? why’d they hung out, i mean. what was the occasion?”

the elder takes a deep breath, puffing out his cheeks, then lets it out slowly. “something about jimin being on a weird date, and an s.o.s. apparently, the dinner was a thank you.”

now, taehyung just buries his face in his hands, using the heel of his hands to rub over his eyelids. “fuck.”

“what, ‘fuck’?”

“jimin was supposed to go on a date that night. i set them up, because he wants to get over some unrequited love. but he cancelled it very last minute. his reason was, and i’m so fucking sorry, because he decided to hang out with his crush.”

yoongi feels his heart set out a couple beats. he doubts jeongguk being in romantically interested in jimin in any way, and knowing how gullible the younger can be, he also doubts he saw it as a date as well. the only problem is, that jimin might think he has a chance with jeongguk. it makes his head hurt.

“hyung?” taehyung says, grabs the elder’s hand and squeezes reassuringly.

“how do i deal with this, tae?” he asks. he’s torn between being glad about taehyung telling him, and being mad.

tae doesn’t stop holding his hand. “i’m pretty sure jeon has no idea jimin has been a, into him for over a year, and b, actively pursuing him for a few months. so i don’t think you need to be worried about him cheating on you in any way,” he says, and yoongi nods mutely, trying his best to forget about over a year.

every time jeongguk told him about the nice things he did for him, the things both yoongi and jeongguk foolishly took as gestures of friendship, were done with some sort of intention. and jimin has been swooning over his boyfriend from afar for longer than jeongguk even considered him a friend. yoongi doesn’t really know what to think.

taehyung, however, just continues talking. “you can’t really be angry at jimin, either, considering he doesn’t have any clue jeongguk is taken. he’s in very deep.”

yoongi winces in response. he curses their lack of pda for once. taehyung gives his hand another squeeze. his other hand gestures wildly as he says, “i don’t think there’s much you can do, honestly. since jeongguk does not have any romantic interest in jimin, telling him his friend is into him is both spilling jimin’s secret, and exposing me spilling his secret. which i don’t think you should do.

“you can’t really tell jeongguk to stop meeting who he feels are his friends, either. that would be extremely toxic and neither of you would ultimately be happy about it.”

“what do i do then? i can’t just march up to jimin either and tell him ‘jeongguk is mine, back off.’ i’d feel like too much of a dick, too,” yoongi says, tracing taehyung’s rings with his thumb.

taehyung ponders over his question while he chews a bite of his muffin. then, his eyes become larger and he smiles triumphantly. “ask jeongguk whether you can meet this ‘jimin person’ as well. he’s actually a great guy, maybe you can get along and become friends, too? or jimin sees through your weird unbothered façade and realises y’all have been in love for about six years, now.”

yoongi smiles, too. “that does actually sound like a good idea.”

 

jeongguk is thrilled to know yoongi wants to get to know his friends when yoongi asks him to introduce him and jimin.

they are both working alongside one another when he does. “jeongguk?” he starts, pausing for a second to look at his boyfriend on the other end of the table, happily typing away.

he looks at him with mild curiosity and says, “yes?”

“do you think i could meet jimin some time?” yoongi asks, wondering what kind of expression he’s supposed to make in the process. should he look aloof? excited? should he frown?

jeongguk interrupts his thoughts by smiling at him, showing off a full-on grin, the most beautiful yoongi knows. “yes! yes, sure! we can go grab a coffee together. jimin and i have similar schedules on thursdays, so maybe we can wait in a café or something like that and you get to us as soon as your last class ends.”

his smile turns a little bashful when he adds, “i’m glad you want to meet my new friends, too, hyung.”

yoongi is a weak, weak man. it shows in how warm he suddenly feels when he sees that smile, and in the way he jumps up to pull jeongguk close to him and kiss him deeply.

“what’s that for?” jeongguk asks, still smiling at him, holding him close.

yoongi shrugs and shoots him a happy, dumb grin in response. “i just love you.”

“i love you too.”

“i just feel like, with you doing your bachelor and all, it might be difficult to find time for both your friends and me, separately. so why not combine, when we live together anyways,” yoongi says, hands on the younger’s shoulders.

jeongguk looks so tired and stressed all of a sudden. “it’s so hard. uni doesn’t want me to exist outside of it. i don’t wanna become a recluse, hyung. i only just started having more than one friend,” he sighs. yoongi just laughs good-naturedly.

“don’t worry, gguk-ah. everyone loves you and understands when you’re busy. and in the end, hyung will always love you, too.”

they share a moment of silence in which they simply look at each other, happy to be physically close. yoongi’s hand wanders up to the younger’s cheek, his thumb stroking defined cheekbones. then he tugs him down, gently, and gives him a chaste kiss, and another one. their mouths move in sync, until the younger’s tongue darts out lightly and yoongi starts using his tongue, too.

quickly, the hands that were gripping yoongi’s hips start moving against his back, scratching lightly. it makes him shiver with excitement. his own hands soon leave the younger’s shoulder and his cheek and make their way downwards, kneading over his chest. when his thumb misses a nipple at first, the younger lets out an amused breath through his nose. yoongi can feel him smile against him.

he pulls away to roll his eyes at the younger, then drags his shirt up his chest and simply uses his mouth, instead. as he moves it against jeongguk, dragging his tongue over a nipple or sucking at one, the younger tangles his hands in yoongi’s hair and presses him close. soft, content hums and sighs leave his mouth as yoongi continues.

he sucks a bruise over his right nipple, earning a sharp gasp from jeongguk. he slowly sneaks his hands behind jeongguk’s back, then starts fondling his cheeks. he starts out by stroking them softly, rubbing them through his sweats, and then simply grabs a handful, squeezing tight. he grinds their crotches together and jeongguk lets out a breathy “hyung.”

yoongi pulls away, lips and chin wet with his own spit. jeongguk inhales sharply when they make eye contact, so he closes his to collect himself. yoongi regards him with satisfaction.

