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Dark Days

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“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Matt asked for the tenth time.

“Yes, I’m positive that I want to have sex with you, Matt.” Dan replied, staring down at Matt.

“But like, you’re sure you don’t care that I don’t have a dick?”

Dan sighed. “Matt, I genuinely do not care about what your genitals look like. I think you’re attractive and that’s why I’m here. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Matt paled.

The situation at hand: Matt finally asked Dan and Derek to ‘help him out’ after another failed attempt of a hookup. Derek opted out, saying he was exhausted after the show. Dan, on the other hand, was more than happy to help. “I- yeah, I do.” Matt said.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “You don’t sound confident.”

Matt bit his lip. He knew Dan was attracted to him, he felt the same way, it was just weird hooking up with someone he’s been friends with for so long. Especially when said friend is your bandmate.

“Look, how about we try this again later? You take some time to think this over, I’ll be here when you’re ready.” Dan said, firmly. Matt just nodded and chewed at his lip.

“Can we at least cuddle?” Matt asked, hopeful.

“You know I love a good cuddle, Matty.” Dan replied, curling himself around Matt’s backside.

The pair quickly fell asleep, and soon enough Derek was hopping on the bed to wake them up. Matt groaned at the rude wake up. He was the furthest thing from a morning person.

“Derek, m’ gonna kill you.” Matt mumbled, burying his face in the pillow.

“Wake up bitch, we gotta be on the bus in an hour.”

Matt flicked him off and rolled over, earning a chuckle from Dan, who’d gotten up when Derek walked in the room.

Dan took a quick shower before loading his and Matt’s bags on the bus. He knew Matt wasn’t getting up in time to shower.

When he got back to the room, Matt was in the same position and Derek was sitting on the other bed, watching tv.

“Derek, you’re basically asking for Matt to murder you.” Dan joked.

“He’s cute when he’s mad, so. Worth it.” Derek shrugged. “How’d it go last night?”

“It didn’t, we just cuddled.” Dan said.

“Sounds domestic.” Derek replied, smiling at him.

“No more domestic than any of the times we’ve cuddled, Grant.”

“I hate both of you.” Matt groaned, finally getting up.

“You love us!” Derek cooed, ignoring the death glare Matt sent his way. Matt stalked out of the room with the rest of his belongings, more than likely to his bunk.

“Someone’s grumpy today.” Derek said.

“Gee, I wonder why.” Dan said, tone filled with sarcasm.

“Probably mad at himself for chickening out of getting that sweet, sweet Andriano dick.”

Dan raised an eyebrow at him. “How’d you know he chickened out? Which, he didn’t chicken out, he just wasn’t one hundred percent sure so I decided to stop things.”

“He’s always in a good mood the morning after he gets laid. When he gets rejected, he’s depressed. Him lashing out means he’s pissed that he couldn’t make himself go through with it.”

“Derek, you’re a great drummer, but I think you’d be an even better therapist.”

The rhythm duo walked down to the bus, stopping only to checkout of their rooms. They found Heather sitting in the front lounge, reading. If they had to guess, Matt was sulking in his bunk.

“What’s wrong with Skiba? He’s usually not this much of a bitch in the mornings.” Heather asked, half concerned for her friend, but also slightly amused.

“We were gonna hook up but he wasn’t confident about going through with it, so we didn’t do anything.” Dan explained.

“Oh, he’s mad at himself and taking it out on us? Gotcha.” Heather said, returning her attention to her book. “Fix him before the acoustic set we have later.”

That was an order.

Dan and Derek quickly made their way to the bunk area.

“Matt? You alright, man? Usually Derek’s obnoxiousness doesn’t piss you off this much.” Dan said, ignoring Derek’s protest.

“No, I fucking hate myself. I hate my body and I hate that I have such a high sex drive but I’m scared shitless of hooking up with people.” Matt rushed out. It was muffled due to his head being covered with blankets, only his hair visible. Even beneath blankets, they could tell their friend was close to tears.

Dan and Derek shared a quick glance, unsure of what to do. Neither of them had dealt with Matt’s dysphoria before.

Dan sat on the edge of the bunk, contemplating what to do before laying down next to Matt and pulling him close. After a few minutes, Derek spoke up. “Matty, it’s understandable you’re afraid of hooking up with people. You’ve had a lot of bad experiences. Do you think that maybe, some positive ones would help at all?”

Matt didn’t give a response, he just gasped and suddenly Dan felt the bundle of blankets hiding him start shaking. Dan’s heart broke at hearing his friend sob.

“Matt, it’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay. We love you and we’re here for you. You’re such a talented person, and a better friend. Is there anything we can do?” Derek said.

“Wanna be alone.” Matt muttered. Derek looked down at Dan, who just nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of Matt’s head before maneuvering out of the bunk. Derek repeated the action and followed Dan to the common area.

“Well?” Heather asked.

“He’s not having a good day.” Dan said. Heather just pressed her lips together and nodded. She knew what that meant.

They all agreed that they’d reschedule the shows that day if Matt wasn’t feeling any better.

A couple hours passed before Matt emerged, looking worse for wear. His eyes were bloodshot from crying and his face was blotchy.

“Hey, are you feeling better?” Heather asked.

Matt opted not to reply, just held up a bottle of vodka and began to walk back to the bunk area.

“Has he ever been this bad before?” Derek asked. He knew that Heather had known about Matt being trans long before either of them did. Maybe she had some advice on how to help.

