Actions

Work Header

kars becomes joseph's new dad

Chapter Text

Chapter 1/??? kars becomes josephs New Dad
“Whose dick do i gotta suck around here to get my hands on that beautiful red rock” mumbled kars pillarman as he dug through piles of lisa lisa’s designer bullshit
“Mine,” answered a milfy voice behind him.
He turned to meet lisa lisa’s sultry gaze
“No fuck you lisa lisa i came here to get the stone of aja that will allow me to ascend humanity” said kars even thogh he started to get a massivbe boner “also ive been in a loving and committed relationship for millions of years and i do not think that esidisi wouldf appreciate me cucking him.”
“Oh really? Last time I checked youse fool’s were in an open relationship,” said lisa lisa. “Your husband took both loggins and messina to the Bone Zone yesterday before you arrived and thats what they told me because they are also in an open relationship with each other”
Kars smiled sexily at the thought of his beloved husband taking two other cockthirsty himbos to the bonezone, but continued casually going thru lisa Lisa’s jewelry box.
“yeah that sounds likje him. Always Fucking. So much So thatb he forgets about whats really important: that big beefy gem that i like to call the Red Rock Of Aja.” he gasped as he suddenly came acrooss a gigantic red crystal glued onto a bunch of almost equally gigantic crystals of other Colors and attached to a long golden chain that made it resemble a Necklace if Necklaces usually weigh 20 lbs and are covered with Twenty Pounds of rock’s. Bazanga thought Kars.
Before he could do anything, lisa lidsa dramatically spilt her novelty sized wineglass that said its wine o’clock!!!! On it (that joseph got her for mothers day) that contained at least two bottles full of the most Expensive wine you could get in 1930s italy(that caesar got her for mothers day) All Over her dress and kar’s voluptious pectorals. “Oh nooooooo” she sai d, “both of our outfits (even though you basically arent even wearing anything) are ruined…… guess we’ll jusy have too….. Take them offffff….” utterly Distracted by lisa lisa doing a milfy strip tease, karses magnificient Erection tore through the measly amount of fabric that was somehow keeping his immense penis and phat ass conceale’d. Lisa lisa’s eyes widened at the unholy sight that was the dozens of Inches of his Cock. “woah hey hold on dude how the fuck did you even fit all that in there????” she inquired, mouth agape. Kars just winked both of his eyes at her. “Its ok girl id rather get pegged Anyway”
“Good” she said, regaining her Milf-ful composure. “because im higher than a hiker on mount everest when it comes to being On Top.” then Lisa Lisa whipped out a humongos Strap On that was nearly 1/3rd the size of karseses Dong. she put it on and then slammed it right up karses gaping bussy that didnt even need lube because pillarmen really are a step further than humans evolutionarily speaking. Then they fucked for like two or 3 hours until kars’es dick simultaneosly imploded and exploded with cum. He let out a screech that was so fucking loud that it shattered all the windows in lisa lisa’s dope fortress and put a massive crack right through the stone of Aja that split it right in half. “OH FUCK” yelled both lisa lisa and kars. Unfortunately, their yelling caused the two halves to shatter into a billion more tiny pieces each.
“fuck shit ass bitch bastard piss. Im so fucking mad” said lisa lisa in a her usual sexy way but madder
“yeag me too” said kars in an equally sexy and mad manner. “We should have put it away before we fuckt.”
Z”yeah i know, but i need to be Looking at or Thinking about that rock to cum” said lisa lisa sullenly,
“Yeah me too” said kars. They both high fived in post coital rock fetish solidarity and also to celebrate Bisexual Rights.
“You know what?” said kars as he picked up each crumb of the once ginormous gemstone and put it in his mouth and ate it. “Im kinda glad this whole thing is over. Now i can focus on what really matters, which is family.” lisa lia started to say something congratuotory and equally heartwarming to kars but was interuptted by her fucking idiot himbo son Joseph BizarreAdventure who busted thru the door Kool Aid Man style without even knocking. “OI MUM WOTT’S GOIN ON IN ‘ERE IT SOONDED LOIKE YEW KILLED A BLOKE OR SUMFINGK” he yelled as lisa lisa used her hamon powers to animorph into some clothes and kars struggled to hide his now flaccid but still impressively girthy penois and testicles. “OH SHITE ITS KARS PILLARMAN ”
“thats right. Its me.” kars was about to gloat about how he just fucked jobeph’s mom but then decided to turn it into a lesson that we could all learn from. “Its true that Your Mother killed a man. She killed the man that i used to be. Now ive metamorphosiphized into a much better, wiser, kinder, stronger, faster, and sexier man. I am seriously so enlightened now. I feel like my third eye just opened, and my third eye is located on my dick” he walked past joseogph whose eyes were brimming with tears from hearing such inspirational and poetic words. Lisa lisa’s eyes were also full of dripping wet moistness, but they were hidden behind behind the cool sunglasses she just put on to signify that she was a total Baller and Xtreme Milf .
“i am going to find my sexy as hell hubsband Esidisi and teach him what you just taught me. Farewell lisa lisa and also joseoph i guess even though i still dont really like you” then he winked handsomely at lisa lisa in a way that hinted that he was going to Go Have More sex
“wow i never knew he was such a dilf” said joseph admiringly.
“I know,” said lisa lisa, lighting a phat after-sex cigarette. “I hate to see him go but i love to watch him leave” she stared at kars’s juicy pillarman ass bouncing through the piles of rubble caused by their lovemaking and also joseph’s himbo ass destroying the door. This beautiful moment was interrupted by Caesar Zeploli busting throiugh the other door on the other side of the room in an identical manner to how joseph did it minutes earlier and also like how the kool aid man does (its ok to mention kool aid in this fanfiction that takes place in 1939 because it was invented in 1927 by a Chicagoan named Edward Perkins. However, it would not be until the 1950s that the koolaid man was introduced as the brands mascot. According to wikipedia, in 2013 he was redesigned as a cgi character instead of a guy in a koolaid shaped fursuit and has the personality of “a celebrity trying to show that he's just an ordinary guy”. That all happens after the events of Battle Tendencies though so it doesnt matter. Fun Fact: kool aid was orignally called ‘fruit smack’. This marks the end of our journey thru kool aid history)
“MAMMA MIA” yelled Caesar italianly. “THERES-A GIANT WORM-A HOLE ABOVE OUR FUCKING CASTLE” uh oh sisters…. thought everyone at the same time ….looks like theres going to be some more fuckt up shit happening…...

TO BE CONTINUED