Why did you do it? Why did you even set foot near that place again? You must have either been incredibly brave, or more than likely incredibly stupid to even think about it. You were pretty much walking into the fox’s den of your own free will, whatever came after this was entirely your fault and you knew it, you made the choice and you had to accept the consequences. As soon as your foot hit the first porch step you knew there was no going back, you were going to do this and unlike the last time, you were completely alone, vulnerable and defenseless.
You stood at the door contemplating whether it was worth it, your morbid curiosity whether this thing was still alive and kicking got the best of you, you hadn’t been able to eat, sleep or think straight since the incident last week, you couldn’t get it out of your head. Every little detail of that day was washing over you like an ice-cold shower, hitting you with a sharp pain at random times throughout the days. You’d be extra careful when out alone without the other losers, you were constantly looking over your shoulder, for the first time in years you went to bed with the lamp on because you were an anxious and paranoid mess. Throughout the past week when you had been around the other guys they, especially Beverly would ask you if you were okay, you’d sniff and tell them you were fine. You had an appearance to keep up, you were 17, older than them and therefore you couldn’t let them see you as the weak one, truthfully though you were far from fine and that hurt to admit to yourself. For as long as you can remember you had always felt brave and seemed to stand your ground and not let things phase you, but what happened that day shook you, it changed you, and soon you were about to find, in more ways than one.
The shaky wooden porch steps creaked as you slowly paced back and forth, "come on y/n, you need to find out, you need to know" you told yourself, over and over. Each time your hand reached to push the door open it felt like a weight was holding you down. Your instincts were screaming at you to get the hell away from this hell hole, but deep in your gut, something was edging you on, almost taunting you for how much time you were wasting. You needed to know if this thing was still there, maybe just maybe you could have a fighting chance if it was in there and tried to attack you, doubtful but still, you liked to be optimistic. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and you quietly muttered under your breath “fuck it” as you grabbed the handle of the door with force and opened it. As your trembling legs made their way inside the building, it hit you. That smell, the smell you’d couldn’t forget, you had even been faintly smelling even in your own home, were you going mad?, Damp air, smoky and dirty dust with a hint of mold, a strong metallic odor which you immediately knew was dried blood, and the worst one, decaying flesh. Oh how badly you wished you weren’t in a situation that caused you to have the smell of flesh rotting etched into your brain, but here you were, stupid, stupid little girl.
You held your breath and let out a slow sigh trying to calm down as you slowly began prancing around the house looking at every direction, every nook, and crevice, preparing yourself for it to pop out somewhere and grab you. Your eyes glanced over at the familiar sights of the house, the dirty stained, peeling wallpaper, the old rusted and broken down furniture, the humongous ancient-looking staircase in the foyer, and then your eyes settled on something that caused a rush of adrenaline to set off through you.. the massive metal pole that Beverly used to injure the monster was still lying on the floor, still covered in its blood. What was even more disturbing was that the blood hadn’t even seemed to be dried up and cracked, it looked like it was still wet and fresh, you quickly shuffled yourself around it, avoiding even touching it with your sneaker.
As you made your way into the kitchen you almost stumbled in horror when you saw that damn refrigerator, it was still open. Your mind flashed back and it was like you were reliving that day all over again, when you were lying on the cold dirty tiles trying to scurry away from it, watching in absolute panic and amazement as it slithered out of that fridge, it’s body contorted, twisted, the look of ravenous hunger painted over its face as it straightened itself out and began coming towards you, like a hyena that just found a helpless lion cub. You can still feel the sizzling, slobbering drool dripping and spitting all over your face as it held your jaw with its black claw, you’ve still got the remnants of faint red scratches on your chin, just another reminder of that nightmare, you can still hear the words he cheerfully said to you whilst essentially manhandling you “tasty, tasty” they make you shudder and feel nauseous as it plays on a constant loop in your head. One other thing, however, makes you feel even worse, not neseceraly sick, more just plain bewilderment is the last thing he said to you before being impaled. You’re not even sure the others heard, it’s like for a second everything went quiet and there was only you and it in the room, his bile yellow eyes bored into your soul as he conked his head to the side, taking a curious sniff at you…. “different” it spoke, just one word, but one word that has been confusing you ever since he uttered it, what did it mean? Did you even really want to know? Maybe.