“This is the worst he’s been in a long time.” Heather admitted. She didn’t know how to help him. “I think we should cancel the shows today. We have a couple weeks before the next run starts, maybe he’ll feel better by then.” The guys agreed and began making calls to the venues.

They went home, and gave Matt a few days to be alone. Derek and Heather went first, waiting outside for a few minutes after getting no response. Later that day, Dan came by himself.

After waiting on Matt’s porch in the rain, Dan said fuck it and used the spare key Matt had given him.

Matt’s house was littered with empty bottles. Dan’s stomach sank. Things had to be really bad if he was using alcohol to cope.

He usually drank, and drank a lot, but not because he was in a bad mental space.

Dan walked upstairs to Matt’s bedroom, frowning when he realized it was locked. “Matt? Matt please let me in. Or let me know you’re okay. Please, man, answer me.”

Dan rested his head against the door, listening for an answer. A few moments passed before Dan decided to pick the lock.

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he saw Matt sobbing in his bathroom. Not ideal, but better than finding him dead. There was a bottle of rum beside him, which Dan quickly poured out. He knelt down in front of him, gripping the side of the bathtub to steady himself. “Matt, do you wanna get out of here for a few days? You can stay at my place if you want.” Matt nodded, refusing to meet his eye.

Dan nodded and pressed a kiss to Matt’s forehead. He stood and realized Matt had punched the mirrors out. He gave Matt a once over, checking for any cuts that looked bad. Apart from his hands, he was fine, which was a relief for Dan. After disinfecting and bandaging his hands, he stood again to work on getting them out of the house.

“Bud, can you walk?” Matt tried to stand but promptly fell over, giving Dan a sad smile when he caught him. Dan sighed, and picked the man up bridal style. Not the easiest thing when Matt was half a foot taller, but he managed to get him into the car.

Once Matt was buckled in, Dan went in and packed Matt a bag of clean clothes and toiletries. He went out, locked the door and called Derek, explaining the situation, asking if he could come clean the place up while Matt is away. He told Derek where the key was hidden.

When Dan opened his car door, the smell of vomit hit him almost immediately. He bit back a groan at the thought of cleaning it up later. “Sorry, Danny.” Matt hiccuped.

“It’s alright, Matt. Nothing that can’t be fixed.”

The drive to Dan’s house was a short one, and somehow Dan got the now unconscious Matt upstairs to his guest bedroom with no problems. He stripped Matt down to his underwear and put some fresh pajamas on him, placing a trash can on either side of the bed, along with some water and painkillers on the nightstand, before turning the light off.

After cleaning his car, Dan ran the washing machine and cooked something he thought Matt’s stomach could handle. If he’s been binge drinking all week, Dan knew he probably hasn’t eaten much.

The days passed, Matt detoxed, and they cancelled the second leg of their tour. Matt was in no condition to be on the road and their fans deserve to see him at his best.

He was getting better.

Dan however, couldn’t help but feel like this was his fault. He was the one who’d rejected Matt, he started everything.

He kept those feelings to himself, though. There was no need to risk upsetting Matt and he didn’t feel like talking to Derek about it. So him and Matt just played video games and watched Matt’s favorite movies, sometimes going out to eat if Matt was feeling up to it. Dan figured the best way to help was to distract him from his thoughts, and Matt had agreed when Dan asked how he could help.

A few months had passed when Matt approached him, looking like a new man, asking about a redo for that hookup.

“Are you sure you’re ready? Are you sure you want this?” Dan asked. Matt answered with the utmost confidence. It was almost as if he didn’t nearly drink himself to death a while back.

So, they hooked up. Dan had paused often to make sure Matt was okay, even stopped once mid-thrust to check. That had caused Matt to growl and flip them over, allowing Matt to fuck himself on Dan’s dick. The ending was spectacular, Matt came twice on his dick and once riding his face before Dan ever got off.

“Can we do this more often?” Matt asked, panting beside him.

“Like a friends with benefits thing? I’m game. That was some of the best sex I’ve ever had.” Dan admitted.

“Thank you for the ego boost.” Matt scoffed. “No, but thank you for being there for me these past few months. I know I’ve been a pain in the ass, and you could’ve just dumped me in rehab and called it a night. I appreciate yours, and Derek and Heather’s help, more than I could ever express.”

“Wanna know how you can repay us?” Derek said, nonchalantly walking into Dan’s bedroom. Both men screamed, unaware he was even in the house.

“Oh shut up, you told me to be here at six for dinner, it is eight thirty and there is no food downstairs. Not my fault you dumbasses left the door unlocked.” Derek ranted.

“Anyways, that threesome would be nice, if you’re up for it. Or if Heather’s in the mood, a foursome. She said you gave great head.”

Matt blushed. He’d hooked up with her one time and chickened out of anything more than oral.

“I can confirm, he gives great head.” Dan said, making Matt’s face go even darker.

“Dan gives good head too,” Matt mumbled.

“I can confirm, I made him come in less than a minute on my tongue but it took close to ten both times when riding me.”

Matt flipped them the bird. “Fuck you both. Assholes.”

“Dude, fucking nice. So, we down for that threesome at some point? And can we go get dinner, someone got horny and didn’t keep his promise.” Derek gave a pointed look to Dan, who just shrugged.

“I’m down.”

“Oh, I’m so fucking down.” Matt said, smirking at his best friends.