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Selected Causes of Recurrent Hypochondria (DiNozzo Variant)

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"Feel my head."

"You're fine, Tony."

"No, you've got to check out the size of this knot. I think I have a concussion."

"I think you have brain damage. But I don't think it happened just now."

"Feel my head."


"Those woods were swampy, and I want to be sure I don't have any ticks on me. The last thing I need is to get Lyme disease."

"No ticks, but you've got some mosquito bites. Mosquitoes carry encephalitis."

"That's not making me feel better, McGee!"


"Feel my head."


"Seriously, I think I'm dehydrated. I'm not sweating enough."

"Seriously, no. It's hotter than hell and I am not moving unless I absolutely have to."

"Feel my head."

Tim sighed. "What is it this time, Tony?"

Tony just beckoned impatiently. "Come on, come on, get over here."

Tim rolled his eyes, but he followed Tony into an empty observation room. He stopped short in front of Tony, though, arms crossed over his chest. "What's wrong now?"

"Fine, you want me to demonstrate?"

Tony reached out and cradled Tim's head in both hands, fingers teasing into his hair. Tim sucked in a breath, staring at Tony, who was staring back at him. "What are you...?" he started to ask, quietly, but the look in Tony's eyes made him stop.

"I really do have to do everything," Tony said, with something like resigned wonder in his voice, and a grin creeping across his face. He pulled Tim forward into a kiss, open-mouthed and soft, until Tim shuddered and grabbed him back, moaning into Tony's mouth, and then things got a little wilder.

When they broke apart, Tim had trouble catching his breath, and he couldn't stop staring at Tony's mouth. "Are you--feeling okay?" he asked, which wasn't exactly what he meant to say, but that was all that came out, because he.. and Tony... and they just...

Tony laughed, shaking Tim gently with the hands still on his head. "Never better," he said, and pulled Tim in for another kiss.