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It wasn't a secret that people in his school were scared of Donghun. It didn't take much brain to notice that. Whenever he walked through the hallways, he could her them quietly talk about him but as soon as he gave them a pissed glance, they immediately shut up and tried to disappear in the white walls behind them. The same happened at lunch, where the crowd practically parted itself in front of Donghun and he had to acknowledge that that was quite useful. He didn't like strangers coming too close to him anyways. 

However, there was still the question left as to why they were scared of Donghun and the latter had to admit that he didn't even know the answer himself. 
He had never gotten into a fight, never secretly smoked behind the school and always turned in his assignments on time. The only thing that made him scary was probably the fact that he was different than everybody else. While all the other students were trying to blend in, he didn't care about such things. He was Lee Donghun after all. He did what he wanted to do without caring about opinions from people, he had never even talked to. 

That was also the reason why a pretty big part of his left arm and his collarbone was covered in black ink or why he rode a motorbike instead of a boring car. Feeling the cold wind around him just made him feel more alive and he loved going on trips to discover the nature around there city on his bike. By now he had found beautiful spots, he often used as hiding places to clear his mind and take a rest. Nothing dangerous at all, right?

In that moment someone bumped into Donghun, brutally ripping him out of his thoughts and he gave the culprit a cold glance. Immediately the girl apologized and fled into the other direction, while he looked after her. Okay he probably wasn't all rainbow and sunshine in school either...but who actually was that? School sucked and most people looked like their cat had just died 24/7, so why wasn't anyone scared of them? Not that it actually bothered him. It made many things easier. Except for maybe getting a partner for group projects but Donghun was smart enough to do the work of two on his own and still managed to get better grades than the other students in his class.

However, another thing that sucked was that even some of the teachers made it obvious that they didn't like his appearance... Had Donghun already mentioned his piercings? Not that they were a reason to treat him like a criminal all the time.

The only person who had been different was also the person who had annoyed Donghun more than anybody else at first. Usually he was a pretty calm person and simply didn't care about what was going on around him, when he was eating lunch, or he simply minded his own business, but when three freshmen suddenly started racing after each other in a way too crowded corridor, then even Donghun got pissed. They might still be freshmen but why did some of them have to act like five years olds?

Of course, the whole thing ended in one of them bumping into a row of lockers from where he bounced back and right into Donghun's arms who caught him out of reflex. Yes, reflex! After all landing on the floor would have been the right punishment for such childish behavior. 
As soon as their skin touched it got silent around them, everyone staring at them while holding their breathes, thrilled to see what would happen next. 

"You should pay more attention to your surroundings..." Donghun said, his voice calm but cold as ice. He seriously had better things to do than preventing toddlers from hurting themselves because of their own dumbness. 
Slowly the boy in his arms looked up and Donghun got met by the sight of big Bambi eyes staring at him, seemingly still in shock. 

"I'm...I'm sorry...I'll take better care next time!” He apologized and his voice sounded soft and a bit uneasy but not frightened. It surprised the older. Most freshman would have just run away without apologizing since they had already heard about the rumors that were surrounding Donghun. For example, that he was apparently part of the mafia, had already killed five people and took drugs in his free time. Which was bullshit of course. He didn't even drink alcohol but that was nobody else’s business. 

"Maybe you should just stop acting like kindergarteners and grow up! You are in high school now after all..." With these words he let go of the boy who barely managed to stay on his feet and continued his way towards the Cafeteria. The stares, he got there not much later, told him that the story of the incident had already spread. Now it was only interesting to see how much it had changed from what had actually happened.


"Yes! And then he grabbed him and nearly chocked him and whispered something along the lines of; if you ever touch me again, I'll kill you and your entire family! before he let go of him again. It was so scary!" 

"Are you sure that's what happened?" 

"Yes! My cousin stood right next to them!" 

Chan stared after the two girls in confusion. He hadn't wanted to eavesdrop while they were passing by but how could one ignore such a scary story? He turned to one of his classmates next to him.

"What were they talking about?" 

"Oh, apparently this scary senior with all those tattoos attacked a freshman again today. It happens pretty often, if you can trust my brother but you can't trust my brother so I don't know either." The other boy shrugged his shoulders, while Chan felt how his mouth dropped open. 

"They were talking about me?!" His classmate’s head shot up.

" were the one who got attacked?!"

"No! I mean...yes but...he didn't attack me. I bumped into him on accident and he told me to pay attention to where I'm going and left. Okay, he wasn't acting very nice but he definitely didn't choke me..." 

"Then why are they saying such things?" Chan felt himself frown. 

"I don't know..."

Later that day he heard all the other horror stories that people told themselves about the scary senior - who's name was Donghun how he had found out - and suddenly Chan felt the urge to get to get to know the truth. Was it really true that he was part of the mafia? Or did people just make that stuff up? 

After school he met Donghun again, even though only from afar. The older was leaning against his motorbike, while Chan was unlocking his bright yellow bicycle. Most students had their own cars already but his parents weren't able to afford it and he didn't really mind. It was better for the environment anyways and he liked feeling the wind around him. A motorbike was pretty cool too though, he had to admit that. If he would ever get the chance to drive on one?
Having got lost in his thoughts, he only noticed that Donghun was staring at him, after he had stood up straight again, the lock for his bicycle in his hands. The senior was too far away for Chan to make out his expression but he figured that it probably looked similar unbothered as earlier in the hallway. He didn't care about his eyes he was just a stupid, annoying freshman after all. Still, for some reason he couldn't help himself but raise his hand and softly wave at him, a bright smile blooming on his face. Then Chan got on his bike and drove off, still feeling Donghun's stare in his back, even after he had already arrived at home.


It would be a lie to say that Donghun hadn't been extremely surprised after the freshman had smiled and even waved at him like that. People had stopped doing such things after the older had gotten his first tattoo and he didn't miss it...or at least he had thought so. But for once having someone looking at him without it being to judge him or with a scared expression made him happy and he fell asleep smiling that night.


The only friend he got was a boy called Junhee. They both had been in the same class once but after having had some health issues Donghun had been forced to redo freshman year and because of that Junhee was now in college, while he was still rotting in hell. The fact that he was a year older than everybody else also didn't help his reputation by the way. Who cared for the real reasons, when you could just believe the rumors?

"You's kinda weird to hear you humming like this while you are doing your homework..." Junhee remarked and observed him with a frown. "Usually you hate everything even closely related to school."

"Don't you have work to cleaning or bringing customers coffee or something?" Donghun wanted to know, not even bothering to look up from the essay he was writing on...or at least trying to write.

Since the boy had smiled at him a week ago that smile had not left his mind again and it sometimes made it hard to focus. Why did something as small as this affect him so much and why did Junhee immediately have to notice, whenever something was off about him? His friend just huffed. 

"The cafe is nearly empty and there is nothing to I not even allowed to spend time with my best friend now? Since I left, you became more and more rude... someone needs to teach you some manners." This time Donghun did look up at the other with raised eyebrows.

"You do know that just because you are in college and I'm not, that still doesn't make you the older one, right?" Junhee just smiled. 

"Whatever... Anyways do you mind telling me who you are thinking about the entire time or do I have to stalk you to find out about it?" 

"I'm not thinking about anyone. You know I hate everyone in this school..." The other nodded but without looking convinced. 

"Sure, Dongi...Small tip from someone who has more dating experience than you; try to smile instead of looking at them like you are looking at me right now and maybe they'll actually consider dating you. You are really good-looking you know... the only problems are your manners."

"Ugh, shut up!" Donghun groaned annoyed and threw Junhee's towel at him who easily caught it and disappeared back behind his counter, laughing loudly. 
For some reason Donghun still found himself smiling at himself in the mirror later that evening, looking like a creepy clown. 

"What the heck..." He mumbled and quickly put on his usual expression. 

Who was this boy and what had he done to him?


Another week passed and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Their school was quite big and therefore Donghun didn't see the mysterious freshman again and he welcomed the fact that he slowly started to forget about him. He had no idea why the younger's smile had captivated him like that but it was scary and he didn't like not knowing what was going on. 
This year was too important to lose his mind. He finally was a senior now and he wanted nothing more than to leave this hell of high school so he could finally join Junhee at college. However, he should have known that it wouldn't be that easy.

Donghun was eating lunch, like always having nearly the entire table to himself, when suddenly someone put a tray with food on the spot across from him. Donghun stopped in his tracks for a second, surprised that someone was brave enough to actually do this and was just about to give the person an annoyed glance and tell them to leave him alone, when his eyes fell on the face which had haunted him in all of his dreams these past two weeks. 

"Hi, I hope you don't mind me sitting here, all the other seats are already taken." The older frowned, for once not able to reply anything. Instead he looked around and noticed that indeed all the other tables were full of laughing students that threw food at each other and acted annoying in general. 
Since Donghun didn't tell him to leave, the boy seemingly took it as a clue that it was all right and he sat down. 

"Thanks." He gave him the same smile from, when the older had seen him with his disgustingly yellow bicycle and started eating peacefully, not caring at all how everybody around them was staring at them with big eyes.

It probably did look weird that a freshman who had gotten choked and threatened by him suddenly wanted to sit on the same table as Donghun. Not that he would ever do anything to this boy. Even though he didn't really like how bright and colorful his clothes were or that he apparently didn't get the memo, when somebody wanted to be alone, he still couldn't help but feel the urge to protect the younger. Everything about him looked so soft and carefree and it reminded him of, when he had still been a child, not knowing how cruel the world could be. All of a sudden, he wanted nothing more than to make sure that this freshman would never have to wake up from whatever weird dream, he was living in. 

"Why are you staring at me like that?" The younger's voice pulled him back to reality and Donghun blinked a couple of times, before he looked down on his food. 

"I'm not. Why should I stare at you?" 

"I don't know...maybe because I'm pretty?" The younger laughed and the sound seemed to make its way into every tiny corner in Donghun's body. For some reason his face turned hot and he quickly bent even deeper over his food in the attempt to hide it. They stayed like this for a while, simply eating silently without talking and Donghun started to relax again, when suddenly the freshman spoke up, 

"This might be a personal question but can I ask you about the meaning behind your tattoos? You don't have to answer if it's too personal..." Donghun stared at him baffled.

"What?" Nobody ever before had cared enough to actually ask him why he had gotten the tattoos in the first place. Well, nobody except Junhee and this strange boy. 

"I heard that most people get tattoos with a meaning...I mean, they will stay with you for a long long time so I don't think you would just choose anything randomly." Donghun felt overwhelmed by the sudden conversation. He wasn't used to talking a lot in school and especially not about topics like that. 

" are's private." He replied, brushing off the question. He wouldn't just tell a stranger about his tattoos. Even when said stranger's smile had burned itself into Donghun's mind like it was some weird kind of tattoo itself. 

"Oh, that's all right...They are really pretty by the way...I like them." The older stared at the other with an open mouth, not knowing how to react. He was just about to say thank you - he wasn't a complete asshole after all - when the ringing of the school bell signalized the end of their lunch break. 

"Well...see you around." Once again, the freshman smiled his overly bright smile and then disappeared in the crowd of towards the exit streaming students.  

There was no need to mention that Donghun wasn't able to focus at all for the rest of the day.


