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What If

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Everyday is the same.


 Nothing ever changes, the routine always remains in the same way. And as always, Ray absolutely fucking hates it. He’s tired; tired of feeling the world crumbling on his shoulders, tired of feeling so painfully empty, and filling the voids by grabbing the knife and letting his blood spill on the carpet of his dark and messy room. Tired of being so fucking pathetic. 


 Ray lays on his bed, and feels the heaviness on his shoulders as he realizes that he is late to school. “Fuck it.” It’s not like it makes a difference in Ray’s life, after all, his brain is the strongest card he has in his life and he could always come up with a flawless excuse to justify his absence. It’s not like anyone cares if he’s there or not. Ray covers his face with his hair and sinks further into the blankets, feeling his demons whispering in his ear.


The thoughts pile up, one after another. 


 Ray covers his ears, he tries not to listen to the demons that haunt him in his everyday life. Yet he ends up listening to them anyway. He fucking hates himself, he hates when the insecurities hit him, he hates that he’s pathetic enough to have a knife right on his bedside table, just in case he felt the necessity to bleed to soothe his pain, he hates that his room is messy, books scattered across the floor along with empty instant food cans littering in corners. Ray hates himself. 


The sound of his phone ringing is what makes him sit up to see who was calling. 


“Shit.” It was Emma, the purest and happiest girl that Ray loved. He sighed and composed himself quickly before answering. “Yo.” He hears Emma’s pout right through the phone, despite not being able to see her.


“Ray! Why didn’t you come to school? I stayed waiting on campus for 10 minutes waiting for you to appear and at the end I was late to class!” Ray managed to place a small smile on his face and could just imagine the sunshine Emma jumping around looking for his useless existence to appear. Ah, he truly didn’t understand why Emma was friends with someone as disgusting as himself. 


 She was perfect, a bundle of sunshine that had eyes as bright as the greenest of grasses. She always had a smile on her face, and she would cheer everyone up, no matter what. Emma was perfect, she was absolutely beautiful. 


Unlike Ray. There was no necessity for her to be friends with someone like him. Someone that was so fucking depressed all the time.


 Yet she was still friends with him, always clinging around him, trying to make him laugh while he still remained with the same neutral expression he always carried. But deep down, he loved Emma. She was the best thing that he had, the only thing that he had; she was the sunshine that he needed in his life, the only thing that he lived for. Ray loved Emma so much. 


He illuminated his darkest days and Ray knew that he didn’t deserve someone as amazing as Emma.


 “Ray? Are you listening to me? Come on! Please come to school, anyway, didn’t you tell me that there was something really important going on today in the science department and that you had to go check it out?” Ray suddenly remembered that he had been invited to visit Lambda Laboratory, which was the most prestigious laboratory that a scientist could be invited to. 


 Ray stood up and quickly got dressed while listening to Emma rambling about how her date went with Gilda. He nearly broke his nose while running out the door and he quickly told Emma that he was on his way to school.


Luckily he lived only 10 minutes away from campus. There was still time for him to make it before they departed.







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 Ray arrived, panting and gathering his breath before entering the building. He had made it, it was all going to be okay. Ray walked up the stairs and he saw his professor leading out the students that were invited to Lambda as well. “Ah Ray. You’re here, I thought you weren’t going to attend.” Professor Yuugo gave a small smile to Ray and Ray answered quickly. “I apologize I was late, I had something going on.” “No need to apologize Ray. We were just about to get going.” Ray joined the small group of students and they headed towards the bus that was waiting for them.


 Ray sat alone as he usually did, however he felt as someone suddenly sat next to him.


 It was Anna, the girl that was in his chemistry class and she would usually try to talk to him and he would just listen to her, while immersing himself in his thoughts instead. She was one of Emma’s best friends and they had similar personalities, only that Anna was much quieter and calmer than the bright and jumpy Emma.


 “Hi Ray.” Her ocean eyes looked into his dark gray ones and she placed her hand onto his shoulder. Her blonde locks were hanging down her slim shoulders and she had a blue ribbon tied to the back of her hair. “Hey.” Ray gave her a small smile and she began to speak.


 “Ah, I’m really excited to have the chance to go to Lambda. I’ve always had this dream ever since I was a kid and I was really glad to see that I was chosen to be part of conducting research in Lambda!” For once, Ray decided to listen to Anna and observed the way her oceanic eyes glittered with happiness as she spoke. She continued to speak and soon enough, they had finally arrived.






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 Lambda Laboratory was a fascinating structure indeed. The outside of the building appeared as any other building would however, the inside was truly shocking. The place was spotless, the white walls glowing resplendently. Everywhere were grand glass containers, which housed the various experiments that the scientists were assigned to. Ray was fascinated by the place and as they continued to explore the large building, a certain container caught his eyes.


He was strange, yet perfectly normal. He was quiet, yet his beauty was strong enough to cause a commotion in an entire crowded room. He was simply extravagant.


 The boy had hair that was whiter than snow, and his skin was the palest that was possible. His eyes were bluer than the bluest of skies and deeper than the vastest of oceans. His body was absolutely perfect, his waist slender and his delicate fingers long and slim. The boy was absolutely beautiful. 


 Ray had the desire to liberate him from the glass container that served as a barrier to him and he just wanted to sit and talk with the boy, ask him his name, tell him how much has he seen, tell him that he was fascinating to himself. Ray wanted to hold him in his arms and just warm the cold that he probably had felt ever since he had been in this lab-


What the fuck was Ray thinking. Ray did not know the boy, neither did the boy know him, yet he found himself feeling this way. Feeling this strong connection, feeling the urge to unite his lips with his own and-


 “And Ray will be assigned to 22194. Ray, please head towards the first floor once again and unlock the door of 22194 with this code.” He was suddenly handed a small piece of paper that had numbers on it and Ray just headed downstairs to not arise confusion in the professor. He was not listening to a word that was being said, and now he had to figure everything out on his own. Great. He arrived downstairs and looked for the container that displayed the number that matched on the small scrap of paper that was being held. 


He suddenly felt his heart race as he ended up standing in front of the glass container of the white-haired boy, whose azure eyes were glued onto his monotonous gray eyes, and a smile was formed onto his pale face.