Lance probably shouldn't feel this way. He probably shouldn't feel jealousy and pain crawling up his chest, as he watched Keith laughing with James. Keith promised him something. It seems like he forget about it.
"Lance, you are the most important thing in my life. Don't ever forget that. I'll always be there for you." Spoke Keith in a serious voice.
Lance believed it. He truly did, but once again, he felt like he made a mistake. When he woke up this morning, he felt like his head was about to explode. The ache in his chest grew more and more in his chest as he got to school. He looked at Keith sadly, and he knew, that Keith could sense that something is not right. Yet again, he left Lance alone. After every class, Lance tried to grab Keith's attention, he tried everything, he came up with stupid jokes, he made a fool out of himself. He wasn't enough. Keith's attention always went back to James. Lance's company just wasn't enough.
"I love you" Keith smiled at him.
The more Lance thought about it, the angrier he got. He didn't wanted that. He has to trust Keith, right? So, he forced another smile on his face, and when Keith asked if everything was okay, he said yes. Lance went home, and he tried his hardest not cry, but he had to shed a few tears. The very next day, the same thing happened. Again and again. One day Lance couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't handle how much happier Keith was with James. He couldn't handle how fucking miserable he was. He couldn't handle the loneliness. He couldn't handle all of his emotions being held up. He ran into the bathroom, crying. Keith wanted to go after him, but James held his arm and said "Just let him go, man." And Keith listened to him. Hunk was the only one, who noticed that something is wrong. He went after Lance. When he found his best friend, sobbing in a bathroom hall, he hesitated if he should beat up Keith first, or comfort Lance.
"Hey buddy, are you alright?"
Lance looked up with teary eyes and than he silently sobbed: "'m fine...."
"Is this about Keith?"
"No!" Lance yelled, but he immediately regretted that he raised his voice. "I'm sorry."
"Look, what is up with you two? Once you guys are all over each other and than you barely talk..." Hunk sat down beside Lance, and blessed the gods that Lance choose to cry in a bathroom which is barely used.
"Well it's not my fucking fault." Lance spitted.
"Is this more than friendship between you and him?"
"Of course not!" Little pause. "Well... I don't know. Does friends say I love you and swear that they will never leave you, and make you jealous with their other friends?"
"I mean... It depends on the people, but Keith doesn't seem to be that person. So--"
"Even if it is more than friendship, it doesn't matter. For him at least."
Hunk didn' really understood this.
"What do you mean?"
Lance looked him dead in the eye.
"That I will NEVER be good enough for him. NEVER." After he spoke these words, he broke down. Hunk didn't make fun of him for his tears. He held him close, like he's never going to let go.
"It'll be alright."
Chapter 2: Stay
Keefy boy is finally ready to show Lonce how he feels.
!!T R I G G E R W A R N I N G!!: Blood, hints of suicide/self-harm.
Y'all I got too much into the angst, sorry but it is going downhill from hill! Be ready for more tears and smiles!
Lance hadn't been to school for 2 days. Ha said that he is sick but of course non of his friends believed that. Hunk wanted to visit him, but Lance refused to see anybody. Well... The one person who he wanted to see clearly didn't care about him as much as he sweared he did.
"I think he is overreacting again." James said."He always does this, he just wants attention."
"Really, James? He never done anything like this." responded Hunk, clearly irritated. He knew that James hated Lance, but now he didn't even hid it. As Hunk, Keith and James walked in the hallway of the school, Hunk was texting Lance. Well... At least he was trying to.
"Well, I think that it's annoying, that everything is always about him. Don't you think so Keith?" asked James, then when he didn't get an answer he called out his friend's name again. "Earth to Keith?"
"Yeah?" Keith didn't really follow the conversation. He knew exatly that this is his fault. He saw the hate in Hunk's eyes, and he saw the desperate need to be loved in Lance's.
"Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I'm fine." Keith said then looked around. "You know what? I think I might not be fine. I feel a little bit sick."
"Awww you didn't got the sickness from Lance, did ya? You know, the love sickness?" James laughed.
"You now, James, sometimes you should just shut your fucking mouth." Keith mumbled, then turned away. "I'm going to go home." Keith felt like he was going to suffocate if he stayed there.
Pidge just arrived to the group, when he saw Keith storming away.
"What is up with this guy?" She asked.
"I think he finally grew some balls." Hunk smiled.
"Yeah, and if I see him next, he is gonna lose some too." growled James.
"James, you can't hold them apart forever. One way or another they are going to find a way to be together." Rolled her eyes Pidge. "I get it that you don't want to lose Keith's friendship, but you should be more supporting."
"Yeah, man." nodded Hunk."Believe me. Lance is my best friend. I know that Keith is important to him, so I put up with his fave emoboy's bullshit."
Lance saw blood. A lots of it. He never saw this much red liquid, pouring out of his cuts. It was all over his calf's, slowly flowing to the ground. He tried to call for someone, but words didn't come out of his mouth. Then suddenly, the bathroom door opened. It was Keith. He looked at Lance, then turned away.
"Keith!" Lance finally screamed. "Please, help! I made a mistake, please... Just help."
The other boy didn't respond. He started to walk away.
"No, please, don't leave! Lance crawled on floor, desperately. "Please! Stay! Stay! Stay!" It all went dark. He couldn't see anything. He was scared, and alone.
Lance woke up in sweat. It was a short dream, but a really bad one. He felt powerless. Why did he need someone so much who didn't need him? He got out of the bed, and looked into the mirror. Mistake. He shouldn't have looked. His eyes were red and puffy from the crying, and there were purple bags under them from the sleeplessness. He looked like crawled out of a grave. He didn"t go to school for a few days.He wasn't ready to socialize. His "accident" was exactly 2 months ago. He have been thinking about it a lot. Maybe if he didn't do it than Keith would still care about him? Was Lance too much for him?
He shook the thoughts about Keith out of his head quickly. He can't stay home forever. He took a deep breath than stepped out of his room. Maybe he should start with something small first. Maybe he should eat a proper meal. Nobody was home yet, his parents usually got home from work at 8 o'clock. It should be okay to have dinner without them, right? He looked at the family picture, and couldn't help but feel a little bit of guilt. He loved his family. He was never ashamed to say it that his mom was one of his best friends. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was a big pot full of soup and a suspicious looking plate covered with another plate too. On the plate there was a paper which said: 'For my beautiful son. I love you, Lance. Kisses: Mom <3'
Lance couldn't help but smile. This was his first smile in this two days. His mom made his favorite, especially to him. He looked at the clock: almost 6 o'clock. He was always waiting, that maybe Keith would show up. School was already over since 3 o'clock.
Keith won't come.
Keith arrived to Lance's house really early. It was 3 o'clock, and it snowed. Keith shivered from the cold, but he didn't dare to knock. He should apologize to Lance. He should tell him that he cares. He should tell him that he lov... That Lance was important to him. He doesn't know why he kept on pushing away the nicest, most lovable person he has ever met, but now it's time to clear up the mess he made. This was the right thing to do. He even skipped his last class. Than why is it so hard?
He sat down in the garden, hoping that nobody from the McClains would see him. He listened to some music, read, did homework, he did literaly anything but going inside. It was 17:45 when a light in Lance's light was turned up. Was he sleeping? Keith finally gathered his willpower and stood in the front of the door. Until now he didn't notice how cold he was. The snow made his clothes wet, and the wind didn't help one bit. Keith knocked twice on the door, than waited.
His heart was beating so fast when he heard slow steps getting closer and closer to the door. Lance opened the door with suprised, yet tired look on his face. He was in a bad shape, really. But as Keith looked at the messy hair, and the ocean blue eyes he couldn't help but think: