Work Header

JoJo’s Bizarre Fuckery

Chapter Text

“Jonathan I’m pregnant”. Is the first thing that Dio said as he approached the man, sipping a cup of tea and reading this mornings mail- until he wasn’t, he was instead spitting out his tea, Dio getting coated in the liquid, the blonde’s expression falling, looking at his husband with furrowed brows. “Are you fucking serious right now Jonathan Joestar?!” Dio scolded as Jonathan tried to recover from his coughing fit.

“Dio- I...Gosh, you caught me off guard- you’re...You’re pregnant?” Jonathan asked again even though he already knew the answer.
Of course Dio rolled his eyes, placing a hand on his hip. “Do I really have to repeat myself JoJo?” He then sighed as he looked at his sharp black nails.
“Yes, I’m pregnant-“

“YOU’RE PREGNANT?!” Dio was suddenly interrupted with the voice of Jotaro, the bitch always seemed to get in between him and Jonathan…

“I can’t believe there’s going to be another fuckin’ mini Dio running around, Jesus Christ I-“
Jotaro laughed to himself, not even being able to believe such a thing- Jonathan really stuck his dick in that?!

“Shut up child…” Dio wrrry’d, narrowing his eyes at the teenager as he watched him laugh. “He will be far more better mannered than you...Aren’t you late for school already?” Dio asked as he looked up at the clock on the wall, Jotaro’s eyes widened suspiciously as he proceeded to run out the door- Strange, it wasn’t even close to class starting and Dio knew damn well Jotaro didn’t give a shit whether he was late or not…

“So anyway darling…!” Dio started again as Jonathan gulped.

“Hey…” Joseph started as he popped his head outside the door, only to run off once Dio sent a sharp look his way, eyes glowing red.

“Another damned Brando running around, just what we all need…” Jotaro complained to his friends, Avdol and Polnareff- who he was basically third wheeling with as he ate his fries. “Why the fuck didn’t they use a condom, you know what I mean- hey?! Are you even listening to me?” Jotaro clicked his fingers in front of the two’s face, their head snapping towards him, Avdol clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, I must have- ahem, got lost in thought”.

“Oh yeah, you got lost in something alright”. Jotaro tch’d, continuing to stuff the fries in his mouth.
“So anyway as I was saying D-“ His breath was cut short as his eyes trailed on a boy- a red headed boy...Just Jotaro’s type.
The stranger looked back at him with a strange expression before suddenly piping up.
“What the fuck are you looking at?”

Jotaro Kujo, at that moment, had fallen in love.


“So- I heard Jotaro and Dio arguing this morning about Dio being pregnant, can you believe!” Josuke whispered towards Okuyasu and Koichi as they walked down the school hallway.

“Jotaro got Dio pregnant!” Okuyasu gasped as Josuke put a hand over his face, facepalming.

“No! You idiot- Jonathan got Dio pregnant! And Jotaro doesn’t like it- because he thinks Dio is a thottie- I mean he’s not wrong but…” Josuke shrugged, opening the double doors as the three walked off school grounds, suddenly bumping into some random business looking guy.

“Jeez, watch out”. Josuke huffed as he looked down at the guy who had seemed to have dropped his sandwich bag, said guy seemed to ignore him, Josuke raised an eyebrow, gripping hold of the blonde dudes shoulder before he could reach for his paper bag. “Hey, aren’t you gonna apologise?!” He said in an annoyed tone, Okuyasu and Koichi glancing at each other.

“You bumped into me…” The man managed out, fists clenching as he watched Josuke laugh. “Alright man, give it up and just apologise”.
Blonde twinkie didn’t say anymore as he turned again, reaching for the sandwich bag, only to be tugged back once more.

“Hey! Are you fucking deaf-“ Josuke shouted only to look up, having been shaded by a man of huge stature, his eyes trailed up, gulping at the man’s appearance- what the fuck?! Dude seemed to be right out of one of those metal bands or some goth shit- not to mention he literally towered over all of them.

“Errr- Yeah, whatever man, I gotta run anyway”. Josuke laughed nervously as he suddenly ran off, The sound of Okuyasu and Koichi calling after him wasn’t far behind.

Kira finally looked behind himself, his brows furrowing as he took a step back once he saw who was behind him, confused and intrigued, why did this man save his ass?

But he couldn’t even begin to question before the tall, demon ass looking man vanished.

How odd.

Kira didn’t say anymore as he grabbed the sandwich bag, walking down the street, yet his eyes were occupied by those strange alluring eyes.


Risotto looked over at the purple clad blonde man, leaning against the wall as he cast his eyes down at Prosciutto.
“Who is that?”
The blonde Italian looked back up at him with furrowed brows.
“Ask Melone or something, he probably keeps tabs on everyone…”

What were the Italian Mafia doing in Japan anyway?


“Caesarino…..” Joseph gasped as he rubbed his cheek against Caesar’s fat fucking ass...His hands gripped it as if it had been his life source.
“Ahhhhhhhhh…!” He muttered to himself as he squeezed those massive cheeks.
Caesar turned to look back at him, raising a hand and slapping him around the head harshly, Joseph fell back, giving him a thumbs up and a smile on his face. “Worth it….”

“Fuckin’ idiota…” Caesar shook his head, crossing his arms as he looked out the window. “Speedwagon said Dio is pregnant? I heard that Jotaro didn’t take it too well and tried to cause shit…”
Joseph didn’t listen to him at all as he stood up.
“Caesar-Chan! If Dio can get pregnant...Do you think…-“

“Joseph Joestar you better shut the fuck up right now you imbecile I will kill you!”