“bedroom, now,” jeongguk says then, and who is yoongi to refuse.

 

jeongguk completely forgets to ask jimin if he even has time thursday after class until it’s thursday already. they’re sitting in their last class, in which they even sit next to each other, and jeongguk remembers his conversation with yoongi when he thinks about sucking him off again.

he elbows jimin while he tries to focus on his lecture. he turns around immediately, face vacant.

“wanna grab a coffee after class?” he whispers, and the tension crumbles from jimin’s shoulders.

he nods, tiredly. “i’d love to,” he answers and turns back to the professor. jeongguk does too.

he tries to take notes and actively listen, but his excitement really gets the best of him. he opens the messenger on his phone and shoots his hyung a text.

jeongguk: see you in a bit!!! <3

he smiles when he gets an immediate response.

yoongi: :) <3

 

next to him, jimin frowns as he steals a glance at his dongsaeng’s screen. he can’t see who he’s texting, but the soft smile on the younger’s face makes his mood turn a little bitter nonetheless. he always tries to stop sabotaging himself, which includes believing he doesn’t stand a chance at winning his long-term crush’s heart.

he slaps his cheeks to guide his thoughts away from jeongguk’s social life, and receives a confused frown from the latter in response. he feels himself blush, and reckons he’s almost been caught sneaking glances at a private conversation the younger’s had. to cover his shame, he mumbles, “tired,” and watches as jeongguk accepts his bogus excuse with a shrug. he can’t help but sigh.

 

jimin wills himself to be happy. after all, it was jeongguk who wanted to hang out this time. as they walk to their preferred café, jeongguk catches jimin in a funny story about how he used to sneak around his parents’ guests and relatives when he was younger. only when jimin feels his phone vibrate in his pocket does he avert his attention away from jeongguk.

taehyung: are you free?

jimin: coffee with jk

he doesn’t bother answering any further when he sees taehyung’s response being multiple texts all containing a single sad emoji.

“is the weird guy texting you again?” jeongguk asks, curiously, when he sees jimin ignoring the texts he was getting. the question catches jimin off-guard and it takes just a second too long for jimin to realise the younger meant the supposedly bad date when he says ‘weird guy.’

he just shakes his head, feeling a pang of guilt at the mention. “no, just taehyung talking about something he saw,” he lies. he can’t really come clean about last friday and if he’s honest, he feels very bad about it, too.

he had been texting jaehyun and he was such a nice guy, jimin realised immediately. their date was set up by taehyung, who was friends with them both, upon jimin’s explicit request.

he had been feeling increasingly bad about jeongguk, like his infatuation with the younger was getting out of hand and, ultimately, ending with him having a broken heart. he just wanted to get the younger out of his head, and maybe get over him eventually.

he really just acted on a whim when he fabricated his weird story, but it feels like now, he and jeongguk are a lot closer because jimin asked for jeongguk’s help specifically. bad means, good end. or so he thinks.

 

they sit on a table in the front, opposite one another.

“how is your thesis going?” jimin asks, and jeongguk lets out a dramatic sigh.

“yoongi-hyung has been helping me a lot. he finished his quite well. but it only helps when it comes to the structure. thematically we are doing two entirely different things.”

jimin nods. “i get what you mean. but i believe you’ll be just fine in the end. considering the work you put in.”

jeongguk smiles, but he also shrugs. “thanks,” he mumbles. “but i still worry. can’t help it.”

when someone approaches jeongguk from the side, jimin feels a little weary. jeongguk only notices when he realises he’s lost jimin’s attention.

it’s a girl standing there, clutching her phone in her hands. jimin doesn’t know her, but recognises her face as someone from their university. she blushes a little and tucks her hair behind her ear.

unlike jimin, jeongguk seems to know who she is. he smiles, genuinely, and jimin feels oh so jealous. “hey noona, what’s up?”

“hey jeongguk, i’m sorry for bothering you. uh, i was wondering whether you’d like to go out for dinner together sometime?” she asks, and jimin feels a little sour. she just strolls up and does what jimin has been too afraid to do for over a year.

he remembers why, though, when jeongguk gives her a sad smile in return. it’s an obvious rejection when he says, “i’m sorry, yujin-noona, but i’m too busy doing my bachelor to do much else.”

jimin waits until she’s left a little shakily and mumbles, “you know, i’m very glad we’re hanging out even though we’re both pretty busy these days.”

jeongguk smiles at him. “of course. i talked to hyung about it, and he said it’s important to maintain a healthy social life alongside one’s studies. ‘sides, we won’t always be this stressed, right?”

instantly, jimin feels lighter, and returns jeongguk’s smile with all his heart.

their drinks arrive shortly after they’ve ordered and they fall into a comfortable conversation afterwards. they talk a lot about elementary and middle school and jimin feels happy to get to know jeongguk better.

it catches him off-guard when jeongguk’s eyes drift towards the entrance and his whole face suddenly lights up. jimin has never been on the receiving end of such a happy, content expression before, and it fills him with amazement and sends a stab through his heart.

jeongguk’s hand shoots up in a wave, and he says, “hyung! hyung!”

he can’t really place the younger’s enthusiasm. curiously, he turns his head along jeongguk’s gaze, and feels his stomach drop.