Chan watched how Donghun walked over the grass outside of their school, before he sat down on a bench in the shadows of a small tree. He didn't seem to care one bit about the girls that had already been sitting there too and immediately jumped up and walked away, when the older placed himself next to them. Chan still couldn't really understand why everybody was acting that way around the senior. 

It was true that he wasn't the friendliest person on Earth and definitely not the most talkative but apart from looking at everybody as if they all had stolen his food, he wasn't acting any different from all of them. So why were they all acting as if he enjoyed murdering people in his free time? 

Okay, Chan didn't know him and he had heard about all of these rumors about the other but he still couldn't believe that any of them were true. Maybe he was simply too naïve... always seeing the good in people rather than the bad, but even after having sat at lunch with Donghun he still hadn't gotten any scary vibes from the other.

Instead he had looked extremely surprised that someone was actually talking to him and it made Chan feel bad. Nobody deserved to having to sit alone at lunch. Not even someone who was supposed to be part of the mafia...not that he really believed any of that. 

After having seen Donghun from up close he had noticed that the older wasn't only extremely handsome - not that that changed anything - but that the part of his tattoos, one could see, didn’t look like gang symbols as the rumors were saying. They reminded Chan of something else but he wasn’t able to fully grasp what yet.

"Earth to Chan..." His eyes darted from Donghun to Byeongkwan next to him. 

"Huh?" The other huffed in annoyance.

"When will you finally stop staring at this weird guy? Apparently, he is really dangerous. Please don't tell me you are one of those people that like dangerous guys because they think, they can fix them or something." 

"I don't even want to date him!" Chan replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest defensively. "He is too old for me if he would want to date a freshman." 

"I don't think he wants to date anyone...even though I heard he as a really good-looking boyfriend somewhere in college... probably the only person who isn't scared enough to spend time with him. Maybe he is in the mafia too, what do you think?"

"You don't seriously believe those dumb mafia stories, do you?" His friend only shrugged his shoulders. 

"Why not? If everybody is believing them then something must be true about them, right? And look at him...he looks kinda scary to me." Chan's eyes fell back on Donghun who was in the process of running a hand through his brown hair, while he studied some notes on his lap, his head bopping to music, only he could hear. 

"I think he is really handsome..." Byeongkwan next to him sighed. 

" day I'll have to pick you up from the police station or hospital, because something bad happened to you. You seriously need to learn to take better care of yourself." 

"I can take care of myself! Just because I don't immediately believe every stupid rumor..."

"Yes... whatever. Just promise me that you'll be careful, when it comes to guys like him." Chan couldn't help but chuckle at this.

"You sound like my mom." 

"Sometimes I feel like I am your mom...Now c'mon, you wanted to help me with math."


One week passed after the other and to Donghun's surprise the weird freshman with the pretty smile kept on sitting with him for lunch. After the third time he had asked him why, whereupon the other had told him that all his friends had been put in the other lunch break and he therefore had no friends...similar to Donghun.

"Well, I'm not your friend either..." Donghun had replied but the younger had only shrugged his shoulders. 

"Doesn't have to stay like that forever, right?" Once again Donghun had been too surprised to say anything in return and once again the freshman seemed to take it as affirmation, because he showed up on the next day again. 

They didn't talk much, but it felt weirdly comforting to not be alone all the time and now and then the boy asked him questions he even answered though only laconically. 

Today, too, they were eating lunch together in silence, when Donghun decided to speak up,

"What is your name?" He asked and the other was clearly surprised about him being the one to ask a question this time. 


"You sat with me for nearly two weeks now but I still don't know your name..." I have to call you the freshman with the pretty smile instead and it's slowly driving me crazy, Donghun added silently in his head. 

" are right!" The younger exclaimed and laughed astounded. "I didn't even think about that, because I already knew your name." Donghun frowned. He knew his name?

"I'm Yuchan but you can just call me Chan." The freshman introduced himself and reached out his right hand, like always smiling brightly like the sun. The older looked at it for some seconds, before he hesitantly took it.

"Donghun..." He said even though Chan had just told him that he already knew his name. 

"Nice to get to know you. I bet we can become great friends!" 

Donghun wasn't so sure if he would be able to stop at just that. Even after knowing the younger for only a month and barely having talked to him he already felt himself falling for the younger and it scared him. 

He blamed it on the lack of contact with people.


Everything changed not too much later. Donghun had once again settled down on his favorite spot under the tree on their school grounds, when a pair of feet appeared in his view. Whenever he was doing his homework or simply used his break to relax, he listened to music and because of that he hadn't heard the person approaching him. As soon as he spotted the blue and green hooped socks, however, he knew who was standing in front of him. Not that he had expected anybody else. 

Donghun paused his music and looked up, getting greeted by Chan's grinning face as usually.

"Hey!" The younger exclaimed and let himself fall down next to him, while Donghun watched him do so with a frown. 

"Hey..." This was weird. Yes, they did talk a bit more by now and yes, they ate together for lunch but apart from that they never interacted. Except from Chan's overly excited greetings, whenever they saw each other in the hallways or in front of their school. 

It still surprised and confused Donghun every time, even though he was slowly getting used to the younger’s actions and he had to admit that it was funny to see the even more confused faces of the other students that simply couldn't understand how Chan was still alive. 

"What are you doing?" The freshman wanted to know, actually sounding interested and before Donghun could stop himself, he answered,

"Analyzing lyrics..." 

"Really?? Wait, don't tell me you are a singer!" Chan looked at him with wide, in surprise opened eyes. 

"What if I am?"

"That would be so cool! We could go to karaoke together! My friends only care about dancing and going alone is no fun..." At his offer Donghun blinked dumbly, only slowly processing what the other had just said. Had Chan seriously just asked him to goto karaoke? Together?

"Why are you here?" He wanted to know, suddenly feeling the urge to get some distance between them again. 

"Because I wanted to talk to you...and because my friends didn't want to believe me that you are nice instead of dangerous." Donghun followed his stare, his eyes falling on two boys in Chan's age that quickly looked away as soon as they noticed him looking at them. He chuckled humorless and turned back to the younger, slowly bending forward until they were closer to each other than they ever had been. 

"And how do you know that I'm not dangerous?" He raised an eyebrow and even though Chan tried to hide it, it was obvious that he was nervous. 

"I just know...I'm good at reading people." 

"You do know that I'm part of the mafia, right?" The younger actually did look intimidated for some seconds, before his usual bright smile appeared on his face again. 

"Ahhh... seriously...that's only a rumor. I bet you could never hurt anyone." 

"Are you sure about that?"




Chan stared at the older, the smile still on his face but he knew that it probably looked fake. No, he actually wasn't so sure about that anymore. For some reason Donghun's sudden closeness and behavior intimidated him more than all the scary stories about him had and he felt his heart racing in his chest. 

Over the past couple weeks Chan had tried to get to know Donghun better. At first it had been out of curiosity and because the older had fascinated him but with time he had become more eager to actually get to know him. He didn't know why but he liked Donghun. Even though he hardly talked and kept his answers short, he never seemed to lie and the fact that he was apparently a singer like Chan himself only drew him even closer towards Donghun. 

Until now the older had never shown any signs of aggressiveness or other behavior, people ascribed to least not until today. But it wasn't fear that made Chan's breath go uneven and he prayed that Donghun didn't notice how red his cheeks probably looked like. 

"I don't know...I just can't imagine you to be a bad person..." He mumbled quietly and watched how the senior furrowed his brows and then backed away again. Like so often he didn't reply anything and there was only silence between them and like so often Chan was the one breaking it, taking the other's quietness as a clue to go on. 

"You know...I would really like to get to know you better...and I would really like to hear you sing. I bet you have a beautiful voice." He had no idea, where he took the courage from to speak his mind like this but in the way Donghun bit on his lower lip, he knew that it had been the right thing to say. 

"You want to go out with me? Really? Aren't you scared about what the others will say? And your parents?" Chan shrugged his shoulders and then shook his head. 

"Naahh…it's my life so why should I care about other people's opinions? And don't parents don't care who I'm going out with as long as the person treats me right. If you are planning on murdering me however...I wouldn't do mom would kill you first. I swear, she is supernatural or something! She can smell stuff like that!" Donghun responded by blinking at him confused, probably a bit overwhelmed by the sudden flood of words. After all Chan had tried to hold himself back till now. 

"I...I'm not gonna murder you..." He then mumbled after a while, managing to actually sound timidly. " this...a date?"

The younger felt his own heart stop for a second, before it continued beating at double speed. He hadn't actually meant it that way but now that he thought about it, his words had indeed sounded like he had been asking Donghun out. Chan tried to clear his messy head so that he could grab a helpful thought but there seemed to be nothing like that left. Therefore, he just returned Donghun's stare, noticing how red the older's ears had gotten and how he was nervously rubbing his pencil between his fingers. 

'Everybody is so scared of him but he's just so adorable' Was the first thing that came to Chan's mind and consisted of something else than gibberish and before he could decide otherwise, he nodded. 

"Yes. Let's go on a date."



Donghun hadn't felt nervous in ages. Not since that day on which he had waited for the doctor to announce his test results. Everything else that had come afterwards like exams suddenly hadn't seemed as serious and scary. Going on a date with an always overly happy freshman however seemed to turned him into a nervous wreck. 

He was currently standing in front of the house; Chan had given him the address of, and he prayed that it was actually his home and everything hadn't just been a stupid joke between the younger and his friends. 

In that moment the door suddenly got opened and a woman appeared behind of it, smiling at him with a friendly expression. 

"Oh, you must me Donghun! Chan told us so much about you! Come in, come in!" She shooed him inside and gestured him to sit down, before she made her way upstairs.

"Chani, your date is here!" 

Immediately Donghun felt his face getting hot again and he was thankful that the younger wasn't there to see it. He was a senior...he should be acting all cool and composed instead of blushing like a little girl. 

He didn't have to wait for long until Chan loudly came running down the stairs. 

"Donghun! You are already here..."

"Yes...well, I thought the traffic would be worse..." He didn't need to tell him that he had already waited 15 min outside before ringing the doorbell and even now he was ten minutes early. 

The younger nodded, before he started putting on his shoes and Donghun observed his look. Like always Chan was wearing bright colors. The older actually asked himself, if he even owned anything that was just plain white or black. Today, too, Chan's t-shirt was bright red, while Donghun was completely dressed in black. It was just easier that way...more convenient and he liked the color. However, they would probably look funny next to each other, them both being complete opposites of each other. At least at first glance.

"You ready?"  Chan asked and turned to him, adding a colorful bag to his already colorful look. Donghun nodded and they both walked outside, where the younger directly made his way towards his yellow bicycle. Donghun frowned. 

"What are you doing?" He wanted to know and Chan hesitantly stopped, before he shrugged his shoulders.

"I need to get there somehow..."

"Yes, and why should I pick you up only for you to drive on your own on your ugly bike?"

"Hey! It's not ugly! It's yellow...and yellow is my favorite color." Chan complained offended. 

" we are going on my bike." He proudly pointed at his motorbike which he had parked right in front of the driveway. It was one of his most expensive possessions and probably also most loved ones. 

"What, really? I'm allowed to drive on it too?" Chan's eyes were glowing with excitement and for some reason it made Donghun happy that he wasn't scared of driving on the vehicle. 