As you delicately made your way back into the living room you paused on your tiptoes to take a quick look around the room again, making sure you didn’t miss anything, you stood still biting your lower lip and fidgeting with a bead on your shirt. Everything was quiet, eerily quiet it was nice but also extremely unnerving at the same time, like those moments in a horror movie before they give you the infamous jump scare. As you stood in the silence for what felt like minutes, your eyes partly shut taking everything in and coming to the conclusion that if that thing was here, then it would have shown up by now, it didn’t seem like the type of person to waste it’s time if it really wanted something. You gave up, your little adventure was a waste of time, deep down even though you were glad you didn’t have to face it again, you were frustrated that you couldn’t get any closure, you didn’t know where it was, you didn’t know if it was dead or alive, or just resting, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike again.
You sighed rather loudly, slowly pushing the hair that was hanging in front of your face back and turning to make your way out the door, your hand was just about to grasp the handle when you heard a sudden shift and creak in the floorboards and then that voice, that distinctive, disgustingly childish voice behind you, “Going so soon?” Your breath was caught in your throat and your eyes widened, head jolting up and body stiffening at the known source that was behind you. Your hand moved slowly from the door and fell down by your waist. You couldn’t turn, you didn’t want to, yes this is what you came for, this is the closure, but you didn’t want to face it now, you immediately regretted every moment of this decision to come back, because now that you were here, alone with this demon and you didn’t know if you would get out alive. “Don’t be shy little girl, I wasn’t expecting guests today” it let out a high pitched unnatural giggle, the sound echoing through the walls and going through you like a bullet. You bit the bullet it offered you, you turned. You looked towards the direction his voice was coming from, you were expecting him to be right behind you, but he wasn’t, instead his humungous figure was sitting gracefully in one of the old armchairs in the corner of the room. The light slightly shone on half his body, highlighting the cherry red lips and making his bright auburn hair even more fiery and intense, you expected him to still be wounded and in pain but he wasn’t. If anything he looked perfect, like a doll. His traditional clown attire was effortlessly perfect like it had been dry cleaned, his gloves weren’t the same blood, dirt-stained fabric, but bone-white and hiding the claws he almost tore your neck open with. His overall appearance confused and startled you, mostly because the last time you saw him he was a feral beast, he was tattered, messy and full of menace, but now it’s almost like he was a completely different manifestation of that beast you saw a week ago. He looked inviting, warm and kind with a soft and angelic expression on his face, icy blue eyes shining bright and drawing you in. You hated how all though you desperately wanted to, you couldn’t stop staring at him, you felt sick at your own body for it felt like it was betraying you, but you weren’t scared this time, you were intrigued. You decided to try and gain back some of your own control, you held your ground (or at least attempted to) and raised your head firmly with a stone-cold expression on your face, to try and hide whatever mixed emotions you were currently experiencing. “So, you’re alive” you muttered, eyes darting to the side, you couldn’t look into those eyes any longer as if you did, you felt like they would consume you whole. Pennywise sat there, eyes fixated on you, he enjoyed watching you try and be brave, he knew you knew that you thought you looked calm and collected, but to him, you just looked like a shy timid girl who most definitely wasn’t as in control as she thought. He grinned at this notion, slowly licking the bottom of his plump lower lip. “Of course I’m alive silly, isn’t that what you wan-ted..?” you noticed how his hand was tapping his knee, like an impatient teacher waiting for a student to answer a question, you felt completely on the spot and vulnerable, but also shocked at his assumption.
