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Featherfans Unite!

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Questions, Comments, Concerns
PhoenixTalk
Published on Jan 6, 2018

“Good day, Featherfans. My name is Goro Kurusu, and welcome back to Phoenix Talk. It’s come to my attention after the stream video went up on Tuesday that it has been several months since the last time I did an actual explanation of my condition, so today we will be doing the abridged version.”

Goro was sitting in his usual spot at their dining room table, the kitchen visible across the room behind him. He was frowning, in contrast to his usual upbeat demeanor when talking about the show. “There were a surprising number of comments on both sides of the discussion, but frankly I’m disappointed how many people seem to think that I’m faking at least part of my physical disabilities. Rarely does anyone think I’m faking all of it, thankfully, but everyone seems to pick at least one thing.”

Behind his head, Akira peered around the kitchen doorway, looking mischievous. Goro didn’t seem to notice him. “Overall, I was in an accident. I don’t talk about the specifics, because it was a very upsetting time in my life. Needless to say, I didn’t come out of it in one piece. I am not paraplegic; I can walk short distances. But it’s painful and tiring, so I don’t do it often when it’s not necessary.”

Akira slipped out of the kitchen, padding across the floor and wedging himself behind a potted plant. Goro, meanwhile, reached up and brushed his bangs behind his right ear, fully revealing his eyepatch and the burned side of his face. “I wear my hair long mostly so that people don’t have to look at my burn scars all the time. As for the eyepatch, I don’t take that off because no one wants to see my crusty eye socket, including me.”

He left his hair where it was, and rested his right arm on the table. He was wearing short-sleeves, fully showing off the elaborate prosthetic. “This was a stroke of luck. I met a very generous person that offered me the opportunity to have this fitted. I wouldn’t be nearly as capable without it. Even though Akira takes good care of me, I do try to maintain some independence. The way it works is convenient, however, because I can detach the arm from the actual port if it needs maintenance—”

Akira pounced, tripping the latches on either side of the arm and swiping it triumphantly. “It also means I can do this!” he chimed.

“...yes, and Akira can do that,” Goro said with an exasperated smile. He held up his arm, showing off the port still attached to the stump.

“Come on, you know it’s funny,” Akira giggled, and bopped him gently on the head with his own arm. “Stop hitting yourself~”

Goro grabbed the arm with his other hand, brandishing it like a weapon. “I’m going to hit you, and I can reach much farther like this.”

“Not with no legs you’re not.” Akira danced out of reach, and Goro put his arm in his lap and started to try to wheel after him with one hand, but then turned back to the camera at the last moment.

“As you can see, I am certainly not faking any of this. If you would like a more detailed explanation, the link to my original video will be in the description below. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go hit my boyfriend with my robot arm. This has been Phoenix Talk. Until next time.”

Goro wheeled himself off-camera, yelling, “Get back here, Akira!” and the video faded to black.



Phoenix Talk Origin Story Compilation
Scherezade420
Published on Nov 22, 2017

“If you must know,” Goro said, shuffling his notecards, “Morgana ate my arm.”

There was an indignant meow, and the camera tipped over, a black and white tail flicking briefly into the frame.

“It was a joke, Morgana!”

*

“I was in a tragic washing machine accident. Akira suggested stomping the clothes down so he could fit more in, and the wash cycle cut on with my legs wedged inside. When Akira attempted to put me in the dryer afterwards, my arm fell off. I told him that I was hand-wash and line-dry only, but he didn’t listen.”

*

“...what happened to my arm and legs? Oh. Well, I’m not really allowed to talk about it. I had the privilege to visit a Featherman set. Just once. There were non-disclosure agreements involved. But I will say, Feather Pheasant takes his prop swords very seriously.”

*

“I saw someone asking what happened to my legs. If you must know, Akira fell asleep on me. The loss of circulation to my legs for that long meant they would never be the same.” Goro smiled angelically.

Off-camera, they could hear Akira’s suspicious voice. “...What are you implying, honey?”

Goro’s smile grew even brighter. “Certainly nothing about how your elbow was jabbed into my thigh for four hours.”

“You could have thrown me off!”

“...I would never.”

*

“I lost my eye because my clone shot me. It hit just my eye and not the rest of my head, so I’m fine.” Goro sat back, scanning chat with a grin. “Of course that’s what really happened. Why would I lie to you?”

*

“Okay. I’ll tell you,” Goro said solemnly. “I was on a cruise ship, and it exploded. They had to salvage me from the wreckage, and I was in a coma for six months.”

Akira leaned into the frame to kiss his forehead. “You were in a coma for two weeks, babe. Why must you exaggerate my suffering like this?”

“You weren’t the one in the coma.”

“No, I just had to watch you be in a coma.”

“...true.”

*

Goro watched the chat with a thoughtful expression. “Well, you all know how I mentioned that I wanted to be a cop? I was the youngest ever to go through bomb defusal training. I’m sure you can tell how well that went.”

*

“The crocodile that killed my parents stabbed me,” Goro said serenely. “In the eye.”

“...that doesn’t even make sense.” Akira paused his attempt to pose Goro’s Advent Featherman action figures and made a face. “Does that mean you’re Captain Hook? Because you’re missing a hand? And the crocodile?”

“I…” Goro hesitated. “You know what, nevermind. Chat, that one was a lie.”

Akira grinned. “Okay, but pirates.”

“No.”

*

Perched in Akira’s lap, Goro grinned at the camera. “I can’t tell you how I got injured. If I did, I’d have to track you all down and kill you.”

Akira nuzzled his cheek. “Honey. No.”

“Yes. The knowledge is top secret. I’d have no choice.”

“Goro.”

“Akira.”

“...I’m not helping you hide the bodies.”

“I’ll figure it out eventually.”

Akira squeezed him. “I love you, you bloodthirsty dork.”

“I love you, too.”