"Of course... you are my date after all. But you have to wear a helmet." He pulled the spare helmet out of the storage space and handed it to Chan who quickly put it on. 

"I always wanted to drive on it!" The younger explained and a smile bloomed on Donghun's face. He carefully helped him onto the bike and prayed that Chan didn't notice how fast his heart was beating, while the younger tightly wrapped his arms around his waist. 

"Hold on tightly and let's go!" He announced and Chan's happy laughter made him grin like an idiot too.

Chapter Text

If being in a tiny space together with Donghun wasn't nerve-wracking enough already, hearing the older sing for the first time definitely made Chan's heart stop beating for multiple seconds. He didn't really know what he had expected, after all he hadn't even thought that someone like Donghun would be into singing, but after the other had finished his first song, Chan found himself staring at him in astonishment. 

"Woah...your voice is amazing!" It broke out of him and even though it was dark he still didn't miss how Donghun blushed at his compliment. 

"Thank you..."

"Why weren't you the one singing the national anthem for the beginning of school year?" Chan wanted to know, still lively remembering the girl with the too high-pitched voice that had been a pain to listen to. Meanwhile Donghun's voice sounded nice and full and he felt like he could listen to it for hours. The older shrugged.

"I tried doing it a while ago but they didn't want me because of my tattoos...and bad reputation. They didn't want to look bad at the first day of school..." 

"What?!" Sudden anger rushed through Chan's body, while he stared at Donghun in unbelief. "They didn't let you try because of some tattoos and dumb rumors?!" The older smiled softly at his outburst.

"I still don't get how you can be so sure that they are all just rumors..." 

"I already told you...I can't imagine you being part of the mafia."


"Are you?" Donghun shook his head and laughed. 


"Then what about you having murdered five people?" 

"There are seriously rumors like that?!" The older looked shocked and Chan couldn't help but laugh at his expression.


"Of course not! Why should I murder anybody?!"

"And the drugs?" 

"I don't even smoke..."

"You don't?"

"Nooo! That's some dumb if I smoke only because I'm owning a motorcycle and I have tattoos." Chan nodded in agreement, while he thought about some other rumors, he had heard.

" have a pretty boyfriend in college that is probably also part of the mafia." Donghun looked confused for some seconds before he suddenly started to laugh loudly and Chan found himself staring at him in awe. The other's laugh sounded beautiful and it made him look even prettier and younger than his usual distant expression. 

"Why should I go on a date with you, when I'm already in a relationship?" 

"I don't know...people also say you are a player..." Again, Donghun broke out into laughter and by now even tears were gathering in his eyes. 

"Well...then I guess I am..." He said after having calmed down a bit again. However, for some reason Chan suddenly felt insecure. He had seen the picture of the extremely good-looking guy hugging Donghun like it was the most normal thing to do that Byeongkwan had showed him. 

"They are dating for real! He just wants to play with your feelings!" Had been his warning but Chan hadn't listened. Maybe he had seriously been to blinded by his crush...

"So...there is no boyfriend in college...?" He asked carefully, feeling how his face started burning. The question had sounded more serious than he had intended it to and Donghun stopped laughing. Instead he gave him a look which was so surprisingly open and soft that it made Chan's stomach tingle. 

"No...the only person I know that is in college is my best friend...and he is annoying as heck so we'll never have a relationship like that." 

"Ahhh..." The younger hated how relieved he felt at this answer. How had he managed to get such an intense crush even though he barely knew the other? 

"Any more rumors? It's quite entertaining to hear about what everybody thinks of me..."

"Doesn't it bother you at all?" Chan wanted to know, but before Donghun could reply anything a waitress entered their room with their drinks and a plate full of snacks. They both thanked her and after she had disappeared again, he turned back to the senior. 

"I don't care, what people say about's my life. They can't change anything in it anyways." Chan thought about that for a while before he nodded. He liked that mindset. Even though they both seemed to be so different on the outside they shared many hidden similarities. 

"Okay, last one." He then announced and Donghun looked at him questioningly while he took a sip from his drink. 

"You failed your exams and that's why you had to retake freshman year and you are a bad student." 

"Wrong. I stayed at home most of the year...infectious mononucleosis..."

"Oh shit." Donghun chuckled dryly.

"Yes...well...Little Donghun finally had his first kiss only to regret it big times afterwards. That year was probably the worst year of my entire life..." They fell silent, the older seemingly drowning in old memories from that time, while Chan watched him. For some reason he felt extremely upset for the other. Donghun had been really ill only for people to spread wrong rumors about him instead of showing some sympathy. He suddenly felt the urge to scream at everybody in their school but he knew that it wouldn't be of any help. 

"'s true that I hate school but my grades aren't that bad. It's not like I don't want to go to college or anything." Donghun spoke up and pulled Chan out of his thoughts. 

"I seriously can't believe that people treat you like this only because you got some tattoos."

"It's less about the tattoos and more about me being different...also once you got a certain reputation, no matter if it's true, it's hard to change that mindset in people. But like I already said, I don't really care. I got my tattoos to remind myself of how beautiful life can be, because just sucks." This made Chan's head snap back up. He still remembered very well how Donghun had not wanted to talk about his tattoos and the fact that he now had been the one to start the topic instead of the other way around made Chan feel weirdly proud of himself. As if he had achieved something extremely great. 

"Do you think..." He hesitated and stopped, unsure if he was already allowed to ask such a thing on their first date. Still, he didn't think that Donghun would judge him and it gave him enough courage to continue,

"Can I see them?" Donghun's eyes widened in surprise and once again his ears turned bright red. 

"I..." He started stammering, "it's...maybe not here." 

"Oh..." Only know Chan remembered, where they were placed and what it would mean for Donghun to show him all of his tattoos at the same time. He had been so invested in their conversation that he had completely forgotten that they were still in the tiny karaoke room. 

"Yes of course. Sorry..." He felt how his own face turned hot too and tried to hide his blush by eagerly emptying his glass of apple juice. However, when he looked back up, he got met by the sight of Donghun staring at him with an expression, he couldn't read and it made his breath getting stuck in his throat. Suddenly he realized how close they were to each other and that he would only have to move his fingers slightly forward to touch Donghun's hand. Long forgotten was the screen that was recommending them some songs to sing and was the only source of light. 

The tension between them was so thick that Chan felt like he would be able to grab it with bare hands.

"Do you...want to go somewhere else?" The older suddenly asked and Chan's eyes widened in shock. Donghun who seemingly immediately realized what was going on in his minds started hastily waving his hands in the air. 

"Not like that! I just meant... do you want to get some fresh air? It's pretty stuffy in here..." 

"Oh...sure..." Chan agreed and they both paid, an awkward silence hanging between them now after the misunderstanding. 


However, outside the younger found himself in front of the motorcycle and forgotten was everything that had happened. He was simply too excited to ride on it again. 

Like earlier Donghun handed him one of the helmets, which he took with a bright smile and unlike some days ago, the senior returned it. Chan's inside started tingling and it only got worse, when he wrapped his arms around Donghun's waist. Being so close to the other simply felt amazing and he had no idea why. Maybe that was also the reason why he softly placed his head on the older's shoulder some minutes later, while he watched the by now dark streets fly past them. Right now, he was truly happy. 




Donghun had never before brought another person here, not even Junhee, and while they slowly made their way towards the edge of the mountain, he asked himself what was so different about Chan that he trusted him like this. Gosh, he had even agreed to show him his tattoos.

Frowning, Donghun glanced at the freshman who was eagerly absorbing his surroundings with wide eyes. Every other person would have been scared that Donghun was about to secretly murder them somewhere in the wilderness but not Chan. The latter had seemingly declared him as "not dangerous" a long time ago and didn't want to change his mind no matter, what Donghun told him. Not even, when he was currently guiding them through a forest at night. 

"Aren't you scared at all?" He wasn't able to handle his curiosity any longer and Chan gave him a strange look.

"You do know that it's scarier now that you asked that?" However, the younger's smile told him that scarier seemingly still didn't mean scary. "I trust you...and I also might have texted Byeongkwan...just in case." 

"Well done." Donghun praised him. It was good that Chan seemed naïve at first but apparently knew very well how to handle certain least to some extent. It made him worry less because by now he had realized that he would definitely let the rumors come true and murder anybody who tried to hurt the younger. 

"So...where are we going?" Chan wanted to know after they had walked some more in silence. 

"A place, I want to show'll like it." 

Again, silence rose and Donghun found himself eagerly searching for a topic to talk about. It surprised him, because usually he preferred other people to do the talking or he simply wasn't interested in them at all. However, he was very interested in Chan and he wanted to get to know him better. 

Donghun had just decided to simply ask something as simple as, what his favorite movie was, when the freshman suddenly stumbled over some roots and nearly fell to the ground, only barely managing to keep his balance. 

"Careful!" The older exclaimed, feeling his heart beat as fast as if he has just been the one slipping. 

"It's so dark...I didn't see it..." Chan mumbled quietly, the shock clearly visible in his face. 

"I'm sorry that's my fault..." Donghun apologized, guilt rushing through his body and he quickly pulled out his phone to use it as a flashlight.

"Come here..." He then mumbled softly and without knowing, where he took the courage from, he reached out for the younger's hand. Chan looked at it surprised and Donghun was scared, he would decline, already thinking about, if he should let it sink again, when the other carefully entwined their fingers. 

It was as if the tingling, he felt so often, when he was around the freshman, was gathering at where their skin was touching and Donghun's breath fastened, while they kept on walking. 

He felt the urge to scream but in a good way. There were so many emotions and questions inside of him. After all, he was currently holding hands with the cutest freshman, he had ever met (No, with the cutest human being, he had ever met!) and his brain simply couldn't process how this had even happened. Not too long ago, Chan hadn't even been part of his life and now he never wanted him to leave again. 

"What are you thinking about?" The younger's voice interrupted his messy thoughts and Donghun returned his curious stare. Maybe his brain had already been to overwhelmed with all the other events of the night or maybe Chan's presences simply made him brave, but before he was able to stop himself the truth rolled right off his tongue,

"That I want to keep on holding your hand for a long time..." The younger seemingly hadn't expected such an honest answer either because his eyes widened in surprise, before his open mouth stretched into a small smile. 

"That would be nice..." 

In that moment they finally left the dark shadows of the cold forest and stepped out onto a field which ended with a cliff some meters in front of them. 

From here one had an amazing view of the night sky and it had never failed to calm Donghun. Chan next to him gasped loudly at the sight of the stars.


"Do you like it?" 

"I love it!" Chan looked at him with eyes that were shining brighter than any of the stars above them and it was that exact moment, when the last part of Donghun fell for him. 

"Shit..." The curse had simply slipped out of his mouth on its own and it was clearly visible how the younger's excitement turned into confusion and uneasiness. The guilt from earlier returned immediately. 

"Sorry...I''s look really pretty do you know that?" It seemed like Chan's brain had a hard time processing Donghun's stammered compliment, but only seconds before nervousness took over the older's common sense and he was about to say something along the lines of "ha I was just kidding" Chan leaned forward and softly pressed his lips onto Donghun's. 

As quickly as the kiss had started it was over again, the freshman quickly backing away and staring at him in horror.