You stood still and silent, you wanted to get out, you felt like you were being held down by ropes, you would have tried to make an escape but that’s what he wanted and you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction. “I want you dead” Pennywise bit his bottom lip harder, stifling his already toothy and drooling grin, he liked that answer, he liked it because he knew you didn’t mean it, not really. “Leave this town you hurt my friends, you belong in hell” you almost bellowed, gritting your teeth in anger and frustration and turning around to open the door, of course, it felt like it had been locked. “Pesky door always jams hehehe” the clown pointed and mocked you, watching your arms shake and pull trying in vain to get the handle to unlock, but you both knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. “ Don’t you want to take a seat? come sit, relax, there’s plenty of room here!” as he patted his knees, motioning you to come and sit on his lap, he was loving teasing you, making you feel uncomfortable, this was all nothing but a game to him and he was relishing every moment of it. You sucked a breath in and gave an offended scowl “I don’t want anything from you” The clown rose suddenly, slowly creeping towards you, laughing like madman. He stopped just a few feet away from you, eying you up and down, studying you like a lab rat “What brought you here, little one?” He asked, his smug smirk growing ever so slightly out of the corners of his mouth. “Did you enjoy last time so much you just haaad to come back for more hmm?” He reached out his hand towards your jaw and pointed at the scratches “If you think that’s bad, I could have done a whole lot worse my sweet” So much was racing through your mind at this point, you had visible cold sweat forming on your brow and your arms were trembling, you didn’t know how he could remain so calm and collected but still seem like he could explode at any given moment, and it frightened you.
You noticed the little pet names he gave you, your only reasonable explanation was that because you were older than the rest of the losers, you figured he enjoyed teasing and mocking you, making you feel just as young, if not younger than they were, belittling you, making you feel weak and timid. You stepped backward, almost hitting the wall, a burst of anger came racing through your veins “WHY DIDN’T YOU THEN?, HUH BIG SCARY MONSTER, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST KILL ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE?” You had had enough, of his games and you were fed up, you demanded answers. The clown’s eyes widened, he looked surprised and excited by your sudden burst, he laughed again however, this is exactly the reaction he wanted. “My, my little firecracker, you’re adorable when you’re angry, do it again hehe” his head shook as he gave a hungry and shit-eating grin, he began creeping ever closer towards you, his face was a touch away from reaching yours, if you weren’t careful at keeping your boundaries known you’d soon be touching noses. It was strange, but you could feel his body on yours without him even touching you, it’s almost like a heat radiated off him, and you hated yourself for finding this comforting and warm. You looked down at your feet, then up again, gritting your teeth to control your anger “why then?” you asked again, this time in a more shy, timid tone. Pennywise looked at you with sheer fascination, he was loving the tease, but even though he wouldn’t say it out loud, he was amazed you’d not tried to escape again, he was surprised you still stood there and even more amazed you hadn’t given up your whole “I'm brave” act, but he’d sure see to that eventually, he wanted to break you. “ah, ah no no I believe pennywise asked you first, be polite and answer sweets! why are you here hmm?” You sighed and told the truth, in your head anyway, it was the truth. “I told you, I came to see if you were alive, and you are so just let me go ho-” He interrupted in a flash, suddenly you were hoisted up against the wall, his huge gloved hand placed firmly on your neck, you could still breathe a little, somehow. However, your body went into shock and you screamed out, clawing at his arms and pulling at his hands to get them off you, but to no avail. His face was right on top of yours, his eyes tore into you, they were that same fluorescent bile yellow that you saw when he was crawling towards you in the kitchen, you knew by now those eyes meant anger and most of all…hunger.
“You know a thing I hate more than children, liars” the clown snarled at you, his sharp rows of jagged teeth bearing. Your face was going red and your breath was becoming raspy and short as his grip became tighter, you tried with all your might to say something, anything but nothing but choked mumbles came out. Pennywise let out a slow humming growl as he cackled at the same time, pools of the same sticky, hot drool spraying over your cheeks and down your top as he mocked you for not being able to speak “oohoho what’s the matter? clown got your tongue?” he said in a smug and patronizing tone, using his other hand to grab your hair by the scalp and slam your head back into the wall. Your eyes started seeing black spots and you began to feel dizzy, but somehow you managed to let yourself speak as you felt the grip on your larynx loosen ever so slightly, maybe he wanted to give you a fighting chance after all. “ss-sorr-y i’m sorr-y” came out in a pathetic low gasp, you didn’t know why you were apologizing but you were willing to say anything in order to get out of his hold. To your surprise he let go, you fell down on your ass, hard, spluttering and coughing, massaging your now bruised neck. He leaned his head down to your sore and bruised state of a being, looking at you with a fake, mocking sad expression, suddenly you saw his hand come down to your eye level, as he reached it out for you to grab it, you weren’t in any mood to anger him anymore, so you took his seemingly kind gesture and grabbed hold of his hand as he pulled you back up on to your feet. You fell back into the wall, leaning into it, and trying to get your breath back. When you looked back at Pennywise, his demeanor changed once again, his eyes were blue again, his teeth were back to his comically cute buck teeth.
