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I'm Here With You

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Maybe Virgil was an idiot.

He believed Deceit really cared.

He believed. All of the pain and torture. The screaming. The punches, kicks, and hits. He believed underneath all of that, that Deceit actually cared.

He fooled himself into thinking it was normal. He believed he deserved it. He believed everything Deceit said.

"You're useless to me Virgil! All you ever do it sit and whine!"

"You're lucky enough to be dating me!"

"If you don't like being with me then fucking leave!"

Virgil did leave. He left broken. Shattered. Deceit's words made him feel empty. Unwanted.

He sat on the edge of his bathtub, this time more feverishly than the last. He ran the water so no one could hear his sounds.

He took a razor from the medicine cabinet.

The cut was painful, yet Virgil was almost used to it by now. His time with Deceit consisted almost exclusively of it.

"Thomas needs to look out for his own self, not worry what others think of him!"

By the second cut, Virgil was almost numb to the feeling.

His forearm was littered with scars, but he didn't dare reopen them, fear of the other sides seeing the blood if his sleeves were to fall.

This time, Virgil used his legs. Right atop where his shins were. It was more painful, but the others were less likely to notice.

Then Virgil stopped. He looked at the razor in hand, and then looked into the bathroom mirror.

He looked disheveled. A mess. Even without his makeup, his eye bags we're heavy. 

"Leave me alone Virgil!"

That was the first time Deceit had hit him, and it was definitely not the last.

Every time Virgil made a mistake, or he'd mess something up by being his anxious self, Deceit would hit him in anger.

Virgil looked down at the tub, his own blood mixed in with the water.

Each cut was deeper into the skin, more and more of his blood dripping into the water.

Virgil saw something else hit the water. His own tears. Whether from pain or sadness, maybe both, Virgil wasn't sure.

He gritted his teeth. Sobs wanted to escape his mouth. He was desperate to stop them.

He hated his self-pity. All he ever did was ruin things for Thomas and the others.

Sometimes, Virgil wondered if things would be easier with him gone.

He stared at his blurred reflection in the tub. It was simple. He was unwanted. Unneeded. All he was doing was filling up empty space.

Virgil was tired of it.

He wanted this all to end.

To be free of himself.

There was a pounding in Virgil's ears.

At first he thought it was his own heartbeat.

Then he realized. Someone was knocking.

Virgil blinked his tears away.

Once.

Twice.

Had he locked the door?

Who was knocking?

Virgil panicked.

He took deep breathes but nothing calmed him. He wasn't ready to face anyone yet.

"Virgil," the voice he heard made him freeze. It was Logan.

"Are you alright?" Virgil's breathing quickened. He was hyperventilating. He couldn't do this.

"Is it okay for me to come in?" Virgil already knew he had his hand on the door knob.

Virgil gulped. When had his mouth gotten so dry. He let out a shaky voice.

"Y-yes."

Virgil hadn't even assessed the situation. He hadn't moved from his prior spot, razor in hand, the pant leg of his skinny jeans up, his own blood dripping into the water.

The look on Logan's face when he saw him was enough to make Virgil want to be invisible.

"Virgil, why?"

Virgil couldn't help it. He burst into tears. He was sobbing. He'd been caught.

He felt arms wrap around him.

"It's okay Virgil, just breathe." Virgil took a deep breathe. Then another until he was breathing properly.

Logan shut off the water. He wrapped some towels around Virgil's leg to stop more blood from dripping.

Logan opened the medicine cabinet, grabbed the bandages, and grabbed some peroxide.

He ordered Virgil to sit on the side of the tub, which he did so, reluctantly.

"This will sting you but please bear with it for now okay?" Logan removed the towel carefully as to not agitate the cuts.

Logan poured some of the liquid onto his legs and Virgil couldn't help but grit his teeth. It stung like fire.

Logan slowly wrapped the bandage around his leg. When he was done he squeezed Virgil's hand lightly, affirming him that he was done.

"Virgil, why would you do something like this? If you were feeling this way you could've came to one of us. We're like family we'll always be there for you," Virgil tried to blink away his tears at Logan's words but failed.

"Virgil, it's okay, you're alright," Logan took a small cloth and wiped Virgil's eyes.

Virgil sniffled and put on a small smile.

"I-I don't know what to do anymore," his voice sounded hoarse and broken as he spoke.

Logan pulled him into a hug again.

"Virgil, can you tell me the reason behind this?" His words were calm.

Virgil let out a shaky sigh, "I-I . . . I used to be in a relationship with Deceit," he didn't dare look up at Logan's face. "He . . . He used to h-hit me when I messed up. We broke up but . . . But his words stuck with me. I-I feel like I'm a burden to you guys. To Thomas. I don't belong. I even thought I could . . . End it all."

Virgil finally looked up.

Logan had a look on his face Virgil had never seen before.

"Virgil," Logan engulfed him into another hug. "Deceit doesn't matter anymore, he was always a bad person, and you're not a burden, we love you, all of us. We wouldn't be complete without you. You help make Thomas himself. You mean a lot to m—us. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

Virgil had started crying before he realized it. But he was happy. Logan said exactly what he needed to hear.

"Logan . . . T-thank you."

Logan smiled and, once again, wrapped Virgil in his arms.

"You're not useless, Virgil, I mean it."

Virgil smiled and rested his head on Logan's shoulder. "Thank you, Logan."