“Donghun I’m…I’m so sorry!“ He started apologizing, looking like he was on the verge of tears. Immediately the older felt the need to comfort him. After all the kiss might have been a surprise but definitely not an unpleasant one.

“It’s all right, don’t worry…” He reassured him but Chan seemed not entirely convinced.

“Really? It’s our first date and you don’t even really know me…”

“True but what if I told you that I would like to change that…” He took a deep breath, before he looked at the other with a serious expression, kind of feeling like he was about to propose to him. “I know, I don’t have the best reputation and I know that I wasn’t easy to talk to at the beginning but…do you think you could give me another chance?”


Donghun stared at Chan with pleading eyes, while the latter felt his stomach doing backflips.

“Are you…are you asking me to be your boyfriend right now? After only one date?” He wanted to take the question back as soon as he saw Donghun’s hurt expression. Chan just simply couldn’t believe that a senior like the other seriously was interested in a freshman like him. Especially after their first meeting had been, when Chan had played with his friends as if they had come fresh out of elementary school.

“You don’t have to accept my offer of course…I would understand it. Just know that I’m really not a player and that I’m not usually asking cute boys to be my boyfriends as a hobby…” At Donghun calling him cute, Chan’s heart skipped a beat. There was no way that he would turn the older down.

“No! I…I would love to be your…boyfriend…” He mumbled shyly and it was as if Donghun’s face started glowing.

“Really?” He smiled his teeth smile again which Chan had declared as his favorite one as soon as he had seen it for the first time and he couldn’t help but return the smile, nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt.


“Oh god…what am I supposed to do know? I never asked anyone to be my boyfriend before.”

“How about a hug?” Chan suggested and Donghun nodded, seemingly still thinking about it.

“That’s probably a good idea.” The younger took it as confirmation to step forward and wrap his arms around the other who stiffed in surprise at first, before he slowly relaxed and returned the hug. They stayed like this for a while, Chan’s ear pressed against his boyfriends (his boyfriends!) chest so that he was able to listen to the other’s heartbeat. He was pretty sure that it was beating faster than usually and it was weirdly comforting to know that he seemingly had a similar effect on Donghun as the latter on him.

“You know…you still haven’t shown me your tattoo…” Chan couldn’t help but smile, when he heard how the older’s heartbeat became even faster.

“Do you want to see it that bad? Right now?” He asked and the younger knew even without looking up that his ears were bright red again.

“I just want to see if it’s true that you have a gang tattoo…”

“A gang tattoo? How is that supposed to look like?” Chan shrugged before slightly breaking away so that he was able to look at the other.

“I don’t know…that’s why I want to see it.” He grinned cheekily and Donghun shook his head in pretended annoyance, before he let go of him and hesitantly removed his leather jacket and t-shirt. Chan would have never imagined, he would see his date undressing himself on their first date and especially said date to be Lee Donghun, but as soon as his eyes fell on the black ink, the fact that the older was standing in front of him shirtless was immediately forgotten.

“Wow…” He gasped like seemingly every time, when Donghun showed him something new and without really thinking about it, he stretched out his hand to touch it. When his fingers met the soft skin, he felt how the older tensed only to nearly immediately relax again.

“Everybody always speculated about what your tattoo really looks like but…flowers? I think nobody would have expected that.” He started tracing the dark lines with the tips of his fingers, while Donghun chuckled softly.

“Doesn’t really fit my reputation, does it?” Chan nodded, not able to take his eyes of the artwork.

“It’s beautiful…” He whispered and, when he eventually looked up again, he got met by the older’s eyes that were watching him fondly.

“I always really liked flowers. They look so fragile but also so beautiful…and some of them have to protect themselves to not get picked…Sometimes I think that they remind me of some people’s personalities…”

“Like yours?” Donghun shrugged.

“Maybe…but definitely not like yours.” Chan frowned surprised. He didn’t really know what he had excepted the other to say but definitely not something like that.

“Ahh…” He replied dumbly, pretending to watch something on the ground next to his feet. Only, when he heard the older chuckling he looked back up.

“I wasn’t even finished but you should see your offended face.”

“How else do you expect me to look like right now? Should I thank you?” What use was there in lying anyways? The younger put on a sulky pout, while Donghun sighed, seemingly still amused.

“Chan…what I wanted to say is that you are not like these flowers, because you are strong, not fragile. Others might think, you are naïve but in reality, you are a person that knows what they want, goes for it no matter what other people say and is just overall beautiful. You are not a flower, because you are something that helps these flowers grow…You are the sun.” Chan stared at Donghun with an open mouth. Never before had someone made him a compliment like that and that it came from Donghun just made it even more special and overwhelming.

“Can I fight all those people that say you are a mean asshole?” He asked quietly, for some reason on the verge of tears again. It was just not fair that everybody judged Donghun without actually knowing anything about him.

“You don’t need to.” Donghun said and took both of Chan’s hands in his. “You know, what I’m like and that’s all that counts to me.” The younger nodded, looking at their entwined hands, while happiness filled his entire body. It was only his freshman year and he had somehow managed to get the most perfect boyfriend that he could have ever imagined. However, in that moment something else came to his mind and he felt his cheeks getting hot, while he observed the sky as if he had never seen it before.

“Uhhh…aren’t you getting cold…without your shirt, I mean…”

“Huh…? Oh!” The older quickly let go of his hands again to put on his shirt, while Chan was still watching the stars. “I’m done…you can look at me again.” Donghun announced some seconds later and it was easy to hear the amusement in his voice. “It was only my shirt you know…” He  seemingly couldn’t stop himself but tease the younger whose cheeks were still burning.

“Yes, I know…I just wanted to watch the stars…or wasn’t that what you brought me here for?” Donghun only laughed and wrapped an arm around his waist so that he could pull him closer again.

“They are beautiful, right?” He whispered and Chan’s heart skipped a beat.

“Yes…” He said quietly, even though they both were no longer looking at the stars. Donghun smiled softly, before he put some more distance between them again.

“All right…it’s getting late and I should probably bring you back home. You are a freshman after all…” Chan opened his mouth in protest, but the older was already walking towards the forest again.

“I’m turning 16 next month…” He complained to himself and pouted, before he quickly followed his boyfriend, taking his waiting hand so that the day wouldn’t end with him falling and breaking his neck.


Donghun was excited to go to school today and that itself was a miracle. He had stopped liking school, when he had started attending high school but he had started really hating it after Junhee had been forced to leave him.

These days, however, he was looking forward to it. Okay that wasn’t entirely correct. He was looking forward to the breaks and one specific person…the entire rest; the classes, teachers and other student could go to hell if somebody asked him.

He took one last look into the mirror, making sure that his hair wasn’t sticking out in weird angles and that one could see the small sunflower on the right side of his throat. People always said it was dumb getting tattoos because of somebody one loved. After all love wasn’t forever.

“One day you’ll wake up and hate that person and you’ll have to cover up the tattoo.” But Donghun couldn’t imagine that he would ever be able to hate Chan. If he would be still in love with him 20 years from now? He didn’t know that, but he was sure that he could never forget the positivity the younger had brought into his life. Since Donghun had met him, he had laughed more and started to see the world with different eyes. It was as if all of Chan’s energy and positivity was rubbing off on him and the sunflower reminded him to stay like that, even when the younger wasn’t by his side.

Of course, that didn’t mean that Donghun didn’t give people that pissed him off angry stares or that he wasn’t still mainly wearing black clothes. He said mainly since Chan had started gifting him colorful socks with cute or funny motives on it and even though Donghun had groaned in disgust, when he had received his first pair, he now caught himself more and more often wearing them. For some reason they made him smile and he blamed it on the fact that they reminded him of his boyfriend.

“I’ll be studying at Chan’s, so I’ll be home late today!” He shouted into the direction of the kitchen, where his mother was still eating.

“I hope studying also means studying!” The reply came nearly immediately. “Your finals are in two weeks!” Donghun didn’t even bother to answer her since they both knew he would probably spend most time not studying.

Outside he welcomed the pleasant warmth of the morning sun, because he knew that it would get unbearably hot soon enough.

When he arrived in front of Chan’s house the younger was already waiting for him, his backpack in one and a bright yellow helmet in the other hand. It had been Donghun’s birthday gift for him and the older had never thought that someone could be this excited about receiving a helmet.

“Hi baby.” He greeted his boyfriend and the latter quickly made his way towards him, pressing a kiss to his lips, before he climbed onto the motorcycle behind him.

“Morning.” He chimed, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his entire body against Donghun’s back. “I missed you…” He mumbled and the older laughed amused, while he started the engine. He had missed Chan not any less but it was simply too adorable, whenever the younger told him things like that. It made him all giggly and Donghun wasn’t a person that usually felt giggly.

“It’s so annoying that you have to study all the time!” Chan said loudly in the attempt to drown the noises of the motorcycle and wind.

“I know…but only two more weeks!” Donghun replied, his attention on the street in front of them. The school wasn’t far from Chan’s home and therefore they arrived not much later. The younger gave him his helmet and he put it into the storage space together with his own one. Then he took Chan’s hand and they walked towards the entrance, not caring that everybody was staring at them.

One would think after over half a year people should have gotten used to seeing them together; Donghun in black like always and Chan in yellow today, but the attention still hadn’t settled down. It was honestly ridiculous. A sophomore even had asked Chan once, if Donghun was paying or even threatening him to be his boyfriend. The whole thing had ended with the younger having to talk to the headmaster, because he had punched him and Donghun had made him promise to never do something like that ever again.

Inside they first made their way to Chan’s locker and then Donghun’s, not letting go of each other’s hands except they really had to.

“What am I gonna do, when you are gone?” The younger suddenly spoke up and Donghun softly squeezed his hand.

“You’ll finally spend more time with Byeongkwan and Sehyoon and hopefully also pay more attention to your classes.”

“You sound like my mom!” Chan complained and Donghun laughed. He did that a lot nowadays, laughing, at least when he was around the other. “I’m serious…I’ll miss you.”

“And I’ll miss you too…but it’s not like I’m disappearing completely. I’ll be gone for one semester and then I’ll be back and we can see each other every day as long as you don’t have to study.” Chan sighed and nodded.

“Okay…” They had arrived in front of his classroom and Donghun bent down to give his boyfriend a kiss. He was still smaller than him but within the last year he had grown quite a bit already and the older was mentally preparing himself for Chan to be taller than him, when he would come back from Europe again for Christmas.  

“I’ll see you at lunch.” The younger gave him a little sad wave, before he disappeared in his classroom and Donghun walked towards his own one.

It hurt, having to let go of Chan for even some hours but at the same time he knew that they would be able to overcome every challenge together, no matter, if they were separated or not.

Chapter Text

“You want me to wear this? Are you serious?” Donghun gave his boyfriend a disgusted look who burst out laughing.

“You sound like they are neon green leggings but it’s really just a yellow sweatshirt...”

“That is the problem...It’s yellow! Have you ever seen me wear something yellow before?” Chan snorted.

“I’ve seen you wear the cute Christmas sweater I gave you last year.” He winked at Donghun who in response only groaned.

“Yes, but there, only you and your family saw me wearing it. There will be so many people at this party and I have a reputation to keep.”