He almost looked regretful for the actions he just performed, but you knew now not to trust his cute act, for it was all just a lie to get his victims were he wanted them. “Sorry little one, my temper get’s the best of me at times hehe!” it’s like he had a complete personality change within a split second “Just tell ol’ pennywise why you came here, and everything will be okay, and tell the truth….yes, truth, I know when people lie little one, especially little girls like you, I know what’s going on up there” as he poked the side of your head. “I..I i don’t know what you want from me, please just stop, let me go” you slightly cried out, a single tear began running down your cheek, he quickly noticed and wiped it away with his thumb. “Aww, poor little y/n, so innocent, so naive…so stupid, such a naughty liar, where are your little friends? hmm why didn’t you bring ‘em over, it’s almost lunchtime I’m hungry” He looked up at you, wicked grin spreading across his face as he teased you once again, his body was leaned over yours against the wall, his long lanky arms caging you in like a bird, you could feel the heat on his breath, you could feel the slight slick of the paint on his face as he brushed his cheek against yours, sniffing behind your ear, close to your neck. “Don’t.. leave them alone” you slowly spoke, the feeling of his body so close, sent a strange heat through you, you were on edge, but something in you felt powerless to stop his control over you, so you just let him get on with whatever invasive action he decided to spring on you. Everything inside you was screaming that this felt wrong, but deep down, an untouched part of your soul, something dormant and asleep, was beginning to wake. “Hmm, I wonder what they would think if they knew your little secre-t, if they knew!! ohohoh” it belted out, like a misbehaved child, hidden with sinister intentions and meaning.
Your eyes widened as you looked at him straight in the face, “..what secret, i-i.. don’t know what you’re talking abou..” He interrupted you as you noticed out of the corner of your eye that one of the arms that were holding you in place suddenly moved to your hip. It felt someone touching you after they’ve been out in the cold, you felt his dangly long fingers graze against your side, smooth and tenderly “You had such a sweet pretty smell that day, you have it now, yes you doooo” without any warning it’s mouth moved down into the crook of your neck, he used his index finger to gently sweep one of your loose curls away from the skin, it’s lips were now grazing over your jugular and you felt the edge of his two front teeth graze and scrape against the muscle. You wanted it to be painful at this point, because at least if it was painful it would disguise the other emotions you were feeling as the small shots of his breath whistling through his nose sent shockwaves of tingling heat through your pulse, right through to the rest of your body. You tried desperately to conceal the stifled moan that was in your throat, but unfortunately, it found its way out, right into his ear and much to his delight. “Yes, there it is, you can’t hide it from me” Your body was weak and limp against his as he basically purred into your neck, your mouth was partially open, it felt like you were in a trance and your senses filled with fuzziness and smells of cotton candy. Your muscles soft and relaxed against his towering, hot presence. You felt the sudden cold prickle of his glove slide underneath your skirt, slightly rising up your thigh, and just as quickly as you were put under his trance, you snapped back to reality at this sharp sensation.. this wasn’t happening. “..NO, no!” you shouted, you tried to move away to run out from under his stance, but his arm shot up quickly against the wall like a plank, trapping your body from escaping. He took hold of your face with his left hand, you couldn’t believe how big his hands were, one of them nearly covered your face completely.
“Not so fast, little mouse, we were having a nice moment there dontcha think?” he said smugly, grinning again with an almost seductive wickedness. He cupped your cheek gently, stroking it up and down, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling things, unnatural things, things you shouldn’t be feeling, but they were becoming more and more present with every touch. Every word set off something in you, you hated him, you were meant to want to kill him, but this moment had you conflicted and scared, scared at what was to come, what you were to become, what you were capable of when at the edge. His bright, blue eyes shone at you with glee, with need, desire, and beauty. Your breaths were deep and raspy, heart beating out of time almost in unison with his. “It’s okay pennywise knows, oh yes he knows what you need, I can give it to you…just let me… le-t me y/n” that phrase seemed to echo and ricochet off the walls like a thousand voices chanting in your ears, and with that his lips gently pressed against yours. Your head moved in perfect rhythm to meet his touch, as soon as you felt those crimson coated lips, it was like a wave of electric passed over you, and you felt like everything you’d be holding back, every fear, every scream, every worry just disappeared in a flash. His tongue felt warm and soft as it entered your mouth, your lips became wet, surprisingly none of the makeup came off onto your skin, there was no messy smudges, nothing, just pure passion in one simple kiss, but rationality came back into your head. This wasn’t just a kiss, you were sharing yourself with a demon, an alien, a monster who tried to kill you, and your friends.. and he was right, what would they think? what would Beverly, or sweet little Ben think if they knew you were sharing this moment with a beast who harmed them and was still on the warpath, a child murderer? You’re tasting the same lips that devoured children’s flesh.
You suddenly came back down to earth and pulled away, your will was strong enough now after all these thoughts running back and forth through your head that you managed to push past his arms and break free from his hold. You stumbled to the other side of the room, hands covering your mouth, stifling your shock at what just happened. Pennywise just stood, looking at you with absolute pride and satisfaction, at his latest game. He broke you. “weeeelll that was very nice, too bad your silly conscious got the better of you their sweet cheeks, would have liked a little more of that pretty mouth” You stared at him with pure hatred and anger, and sadness, you hated yourself for giving in, for being weak but at the same time you couldn’t deny that in that moment, you loved it. “Why did you do that to me, why did you make m-” you cried out in desperation, almost tearing up, but his powerful voice interrupted you once again “No no don’t blame me for that, that was allllll you, I just helped you see what you really wanted little thing. I knew you were a liar…I can smell a liar a mile away” You glanced at his malicious expression, he was under your skin for sure, all though you never would dare to admit it.
“You’re a monster” you coldly stated, looking him dead in the eyes. Pennywise began creeping towards you, slowly and devilishly, you thought for sure he was going to attempt to hurt you or mentally scar you, but instead, he just towered over you, looking down at you like the small pathetic little creature you were. His eyes sparkled in the ray of setting sun peeking through the boarded-up window. “Yes, little one” he reached out his hand once again, his index finger dancing over the tip of your chin before both index finger and his thumb gently grabbed hold of it, tilting your head up even more so he could get a proper view of him, and also intimidate you even more. “A monster that you desire” it spoke softly as his soft silk glove brushed over your bottom lip, you stood still. You could slowly feel yourself falling back into that familiar fuzzy trance-like state, but not enough to let it take control. Pennywise continued stroking your lower face as he laughed to himself, not his usual high pitched crazed giggle, but something softer and intimate. He kept looking at you whilst your lips trembled and your mind and heart were full of conflict and confusion at how this day turned out, how you managed to get yourself in this predicament. Pennywise turned his head to the window, the fresh light was dimming now, it was going to be dark soon, had you really been here for that long? He turned his head back to meet your stare, looking slightly concerned, but also slightly flustered himself. “Better run along girly, don’t wanna be out all alone in the dark, never know whos running about waiting to CATCH YOU!” he suddenly barked, as he grasped both of your shoulders giving you a jump and almost making you scream, but most definitely snapping you out of your growing trance.
He released his grip on you and slightly shoved you towards the door, you looked confused and flustered but went slowly to the door handle uncertain if this was another one of his tricks. You grabbed it and expected it to still be locked, but as you turned it, you heard the click as the door nearly swung open as if a gust of wind hit it. You stood in the half-open doorway, letting the cold early night air hit you, it felt good to feel the fresh air bathe over your hot and sweaty face. It was like two worlds had separated again, you felt as if the measly space between the porch and the actual inside of the Neibolt house were two completely different places. Outside was safe, and peaceful with nothing but the slight breeze of the autumn air whistling through the trees and fading amber sunlight creating a beautiful glow over your little town, whilst through that door was hell, a hell filled with fear, abuse, uncertainty, but worst of all longing, and that scared you more than any monster ever could, and Pennywise knew it.
You turned around one last time, but the clown was gone in a flash. The only remains of him being the faint whisper coming through the house right out into the night sky, whilst you stood on the same worn-down porch “I’ll be seeing you around, my sweeet”