“What kind of reputation are we talking about? Your gangster-past died when you entered college, and people realized how much of a soft marshmallow you actually are.” Chan stated, while putting a light blue jeans next to the other clothes that were already lying on his bed. “Also...I’ll be wearing completely black clothes for the first time, too, and am I making such a fuss about it? You act like you‘re back into puberty tstst.”

“But there is a difference! You will look hot in black clothes, while I look like I didn’t go back to puberty but primary school...” Chan slightly blushed at Donghun calling him “hot”, before he crossed his arms in front of his chest, pretending to be offended.

“Are you saying I look like a primary school student?! My clothes are cute and you will look cute in them too! Now c’mon, we are already late for the party.” He pressed the clothes into Donghun’s arms and then gently pushed him towards the bathroom. “Go change!” He whined.

“In the bathroom? Why can’t I just change here?” Immediately Chan went bright red.

Nearly four years had passed since they had first started dating and by now Chan wasn’t a freshman in high school anymore but college. Still, even though he was basically an adult now, he still often felt like a shy child around the older and the fact that Donghun usually paid a lot of attention to not to do anything even slightly inappropriate, it felt weird to think about certain things... and Chan had started thinking about certain things for a while now, which made it difficult to act normal around his boyfriend who was now giving him a strange look.

“Well...I don’t want you to see my costume too early!” He quickly came up with a lie and then grabbed Donghun’s black clothes that the older had lent to him for tonight. “Never mind, you change here. I need my stuff in there anyways.” With these words, and probably still looking like a tomato, he disappeared into the bathroom while Donghun stared after him in confusion.



It took Chan a long time to come back out of the bathroom. A long time which Donghun used to change into his boyfriend’s clothes - after all he wasn’t able to ever tell Chan no - and then stare at himself in the mirror. It was true that he didn’t have the bad boy reputation from high school anymore, now that he was in his senior year of college, but that still didn’t make him a completely different person. Neither did Chan. Yes, he loved the younger with his whole heart and he had indeed changed some things about Donghun - like him becoming a bit more positive - but that didn’t include his taste in clothing. Chan might look cute but the older preferred black shirts and trousers. They simply made him look better.

Now, however, he indeed looked ten years younger, reminding him of the time when his mother had still picked out the clothes for him. Just why had he agreed to accompany Chan to Byeongkwan’s stupid costume party? And why had the younger thought it was a good idea to go dressed as each other? Wasn’t that like the most non creative couple costume ever?

Donghun sighed, glancing at the bathroom door behind which Chan was still doing whatever.

“Chani...Do you really think this is a good idea? Can’t we just stay home and—“ However in that moment, the door finally got opened and his boyfriend stepped outside, making Donghun’s voice die down immediately.


“Sorry, it took so long. I needed to figure out some things for the costume. Why...why are you staring at me like that?” But the older still wasn’t able to do anything else than stare at Chan. While he had still thought that the whole costume idea was stupid some seconds ago, he was now convinced that it was one of the best things Chan had ever forced him to do. After all the younger looked—

“incredibly hot!” His boyfriend blinked confused and only now did Donghun realize that he had said the last part of his thoughts aloud. Immediately he felt his face turning hot and he started stammering,

“Uhh I’ look good! Really good...It—It suits you!”

A smile bloomed on Chan’s face and a blush appeared on his cheeks that didn’t want to fit in with the rest of his look at all. The younger had not only put on Donghun’s black clothes like the older had expected, but had also parted his hair so that his forehead and eyebrows were showing. What completed the whole look—and had probably taken him the longest— was the dark eyeshadow around his eyes that made him look like some kind of vampire prince... Not that Donghun had ever been interested in cheesy fantasy stuff like that...

“Thank you, you look really cute!” Chan returned the compliment, but Donghun was still in the middle of his mental breakdown, ignoring the words of his boyfriend.

“It’s not fair...” The younger frowned.

“Huh? What’s not fair? That you have to wear colorful clothes, while I can wear black?” He sighed. “Donghun, I told you, it’s only for today and—“

“No, that’s not what I mean.” The older interrupted him, “How can I only now find out about you looking like this and why do I have to share you tonight?” Chan froze in shock and Donghun slapped a hand in front of his mouth, already regretting his words. Just what the hell was he talking about?! This had sounded completely wrong and they both knew it.

“Uhh...I mean...Don’t you know how many guys will try to get your attention tonight? How am I supposed to fight all of them?”

Chan snorted amused, before he walked over and gave Donghun a soft kiss on the cheek.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t need to fight anyone? None of them could compete with you even the slightest!” That compliment made Donghun feel warm and happy and he pulled his boyfriend into a hug, the awkwardness already forgotten again.

“You do look really good though... I love this.” And he loved his boyfriend who again started blushing and therefore destroyed the whole intimidating look. Donghun couldn’t help but smile and then placed a small kiss on the rose-tattoo on Chan’s collarbone which usually got hidden by his colorful sweatshirts. The younger had gotten this shortly after his 18th birthday, not caring how many times Donghun had told him to wait a little longer in case something would happen and he would regret it afterwards. However, the younger had always been extremely stubborn.

“I want to show everyone that I belong to you too! After all you are not the only one this relationship has changed for the better...” So, Chan had gotten the tattoo and Donghun had sat next to him and held his hand. They were still a happy couple and by now the older loved seeing and planting kisses onto the small tattoo. They belonged to each other and their matching designs were a silent promise to make sure that it would stay that way, that they would stay together for a long time.



“I love you...” Donghun mumbled and when he looked up (Chan had grown taller than him by now), his boyfriend was smiling at him fondly.

“I love you too... But even though I would love to stay in this moment for much longer, there is a party to attend!” The older sighed, letting go of Chan who quickly started typing something on his phone. Probably a message for Byeongkwan to tell him that they were on their way now.

“I really hate to see them together though...” Donghun groaned and Chan snorted.

“As if they had it any better...” He put his phone into his pocket and then checked if there was anything missing, before he grabbed the hand of his way less excited boyfriend and pulled him towards the door. “C’mon! Let’s go! We have to get a taxi.” Reluctantly the older followed, his mood only getting better, when shortly, before they climbed into the taxi, Chan pulled him closer again and whispered into his ear,

“You do look really cute today though. I probably won’t be able to let go of your hand for even a second tonight.” Even though Donghun didn’t like being called cute usually, hearing the compliment out of the mouth of his boyfriend it suddenly made him feel happy, and the thought of Chan not leaving his side for the entire night also wasn’t too bad.



When they arrived, the party was apparently already going great. The music was loud enough to be heard on the street and a steady stream of laughing people went in and out of the old shed which originally belonged to Byeongkwan’s grandfather but never got used except for his best friend’s very well known parties.

They made their way towards the entrance and with every step closer, Chan felt Donghun next to him getting more and more tense. He knew that the older had never liked crowds and many people and that he was only doing this for Chan and it made him feel a bit guilty. Maybe it would have been better to stay at home after all instead of forcing his boyfriend to get out of his comfort zone like this. He carefully glanced at Donghun and then fondly started rubbing his hand with his thumb in circular motions to calm him down.

“Hey, are you all right? Do you want to leave?” Donghun looked at him, seemingly considering his offer, before he shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. I really want to do this for you!” He had to nearly scream to drown out the loud music and Chan softly squeezed his hand. Usually it was Donghun who protected him, but now that he was wearing Chan’s clothes and obviously felt uncomfortable, it made him look more vulnerable than ever and the younger suddenly felt the need to take care of his boyfriend as if he was the older one of them both.

“We really don’t have to stay” He assured him, “A movie and some pizza sounds nice too!” Donghun opened his mouth to reply something, when suddenly a person, dressed like Batman, appeared next to them out of thin air.

“Channi! You came!” His best friend exclaimed, sounding extremely excited and obviously like he already had had some drinks. He gave him a tight hug, before he turned to Donghun and blinked confused.

“Wha...what the hell, Donghun?! What happened to you? Why do you look like Chan?” The older gave his boyfriend a look that made it obvious how tired he already was of having to deal with his drunken best friend and Chan gave him a half-apologetic, half-encouraging smile.

“Well...It’s our costume! We are dressed as each other!” Byeongkwan stared at him for some seconds, before he raised his eyebrows, not looking very enthusiastic.

“Ahh... well... that’s kinda lame.” At this Chan started pouting offended. Why did his best friend have to be so honest when he was drunk? He liked his costume idea... And Donghun liked it too. Even though he was slightly drunk, Byeongkwan apparently immediately noticed Chan’s mood shifting, because he quickly tried to comfort him,

“Well, you look really good though! You should wear clothes like that more often.” Then he once more turned to Donghun, opening his mouth only to close and then open it again.

“You... look... cute? I prefer you in black though...” Donghun sighed, giving Byeongkwan an annoyed glance, before he rose his eyebrows at Chan. The message was clear; how long do we have to deal with him tonight? Chan reacted immediately, letting go of the older’s hand and carefully put it on his best friend’s upper arm.

“Byongi...Where is your boyfriend?” He nearly started to laugh, when he saw how horrified Donghun looked at his question.

“Are you out of your mind?! I’m definitely not in the mood to deal with both of them at the same—“ But it was already too late. As if he had sensed them talking about him, Junhee suddenly materialized next to them, protectively wrapping an arm around Byeongkwan’s waist. Chan quickly let go of his friend’s shoulder and smiled at the other instead.

“Hi Jun, long time no see.” The older returned his smile with a friendly shimmer in his eyes. It was easy to see that different to Byeongkwan, he still seemed to be pretty much sober.

“Hey, Channi. How’s Uni? Oh, has anyone already told you that you look really good in these clothes?” Donghun next to him groaned annoyed.

“Are you ignoring me right now?!” Junhee started pouting.

“You were the one who didn’t want to go and have lunch with me last week!” The older huffed.

“Yes, because you insisted on bringing Byeongkwan along!”

“He’s my boyfriend! Why can’t I bring him along?!”

Donghun opened his mouth, probably to list all the reasons, why that would have been wrong, when Chan spoke up, shaking his head and rolling his eyes at them.

“Are you kidding?! You two act like four years olds! You are best friends, just get it together!” He had seriously enough of hearing Donghun complain about Byeongkwan and Junhee all the time. He knew that his boyfriend was simply not used to having to share his best friend with somebody else, but Chan was sitting in the same boat and did he act like this?


“I do look like I’m four years old...” Donghun mumbled, pouting like a child and Chan gave him a scolding glance.

“Why can’t you just be happy for us?” Junhee asked, pulling Byeongkwan even closer who was weirdly quiet. It was probably the alcohol’s fault. The two had started dating not too long ago, after having flirted and danced around each other since they had first met at Byeongkwan’s first party to which Donghun had also invited Junhee. It had taken them long enough to get together but now they were inseparable, as if they were trying to make up for the time, they had lost already by being way too oblivious.

“I am happy for you! It’s just—“

“He really misses spending time with you alone.” Chan quickly interrupted his boyfriend, knowing very well that otherwise he would take ages to admit that in front of his best friend. Donghun had always been very open towards Chan and told him directly, what he was feeling, but the younger had quickly found out that he apparently was an exception. Even though he knew how much Donghun cared for Junhee and how much he had suffered, after the other had been forced to leave him behind in high school, he still never really told his friend about it. Instead they were bickering... a lot. One could think they were the ones in the four years old relationship instead of Chan and Donghun.

“Oh...” Junhee’s eyes turned soft and he gave Donghun an apologetic smiled. “I’m sorry Dongi...I didn’t know you were feeling that way...” He stretched out his free hand towards his best friend and the latter hesitantly grabbed it.

“I’ll make sure to make some time for you next week, all right? But in exchange you should stop looking down on mine and Byeongkwan’s relationship.”

“Yes! You guys weren’t any better!” Byeongkwan threw in and Donghun sighed defeated.

“All right, all right...Hug?” He asked and Junhee threw himself into his arms, while Byeongkwan and Chan watched them with fond smiles.

“They are worse than any couple...”

“Agree... By the way, what’s your boyfriend’s costume supposed to be?” The younger observed Junhee who was dressed entirely in red and had drawn something like a small beard onto his chin.

“I’m Iron man...” The older replied, breaking away from Donghun and looking like he hated the idea of this whole costume party as much as his best friend. The latter raised his eyebrows at him.

“And you two tell us that our costumes are bad? Iron man and Batman do not even live in the same universe!”

“And who cares about that?! Love has no barriers!” Junhee immediately started defending himself and Donghun made some gagging noises.

“Disgusting...” Next to Chan, Byeongkwan sighed and then raised his eyebrows at him.

“You want to help me to get some drinks? The fridge is nearly empty.” He quickly nodded. He would do everything to get rid of the fighting old couple.



Donghun and Junhee hadn’t even noticed that their boyfriends were gone until Donghun turned around to ask Chan for some help in the discussion of who’s costume was worse. However, they were alone and it made them immediately forget about their former argument.

“Where did they go?” He wanted to know and Junhee shrugged his shoulders, scanning the people that were passing them for the familiar faces.

“Maybe they got bored and went dancing?” Donghun nodded. That sounded reasonable. Together they made their way further inside the shed to where the dance floor was already flooded with people that moved their bodies to too loud music while light flashes enlightened them that made Donghun feel dizzy. He automatically started searching for Chan’s brightly colored clothes until he remembered that they had switched clothes and once again he cursed the idea. He was currently the only one sticking out with his yellow sweatshirt. Meanwhile everybody else was wearing dark colors or weird costumes and that fact wouldn’t make it easier to find his boyfriend in the moving crowd.

“Can you see them anywhere?” Here he had to scream even louder to drown out the music but Junhee only shook his head. In that moment he suddenly got attacked by an excitedly jumping Batman and relief washed over his friend’s face.

“C’mon, dance with me!” Byeongkwan tugged at Junhee’s hand who quickly glanced at Donghun and then turned back to his boyfriend.

“Byeongi, where is Chan?” The younger gave him a confused look, until something like realization light up his face.

“Ahhh...He is still in the kitchen area. He got a bit distracted...” Byeongkwan suggestively wiggled his eyebrows and started laughing and Donghun noticed his stomach turning itself upside down. What was that supposed to mean?! However, before he could ask, Byeongkwan had already dragged Junhee towards the dance floor, the latter shooting him a last apologizing look before he disappeared in the crowd.

Donghun stared after them for some seconds, before he made his way into the direction of which he thought the kitchen area might be situated. To get there however wasn’t easy. Again and again he had to sidestep drunk people that stumbled into him or nearly spilled their drinks over his clothes.

Once he finally spotted the door which led to the room with the fridges and table full of snacks, he breathed out in relief. Finally. Maybe he should take Chan’s offer to go back home after all...

He wanted to step inside, but when he caught a glimpse of what was going on there, he simply stopped in the doorway. Chan was indeed in the kitchen, but he wasn’t alone. A tall, good looking guy was keeping him company and when Donghun saw Chan smiling his beautiful smile at him which usually got reserved for the older, he felt jealousy boiling up in his stomach like hot water.

It was stupid. After all Donghun knew that Chan would never betray him, but suddenly he couldn’t help but fear for his boyfriend to get taken away from him. Carefully he walked closer, thinking feverishly of what to do or say once he had reached them, when the tall guy suddenly leaned towards Chan and Donghun nearly jumped forward.

“There you are!” He exclaimed, sounding not as casual as he had planned on, while he planted himself next to his boyfriend and protectively wrapped an arm around his waist. Chan seemed surprised at his sudden appearance but then happily beamed at him.


“Dongi!” The way in which his lips stretched into a smile of pure, raw happiness, Donghun immediately knew that Chan must have drank more than just one beer by now. It wasn’t like the younger usually didn’t show him his emotions so openly but when he was tipsy or drunk, he literally turned into a puppy. His boyfriend turned back to the tall guy, who looked at them with a clearly disappointed expression.

“This is my boyfriend Donghun” He introduced him and then pointed at the guy, “this is James. He plays soccer too.”

“Ah...” Donghun wasn’t capable of sounding even a bit excited but tall guy seemed to be in a similar situation and therefore they just slightly nodded at each other.

“You can always come to our games. I’ll make sure, you’ll get in for free.” The guy—James—smirked at Chan, already ignoring Donghun’s presence again who stared at him in disbelief. Was he seriously flirting with his boyfriend, while he was standing next to him?! Chan’s eyes stared glowing, apparently being completely oblivious about what was going on.

“Dongi, do you want to—“ But the older have had enough.

“Dance?” He interrupted him since he definitely didn’t want to go to a soccer game of the guy that was currently trying to steal his boyfriend. Chan looked at him surprised, already having forgotten his former question.

“Dance? But you usually never want to dance...”

“Well, today I want to.” Donghun grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him out of the kitchen and towards the dance floor. He waited for Chan to complain about it since the younger was usually pretty stubborn and didn’t like for someone else to order him around, but he kept silent. Once they had found a spot between the other dancing people, Donghun turned back around and got surprised by Chan smirking at him.

“What...what is this for?” Donghun asked, placing his hands on his boyfriend’s hips, while Chan slung his around his neck. It wasn’t a slow song that was playing, but they didn’t care. They were in their own little world anyways.

“We are dating for four years now but I never knew you were the jealous type.” Shit... so Chan had noticed after all. Donghun gave him a grumpy stare.

“I’m not!” Chan only laughed.

“It’s okay...he was pretty pushy.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything against it?”

“I was just about to, but then you suddenly showed up and did the job for me so... Thank you, I guess.” Again, he smiled and Donghun sighed. There was no reason to be angry at Chan after all. He hadn’t done anything wrong and still, the whole incident bothered him.

“He was pretty tall...and handsome...” The younger gave him a confused look.

“Yes? I didn’t really pay attention to it.” Donghun snorted.

“As if...”

“So what? You are handsome and cute too! I like that you are smaller than me...” Chan started pouting and once again, the way he acted didn’t match his costume. Donghun’s former jealousy was immediately forgotten and he pulled his boyfriend closer, burying his head in the crook of his neck while he breathed in his familiar scent. The incident had once again made him realize how much he loved Chan and how lucky he was to have him by his side.


“Mmh?” The other rested his head against Donghun, slowly moving them both from one side to the other.

“I really love you... a lot.” At this Chan slightly broke away to give him a kiss on the head.

“I love you too, Donghun...Don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me any time soon.” Happiness flooded through the older and a bright smile bloomed on his face. He wanted to say something, anything, maybe even thank Chan for loving him back even though that was dumb, but before he could open his mouth, the younger leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Donghun’s, silencing every noise he had been about to make.

Usually Donghun would have cared. He would have cared that Chan was younger than him, that he was drunk and that they were in the middle of the crowd, where everyone could see them. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to make out with Chan at every minute of the day, but he was simply scared to affect the younger badly. After all, he was the older one of them both and had to take care of him. However today, he didn’t care and Chan was apparently too drunk too care... or maybe he simply had gained new confidence because of his new clothes. The younger knew that Donghun thought he was looking hot today and he used that fact to get what he wanted.

They were kissing on the dance floor, maybe a bit too passionately, and only stopped, when a drunk Batman and a by-now-slightly-tipsy Iron Man appeared next to them.

“Ugh guys, this is disgusting!” Byeongkwan exclaimed and they both started laughing, while Donghun and Chan slowly broke away from each other, blinking a bit confused as if they had been in a weird kind of trance.

“I’ve never seen you like this.” Junhee remarked, a bright, teasing grin on his face. “Usually that’s our job.”

“Donghun is simply whipped for Chan looking like a weird bad boy fantasy for once... kinda disgusting.” Once again, they started laughing and Donghun earned a teasing slap on his shoulder by his best friend, before the couple kept on moving towards the other side of the dance floor and quickly disappeared in the crowd.

Donghun only rolled his eyes at them, before he gave his boyfriend a questioning look.

“You want to get out of here?”

Chan smiled and then intertwined his hand with the older’s.  “Sure...I think I prefer nightly motorcycle rides and dark forests over this anyways.”

Donghun couldn’t help but grin at the reference to their first ever date, the one that had changed his life so much to the better.

“Or we can just get some pizza and watch a movie together...”

“That sounds like a very good idea too. You think we can stop by at the convenience store one the way and get some sour cucumbers?” Donghun only shook his head at his boyfriend.

“You have weird cravings... one could think you were a pregnant woman.”

“Is that a no?” Chan gave him the saddest puppy stare while Donghun guided him towards the exit.

“Did I ever say so?” This made the younger jump in excitement.

“Yes! You are the best boyfriend!”

“Do you have more than one?” They made their way outside and to the main street through the cold night air, so that they could catch a taxi there.

“Who knows...Maybe you are just one of many...”

“This outfit seriously makes you too confident,” Donghun laughed and then put their still-intertwined hands into the pocket of his coat to keep them warm, pulling the younger closer in the process. “It’s seriously getting time to switch clothes again.” The look Chan gave him at his words made Donghun blush more than he liked to admit and he quickly sped up. He should have drunken more too...but who needed alcohol, when he could get completely drunk on Chan’s love for free?

“Kang Yuchan...You’ll be the death of me...” He mumbled and the younger started laughing.

“Says the man who was rumored to be in the mafia and who took me to a dark forest on our first date.” Donghun groaned.

“Will you hold this against me for forever?” 

“Who knows...I might.” And bickering like this they went home, both secretly promising each other to stay together for as long as possible.

Donghun had found his sunshine in Chan but in the time, they had spent together till now, the younger had also shown him how to see the sun in the simplest things around him and that would make Donghun feel forever grateful to him.

Chapter Text

“First you said only three months... then that turned into a whole semester and now you are telling me, you won’t even be home for Christmas?” It was obvious how much this upset Chan and Donghun felt guilt rushing through his body, while he carefully rearranged the phone in his hand. His boyfriend on the screen had crossed his arms in front of his chest, staring at him with a sulky pout.

“I’m sorry...” The older mumbled, hating to see the disappointment on Chan’s face. Usually he was always smiling so whenever he wasn’t, Donghun knew, something was wrong and...well, right now he was the reason and that felt terrible. “Only two more weeks... I’ll come as soon as possible.”

“But why not right now? Christmas is in three days! You could have at least told me sooner...” Donghun bit on his lower lip, honestly feeling bad now.

“I didn’t know either until last week and then I was so busy that I forgot to tell you... I’m sorry, I really am.” The younger stared at him for some seconds and his expression reminded him of a little child whose parents had just told him that his birthday party was cancelled. Donghun had only once seen Chan like this and that had been half a year ago, when he had first told him about his plan to go abroad. It also had reminded the older that his boyfriend, even though very mature for his age, was still nearly four years younger than him. However, in the end he had supported Donghun more than anyone else.

Now, too, Chan for one second looked like he was about to start crying or screaming (or probably both) but then he just took a deep breath, before he nodded.

“Okay... it’s fine... after all it’s not your fault that you have to redo the exam...” Donghun forced himself to smile, wishing he could just pet the younger’s hair on the other side of the screen to comfort him. It was still clearly obvious that it was not fine, the disappointment written all over Chan’s face. More guilt washed over him but he quickly brushed it away, before he glanced at a board in the distance.

“Okay, I have to leave now. My roommate wants me to go to some kind of church thing and he is forcing me to go with him. I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“Promise?” Chan’s big eyes made him look like a sad puppy.

“I promise.” Donghun said, before he hesitantly added, “I...I love you.”

“I love you too.” Chan replied, smiling weakly and relief replaced the small part in the older that had been afraid his boyfriend wouldn’t say the words back.

“Until tomorrow!” He quickly ended the call and then ran to not miss his flight.



Chan should probably have known that the day would suck, after Donghun had announced, he wouldn’t arrive today as it had originally been planned. The last couple of weeks, he had waited for this day and the moment, when he would finally be able to hug his boyfriend again but now the little star, with which he had marked the current day in his calendar, seemed to laugh at him. Not even the Christmas cookies his mother had baked could lighten his mood.

“This day sucks!” He announced to himself in the same moment, his mother walked in and she gave him a sympathetic look.

“Oh Honey...only two more weeks!” The try to make him feel better didn’t work but he still appreciated it. However, when it came to Donghun, Chan always seemed to suddenly turn into a five years old and therefore he only felt tears gathering in his eyes.

“But I want him to come today!” He replied, sounding like a sulky child. The only thing he got was another glance from his mother that made it obvious how sorry she felt for him, before she started rummaging in the fridge. Meanwhile, Chan watched her with a frown.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, even though Donghun isn’t coming that doesn’t mean we have to waste all the food, I bought. I called his parents and told them that we could still have dinner together tonight.”

“And they are coming?”

“Of course! Don’t act like they aren’t our friends too...” Chan didn’t reply anything. It was true that their parents had gotten along well immediately at their first meeting and even with Donghun being in Europe, they had still invited each other over for dinner now and then. However, that didn’t change his mood to the better either.

“That’s still not the same...” He mumbled to himself and then stamped out of the room.

In his bedroom the tears eventually started falling and he wiped them away angrily. Why did he always have to act like a child, when it came to his boyfriend? And why did Donghun still have so much power over him, even after they hadn’t seen each other for half a year? It could make him so happy but at the moment it just made him feel so bad all the time.

Quickly he dialed Byeongkwan’s number and the other picked up nearly immediately.

“Channi? What is it?” However, as soon as he heard his best friend’s voice, the sniffles turned into sobs and the only word he got out was Donghun’s name.

“Oh no...again?” Byeongkwan asked, sounding concerned but also a bit annoyed. After all this wasn’t the first time that Chan came to him crying because he missed the older too much or because he once had thought that Donghun was cheating on him (Donghun had later assured him a thousand times that he wasn’t).

“He...won’t come home for Christmas...” Chan somehow managed to explain and what followed were curses and threads to kill the older as soon as he would return home. Even though, Chan knew that it wasn’t Donghun’s fault and that Byeongkwan would never even say a bad word to his boyfriend (he was still too scared), it made him feel better and at the end of the call he actually started smiling again.

However, that changed with the day slowly passing by, while Chan was waiting for Donghun’s promised call. At dinner time the younger still hadn’t even gotten a text with an apology or explanation and his mood became even worse than in the morning. He missed Donghun and the only thing he wanted to do was to at least talk to him but instead he was supposed to eat dinner with their parents. It felt too cruel and Chan decided he would simply skip dinner and go to sleep instead. Like that he would be one day closer to seeing his boyfriend again and that was way better than getting asked about school and having to listen to stories about Donghun.

He had just changed into his pajamas and wanted nothing more than to fall sleep, when the door bell sounded and then the sound of voices that confirmed Chan’s guess that Donghun’s parents had arrived. He sighed and let himself fall onto his bed, before he checked his phone again for the seemingly thousand time.

Still no message from his boyfriend. Slowly he started to worry. What if something had happened? What if the church thing, Donghun’s roommate had dragged him to, had actually been a cult gathering and the older had been their victim for some kind of weird ritual? It wasn’t normal that Donghun didn’t even tell him that apparently something else had come up. No, it was extremely weird that the older hadn’t even texted him a good morning.

Chan thought about if he should just call Donghun, when his mother interrupted his thoughts,

“Yuchan, will you please come downstairs for dinner?” The younger sighed in annoyance.

“I’m not hungry!” He yelled back. There was a moment of silence before he could hear his mother speak again but this time it was directed at Donghun’s parents,

“See...He has been like this for a while now...” Again, there was silence and Chan huffed, before he buried his head under his pillow. He didn’t care if Donghun’s parents thought, he was acting like a child. After all it was their son’s fault.

A sudden knock on his door made him take the pillow off his head again and roll his eyes.

“What is it?” He wanted to know.

“I think it’s puberty...” He could hear his mother say and slowly Chan lost his patience. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? He got up from his bed, stamping towards the door with furrowed eyebrows.

“It’s not!” He shouted through the still closed door, before he ripped it open and got met by the laughing face of Donghun.

It took his brain an eternity to process who he was looking at. After all this wasn’t possible.

“Hi...” Donghun greeted him, looking like he felt similar overwhelmed as the younger, while his cheeks slowly turned pink. “I’m home...?”

“But...aren’t you supposed to redo your exam?” Chan asked dumbly, still staring at his boyfriend like he was a ghost. This simply wasn’t possible.

“Well...uhhh...surprise?” The exclamation sounded more like a question and it was obvious that Donghun didn’t really know what to do. He scratched the back of his head, before he started chewing on his lower lip.

“I...there was no exam... I just made all of that up to surprise you...”

“We knew about it... “, Chan’s mum added, giving her son an apologetic smile.



Donghun carefully glanced at his boyfriend, feeling extremely guilty. This wasn’t how he had planned all of this. He had thought Chan would come downstairs and get greeter by him with flowers in his hands, but now he was standing in front of the younger without any flowers since he had forgotten them downstairs and he hated how miserable Chan looked. He had not expected him to be this affected by his lie.

“Sorry...” He apologized and nervously eyed his shoes. “I thought you would be happy about it...” In that moment he got nearly tackled to the ground, his back hitting the wall behind him because of with how much force Chan threw his body at him.

“Of course, I’m happy!” He exclaimed, his face buried against the crook of Donghun’s neck, right next to his sunflower tattoo. “I missed you so much...” Warmth spread through Donghun’s entire body, while he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and hugged him tightly.

“I missed you too...” His voice sounded hoarse and he felt tears gathering in his eyes. Just how much he had missed Chan.

“That doesn’t make you less an asshole though...” The younger said and Donghun could hear him sniffling.

“Are you crying?” He asked in the same moment, he felt tears falling down his own face.

“I just missed you so much...” The older hugged his boyfriend even tighter, not wanting to ever let go of him again.

“Promise me, you’ll stay by my side from now on...don’t leave me again.” Donghun’s heart stopped beating for a second, before he nodded and then pressed a kiss to Chan’s hair.

“You won’t get rid of me any time if you suddenly changed your mind...” It was meant as a joke but his voice sounded way more serious than he had intended it to. This was a doubt he had carried in his heart for a long time now...since Chan had started making new friends and posted pictures together with them on his Instagram. Donghun knew, he could trust the younger but what, if Chan thought he was too old for him after all?

“You are thinking again...”, his boyfriend mumbled and immediately knocked down the pile of doubts in Donghun’s head, “Stop doing that...You always come up with really weird conclusions, when you are silently thinking like this...” Donghun sighed and let go of Chan who watched him with an attentive expression. The younger’s mother had gone back downstairs, probably to give them some privacy.

“I had a lot of time to think, while I was in Europe...” Chan raised his eyebrows at him.

“That sounds bad...really bad...”

“Chan...are you truly happy to be with me? Don’t you want someone who is a bit...easier?” The other’s reaction consisted of rolling his eyes at him, before he carefully took Donghun’s face into his hands that had grown so much bigger over these past couple months. Now they could easily cup his cheeks and that realization made Donghun feel weirdly emotional.

“Listen you idiot...I love you. I’m together with you because I love you. Not anyone else and not a Donghun who is easier, whatever that is supposed to mean...Or younger or whatever.” Hearing Chan saying this, while finally being so close to him again made the older’s heartbeat go crazy and he leant forward; pressing their lips together for the first time in nearly five months.

“I love you too...” He said once they had broken apart again and Chan smiled at him. Maybe he really should stop thinking. Chan loved him and for now that was all that mattered.

“Now that you are here, I really need to eat at least twenty of the Christmas cookies my mom baked yesterday. I’m damn hungry.” Donghun chuckled, intertwining their hands, before they walked towards the stairs.

“It’s because you are growing.”

“Yes! I will be taller than you soon! Just wait and see!”

“That’s not a very difficult task though.” Chan started giggling, before he pressed another kiss against Donghun’s cheek which he could reach with ease now.

“That’s true.”

Chapter Text

“No way!” Donghun looked at Chan skeptically. The younger pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Why not?? I’m old enough now!”

“I know but...” Donghun searched for the right words to describe the reasons, why he was against his boyfriend’s decision but he knew that there was nothing that would make enough sense to change Chan’s mind. Not to forget that the latter was extremely stubborn just like he himself.

“’s just...I’m the bad boy in our relationship.” At this his boyfriend snorted in disbelief.

“It’s just a tattoo Donghun! Not cocaine! Jeez, you sound like my mother! Besides, you are not really a bad boy just because people in high school believed in some stupid rumors and you like to wear black clothes...” Donghun sighed, running a hand through his hair in embarrassment, while he looked around the Café so that he didn’t have to meet Chan’s eyes. The younger was right. It was his body and his decision to make after all but even though over two years had passed since they had first started dating, Donghun couldn’t help but still see the freshman in Chan that he had been back then and the urge to protect him flared up inside of him regularly. Chan wanting to have tattoos like Donghun simply made him feel like he had a bad influence on the younger.

“Don’t you want to think about it again? You should be completely sure...The tattoo will stay with you for a long time after all.” Chan just rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“I thought about it for a long time and I am sure! I don’t care if you give me your blessing or not. I’ll get the tattoo anyways but I would feel less scared if you came with me...” The younger looked clearly disappointed and Donghun immediately felt bad. He knew that he wasn’t acting like a proper boyfriend who was supposed to support Chan in his decisions but there was simply still a part in him that had a hard time accepting the fact that the small, vulnerable boy had grown up to become a strong, handsome young man that very well knew what he wanted.

“I thought you out of all people would understand...” Chan added quietly and the words felt like a hit into the stomach. Donghun opened his mouth to reply something, but in that moment Junhee appeared next to them.

“Hey, you two!” He greeted them and smiled at Chan who tried his best to return it but failed miserably. His friend, however, still didn’t seem to notice the tension between them.

“I’m horribly sorry to interrupt you two love birds but it’s time for Donghun’s shift.”

“It’s okay...I need to leave anyways.” Chan replied and wanted to get up but the older’s hand quickly shot forward and caught his wrist.

“Wait!” He exclaimed, while Junhee returned back behind the counter to get ready to leave work. Chan stopped and looked at Donghun with in challenge raised eyebrows.


“I’m sorry...” The older mumbled and smiled apologetic, “Of course, it’s your own decision and not mine to make. You know that I just worry about you all the time...” Chan sighed but he looked less disappointed.

“ many times do I need to tell you that two years have passed? I’m not 16 anymore! I’m not gonna break in half just because you kiss me or I’m getting a tattoo!”

“I know, I know! That’s why I’ll come with you tomorrow...After all you need someone to kiss away your tears.” Chan stared at him with an open mouth, before he groaned.

“Ugh...please don’t say something like this ever again! Also, I won’t cry!”

“Bet?” A smug grin appeared on Donghun’s face and Chan pouted again but this time his eyes shimmered with amusement.

“Bet!” Then a big, happy smile bloomed on his lips and he leaned forward to give Donghun a quick kiss. “Thank you for coming with me...” The older returned the smile, even though not as enthusiastically but Chan was too much in a hurry to notice, quickly gathering all his things. When he was done, he turned back to Donghun.

“It wasn’t a lie, when I said, I need to leave. My class starts in 15 minutes! Love you and see you later!” He exclaimed, already halfway out of the Café.

“Love you too and take care!” Donghun called after him and then watched through the window how the younger got onto his bike and disappeared in the distance, before he finally made his way towards the counter to start his shift.



Chan had pretended to not be scared about getting a tattoo, but when he found himself standing in front of the tattoo studio the next day, he felt his heart speeding up nervously.

“Are you okay?” Donghun took his hand, softly squeezing it and Chan nodded.

“I think so...” They walked closer and the older had just laid a hand onto the door handle, when Chan couldn’t hold the question in any longer, “Does it hurt a lot?”

Donghun stopped, before he turned to the younger and shrugged.

“Depends on where you want to get the tattoo...” Chan pointed at his collarbone.


“That should hurt a bit more since it’s right over your bone...But don’t worry, I’m gonna be right next to you and hold your hand the entire time.” He smiled and the younger returned it, feeling a tiny bit less scared.

He was very happy that Donghun had agreed to come with him after all. Chan had known that his boyfriend would have doubts about him getting a tattoo but his decision had been made and the appointment booked. Still, having Donghun with him and encouraging him took most of his fear, something that Byeongkwan wouldn’t have been able to achieve this easily.

Also, he had never cared too much about other people’s opinions but for some reason Donghun was an exception.

“Ready?” The older asked him and Chan nodded, trying to look as relaxed and determined as possible, while his stomach turned itself upside down. He simply wasn’t good at handling pain...Yes getting a tattoo maybe wasn’t the best idea then and Donghun had been right but now it was too late to change his mind anyway because the older had already opened the door and was guiding Chan inside.

There they got greeted by a beautiful woman who’s skin was covered by more tattoos than Chan was able to count. Or to be more accurate; Donghun was the one getting greeted.

“Donghun! I haven’t seen you around in a while! Are you here to get something new?  I have an appointment soon though.” Chan watched with an open mouth how she gave Donghun a kiss on the cheek without the latter even flinching. He usually hated body contact except for Chan’s and maybe Junhee’s.

“No, today I’m just here for support.” The older explained and pointed at Chan who was still holding his hand while slightly hiding behind his boyfriend like a scared little child behind its mother.

“Chan, this is Christin, the most talented tattoo artist that I know.”

“Oh c’mon...There are better ones than me. Even though I have to admit that I’m pretty good.” The woman laughed and winked, while taking Chan’s hand. Donghun simply ignored her interjection, continuing with his introduction,

“And this is Chan, my boyfriend.” Christin looked positively surprised.

“Oh, you are his boyfriend?” Her eyes wandered from Donghun who for some reason was observing some pictures on the wall and back at the younger.

“I heard a lot about you. Whenever he comes here, he never shuts up about you. My boyfriend this, my boyfriend that...It got a bit annoying but now that I’m seeing you with my own eyes, I get why he is so obsessed with you; you are adorable! And really handsome too!”

Chan felt himself blushing and glanced at Donghun whose face was similar red. He hadn’t known that his boyfriend was talking so much about him, when he wasn’t around to hear.

“Thank you...” He mumbled shyly and Christin gave him another bright smile, before she walked towards the back of her shop, signalising them to follow her.

“So, you want to get a tattoo now too, huh? I guess that’s Donghun’s fault.” She made a sound in pretended disapproval. “You’re a bad influence...” At her words, even though they had only been meant as a joke, Chan could feel the older next to him stiffen and before he knew what he was doing, he had already opened his mouth, the words simply tumbling out,

“Donghun doesn’t have a bad influence on me! Why is everybody always saying that? I don’t know any reasons why I shouldn’t get a tattoo and Donghun is stricter when it comes to skipping school and stuff like that than my own mother!” He had sounded more upset than he had intended to and Christin stared at him with an unreadable expression, before the smile returned to her face.

“I was just joking. I know that Donghun is one of the nice guys.”

“It’s okay.” The older mumbled and softly squeezed his hand but his expression told Chan that he was secretly thankful.

“You are not a bad influence on me!” The younger still felt the need to emphasise one last time, before they followed Christin inside a small room.



“So... I already sent you the final design last week. Did you like it or do you want to make any changes?” Chan shook his head, looking clearly nervous, while Donghun sat on his other side and was holding his hand just as he had promised. However, at Christin’s question a new wave of surprise hit him. Just how long had Chan planned this in secret without telling him? However, Donghun would have probably tried to talk him out of it otherwise...The younger knew him too well.

“All right.” Christin pulled out a template and put it onto Chan’s collarbone which she first had disinfected. “I really like the design by the way.”

Donghun carefully leaned closer so that he could see it better since the image was pretty small, but when he recognized it, he felt how his heart stopped beating for a second.

“A rose?” The question had escaped his mouth without him even really noticing it and when Chan smiled at him, it was as if the sun was directly shining on him, his skin turning comfortably warm.

“Yes...It’s something I thought about for a while...actually since you got the sunflower. The things you said back then about the flowers, at our first date, it hasn’t left my mind since then. Do you like it?”

Donghun nodded, his head feeling a bit dizzy and slow because of all the emotions and thoughts that were circling in his mind.

“Yes...I really do.” However, their moment got interrupted by Christin who awkwardly cleared her throat.

“Uhm that’s gonna hurt a bit...are you ready?” She asked, already holding the prepared device in her hand. Donghun didn’t miss how Chan gulped heavily, before he nodded and clenched even tighter onto the older’s hand.

He knew that his boyfriend wasn’t very good with pain and that had been one of the main reasons, why he hadn’t wanted him to get a tattoo. Donghun feverishly searched for a good topic to talk about and distract Chan, when Christin spoke up again, her voice sounding calm,

“ did you end up dating Donghun? I mean he doesn’t really look all boyfriend material at first glance...” The older nearly snorted. Of course, Christin would use this opportunity to find out more about his relationship. She always had been too curious for her own good. Still, the distraction seemed to work, because Donghun felt Chan’s hand relax a bit.

“That was kind of funny actually...” he started, a small smile spreading on his face, while the humming sound of the tattoo needle was filling the room,

“I forgot how but for some reason I bumped into him in school and he caught me.”

“Ohhh...really?” She gave Donghun a quick, amused glance.

“Yes. And then I heard that people were actually afraid of him and I couldn’t really understand why? I mean...look at him!” Christin did and Donghun knew that she was probably currently questioning Chan’s vision (which was bad by the way but no matter how much the older kept on nagging, his boyfriend still always found a way to forget his glasses at home) and he couldn’t blame her... Even though Donghun thought that he looked way less scary and more casual nowadays, thanks to the younger.

“Anyways, I started sitting with him for lunch and he slowly opened up a bit...And then one day I suggested we could go to karaoke together as friends but he thought I was asking him out on a date.”

The older nearly choked on pure air. Chan had never told him that he hadn’t actually intended to go on a date with him back then. Donghun apparently had been more desperate than he had thought. However, the misunderstanding had been the thing to get them together and therefore he thanked his brain for always stopping to work at the most important moments.

“I don’t know...we ended up walking through a dark forest at night and afterwards we were suddenly dating...” Chan wrapped up his story pretty suddenly and Christin started laughing.

“You went to a forest? At night? On your first date?” Donghun just shrugged. “It’s obvious, you never dated anyone before...At least I finally know why you rejected me back then.” Donghun’s stomach turned itself upside down at the way in which Chan looked up at this. Why did Christin have to mention it?

“You dated?”

“No!” Donghun quickly exclaimed at the same time in which his friend said,

“I wanted to date him...But like I said he rejected me, so don’t worry. I’m in a different relationship right now.”

“Ahhhh...” It was obvious how relieved Chan was and Donghun relaxed again too.

“You were neighbors, right?”

“Yes...We kind of grew up together until my parents moved. Did you know that Donghun was really scared of dogs, when he was younger?”

“Really?” Chan gave him an amused glance and Christin started laughing, while Donghun wanted nothing more than the tattoo to be finished so that they were able to leave again. Christin knew way too many embarrassing stories about him.

“Yes. When we were younger, my family had a dog...He was really small but whenever Donghun came over to play, he got really frightened and my parents had to lock him outside.”

“Oh no...poor doggy...” Chan looked more sorry for the dog than Donghun and the older gave him an offended glance.

“Yes...But I do have to admit that he barked a lot.”

“Your dog hated me!” Donghun threw in and he hated that he wasn’t able to cross his arms, since he was still holding Chan’s hand. It slightly flinched from time to time in his grip and he started softly rubbing it with his thumb. Donghun hated to see his boyfriend being in pain, even though it had been Chan’s own decision. However, the tattoo was small and therefore it only took two more embarrassing stories of his childhood, before the humming stopped and Christin put away the machine.

“Okay, that’s it.” She announced and got up to search for the transparent tape to cover the new tattoo.

“Does it look good?” Chan wanted to know quietly and his eyes looked even bigger than usually. Carefully Donghun leaned forward to observe the small, black rose and he nodded, not being able to suppress his smile.

“It’s beautiful...” He whispered, looking at Chan who also started smiling. However, their small moment got interrupted by Christin who returned with the tape and carefully placed it over Chan’s tattoo.

“Be careful with it. No water and also no direct sunlight if possible.” She advised him and the younger nodded, while he sat up.

He paid and Christin lead them to the door.

“I really hope, we’ll see each other again.” She said and Chan beamed at her.

“I hope so too! It was really nice to get to know you.”

“The pleasure was all mine.” She agreed and Donghun watched them with a fond smile. He was really lucky to have a boyfriend like Chan who immediately got along with all of his friends even though it did make him feel a bit jealous sometimes. He really needed to learn to share better, now that he finally had someone to share.

After all everybody deserved a Kang Yuchan in their life.

The end.